Archive of Our Own

"Motherfucker-," Luke huffed under his breath and started rattling on his college dorm door.

He jammed the key around in the lock and rattled harder, giving it a kick for good measure before it sprang open.

Luke scoffed and entered the room before kicking the door shut behind him.
His roommate raised an eyebrow at him and Luke graced him with an eye roll, ever the adult 23 year old grown up he was.

Luke dropped his backpack next to his desk and heaved out a frustrated sigh.

"I always told you I would die young," Luke groaned, his lips pulling into a sad frown that was bordering on a pout.

His roommate locked his phone and finally turned to look at him from where he was sprawled out on his bed.

"Did you go to the campus nurse again? You know she likes being dramatic with her diagnosis," he muttered.

"Nou," Luke sighed, "it's worse."

Luke padded over to his bed and face planted onto the mattress.

"If you're gonna make me beg you to tell me what's going on, that's not gonna happen. I'm not that interested in your drama," his roommate muttered.

Luke sighed and turned his head so his cheek was squished against his covers and his curls messily spilled all around his face.

"You're the worst roommate ever, Cal," Luke said accusingly.

"Uhh huh," Calum muttered, "sure. Anything else? If not, I'd like to return to my Netflix show."

Luke frowned. "It's the middle of the day. Don't you have coursework to do?"

"Don't you?," Calum asked.

Luke groaned and pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I have sulking to do. I am a dead man, Cal!"

Calum looked at Luke, a distressed pile of limbs and curls on his narrow dorm bed. Luke looked back at him.

"I'm not gonna ask," Calum said stubbornly.

"You're the worst," Luke narrowed his eyes at Calum.

"Okay," Calum sighed and picked his phone back up.

"We have a group assignment for our illustrations finals this semester," Luke burst out.

Calum put his phone back down.
"And?"

"And our teacher used a randomized method to assign the groups," Luke said, "also the groups are pairs, really."

Calum blinked back at him.

"You're really gonna make me tear this out of you, huh?," Calum asked, unfazed.

Luke sighed and ran his hands through his already messed up curls.

"Alright. I think I already know the answer but I'll indulge in your antics today. Who is your assigned partner?"

Luke looked like he'd rather be dying than admitting what he was about to say out loud.

"Ashton Irwin."

Calum nodded. "Saw that coming," he sighed, "so ask your professor to reassign you."

"I did," Luke whined, "but she said she wouldn't since it'd be unfair to everyone else if I got special treatment."

"Okay, does she know what happened between you two?," Calum asked.

"Everybody knows what the fuck happened between us, Calum! Everyone on the damn campus knows!," Luke snapped.

"Alright, that is a bit dramatic. There's gotta be some people who really don't care about a breakup of the college band's favorite lovey dovey couple," Calum muttered.

Luke buried his head in his hands.
"My whole ass future is hinging on this, bro," Luke sounded genuinely desperate, "if I fail this class I lose my scholarship."

"Ash is not gonna let you fail this class, Luke," Calum immediately said.

"Don't call him that!," Luke snapped.

Calum gave him a look.

"We're not friends with him!," Luke muttered.

"Mike is," Calum said.

"Yeah, because he's a traitor," Luke stubbornly jutted his chin out.

"He's your best friend," Calum fondly rolled his eyes.

"He's your best friend," Luke huffed, "you're my best friend."

"Okay, bro, he is our best friend. We have shared custody of Michael Clifford," Calum said.

"I didn't sign up for that," Luke protested weakly.

"And I didn't sign up for you, but still here I am putting up with your pouty ass and your awful scented candles you always light up in our room," Calum said.

Luke stuck his tongue out at Calum. "They're not even mine they are-"
Luke broke off mid sentence.

"Ashtons, I know," Calum finished, "but for some reason you keep fucking lighting them up. Maybe that is a thing you can work through in that art project."

Luke scoffed and flopped back down on his bed.

"I'm dead," Luke muttered to the ceiling.

"You'll manage," Calum muttered back.

"I almost certainly won't."

***

Michael blinked at Luke.

"Are you serious?," he asked.

"I wouldn't joke about this," Luke scoffed.

Michael stared at him a moment longer before he threw his head back and started laughing his ass off.

"Okay, very sensible bro," Calum muttered from his place on the floor. He was sitting cross legged in front of Michael's mini fridge and stuffing Michaels doritos into his mouth.

Luke was folded up on Michaels bed and Michael was almost falling to the floor next to Calum from how hard his desk chair shook with his laughter.

"I'm sorry," Michael gasped for air, "sorry, it's just-"

He broke out into another cackling fit. "Bro, that is fucking karma."

"How is that karma?!," Luke immediately snapped, "what did I do to deserve this?"

Michael wiped his eyes and sat up straight again. "Luke, last time I checked this was a mutual breakup over nothing."

Luke's eyes narrowed. "You don't know fuck about my breakup," he snapped, "don't act like it was over nothing!"

"Then why did you break up?," Michael asked.

"Because he didn't know what the fuck he wanted," Luke sounded bitter.

"That's not what he told me," Michael said.

"I don't want to hear what he did and did not say to you! What matters is what he did or did not say to me!," Luke snapped.

Michael bit his lip. "That's fair, I guess."

Luke looked surprised for a second but then nodded jerkily. "Thank you. I know."

"Are you two done yelling at each other now?," Calum asked through a mouth full of dorito.

"For now," Luke muttered.

"Dude, I am sorry this is happening," Michael mumbled, "but... I don't know it was bound to happen eventually, right? I mean... you're both art majors. There are only so many art kids on this campus."

"I thought I'd have more time," Luke mumbled and flopped back on Michaels bed.

"It's been four months," Calum mumbled into the bag of Doritos.

"Not enough time," Luke pouted.

"Exactly why did you break up again?," Michael asked.

Luke sighed. "He easily fell out of love with me in a month because I am easy to forget."

Calum scoffed and Michael threw his hands up.

"Dude can we please get the detailed version and not the drowning in self pity version?," Michael asked.

Luke lifted his head to glare at Michael.
Michael threw a pack of gummy worms at him.

Luke groaned and looked at the ceiling.

"We decided to take a break for a month to work on ourselves. Because we both had shit to deal with ourselves. But, like, we both agreed that we would get back together after that month. Like, I never doubted that. And I spent the whole month working on myself and figuring stuff out so I can be the best boyfriend I can be. And when the month was over I asked him how he is feeling and he seemed so caught off guard and said that he didn't have time to like give it much of a thought. And that fucking sucked. So I told him that I can't be with him if doesn't know how he feels about me. Because I love him too much to watch this fall apart. I can't be with someone who doesn't fucking know how he feels."

"Any chance there was some miscommunication going on?," Calum piped up from the floor.

Luke didn't look at him but moved his hand to point at Calum. "You're sleeping in the hallway tonight."

"Don't worry, you can sleep here baby," Michael said, "there's always space for you in my bed."

Luke lifted his head again to look at his two friends. His eyes darted between them, Michael sitting at his desk, Calum on the floor in front of him. Lukes eyebrows furrowed.

"He's kidding," Calum eventually said and shoved another chip in his mouth.

Luke huffed. "You never know with you two," he muttered and flopped back down.

***

The dreaded day came way too soon.

On Tuesday he found himself sitting in the art studio and half listening to his professor go over the details of the project again.

He didn't actually remember how he got to class. His brain was running on 50% anxiety and the other half was fear mixed with iced coffee.

Luke remained seated while the rest of his class started moving around him to get started on their assignments.

Tables were rearranged and people started talking to each other.

The chair next to him was scraped back.

"Hi."

Ashtons voice rattled his brain.

Luke swallowed and forced himself to look up at Ashton.

"Hey."

Looking at Ashton up close was way more painful than Luke would like to admit.
He looked so good. Honey curls, hazel eyes, hands stuffed in the pocket of his black hoodie.

"So I thought about the project and I think it would be cool to make a sketchbook. But, like, we will do alternating pages. I will draw one page, then you will draw on the other side and it will be a reaction to my drawing. Then I will react to yours and so on. We could tell a story that way," Ashton said, voice all calm and cool.

Luke blinked at Ashton. He felt his throat closing up. The familiar low burn of anger started simmering in his stomach.

"Our topic this semester is human connection," he said bitterly.

"So?," Ashton cocked an eyebrow.

"So, we have absolutely no human connection right now, Ashton. I don't want to interact with you in any way," Luke huffed quietly.

Ashton pursed his lips and nodded to himself.
"Well too bad we got paired up for this project now," he muttered.

"I didn't ask for this," Luke got defensive immediately.

"Neither did I," Ashton bit back, "but I am trying to work with you here!"

Luke took a deep breath and unclenched his fists.

"I am not doing this here," he muttered.
He felt himself getting closer to the edge. He wasn't gonna let Ashton see him tip over and plummet.

"Then where else do you want to do our fucking assignment?," Ashton snapped.

Luke stood up abruptly, grabbed his backpack and left.

Luke headed straight to the library where he knew Calum usually spent his study hall.

To his dismay, Michael was there as well, folded up on the chair next to Calum.

They were laughing about something but Calum immediately stopped when he spotted Luke.

"Uh oh," he mumbled once Luke was in earshot, "that bad?"

Luke let his backpack fall to the floor and dragged a chair up to their table.

"I hate him," Luke bit out while sitting down, "I fucking hate him. How the fuck is this supposed to work?"

"Was he being an asshole?," Michael asked, "cause I swear I will punch him."

Luke's heart eased a bit and an unexpected warmth spread through his chest upon hearing Michael saying he'd defend him.

Though Luke and Michael were friends for about a year now, courtesy of Luke getting Calum as his assigned roommate, he was still kinda weary on where they were standing.

Previous to Luke rooming with Michaels best friend, the two of them hated each other and would avoid being in the same space at any cost.

"Nou, he was reasonable," Luke whined softly, "but fuck that. He acts like this is not a big deal."

"I think it's a defense mechanism thing," Michael said, "he probably feels the same as you?"

Luke groaned and dropped his head to the table.
"I walked out of class," he mumbled to the table top.

"Good job dealing with this like an adult," Calum cooed and petted Lukes curls.

"Fuck you," Luke mumbled but leant into Calums touch, "I'm not an adult."

There were a few moments of silence in which Calum gently massaged Lukes scalp and he let the sounds of the library around them wash over him.

"He had the whole project planned out without even asking me," Luke mumbled eventually, "wants to do a sketchbook swap thing. He draws a page, then I draw one. Alternating pages like alternating points of view that tell a story."

Calum hummed. "Fuck him."

"That's kinda genius though," Michael said, "it's group work without actual group work."

"True," Calum said, "You don't even necessarily have to see each other if you just drop it off at each other's dorms."

"Ashton lives off campus now," Michael said.

Luke sat up straight again.

"Since when?," he asked.

Michael shrugged. "Beginning of the semester."

"Why?," Luke narrowed his eyes.

Michael scoffed and shrugged. "I'm not his babysitter, bro."

Lukes voice was a thin line.

"I hate him."

Calum nodded, unimpressed.
"So you've said."

***

Even though it pained Luke, he had to admit that the sketchbook swap was actually really genius.

So during their next class, Luke agreed to pursue the idea, arms crossed and eyes avoiding Ashtons.

The longer the project went on, the more civil Luke and Ashton could be with each other. It was a thank you here or there when one of them was dropping the sketchbook off, sometimes even a compliment on each other's drawing.

Two months into the project, Ashton even took it further by texting Luke to tell him that he was obsessed with Lukes recent addition to the sketchbook.

Despite all the frustration and resentment, they warmed up to each other.

But as the Project went on, Luke struggled to come up with new unique concepts for his drawings.
He felt like his art looked similar on every page. There was barely any real variation and evolution.
Of course, fucking Ashtons always looked insanely detailed and perfect and interesting.

And Luke always had to find a way to respond to that.

Luke groaned in frustration and grabbed his phone.

Luke
your last drawing is shit

Ashton
thanks

Luke
I don't know what the fuck to answer

Ashton
Don't think about it

Luke
Easy for you to say
I can't mess this up
Fuck this assignment

Ashton
You're freaking out

Luke
Yes i am freaking out!!!
I have been sitting in front of a blank page for hours

Ashton
I will pick you up in 10 minutes

Luke
Wtf
Fuck off
I need to finish the assignment

Ashton
You need to stop being in your head

Luke
Stfu

Ashton
I will be there in 10. Come out or don't. I will wait a bit and if you don't show we can pretend this never happened.

Luke shivered and pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up. His breath came out in clouds that fizzled out into the dark air around him. He wasn't dressed for the cold weather in his sweatpants and sweatshirt.

He shuffled his converse against the concrete beneath his feet and pushed the anxiety in his chest down.

Tipping his head back, he looked at the dark clouds overhead. No stars were visible through the clouds and the frosty air smelled like rain. Or snow. Or hail?

What the fuck what he doing?

Fuck.

Why was he out here?

Luke let out a long breath, watching the cloud disappear into the night and made a decision.
Just when he was about to turn back to the dorms, headlights pulled into the parking lot.

Luke considered leaping behind the next bush but the headlights had caught him before he could move.

The car pulled to a stop in front of him.

He could make out the shape of the man behind the steering wheel through the foggy passenger side window but Luke didn't need confirmation. He'd recognize Ashtons car anywhere.

Luke stared at the doorknob for a moment and considered turning around and running for safety.

But before he knew it, his hand grabbed the handle and pulled.

As soon as Luke slid into the seat he was surrounded by warmth and a smell that was so familiar it made his heart contract painfully.

He slammed the door shut behind him and started straight ahead out of the windshield, sparing the driver not a single glance.

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Seatbelt," Ashton eventually mumbled and Luke reached behind him, effectively strapping him into his seat and making it impossible to make a last minute break for it.

As soon as the seatbelt clicked Ashton released the break and the car slowly rolled off the parking lot and onto the street, taking them away from campus.

Ashton drove them through the night in silence.

Luke distinctly heard music playing in the background but it was drowned out by the heating vans turned all the way up to get rid of the fog on the windshield.

"You came," Ashton eventually said once he'd pulled onto the highway.

Luke made a non committal sound.

Luke wondered where the hell Ashton was taking him and silently cursed himself for not giving Calum a heads up that he was going on a drive with Ashton.

But surely, if Luke would end up missing in the morning, the ex boyfriend would be a prime suspect, right?

Ashton reached out to turn down the heating van to the lowest setting.

Luke noticed he had started to sweat, huddled in his hoodie, and reached up to pull the hood down, freeing his tangled blonde curls.

Now that his ears were free and the van was turned down he could hear the faint melody of one of his favorite songs playing.

Fucking Ashton.

Playing an album by Lukes favorite band was such an Ashton thing to do.

Luke cursed Ashton and cursed the wave of relaxation thrumming through his body that was definitely not supposed to be there when he was sitting in a small moving box with his ex boyfriend with no way to escape.

"D'you actually think my drawing is shit?," Ashton broke the silence again.

Luke instinctively turned his head towards Ashton but caught himself before he could look at him.
Insead, his eyes focused on the sex wax air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror.

"I don't understand it," Luke mumbled, "so that's shit."

Ashton hummed.

"I showed it to Cal and he said it looked like dog vomit smeared across the page and then some," Luke said, eyes shifting from the sex wax to the streetlights passing outside.

"Cal just hates the drawing on principle because he hates my fucking guts," Ashton scoffed.

"He's got good reason to," Luke instantly said, more reflex than anything else.

Ashton kept his mouth shut.

Luke huffed.
"Thought you wanted to distract me from the project," he muttered.

"Yeah," Ashton sounded defeated, "right. Yeah."

Luke saw Ashton flexing his fingers where he'd been gripping the steering wheel for dear life.

"Are you hungry?," Ashton asked.

"Not really," Luke mumbled.

"Okay."

More silence.

The song changed.

"Mike said you've been working on music for the band," Ashton eventually said.

"Yeah," Luke fiddled with a loose strand in his sweatpants, "been fucking around a bit."

"How's Sydneys best college band?," Ashton asked, not managing to keep the bitterness out of his voice completely.

Luke shrugged. "Not gonna lie, I don't like David as our drummer. But he's the best we could get on short notice."
There was an air of accusation swinging in the statement.

„I am sure David is doing a decent job," Ashton muttered.

"Regionals are coming up. Decent doesn't fucking cut it when we used to have the best," Luke bit out.

The corners of Ashtons mouth twitched into a small smile.

"Yknow you could've stayed in the band," Luke admitted quietly before he could build up his guard again.

Ashton huffed out a short laugh.
"No," he said, "I really couldn't."

Luke knew Ashton was right. For the longest time after the break up they couldn't be in the same room without tearing into each other.

That lead to Ashton skipping more than half of his classes last semester. But much to Lukes dismay, Ashton passed every exam.

Ashton and his stupid artistic talent.

"You didn't give me a chance to quit before you," Luke was now saying, finally acknowledging what had made him shake in anger the day Michael had told him Ashton had left the band.

Ashton shook his head, eyes on the road.

"You are the most talented musician I know, Luke," he said, "there was no way I would've let you throw that away."

"I never asked you to do that!," Luke snapped, "I don't need you to act like my fucking savior, like a stupid martyr. Same with the 'I won't let you fail this art project' shit you keep pulling! I am capable of doing things myself. I never asked you to do anything for me, and I never will!"

"Only that you did," Ashton mumbled, disregarding Lukes raised voice and violent words.

"Did what?," Luke snapped.

"You asked me to love you," Ashton said quietly.

Lukes breath staggered while all the anger was punched out of him, leaving nothing but exhaustion.

"Yeah," he mumbled, "the one thing I asked of you and you didn't do it. Is the rest now you trying to make it right?"

"Maybe," Ashtons voice was barely above a whisper.

Luke felt heavy and drained, his head rolling against the headrest.

"I don't even know why I got into your car," Luke sighed, "I don't know what has gotten into me."

Ashton pulled into a parking lot of a high school and killed the engine.

Luke frowned.

"The fuck are you doing?," Luke asked.

Ashton swallowed thickly and loosened his grip on the steering wheel.

"This is my little sister's high school," Ashton said quietly.

Lukes frown deepened.

"Why are we at Laurens high school?," he asked.

Ashton shrugged. "I-," Ashton had his eyes trained on the steering wheel, "I don't know. That drawing I made... most of it I made in this parking lot. I know I am not supposed to tell you but that drawing is about Lauren. Connection of siblings."

Lukes mind blanked. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
"That... makes sense?," he eventually settled on.

Ashton hummed. The pair sat in silence for a moment.

"I pick her up here three times a week," Ashton eventually mumbled.

Luke frowned again.

"Why?"

"It takes her one and a half hours to get home by bus," Ashton said, "you can make that way in thirty minutes by car."

"Why doesn't your mum drive her?," Luke asked.

Ashton shrugged. "She's busy," he mumbled, then added "and I don't mind."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Did that help you with the drawing?," Ashton asked.

Luke shrugged. "A bit, yeah. I guess... yeah I guess I could tap into the connection I have to my brothers."

Ashton hummed.

"Mind if I keep driving?," Ashton asked.

Luke shook his head and Ashton started the engine back up.

Ashton drove him through what Luke knew was Ashtons neighborhood.

He pointed out his own old school, the place he got his first drum kit, the soccer field he used to hang out at, his favorite kebab place and the store he'd gotten his first job at.

"Why are you showing me all this?," Luke eventually asked wearily.

Ashton took a moment to answer. "I think part of your art block is because you resent me. I am trying to build some type of connection back up that we can both lean on while we do the project. The tiniest thread would be enough."

Luke hesitated a beat.
"I don't resent you," he eventually whispered, "not anymore."

Ashton looked surprised when he turned his head.

"I really want to, though," Luke tagged on, his heart in his throat.

Ashton attempted a faint smile and looked back on the road.

"Y'know earlier when I said you asked me to love you and I didn't... that was not true. I did love you. I just... think I couldn't love you enough then."

Luke felt a sharp pain in his heart and swallowed thickly.
"Well, same same," he tried playing it off and shrugged half hearted.

Ashton stared straight ahead on the dark street.

"I just wish I could understand what changed."
Luke hated how strangled his own voice sounded while the words spilled into the stuffy air in the dark car.

For a moment Luke thought Ashton would answer him, finally giving him peace of mind and maybe even closure. But Ashton closed his mouth again and shrugged softly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to his hands.

Luke swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded, turning his head back to look out the windshield.

"Can you please just drive me back to my dorm?," he asked weakly.

"Can I show you one more spot?," Ashton asked.

Luke tipped his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

"Please."

There was a rawness to Ashtons voice, uttering that one word.

"Okay, fine," Luke mumbled.

Not ten minutes later they rolled up to a small secluded beach.

Ashton killed the engine.

"This is my thinking spot," he mumbled and opened the driver's side door.

Luke hesitated a moment but couldn't ever pass an opportunity to stand on the shoreline and listen to the waves crash.

Ashton grabbed a hoodie and a small thermos cup out of the backseat before walking over to where Luke had wandered off.
Ashton took a sip from the thermos and Luke perked up.

"Is that coffee?," Luke asked.

Ashton hummed. "Want some?"

Luke hesitantly took the thermos cup and brought it to his lips.

"Fuck this is good," Luke moaned once he swallowed a mouth full of the warm liquid.

"I added some vanilla syrup," Ashton said, trying to make it sound off-handed but Luke knew it was because Luke loved vanilla latte and he had banked on Luke asking for a sip.

"You're not getting this back," Luke lifted the cup to his lips again.

Ashton shrugged and smiled softly. "I'll manage."

They walked along the dark beach in silence for a while.
For the first time in months, the silence was comfortable.

"How are you doing?," Ashton eventually asked.

Luke shrugged. "Same old," he mumbled, "and you?"

"Managing," Ashton shrugged.
Luke hummed.

Silence fell again.

"I miss you," Ashton whispered into the night.

Luke pressed the thermos closer to his chest.

"Okay," he whispered, "why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's the truth," Ashton said.

Luke sighed. "And what the fuck am I supposed to make of that now?"

Luke didn't get an answer.

They circled back to the car.

"I miss you, too," Luke eventually said when they were almost back to the car.

He saw Ashton nodding from the corner of his eyes.

"But it was the right thing to break up, I will stand by that," Luke said stubbornly.

"Yeah, no," Ashton nodded, "that's not what I was trying to say."

Luke hummed and took another sip which went down the wrong way and he immediately doubled over, coughing into his sweater sleeve.

"Jesus," Ashton snickered, "can you not die in front of me?"

Luke coughed again and tried glaring at him. Ashton laughed and came over to pat Luke's back, as if that would help the matter.

"Fuck you," Luke eventually wheezed out, "was that your plan to kill me all along?"

"Oh, yeah," Ashton waved him off, "i wanted to dump you in the ocean."

Luke softly shook his head and finally took a deep breath.
Ashtons eyes wandered down to Lukes sweater.

"You spilled coffee," he said and softly rubbed at Lukes sweater, right over Lukes chest.

Luke groaned.
"Of course I fucking did," he grumbled.

Ashton stopped messing with Lukes sweater, apparently deciding that it was a lost cause, and looked up at Luke.

The wind let Lukes curls dance over his forehead and he shivered in his stained hoodie.

"Cold?," Ashton asked quietly.

"It's literally freezing, Ashton," Luke scoffed.

Ashton grinned his dimpley grin at him.

"Can I kiss you?," Ashton eventually asked quietly.

Luke was caught completely off guard.

"I don't know...," he stuttered.

"I mean, y'know, just to, like, warm your lips," he said.

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Oh, okay," he mumbled, playing along, "in that case..."

Ashton leant up to shut him up. Luke immediately leant into the kiss, hands finding the sides of Ashton's face and chasing his lips.

Ashton stumbled a step backwards, his back hitting the side of his car, Luke still connected to him by the mouth.
Another shiver went through Luke.

Luke was filled to the brim with longing and melancholy and the feeling of being safe and home and familiarity and it hit him just how much he missed Ashton.

Ashton broke away.
"Car? It's warm in there," he mumbled against Lukes lips.

Lukes brain was on autopilot and he nodded.

Ashton opened the backdoor and slid in, grabbing Luke to pull him in after.

Luke had half a mind to shut the door behind him before he climbed on top of Ashton who was spread out over the backseat.

He was hungry and desperate and horny and hadn't been touched by another human since Ashton and him had broken up five months ago.

And this was Ashton.

This was familiar.

This was safe.

This was very fucked up and wrong but fuck, Luke had missed this.

The hungry make out session turned into dry humping and Luke whining until Ashton agreed to let Luke ride him.
Not that he needed much convincing.

The windows were fogged up and the car smelled like sex when they finally pulled away from each other and caught their breath.

Ashton looked down at Luke who was still half in his lap.

"Now there's coffee and cum on your hoodie," he mumbled cheekily.

Luke looked down at himself and the post nut clarity hit him full force.

"Fuck," he mumbled and climbed off Ashtons lap to pull his pants up, "this was probably very fuckin stupid."

Ashton pursed his lips and nodded softly. "Probably. But it was good..."

Luke groaned and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Stop. Don't start spiraling," Ashton softly touched Lukes shoulder, "I will drive you home, okay? If you want."

Luke nodded jerkily.

"I want."

"Okay," Ashton whispered and squeezed Lukes shoulder softly.

They both got out of the backseat and once Luke had reassembled his limbs into the passenger seat, Ashton started driving.

"At least now we both have enough input for the next few drawings," Ashton eventually muttered into the silence that was only broken by the music playing from the radio.

Luke scoffed softly but his lips pulled into a small smile.
"If you start drawing guy on guy porn now I will burn the sketchbook," Luke mumbled and leant his head against the foggy passenger side window.

"Noted," Ashton mumbled, an equally soft smile on his face.

Luke drifted off before they were back on the highway.

***

"Where the fuck have you been?"
Calum slurred the words a bit like he was still half asleep.

"Out," Luke mumbled while pulling his converse off.

"Out with who?," the dark hump of blankets asked.

"Go back to sleep, Cal," Luke muttered and stepped out of his sweats.

Calum groggily pushed himself up on his elbows and leaned over to turn on the lamp on the desk next to his bed.

"Fucking hell, man," Luke flinched away from the light like a vampire while Calum squinted his eyes to adjust to the brightness.

Calums eyes fell on Lukes bare chest and Luke tried his best to cover up the hickeys on his collarbones.

"You look like a cow," Calum said dryly and yawned before flipping back down on the bed.

"So?," Luke grumbled and walked over to his own bed.

"Even if you're not telling me, I will find out who you hooked up with," he sounded way too smug, "Mike is a gossip queen."

"Cal, drop it," Luke snapped and turned off the desk lamp before crawling under his own covers.

"You love me," Calum mumbled into silence.

***

When Luke woke up the next morning he decided the best way to go about his situation was to act like last night never happened and avoid any confrontation and conflict that might come with it.

It was his best and favorite tactic and he often resorted to it in his life.

Did it always work? Definitely not.

Did it work most of the time? Luke thought the lines were blurry on that one. (They were not. It never worked.)

By the next afternoon, Luke was almost done with his drawing.
He had his headphones on and blasting music on full volume while putting in the finishing touches.

And then, all of a sudden, the headphones were ripped off his head and Luke started so violently, that he almost drew an accidental thick charcoal line over the whole page.

"What the actual fuck!," he yelled and turned around to glare at Calum, "fuck you, Calum! You almost ruined my project!"

Calum was looking smug while swinging Lukes headphones in one hand.

"It's art," Calum waved him off, "you can explain that away."

"Fuck you," Luke bit out again and snatched his headphones back, "leave me the fuck alone."

Luke was already putting his headphones back on his head when Calums words almost knocked him over.

"Why the hell did you fuck Ashton?"

Luke whipped around so fast he almost got whiplash.

"How?"

Calum shrugged. "Mike told me. Ashton told him, I think."

Luke felt ice coil through him. "That motherfucker," Luke bit out and clutched his headphones tighter, "so he is going around telling people?!"

"To be fair, I think he only told Mike," Calum tried soothingly.

"Why would he tell Mike in the first place??," Luke was still furious.

"Okay, why are you like that? You hooked up with your ex. So what?," Calum frowned.

"So what?," Luke glared, "no so what! Calum, this is Ashton and me we are talking about. Yesterday was a mistake and I don't even know how it happened but one minute I hate him and then I don't and then all of a sudden he is fucking me in the backseat of his car like we are fifteen years old and hormonal again!"

Luke threw his headphones on the bed and buried his hands in his curls.

"Luke...," Calum said softly, like he was talking to a wounded animal.

"No!," Luke snapped, "no! No!"
His voice started to quiver.

"Was it consensual?"

"It was fucking stupid!," Luke bit out.

"Luke."

"Yes," Luke snapped, "yes, Calum, I wanted him to fuck me."

Calum lifted his hands, palms facing Luke and taking a step back.

"Why would he tell people about this?," Luke tried hard to keep it together.

"Maybe he didn't think it was a big deal?," Calum suggested and immediately regretted saying those words out loud.

Luke stilled completely and his hard eyes were focusing on Calum now.

"Right. Yeah," Luke swallowed, "do you know where the fuck he is?"

"No? I could ask Mike-"

"Don't bother," Luke mumbled and pushed past Calum and out the door.

Luke faintly heard Calum shout his name before their door slammed shut behind him.

***

Angry heat curled through his stomach when he saw Ashtons silhouette behind the glass door to the music room. He pushed it open and stepped inside.

Ashton glanced up and immediately looked back down, never ceasing the strumming of chords on the old acoustic guitar.

Luke shut the door and leant back against it. He felt all the anger leaving his body on a heavy exhale. Instead it was replaced with quiet resignation and a dull pain from a wound that should've closed up a long time ago.

Ashton hadn't bothered to turn on the overhead lights in the music room so it was dim. The only light illuminating the boy and the guitar was the low sun in the sky outside, tinting everything in a warm glow and highlighting the dust particles dancing in the air.

Ashton finally stopped pulling strings and put the guitar down before he looked up at Luke, face guarded.

A moment ago Luke wanted to yell at him and smack his head.

Now he sounded almost pathetic.

"So you're going around telling people we hooked up?," his voice was laced with disappointment.

"I... no, I-"

"Don't lie to me," Luke said monotonously. He suddenly felt incredibly tired and cursed himself for coming here.

"I didn't tell people," Ashton said small, "I told Mike."

"Why the hell did you tell Michael about what happened last night?," Luke asked, "That was between you and me."

"I... I guess I didn't think..."

"That it was a big deal?," Luke let out a sharp humorless laugh.

"No, that's not what I said. I mean I literally didn't think. My brain was not working properly," Ashton said, "don't put words in my mouth."

Luke pressed his lips together in a thin line.

"What?," Ashton asked, "a few months ago you were eager to tell me my brain isn't working."

Luke rolled his eyes at that jab.

"Look, Michael is my best friend, Luke," Ashton said quietly.

"Michael is my best friend," Luke snapped.

Ashton scoffed but raised his hands. "Alright. You win. Michael is your best friend. I will leave him to you. I'll stay away from him, if that's what you want," he said bitterly.

"I have known him longer than you," Luke tried making an unnecessary point.

Ashton let out a long breath and finally properly looked at Luke.

"Luke, I don't know if you noticed but I don't have any other friends."

"That's bullshit," Luke scoffed, "you've got Davey and Max and Harry."

Ashton softly shook his head. "Lost touch with them amongst everything that happened. Mike is the only person I talk to."

"So you went ahead and told him that you fucked me in the backseat of your car?," Luke sounded pitiful.

"I'm sorry," Ashton mumbled, "you're right. I shouldn't have."

Luke sighed and leant his head back against the door he was still leaning on. Somehow hearing Ashton apologize didn't bring him even a fraction of satisfaction.

"Yesterday was a mistake," Luke mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry it happened," Ashton mumbled back.
Luke opened his eyes and lowered his head to look at him.

"You are?," he asked.

Ashton stared back at him before something flashed across his face and he sighed.

"If I am honest then absolutely not, no," he admitted quietly.

Luke swallowed hard. "Well, it can't happen again."

Ashton nodded.

Luke sighed again and pushed himself off the door.
He turned around and grabbed the handle to push it open and leave when he suddenly stopped.

"You lost all your friends?," he asked quietly.

When Ashton didn't answer Luke turned back around to face him.

Ashton really looked pitiful. Soft frown on his face, body curled in and a tenseness to his shoulders that never seemed to leave his body these days.

Ashton shrugged one shoulder.

"My fault," he mumbled, "I kinda cut them off."

"Why?," Luke frowned.

"Had a lot of stuff going on in my life," Ashton mumbled, "shit happened that needed all of my time and energy."

Lukes heart felt heavy and ready to fall out of his chest.

"What happened?," he asked quietly.

Ashton shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about it," he mumbled.

Luke frowned. "Has this anything to do with our break up?," he asked.

"Luke," Ashtons voice was warning.

"What? If you cut your friends off because we broke up then I deserve to know!," Luke snapped.

"I didn't," Ashtons words were sharp like knives, "this has nothing to do with you."

"Then why don't you tell me what happened?!," Luke snapped back.

"It's private shit, Luke!," he said forcefully.

"Private shit that has been going on since before our breakup?," Luke asked.

Ashton clenched his jaw but broke eye contact.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me then?!," Luke snapped.

"We weren't exactly together back then, Luke!," Ashton snapped back, "And I don't owe you an explanation!"

"Have you told Mike about it?," Luke was angry and mean and he knew it.

"So what if I did? Mike is my friend, you are my ex!," he he forcefully got up.

"I was not your ex back then!," Luke yelled.

"Luke, fucking drop it!," Ashton yelled back.

"No! If this is the reason we broke up then I deserve to know!," Luke yelled.

"We broke up because you didn't think I loved you enough," Ashton said coolly.

"That's not what happened and you know it," Luke said bitterly.

Ashton clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides.

"I deserve closure, Ashton. I just want to know what the fuck happened to us. I don't understand how you fell out of love with me in a month," Luke said.

Ashton swallowed thickly.
"I didn't fall out of love with you," he croaked out, "you assumed that because I was busy juggling my falling apart life while you had all the time to reflect on our relationship."

"You never told me what happened," Luke snapped, "so how was I supposed to know that?!"

Ashton closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Please," Lukes voice broke, "please tell me what happened."

Not opening his eyes, Ashton cleared his throat and started to speak.

"My mum and stepdad broke up and mum relapsed. She's unreliable and drunk most of the time. She lost her job. She either sleeps or is out at the bar and... and I need to take care of Lau and Haz. And work to bring home money. And cook them dinner and drive them places and... fuck, mum was an alcoholic most of my childhood and it sucked ass. They deserve better."

Luke needed a moment to let Ashtons words fully sink in before the impact of them hit him full force.

"Fuck," he eventually muttered.

Ashton let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Fuck."

"You could've told me," Luke frowned.

"You didn't listen," Ashton snapped, "you kept saying how you can't be with me if I don't love you more than ever after a month apart. How the hell was I supposed to bring my alcoholic mother up? My heart was already fucking breaking. No need to make it worse."

Luke rubbed his face. "I would have listened, Ashton, if you would've opened your mouth," he eventually settled on.

"Well, I didn't," Ashton snapped, "I am handling this on my own. It's only four more months until graduation anyway."

Luke scoffed. "And then what? You can be a full time dad to your siblings??"

Ashton glared at him. "Maybe I will, yeah! I will get a job to support my family and do everything I can to make sure my siblings have a better childhood than me, Luke. You don't know what it's like!"

They glared at each other until Ashton broke eye contact.

"Lauren and Harry are just kids," Ashton sounded strangled.

"And you are just a college student, Ash," Luke said quietly, "and you are allowed to just be a college student."

Tears gathered in Ashtons eyes.

Luke felt the lump in his throat rising and his own eyes growing damp.

"Why didn't you say all that when we broke up?," Luke asked softly.

"I didn't know how without sounding like I am making excuses."

"But you're not," Luke's voice shook, "you're not making excuses."

Ashton shrugged softly. "It was better that way. With everything going on I wouldn't have been able to be the best boyfriend to you. Even worse, I probably would've dragged you into this mess. So you hating me came handy to me. It was easier for me to hate you, too."

"Ash, no," Luke mumbled, his voice breaking.

"Sorry," he sounded choked up, "really, I am sorry. I should've communicated this better."

Luke blinked his tears away and willed his heart to stop breaking.

"Can I give you a hug?," Luke eventually asked softly.

Ashton nodded.

Luke crossed the distance to Ashton in a heartbeat and wrapped the older boy in his arms.

Ashton was shaking slightly and Luke tightened his arms around him.

"You deserve better than this," Luke mumbled quietly, "I am sorry this is happening."

Ashton let out a shaky breath.
"I am so tired," he mumbled in the crook of Luke's neck, voice thick with tears.

"I know," Luke whispered into Ashtons honey curls.

"I don't know what to fucking do," Ashton mumbled.

Luke waited a moment before he drew away enough to look at Ashton, arms still loosely around him.

"Have you talked to your mum about her drinking?," Luke asked.

Ashton swallowed. "I don't know when," he admitted, "or how. I'd rather not try to deal with her."

"Ash, you need to get your mum help," Luke reasoned softly, "she's sick. And you are suffering."

Ashton teared up again.

"I can help you," Luke suggested softly.

Ashton immediately shook his head.

"I don't want you involved," he mumbled.

Luke swallowed his desperation. "Okay, I respect that. But my offer will always be good, in case you change your mind in the future."

Ashton nodded.

Luke drew him back into his arms for another tight hug.

"I need to go," Ashton whispered, "pick up Lauren and Harry from school."

Luke let Ashton go and stepped back.

"Thank you for telling me all this," Luke mumbled.

Ashton smiled weakly. "You make it sound like I had a choice."

Guilt flashed across Lukes face.

"It's okay," Ashton immediately added, "I feel better now that you know."

Luke nodded stiffly.

Ashton gathered his things and picked up his backpack.

He hesitated a moment infront of Luke before offering him another weak smile that didn't reach his eyes and walking past him towards the door.

"Ash?," Luke spoke up when Ashton was already halfway out the door.

Ashton stopped and turned to look at him.

"Promise me to talk to your mum?," he asked.

Ashton raised his hand in what was probably supposed to be a wave. "Bye Luke."

Luke returned to his dorm to find Michael sitting on Calums bed.

"Cal left for his afternoon class," Michael said instead of a greeting, "I am sorry I told Cal what Ash told me. I should've kept my mouth shut."

Luke swallowed and leant back against the closed door.

"How long have you known about Ashtons mum?," Luke asked, voice weak, and finally looked up at Michael with his blood shot eyes.

Michael sighed and broke eye contact.

"A while," he mumbled.

Luke felt himself crumple and willed his feet over to his bed to curl up on it.

"Is that why you were always defending him when I talked shit?," Luke asked quietly.

"Partly," Michael admitted, "but also because he is my friend."

"Apparently you are his only friend," Lukd croaked out.

Michael grimaced. "Well, Ashton kinda caused havoc in his own life after you guys broke up."

Luke let out a miserable whimper.

"He should've told you," Michael immediately said, "I tried to convince him to tell you from the get go. But then you guys had that talk and... you wouldn't listen properly. Turns out you are both shit at communication."

Luke turned on his bed to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling.

Silence fell over the room.

After a while, Michael got up and walked over to Lukes bed.
He gently pushed Luke out of the way to be able to sit next to him.

Lukes cheeks were wet and silent tears still ran down his face.

"What's going on, buddy?," Michael asked gently.

"I feel so stupid," Luke sniffled weakly, "the way this all played out. It was more painful than it had to be."

Michael reached out a hand and gently pushed Lukes curls away from his forehead.

"You still love him," Michael mumbled.

Luke sighed. "I still care about him," he said quietly, "I don't know about love. I tried hating him for so long."

Michael smiled sympathetically.

"I don't know if this makes things better or worse, but I am pretty sure Ash still loves you," Michael mumbled, "judging by the heavy reaction and following mental breakdown he had when you guys got teamed up."

Luke grimaced and closed his eyes, more tears falling.

"I want to help him," Luke sniffled, "but he doesn't want help."

Michael sighed. "Yeah. Stubborn fuck he is."

Luke let out a noncommittal sound and turned to lay on his side, curled up in a fetal position.

"Hey, buddy...," Michael mumbled and gently started rubbing Lukes arm.

"I don't know what to fucking do," he whimpered.

Michael nodded, more to himself than Luke.
"Since I am the middle man here I could tell you what the beat option is right now. But I don't know if you want that," Michael said solemnly.

Luke huffed but it sounded fond and a weak smile slid on his face. "I probably don't," he mumbled, "but go ahead."

"Alright," Michael sighed and got up. He went into the bathroom and returned a moment later with a roll of toilet paper.
Michael tossed the toilet paper on the bed before grabbing a water bottle from the shelf and coming back to sit on Lukes bed.

"Cmon buddy," he nudged Luke softly, "time to sit up."

Luke groaned but pushed himself. He leant his back against the wall and drew his knees up before accepting the toilet paper and wiping his cheeks dry.
After taking a few sips from the bottle Michael had brought him, Michael crossed his legs under him and turned to sit facing Luke.

"What do you feel for Ashton?," Michael asked.

Luke shook his head. "I don't know."

Michael hummed. "If Ash gets a new boyfriend or girlfriend today, how would you react?," Michael asked.

Luke shrugged. "I don't car-"

"- Luke. Don't lie to me," Michael narrowed his eyes.

Luke huffed and looked at his lap. "I'd probably be so mad I would scream at the wall and then maybe cry a bit."

"Because...," Michael urged him on.

"Because... because how could he have time and energy for someone else but not for me?," Luke sounded miserable.

Michael waited for Luke to draw the conclusion but he took a different route. "Fuck, maybe I am too much work? That's probably why we broke up. I am not what he wants in a partner because I am always so intense and-"

"Luke, for fucks sake," Michael cut him off, "we are not going down that road. You would be upset if Ashton dated someone new because you want to be the someone he dates."

Luke blinked at Michael.
"No?," he said weakly.

"Yes," Michael replied.

"So," Luke mumbled, "I still love him?"

"Do you?," Michael asked.

Luke thought about that question long and hard. "I think I do," he eventually admitted.

Michael nodded. "Good."

Luke teared up again and Michael reached out to gently rub his leg.

"We can't force help on Ashton," Michael said quietly, "he needs to deal with this how he feels is right. But we can show him we are here for him."

"Does he want me to be there for him?," Luke asked weakly, "I'm his ex. Does he want me in his life?"

Michael smiled small.
"He does, trust me."

"So I should try to become friends with him again?," Luke asked quietly.

"That could be a start," Michael smiled.

Luke nodded softly and wiped away the stray tears that had escaped.

"I was thinking we could ask him to rejoin the band," Michael said, "I think Ash needs something that fills him with joy and relaxes him. And there's nothing Ashton loves more than drumming."

Luke nodded. "And David sucks."

Michael laughed softly. "He's not half bad, mate. But he's no Ashton Irwin."

***

Luke finally finished the drawing the next morning before class.

Without giving himself time to overthink, he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down a note.

Band practice, Tuesday 7pm.
Please come? Xx
Lu

Luke knew he was playing with fire by inviting Ashton to practice and signing the note with the nickname Ashton hadn't used since they broke up.

He shoved the note in the sketchbook and closed it firmly before putting it in his tote bag and hurrying to class.

***

After band practice on Tuesday, Luke saw Ashton lingering at the side of the stage.

"Thanks for coming," Luke smiled when he was standing in front of Ashton.

Ashton offered him a smile in return. "You were good."

Luke scoffed and grabbed his guitar to put it in his case.

"David couldn't keep up half of the time," he muttered.

"Hey, David isn't half as bad as you say he is," Ashton said.

"Maybe," Luke shut his guitar case before looking up at Ashton, "but I am used to the best."

Ashton fondly rolled his eyes.

"Rejoin the band?," Luke asked without preamble. He was still crouched infront of his case, using his place on the ground to get the maximum out of looking up at Ashton with big pleading eyes.

He knew Ashton had a soft spot for that.

Ashton scoffed. "You have a drummer, Luke," he muttered.

"David will give you the spot," Luke immediately said.

Ashton looked down at Luke.
"Can you please stand up for this conversation?," Ashton muttered.

Luke smirked to himself but got up anyway.

"I am not stealing Davids place in the band," Ashton said determinedly.

"You are not stealing it, Ash, it is yours," Luke said earnestly, "and David literally said he doesn't want to be in the band."

"Did he?," Ashton raised an eyebrow.

Luke hummed.
"He said he doesn't fuck with competitive music," Luke quoted his drummer, "even though I don't understand where this is competitive."

Ashtons eyebrows twitched but a smile slid on his face. "Luke, you are literally playing in regional competitions against other bands to win a title?," he mused.

"For fun!," Luke whined, "because I love making music!"

The smile on Ashtons face softened. "I know."

Luke sighed softly. "Please, Ash."

Ashtons smile faltered. "I don't have the time right now," Ashton mumbled, "I need to focus on other things."

"I get that," Luke said, "but drumming is what you love. Nothing grounds you like it. Sometimes you need a source of energy and that outlet to handle other things in your life."

"Luke...," Ashton mumbled.

"And we miss you," Luke tagged on, eyes as pleading as possible, "I miss you."

Ashtons eyes fell on the drumkit behind Luke.

"It's been months since I played," he whispered.

Luke stepped aside. "Go on," he mumbled.

Ashton walked over to the kit and picked up the pair of drumsticks sitting on the chair.

Ashton hesitantly hit a high head.

Then some kicks on the kick drum.

Eventually he started playing a simple melody that escalated into a whole complex drum solo the longer he played.

By the time he stopped playing he was out of breath, heaving for air but his eyes were glittering.

They met Lukes across the stage and Luke offered him a big smile.

They looked at each other for a while.

"I am not playing one of your new breakup songs you wrote about me," Ashton eventually said.

"My breakup songs are great!," Luke pouted.

"Not happening," Ashton shook his head, curls bouncing, "if I am playing with you guys again it's on my terms."

Luke's smile was bright and radiant.
"Deal."

***

„Mum! Mum, no," Ashton snapped and turned away from Luke to give himself the Illusion of privacy.

He just wanted to drop off the sketchbook and be on his way to his next class.

Ashton scoffed. "Mum, I have classes. I am at uni. I am about to take a fucking exam."

Silence. "Mum, I can't pick up Lauren right now! I have to take an exam in 10 minutes!"

Luke bit his lip.

"I don't know!," Ashton snapped, "ask our neighbor to pick her up?? Why can't she stay with the school nurse for another hour?"

Luke considered turning around and leaving the room but he felt like me missed the opportunity already.

"Then why don't they bring her to the doctor?," Ashton argued.

Luke jammed his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

"Mum, I am not trying to-"

"MUM!"

"Why would they call CPS? That's literally not gonna happen- MUM!"

"Fuck, fine, okay?! Tell them I will pick her up in twenty minutes."

Ashton scoffed and ended the call.

"Great, guess I will fail this class then," Ashton mumbled under his breath.

Luke waited until Ashton turned to face him.

They looked at each other for a moment.

"Here," Luke held out the sketchbook.

Ashton took it.

"Skipping the exam?," Luke asked.

"Lauren's sick and needs to be picked up from school," Ashton sighed.

"Aren't you gonna fail the class if you miss the exam?," Luke asked.

Ashton shrugged. "What else am I supposed to do?"

Luke held out his hand. "Give me your car keys."

Ashton huffed. "No."

"Ashton."

"Luke, no. I don't need help," Ashton snapped.

"No, but you need to graduate," Luke said.

Ashton pressed his lips together.

"You're always going around saying you won't let me fail classes. Let me return the favor now," Luke argued.

Ashton sighed softly. "You can't just pick up my sister from school," Ashton mumbled.

"Why not? She likes me. And I don't mind," Luke said, "you think they're gonna ID me?"

"I'd hope so?," Ashton said, "otherwise I'd be concerned."

Luke shrugged. "So what? You don't have the same last name as her. How would they know you're her brother?"

Ashton pursed his lips.

"Let me do this, I promise I won't crash your car or kidnap your sister."

Luke wiggled his outstretched fingers.

"Fine," he mumbled and handed his keys over, "thanks. Just drop her off at home and come back here so I can take the car to pick up Harry after my exam, okay? I'll text Lauren that you'll pick her up."

Luke smiled.

"I got this, Ash. Trust me."

Ashton smiled weakly.
"Kinda loaded coming from your ex," he joked, "but thanks, Luke. I appreciate it."

Instead of answering, Luke went in to hug Ashton.

"Go ace that exam, yeah?," Luke mumbled and squeezed Ashton a bit tighter before letting go.

"I'll try," Ashton saluted and turned to leave.

***

„Hi! I, uhm, I am here to pick up my sister Lauren," Luke scratched his wrist nervously.

"Principal office or nurse?," the woman asked.

"Nurse," Luke said.
The woman pointed at a door down the hallway.

"Hi," Luke smiled at Lauren as soon as he was through the door, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Lauren mumbled.

"Yeah? Do you need anything for the drive?," Luke asked, concerned.
Despite everything that happened between Ashton and him, Luke still felt the protective love of an older brother for Ashtons siblings. Maybe because Luke always wanted to be an older brother.

"No, I'm fine," Lauren got up.

"Okay, let's get you home then," Luke smiled.

"How're you doing?," Luke asked the teen once they were in the car and on the road.

"I have food poisoning and vomited in the school hallway," she said drily.

"So, could be better," Luke concluded.

"Could be better," Lauren nodded.

"You know that's not what I mean, though, right?," he asked.

Lauren nodded.
Silence fell over the car.

"I'm gonna get my drivers license soon," Lauren mumbled, "I started a job at the supermarket in our street last week."

"That's fun," Luke smiled.

"Nou it's not," Lauren sighed, "but it will fund my driver's license."

"You're sixteen, Lau, you've got all the time in the world," Luke said gently.

Lauren shook her head. "I need to be independent. I can't rely on mum to drive me places anymore. And I don't want to burden Ash any longer."

Luke swallowed his heavy heart.
"You're not burdening Ash. He loves you so much," Luke mumbled.

Lauren sighed softly. "But he can't play dad forever," she argued.

Luke nodded softly and took a right turn.
"Well if you ever need anything, just know you can always call me too, okay?"

Lauren threw him a look.

"Are you and Ash back together?," she asked.

Luke violently shook his head. "We're... friends?"

Lauren hummed.
"Ash was death on two legs for a few weeks after you broke up."

Luke swallowed again, then shrugged.

„All right, tough guy," Lauren sighed and leant back in her seat, "I sure hope you guys broke up for a good reason. 'Cause I might be stupid and too young to know shit about love but even I saw how happy you made each other."

Luke rolled to a stop in front of Ashton's house.

"I used to think it was a good reason," Luke mumbled, eyes glued to the steering wheel, "but now I think it might've not been a reason at all."

Lauren hummed.

"It's not too late to fix it, you know?," she asked small.

Luke threw her a soft smile.
"Alright, little miss love advice, nap time," he joked.

Lauren scrunched up her nose. "I think the bathroom will be my first stop. I feel it brewing again."

Luke gagged. "Get out of here, you little gremlin," he whined and she opened the door with a wide grin.

"Thanks for picking me up," she said while she got out.

"Not at all! And I meant it, if you ever need anything, give me a ring!," he said.

Lauren waved goodbye and slammed the door shut.

***

"Alright, so which song are we doing for regionals?," Michael asked.

Luke, who was sitting cross legged in the center of the stage, shrugged.

"Well, I vote for want you back," Michael said.

"That sounds like a break up song," Ashton narrowed his eyes at Luke.

"Sorry, Mike, but I had to promise this diva he wouldn't have to play any breakup songs that are about him," Luke shrugged again.

"Great. That cancels out two thirds of our songs," Michael grumbled.

"Let's do Youngblood," Luke suggested.

"Ohhhh, I like Youngblood," Ashton nodded, "have you guys finished the song?"

"No, it's still a very drafty demo," Michael had his hands on his hips, "so we're not playing that."

"We could finish it until regionals. We have three weeks," Luke said.

"Let's do it," Ashton grinned.

"I don't know if I trust you two to finish the draft of a breakup song," Michael said wearily.

Ashton shrugged. "Guess you'll have to find out," he smirked.

"Ash, fuck you. This is our last year we could make it to state championships," Michael glared.

Ashton shrugged. "Let's finish Youngblood and I promise that song will take us there," he said confidently.

And it did.

Youngblood won by long shot.

They won regionals and qualified for state championships.

Once they got backstage they were all yelling and laughing and hugging each other.

Luke fell into Ashtons arm and pressed himself tightly to the older boy.

"You did so good," Ashton mumbled, "that was awesome."

Luke squeezed Ashton.

Ashton broke the hug after a while and looked up at Luke, his smile brighter than the sun.

"We did it," Ashton mumbled.

"Fuck yeah," Luke grinned, "now let's win state champions, huh?"

Ashton smiled back.

Luke gently bumped his nose against Ashtons.
They smiled at each other some more.

Suddenly, very slowly, Ashton brought his hand up to cup Lukes jaw and gently kissed him.

Luke only startled for a moment before instantly kissed back. His head was spinning and his heart racing.

"SHUT UP!"

Luke and Ashton sprang apart.

They both turned their heads.

Michael stood to their right, finger pointing at them.

"Shut the fuck up. Holy shit. Lashton is back on," Michael said, wide eyed.

"No! No that's not-," Luke jumped in.

"I'm calling Cal," Michael held up his hand and turned to leave.

"Mike!," Luke shouted after him.

Ashton snorted. "I think they're fucking," he muttered.

Luke rounded on Ashton. "What?!"

Ashton shrugged. "Would you be surprised?," he asked.

Luke frowned. "I-... yeah? Maybe?"

Ashton laughed and gently bumped Lukes shoulder with his.
"C'mon, let's pack up and find somewhere they sell beer."

Luke watched Ashton walk towards the dressing room. He wanted to run up to him and stop him. Ask him what the fuck was going on between them.

But he let it go.

Until they were loading their equipment back into Ashtons car outside the venue.

That's when Luke finally burst.

"Ash," Luke mumbled quietly.

Ashton hummed.

"Can you please look at me?"

Ashton stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to face Luke.

There were a thousand things he wanted to say to Ashton but ultimately he pulled up short and his brain short circuited.

What ended up leaving his mouth was only the tip of the iceberg of emotions and thoughts he was crashing on.

"I'm sorry we broke up."

Ashton offered him a sad smile.
"Me too, Luke. But that's life," he shrugged, "shit happens."

Luke felt his heart crumple.

"I don't wanna be broke up," he said, his voice breaking on the last word.

"Luke, c'mon. It's been a long day for all of us," Ashton mumbled.

"No!," Luke said urgently, "Ash, no. I mean it."

Ashton looked at him for a long moment.

"I don't think I can give you what you need right now, Lu."

Ashton sounded tired and broken and smaller than Luke had ever seen him.

”Then why the hell did you kiss me in there,” Lukes voice broke.

Ashton swallowed, his throat bobbing heavily and he broke eye contact.

"This is bullshit," Luke whispered.

Ashton closed his eyes. "Nothing changed in my life since the day we broke up, Luke. I have a lot on my plate. I am a walking clusterfuck."

A soft laugh was punched out of Luke.

"So am I, Ash. But something for me changed. I know your situation now. I understand you and I understand what you're going through and I understand what I am getting myself into, but ultimately I just want you. You are all I want, okay? All I care about. Whatever you feel like you can give me right now, I will take it."

"That doesn't sound healthy," Ashton joked halfhearted.

Luke gave him a look.

Silence fell between them.

"Well, shit. I still love you, unfortunately," Ashton mumbled into the cool night air, "I love you with everything I have right now. Is that enough?"

Luke smiled and wrapped his arms around Ashtons shoulders.
"More than enough."

They smiled at each other.

"So?," Luke asked, playing with the hair in Ashtons neck.

"So, let's work on our communication?," Ashton suggested.

"Okay," he nodded softly, "can I kiss you, then?"

Ashton smiled and leant in.