Archive of Our Own

Before Luke, Calum had never felt this way.

It was mildly unsettling, really, because it meant that he'd never loved anyone like he loved Luke, right?

Or maybe he'd just never really loved any of his exes?

Or maybe, just maybe, he'd always loved Luke?

Fact was, he'd never had that feeling in the pit of his stomach before. That low warm bubbling when he was about to see Luke again.

Not butterflies, not really. More like tipping over the edge of a rollercoaster and plummeting into free fall. A little adrenaline rush, a little excitement.

Calum would fucking cringe at himself if he ever heard his thoughts spoken out loud. 

He wasn't a sappy person and he'd pride himself in that.

And yet, here he was, having that little drop rush in his stomach while taking his morning piss. He hadn't seen Luke in a good thirty seconds and couldn't wait to see him again in approximately another thirty seconds.

He finished his business and washed his hands before stepping out of the bathroom and pausing on the threshold to the bedroom.

As mentioned before, Calum wasn't a sappy person, but he had no idea how the hell he'd managed to wake up next to Luke Hemmings.

And not just once, or twice, in a tour bus or a cold hotel room.

No, every day for the last two years.

That's how long they'd been living together, owned a house together, their house, their bedroom, their bed, their life.

Their home.

Together.

Finally.

Only seven years after Calum had almost lost it all.

It had been a regular, very uneventful Tuesday morning when his world was suddenly rocked and something in him changed forever.

🦋

"Hey bro," Calum picked up the call and immediately put his phone on speaker so he could continue making himself a sandwich, "what's up?"

"Cal, I need you to come to the hospital," Ashton said, "like, right now."

"The fuck? Why?," Calum picked his phone back up, as if holding it to his ear would bring more clarity.

"Luke. Can you just please come here asap? I'll explain then," Ashton sounded tired.

"What Luke?," Calum felt the panic slowly creep up, "Ashton, what happened?"

Silence on the other end of the line.

And Calum knew.

"Will he make it?," Calum asked quietly while slipping his vans on.

"I don't know. Please, I need you to come here now."

The drive to the hospital was a blur to Calum and he felt distinctly relieved when he spotted Michael pulling into a parking space a few cars down.

"What happened?," Calum asked as soon as he was out of the car but Michael was just as clueless while both of them jogged through the massive glass doors into the hospital.

Ashton met them in the waiting area for the ER. After Michael and Calum bestowed hugs on him, Ashton led them over to a quiet corner.

"Please don't tell me he did what I think he did," Calum quietly begged Ashton who looked haunted and tired.

Ashton shrugged softly. "We should've known. The fact that you guessed why he's here says everything."

"Is he... alive?," Michael asked, voice full of terror.

Ashton looked away and shrugged again. "He..," Ashtons voice quivered and he quickly rubbed a tear from his tired eyes, "he wasn't when I found him."

It was like a punch in the gut for Calum. Michaels hand came up to cover his mouth and his eyes looked suspiciously glossy.

"But," Ashtons voice was still quivering, "I think he was when we got here? I think CPR was somewhat successful. I hope."

"How...?," Calum didn't dare finish his sentence.

"Coke. Overdose," Ashton ran a shaking hand through his hair, "the paramedics pretty much immediately said that it was too much to be an accident."

That final statement and the heaviness of the situation finally punched the air out of Calums lungs. Panic creeped up his chest and was threatening to suffocate him.

Luke was gone.

Without thinking, he punched the wall next to him. His knuckles cracked and blood was running from a small wound.

The sharp pain helped him take a breath.

"Okay, Cal, stop," Michael wrapped his arms around Calum and pulled him back so his back was flush against Michaels chest, "Enough self-destructive behavior today, alright?"

"We should've known," Calum whispered, sagging back against Michael, "I should've been there. I should've... I should've known."

"Cal," Michael said softly, "stop."

"There were definitely signs," Ashton rubbed a hand over his face.

"Hey, both of you. This is on Luke. You're not his babysitter."

"I am though, am I not? I'm the oldest," Ashton tipped his head back and hid his shaking hands in his hoodie pocket.

"It's not your fault, Ash. I'm sorry you... I'm sorry. That you were the one who found him."

That sentence alone was enough to bring fresh tears to Ashton's eyes. The sudden realization hit Calum like a train.

Ashton had found Luke dead in his own house.

He let out a distressed sound which made Michael tighten his arms around him.

"I had a feeling, y'know?," Ashton mumbled, "we were supposed to grab breakfast. He never showed up. Didn't answer his phone."

"For Luke Hemmings?," a doctor at the end of the corridor asked. All three men immediately raised their hands.

The doctor came over with a clipboard.

"I am happy to tell you that the CPR was successful. Mr. Hemmings is alive."

"Thank you, doctor," Ashton breathed out.

"He's now on 48 hours suicide watch. If he recovers well, he'll be good to go home after that. Someone will be sent to talk you through a rehab program, okay? It's really necessary. This was a very close call," he said.

🦋

Dim morning sun was pouring in through the window next to the bed and threw a pattern of light and shadow on the duvet. Luke was on his stomach, blanket pooling around his waist and his cheek squished against the pillow. His bare broad shoulders were dotted with hundreds of soft freckles and his blonde curls fanned out over his pillow in a haphazard halo.

Though Calum knew first hand how far from holy Luke Hemmings was.

Calum finally moved over to their bed and climbed back into his side.

He leant over and started softly running his hands over Luke's bare back.

"Lu?," he whispered, "wake up, darling."

No response.

Calum dipped his head to place a few soft kisses on his shoulder blade.

"Luke," kiss, "good morning", kiss, "time to wake up."

Luke finally stirred and let out a string of incoherent sounds.

"Hey," Calum perked up, "good morning! Your very personal wake up call is here. We'd appreciate your rating." He dropped another kiss between Luke's shoulder blades.

"Five stars if I get ten more minutes," Luke slurred.

Calum chuckled softly. "Sorry," he mumbled and rested his cheek against Luke's warm skin on his left shoulder blade, "but we have a flight to catch. It's "boy" release week."

Luke let out a long breath. "Fuuuuck me."

"I'd love to, honestly," Calum said mournfully, "but I'm afraid we only have twenty minutes."

"Plenty of time," Luke mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed.

Calum laughed softly. "Oh yeah?," he asked, "is that a challenge?"

"Nou," Luke yawned softly, "I know you can do it. Hard and fast. Very efficient."

"Well, I don't think I'd be beneficial for your comfort today, since you'll be sitting in a plane on your ass for 5½ hours. Ask me again tonight and I'll make you come twice in twenty minutes," Calum finally lifted his cheek from Luke's back and sat back up.

"Deal," Luke mumbled.

"But for that we have to catch the plane, Luke," Calum reminded him.

"So that offer is only good for New York?," Luke asked gruffly and finally tore his eyes open.

"Yes, sir," Calum nodded and leant back against the headboard.

"Unfair," Luke yawned and finally turned to lay on his back.

There was that drop feeling again.

Sleepy, soft and rumpled morning Luke was unearthly, in Calums humble opinion.

"Five minutes?," Luke now flicked his tired blue eyes up to Calum. Calum let out a small huff and patted his lap.

Luke wasted no time to turn on his side and place his head in Calum's lap. Calum made sure the blanket was wrapped around Luke's shoulder before he started combing his fingers through Luke's tangled curls.

Calum thought it was unbearably adorable how Luke asked for five more minutes every morning like he didn't know Calum woke him up early all the time to have that extra pocket of time to dose and cuddle.

Calum had picked up his phone and was reading over his missed texts from Michael who'd updated him on Lua, like every day, and continued to play with Luke's hair with the other hand.

"I'm scared," Luke suddenly mumbled.

Calums hand stilled for a moment before he carefully brushed Luke's stray curls out of his face.

"I know," Calum hummed, "and I know words won't make it better, but you're gonna be just fine, Lu. Your EP is amazing. I'm so proud of you."

Luke let out a long breath and a smile tugged at his lips. "I know."

Calum bent down to press a kiss on his forehead.

"Time to get up now, honey," he mumbled.

Luke complained under his breath and sat up anyway.

"I need a shower," he muttered.

"Same," Calum sighed.

"You can join me if you wash my hair," Luke offered.

🦋

As if his life was trying to mock him, he was the one who was there when Luke finally woke up.

He was bleary eyed and very disoriented, but he was alive and somehow seeing Luke moving and awake finally let Calum breathe again.

Calum chose not to say anything. Luke took in the room, Calum, and the IV in his arm.

"Fuck," he eventually mumbled under his breath and closed his eyes again.

 Minutes of heavy silence passed.

"I'm sorry," Luke eventually mumbled into the cold room.

Calum nodded, even though Luke couldn't see him. Then he shook his head.

"Don't say it unless you mean it," Calum muttered.

Luke opened his eyes again. He looked at the ceiling, then at Calum.

"Are you? Sorry that you did what you did?," Calum asked.

Luke looked pensive for a moment. This conversation was draining Calum fast, but he knew it was necessary. And he knew it had to be him to have it with Luke.

"I'm... not sorry that it didn't work," Luke whispered.

A bit of the weight on Calums chest lifted. He nodded.

"But I really meant to do it."

Calum nodded again. "So it wasn't a split decision?," he asked quietly.

"I did it in the heat of the moment last night," Luke admitted, "but I've been thinking about it for a while."

Calum sat with that information for a moment.

"I just... can't do this anymore," Luke said, and he sounded final.

"Do what, exactly?"

Luke didn't answer.

"Why didn't you talk to us?," Calum asked. He did know that it was a stupid question.

"About how I want to end our career? It's not my decision. I am a fourth of this. I can't... take your dreams away from you guys. I can't be that person to crush your hopes and throw away everything you've worked for and everything you sacrificed."

"Luke, this fucking thing, our career, is not worth any of our lifes! It's not worth losing you over," Calum stressed.

"How do you think that conversation would've played out then? There would've been fighting, arguing, and someone would've tried to convince me to continue again and again. I couldn't do it. I can't do it. The outcome would've been the same. It was easier like this," Luke said.

"That's cowardly," Calum mumbled.

Luke shrugged. "I am a coward," he muttered.

Calum let out a long breath.

"I love you, Luke," Calum said, "I'm not losing you like this."

"Even if it means giving up the band?," Luke whispered.

"You mean more to us than the band," Calum said, "always have, always will."

Silence fell over the room again.

"Speaking of," Calum eventually said, "I should let them know you're up."

"I don't want to see them," Luke immediately said.

"Luke-"

"No," Luke said, "I don't want to face Mike and Ash yet. I need time to think and process. And I think it's best if you go."

Calum nodded softly and got up.

"I'll never give up on you," Calum said earnestly, "so please don't give up on yourself. I need you, Luke."

He had no problem finding Ashton and Michael who'd gone on a coffee run to the restaurant.

"He doesn't want to see you guys," Calum said, without preamble.

"Why not?"

"He's awake?"

"Yes he's awake," Calum addressed Michael and then turned to Ashton, "he wants to be alone."

"Did he say anything else to you?," Ashton asked, exhausted hazel eyes begging Calum to not confirm his biggest fear.

Calum shrugged. "It wasn't an accident. He meant to do it," Calum mumbled.

 Ashton closed his eyes.

"Why though?," Michael asked softly.

Calum took a deep breath. "Luke doesn't want to be in the band anymore," he said.

His band mates looked back at him.

"So he tried to kill himself? Why didn't he talk to us?," Michael asked.

Calum said nothing, just looked at both of his best friends.

"Fuck," Michael rubbed his face, "fuck."

"So, this is it then, huh?," Ashton said softly.

"No. Don't -," Calum struggled for words, "that's not our biggest issue right now, okay? Yes, Luke doesn't want to be in a band that's been sold for fame and told what to do and bossed around since day one. What's worse is though, is that he felt like he couldn't talk to us. We need to build that trust back up with him. Make him understand that he is more important than our career. That he can always talk to us."

Michael nodded.

"But Luke loves making music," Calum said, "so... I think once we break everything off now and work to build everything back up from the ground on our terms, I don't think 5Sos is over yet. I might be wrong, but I wouldn't toss everything yet. It's important that we respect Luke's decisions and listen to him now. And then when he's healed and ready, maybe he'd be down to make some music. And then we'll see where we all go."

"How are you so sure about this?," Ashton asked tiredly.

"Because I know Luke," Calum stubbornly jutted his chin out, "I know him."

The sudden protectiveness in his chest felt almost suffocating. And it was unnecessary, too, because he didn't need to protect Luke from his brothers.

Ashton raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

"We just... need to listen and be there for him. And another question: how are we going to get him to rehab?," Calum asked.

"We're not," Ashton sounded hollow, "he won't go."

"Then we'll force him to go!," Calum argued.

"Cal, buddy," Michael said softly, "you are acting like you don't know what it's like to be in his situation. If he doesn't want help, there's no point."

"But," Calum desperately scrambled for words, "no! I won't let him do this again."

"I'll have him move in with me. Luke won't sign up for rehab, so the next best thing is having him on suicide watch 24/7," Ashton said.

In the end, Ashton got Luke clean. But Calum was the one piecing him back together.

🦋

"Ready to go, babe?," Calum asked and leant against the door frame to their bedroom.

Luke was frantically stuffing random shit in his carry on bag, clearly stressed out.

"I need, like," Luke scoffed and turned on his own axis in search of something, maybe his head, "five minutes?"

Luke's ADHD brain made it impossible for him to finish packing in time, so this was a scenario Calum was well used to.

"Right," Luke ran his ringed fingers through his damp blonde curls, "this is freaking me out way more than it should."

"Hey, Lu," Calum stepped closer and softly pried Luke's fingers out of his hair, "you'll be okay, you hear me? I know you're stressed. But you have five minutes to finish packing. And the album release will be great. You got this."

Luke let out a long breath. "Right. Shit. I'm acting like a fuckin' baby," Luke lowered his head.

"You're anxious, and that's okay," Calum mumbled and drew Luke into his arms, "I'm always anxious before an album release, too."

Luke nodded into the crook of his neck and held onto Calum for dear life.

Calum was well familiar with these special Luke hugs. He was physically trying to hold Luke together who was mentally on the edge of falling apart.

🦋

Calum put down the bag of food at his feet before he rang the doorbell.

Petunia barked two times before the door opened.

Calum immediately drew Luke into his arms. Luke melted into Calums embrace and rested his face in the crook of Calums neck.

"Hey, buddy," Calum mumbled.

"Hi," Luke whispered.

Calum held on longer than necessary, but he was trying to hold Luke together who was coming apart at his seams.

Calum finally let go when Petunia started nosing at his leg and begging for attention.

"Okay Piggy," Calum cooed, "now it's your turn." He crouched down and scratched Petunia behind her ears.

"Brought Tacos," Calum nodded to the bags sitting at the door.

"Rad," Luke smiled and picked it up. Calum followed him to the kitchen, Petunia behind them.

Luke had just moved into this house two weeks ago and everything was still in disarray. There were moving boxes, furniture that needed to be put together and empty walls.

Since Luke had nowhere to sit but his couch in the living room, they took the food over there. Luke got comfortable on the carpet in front of his couch, God knows why, and Calum took the love seat.

"So," Calum asked casually when the meaningless chitter chatter had died down and they'd started eating their tacos, "how're you?"

Luke shrugged. "I'm okay," he said, "still getting used to living alone again. But it's nice. Just... quiet."

Calum nodded. "I bet Ash is around a lot still, huh?," Calum asked.

Luke scoffed. "He shows up unannounced at least once a day."

Calum smiled. "He's worried," Calum shrugged.

"I'm okay," Luke pouted.

"Let him be Papa Bear," Calum chuckled, "he needs the purpose."

"Yeah, but," Luke sighed, "he needs to let me move on. I get it, I scarred him for life. But it's been eight months and I need him to stop walking around me on eggshells."

Calum nodded. "Have you told him that?"

"Yes. No. Kinda?," Luke mumbled and started fiddling with the tab on his coke can.

Calum hummed and took another bite of his taco.

"Living alone is kinda lonely, isn't it?," Luke asked.

"Wouldn't know," Calum shrugged, "Roy is up in my business 24/7."

Luke laughed. "Yeah..," he mumbled, "but... yeah. I'm dealing with loneliness well, I think."

"Yeah? What'd you do when you get lonely?," Calum asked, and took another bite of his taco.

Luke still played with the tap of his can.

"I, uhh," Luke avoided looking at Calum, "write?"

Calum nodded. "Journal writing or song writing?"

"Song writing," he admitted quietly.

Calum nodded again and sat his taco down.

"Anything you like in there?," Calum asked carefully.

Luke stayed silent for a moment. The tap on his can ripped off.

Luke scoffed and tossed it on the couch table.

"Do you think Mike and Ash would be up for a jam session sometime in the future?," Luke eventually asked and finally looked at Calum.

Calums heart started racing. "Yeah," he smiled, "I'm sure they'd love that."

"And you?," Luke asked.

"Always."

"Cool," Luke nodded, "you and me tomorrow?"

"Will you show me something you wrote?," Calum asked.

"Maybe," Luke shrugged and looked back at the coke can, "that doesn't mean I want to be in the band again."

"Okay," Calum smiled.

"Okay," Luke whispered.

🦋

"Will you play me the last song from the EP?," Calum asked on the way to the airport once the LA traffic slowed them down.

Luke didn't even look up from his phone when he huffed out a laugh. "No."

"That's unfair," Calum whined, "why do I need to wait for the song to be released before I can listen to it with everyone else?"

"Life's unfair," Luke muttered.

Calum pouted. "I thought screwing a musician earned you special privileges."

"It doesn't," Luke muttered, painted nails still typing away on his phone, "take this from someone who's screwing a musician."

Now it was Calums turn to laugh.

"Touche," Calum mumbled.

Luke scoffed at his phone. "God damnit," he cursed under his breath, "now I have a photoshoot today and Wednesday??"

"That's what you get for a pretty face," Calum shrugged, eyes never leaving the road.

Luke locked his phone and sighed.

"My schedule is so packed," he groaned, "I don't even have time to unpack today. Just airport, freshen up at the hotel, then photoshoot. And possibly an interview. Then dinner with my PR and execs."

"That's good," Calum smiled, "gives you no time to catastrophize."

"I don't catastrophize," Luke muttered.

"Sure. And the sky is not blue," Calum said.

He saw Luke smile and look at him from the corner of his eyes.

"I hate that I'll have so little time with you," he admitted quietly.

"Oh, I'll be there," Calum grinned, "I'll be the proud trophy boyfriend."

Luke snorted. "Sure," he mumbled.

"I'm serious," Calum grinned, "I'm ready to watch you model for hours on end."

"However you wanna spend your free time, I guess," Luke shrugged, "be my guest."

"I'll not come to interviews though," Calum said.

"What?," Luke asked, "why?"

"Look, Lu," Calum said, "photoshoots are one thing. But when I roll into a radio or TV station with you, they're always gonna make it about 5sos. And that's stupid. This is about you. Your time to shine, babe. You deserve it so much. You've worked so hard to be here." Calum placed a hand on Luke's thigh and gently squeezed.

"Okay," Luke nodded, blonde curls falling into his eyes, "makes sense. But you'll be there for the rest?"

"Promise."

Luke nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too, my rockstar boyfriend," Calum grinned, "now show me track seven?"

"Absolutely not," Luke immediately said.

"Why the fuck not?," Calum whined and took the exit sight to LAX.

"Because it's about you," Luke said obnoxiously.

"The whole damn EP is about me," Calum huffed.

"No. Benny is about Ben," Luke said stubbornly.

"Okay so the other six songs," Calum argued.

"Close My Eyes is-," Luke started, but Calum interrupted him.

"What's so special about track seven?," he asked.

"You'll know when you hear it," Luke smiled, and before Calum could say anything he added, "on Wednesday when the EP comes out."

Calum finally gave in and accepted that he'd hear a song Luke had written about him with everyone else in the world in 72 hours.

Calum remembered the overwhelming feeling when Luke had written him a song for the first time. It was in one of the first jam sessions they'd had after putting the band on hold.

Just him, Luke and an acoustic guitar.

🦋

"I wrote a song for you," Luke suddenly said.

"Sick!," Calum smiled, "I'll get my bass!"

"No!," Luke scrambled to say, "No, I meant.. I wrote a song for you. Not for you to play. For you to listen to. A song... about you?"

"O-oh...," Calum stared at Luke. Something in his chest fluttered. Luke had never written a song for him. For any of them, really.

"Don't laugh," Luke glared at him.

"I'm not going to!," Calum shook his head.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Luke clumsily started strumming chords but soon gained his confidence back and started putting words to the simple melody.

Calum immediately fell in love. With the song, or with Luke, Calum couldn't tell.

Maybe there was no difference.

"So you like holding my hand, huh?," Calum said into the silence once Luke sat the guitar down and was looking at Calum expectantly.

"It's a metaphor, Cal," Luke rolled his eyes.

"For what?," Calum asked.

"For... you and me. You're always there for me. And you've always been. It's like even when you're not actively holding my hand, you still somehow do. You're doing this life thing with me. And I know I'm okay because you're figuring everything out with me. Y'know?," Luke explained.

"That's actually really sweet, Luke," Calum smiled softly.

Luke blushed. "Yeah, well, I also like holding your hand."

Calum's brain short circuited. Was Luke Hemmings flirting with him?

"Well my hand is always at your service," Calum blurted out.

Smooth, Cal. Fucking fantastic.

Luke snorted. "Good to know," he laughed and wiggled his eyebrows.

🦋

"I can't believe there's problems with the shipping in Europe," Luke sighed and leaned forward to bury his face in his hands.

"Hey," Calum placed a hand on Luke's back, "stop stressing about it. There's nothing you can do."

They were squeezed into an airplane booth, ready for takeoff and Luke had just gotten the call from his manager.

"This always happens," Luke whined and turned to face Calum, "why does this always happen?"

"I don't know," Calum laughed softly, "Lu, Babe. I understand that it seems like it's a big deal right now, but it'll be okay."

Luke sighed and leant back in his seat.

"I know. You're right," he mumbled.

"Look," Calum said, "The fans will wait. They love you and the album. And if I can wait weeks to hear fucking track seven, then they can wait a few days for a CD."

Luke laughed softly.

"Shut up."

"You shut up," Calum laughed too, "and now get your head over here so I can play with your hair to calm you down."

Luke sighed and leant his head against Calum's shoulder.

"Love you," Luke mumbled and closed his eyes.

🦋

This wasn't going as planned. 

Actually, there was never a plan in the first place.

But if Calum had made a plan for this situation, it wouldn't look like this.

Luke was curled up on Calums bed with Duke in his arms. His long curls were falling in his face and he was staring at a point on Calums wall.

"D'you wanna listen to music?," Calum asked softly, "I'm gonna put on music."

Calum dug through his record collection and decided to put on a Gang of Youths vinyl he knew Luke loved.

Once Calum had the record spinning and music playing softly, Duke decided he'd had enough and jumped down from the bed.

Luke let out a sad sigh, the first sound he'd made in the last 20 minutes he'd been in Calums room.

Calum didn't know what to fucking do.

He knew from Ashton that Luke sometimes retreated all the way into himself and turned into a very quiet, very sad ball of anxiety when he'd had a rough day.

Ashton, however, didn't leave him instructions on what to do in these situations.

Honestly, Calum didn't even know why Luke had called him instead of Ashton.

Calum padded over to the bed and sat next to Luke's head. He carefully reached out a hand and brushed Luke's hair out of his face.

"Sorry Duke left," Calum mumbled, "he's a little traitor sometimes. He likes it better when Roy feeds him, too."

Calum had brushed all the hair out Luke's face and now opted for threading his fingers through the curls and playing with them.

Luke closed his eyes.

"Do you want me to stop?," Calum asked quietly.

"No," Luke immediately whispered.

"Okay," Calum mumbled.

"Sorry I'm not being a bigger help right now," Calum said after a few minutes of silence.

"I don't need help," Luke mumbled, "I just need you. You're doing enough. I feel so much better around you."

Calums heart swelled.

"If you move your head into my lap, I can play with your hair better," Ca l um suggested.

Calums heart hurt when Luke actually complied.

🦋

"Can you call an Uber?," Luke asked, once he was dismissed by the photographers.

"Sure! Where are you meeting with your team?," Calum asked.

"Oh, no," Luke waved him off, "that's not happening anymore. I'm coming back to the hotel with you."

"Okay," Calum said, "not to sound like I don't love that idea, but what happened to your dinner plans?"

"Told them I was tired and jetlagged and anxious," Luke shrugged.

"Awh," Calums face softened, "it'll be okay, Lu."

"Okay, I am all of those things, but that wasn't the reason I cancelled," Luke huffed under his breath, "you promised me two orgasms tonight, I'm making good on that promise."

Calums eyes widened. "That's why you canceled your work meeting?," he laughed softly.

"It's not canceled," Luke waved him off, "moved to lunch tomorrow. But you better make it worth it." Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you bet your ass I will," Calum huffed out a laugh.

"Good," Luke smirked and drew Calum in for a short kiss. Once they'd parted, Calum smacked his lips together.

He hummed and licked his lips.

"Is strawberry lip gloss," Luke smirked, "D'you like it?"

Calum loved it. 

Luke tasted like their first kiss.

🦋

Luke US

i'm craving milkshakes 

The message came at 1am. Calum huffed at his phone.

Cal US

i'm craving sleep

Luke's reply was immediate.

Luke US

guess we both can't have what we want

Calum smiled at his phone.

Luke US

i'm watching shameless

come over if you're not going to sleep anyway 

Calum raised his eyebrows at his phone. And decided to fuck it.

Cal US

omw

Calum stopped at a seven eleven and got two milkshakes. One chocolate, one strawberry.

Once he was standing in Luke's kitchen with Luke getting hyper on the sugar in his milkshake, he regretted every decision that had led him here.

Luke was happily analyzing Calums sleep problems and Calum was not having it. Calum came here to stare at Luke and maybe sneak in a bit of cuddling on the couch. Not to get his stress dreams dissected.

"Sounds to me like you're scared of people disappearing from your life," Luke shrugged and opened his snack drawer.

Calum huffed. "I didn't ask to be therapised, bro," he rolled his eyes, "or I would've gone to Ashton."

"Okay," Luke shrugged, "but same, if it makes you feel better."

"Same what?," Calum took a sip from his milkshake.

"I'm scared that people are just gonna disappear," Luke held up a bag of Doritos triumphantly.

"You're watching too much true crime shit, dude," Calum chuckled.

"Not like that," Luke lowered the Doritos and gave Calum a look that suggested he was being extra stupid, "I'm scared people I love will abandon me, you shit head. Just, y'know. Suddenly don't want anything to do with me anymore."

"No, why would you think that, Luke?," Calum asked, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

Luke shrugged. "Fucked brain, remember?"

"Do you think I'd leave you?," Calum asked softly.

Luke laughed humorlessly. "Yeah. All the fuckin' time. I mean, what I've put you through is certainly enough to make you despise me for the rest of eternity."

"Fuck me, Luke," Calum watched his best friend dig through his drawer for a bowl, "don't say shit like that. I love you, and you didn't put me through anything. I chose to be there."

"Still," Luke mumbled, "I tore you apart to put me back together again."

Luke softly sat the bowl down on his counter and hesitated a moment. His blonde curls were falling in his face and he had one hand braced on the counter.

"Luke," Calum said softly. Luke snapped out of it and quickly grabbed his milkshake to take a sip.

"Luke, come here," Calum motioned for him to step closer.

Luke hesitantly put his milkshake down and came over to stand infront of Calum. Calum reached out his hands to draw Luke closer by his shoulders.

"Listen. And I mean it. Really listen to me this time," he said and searched Luke's gaze.

Luke looked back with uncertain blue eyes.

"I am never," Calum took Luke's face in his hands, "never ever ever. Ever. Leaving you. Okay? Never in a million years. I love you, you idiot. And I'm not gonna wake up one morning and decide to stop loving you. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Luke huffed and smiled small.

"Okay, dramatic speech," he mumbled, but Calum proudly watched him blush a bit. He'd gotten through to Luke.

"You love dramatic gestures," Calum shrugged and let his hands drop from Luke's face to the counter he was sitting on.

"I guess I do," Luke mumbled and looked back at Calum.

"I promise," Calum repeated.

"Promises get broken," Luke shrugged, "I mean I made and broke too many promises to all of you."

"Well, this promise is unbreakable," Calum said stubbornly.

Luke pursed his lips. Then he nodded.

"A promise to not break the promise," he said thoughtfully.

"I promise to not break the promise to not break the initial promise," Calum said.

"You make too many promises," Luke whispered but a smile was on his lips.

Calum shook his head, "I'll keep them all."

Luke nodded. "Well, I promise not to leave you ever again either, okay? We both have to keep the promise now."

Calum nodded. "Good," he mumbled.

Luke nodded softly and looked up at Calums eyes.

Suddenly, without a warning, Luke grabbed the back of Calums neck and drew him in for a short kiss.

It was just a peck, really, but it sent Calum reeling.

Luke turned around and grabbed his milkshake while Calum sat on the counter, dumbfounded.

He brought up a hand to his lips like an idiot and stared at the back of Luke's head. Luke ripped open the bag of Doritos and poured them into a bowl. Calums eyes traveled down Luke's broad shoulders, bared from the muscle tank top he was wearing.

Calums lips tasted like artificial strawberries. 

"L-Luke?," Calum eventually said. Luke turned his head and looked at him over his milkshake. 

"What was that?," Calum asked softly.

Luke sat his drink down. He tried playing it casual by leaning against the counter but his wide uncertain eyes betrayed him.

"I-I," he mumbled, "don't know? Sorry."

Calum stared at him.

"Let's forget this happened, okay?," Luke begged.

Calum softly shook his head and slid off the counter. He crossed the distance to Luke in a heartbeat and pinned him against the fridge.

He hesitated a moment, their faces inches apart, noses touching, but Luke didn't pull away and so Calum recaptured his lips in an actual kiss.

Luke's hands were immediately in Calums hair and he leant into the kiss.

After a few moments, Calum drew away again.

Luke let out a soft laugh.

"What was that?," he asked, grinning.

Calum shrugged. "It was good." 

Luke stared at Calum like he'd grown a second head, but had a manic grin of his own on his lips.

Luke leant in to steal another kiss.

  He laughed softly once they parted.

"Feeling okay?," Calm asked.

"Fucking fantastic," Luke grinned.

"It's the kissing," Calum shrugged, "I'm good at it."

Luke fondly rolled his eyes. "Sure. But I always feel better around you."

A few episodes of shameless, unreasonable amounts of snacks and sadly, no more kisses later, Calum was standing in front of Luke's door.

"I'll see you tomorrow?," Calum asked.

"Yeah, definitely," Luke nodded, "I'm hanging out with Ash and Kaykay at noon. After?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Calum smiled, "we could cook dinner together?"

"Domestic," Luke snickered, "sure."

Calum smiled softly. For a second he thought Luke would lean in for another kiss, but he just waved.

What the fuck were they doing?

🦋

"So," Calum walked over to the bed and climbed on Luke's lap, "since you cancelled your work dinner to hang out in this hotel room: Luke, you're releasing a new album tomorrow. What is the general vibe of your new project?," Calum mocked an interviewer.

"Shut up," Luke smiled and Calum dipped his head to trail kisses from his ear to the nape of his neck.

"I didn't catch that," Calum mumbled against Luke's skin.

"I'm about to drop the saddest EP of the year. Not exactly material for pillow talk," Luke muttered and tilted his head to expose more of his neck to Calums kisses.

"Pfff," Calum muttered, "dating you, I have heard you talk about deeper shit than this while I was trying to go down on you."

"That's because my brain is fucked up and won't shut up when I'm anxious," Luke whined.

"I could try to fuck the anxiety out of you," Calum mumbled.

"Go ahead, my body is all yours," Luke laughed.

Calum drew away from Luke's neck and stared at him with dark, lust filled eyes.

"Fuck, you're killing me, Lu," he mumbled.

"That's the plan," Luke grinned, "collect all the insurance money."

Calum rolled his eyes and finally pushed Luke back on the bed.

🦋

It had been a week since their first kiss and Calum still didn't know what they were doing.

They hadn't kissed again. 

Calum would really like to kiss Luke again but he was very careful not to overstep and not to pressure Luke into anything.

If the kiss had been a snap reaction to feeling lonely and confused, Calum would rather they stop it sooner than later. 

There was too much to lose.

Right now, Luke seemed content just to lay on Calums couch and watch a trashy movie with him.

It was mainly made up of unfunny jokes and sex scenes. A lot of sex scenes.

"Can I stay here tonight?," Luke suddenly asked quietly.

One of said sex scenes was playing on TV right now and Luke had his eyes set on the moving picture in front of him.

Calum a cheeks heated up.

"Lu-luke.. I don't think we should..," Calum shook his head.

Luke looked at Calum, then back at the TV.

"Oh! No, I'm not-," Luke blushed, "I didn't mean to fuck, Cal! Jesus!"

"Oh," Calum nodded, "okay."

"Did you really think I'd ask you to have sex?," Luke had a wicked grin on his lips.

"Luke," Calum said warningly and felt his cheeks heat up.

Luke raised an eyebrow. "Good to know."

"Piss off," Calum scoffed and turned back to the movie. Another hour passed and Luke was a tangle of blankets and blonde curls on Calums couch.

While the credits rolled over the screen, bleary blue eyes found brown ones.

"Please don't make me leave?," he mumbled, "it's a damn cold night. And it's late. And I don't want to leave. So, can I just stay here tonight? With you?"

"Yeah," Calum nodded, "yes. Of course."

"Can we cuddle?," Luke asked softly.

Calum nodded, grinning. "I could be down with that."

"And kiss a bit?," Luke asked.

"Hell yeah," Calum grinned, "let's start right now."

When Luke was snuggled up against him later that night in his bed, Calum couldn't help but voice what he had been thinking earlier.

"You spend an awful amount of time around my place lately." The fondness seeping into his voice made it clear that he was definitely very much happy about that.

Luke hummed sleepily. "I guess I just feel better around you."

It really struck Calum in the morning when they were laying on their sides in his bed, facing each other.

They were really doing this.

And, for Calum, there was no turning back.

Luke's fingers danced up Calums shoulders and settled on Calums cheek.

"You're so beautiful," Luke whispered.

Calums eyes widened. "I'm beautiful? You're looking at me with those big beautiful blue eyes that are to die for. You look like a fuckin' angel, Luke." Calum seemed genuinely confused.

Luke smiled to himself and turned to lay on his back. The morning sun illuminated his gorgeous side profile, pixy nose and golden curls and everything.

"What are we doing, Luke?," Calum asked quietly.

"Laying in bed," Luke mumbled.

"I'm serious. I don't think I can just go back and return to...," Calums words fizzled out.

"Good," Luke mumbled, "because neither can I."

Calum let out a long breath. "So what? Boyfriends?"

"Do we have to put a label on it?," Luke asked.

"Eventually, yeah," Calum mumbled, "you and me are too important to fuck up."

Luke turned his head to look at Calum. "Sorry," Luke whispered, "boyfriend is just a big word."

Calum didn't know what to do with that so he nodded.

"Lover?," Luke asked.

Calum let out a startled laugh. "Sounds scandalous," he grinned, "I think I like that for now."

🦋

It was seven in the morning and Luke had been tossing and turning all night. He'd gotten up, walked through the hotel room and taken a shower at three am.

"Did you sleep at all?," Calum yawned and turned over on his side to face Luke.

"Three hours, I think," Luke muttered, "couldn't get my head to shut up."

Calum grumbled, scooted closer and cuddled into Luke's side, arm coming up to rest across Luke's chest.

He pressed a soft kiss to Luke's bare shoulder and nuzzled into the warm skin.

"Happy boy release day," he mumbled.

Luke turned his head to press a kiss to the top of Calums curls.

"When do we have to get up?," Calum slurred.

"Soon," Luke mumbled, "have to be at MTV in two hours"

"Ohhh MTV," Calum mumbled, "fun?"

Luke hummed and brought up a hand to let his fingers dance across the tattoos on Calum's arm that rested on Luke's chest. "I have an interview at 10. Then photoshoot at noon and lunch with management at two. Another radio interview after that and I promised Sammy I'd grab dinner with him tonight. He asked if you wanted to join," Luke mumbled.

"Yeah, I'd love to," Calum smiled against Luke's shoulder.

"Cool," Luke mumbled.

"What do you want for breakfast?," Calum mumbled.

"I don't think I can keep anything down," Luke sighed, "you pick."

"I will eat you for breakfast," Calum mumbled.

"Sure," Luke huffed out a laugh.

Calum started nibbling on Luke's shoulder.

"If you mark me anywhere a tank top won't cover, I'll fuckin' murder you," Luke said calmly.

"You'll be wearing a tank top?," Calum perked up.

"Dunno," Luke muttered, "possibly? Creative directors put me in all kinds of shit for the photoshoots."

Calum hummed and softly bit down on Luke's shoulder.

"I'm serious!," Luke snapped and pushed Calum away.

"Okay!," Calum laughed, "okay, okay! I'll stop eating you."

Luke glared at him.

"I'm not going to bite you," Calum chuckled.

"Promise."

"I promise! Come on," Calum pouted and wiggled his arms, "please? You know you want cuddles."

Luke sighed and scooted back into his arms. 

"Today, I really do," he whispered.

Calum drew his arms around him tighter and kissed the top of his head.

"Boy, I'm so proud of you," Calum mumbled.

Calum felt Luke smile against his chest.

"Boy, shut the fuck up," Luke mumbled softly.

🦋

"You're doing great, Luke," Calum placed a hand between Luke's shoulder blades while Luke continued to wash his hands. Calum let his hand travel up Calums spine and buried it in the curls at the back of Luke's head. Luke hummed and leant into the touch where Calum started massaging his scalp.

"I'm proud of you," Calum mumbled.

"Proud of myself, kinda," Luke muttered and soaped his hands, "first day back in the studio is going better than expected."

Calum stepped closer to press himself against Luke's broad back, wrapped his arms around Luke's middle and rested his head on Luke's shoulder.

Luke laughed softly.

"Hey clingy bear," he smiled at Calum through the mirror.

Luke grabbed a paper towel and dried his hands before he twisted in Calums embrace and smiled at him.

"I'm still baffled by your voice," Calum said earnestly, "it's fucking fantastic."

"Shut up, dude," Luke laughed, "is this ego boost hour?"

"I'm serious," Calum laughed.

"Sure," Luke rolled his eyes, "whate-"

Calum pressed his lips against Luke's and effectively shut him up.

"Take the damn compliment, Luke," Calum whispered once they parted.

Luke smiled and softly bumped their noses together.

"Okay," he whispered.

Calum hummed.

"Do I get a kiss as a reward?," Luke asked. Calum grinned and happily gave Luke what he asked for.

The door to the restroom flew open.

Calum and Luke jumped apart.

Michael, rooted to the spot on the threshold, stared at his two band mates.

"What the fuck," Michael asked, and then immediately held up his hand, "actually, I don't want to know."

He backed out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Luke stared at Calum, blue eyes blown wide.

The door flew open again.

"Actually, no, I do want to know. What the hell were you two doing?," Michael barged back into the bathroom.

"We were kissing," Calum said conversationally, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Michael stared at them. His mouth opened and closed without a word.

"Why?," he eventually asked.

Calum shrugged. "It feels nice," he said.

Luke's wide eyes darted back and forth between Michael and Calum.

"What the fuck, Cal?," Michael snapped, "you don't fuckin' kiss your band mate because it fuckin' feels nice!"

"Actually," Calum raised his eyebrows, "you do when the band mate in question is also your boyfriend."

Michaels eyes widened impossibly.

"When the fuck did that happen?," his voice was a few octaves higher than usual.

Calum shrugged, done explaining everything to his best friend.

"Fucking hell," Michael threw his hand up, "does Ashton know?"

"Don't think he's aware, nope," Calum shrugged.

Michael turned on his heel and headed out the door.

"Ashton?!," he yelled.

Luke was staring at Calum.

"Fucking hell," Calum finally let the panic take over, "that went horribly." He buried his hands in his hair and closed his eyes.

"Hey," Luke stepped closer and rubbed his arm, "it'll be okay. You did great."

Calum opened his eyes to look at Luke.

"C'mon," Luke took Calum's hand, "we better beat Michael to telling Ashton, hm?"

"How are you so calm?," Calum asked incredulously.

Luke shrugged. "I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I love you. It's time they know, and accept it."

Calum didn't know how the hell he deserved Luke.

He let Luke lead him out of the bathroom and back to the studio.

"Did you know," Michael was just yelling when the two of them entered the room, "that these two are fucking each other?"

"Hey," Luke snapped, "we're not fucking each other! We are together. I love Calum. Committed relationship and everything."

Ashton started laughing. "What the fuck are you guys on?," he giggled.

"What's so funny?," Luke rounded on Ashton.

Ashton slowly stopped laughing and drew his eyebrows together. "You expect me to believe you're fucking Calum?"

"Calum is fucking me, thank you very much," Luke glared.

Ashton looked bewildered.

"You serious?," he asked.

"Yes," Luke was still glaring at Ashton.

"This is insane," Michael muttered.

"Yeah," Ashton said, "are you insane?"

"Okay, what the fuck is your guys problem right now?," Luke snapped.

"The problem is that you and Calum got the band relationships all messed up!," Ashton snapped back.

"This is not about the god damn fucking band. This is about our personal happiness!," Luke yelled.

"How is it not about the band when you're screwing your bandmate?," Michael chimed in.

"Fuck you guys!," Luke spat, "how come you all told me that you'd support me and my happiness and healing in every way nine months ago and now you're throwing a fit when I tell you I am happy? May be I should try to kill myself over this so you will let me be happy and leave me alone!"

"Luke!," Calum yelled, "Jesus!"

Luke was taken back by Calums sudden outburst and it dawned on him what he'd just said.

"Shit, fuck-," Luke mumbled.

"Shut the fuck up!," Calum snapped, "all of you, out! Take five somewhere quiet and come back when you're ready to talk about this calmly!"

He glared at every one of his band mates.

"C'mon, move it!," Calum snapped and despite all the tension in the room, all three of them obliged.

It was an old concept they had come up with when they got into arguments. One of them would take charge and they'd cool down and talk after.

Luke was the first to come back into the studio after five minutes, head hanging low. His eyes were suspiciously red.

Calum looked up when Luke entered but immediately looked back down to where he was playing with a pick in his fingers.

"Cal," Luke whispered, "fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't mean it. I was just angry."

Calum let out a long breath. "I know. I know you didn't. But don't go around saying shit like that. Ever."

"I promise it won't happen again," Luke pleaded, "I was just so angry at Ashton and the stupid egoistic part of me knows that this is the way to hurt him the most."

Calum heard tears choking up Luke's voice and Calum finally looked back up.

"I was unfair. But so was he," Luke quickly wiped a tear away, "I'm finally happy with you. And he laughed at us. What's his problem?"

Calum sighed. "Luke," he said quietly, "you're still healing. That's what he sees. He was there every day when you got out of the hospital. He sees your journey and your healing, and now I come into the picture."

Luke sniffled and wiped at his eyes again.

"He thinks you're a rebound," Luke said quietly.

Calum shrugged. "I don't know what he thinks. We'll have to ask him."

Luke nodded.

"Hey," Calum mumbled and got up, "come here."

Calum wrapped Luke in his arms and let him cry in his shirt.

"You're okay. It'll be okay, Lu," Calum mumbled.

"Lu?," Luke said, voice muffled from Calums shirt.

Calum hummed.

"I like that," Luke whispered shakily.

"Okay," Calum whispered back and dropped a kiss to his curls.

"I'm really sorry," Luke mumbled.

"I know," Calum said, "I forgive you, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

A knock in the studio door.

Calum and Luke stepped away from each other.

"Come in," Calum said and saw Luke move over to curl up on the black leather couch. He was still sniffling a bit.

Ashton walked in and took in Calum first, then Luke.

"Sorry," he muttered, "I didn't handle that very well."

Michael came back shortly after and sat down quietly with Luke and Ashton.

"Okay, who wants to go first?," Calum asked, "I could."

"No, I want," Luke chimed in, "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. I just wanted to hurt you guys as much as possible. Because... because you laughed at my relationship and that kinda hurt me."

"I'm sorry I laughed," Ashton immediately said, "I seriously thought you guys were joking."

Calum put his hands on his hips. "Yeah I don't think that makes matters better," he muttered.

"I'm sorry I acted the way I did," Michael chimed in, "But, from my perspective, I don't know about Ash, but like, Luke, your last relationship destroyed you. I'm just scared you're not ... ready yet."

Luke softly shook his head.

"Isn't that my decision to make?," he asked.

"Well," Ashton said, "when it's Cal there's more to worry about, you know?"

Luke sighed.

"This is the first day back in a studio in almost a year. We don't even know where this more or less non-existent band might go. But I am sure about Cal, more sure than I've ever been in my life."

Ashton sighed. "Imagine Mike and me suddenly telling you guys that we're dating each other," he said, "how'd that make you feel?"

"I'd support you guys. I honestly just want you to be happy," Luke said.

Ashton gave him a look.

"My turn," Calum said, "Mike, Ash. I know you are worried. But assuming I, we, haven't thought about what this means for all of us, and for Luke's healing, is kind of stupid. This wasn't an easy decision, and not a split decision, but it was the only right one. I love Luke. And I love what we all, band or not, have. I am asking you to please trust us, and if you can find it in you, please support us."

Michael nodded. "In the end I just want you to be happy. And if you two say you've got everything handled, then I trust you, and I'm happy for you."

"Thanks man," Calum nodded.

"I'm having a hard time with this," Ashton said honestly, "but I'll come around. I promise, okay?"

"Okay," Luke mumbled.

🦋

Luke's phone went off just when he was stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth.

"Hi Aff," he spoke around the bread and smiled at the FaceTime image of Ashton.

"Heyyyy Lukey boy," Ashton grinned, "how're you?"

Luke swallowed his food. "Great!," Luke smiled, "I'm dying inside. I think even my anxiety has anxiety!"

"Sounds like you have everything under control," Ashton laughed softly, "where's the boyfriend?"

"Getting dressed," Luke looked over at Calum, "not gonna show you tho."

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Ashton grinned.

"Back off," Luke pouted, "he's mine."

"Oh, you can have him all to yourself," Ashton grinned, "as long as I'm best man at your wedding."

"Why do you keep saying that?," Luke laughed and took a sip of his coffee.

"I need you to get married," Ashton shrugged, "dude you're the perfect couple. Fucking get married. I'm so ready. I'll babysit your kids."

"Cal, Ashton is planning out our lives for us again like a mum who knows no boundaries," Luke whined.

"That's Ashton Irwin to you," Calum laughed, "mum with no boundaries and a love for gardening."

"I'll call my next album that," Ashton nodded.

"How's that coming along?," Luke asked and took another bite of toast.

"Good! Songs are getting mixed. I wrote one for you guys. About the early days," Ashton smiled.

"Rad!," Luke said, "what's it called? Skinny jeans and vans?"

"Nah. Thinking about naming it Glory Days," Ashton said, "less obnoxious than fuckin' Diamonds. It's way less depressing too."

"Good!," Luke nodded, "I'm the one who's making sad boy music in this band!"

"You sure are," Ashton nodded, "I'm ready to cry myself to sleep tonight listening to boy."

"You could stream it all night," Luke wiggled his eyebrows, "helps me with the streams."

"You don't need the help, bro," Ashton smiled, "your EP will do great. It's amazing."

"Thanks man," Luke smiled.

"Either way I just wanted to wish you good luck today. Have an amazing release day," Ashton said.

"Thanks," Luke smiled, dimples popping, "Love you."

"I love you brother," Ashton grinned, "talk later!"

"Bye!," Luke waved small and ended the call.

"Glory days?," Calum snorted, "did he experience another reality than me? Fucking five countries five days and shit?"

Luke laughed. "Ashton has big ass memory gaps, I think," he smiled, "but to be fair, our first few years weren't so bad."

"We were lanky wannabe emos," Calum cringed, "I would rather have my pretty glitter boy any day."

🦋

Calum was gaping.

If he knew Luke would look like this after getting ready for the first show after their break, he'd have dragged Luke out into the spotlight months ago.

"I am soo anxious," Luke sang and wiggled his arms and legs, "I'm about to throooow uuuup."

Luke was wearing tight leather pants, a red silk shirt that was barely buttoned and glittery boots. His long hair fell into his face in the prettiest dark blonde locks Calum had ever seen and he was wearing heavy rings on his fingers.

Calum swallowed.

"What're you looking at?," Luke mumbled while he opened a bottle of tequila.

"Fucking hell," Calum finally spoke, "you walz in here looking like that and expect me to not immediately jump you?"

Luke's eyes widened and he turned to look at Calum with red cheeks.

Calum almost lost his fucking mind. How could Luke still blush like a school boy every time someone talked about sex but be so needy and dirty in bed?

That's when Calum saw the make-up.

"Holy shit," Calum threw his hands out, "fuck. God damn it Luke. Glitter on your eyes? And your cheeks?"

Now Luke was completely confused and staring at Calum with a mix of horror and confusion.

"I can't do this," Calum turned around and walked over to the nearest wall to lean his forehead against it, "Fuck me."

"What the fuck, Cal?," Luke eventually said, "what... what's going on?"

"You," Calum whined and turned back around to face Luke, "You are going on! This, all of you, you're the most attractive person I've ever seen! I am trying not to lose my mind and trying harder to not get hard!"

Luke's face lit up. "Oh," Luke mumbled, "I thought you hated the glitter."

"I am fuckin' obsessed with the glitter," Calum said, "can I lick it off your face after the show?"

"You're obscene," Luke rolled his eyes but blushed again.

"You love that," Calum grinned.

"You're not licking off my glitter. It's literally micro plastic," Luke crossed his arms.

"Unfair," Calum mumbled and shuffled over to take the red cup Luke was offering him.

"So I look okay?," Luke asked cheekily.

"You look fantastic, babe," Calum said earnestly, "and I am completely serious, if Michael and Ashton weren't next door I'd bend you over this table right now."

Luke smirked. "Good to know how the glitter makes you feel. I might keep it up, then."

"Please fucking do," Calum begged.

🦋

"So, three hours," Calum said once they'd bid goodbye to Sammy and his girlfriend.

Luke hummed.

"What do you want to do?," Calum asked.

Luke shrugged. "Anything."

"Wanna go see Times Square?," Calum asked.

"Fuck yeah, I wanna go to Times Square," Luke said, eyes twinkling.

Calum offered his hand and Luke happily intertwined their fingers.

"Times square always reminds me of the first time we were here," Luke smiled, "and there was an ad for our first album."

"I know," Calum smiled, "but I think I liked the Youngblood ad a lot better. The success was more personal."

Luke hummed. "But the first time is always special."

Calum loved Luke in Times Square. Luke really got lost in all the bright lights and big screens and crowds of people pushing through the narrow space even at this hour.

Calum drew Luke in for a kiss. A moment later he saw the flash of blue from the corner of his eyes and tore away.

"Hey, Lu, look!," he pointed to one of the billboards and Luke turned around.

"What?!," Luke's eyes were wide when he saw himself staring back from the screen announcing his upcoming release.

Calum grinned at him.

"Did you know about this??," Luke asked, shocked.

"I saw fans talking about it online. They organized it for you, darling. See how proud of you they are?," he asked softly.

"Holy shit," Luke looked back to stare at the billboard until it disappeared.

"Yep," Calum smiled, "runs once an hour."

"I didn't even know people could book space on time square??," Luke was still shell shocked.

"Yeah," Calum said, "I think it's pretty cool."

"What if they're disappointed," Luke asked quietly, "they did all this and they didn't even hear the whole EP yet."

Calum laughed. "Never. Your fans are loyal as fuck Luke. They adore you."

The smile reappeared on Luke's face.

"I had a billboard in Times Square," Luke whispered softly.

"I always told you you'd be here," Calum grinned.

"Yeah," Luke mumbled, "you promised..."

Luke flicked his eyes down to Calums.

"Let's go back to the hotel. There's something I need to do."

🦋

Calum heard the door open and shut. Petunia's paws clicked on the floor and he heard the clinking of Luke unhooking her from her leash.

A moment later, the dog came waddling into the kitchen happily.

Calum greeted her and Petunia basked in the attention she was getting but eventually Calum got up to look where Luke had gone.

Except Luke hadn't gone anywhere.

He still stood in the hallway of their house, leash in hand.

"You okay?," Calum frowned, "did something happen on your walk?"

Luke swallowed.

"Cal, I need to talk to you."

Calums heart dropped.

He licked his lips and nodded.

Luke finally took his shoes off and slowly followed Calum into the living room.

Luke was gonna break up with him.

Calum didn't understand why. He couldn't remember doing anything to set Luke off.

They didn't even fight.

But Luke was gonna break his heart.

Shit, he was gonna lose Luke.

Calum hadn't noticed the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes until he sat down on the couch and looked up at Luke, who was blurry.

Luke sat down opposite of him, ran his shaking hands through his hair and took a deep breath before looking up at Calum.

His eyes widened.

"Cal?," he asked, concerned, "hey, why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying," Calum blinked away the tears.

"What's wrong?," Luke's voice was still concerned and soft and Calum felt his heart break already.

"Why are you breaking up with me?," Calum asked, his voice breaking on the last word.

"I'm not!," Luke immediately said and shook his head, "shit, Cal! I'm not breaking up with you!"

Calum looked unconvinced.

"I swear! Why would you think that?," Luke asked.

"You said you needed to talk and you're acting weird," Calum mumbled.

Luke shook his head again. "I swear I am not breaking up with you. Ever. I love you, Cal."

Calum let out a relieved breath.

"Okay. Then what do you want to talk about?"

"Uhm, I need you to hear me out okay?," Luke asked.

Calum nodded.

"I....," Luke searched for the right words, "You know how much I write. Like, I use songwriting as therapy, right?"

Calum nodded again.

"Yeah. I've written so many songs over the years. And, like, I wrote a lot of songs while I was healing, too. And they started stacking up and... and there are songs among them that I think I really like." 

Luke took a deep, shuddering breath.

"And I want to put them out. I think I need to put them out. To, like, get it off my chest. But... I need to do it on my own. Not with 5SOS. That doesn't mean I don't want to be in the band anymore! I love the band. I love being in the band. I want to be in 5SOS until the day that I die. This would just be... a side project? Something I need to do for myself. I promise it won't take away anything from the band. I just... I think I really want to do this. Tell my story."

Calum nodded.

Luke let out a long breath. "Okay. I think that's it. And I love you."

Calum hummed. "I think you should do it," Calum nodded.

Luke's eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah," Calum smiled softly, "you said it yourself. I think I'd be good for you to get it out. And in my humble opinion you have a lot to say. You're a really good songwriter with deep stories to tell and a voice that's one of the best of our generation. I think you should do it. I think it'll ease your brain a bit, give you extra confidence and help you sort out that beautifully complicated head of yours."

Luke's face bore a smile brighter than the sun.

"Shit," he mumbled, "I think I'm gonna cry."

"Awh, baby," Calum mumbled and gestured for him to come over. Luke sat down next to Calum on the couch and let Calum wrap an arm around him.

Luke laughed shakily, eyes damp.

"I'm so relieved," he mumbled, "fuck, I've been working myself up to this conversation for a while."

Calum pressed a kiss to his temple.

"I'm scared shitless about telling Mike and Ash though," he mumbled.

"They'll support it," Calum said confidently, "in the end, we all want what's best for each other."

Luke nodded again.

Calum fully wrapped him in his arms.

"You're a star, Lu. I promise your name will be known everywhere and your face will be on billboards at fucking Times Square."

Luke laughed shakily. "Sure," Luke mumbled, "but I don't really care about that. I'm doing this for me."

"I know," Calum mumbled, "but trust me. It's inevitable."

🦋

"Sit down," Luke demanded as soon as they were over the threshold of their hotel room.

"What," Calum muttered and took his jacket off.

"Sit your ass down," Luke said.

Calum gave him a look and slowly walked over to the foot of their bed to sit down.

Luke turned the desk chair so he could sit in front of Calum. He sighed heavily and sat down.

"What is this?," Calum frowned. He could sense Luke was anxious to the point of bursting.

"Shit, Luke," Calum mumbled, "please don't tell me you wanna break up."

Luke snorted. "Still a hard no."

"Okay? So what is this? You're freaking me out."

Luke got up again and went over to his carryon bag. He drew out a Bluetooth speaker and took it over to the chair with him.

Luke sat the speaker down on the desk and turned it on before he settled on the chair again.

"Uh," Luke cleared his throat, "track seven."

Calums eyes widened and he perked up. "Do I get to hear it two hours before everyone else after all?"

Luke couldn't help the anxious smile creep on to his face.

"I'm gonna play it to you, yeah," he said.

"Hell yeah," Calum grinned.

Luke connected his phone to the speaker.

"These will be the worst 4½ minutes of my life," Luke muttered.

"I'm sure the song is not that bad," Calum joked.

"Piss off," Luke mumbled softly while fumbling with his phone.

"Okay," Luke looked back up at Calum.

"I'm gonna love the song, Lu," Calum said quietly.

"I know," Luke smiled back, "I wrote it for you."

"I figured as much," Calum nodded.

Luke took a deep breath. "It's called Promises."

Calums whole face softened into a look of pure love.

"Fuck. Am I gonna cry?," he asked quietly.

"Please don't," Luke mumbled, "or I'll cry too. Ready?"

Calum shook his head.

"Come here," he opened his arms for Luke. Luke smiled and sat down next to Calum, who wrapped his arms around Luke and pulled him down to lay on the bed.

Luke rested his head on Calums chest and Calum wrapped both arms around Luke tightly.

"Now, let's listen to Promises," Calum whispered.

And Luke hit play.