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Somehow Alexis could already imagine this exact outcome before. It’s not hard to tell, really. Kaiser is somewhat easy to read once you get his basic attitude pattern and temperament. Disregarding the fact that he hovers around Kaiser, almost 24/7 when allowed, of course, maybe it’s just him that feels that way (no one is allowed the proximity around Kaiser as much as him). Fiddling with the hem of his grey shirt, Alexis swallowed down a gulp of air not out of nervousness- it’s simply that he wants to avoid this situation all together.
The hotel room they had to stay in at this time was unhelpfully silent. Silent in the way late night vibes and no one else present. Well, to be exact, Kaiser’s room for the night. His is just one door aside. Though nothing matters that they both occupy this space right now. That way, the tension in the air is becoming more palpable and every second he could see Kaiser’s patience wearing thinner and thinner, his irritation gradually seeping out. It’s the taut of his jaw muscles and the way his gaze pierced sharply, harsh. Then for Alexis, not to mention the sheen layer of sweat trickling slowly down his forehead, his whole-body buzzes with an unpleasant warm temperature, further making everything in this situation more nerve-wrecking- for him.
He knows he fucked up again.
Such a stupid, useless, loser! He was cursing himself for allowing Kaiser to find out… Speaking of which, now Kaiser turns to look at him with a more impassive stare. His right eyebrow furrows a little.
“Could you actually just for once be clear with what you say? I’ll ask for the last time. What stupid shit was you trying to do?”
It’s not like Alexis didn’t account for that kind of slip out. He usually manages to keep his composure just fine, even in this condition. Except that at the previous practice match this afternoon, a certain big-built defender from Wolfsburg ’s team- what was his name again? -blocked him and was not afraid to tackle him to the ground, a foul that earns the guy a hefty yellow card. At that time, a fight almost broke out. Erik and Theo were already confronting said player while Birkenstock readily talked with their most levelheaded guy. Though for Alexis what happened prior was kind of a blur with his horizontal view of scene playing out, having been knocked over to the ground.
It was not unusual for situations like that to happen, after all players tend to get heated up and things on the field get quite intense especially during the last quarter.
In the end, they managed to win out 2-1 without any meaningful dispute although he was sure Theo still hadn’t let go of the problem. “That Schlingel didn’t even want to apologize to you!” he barked to his face when Igor hummed almost absentmindedly.
He also didn’t think that an apology is necessary- that kind of thing was bound to happen and it’s not like they suffered any injury after the collide. Heck it was an accident. In fact, it was partially his fault anyways. I should have side-stepped earlier, I had seen that coming,’ instead, he couldn’t. Physically at that time, couldn’t. The faint lightheadedness and migraine throbbing away inside his skull was a constant reminder of the risky recklessness he has chosen today.
“Ness. You are running on a fever, and you have the gall to fucking play? You want us to lose? This fucking idiot!”
Kaiser was berating him, pacing around beside the bed. Meeting his pointed glare tentatively, Alexis straightens his back and tries to even his voice.
“I’m sorry, Micha. I won’t do that anymore.”
Huffing, Kaiser still looked irritated and in a bad mood. ‘I am being a nuisance. This shitty fever- I should just die. Rot somewhere.’ Alexis knows his mind usually goes to a dark place especially when he can’t really think things straight. He won’t bother to correct himself anymore. ‘Kaiser doesn’t have any use of me when I can’t play on the field.’ Well, that is the truth. Plus, right now Kaiser is their team’s star player. The transformed Bastard München rotates on having Michael Kaiser and Isagi Yoichi as their central point of playstyle. For this strategy has no demerit so far; a thoroughly efficient and rational system of goal producing has led their team to be one of the formidable powerhouses of Germany’s Bundesliga, even throughout Europe.
With his respond, Kaiser huffs out a breath, hand on his hip. Frankly speaking, Alexis wants to bawl his eyes out. Scream and thrash around- no, that would be too loud- “Tsk, could you shut up.” – that further pissed-off voice seems to hiss- he would just curl up somewhere and dry up and disintegrate and finally disappear-
“It’s enough.”
Kaiser voices with an air of finality.
It ends Alexis’s internal wail as well.
A few seconds then passed, and he couldn’t bear the silence.
Saying that means their conversation is over. It is past ten o’clock now and they still have an early schedule tomorrow morning, an interview meeting with the local town newspaper and their charity-collaboration event. Kaiser should not have his rest interrupted longer than it already has. Plus, it’s not like Kaiser has any business other than delivering some get-well-soon items from coach Noa (surprisingly, he shows his care rather in an awkward way), and medicines from their personal physician. In which he knows Kaiser has been forced to by the aforementioned people. He could not bother Kaiser more than he already has. Not at all, not ever.
Hugging his arm, Alexis shuffles around in search of his phone put on the bed earlier but then he feels a gaze. He meets Kaiser’s eyes and can’t help but whips his head to the side. Because Kaiser has this look when he is curious about something. That cat-like orbs bore to him.
Kaiser suddenly inches closer, vacantly focusing on his left side.
“What was that cut?”
‘What?’
“Scratched when you fall?” Kaiser was scooting casually to the bed, settling beside him. Meanwhile, deft fingers secure a grip on his left arm.
Ohh.
“No, no, it’s not that-“
Alexis was trying to jerk away, right palm over Kaiser’s hand in order to remove his grip. Kaiser looked stunned for a while. But he wasn’t buying it, and his hold tightens with a click of his tongue.
“What? I may not know about your fucking injury?”
With his free hand, Kaiser doesn’t hesitate to grab a fistful of tousled hair, tugging so that his head was thrown back in a swift motion, releasing its hold at the same time. The sudden pain and motion bring his nerve endings on fire, like the sudden rush of too much simulation that overwhelms. He can’t help but let out an involuntary gasp of air out of surprise. A faint lightheadedness is followed by an almost vertigo as an effect of the sudden movement- and Alexis very much feels impending nausea.
“Stay still.” Kaiser growled out- though albeit the brashness in his action, there was a mite of urgency unsettled. Alexis also hears ringing from the back of his head, muffling any else noise around.
He ceased struggling and felt a bit panicked. His already trumping heart further pumps back blood torturously it feels like his entire vein on rage. It wasn’t supposed to be seen- wasn’t supposed to know- not now. Not Kaiser. He clenches his teeth and observes Kaiser’s reaction. He will endure the questioning- or whatever response, with an improv and any excuse he can think of at the time. The timing of today’s event couldn’t be any worse and Alexis cursed at his own fate-bringing self.
Roughly pulled upwards, the sleeve of grey fabric slid down slightly, revealing soft beige and a contrast.
Under his upper arm, there are a couple of thin lacerations. Line forming crosses at each other diagonally. Some streaks more reddish than the others but mostly look dark with an edge of brown. They are not fresh wounds.
“-…”
Kaiser muttered out a small noise of confusion, like he couldn’t yet comprehend what he saw. And then, aside from the widening of his eyes and the slight twitch on his lips, Alexis couldn’t decipher more than a mild shock and ire on his face when the realization sets in. So far it is a natural reaction- to get taken aback and be repulsed.
Alexis’s self becomes uncannily collected as he swallowed down whatever excuse threatening to spill out and instead wait for the deciding moment in resignation. Ah, he really feels like crying after all.
#
On Alexis’s forearm was streaks of cut. Old cuts.
Tearing his gaze away, Kaiser whipped his head up and saw the other’s face instead. There was tense contortion. Hazy magenta darting around. An unconscious flimsy motion of teeth gnawing his lips. Alexis looks like he is awaiting for some questioning, or some kind of judgement.
He sighs deeply.
Kaiser doesn’t know how to make do with this unprecedented case of matter; Alexis cut himself. All in all, it’s not like he can’t see that coming, truthfully saying. Merely, it wasn’t not in line with Alexis’s difficult character slash insecure tendency he likes to dub for himself. Even Kaiser understood sometimes, maybe. The familiar feeling of wanting to suffocate his existence out of this life. That overlooked sense of wickedness that empowers his mind to go against their survival instinct has taken deep root inside his psyche. It can be addicting, in a not wholesome way. It was like a baseline- like a stinging basin of cold water dumped on his crown to wake him to face reality. Maybe, for Alexis, it is different. It must be another reason. Or whatever the tiny brain of his find the reason for.
He gets it, that’s why he finds this… whatever this is mildly irritating.
“-It’s not my intention to let you know about that, I swear. Sorry for bothering you.”
Unprompted, Alexis speaks in a small hurried voice, eyes not meeting his.
This Alexis is stupid- comes forward his inner thought. It kinda feels like déjà vu. Maybe his impression has been the same since the first one, set years before upon meeting the younger boy. The gullible lad staring up at him with shiny eyes, a hint of desperation and unrestrained passion-like vigor, is an airhead. Alexis is stupid enough to knowingly fall into his trap. Kaiser has thought of this countless times. Agreed to be his lap dog, as people teased him. That alone proved that he has no adequate sense of decorum. Doesn’t have enough braincell to see behind all of his orchestrated move. Or, he noticed, but chose to stay either way, willingly suck on the poisonous nectar of a phantom flower.
Alexis opted to rely on his obsession with Kaiser. As an anchor. He has cut ties before. Kaiser doesn’t need this type of crappy manipulated affection nor the blatant worship the mutt place in. Doesn’t deserve none- doesn’t ask for those- Really. Alexis sucks at choosing things for himself. Especially for himself. It seems that things do not change much maybe. From the beginning of their shared history.
Casting useless things to pave way for his goal and objectives path is what he would not hesitate to do in a heartbeat. Alexis has just become one of those hinder. Kaiser simply eliminates hindrance.
Cool, airy blow from the air conditioner and the sound of soft heaves is a constant reminder of Alexis’s presence in front of him. This boy is not different from whom he chose to exploit before. Neither does him actually. Alexis has always been Alexis and Kaiser his own.
Squeezing said arm tighter, Kaiser can feel the burn- of skin meeting skin and almost the entirety of this heat-ridden hush. Ahh, he wants to destroy this. That hesitant gaze. That stupid frowning lips. That fluffily stupid head. Bash him on the wall or something. Destroy this weakness in front of him.
But Alexis is sick. It’s kind of frowned upon and unfair to do all that right now.
So. To quell his irritation, Kaiser pulls and pinches a plump meat of cheek, stretching it as far as the soft compartment allowed.
He heard a take of gasp and shiny magenta soon brim unbridled with teal liquid. Alexis’s body has no resistance as they limp to the side, following along might gripping pinch. They are warm and sleeky. Alexis is stupid. Helplessly. He can’t take care of himself, can he? At the mean time, red blooms evenly on his cheek. Unlike some flowery pattern that usually forms from one backhanded slap, this time it is deeper red, almost purplish.
“I-I won’t lewt it show. And, and I won’t ‘come hwere anymore too, so-“
Mirth. Alexis is seriously trying to talk with his stretched-out cheek.
Ah, he is so-
“Hey, Alexis,”
What are you doing? Why are you so fucking stupid?
Instead, Kaiser didn’t inquire any. His knees sank deeper to the beige mattress, folding over one another in a lousy attempt to be up. Left with but an imprint when released, Kaiser took note of the quick-fading hue adorning those wreaked area. Then maybe Alexis thought he didn’t hear him the first time, or the second time, that he muttered again like a newscaster on a measly weather report-
“It doesn’t affect anything, I won’t let it show. Sorry for, bothering you..“
-that Kaiser has had enough, exhaled a particularly exasperated sigh.
He sees the tensed up tremble Alexis let out as a swing of his arm loosely connect along said caster’s torso. A push.
Then, just like a brief falling moment of passing shooting star or fleeting soar of a Strumvogel, of like uncurdled murk as gravity beckoned, they yielded to the downward tug with a thump.
Clarity hits. Softly. Duvet curling and creasing with both’s weight spreading in. Throughout all that exchange, cerulean meets poignant fuchsia all the way. It was another beat or two. Then, a flicking back and forth in search of some sign and finding neither, Kaiser’s corner lip lifts itself to a wry simper-
“I didn’t say anything, Ness.”
-and right palm ruffles around tousled dusty tufts.
...
It was comical-like.
Almost begrudgingly similar, to a goldfish gapping, pigs struck by lightning, tell-tale witch crafting, and free firing Bersa. That it doesn’t make any sense yet at the same time, complete sense.
Kaiser doesn’t mind, really. One sight, of Alexis grappling to form something coherent that spurs some crisp titter out his lips, mildly even startling himself.
It is with a dismissal and an utter dismay, of one party and another as Kaiser sits up only to scrunch around edges of duvet that already threatens to slip out- to disperse the sheets throughout haphazardly (like a menace he is)- to an immediate dive back unto soft pallet, with resulting strewn around cover on them both liminal congregation of figure. Silken drape traps about warmth that is slowly racking.
“Just go to sleep.”
Kaiser mumbles, with another certitude that Alexis doesn’t refute, apprehension in his stupor.
Maybe it is just like that. When the universe is still going on. Of things that are left unspoken, could just be for the moment. It is another version of a less jagged reality, under the clouded visage of some reverie, or a distinct one made possible by nightfall’s charming sorcery. For sure, no one certainly knows.