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“Hey Kyoko, have you heard about the Phantom Thieves latest activity?”
“Oh yeah! I follow their actions like literally every day!”
The Phantom Thieves have been the talk of the entire country for a while now, but all the hype feels way too forced now. Ken thinks to himself as the pair of girls walk around the corner, away from where he’s been sitting for the lunch period. Some of his friends asked to join him earlier, but he felt that he needed space that day in particular.
His little “hiding spot” (as some of his crueler friends referred to it,) wasn’t far from the archery range. Yukari-san wasn’t exactly the closest with him out of his friends, but this was the only place he’d been able to find in all of the three years of him attending Gekkoukan High School that was definitely somewhere his friends had been back when they were fighting shadows, while also being unpopulated.
He had tried sitting close to the boxing club back in his first few weeks as a freshman, but the legacy of Akihiko’s boxing days were still going strong at Gekkoukan, to the point where there were still some girls who’d fangirl over the man even though he hadn’t publicly boxed in over half a decade.
Ken opens his phone to check the date, it was almost October. He’ll have to prepare something for Aragaki-san. Maybe he’d like to see Koromaru this year? Ken ponders the idea as he takes another bite from his bento. I know Akihiko-senpai and Mitsuru-senpai will want to visit his grave at the same time. Maybe that’s enough for Aragaki-senpai…
Ken sighs as he looks down at the ground. There’s nothing there- besides the ground- but he still feels that same connection to his friends that he always feels when sitting on this bench.
“I’m lucky that I get to be reminded so frequently of our time together…” Ken remarks to himself as he closes his eyes and leans back, letting the autumn breeze soak into him as he sits on the bench quietly.
A notification from his phone interrupts his momentary respite.
“Who is it?” He verbally asks before even checking the notification on his phone. “Oh! A message from Yukari-san?” Ken blinks to process that. It wasn’t strange for him to receive a message from Yukari-san directly, but it wasn’t as normal as it would be for Akihiko-senpai or even Junpei to text him.
It was an update for him about the Featherman series. He wasn’t as big into the series now as when he was as a child, but he couldn’t deny that the action and story didn’t capture his attention any time the show was on his TV.
“Hey Ken!” Yukari’s message starts with the same similarity that all of her texts did. A part of him sometimes wonders if she still thinks of texts like emails because of how she types. “Here are some quick updates about the latest Featherman!”
Her text isn’t anything grand or really that surprising. It mostly consists of various production stories about a costume or prop being lost or damaged. But Ken didn’t mind; he knew this was the way that Yukari-san felt she could uniquely connect to him. The sentiment alone made every message like these hold twice the impact to Ken.
It was the ending that got his heart to beat though. “I have the 4th off, so I’ll be visiting his grave. If you have time after school, it’d be great to catch up more. Mitsuru, Aigis, Fuuka, and Akihiko said they’ll also be there!” Ken can feel the smile break onto his face.
He knew that everyone in SEES had had a terrible reaction at the time to Aragaki-san’s death. But it’s still easy for him to forget that the others- besides for Akihiko and Mitsuru-senpai- also continue to miss and grieve for the man who Ken had previously sworn revenge on at the age of 11.
Ken sighs to himself suddenly. Lunchtime isn’t going to be over for another fifteen minutes, but in all his reflection and replying to Yukari-san with both his gratitude and acceptance of her invite, he’s already finished his bento without realizing it. The brown haired senior stands up from his “personal” bench and begins to walk toward the archery range somewhat aimlessly.
After a minute, Ken walks onto the currently empty archery range. A while ago, Yukari-san said that back when the rest of SEES attended Gekkoukan, the range almost always had someone in it during the day. However, the club had sharply declined in popularity his junior year, leading to the exact opposite being true now; you only find people in the archery range during archery club practice.
Ken isn’t sure why he feels compelled to wander the range. Perhaps it’s because of Yukari-san’s kind message to him? The boy sighs as he lets his left hand slip into his pocket. A trait he recently decided to borrow from his former leader, Makoto-kun.
Continuing to wander, Ken eventually finds his way inside the commonly unused second shed. “No one ever goes in there…” Yukari-san’s comment from when she had recounted her own freshman year for Ken flashes in his mind as he opens the door to the shed.
“Still unlocked though, huh?” He murmurs to himself as he flicks a light on, revealing the cobwebs and dust that permeated the air inside.
“Nothing’s in here besides spiders and dust. No wonder it’s avoided…” Ken goes to turn the lights off before he notices an old notebook. It’s coated in dust, and has clearly been in here for at least half a decade.
Curiosity kills a cat as he reaches for the notebook that’s clearly more of a journal or diary than anything related to schoolwork. Picking it up causes a mound of dust to scatter, and he swears something moves after the notebook is taken off the floor, but there’s nothing inhabiting the book itself, so Ken decides to dust off the cover even more.
The handwriting is immediately familiar to him. Memories of study sessions flood into his mind. Those sessions where, despite his efforts, he was completely unable to comprehend his senpai’s notes, and the times where the group would switch topics any time conversation died as they all tried to find some respite from the knowledge that they had supposedly sealed their fate to die within three months.
“Yukari-san’s Journal?” He questions aloud as he steps out of the shed, flicking the light off and closing the door behind him before beginning his walk back to his own personal space.
When he sits back down, there’s only a few more minutes until he has to return to class, but another cat is struck as he opens the cover to see a message sprawled out cursing whoever opens the notebook without her permission.
“I’m sorry Yukari-san. I swear I’ll close it if I see something I shouldn’t.” Ken prays to his old friend as he turns the page again.
It’s clear when this journal was started. The first twelve pages or so were all about Yukari-san’s SEES work from before Yuki-kun arrived.
If it weren’t for the amount of dust on top of the notebook when he found it, Ken would wonder if this diary being in a publicly accessible area for so long counted as breaking some sort of agreement.
The rest of the notebook only went up until December of 2009. He didn’t need to take a guess as to why.
What was most surprising to the teen though wasn’t that Yukari-san left pages filled with information about SEES, Shadows, Personas, and everything else related to the Dark Hour behind in a school’s shed. No, what was more surprising was the pages and pages of Yukari-san’s pinning for Yuki-kun being left in such a public space.
He hadn’t even found out that the two dated until long after the rest of SEES graduated from Gekkoukan. So for Yukari-san to leave all of these notes about her affection for the field leader of SEES in such an easily accessible area was quite strange to Ken.
Most of it was tame enough though. The trend of thoughts about Yuki-kun appearing in her notes appear around late July, and continue throughout the rest of the journal. During November, a declaration of success is made. It appears to Ken that she really did love Yuki-kun as much as she says she did even to this day.
The bell rings out across the school, and Ken is forced to shove the notebook into his bag- not having the time to put it back in the shed- and make his way to his next period.
As he meets up with some of his roaming classmates, Ken’s mind wanders to the notebook in his bag, after the mental image of Yukari-san’s invitation flashes in his mind. He makes up his mind to keep a hold on the notebook and return it to its rightful owner, even after all these years.
The group of six, now stuffed from their meal, slowly begins to dwindle as the people are called to duties or to attend to other personal matters. Ken sits across from Aigis-san and Yukari-san, who are currently conversing about some topic that Ken tuned out of a while ago. Aigis gets up to leave, and Yukari’s clearly bound to follow her out, but she stops to check in on Ken.
“Ken–kun,” She pokes at the boy as Aigis waves goodbye to the two of them, having been called to work by Mitsuru- the first person to leave the dinner table. “Are you ready to go?”
“Oh- yeah!” Ken suddenly says before making eye contact with his school bag. “Actually, can you hang back for just a second Yukari-san?”
“Of course.” Yukari-san offers a warm smile as she sits back down in the chair across from Ken. “So, what is it that you need? I can help with anything related to fashion and relationships, you know!” Yukari-san chuckles at her own remark.
“Actually…” Ken starts before his ears redden in embarrassment. “Sorry what I meant was-”
Yukari-san starts to giggle before holding it back with a question, “Well? What is it that you need from me, Ken-kun?”
Ken shifts in place for a bit before silently reaching for his bag. “Sorry. I was looking around Gekkoukan’s archery range during my lunch break, and found this.” He pulls out the notebook that belonged to Yukari-san during her time as a Junior at Gekkoukan high school. “Curiosity got to me and I sort of read most of it…” Ken bows, hitting his forehead against the table, the clinks of plates and cups stacked on top of each other make the impact sound worse than it was. “I’m truly sorry, Yukari-san!”
Yukari-san takes the notebook with a cautious hand. “Oh…” She lets out an almost depressed sigh before cheering back up again as she turns from the notebook to Ken. “It’s completely fine, Ken-kun!” The actor smiles at Ken in reassurance all while closing the book and shoving it into her purse. “No need to say sorry! I left it out in the open, after all!” Yukari-san continues to awkwardly laugh as she looks anywhere but Ken and her purse.
“Is something wrong, Yukari-san?” Though he knows he’s really asking if he did something wrong by showing the notebook to her.
There’s a pause in conversation before Yukari-san shakes her head in disappointment. “No. I shouldn’t run from this.” She mutters to herself before taking the notebook out of her bag and setting it on the table. “In all honesty, Ken-kun, I threw this out shortly after he passed.” She admits with her gaze completely captured by the old diary in an unused school notebook.
“Oh.” He had assumed as much after he read it, but he wasn't sure.
Yukari-san continues without stopping after that. “I reread some of the entries a week after, once the initial shock wore off. And the knowledge that he wouldn’t come back-” Yukari-san begins to cry, but it doesn’t stop her from speaking. “-it devastated me.” She wipes a tear before she starts her next sentence.
“I’m sure you remember, but I was in a horrible headspace in the weeks after, and I just- well… One time after Archery practice… It was just too much. Using the practice bow suddenly reminded me of the early days where it was just me and him… and Junpei… exploring Tartarus- Oh, but of course I didn’t think about it like that at the time; at that point I considered Makoto and Junpei on a somewhat even field. Anyways that doesn’t matter…
“Basically, I waited until everyone cleared out, pulled the diary out of my bag, opened the second shed’s door, and just threw it. I didn’t check on it after that, and after the abyss of time…” Yukari-san holds her forehead in her hands. “I didn’t think about it ever again. Not until you showed it to me. I just forgot about it…”
Yukari-san takes her head away from her hands and holds one of Ken’s hands. “Thank you, Ken-kun. Thank you for bringing this to me.” Her face is truly grateful, her smile is wider than Ken can remember ever seeing it.
“You’re welcome, Yukari-san.” Ken smiles back before retracting his hand and sliding out of the booth. “I hope you don’t mind, but I do have school tomorrow, so I must be going.”
Yukari-san nods in agreement. “Yeah, I’ve got work as well. See you soon, Ken-kun.”
“Have a good night, Yukari-san.” Ken bows to her, and she bows back at him. “See you later!” He calls with a wave as he turns to leave the restaurant.
“Yeah.” Yukari-san says softly, before turning back to the notebook that Ken had shown her.
—
Yukari walks home with the notebook still in her hands. Every time she stops to let cars pass before she crosses the road, she takes a look back at the notebook.
Arriving home feels different this time. Like the notebook alone has made her apartment come together in a way she didn’t know it needed. She places it down on her nightstand while she prepares herself for a night’s rest.
After she’s done with her routine for the night, Yukari slips into her bed, and tenderly picks up the notebook, as if it will break into pieces if she pulls on it too hard.
“…I’m impressed you held up so well.” Yukari says to the notebook. “You’d think a notebook in a shed would’ve been eaten up by mice or damaged by the rain after half a decade, but all you’ve got is dust coating ya.” She smirks to herself before gently opening the first page.
She can’t help but chuckle how seriously her past self treated the notebook’s privacy. “A curse, huh? Well, I hope Ken-kun’s doing alright.” She snickers at her own comment and turns the page.
“Starts around when I get the letter from Dad, huh? That tracks.” She turns the page again. “My struggle to summon my persona-“ She turns the page again, “And observation duty…”
Again and again, she turns the page to old memories of her time in SEES, and then she gets to the month of July. She had written down that she began feeling something- that at the time she couldn’t describe in her diary- for Makoto Yuki shortly after the two’s encounter with the Reverse Lovers Shadows.
But it was the entry that was written late into the night of the 20th that laid out her feelings bare for the world to see if they opened to the page.
“I’m in love with Yuki-kun.” Yukari traces the words with her finger as she rereads the entry from her teenage self. “Tonight, on the beach… I think I would have kissed him if Junpei didn’t come to get us before the dark hour.” Yukari couldn’t help but giggle at the thought.
“Kissing Makoto on the beach, huh?” She giggles to herself again. “Before you even called him by his first name? How scandalous, Yukari…”
Yukari flips the pages some more; her teenage crush grows stronger with every entry.
“Yuki-kun invited me to the summer festival!” She had wroten in half a frenzy. Then further in, she wrote again and again about the hints she’d drop any time the two hung out, and of course how Makoto would miss all of them.
“Yuki-kun barely even reacted when I flirted with him today…” She had moped in her journal.
“Ain’t that the truth…” Yukari in the present scoffed. “I love the guy, but man was he oblivious…”
Eventually, she reaches her ‘success’ in November. After so much misery, the two connected in that meaningful way she had wanted since July.
“Makoto shares my feelings…” Her handwriting perfectly encapsulated her excitement at the time. “We shared some time together… and I told him I loved him. He loves me too… I hope-“ Yukari has to stop. She knows what her past self hopes, and she knows it won’t ever be fulfilled. Still, she pushes herself to read the hope of her teenage self.
“I hope we can stay together forever. He’s perfect.”
Yukari can’t help but feel that pang of sadness as she remembers how much she loved Makoto. It was hard to forget how his death ruined her for the entire rest of the month up until the Abyss of Time revealed the reason for his death. She’s probably never loved him more than in that moment.
Yukari eventually closes the diary. When she does, it’s already late, and she’s sort of reeling from all the emotions she felt rereading the events of that year. “It was certainly a whirlwind of emotions that year, huh?” Yukari remarks to no one as she puts the notebook back down on her nightstand and turns the light off in one motion.
As she lays down, and pulls a blanket over herself, she closes her eyes, and lets sleep wash over her in seconds. She never resists sleep at night anymore.
Yukari dreams of Makoto that night. These days, it’s enough for her to only have dreams of him. They bring a smile to her face, just as he did when he was alive.