Work Text:
Hansol’s lying on Seungkwan’s bed when he hears him scream. He quickly lifts his head, scared that he might’ve hurt himself. But Seungkwan looks fine, he’s got a box in his hands. He looks at Hansol and shows him the box, his eyes sparkling. Hansol can’t help the confused look he throws Seungkwan.
“Hansol! Don't you remember?” Seungkwan looks like he’s about to cry.
“I’m sorry, Kwan. I don’t.” Hansol gets off the bed and sits down next to Seungkwan. “But you can show me what it is and help me remember.”
Seungkwan nods and slowly lifts the lid, uncovering what was kept in the box. Hansol snorts when he sees what’s inside.
“A piece of paper?”
Seungkwan pouts. “It’s not just a piece of paper! Look!” He unfolds the paper and shows Hansol what looks like a list.
“Wait.” Hansol takes the list and quickly reads through the first items. “I remember this! We wrote it in freshman year, right?”
Seungkwan smiles. “Yeah! It was our list of things to do before the summer ends.”
Hansol takes a glance at the rest of the items, checking if they’re crossed off or not.
“We did lots of stuff. There are five things left.”
“I think we should complete it. It’s our last summer before uni starts!”
Hansol gives the list back and sits on the bed. “I guess we could, but let’s do it in order.”
“What?”
“Like… Let’s not see what we have to do, let’s discover them one by one.”
“Sounds cool to me!”
Hansol smiles and leans towards Seungkwan.
“So… What’s first?”
“Oh, sorry!” Seungkwan grabs the list and tries his best to find the first thing they have to do. When he does, he looks scared. “Hansol, I hate this. Let’s skip it.”
Hansol laughs and takes the list from his hands. “It can’t be that bad…” He reads the task, and his jaw drops. “Whoa. I mean… It’s not that bad, but did 14-year-old us think we could do this? We were scared of everything!”
“18-year-old me can’t do this. I hate it!” Seungkwan’s pouting again.
“Seungkwan, it’s only the scariest ride in the amusement park!”
“Only the scariest ride? Hansol, do you want to kill me?”
“Of course not, but it’ll be fun!” He shows Seungkwan a warm smile. “Besides, I’ll be there with you. Come on, let’s do it together! You can start the summer conquering one of your biggest fears.”
Seungkwan thinks about it for a moment. Hansol knows how scared he is, and he isn’t expecting him to say yes. But he does.
“Fine. Let’s go next Saturday.”
Hansol jumps from excitement. “Really? Are you doing it?” Seungkwan nods slowly. “That’s crazy! I’m so proud of you!”
Seungkwan smiles and folds the list before saving it in his pocket.
Riding the scariest ride in the amusement park
“I’m going home.”
They’re waiting in line to enter the amusement park, and Seungkwan’s clearly anxious.
“It’s okay! You can do it.” Hansol puts his arm behind Seungkwan’s back. “We can go on other rides before the worst one. Maybe get some cotton candy?”
“If we get cotton candy, I’ll throw up all over you.”
Hansol’s eyes sparkle as they enter the park. “What do you wanna do first?”
“Pirate ship!” Seungkwan’s out of sight before Hansol can notice, and he has to run after him.
“You’re okay with this but not with the roller coaster?”
They’ve already sat down, and they’re waiting for the ride to start. Seungkwan looks extremely joyous until Hansol mentions the roller coaster.
“Yeah. This doesn’t have loops.”
Hansol chuckles. “It has exactly one loop. One loop, Kwan! It’s not that bad.”
“In my opinion, it is that bad. And you’re not changing that.”
“Fine.”
Seungkwan smiles when he realizes he’s won the fight. He’s about to mention how nice the weather is when the ride starts moving.
“Hansol!” He screams to show his excitement, but Hansol needs to cover his ears.
“Dude, I can hear you perfectly fine.”
Seungkwan quiets down and looks around in awe as the ride slowly speeds up.
“Sorry. I haven’t been here in a long time.”
“Me neither. Last time I was here was with you, actually…”
He’s about to say something else when the ride picks up speed out of nowhere, making an excited Seungkwan scream and a taken aback Hansol grab onto the safety bar.
“About what you said earlier…”
They’re finally out of the ride and walking to their next destination: the food court. Hansol had asked Seungkwan to take a break, sip a little bit of water, and then get back on the road.
“What?”
“The last time you came here was with me?”
Hansol shrugs. “Yeah.”
“I thought you would’ve come with someone else in all these years.”
“Nah. I don’t find other people as fun as you.” Hansol smiles at Seungkwan like what he just said is something Seungkwan should know, like it’s obvious.
Seungkwan laughs nervously. “Huh… I guess… I guess you’re right?”
“Wait…” Hansol stops walking out of nowhere. “Did you come here with someone else?”
Seungkwan blushes and fidgets with his hands. “Yeah.” He looks at Hansol. “It was kind of a date.”
Hansol looks confused. He’s trying to decipher what Seungkwan’s saying. In the end, he can only say one word.
“Cool.” He says, like it is cool. But it isn't.
And he starts walking again, leaving Seungkwan behind.
Seungkwan stares at Hansol’s back as he walks ahead, his stomach twitching. “That was weird…”
“Are you ready for the roller-coaster?”
“I don’t know…”
Hansol grabs his hand and starts walking faster. “You can’t escape it now!” He lets out a villain-like laugh as he drags Seungkwan.
“Hansol, I’m going to kill you!”
While they’re waiting in line to get on the roller coaster, Seungkwan starts trembling.
“Hey, I’m sorry. We can leave if you want to.”
“It’s okay. I need to overcome my fears, right?”
Hansol smiles. He knows bravery when he sees it, and Seungkwan’s full of it. He’s always been.
“Hey, we’re next!”
“Why are you so excited all of a sudden?”
Seungkwan starts humming a song. “I guess you calm me down.”
“I guess I do. That’s just who I am.”
“Get that smug off your face! You disgust me.” Seungkwan likes joking around with Hansol. He likes how he can just be himself, how the rest of the world doesn’t matter.
“Kwan, doors are open.”
Seungkwan turns around and sees the empty seats. “I think I just shat myself.”
Hansol pushes him before he can regret it, and helps him calm down before the ride starts.
“Breathe in, breathe out.”
Suddenly, the ride moves, just a little, but it does. And Seungkwan screams as loud as his lungs let him.
“Kwan! It hasn’t even started yet
“But it’s about to! Didn’t you feel that?”
“I didn’t, Boo.”
Seungkwan turns his head toward Hansol. “What did you just–”
The ride starts, and Seungkwan forgets about whatever’s happened in the last five minutes and just focuses on surviving.
“See? It wasn’t that bad.”
Seungkwan pushes through the crowd and throws up in a bush.
“I guess it was.”
Seungkwan wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah! It was!”
Hansol stares at Seungkwan for a moment, a dumb smile on his face.
“What’s wrong?” Seungkwan looks behind him, afraid there might be someone there. “Did I throw up on anyone?”
“No! It’s nothing.” He gets closer, and Seungkwan takes a step back. “Hey, I don’t bite. Your hair’s kinda messy from the ride.” Seungkwan blushes as Hansol fixes his hair, and eventually, he can’t take it anymore.
“Okay, stop it! I’ll do it.”
Hansol puts his hands up and walks away. “Okay! I’ll wait for you outside the bathroom.”
“Thanks.” He sprints inside the bathroom, his heart beating like a drum. He looks in the mirror. “My hair doesn’t look that bad…” After he’s done, he washes his hands and notices the blush on his face. “What’s wrong with me?” He says a smirk forms on his lips, he doesn't hate it.
“Took you long enough. Do you wanna ride anything else? There are still two hours left.”
“I don’t think I can. My stomach’s still suffering the effects of the roller coaster.”
“Okay! Let’s just leave then.” Hansol starts walking, and Seungkwan follows behind. “Do you have the list? We could check out what’s next.”
“I left it at home, I was afraid I’d lose it.” But he’s lying. It’s right there, in his pocket. “Maybe you can come over tomorrow and we’ll check out what we need to do next?”
“Sounds nice.” Hansol doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t check in on Seungkwan, doesn’t ask him how he’s doing or why he’s walking so far behind, like he knows.
Camping and stargazing
It’s been a week since they checked the first activity on the list, and now they’re on their way to check two more. They need to go camping and stargaze, which makes Hansol kinda scared.
“You know we tried to check this but never did because we were scared of the forest, right?”
Seungkwan’s walking in front of him. “Yeah, but we need to overcome our fears!”
“I hate when you do that.”
“Do what?” Hansol can hear the smile in Seungkwan’s voice, and it makes him smile too.
“You always use my own words against me.” He pouts because Seungkwan can’t see it, and he knows how annoyed he’ll be when he finds out he missed a Hansol pout. “It’s annoying!”
“Sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“We both know you’re lying.”
“Yeah, we do.”
When they finally get to the camping site, Seungkwan puts Hansol in charge of setting up the tent. “You’re the strongest here.”
“I hate you.” But Hansol does it anyway, because why wouldn’t he?
“You love me.”
Hansol doesn’t say anything.
But he doesn’t deny it either.
The tent’s set up in less than ten minutes.
“Hey, I’m proud of you!” Seungkwan puts his arm around Hansol’s shoulder as they look at the tent.
“I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment.” He smiles.
“You should!” Seungkwan takes the arm off his shoulder and walks away. “Should we light up a fire? I want marshmallows.”
“Sure, but you do it.”
Seungkwan looks at him like Hansol’s just insulted him. “Of course I will! Do you think I’m a monster?”
“I never said that.” He’s offended, Seungkwan can tell. He knows he’s Hansol’s weak point, he knows Hansol loves him, they’ve been friends since forever, after all.
“I know, don’t worry.” He lifts his hand toward Hansol’s ear.
Hansol flinches, he doesn't let the hand get to his ear. He looks scared, like if Seungkwan's hand had touched him, it would've broken something.
“Wait. Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like you did anything.” Hansol brushes it off and enters the tent. “I’m gonna get the lighter.”
“Okay.” Seungkwan gathers wood and places it inside the circle of rocks he’d made, trying to ignore what's just happened, to brush it off like it's nothing. Hansol eventually appears, lighter in hands, and he starts the fire.
“Where are the marshmallows? I’m kinda hungry.”
“Oh, yeah. They should be in my bag.” Hansol enters the tent again, and Seungkwan can feel the heat of the fire burning his face.
“I think the fire might burn my eyebrows off.”
Hansol exits the tent, bag of marshmallows in hand. “What does that even mean?”
“I’m serious! This burns.”
Seungkwan leaves space so Hansol can sit down, but he still gets as close as possible. “It’s a fire, of course it burns.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Obvious. Can’t a guy point something out? Okay, maybe it was redundant, but I wanted to say it.”
Hansol’s expression softens as Seungkwan talks the night away. He stares for as long as he can before Seungkwan remembers they were going to eat marshmallows. He looks around, searching for the bag.
“They’re here.” Hansol hands them over, their hands touching. Seungkwan automatically flinches. “Is my hand cold or something?”
Seungkwan shakes his head. Hansol’s hands weren’t cold; in fact, they were warm, maybe even more than the fire. What concerned Seungkwan was the zap of electricity he got when their hands touched. They’re friends, they’ve been holding hands since forever, but it felt different this time. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re alone, maybe it’s just Seungkwan making up stuff, but there was something else there, not friendship.
“Kwan?”
“Sorry, kinda zoned out there.”
He can feel Hansol staring at him, his eyes scanning his face. He can see his movements through his peripheral vision. Hansol lifts his hand, brings it over to Seungkwan. But he regrets it, and it stays right where it was.
“It’s okay.”
And Seungkwan really wants to ask Hansol what’s wrong. Because he knows there’s something wrong, even though he can’t quite put his finger on it. Hansol’s not Hansol, and their friendship’s not their friendship.
He wants to ask, but he doesn’t. He roasts a marshmallow instead, it’s outside turning brown, and eats it before letting it cool down.
“Shall we look at the stars?” Seungkwan offers his hand to Hansol, his eyes beaming.
Hansol simply stares at it, like it’s going to disintegrate the moment he touches it.
Afraid of what might happen, he doesn’t grab the hand.
He simply gives Seungkwan a knowing look and walks towards a meadow they’d chosen earlier to stargaze from.
Seungkwan’s hand is left hanging, the warmth of the fire heating it up. He waits until Hansol’s far enough away to curse under his breath: “What the fuck was that, Chwe Hansol?”
When Seungkwan gets to the meadow, he can’t see Hansol. It’s dark, and the only thing he sees is grass, so he keeps walking. He walks until he feels something tug at his feet.
Seungkwan’s gaze turns to the grass, and he sees hands grabbing at his knees. He automatically screams and throws kicks at the hands.
“Seungkwan! Stop!”
He recognizes the voice and stops kicking immediately. “Hansol! You scared the shit out of me!” He can hear the boy chuckle. “It’s not funny, I thought I was gonna die.”
Hansol lets Seungkwan’s knees go and pats the grass next to him, waiting for the boy to lie down.
“I hate you.” But Seungkwan obeys anyway.
A soft smile plays on Hansol’s lips. “I know.”
They stare at the sky, simply looking at the stars. They can hear the sounds of the forest; the rivers full of water, the leaves of the trees, the owls waiting for their prey.
“When are you teaching me constellations?”
Seungkwan looks at Hansol, and what he sees leaves him speechless. Hansol’s eyes are shining, and yeah, maybe it’s just the reflection of the stars, but he looks beautiful, almost ethereal, and Seungkwan wants to keep staring forever. But then Hansol turns his head.
“I can teach you some now!”
He looks so happy about this, Seungkwan can’t bring himself to say no.
“Sure.”
And Hansol starts pointing around.
“That’s Cygnus, or The Swan. It contains a bright asterism called the Northern Cross, so it should be easy to spot. Its brightest star is Deneb!”
Seungkwan stares at the sky for a while. “I don’t see it.”
Hansol gets closer, just so he can see the sky from Seungkwan’s perspective, but his arms are touching and –for some reason– it makes Seungkwan nervous.
“Right there! Can you see it now?”
Seungkwan doesn’t, but he has to lie or he’ll melt in the spot. “Yeah. That cross, right?” He points at whatever.
“That’s it.”
Hansol moves back to his original place and Seungkwan can finally breathe again.
“I’ll show you another one and then we’ll call it a day. I’m kinda tired.” Hansol’s mouth opens in a yawn, tears forming in his eyes.
Seungkwan finds that beautiful too, for some reason.
“Okay.”
“The last one is Sagittarius, The Archer. The recognizable part looks like a teapot, so look for that. Also, it’s found near the center of the Milky Way.”
Their eyes turn to the sky again, and Seungkwan eventually tugs at Hansol’s shirt.
“I think I see it!”
“Where?” Hansol gets close again.
“Um… Right there! The huge teapot.”
“That’s it.” Seungkwan can hear Hansol’s smile. “That was perfect! Do you wanna go to sleep now?”
He doesn’t, Seungkwan would rather stare at the sky for the rest of eternity than sleep the night away. He’d much rather search for undiscovered constellations, and ask Hansol about them just so he can stick their arms together, sharing their warmth.
But Hansol’s already left. He didn’t even wait for an answer, he just… left. And it hurts Seungkwan, because they’re friends, because they should look after each other, and Hansol hasn’t asked about Seungkwan’s wellbeing in the past ten hours.
When he gets to the tent, Hansol’s already asleep, his whole body covering Seungkwan’s sleeping bag. He sighs.
“I guess it’s okay. It’s hot enough for me to sleep without it.”
So he lies next to Hansol, as close as he can. Just in case the night gets cold and Seungkwan needs warmth. Just in case he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs something to hold onto. Just in case Hansol disappears overnight.
Go for a night swim in the ocean
“Can you believe we’re so close to completing the list already?”
Hansol and Seungkwan are in Jeju. They’ve waited the whole summer to try and complete the list, because the swim in the ocean had to happen in Jeju.
“You don’t know that, Kwan.”
“But look at this!” Seungkwan takes the list out. “There’s only that much space left, only one thing can fit there.”
Hansol takes the list and analyzes the covered part. “Huh. I guess you’re right.” He gives it back and takes his swimming shorts.
“Of course I’m right.”
He hears Hansol fake a laugh before entering the bathroom. “Idiot.”
When Hansol comes out of the bathroom, Seungkwan’s getting the bag ready. “Do you think we’ll need anything to heat us up?”
“No. We have each other.” He winks, like it’s a joke, but Seungkwan can feel his whole body flushing.
“Shut up.”
“Did I fluster you?” He’s grinning, that stupid grin he has when he knows he’s provoked a reaction in Seungkwan.
“You’re stupid.”
Seungkwan leaves the room and Hansol follows behind, still teasing him. “Why? Kwan, what’s wrong?”
He’s ignored the whole walk to the front door, where Seungkwan stops.
“Mom! We’re leaving!”
Then they close the door behind them, and Hansol stops teasing. “The moon looks huge, dude.”
“Woah, it does.”
The walk to the beach is quiet and short, barely five minutes. When they get there, they find it’s completely empty.
“I kinda expected people to be here.” Seungkwan sets the bag on the sand and takes out two towels.
“Me too. Guess we’re the only ones who thought of this.” He stares at the waves, slowly moving back and forth. “I guess it’s better this way. No one can bother us.”
They sit down on the towels and don’t say anything for a while, the sound of the waves filling the air.
“What are you gonna do when we’re done with the list?”
Seungkwan’s startled by Hansol’s voice. He sounds nostalgic, like he regrets something, like he wishes he could go back. Back where? Seungkwan doesn’t know.
“Nothing will change. We’ll just keep hanging out.”
He stares at Hansol, looking for a reaction. Seungkwan only catches his expression softening.
Hansol sighs. “We will, right?” And it sounds so sad, so melancholic, that Seungkwan thinks Hansol will break.
So he gets closer and rests his head on his shoulder. “Of course we will.”
Then, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore fills the ambiance again.
“Hansol, you look like you’re gonna–“
“Let’s swim now. It’s almost midnight.”
Cry.
“Okay.”
They slowly walk towards the water, their feet sinking in the cold sand.
“Is it cold?” Seungkwan stares at Hansol, who’s already got the water up to his waist.
“Come here and find out.” And he winks again. Like it’s a game.
But it’s not a game, it’s confusing, and it hurts at the same time, but it also feels like love. And it drives Seungkwan crazy.
“Fine, but I’m not gonna be there long.”
“I just need you here so we can complete the list.”
Seungkwan steps into the water. It’s not as cold as he thought it’d be. “Do you not need me anywhere else?”
Hansol doesn’t reply. He just stares. Because of course he needs Seungkwan, but he can’t say that. So he jokes, like he always does.
“Nope.” Hansol grabs Seungkwan by the waist and brings him into the water at once.
“You’re a dick, have I ever told you that?” Seungkwan’s face lightens up as he wipes the water out of his eyes.
“All the time.” There’s that smile again, the huge grin. The “I know what you’re thinking” eyes. Seungkwan can’t help but be drawn to them.
“Can I leave now?”
“No!” Hansol grabs Seungkwan’s waist again and brings him closer, as if he’s about to hug him. Seungkwan doesn’t try to stop it.
“Hey! I need to check this activity off. I’ll come back in a minute.”
Hansol hugs him. It’s tight, but it’s messy too, because the water makes it hard for them to stay in place, and he doesn’t know where to put his arms. So Seungkwan guides them around his torso.
They’re close now, their noses nearly touching
“You promise?” Hansol’s way too close for Seungkwan. He’s way too comfortable with their lips almost brushing.
“I do.” Seungkwan thanks for the swimming in the dark, because he’s sure his whole body’s blushing now.
When Hansol finally lets go, the absence feels wrong, as though something should be holding Seungkwan. He decides to ignore it and leaves the water.
“Tell me what’s the next one!” Hansol screams behind him, splashing around. Seungkwan only gives him a thumbs up, it’s all he can do so he doesn’t break down right there.
He shouldn’t be feeling like this. Hansol’s his friend! They’ve been friends since forever! And now he gets flustered any time they get a little close? It doesn’t make sense.
He gets to the bag and grabs the list, and waits before opening it. Whatever the last item is, it’s gonna feel wrong to complete it. He wants to have these kinds of moments with Hansol. This innocence that comes with the list, with the activities they’d written when they were only starting high school.
Completing the list feels like leaving their teenage years behind, like their relationship’s starting a new chapter. He’s not sure if he’s ready for that.
But he opens it anyway, and grabs a pen. He finds the thing they’ve just completed and checks it off. His hands tremble as he unfolds the list.
When he reads the last item, his whole body freezes.
“Kwan! Is everything all right? You need me to come heat you up?” Seungkwan knows he’s joking. He can hear it, but he can’t laugh. Not now.
Not now, when he’s staring at the last item of the list. When his eyes are fixated on the “Confess” faintly crossed out, like whoever wrote it didn’t want to erase it at all.
Confess. That’s the last thing they have to do. They? Seungkwan? Hansol? Who has to confess?
He looks at Hansol, still playing around in the water, and when their sights cross, there’s something in Hansol’s eyes that tells him he knows.
He walks towards the sea, list in his hands. Seungkwan keeps looking at the “Confess” and back at Hansol. When he’s close enough to the water that waves come up to his feet, he calls out Hansol’s name.
“Hansol!”
He looks at Seungkwan, but he doesn’t move. He’s waiting for him to say something, to tell him why he’s called him. He’s smirking.
“Can you come here?”
Hansol finally starts swimming over. He slowly exits the water. He doesn’t get closer than 8 feet, like the hug from earlier has disappeared, and they’re back to being awkward teenagers again.
“What is it?” His voice tells Seungkwan he knows. He’s known since they found the list.
“It’s about the last thing on the list.” Seungkwan’s nervous, his voice breaks.
“Is it too hard for you? Maybe we could change it.” Hansol takes a step forward, as if he’s opening himself up.
“No!” But Seungkwan stops him.
And Hansol stares. He stares like taking his eyes off of Seungkwan will make him disappear. “Kwan, tell me what it is.”
“I… I don’t know if I should.”
“Of course you should. Just tell me.”
Seungkwan sighs. They need to complete the list. This is only so they can complete the list. There’s no other intentions.
“It’s ‘confess’. That’s the last thing written.”
They stay quiet for a second, and Hansol doesn’t stop staring.
“Who wrote this? Was it you?” He’s demanding an answer, because Seungkwan needs to know.
And Hansol doesn’t say anything, because “Of course I wrote it, it’s not like you’re in love with me.” And then it hits him.
Why would Seungkwan even ask that? Why would he if there wasn’t even the slightest possibility that Seungkwan had written it, but just forgotten?
“Kwan.”
He takes a step forward. Seungkwan doesn’t stop him, so he takes another one, and another one, until he’s so close he can hear Seungkwan’s breath.
“Hansol?”
He takes the list and reads the last word: “Confess”. “That’s obviously my handwriting. Why'd you even think it could've been you?” Hansol looks at him like he knows something he shouldn’t.
“I… I don’t know.” Seungkwan brings a hand up to his face and pinches his nose. “I thought maybe I'd wrote it! Maybe as a joke! Maybe I liked someone but didn't want to admit it?”
“Maybe you liked me?” Oh. Hansol knows. He’s always known.
Seungkwan looks up at him, his eyes glistening. He takes his time and stares, because he can. Because Hansol’s right, and Seungkwan’s angry at him. “Maybe.”
Hansol gets closer. Their bodies are almost touching, and there’s this tension between them that makes Seungkwan shiver. They’re not as close as they were in the water, but this closeness comes with something else. With truth.
“Well, do you?” Seungkwan notices the hope in Hansol’s voice. He knows he wants him to love, to desire, to want. But he doesn’t know if he can.
“I don’t know.” The moment he says it, he knows he's lying. He’s always known.
“That’s okay.”
Hansol takes a step back and lets Seungkwan have some time. He goes back to the water, like whatever’s just happened hasn’t broken him completely. Like he’s okay.
And that makes Seungkwan furious, it makes him want to scream. Hansol has always acted like this, like nothing affects him, but Seungkwan knows Hansol can hurt, and he wants him to show it.
“You drive me crazy!” He shouts at Hansol. “Have you gone nuts? Is this a joke? This is your chance to be vulnerable, to say anything you want, and you… you just walk away?”
Seungkwan’s crying. He doesn’t care.
“You can’t do that! Hansol, do you want to live like that your whole life? Are you gonna run away from everything that can hurt you forever?”
Hansol’s frozen in place. His fists clench, and he starts trembling.
“Well, let me tell you something! You can’t be happy if you don’t let anything hurt you.”
He’s walking over, Hansol still in the same place. “So tell me! Tell me everything you’ve ever wanted to tell me.”
He waits for him. He notices Hansol’s body tensing up, his eyebrows furrowing, relaxing and tensing. His mouth opening just to close again.
“Kwan.”
“Finally, you’re-”
“Shut up.”
He takes Seungkwan’s arm and starts sobbing. Everything he’s been building up since he wrote that is finally coming out. It’s hard to catch his breath, he can’t see anything, there’s only tears.
“Shut up, please.”
Seungkwan puts his arms around Hansol, even though he isn’t sure if that’s gonna help, and holds him as tight as he can. His shirt soon gets drenched in tears, but Hansol eventually calms down –even though he’s still crying–.
“I’m not as strong as you think I am. I cover everything up with jokes, teases.” Hansol’s trying to open up, and Seungkwan lets him take his time. He lets him think and breathe, and most importantly, he lets him love.
“I don’t know if I should be saying this, maybe I shouldn’t, but who cares? It’s the end of the summer.” He looks at Seungkwan, the whole sky in his eyes. “You’re all I ever wanted, Kwan.”
Seungkwan’s jaw drops open. He’s trying to get words out, but it’s impossible.
“This might sound dumb, I’m only eighteen. But I… I like you. I always have.”
He waits for an answer as Seungkwan breaks. These years, it has only been him for Hansol. Now he notices every time Hansol flirted with him as a joke, every time he ignored Seungkwan’s crushes.
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. I get it. I just needed to get this off my chest now.”
He suddenly feels a hit on his arm. “Are you an actual idiot?” Seungkwan’s groaning. “If I didn’t like you would I have shown you the list? I would’ve just thrown it out! Maybe I could’ve told you I’d lost it.”
“But you’re Seungkwan. You like letting people know they’re heard.”
He’s right, that’s who Seungkwan is. “That’s who I am. But I also like to let people know they’re loved, and, oh, Hansol, you are so loved.”
Now Hansol’s eyes are locked on him. He’s waiting to wake up from a dream. Since he doesn’t, he buries his face in Seungkwan’s shoulder.
“I’m so happy you love me.”
Seungkwan smiles. “I’m glad I realized I did.”
Hansol pulls back slightly and takes in Seungkwan’s features. This is the boy he’s always been in love with, and he feels the same way.
His eyes flicker to Seungkwan’s lips, just for a second, barely noticeable, but it’s enough. Enough for Hansol to lean in slowly, giving Seungkwan time to stop him.
But he doesn’t. He puts his arms around Hansol’s neck and brings him in. Their lips touch for a second, and Hansol looks at Seungkwan like he’s asking him to continue. And so he does.
It’s messy now, desperate even. Because Hansol’s been waiting all his life and Seungkwan can’t afford to lose a second more. And it’s childish, because that’s what they are, teenagers in love, in the last summer before university starts.
They’re teenagers who’ve just confessed, and it feels so right.
Hansol slowly pulls away, but Seungkwan’s lips follow his until they can’t anymore, and they part. Seungkwan’s amazed by the way Hansol’s eyes sparkle when they look at him.
“Let’s go to the water.” And who’s Seungkwan to refuse?
They run through the sand, holding hands just in case either of them gets lost. They play like children in the water, and Hansol grabs Seungkwan from behind when he least expects it.
It eventually turns into a hug, and Hansol leaves a soft kiss on Seungkwan’s temple.
“I love you, Boo.”
He can feel Seungkwan chuckle.
“Boo, I like that.”
And Seungkwan feels Hansol's arms around him again, as the moonlight reflects in the water.