Work Text:
“I expected to find you in the study, or the drawing room, or even, God forbid it, the old wine cellar,” the younger Colbourne brother said to the elder.
“All reasonable assumptions, brother,” Samuel replied very quietly. “But I find that this is a misery not even strong drink can mitigate.”
They were standing on the far side of the stream, under that towering willow tree, looking at the ivy-covered walls and back terrace of Heyrick Park. The sun was starting its slow descent into the crisp fall dusk. Samuel had been conspicuously absent from the house for the entire afternoon.
Several hours earlier, they had returned from the church (and what a strange outing that had been!) full of shock, dismay and bewilderment. Alexander could not comprehend anything, really, about Miss Heywood’s strange behavior and reticence to speak openly, even without the presence of her dull fiancé. Samuel had been blindsided by Miss Heywood’s reveal of Lady de Clement’s paramour and that Lady’s subsequent refusal of his overtures outside the chapel. Augusta was still reeling from the betrayal of Sir Edward and the pain of having to see him so soon afterward. And they all, frankly, were flummoxed by Lady Denham’s reversal of intention. She was not known to be a woman of fleeting feeling.
Thus, they had arrived back at Heyrick Park with heavy hearts and minds. Augusta played a few sad tunes on the piano forte before immersing herself in a book. Alexander had gone for a very lengthy afternoon ride on Hannibal. Samuel, despite his customary tendencies, did not make straight for the sherry or port. Instead, he had wandered outside aimlessly for hours, skirting some of the furthest fields and the busy pastures. He finally found his way to the streamside path near the willow tree, where Alexander eventually spotted him from the drawing room window late in the afternoon.
And now, here were two broken-hearted brothers, standing, literally, in the shadow of the great house that had molded them into men.
Alexander acknowledged, silently, that the last time he had walked this particular stretch and gazed at Heyrick Park, he was full of hope. Today, he was full of despair – his own, his brother’s, and that of his niece. They were all suffering under the weight of love that seemed possible, within reach, but was no longer part of their destinies. Augusta had youth, and time, on her side. But for himself and Samuel, he did not feel the same sense of opportunity.
After a period of uncomfortable silence, Alexander ventured further than he would have thought possible just three weeks before. “Will you tell me what happened?”
“I am still trying to piece it together myself,” was Samuel’s bewildered reply. “I do not know what arrangement she has, and why she made my acquaintance so readily under such circumstances. But she feels compelled to leave and return to London.”
“Did you make your case?” Alexander asked.
“Of course I did!” Samuel replied sharply. Then his countenance softened. “But she believes the choice is not hers to make.”
Alexander nodded very slowly as he looked down. “I find myself in the same circumstance.”
“You believe that Miss Heywood is not free to make her choice?”
“I had thought that perhaps she was considering what options she may have, if any, when we parted at Trafalgar House the other night. But her manner was downright peculiar today, at least with regard to me,” Alexander explained.
Samuel tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “She was very encouraging to me today, and kind to Augusta as well,” he said tentatively.
“Yes, she was. But she was unnerved in my presence both outside the chapel and those few minutes we sat in the pew. Whatever hope I had for a future with her has faded.”
“I feel the same, brother,” Samuel offered as he toed his boot across a few dry leaves and watched them crumble into brittle pieces.
Another silence befell them.
Samuel spoke first. “You wisely said the other day that we were not meant to walk this life alone. That was certainly true for father.”
“How so?” Alexander was curious. They so rarely spoke of their father.
“You may not remember this well, but he was happy when Mother was alive,” said Samuel. “She balanced him in ways I did not understand when I was young, but that I can see more clearly now. When she passed, he lost any sense of equilibrium her presence had provided. He was not a man who was equipped to live life alone. He was not someone who could manage this estate, and manage us, without someone by his side.”
Alexander considered this revelation for a few moments. “You're right, Sam. I thought, for a long time, that I could do what he could not. That I could rescue Heyrick Park, that I could nurture this land and rebuild community among our tenants and neighbors. And that I could raise Leo alone. I thought that I would be enough for all of it, if I dedicated myself to my duties and did not entertain distractions”
“And you have done nearly all of that Xander,” Samuel assured him. “What makes you think otherwise?”
“I left much to be desired as a father and a guardian. This past summer, when Miss Heywood was governess here, every one and every thing thrived. I swear to you, Sam,” he said with a chuckle, “even the cows were producing more milk.”
Samuel laughed as well, but then turned serious as he glanced up at the house. He took a deep, slow breath and let it go, then looked his younger brother squarely in the eyes. “She touched you deeply, Xander. And the girls too. I have known it since the first day I saw you in her company. I am so sorry that your devotion cannot be returned.”
“I am sorry for you, as well,” Alexander said earnestly.
By silent agreement, they started walking again, continuing alongside the stream. They reached the opposite end of the back lawn, crossed the stone bridge, and headed back up the hill toward the house.
Just before they entered, Samuel stopped and turned to look at Alexander. “Do you regret following your heart?”
Alexander answered almost instantaneously. “No, not even for a moment.” His voice was steady, and he raised his chin assuredly. “Miss Heywood taught us how to live together as a family. She helped me forgive myself, and even you, I suppose. I am committed to living my life now with greater purpose, and with honesty and integrity. I am a better man for loving her.”
Samuel cracked one of his wide smiles. “Well said, brother,” he offered. “I shall endeavor to do the same.”
Then, having laid their souls bare to each other for the first time in a very long time, Alexander and Samuel entered the house to prepare for the dinner hour. Tomorrow promised a new day.