Work Text:
Dabi: he's pretty chill tbh
1.8M replies
Dynamight: damn i dont know what people are talking about he ain't that fucking bad
2.4M replies
Deku: who??? the grocery man????
Hawks: Can someone tell why I just came home to my husband casually hanging out with the kid he fucking kidnapped two years ago?
6M replies
Deku: WHAT
Underground: Is Bakugou okay
Hawks: They're watching a fire quirk documentary???? I don't think they've even noticed I'm here…
[Transcript: A photo of two shadowy figures sitting haphazardly on the couch, surrounded by chili sauces and very intently staring at the TV screen]
Deku: WHY IS KACCHAN IN FUKUOKA
Deku: HE SAID HE WAS GOING OUT FOR A GROCERY RUN
Shigaraki: prev-gen dads be like
Kaminari: damn that's a lot of chili sauces lol
Kirishima: KAMINARI
Spinner: SHIGARAKI
Deku: MINA
Mina: IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT BASTARD FOR TWO HOURS DONT FUCKINF CAPS LOCK ME
Best Jeanist: @Hawks this is serious- Bakugou Katsuki's safety is of high importance in the parole agreement, he and Dabi must be separated immediately.
Hawks: i hear you man, I'll tell him
Best Jeanist: Wait
Shouto: stop
Underground: don't do that
Compress: that seems like a really bad idea Keigo…
Kirishima: NO DONT DO THAT
Deku: HAWKS SAN NO
[Transcript: A shaky video of Hawks standing at the kitchen counter and looking over at the couch, visibly stressed.
Bakugou's voice comes through, "-and why the fuck should I listen to you? Your dumb ass couldn't even tell that you were fucking your role model's son, even though you were in direct contact with both of them for months on end, sometimes within the same fucking day. You stupid excuse of a failed anime protagonist-"
Hawks presses a hand to his mouth, shocked, and the video cuts off to wild, delighted cackling off-screen.]
Hawks: in my own house…
9M replies
Deku: I'm so sorry about him hawks-san
Hawks: blink twice if u need help midoriya
Hawks: I tried again and have now been bullied into taking a shower. turns out that a guy with the hottest fire quirk on record and a guy with highly flammable sweat make a very persuasive team.
15M replies
Hawks: I still don't know why he's here
30M replies
OfficerTTOfficial: Is there any evidence of a relapse of mental issues of any kind? some indicator of losing time? is Katsuki showing signs of having been brought there and held against his will?
[Transcript: a shaky, secretly taken photo of the living room. The taller figure is intensely playing a game on the phone, eyes narrowed. The smaller is leaning against him comfortably and also staring at the screen, caught mid-yell]
Hawks: no man this kid is just in my house he's eaten all my food he's fucking doing great
Shigaraki: are they fucking cuddling
Hawks: Yeah and playing some outdated game that released ten years ago
Shouto: doesn't that sound like a really bad idea. two very very emotional men with anger issues and unstable quirks playing a video game together.
Hawks: oh god
Hawks: Why the Actual Fuck is Takami-Todoroki Dabi giving his ex-kidnappee love advice about his crush on my couch. Does he think he has a leg to stand on. He proposed to me when he was still in fucking jail.
300M replies
Mina: oooo love advice?
Sero: i smell desperation~
Kirishma: @bakugou YOU TOLD DABI WHO YOUR CRUSH WAS BUT YOU COULDNT TELL ME
Kaminari: no no its better this way, we can use shoto to guilt trip his brother to spill who it is to us
Shouto: excuse me
Kaminari: im right arent i?
Hawks: There is emotion happening on my living room couch wtf disgusting
180M replies
Uravity: Keigo-San….
Hawks: no yeah I heard myself my bad
["Wait a goddamned minute- Dabi, shut up- you're Mitsuki's son, aren't you?"
"Yeah? So what? And who are you to fucking call my mother by her given name, hah?"
"Her employee of three years, you little shit. Fucking great, I have her number, I'm calling your mom."
"This is so much fun."
"Dabi, shut the fuck UP!"]
Hawks: he blew up my coffee table
500M replies
Kaminari: which one lol
Hawks: both. also why is everyone suddenly offline when I need them most.
Kaminari: Oh Deku panicked and fled UA like half an hour ago and the whole class followed him. I didn't cause I'm high as fuck.
Hawks: what I would give to be you right now
Hawks: wait does that mean the entire social service community is coming to my house RIGHT NOW
Hawks: because explosion kid left like ten minutes ago
Kaminari: lmao good luck