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The ground is all iced over, and it burns but Mari keeps running. She twists and turns through trees, but she can still hear the howls behind her. She’s bleeding and she’s running and then she hears a sickening crunch of the ground giving way, only it’s not her that fell. Shauna has too many spikes to count piercing through her body. Mari screams.
“No, no, no. please get up, please. Shauna please.” Mari begs to the cold, unforgiving ground. Shauna Shipman is the reason Mari was running for her life, but she is also the girl who let Mari borrow a lip balm in the 7th grade. Shauna was one of them, she was the fastest on the team and she helped the girls with their English homework and now she’s dead.
The girls all slowly find their way to Mari, who is still begging the earth to undo its cruelty. It’s Gen who gathers Mari off the ground and it’s Akilah who gives Mari a jacket.
They lay Shauna to rest under a pile of leaves. They do not butcher her. Tai stays there, next to her best friend’s body, even after everyone else has left.
Rescue is coming. Natalie returns a few days later and she is fucking grinning. Mari distantly recognises that this is the happiest Nat’s been for a while. She can also see Travis breathe a sigh of pure relief and Nat’s not-so-subtle glances toward him.
“Shauna’s dead.” Melissa says.
Nat looks so fucking heartbroken that Mari is reminded that Nat has always had the most humanity out of them all. She is crying over the girl that made her butcher Coach Scott.
This is what prompts Mari to go over to her and wrap her arms around the other girl. After a few seconds Nat clings tightly to her.
In another universe, Mariana Sofia Ibarra did not leave the wilderness. Destined to be forever 17.
This is not that particular story though.
Rescue comes 2 week and 5 days later. It’s mostly a blur for Mari; all she can remember is Akilah holding her hand the entire time.
The plane ride to the hospital is tense, to say the least. They had to sedate nearly everyone.
The next few days pass in the same blur. It is full of medical check-ups and glances from the nurses.
The plane ride home is less tense. They still sedate everyone. At the airport, Lottie screams and keeps screaming.
Her family is at the airport waiting for her. Mari cries when she spots her mother through the glass. Her entire family pretty much breaks into uncontrollable tears as soon as they see her. They all rush forward and surround her. She can hear her older brother, Marco, sniffling and it seems so out of character for him that Mari laughs. Her family is surrounding her, there is warmth radiating off of them all and Mari can still feel a chill imbedded into her bones.
Mariana Sofia Ibarra never leaves the wilderness behind. In all realities, she can never escape it; it follows her in death, and it haunts her living.
Mari can see Nat standing alone and her heart breaks.
“Mama, my friend, she, um, doesn’t have a place to stay.” Mari chokes out, oddly fearful about actually speaking to her mother, as if she’d disappear if acknowledged. “She’s the one who called for rescue.”
“Of course, she can stay with us, baby.” Her mother says through sobs. She cups Mari’s face as if she can’t believe she’s real. “You say she saved my baby girl? She’s family.”
Her mother then reluctantly let’s go of Mari’s face and walks over to Nat. She says something that Mari can’t hear and then hugs her. Nat’s face falls and she starts crying.
Nat sits next to her on the car ride home. She’s gripping Mari’s hand like a lifeline. Mari lets her. Suddenly she jerks and starts to speak, “Travis, wait, no— where is he? I need to be near him.” The words are frantic and desperate. Mari’s mother starts to reassure her, “Honey, The Martinez’s live right next door. You’ll be able to see him when we’re home.” Nat calms down at that and Mari moves a little bit closer to her.
They arrive home and then someone is running through the house at lightning speed and suddenly Mateo is in front of her. He moves faster than she can comprehend and then he is holding on to her like she’s going to disappear. Mari supposes she can’t critique that when she’s pretty sure that she’s crushing his ribs.
In the background she can hear her mother telling Nat she should eat something and then ordering Mari’s father to put the spare bed in Mari’s room. However, most of her mind is just repeating, Mateo, my brother, twin brother, home.
After her and Mateo separate from each other, they sit at the dinner table. Nat is on the other side of her and Mari grabs her hand and squeezes it. The noise is significantly less than it used to be but it’s still a constant chatter. Nat compliments her mother’s cooking and Mrs. Ibarra beams, and Mari knows that Nat will not be leaving any time soon.
Nat’s Italian is kind of similar to Mari’s family’s Spanish, so she’s able to loosely keep up with the conversation happening. It’s still obviously overwhelming for her so Mari grabs her hand and asks to be excused. Her mother lets them leave with a smile.
Mari’s room is untouched. There’s dust coating nearly every surface but the new bed that’s been placed right next to Mari’s own. Wordlessly, Mari goes into her drawer and pulls out 2 sets of pyjamas.
“Look, Mari, you didn’t have to invite me here. It’s fine. I can go home.” Nat starts, obviously about to go on a rant about how she doesn’t deserve this.
“Shut up and get dressed for bed, Scatorccio.” Mari replies. “Mama is probably never going to let you leave now, so you should just accept it.”
Nat is obviously still uncomfortable but gets dressed for bed.
Mari climbs into her own and stares at the ceiling. “Can you, um, sleep beside me? It’s just that I’m not used to sleeping alone and—” Nat cuts her off by climbing into her bed as well. They fall asleep side by side. Mari can still feel the cold in her bones, but only slightly.
The next morning she’s awoken by the sunlight, and it takes her a few moments to process that she’s home. Nat is still asleep, and Mari personally knows the panic of waking up alone, so she stays in bed. It’s been close to an hour when there is a frantic knock on her window, and it wakes Nat up. Mari is already up and letting Travis climb through her window. He doesn’t look like he’s slept, and she knows why.
“I’m going to see if Mama’s making breakfast.” She says when the two just look at each other. “I’ll bring you both some.” Then Mari leaves her room. Mateo is almost immediately by her side and Marco keeps glancing up from his plate, as if to check she’s really here. Her mother is cooking something while humming and the scene is so familiar that Mari wants to cry.
Would her family still want her here if they knew what she’d done? If they the cruel words that she uttered towards her own friends? The people she let die?
Mari fixes 2 plates of food, kisses her mother on the cheek, and brings the food to Nat and Travis.
The weeks pass Mari by relatively peacefully, that is, until the funerals. The real ones, not the ones that were held 6 months after the crash. Mari herself has a gravestone; she spots it next to her grandfather’s. The rosary that Mari forgot to pack is hanging off a side. Mari wants to laugh at that. If Laura Lee knew that Mari forgot to pack her rosary, she’d be so disappointed. Laura Lee’s dead though. She’ll never be disappointed in anything again.
Laura Lee was the first of them to die. She was so good that Mari thinks it’s a mercy she died when she did. She’d never be able to stomach what they all turned into. The thought makes Mari feel sick. Her and Mari were never close, but she remembers when they would pray before a game; Mari was never truly religious, she went to church to please her mother, but she never had the same undying devotion that Laura Lee had.
Jackie died next. Mari can see the glances they all exchange. Jackie Taylor’s death was on them. They exiled her for not believing in their false prophet. Jackie Taylor died at 17 because teenage girls are capable of unimaginable cruelty. Everyone is painfully aware why there is no body to bury. Jackie Taylor lives inside them all. Mari catches sight of Jackie’s mother crying and wants to die.
Javi. Oh god, Javi. He was their innocent and their first act of genuine cruelty. Mari knows that she is to blame for his death. She was chasing Nat, trying to kill her, but the second Javi fell through that ice, she felt her heart stop. Mari used to babysit him. She would make him sandwiches and buy him slushies and they would watch Star Wars. His favourite was A New Hope. Mari can’t look Nat in the eye after his funeral. Travis hasn’t stopped crying the entire service and his mother isn’t faring better. A few days ago, Travis told Mari what Van said to him after, and she felt such hatred in that moment. Travis and Mari grew up together, they played on the swing set in her backyard and his mother gave them icy blocks. He was her closest family out there. She hopes Van feels guilty for the rest of her life; Mari will hate her until she’s buried in the grave next to her grandfather.
Mari doesn’t go to any of the JV’s funerals. She didn’t know them and their families don’t want to see who survived when their daughter didn’t.
She doesn’t go to Shauna’s either.
Their high school gives them their diplomas. Mari didn’t finish her senior year but she’s happy to not go back, and if they’re willing to give her a diploma she didn’t earn, she’s fine with that.
The settlement money comes as a surprise. Mari’s mother opens the envelopes addressed to her and Nat and loses the ability to speak. She just stands there in bewilderment until Mari takes it out of her hand. Mari immediately grabs Nat’s and shoves it in her face while grinning. Nat reads the envelope and then just stares.
“We’re rich!” Mari yells.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Nat replies while still staring in disbelief.
Mari rolls her eyes and grabs Nat’s hand and dances.
Travis comes over later with 2 envelopes: his and Javi’s. Mari is suddenly aware that they are being paid for their friends’ deaths. This is what they decided the dead are worth. The check in her hand suddenly feels dirty.
Mari’s mother asks her to cut up the vegetables for dinner and she freezes. Nat steps in effortlessly and offers to help. Mari’s mother kisses the top of her head and thanks her. Mari sits down and doesn’t move until her father is touching her shoulder and telling her it’s dinner time.
Mari and Nat both get nightmares every night. Mari will wake up after falling in that pit and her lungs hurt from the cold air. Nat doesn’t talk about her nightmares with her and that’s fine with Mari, she doesn’t talk about hers either.
They leave their window unlocked for when Travis has nightmares. He sleeps on the spare bed Mari’s father put in for Nat that she never uses because she sleeps in Mari’s.
The other Yellowjackets don’t talk. Tai arranged a meeting which was just her saying not to say anything, but there’s been radio silence since. Mari wishes she could say she’s sad about it, but she can’t. When they’re all in the same room it’s like they’re right back in the wilderness, all just trying to survive.
Nat wants to buy alcohol. Mari stops her.
Nat wants to buy weed. Mari stops her.
Neither Nat nor Travis are allowed any substances. Mari knows the feeling of wanting to forget so desperately you’ll try anything, but she also remembers her uncle who overdosed, and she refuses to lose either of them.
It’s been 6 months since they were rescued, and Mari, Nat, and Travis, are 18. The chill in her bones is still present but she’s accepted that it’s part of her now.
Nat and she went to her old house to get some of her things, Mari makes fun of her music taste and Nat tells her to fuck off. For Nat’s birthday, Mari’s mother gave her an electric guitar. Nat cried and hugged her, which clearly was Mrs. Ibarra’s goal as she had a look of pure triumph on her face.
Mari’s birthday was quiet affair, as she asked for it to be family only. Nat and Travis got her a year’s subscription to Vogue and her family got her a car. Her mother said she’s to share it with Nat, who upon hearing that got teary eyed. Mari’s fine with that, she was always planning to share it anyway.
Travis wants to go to college, so they all apply to college. They get accepted to most of them. Turns out plane crash victim is a compelling sob story.
They decided on NYU.
They find a 3-bedroom apartment that is a train ride away from the university.
On the 20th of August 1998, Mariana Sofia Ibarra, Natalie Scatorccio, and Travis Martinez, pack their car with everything they love, play Nat’s shitty mixtape, and drive to their new apartment.
The wilderness cannot steal your future if you do not let it, and Mariana Sofia Ibarra is not letting anything take away the future she is going to build. The wilderness can fucking try to hurt her family again. She has survived the wilderness before, and she’ll do it again.