Chapter Text
You tugged your scarf further up as a cold breeze blew by. The winter snow piled upon itself, burying the corpses of autumn under its heavy weight. Each of your breaths became a cloud of mist in the air, tangling together before dispersing.
Why? That was the only question in your mind as you trudged along the path.
The people around you were buzzing with life; their foreign chatter and laughter echoed from every corner. You felt ill-fitted within the crowd. Emptiness tugged at you, carving out a void deep in your mind. Light—it was as if you could melt into a puddle on the ground or float away somewhere into the clouds. There was nothing, nothing that was anchoring you to your weak, human body. Only pain existed. Pain in your head, throbbing and pounding. Pain in your joints and muscles, stretching and aching. Pain behind your eyes and on your skin, prickling and burning. But whatever pain there was, you tried to push it away, instead focusing on the blurring cityscape in front of you.
You didn’t know when your foot first sank into the snow. Your earliest memories had long since blurred together with the cold fog. You had no recollection of how you got there or what happened. The only thing that existed was a hollow throbbing in your heart—a pain as if you had lost something horribly important to you, like the death of a great love.
Your memories. No matter how much you tried to reach past the haze in your mind, you could never find your memories. What you found instead was confusion and utter emptiness. A piece of yourself had broken off along with your memories.
You were lost without purpose or direction, made out of nothing but the withered leaves of fall and the cold snow of winter. Each step of your way was chosen without thought. Each street you took and each corner you turned—all nothing but a whim on your part. Wherever your heart tugged towards, you went, even if it guided you lost.
What to do? What to do?
You didn’t know. You didn’t know anything, only to wander. One foot in front of the other, sinking into the white land, all in vain hope that something would help you, somehow, in some way.
Whenever you tried to open your mouth to ask a passerby, you found yourself unable to use your voice. What would you even ask? You didn’t know them. You didn’t know who you were either. Anything could go wrong.
You didn’t know. You didn’t know. You didn’t know anything.
Then—
In the corner of your vision, you saw it.
The flicker of an ushanka. The swishing of a dark cloak. The blinking of magenta eyes.
You knew him. The familiarity was both quiet and staggering all at once. It screamed in your mind and pulled at your body. Your movements were instinctual, acting on something you no longer remember. He was a small spark, nothing but a slight brush of familiarity, but even a small flicker of flame in pitch darkness was captivating.
You knew this man, you knew the way he spoke, smooth and deliberate. You knew the way he held himself, elegant and poised. You knew how he was, scarily intelligent and cunning, confident and calm, enigmatic and unpredictable. The feeling that bubbled up within you was a strange mix that you couldn’t untangle.
Who was he? What was he to you? You didn’t know. All you knew was that you must know, and if you missed this chance, you would never get it again.
So, you moved. Without thinking, without knowing, you picked up your pace, weaving between the crowd towards him.
He was right there. Ignoring your screaming body, you reached out your hands to tap him. You didn’t want to yank him back or startle him, but you also wanted him to stop, to turn around and look back. You mulled over how you should catch his attention, but before you could do anything, he turned around. You froze like a deer caught in headlights, your arms hanging in midair.
Eyes filled with a dull coldness, he looked as if he was about to say something. Immediately, you knew you had to interrupt him. The moment whatever words left his mouth, there would be no more paths ahead for you. You would be blocked. Completely and utterly.
“H-hi!” The word tumbled out of you without preparation, turning into an out-of-breath stammer. And even though you took a split second to gather yourself, your next words weren’t any better. “I’m sorry if this seems strange. I just really, really need to know, by any chance, have we met before?”
He gave you no response, expression flat.
You hurriedly continued, “It’s just that you seem very familiar. I feel like I know you. I kind of don’t remember anything, and you’re the only one that I got this vague sense of familiarity from. But then again, that might just be my delusion—if we don’t know each other, that’s fine! That’s alright! I’m so sorry about this, I don’t—I’m probably still confused. I haven’t been feeling quite right since I woke up–”
God. You had to shut your mouth because if you didn’t, you felt like you would just continue to go on tangent after tangent. You didn’t know why you spouted all that nonsense, but if you had to guess, you would say it was because your mind still felt like it was flipped upside down and emptied. It easily slipped all your coherent thoughts into words without warning, and now you were left feeling all frizzled and awkward, with your head spinning and its throbbing growing ever louder.
This situation in front of him was strange. He didn’t know what to say about it. Clothes tattered and unkempt, you looked absolutely wrecked from top to bottom. Even your scarf, while still intact, was covered in grime and dirt.
Obviously, he knew who you were. What he didn’t expect was you being in this area, catching sight of him and then approaching him. What was even more surprising was that you then proceeded to spout all those words, implying you had lost your memory and found him familiar.
At first glance, it seemed like the perfect lie to get him to lower his guard. But he knew it wasn’t. He believed you. All the signs of truth were there, after all.
How lucky he was that he found you first.
Of course, you would find him familiar. He knew you, and you knew him. Though it couldn’t be said that this familiarity was necessarily the good kind. You and he weren’t acquaintances or friends. You were just one of the special cases in the Armed Detective Agency—the organisation that stood opposed to him.
After that last incident with them, he had taken his leave from the scene, intent on moving to the next step of his plan with a little disappearing act and a cleanup of the evidence. It was only afterwards that he heard about the fact that you had also vanished, causing your whole organisation to go into an uproar. No matter where they looked, you could never be found. They looked for months, and still, even now, they hadn’t stopped their effort. It was admirable in some parts and amusing in others.
How curious it was that after all that, you finally decided to show up. What was even more curious was that you had found him.
It would be to nobody’s surprise to hear that he never went out of the way to look for you. He didn’t think it was necessary. It had never been on his mind to use you as a piece in his schemes. You had been insignificant, something he didn’t pay much mind to. However, now that you were here and with none of your memories…? He could definitely utilise you.
It was perfect.
His lips curled as he said your name.
Yours. The name formed by him was irrefutably, undeniably yours. You could feel it from deep within. It stirred a part of you that had long fallen into slumber. You instinctively knew, without a single ounce of doubt, that it was your name.
You swallowed your nerves away.
So you weren’t wrong. This man did know you, and he was currently smiling ever so softly at you. Your heart squirmed at the sight.
So, so beautiful.
You realised it the moment you saw him. He was a beautiful man. Smooth, pale skin, amethyst eyes, and soft lips. The way he carried himself was graceful and refined. Every step and movement of his seemed deliberate and carefully constructed. Everything about him was so beautifully enigmatic. A sculpture that beckoned you with hidden secrets.
How was it that you knew such a man?
“It’s been a long time since I last saw you,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “You disappeared quite suddenly last time.”
Your tongue rested heavy in your mouth. You didn’t know what to say. What were you supposed to say? How did you converse with him before?
In the end, after a few seconds of deliberation, “Is that… so?” was all you ended up saying.
He stared at you, his gaze analytical, like you were some riddle he was trying to solve. His eyes wandered your face, searching for something you didn’t know. Whatever he found, it must have pleased him since the smile on his lips grew with the slightest tug.
Behind your eyes, you felt your brain increasingly thud against your skull.
You tried not to linger on how strange it was that you were noticing such meaningless, minuscule things about him. It felt almost instinctual, familiar—the way you zeroed in on every small detail and faint change of his. If you were a riddle to him, then he was an art piece to you. An art piece for you to examine and analyse, a beautiful, priceless thing for you to appreciate and uncover the hidden meanings of.
“Sorry, I don’t really remember anything, so I can’t really...” You forced a nervous laugh.
He blinked languidly. “I see.”
His gaze flickered to somewhere behind you, and his legs shifted by barely an inch. The action sent a jolt of panic through you.
It was obvious he didn’t care. He wanted to leave. You were holding him up. He was going to walk away at any moment now.
Whatever he was to you before, it wasn’t any relationship close enough for him to care about you. From all the evidence that was piling up, he was probably just an acquaintance or less. Just somebody who knew your name and saw you last.
You were nothing to him.
Nothing.
But what could you do when he was currently everything to you?
You needed to hold onto him, grasp onto him like a lifeline. He was the only one who knew that you existed, the only person your muddled brain recognised in this winter nightmare.
You needed him. Without a doubt.
Your body protested as you tried to articulate your request. You didn’t know exactly what you wanted to request; all you knew was you wanted him to take you in, somehow, someway, you needed him to help you. There could be nobody else but him.
However, before you could voice anything, like a rope being snapped, your body and mind gave out.
Fyodor hadn’t expected you to just black out on him. He also hadn’t expected you to be so… awkward. You had always been a quiet thing, a shadow that clung to the agency, without voice, without presence.
He held you upright as you slumped further into him.
Well, while unexpected, this did make things easier. It was difficult to catch him with the unexpected, but it does happen. He was still human. He couldn’t calculate the irrational and spontaneous things that happened suddenly, without rules or patterns.
Maybe if he came to know you better, he would be able to predict you like he does everything else, but right now, he knew close to nothing about you. You didn’t even know anything about yourself.
He sighed, shifting your body. It was awfully uncomfortable. He should probably call for one of his Rats to come collect you. Supporting your whole weight was something he did not find pleasure in doing.
Now that he thought about it, your fainting made his work a lot easier. If there was one thing he observed of you from your short interaction, it would be your fear. He didn’t know if it was a product of the whole memory wipe experience or if it was due to something before that, but currently, you were afraid. Afraid to be alone. Afraid to be abandoned. Afraid to have nobody as your anchor or guide. He didn’t even tell you his name yet, and you had already clung.
He wanted to drop you on the ground. It was starting to get irritating.
How long were they going to take?
Just as he thought that, a shadow sank from behind him, and out manifested a blurry figure that took you out of his arms.
Finally.
He allowed them to take you. The moment your weight finally lifted, he dusted himself off. With a last glance over the surroundings, he continued his walk. He came out here for a reason. There was no way he was going to allow you to disrupt his plans.
When your eyes blinked open again, you were staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Which, to be fair, wasn’t anything unusual. Almost everything was unfamiliar, from the place you first woke up in to the city streets you were stumbling through. This ceiling was no different, still as devoid of familiarity as everything else was.
Unlike him.
You weren’t sure how you were supposed to react. From the bed you were lying on, you could see the bright light of the computer illuminating the man’s face. You didn’t make a sound, yet the moment your eyes landed on him, he seemed to sense it. The chair spun around, and his eyes caught yours.
“You’re awake.”
Without much thought, you tugged the blanket up, futilely trying to bury yourself in it. His gaze held yours unrelenting. They burned so bright with the most beautiful shade of magenta you’d ever seen. The intensity of them made you want to shrink and hide away.
Yes. Hiding—that was what you were best at.
You made a soft ‘mhm’ sound at his words, unsure how else to respond. Either socialising had never been your biggest forte, or your brain had been more damaged than you expected, with you not only losing all your memories but also losing your ability to communicate properly.
“Do you feel strange anywhere? Any pain?”
You quickly shook your head.
You didn’t need to move to realise how unharmed your body was. None of the aches or pains that you carried when you first woke up was there. The whole time you walked down the streets, they had lingered at the back of your mind, screaming for your attention. You could push them away, but you always knew they were there. However, now, there was no such thing. You felt completely and utterly fine.
He hummed, getting up from his seat to take a place next to you, his body sinking into the mattress. You didn’t dare to breathe as his hand rested against your forehead.
“Hm, you don’t have a fever. That’s good.”
You shuddered. He was cold, his temperature a sharp contrast to yours. And yet, despite the chill of his skin, a warm, delicious shiver ran through your nerves.
“You should be fine to leave then,” he said, retracting his hand.
Panic spiked in you, and before you could think better, you half-stated, half-shouted, “No!”
“No?” He gave you a questioning look.
”I mean…” You stared at him, internally panicking. “I don’t know where to go… I don’t remember anything. I don’t have anything. You’re the only one who knows me. So… can I…”
You dug your fingers into the blanket. “Can I…”
The words were trying to escape from you. You tried and tried to pull it back and grasp it. You half-expected him to get impatient and walk off, but he didn’t. He just waited, watching as you struggled to find the words.
Breathe.
In.
Breath.
Out.
Another shaky breath in and—
“Can I stay with you?” The words finally tumbled out, slipping from your hold.
The man’s eyes narrowed, and you hurriedly added, “Only till my memory is back, of course! When it comes back, I swear I’ll leave– Oh, and you can refuse. I know you have no obligation to take me in. I don’t even know what our relationship was before so–“
“Alright.”
“I swear I won’t think anything or hold a grudge. Just, um– wait, what did you say?” You halted. Before he could respond to your question, a hesitant smile came across your face, and you answered yourself. “You…agree...really?”
Joy and relief rushed through you in an instant. You were so sure he would refuse, your mind had already started making half-baked plans on what you should do after you were kicked out. All of them had seemed kind of bleak.
When he didn’t refute your notion, the hesitant smile of yours became a full one. “Thank you so much! Thank you!”
After you fell asleep again, he left the room.
Just before you had drifted off, you had asked him about his relationship with you, as well as his name. At first, he was going to give you a simple lie, but after a split second of deliberation, he had decided otherwise.
He was going to start a game.
He wanted to see if you would be able to figure out everything by yourself. He wasn’t going to tell you anything, not even a lie. Since he was already taking you in, you might as well serve a purpose.
He would not lie, but he will carefully guide you in one direction and leave you to your devices. It might just bring a bit of entertainment as he lies low for the next few months. He would gain your trust and sharpen your skills. He would find out everything about you, even those facts that you had forgotten.
When the time comes, he will place you in front of the Detective Agency.
How would they react to seeing someone they treasured so much against them?
Of course, there was also the possibility you might regain your memories before or during then. He had a guess about what had caused your amnesia, and if he was right, it was highly likely that such a thing would happen. And if it did, he would just use another plan. He could probably install some kind of destructive device in you, and when you are brought back into their embrace, a delightful surprise would greet them.
There were tons of other ideas dancing around in his mind, and he had yet to decide which one he liked the most. You had so much potential. It would be a waste to decide too early. He would wait and see. There was plenty of time left.
For now, he was going to get to work.