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James traipsed back down the boys’ stairs, white-faced and sickly.
“James!” Lily jumped up and stared at her friend,
“Is there a boggart upstairs?”
“Something much worse.”
“What?”
“Remus and Sirius—“ He cut himself off with a choking sound.
“Murdered someone?” She guessed. It wasn’t far off, two years ago in fourth year, she helped Sirius stash the body of an unconscious Professor Twilly in a broom closet.
“Worse!”
“Worse than murder?”
“They murdered the group dynamic with their… debauchery!”
“What the hell, Potter?”
“They’re banging like bunnies upstairs!” He wailed. The few stragglers in the common room during their off-period looked at them with raised eyebrows.
Sirius and Remus stumbled down the stairs looking rumpled and worse for wear, Sirius’ shirt tail was sticking out of his crotch and Remus looked around dazedly before realizing he was wearing James’ wonky prescription instead of his own.
“I-“ Remus started, “Hey, Lily! And six other underclassmen.”
“This is the worst possible thing you could have done!” James yelled, ignoring Remus.
“When I came out to you in third year you said you were fine with it!” Sirius yelled back, getting as swept up in it as James—if not more so, “I never took you for a bigot!”
“Don’t make this about being gay, traitor!”
“I think we should really take a breath—“ Lily started.
“Remus! Really?” James was now past halfway to screaming, “The Marauders took a no nail oath day one—you have defiled the sacred bond of friendship—“ He took a breath and was now the electric quiet before the storm, “Nay, brotherhood.”
Lily tuned out of James’ speech for a moment, distracted by just how big his nostrils flared to. She bet she could fit three fingers in each and made a mental note to make that bet with the boys later.
“How long has this been going on?” James demanded, “How long have you been fucking?”
Remus stammered to answer but nothing coherent came out.
“A month and no fucking!” Sirius yelled. Something that sounded like Remus muttering “Yet” caused James to go beet red, “Are you crying right now?”
“No!” James sobbed.
“You took a no-nail oath?” Lily asked, in an attempt to diffuse the emotional A-bomb that was James Potter, “You thought this was going to come up?”
“We took a no-nail oath on you and broadened the language,” Remus explained.
“Aww,” She cooed, “That’s super weird.”
“That’s what I said.” Remus grinned. “We released the “you” part of it around the Yule Ball last year because Pete and I stopped crushing on you a while ago and it seemed like you and James were going to make it.”
“You used to have a crush on me?” James was turning red and starting to resemble an over-boiled teakettle while they had their sidebar.
“Of course!” He grinned.
“And now you’ve gone and told Lily that I like her!” James threw up his arms and stalked to his dormitory before realizing it was now tainted—damned ground and running out the front door instead.
“I’ve known since first year!” She called after him, “You’re not a very subtle person.”
He shot her a glare with a crescent-moon frown and slammed the portrait shut.
“So…” Lily looked between the two of them. Remus scuffed the floor and tried to look chided but wound up smiling like an idiot instead. Sirius looked as if he were about to say something but dashed out of the portrait, almost not stopping to open it.
“They’re going to do that scream-crying thing next to the lake now, aren’t they?” Lily asked.
“You can bet on it.”
Lily grabbed her coat and considerately, Sirius’ and James’ and trotted after Remus down the Hogwarts corridors to the lawn.