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"No, absolutely not! I am not having sex in the coma patient's room."
"You had lunch there yesterday. According to Wikipedia it's good for coma patients to have stimulation. There have been studies done and everything."
"Not with that sort of stimulation there haven't. Find somewhere else."
***
"Not the morgue either, House."
***
"No."
"You can't keep using your veto everywhere. You said you'd have sex with me somewhere in the hospital. This is in the hospital."
"I'll never be able to look Cuddy in the eye again if we have sex in her office."
"You're just scared of her."
"It couldn't be that I respect her as a person, a friend, and as our boss and I don't want to violate her space?"
"No, it couldn't be that. You're just worried if she finds out she'll cut your balls off."
"No, I'm worried she'll cut yours off. Try again."
***
"The walls are made of glass, House."
"There are blinds."
"Nothing says 'I'm having sex in an office in the middle of the day' like pulled blinds. Not to mention the possibility of the three blind mice catching us."
"They're more like three wise monkeys. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. I can threaten them into keeping quiet. Or let them watch. Either/or."
"Not happening, House."
***
"The roof? It's the middle of Winter. There's snow up there."
"Stacy never minded."
"Okay, the roof is definitely out."
***
"When you put in the budget request for the couch in your office you told Cuddy it was because you needed to be able to sit somewhere comfortably with your patients, hold their hands and tell them the bad news."
"I did tell her that."
"And now you're telling me you got it so we'd have somewhere to do the dirty when you finally came out of the closet."
"Yes."
"You expect me to lie back on the couch-of-dying-cancer-patients and let you fuck me senseless?"
"You'll thank me afterwards."
"I'm sure I will. But I'm not giving you ten dollars."
~ End