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John was washing dishes when it hit him. It wasn’t a hard hit, like a crashing into a tree or dropping a brick on his foot. It was something softer, like a raindrop during a gentle spring rain. He stopped what he was doing, hands pausing in their scrubbing of the dinner plate. He could hear Frances behind him, the six year old talking to herself as she completed her homework at the kitchen table. The apartment was quiet around him except for the low murmur of the radio on the kitchen counter, the pipes gurgling, the tap running in the sink, Alex’s soft questioning hmm beside him.
Alex. That was the whole reason for his sudden stop. The man was drying his dishes. After eating dinner with them. After helping him fix dinner. After helping Frances with her reading. After coming in the door with a fresh baked loaf of bread from the bakery across the street and a bottle of wine and a tired smile. After unlocking the door with the key John had given him a few weeks ago. After Alex started sleeping over. After Frances had said she really like Alex. After nearly a year together.
The plate dropped back into soapy water, falling from suddenly limp fingers, splashing him slightly. He could feel Alex’s concerned look. “John?” His voice was like honey in John’s ear, sweet and soft and the only voice John ever wanted to hear again.
“I’m fine,” his voice sounded funny to his own ears, a little too… something, but it sounded wrong. He gave Alex a gentle smile, feeling as if was forced as well, before returning to the dinner plates in the soapy water, scrubbing them a little harder than needed before handing them off to Alex.
It wasn’t necessarily a problem, the tiny drop of metaphorical rain that had hit him earlier. It left him chilled with something he couldn’t name. It hit him again, another rain drop on the top of his head, as he settles on to the couch next to Alex, the bottle of wine open on the coffee table, Alex holding a half full wine glass out for him to take with a smile. John’s fingers brushed Alex’s as the glass exchanged hands, the other man giving him a wide grin. John returned the smile feeling the metaphorical rain drop trickle down the back of his neck.
“Frances all settled in bed?” Alex asked, voice low as he snuggled against John’s side, resting his head on John’s shoulder.
John hummed in response, sipping his wine, shifting to wrap an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Hopefully she’ll sleep through the night,” he murmured, fingering a piece of loose hair that hung around Alex’s shoulders.
He felt Alex nod against his shoulder, the other man taking a sip of his own wine. “She’ll out grow the nightmares,” he murmured softly. John felt something tug at his insides at the offhanded comment knowing that Alex spoke from experience, only Alex hadn’t outgrown all of his nightmares.
They sat in companionable silence for a few long moments, nothing but the sound of the pipes, the people walking upstairs, and the occasional car horn from outside. Alex had relaxed against him, sipping his wine slowly, as if wanting to making this moment last by making his wine last. There was something sparking in the air between them, something that was threatening to turn the calm of the evening into something else.
Alex shifted against him, pulling away to sit up, setting his glass on the coffee table, before turning to face John. His dark eyes were concerned, face pinched with worry. “Is everything okay?” He asked softly, taking one of John’s hands in his, twining their fingers together.
“I uh, I was thinking,” John started, taking a long pull of his wine before setting the now empty glass on the table, turning to face his… boyfriend, is that was Alex is? “I was think, and I don’t know how you feel about this, or even if you've thought about it, but,” he paused again, licking his lips slightly, “My lease is up in two months, the landlord hasn't been very forthcoming on renewing, and quite frankly I think it's time for a change anyway.”
Alex gave him an indulgent smile, nodding his head as if telling him to continue, having known John long enough to know that there was a point in there somewhere.
“It's just, you spend so much time here, with me, with Frances, and I don't know when your lease is up or whatever….”
“John,” Alex interrupted, squeezing his fingers gently, “Are you asking me if I want to move in with you?”
“Well, not move in exactly, but, you know, find a place together maybe?” John could feel his face flushing, metaphorical rain drop turning into a rain shower as Alex just kept giving him that soft indulgent smile. This was it, this was the end of the good thing that they had had. John couldn’t say that he was surprised, all good things, it seemed, must end for him, all good things went away, except for Frances, she was a constant.
The other man gave a thoughtful noise, before reaching for his wine again, “I still have 5 months on my lease,” he said before sipping his wine carefully, dark eyes watching John over the rim of the glass, “But I can sublease easily enough, assign it away to get out of it.”
The cold rain turned to a warm summer shower as John took in his words, “Wait, wait, really?” John knew he sounded ungrateful, his tone almost completely disbelieving.
Alex’s little quirk of lips was teasing, dark eyes shining, head tilted to one side as he appraised John. There was a slight flush across his cheeks, whether that was from the wine or the conversation John wasn’t sure, but he found it endearing.
“It makes sense, I think, considering we spend most of our time together anyway,” Alex said logically, “Besides, with our combined income we can afford a larger place in a good neighborhood, maybe with a yard, and we could finally get Frances a puppy.”
John blinked at Alex slowly as if he was unsure he understood all the words that had just spilled rapid fire out of the other man’s mouth. Something else hit him at that moment, something that was like crashing into a tree, something that made his heart ache with the weight of it, as he realized Alex was planning a future, he was talking about getting a dog!
“Maybe not a puppy just yet,” John choked out in response, blinking at Alex as he felt himself get teary eyed. It was ridiculous, he was getting choked up over talking about a future with Alex, and he really really shouldn’t be getting as emotional as he was.
There was a little nod and another smile before Alex curled himself back into John’s side, shifting so that John had no choice but to wrap an arm around him, sighing contentedly when he did. If Alex could feel John’s heart pounding a tattoo against his ribs the other man said nothing. They sat in silence for a few long moments, Alex a familiar and welcome weight against his side.
“Okay, no puppy, but maybe yes to a yard?” Alex said after a long moment, tilting his head up to look at John upside down, startling John from his almost sleep.
Mouth suddenly dry, the words sticking in his throat as a million thoughts jumbled around in his head, John swallowed hard, heart still pounding with the knowledge that this was going to happen, “Maybe yes to a yard.”