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Remus glanced at his watch. Ten twenty two. He and Sirius agreed to meet outside his house at ten. But if Sirius manages to get out, he'll wait. What's another half an hour?
Remus leaned on his car. He was actually glad that it was already dark — if any of the people who lived in these fancy big houses would see the old car he got, they'd give him a look at least. And most importantly, he definitely didn't want to be recognized by anyone here. For Sirius's sake mostly. Damn, is everything going as planned for him? Remus hoped that it was just Sirius taking so long to get ready.
And just as he thought of him, he heard some distant noise from Sirius's house. Like something got broken? Thrown in the door? Remus squeezed the car keys in his hand. And finally the door opened, and Sirius quickly walked outside.
"[..], come back right now!" A woman Remus hadn't seen before followed Sirius outside. Sirius showed her middle finger, not stopping. The woman gasped and ran down the stairs. "Don't you act like this in my house! You're embarrassing me!" She grabbed Sirius's elbow and pulled it, but Sirius shook her hand off.
"Fuck off!" He ran to the gate. Remus got in the car and started it.
"Why is everything so wrong with you, [..]?" the woman shouted. Damn it, the whole street could hear her. "You just can't be normal, can you?"
Sirius finally jumped in the car, and Remus took off, driving them away from this street. Sirius let out a deep breath and turned to Remus.
"Hey."
"Hey," Remus smiled.
"Sorry about that. Didn't mean for you to see it. And hear," Sirius rubbed his elbow.
"Don't bother."
Sirius nodded and bit his nail. After a few seconds he spoke again: "Also, that name you've heard. Don't tell anyone, 'kay?"
"Why would I?"
"Thanks. I just... I really don't want anyone to know."
"Don't worry about it." Remus put his hand on Sirius's thigh, holding the wheel with the other hand. "Whatever people think, we all know you as Sirius. Sirius who looks just great and will probably get wasted before everyone else."
"Hell yeah I will"," Sirius smiled. He turned up the radio and squeezed Remus's hand.
And that was exactly what happened. The first thing Sirius did after loudly greeting everyone in the house was finding beer. Then there was some vodka and more beer, and probably fuck knows what else, and there he was dancing at the very centre of the crowd. Remus stayed near the wall with his drink, watching him. While Sirius's goal was definitely to lose control, Remus was trying to find the middle where he's definitely not sober but still can function. He didn't have to drive tonight: he lived close, and Sirius said he's definitely not going home. But he still preferred to be able to think and walk.
Some guy approached him and leaned on the wall so he could stand still. Remus definitely met this guy before, but couldn't remember his name.
"Hey you," the guy shouted over the music. His breath smelled like beer. "So what are you and Sirius?"
Remus wanted to tell the guy to mind his own business but just as he opened his mouth Sirius suddenly appeared and dragged him into the dancing crowd. "Let's dance, Remus!" he shouted. "I know you like this song!"
Maybe Remus wasn't that confident about his dancing skills, but he did like that song. He liked the way Sirius looked at him, and he liked holding his waist, even though it was mostly to keep his drunk body from falling. And he absolutely liked that he knew Sirius better than anyone else in this crowd. Fuck, he just really liked Sirius. So he kissed him. Someone near them cheered, and Sirius showed them the middle finger and put his hands on Remus's ass.
As they kept on dancing to another song, the same guy who tried to talk to Remus before walked up to them.
"Sirius," he sounded even more drunk now, "is that actually your real name?"
"Leave him alone, will you?" Remus said.
"Nah, man, I'm just asking!" the guy put his hands up. "Sirius, what does your mom call you?"
"An embarrassment," Sirius laughed a bit.
"Come on, tell us!" the guy insisted. Remus tried to step in between them, but Sirius held him back. "Alright, dude, you wanna know my real name? Come here, I'll tell you then!"
The guy took a step closer. Sirius leaned to his ear... and bit it. The guy flinched back, rubbing his ear and staring at him in disbelief. People around laughed. Someone asked what happened. Sirius shrugged and smiled.
Finally the guy laughed too. "Fuck you, man!" he patted Sirius on the shoulder.
"And fuck you too, man!" Sirius laughed. A guy stared at him.
"Are you a man though?" he asked. "We call you a dude, but don't you have boobs?" he just reached his hand to Sirius's chest and immediately got a punch in the face. And before he could hit back, Remus finally jumped in between them. He tried his best to push them apart, while they both threw fists. Finally someone else held the guy back, and Sirius ran away, pushing people. Remus let go of the guy, as he was already busy talking to someone who was trying to calm him down, and ran in the same direction. He looked around the corridor. Upstairs? Bathroom? Outside? Remus knocked on the bathroom door, opened it, and some half-naked couple stared at him.
"Sorry," he closed the door. He went to check outside. Some girl was smoking near the door. "Have you seen Sirius?" Remus asked, and then by the look she gave him and the smell he realized it wasn't your ordinary cigarette and she won't give him any sensible answers. He walked behind the corner, and there was Sirius throwing up in the bushes. He walked towards him, and as Sirius got a moment to breathe he patted him on the shoulder. He tried not to scare him, and still Sirius shuddered, but then recognized Remus and puked again. Remus tried to hold his hair up. Sirius stayed in the same position for a few more moments, then sat up and broke down in tears.
"I hate this shit!" he cried. "I hate this body, I hate this hair, I hate it all!" He hid his face in his hands. He tried to scratch it, and Remus immediately pulled his hands away, holding them tightly. "What the fuck is wrong with me?!"
Remus let go of his hands and hugged him. Sirius squeezed the fabric of his shirt, sobbing loudly. Listening to him saying all these things about himself wasn't easy, but then how hard must it be for him to actually feel it all? Remus couldn't do much — just make sure Sirius doesn't hurt himself. Eventually the sobs got quieter.
"Why am I like this?" Sirius spoke again. He sounded a bit calmer now, and still his voice broke Remus's heart. "Why am I like this, Remus?!"
Remus had to keep it together for him. "Like what? Like handsome? Fun? Hot?" He heard a small chuckle. That's good.
"I just hate myself so much. It's like every second I feel like I'm not myself. And I'm just fucking disgusting!"
"Sirius, you know I love you the way you are, right? Because of who you are," Remus squeezed him tighter. "And if I could help you in any way, I'd do anything."
"You are doing a lot already," Sirius pulled away and wiped his face. Remus still kept one arm on his shoulders. "And I don't know why you bother. There's so much wrong with me. Inside and outside. And I can't help it," his voice broke down again.
"I see nothing wrong with you. Some things make you different, just different, not bad. And some people make you feel like shit because they don't get it, and it hurts. But don't you believe them, okay? You are nothing what they say, you're just you. Just perfectly lovable you."
"You make it sound like I'm normal."
"Because you are. Not boring normal, of course," Remus said quickly, and Sirius chuckled. "Just normal."
Sirius sighed and put his head on Remus's shoulder. "You don't know what you mean to me, Remus."
Remus kissed his head. "I hope I know. Are you feeling a bit better? What can I do for you?"
"Can I stay at your place tonight?" Sirius asked immediately.
"Always."
"Good. Can we sit for five more minutes and then go home?"
"Sure. We'll have to walk cause I better not drive now. So don't fall asleep, okay?"
Sirius didn't respond.
Remus woke up alone. That confused him: he definitely walked Sirius to this bed yesterday. He got up on his elbows and immediately regretted it. But as his body got used to it, he saw Sirius's pants on the floor where he threw them yesterday. So he should still be here, unless he woke up early in the morning, still drunk, and went on an adventure with no pants on. That would be a very Sirius thing to do, and Remus really hoped his theory was wrong.
However, before searching for Sirius Remus definitely needed to go to the bathroom. He slowly got up, regretting a few things he drank before, and walked to the bathroom. But as he opened the door it quickly closed.
"Sorry! I'm busy!" Sirius shouted.
"Sorry," Remus responded and leaned to the wall. His brain was still half asleep. So Sirius is here, in his bathroom. Okay. That's good. He's not lost somewhere. But Remus was about to pee his pants, and that wasn't good.
"Sirius, I really need to pee," he said. A few moments later the door opened, and Sirius ran past him. Remus turned around, but Sirius was already in the bedroom. Something was strange about him... alright, Remus will think about it after he uses the bathroom.
Remus realized what was so strange when he was about to wash his hands and saw a bunch of black curly hair in the sink.
"What the..." He washed his hands in the bathtub and walked out. "Sirius? Did you cut your hair?"
Sirius walked out of the bedroom, and Remus's jaw dropped. For all the time Remus knew him Sirius's hair was shoulder length, and now it was about as short as Remus's hair. That was something new. That was...
"I love it", Remus finally said and heard Sirius breathe out in relief. "Now no one will doubt that you're a guy."
"You think so?" Sirius brushed his hair with his hand and smiled. "I think so too, actually. Unless they look at my boobs."
"We'll deal with it too, eventually."
"Or I'll just punch people who pay attention to them."
"I could punch them too."
"Thanks", Sirius went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and brushed his hair again. "I can't believe I just did it."
"At first I thought I'm just still drunk, to be honest," Remus ran his hand over his face. "Didn't you drink way more than me yesterday? And now you're cutting your hair in the morning?"
"Oh, trust me, I feel like shit. But that's okay," Sirius sat on the bathtub edge.
Remus knew well that when Sirius says he's okay, he might be absolutely not okay too. But it's not like he could get an honest answer. "I should have ibuprofen, do you need some?"
"Thanks, I'm fine."
"Alright, I'll just make some breakfast then," Remus walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Well fuck. "Eggs?"
"That would be good", Sirius followed him to the kitchen and stayed in the doorway.
"It's not like we have much choice. I only got eggs, some sausages and beer. And a fucking rotten tomato," Remus threw the tomato away and took out the sausages and eggs. "Salary's next week".
"I think that's all we need for right now."
"Yeah, we'll survive," Remus took a pan that was already on the stove and looked at it. "Shit," he started washing it. Sirius smiled, watching him.
"My mom is going to kill me. Still I regret nothing."
"You know, you can always stay here."
Sirius nodded, thinking of something. Remus wiped the pan with a towel, looked at some dirty plates in the sink, sighed and turned the stove on. "I was actually thinking of it. Maybe that's gonna be the breaking point for me and her. Maybe I should just pack my things and steal some money from her and stay with you. Find a job. Why are you cutting the sausage in the air?"
"I don't wanna wash the board," Remus smiled. "I hate doing the dishes. As you could tell by this fucking mountain in the sink."
"If we live together, it's just gonna get worse," Sirius said. "I hate dishes too."
"Who doesn't? How many eggs do you want?"
"Two. I actually don't know if I could just run away now. I mean, I've dreamt of it for as long as I can remember, but when I think about it as something real... It's kinda scary, you know?"
"I get it," Remus cracked eggs in the pan — three for each of them — and closed the lid. "How about we think of important things after breakfast?"
"Good idea. Though I won't be able to stop thinking about it now."