Chapter Text
Peter Parker is many things.
A son, an intern, a journalist and your friendly-neighborhood Spider-Man.
Now add dimension-traveler and chauffeur. An incident between Peter and his best friends, Ned and MJ, led to Peter stumbling into the DC universe.
(Peter, MJ and Ned sit at the table, an awkward silence settling in. A pile of legos are scattered on the table. The group of friends know this is goodbye, yet none of them speaks it into the universe.
”So what did the doc say?” Ned asks, sparing a glance at the lego manual. He swings his legs from where he’s sitting, brushing the ground.
Peter fiddles with the lego starship in his hands. “Dr. Strange will erase everyone’s memory of Peter Parker…but there might be some drawbacks. It’s dangerous to bend reality.”
MJ stills. “Drawbacks? You never mentioned anything about that.”
Peter hesitates, but the serious expression on his friend’s faces pushes him. “There’s a chance that our universe will see me as an anomaly and try to get rid of me through unnatural circumstances.”
Ned looks uneasy, “Tell me the doc has a solution. There’s no way you would still go through with this if he didn’t.”
“Ah…well, Dr. Strange proposed sending me to another universe, where Peter Parker doesn’t exist. Something about balance between universes. He didn’t explain the specifics, I probably wouldn’t have understood anyways.” Peter huffs, he hated how adults assume he wouldn’t get it because he was still a kid. In this case, Dr. Strange was probably right. Peter didn’t get most magician terms.
Ned perked up, “Woah! So you’ll be some sort of time-traveler?”
”Dimension traveler.” Peter corrects, the corners of his lips twitching; threatening a smile.
Ned’s thoughtful expression falls as he breaks into a grin, “Please tell me you still have Mr. Stark’s ancient copies of Batman?” Tony Stark’s grief still weighs heavy on their hearts, yet they find that mentioning him helps them more than it does to avoid the topic.
Peter pauses for dramatic effect, “You’re not saying what I think you are…are you?” Peter feels giddy, finding a bit of light in a grim situation. He knows about Ned’s newfound ability to open portals.
”Dude that’s exactly what I am saying!” Ned whoops for extra effect. He stands up, his arms resting on the table as he leans towards Peter. “Can you imagine? You’ll be able to meet Red Hood! And even give the Joker the beating he deserves!”
”…Wait. You think I can win against the Joker?” Peter frowns, his brows furrowing in disbelief.
”Dude! You’re underestimating yourself again. One punch and the Joker is done for. Superhuman strength, remember? Shit. You might even have the Red Hood swooning after you become his knight in shining armor. And now I am jealous, great.” Ned crosses his arms. “I better see a wedding invite in a few years. I don’t doubt you’ll find a way to communicate.”
Peter laughs, “No way. I can’t do that.”
MJ raises an eyebrow, and Ned hums, ignoring Peter’s denial. A surge of pride strikes within him for making Peter laugh; he hasn’t been doing much of that lately.
”What are you waiting for? Go bring those comics. I’ll finish this lego set in the meantime. Don’t forget to pack some clothes and some cash. I don’t have money to spare. I’m not the one adopted by some multi-billionaire.”
With a minuscule smile, Peter asks, “What about Dr. Strange?”
“If he’s as great of a wizard he claims to be, he won’t need you to be present in his spell casting.”)
Peter Parker is a huge fan of the phrase ‘fake it until you make it.’ Spider-Man is built off of that phrase. Spider-Man is everything Peter Parker is not. He’s charismatic, selfless and good.
Peter is lucky that the Wayne manor is looking to hire a chauffeur. Granted, the advertisement is a few months old but it’s still open.
Peter lied his way through an interview with Alfred Pennyworth about a chauffeur position. Unexpectedly, he got the position. Well, there was not a lot of competition, as Peter had seen in the waiting room. Peter had to channel his inner Spider-Man charisma. Usually, he would not let Spider-Man bleed into his personal life, but what more harm can it do?
He left Spider-Man behind. He debated it in his head for so long but decided that Spider-Man did not belong in the DC universe. Peter handed it to Ned. Once Dr. Strange erases the memory of Peter Parker, Ned is going to be confused and not let it rest. Oh, how Peter would love to hear his friend’s theories on how Spider-Man’s suit ended up in his room.
Peter has been in Gotham for a week. It’s hell. How do Gothmites live?
The gloomy weather makes Peter feel a tiny bit nostalgic but the eerie atmosphere throws him off. It doesn’t help that his spider sense is tingling all the time. Crime runs rampant; Peter has never seen as many petty crimes in the last few days in Gotham than when he was in New York.
During the last week, Peter immediately made himself an identity and replaced his ID and driver’s license. He’d rather not have Batman and his group of vigilantes on his ass about him being non-existent.
Thankfully, his request for a replacement driver’s license got approved. Just in time for his onboarding. He forged too many documents, he had to be thorough, considering the tech savvy vigilantes.
His driver’s license in New York never got to see the light of day. Peter mainly uses the subway or swings from building to building as Spider-Man. He originally got his driver’s license because he dreamed of driving Mr. Stark’s vintage cars.
Pepper had gifted Peter one of Tony’s cars and it sits in his apartment’s underground garage. Peter has never done anything more than just bask in it, he couldn’t drive with teary eyes.
Peter stares at the reinforced car with sparkling eyes. The enhancements are a necessity in Gotham, that only the rich could afford. No doubt that it’s bulletproof.
Alfred Pennyworth is unreal. Peter has never seen a butler that wasn’t artificial intelligence. Especially one so graceful. He looks like he could star in an old time movie.
“Master Timothy is awaiting your arrival.” Alfred breaks the silence. Even his voice is cool.
“Yes Mr. Pennyworth!” Peter grinned.
Tim Drake sat on the steps at the front of Gotham Academy. He was ordered by Alfred to wait for his chauffeur, something about keeping up appearances. If it had been coming from anyone else, Tim would’ve walked home. But it’s Alfred. No one goes against Alfred’s orders, not even Bruce.
A black van with tinted windows pulls up in front of Tim. The subtle advancements are enough to tell Tim that is his chauffeur.
Tim drags himself to the car, thanking the chauffeur who opened and closed his door.
He observes his chauffeur from the rear view mirror. He’s young, probably fresh out of high school. He’s got shaggy brown hair and kind brown eyes. He’s wearing the uniform Alfred assigned, a white button up and some slacks. Usually a blazer is paired with it as well but it is too hot for it currently.
“I’m Peter Parker. I’ll be your chauffeur from this point forward.” Peter smiles, a tad stiff. He can’t believe he is driving Red Robin. Does his breath stink? He hopes not.
Damian Wayne eyes Peter with disdain. “You’re not Pennyworth.” He states.
“Duh obviously.” Peter fought the urge to roll his eyes. Normally, he’d be more formal. However, Peter feels like that will tip Damian off even more.
Damian narrows his eyes but doesn’t try to jump out the car so Peter counts it as a win.
"Tt you are aware that we are in Metropolis? Or are you an idiot?" Damian frowns, crossing his arms.
"Hahaha, about that...I couldn't merge." Peter rubs the back of his neck, feeling a bit sheepish.
Damian clicks his tongue. He’s sure Drake has finished his background check on Peter. As much as he doesn’t want to, he’ll have to talk to Drake.
Damian later finds out that Peter Parker failed his driving test four times and assisted his driving instructor in a bank heist.
“Ughh…” Duke Thomas groaned as he jerked forwards, his phone falling out of his hands and underneath his seat. His seatbelt is his saving grace.
“Sorry I didn't see that pothole.” Peter apologizes, taking off his sunglasses; they were for aesthetics, Gotham is the mother of gloomy weather.
Duke peers out the window. His face drops. He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. The sight is horrific enough that Duke will never forget it.
His chauffeur just killed the Joker. His head is decapitated.
Duke shouldn’t get his hopes up, Batman will find a way to revive him. As much as he admires Bruce, that man can’t let the Joker go. Toxic-relationships and whatnot.
“Tell Mr. Wayne to invest money in filling up these potholes.” Peter says, backing up and running over the Joker’s body again. A sickening crunch makes Duke want to throw up. Duke will never jaywalk again.
Duke fears for when Jason and Peter meet.
Jon waits by the school entrance as Damian stomps over. Damian’s cheeks flushed with a red hue.
Kidz bop is blasting on the radio, shaking the van. Damian’s chauffeur has the windows rolled down and he’s in full drag. Peter has learned a thing or two from attending drag shows with MJ and Ned.
Damian had jumped out the rolled down window because the car had child's lock enabled.
“Your new chauffeur is pretty cool!” Jon exclaims, glancing back at Peter, who waves. Jon waves back, with much more enthusiasm.
“Cool is not the adjective I would use to describe him.” Damian huffs, brushing past Jon.
The radio in the van started to glitch, the lyrics overlapping. He smacks it twice, accidentally smashing it into the dashboard. By some miracle, it is fixed.
Tim, Duke and Stephanie exchange looks, they will revisit that later. Note to self, do not piss off their chauffeur.
It’s pouring rain, the Gotham vigilantes are huddled underneath Batman’s cape. They are far out into Gotham. They can’t use their grappling hooks due to the risk of falling because the grip is slippery. Also, their Batmobile is undergoing a cleanse because someone bled all over it.
”When is the Lyft coming?” Spoiler questions Red Robin, kicking a puddle at him.
”It’s turning the corner.” Red Robin informs, putting his burner phone back into his suit’s pockets. “Should be the one pulling up.”
”No fucking way.” Spoiler whispers as she catches the face of the driver as they drive past a street lamp. “What can’t he do?”
Peter pulls up, rolling down his passenger window. He stares at the vigilantes, raising an eyebrow. ”For Jack?”
”Ned?” Red Robin asks, Peter nods in confirmation. Batman is curious as to why his chauffeur is a Lyft driver, and under a different name too. How did he bypass the two forms of identification?
Gotham’s vigilantes pile in his car, shaking the vehicle. Robin sat in Batman’s lap because Red Robin forgot to order the XL.
Peter told them to sit on the towels in his backseat to avoid getting his car wet. There are also towels laid on the floor to avoid a muddy mess. He bought this car after working for the Wayne’s for a month.
”How long have you been doing Lyft?” Batman asks, a curious edge to his words.
Peter shrugs, “I started today. You won’t believe the people I got. First, it was Poison Ivy and her girlfriend Harley Quinn. It’s only got crazier from there.”
”Wait no way! I knew they were girlfriends!” Spoiler exclaimed, then gasped. “Can we get batburger pleaseeeeee? Red Robin here will tip you good!”
Peter laughs and swerves in the drive-thru.
Alfred Pennyworth sits in the back seat, watching his favorite soap opera on the overhead screen. Besides him, is Alfred the cat in a pet carrier.
They are on their way home from having Alfred the cat get neutered. The tuxedo cat is in a cone of shame.
Alfred grips the overhead handle, besides that, he is overall at peace. Ignoring the current police chase happening and the sharp turns that Peter is making. Alfred would never admit that he is having a bit of fun. It’s a bit nostalgic from when he was a teenager.
If anyone were to ask, Alfred will just say that he is testing his employee. He can’t be a chauffeur for the Wayne family if he can’t lose the police on his tail.
Peter observes his terrible parking job. Parallel parking is difficult.
He looks around before using his superhuman strength to adjust the car.
He dusts his hands and grins before heading into the craft store.
On a lawn chair, Peter flips through a Gotham Gazette newspaper, humming an upbeat tune. Around him are the Wayne children washing his car with a sponge and some towels.
Peter tunes out their complaints about aching muscles and whatnot. He sips a smoothie from Alfred.
There’s a trash can beside the car, filled to the brim. It’s filled with batburger wrappers and other take-out boxes. That is all from inside the car.
Peter ordered them to clean his van, it’s the only way he’ll take them to the water park in Metropolis.
A loud splash echoed in the garage. “Drake!” Damian shouted, dripping in soapy suds.
“I was nowhere near you!” Tim fired back. He shoots Damian a glare.
Damian huffs, throwing his soapy sponge on the ground with a plat. He goes inside momentarily to change. When he returns, he is wearing a new outfit and accompanying him is Alfred. They both pull out lawn chairs and sip on their smoothies.
They all ignore the rest of the Wayne children’s complaints of not being fair.
Peter will enjoy his peace while he can before they start fighting for shotgun. Thank you Ned.