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If you’d told Buck of two years ago where he’d be standing right now, he never would have believed it. Wished for it maybe, dreamed of it for sure, repressed it and told himself it would never happen for definite. But believed it? Not until now.
Eddie’s hand tight and warm in his, and this little boy right in front of them, clutching onto a ragged old teddy bear, his hair a riot of curls, looking curiously, a bit trepidatious, a bit hopeful up at the two of them. Their son, well their hopefully soon to be son.
Gabriel, whose mom was a first generation immigrant from Mexico, and who had sadly and suddenly died from a brain aneurysm, when Gabriel was just two. She had had no family to take him in, her deceased parents both only children had had her late in her life, and she herself had been an only child. Gabriel has been living in the group foster home for the past two years. Buck doesn’t understand how no one has decided to adopt him yet, maybe they knew, maybe they knew he was meant for Buck and Eddie.
Buck feels like the last two years of his life might have been, not as tragic, but as tumultuous as Gabriel’s. Bobby almost dying, before that crazy scientist had revealed under duress that there had been two antidotes. There’d been the rush to find it, in the very lab they’d fled to find the first, the panic that they had delivered it too late, the endless CPR they had done.
Bobby had been in a coma for such a long time, he was still getting back on his feet, his life full of physio and occupational health appointments. He’d never be a firefighter again, but he was alive and that was enough.
In the ensuing time, Eddie had come back from Texas, bringing Christopher with him, after finally standing up to his parents, after at long last claiming his own life back. It hadn’t taken him and Buck very long. They had both been emotionally distraught, and them consoling each other through the sobbing and the pleading with the universe, had ended up with them in each other arms. And to go from hugging each other for dear life, to kissing had seemed as easy as breathing.
Buck had thought it would be weird, kissing his best friend, kissing the man he had, if he admitted to himself, been in love with for so long. But it wasn’t weird at all, it felt like coming home. That oh, oh, of course it was Eddie, of course he was kissing him, nothing else made sense.
They hadn’t left each other sides since. They were living together anyway and they never wanted to be apart, so why bother pretending. What was the point in ‘taking it slow’ when they had known each other for so long, why would they want to waste any more precious time. If Bobby’s brush with death had taught them anything, it was that life was short, and it was precious, and it was for spending with the people you loved.
Christopher hadn’t questioned it, the exact opposite actually. He’d caught them in the kitchen one morning, sharing a soft kiss as Buck had handed Eddie his coffee. He’d scoffed ‘about time’, grinned at them, and went to pour his cereal like it was the same as any other day. He’d called Buck ‘Dad’ after a year of them living together. Buck did his best not to cry about it, and had lasted until Christopher was out of sight.
If Christopher said Dad now, both their heads jolted up, so sometimes Buck was ‘New Dad’ or ‘Dad, Buck, Dad’, or simply a hand gesture or ‘no the other one’ or ‘yes, you’. They had floated the idea of Buck being Papa but Christopher was set in his ways.
Gabriel though, Buck was more than ready to be Papa to Gabriel. Buck loved his family, he loved Maddie and Jee and Albert, he loved Chim and Bobby and Hen. But Buck had never truly had this, a family of his own, that was all his and who stayed. It had taken a lot of therapy to get him here, to believe that he deserved love, that he was not to be abandoned again, that yes love was scary, but it was worth it. And the more Buck and Eddie both grew, both went to therapy every week, both worked through their issues, they’d both arrived at the same conclusion.
They both loved their family, they loved each other, and they loved Christopher, but they were young yet, and there were so many kids out there who needed a home, and there was no limit of love to give. They wanted to make their family bigger, and to some it might have seemed rushed, but it was Maddie who convinced Buck. That time was short, and they both knew they were forever, and it didn’t matter that it was soon, because it wasn’t too soon for them.
They had talked to Hen and Karen about the process of it all, had applied for a foster license and every step of the way it felt right. It felt right when they sat at their kitchen table in their new home (Eddie’s old house too small for them now) and kept smiled at each other as they filled out the paperwork. It had felt right when they had their small courthouse wedding, with the 118 family, with a bigger spectacle to follow, when they had time, when they had a moment to catch a breath.
More than anything, it had felt right when they had visited this foster home and met Gabriel. They had been sat on the floor, playing with the various kids and Gabriel and come and sat right in Buck’s lap. He’d looked up at him, his big brown eyes, his dark curls, the pudgy hands clinging onto his teddy, and Buck had known, this was their son. When he caught Eddie’s eye, Eddie had let out a breath of amusement and nodded, Gabriel was theirs.
It of course hadn’t been as easy as taking him there and then. They visited him every weekend, and he’d been allowed to stay at theirs a couple of times, but this now, was Gabriel coming home. They’d have to foster him for a time, before they were allowed to adopt him, but they had hope, they just had to have patience.
Buck wants to sweep Gabriel up into his arms, but he remembers all the advice they were given when it came to fostering, and adopting. Take the child’s lead, let them know they are safe, allow them to become comfortable.
Gabriel is clutching onto the hand of Callie, who works at the foster home, his bags over her shoulder. She kneels down and Buck and Eddie follow suit as she says softly to him
‘Gabriel, you know Buck and Eddie, don’t you?’
Gabriel nods, his eyes flitting between Callie and Buck and Eddie.
‘You’re going to go stay with them for, what do you think about that?’
Gabriel nods slowly, his eyes still flitting between them. Buck clears his throat, Eddie’s hand on his shoulder, rubbing his thumb softly there.
‘We’ve got your room all set up, buddy’ Buck says ‘remember, when you stayed before?’
‘The space room’ Gabriel says quietly.
‘Yeah’ Buck grins ‘the space room, with the stars-‘
‘And the rocket’ Gabriel smiles and Buck’s heart flips in his chest at the sight.
‘Yeah, and the rocket.’
‘You had lots of snacks.’
‘We do’ Eddie laughs ‘you remember, Christopher? He’s 16, teenage boys eat a lot, but that’s ok, there’s plenty of food to go around.’
‘I like bananas’ Gabriel says, having let go of Callie’s hand, now walking slowly to them ‘and mango.’
‘We have lots of banana and mango’ Buck smiles ‘they’re so yummy.’
‘I can go?’ Gabriel asks, his little voice unsure as he looks at Callie.
‘Yes, you can, sweetie’ she smiles, handing the bags over to Eddie ‘let’s walk to the car.’
The adults all stand up and Gabriel reaches for Buck’s hand, and Buck smiles down at him, his heart overflowing.
‘This is your car seat, buddy’ Buck says as he unlocks the car and opens the back door ‘can I lift you into it?’
‘Uhuh’ Gabriel nods and Buck hoists him up and buckles him in.
Another thing they’ve been told is to tell Gabriel before they did anything, to ask if it was ok, to explain, to make him aware, to not startle him if they could help it. It all was meant to make Gabriel feel safe, and Buck would do anything to make sure he felt it.
Eddie climbs into the passenger seat, after putting Gabriel’s bags in the trunk and beams at Buck. Buck beams back, and leans over to lightly kiss his husband.
The two of them point out things as they drive home, Gabriel excitedly shouting any time he sees a dog in a car.
‘Do you have a dog?’ he asks them when they’re almost home.
‘No, we don’t buddy’ Eddie says ‘we did think about getting one, but we’re both firefighters, and we might not have the time to look after a dog. Maybe someday.’
That answer seems to appease Gabriel as he nods and says ‘ok.’
‘We’re here, buddy’ Buck says as he pulls into their drive ‘we’re home.’
Bucks gets the bags and opens the door as Eddie gets Gabriel out of his car seat and holds his hand as they walk to the front door. They follow Gabriel around as he walks into each room of the house, eventually coming to his bedroom, the door ajar.
‘Woah’ Gabriel says, his voice awed as he enters the room slowly.
The room had partly been done when he had last stayed, the big rocket painted on the wall, the stars on the ceiling, but now there is even more detail. There’s an astronaut floating beside the rocket, and the rest of the walls have been painted a dark navy blue, with more stars and planets on them. The ceiling has stars painted on it, but is also plastered in glow in the dark stick on stars.
There’s a little desk with a little chair, a small bookcase filled with books, and a big beanbag next to it. There’s a rug that looks like the moon on the wooden floor, and the bed has sheets that match the walls. Beside the wardrobe is a chest of drawers, on top of which they’ve put a framed picture of Gabriel with his mom.
Gabriel looks around, his mouth agape as he slowly walks to the bed and very carefully places his teddy propped up against the pillows.
‘This is mine?’ he asks, awed.
‘Yeah, Gabriel’ Buck clears his throat, trying to shove the tears back down ‘it’s all yours.’
‘Welcome home, buddy’ Eddie says, clearing his own throat, reaching for Buck’s hand to squeeze it.
Buck squeezes back, as he watches their son take it all in, he was home, they were all home.
-----
Neither of them sleep great that night, wary that Gabriel might need them. They leave their door ajar just in case and talk quietly, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Eddie leaves light kisses against Buck’s neck and Buck lets out a sigh, some of the heaviness on his shoulders lifting.
‘He seems ok, doesn’t he?’ he whispers.
‘Yeah’ Eddie says against his skin ‘he does.’
They weren’t expecting everything to be sunshine and rainbows, but Gabriel had been so happy to see Christopher when he got home. He’d eaten all his pasta at dinner time, he’d been excited to wear his new pyjamas and sleep in his bed. He’d fallen asleep in the middle of story time, it had been good so far, and that makes Buck nervous.
‘You remember what they said’ Eddie says, as if reading Buck’s mind ‘he might get upset or angry or scared, but we just have to remind him we aren’t going anywhere, that we love him. We don’t have to be scared of hypothetical future upset when he’s happy right now.’
Buck nods against him and nudges his head against Eddie’s, so he raises his head and kisses him.
‘All that therapy definitely helped’ Buck says and Eddie laughs.
It blows Buck’s mind, that only two years before he had been consistently repeating that Eddie was straight. It had taken Eddie a while to work through that in therapy, the repressed religious guilt, the realisation that he had stayed with Shannon for Christopher, and he had been so young. That all the thoughts he had of men, of Buck, were just that: thoughts. Until they very much weren’t.
They still joked sometimes now when laying in each other’s arms after, Eddie laughing and breathless, panting ‘but I’m straight though’ playfully and the pair of them laughing and falling back into each other’s embrace.
‘I can’t believe we made it here’ Buck says and Eddie smiles knowingly at him, his eyes bright, his expression so fond. It still manages to take Buck’s breath away, the way Eddie looks at him with such reverence.
‘Me neither’ Eddie says, pulling Buck tighter against him ‘but thank god we did.’
Buck smiles at him, kissing him again, and eventually they drift off, Buck’s mind full of wedding rings and small shoes and the three boys he loved more than anything else, all here, all within his reach, all home.