Chapter Text
They figured a game night would be a fun, chill way to end the day. Dipper had set up the switch and a modest stack of board games and decks of cards, not expecting much out of the evening. Mabel and Sara were both crashing with Dipper and Wirt, but Mabel had busied herself all day with Candy and Grenda as Sara spent the day with Wirt to make up for lost time. By the time they all got together again at their house that night, what was meant to be a relaxing evening ended up much sillier than that.
“Jesus, Sara! I didn’t think you could still do that!” Wirt exclaimed as Sara finished her beer, crushed the can and picked up her controller. She burped loudly and did her best to catch up in the race, Dipper still chugging behind her. “Honestly, me neither.”
Dipper finished his drink and blindly tossed the can to Mabel, scrambling to get in the race. “Shit shit shit!”
Don’t Drink and Drive had been a favorite of the twins’ in college and occasionally made appearances in their adult lives. Of course, the years do take their toll when it comes to chugging, so they were playing in teams to split the races and drinks. Reigning champions Dipper and Mabel faced off against newcomers Wirt and Sara- or really just Wirt, who had never been one for chugging or video games. Not that it seemed to matter much, anyway. Sara caught up and finished in second, Dipper dragging behind in fifth.
“Fuck!” Dipper groaned. “I used to be able to chug. Who am I?”
“I think it’s a skill you can leave behind,” Wirt chuckled, patting his husband’s shoulder. “I feel like this is literally the only time I’ve seen you even try to chug a drink.”
Dipper sighed. “I don’t know. It’s one of those things I feel like I should be able to do. Like when you see someone do a keg stand in a movie and you’re like, ‘I can do that.’ Y’know?”
“Oh man, I totally know,” Mabel agreed. “I mean, yes, my body is different as I age, but I should be able to do a keg stand. If I so choose.”
“Exactly,” Dipper said. “Or at least chug one beer and then come in first in Mario Kart.”
Sara smirked, reaching for another beer. “Sucks to suck.”
Wirt and Mabel faced off next. Before they started the race, Wirt looked at the twins with a pleading expression. “Can’t I just take a shot instead of chugging this?”
Dipper shrugged. “You can drink it throughout the race if it’s easier. But you can’t drink and drive.” He laughed at his husband’s pout and reached for the drink in his hand. “Permission to assist?”
Sara laughed. “Sure, if it gets you drunker.”
Wirt held his own for the most part, but Dipper did end up with more than his fair share of drinks. Before long they were too sloshed to keep playing, and Mabel changed the TV to channel surf as Dipper stumbled up for more chips and salsa.
“Oh my god,” Mabel gushed over some red carpet happening on TV. “Colman Domingo always looks so good. Wayman and Micah are such geniuses. I wish I got to do stuff with menswear.”
“Oh yeah, so you could get up close with male models?” Sara teased.
Mabel snorted. “Yeah, right! Models get on my nerves these days, I would love to just be someone’s stylist. For the red carpet. Make them bomb ass suits. So much menswear is so booooring, I could make it fun. Funner? More fun.” She leaned forward to grab a handful of the chips her brother set out before he sat down next to Wirt and flopped backwards onto him.
“I think that could work for you,” Dipper mumbled. “Having a famous person to play dress up with sounds like a great option. You’d just have to find someone who appreciates your style.”
“It’s true,” Mabel sighed. “I’m unappreciated in my time. Maybe I’ll just pick someone hot to dress up instead.”
“I guess you have a lot to pick from,” Wirt said, dropping his head on top of Dipper’s. “All those hot people at fashion shows. Just find one! I don’t know, I don’t know how this works.”
“No literally,” Sara laughed. “How many celebrities have you met? I feel like it’s a lot.”
Mabel bit her lip, scooping up as much salsa as she could onto her chip. “It’s not a few. I think I would have to see who would work with my style, but I can find someone sexy to play dolls with.”
“Did you ever meet anyone you had a crush on? Like a celebrity crush?” Sara asked.
Mabel nodded exaggeratedly. “I met Brad Pitt once. That was crazy. And, of course, Dipper knows about when I met Chappell Roan.”
Dipper made a sound of agreement without opening his eyes or moving his head from its place on Wirt’s shoulder. “So jealous. Love her.”
Wirt chuckled to himself, knowing of Dipper's recent excursion to the Multibear’s cave to play him The Giver. Not to mention the near constant playing of it in his own house. In fact, was it playing right now? He tried to listen but Dipper brought him back by nuzzling into his neck.
“Brad Pitt is crazy,” Sara mused. “I gotta give you my number if you ever come across Michael B. Jordan.”
“Of course,” Mabel agreed, raising her arms. “Give me your numbers, I’ll hook you all up with your celebrity crushes!”
Wirt snorted. “What a generous offer. Think I’ll pass.”
Sara poked Wirt’s arm. “What, you don’t have a single hall pass? What about your teenage love, Ro-”
Wirt cut her off by slapping a hand over her mouth. “No need. I’m happily married, please and thank you.”
Dipper chuckled, eyes still closed. “Oh-ho, a childhood crush, do tell. I can think of a current hall pass for you if you’re too embarrassed.”
Wirt scoffed. “Thank you for sponsoring my extramarital affair. I don’t think-”
“Oooooh! Nope, nope, we gotta hear the names,” Mabel squealed. “Sara, who was baby boy Wirt in love with?”
Sara grinned. “Well, I do remember an incident with a photograph of one Robert Pattinson?”
Wirt turned his face into Dipper’s shoulder and groaned as the room exploded into laughter. “Oh my god,” Mabel cackled. “Was it Twilight? You have to tell me. I wonder if we had the same picture.”
Wirt huffed. “The picture was from Twilight, yes, but I hated Twilight, I thought it was so dumb. But he was hot. And he still is, so I was right all along.”
“Oh no!” Dipper pouted, looking up at Wirt with puppy dog eyes. “Will you still love me even though I don’t sparkle in the sunlight?”
“Not anymore,” Mabel teased. “You used to be so damn pale, sunscreen was basically reflective off you.” Dipper flipped her off, making her laugh even harder.
“Well then,” Sara said, turning to Dipper. “What about you? Do you have a hall pass for Mabel to hook you up with?”
Dipper’s cheeks flushed. “I-”
“Dear lord, please,” Wirt griped, pinching his brow. “Spare me from hearing about how badly you want to fuck Sabrina Carpenter.”
The girls burst out laughing as Dipper tried to defend himself. “She is conventionally attractive and always dressed to the nines! Her music is catchy! What do you want me to say!”
Sara was barely intelligible through her cackling. “Her music about wanting to bone? Her costumes that are basically lingerie?”
Mabel wiped a tear from her eye, catching her breath. “I’m sure you’re what she had in mind when she said ‘since the good ones are deceased or taken, I’ll just keep on moaning and bitching.’”
Dipper rolled his eyes. “The name of the game is hall pass! That’s not relevant!”
Wirt poked Dipper’s side. “I’m sorry I can’t be her.”
Dipper narrowed his eyes at his husband. “You’re enjoying this too much. Shall I share with the class who I thought you were going to say for a celebrity crush?”
Wirt stared blankly back at him. “I would argue, but I actually have no idea who you’re going to say.”
“I’ll jog your memory. Hey babe, what episode of The Bear are we on again? I think-” Wirt jumped up to cover his mouth, ears burning at his guests’ laughter.
“If it’s Jeremy Allen White, no need to be embarrassed,” Sara giggled. “Join the club.”
“Y’know, he’s one of the ones I actually have met,” Mabel mused, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Come out to the city sometime and I can introduce you?”
“Oh my god, leave me alone.”