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There were things from his childhood that he had never minded, being a vegetarian was one of them. In the league he had gotten to see how animals were killed and processed, had been trained to do so and was extremely relieved he had never needed to do so.
His mother had been accepting of his diet but his grandfather hadn't been in the slightest bit and he had made sure to make him skin and process any and every type of animal he could get a hold of. It might have been an attempt to make him stronger or convince him that eating meat wasn't as bad or whatever but it had only solidified his belief on protecting the innocent animals instead of eating them.
In the end he was fine with his main source of protein being legumes and it's not like anyone would win anything from making him eat meat, in turn it never happened. Grandfather was overthrown and defeated before he could get a taste of bacon, and it had all been worth it.
Until every single plate he was given was at least half meat. Breakfast, eggs and bacon. Lunch, chicken with a side of salad. Dinner, a small chicken sandwich. The tricky part was that he had to eat it because well he had to be grateful, for the ceiling over his head, the clothes on his back and the rest of the opportunities his new life gave him. And if father wanted him to eat meat then there wasn't much he could do, at least not without possibly being thrown out because even if he was the blood kid he was the least wanted out of the bunch.
Even after all the reasoning and attempts at convincing himself, there was no way he could eat meat without thinking about all the animals he had been forced to kill, the sounds they had made, the way the blood splattered and their eyes became cloudy and lifeless. He just couldn't, in good conscience, keep the food down and he kept hoping that his efforts at hiding his discomfort were enough.
But obviously he wasn't. Only eating the vegetables and legumes had gotten him nowhere since father had insisted he eat meat, the only way he had actually managed to get rid of the meathad been just eating and then vomiting, it had been easy, too easy. The mix of guilt and disgust had been enough to bring the bile from his stomach to his mouth, and if that wasn't working alright shoving his fingers down his throat was enough to get the job done. Until the bathroom was locked right after meals and his siblings were now trying to distract him from just fleeing the dining room.
He came up with a new strategy, hiding the food on himself. His pockets and even inside his pants but it was disgusting to begin with and the odor of most food would impregnate the fabric so thoroughly that even three washes couldn't get it out, he knew Alfred had already noticed but hadn't, thankfully, mentioned it. After just two weeks there were no napkins on the table and he could feel his fathers eyes on him, his new solution had been rendered useless before he could think of a new one.
Thus he stopped showing up to family dinners, or any meal really. Was there any way he could get his usual vegetarian diet without any backlash? Of that he wasn't sure but every time he looked in the mirror he could only see what he truly was an assassin, usually he wouldn't even mind it since he was a killer, he had literally been trained for it since he was a kid but he had always taken pride on not harming the innocent, those who had no actual say on whatever humans decided to do. But he had already killed them, tasted their meat and even swallowed it. He was disgusting.
There were things that he couldn't ignore no matter how much he tried not to care, especially when they were related to the brat that now lived in the room in front of him.
Tim had heard the retching and dry heaving, had seen the way food disappeared from the plate but never made it to Damian's mouth and the way the kid would claim to not be hungry with a haunted look. He looked skinnier and sicker by the day, and he had brought the concerns to Bruce because he really didn't want to deal with it himself.
Bruce had insisted on observing first, maybe they were missing something and ever since they had started making it almost impossible for Damian to go hungry which in turn made the kid look sicker and miserable.
After another week they decided that an intervention would be the best path to follow, Dick was going to be there since it was the only one of them that Damian seemed at ease with. Alfred had offered to make pastries and some vegetable broth so there was something light and easy on the stomach if they convinced Damian to eat.
At school things weren't much better. Teachers would try to make him talk about his apparent issues, his classmates gave him odd (worried) looks and even he could feel himself getting weaker. It was absurd, he had been train to withstand hunger, dehydration, torture and almost whatever that came his way but this was getting ridiculous.
It wasnt trying to tire him out physically but mentally, not in the usual way torture would have because even then there is always something they want out of you information, cooperation you name it. Right now it was nothing of the sort. Father didn't make him train, in fact he insisted that he get used to Gotham before trying to go out as a vigilante, Timothy would just be around sometimes and make small talk as if to not pressure him into actually talking and Richard just tried to get him to do whatever he liked, like painting.
There was nothing for them to earn out of those things.
And Damian wasn't sure about what to do now. In any case he would have to get a good enough excuse to skip dinner but he wasn't sure anything would be convincing, especially today. Richard would be here for dinner, which wasn't exactly unusual but father had insisted that it was important for him to show up at the dining room tonight. Maybe Richard was making an announcement of some sort.
However he was tired and just so done that maybe if he just showed up and excused himself a little while later everything would be fine. He could toy around with the food to make it seem as if he had eaten anything and be done for the day.
Not shortly after Alfred called him for dinner. He could already hear Bruce and Richard conversing in the dining room, so he made his way to the seat he usually took at the table. A few moments later Timothy took his seat as well. Dinner today was just pasta with meatballs and some salad with which he filled his plate.
The salad was just a normal mix of vegetables with no meat in sight. He picked at it, another thing he had noticed since he started not-eating was how the hunger had disappeared, not magically or overnight, but he just didn't feel hungry anymore or if he did eat he felt full so much faster than ever before. If he was actually going to stay put for a while then he might as well just eat slowly so he could at least have some before he felt full.
His brothers were just talking casually and father would sometimes make a comment about whatever they had said. At first it was odd since back at home he usually just ate with his mother when she was around or on his own since grandfather hadn't wanted him to share a table with the rest of the league, not until he was old enough at least.
He let the conversation fade into the background, he might not be training (officially) at the moment but still he liked to keep himself as fit as he could. As always there was homework that he had yet to finish but he would have time for it after dinner and inspiration seemed scarce at the moment so…
“Damian”
Father had called him, interrupting his train of thought. Everyone at the table was now looking at him, he just stared back. Had he been asked something, he didn't know, he wasn't paying attention.
“Yes father”
“Are you alright”
“Of course father”
He was met with sceptical looks and well he couldn't really blame them. But also he couldn't really just tell them that he is vegetarian or the reason why he is vegetarian. That would be admitting that he wasn't as strong as he claimed to be. He could handle a bit of hunger. (Or lack of it nowadays)
“You look unwell”
“I am fine” He ate a piece of lettuce for good measure. None of them seemed convinced to just back off by that in fact, now they seemed even more convinced something was wrong, he couldn't pledge ignorance anymore.
“So you do know what we mean?” Sometimes he hated how sharp Tim was or well how direct. Every member of the family was sharp, but others would rather have more proof before asking for confessions.
“Let's see if we are on the same page. Are you worried about how I'm adjusting to this new environment?” A half truth always worked.
“Not exactly”
It was Dick´s turn to intervene. “What he means is that we are worried because you just don't seem to eat like ever”
“I do eat” Maybe half truths were not really going to work.
“Eating a singular piece of lettuce or just a protein bar isn't enough”
He knew that, obviously he did but he couldn't ask for everything to be done differently just because he refused to eat meat. Yes it was also kind of a religious thing but some if not almost everyone back at the league just didn't follow that rule. But he did.
“I know that, I eat at school” He didn't but why would they know that.
He could see fathers eyes light up like whenever he came to a conclusion or had a criminal cornered. He hadn't said anything to contradict himself, yet. “Your teachers would disagree with that, your homeroom teacher called because they are worried as well. They insist that they have never seen you eat a single bite at school and that you spend most of your free time walking around as if your life depended on it”
Walking was good exercise, it could be done anywhere. Why was that a problem? He should focus on how easily his lie had been caught though. This wasn't a fight he could win and he preferred to hide behind his usual cockyness rather than admit defeat but he couldn't really think of any actual excuses at the moment and he had already remained silent for a hot minute.
Dick was always the most expressive of the bunch and he could tell that he was trying to give him time and space but he could see that he wanted to speak. And Damian wasn't ready for whatever they were about to say. He stood up from the table and was about to make a run for it when a dizzy spell hit him and usually he would have just taken a moment to readjust himself and then move on with his day but right now he had no time to spare.
He didn't get far. Not even a step and he could already feel the floor getting closer.
He never touched it. Tim had been quick enough to catch him and he was already settling him softly on the ground. And he just couldn't believe it, whatever they were thinking must have been confirmed, instead of disbelieving they just looked sad and determined. He had to get to the bottom of it.
“What did you mean then?” He was hoping for Tim to answer, he wouldn't sugarcoat it.
“An eating disorder. I am not qualified to say which but vomiting after eating, over exercising, hiding food and not eating all points to the same conclusion, an eating disorder. This was our attempt at an intervention”
Oh
That made sense, he had heard about eating disorders at schools but his teacher had insisted that it was only a girls thing.
“Isn't that only a girls thing?”
“No Damian, men can have eating disorders as well”
He was mostly certain this couldn't count as an eating disorder, it hadn't started because of self image but because he just wouldn't eat meat. There was an easy way to avoid this and he hadn't been able to just leave and now what were they going to do with him? Surely dump him out.
“We are not mad, we just want to help. Eating disorders are pretty dangerous, there is a point in which your body uses the muscles to obtain energy and that can lead to cardiac arrest due to the muscle loss.” Damian didn't know that, according to his teacher, the worst that could happen was just regaining the lost weight, not dying.
“I already called Dr. Thompkins, she's still at her office”
“I don't want to go”
“I know”
In any other situation he would have fought tooth and nail to not be dragged to a doctors office but right he didn't have it in him to do so. Would they believe that he was vegetarian or not? He hadn't really given them much evidence to even consider it so he didn't really have much luck.
He really didn't like to be coddled, he wasn't a little kid anymore, but if he sat up he felt all dizzy and just overall wrong so he had readily accepted lying down on the car seat with his head over Dicks legs. His older brother was softly stroking his hair, it was soothing. Bruce was just looking at them longingly while Tim just looked uncomfortable.
They arrived at Thompkins´s office soon after, Dick insisted on carrying him and again there wasn't much he could do against it.
It just started as a normal medical appointment. She took his vital signs and made the usual questions. Then her face shifted from professional to a barely concealed concern. “Your heart rate is slower than it should be, low blood sugar and concerningly low weight. Do you want to know it or not?”
“No”
“Now onto the rest of the standard questions. Can you tell me when this started?”
“When I moved into the manor”
“Any idea why?”
“I'm vegetarian and refuse to eat meat. I think it spiralled from there”
“That's good to know, do you think that if you are offered appropriate food you will be able to eat again?”
“I'm not hungry anymore, never. Also I don't want to be a burden”
“Why don't you eat meat?”
He didn't like it when animals suffered, he couldn't stand it. That was an exploitable weakness of his and grandfather had tried to make him overcome it by torturing and killing and maiming and processing animals. And he couldn't think about it without getting sick.
“I'm weak, I can't kill them, can't eat them. Not anymore”
“That's okay and it doesn't make you a burden of any kind. I would suggest a psychologist so you can freely speak to someone about this, even if you don't consider it important. Any experience that marked you deeply enough to refuse to eat like this must not be taken lightly. In other note you have to gain the weight back, I'll be monitoring that”
Alfred was pleased to be able to make food that he ate. Enough to learn recipes for every course that he liked. The rest of his family had tried to lessen their meat consumption and while he appreciated the effort it wasnt really necessary, Black Canary insisted that it was their way of showing their support.
He liked to think that them just being there and having kept an eye on him for long enough to notice was their way of showing not only support but also their love and care.
It took him almost six months to gain the weight back, and even longer to be on the clear for any sort of training. In the meantime he had, and at Tims insistence, started to make digital art and he liked how nice and accurate landscapes could look with that technique. Dick usually sent him pictures of Bludhaven, especially either dawn or dusk from different perspectives. It was nice.
Bruce more often than not made time to just be there and with how busy he knew father was it was enough for him.
He hoped life was always like this, with a family that loved and supported him.