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Nagi had always thought that he was a defective human. Something in him was broken. Not due to trauma, not because it was stomped out of him, but more like he was just born missing something. By default, Nagi lacked a basic element that everyone else seemed to have since birth.
For a long time, Nagi and even his own parents figured the missing piece was enthusiasm. Growing up, Nagi couldn't count how many times he'd been called lazy. The fact that he didn't even try to count it or think too hard about it made him think that they were right. He was lazy, and so what? He was fine with that. Honestly, he couldn't care less. Nagi intended to live his simple life of just going through the motions, accepting that he was lazy and embracing it, even. That's just how he was, even his parents had accepted it and let him live however he liked.
However, that mindset was shaken ever since Nagi met Reo.
"凪ちぃは玲王のことほんとに好きなの~？(Does Nagichii really love Reo~)?"
The words bounced playfully across the hallway. It was said casually, no offense whatsoever, but of course Nagi blinked, pausing the game he was playing on his phone to lower it, taken aback by how rude and blunt the question actually was (especially considering it was asked right in front of him.)
Then again, it's to be expected from someone like him.
"蜂楽 (Bachira)," Isagi warned from behind said boy, looking quite apologetic as he went after him, placing a hand on the other's shoulder, but Bachira simply shrugged him off.
"ただ聞きたいだけだ。潔も先日言ったでしょう！(I just asked a question. You were wondering about it the other day, too, Isagi!)"
"蜂楽 (Bachira!)"
"どう言うこと？俺らは付きやっている、好きに決まっているじゃん。(What do you mean? We're dating, of course he loves me)," Reo huffed back (ignoring Isagi's attempts to shut down the conversation), naturally slinging an arm around Nagi's back, brows furrowed. Knowing Bachira, Reo wasn't as angry as he would've been had anyone else asked the same question, but he was still very obviously irked by it.
"凪ちは全然見せてないのに。(Nagichi never shows it, though)," Bachira challenged with a frown, "私たちの目線から、玲王だけは恋している。(To us it looks like you're the only one in love, Reo.)"
"蜂楽もういいから、(Bachira, that's enough-)"
At that, Reo stood from the step on the staircase he and Nagi were seated on, still ignoring Isagi's peacemaking attempts.
"なんでおまえらに証明しなきゃいけないの？(Why do we have to prove it to you guys?)" Reo shot back, eyeing the two.
"玲王… (Reo...)" Nagi mumbled, looking up at the scene unfolding before him.
"だって玲王はかわいそうだもん。玲王のこと心配しているだけだよ。(Because we feel bad for you, Reo. We're just worried for you.)" At that point, Bachira seemed to be as upset as Reo, innocent despite his offensive stance. Seeing the situation escalating, Isagi looked to Nagi for help. Nagi didn't miss the glint of judgement in the other's eyes, rendering him at a loss for words. Usually, Nagi didn't care what anyone thought of him, but knowing that Reo was getting dragged into it and looking pathetic because of him wasn't sitting right with Nagi. He stood, gently taking hold of Reo's wrist, grabbing his boyfriend's attention.
"凪気にすんな。(Nagi, don't mind them,)" Reo tersely and knowingly murmured, turning to him even though Nagi could sense the anger being held back in his tone of voice.
Bachira and Isagi were both waiting on Nagi, staring.
"俺はね、凪のことが好き。(You know what? I like you, Nagi.)"
Never in his life did he think it would happen.
They somehow clicked. No matter how uninterested Nagi behaved, Reo never seemed to care. If anything, Reo even displayed amusement towards Nagi's attitude. As a result, Nagi paid more and more attention to Reo. It wasn't that he just wanted to return the favor. It wasn't that. He wasn't quite sure what it was that he was feeling, but one thing was for sure: Nagi didn't dislike being with Reo. For the first time, it wasn't a pain to be with someone, to talk to them, to do things with them. It was actually a welcome change.
With each passing day, as much as Nagi felt all these wonderful and fresh emotions and sensations, introduced to new experiences he never would have bothered to experience; Nagi couldn't shake off a feeling of frustration also growing in his chest at the same time. Everytime he saw Reo's sparkling eyes full of life and determination, violet strands that smelled of lavender shampoo and sweat, his wide smile, his chunky eyebrows always furrowed to the point where a crease was permanently residing on Reo's temple, everytime he heard his cheery laughter; Nagi felt bothered. He hated feeling that way. It was a pain, and yet he couldn't stop. The feeling that he was missing something grew more apparent and started to trouble Nagi like never before.
For once in his life, he didn't like that he lacked something.
And then came Reo's confession.
"俺と付きやてくれない？(Wanna go out with me?)" It was cool, calm, confident...but Nagi could feel the edge of nervousness hidden behind it, too. He knew Reo well enough to know when he was putting on a facade. That was when Nagi realized it wasn't exactly enthusiasm he had been missing. It was something more passionate and heavy. Something Reo has.
It was love.
Nagi muttered something stupid that day, something along the lines of "考えして (lemme think [about it])" before running off, tail between his legs.
Aromantic.
Nagi had never heard of the term before then. A sleepless night of typing in forums and research led him to the confirmation that he was in fact aromantic, possibly also asexual. The information crushed Nagi to his core. He figured he wasn't suited for someone like Reo, someone who could love with his whole being, born with such passion and splendor. He deserved better. He shouldn't go out with someone wishy-washy like Nagi, who couldn't even process romance. Nagi started avoiding Reo, hoping the other would get the message and leave him alone (even though he didn't actually want him to.) Nagi told himself it was for the better. He should return to his usual lifestyle of keeping to himself. Most people probably would've stopped and given up on Nagi then, just like his parents and teachers...But Reo was an enigma. An exception. He approached Nagi again, spoke to him alone after school out on the field.
"せめてちゃんと言って。(At least tell me properly.)"
Nagi was supposed to turn Reo down like he wanted. Like he expected. Like Nagi decided to ... Instead, he blurted out something else.
"俺になんか違う (Something's wrong with me,)" Nagi had said, earning a worried look from Reo, who asked if he should call an ambulance. Nagi shook his head.
"俺は壊れていると思う。(I think I'm broken.)"
Reo's facial expression went through an array of emotions before landing on a still and serious look.
"なんでそう言うの? (Why would you say that?)"
"子供の時から、何もやりたくなかった。今もだいたい何もやりたくない。真剣な気持ち俺にはいない。(Ever since I was a kid, I never wanted to do anything. Even now, I still don't want to do much. I don't have any sincere feelings.)" He wasn't quite sure why he was telling Reo all this instead of just turning him down in a more simple way, but he couldn't stop either, "レオといしょうのがきらいじゃない。楽しかった。そのままいしょうつずくといいな--と思うけど、悪い-- (I don't hate being with you. It was fun. If we could be together like that forever, I think that would be nice, but sorry--)
Nagi couldn't help but look down at the grass below, not wanting to see Reo's hurt expression, guilt getting the better of him.
"俺レオ見たいな眩しさはない。ないからできない。(Reo. I can't sparkle like you. I can't be like you, so we can't be together.)"
For a brief moment, Nagi wondered, morbidly curious towards how Reo would look like after getting turned down...after getting his heart broken. Nagi looked up, steeling himself.
However, Reo started laughing instead. Cackling, even, grinning with his perfect teeth on full display.
"えっ？なんで笑っている？(Huh? Why are you laughing?)"
"だって、凪はばかだから。(Because you're being an idiot)," Reo gasped between fits of laughter, wiping at the tears in his eyes (from laughing too much, not out of sadness???)
"え…？(Huh...?)" Nagi dumbfoundedly stared, mouth half open, wondering if his broken-ness was contagious and he accidentally broke Reo as a result.
"そもそもなんで俺見たいなやつが欲しいとおもう？俺凪が付きやて欲しい。凪はそのままでいい。眩しさはいらない。おまえのやりたくない態度ぅはべつにきにしていない。俺といしょうにいたいなら、それでいいじゃん？(Why the heck do you think I want to date someone like myself in the first place? I want to date you, Nagi. I want you the way you are. I don't need you to 'sparkle.' I don't really care that you usually don't want to do anything and if you want to be with me forever, why not be with me?)"
Nagi blinked. "でも...こんな感じ付きやうのは... (But...to date you in such a way...)"
"俺凪といしょうのが好き。凪は？(I enjoy being with you, Nagi. How about you?)" Reo boldly interrupted. Nagi blinked several more times, feeling ridiculous.
"...好き。(...I like it.)"
"俺といしょうにいたいと言ったよね？(You said you want to be with me forever, right?)"
"...うん。(Mhm.)"
Reo shrugged, grinning. "じゃ、問題ないじゃん。(Then, I don't see a problem.)"
Remembering the problem, Nagi spoke up again, "でも、俺愛とか知らんない- (But I don't understand love-)"
Reo shook his head, placing both hands on Nagi's shoulders to stop him. "だから、そのままでいい。(Like I said, you're fine that way.)"
"えっ？ほんとにいいの？(Huh? Is this really okay?)" Only then did Nagi realize his shoulders were tense. As his posture relaxed, Reo smiled with his eyes closed.
"いいよ！(Yep!)"
From then on out, they started dating.
Nagi exhaled, eyeing both Bachira and Isagi. He wasn't mad at them. Not at all. He understood where they were coming from and he genuinely appreciated their concern towards Reo. There were many times when Nagi himself wondered what he did to deserve Reo's love. He still wasn't quite sure what love was, too. He couldn't understand why people kiss, hug, and say sappy things to each other and then claim people don't love each other if and when they don't do those things.
But for Reo's sake, he tries to. He'd try anything.
Nagi weighed his options. He could just ignore the allegations. He could let them run their mouths. He knew for a fact that Reo didn't mind either way... That Reo understood and appreciated Nagi more than Nagi could himself. He could've uncharacteristically kissed Reo right then and there in front of Bachira and Isagi, no problem. He could've said at the top of his lungs that he loves Reo, even if Nagi still didn't quite understand what that really meant.
No.
Instead, Nagi chose to be himself.
"証明する、絶対レオといしょうにいる。(I'll prove it to you by staying with Reo forever)," he simply stated, earning a "wow" from Bachira and acknowledgment and an apology from Isagi.
For whatever reason, Reo was as red as a tomato, and Nagi couldn't really figure out why (but what he did know was that it looked cute.)