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It’s the same as always when he wakes up.
The weak, early morning sunlight beams into the room from a crack in the curtain. It casts itself towards him, cutting it close to his head by skirting the edge of his pillow. A warm, grey striped bundle leans heavily against his legs, one of which is under the blanket and the other thrown over it.
Lance shuffles, disrupting the cat at the foot of his bed, before blinking his eyes slowly open. He looks to the side and taps his phone, groaning and curling away from it when he sees the time. It’s barely past six in the morning. There’s almost an hour before his first alarm is even meant to ring.
He squeezes his eyes shut, willing sleep to return to him, but all he can feel is the last of his dream. It’s already starting to slip from him, but there’s a heaviness that settled into the back of his throat and still hasn’t left. He frowns and opens his eyes.
Distraction comes in the form of a squeaky meow followed by tiny but weighty paws making their way up to his face. Blue delicately sits herself in front of Lance and waits for him to inevitably scoop her into a hug.
He stuffs his face into her side, petting her for as long as she allows before she’s squirming away to sit again.
“Good morning, Blue.”
Her tail flicks.
“Yeah,” Lance sighs and pulls himself up into a seated position. “I don’t think I can sleep anymore today either.”
He lets himself fall into his couch. Getting up an hour earlier than normal means he has an extra hour before he has to leave his apartment for work. He fiddles with his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his apps while the feelings left behind from his dream occupies the forefront of his mind.
Before he knows it, he’s opened up his contacts list and hit ‘dial’ on a number.
For a few seconds, it rings.
Then it stops.
Click.
Hi, this is the–
Lance snaps out of the trance he’s fallen into and nearly jumps to hit the ‘end call’ button. His heart pounds in his chest as he stares, hunched over his phone. He feels frozen, cold but also hot all over. There’s something crawling up his throat but when he swallows there’s nothing there.
The next time he hits the ‘call’ button, it’s on purpose.
His boss sent him home early. Apparently he “didn’t look too good” and “considering everything” it’s understandable if he needs some time off.
It’s left Lance feeling restless.
Not to mention, it feels humiliating to be sent home when he didn’t even want to be in the first place, but even Hunk had been more tentative than usual with him throughout the morning, so he left.
Determined not to make Hunk worry about him, he decided to go for a walk, making his way to a nearby park and strolling along the dirt paths. The air was crisp, the last vestiges of winter trying to hold on, but the sun was bright and proud as it shone down. Basking under its light for even a few minutes was enough for Lance to feel warm.
It’s the middle of the day, but the lovely weather has drawn a good number of people out of their homes. Lance passes by lots of parents pushing strollers or accompanied by small children, a decent amount of elderly folks sitting on benches, and even more picnics strewn across the grass. It looks like a lot of students are taking advantage of the sun to pause their studying.
He steps off the path to loiter on the grass and squint down at his phone. Birds chirp high in the trees. A butterfly catches his eye as it flutters past, red with black tips standing out against green grass. He focuses back on his phone.
His thumb hovers and he squeezes his eyes shut when he taps ‘dial’ for the second time today.
Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Click.
…
Hi, this is the voicemail of Keith Kogane. I’m busy and can’t answer the phone, but if you leave a message then I can get back to you later… Um… Leave your message after it beeps.
…
Beep.
…
…
…
Lance is frozen again.
His hand grips the phone against his ear and he wills his mouth to say something, anything . The only thing that makes it out is strangled by the syrupy-thick ache in his throat. He mashes the ‘end call’ button.
He takes a shuddery breath, forcing the air into his lungs again and again until he feels lightheaded. Lips twisting into a grimace, he ignores the few curious eyes looking his way and shoves his phone into his pocket.
Then, he turns around and quickly rushes home.
Lance sighs as he steps out of the bathroom. Steam billows out behind him and Blue scampers away from where she’d been loafing in front of the door.
He goes to the bedroom, going through the methodical process of toner, essence, serum, moisturizer; he’s doing everything today. The routine is supposed to relax him and it usually does, but even after he’s towelled off his hair and changed into sweatpants and a worn but comfortable t-shirt, he still feels like a string that’s seconds from snapping.
Maybe it’s the bright sunlight still shining into the apartment. He’s usually a night showerer, and by the time he’s out of the bathroom the skies should be pink and orange.
Realizing he’s been standing and staring out the window for several minutes now, Lance tears his eyes away and settles onto the couch. He picks up his phone as Blue jumps up beside him and helps herself to the spot on his lap, kneading at a neighbouring pillow for a minute before slotting herself into the seam between his legs.
It feels like a repeat of the morning, when Lance once again finds himself in his contacts list on his phone. His other hand distractedly pets at the spot behind Blue’s neck. He’s just spent an hour in the shower, watching the water run down the drain like a script destined to fail. There’s so much to say and nothing at all; he’s already run through all the possibilities.
This time, he taps ‘dial’ with purpose.
He hears it ring…and click.
…
Hi, this is the voicemail of Keith Kogane. I’m busy and can’t answer the phone, but if you leave a message then I can get back to you later… Um… Leave your message after it beeps.
…
Beep.
…
“Hi…Mullet.”
…
“It’s Lance, by the way, in case you didn’t, um, see in the call log or recognize my voice, um–”
Lance pulls the phone away, head tipping back against the couch as he squeezes his eyes together. He heaves out a long breath before righting himself again and bringing the phone back to his ear.
“We just haven’t seen each other in a while. How… How are things?”
…
“It’s not like I m-miss you. Come on, can you imagine? Um… At least, I don't miss you…not in the way Hunk or Pidge or the guys miss you. And oh, god, not like the way Shiro misses you. I just– But… well I guess I'm just saying it’d be nice to see you again.”
His eyes are open and seeing, but his mind is miles away, glaring into grey eyes that glare right back. He feels like if he keeps talking, the feeling coating the back of his throat will go away.
Blue merps and shakes her head. His petting is getting agitated and rough. He forces himself to slow down.
“Yeah, I… I guess I just called to say it’d be nice to see you again.”
…
He hits ‘end call’.
For a moment, he stares at the screen, faced with the ridiculous contact icon of a squished selfie taken from below. His screen turns off after a minute, but he continues to sit there, unmoving, for long enough that the bright blue skies have started to tinge with pinks and reds.
“Thanks again for having us over, dude. I know it was last minute,” Hunk says as he puts his shoes on by the door. He has his bag slung over his shoulder, much lighter now that they’ve offloaded the alcohol and snacks into their stomachs and Lance’s fridge.
“Yeah,” pipes up the uncharacteristically soft voice beside him. Pidge adjusts her glasses. “It’s…been a while since I've seen you guys.”
Lance pulls his lips into a grin.
“Kinda hard to fend off two people trying to pile into my apartment.” He sloppily pats Hunk’s shoulder and ruffles Pidge’s hair with more force than he intends. “And I've missed you too, Pidgey.”
Pidge has grown far past Lance’s shoulder by now and though she loathes the younger sister treatment he still insists upon her, she only grunts and readjusts her hair when he lets go. Lance swallows and feels his smile stick in place. The look Hunk sends him also still looks as concerned as it did that morning at work.
Turning away, Lance lets loose a huge yawn.
“Well, I think I'll just about pass out once you two leave,” he says. “But still, you both oughtta text when you get home.”
“If you’re gonna sleep right away, then maybe I should help you clean up first. Blue will get into everything,” Hunk says, already going through the motions to remove his shoes. The cat in question sleeps in her cat tower near the entryway.
Lance crosses his arms.
“What am I? A baby?” He jerks his thumb at the living room. “I can handle a few empty beer cans and pizza boxes.”
“Yeah but…”
It takes about ten minutes to convince Hunk and Pidge to stop removing their shoes and another ten for Lance to finally shove them out the door with the repeated threat to text him when they get home safe.
He locks the door with a sigh and trudges back over to the couch, collapsing onto it and closing his eyes. He loves his friends, he really does, and he knows they meant well when they insisted on coming over to hang out, but it really has left him bone-tired.
Footsteps pad softly up to him and the couch shifts beside him with new weight.
“Thought you said you were gonna clean up?”
Lance cracks an eye open.
Keith sits beside him, back against the arm rest and one leg folded against the cushions. He reaches for one of the pizza boxes on the table and lifts the lid, helping himself to a slice. Lance rolls his eyes.
“Might as well let you help me by clearing off some more food first.”
“Hmm touché,” Keith says around a mouthful of cheese and pepperoni.
They sit in silence for a bit.
“Allura didn’t come over?”
Lance winces. “I mean, oh. I guess I never really told you. We broke up a while ago… We’re on good terms but it’s not like we hang out often.”
Keith pauses and just looks at him. There’s surprise on his face.
“Oh…” is all he ends up saying. He goes back to his pizza.
“Do you want a drink?” Lance finds himself asking.
“And make more mess for you to clean up later?”
“Yeah, you’re right, forget I asked.”
Keith’s laughing as he stands and Lance feels caught with something bubbling up from his chest.
“It’s in the fridge right?” He hears the fridge door open anyway before he can even answer. Keith sits back down beside him and cracks open the can. He tips it towards Lance and offers a small smile that catches Lance’s eyes and won’t let go. “Cheers to… today.”
Lance nods stiffly. Keith doesn’t move to drink so he looks for his water glass and mimics Keith’s toast, taking a sip and setting it back down. He leans his head back against the couch, turning to look in Keith’s direction.
“I think I’m gonna shut my eyes for a bit,” he says, tracing black hair as it swoops just above grey eyes.
“Drank too much?” Keith asks, though his voice is teasing. His lips tilt into a smirk.
Lance swallows, but it still doesn’t feel right.
“Something like that.”
“Hmm.”
“Wake me in a bit so I can clean up.”
“Sure.”
…
…
…
Lance opens his eyes and lamps are still on. He taps his phone and it’s way past midnight; Hunk and Pidge left at least two hours ago, and there are multiple texts from both to prove it. Two pizza boxes still sit on the coffee table, lids closed. There’s two empty cans of beer and one cider, in addition to three glasses of water. Blue drinks out of one of them now but he doesn’t have the energy to wave her off.
The seat beside him is cold.