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At this point, Lawrence’s gotten used to telling himself this is the path God has chosen for him to take upon, no matter how excruciating and soul crushing the burden may become, occasionally. It obviously does not diminish his pain; sometimes, he even thinks that knowledge simply worsens everything, somehow. Because if the Lord is pure good and fairness, how come had He picked such a cruel destiny for one of his supposed children?
And so the man who once was full of belief, full of purpose of his mission on earth, now only suffers as the days go on. Still Lawrence lacks the courage to renounce his role in the church completely. It has always seemed like a betrayal to himself and his Father. Nowadays, however, the wary cardinal feels he cares more about his own chance of survival rather than whatever social masks he’s been putting on over the years, for the sake of his so-called—now fraudulent, at least in his own eyes—faith.
His head throbs.
“I can see it in your eyes.” That peculiar, gentle creature says, pulling him out of his troubled thoughts.
Lawrence blinks, slightly taken aback by the presence of Cardinal Benitez in what he thought was his secret place. In his exhausted mind, the calm waters of the fountain held the laughable power to hide him from the prying eyes of the Lord, if only for a few minutes. And perhaps he was right, except the cardinal standing before him, with brown eyes soft and painfully caring, apparently was furtive enough to see what even God couldn’t in that very moment.
“It’s late.” Cardinal Lawrence murmurs curtly.
Not indifferently; merely as a last effort to escape his colleague’s scrutinising gaze. Cardinal Benitez’s proximity often made him nervous, if he could admit so to himself. Now he knew why. It’s because he saw Lawrence, so clearly, as if his soul were ever bare to those piercing—yet tender—irises, and there was nothing he could do to flee from them.
“I’m aware of the hours, Cardinal.”
“Just making sure.” Lawrence bites back, almost imperceptibly, but a flicker of regret passes his blue orbs immediately. He hangs his head pathetically and sighs. “My apologies. It’s been a long day.”
Benitez stays silent, contemplating the apology. He doesn’t seem fazed at all, his expression still serene. “May I ask what troubles you face?”
“If I said no, would you go away?”
Vincent lets out a wry chuckle, his gaze never leaving Lawrence’s. “Not really.”
“There comes a time in every mortal man’s life, Cardinal. You might have not reached it yet, though.” Lawrence states, his tone quiet enough to be heard alongside the sounds coming from the water in front of them. “You look young.”
“You sound patronizing.” Benitez hums lightly, despite the edge of his words. “And although I have not known you for long, it feels out of character, if I may say so.”
“You hold too many opinions for your own good.” Cardinal Lawrence shakes his head, a teasing smile painting his lips. “Young.”
Something akin to annoyance seeps through Vincent’s look, but soon it disappears, giving space for his own grin to blossom. “Fair enough. But maybe… you’re in need of a fresh perspective.” There’s another silent pause until he concludes, reaching out to touch Lawrence’s shoulder. “Old man.”
The blue-eyed cardinal’s breath catches in his throat, the gesture quickly turning into a surprised chuckle at his colleague’s boldness. “Duly noted.”
That’s all he can muster as a response, his skin tingling under the clerical garments as it comes in contact with the warmth radiating off of Vincent’s impossibly silky palm. And for an ephemeral second, Lawrence believes again.
In love.