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The smell of antiseptic and natural old-age burned in Sieun's nose, stronger than usual. Suho’s heart monitor beeped steadily, and Sieun blamed his lack of sleep on the split-second thought that his own had synced with it for a couple beats before falling back into its pattern. Exhaustion was catching up to him; he could feel it in his aching body, the dullness sinking in his bones like a stone in water, the white walls of the hospital stinging his eyes. He plunged further into the feeling, becoming lighter and lighter until he slumped back in his chair, darkness overtaking his vision.
That was how Humin found him when he walked into the hospital. He sighed at the sight of his sleeping friend, glancing into the window of Suho’s door. Collapsing beside Sieun, he took a moment to trace his features, noticing the usual sharp angles seemed to soften while he slept. The boy stirred, suddenly sitting upright as if he hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Humin’s breath caught when their eyes met. The same sad, distant eyes twinkled, wet with suppressed tears that wanted to be unleashed. Though Humin swore it wasn’t his imagination or his own lack of sleep playing tricks on him, he still felt butterflies in his stomach when the corner of Sieun’s mouth twitched upward just slightly.
The two of them stumbled back into Sieun’s apartment, arms supporting each other as they blindly fumbled with switches until they found the right one, lighting up the main room with a dim, yellow hue. Humin sunk back into the couch first, tugging Sieun’s sleeve for him to do the same. They sat like that for several seconds, staring off at something that neither one of them could see. A thumb reached up, tracing light circles into Sieun’s bruised knuckles. The discoloration of various yellows and purples stained his otherwise perfect skin, but Humin didn’t see them as a bad thing. They were a testament to his new friend’s loyalty, his devotion to his friendship. Besides, he had no right to judge considering his own skin mirrored that of his hands. Two bodies painted with the same inks. Tethered together by their will to survive. And maybe, Sieun felt the same way by the way his hand seemed to lean into Humin’s soft touch.
Something came over him in that moment, for he puffed his chest up, flashing Sieun his signature grin, clutching his hand tighter in his grip. The flicker of Sieun’s eyes at his swift motions was enough to get him to laugh, hardy and carefree. At least, that’s what he wanted Sieun to believe. “Why am I always the one that has to raise everyone’s morale? Let’s do something.”
Sieun’s wide eyes, contemplating what had come over his friend, made Humin laugh again.
“I don’t feel like going out.”
Humin shrugged dramatically, his red jacket bunching and accentuating his body with the movement. “We don’t have to go out to do something. You got any game consoles?”
He stood abruptly, but Sieun pulled him back down with their hands still linked together.
“Can we just stay here?” He asked, voice quiet and small, laced with honey and defeat.
Humin flinched at the sound, but once again, his gaze was entranced by the brown pools of Sieun’s anguished eyes, conveying everything and not enough all at once. If Humin could plunge deeper into them, perhaps he could find himself, at peace and without another worry in the world. Finally, he thought, the stars had some serious competition.
“Don’t look at me like that, Sieun-ah,” he pleaded, almost breathless.
Reflexively, Sieun squeezed his hand. Whispering, he replied, “Like what?”
As if Sieun could control all his emotions into that wondrous stare, Humin was finding it harder and harder to not succumb to instincts he desperately tried to push down. Instead, he yanked the boy down onto the couch, constricting him in a crushing hug. The boy under him gasped, and Humin’s heart ached at the thought that he didn’t get enough of them growing up. In fact, it made him hold on tighter, ensuring that Sieun knew how much he meant to him.
A shy giggle bubbled up from Sieun’s chest, and it was like the sun was shining down on Humin for the first time. The warmth settled in the center of his chest as he finally looked up at him. Sieun’s eyes crinkled, the most beautiful sight to behold. Before Humin could process what he was doing, he brushed a stray hair from Sieun’s forehead. His brown hair was as soft as he imagined. His heart quickened, letting his fingers sink into the locks, combing through the endless sea, parting them with careful, tentative fingers. Sieun swallowed thickly; Humin followed the movement of his adam’s apple with his eyes.
“Pretty,” he muttered.
Before he could regret saying it, Sieun flushed a light pink, turning his head to the side to stare at the material of the couch mindfully, avoiding his gaze. Humin already missed those eyes on him.
“Don’t… Don’t say things like that.”
The atmosphere changed rapidly. Humin felt short of breath, skimming his eyes over Sieun’s exposed neck, determined to photograph this moment into his mind. With his right hand still in his hair, Humin leaned it, planting a soft, lingering kiss over the plush, pale skin. Then, another and another. One of Sieun’s hands flew to clutch his sleeve, anchoring himself. Humin’s hands finally trailed down to his waist, slipping beneath the cream hoodie that Sieun wore. Between the kisses Humin continued to press into Sieun’s skin, he caught sight of the sauce stain he had left the first time they hung out. It was still there. And this gave Humin hope that he wouldn’t fade from Sieun’s own life so easily too. His warm hands slipped under the fabric, gently tracing, a cautious exploration of something new and warm. Shallow breaths escaped Sieun, his eyes threatening to flutter shut from just how gentle Humin was being in response to his body, to his vulnerability.
“You don’t need to be so gentle with me,” Sieun whispered.
At that, Humin’s movements stuttered for a second. This unexpected invitation felt undeserved. What right did he have to take? To indulge? He shook his head, continuing his light touches that made Sieun gasp under him, warmth radiating from his body the longer he kept on.
“You deserve to be taken care of.”
Sieun grasped at his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut as tears pooled in the corners. It stung, but he held them there behind his eyelids. Humin was determined to make sure all of him was appreciated and cared for. He bunched up the hem of Sieun’s hoodie and shirt, lowering his head to pepper feather-light kisses over each bruise that littered his stomach and ribs. To anyone else, Sieun was getting worked up over simple touches. But Humin wasn’t anyone else, and he knew that being seen, being worshipped this way, was an indescribable, new experience for him. When Humin’s lips brushed over a particularly sensitive spot on Sieun’s hip, the boy under him sucked in a shaky breath, arching up against the sensation. Humin kissed that spot again.
Sieun whimpered. “Suho-ya…”
For a second, Humin halted his movements, tips of his ears blushing red. Reality came crashing down on him all at once, and he couldn’t breathe once again. But Sieun needed him, or at least needed to know what being loved, being cherished, felt like. He nipped at his own lip, hesitating, before dipping back down to devote himself to the soft, delicate skin that leaned into his touch. Humin would take care of him. He’d make sure of it.
☆