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The call came in the middle of the night.
Just a few hours later, Andrew stood in a bare room and stared at his cousin's lifeless body.
Nicky's skin was pale, almost translucent, and the wires leading from his body to various machines made him look like he had stepped out of a science fiction movie. Andrew had listened to Aaron go over his study notes often enough to know now that these machines were keeping Nicky alive.
"The doctors say he might wake up." Aaron stood next to Andrew, looking out of place despite his white coat. "But they don't know what damage his brain might have taken. He..." Aaron took a deep breath. "He might never be able to walk or talk again. The doctors also say that..."
"Stop talking about doctors as if you're not one yourself," Andrew interrupted him. "You're wearing a white coat."
Aaron looked down at himself as if he hadn't even noticed the gown. "I haven't read Nicky's medical records. I can only tell you what my colleagues have told me."
Of course, because some stupid rule forbade Aaron from keeping his own cousin alive.
Instead, his life was in the hands of some idiot.
"Andrew, Dr. Miller is outstanding. She's one of the best neurosurgeons in the country." Now Aaron sounded like the aspiring doctor he was. Not much longer and he would complete his training.
Andrew remained silent. He didn't want to and couldn't answer Aaron.
A beeping broke the eerie silence of the room and Aaron cursed softly. "My patient..."
"Go." Andrew made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Save lives."
Aaron opened his mouth, but didn't say anything back and put his pager back in his coat and hurried out of the room.
Andrew stopped at Nicky's bedside and continued to look down at his cousin. He counted the breaths his chest was taking and let the soft beeping of the machines calm him down a little.
Neil was with Erik, trying to find out information about his condition, but also to give Andrew and Aaron privacy. He would come when Andrew messaged him, but Andrew didn't want him around. Not now. Besides, someone had to make sure Erik survived, too.
Andrew didn't want to have to explain to Nicky that his husband had died because of a drunk man.
After a few minutes, Andrew pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down. His fingers ran gently over the cool bedspread and stopped near Nicky's fingers. He wanted to touch him, but the part of him that still loathed being touched, couldn't.
The door opened and a nurse entered the room. She smiled at Andrew and began to check the monitors and regulate the fluids on the drip with skillful movements.
"You're probably Dr. Minyard's brother, I presume?" she asked politely as she checked the heartbeat.
"Yes," Andrew replied.
The nurse raised an eyebrow, made a note of something and then smiled again. "Talk to your cousin." Now it was Andrew who raised an eyebrow. "The voice of a loved one can give you a lot of strength. Your cousin will know you're there."
"He's in a coma."
"So what? He'll still be able to hear you. Is Mr. Hemmick religious?"
Andrew hesitated. Nicky was religious, but faith had destroyed his life and yet he was sentimental and attached to it. "On good days, yes."
The nurse didn't lose her smile for a second. "I will include him in my prayers. I'm sure God isn't planning to take him yet." She put away the pen with which she had made a note and turned to leave. "Talk to him," she repeated emphatically. "Tell him about a memory.
Something you've always wanted to tell him." The nurse pointed to Nicky's lifeless body and
then left the room.
Andrew continued to stare at Nicky's chest, which was rising and falling slowly. Talk to him?
What good would that do? And what was he supposed to tell him? There was nothing to tell.
Nicky was... Andrew faltered. Nicky was his cousin, his Guardian. He was his family. Family told each other things, didn't they?
So Andrew took a deep breath and began to talk.
****
"Hey Nicky... Do you remember the day we met for the first time? I can still remember it well.
Of course I do. Aaron once said to me that it's a curse and a blessing to remember everything.
Sometimes I wish I was more like him. He forgot most of it. Maybe he just wanted to forget
most of it. I would do the same.
Anyway, I remember the day well. You were wearing a suit because you'd come straight from
an appointment with your lawyer. You didn't hesitate for a second and did everything you
could to get us in.
I was in hospital...
"Hey, I'm Nicky. Um... can I sit down? No? Okay, standing is fine. I like to stand. Um...anyway, my name is Nicky. I already mentioned that, didn't I? Crap...umm...I'm your cousin." Nicky ran his fingers through his dark hair, visibly nervous.
"Cousin." Andrew was still in that stupid hospital room because the doctors thought he should still be under observation after a car accident that had killed his so-called "mother." Or it was because he had just been released from juvie to live with the woman who gave birth to him almost 16 years ago and then threw him away like garbage. Andrew hadn't heard from Aaron in two days and it was driving him crazy.
Nicky ran her fingers through her dark hair again and nodded. "My father and your... Tilda were brother and sister."
Andrew noticed how Nicky skirted the term mother. Any idiot had to know that Tilda Minyard was only Andrew's mother on paper. The only thing they had in common was a little DNA and the surname Andrew had adopted just for Aaron. He hadn't had one for years. He got along fine without one.
"My mom's from Mexico," Nicky continued, shrugging her shoulders.
Andrew remained silent. What could he say to him? Nicky was a stranger. A stranger who claimed to be his cousin. Aaron had mentioned Nicky once, but had meant that he had moved to Germany and they had no contact anyway. And Luther had only mentioned in a fleeting moment that he had a son. Past.
"I... I'd like to take you and Aaron in." That actually got Andrew's attention.
"Why?"
"Why not?" Nicky was still standing by Andrew's bed, making no sign of sitting down or coming closer. His fingers played with the hem of his jacket, but otherwise he stood still.
"I'll be honest, Andrew. You two are probably better off with my parents in terms of money at least. I don't have any. Not really. I'm only 19 years old and, strictly speaking, I don't even live on this continent at the moment."
"Germany."
"What? Yes. Germany. Long story, which I can tell you sometime if you like. Anyway, all in all, I think I'm the better choice than my parents."
"Does Aaron know about the plan yet?"
Nicky hesitated and looked everywhere but at Andrew's face. Eventually, he shook his head. "No. My parents won't even let me near him."
Andrew's head began to rattle. He hated Luther. He had never met Maria before. But it was Luther who had made sure he could move in with Aaron. That he could kill Tilda. But it was also Luther who had meant that he had mistaken Drake's actions for brotherly love. Because Andrew, of course, as a foster child, had never experienced anything like brotherly love.
Bullshit.
And if Luther didn't want Nicky anywhere near Aaron and only spoke of him in the past tense, then something must have happened. Something bad. Maybe Nicky was like Drake. Maybe he just wanted to hurt Aaron and Andrew.
"Why?" Andrew asked. He used the word a lot and was beginning to hate it.
"Because I am a monster in the eyes of my father. I have forsaken the way of God to sin."
This time Nicky didn't shy away from Andrew's gaze. He let him see the truth. All the pain he carried with him. A piece of his past.
"I'm not a monster, Andrew. I'm far from a saint, though. I won't be the best Guardian, but I will give you a home. I will support you in whatever you want. My parents will hurt you. Physically and mentally. They will probably put you in the system. Andrew, you know what it's like there."
Nicky wasn't allowed to have any idea about the foster care system. He wasn't allowed to have any idea what it was like to be passed from family to family. Without hope of adoption. Without ever having experienced love and security. Nicky grew up with Luther. A good man of faith. A man who spoke of his son in the past, just because he didn't fit the image of a perfect son. A man who was apparently so bad that his outcast son comes back to the US to take in two strange boys, knowing full well that he wouldn't be the best choice.
"What do you want from me, Nicky?"
"I just wanted to tell you my plan. You don't know me. You have no reason to trust me, but I would rather die than let them hand you two over to my parents. Trust me when I tell you that they'll kill you slowly without realizing it." Nicky's dark eyes fell on Andrew's forearms. The
right one was in a bandage, but on the left arm you could see the fine scars. "We might even be alike in one thing." Nicky turned to go.
"Aaron's a drug addict," Andrew called out before Nicky could open the door.
His cousin stopped and just looked over his shoulder. "Yet another reason why you must never go to them."
****
"Do you remember the trial when Nicky got custody of us?" Aaron handed Andrew his cocoa and dropped exhausted onto the small sofa in the room. Andrew was sure it was here just for Aaron.
"Of course."
"That's right. You have the eidetic memory." Aaron seemed distracted and so infinitely tired.
He had come into the room a few minutes ago with the words that his patient had died.
Andrew knew that Aaron still hadn't gotten used to this aspect of the job, and it wasn't his first loss.
"I was high. Not so high that I could have forgotten everything, but so high that I didn't cared who won."
Andrew took a sip of his cocoa. "Nicky didn't have to do all that."
"No, but he did." Aaron sat up and hung his head. "How can we ever make it up to him? We were such assholes to him."
Andrew was still sitting by Nicky's bed, mug of cocoa in one hand and the other just inches from Nicky's. "Did you know I never made a deal with Nicky? I was always afraid you'd leave me like everyone else did. I wanted to protect you because I failed right after we were born. But Nicky... I never wanted to protect him. Not in the same way, anyway. He wanted to protect us. Without ever asking for anything in return."
"You trusted him so quickly?"
Andrew laughed mirthlessly. "No. He had to work hard to earn it. You were too high at the time to really notice, but I didn't leave you alone with him for a second the first week."
"When did you trust him?"
"Eventually."
"Andrew..."
"There wasn't just one moment. It was a process. Nicky respected our boundaries. He cooked our favorite meals. He worked several jobs to feed us and then gave up his portion when the money ran out at the end of the month because he didn't want to accept handouts from Erik."
"Nicky left Erik for us. We should give them both a vacation when they can leave the hospital."
This time Andrew really laughed. A real laugh. "Definitely. We should have paid for their wedding as a thank you."
"I'm still a resident," Aaron reminded him unnecessarily.
As if Andrew didn't know that. As if he didn't know that Aaron and Katelyn lived in a small apartment just because they wouldn't
accept a larger apartment from Andrew. They did accept the flat screen TV from Kevin though. Probably because Kevin had lied and claimed that it was an old model and he had bought himelf a new one.
The pining from afar became really unbearable at some point. Andrew still couldn't understand how Katelyn and Aaron couldn't see that Kevin liked them more than just friends.
"When is Kevin coming?"
Aaron sighed softly. "He got on the plane half an hour ago. I'm guessing in three hours, if he doesn't go to the hotel first."
Kevin wouldn't be going to the hotel. He would sleep on the couch with Aaron and Katelyn.
Just like he always did when he visited them.
"Oh baby!" Katelyn's voice broke the silence as she burst into the room still in her scrubs. She practically rushed up to Aaron and pulled him into a hug. "I had another operation and they've only just told me about the accident." She stroked Aaron's blond hair reassuringly and then finally looked at Nicky. "What's the prognosis?" she asked professionally, trying to get Aaron out of his head. If he got lost in himself for too long, it could become dangerous.
"Coma. Possible brain damage. We won't know more until he wakes up."
Katelyn nodded. "He'll wake up, honey. Nicky's strong."
"Erik is here too. Neil's with him." Andrew didn't really want to get involved in the conversation.
"I'll go check on him." Katelyn understood the silent request immediately. She planted a kiss on Aaron's lip and stood up again. "Should I let them know you won't be working today, babe?" Aaron shook his head.
Andrew would talk to him about it again, but he also knew it was his way of distracting himself and dealing with it.
As soon as the door had closed behind Katelyn, Aaron dropped back onto the couch and closed his eyes tiredly. "I don't want to lose Nicky," he mumbled.
"We won't." Andrew had no idea if that was true, and he hated lies, but in this case he didn't want to just keep quiet. Aaron knew better than Andrew how a case like this could turn out.
He saw it almost every day, but the fact that it was his cousin changed his view.
Andrew took another sip of his cocoa and looked at Aaron. "How much longer is your shift? You should be sleeping."
Aaron opened one eye with difficulty and squinted at the clock. "Five hours. Sometimes I hate being a doctor. Couldn't I have become a professional athlete like you?"
"We can swap if you like."
This made Aaron smile and caused Andrew to feel a range of emotions he rarely felt: pride, joy, melancholy. He hated so much that life had taken so much time away from them as brothers. That they had been separated at birth and had to fight with everything they had to have a relationship. Making Aaron smile still felt like a small victory.
"I would probably hate being in the spotlight more than giving up my sleep. Kevin complains sometimes."
"Kevin Day? Queen of Exy?" Hopefully your boyfriend soon, but Andrew only thought that part. He wouldn't push either of them, or three if you counted Katelyn, into anything.
"Sometimes I think he only plays Exy because of the deal with Ichirou and because he thinks it's the only thing he has left of his mother. Oh yeah, and the Ravens and Riko are still on his mind." Aaron sighed, exhausted. "I'd like to kill Riko all over again."
"Me too," Andrew added.
Because of everything he had done. Because he had sent Drake to the Hemmicks. For paying Proust to look after Andrew. For torturing Neil for two weeks over Christmas. Because of all the years he'd stolen from Jean and Kevin. Because Riko was just shot instead of being tortured in the same way as Kevin, Jean, Neil or Andrew. When it came to Riko, Andrew knew no mercy, but he knew how much Kevin was still suffering. He had known Kevin for so many years now and he was still a long way from being "normal". At least he was coping well on his own by now.
Andrew had briefly considered turning down the offer from his current team just to play for Kevin's team, but both Kevin and Neil had made it clear to him how crap that decision would have been.
Now Andrew was playing on the same team as Neil and it was only a few hours by car to Aaron instead of having to get on a plane.
Aaron's pager made a short sound and with a groan Aaron pulled it out of his pocket to take a look at it. "I swear I'll strangle that woman on my own soon if she calls me unnecessarily again. I don't care if she's rich, but I'm a fucking doctor, not a nurse. I don't need to fluff her pillow." Aaron muttered more curses to himself as he stood up and walked to the door. Before he could leave the room again, however, he turned back to Andrew. "Call me immediately if anything changes with Nicky. No matter how small that change may be." He held Andrew's eye contact until he nodded.
Alone in the room again, Andrew felt helpless. It was easy to pretend he had everything under control when others were there, but alone with an unconscious Nicky, the beeping of the machines and the tubes and needles, Andrew felt helpless. All he wanted was for his cousin to wake up again and get on his nerves with Gossip.
****
"Becky is apparently pregnant, but I'm not surprised. It was only a matter of time, but if you ask me, it all happened unnaturally fast, don't you think?" Nicky sat on the floor opposite Andrew and tried to keep the smile on her face, but it always slipped when Aaron banged on the bathroom door or shouted. "The wedding was only two months ago and they've already announced the pregnancy. Aren't you supposed to wait three months?"
Andrew just gave him a blank look. He was too tired to put any emotion into it, but Nicky didn't care anyway. He had quickly learned that those murderous looks were Andrew's way of protecting himself. Most people didn't come closer when they saw Andrew, but Nicky hadn't shied away from him for a second and had risen to the challenge.
So Nicky went on about this Becky and how he believed she had had an affair or that she and her husband had sex before they were married. Either would be a scandal in the eyes of Nicky's family.
Aaron's screams and banging on the door became less and less, but Nicky still found things to distract Andrew. He brought him food and always put a second bowl out for Aaron, which Andrew pushed into the bathroom when he was sure Aaron wasn't right in front of it. He kept his distance as Andrew lay down with Aaron on the cold bathroom floor and told a semi conscious Aaron how sorry he was and that he was only doing this for him so that he could
live. So that he could become a doctor. So that he could make the world a better place.
Nicky didn't judge Andrew for his decision to lock Aaron in the bathroom to get him off the drugs. He just gave Andrew a look that he understood. That he would stay with him no matter what - just as he had promised.
Andrew didn't know exactly when it had happened, but he was beginning to trust Nicky more and more. He generally didn't talk that much and after the bathroom, the gap between him and Aaron had grown even wider. But Nicky stayed.
He allowed Andrew and Aaron to shout at him, to punish him with silence. He worked almost around the clock, but still found time to eat dinner with them and take them to school in the morning.
Andrew eventually left him alone with Aaron and no longer locked his door during the night.
If Nicky had wanted to hurt him, he would have done so long ago.
Nicky knocked and waited until Andrew invited him in before he opened the door and then he always stood in the doorway, unless he had freshly washed laundry, but then he always put it on Andrew's dresser, which was right next to the door. He trusted Andrew to confide in him if anything came up.
It was the first evening that Aaron was out on his own. One thing Andrew didn't like. They had only been living with Nicky for six months and Aaron had been clean for just as long.
Andrew couldn't quite trust Aaron not to take drugs when he was out on his own. He was tense all evening and could hardly concentrate on the movie he was watching with Nicky.
Nicky was also chattering most of the time and also seemed barely able to concentrate on the movie. "Anyway, I don't know what to get Erik. What do you get someone who already has everything?" Nicky handed Andrew a bowl of ice cream and dropped into his chair. He had the day off, probably so Andrew wouldn't have to stay at home alone. "I'd love to fly to Germany, but the tickets are so expensive and it's the middle of the school year and I'd love to take you both with me."
Andrew hadn't met Erik in person yet, but he had skyped with him more than once. He seemed nice, but so had Drake at the beginning.
His mind wandered away from Aaron's safety for the first time that evening. Instead, he thought about himself and the fact that he and Nicky shared one thing.
"When did you realize you were gay?" he interrupted Nicky, lost in thought.
Nicky tried not to let on, but Andrew felt the sadness that suddenly washed over him. "When I was 13 or so. Probably when I had my first crush," Nicky replied somewhat vaguely. "Why?" he asked a little skeptically. It wasn't skepticism about whether Andrew might come out, but rather protection, Andrew realized.
Protection for himself.
Andrew shrugged his shoulders. "The first time we met, you told me you were better than your parents. I got to know Luther. He wouldn't believe me. I know what kind of man he is."
Nicky sighed devotedly. "My parents see the world in black and white, Andrew. People like us... people who are different don't fit into their world view. Despite everything, I came out to them. I probably thought they could change when they realized their own son was like that, but love didn't prevail. I don't know what you told my father and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's your choice, but I'm not surprised he didn't believe you."
Andrew felt the hands on his skin. He heard the laughter and tasted the foul breath on his tongue. He pressed his hand into his thigh so Nicky wouldn't see the shaking. The "misunderstanding" Luther had spoken of had robbed Andrew of a chance at a family. Cass had been ready to adopt him and make him Andrew Joseph Spear, and Andrew had been ready. He would have said yes. Immediately.
But Drake had stopped him.
And then came Aaron.
If Tilda hadn't met up with that one guy in Oakland and if she hadn't dragged Aaron along, Higgings would never have met Aaron and thought he was Andrew. Then Cass would never have found out about Aaron's existence and tried to get the twins back together. Then Drake wouldn't have come into his room at night and whispered in his ear how great it would be to have Aaron too. Both boys at the same time. He wouldn't have told Andrew what he was going to do to Aaron with each subsequent bump when they met. Andrew didn't have to do everything he could to keep Aaron away. He would never have gone to juvie to escape
adoption. Tilda would have continued to neglect Aaron instead of beating him and driving him to drugs.
Andrew's whole body tensed. This misunderstanding had caused him and Aaron so many problems, but Andrew would get his revenge. One day.
"What did your parents do to you?" Andrew had been watching Nicky for the last few months. For someone who could talk about everything and nothing, he avoided talking about his past and his parents. Even now, Nicky looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.
"Christian youth camp," he finally replied quietly. "One year I learned that I'm a monster. It wasn't a good time." Nicky played with the hem of his shirt, the ice long forgotten. "I... I was devastated, Andrew. Literally. Erik saved me. Germany saved me. I wish I could take you with me one day. You would love it. They have super great ice cream." Nicky tried to distract again.
"Does Aaron know about this?" asked Andrew, and when Nicky shook his head, he asked, "Why not?"
"Because it's not a conversation you have at the kitchen table, Andrew. Because this not about me. I took you in so my parents couldn't hurt you anymore, not so you'd have to listen to my sad story. You're more important than I could ever be."
****
"You're just as important as we are, Nicky. You always have been." The silence almost crushed Andrew. Nicky looked just as pale as she had a few hours ago and somehow it didn't seem to go any further. It was unbearable.
A knock snapped Andrew out of his thoughts and when he saw Kevin standing in the doorway, he almost sighed out loud.
Kevin was an asshole, but he was also Andrew's best friend, and if Katelyn and Aaron would finally realize that Kevin was more than just a friend to them, he could become so much more.
Kevin's green eyes fell on Nicky and he hesitantly took a step into the room. "I got here as fast as I could."
"I know."
"How... how is he?" Kevin raised his eyes and looked at Andrew. "How are you, Drew?"
Andrew almost told him the truth, but he bit the inside of his cheek and shrugged his shoulders. "No one knows if he'll wake up."
"He will be. Nicky's like vermin you can't get rid of." Kevin just wanted to make a joke, but Andrew didn't feel like laughing.
"Nicky made a bet about you. That you'd finally find the courage to tell Aaron and Katelyn how you really feel about them. Allison bet against it."
Kevin raised an eyebrow and didn't even try to deny that he had feelings for Andrew's twin and his girlfriend. "There are bets already?"
"Of course. We are Foxes. There will always be bets."
"I don't want to ruin their relationship," Kevin admitted quietly. He had pulled a chair up to Nicky's bed and was staring at his pale form. "They're perfect for each other and I'm... me."
"The great Kevin Day has self-doubt?"
"You can thank Riko."
Andrew took his eyes off Nicky to look at his best friend. "Sometimes I wish Riko was still alive, just so I could kill him more agonizingly. Ichirou was too merciful with him."
"I'm just glad Jean survived that. I think this is the only universe in which he survives."
Before Andrew could say anything back, Aaron returned from his patient. He stopped when he spotted Kevin next to Nicky's bed and Andrew could literally feel Aaron relax a little and his whole mood improve. Kevin had that effect on him and one of the reasons why it was so obvious to everyone that the two of them just belonged together.
"You came."
"You called."
"I'm going to get a coffee." Andrew didn't really want to leave Nicky alone, but he needed to move, wanted to see Neil and wanted to give Kevin and Aaron a chance to talk.
Neither of them answered him or reacted as Andrew stood up and left the room for the first time in hours.
Erik's room was just down the corridor and his condition was much more stable than Nicky's. He wasn't conscious yet, but the doctors believed he would wake up soon. At least he wasn't on artificial respiration.
Nevertheless, the sight of him startled Andrew when he entered the room.
Katelyn and Neil were sitting at his bedside, talking quietly. The two of them got along much better than Andrew with Katelyn or Aaron with Neil.
"Kevin's here," he informed them.
Andrew stood at Neil's chair and literally soaked up his closeness and the warmth that radiated from him. How he had missed him.
Katelyn immediately jumped to her feet, still in her scrubs. "I'm going to check on them."
"The three of them should definitely talk to each other openly," Neil said when Katelyn had left the room.
Andrew sat down in Katelyn's vacated chair and ran a hand through his blond hair. With Neil, he was able to break down his self-erected walls a little. He hadn't disappeared after he'd found him half-naked in Nicky's old chidhood bedroom all those years ago or when all the ugly truths about him had come out. Neil stayed by his side. Until today.
"Kevin is afraid of destroying their relationship and Aaron is afraid of coming out."
Neil laughed briefly, but when he realized that Andrew wasn't joking, he became serious. "Really? Nicky and you are gay, I'm in a relationship with you, which at least makes me queer." Neil still wasn't labeling himself, which was fine with Andrew. The main thing was that Neil was comfortable and happy. "Allison and Renee, Jean and Jeremy. Matt is bisexual."
"It makes a huge difference whether you accept the people around you or yourself." Andrew could not and would not hold it against Aaron that he was not yet ready to admit to himself that he had feelings for Kevin. Everyone had to find out for themselves who they were. It had taken Aaron years to accept that Nicky was gay. Not because he hated him, but because he had been told his whole life that queer people broke some kind of rules. That they were bad and a spawn of hell.
Aaron made an effort. He had been doing that for years and eventually he would realize that there was more between him and Kevin than just friendship. Kevin had already accepted it and Katelyn seemed to be on the right track too.
"Go take a shower and go to sleep, Drew."
"You should do the same."
Neil looked at the sleeping Erik. "I so hope we don't have to tell him that Nicky... He had to wait so long for him."
A pang went through Andrew's chest. He and Aaron were the reason why Nicky and Erik had to have a long-distance relationship for so long. Why they couldn't get married straight after high school.
****
"There he is! OMG he looks so handsome!" Nicky jumped up and down and when Erik finally caught sight of him, he ran off to finally fall into his boyfriend's arms.
Erik hugged Nicky so tightly that Andrew was worried that he would crush him.
"You're here." Tears ran down Nicky's cheek as he grabbed Erik's face and pressed his forehead against his. "You're finally here."
Erik's smile could light up the entire airport. He hadn't taken his eyes off Nicky for a second.
But now he turned to Aaron and Andrew, who were standing slightly apart in identical outfits. "It´s so good to finally meet you in person." He gave them both the same beaming smile as Nicky.
Aaron just stared at Erik and made no move to shake his hand or otherwise acknowledge his presence, so Andrew did the same. Erik shouldn't immediately recognize who was who. The few times they'd skyped, Nicky had always told him which twin Erik was talking to.
"Did you bring me candy?" Nicky asked in German without going into the behavior of his cousins any further.
Erik laughed out loud. "Of course, darling. The twins too." He winked at them both and Andrew hated him. How could anyone be so... smiley? Be so friendly? There had to be a catch.
There was no catch. Erik was perfect. Too perfect.
He had already been in the USA for a week. Andrew had never seen his cousin so happy. Erik had also quickly seen through the twins' charade and recognized on the way home who was Andrew and who was Aaron. According to him, Aaron had slightly longer hair and Andrew was a little bit broader. No big differences, because even Andrew had to admit that he had hardly noticed any differences between himself and Aaron - at least in terms of looks.
When Nicky was at work, he tried to take the twins on little adventures or left them alone. He always knocked and only entered the room when he was invited in.
It was the Sunday evening after his arrival and Aaron and Andrew were sitting on their homework, because of course they had put it off until the last minute. Or rather, Andrew had.
Aaron had an exy game on Friday night which Andrew had successfully avoided and on Saturday Nicky didn't have to work, so they had gone on an outing.
"Is that an adjective?" asked Aaron, tapping a word on his paper.
"I don't know," Andrew replied, not even bothering to look up from his own tasks. It bored him. To death.
"Can I help?" asked Erik. He was standing next to the kitchen table, somewhat indecisive, and looked so hopefully at Aaron that even Andrew had difficulty refusing his help.
Aaron hesitated, but then nodded. "I guess you're my best help. We have to determine the parts of the words in German. Is that an adjective?" he tapped on his paper again.
Erik dropped into the chair next to him, but made sure to leave enough space between them.
"Let me see." He leaned a little towards Aaron and read through the word. "I'll give you a hint. Adjectives describe something. Like 'schön'. Wie ist die Blume? Schön."
Aaron raised an eyebrow. He obviously hadn't expected Erik to explain something to him, but had expected the answer. His gaze slid back to his paper. "Schnell..." He frowned. "Wie ist der Ball? Schnell?" He looked to Erik, who nodded with a smile.
"Very good, Aaron!" he praised him. "Your pronunciation is good too."
"So, schnell, schneller... am schneller?"
"Schnellsten."
"Schnellsten?"
"Exactly."
Something in Aaron's eyes changed as he wrote down the correct answer. Andrew didn't like this change. Because why was Aaron now looking at this man as if he... liked him? Respected him? Why had Erik managed to earn Aaron's respect in a week when Andrew had been working on it for a year?
Because he didn't lock him in a bathroom for several days or kill his mother.
Andrew hated that voice in his head that was right. From the very beginning, Erik had shown all three of them nothing but respect. He tried very hard not to overstep any boundaries and didn't complain when they were disrespectful to him. Erik just smiled and continued to make an effort.
Even now, Erik stayed by Aaron's side and helped him with his German homework. He lovingly corrected his pronunciation or small mistakes and praised him when he did something well.
Andrew's own homeworks were long forgotten as he watched his brother relax more and more in Erik's presence.
"How's your German homework coming along?" asked Erik as Aaron moved on to his math homework.
"Done," Andrew replied in German.
"Very good. Shall we cook dinner together and surprise Nicky?" Erik switched easily back to English and that pissed Andrew off a little more.
"Why don't you speak German with us?" he asked in German.
"Oh, I..." Erik searched for the right words. "I thought you'd be more comfortable in English." This time he didn't switch languages. A little challenge.
"You speak German with Nicky," intervened Aaron, who hated being left out. One reaction to his mother's years of neglect and Andrew wanted to kill her again.
Erik ran his fingers through his brown hair. "Nicky's afraid he'll forget German if he never speaks it. He was so happy when you two said you wanted to learn German. The USA will always be a part of him, but Germany is his home."
"His home?" Aaron asked quietly. This time it was he who switched languages.
Andrew could feel a part of Aaron breaking, or was it a part of him? Didn't he want Nicky to leave them again? This far too loud man who could barely cook the dishes? Who had left his life on the other side of the world to save her from another monster?
Erik opened his mouth and closed it again. He obviously realized that he had made a mistake. "Nicky really loves you two," he finally began. "And he'll never leave you here. But Germany..." Erik shook his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe those weren't the right words."
"No," Andrew interrupted him calmly. "That's the truth. Germany and you, you're Nicky's home. We're just a job."
"Andrew, that's not what I meant."
"Maybe not, but it's true. Nicky is only here until we graduate."
"As long as you need him." Erik sounded so sure. As if he could do without Nicky for another five years if the twins still needed him. "Nicky would never, NEVER, leave you alone. He hadn't hesitated at all when he'd gotten the call about his aunt's death. He immediately looked for flights and thought about how things could go on for you."
"Did he know I existed?" Andrew knew the answer and yet he had to hear it from Erik's mouth.
"No. But that doesn't matter. He would have taken five of you if it meant his parents couldn't get their hands on you."
"I don't trust you, Erik."
"You don't have to do that. Trust Nicky. But know that I will stay by Nicky's side forever."
****
"Erik once threatened me that he would stay by Nicky's side forever. I thought at the time that it would only take a year or so before Erik got tired of waiting for Nicky. But he stayed, as he had promised. Even when Wymack made us the offer and Nicky would stay here for at least five more years. He accepted it and supported him from afar. Erik and Nicky were the first to keep their promises." Neil's blue eyes rested on Andrew, but he didn't mind being stared at like that. Quite the opposite: he felt safe and secure with Neil. "Erik never stopped fighting for us. Every birthday he sent something from Germany. Every Christmas, Easter. He came to our High School graduation and cheered the loudest with Nicky. He fucking came to the final against the Ravens." Andrew could feel himself getting restless inside. He wanted a cigarette, but he had stopped smoking a few years ago.
"Yes or no?" Neil asked gently and when Andrew nodded, Neil took his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "The two of them will survive, Andrew. Nicky and Erik will return to Germany at some point so we'll always have a vacation destination. They'll keep sending us parcels and calling us in the middle of the night because they've forgotten the time difference. But we will call them just as often."
"I hate you sometimes."
"I know."
Andrew and Neil sat together in silence for quite a while, simply enjoying each other's
presence.
"Nicky was the first person to ever bake me a birthday cake. He thought everyone deserved one. The cake tasted awful, but I loved it anyway," Andrew interrupted the silence at some point. "Aaron and I baked him one too. It was the first time we'd really spoken to each other after I locked him in the bathroom."
Andrew didn't know why he was talking so much all of a sudden. Whether it was because of Neil or the whole situation. He had been too quiet for far too long. Those drugs a few years ago had turned him into a person he no longer recognized. Andrew just wanted to forget that time, but his eidetic memory made it difficult for him.
He remembered everything.
The good, the bad, everything in between.
He remembered Nicky's first words, the first time Aaron had told him that he loved him. The first kiss with Neil. He remembered too many unwanted hands on his skin. Of the time when he wasn't himself. Of Aaron's cries, of Nicky's sad looks. Of Riko trying to kill Neil on camera. The times he wasn't fast enough to protect Neil or Kevin from the Ravens.
Andrew's greatest curse and blessing was his memory.
This memory proved to be his undoing three days later when the doctor came out of the operating room. When Aaron and Katelyn collapsed without the doctor having to say anything. Andrew remembered every single second.
He remembered the doctor looking first at Aaron and then at Katelyn and nodding. He remembered Kevin asking for an explanation. How Neil grabbed Andrew's hand for support.
How Aaron gathered himself and how a switch flipped on him. How he switched from Aaron to Dr. Minyard and announced in a far too emotionless voice that Nicky was dead.
Andrew remembered it all and would never forget it, no matter how hard he tried.
But what Andrew would remember most were his own feelings. There was the pain that tore through his insides like a hot knife. The loss that took a part of his heart and would never give it back. The loss of a little piece of himself.
There was the grief that paralyzed him. It made him just watch, unable to say anything or move.
Andrew wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to reduce this world to rubble, because why did Nicky have to die? Why did a human like him have to go, while monsters like Luther or Tetsuji were allowed to live on? He wanted to destroy the waiting room, but instead he watched his family fall apart.
Death and pain were nothing new to him. He had had to endure the worst torments for years and had had to stand at the grave of a woman. A woman who had given him life, but who had otherwise not been his mother.
Andrew had watched as Seth's death had first broken Allison and then made her stronger. He had secretly admired her even then.
Death was inevitable and yet Andrew wished that Nicky could be the lucky one to avoid death. Erik had done it too. Erik was alive. He was conscious and was now waiting for the news that the love of his life would return to him.
Andrew knew he had to break the news to him, but how? How do you tell someone that their partner has passed away? That you could never again hear the voice of the person who was most important to you? Never to be held again? How do you tell someone that you can never be upset about those little things again? That you could simply never tell that person anything again?
How did you go on living when the person who meant everything to you was no longer alive?
Nicky would never be able to attend another one of Andrew's games. He would never know that Aaron would finish his training and become a real doctor. He wouldn't get to see Aaron, Kevin and Katelyn finally become a couple.
Life was never fair, but death was the most unfair of all.
Nicky had a whole life ahead of him. He could have experienced so much more. He could have changed so many things.
Andrew didn't cry. He didn't cry when he saw Nicky for the last time. The last time he could tell him that he loved him. That he was so grateful for him and everything he had done. He didn't cry on the flight to Germany. He didn't cry when they put the urn in the ground. He didn't cry when he saw the date of birth and death on a simple wooden cross for the first time.
Andrew didn't cry until a few years later when he was standing in the hospital again, holding a little baby in his arms with blond hair and green eyes. He only cried when Aaron stood close to him and introduced him to his first nephew.
Nicholas Joseph Minyard.