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It was a Saturday evening , Hyunjin entered the familiar mansion which belonged to Felix.
Except it wasn't feeling familiar at all.
The loud music , the blinding lights , people from his university dancing everywhere.
Usually he'd love this atmosphere.
Hyunjin has always been the life of the party , the center of the dance circle with everyone cheering for him to flash his dance moves.
As he walked through the doors a lot of people greeted him and invited him to join them but he politely rejected.
He just wanted to attend Felix’s weekend party , grab a drink or two with his friend group and leave.
He would usually love to party the whole night but he couldn't bring himself to.
Especially since the guy he dearly loved isn't here this time , they didn't speak for a few weeks now and it was driving him insane to a point he could do the most crazy things known to mankind.
Well he did do a few crazy things already though.
Like that one night he was waiting outside Seungmin’s house with a guitar to sing a song for him and texted him to look outside his window but Seungmin was miles away at his grandparents home that night . When Seungmin tried to inquire he brushed it off saying that he just wanted help in some assignment but Chan hyung helped him.
Or When he was waiting at the bleachers when he was pretty sure Seungmin was going to play for their baseball team and he thought he'd ask Seungmin for a cup of coffee together after the game but he later heard Seungmin took a sick leave that day which was highly questionable since Seungmin could never miss the game.
He has been practising for weeks now.
If there is anything Seungmin loves dearly, then it's playing for his baseball team and he would always be extra cautious about his health when he has a match soon so him being sick doesn't make any sense right now unless.
He immediately called him but Seungmin never picked up his calls.
He just texted him that he is okay and he doesn't want to see anyone right now.
Or the time he saw Seungmin at the library studying for his exam but he was afraid if Seungmin would notice Hyunjin and leave the library too. So he sat as far as possible from him but close enough to see his face .
The face he longed to see for days now.
It was evident that Seungmin was clearly avoiding him but for what reason is what Hyunjin can never figure out.
Things between them were going great , they used to see each other daily and spend most of their time together.
Hyunjin could always easily share his worries with Seungmin and he would meticulously listen to his concerns and provide him with some solutions if Hyunjin needed one.
Although Seungmin always knew Hyunjin just wants someone to listen to him and not neglect his emotions . Seungmin was always there for Hyunjin.
A shoulder to cry one , a warm hug on a cold day, an guide in life when you are feeling lost,
Seungmin was everything to him.
They have known each other since highschool and Hyunjin can never believe they never fought , not even once.
Moreover Hyunjin has never been disappointed with Seungmin ever.
Sometimes he wonders how someone can be this marvelous , Seungmin is perfect to him in every way in every sense.
Day by day he wished to see more of Seungmin , he wished their study dates would last more longer even though he couldn't study at all in Seungmin's presence because he would always involuntarily look up to stare at Seungmin’s beautifully chiseled face who is clearly immersed in his books.
He always wanted to know more about Seungmin , he wanted to be always present for Seungmin , he didn't realise it but day by day he fell more in love with Seungmin.
He didn't even know what to do with his feelings anymore especially when Seungmin had become so distant all of a sudden.
This feeling of abandonment from Seungmin was eating him alive.
While his thoughts were piling up on his mind , Jeongin suddenly broke him out of his trance
“Thinking about Seungmin? ” with a mischievous grin plastered on his face.
“ Well of course” Hyunjin spoke absentmindedly
“ Wait what , I mean no” immediately denying his previous response with a hint of annoyance on his face .
“ you can deny but you can't hide your emotions lover boy , its written all over your face you miss him” jeongin teases
Hyunjin groans
“ well could you blame me , he doesn't pick up my calls , he doesn't text me back just informs me that he is busy , he avoids me everywhere I go , exactly what did I do wrong Jeongin-ah”
Hyunjin looks like he is going to have an outburst of his emotions any second now.
Jeongin is unsure what to say , he really doesn't know how to console anyone especially someone who is on the brink of tears.
So he does something he knows the best instead.
“Wanna grab some drinks to stop thinking about him” Jeongin nervously suggests
“Yeah why not , anything to forget about him for tonight at least” Hyunjin sighs
They sat on the couch in the living room along with all of his friends, everyone seemed to have a great time , laughing , cheering , arms around their lovers.
Usually Hyunjin would tease Felix and tell him to get a room because he is literally sitting on Changbin’s lap feeling up his arms giving him the bedroom eyes but he couldn't care less right now.
Especially when his thoughts are mindlessly clouded by Seungmin , he thinks about what Seungmin would have commented about the atmosphere, about the party , how he would complain to Felix to get more drinks , how Seungmin would take of Hyunjin when he is over drinking but he's not here.
He won't be here .
Will he ever come back?
Fear of abandonment and anxiety pile up in his throat.
The air around him feels like it would engulf and choke him any minute now.
A tear slipped from his left eye and he swiftly wiped it before anyone could notice.
His face probably looks red already.
He knew he couldn't be here anymore , it felt like his world was all crumbling down today.
He immediately got up but it took him a moment to balance himself which gained him a concerned look from Chan.
“ Hyunjin, are you good? You drank a lot today , where are you heading to?” Chan asks
“Oh come on I didn't drink that much Chan hyung” Hyunjin immediately denies
“Please who are you even lying to” Chan says
“Chan hyung please can we save the debate of my alcohol intake tomorrow , I really want to go home right now” Hyunjin spoke in a irritated tone
“Okay then let me drop you” Chan claims
“ what no! I want to leave alone” Hyunjin reprimanded
“You should stay and take care of your boyfriend I think he is the one who drank TOO MUCH you know” Hyunjin scoffs continuing to say
“He even encouraged me to drink more throughout the night so if you really wanna help me than just leave me alone for now”
Chan turns to look at Jeongin who has passed out and turns around to face Hyunjin to give him an apologetic face
“Im sorry Hyunjin guess I have to drop Jeongin home first , I can drop you next if you want”
“Chan hyung please drop him and stay with him tonight , you know he is not an easy task when he is drunk”
This shuts down all of his attempts but he informs Hyunjin to immediately call him if he needs anything.
Hyunjin rushes outside not bothering to look anywhere else but the exit door.
When he is finally outside and lets the cool air caress his face , he lets out an exasperated breath.
He starts walking but he doesn't know where he is heading either ,aimlessly just carrying his body in whichever direction it turns.
His steps halt when he finds himself at a park.
He sat in one of the benches and looked up at the sky trying to hold in his tears .
He couldn't contain his emotions for long and soon tears started to flow.
He soon became a sobbing mess.
He missed Seungmin so much he didn't know what to do.
He wanted to hear his voice so much.
He immediately called Seungmin’s number , it rang but Seungmin didn't pick up.
He called again and again and again.
Seungmin finally picked up on the 6th try , his voice showing hints of concern
“ Hyunjin? What happened? you never call this late at night?” Seungmin spoke in a husky voice
Hyunjin couldn't believe he was hearing Seungmin’s voice.
The voice he literally prayed to hear all these days.
The voice which makes his heart beat so crazy he thinks he might go into a cardiac arrest any second.
He couldn't process any word Seungmin spoke.
“ Hyunjin is this a prank ? Why aren't you speaking”
“ Seungmin” Hyunjin spoke almost in an inaudible voice , a voice people will usually not notice , not everyone but Seungmin does.
“Hyunjin, are you okay ? What's wrong”
Hyunjin barely said anything but Seungmin could already sense it from Hyunjin’s voice that something was wrong.
“Hyunjin, are you there?”
Seungmin sounds really worried right now
Hyunjin could barely form any coherent words
“ S..Seungmin…I…I don't know” he stuttered
“ Don't know what Hyunjin?? Where are you right now??”
“ ummm…I think…the.. park near felix's home”
Hyunjin’s chest heaved with every sob , his breath catching in irregular gasps
“ I'll be there in a few minutes , wait for me, don't go anywhere”
Seungmin hangs up
Hyunjin is trembling in his place waiting for Seungmin to arrive in this cold weather.
His gaze dropped to the ground now and tried to calm himself down.
A few minutes later he notices a shadow and looks up.
Seungmin looks up at Hyunjin's glistening eyes , confused and worried.
He immediately sat beside Hyunjin and gently wiped his tears and held Hyunjin's hands
“Hyunjin what's wrong , I'm here please tell me” He spoke softly
“ You are here , you are finally here” Hyunjin sniffs
“ Yes I'm here please talk to me” Seungmin pleads
“Seungmin did you miss me” Hyunjin asked
Seungmin clearly did not expect Hyunjin to ask him that
“ Because I missed you Seungmin , I missed you so much , I missed you more than you will ever know”
Seungmin gulps
“ I miss you every day, every night , I miss your smile , I miss our silly jokes , I miss you teasing me , I miss our late night talks , I miss us” Hyunjin spoke
Seungmin looked intently at Hyunjin like he couldn't form words to reply to him.
“ I don't know why I feel so crazy Seungmin-ah , I can't study, eat , sleep, walk, dance or even have a single thought about anything without imagining what would it be like if you were here with me right now”
Seungmin doesn't even know what to say so he just caresses Hyunjin’s hands instead
“I look up at the moon every night hoping we are looking up at the same sky, I don't even see you everyday now and it make me sad but it makes me even more sad that even when I see you I can't reach out to you or you might run away from me , Seungmin-ah did I do something wrong , please tell me , please tell me Seungmin-ah because I can't let you go , I can't lose you”
Hyunjin broke down tears again but this time Seungmin wrapped his arms around him gently soothing his back
After a brief moment of silence, Seungmin pulled away from the hug and spoke
“ Hyunjin you did not wrong , if there is someone who did anything wrong then it's me”
Hyunjin felt even more confused now
“What do you mean?” he asked perplexed
“ You asked me if I missed you, right? I missed you so much I hated living”
“ Really? then why wouldn't you talk to me” Hyunjin enquired
“ Because I'm a fool who is scared of his feelings” Seungmin said
Hyunjin snorted “Well that makes the two of us”
“ Hyunjin-ah , I'm sorry. I know you reached out to me and I didnt respond. I only treated you coldly, I'm sorry for being so distant. I have been very confused these days, I didn't know how to deal with these emotions”
Seungmin sighed
“ What do you mean Seungmin, what is wrong? What is bothering you? Why didn't you reach out to me? I always told you , you can share your worries with me” Hyunjin spoke
“Hyunjin I have been distant because I feel if I saw you my heart will burst with all the emotions I'm feeling at once , I craved to see your face every day but I was afraid, afraid these feelings of mine which are mine alone will come between our friendship , I didn't want to ruin what we have , so I did what I do the best, that is run. Run away from my feelings , run away from my happiness , run away from you”
“But Seungmin-” Hyunjin stopped speaking when Seungmin’s hands intertwined with his own
“Hyunjin Im sorry , that day when you brought a guitar in front of my home , I saw you when I was returning from baseball practise outside my house but I lied to you and said I was at my grandma’s place , that day of the baseball match , Han texted me that he came along with you to cheer for me and I suddenly took a rain check , that day when you saw me at the library , I saw you too, I saw you everyday Hyunjin , I just didn't run to you and I regret it always.”
Seungmin’s eyes now welled up with tears too waiting to overflow
“I thought if I avoided you enough my feelings would subside for you but it never did , it only blossomed more. Hyunjin you are the most beautiful part of my life and you deserve so much better but I can't live without you , I don't know how I lived all these years before knowing you but life seems to have lost its meaning without you.”
Seungmin takes a deep breath , his eyes glistening with the tears he with holds in his eyes while Hyunjin intendedly gazes at him giving him a reassuring nod to continue
“Hyunjin I think I'm in love with you and I was hoping if you could be mine forever”
As soon as those words left Seungmins mouth it felt like time ceased , every weight which clinged onto Hyunjin’s body had been lifted , Hyunjin could die happy right now.
The words he wished to tell Seungmin all this time had now been said by Seungmin first
“What took you so long” Hyunjin spoke
“I know it took me so long , I'm so sorry and wait what?” Seungmin blinked and looked completely bewildered
“ Seungmin-ah the reason I have been crying right now and the reason I have been crying all these days is because I missed you , I missed you because I love you so much I feel I will become a mad man any time soon.
Seungmin I love you so much , thank you for saying the words my heart ached to hear”
Tears escaped from his eyes again but this time , he was smiling , he was happy , he was so joyous to the point he wanted to announce to the world that Seungmin is the love of his life.
“Wait, you love me too? Since when? I thought it was only me….” Seungmin spoke as his eyes started to tear up too
“What do you even know” Hyunjin spoke
“I loved you since the first day I met you , I probably didn't knew it back then but I know it now and I know it all too well” Hyunjin smiled wiping Seungmin’s tears
“I don't know what to say , Im speechless” Seungmin was awestruck
Hyunjin laughed
The first time he laughed genuinely after being away from his Seungmin for so long
“Kiss me you fool” Hyunjin giggled
And Seungmin did as his lover asked him to, he gently stroked Hyunjin’s jaw and leaned in closer and soon enough Seungmin’s lips found his and they were kissing each other like they always wished too.
Their tears dried up and their hearts raced for each other as they kissed.
Hyunjin gently pulled away from the kiss to softly plant a kiss on Seungmin’s forehead.
“I hope this moment lasts forever” He said
“I hope so too” Seungmin replied
They look at each other smiling , their minds finally at peace being by each other’s side , watching the sunrise together.