Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s never easy making it to the top. Shadow Milk knew this. He worked his ass off to get to this point. He had to push past everyone who said that he’d never make it, even his parents. That one hurt the most, he didn’t want to, but he knew that they did more harm than good it was the final straw though. He always considered himself as “one who was born to perform” and it shows. He often recalled this one memory when he was little and his school did a stage play, he couldn’t remember which one. But he did get a singing role and on that stage he realized that he wanted to do that. Putting on a mask is easy, frankly he didn’t like to, but knew that he had to. Tis the price of being a idol and he loves his job and fans.

Even going as far as to set up meetup events. Sure other idols did that too, for Shadow Milk though it felt different. It felt more personal, actually being able to meet the people who genuinely loved you and your music, it just had a magic that he could never explain. He rarely answers questions about himself, he always has been a more introverted person and he had to work around it, yet those moments during these meetups where some would pour their heart out or ask for advice on something are memories that he’ll cherish for the rest of his life. And so it brings us to the now.

Another typical meetup event, started at eleven and will end at five. He donned his navy blue jacket with a simple white shirt with a blue tie. He always adored that color. A portion of his hair was tied up, the rest cascaded down the long parts that swoop over his face gave the air of what he assumed was confidence. He called for the next person in line, he brought his hands to the table fiddling with them, but not too much. The next person came up and dear god almighty he’s gorgeous. Neck length blonde hair that looked so soft, light brown skin with a yellow turtleneck sweater and a sleeveless vest that made him look like an angel sent from on high. He froze for a bit before returning to his usual persona.

“I didn’t know I had such pretty fans. Thank you for coming! I’ll make sure to read your letter.” He winked flirtatiously. The man looked startled at the gesture before clearing his throat.

“Oh! Um, actually the letter is from my child, they’re a fan of yours and I came here for them…” That’s when he noticed that he was holding the man’s hand, immediately he pulled away his face turning bright red! God please take me! He quickly scrambled up an apology to try and save himself from the embarrassment.

“Apologies! Ha ha ha…… This is the first time a parent comes to my fan meetup, I’m not used to this! Sorry for holding your hand…” He kept the letter and handed the man back the pamphlet. “Anyway, tell them I said hi!! Hopefully you guys can come together sometime time! Ha ha.”

“T-thank you!” He leaves after that and internally Shadow Milk is screaming at himself. He knew that this was a meltdown brewing but he had to hold it together. He didn’t want a scandal to happen and potentially lose his job. So he powered through with the motivation to make it to the end of the meetup and finally go home. This meetup had turned itself into a chore and he absolutely hated it.

Finally after what felt like years five o clock had struck. He couldn’t have his temper tantrum yet, he needed to get home. That’s what his parents called the episodes, the name stuck even when he learned the actual name. He turned back around to watch his back in case of any stalkers. He never really had any obsessive fans, it didn’t stop him from checking to make sure. The rush hour traffic noise made everything worse, he absentmindedly tapped his finger rapidly on the steering wheel, stopping as soon as he noticed.

Once his apartment had come into view he turned the corner, parked and ran out of the car to get to his room. Once arriving he shed his jacket and tie, hitting himself on his thigh. Rocking himself back and forth whilst crying to himself. It was just one person! Why are you getting so worked up over it!!! He whined and curled himself into a ball. Fifteen minutes had passed and he felt comfortable enough to check his bag, when he froze. The letter, he unfolded it with so much care, and he read the letter. There were a few doodles of his mascot sprinkled on the top and lower corners of the page, he chuckled at that.

‘Dear Shamil,

My name is Crepe. I’m a huge fan of yours, even if my dad says that your music is “improper for your age” and your clothes are “too revealing” for me to see(his words not mine) I still think you are pretty cool!!! The other idols are BORING to me. Anyways I’m going to convince my old man to buy tickets to your next concert, so see you there!!!

With lots of love and appreciation, Crepe!! pd:(I’m sorry for sending my dad to the fan meeting, I had school.)’

The letter almost made him cry all over again. Maybe it was due to the vulnerable state he is in, maybe it was because he had someone so young looking up to him. But still, he’s genuinely touched by it. Mentally he started beating himself up about getting emotional about a kids letter to him. He silently hopes that the kid will be able to convince their dad to get the tickets. Just for the opportunity to see that gorgeous blonde again.

—

Well that was awkward. Vanilla thoughts kept drifting over to that meeting. The idol seemed like he was embarrassed, but there was something else he subconsciously picked up on. He didn’t know what, but it kept bringing up the meeting. The bell rang and Crepe immediately bolted to him. He had grievances with the idol his kid decided to listen to, but he didn’t want to take anything that made his kid happy away, especially Crepe. They were neglected by their biological parents emotionally and physically. So it was when Crepe felt comfortable enough to share something as simple as a music obsession, that made him smile. Mind you he still stands by what he told Crepe, but it didn’t stop them once. And who was he to take his kids happiness because of his own feelings.

“Did you go?”

“I did.”

Crepe flapped their hands and Vanilla smiled at them. “Did he take the letter?!”

“He did, also he told me to say hi to you for him.”

Crepe hugged him and returned the hug. “Thank you thank you thank you dad!”

“Anything for you sweetcake.”

The walk back was filled with laughter and small talk. The ‘how was school’ and homework were among those conversations. Eventually the conversation deviated back to the idol and Crepe talking about he would choose to have complete creative freedom over his music and…“And I think he might also be autistic but I don’t know…”

“Sweetcake how would you know that?” Crepe immediately got out their phone and selected a video of the idol. Their phone was more of a ‘way to contact me incase of an emergency’ than a gift and he told Crepe such when they received it. They got it on their first birthday with him as their dad. “Right there, he’s rocking himself,” he skips to another part of the video, “and here he’s so focused on the puppy that he doesn’t hear the question, and also it’s like a gut feeling.”

“But you don’t know that for sure.”

“Yeah.”

Upon reaching the house, Crepe went to their room to get started with homework and Vanilla began cooking dinner. There’s a fine line to walk when you’re balancing being a doctor and being a single parent, it took him at least two months to find that perfect balance between the two. And he wouldn’t ever trade it for anything. He’d been asked if whether or not he’d settle down, but between his own busy work schedule and raising Crepe he would say that he didn’t have the time but it would be nice.

That idol is kinda cute though.

Chapter Text

A day in the life of Candy Apple goes like this…wake up, check in with Black Sapphire and Shadow Milk on today’s schedule, shop for hair products since Shamil insists on making his own costumes. She complies with it under the condition that she would get a say in the design. She is his stylist after all. Get any fabrics that Shamil needs for his costumes and being on standby just in case of a repeat of the sewing machine incident. So many tiny cuts on his hands as a result of Shadow Milk’s first time using a sewing machine, of course he got better with it but Black Sapphire made him agree to at least call one of the two if he got injured.

The three have a weird dynamic. Not in a bad way, it’s just weird that they all shared similar backgrounds and experiences. All of them came from dysfunctional families, Shadow Milk doesn’t say much about his parents other than they were suffocating to live with and he’s glad to be away from them. Black Sapphire had lived in poverty for most of his life, what with his father spending most of the family’s life savings on gambling and alcohol. And Candy’s mother and father had divorced around the time she was a preteen. It was like the three of them bonded over their shared trauma of being from broken families in a way.

A ping lit up her phone. Ah the group chat, a place of either work schedules or pure and unrestrained chaos.

Shamil: Candy I need to you grab that periwinkle blue fabric I like, I need it for a mini skirt.

Radio Rebel: Why would you need a mini skirt boss?

Little miss toffee: Why WOULD’NT he need a mini skirt!!

Shamil: I got a comment yesterday from someone at the meetup they said quote “sometimes you’re so androgynous looking that my parents mistake you for a girl.” And I kinda want to lean into that y’know.

Little miss toffee: To be fair you do look infinitely better in mini skirts and dresses than me, to the point that I’m jealous.

Radio Rebel: The rare instance where I agree with you Capple.

Little miss toffee: Aww Sapphy I’m touched! Oh yeah speaking of the meetup, how did it go?

Shamil: It went great. Thanks for asking Candy.

Her brow raised, something was off. Usually if one of the two asked for how the fan meetups went, Shadow Milk would write an entire essay about it. Not this time…and it’s strange, but she and Black Sapphire knew their boss’s boundaries. Hell it was one of the first things he laid out for them. It still hurt either way, Black Sapphire made it clear numerous times to Shamil that he could go to both of them if he needed to vent about something. Very rarely will he actually go to them though.

Little miss toffee: If you say so boss. I’ll go out and get you that fabric, you want anything else?

Shamil: That should be enough-wait no actually can you please get those fake yellow and blue roses? You know the ones.

Little miss toffee: Okay! I’ll message you when I’m at your apartment.

Shamil: Thank you Candy.

—

Shadow Milk didn’t know why or what prompted him to ask for the yellow roses. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be the same since that meetup, since he met that gorgeous blonde. He didn’t even ask for his name. Yet another mistake he made that day. He groaned loudly as he continued to sketch the mini skirt he had on mind. He always had a fascination with mini skirts, I mean what’s not to love about them. Perfect for when it’s sweltering hot, far more comfy than any shorts or jeans he wears and the cutesy factor.

Mini skirts were his bread and butter back with his old group, before he went solo. He was fifteen when he was recruited into Cherub, the ensuing fight upon telling his parents was catastrophic. They called him every slur under the bus, even that word, he was called the r by his peers, his teachers, so hearing that word coming out of his own family’s mouth just broke him beyond repair. He didn’t even know why he thought that his parents would be happy for him, considering they absolutely despised his dream and discouraged him left and right.

He left that night, the next day he met the other two members of Cherub. He felt incredibly relieved when one of the girls said that he could stay with her family till he gets somewhere else to live. Why he left….? Well it’s complicated, don’t get him wrong, he loved being in the group, but he had a lot of issues with the management and the lack of creative freedom he wanted. Besides he preferred to be a solo act. He heard a knock on his door, Candy must’ve brought the stuff. She would always knock and leave the stuff on his front door. Since most of the time he rarely goes out to hang out with others.

He never really had friends growing up. He was considered too “weird and awkward” to talk to. He pretended that it didn’t get to him, but it did. He was always alone, and he just assumed that this is how it should be. He remembers wishing every single night that he would have someone, anyone…just be there. Those nights had ended in him crying himself to sleep. And yet, even now when he fulfilled his dream and is living his dream, he can’t help but feel like something is still…………missing. He walked to the fridge to get some water, glancing at the letter before opening it.

He hung the kid’s letter up last night. He didn’t want to risk losing it. He went back to the sewing room and began his work. A ping lit up his phone. Candy and Sapphire must be arguing about something again. He silently tunes in.

Radio Rebel: Candy did you receive the next concert date and schedule yet?

Little miss toffee: No I thought you had it, you’re the social media manager, REMEMBER?

Shadow Milk snickered to himself.

Radio Rebel: Well I don’t have it. The technical staff for the site are probably sweating in anticipation for the traffic rn.

Little miss toffee: Lmao probably.

He decides to enter through.

Shamil: You recall the first time I performed overseas in Paris.

Little miss toffee: Pffff I remember, didn’t Saph make a public statement about the sold out tickets for all dates.

Radio Rebel: Yeah, I had to rewrite it multiple times and even still thought I didn’t get the point across correctly. If you listened carefully you could still hear the technical staff weeping in horror.

Shadow Milk turned off his phone before he got caught up in procrastinating. Continuing on sewing his mini skirt together. He sewed on the blue rose and turned to the yellow one. He gazed longingly into it before placing it next to the blue rose. He didn’t know what it meant or why he was starting to grow a fascination with the color yellow. The blonde resurfaced in his mind giving him his answer. Oh. Him again.

He just smiled at the finished product and neatly set it down. He spent the rest of the day sketching and daydreaming about that blonde. Damn it……if only he got his name maybe it’s just as beautiful as him.

Chapter Text

The moment Shadow Milk’s feet touch the ground he felt pain. The familiar throbbing, burning pain that followed him throughout his life. He hasn’t had an episode like this in three months. Pretty soon the pain will travel up to his back and then his neck and shoulders. He never got help for it, nor has he sought help. His lip wobbled as he got out his phone and messaged Sapphire. Candy must not be awake then.

Shamil: Hey remember those horrible pain days that I would have?

Radio Rebel: Nooooooo…

Shamil: I’m in burning pain right now and laying down is not helping in the slightest, what do I do?!

Radio Rebel: Finally go to the doctors and get a diagnosis or something……

Shamil: Idk if it’s worth the trouble, maybe I should just wait this out for the next two weeks.

Radio Rebel: DUDE YOU’VE BEEN SUFFERING WITH THIS SINCE YOU WERE IN THE 5TH GRADE, YOU CAN JUST HAVE A WALK IN APPOINTMENT OR SOMETHING!!! JUST GO TO THE DOCTORS-HELL OR EVEN THE HOSPITAL!!!

Shamil: okay…

Little miss toffee: What in the name of hell did I walk into? What’s happening???

Radio Rebel: Scroll up Capple.

Little miss toffee: wtf Shamil…. If you lie about going, I’ll forward all of my spam emails to you again.

Shamil: OKAY I’LL GO!! Black Sapphire can you please give me a ride?

Radio Rebel: I’ll be there in about ten minutes, so be outside and ready.

True to his word he arrived and Shadow Milk got in the car. Black Sapphire’s eyes widened in worry upon seeing his boss.

“Dude did you get any sleep last night? You look like shit.”

“I did. Despite not feeling like it, I did get sleep last night.”

The walk-in hospital came over the horizon and Shadow Milk exited the car and checked himself in. It didn’t take long for him to be escorted to a room and told to wait. His hands played with his hair in anxiety as he waited. The door opened and that was the last person he expected to see today.

—

Vanilla had his schedule down to a science since adopting his child. Weekdays he would take the day shift. Crepe is in school for most of the day so he wouldn’t have to worry about getting a babysitter. Weekends he’d do the night shifts so he can spend time with his kid for the whole day. Regardless the hospital he works at knew that he is the best doctor they have. He strolled down to his next patient. He opened the door and was greeted by an unexpectedly familiar face.

The idol. The two stared at each other in an awkward silence. Vanilla coughed, clearing his throat. “Hello there, I’m Dr. Vanilla and I’ll take good care of you.” The idol’s face turned bright red. Perhaps I was a bit too forward.

“S-Shadow, you may call me that.”

He smiles. “Alright then Shadow, what seems to be the issue?” He noticed that Shadow wasn’t making eye contact, he didn’t mind of course. He must be nervous.

“I mean……I wouldn’t call it a issue worthy of going to the hospital,” Vanilla frowned at that, “but I have been getting these pains that would appear and reappear every so often and my job kinda requires me to be mobile a lot soooooo yeah.”

“Okay then, I would like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure.” The idol rocked himself slightly before stopping himself. “So, where did the pain start?”

“Normally it starts in both legs, then it travels upward to my back, shoulders and neck.”

“How would you describe this pain?”

“It’s sorta like,” his hands move around in gestures to help get his point across. “a rock rolling all over your body, but it’s also pressing down and not lifting.”

“In other words it’s like a throbbing pain.”

“EXACTLY-” The idol’s hand slaps over his mouth, lowering his voice. “Exactly like that, but also it burns as well.” Vanilla nodded and wrote down everything on his clipboard. “Okay before we continue with the questions, I need to do a blood test to rule out any other conditions that could explain your symptoms. Is that okay with you?”

“Okay…” He walks down to a colleague of his, Raisin. Very sweet girl she is. A bit prickly, but the nicest person in the world once you get to know her. “Hey I need you to get me a syringe to draw blood from a patient please.”

“Give me the rundown on them.”

“Male, in his early twenties, says he’s been having these on again off again throbbing and burning pains. I’m suspecting Fibromyalgia but want to rule out any other conditions that share symptoms.”

“I can run it down to the lab for you once you’re done.”

“Thank you Raisin.”

With syringe in hand he opens the door and sitting beside Shadow. The idol still avoiding his eyes, his eyes landed on the needle with a tiny squeak escaping him. “Is there something wrong?”

“What?”

“You seem uncomfortable,” Shadow looks away again, shifting around and rubbing his hands, once again stopping and looking at him with his blue eyes. “If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable while I do this then-”

“It’s not- promise not to be weirded out?”

Vanilla smiles slightly, “Try me.” Shadow begins to whisper something incoherent, “Hmmm.”

“I have a really bad fear of needles and in order to keep myself from fainting……I have to sing to distract myself.”

That was oddly adorable. Vanilla’s mind was already supplying him with images crafted from imagination. “That’s perfectly fine. Whatever helps you get through this.” The idol’s shoulders releasing all tension with a single breath. “Thanks.” Vanilla grabs his arm gently, pretending that he didn’t feel the idol flinching under his touch. He rubs the alcohol on his arm and began drawing blood. The soft singing from the other made the moment strangely pleasant. He recognized the song the idol was singing, ‘You Oughta Be In Pictures’ absentmindedly he hummed along with him. “And……done!” The idol let out a loud breath, that made the doctor chuckle softly. He gets up and turns to the idol, his eyes still drifting everywhere but his own. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

He nodded as his hand reached for his hair, running it through repeatedly. He walked back to Raisin and gave her the blood sample. “How is he fairing right now?”

“He’s doing well. Listened to showtunes while drawing his blood.”

“Pardon me, Vanilla?”

“He has a fear of needles and the only thing that prevents him from fainting is singing.”

“Well I’ve heard stranger coping mechanisms.” Vanilla giggles at the comment and steps back.

“I’m going to head back, ask him more questions and go from there.”

“Take care Vani, oh yeah tell Crepe that I wish them a happy birthday.”

He nods before turning around, making his way back to his patient. He returns to the room and the idol’s eyes darted towards his presence. He saw a look of relief in his eyes. Did he think I wouldn’t return?

“Hello again.”

“Hi……”

He sits down and pulls out his clipboard. Flipping back to his notes on Shadow. “So when did the pain begin?” Shadow looks at him confused.

“I thought you already asked that?”

“Apologies, let me rephrase. When was the first instance of you having this problem? Did it begin earlier in your life or was this a recent development?”

“Ohhhh sorry about that…” Vanilla almost reaches his hand out, but he doesn’t instead opting to give him a reassuring smile. He’s ashamed that he misunderstood the question…why? “You’re fine, now back to the question.”

“The earliest I can remember it starting was in fifth grade. It was so bad I couldn’t walk without limping during P.E.”

“And your family, is there any history of one of them having similar ailments to you?”

“No, not that I remember. They were normal.”

“Have you experienced fatigue whenever you’d have these problems?”

“Yeah. I’m exhausted right now and I barely even did anything.”

“Is there anything else you want to add before we wrap up?” Shadow bit his nail in thought, answering in an unsure tone.

“I don’t know if it matters, but I would sometimes get headaches. Not every time but yeah.”

Vanilla gestures for the idol to stand up. He gets up and follows him. “You’re free to go now, I’ll get in contact with you once the blood tests come back. May I please have your number for easier communication?”

Shadow short circuits and Vanilla could swear that something smells like toast. The idol fumbled out a few incoherent words before finally saying yes. The two men exchanged numbers and made small talk on the way to the waiting room. “I wish you the loveliest day.”

“L-likewise.”

And like that, the adorable idol left. In hindsight he should’ve asked when his next concert was. He wants to surprise Crepe with tickets for their birthday. Oh well, at least he has his number. And besides there’s always next time.

—

Shadow Milk found a restroom, grabbing a handful of napkins and began to screaming into them. He flapped his hands and clasped them tightly, upon hearing the slight whipping noise the motion made. I mean what were the odds that the gorgeous blonde he embarrassed himself in front of, just so happened to be a doctor. It was like the universe was playing a sick and twisted game with him. He collected himself and leaves the restroom, getting in the car with Black Sapphire.

“How’d it go?”

“They took my blood for some tests, but I’ll be honest I’m expecting it to come back clean for whatever they’re testing it for.”

“Well that’s good, at least they can narrow it down to something specific.”

“Whatever you say Sap.”

The drive back was largely uneventful. Albeit with a bit of traffic here and there. He got out of the car and went back to his apartment, still slightly limping. His phone pinged with a message from Candy Apple.

Little miss toffee: Did you go? You know what will happen if you lie.

Shamil: Yes I did, okay Candy?! They took my blood to run tests.

Little miss toffee: Okay! Oh yeah we got a date for the next concert, it’s next Saturday so hopefully you’ll be better by then!!

Shamil: Thank you for the update Capple. Have the tickets been put up to buy early?! You remember what happened last time that happened.

He can practically see and feel her shuddering at the reminder through the screen.

Little miss toffee: ohhhh I remember…

Radio Rebel: That was not a good day to be on social media.

Little miss toffee: I still have mental battle scars from that day, not to the severity as yours Sapphy but yeah.

Radio Rebel: The Discord server almost committed arson…

Shadow Milk shut off his phone. Staring at the ceiling before realizing that he had that blonde’s number. He has his number… what does he do with that? Does he say hi…? No maybe flirt? No!! Way too forward. He texts a simple hello and exits out immediately. He also has a name…Vanilla. A beautiful name for a beautiful man. He wasn’t sure what to call this feeling, he never felt like this before. It’s not spite, he knows that one well. But regardless one question kept ringing in his head during the appointments duration.

How the fuck is he even hotter in a lab coat?!

Chapter Text

If Shadow Milk learned anything from his concerts. It would be to not cry on stage when seeing the glowing glow sticks, all of them illuminating blue. He almost sobbed on stage when he walked on and saw it. It’s still the most beautiful sight in the world, the way the lit up sticks would bounce when people jumped, the swaying motion and the on beat shaking never fails to make him emotional. He wonders what his old friend group would think of him now. 

They were a group of five, Burning Spice is like the big brother of the group. Annoying at times but genuinely cares and makes sure to help you through whatever challenges you. Eternal Sugar is the mildly spoiled yet fun girl. Really into true crime and makeup. Mystic Flour took on the motherly role, she would constantly remind the others to take care of themselves (Especially Shadow Milk.) and always there when you need to vent. And Silent Salt as the name implies, is silent. They may look intimidating but they are one of, if not the sweetest person on the earth.

The group met when they were still in high school. It was a pep rally and Shadow Milk had himself placed in front of the gymnasium exit. The noise grating on his ears and his whole body being in pain made him not wanting to participate in any activities. “Gods, this is awful…” he murmured and then…

“Yeah tell me about it, your parents make you attend?”

Who is this guy? Does he know who he is? Why is he talking to him?! “Huh, oh uh yeah. My family just wanted me out of their hair…… you?”

“I’m here because of a friend. She’s on the cheer team and had access to free tickets if she said that we’re with her.”

“That’s nice…” Shadow Milk kept his guard up. He didn’t know what this guys intentions were, but he knew that it probably wasn’t good. From his experience he knew that no one wanted to speak to him, unless they either wanted something from him or wanted to make his life miserable. So why would this be any different.

“Is that spot taken?” He zoned out again. Trying to find any hint of malice in his body language, but nothing. He hears fingers snapping and flinched. “I’m sorry?”

“Is that spot taken?” His eyes looked to the empty floor besides him, then the guy.

“Go ahead.” The other man sat next to him. And the first thing that stood out to Shadow Milk was his hair. It’s so long. His parents would never let him grow his hair out, any time it would get too long for their liking they cut it. Albeit with Shadow Milk crying the whole time. He reached his hand out to touch, only to retract it once he saw the other’s eyes on him. “You need something?”

“Oh! Sorry I’m just…your hair I-” Great. He’s already screwing up talking to the one person that doesn’t seem to hate him. “What about it?”

“You’re lucky.”

The other teen looked confused at the answer and Shadow Milk rushed an explanation out, “Your lucky that your family allows you to grow it out like this,” his hands were shaking as he spoke, “mine would chop it off if I even dared grow it down to my neck.”

The teen listened to him and he finally responded. “You can mess around with it if you like. Sugar does all the time when she wants to practice braiding.” He looked up, his eyes widened with hope, he slowly lifted his hand and ran it through the long jet black hair. It felt like he was touching a cloud. “It’s so soft. What do you use for it?”

“Heads and shoulders.”

“Knees and toes.” He didn’t know he said that out loud, until he heard laughter. His face flushed with red. “You mean the shampoo.” That only made the other laugh harder. Oh god did he do something wrong? He shut his eyes, bracing himself for verbal assault, only that didn’t happen. Instead the teen placed a hand on his shoulder, his laughter dying down. “You’re a real gem, you know that? Salt’s gonna get a kick out of this.”

Wait that was good…? That worked?? The teen got up from his spot and held his hand to him. “You want to go hang in the parking lot? I can grab the others so they can tag along.” Against his past experiences and better judgment, he nods and takes his hand. The motion of being pulled up reminded him of the pain his body’s in, “Ow, ow, ow.”

“You doing okay?”

“Yeah, my body is on fire right now. It’s fine though I’m used to it.” The teen gave him a look of……he didn’t know. But he told him to wait outside the gym while he alerts ‘the others’ just as he was about to leave, he turns around. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you again, but I didn’t get your name.”

“Burning Spice. And you are?”

“Shadow Milk.” And that was the beginning of the best thing that ever happened to him in his school days. He introduced himself to the others, who welcomed him into the group with open arms. He nearly embarrassed himself when making introductions to Salt, with Mystic Flour explaining that they’re mute and communicate via sign language when she made her first hello’s to him. The whole group ended up staying in the parking lot for the rest of the event. Talking, laughing and messing around. That’s how it began.

For once when Shadow Milk talked about his interest in the idol industry and wanting to be one, he didn’t feel like he was being tuned out or ignored, he felt that he was actually being listened to. And karaoke nights……oh karaoke nights. After another one of his rambles, Eternal Sugar had mentioned that there was a new karaoke bar that had opened and offered to take everyone for dinner. He drummed his hands on the table rapidly at the mere mention, cutting off Sugar the moment he heard that word. “We HAVE to go!!”

She stifled a chuckle and turned to face him. “That’s the plan, Blueberry.” Another thing that the group didn’t mind was his movements. They didn’t pay any mind when he would bounce his knee or when he whipped his hands back and forth. They didn’t bat an eye at the way he would swing his arm whenever excited or how he would talk with his hands despite not using sign language. Which looking back on it now, learning sign language to communicate with Salt ended up helping him with talking to fans who were hard of hearing. The day came where karaoke and dinner were achieved. He walked into the bar and the lights and sounds of karaoke made him feel right at home. He had insisted that at least one of them would record him singing for an audition tape. Those nights created some of his best memories. He was considered the best singer in the group, although Shadow Milk found that debatable.

It was also the little things that they would do for each other. Like the extra snacks that Eternal Sugar would bring for anyone to munch on, in case they forgot their lunch or didn’t buy any. Or the one time that Burning Spice carried him outside when classes ended, because his legs were in so much pain that he almost fell multiple times throughout the day. If he was asked, among everyone who was he the closest to? He would answer with Silent Salt. During the period of time where Mystic Flour was teaching him sign, the two would write in a notebook to talk. By the end of the week, he had to beg his parents for another one since the pages were filled with conversations that the two would have. He still kept those notebooks, occasionally he’d flip through the pages, reminiscing on those days.

Shadow Milk didn’t know when he started to see them as family, but if he was being truthfully honest he considers them as his real family. His first birthday with the group would go down as his favorite memory he ever made. The support they showed to him made him cry, that one day in the cafeteria is one he’ll never forget.

“Milk, you’re going to love the sound of this.” Mystic Flour’s voice sounded ecstatic, and that was incredibly out of character. Mystic Flour is one of the most neutral people he’s ever met, her face always looking very disinterested and her voice keeping its monotone cadence, so if she’s happy about something you know it has to be good. “What got you so excited?” Without another word she grabbed his hand and ran to the library’s computer lab. Quickly logging herself back into show him what she’s excited about. He almost slapped himself when he read it online, a recruitment post for people that share his dream…

“And I have still have the video of you singing. This is your chance Blueberry!!” He stared at the computer screen, silent tears of joy rolling down his face. He gave a hug so tight that she almost couldn’t breathe. Finally pulling himself away, keeping his voice down to the library appropriate level was astronomically difficult in this scenario, yet somehow he managed.

“Mystic you don’t know how much this means to me! Thank you, thank you so much!!” Shadow Milk sent the video and received a response two days later, saying that he had been chosen to join the group of two as their third and final member. After the fallout of telling his family the news, he officially became a high school dropout. Before leaving he left a note behind acting as an update to his friends and a farewell for now. He doesn’t know where they all went after graduation, hopefully they are all successful in whatever they choose as a path in life.

Shadow Milk snapped out of his memory lane trip and went to his closet to pick out an outfit for his concert. His eyes drifted to the mini skirt, the one with the blue and yellow roses. He loves that skirt, the silky soft periwinkle blue fabric, the layers that blanketed it, and especially those roses. He smiles at the clothing and set down on his bed for consideration. Hairstyle was also something he needed to decide on.

High ponytail, braid, princess braid, bun, pigtails. He had wanted to try that one for a while. The hardest part of having long hair is what style suits the occasion. Maintenance is also another difficult matter that he struggled with, he seriously had no idea how Burning Spice got his hair to behave. Now he had Candy Apple to help him with that, and speaking of Candy Apple…

Little miss toffee: Hey FaceTime me, I wanna help you pick out an outfit.

Shamil: Okay, give me a minute.

Little miss toffee: I’ll be waiting boss.

His phone rang and he picked up, making sure to switch the camera perspective so Candy can see his options. Finally her camera turned on, her white hair tied in buns and wearing a tuxedo designed t shirt.

“Hellllooooo boss!”

“Hey Candy.” He moved his phone slowly across the bed, making sure to show Candy Apple all the options he laid out. As soon as he passed by the mini skirt her eyes laser focuses on it.

“Go back! Is that the mini skirt you made?”

He brought the camera back to the skirt, “Yeah that’s it.”

“It’s adorable! You have to wear it!!”

“Maybe…but what to pair it with? That’s the question.”

Her hand held her chin. “That is the real question here. Oh! You know that lovely lace tank top that you made?”

“You mean one of my first projects?” He almost forgot about that tank top. He’s made so many potential costumes for his concerts. Some made it on the stage, others simply got unintentionally left behind.

“Yeah! It’s got the same periwinkle blue fabric you used for the skirt. I think it’ll be perfect!”

He looks through his closet and found a tank top. The lace was pure white, it was his first project involving lace. Would he say that he did a good job? Ehhhhh……maybe. There are parts that he agreed that could be improved, but hey who’s judging. He switches the phone camera to show his face. “I’m gonna change into it. I think you might be on to something!”

“Alright!”

He set the phone against his bathroom mirror and went into his closet to get changed. His closet was covered, head to toe in his finished sewing projects. He put on the tank top and slipped into his mini skirt. Candy Apple was right, he looked absolutely perfect. The way the everything fit felt so comfortable, and the slightly noticeable color contrast on the accessories made the whole look even more pleasing. He walks back into the bathroom showing off the look, Candy clapping at the reveal.

“Does this mean I’m right?”

“Yes Candy! It’s stunning!!” He twirled around, the skirts layers lifting up with the motion. The two ended up talking for about an hour before Black Sapphire sent a message in the group chat.

Radio Rebel: Tickets have been put up. Already made the announcement on Twitter.

Shamil: Thank you Sapphire.

Candy Apple ended the call with a smile. And Shadow Milk spent the rest of the day practicing singing and dancing for the concert. Even when he’s not feeling full up to it, he still puts on a good show for the fans. He stops to take a breath and he starts thinking about Vanilla again. He groans in frustration, why won’t that man leave his mind…?

—

Crepe bounced their leg in anticipation for the end of the school day. They were a bit mad that they couldn’t stay home for their birthday, but they understood that he took a day off just so that he can go to the fan meetup for them. They never really knew how birthday parties worked, they were perfectly happy with spending the day with their dad for now. The bell rang and they bolted to the school gates to look for their dad. They spot him, took his hand and walked home at a brisk pace.

Home came into sight and their dad opened the door, the first thing they noticed were the gifts on the dinner table. They looked to their dad and he nods, one’s a big box and their eyes drift to an envelope. Their hand reaches to grab it, the mystery of what’s inside enticing them to take it first. And they would’ve opened it first, if dad hadn’t held his hand to stop them.

“Open that one last, Sweetcake. Trust me.” They nod and look to the other presents, some robotic toys and kits were among the gifts. They always had an interest in robotics and engineering, as it was the only thing that brought them comfort when they were with their old parents. Eventually the envelope remained, the envelope that their dad had saved for last.

They opened the envelope and found the slips of paper inside. They’re confused, what was so special about the envelope if it only contained two pieces of paper.

“Dad what is this?”

“Read it Crepe.”

Their eyes scan one of the slips of paper and then they see it. Their eyes going wide as they looked at the paper, then to their dad, and back to the paper. It’s tickets. Tickets to Shamil’s concert, for this Saturday. They practically tackled their dad to the floor, then the questions flooded their mind. “How did you get these?! They sell out so fast?!”

“A colleague of mine helped me. I think we were one of the first ones to get them Sweetcake.

They were unimaginably happy. They kept thanking him over and over again. They just can’t believe it! They have tickets to see their favorite idol, live!! ON STAGE!! 

Chapter Text

Getting ready to go anywhere always had a teaspoon of chaos. If you’re rushing in the morning the chaos is multiplied tenfold, getting ready in the evening meant that the aforementioned storm of busyness would be muted. It was a delicate balance that was rarely ever achieved. Vanilla had struggled for a year to find the rhythm of getting ready when he adopted Crepe. Yet here he was…being told to hurry up, by his own kid who was waiting at the door. He hurried down, donning a muted brown sweater and jeans. Nothing fancy, but just well dressed enough for the occasion.

It’s their child’s birthday gift also known as… concert day. So he at least has to look mildly presentable. He plans to have them get some merch if they do sell merch once the concert was done. He wants to make this the best night of their life. And boy did they see the intention. That still didn’t stop them from scolding their dad for taking too long, when they had already been ready since the early morning.

The drive to the venue was filled with happy noises and excited ramblings from Crepe. They were wearing their “eye of deceit” sweater and hair clip. They couldn’t sit still the whole drive. “You know I saw him again.” Vanilla figured now would be a good time to tell them about the appointment.

They stopped talking and their eyes go wide, “When?!”

“The other day, he came in seeking help. Even if I wanted to, I can’t tell you why he was there sweetcake. Patient confidentiality is a thing that exists.” Crepe pouted and crossed their arms, he should bring up the stimming that the idol had done during the visit. Might as well give them some more evidence to the small theory they had. Actually now that he thinks about it, if it really was true that the idol is autistic…does that mean that Crepe looks to him as a role model of some kind?

“However, I think that I saw him stimming during my time with him.” That caught the child’s attention hook line and sinker.

“Like what?!”

“Off the top of my head, he ran his hands through his hair, rocked himself a bit-”

“I KNEW IT!!” He laughed at the reaction.

“As I was saying, he bounced his leg and played with his hands a bit.”

The conversation ended abruptly when the venue came into view and the car was parked. The father and child walk in and a blast of every shade of blue imaginable has hit them like a truck. Fan made and official merchandise stands were lined at the farthest walls. Vanilla grabbed his child's hand as to not lose him in the sea of people around him. Eventually they make it to the main stage, found a spot and settled there. Crepe was quiet during the whole walk, and Vanilla started to get nervous.

Crepe didn’t do well in large crowds. Or with loud noises, at all. He tugs on his child’s hand gently, but their attention was focused straight ahead. Vanilla started to worry that they might be dissociating, he hears tiny whispers coming from his kids mouth.

“Omg omg omg omg omg.”

“We can leave if it’s too much for you, okay,” he had to give them an out someway. Just in case they were getting overwhelmed, they never been to a concert before. So the possibility of a sensory overload was on the forefront of the father’s mind when considering getting the ticket in the first place. “And never let go of my hand, I have water if you need-”

“Dad, the music started, OH MY GOD It’s HIM!!!” He didn’t even notice that the music started. He listens to the idols voice, he seems different?

He’s…captivating? I suppose that’s his job after all. I can barely see him but his voice… maybe I’m starting to get it.

—

Shadow Milk has two homes. One is with his old friend group, all five of them were called “The Beasts.” Complete with their own titles and everything. His second home, was one he found the most comfort in… the stage. A space big enough for him to walk around, whenever felt like he needed to move. The distance between the people and him made it feel cozy. He mostly does well in crowds, unless he’s in the most people populated area.

Occasionally if he felt brave enough, he would strike a conversation with the audience. Topics ranged from favorite songs to write, costume design etc. however there are some… interesting topics that have been discussed. One audience member had asked about the spacious way of audience seating, he explained that it was for those who were uneasy with large crowds. A surprisingly large portion of his fanbase were neurodivergent in some way, so he figured why not accommodate for those like him.

As he danced on stage he subconsciously scanned the audience, the blonde wasn’t there. And even if he was there, he couldn’t see him. Internally he felt……disappointed, but he didn’t let it show. His high ponytail swayed and bounced with his movements, he slightly adjusted his headset microphone and sung the final verse of the first song.

The sounds of applause echoed throughout the room. Applause had a strange effect on Shadow Milk. It almost seemed to reenergize him, like a battery. Even on days where he couldn’t really do his grand movements and gestures, the sound of appreciation would bring a surge of energy that could never be replicated by coffee.

Twirls were fun to incorporate into his choreography as well. Posing was also incredibly fun to do, slight kicks and hand shapes were amongst the moves. The jumping was often improvised moves, which he figured that it was a way for him to let out some excess energy.

Time constantly passed so fast on concert days, that was his least favorite part about it. He just wished that time would slow down every time a song ended, never wanting to move on to the final song of the night. But alas time is a cruel mistress and he’s nearing the end, the last minute change of final song came the day before. He suddenly remembered that the day of his concert, happened to align perfectly with his old friend’s birthday. Burning Spice was the one to introduce him to Vocaloid in the first place, so he figured he would rather do his favorite song as a personal tribute.

Lost one’s weeping.

The beat made him feel so at home. It felt like a warm hug every time he listened to it. The fast paced beginning, reminiscent of the times he and Spicy would jam out together. The lyrics hitting way too close to home for both of their respective experiences in the education system. Even now, the song was still in his personal top five favorites. The fast rhythmic drum fades out and the applause felt deafening, the cheers were music to his ears. He took a breath and gave his final message for the show.

“Thank you everyone!!! You’ve been an amazing crowd and have a good night!!! Drive home safe and I’ll see y’all next time!!!”

He made his way to the backstage room and laid down on the lounge sofa, spotting the giant plushie that Candy brought and buried his face into it. Candy was already in the room, she knew not to say anything. The first few minutes after a concert always left him feeling overstimulated, so she remained quiet. Five minutes pass and he lets out an audible breath. She smiles.

“You feeling better?”

“Yeah. I think that was my best show yet.”

“This one was fine. Nothings going to beat the one in Paris though.”

Just as he was going to rebuttal, three short knocks echoed through the room.

“It’s open!”

The door opens and it’s Black Sapphire. He kept the door open and looking to his right. “Hey Candy, a word?” She gets up and walks to the door.

“What’s going on?”

“Would boss be okay with a kid crashing here while I find their dad?” She looks back at Shadow Milk, he gives her a silent nod. “Yeah he’s fine with it.”

He ushers the kid inside, they looked to be twelve years old, pink hair and they were wearing his ‘Eye Of Deceit’ sweater and hair pin, the kid had good taste that’s for sure. They turn around at Black Sapphire, “I’ll find him okay.” They nod and face forwards, as soon as their eyes land on Shadow Milk they gasped and dashed straight to him.

—

They didn’t mean to get lost in the crowd. One moment they were holding their dad’s hand and the next they were couldn’t see him anymore. They looked around for him and they couldn’t find him. Dang it! I’m going to get in trouble for this… I need to find Sham- DAD! I need to find Dad!

He tugged on the jacket of a staff member. Basically giving him the rundown of the situation. “You can stay here while we find your dad, you described him pretty well so it shouldn’t take too long to find him, okay?”

“Yup!”

After a conversation with a girl, they were let into the room backstage, and he’s here. SHAMIL IS HERE!!! They made a mad dash towards him, hugging him until they felt a microscopic flinch from the idol. They broke the hug, “Sorry about that!”

“Huh?”

“You flinched when I hugged you. I’m sorry.”

The woman and idol lock eyes for a brief moment before the idol asks, “Did I?”

“Yeah. Anyways OMG I can’t believe I’m actually here!!! I’m such a huge fan and this is my first concert!!! You probably don’t know who I am, you get so many letters during the meetup events!!!” They bounced on the balls of their feet in excitement. Oh! This must be Crepe then…. Does that mean that radiant blonde came to see me? Shadow Milk looks back at the child.

“Can I hold your hands?” They nod with the biggest smile on their face and he takes both hands into his own.

“You must be Crepe then?” He didn’t know if that was the correct thing to say, they were silent for a moment before jumping up and down in place.

“YES I AM!!!” The child’s joy was infectious in a way. He found himself chuckling at the kid’s excitement.

“I did read your letter and I want to thank you for what you wrote. It was kind of touching, and well thank you for coming tonight!!”

“I know what you are, by the way!”

Crap…wait wait wait what do they know?!?!?! Do they know that I’m gay for their dad or that I’m on the autism spectrum!?!?!?

Shadow Milk needed to get out there if the kid knew, now! “Oh you do know what I am???” His unsure high pitched voice didn’t phase them one bit.

“Yeah!!!” Fuck they know I’m in love with their dad!!!!!! 

—

To say Vanilla is freaking out is an understatement, panicking is a better word to describe his state right now. He was trying to calm himself down but failing miserably, which he couldn’t really blame himself. He kept frantically searching through the crowd, desperately trying to find his child. The wasn’t supposed to happen!! Yes he knew that it’s common for parents to lose their kids in crowds like this. But he felt as though he failed royally in this scenario. He never really had good vision, Crepe knew that. He just turned slightly to spot the exit for one moment and then he felt their hand slip out of his own, and now they’re gone. The loud speaker was silent before a voice projected came on.

“Apologies for the inconvenience, but we are looking for someone with blonde hair, heterochromia, wearing a gray sweater. If anyone matches the description, please make your way to backstage as soon as possible.”

Vanilla bolted to the nearest staff member to ask if they could lead him to backstage. Silently praying that a staff member had found his kid. He sees a hand waving and made a mad dash towards it. After confirming that he is their father, the ebony haired gentleman cracked open the door. He could faintly hear Crepe’s voice and waves of relief swept over him. But he also heard another familiar voice.

“For the third time, I won’t go to your school kid.”

“Why not? I could show you my robots!”

“W-well I-”

He couldn’t see them, however he did hear Crepe ask him something in a hushed heartbroken tone. He never heard his own kid’s voice sound like that, “Why’d you stop?” Just then the staff member lightly knocked on the door.

“Excuse me, Shamil?”

“Yes?”

“Crepe’s father is here, this is mister Vanilla.” He glanced up to see that adorably handsome idol clasping his hands so tightly that it looked like it hurt, and right next to him… “Crepe! You’re here!” They looked up and started running towards him.

“Dad!”

They jumped into his arms and he hugged them back in a tight and gentle grip. Vanilla’s voice was shaking at this moment, “I was worried sick! Never run away from me like that again!” Their voice choked up.

“I’m sorry,” they pulled away and continued, “but I got to meet Shamil! He took care of me!! Right?” That’s when he turned his gaze to the idol, time stopped when they gazed into each other’s eyes. The idol scoffs playfully.

“Right… it was just a few minutes, it’s nothing really. It’s nice to see you again. I thought you guys wouldn’t come.”

Vanilla takes his hand, noticing the silver ring on his finger. It matches perfectly with the gold ring on his own. The idol’s eyes looked at him, and those eyes… it felt like he was looking into the starry sea of a galaxy. “Thank you… thank you so much.”

The idol’s red flustered face remained the same for a moment before his mouth went agape. Nothing came out, he tried again… nothing. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, finally speaking albeit stuttering.

“Y-you’re welcome. Have a nice ni-night!”

—

They leave the venue after that, Crepe’s hands flapping as they skipped back to the car. Their voice raising in pitch as the car ride continued, “And the Vocaloid song!! I thought for sure it was going to Tokyo Teddy Bear, but that Lost One’s performance was SO GOOD!!!!”

He pulls into the driveway and exits the car, Crepe followed suit. They hugged him, “Thank you so much for this dad! I love you!” Vanilla almost cried again. Every time Crepe said that, just filled his heart with so much fatherly love that he finds himself getting misty eyed.

“You’re welcome, sweetcake. I love you too.”

Crepe went upstairs and laid down on their bed for a few minutes. Trying to comprehend the implications of the interaction between them and Shamil before dad came in… Why was he so ashamed that I saw him flapping his hands??? It made them feel confused, stimming wasn’t something to be ashamed about. Dad told them that. Was he brought up in a home that didn’t see it like that?? He is older…maybe the stigma back then was worse than it is nowadays??? They didn’t know.

Other than that, this was probably the best night of their life!!!

Chapter Text

“And that’ll be it for today. Stay tuned for another video next week, my little angels. Bye.”

Finally a good take for the video. She lets out a sigh of exhaustion. She spent so long trying to get it right that she realized that she was running low on foundation. She’ll have to go out and get more. She grabs her stuff and changes into a strawberry patterned dress. Grabbing the keys and her purse that contained her wallet and other valuables.

Eternal Sugar opened the car door and drove to the mall. The mall was one of her favorite places, the perfect location to hang out with friends. She would know, she, Salt and Shadow Milk would hang out at the mall together whenever Mystic Flour and Burning Spice were busy studying for tests. It was where she taught him how to use makeup, mainly eyeliner and mascara. Silent Salt’s sly comments in sign language on how bad Shadow Milk looked when he finished using one of the test eyeliner made her laugh playfully, turning to him and helping him to get it correct.

She turned to the makeup store, walking in and looking for more foundation and new lip gloss. Just as she tested the gloss color to gage if it matches her skin tone, she sees a familiar face. At least she wants to believe it’s a familiar face. She stills and turns around at the person behind her, is that…? Shadow Milk? She silently approached him, reaching a hand to tap his shoulder and grab his attention. And at the last second she stops. He walked out. Why didn’t she reach out, she hasn’t seen him in ages.

She purchases her items, mind still reeling from seeing her old friend again. She turns to exit and bumps into another woman. The articles spilling out of her purse and onto the porcelain floor. She crouches down to collect her items, when she felt a hand brush against hers. She looks up and internally panics. She’s never seen anyone as beautiful as her. Magenta dyed hair tied up into spacebuns, and her eyes…she got lost in them almost immediately. Her face is perfectly symmetrical, Eternal Sugar just stared and the other woman looked at her and smiled as she helped her clean up and lifted her without effort. 

“I’m so sorry! I guess I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Hey it’s okay. Wait I think I know you?”

She knows her?! Oh dear god save me!

“You’re that true crime beauty influencer right? I put your videos in the background when I’m doing chores around my place.”

She never expected to encounter one of her viewers in public, a very pretty one nonetheless. Whenever she were to reveal that she majored in criminal psychology in college, she would be met with looks of shock and disbelief. She also minored in theater for the makeup aspect. When starting her channel, she wasn’t expecting to find an audience, she just wanted a space to share her passion for both of her interests without judgement.

“Oh! Wow, I didn’t think that I would meet one of my viewers in public not including conventions of course.”

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at what you do. Very pretty too, both with and without the makeup.”

She felt her face heat up. “Thank you. You’re rather good looking yourself.”

She sees a slight blush creeping on the woman’s cheeks. The woman ended up tagging along with her as she ran her errands. The two talking and laughing all the while, turns out that the woman works a part time job as a bartender. Eventually the two exit the mall together, Sugar getting her car keys out of her purse.

“That’s me. Hey what’s your socials?”

“My socials?”

“Yeah, I want to keep talking to you.”

“I’m not really active on my socials, what with my hands full with work and everything.”

“Then can I at least have your number?”

“Of course! My name is Hollyberry my friends call me Holly though.” Hollyberry gave Eternal Sugar her number, she entered each number and shook her hand afterwards. “It was so pleasant to meet you Hollyberry.”

“Vice versa Eternal Sugar.”

Well that was fun. She walked into her house and brought out her phone to text Holly. She found a text from her already, with what looked to be a discord account name. With clarification underneath the username.

‘Hey it slipped my mind that I have a discord account so here you go ;)’

Eternal Sugar laughed, swiping to her discord to message her new friend.

Drunk(affectionate): Hello!

Sugar Of Happiness: What in the world is that name!? Omg Holly!

Drunk(affectionate): It’s from my friend groups private server it’s kinda an inside joke from when me and my friends were in university. I can change it if you want.

Sugar Of Happiness: Please don’t! It’s hilariously perfect! Also you mentioned your other friends as we were saying goodbye.

Drunk(affectionate): Yeah :D they’re really good people. I don’t want to use their actual names when we’re talking so aliases will do for now.

Sugar Of Happiness: Of course. They just sound nice.

Drunk(affectionate): Lil’s is a woodcarver, I think she owns a spot in town where they do custom commissions. I’ll have to check with her later. Sunshine is a doctor and Lil’s sometimes describes him as the therapist friend who needed constant self care reminders in the past.

Sugar Of Happiness: Elaborate on that……

Drunk(affectionate): He would often neglect to take care of himself a lot. Like I think DC had to talk to him about it when we were in university. Last I heard (which was two days ago) he’s got better at it.

Sugar Of Happiness: Reminds me of someone I used to know…

Drunk(affectionate): Oh yeah.

Sugar Of Happiness: Yeah he was similar. Often he would need reminders of look after himself. Really sweet friend… haven’t heard from him in a while.

Drunk(affectionate): He ghosted you…??

Sugar Of Happiness: No! Like his family never gave him a phone for some reason, so he basically had no means of contacting us digitally.

Drunk(affectionate): Ohhh……

Sugar Of Happiness: Yeah. Gtg talk later?

Drunk(affectionate): Of course!

She turns her phone off and begins the editing process for her video. Occasionally her thoughts would drift back to Hollyberry, god damnit her one weakness really is a pretty woman.

—

Part of Hollyberry wanted to keep talking with Eternal Sugar. She could feel something budding, but kept her expectations in check. Her previous relationship ended with a breakup, the two are still friends. But she would be lying if she said she didn’t do the typical post breakup things. It didn’t help that they also worked at the bar she part time’s at. So many shifted awkward glances were shared during the first month post breakup.

She would be described by Goldie as either “Queen Mother.” or a “Lesbian Magnet.” I mean she never disagreed with her. She was the mom friend in the group. And she does love women and other lesbian’s seem to be naturally drawn to Hollyberry. She just wants to take things slow with Sugar. She doesn’t want it to end like last time. This time she’ll do it right.

She’s learned a lot about relationships, with her time with her ex partner. Either way she drives to work. With the internal promise that she will message Eternal Sugar once more. She walks into the bar and sees Tarte Tatin and them. Pitaya, that’s not their birth name, but it’s their real name. She was the one who helped them discover that. Maybe that’s why the breakup hurt even more for them. The two share eye contact for a moment, with Hollyberry going next to Pitaya.

“How’s your day been, Taya?”

They froze at the nickname “Fine, Holly. Yours?”

“Good.” She responded, her eyes shifting to the glass nearby. They speak up again. She already knows what they’re going to say.

“Let me just say this, Hollyberry. I still love you. I think I always will.”

She sniffed harshly, trying to keep the tears from cascading down her cheeks. “I know.” The next thing they say almost broke her composure.

“At least, I can still keep you in my life.”

Tarte Tatin looks at the two with sympathy in her eyes, before snapping her fingers. The sound catching the two’s attention instantly.

“If you former lovebirds are done, then good. Boss won’t sympathize with you guys if he catches you two slacking.”

Hollyberry takes a deep breath, while Pitaya begins to clean several glasses. Pitaya quietly mumbles something. “Taya, please just get everything off your chest now before the people come in.”

“I’m sorry Holly, please know that whoever your next partner is……they’ll be lucky.”

She stays silent, wiping the bar table with a cloth. She steels herself before welcoming the first customer of the night. Another night, another uneventful shift.

The only saving grace of the day being that she met someone absolutely stunning today. Such an angel Eternal Sugar is, indeed.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk felt exhausted. These concerts, while he loved doing them always left him exhausted both physically and emotionally. The plan for the day is to just stay in bed and rest. He was scrolling through social media when a text notification popped up. It’s Vanilla, his heart beating out of his chest as he taps on the message.

‘Hello Shadow, your blood work came back with clear results.’

He rolls his eyes. Of course it came back with nothing wrong.

‘Yeah I know, it always came back with nothing in the past.’

‘Shadow this is good, I had them test it for different forms of arthritis and other chronic conditions.’

‘Where are you going with this?’

‘Shadow you have Fibromyalgia.’

His brow raised at the screen.

‘What?’

‘It’s a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain throughout the body. It can’t be detected in any lab tests, so it’s pretty difficult to diagnose since it shares symptoms with other conditions. I can prescribe you with medication for the pain and you might need a mobility aid, you can come into my office anytime and we’ll discuss the details then. Will that be alright with you?’

He texted a quick yes and turned off his phone afterwards. His mind is reeling and he began researching the condition. Looking for any information about it. His searching led to him looking at potential mobility aids. He needs something, preferably something he could bring on stage for when the pain gets that bad. Several concerts he had to try and move as little as possible, trying not to aggravate the pain. Eventually he stumbled on canes, he paused and thought about it. It’s convenient sure, but the fan base will notice. He sighs and messages Black Sapphire.

Shamil: Hey I actually have a diagnosis for Fibromyalgia and I need you to make a statement about it.

Radio Rebel: You sure…? I mean I would understand if you wish to keep it private. Why is this different?

Shamil: Doctor said I might need a mobility aid for the pain. So if I’m on stage and people notice that I have a cane without knowledge they’re gonna speculate.

Radio Rebel: I’ll see what I can do.

Shamil: Ty Sapph.

He sighs and returns to scrolling. Not a single cane caught his eye, he wanted something stylized while still being useable for when he goes out into public. He messages again.

‘All the canes online suck!! They will not look good on stage! Like at all!!’ He hits send and suddenly realizes that he texted Vanilla…shit! That meant for Sapphire!

‘Omg!! I’m so sorry you had to see that! That wasn’t for you!!’ 

‘Lol it’s okay. You said that you were having trouble finding a cane?’

‘Well yeah. Since sometimes my pain flares up on concert days and I have to really limit myself from doing big movements, I figured the cane could help with that.’

‘I know someone who can help you. She does these custom wooden commissions. I’ll send you the address to the studio.’

Turns out the place is a few blocks away from his apartment complex. So he could walk over there, but does he really want to. Especially now……well he’d rather do something instead of being lazy. He got out his sketchbook, maybe he can at least give the carvers an idea of what he wants. He sketches and sketches, until finally he settled on a design. It resembles a scepter more than a cane if anything. With the handle being a blueberry, a slight nod to his old nickname from his time in high school when he had his friends. This felt like a good way to pay homage to them.

He slowly descends the stairs and walked to the studio. ‘The Silver Tree’ strange name, but what did he know. The bell over the door dings as he enters. Seeing a young woman at the front desk. Her white hair neatly braided contrasting the mess that made itself comfortable on her head. Her skin a muted brown and red eyes that looked almost as if she was somewhere else entirely. She gestures him to come closer to her. As he gets closer he could read the name tag she was fidgeting with, ‘Lily W.’

“Hello, welcome to The Silver Tree. Can I help you with anything?”

He tries his best to make eye contact with her. He wasn’t the only one struggling with that though. She too couldn’t keep eye contact with him for very long.

“I’m here to commission something if that’s okay.”

“Oh, of course. Please follow me.”

He follows her into the back of the store. She asks for him to sit down and he obliges.

“So what are you looking for in your commission?”

He brings out his sketchbook, flipping to the page with his desired cane. He hands it to her, a look of confusion present in her eyes. “I already have a design in mind. I kind of wanted to make your job easier.”

She carefully scans the page. Reading every design detail and the color scheme he had laid out. She looks at him, her expression unreadable. He didn’t know if she appreciated it or not.

“It’s rare that someone comes in with a fully realized idea for what they want. Normally we would have Silverbell sketch out the description of what the client wants. May I please rip the page out for reference?”

“Sure, whatever helps you. So you’ll do it?”

“Of course I will. It’ll probably take me a week or two to finish.”

“Thank you. How much?”

“We do that after we finish, but if you’re willing to pay early I would say fifteen dollars.”

That’s…surprisingly cheaper than what he had expected. He almost couldn’t believe it would cost so little. He handed her the money and thanked her. He exited and just as he was about to make his way back to his apartment building. A tap on his shoulder caused him to flinch and turn around, only to see a face he never thought he’d see again.

—

Silent Salt has a routine when in this particular area. Often they will meet up with one of their friends, mainly Burning Spice and catch up with him, before getting a coffee and returning. But today, they thought they were seeing things. They practically bolted to him, he didn’t even notice their presence until they tapped his shoulder.

He flinched and sharply turned his head. He looked at them for a moment before a recognition filled his features. They open their arms and Shadow Milk hugged them without hesitation. The two stayed like that until he pulled away, he opened his mouth and nothing came out. After a few failed attempts to speak, he resorts to sign language. “Salty!! I almost didn’t recognize you! Gosh how long has it been? How are you doing?!” They gave him a thumbs up and pointed at him.

“I’ve been great! Idol life is great!! I missed you and everyone so much!” They begin to sign.

“You want to get coffee and catch up?”

His feet drummed against the concrete sidewalk, bringing both balled up fists to his chin and bumped them together. His trademark happy dance, the ultimate expression of his unrestrained joy.

“Of course!”

They lead the way to the coffee shop. Signing small talk with him all the while, with Shadow Milk paying attention to their signs and occasionally responding in sign language. He would sometimes do that, only if he feels extremely overwhelmed and couldn’t talk verbally. Whenever he couldn’t speak he would often beat himself up about it and apologize for not “using his words” as his parents put it. It broke their heart every time it happened. They open the coffee shop door for him and he steps inside.

After ordering they sit down. He’s still quiet until he speaks in a hushed whisper. “Sorry that I couldn’t talk earlier. I was so excited to see you again, that I guess I got overwhelmed by it? If that makes sense.”

“You’re okay, blue. You mentioned that you’re an idol now?” They changed the subject. They didn’t want to hear the self blame and depreciation.

“Oh! Yeah I am! It’s everything that I ever dreamed it would be like!! Also I’ve recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition.”

“Chronic condition?”

“Fibromyalgia is the name for it. Apparently it has a name and I’ve been undiagnosed since elementary school. But other than that I think I’m happy where I am now! What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been streaming as a Vtuber for about two years. I use a text to speech program to talk.” They bring out their phone to show him a few clips from their streams. He watches the clips, he looks back at them. “Salty that’s incredible!”

They sign a thanks. The atmosphere of the dim lighting and the sounds of conversations from other patrons made the moment comforting. Once finished they both exit. Shadow Milk gave them one last hug before the two part ways. The hug felt bittersweet, like Shadow Milk was waiting years to give that hug. They watched him walk away, until his silhouette was out of sight and went back on their path.

—

The walk back was relatively uneventful. Shadow Milk had half hoped that he’d run into Vanilla and……gah!! His thoughts were almost consumed by that handsome doctor. To the point where he would find himself daydreaming about him, and that terrified him to no end. It was nice to see Salt again. He found them and followed their main channel, he’ll probably just lurk in their chat for the time being.

He enters his apartment room and begins to sketch some more. Sketching was one of the few socially normal ways to let out any excessive energy he had, it’s also productive for him. Often times these sketching sessions will give him concepts for costumes and accessories. Among the concepts were pages of more personal drawings, nothing concerning but they were there. He hears his phone ping with a message from Vanilla again. He stopped everything he was doing, his attention brought to the screen.

‘Did you go to the place?’

‘Yeah, the lady at the front desk was nice. A little odd, but nice.’

‘You mean Lily?’

‘Yes, you know her??’

‘She’s a childhood friend of mine. She’s always been odd, we love her for that though.’

Shadow Milk pauses and taps the send button…wait what? He looks again at the message and freaks out, ‘If you’re free, can we go somewhere? Idk where, but if you want to, then I’ll be happy to.’ When did he write that? Why did he write that?! What have you done!?!? 

A bubble pops up, he’s responding. It’s too late to delete the message now. Shadow Milk tugs on his hair and waits in fear. He’s probably going to be appalled that he thought he had a chance with him. Gods he is such a mess. Why did he even say yes when Vanilla asked for his number? Finally his response appears and Shadow Milk reads it, biting his lips all the while.

‘I’ll have to find time in my schedule, but I would love to meet with you outside of whenever you come in for an appointment.’

He keeps rereading the text, his eyes not believing what he’s seeing. He accepted his offer……? He wants to see him again?? Millions of questions are rushing through his mind as he texts back an okay and exits the app. He goes into the group chat, trying to take his mind off the interaction.

Little miss toffee: Well I guess you can try to say it casually…? Like it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Radio Rebel: Candy, I’m trying to write up a statement about our bosses recent medical diagnosis. Do you really think that it’s going to go over well if I word it like that?

Little miss toffee: Well it might?!

Maybe having Sapphire try to announce the news wasn’t a good idea.

Shamil: Sapph, let me into my twitter account. I’ll do it.

Radio Rebel: Okay…be careful with what you say.

Shamil: I know. I’ll write a twit longer basically explaining the timeline and how I was finally diagnosed.

Little miss toffee: Gl boss! May the demon known as procrastination not find you.

Radio Rebel: What she said.

Shamil: Thank you guys.

He grabs his laptop and tries to begin writing it. Unfortunately the procrastination demon has gotten to him, before he can even start no less. He thinks to himself, how does one talk about something like this? He starts typing as the flow of his thoughts arises, trying to type everything as fast as he could, before it gets thrown out in the metaphorical trash can in his head.

‘Hey there, now you might see the prior tweet and opened the link in slight fear and think to yourself: Did he get himself cancelled?! Is he dead?! Am I going to quit?! I’m happy to say no to all of those silly worries. However I would like to share something personal with you all, this is kinda a recent development and sorta not really new.

Okay let’s start from the beginning, fifth grade. I don’t remember when exactly it started, but I started to get these throbbing and burning pains that would travel from my legs, to my back and my shoulders and neck. It got so bad to the point that one day I begged my parents to take me to the er. They ran all kinds of tests and all came back negative for everything. So they sent me home, over the years the pain would appear and disappear. Eventually my family and my teachers began to believe that I was faking it, saying things like “It’s all in your head.” “Stop lying.” and “You’re so lazy that you’re willing to make excuses!” But I wasn’t.

I wish that I could describe the pain in words, just to give you guys a glimpse as what it felt like. Yet whenever I try, it escapes me. By the time eighth grade rolled around, I basically learned to suffer in silence. And even that was difficult, I remember this time in freshman year of high school, before I dropped out. The pain was so bad that I could barely walk, a friend of mine had to carry me down the school steps during dismissal. So I went on, trudging through life accompanied by the pain that would come and go.

Fast forward to now. I arrive at a walk in hospital because of the pain that follows me throughout my entire life. The doctor sees me, takes my blood to run some tests, asks me a few questions, gave him my number so it would be easier to get in touch and then I was let go. I figured nothing would come out of it. If all the tests I had earlier in my life came back with nothing, then why would this time be different?

They ran the tests for various different chronic conditions. All came back negative of course. Then he told me that he tested my blood to confirm a diagnosis, in other words I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. If you have never heard of it you’re not alone, I was in the same boat. But the shortened explanation is that it’s a condition that causes widespread pain all over the body and cannot be detected by lab tests. I am currently writing this, hours after I received my diagnosis.

If you made it to the end of this, I thank you personally. I rarely if at all, talk about my personal experiences, part of the reason it took so long for me to get a diagnosis was because of the fear of being told that I was faking it, mocked and sent home again. If you happen to see me on stage with a cane during future concerts or meetup events, I’m using it as a mobility aid. Other than that, I don’t know what else to say except, thanks.’

He rereads the statement. Checking for any grammar mistakes, or any areas that needed more clarification. After one more reading, he sent the finished to Black Sapphire and Candy Apple for thoughts. Both gave the thumbs up and Sapphire gave him the login for his Twitter. He copies the link and wrote a simple message attached.

‘An update regarding recent events.’

Seconds passed. His finger hovering over the post button. He closed his eyes, clicked it, logged himself out before he forgets and closed the laptop. He’ll ask Black Sapphire tomorrow on the reception to the post. But now, he flops himself back into bed and sleeps the rest of the day away.

Dreaming of a pale yellow sheep and a blue eyed black wolf pup playing together.

Chapter Text

It’s been almost a week since the concert, and since then everything’s been a blur. The crush on the idol didn’t go away. It was only getting stronger, Vanilla couldn’t help but think about that message from yesterday. He had told Crepe on the way to the concert of the appointment the idol had with him. The appointment was what made him very much aware of his developing feelings for the star. Weekends were the only days that he could potentially squeeze in an outing with the nervous star. He spoke with Crepe about it earlier and they gave the okay for being with Lily on Sunday while Vanilla goes out then. He didn’t say that he was hanging out with the musician, rather he simply said he wanted to meet a friend. It’s partially true. Shadow is his friend.

He just doesn’t want to make it awkward for his kid that his dad is in love with the idol they listen to. Regardless he proceeds downstairs to see his child at the table, waiting for breakfast.

“Morning dad.”

“Morning sweetcake. You want to help me make some pancakes?”

They get up from their chair and follow him into the kitchen. They grab the stool, dragging it across the floor. Positioning it in front of the oven, so they can reach the stovetop. Saturday morning’s always consisted of a cooking lesson for Crepe, one of the things that Vanilla brought from his childhood to parenting. He remembered learning to cook from his own mother, he’s always been grateful that she taught him. Otherwise he’d be relying on instant cook ramen and other meals similar.

“Don’t burn yourself.”

Crepe roll their eyes playfully and smirked. “I won’t dad!” They leaned beside him as he turned the stove on. He brought out the spatula for either flipping the pancakes or to save it from hitting the floor when a failed attempt is made to flip it while in the pan. The timer is set to help Crepe learn when to flip it to the other side, they listen closely as they grab the pan with one hand. Right before the timer hits zero, he turns it off. Crepe absolutely hates the long beep noise, not if it rings the first time, but if you don’t turn it off, that’s when they start to hate it. Once the pancakes were cooked, breakfast would be shared between father and child.

Lighthearted banter filled the once quiet space. The rest of the day is mostly spent helping Crepe with homework, if they finished the previous day then the two either watch a movie together or go out. It depended on what they wanted to do, occasionally they decided to go outside and walk around the local park with him. Vanilla would sometimes encourage them to play with some of the kids on the playground, but often they didn’t, rather wanting to spend time with their father. He couldn’t help but wonder if they heard some of the conversations that some parents had with him.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to mingle with other parents while his kid played. However some of them were……not very nice. One specific time, he was talking with another parent with a child on the spectrum. And he very faintly, yet clearly heard a parent on the bench across from him saying something along the lines of ‘maybe you should learn to control your child and be a better parent.’ he was never one to resort to violence, but oh did he want to punch that father across from his bench so bad. 

Most of the time they would decide to watch movies with him. They were particularly fascinated with the older disney movies. Vanilla’s mother and father had passed down their collection to him when he moved out, saying that it’ll come in handy later. Those movie sessions had Crepe making comments every now and then. The movies weren’t their favorite part, rather the documentary on how the movies were made mystified them to no end. He supposed it made sense for them to intrigued by how they made the movies, as well as the old technology.

He sometimes wishes that he adopted Crepe earlier in their life. They were growing up way too fast for his liking. Only two years ago, they were just starting fifth grade. Now they’re heading into seventh, and already thinking about their future. He probably should’ve prepared for that sooner. He calls Lily to see if she can make it for the night.

Lily would often babysit Crepe on the weekend nights, to the point where they started calling her auntie. She liked looking after them and she didn’t bother Crepe much, it was a win win for the both of them. Evening rolls around and a knock on the door prompted them to open it. Lily enters the house, politely greeting Crepe as she walks in. Vanilla and her embrace for a moment, the scent of lilies always followed her. “Thank you for coming, Lil’s.”

“Of course. Stay safe at work.”

“You know I do. Bye Sweetcake, I love you.”

“Love you too, dad. Drive safe.”

He closes the door, the car doors clicking open. He enters in and does his breathing exercises. Vanilla does this every time before he leaves for work. Working at a hospital leaves you seeing things that you wish you can unsee. And yet he would never quit the job, because he genuinely loves to help people. Hell, he met his own child at the hospital he works at. Before he turns the key, he texts the idol.

‘I’m free tomorrow if your offer still stands. I have a place in mind.’

He pulls out of the driveway and heads straight to work. The radio playing softly during the drive up to the hospital. He breathes out and continues to drive.

—

What is happiness?

That is a loaded question. Especially for Hollyberry, but if she were to answer she would state the following.

“Happiness is like a sugar cube, condensed in the cube is everything you hold dear. Family, friends, loved ones, pets, hobbies, favorite places…the things that you cherish most in your lifetime are within that sugar cube in your heart.”

She tells it word for word to her customers if they asked, she even told Pitaya to help ease the breakup heartbreak wounds. And this time, the question would be asked to Eternal Sugar.

Drunk(affectionate): Hey I have a question.

Sugar Of Happiness: Lay it on me, beautiful.

Drunk(affectionate): What is happiness to you?

It takes a while for her to respond to the question. She expected that, Pitaya had the same reaction, silently gathering their thoughts on the concept and then presenting their answer. She wondered if the two would get along with each other. Sugar’s message appeared and she reads.

Sugar Of Happiness: Happiness is like a butterfly, I reach out to try and catch it but, it escapes my gentle grasp. What is happiness to you Holly?

Drunk(affectionate): Well I would describe it as a sugar cube.

Sugar Of Happiness: Explain.

Drunk(affectionate): Everyone and everything you love is condensed in the cube. Like your friends and family. And should you decide to share that happiness, you show the sugar cube so that they can see. And if you decide to let someone into the sugar cube, you welcome them in.

Sugar Of Happiness: Huh… I never thought of it like that. Is that your outlook on the idea or is it from something else?

Drunk(affectionate): I always held that idea, since I was little.

Sugar Of Happiness: Well, it’s a beautiful look on it.

Drunk(affectionate): Your interpretation is also interesting. The butterfly analogy referring to the idea that it’s a fleeting feeling and you’re trying to chase it. And when you think you caught it, it drifts away again, is that what you’re saying?

Sugar Of Happiness: Exactly. I view it as an elusive yet important emotion. Thank you for sharing, gtg bye :).

Drunk(affectionate): Bye ;D.

Eternal Sugar stares at the ceiling for an embarrassingly long time. Her conversation with Hollyberry had turned wheels that had previously been rusted, reopened doors that were shut ages ago. She realized that she felt happy each time she and Hollyberry would talk. She felt glee whenever the other woman called her to talk. And she felt joy whenever they FaceTimed, her beautiful features and voice just as lively as the last time they spoke.

Hollyberry is the butterfly she has been chasing for all these years. And she doesn’t know how to feel about that. She never thought that she needed to act on a part of herself that she kept in a metaphorical closet.

But she could act on it now! Not right now, but hopefully soon.

—

Candy Apple knocks on the door, her foot tapping impatiently. The door unlocks from the inside with a click and lets herself in. Hanging out with Black Sapphire is… interesting to say the least. She sees him on the couch, on his phone. He’s checking for the community response to the tweet.

“How are they taking the news?”

“I’m trying to determine that. So far they’re being supportive, but the rest of the overseas fans are asleep so I can’t really gauge everyone’s reaction yet.”

He ran his hand through his hair. He gets up from the couch to get something to eat for himself and Candy. She scrolls through her phone and pauses, Sapphire comes back with a fruit bowl and looks at her.

“What’s up?”

“Have you seen some of the retweets?”

He looks at her. “Yeah I have, why?”

“I think the overseas people have woken up. The numbers are going up like crazy.”

He checked and saw that she was right. The numbers of likes and retweets were going up like butterflies migrating to a warmer environment. He never even seen it go up this fast.

“We have people who never even heard of him chiming in!”

That was new. Normally the tweets would hit the intended audience, but they never had a tweet that left the bubble and connected with another audience entirely. Candy kept scrolling through the quote tweets, so many similar stories of others being undiagnosed with chronic conditions until recently were being shared. These weren’t even the regulars who would respond to every tweet Sapphire made for Shadow Milk, she’s never even seen these people before. She looks up and sees Sapphire slamming his hand on the couch cushion while looking at his phone.

“Parfait from Cherub commented!”

“WHAT DID SHE SAY?!”

Parfait was a good friend of Shadow Milk’s from his five year tenure with Cherub. He still kept contact with the her and the other girl from the group, even after he graduated from Cherub. So her responding was expected, maybe that’s what caused the announcement to break the bubble. Black Sapphire begins to read the response aloud.

“I don’t think that he mentioned this story from when he was in the group. The day after our fifth concert I think… he had a flare up and Sugarbee and I took him to the hospital, they took his blood, made us wait, only for it to come back negative. Sugarbee and the nurse had an argument with her saying “Run it back! You don’t cry like that from pain and then say there’s nothing wrong!!” We were given painkillers and sent home. So I guess this makes sense. Regardless I wish my friend a speedy recovery on future flare ups!”

The discord server was next to view the reactions. Everyone was sending messages of support and understanding. Someone had joked that the idea of Shamil with a cane reminded them of one of those barber shop quartet guys, and that prompted a surge of fanart. Candy was already brainstorming outfit ideas based on the idea. A message from Shadow Milk had jumpscared her.

Shamil: Hey guys I need advice on something.

Radio Rebel: Apologies boss, it’ll have to wait for a bit. Your twit longer struck a chord with people outside of the community.

Shamil:…wait what?!

Little miss toffee: We have people who never heard of you retweeting it. Parfait from Cherub even chimed in. And OMG!!! Have you seen the fanart in the discord server?!?!

Shamil: No????! I just……why is…… I gotta go.

Radio Rebel: You doing alright boss?

Shamil: I didn’t expect it to go viral like this. Plus I just woke up a few hours ago, soooooo yeah.

Radio Rebel: It’s 5:30 PM boss. Also what kind of advice do you need?

Shamil: How do you look someone in the eye when you really like them?

Little miss toffee: Boss are you in love?!

Shamil: NO CANDY!!! WE’RE JUST FRIENDS!!!

Radio Rebel: Well for me I tend to focus on other features that are on the person’s face. But everyone’s different, you can barely keep eye contact with me and Candy.

Shamil: ha ha way to rub it in…

Little miss toffee: Shamil, you know he didn’t mean it like that.

Shamil: I know, srry Sapph.

Radio Rebel: It’s okay boss, me and Candy have to eat now, good night.

Shamil: G’night.

Shadow Milk turned off his phone and lit up again. He grumbled in annoyance and checked the notification. Vanilla texted. He almost dropped the glass of water he was holding, he set it down, hands shaking as he scanned the message.

‘I’m free tomorrow if your offer still stands. I have a place in mind.’

‘Yes. That sounds nice.’

He bolted to his bed and screamed into his pillow. He gets the chance to see that beautiful face again…. And he couldn’t be happier. The rest of the day was spent on social media, reading the comments and daydreaming about what tomorrow could look like.

He hasn’t felt this giddy in ages. He sighs and closes his eyes. Back to the realm of sleep, back to the field with the sheep and wolf pup playing together.

Chapter Text

Vanilla was always told he’s an excellent communicator. Whether the patient be young or old, he would always find a way to relate with them. It’s like a second nature, being able to connect with others on a personal level. And now is no different, Raisin lightly tapped his shoulder and motioned him to follow her. He turns to his patient, a young woman, ginger hair. He politely says that he’ll be right back and catches up with Raisin.

“Is there a reason why you need me Raisin?”

“I need help with a patient technically the police need your assistance with this one.” His eyes widened.

“The poli- Raisin just tell me what I need to know about them.”

“Ten years old, severely malnourished due to neglect by the parents. Came here for treatment and hasn’t spoken to anyone since arriving.”

Vanilla’s heart twisted, despite not knowing this kid his heart ached for them. Raisin continued.

“They’re on the autism spectrum and police are looking into that as a possible motive for their parents neglecting them. However police need a statement from the kid because the parents are going to court.”

“Raisin is that really necessary?! Shouldn’t they have time to heal and recover?!”

“I said the same thing to the officers and they were adamant that they needed a statement.” Raisin stops walking, Vanilla looks at through the glass at the kid. They look so small. “Good luck.”

Vanilla opens the door and the child opens their eyes for a split second and shuts them immediately. They didn’t look scared of him, he knew the look of fear all too well. They looked more uncomfortable, that’s when it hit him.

“Are the lights bothering you?”

The child nodded and Vanilla walked to the dial, the light dimming to a cool balance between the dark and enough light to see. The child hesitantly opened their eyes and looked at him. He waved at them.

“Is that better?”

“Yes.” He sits beside the kid. Their eyes landing not on him but the heart monitor near their bedside. They looked curious. “What is that?” He lightly laughed at the child’s confused expression.

“It’s a heart monitor.”

“I bet the circuitry in there is pretty advanced.”

“I’m not sure. You have experience with electronics, kid?”

“Back in the house, I would play by grabbing a device or other appliances and take them apart to see how they work.” Vanilla gave the kid an uneasy smile. Gods how neglectful were their parents? He clears his throat. “Oh a little engineer, I see.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a person who builds and repairs machines and other things.”

The child looked at him with awe in their eyes. He worked with children in the past, yet something about this child was different. The sound of hunger rang softly in the room, “Do you want anything from the cafeteria?”

“Just the pink milk and some crackers. The other food is awful.”

He chuckled at that. “Strawberry milk you mean and the food here can’t be that bad.”

“You’re not the one eating it, old man.”

Vanilla gasped dramatically, “Old man?! I’m only twenty one.” The child looks at him, their smug aura shining on their features. “Yeah, you’re old.” He smiles softly at the kid, “I’ll be-” he felt a tiny hand gripping his sleeve, they hesitated and let their hand slip away. They don’t want him to leave. If his heart hadn’t broken before, it would’ve been shattered by the gesture. “It’s okay. I’ll be back, pinky promise?” They tilt their head, he reinforced the dam keeping his tears at bay.

“It’s a special promise that you have to follow through with. You link your fingers together and then you promise.” They lift their hand slowly and uncurl their pinky finger, and in that moment an instinct that he had never felt before emerged. Only getting stronger when the child speaks again.

“You really promise?”

“Of course, little bird.”

He opens the door to leave and stops when he hears the kid saying something. “Crepe.”

“Hmm…”

“My name’s Crepe.” Vanilla smiles and exits the room, Raisin following him. She asked about the kid and how it went, he told her that he wasn’t done talking with them yet. “Vanilla what do you mean?”

“Crepe wanted strawberry milk and crackers from the cafeteria, I’m getting it from them.”

“Crepe? Is that their name?”

“Yes. Actually since you’re a technologist, you can tell them about the equipment we use around here. They’re really interested in machinery and was asking about the circuitry of the heart monitor.”

“Alright. I’ll try to speak to them about it later, when you’re done of course.” He grabbed the tray of food and returned to the child, who was now fiddling with the I.V in their arm. He knocks on the door to announce his presence and they look up to him.

“You came back.”

“I never break my promises.”

They take the tray, barely nibbling on the crackers. They kept looking at him, do they think that I’m going to take it away? He doesn’t say anything, only giving them a nod to encourage them to continue. The parents probably withheld food as a means of control. He hated when parents or caregivers did that, in his eyes it was the cruelest part of child abuse. They seemingly got the message because they started to dig into the crackers. They ate incredibly fast, drinking the strawberry milk every now and again. They finished quickly with both and Vanilla really had to get back to his patient and took a deep breath before speaking to them.

“I have to go now, okay?”

“You’ll be back though……right?” They extended their pinky finger to him. And he was sniffled a bit, regaining his composure he returned the gesture. Pinkies linked, he looks at the child with parental like affection in his eyes.

“I promise.”

The next few days Crepe was in the hospital. Vanilla continued to visit them, the two growing closer and closer. He didn’t know when he started seeing them as their own kid, but he got the news that their aunt and uncle were trying to get custody. He had his hands over his mouth, he felt as though his heart was being put into a grinder. What made him realize that he see’s the child as his own, was after another conversation. Before he left, Crepe said something that made him make his decision.

“I don’t want to stay with my aunt and uncle.”

“Crepe, I don’t know what-”

“I want to stay with you.” His parental instincts kicked into high gear when those words left their mouth. Afterwards he informed the social worker assigned to Crepe’s case that he was interested in adopting them. He ended up going to court over it, the custody battle lasted till August. And in the end, he won. Thanks in large part to his friend who represented him in court. He often sends little treat baskets to his law office as a thank you for the help. 

Vanilla exited his car, walking into the hospital lobby at a brisk pace. Waving at nurses and other staff who crossed his path. Reminiscing on those memories was bittersweet. He turns the corner and sees Raisin with who he assumes is either a parent or a friend talking with her. He approaches the two.

“And there’s my colleague Dr. Vanilla, Vanilla this is the mother.” The two shake their hands in greeting, “Pleasure to meet you miss.”

“Likewise. My daughter had fainted during tennis practice and coach had her driven here.”

“Has this happened before?”

“No. I mean she has mentioned her hands tingling and feeling more drowsy than usual, but I chalked it up to stress.” Vanilla nodded, his mind calmly going through every medical condition he could think of that could be the cause. “I think we should have bring her for a CT scan followed by an MSLT and go from there. That sounds good to you, miss.”

“MSLT?”

“A multiple sleep latency test.”

“Please do whatever you need to, I just want my daughter to be okay.”

“From one parent to another I understand.”

“Raisin please go from there, I have other patients to attend to.”

She nodded and as he turned the corner he sees someone being wheeled in. A young teenager, around fourteen with a broken arm and a dislocated knee. The teen seemed more concerned with comforting a young woman who tagged along with EMS.

“Kougin relax this happens all the time.”

“That doesn’t reassure me Prune! Capsaicin is on his way with his dad.”

The girl, Kougin with the curliest blonde hair and the extremely frilly pink dress had her phone to her ear frantically asking the other person on the line when they would be here. He entered the room to help EMS lift him into the hospital bed. On the count of three they hoisted him up and into the vacant bed. He looks at the teen who was insisting that he knew how to pop his joints back. To say Vanilla was shocked is an understatement, more like flabbergasted. The nurse looked up and whipped her head to the teen.

“What?!”

“Yeah I could’ve popped it back, if only I had both arms to do so…but alas my frailty has stricken me once more.” The nurse looked to Vanilla and he still remained stunned.

“We need to get an Xray on this kid.” He agreed, excusing himself to give the girl an update. Only now she had two more people besides her, he assumes that this is “Capsaicin and his dad” she had mentioned while staff rolled his patient into the room. He approaches the three, “Hello Miss Kougin, is it?”

“Please call me Kougin-Amann…is Prune okay?!”

“He will be getting a Xray done, he has a broken arm and a dislocated knee, do you know what happened?”

She became hysterical, as another teen rubbed her shoulders in comfort, “I didn’t mean to! We were just play punching, y’know, and then I heard a little crack when I returned the punch and he hissed and said ‘I think you broke my arm.’ Also I think the dislocated knee was from when they were getting him on the stretcher.”

“Okay, so you accidentally broke his arm your fine he’ll forgive you. One thing I have to ask, he mentioned that he knew how to pop his joints in place, is that a common thing?”

The other teen boy chimes in, “I mean he would make jokes about it and say how frail he is, but I haven’t seen him do it in person.” He nods silently and writes it down.

“You both are free to be with him.” The teens practically dashed to be by their friend’s side. With the father of one of them lingering outside of the room, watching his son interact with the other two. He decides to make small talk, might as well since it’ll make a while for the xray’s to be ready. The man’s long black hair was tied up in a ponytail and it still went down to his ankles. His eyes a striking hazel color as he looked at him, he flinches slightly.

“Are you the kids doctor?”

He smiles and nods, “Yes, I’m Dr. Vanilla.”

“Burning Spice.” They shake hands and Vanilla turns his attention to the three teenagers in the room.

“Which one of them is yours?”

“The one in the orange jacket. His name’s Capsaicin, the other two are his boyfriend and girlfriend respectively. I swear kids are such a handful- Ah sorry, I don’t know why I’m venting to you.”

“It’s fine. I know what you mean, I have one at home too. It’s difficult doing it alone but you get the hang of it, after a bit of time.”

The man looks surprised. “You’re a single parent?”

“Yes……?”

He looks almost relieved when he says that. “Oh thank god! Okay, do you have any advice? I just got my son a few months ago and I don’t know what I’m doing, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”

Vanilla was taken aback by the question. He never had anyone come to him for parenting advice, let alone another single parent. Yet he feels for Burning Spice, the panicked worrying and the crippling anxiety of doing something wrong, reminded him of himself during the first months after adopting Crepe. He puts his hand on the taller’s shoulder, a silent act of comfort.

“Just do your best. There are going to be hiccups along the way and mistakes will be made, but you’re not perfect. Nobody is, especially regarding parenting, and that’s okay. Because based off what little I’ve seen, you’re already willing to do whatever it takes for your kid to be happy.”

Burning Spice doesn’t reply, however he does sniffle. Clearly he said the right thing. He watches the father walk in and introduce himself to the other two teenagers. His patient had his head in his hands when he realized that was his partner’s dad.

An hour passed and sees Raisin with some files in hand. “Your patients xray’s came back. Everything’s seems normal, I even messed around with contrast and its the same.”

Well Brittle Bone Disease is out of the question. If not that then what could it be? She continues.

“Also his parents came in a few minutes ago.” The gears were beginning to shift in his head. If the xray’s didn't show anything, could it be genetic? He heads to his patients room and lightly knocks on the door. He motions the parents to follow him outside the room.

“Hello you must be the parents.”

“We are, do you have an update?” The mother warily asked.

“Well I’m actually glad you both are here. We need your dna for testing, I suspect your son has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which a chronic disease that can be passed down through genetics.”

The father buts in. “Can’t this be detected at birth?”

“That’s not always the case, sometimes symptoms don’t show up until adolescence.”

The parents agree to the genetic testing, since results won’t come until two weeks after he asks a fellow nurse to begin the process of discharging his patient. He checks back in with the parents and informed them of the decision.

“You guys should be free to go, after this. Results don’t come in till either two or four weeks so we’ll call you then. He just received his cast and that should be about it right now.” The parents thank him and once the process is complete they leave, all except one. He puts his hand on Vanilla’s shoulder, “Thank you. For what you said earlier, I really needed that.” He smiles at Burning Spice.

“You’re welcome. Take care.”

The taller only nods as he walks out to join his son. It’s moments like these that makes the whole shift worth it. No matter what horrors you witness while you’re there, there will always be at least one case that has a happy ending. And those were the days where he would feel a sense of peace.

An alarm rings out. And back to being on his toes. He turns and gets right back into work. He rushes to the sound, to go help.

All in a night shifts work.

Chapter Text

Eyeliner has to be absolutely perfect for today. Shadow Milk willed his hand still and delicately dragged the eyeliner pen on his other eyelid. Vanilla already sent the address for the place he wants to meet at, Shadow Milk looks at himself in the mirror eyes landing on the scar on his left eye. He covers it up, he doesn’t want to think about it. He returns to coaching himself to be perfectly normal. Don’t drive him away, he’ll hate you if you don’t act normal, be normal be normal be normal be normal BE NORMAL!!!

He shuts his eyes and leaves the bathroom. The mantra still repeating in his head, he opts to walk to the promenade. Upon arrival he noticed that it was pretty crowded, he looks around and sees the blonde waving at him. He walks towards him, the blonde smiling warmly at him.

“You look lovely.” Shadow Milk turned his head away from Vanilla. Make eye contact you idiot! 

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” he pauses, gathering his thoughts, his mind tormenting him during the process. “What would you like to do today?” That’s too robotic. It didn’t seem to phase the blonde in any slightest.

“I have some ideas. Follow me.”

He followed Vanilla to a closely. They were practically brushing shoulders, he was that close. He tried to distract himself from the density of the crowd, when Vanilla stopped and held the door open for him. He stood there confused by the gesture, “After you.” The moment he walks in he feels at ease. Looking around at the interior of the place, it appears to be some kind of bakery. He feels a hand on his shoulder, his heart beating at a rapid pace.

“I’m going to order for us. Do you want anything in particular?”

“No, just a water is fine.” The blonde tilted his head, “You sure you don’t want anything to eat?” His eyes widened, once again he misunderstood a simple question. A water?! Really it’s a bakery! Why would they have water?! Shadow Milk smiles to hide his inner turmoil with the beautiful blonde smiling back.

“You can order whatever you think I’d like. I’ve never been here before.”

“Alright. Wait here, I’ll be back.”

Shadow Milk slumped down into the booth seat and held his head in his hands. This is going awful already!! You’re such a mess! There’s no salvaging this if you even dare to ramble to him!! JUST BE NORMAL!!! He brings out his headphones from his bag, connects them to his phone and plays some vocaloid. He selects a very specific song, the one that always gets him out of his own thoughts.

World is Mine.

He lets himself get lost in the song. There was something about the song that itched his brain in just the right places. He could never quite figure out why though. It just brought him a kind of peace, the kind that people often would try to seek. It was often one of the few things that can bring him out of his own head, especially when his thoughts begin to run wild. He stops once he hears a light tap on the table.

—

Vanilla decided on a crumpet for himself and a blueberry muffin for Shadow. Something simple and tasty, he grabs the bags containing the food and finds his companion easily. As he gets closer he begins to hear humming, he sits across from the idol. He barely seems to notice his return with the food. He looks really into whatever he’s listening to…I should inquire. He lightly taps the table and he jumps in place, removing his headphones and turning off his phone.

“How long have you been…?”

“I just got back, what were you listening to?” The idol fell silent, his eyes looking at everything but Vanilla. He hugs himself, taking deep, calculated breaths before answering.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s got to be more than nothing if you were humming along.” He still remained quiet. Barely touching his blueberry muffin, the only sound being the scratching of the paper bag that the muffin came in. He’s afraid to show me. Why would he be scared? Vanilla opts to extend his open palm to the idol.

“Can I please have your phone and headphones? I want to listen.” Shadow hesitated as he lends the headphones and rewinds the song back to its start. He looks at him, his eyes unsure and frightened. “Promise you won’t judge?”

“I promise.”

The music begins and it’s nothing like the music he’s used to hearing. The singing is in another language, so he couldn’t really understand what the song is about. But the instrumental and the vocals made up for it, he found himself tapping his foot to the beat. He glances to the idol, he’s looking right at him. The final high note was sung and the song ended. He removes the headphones and the idol takes them back.

“I-i know you don’t like it. But i-”

“Why would you assume that? I enjoyed it.”

Shadow’s mouth opened in shock. “What?”

“I can’t understand the lyrics, but it’s a good song. I’d like to know more.”

A look of disbelief was plastered across the idol’s face. As if the mere implication that Vanilla was interested in what he listened to was an impossibility. His hand taps the table rapidly as he takes a bite out of the muffin.

“It’s just Vocaloid.” He recognizes the term, Crepe brought up the topic during the car ride back from the concert. “I heard of it before, but I’m admittedly clueless as to what it is.” The idol stared at him and Vanilla moved his hand in a ‘go on’ gesture. And the other lunges at the opportunity to continue.

“It’s basically robot voice banks that you can make sing. Think of it like an instrument you can use to make music. There’s six main ones that people use, well there’s more than just six…I’m just narrowing it down to the ones from Crypton for simplicity’s sake. Anyways back to the six: Meiko, Kaito, Kagamine Rin and Len, Megurine Luka and you probably already know her Hatsune Miku.”

The name sounded familiar enough. “She’s the one with the turquoise pigtails, right?”

He nodded in confirmation and continues, “And so long as you buy the voice bank, you have complete control over how you want your vocaloid to sing and what genre of music to tackle. Pop, rock, heavy metal, jazz, ska, anything you want. Some songs are wholesome, awesome, sad and even funny. While others go into the realm of disturbing and……Oh I’m sorry, you’re probably sick of me talking now.”

“Not at all. You seem really passionate about this topic and music in general.”

A small shade of pink appears on the idol’s face. “There is a reason why I do perform at least one Vocaloid song at every concert.” Vanilla continues to listen, making sure to ask questions to assure him that he’s interested and listening. Eventually both had finished their respective pastries but they remained indoors until Shadow spoke up.

“When are you supposed to be back by?”

“Around two or three, preferably one so I can spend time with my child before going to work. We can start wrapping up, if you’d like?” The idol nods and the two exit the bakery. Vanilla was answering a question regarding his profession that the other had asked, when he noticed that the idol went silent.

—

It’s becoming too much. Most of the crowd has dispersed by the time they left the bakery. And yet, somehow he was feeling overwhelmed. Shadow Milk felt that the sun was practically blinding him on purpose, the disconnected conversations all around him were suffocating his senses, and the sound of a cars horn was the straw that broke his composure. He squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his hands over his ears, he didn’t care if anyone saw, it’s all just too much.

He heard a muffled voice sounding concerned for him, his nails begin digging into the skin above his ears. He felt hands gently pulling his own hand away from one of his ears, he felt himself walking. Part of him wanted to pull away and slam his hand against his uncovered ear, another wanted to follow whatever was leading him, hopefully it would be to safety.

And indeed it was. He heard the sound of a door opening and closing. He must be inside, he cautiously opened one eye to see Vanilla with a look of worry and concern. The tears started bubbling to the surface, he failed. He failed! YOU FAILED!! YOU COULDN’T BE NORMAL FOR ONE GOD DAMN DAY!! He let a small sob out. Tears now freely cascading down his face, as he continued to choke on his sobs. The whole thing was ruined, all because he couldn’t suck it up and suffer in silence. He cried in despair and the panic started to creep in.

“Shadow breath with me! You’re hyperventilating.” He whines, as the tears kept falling from his face, then he hears another request, “Can I hold your hand?” He hesitates and ever so slowly places his hand in Vanilla’s own. He hasn’t held his hand since they first met and since the concert last week, and his mind points out the same thing the first time it happened, the fact that both of their hands eclipsed each other perfectly. Vanilla began to take deep, dramatic breaths, he follows the blonde’s lead. The rhythmic exercise slowly calming him down from his freak out, occasionally he would lose the rhythm with a sniffle or a sob. Vanilla restarting the breathing each time, to help ground him. Finally he calmed down, looking at the blonde who had a soft smile on his face.

“You feeling better?” He inhales a shaky breath. Flapping his hands and clasping them tightly to stop himself from acting foolish.

“Yeah. You didn’t have to help.”

“I wanted to help. Also if you feel that you have to move, please do.” He looks at the floor to avoid the blonde’s beautiful mis matched eyes. He remains silent for a moment he flapped his hands once, glancing at the blonde to gage his reaction. Once he was sure that the blonde was serious, he resumed his hand flapping and started swaying side to side in place. After a few moments pass he turns to look at the exit, before heading for the door. He feels a hand on his shoulder again, “You sure you’re ready to go outside again?” He nods. Vanilla pauses before asking him something else.

“Would you like me to walk you home?”

Shadow Milk didn’t fully process the question until he mumbled out a yes. The blonde extended his hand to him and he takes it. Internally he’s panicking, butterflies swirling wildly in his stomach, he simply kept his eyes down on the sidewalk as the two walked back to his apartment.

—

The walk to the idol’s apartment was peaceful. Nothing intruded on their path, they simply walked hand in hand. Vanilla could tell the other was nervous, he didn’t tease him about it of course. After ascending the stairs Shadow pointed to his room and Vanilla let go of his hand. The idol turns to him, he’s still right beside him.

“I didn’t hear your answer, by the way. I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine. You were just overwhelmed.” He recalls the question that he asked him. “Why did you want to become a doctor anyways?” He turns to look at the idol, his adorable blue eyes staring back at him.

“I chose this profession because I wanted to help others. And although some parts of the job aren’t easy by a long shot. If I could brighten even one person’s day by helping them, that’s what makes me the happiest. Even on the difficult days I hope to bring a smile to their face.” The idol looks down at his hands, then he takes a deep breath and speaks a sweet soft voice.

“Don’t worry, you always have a way of bringing sunshine and smiles into people’s lives.” And then he felt it. It was so quick, so fleeting he thought he imagined it, but he didn’t. He felt a tiny kiss on his cheek, he looks at the idol, his eyes going wide and Shadow’s face had a bright pink hue spreading all over his face.

“Okay it was nice to see you! Goodbye forever now!!” The door closed and he could hear faint distressed whispers coming from the flustered idol through the door. Vanilla doesn’t say anything, the sound of his phone dropping to the floor snapping him out of the trance he found himself under.

He looks back at the door, halfheartedly hoping that the idol would open and talk to him about what happened. But he doesn’t, Vanilla left the apartment building. His mind still reeling from the kiss. The walk back to his car was a blur, and so was the drive back home. He took a long moment and exited the car, he texted the idol before heading inside his house.

‘I had fun with you today.’

He opens the door and pretends that everything is fine, but in actuality his mind was somewhere else entirely. It gave him the confirmation that Shadow liked him back. But now, a rather rare instance of him not knowing what to do has occurred. He doesn’t know how to approach the idol now that both of their feelings of love are out in the open, only between them. Maybe he could ask the others for advice…? Hollyberry would probably know how to approach this scenario. She and her ex might’ve had a similar situation happen.

—

Shadow Milk rocked himself back and forth, he didn’t even know he still had tears in him. The salty droplets descended his cheeks and onto his waist. Why did I do that?? Why did I do that?! Why?! I ruined everything!! What probably hurt the most about it all, was Vanilla’s silence afterwards. The quiet told him everything he needed to know, that he didn’t feel the same and to stop trying. He just wanted to forget.

He wanted to forget everything. Wanted to forget about the kiss. Wanted to forget the whole day. Wanted to forget ever meeting Vanilla all together. The thought made his heart drop and stomach churn. Why did he not want to throw that away? His phone lights up with a message from Vanilla. He doesn’t answer, it’s for the best anyways.

It’s best that the two forget about each other, even though Shadow Milk’s heart ached and told him not to…he has to. Vanilla already has a busy life, being a single father and a doctor, he didn’t want to intrude and make it more busy than it was.

So he ignores the message. He can’t bring himself to block the doctor’s number, but if he doesn’t it will act as a constant reminder of what might have been. He guessed he deserved the soul crushing reminder, as a punishment for ruining something that could’ve been great. He lays down and goes to sleep.

He didn’t dream anything this time. It was just a empty void.

Chapter Text

The art of woodcarving is delicate yet refined form. The process requires unaltered attention and patience, two qualities that Lily usually lacks. However once she gets into a groove, you can’t drag her away from her task. This is not new knowledge for those who know her well, it was a hobby she’s formed in university and eventually got so good at it that she got hired by a studio. She pins the reference pages on the wall and studies them closely. Clearly the base pole is going to take the most time in the two week period it’ll take to carve the cane, but regardless she sticks to the customers vision.

The log of wood stood neatly on the carving table alongside her carving tool kit. The giant gloves she often wore whenever she used the larger carving knife shadowed her hands by a large margin. She shaves the skin of the log, she prefers doing the process by hand. One time she almost sawed her arm off during training for the job, after that near fiasco she stuck to her method. She sighs and leans back into her chair, this is going to take forever if I don’t use the hand plane. She looks to the hand plane and reluctantly lifts the log to the device.

Setting it down before trekking through the building to find her supervisor. She turns the corner and sees Silverbell welcoming a man with poofy black hair and tannish skin. She knocks softly to announce her presence in the room, Silverbell turns to her after he tells the other to wait for a moment.

“Sorry to interrupt Bells, but do you know where Mercurial and or Elder are? I need one of them to supervise me while I use the hand plane.”

“Mercurial is on the right door down the hall and Elder is upstairs taking his break.”

“Thank you. I’ll leave you and your,” she brings her hands up, her pointer and middle fingers up and open, curling them both playfully, “‘boyfriend’ to it.” Silverbell blushes at that. The guy wouldn’t come in to ask for a commission, he claims that it’s because the environment in the studio feels cozy. But if Lily was being honest, she thinks that he’s just coming in for Silverbell specifically. He was the type to fall in love quickly, and this was no exception. And based on the other’s behavior, which she’s not good with social cues so take it with a morsel of salt, the feeling seems mutual. She just hopes that the two would stop dancing around each other and address the obvious, she betted fifty dollars saying that the two will get together.

She heads to the right and finds Mercurial working on a piece. I shouldn’t intrude. Elder it is then. She heads upstairs and knocks on his door, he opens his lovely silky silver hair tied up. She would often find herself staring at him for minutes before she would even speak, he’s just so……stunning. “Lily White, what brings you up here?”

“I apologize for interrupting your break, but I need you to supervise me. I have to use the hand plane for my clients commission and if I don’t, I’ll probably miss the two week estimation deadline for it and-”

“Lily take a breath in,” she didn’t realize that she was about spiral into an anxiety attack till she heard his voice. She inhales, “And out slowly.” She exhales the breath, feeling a tad bit better.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I was just getting ready to head back in anyways, so yes I will assist you.” They pass by Silverbell on the way, his friend must’ve left while she was up there. “Has he…?”

“Nope, not yet. I did tease him about it, his face went so red.”

“Lily you said you would refrain from teasing him.”

She gave him small smile, “Well the two haven’t made a move on each other in a year, so I’m trying to help him out here. Annnnd I’m now seeing your point.”

She enters back into her work station, the log right where she left it. “So what does the client want exactly?”

“He actually sketched out what he wanted for me to use as a reference. It’s a cane, although it’s heavily stylized.” Elder takes one of the pages and scans it.

“Lily this resembles more of a scepter than a cane. Is there any reason for the design?”

“I didn’t ask. He left a few artist notes explaining design elements, if that helps.”

Elder reads the little blurbs, one went in detail regarding the handle, how it has to resemble a blueberry. Said blueberry should also be smooth to the touch, while still being able to grip it correctly. Another page he grabbed had a full on color palette, black, white, two different shades of blue. The third page made him realize that Lily couldn’t do this by herself. She’s fully capable of the task, but if she’s going to finish it by the deadline she’s going to need a bit of help.

“Lily please let me help you. If not with the pole, then at least let me get started on the handle.”

She brings her gloved hand to her chin, she’s considering her options. She didn’t take the handle into account as a priority. Now that she’s thinking about it, the handle will also take up the same amount of time as the pole. Lily gives him a silent, tiny nod. Resuming her task of slimming the log down to a thin pole. The two work in a comfortable silence, the only words escaping their mouths being the name of tools that the other would need.

That’s what she loves about the job. The people she works with, the laughter at antics, everything. The best part is that she gets to share her passion for a niche art form without being judged. It’s a truly liberating way of life. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

—

Another day, another dress rehearsal…except Burning Spice has a different definition of the term. He never has a script to follow, and he never needed one. Not because of his weakness in reading, no because he often found himself performing better if he looked in his head for stories from his life to get a laugh out of the crowd.

Often he would find himself stumbling on stories of him and the rest of The Beasts in high school. He wouldn’t use their real names for privacy sake, so he got creative with telling those stories. He used their Beast titles when referring to them, that way they could remain anonymous and live their lives.

The Beast titles went in order oldest to youngest, Apathy was Mystic Flour’s title, her constant neutral face no matter what emotion she was feeling would remain emotionless, her voice while beautiful and elegant always kept its monotone sound. Yours truly was known as The Beast Of Destruction, he had been the star runner on the school track team, he would often get bored due to how easy it was to beat everyone. Shadow Milk got the title of Deceit, mainly because people thought that his natural penchant for exaggerating events and his dramatic nature, due to that it often led people to believe that he was lying about some parts at least, he ended up embracing the title in the end. Sugar wore the crowned title of Sloth, often she would fall asleep in classes and always be the last person to turn in homework. And Silent Salt received the uncreative title of Silence for obvious reasons.

Burning Spice doesn’t tell his entire life story, purely for his and his son’s privacy. Which that was a recent development, apparently a one night fling led to the birth of his son. He didn’t even know he had a child until a few months ago, when social worker called him to inform him that he was a relative of the kid. Meeting him was strange and honestly nerve wracking, he was older than he was expecting, around fourteen years old. The awkward quiet hanging in the air as they didn’t know what to say. One thing that stood out when looking at him, was the strange scarring on both wrists.

He didn’t ask about it, the way the kid pulled his sleeves to cover the scars told him that it was a touchy subject. After meeting his son Capsaicin, he bought a dozen books on parenting. Eventually Capsaicin became comfortable around him after their third meeting, he learned that he was in a relationship with two others. One boy and one girl, they both had known each other since the beginning of middle school and one thing led to another and now they are together, he supported him and yet he wished that he was in his son’s life sooner. But better late than never as his kid said to him.

Although that Saturday night when he met his son’s partners was less than ideal, he never really liked hospitals and the girlfriend freaking out understandably in the waiting room didn’t really change his opinion on it. He ended up meeting the boyfriend’s parents, when they came to pick him up. The two had basically become unofficial residents in his house, with how many times the two come over after that night.

Capsaicin had already alerted him that he’ll be staying at Kougin-Amann’s house for a sleepover and will be brought home by the time school ends tomorrow. Regardless Burning Spice still texts him, telling him to be safe if they decide to go out, asking about dinner and homework. 

He smiles and exits the building. Coming home to an empty house felt so strange, prior to his son’s arrival, he loved the quiet of his home. Now every time he comes home without his son, it feels so weird. Like someone’s missing……the house felt so incomplete without its second resident.

Well life certainly had its way of keeping him from getting bored.

That’s for sure.

—

It’s now Wednesday evening. Three days since the blissful kiss that Shadow had blessed unto Vanilla’s cheek. Three days since they had last spoke and seen each other. He was starting to get worried, any attempt at reaching out was met with an unsettling silence. He even tried to calling him, only be left to voice mail. He still left him voicemails in the hopes that the idol will listen to them and talk to him, but still no response from him. The quiet was becoming deafening, he didn’t know how to get through to him.

He started reading reader insert fanfiction of the idol to cope with the situation, it’s not ideal but at this point he couldn’t give a damn to care. He was left craving the sweet, saccharine like feeling when Shadow pressed his lips on his cheek, and while these writings were admittedly fun to read, the main purpose these works served was to fill the void that the idol left in his heart. He just wanted to know why the idol felt the need to leave him like this. He exhausted all options and with a sigh he messaged the others. He needs guidance.

Personification Of Sunshine: @Everyone I need help.

Vanilla didn’t even need to wait, in the blink of an eye all of his friends rushed into the chat. Vanilla rarely felt the need to ask for help or advice, often thinking that he can handle himself. But this time he’s bitten off more than he can chew. So whenever the one in a million “Vanilla needs help.” situation occurs, it’s everyone’s top priority.

Her Radiance: Nilly what’s happening?!?!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I was just about to type that. What’s going on Vani?!

Cacaoian Law Office’s: What troubles you Vanilla?

Personification Of Sunshine: Okay suppose you receive a kiss on the cheek from someone you love and you both haven’t told each other yet. Afterwards the person who kissed you stops responding to you, what do you do?

Her Radiance: That sounds extremely specific Nils.

Personification Of Sunshine: I know! This just happened to me, it’s been three days Goldie…I don’t know what to do.

Drunk(affectionate): Nilla are you asking for relationship advice?

Personification Of Sunshine: Is it that obvious………?

Cacaoian Law Office's: Very.

Drunk(affectionate): The best advice I can give you for now, is to talk with him if you have his number. Confess your feelings and see if he feels the same.

Personification Of Sunshine: That’s the problem Holly. I’ve been trying to contact him, he hasn’t blocked my number but he’s not answering me back. I’m starting to think that the only way we can talk about this is if we happen to see each other in person.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I think that I might be able to help. There’s going to be a community market day and The Silver Tree is going to have a booth.

Cacaoian Law Office’s: Where are you going with this?

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I have a honorary regular that mostly goes to the studio solely because he’s crushing on Silverbell. I think one time he visited, I overheard him saying that he worked as the social media manager for an idol……?

Vanilla’s eyes widened as he frantically typed.

Personification Of Sunshine: WAIT LIL’S DID HE SAY THE NAME OF THE IDOL BY CHANCE?!

He needed confirmation. His heart beating wildly in his chest. And once she replied, his heart stopped and did somersaults in his rib cage.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Uhhhhh……… I think it was Shamil……maybe, I could be wrong though. You know my memory is not the best.

Personification Of Sunshine: THATS HIM LILY!!!!!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Excellent. I can get Silverbell to ask him to go to the event with that idol……waiiiiiiit…………

Her Radiance: What is it Lily?

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Vani dm me later. Anyways the event is going to be held this Saturday. If he comes up to the booth I’ll message you and try to keep him there as long as I can.

Cacaoian Law Office’s: If there are any updates, you are to alert us immediately.

Personification Of Sunshine: I will. Thank you so much Lil’s!!

Vanilla exits the main group chat and messages Lily.

Personification Of Sunshine: Lily what’s up?

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Isn’t that the idol your kid listens to?

Personification Of Sunshine: …………

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Vanilla! You’ve got to be kidding me!!

Personification Of Sunshine: I’m sorry Lily…it just kinda happened.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Does Crepe know???

Personification Of Sunshine: Idk…

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Their gonna find out sooner or later. You’re horrible at keeping secrets and lying, and you know it.

Personification Of Sunshine: I know Lily. But seriously thank you for helping me with this.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: No problem Nils.

Vanilla stopped after that. His mind marking that Saturday with the brightest red sharpie in his internal calendar. Three more days, three more days until he’s face to face with Shadow…finally.

He will see that adorably handsome idol…finally they will talk about what had transpired on that Sunday afternoon. Finally he can return that lovely kiss onto the idol’s cheek and love him oh so much.

That is…of course if he reciprocates. Which Vanilla knows he will, why else would he kiss him if not for that reason…?

Chapter Text

It’s Thursday morning and Shadow Milk felt horrible. Another message from Vanilla popped up, he’s asking if he’s okay and if they can talk. His eyes tearing up, he ignores it. He gets up and out of bed, he doesn’t know why the blonde keeps trying to talk to him. He walks over to the kitchen, his finger hovering over the play button on one of the voice messages he received during the four day span since he screwed up. He presses the button and listens to the most recent one…

“Shadow…it’s Vanilla again……I thought I would try to call you, but it went to voicemail……again. Just… if you’re listening…which I know you are please talk to me. I just……want to know if you’re okay? Bye.”

He almost cried, a single tear fell mockingly, leaving a trail stained on his face. He’s been punishing himself by reading the texts and listening to the voice mails, if his heart didn’t want to forget that gorgeous blonde’s existence he might as well punish himself for ruining their friendship. He hears the toaster ding, snapping him out of his own self inflicted misery, he grabbed the toast and laid on the couch. He sighed, he needed to be productive.

Going outside ran the risk of running into Vanilla again and he can’t ask Candy to buy him stuff forever. He decides on the mall, he could get some new makeup and food then leave. His heart stopped and he realized something, he didn’t want to be alone. He groaned at his own foolishness and messages his stylist.

Shamil: Hey you wanna head to the mall?

Little miss toffee: I’d LOVE to go to the mall with you ;).

Shamil: Ask Sapph if he wants to tag along.

Little miss toffee: He already left to meet with his pretty white boyfriend.

Shamil: Is he dating someone or is that a joke???

Little miss toffee: Joke rooted in a truth that has not been fulfilled yet.

Shamil: Ah okay. See you there.

He gets dressed in a long sleeve shirt he made, and the periwinkle mini skirt with the blue and yellow roses. Exiting the apartment building to see Candy with her brother’s car already there.

“You know he’s going to kill you if you crash this car, right?”

She laughed, “I know, I know, it’s just fun to screw around with him.”

Finally they entered the mall and began window shopping. Window shopping with Candy Apple is an experience in itself, especially when they’re in the shoe section of the bigger mall stores. His eyes land on a pretty set of black Mary Jane shoes. He shows her the shoes, she gasps upon seeing them.

“Oh these would look so cute on you…”

“I know, if only they made these for men.”

Eventually they stumble into the makeup section and Shadow Milk almost tripped over when he sees a pleasantly familiar face.

Eternal Sugar, he dashes straight to her, his hands covering her eyes in a playful manner.

“Guess whooooo~”

She stops for a moment, “I know that dramatic flair……Shadow Milk?!”

She turns around to see him standing there. The two jumped and hugged each other, Sugar always gave the second best hugs. First place went to Mystic Flour, but he would never tell her that. He briefly looks over her shoulder to see that she had a companion beside her. The one thing that Shadow Milk noticed about this woman who is with his dear friend, was that she looked like she could bench press him easily. Despite her build, her muscles kinda scared him. Eternal Sugar followed his gaze, turning her head towards the mystery woman.

“Oh sorry I didn’t introduce you!! Hollyberry this is Shadow Milk!”

The other woman, Hollyberry went to him to shake his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise…oh! Sugar this is Candy, she’s my stylist!”

Eternal Sugar’s eyebrows rise in surprise, “Stylist? You mean……”

“Yeah! I am an indie idol!!”

She hugs him again, “Oh my gosh!! I’m so happy for you, blueberry!!”

He bowed to her, “Thank you! Actually do you want to tag along with me and Candy, we can catch up while window shopping?”

“You already know the answer.”

Candy Apple watched her boss as he talked animatedly to Eternal Sugar and the thing that really caught her eye was the fact he was stimming. Like genuinely stimming, not the “socially acceptable” ones that he called them, which meant that she had to be important to him. At least enough to have him comfortable enough to actively stim in public and not suppress his movements. She’s pretty sure that she and Black Sapphire were the only ones who knew that Shamil is autistic, but most of the time she’s only seen him stimming was in Black Sapphire’s apartment whenever he’d come to visit or hang out.

“So what have you been up to, sweets?”

“I have a YouTube channel and instagram account. I do true crime makeup videos on YouTube and beauty product reviews on instagram.”

He jumps up and down as the group walks through the mall. “I actually encountered Salty the other day. They’re doing this thing called vtubing.”

“Oh yeah I heard about that! They have quite the following. I think I made an appearance on their stream.”

His face gets incredibly close to hers. “You’re kidding!”

“No, it’s true. I can send you the vod later.”

“Please do!” Eventually the group happens upon the food court, with the plan being that two would get the food and the others will find a spot to sit. Shadow Milk found himself on the latter with Hollyberry to find a place to eat. They find a spot and sit down, Holly’s attempts at conversing with him being unsuccessful, he wants to talk with her. He really does, and yet he couldn’t really find anything to say. He just sat there, forcing himself to retain eye contact with the woman. Besides he doesn’t even know her, for all he knew she could be a snake behind his back, he had fallen for that trick countless times before high school and he wasn’t going to fall for it again. And after another failed attempt at conversation, something shifted and she asked… “So, how do you know Sugar?”

“She was an old friend from high school. There were five of us and she was one of them. She would always bring a little bag full of gummy snacks in case anyone forgot their lunch or couldn’t afford the school lunch. How do you know her?”

“I play her videos whenever I do chores around my place. I met her in person a week ago and we’ve been talking since. Do you have any more stories from those days in school?”

The more he forces himself to make eye contact with the woman across from him, the more uncomfortable he became. But he sucked it up and ignored his discomfort. “Well there is the one time she almost murdered a the guy working at the ring toss attraction at an amusement park.”

“What?!”

“Yeah me, her and another friend were trying to win something for me and we had some many attempts. The guy asked if we were okay and she had a look of restrained rage that’ll probably stay with me for a while. She looked like she was actively resisting the urge to strangle the poor guy. In the end, Salty ended up winning the ring toss for us three. Apparently I had picked the two worst people to help me win a plushie.”

Hollyberry snickered as Candy and Eternal Sugar returned with the food in hand.

“What were you two talking about?”

Holly flicked her hand, “oh nothing.” She winked at him and he mouthed a thanks. She and Candy got along great, both were natural extroverts so he supposed it made sense. But pretty soon the conversation veered towards music. Specifically what do you listen to, and he just wanted to curl up and disappear. “You first.” Hollyberry cracks her knuckles.

“Classical, movie soundtracks, medieval themes, Vocaloid on occas-” He zoned in on that one thing.

“You listen to Vocaloid?”

“Yeah! I don’t listen to it all the time, but I would whenever I’m working out.”

He drummed his hands on the table. Excitement through the roof at the prospect of finding another person who heard of his interest. “Which ones are your favorites to listen to?” His leg was bouncing rapidly as his finger tapped against the table.

“Kasane Teto, Gumi, Miku from time to time, and Meiko, you got favorites too?” He squealed and drummed his hands again.

“I mostly listen to Miku, but sometimes I would listen to songs featuring Fukase.” Sugar couldn’t help but grin at the sight, and here she thought that those two wouldn’t get along. She was starting to get a bit jealous and she shoots him a silent glare. A way to tell him that she’s hers and hers alone. She turns her attention to Candy Apple. “So……how did you two meet?”

She blinked and looked at him, “You want to tell her or me?”

“Better to hear it from you.”

She rubs her hands together, giggling menacingly. “Okay so, he put out a job offer for a social media manager and a stylist, right?” She nodded.

“And I didn’t know about the offer, HOWEVER my step brother got the job as the social media manager and recommended me for the position. So we set up a discord group chat and got to talk, we decided to meet up in person at the Starbucks.” She takes a sip of her soda and continues.

“I see Shamil, my brother overslept and was running late. I sent him the song he plays in his car whenever he’s late, but I forgot to dm him privately and put it in the main chat, he took one look at it and asked me, “You listen to this too?” And I was like…“Yeah…?”” She turns to Shadow Milk, “You can take over from here.”

He nods “So after she confirms that she does, I proceeded to list out my personal top five favorite songs. She didn’t even ask, I just told her anyways. Eventually her brother came in as I was explaining the lyrics of my second favorite song and joined us.” Hollyberry chimes in with a comment.

“So basically he walked in without the context of you basically explaining it to her?”

“I didn’t even notice that he was there, I just kept talking about Melt for crying out loud. He whispered to Candy asking her what’s going on, and she said “Long story short I accidentally sent you Triple Baka in the main chat and now he’s telling me his favorite songs with Vocaloids.” After that he cleared his throat and I got startled.” Candy continues for him.

“By the end of the meeting, we ended up recreating that one shot from the end of Triple Baka, I got a picture if you want to see.”

—

Hollyberry looks at the picture and it’s a one for one shot. Down to the posing and everything. She hands the phone back to Candy, eventually both parties finished their food and had to leave. She feels a tug on her poofy sleeve, looking down to see Shadow.

“Do you have a discord by chance?”

“Yeah. I’ll add you.”

She watched the two friends hug each other tightly, before letting go and waving goodbye. Inside Holly is freaking out, what were the odds that she and her friend would encounter the very same idol that her best friend was in love with? She and Sugar continued their shopping, occasionally talking here and there.

“That was nice. I wasn’t expecting to see him again. You know, I honestly thought you two would hate each other?” Hollyberry couldn’t help but laugh, Eternal Sugar’s face turning red as the sound bounced off her ears.

“Why would you think that?”

“Well, like I told you previously he’s not really good at socializing and you’re an extrovert…”

“Well he’s pretty good company. Also don’t think I didn’t see that look you gave him while we were talking.”

She acts coy, “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Holly doesn’t let her off the hook that easily. “The jealous death glare.”

Eternal Sugar’s eyes widened and covered her face. Hollyberry raised her hands in defense.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I actually liked it.”

“That doesn’t help Holly!!”

She laughs at Sugar’s antics. The one personality trait that she wasn’t expecting the shorter to have was a penchant for chaos. She just seemed like the calmest person on the planet, but that was tested when the two thrifted one time and she managed to haggle a price to be one cent only. All that just for a sports bra that Hollyberry thought was cute.

Her stubbornness and clingy nature was another thing. She recently started to get slightly possessive of Holly, which she put a boundary over, once she noticed and it was starting to get out of control. Eternal Sugar respected the boundary, thank god. Exiting the mall, the two women bid their farewell’s and left back to their abodes.

Hollyberry checks her discord to see a message from her new friend.

Shamil: Hi?? Sorry am I bothering you?

Drunk(affectionate): You will never be “bothering” me.

Shamil: Right……. Srry for ignoring you earlier when you were trying to talk to me… I was just…gods this is so stupid. I don’t really trust new people much, and I guess to me, you were a huge red flag when you kept trying to talk to me?? Idk.

Drunk(affectionate): You’re ok, Sha-Sha. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have trouble trusting others intentions?

Shamil: I don’t really want to talk about it much, but let’s just say I’ve been hurt a lot in the past before starting high school.

Drunk(affectionate): That sucks. Are you doing ok? Like not physically, but mentally or emotionally are you okay?

He takes a while to respond.

Shamil: I mean…I think so…… I mean I’m literally living my dream life. But sometimes I feel like there’s something missing… either way I like to think that I’m doing fine mentally and emotionally.

Shamil: Also Sha-Sha??

Drunk(affectionate): Nickname.

Shamil: It’s a nice nickname.

Drunk(affectionate): :) oh yeah. You going to that community event on Saturday?

Shamil: Idk, maybe… depends on how I’m feeling.

Drunk(affectionate): Can you at least consider it? It’ll be fun. I’m not going this time, but it’s a blast I promise!!

Shamil: I’ll think on it…

Hollyberry leaves it at that, knowing that she did her part in the plan for her friend. Tomorrow she will give Vanilla an update on him. She messages Eternal Sugar a quick goodnight before she gets some sleep. What Sugar sends her drained every sleepiness out of her system, she doesn’t know if it was an accident but her heart was pounding.

Sugar Of Happiness: G’night. I love you.

Holly’s fingers hover over the keyboard of her phone, frozen in place. She didn’t even know if she meant it in the friendly flirty way that the two would sometimes talk to each other, or if she actually means it. And finally, after much deliberation, she messages back with her shaky hands.

Drunk(affectionate): Good night, love you too…

Chapter Text

Drunk(affectionate): @Personification Of Sunshine RED ALERT I SAW THE IDOL YOUR CRUSHING ON YESTERDAY!!!!

Personification Of Sunshine: What the fuck do you mean “you saw him yesterday.”???!!

Her Radiance: Oh god Nilly chill!!

Cacaoian Law Office’s: What happened that caused Vanilla to swear??

Drunk(affectionate): First of all, sorry guys I am the cause. And secondly, I was hanging out with a friend at the mall and he walked up to her. Apparently they knew each other from high school.

Personification Of Sunshine: Is he okay?!?!?!

Drunk(affectionate): Physically, yes. Emotionally, I’m not sure, I don’t know him well enough to determine that. I also asked him if he was going to the community market and he said he’ll consider going.

Personification Of Sunshine: Thank you for the update Holly!!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I got on break, what did I miss?

Her Radiance: Vanilla swore and Hollyberry, by pure happenstance encountered his crush.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Ah okay. Wait hold on I’ll be right back.

Lily positioned herself beside the doorway to the front desk. She already told Silverbell to ask if his ‘friend’ could make it to the market day with his boss. She trusts that he’ll be able to convince the other, but she had to listen in. “Oh! Hey!”

“Hello there, how’ve you been?”

“I’m fairing fine, you?”

The other ran his hand through his hair. “Decent. Now that I’ve seen you.” Both of their faces flushed with bright red. Silverbell began stuttering.

“O-oh well that’s g-great! Just peachy!” Good god, these two are hopeless. The boys continued making small talk and flirting. She was starting to get nervous, Silverbell hadn’t mentioned anything about the event. And just when that thought popped up…

“Oh yeah! Do you have any plans tomorrow?”

“I don’t think I do, why?”

“There’s going to be this community event for the businesses and we’re going to have a booth, so I figured I’d invite you and your boss to join. I would really appreciate it if you could join.”

“Well……sure I guess. If it means I get to see you again.”

Silverbell blushed, drifting his eyes away from Sapphire. “A-awesome!”

“Hold on, I’m going to ask my boss if he’s interested.” Black Sapphire got out his phone and messaged Shadow Milk.

Radio Rebel: Hey boss.

Shamil: Sapph it’s eight thirty…way too early for me and you know it.

Radio Rebel: Ah sorry, but I have something to ask of you.

Shamil: Ask, so I can get back to sleep.

Radio Rebel: There’s going to be a community event tomorrow and I was wondering if you would want to come? I remember you saying you commissioned a cane from that woodcarving studio…they’re going to be there.

Shamil: Oh hell, really???

Radio Rebel: Yeah.

Shamil: Sure, I need more things to do than working on my sewing projects anyway.

Radio Rebel: See you tomorrow.

He turns his phone off and refocuses his attention on the ivory haired man. “Alright, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Take care!”

“You too.”

Silverbell gets up from his seat, “Lily I know you’re there.” She steps in view of him, looking admittedly guilty. She walks up to him.

“I’m sorry for eavesdropping, Bells.”

“Lily you’re okay, and I assume you’ve already got the answer you wanted.”

“Thank you so much, Bells! I’m going to repay you for this and you can’t talk me out of it.” Lily gets her phone out to update Vanilla.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Everyone………we got him. He will be attending.

Personification Of Sunshine: THANK YOU LILY!!!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Like I said before, I’ll try my best to keep him at my booth for as long as I can. It won’t be for long though, so when I message you that he’s here, you gotta book it to my booth.

Personification Of Sunshine: I will!! Thank you once again Lily!!!

Cacaoian Law Office’s: I will also be there, and will appreciate if you can stop by, if you’re planning to bring your child as well then I can watch over them, Choco needs more friends anyways.

Her Radiance: You bringing Choco??

Cacaoian Law Office’s: Of course I am. Yes he maybe thirteen, but I do not feel comfortable leaving him home alone.

Personification Of Sunshine: I’m going to pick up Crepe now. Goodnight my friends…

Drunk(affectionate): Good luck tomorrow!

Her Radiance: G’night Nilly……

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Night Nils. See you there.

Cacaoian Law Office’s: Good night Vanilla.

Vanilla’s heart was racing a mile a minute. Tomorrow, tomorrow he will see him again. Shadow… His child’s school comes into view and he waits.

—

Friday afternoon’s during school always makes Crepe bored out of their mind.

They stifled a yawn as they continued doodling their robots. Crepe always found math class to be boring. They already were leagues ahead of their peers in terms of understanding and didn’t know why they had to take this class. Either way it worked out for them, since they always finishes tests early and ended up having a lot of spare time to pass. Their mind was lingering on what their friend said at lunch when they brought up their dad’s relationship with their favorite idol to Strawberry. “Uhhhh…I think your dad might be in love with him.”

They laughed it off at the time, but now that they think about it. They started to connect the dots, it would explain his behavior when he was backstage with the idol. The tiny pink fades on both their cheeks and the slight stutter, it makes so much sense they almost beat themselves up for not realizing sooner. Especially since the other day, when they found out that their dad was reading those fanfics. After what felt like an eternity, the bell rang and they started wrapping up for the day. Walking out to the front they see their dad, the trek home was quiet. They were trying to figure out how to ask about their dad’s crush.

“You’re quiet…did something happen at school?”

“No! But Dad…”

“Yeah, sweetcake?”

“Do-are you in love with Shamil?” He choked, face flushing with pink.

“Where’d you get that idea?”

“Dad, you don’t think I didn’t look through your phone the other day when I was helping you find it? The reader insert fic’s, really?!”

He sighed into his palm and got out the house keys. “Yes. I do love him.”

“Oh!”

“I’m sorry, sweetcake!”

“My god, dad!!”

They have their head in their hands as they enter the house. Their dad grabs one of the couch pillows, muffling the scream he let out. Then they ask the other looming question on their mind. “Are you two dating?”

“No. I haven’t even told him yet. He’s going to be at that community event tomorrow and I’m going to tell him then.”

“Can we make him something?” He looks at them, perplexed by their request.

“You mean you want us to bake something for him?”

They nod, “Yeah, so he really knows you like him!” Never in his life did he ever expect his child would try to be his wingperson, but life does have its ways.

“So what do you think we should make him?” They put their hand on their chin in thought, his mind searching for the perfect treat to make for the idol. They gasped suddenly, scaring the living daylights out of their dad with the sound.

“Key Lime Pie!”

Vanilla’s brow raised, “Why Key Lime Pie in particular?”

“I can picture him liking it. Besides we still have the ingredients to make it from grandma’s birthday last month.”

It is true that they still have the ingredients from the last time they made the delicacy, but the question is whether or not the idol will like it. Then again……Crepe did say that they could picture him liking it… “Alright then, can you preheat the oven to 375 for me while I prepare everything?”

They nodded, dashing to the oven with their father trailing behind. Grabbing out all of the required ingredients and the heart shaped pie tin that his mother had gifted him. He crimped the cold pie crust into the tin and got to work on the main filling. Some sugar, butter, flour and eggs. A tiny morsel of salt and the lime juice. Condensed milk and a bit of stirring later and the mixture is ready. Slowly and steadily he pours the mixture into the pie tin and sets it in the oven.

The in between time that the oven provided gave Vanilla some time to think. Tomorrow morning everything will change and it was admittedly terrifying. But then again, he has always been one who has welcomed big changes with open arms. Crepe being one of those changes and the best change that happened to him in recent memory. Change can be scary and yet it’s a necessary thing in life that happens.

He’s absolutely certain that tomorrow is going to be a day…. The oven timer beeps and he turns it off, examining the pie. It’s done and perfect, bringing it out to the oven to have it cool down. He doesn’t know how he’s going to say it to the idol, regardless of how many scripts his head came up with, none of them felt right. He decided to let his heart speak for him.

Because what better way to confess one’s love to another, than by having it come from the heart…

—

Mystic Flour sighs at the never ending paperwork, stacks upon stacks towered on her desk. Frankly, she knew going in and starting a talent agency would lend her a lot of paperwork. And she had formed the agency years ago, and still she found herself signing off for client projects. Honestly it’s on her for procrastinating on it the whole day till now. A soft knock echoed in her office, “It’s open, Peach.”

Peach Blossom walked in with a smile on his face. He was one of the first employees she hired for the agency and a very valuable employee. One that had scored a plethora of huge projects and deals that put the agency on the map. “Hello Miss Flour.”

“Peach, the ‘miss’ is unnecessary. Do you require me in any capacity?”

He giggles and grinned, “I came by to give you, your cup of Júhuā Cha and see if you needed anything.” She signs another piece of paper and gazes at him.

“Assistance in finishing up,” she gestures to the stack of papers, “this would be pleasant.”

“I’ll gladly help.”

She smiles softly and he flinches slightly at the sight. It’s very rare for her to smile, considering most of the time people see her is with her lips always resting in a neutral expression. So any chance that someone sees her smile, they are either surprised or afraid. She drops the smile and focuses back onto the paper as Peach takes a look.

“How’s Haetae doing?”

“They are doing swell.” Haetae is this adorable, little, fluffy white dog that Flour had found one day when returning home from a family visit. She exited the airport to see a ball of fluff outside and jumping up on her leg. She couldn’t just leave it there, so she took it home. The dog didn’t have a microchip when she took it to get checked out. So she adopted it, bestowing the little guy with the name Haetae.

Cycles were monotonous in her eyes, yet she couldn’t help but find comfort in the one she found herself in. Wake up, feed Haetae before going to work, head home, get assaulted by sandpaper like licks from Haetae, give them dinner, have dinner herself and then go to sleep. It felt right that this one would repeat. It brought stability into her soul. It was also the interruptions that she would introduce on the cycle. Like her meditation sessions after particularly long, intense days of work.

She would close her eyes and often finds herself immersed by the calmness of it all. Tonight she would probably have to meditate, but she was actively looking forward to it. At last the two finish signing every piece of paper, glancing at her phone for a moment to check the time. She ascends from her seat, Peach following closely behind her, the conversation mostly consisted of clients and their projects.

Peach waves goodbye and she bows, returning the wave seconds after. She enters her car and drives out of the parking lot. The clamor of nightly drives home were often hushed by the soft sound of her radio playing music. She pulls into the driveway of her house, fiddling with the keys before unlocking the door and being greeted by the tiny puppy. Yapping and hopping around, like her mere presence brought the little one joy.

She kneels down to be closer with the ball of fluff. Giving them kisses on their head proved challenging as the pup kept licking her face. She lifted the puppy up into the air and hugged, gently setting them down afterward. Heading into the kitchen to feed them their dinner, same as breakfast. Chicken with rice and some vegetables, always organic. She never saw the need to feed them kibble when stuff like chicken were right there. Why get chicken flavored wet food or kibble, when you can just get the actual food chicken at the store?

She finishes the setting up the dish and walks with the bowl in hand. She lifts up her finger and the dog sits down and waits. Once she places the bowl on the floor she claps her hands and lets out an “okay,” and the puppy eats. It’s like a ritual at this point. Looking through the fridge, she decides yesterday’s leftovers will be dinner tonight.

She checks her emails while dinner’s heating up in the microwave, the blaring beep signaling the food is ready. Taking her food and walking to her living room, Tv in the wall facing the table she eats at. She scrolls the streaming service for any good dramas. Finally she settles on one and plays the first episode, Haetae jumping up onto the couch to rest their head on her lap. She gives the pooch a coy smile, “Every trick or puppy dog eyes you give me, will not succeed in your quest to receive more food.” She pets the dog as she continues to eat and watch, her eyes almost drifting away to dream. But she shakes herself awake, upon feeling tiny licks landing on her face.

She finishes and looks through her schedule, her eyes wide. She has a free day tomorrow, that is a rare occasion. The chances of her getting a free day were one in a billion, with her being the CEO of her talent agency and everything. While she would like to spend the whole day with her pup, she also wanted to meet up with friends outside of work to talk. She settles on her best friend since preschool, Burning Spice. She and him still have each other’s numbers so she has an easy way to coordinate a meeting with him. She texts him, ‘Hello dear friend.’ He responds almost immediately.

‘Misty!!! So good to hear from you!! How’s the agency going?’

‘Business is great! How’s Capsaicin faring now?’

‘He’s doing good. He just started volunteering at a bird reserve. Not to be rude or anything, but why are you texting me??’

‘I have a rare free day and was wondering if you want to meet up?’

‘Sure! We haven’t met in person for ages.’

‘Don’t speak any further. I’m exhausted and desire sleep.’

‘Gotcha, catch some z’s Misty.’

She puts her plate in the sink and heads straight to bed. She lifts the pup up to her bed, since her bed is so high up that the little one can’t reach without her aid. She envelops herself in the blankets and shuts her eyes. Dreaming the night away in the comfort of her abode, with her little Haetae.

She smiles whilst sleeping ever so peacefully.

Chapter Text

Saturday……finally it arrives. Vanilla is legitimately nervous, today is the day he lets his feelings out. Today he will see Shadow again and reveal his love for him, after almost a week of nothing. Crepe and him got ready, the key lime pie they had made for him the night before in his child’s hands. He needed to get this right. The event space was seen and already there are people here. They both rush to get out of the car, the plan was to have Crepe stay with Cacao whilst he searches for the idol.

One of Cacao’s employees waved at him and Crepe as he walks up to the booth. She explained that the event started earlier than planned, so it’s likely that he’s already here. Cacao reassured him that he’ll keep an eye on them. With that, Crepe hands him the pie and he’s off.

So many booths and people, but none of them were him. Distantly he spotted The Silver Tree’s booth and made a mental note to its location. He searched and searched and couldn’t find him anywhere, just then his phone pinged.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: HE’S HERE!!!!! HURRY!!!!

Her Radiance: Go get him, lover boy!!!

He waists no time and starts to lightly jog back to the booth. He looks at the idol, he’s smiling and laughing with Lily. He couldn’t believe that he was actually here. He froze in place, mind screaming at him to move or say something. He takes a few steps and the idol looks at him. A faint glimmer of recognition, before fear struck his features. Saying that he had to go and running away, don’t let him get away!!! Vanilla picked up his pace and ran after him. The idol was admittedly fast, he kept running out of the event area. Vanilla kept running after him, knowing that if he stopped for even a second…he’ll lose him.

Eventually the two stumble through a park, Shadow was clearly getting winded from the running, he had to endure. Out last the idol in a test of stamina, they ran through a children’s playground, the playthings making it hard to maneuver around. But he managed, near the lake, he heard harsh breathing. The idol kneeled over, hands resting on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“Shadow!”

He looks at Vanilla and started running again. Albeit much slower than prior, he catches up quickly and grabs his hand, grip gentle and firm to keep him from escaping. He tugs at his arm, trying desperately to flee, but Vanilla won’t let him. Whether the two wanted to or not they had to talk about it. The idol’s attempts at releasing his hand grew more frantic, Vanilla puts his other hand on top of his. And the first thing that the idol says, after nearly a week since they last spoke…“Let go of me!!”

Vanilla stood his ground and replied firmly.

“No.”

—

Shadow Milk keeps pulling his arm. He needs to get out of here…now! He didn’t expect to see that gorgeous blonde again, his feet dragged across the concrete sidewalk. The blonde speaks again.

“No. We need to talk about this.” He knows exactly what this means. Rejection, he’s going to say that he’s not interested in having something more than what they had. He tries to play dumb, “Talk about what?!” But the doctor doesn’t back down.

“The kiss!!! What else?!”

It all comes spilling out after that. “I get it!!! OKAY!!!! You don’t want to see me again! I fucked up everything!! And you don’t feel the same way as I-” he was interrupted by the blonde’s loud voice.

“I do feel the same about you Shadow!!!”

The whole world stopped the moment he said that, he opens his eyes confused. Vanilla looked at him with the softest blue and hazel eyes he ever seen. The two stared at each other for a few moments before Shadow Milk whispers, “What?”

“I like you too. Way more than friends should.” He desperately looks for any sign, any telltale hint that he’s lying. But all he sees is the blonde haired angel looking at him with so much love and affection. Sporting the sweetest smile in the entire universe, he’s almost certain that there isn’t anything sweeter than that smile. Tears start building up in his eyes, he chokes out a response.

“B-but you were quiet when I kissed you back then?”

A gentle laugh rings throughout the park, the two lock eyes together. And for the first time, in a long time, he couldn’t look away from his eyes. He couldn’t look away from those magnificent, breathtaking, beautiful mis matched eyes.

“I was just surprised. I didn’t expect you to do that. I liked it!”

The reciprocation coupled with the softness of his voice caused his heart to swell with pure emotion. The tears quietly streamed down his face, but these tears were……different. He felt so unbelievably happy and yet he was crying. He wiped the salty droplets away, when a hand cups his face.

Vanilla and Shadow Milk were now inches apart, his breath hitching at the sudden closeness. It would be so easy to have their lips merge in an act of love, but they didn’t close the distance. Not today, but one day they will. Vanilla wipes a tear off his cheek, his back of his hand moving up and down on his cheek. He subconsciously leaned into it, wanting-no… not wanting……yearning for the gentleness. “By the way, you forgot something that Sunday.”

—

He almost cooed when he saw the id-no Shadow Milk’s confused expression, “I did? What?” He held his face gently with one hand, while the other stroked his cheek. Shadow Milk leans into the touch, like a starving animal. One that was starved of this kind of affection and love. He huffs out laugh, Shadow Milk’s face turning pink, “This.”

And finally he returns the kiss onto the other’s cheek. Lingering there for a moment longer before parting away. He hears a tiny sob and Shadow Milk mumbling in a raw, emotion filled voice, “Why am I crying?” He flaps his hands and rocks himself to and fro. He speaks again, his voice just as raw as before.

“I don’t understand…I’m so happy right now!!! Why am I crying?!?!”

He puts both hands on his shoulders. “You’re happy Shadow Milk, you’re crying tears of joy.” He doesn’t say anything, opting instead to wrap Vanilla in a tight hug. He returns the hug, making sure to pour every single ounce of love into it. He rubbed soothing circles on Shadow Milk’s back, feeling the other hunch his back so he could soak up the warmth. Vanilla remained there for his bluebird, letting him cry for as long as he needed to. He ran his hands through Shadow Milk’s hair, he could tell that he spent ages brushing it through it was that silky smooth.

Suddenly he remembers the little gift, pulling away much to Shadow Milk’s dismay, whining as he tries to pull him back in. “Me and Crepe made you something.”

He looked stunned as Vanilla held the tiny cardboard container in his hand for Shadow Milk to take. Smiling as he hesitantly took it, rotating it around to analyze it carefully. Finally he sits down on one of the park benches and lightly taps the bench. A silent request to join him, he happily obliges. Sitting right next to him, both of their knees touching.

Now that the two are up close, Vanilla can finally take in his appearance. His black hair fading to blue at the tips looks so ethereal on his head. His dazzling blue eyes so focused on the cardboard container. Wearing an oversized gray hoodie, and similar matching sweatpants. The way his lips puckered as he fiddled with the container made his heart skip a beat. You’re so cute, my bluebird…

And finally after a minute of silence, he opens the container.

—

Shadow Milk opens the container, leg bouncing up and down in anticipation. He doesn’t know what it is, it’s food obviously but he didn’t know what kind of food. Vanilla noticed his hesitation, “It’s Key Lime Pie. Have you never tried it?”

He shook his head, looking down at the heart shaped pie. He grabbed the fork inside the container and took a bite. It tasted so good, he nudged Vanilla’s arm, lifting the fork for his hand to take, it wouldn’t be right to hog the whole meal to himself, now would it?. Letting out two words when Vanilla didn’t get the memo.

“You too.”

Vanilla beams, taking the fork to eat with him. The two share the pie, the fork moving from one hand to another after each bite. He couldn’t keep eye contact on his blonde angel for long, but he didn’t seem to mind. Eventually they finish the pie and Vanilla gets up, reaching his hand to Shadow Milk. “Come on, let’s head back. Your companion is probably worried.” Shadow Milk takes his hand, their fingers touching, linking and locking his hand in a firm, yet comfortable grip. He almost started crying all over again, he felt like he was melting in place.

The melodious sound of Vanilla’s voice made him feel like he was being lured away by a siren. So buttery smooth and sweet as one of those heart shaped candies you would get on Valentine’s Day. Every step made him question whether or not he’s dreaming. But the sun is shining and he feels the slight pain in his legs from trying to run away. It still didn’t stop him questioning.

The two men walked, hand in hand back to the event. Vanilla looks at him and he turns his head away, laughing softly before speaking, “Do you have any suggestions for songs featuring Vocaloid? I have only been listening to the one song you showed me from last Sunday.” And like a cat and a laser pointer, he practically pounces on the question.

“Well if you want my top five then……. Number five; Lost One’s Weeping. Number four; HERO. Number three; Regret Message. Number two; Melt. And you probably already know what number one is…”

Vanilla gave him a sly smile, “It’s World Is Mine isn’t it?”

“YES!!!”

—

“Okay I can send you a beginner playlist for you to listen to after this.”

Vanilla nods as Shadow Milk kept talking, the sound of his voice was pure bliss incarnate. The event area grew closer and closer as the other attempted to drag his feet to slow them down. Now in front of the entrance he turns Shadow Milk to face him, taking both hands into his own. Smiling at him and Shadow Milk smiling back, the smile……oh that smile, it’s so beautiful it almost makes him want to kiss him right now. He looks at him.

“Soooooo……do you wanna go out with me? I mean maybe not tomorrow but-”

“I’d love to. We can go to the mall and watch a movie together, if you’d like?”

“O-of course! I would love that!!!”

“Perfect, we can discuss what movie later. But for now, see you later my dear bluebird.” Vanilla kisses the back of Shadow Milk’s hand and leaves to get Crepe. After a few minutes of walking he finds Cacao with Crepe. They run to their dad, hugging him.

“Did you tell him?”

“I did.”

They brightly smiled, “Does he like you too?”

“He loves me, sweetcake. We’re going on our first date tomorrow.” They jumped in joy and looked at him smugly.

“Does that mean that I technically got you two together?!”

“Well I’d say you played a huge part in that. Once again Cacao thank you so much for watching them.”

“You’re welcome Vanilla. Just please stop sending those Korean treat baskets to the office every month.”

“You know that I won’t.”

Father and child leave after that, getting into the car and starting up the air conditioning, he texts the group chat an update.

Personification Of Sunshine: @Everyone Thank you for your help!!! We’re going to the mall’s movie theater tomorrow for our first date!!!

Her Radiance: LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Drunk(affectionate): YOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU NILLY!!!!

He smiles and starts the car. Heading back home with his child as they talked endlessly about ideas for dates and asking more questions about Shamil. He answers what he can and pulls into the driveway. His heart soaring over the results.

He is Shadow Milk’s boyfriend. And he couldn’t be happier.

—

Shadow Milk kept his eyes on the hand that Vanilla kissed. His eyes getting misty once more as he reunites with Black Sapphire. They embrace for a moment and strolled around the area, “What the heck even happened over there?”

“I……am dating someone now.” He almost didn’t believe the words that escaped his mouth. It felt like a dream, but it wasn’t. This is real, really truly real. “Who???!”

“You know that blonde guy with the kid that you helped last concert?”

Black Sapphire nodded and immediately realized who his boss was talking about. “Him?!”

“Yeah! We’re going out tomorrow!!” He could barely contain his excitement, slapping both hands on his thighs to let out energy. The afternoon sun shined brightly as the two entered Sapphire’s car. Their next stop, Shadow Milk’s apartment to hang out. Suddenly he felt his phone buzzing and picked it up.

Drunk(affectionate): Hey congrats on your boyfriend!!! Consider me as your wingwoman for Sunshine!

Shamil: Who???

Drunk(affectionate): Vanilla. We call him that in our private chat.

Shamil: Ohhh…okay.

Drunk(affectionate): His favorite flowers are Orchids, he loves little homemade trinkets like dream catchers, he was born in April, also whenever he introduces you to us expect Moonflower and DC to give you the shovel talk.

Shamil: I will keep that in mind.

Finally he sees the apartment building as Black Sapphire turns to park. Everything is a blur right now. He was just stunned by the today’s events, his mind completely changed forever after that kiss on his cheek.

He has a good feeling that this is going to be something greater than he could’ve ever fantasized.

That this was the beginning of something special.

Something magical.

Something fantastic.

Something wonderful.

It’s the start of something beautiful beyond words can describe.

Something pure…

Something extraordinary…

The beginning of a heart meltingly sweet relationship. One that will surely be filled with pure love and affection.

Filled with intimacy that he had only dreamed of.

Filled with a sense trust that he would never break, not now, not even in a million years.

Filled with sweet words that will be shared by both of them.

Filled with the gentle touches and sleepy cuddles that will relieve him of his stress and anxieties.

A spectacular love imbued relationship. A heavenly love that has bloomed on this beautiful Saturday.

And any bad thoughts that came through Shadow Milk’s head that doubted the relationship would last long, were instantly snuffed out. Snuffed out by the sheer grace and joy he was currently feeling. And if he’s being truthfully honest…

He’s so happy that he could die.

Chapter Text

Tomorrow is now today and Shadow Milk is starting to get nervous. His hands trembling too much to even put on eyeliner. He couldn’t stop twirling his long strands of hair, today is his first ever date with his now boyfriend, Vanilla. He made sure to dress his absolute best, a blue tie with black leggings and his lace tank top. Platform shoes, along with styling his hair into a bubble tail to top off the look and at long last he’s ready to step foot out of his apartment and walk to the mall. Preferably he would’ve left with a face of makeup, unfortunately his anxiety had other plans.

He spots his blonde haired angel instantly, trying to find a balance between rushing to him and walking at a regular pace. His face looked oh, so kissable, but he restrained himself. Not wanting to break any unspoken boundaries that were expected. “Hello Bluebird.” His face turned red at the name and he turned around to rectify it. Before responding himself.

“H-hi there Silly Vanilly.” He was never really good with nicknames or anything of the like. So it wasn’t surprising when he felt fear upon hearing Vanilla chuckle at the name. “That’s such a ‘silly’ thing to call me. I adore it…” The lovers walk into the mall, Vanilla easily leading them to the theater. They had decided to see a horror movie, which Shadow Milk wasn’t looking forward too. But he didn’t want to upset his boyfriend with his stupid movie preferences. Vanilla squeezes his hand as they stand in line of the concession stand to get snacks.

“We can leave if the movie is too much for you. I really don’t mind, so long as you’re having a good time, okay?”

He looks away, slightly embarrassed that he was able to figure out Shadow Milk’s hesitation. He never really liked horror movies, he understood that the loud noises and flashing lights were used to scare the audience. Yet he hated the genre, seeing blood and heavy amounts of gore always made him squeamish and disgusted to an even greater extent than other people. To the point where he would get nauseous and meltdown on the spot. The only good thing about this genre was the instrumental soundtrack and sound design.

“I think I’ll be fine.”

Vanilla’s smile wavered for a moment before blinding him with the warmth emitting from it. “Well, if you’re sure then okay.”

Vanilla insisted that he would be the one to pay for the snacks and popcorn. Shadow Milk had decided that he would want some candy, if he’s going to make himself suffer through this, he might as well have something sweet. Once purchasing they make their way to the theater, he flips the chair for Shadow Milk to sit down in. He sits down as the blonde places the popcorn bucket in between them.

The time frame of preview trailers on the silver screen was filled with hushed conversations between the couple, soon the lights in the room dimmed and the blissful conversation were hushed up. And now he was really regretting not being honest to Vanilla about his distain for horror. The movie begins and Vanilla holds his hand in support and comfort. It does little to ease the tension as he grabs his lover’s hand with a suffocating grip whilst the opening scene plays, he knows how these movies open with a kill. But it doesn’t start like how he expected it to.

Opening instead on a railroad track and a car driving over it. The camera cuts to a blindfolded well dressed blonde woman in the vehicle. Her boyfriend is driving the car. Shadow Milk was confused now… isn’t this supposed to be a horror movie? He wasn’t complaining he was just confused. He couldn’t help but softly smile at the couple on screen. They reminded him so much of himself and Vanilla, he turns to look at him, “They’re cute together.” Vanilla’s eyes light up, “They are.” Shadow Milk redirects his attention back towards the silver screen. The crowded elevator scene made him feel a bit uncomfortable, the woman on screen was so relatable with her reluctance to go enter the elevator in that moment. Slowly his tight grip on his boyfriend’s hand released. He was fine?! This is fine!!! He can do this!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!!!

“Some fun facts about the Skyview Tower: It’s four hundred and ninety feet four tall and weighs over nine thousand tons! It’s made of steel and reinforced concrete and glass, and even more impressive, the entire project was completed five months ahead of schedule!” He wondered if the blonde woman was meant to be read as neurodivergent in some way. He certainly found her to be very relatable.

The scene where she stopped her rushing to the ladies room and froze to look down, really felt like a personal attack. He also got similar reaction when high up. They’re at the top of the tower now. The boy from earlier about to throw a penny.

“Don’t drop that penny. It could kill somebody!”

He didn’t even need to listen to the dialogue to know what was going to happen next. It was a proposal scene. Shadow Milk was fully relaxed at this point. Relaxation grew into excitement as a familiar song played in the background. He squealed in gleeful disbelief, “You okay?” His head snapped to Vanilla. Absolutely beaming at the song choice, his foot bouncing to the beat.

“I love that song!”

And just as he turned back to the screen… the glass shattered and people were falling… falling to their deaths. And the tight grip that was on his lover’s hand, returned with a vengeance as gushes of blood rose from the bodies when they made impact. Vanilla turns to him, he speaks again, “Like I said, we can leave if it’s too much. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable, which, I don’t mean to assume, but I think you already are.”

He lets out a single word that almost didn’t leave his lips. Squeezing his eyes shut and croaking out that one word. His mind beating him up with a chorus of; Your so pathetic! You’re ruining everything already! Don’t you dare say that you want to leave!! The elevator slammed down on the older guy, leaving behind a pile of bloody gore that almost made Shadow Milk gag. He gripped his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

“Please.”

—

Vanilla wastes no time in pulling his boyfriend out of his seat and leading him out of the theater. He felt so guilty about it, he should’ve pressed when his boyfriend answered yes so quickly to the movie choice. They exited the theater and went to the food court. Grabbing his bottle of water and snacks from his bag, whenever he and Crepe went to the theaters he would sneak in his own beverages and snacks for Crepe to munch on. And right now is no different, he opens the bag of snacks for his love. Watching him eat slowly, his eyes still shut. Once he was done he rubs his thumb on his hand, making sure to give him his most reassuring smile as he slowly opens his clamped eyes.

“Hello dear Bluebird. Are you feeling better?”

He responds, however it’s not one that he expected. “M’sorry.”

“You’re perfectly fine, Bluebird. Now I know that you don’t like horror movies. In hindsight, I should’ve asked you further after you said yes immediately.”

Shadow Milk looks away in shame as Vanilla tries to meet his gaze. He gently grabs his hand to hold. He looks at him once again, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t even last twenty minutes without freaking out over a tiny bit of blood.”

“Bluebird, that’s understandable. You didn’t ruin anything by wanting to leave. I want to make that clear. Besides we can still have fun here.”

Shadow Milk sighs and mumbles an “okay,” and the two continue strolling aimlessly through the mall. Happening upon book stores and clothing shops and browsing through the wares. The teeny tiny moments that Shadow Milk showed his affection through blowing kisses from across the store and swiping Vanilla’s hair away from his face when blonde strands obscured his vision slightly, made the whole date worth it. As they were walking past another store he felt the other stop and looking at the store for himself, he smiles.

Build A Bear Workshop. A beloved stuffed animal store that he and his child would frequent. They wouldn’t buy anything or beg him to get them one of the plushies, just browse around and see what they have. He gazes fondly at his lover’s face, he looked entranced by the place. Two minutes later he looks at Vanilla, jumping up and looking away from the display of cuddly animals.

“You want to go in?” He asks with an inviting tone as to gauge his interest. He simply laughs at the idea.

“W-what? No no no! I’m way too old for that!” Vanilla frowned, carefully dissecting his next words to say.

“Nonsense, you’re never too old to indulge in stuff like this.” Shadow Milk didn’t say anything after, but he did nod and that was all he needed. Entering into the store, his lover goes to the display of the plushies that they had. He follows him, his bluebird giving him a clueless glance.

“I thought that they were already…y’know. Why are they not stuffed?”

“It’s a workshop dearest, you pick the one you want and fill it with cotton to stuff them up. You can also give them little accessories if you want to. Do you want to try?”

He wants his boyfriend to feel comfortable with wanting items like this. He saw the conflict on his face and he wrapped his arm around his right arm. Stroking his hand up and down to try and ground him from whatever voice in his head was telling him. Whispering reassurances that he hoped would reach his lover’s ears.

—

Shadow Milk pauses for a moment. You’re too old for this! He’s going to treat you like a child if you say yes!! You’re an adult, so ACT LIKE ONE!!! He feels a hand on his arm, going up and down, the familiar self deprecating voice in his head phasing out. Being replaced with a calm and angelic voice, Vanilla’s voice. “I won’t think any less of you, if you want to get one. Really I promise.”

He looks back at the stuffed animals, eyes drifting through the various options for one that catches his eye. Finally his attention kept being drawn towards the lamb, he feels the cotton less thing and boy almighty it’s perfect. The soft yet bumpy texture felt so good when he grazed his fingers on it. He slowly lifted the lamb from container and glanced back at Vanilla, who had a surprised expression.

“What?”

“Oh! Nothing, I’m just surprised you picked that one. I would’ve expected you picked a wolf or something else. You made a great choice.”

He shoves his face into the deflated lamb, before suddenly getting a brilliant idea. “Fine! I will indulge,” Vanilla smiles and opens his mouth only to be cut off before he could say anything, “HOWEVER, only on the condition that…you get one too. And if you’re paying for this little guy which I know you are going to, the least I can do is pay for yours.” Vanilla beams and browses the options exactly like how he did.

After what felt like too long, he settled on the wolf. And Shadow Milk returned the surprised expression, to which Vanilla laughs. He leads his love to the stuffing machine and demonstrates by going first to stuff his wolf. Vanilla found himself gazing into his bluebird’s gorgeous blue eyes as he explained what to do, those eyes were just as pretty as the Milky Way Galaxy.

He sees him paying very close attention to what he does. Once he finished, he stepped aside for Shadow Milk to go up with his lamb. He walks slowly, like every step could lead to someone ostracizing him. Oh my beloved bluebird…never change yourself to fit a standard…I’ll love you regardless. Finally he puts his lamb to the stuffing machine and watches it slowly grow as more stuffing fills the once limp thing. Accessories were next and he was struggling to find anything doctor related, he hesitated before going up to a worker. “Hi, sorry for bothering you but do you know where I can find doctor related accessories for my little guy.”

The lady nodded as she walked him to the section he was looking for. He thanked her and began searching for a doctor’s coat and other related items. Vanilla decided to sneak up on him as he seemed so focused that he didn’t notice that he was already done picking for his wolf. He lifts the wolf plush over his shoulder and made a small noise that resembled biting. He sees him visibly flinch and turns around, he begins to try and slap him. He knew that there was no intent to hurt, he could see that crystal clear. The only defense Vanilla has being the very same wolf plush that was used to scare his lover in the first place.

“You cheeky doctor!! Don’t do that!!!” Vanilla continued to laugh as his eyes glanced to Shadow Milk’s lamb in a doctor’s coat. He smiled at him gently, “Is that supposed to be me?” He looks at the lamb, his face flushing again.

“Yeah,” he looks at Vanilla’s wolf, it seems that they both had the same idea of theming the plushie’s accessories after the other’s profession in life, there was just one issue, “what in the world did you dress them in?!”

“I just went off of what I thought you would wear at one of your concerts.” He lets out a dramatic gasp at his answer. His hand resting on his chest as if he was disgusted with Vanilla’s choice of outfit for his plushie self.

“Nonononono!!! This won’t do, at all!!! I’m going to make the little wolf their own outfit!! I can’t let them go out into the world looking like that!!!” Vanilla’s brows rise.

“You sew?”

“Of course I do. Where do you think all of my marvelous costumes come from?”

Vanilla simply stared, “I mean, I just assumed that you had someone else making the clothes. I had no idea that you made every single outfit that you wore.”

“Well, when you decide to go indie after five years in an idol group, you gotta get creative with how you manage your resources.”

“It must’ve taken some time for you to get used to being alone after those five years?”

“It was…,” he looks away twirling the lock of his hair that swooped over his face, “challenging to get used to. But I managed after meeting Candy and Sapph.” When Vanilla knew that they were both done with outfitting their respective plushies they head to the register. Hand in hand, the pair decided to spend a bit more time together before parting ways.

The quiet stroll through the mall was interrupted by a hushed voice. Shadow Milk’s voice. “You know,” he takes a deep breath and continues, “you didn’t have to do that for me. I’m not a baby.”

—

The plushies were purchased and by all means Shadow Milk kept questioning why in his head. Not that he didn’t regret getting the lamb, far from it. He just wanted to be perceived as an adult and not get special treatment solely because his brain worked differently. “You know, you didn’t have to do that for me. I’m not a baby,” he glances at his lover to see a look of confusion and concern on his face.

“Bluebird, what are you talking about?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want to get special treatment from you because I’m autistic and you pity me. You don’t have to conform our first date into something that makes my stupid brain feel comfortable. And the funniest thing is that I was actually looking forward to seeing that movie too, I was going to hide my face in your shoulder when I got scared. And you would have squeezed my hand gently and say ‘the scary part is over bluebird.’ But nooooooo, instead we had to leave because I couldn’t even last twenty minutes without getting uncomfortable,” he sighs and laughs grimly, “I’m such a mess, aren’t I?”

He feels a hand cup his face, wiping something away. Was he crying? He looks into Vanilla’s eyes, exactly like yesterday he’s unable to look away from his eyes. He sniffles pathetically and opens his mouth to apologize for ruining what was supposed to be a perfect first date. “Sweetheart I need you to listen to what I say, okay,” he nodded.

“You are important in this relationship too… and I would never make you feel like that you’re getting special treatment or anything like that. You are a perfectly functioning human whose feelings are valid and should be respected. I don’t know where you got the idea of shoving your true self into a bottle to please others…but I can assure you that you don’t have to hide your stunning self from me. You are safe to voice whenever you feel uncomfortable, and you are absolutely safe to be yourself around me. I want to make sure that you know that so we can avoid more situations like this. And if you feel like I’m infantilizing you in anyway, please let me know so I can cease it and you don’t suffer in silence.”

The dam broke after that. He didn’t know how much he needed to hear that, and he entangled himself into his lover’s arms in a tight hug. Gods he really needed that, almost made him wish someone had said it as clearly as his sunshine did. He eventually pulled himself away, lightly flapping his hands to calm any lingering emotions he had. He breathed deeply and released it as he looked to his sunshine again.

“Thank you…I-”

“Please don’t thank me Starlight.”

He still thanked him anyways, they simply walked back to the food court for lunch. Shadow Milk sneaking quick kisses on Vanilla’s cheek while waiting in line, he would return the favor by kissing the back of his hand, which shut Shadow Milk up mid sentence. Once sitting down they talked about pretty much anything and eventually the conversation went to the topic of Vanilla’s friends.

“You know Holly mentioned that she met you here.”

“Yeah! She’s really nice. She and I talk occasionally. I think she might be the first friend I made that wasn’t from before meeting Candy and Sapph and my old group.”

“Oh? Did something happen between you guys that resulted in not being friends anymore?”

Shadow Milk held his hands up defensively, “No! I just got back in touch with two of them!! Actually hold on…,” he brings out his phone and scrolls through his photos, lending it to Vanilla for him to see, “That’s Salty,” he swipes to another screenshot, “and this is Sugar.”

He gazed at the screen and Shadow Milk continued. “There were five of us in high school, we were called ‘The Beasts’ by the other students. I don’t know where Misty and Spicy are or what they’re doing, but I hope they are doing well.”

Vanilla had tried not to bring attention to it. He really tried to ignore the scar on his Starlight’s face, the only one over his left eye. But he really had to ask. He treads lightly, “Can I ask you something, Starry Night?”

“What is it, Nilly?”

He takes a deep breath and continues, “I apologize for asking, but the scar over your eye……what happened?” He analyzes his body language, immediately he tensed up. Hand subconsciously tracing the reddened skin, curling up in his seat as if to protect himself. Finally he answers, “I don’t like to talk about it.” He nods and takes his hand, thumb rubbing soothing circles.

“That’s fine. You can tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

—

2 pm rolled around faster than the couple had expected. The afternoon sun reflecting off the puddles on the road and sidewalk, it must’ve rained while they were inside. Vanilla cups Shadow Milk’s hands for what felt like the first time, when it was probably the twentieth time of the day. He kissed his cheeks, both of them. Whispering a faint laugh and saying, “See you next Sunday, dearest.”

Shadow Milk rubbed his wrist, taking a deep look into his eyes, he stood on his tip toes and kissed his forehead and smiled anxiously. His reply being incredibly soft and at same time, confident in tone. “See ya then, Silly Vanilly!”

And like that, the lovers parted for the day, hands slowly slipping away from the others. Almost like they didn’t want to let go, with how sluggish the movement was. Vanilla returned home to Crepe and Shadow Milk walked back to his apartment. The date might not have been as perfect as he wanted it to be, and somehow it was perfect at the same time.

It was strange. Because the night before he had fantasized everything that could’ve happened, every scenario, every moment and everything didn’t meet his fantasy. And still, he felt that it was perfect.

Perfectly real.

Perfectly raw.

Perfectly soft in terms of the energy.

And perfectly perfect in every way possible. In every way imaginable it was his perfect first date. He felt like he was floating off the ground, lighter than the air itself. He looks up at the sky, gazing at the rainbow that was in view. A bright, beautiful spectrum of colors gracing the sky with its beauty.

A single silent tear fell from his cheek and got lost in the puddle he stood in. He continued his journey back home, hoping that the future for him and his Silly Vanilly would be as bright and vibrant as that rainbow in the sky.

Chapter Text

Goldie, despite being born into a rich household, always prided herself in her resourcefulness. She built her business from scratch, insisting on not letting her parents give her a head start and doing everything herself. Her marketing skills and overall social personality proved useful to bringing the company to where it is now. Her company, “The Golden Kingdom” was conceived as a jack of all trades kind of business. They did anything and everything, building custom pc’s, jewelry, phone repairs, architectural design and that’s just off the top of her head.

The sheer variety of avenues that the company covered made it a favorite among some shareholders. But she was never in it for the money, while yes she loved the money she made. She was in it for the treasures she made along the journey. That’s what she called her employees, seeing them not just people who work for her, but rather family. With the way they all would interact, each meeting felt more like a family dinner than anything business related.

Smoked Cheese is her secretary, often acting like the full of himself older brother who really cares, but doesn’t show it. Mozzarella being the tech gal as well as the gambler at heart she is, would sometimes make bets between herself and Smoked Cheese most days. Bets on anything, from sports, to predicting a tv shows ending, or even who answers the most calls throughout the day. Both sides had a similar win rate, so it really depends on their luck. Burnt Cheese works at the front desk and they act as a substitute secretary if Smoked Cheese is absent from work. Very serious and by the book kind of guy, which sometimes got on the nerves of Mozzarella. Lastly was Fettuccine, another receptionist who doesn’t talk much, mostly using a tablet to communicate. But she’s an absolute joy to be around.

Anytime Goldie would see and or hear from her office, the antics that her treasures would get into never failed to make her laugh. She views the others in the same light, all of them are her treasures. She almost felt a motherly instinct take over sometimes when interacting with the main four. The way Mozzarella and Smoked Cheese would quarrel felt more like siblings than anything, and the times where Fettuccine would follow one of them around talking through her tablet always made the maternal instincts in her ache.

Ah well don’t dwell on things that weren’t meant to happen. It distracts from the now…but still it brings some form of healing to view those four in particular as her own children. Moving forward after receiving the news was difficult, but at the time she felt that she was living in the past. The weeks became a blur, never finding the heart to get rid of the nursery she spent so much time decorating and perfecting for her future child. Even now she still keeps the nursery, exactly as it was on that day.

But it took Smoky trying to take over and her putting him on leave, to make her realize that she couldn’t keep living like this. Admitting that she needed help wasn’t easy, she had a long mental battle with herself to get there. But she feels like she’s making progress in the healing process, it never stopped her from fantasizing on what could’ve been. When he finally came back to the company, she formally apologized for her behavior and gave him a raise in his paycheck.

Smoked Cheese stepped through the hallways to the break room. Opening the door, sliding down into the chair and letting out a long groan. Today really had put a target on his back with how bad it is. Woke up late, almost tripped while getting into the elevator and to top it all off, was the marathons he had to run, just to get a few papers over to corporate. The door opens again, “Oh! Hey Smoky~” he scowls at Mozzarella.

“Is there any reason why you’re here, while I’m on my break?”

“If annoying you counts as a-”

“Got it. I’m now going to ignore you.”

She pouts, resting her hands on her hips. “Is that any way to treat a fellow trans treasure?” Oh she did not need to go there.

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

She amps up the dramatics, “Oh my! Such a cruel man!” Giggling afterwards, her face turning serious in a matter of seconds. “No, but in all fairness, how are you doing? You just returned like six months ago from your leave.”

He side eyes her. “I’m fine. Really. I finally got the surgery during that time period. So in the end it actually benefited me.”

“You got top surgery during your period of leave?! After you tried to take over the company and made a deal behind our boss’s back?!”

“I was actually going to ask for a vacation that day, because the surgery was already scheduled. Her finding out about the deal wasn’t ideal but it worked out in the end. Especially since I was the one that helped end that strike.”

Mozzarella hung her head backwards in the chair, “Of course, how could I forget that! You bragged about it nonstop for the duration of your first week back.”

He snickers, “Well, what can I say……I am the best negotiator you guys have.~” He grabs a drink from the fridge. Mozzarella stands up from her seat, walking to the door.

“Well……just know that I’m glad you’re back. I missed you……….” He’s stunned by her openness, he supposed it made sense that she would miss him much more than some of the others. Considering that they had much in common and the amount of times that they would interact with each other, whether it was for a bet or comforting the other if one of them was feeling dysphoric. They were pretty close, so much so that he started seeing her as the little sister he never had. He responded with a tiny heart felt smile.

“Missed you too….”

—

Eternal Sugar woke up, getting ready for her early morning walk. She styled her hair in a low ponytail and put on her heart headband, looking at her wardrobe with confidence as she scanned each and every dress. Finally settling on the pastel violet one that Hollyberry had gifted her, because it “reminded me of you,” and her felt all kinds of warmth from the gift. The two girls had gotten to the point of flirting, but in the way that had no romantic context. It didn’t stop her from interpreting it as something more than “friendly flirting.”

She leaves her home, making sure to bring her keys with her. She turns the corner and almost bumps into someone. They looked interesting to say the least. Their emerald green eyes were petrifying to look at, pure white hair with speckles of black resembling the inside of a dragon fruit. They looked at her inquisitively, circling her before returning to the spot where they stood prior.

“Are you Sssssugar?”

She was grateful that she wasn’t wearing makeup right now, since it would’ve been ruined with how much she’s sweating right now. How did they know my name???! She opened her mouth to rebut the question back to them. Admittedly this was probably a stupid decision to make if it turns out that they were a stalker of hers. She had a pile of restraining orders because of that. But they interrupted her.

“Holly talks about you…… I apologize if I frightened you right away. Probably shouldn’t have ssssstarted with that.”

Finally her voice returns to her, “How do you know Hollyberry?” They respond bluntly, a juxtaposition to the absolute bombshell that they dropped.

“She’s my ex girlfriend.”

Ex girlfriend??? Hollyberry never mentioned any exes…did she??? She recomposes herself and turns to them, “I’m sorry for assuming! You scared me so bad when you used my real name. What’s your name? Holly hasn’t mentioned anything about you.”

“Pitaya. And I understand if sssshe never brought me up around you. She says she’s fine, but I can tell she is still upssssset over the breakup too.” They look at her again, as she asks something.

“Care to join me then? I some questions about Holly and I want answers.”

They shrug and the two walk together. Awkwardly avoiding eye contact, they couldn’t blame her though. If they were crushing on someone and just so happened to bump into said person’s ex then they too would be awkward about it. Finally she mumbled out a question that they almost didn’t hear. “What was she like? When you were dating I mean..”

“She’s bright and kind, but incredibly sssstrict and stubborn too. That was something we both had in common, the stubbornness. She helped me figure out my gender identity. We wouldn’t always see eye to eye…… we used to do these evening jogs after our ssssshift and man I was out of breath after every single time,” they sniffed, trying to keep any tears from forming, “you know the hilarioussss part is that……right now, I would give anything just to go back and jog with her again.” Eternal Sugar stayed quiet for a moment before responding.

“You don’t know what you have, until you lose it. I know that feeling, I had this friend group in high school, we were all incredibly close. Now with all of them being busy, I find myself yearning for those days to come back. The Saturday nights when we would go out for karaoke, the sleepovers, the conversations in the cafeteria. But you can’t go back, time is like a linear stream that you are floating in. And the currents keep pushing you back and you have no choice but to keep moving forward…”

They look to her, eyes misty and having a longing look to them. They shake their head to snap out of it, turning to face her. They stuttered out a sigh and gave her one final massage before they parted, “It was nice meeting you. You now have my blessing to date Hollyberry should you get to that level. But if you ever dare to break her heart, you will not have a good time. Take care, Eternal Ssssugar.”

She stood there, waving goodbye. Her mind processing what had just been laid out on the table. She got the okay from her crushes ex partner to date her. She walked back to her house and laid down in bed, staring at the ceiling. It’s funny, she was doing exactly that when she realized that she was in love with Hollyberry. Her heart was bursting out her chest with how fast it was beating. She hadn’t felt this amount of drive since the night she messaged Hollyberry that “goodnight, I love you,” for the first time. The “I love you too,” she sent back, almost made her heart stop.

She sighed and dialed Hollyberry to talk to her. She won’t tell her anything regarding what her ex told her, but she just wants to talk to her. Hear that glorious voice again. The phone rings for a second before being picked up.

“Sugar! Hi!” Such music to her ears that voice is. She stifled a giggle.

“Hello dearest~ how is my favorite woman doing today?”

“Fine, what about you angel?”

“I actually have something to ask, if it’s not too personal…” She twirls her hair, searching for the words to form her question.

“What is it?”

“Did you have a ex partner? Because I think I encountered them while walking this morning…”

Her voice turns to mild surprise and excitement, “Oh! You ran into Pitaya? Yeah that’s them, they’re really sweet! Did they recognize you? I mentioned you offhand during shifts at the bar.”

“Yeah they recognized me, I thought they were a stalker because they used my first name.” She hears a laugh from Holly, she smiles.

“Yeah they can kinda be very to the point when talking. But you two got along well, right?”

“I suppose……I mean I don’t know them as well as you. I just wanted to make sure, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Bye, sugar cube.”

Hollyberry hung up and continued her bicep curls. She’s been feeling more and more sure that Eternal Sugar is the one for her. The two were practically soulmates with how much they had in common. Similar hobbies, philosophies, fashion sense among others. It was like the two were made for each other.

Two sides of the same coin…. Two halves of a heart that are destined to be together. And she knew that she had to tell her, but still thought that the time wasn’t right. Hollyberry groaned at herself inside, as she leaves the gym and returns home.

Hopefully the time to tell Eternal Sugar will be soon….

—

If you were to ask Silent Salt for a favorite memory from their time with the other beasts, they wouldn’t give you a clear answer right away. But they would say that it would be the morning when spring breaks final day rolled in.

Sugar’s father got a set of hotel rooms for all of them at a hotel near the beach. The hotel was fancy but not too expensive. Service was decent and the food was phenomenal, definitely the best hotel food they had. The particular memory in the trip needed some context, however.

They were the second to wake up among the group. The first person to wake up would be Shadow Milk, yet every time they wake up they would see Shadow Milk’s empty spot in bed, and nowhere to be found. But by the time the sun had fully ascended, he would be knocking on the door to be let back into the room. He would brush off any question regarding his whereabouts during the time frame he would disappear.

That was until one particular day, the day before the first day back to school. They were shaken awake by an excited Shadow Milk. “Salty! Wake up!! I’m going to show you guys what I have been doing all those mornings!!!!” They glanced at the bedside clock, 5:05 AM in the morning. They slowly got out of bed and started to get dressed. Shadow Milk tapping his hand against the door impatiently. Finally they exit the restroom to find him by the door.

“Come on! We’re waking Spicy and Sugar up first!!” Oh that’s a bad idea…. Not waking up Spice, but Sugar absolutely hates being woken up way too early in the morning. Shadow Milk basically dashing straight towards the room that Spice, Sugar and her father were stay in. His feet drumming in place on the carpeted floor, hands balled up and bumping against each other. Any time he did that, it was obvious that he was incredibly happy and excited about something. Sugar’s father answered the door and let them both in. He rushes into the room, scaring the life out of the older man.

He takes a look at Sugar’s sleeping form and brings his mouth close to her ear. “WAKE UP SUGAR!!!” She jumps up in bed, eyes snapping open as she looks around rapidly. Finally her eyes landing on Shadow Milk, she gives him a death glare, “Blueberry……, it’s like five am,” her speech slurring with sleepiness, “what the hellllllll………are you doing?!” He jumped off of her bed, not caring that he had angered her.

“I’ll explain in the elevator!! Just get ready and wake up Spicy!! I’m gonna go grab Flour!!!”

She growls tiredly as she slowly walks to Spice’s bed. She lays her body on his back and the sudden weight of another person in bed woke him up. “Pinkie, what are you doing?” She yawns loudly, which earned a laugh from her father. “Spiccccccyyyyyy……… Bb’s torturing me with sleep deprivation………” He sighs and retorts, “Well that’s your problem.”

“You too are part of the torture too…………” He slowly sits up, spotting Silent Salt watching the whole time. “The heck is happening?”

“Milk is finally going to show us where he’s been going to all these mornings.”

“Oh cool. I’ve been trying to get a straight answer out of him, but he won’t answer.”

Mystic Flour had ascended from her bed to investigate the knocking on her door. Room service wasn’t the likely answer to her minds numerous queries regarding the noise. Regardless she opens the door to see her friend, Yǐngzǐ niúnǎi. Well that’s his name in her native tongue, she mostly uses it as a nickname for him. He sported the widest smile she ever seen. “Blue, what do I owe the pleasure of your arrival so early?” He squeals way too loudly and she shuffles him into her room. He looks startled and confused by her actions.

“I sincerely apologize. I know you don’t like being touched unless you’re the one to initiate it, but you ran the risk of waking up other people.” His eyes widened, bringing his hand up to his hair to scratch his scalp sheepishly.

“Sorry! Sorry, I just wanna tell you to get ready!! I’m going to show you guys something!!!” His feet produced a soft drumming noise, the sound echoing softly through the room and bouncing off the walls.

“I would happily accompany you and the others. I will be ready in ten minutes.” Once she has finished getting ready, Shadow Milk grabs her hand and starts running towards the elevator. As they turn to it she spots the others, and she greets each of them. Sugar being noticeably more moody than usual. She glances up to Spice, “He woke her up first and she’s incredibly sleep lagged.” Flour chuckles as the elevator door opens, she, Sugar, and Shadow all went in. Spice and Salt instead that they go down first, Sugar continues to glare at him as the elevator descends, “Milky. This better be worth waking up for!”

“Trust me Sugar, it’s absolutely worth it!!!”

Spice and Salt exit their elevator and Shadow Milk motions the group to follow him. They were all lead out the hotel and to the beach. Shadow Milk excitedly rambling to the others, “So I started doing this on Tuesday and then it became a routine thing for me!!” He jumped in place as he continued to explain, “So what I do first is that I just take a walk near the shore, I make sure not to go too far away from the hotel. Then whenever the first light shines, I rush back to the sidewalk, sit down and watch the sun rise.” Routine, he’s sharing his routine with them. It’s kinda funny to Shadow Milk, because he could never see his past self doing anything like this.

Hell his past self couldn’t even imagine that he would actually have friends. And not fake friends who abandon you when you’re not useful anymore, real and genuine friends who care enough to engage with him. Finally the group reaches the shoreline, “And I kind of figured that, well since this’ll be the last time I do this… I wanted you guys to be a part of it too. I hope that’s alright?” The silence was deafening and he was starting to get nervous, before suddenly feeling the hand on his shoulder. Burning Spice’s hand, a small blush formed on his face at the gesture. His eyes shifting away as he waits.

“Are we going to walk or something?” He almost cried, holding back tears as he nodded and the group walked together. He always preferred walking alone, but this……… was phenomenal too. Considering that the group were the only ones on the beach at this time, made it better. The sounds of laughter and light hearted banter were the only noise other than the sound of the ocean. Flour stopped in place, Spice turns around to face her.

“What’s up?”

“The light.” Everything is getting lighter now. They all didn’t notice until she pointed it out. Shadow Milk bounced away from the shoreline taking deep breaths and turning to his friend, Spice feeling a light tap from the shorter guy, turned to him as he took his breaths. “Race ya,” was all he said before running off, Spice trailing after him and catching up fast. Sugar couldn’t help but giggle at the boys antics. It was Shadow Milk and Burning Spice’s thing, little races between them that would always end with Spice winning.

By the time she, Flour and Salt got up to the pavement, Shadow was out of breath and sitting on the bench, bouncing his leg rapidly. “One……of these days…… I’m going to win…….”

“I know, I know. You’re getting faster every time.” Spice waves at the others, sitting down and looking ahead. Beforehand Sugar decided to take a candid selfie of the group to remember the occasion. Silent Salt still has that selfie as their wallpaper on their phone to this day. The sun slowly rising and its shining rays reflecting on the oceans surface.

The sky’s color fading from the deep indigo of night and into the bright light blue purple and pinks of dawn. And in that moment they knew that their newest friend felt extremely loved. It wasn’t easy getting to this point with him after Spice introduced Shadow Milk to the group, the entire dynamic of the friend group shifted. The first week after the pep rally, he was apprehensive, closed off emotionally, anytime he talked felt like he was reading from a script rather than his own words. He was so distant, but after that period of time passed, he started to slowly open up.

It would start with him mentioning his interest in music and the Idol industry. When he realized that the group wasn’t ostracizing him for his interests, he started talking more and more. He started stimming around them all openly, after a incident involving a meltdown and him seeing that the group didn’t mind him stimming. He was thriving!

And that, at least in Silent Salt’s opinion, was the best memory ever created of all five of them.

Five Beasts. Watching the sunrise, truly a great moment.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk was internally panicking as the days passed to his next concert out of state. He used to never have problems going out of town to perform, but that was before he started dating Vanilla. Now he’s on his way to the park where they confessed their feelings for a picnic. They moved the date to Tuesday, when he suddenly remembered the next concert. He’s the first one to arrive at the spot, rocking himself back and forth on the bench.

He knew that they had to make the date quick, since Vanilla had to go to work at eight. He glances at the path to spot Vanilla speed walking to him. “Sorry for being late! Had to stop at home and some other places to get the stuff!”

“Vanilly you’re fine. Come on, I’m starving…which is kinda my fault for forgetting to eat dinner last night.” Vanilla looked at him in shocked disbelief. “Please tell me you’re lying to me, Bluebird?” Shadow Milk let out a halfhearted laugh, “Wish I was.”

Vanilla laid the blanket over the grass and then patted the blanket, a quiet invitation to join him. Shadow Milk sat down and looked into the basket to see little macaroons inside. He didn’t know if that was a soul read or not, but he turned his attention to his sunshine with the biggest grin on his face. “How did you know?!”

“Know what, Starry Night?”

He takes one of the macaroons out and holds up for Vanilla to see, “I love these things!!” He takes a bite out of the pastry that he held, face scrunching up into a smile as he chews on the sweet. “I’m glad you like them. I got them on the way home and…oh yeah! I brought you something.” He walks to the bench and lifts a rectangular cardboard box to the blanket. Shadow Milk didn’t even notice that it was there until he brought it over.

“Nilly I don’t want you to spoil me with gifts.”

“Bluebird, it’s the cane you commissioned. They finished it yesterday evening.”

Oh yeah, he almost forgot about that…. He opened the box and gasped. It looked perfect. Everything from the crown holding the blueberry handle, the various shades of blue used. They even added the little top edges sticking out that he clarified was optional. He traced his fingers over the spherical handle and his breath hitched, it’s so smooth. It was like they ripped the design off the paper and into the real world kind of accuracy. “Well?”

“It’s perfect.” He takes his attention away from the marvel that is his new cane and took another macaroon from the basket. Popping it into his mouth, then he remembered why he had to move the date to today. He withdrew, hugging the cane close to his chest. Vanilla notices the shift instantly, “Is everything alright, dearest?” Shadow Milk takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for what he has to say.

“There’s going to be another concert, but it’s out of state.” Vanilla blinks, his eyelashes fluttering in the cutest way.

“That’s okay,” he raises his hand up and hovers it over his knee, “may I?” Shadow Milk nods and feels the warm hand resting on his knee. The warmth of his hand making him feel so good and fuzzy inside.

“And here’s the issue, I used to be completely fine with leaving out of state, but now I have you and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how I’m going handle being away from you.”

“We can still text and call each other.”

“Yeah but it’s not the same. I want to see your glimmering gorgeous face all the time now! And it’s too late to cancel it now!!”

Vanilla takes deep exaggerated breaths for him to copy, he does after a few moments. “When do you leave?”

“Friday, the concert isn’t till Saturday, we just need to get to the hotel early and do dress rehearsals, I don’t get back till Sunday night. Why?”

Vanilla smiles that same sweet smile, the one that makes his heart sing and swell with sheer love. “I have an idea, you said you return on Sunday night, right?” He nods.

“Since you feel kinda guilty about leaving for that timeframe…I will let you sleep at my place when you return home that night, we could make up for lost time and Crepe would be over the moon to see you again. That is……of course, if you’re okay with that.”

Shadow Milk hummed in thought, it sounded like a decent enough idea. He hasn’t seen Vanilla’s place before, so it’ll be nice to see where he lives. But he felt as though it was too soon to stay there. Hell they just started dating two days ago! So he felt a bit of apprehension, then again he knew that Black Sapphire and Candy Apple would both be incredibly tired after the flight.

“I don’t mind the offer. I’m just a bit nervous about staying at your house, y’know? We just started seeing each other and I feel like this is too soon.”

“Admittedly I would’ve liked to have this happen later rather than now, but that’s not in our control as of right now.”

Shadow Milk takes another macaroon from the basket and chomps into it, swallowing afterwards. “If that means I can wake up and see you again then that sounds good.”

Vanilla beamed brightly, taking Shadow Milk’s hand and gently kissing it. He blushed and turned away, but then something unexpected happened. He takes his hand and kisses back, Vanilla would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel pink creeping on his face. The kiss was tiny and quick, yet at the same time was so blissfully soft.

Ten minutes to eight they decided to wrap up their impromptu picnic date. Not without Vanilla sneaking a goodbye kiss on his cheek, causing his bluebird to blush as he walks away. Shadow Milk keeps walking to his apartment building, crouching down near the entrance to message Black Sapphire about the specifics of the concert.

Shamil: Hey Sapphire, I know that the tickets were already put up, but do you know anything else? Like concert venue and other stuff like that?

Radio Rebel: You got an indoor venue, a big one too. Have you decided on what you’re wearing?

Shamil: Gonna decide today. My cane is finished btw.

Radio Rebel: Send a pic.

Shadow Milk takes a picture of his stunning new cane and sends it to Sapphire.

Radio Rebel: Dang…… you think you’re going to have to use it for the concert???

Shamil: Idk. I’m bringing it just in case I have a flare up.

Little miss toffee: I just woke up and OMG Shamil!!! That cane looks amazing!!!

Shamil: RIGHT?! Like I gave them a reference sheet for them to follow and they the end result is practically identical to the one I sketched!!!

Radio Rebel: Now before you two continue gushing over the cane, Shamil are you absolutely sure with the song selection and that there aren’t any last minute song changes?

Shamil: Yeah I’m sure. Besides this is the first time I changed the structure of the concert, so I wanna keep it simple.

The change in structure had been a long time coming. He got tired of the same full hour and wanted to spin things up a bit. He also wants the live band to get their moment in the spotlight, so he finally decides that he changed the structure of his concerts. He expanded the song palette and sectioned the songs into two acts. Act One, which was the first hour of the show, has alot of his original music and two Vocaloid covers. The intermission would had the live band perform and give him enough time to change costume for the second half. Act Two has a few more songs and a final Vocaloid track. He sometimes adds more than one Vocaloid track to the concerts to spice it up. Keeps the people guessing on songs.

Shamil: Did you announce the change in structure yet?

Radio Rebel: Yeah. Response is cautiously optimistic.

Shamil: Well that’s good.

Little miss toffee: Some people are asking if you’re going to bring your cane or not. Speaking of which, you’ll probably have to learn how to dance with the thing.

Shamil: Shit……I forgot about that.

Radio Rebel: Well dance practice is on Thursday so you’ll have to learn then. How’s that english version of Heart A La Mode going btw?

Shamil: Made huge progress on writing it after Sunday’s date with my boyfriend. I’m almost done actually. Ty for asking :).

Little miss toffee: WAIT YOUR DATING SOMEONE?!????!!! WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN????!!!!!!?!

Shamil: Yeah!!! I just came back from a second date with him!! We confessed our feelings last Saturday and we had our first date on Sunday!!!

Little miss toffee: The one weekend that I decide to sleep in, I miss a FUCKING LOT!!!!!!

Radio Rebel: I would’ve told you, but decided against it for the sake of you having your days off.

Shamil: gonna go and continue writing that English version, talk to you both later.

—

The whole thing with his dad is……weird. Not that Capsaicin doesn’t like his dad by any means, he’s incredibly thankful that he got him out of foster care and allowed him to stay in the same school district as his partners. It was just…… strange, how someone who brought you into this world could just hide your existence from everyone. Even your own flesh and blood.

Capsaicin was still learning a lot about the outside world, he was mostly kept indoors with barely any human contact. The only human interaction he would have was with his mother, and she was ruthless. He got out of her care when he turned twelve, but by then the damage was done. He was considered what the system would call: a difficult child. Horrendous nightmares and panic attacks triggered by the mere sound of chains metallic jingling. He always keeps his wrists covered by long sleeves, as the shackles on his wrists were so tight that they left visible scars.

The day his social worker discovered the existence of his father had basically shattered everything. Mom claimed that dad wanted nothing to do with him and that he’s better off forgotten. Now that same man wanted to meet him, he really didn’t want to. But the social worker insisted that he should, since he was a blood relative and that he could be placed under his care. Capsaicin entered in alone, the social worker following behind him. Leading him straight to his dad, he gets up from his seat. They stare at each other for a while, both not knowing what to say. The older man sits back down and points to the empty chair across from him, Capsaicin obliged sitting down.

“So. You’re Capsaicin. You look kinda like…-” he interrupts the man, unknowingly finishing his sentence.

“You.” They go back to silence once again. The air awkward as the two kept their mouths shut. He see’s the man’s eyes drifting down to his wrist, Capsaicin hastily pulled his sleeve over it. Even though he kinda had a manipulated bias against his father, he still didn’t want to give the man his baggage. He could still throw him out and off to another foster home. He hears a throat being cleared and a gruff voice.

“Let me say……I’m sorry.” Capsaicin’s brow raised, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner, I can’t imagine what you have been through. Just know that…… had I known you were born, I would’ve stayed for you. And gods know that foster care was kind to you…-” Capsaicin laughs.

“Foster care is like a sick joke that never stops giving. You get pulled away from your mother and then you spin a wheel. But hope to gods almighty that you don’t land on one that’s using you as a cash cow or worse one that reenacts the same thing that you’ve been through to get in this system in the first place. Foster care is worse than prison. Well in my opinion.”

The man took a few deep breaths before speaking again, “Capsaicin, I even know what to say outside of apologizing. Which is something I don’t think you would appreciate… But I can assure you that, if you are to be placed in my care, then I will do anything to make sure that you are okay.”

It’s been three months since the father and son met. There were some hurdles that had to be discussed, another nightmare Capsaicin had occurred. The sounds of his shackles still ringing in his ears, the environment warping itself to resemble the room he was kept in. This is one of his worse ones. His dad was at his bedside, checking on him when he started to panic. His breathing was out of control, and yet the man stayed. He helped ground his child, Capsaicin could tell that his dad was panicking too, but he held it together for him. The man walked him through his five senses, and once he calmed down he spoke.

“Where were you? All those years?” The older man stayed quiet, pondering on his son’s question.

“Went to college, did some stand up, found that was going good and stuck with that.” Capsaicin listened to him, “And you didn’t think to contact mom?”

“I did. She screamed at me over the phone, told me to never call her again.”

“Why?” He’s trembling now, trying to grasp the fact that his dad actually did try to be there. “Cap’s, firefly-”

“I know you didn’t wish to god or whatever higher being for this fucked up teenager to be in your life, but I just…” his father held out his hand.

“Do you mind if I touch you?” Capsaicin nods, his dad taking both of his hands into his own. Taking deep breaths, before finally talking to his son.

“You’re kinda not wrong about what you said, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are my son. And I know that I am horrible at parenting, but I at least want to try and help you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I need you to know that,” Capsaicin opens his mouth, but his father continues, “sometimes whenever I think I’m doing something wrong, you know like yelling at you when you haven’t done your laundry or homework… I wonder if I’m acting just like her. I mean I saw the way you would flinch every time I raise my voice. Gods, I’m not good this whole “being a father” thing.” Capsaicin hugs him. Feeling his dad’s body lightly tensing, clearly startled by the gesture.

“Well…… I’d say you’re much better than some of my foster parents. You’re leagues above mom too.” He hears a hitched breath and stayed. As tears rolled down his cheeks, there was no noise when they fell. No whine, no whimpering, no sobs, nothing. He hears a shaky voice, “You know what I envy about you, kiddo?”

“What?”

“Your emotional maturity, in the sense of you knowing exactly what to say to make the people around you feel okay.” He gets up, stretching his back out straight. Hand hovering over his kid’s shoulder, Capsaicin nods and he proceeds to pat him on the shoulder.

“Get some sleep, Cap’s. Love you.” Capsaicin turns to lay back down in bed, tiredly murmuring something that he didn’t mean to say out loud, but as he closed his eyes he found that he didn’t care if he said it out loud. It was a long three months coming.

“Goodnight, dad. Love you too.”

—

Crepe still remembers exactly how they discovered Shamil. They were passing time in class after finishing another test earlier than their classmates, so they took to scrolling through TikTok. They didn’t really have anything better to do, they were going through a pretty rough artist block in terms of new designs for their robots anyways. And one stumbled onto their feed, their attention wasn’t impressed with him at first.

He didn’t stand out until he put on some music. The moment they saw the slight rocking he did, they paid attention. They checked his page, and he had a full version of the prior video. They excused themselves from class and sat beside the door. Watching the video, noticing all of the little things. The light humming, rocking himself with a smile on his face, the wringing of his wrists. They didn’t know if they were looking too much into or not. But once the video was done, one thing was certain about this idol.

He was just like them. In terms of being autistic, there’s no way he was faking his autism. They knew what that looked like, and they were right in the assumption that he was stimming… it was certainly the most convincing stimming they’ve seen on the platform. They were scrolling through the rest of the idol’s page with that perspective in mind. Finding that the two even shared some similar stims, which was incredibly surprising.

They were pretty much hooked after that. That day was pretty much the start of a hyper fixation like no other. They started following him on every social that they had access to. Watching videos of him at his concerts cemented their interest even more. Solely because he truly looked happy to be there, they were able to recognize that kind of happiness. As they felt it when they would successfully finish building one of their robots. They didn’t think he was faking that’s level of happiness. They could tell from his eyes that he’s absolutely overjoyed to perform.

It didn’t feel like the other idols and the way that they smiled. Those were fake, at least that’s what they think. Shamil’s on the other hand, was real. It was especially apparent in his performance of “Love! Snow! Really Magic,” the expressiveness both in his dancing and face, was what they could only describe as pure and unrestrained happiness.

They weren’t distracted, they were just trying to pass the time till they got to go home to ask dad about the impromptu date. At long last the bell rings and they bounced out their seat, running out to their dad. They skipped across the road, bouncing in excitement as they hugged him. He gave them a head pat and the pair began their walk home.

“So how was the date?! Did you talk?! Did you kiss him on the lips or not?!”

Their dad raised his hands defensively, “Sweetcake, we’re not there yet. But I do want to inform you of something.” Their put their finger to their chin, confusion evident.

“What is it dad?”

“Well, how would you feel about Shamil staying the night with us when he returns from a concert out of state?” Their eyes widened at the question, processing the implications of it. Once it finally sunk in, they flapped their hands at an unidentifiable speed.

“YES!!! OH MY GOD YES!!!!!” Vanilla smiled at his child’s reaction.

“That’s good. I just wanted to make sure it’s okay with you, Sweetcake. I know you don’t like unexpected changes.” They simply scoff at their dad’s comment.

“THIS IS THE ONE EXCEPTION!!!!” He opens the door to the house and Crepe hugs him again, before rushing back up stairs to finish any remaining homework from their classes. Vanilla gets out his phone and texts Shadow Milk.

‘I just told Crepe the plan.’

‘Are they fine with it??’

‘They are practically jumping off the walls excited!’

‘Well that’s great, oh yeah if you wanna stop by the dance studio in the future, I can send you the address. Idk what prompted me to suddenly remember that, but yeah.’

‘I’d love to visit!’

‘Gotta go to sleep now, have to practice singing tomorrow. I’ll send the address tomorrow.’

‘Have the sweetest dreams, Bluebird.’

‘You too, my Sunshine.’

Chapter Text

“And it’s sweet, a Heart A La Mode~” he stops, groaning in frustration. The ending felt too flat. Its like his vocal cords didn’t want to work with him today. He was always a perfectionist when it came to his concerts, and that included everything. Even how he sang the songs, to make sure the performance is as good as it can be. Yet, here he was…with his third draft of an english rendition of Heart A La Mode, struggling to get the soft tone he wanted. And that attempt was going so well, before the end.

Vocal tones were always a tricky thing for him. Shadow Milk had no problem with ranging his voice, hell his range put him on the map. It was more of the execution that was difficult. Even though he did get lessons from a coach during his time in Cherub, he still struggled with getting his voice to be just right. Energetic and loud tones were the easiest for him, deeper ones were middle of the road in terms of difficulty. Depended on the day. But soft tones, it was brutally hard.

Sometimes he would be either too loud or quiet to the point where he couldn’t hear himself. He always considered that tone of voice to be more vulnerable, so perhaps that was the reason he struggled with perfecting it. He looked back to the lyrics he wrote for the song, the whole song was about a date. So naturally, after he returned from his first date with Vanilla, he finally broke through the writers block that prevented him from writing the lyrics. Including elements from his own date into the song, which felt so surreal to write.

He still felt like he was dreaming everyday since that date, every time he wakes up he would flick his fingers as hard as he could on his thighs, just confirm that this is his reality. He clears his throat to try singing again, turning on the instrumental track for the song.

“Your voice snaps me awake

Yet I’m so tired that lulling me back

I stay in bed

Can’t fully wake up

I get up anyways,”

So far so good…

“Guess that soda will do

Rushing out the door and downing my sugar fix

I might be late!!!

I’m sorry my dear, you simply reassure me and smile sweetly.

You take my hand with the gentlest grip

And then my feelings grew stronger, oh baby.”

Decent enough…could use a slight deep dip.

“Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The warmth I feel when I see your face again

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The bitter and sweet mixing together so beautifully

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

Treasuring every second that you are near

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

I wonder if I should say it out loud~”

First part was mostly flawless. The bridge needed something to enhance it, but for what it’s worth it is pretty good. He continues.

“You decide we should go around

We’re wandering

Glazing the clothes the store displayed 

And you look up at me

I blow a kiss

We reconvene and I swipe your hair away from your face

Hands holding

And if Lady Luck is on my side, I’ll sneak chaste kisses on your cheek

Waiting in line for food, I kiss your cheek, you turn your head and take my hand 

And I’m frozen in shock, you lips are 

Touching my hand and my face is flushed.”

Still going strong. Voice hasn’t cracked yet….

“We sit down and talk there

Wishing with all my heart that time will stop 

So we can share

Our love! Oh baby!

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The warmth I feel when I see your smile again

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The bitter and sweet mixing together so effortlessly

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

Treasuring every time that you take my hand in yours

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

If only I could say it out loud~”

Don’t jinx it. It may be going great but it could go wrong again.

“The sun is shining on us

The puddles glowing with bright beams

No clouds in the sky, is it too late to say it now?

This could be my last shot

My mouth opens

Nothing comes out!

Can’t even look at you in the eyes, NO, this is bad

You watch me panic and smile again, you kiss me on the cheek

I stand and stare

Time claims it was a second, but it felt like a year

My heart beating crazy with courage and then, I stand on my toes and kiss your head 

Oh baby!”

This is it. Make or break moment.

“Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The warmth I feel when I look at your eyes 

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

The bitter and sweet mix together in the end

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

Treasuring every second that we are side by side

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

So I guess I’ll say it next time!

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

No need to watch the time, you’ll always be there

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

I’m yours and I know that you’ll always be mine

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

And through all the pain, I can count on you to be oh, so kind

Yeah-eah, oh - oh - oh!

And it’s sweet, a heart a la mode~”

Okay that was perfect! Everything went beautifully!! Now that was out of the way, the next thing on the itinerary was constructing the song. The way he went about writing his lyrics was strange, but his own. First he would write about three or four drafts of the lyrics. Once that was completed, he would mix and match some words from all the drafts to see what worked and what needed more time in the oven.

It was a perfectly balanced and consistent way of writing that he prided himself in making. The most amount of drafts he wrote was for his songs; Fallen Fount and Spire respectively. With a total of five drafts, all of which were brilliant in his work. He shifted through the stack of paper, finding the other two drafts and setting them up in order of written first.

In the end he took a lot of the lyrics from draft two and three. It was almost uncanny with how well it worked. He also had to work on planning the choreo for Fallen Fount and Spire. It would be his first time performing both songs live, and yes he loved Spire. But Fallen Fount in particular held a very special place in his heart. Taking inspiration from the Story Of Evil series of songs, it told the story of a once brilliant Fount Of Knowledge, who turned to deceit after everyone left because they couldn’t accept the truth. And the strangest things about all those drafts for Fallen Fount, was that each draft told the next part of the characters journey.

The first draft detailed the Fount’s creation, it took inspiration from an opening number from a musical that Candy recommended, “Waitress” was the name. The second draft recalled their early years and had a bitter undertone of how the Fount was created as a fully grown person who didn’t get a childhood. The third, visualized the doubts in their purpose as the wielder of knowledge, as when they told a truth that one didn’t want to hear, they turned away. Number four dived headfirst into his mind, slowly slipping into insanity as more and more people accused him of lying. Culminating into the final draft, which had them embracing the moniker of liar, spreading rumors and deceit as much as their hearts content.

In the end, he separated the song into sections to make sure that the whole story would be told. Certain details had to be cut to fit with the music, but it paid off. Fallen Fount had become one of his most popular songs, with the success of the song of course he had to continue the story. So Spire Of Lies was written to be the official sequel, which did just as well. Occasionally he would get the question of whether or not there’s a third song in the works… he would always answer with the same response.

“It’s not out of the realm of possibility. However I feel like if I were to make it, people would think I’m chasing that clout and I don’t want that. I want to continue Fount’s story on my terms. Maybe one day, whenever I have an idea. But for now this is where the story ends.”

His thoughts stop, gears turning in his head as he absentmindedly grabs a piece of paper and starts writing. He doesn’t even think about it, the sound of the pencil being dragged with each letter placed unto the paper. It was like he’s in some sort of trance. As he finishes writing, he realizes something. This is the first time since writing Fallen Fount that he’s ever felt that trance like focus. He dips his head to the paper, it was a new song. He reads the title and his heart skips a beat: Truth and Deceit.

It’s the third song. The song that he previously stated to make one day. He scans through the lyrics and quietly sings the lyrics. His voice cracking at the final bridge, “I understand you…… I’m right here…… please…… let me be youuuur friend.” Tears streaming down his face as he reads the final word of the song. “Friend?”

He took several steps back, his breath hitching as he rocked himself in an attempt to calm himself. This song spoke to him in a way that he never thought possible. It’s as though he poured his own soul into the song, every single thought, every emotion he uttered, every single ounce of loneliness that he had felt over the years. All encompassed into one song, it was the perfect direction to take Fount as a character and give the audience who were just as engaged as he was when writing the character closure. Finding no other way for their journey to end other than leaving it open ended.

He smiles and turns on his phone to record himself. He had an inkling that he needed to document the songs creation. He did the same with the prior two songs, a little behind the scenes documentary on the creation process. And considering that it was going to become a trilogy now, he has to keep the trend going. He hits the record button and runs to sit down on his bed.

“Hi, so it’s currently Wednesday afternoon and I just finished writing the first draft of the next and final chapter in Fount’s story. The song is called: Truth and Deceit. And from what I’ve written, it follows the perspective of a new character and their confrontation with Fount. I think I’ll have to go to the drawing board and write this character. But the most important aspect of this character is that they understand Fount. They understand Fount’s struggles in a way that Fount hasn’t seen before and he doesn’t know how to handle that. Either way, I’m pretty excited to see where this goes. I’ll update whenever I complete a new draft or planned out the new character. Bye!”

He tried practicing his singing for the other songs, but his mind kept going back to that third song. He was already envisioning the instrumental for it, torn between it being a full piano solo or a full on orchestra mixed with electronic music similar to Kokoro. He wanted the people listening to it to feel the same way he felt when writing and reading it. The idea of an orchestra was easily outweighing the piano solo, but it was the most expensive option. He’d have to probably do a fundraising stream in order to get the money for the orchestra.

He had previously done fundraising streams for big projects such as the Paris concert. He would have to find time in the schedule though, maybe during July or August? That would also mean a week off. The way these streams worked was that he would stream for a maximum of three days and if they managed to hit the donation goal, he’d stream for one more day before ending the stream. Regardless he wouldn’t mind doing one of those streams again, it has been a while since the last one. And he wanted to finally play that fan made prequel game live.

So he spent the rest of his day, writing the new character in that song. Basing a lot of their personality on Vanilla, surely he won’t mind. Smiling at the page while writing the backstory and occasionally doodling their appearance. Experimenting with the colors and contrast, between the soft shades of blues and yellows he realized that he wanted the music video to be animated.

The medium of animation had always mystified him. It allowed for more dynamic camera angles and expressions. It was why a lot of his music videos were animated, the storytelling that he was able to depict was immense. So many little details that people are still discovering to this day, and this one was not different. He would have to raise the donation incentive in order to pay the animators. But he didn’t mind.

In all honesty, he was content with that. He drifted back to his writing, jamming out to music on his headphones all the while.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk woke up at the crack of dawn with glee. Getting up and grabbing his usual dance practice outfit, a simple tank top and leggings. Nothing too crazy, just comfy enough to wear and move around in. He always loves this part of his job, the dancing being one of the best parts of it. He remembers to grab his tap shoes, before rushing back to the fridge to get some water. He dashed back in the moment he realized that he almost forgot his cane, which was incredibly important.

He walks to his usual dance studio that he would rent out before big concerts. The path to get there was practically muscle memory now. Candy and Sapphire were already there, waiting for him. He speed walks towards them, walking with his cane in hand. Walking with the cane took some getting used to, but overall it helped tremendously with walking. Especially when he had to make a grocery trip yesterday evening and his legs were starting to ache.

“Alright! You ready, dude?”

“Mhm.”

“Let’s go!” Black Sapphire unlocks the door to the studio and flicks on the lights. Shadow Milk takes a deep breath in, setting down his stuff on the floor, excluding his cane and walked in front of the mirror. First choreograph to do was Tokyo Teddy Bear. The song that he was supposed to sing last concert, but changed it to Lost One’s Weeping at the last minute.

The music starts and he begins tapping his cane to the beat. Bouncing in place with every click the cane echoed. Most of the moves were and are being improvised as he goes, that’s how it usually works. Spinning the cane in his hand before switching the hand holding it during the bridge. His footwork became more fast as he adjusted to the cane, quickly adapting to the accessory. The dancing felt more natural with the cane than he could’ve thought. The final verse was practically perfect, he felt like the whole dance would be incomplete without the cane.

He stopped to take a breather, bowing to Candy when he heard the soft clapping. Next dance would be without the cane, then incorporating the object into the routine. Twirling around and jumping were heavily limited by the cane, there was one good thing about it though. It provided an avenue of spinning his body around the cane. Similar to a pole dancer, if he evenly distributed his feet just right, he’d be able to mimic that dance style. Sapphire’s timer sounded and that’s his cue for a small break.

These breaks were mostly spent talking with the two, and getting suggestions for what to improve on, what needed to be cut etc. Shadow Milk decides to get up and put on his tap shoes. Standing with his back to the mirror, he warms himself up for his most complicated routine yet.

Alice Of Human Sacrifice.

The choreography combines three traditional dance styles and his own style. He tries without the cane first, as he is more familiar with the moves without it. Black Sapphire turns on the song and the dialogue begins, his arms moving gracefully, turning around slowly when the instrumental hits.

First is Meiko’s part, which was tango. Tango was simple enough, the way he moves his legs and arms felt like he was in a one of those dance plays. Kaito is next, which unfortunately is the part with tap. Tap has always been a hurdle for him, one member of the discord server showed their dance instructor a video of the first time he performed the dance during concert. The instructor liked it, but said that the tap felt extremely stiff, and he fully agreed with the sentiment. Ballet was reserved for Hatsune Miku herself and for what he likes to call “the standout moment.”

The one moment that steals the show and makes its mark as a memorable part of his career. And what was that standout moment? The fouetté, a series of four pirouettes in a row. The first time he got it perfectly was live on stage in Paris, where he first performed the song. He’ll never forget the symphony of excited screams and cheers when he completed the move, he had the biggest smile on his face. That smile is sometimes brought up by the server, hell there was a whole period of time where everyone in the discord changed their profile pictures to that close up smile. That happened around the first anniversary of the Paris concert.

And lastly the Kagamine’s part was done in his own dance style. Expressiveness and all. He groans as the song ends, the tap was still stiff. It’s a minute to twelve when he picks up the cane. Hopefully the tap will at least slightly easier with the item.

—

Vanilla parked the car close to the dance studio. Politely knocking on the door, a small box of macaroons inside. He figured he might as well pay the dashing star a visit. The door swung open to reveal a short woman standing there, white hair with red streaks tied into buns and wearing a black and white dress with a plaid patch sewn on. She looks at him with a skeptical glare, “Who are you?”

“Oh I apologize, but I believe my beloved is inside. If I’m not allowed in, then at least give him this,” just then that staff member from the concert peeked his head and accompanied the small woman. “Hey you’re Shamil’s boyfriend right?” Vanilla nods and smiles.

“Yes I am. It’s very nice to meet you both. I forgot to ask your name back at the concert.”

“Sapphire is the name, the short stack you were talking to is my little sister Candy.”

She takes his hand, “It’s nice to meet you! Come in! I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you.” He walks in to see his lover with his eyes closed. “He’s practicing, best not to make your presence known till he’s done.” He watches in awe as the star dances, he looks as though he’s in his element. The transition to the next style of dance mesmerized him. He almost didn’t notice the cane until near the end. Once the music stopped, he started clapping.

Shadow Milk turned around and visibly flinched. Turning off the music and focusing on the blonde angel that scared him. “Nilly, I thought you would be visiting in the future, I’m sorry! This place is a mess, and you’re seeing me all sweaty…….”

“Starry Night, it’s okay! I thought you’d want a snack and I wanted to see you, Bluebird.” He hands him the small box of macaroons, he opens the box and beams. Taking one and sitting down to enjoy the pastry. Vanilla joins him, “You dance beautifully.” He simply shrugs.

“I mean it was fine…… that damn tap part drags it down. I’m way too stiff with that style.” Vanilla’s eyes widened.

“If you don’t mind… perhaps I can give you some pointers? I used to do tap as a child. Now to clarify, I don’t mean to talk down to you or presume that you don’t know what you’re doing… you actually have really good footwork from what I’ve observed, I just want to help.”

Shadow Milk didn’t have to contemplate his response. He was that desperate to get the tap part perfectly. “Oh my god please!!! Do!!” Vanilla chuckled and pulled himself up from the floor. Warming up his feet for the impromptu tap dance lesson, Shadow Milk followed suit. Shadow Milk continued, “The issue is mainly trying to maintain the energy from the tango section. And the strangest part is that I feel like I was improving with the cane.” He added, bouncing in place while Vanilla looks for the tap shoes.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to use these shoes?” Shadow Milk playfully scoffed.

“Well duh! Me and Sapph did rent the place for the day so I assume, yes.” He looks through the shelves, scanning each row for the dance shoes that Vanilla needed. Finally he finds the section that the shoes were located. “Hey, Silly Nilly!” Vanilla turns to him.

“Yes, Bluebird?”

“What size are you? I found the tap shoes!”

“Oh! I believe seven or six point five.” He looks at the shoal of each shoe, growling in frustration with each one that wasn’t the correct size. Not noticing the slight shaking of his leg while his other leg was in the air, standing on the bottom row of the shelf to gain more height. Finally he found a six point five, and shouted at his love to get to him. He see’s Vanilla and hops down to face him, losing his balance and falling backwards. He closes his eyes and braces for the impact of his head hitting the floor.

Except he doesn’t feel the floor, he knows his hair is on the ground but the rest of his body is……floating?? He opens his eyes to see Vanilla’s gorgeous face, his arms wrapped around his waist in a protective hold. His eyes still that ethereal hazel and light blue, they stared for a moment longer as Shadow Milk put two and two together. Did he…… catch him? He slowly leans upward to stand correctly, the protective grip releasing from his waist. He longed for the contact to return, clearing his throat to say his piece.

“Thanks……for catching me.” The blonde angel smiled sweetly once more.

“You’re welcome, my Starry Night.”

—

Once Vanilla got on his tap shoes he placed himself in front of the mirror. The soft click and clack of the shoes bringing a sense of nostalgia. “Now one thing my old instructor taught me, is that tap doesn’t just require your footwork to be expressive. Your upper body is just as much an important component. Your moves are phenomenal, but you don’t express yourself, think of your arms as like an extension to your feet.” He steps back, “I’m going to demonstrate, mind you I am a bit rusty, so it might not be great. Would you mind tuning the music on?” Shadow Milk turns on the music, Vanilla waits patiently for the dialogue to end and the instrumental to start.

When it does, every single ounce of muscle memory came flooding back. Clicks echoed through the room as he improvised on the spot. He was never good with improvisation, especially when it came to dance. Eventually he got to the part where his bluebird was having trouble with. He briefly turned his head toward Shadow Milk, who was paying immense amounts of attention. He finishes his dance, met with his lover’s aggressively positive clapping. He bowed and motioned the other to come over.

“You tapped like a professional!! I’m honestly kinda jealous.” Vanilla smiled and stepped aside, “You next, Bluebird. And I want to see the whole dance.” Shadow Milk gets into position, dusting himself off and turning his back to Vanilla. The dialogue begins and he gracefully lifts his left arm up. His voice overlapped with the audio, it was no secret that he learned the language through listening to the songs. But often he would struggle with stringing together a coherent sentence, since most his knowledge and how he learned Japanese was listening to songs featuring Vocaloid.

This one however, doesn’t have that issue. He was able to speak in perfect Japanese, he assumed that the reason being the amount of times he would listen to the beginning trying to get it right. The instrumental begins and he starts with the tango. Spinning and exaggerated legs movements were his favorite parts of the style. Tap was next, he improvised more grander hand gestures. Taking his lover’s lesson into account, as he parted his arms from his chest and outstretched them. The end had one last outstretched hand reaching out to something invisible, then he hops up onto his toes.

Ballet. He starts the section by mimicking the slow turn of one of those statues on the top of a music box. Slowly turning on his tip toes, before gracefully twirling and jumping. He gets himself ready, and does the Fouetté perfectly. Practically beaming at his own success, he jumps again this time landing flat on his feet. Transitioning back to his own dance style, his hands forming one half of a heart and bringing both halves together. He drops to his knees, and reaches his hand out. Doing his final twirls as the song ends. He opens his eyes to his Vanilla giving him a standing ovation. He blushes a bright pink and bowed sheepishly. He walks to his boyfriend.

“That was simply magical, my Starry Night!!! No wonder you have such adoring fans…” He looks away from his lover’s eyes, trying his hardest to wipe the blush off his face. Once he’s done he turns his eyes back to those beautiful blue and hazel eyes. Instantly getting lost in them, “Oh you Silly Vanilly, you flatter me!!!” Vanilla laughs softly as he holds Shadow Milk’s head gently in his palms.

“I’m afraid I must leave. I have to get to work…”

“Call me when you get back!” Another soft laugh formed from Vanilla’s lips, dipping his lover’s head slightly down.

“Of course I will, Bluebird.” He places his lips on Shadow Milk’s head, lingering for a while longer before he heads out of the dance studio. Giving him a little wave as the door closes and he walks to his car.

—

Shadow Milk stares longingly for a moment before snapping out it and returning to his practice.

And when he thought that dance practice couldn’t be his favorite anymore than it already was. He was delightfully proven wrong, simply because he got to share a lovely moment with his sunshine. Maybe in another universe, the blonde haired angel would’ve been discovered and recruited to become an idol.

He didn’t know if Vanilla had the voice, but he definitely had the dance talent. He could see it, glittering black articles of clothing to contrast with his hair, his face and eyes remaining the same. His voice might be just as siren like when singing, his sweetness would not falter in the slightest. His daydreaming of that world was interrupted by a sudden tap on his shoulder. It was Candy Apple.

“We gotta bounce. Come on.”

Oh yeah, it’s time to leave. He grabs his stuff and leaves. Entering back into his apartment and grabbing his sketchbook. He begins to sketch the design of that new character from yesterday, he didn’t decide on a name yet. One name that’s in the runner up is Healer. Simple and it continues the naming convention that Fount has, but still it doesn’t feel right. Saint is also one that he likes, but it didn’t stick.

He wracked his head for any ideas. And finally he stumbled on something. A name that felt so right that he wondered why he didn’t think of it sooner.

Saint Sunshine, or Sunny for short. Since the new character is based on his boyfriend he figured the name would be appropriate.

After all… Vanilla always does find a way to bring sunshine into his life. So why not give Fount a similar person.

Why not give them someone who actually cares?

Why not give them someone who truly understands their loneliness and desires for connection?

Such a kindness it would be. Despite Fount not being real, he felt for them. Shadow Milk did create the character after all, so he’s bound to feel some attachment towards them. As the character’s isolation from others was from Shadow Milk’s own personal experiences growing up.

Before The Beasts, he was bullied relentlessly prior to starting high school. Not matter what he did or where he’d hide, those bullies were always around the corner to ridicule and abuse him. They told him to give up on his dreams, because according to them, he was destined to be a burden and he would never be talented enough. They ostracized him for his stimming, his sheer unrivaled passion for music and idol stuff and everything else about him seemed to get on their nerves. One time one of those bullies said that people like him shouldn’t be allowed to be seen and that the world would be better off without him in it.

And the scariest part about it…. Was that he believed them.

Eventually it got to a point where he couldn’t take existing anymore. The moment that pep rally ended, he was either going to jump onto the highway or drown himself in a lake. He hit a point of rock bottom that he never knew existed. A rock bottom, where he felt that he was a stain on the earth that needed to be removed. A bottom so deep that he was practically drowning in all of the thoughts that were telling him to end it all. He thought about the aftermath, how everyone wouldn’t even bat a eye at the mention of his death. Nobody cared enough to even check in on him while he was being abused by his peers, so he supposed that it was his time to leave this world forever. But that never happened, because someone actually did reach their hand to him. And he would silently thank Burning Spice for unknowingly saving his life that day.

Because had he not, Shadow Milk wouldn’t have met the other Beasts. He wouldn’t have become the Idol he wanted to be. He wouldn’t be here for Vanilla. Maybe that’s why he formed a small crush on Spice at the time. But that was in the past, he has his wonderfully Silly Vanilly now. He would sometimes still get those thoughts, but now he had a way to combat them. Any time that one nagging voice suggested the horrible idea, he would say to himself out loud, “No! I have people that are depending on me. I have people that care about me! I have people who would miss me if I’m gone!! I HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME!!!”

Regardless he wanted to give Fount the healing that he got when he met the people that actually cared and loved him for him. So Sunny will and would always be there to support, understand and care about Fount. Even if they try to push him away, he will remain. He will not falter in his efforts to help Fount.

It was a long time coming for the character to get a companion. And now is that time.

Chapter Text

Her finger was hovering over Eternal Sugar’s name on FaceTime. She figured now was the time to call her and let everything out. It was the last weekend of the month and she felt that the two had gotten to know each other pretty well, so why wouldn’t she just press the button. Finally after ages she taps her name. The dial rings for a moment before the text changes to connecting.

This is it… no going back now. It was obvious that she had woken up the resting woman. Her sleeping mask had been lifted onto her forehead. Her eyes snapped out of the morning tiredness lag, fully aware and alert. Grabbing her phone and fluffing up her hair to give the impression that she wasn’t just sleeping and was awake the whole time.

“Holly!!! Sweetie!!! It’s nice to see your magnificent face again~” There was the friendly flirtatious voice that made her blush on the spot, the heavenly sing song tone she used when being playful. Hollyberry took a deep breather and responded, “Hello to you too, my dear sugar cube~” Sugar’s face turned red at the nickname. She covered her face with her free hand, causing Holly to laugh. The woman through the screen composed herself and resumed speaking to Holly.

Their FaceTimes always had them talking about anything and everything. And right when Sugar lost her train of thought, she figured that this was the right moment to tell her. “Sugar, do you like me?” The other tilted her head slightly.

“Of course I do~”

“No. I mean do you like, like me? Y’know?”

Holly could pinpoint the exact moment that Sugar realized what she was asking. Her face turned a bright light pink, slightly hyperventilating as evident by the tiny rapid rising and falling chest. Eyes going wide and her mouth opening, her voice shaking and hushed with her answer coming out. “Y-yes I do!” And in that moment Hollyberry felt the biggest wave of relief and happiness consume her entire being. Snapping out of it when she hears Sugar’s elegant voice, she’s sweating. She’s nervous, as she stutters out a question.

“D-do you like me too?”

Hollyberry laughs boisterously a tear descending from her eye to her chin, Sugar looked worried at the reaction. “Why else would you think that I would ask you that, sugar cube? Of course I do!!!”

Sugar’s lips turned into a wide open grin, giggling and getting out of bed. She held back tears of joy as she continued her conversation with her now girlfriend. They resumed their previous conversation, laughing and flirting all the while. Eventually she got to her recording room, still laughing and talking to Holly.

“So where’s our first date going to be?” Sugar stopped at the question. She hadn’t thought that far ahead, but suddenly a brilliant idea came up. “There’s this Karaoke bar that I frequent. Would that be okay with you?”

“Yeah!!! Now you’re talking!!!! Haven’t done karaoke in a while!”

She smiles sweetly, “Excellent, I’ll set up the rest. Gotta go record a video. Bye, my love.”

“See you then, sugar cube.”

She twirls in her chair. Calming herself from her excitement and getting herself camera ready. The sleeping mask is still on her head, she couldn’t be damned to take it off. It was already on, might as well keep it there. She sets up the camera equipment and sits down in front of the camera. She breathes in and out, opening her mouth to say the same thing as always. However she adds something new to the usual welcome message for her fans.

“Hello my lovely little angels and sugar cubes and welcome to another video.”

—

Shadow Milk woke up to knocking on his door, he groaned and begrudgingly walked to get the door. Checking the time was a bad idea, as his eyes widened. 9:30 Am, his flight was in three hours. He opened the door, not knowing who it was but the person did enter. He started pacing and grabbing fistfuls of his hair, panicking as by now he would have everything packed and ready. He looks up briefly to see Vanilla standing there, he composes himself taking deep breaths before talking.

“Nilly hi!”

“I don’t mean to intrude, but is there a reason as to why you were panicking, Bluebird?”

Shadow Milk held up one finger, taking another deep breath to try and calm his racing heart. “I just overslept and forgot to pack my stuff for tomorrow and my flight is in three hours! No biggie!!! Hehe…….”

“Would you like some help? Sorry is that-” he cuts his sunshine off.

“I would not mind…” Vanilla shoulders slumped downward as he walked into Shadow Milk’s room, his desk had a sewing machine and a sketchbook resting near the edge. The bedding was blue, not surprising, posters of Hatsune Miku graced the walls, not every wall but quite a few. A hanging display of figurines of the digital idol floating over the work desk. He spots the lamb plushie on his bed and approaches it, smiling softly. “Your room is nice. I imagine that this little guy feels comfortable.” His lover clears his throat.

“Obviously they do,” Shadow Milk grabs his messenger bag, placing his sketchbook inside as well as a few pencils. Opening his closet and grabbing his suitcase. Going back in to grab his clothes, and the two costumes he would be wearing for the show. Vanilla takes one of the costumes and begins to fold it, when he stops him in his tracks. Vanilla looks at him confused, “The costumes go into plastic protectors first, then they go in the suitcase!! I don’t want them getting wrinkled before going on stage..” Vanilla stopped immediately, letting the clothes flop onto the bed.

“My apologies, Bluebird. Do you know where these protectors are?” Shadow Milk simply hands one of the protectors to his sunshine. After a quick thanks, he resumes. Shadow Milk taking initiative to packing his tap shoes and other items, namely his headphones and portable charger. Sliding both into his messenger bag. He couldn’t help but feel himself relax, it just felt so domestic.

The still mildly chilly air from the air conditioning and the sound of hushed conversations between the couple, made this moment so domestic. And he never had that before, so he found himself zoning out occasionally during the packing process. Only snapping out it when Vanilla would ask him how he preferred to pack certain stuff. He never really had any preference for where items should be placed in a suitcase, only the costumes got the treatment of being on top of everything else, once everything else was packed of course.

After the couple finally done with packing, Vanilla offered to give Shadow Milk a ride to the airport. To which he gladly accepted the invitation, putting his suitcase in his boyfriend’s car trunk. The car ride was quite so far, with both men not knowing what to say. Shadow Milk looked out the window as others cars passed, faintly hearing his sunshine asking him something. He turned away from the window, “What was that, Nilly?”

“Oh! I was just wondering something…”

“Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.”

“What’s it like being an Idol? And I don’t mean factually… I want to hear your perspective on it…… what does it mean to you?” Shadow Milk paused on the question. He never had anyone ask him for his perspective on it all. He thought for a while, his mind desperately trying to cobble together a coherent answer. Finally he took a deep breath and began talking.

“W-well this won’t be the most eloquent version of this answer, but I’m going to try to the best of my abilities,” he takes another breath, “okay! As a kid, I didn’t really participate in many activities and such. However somehow, I managed to snag a lead singing role in a school play. I go up there and had a realization once on stage. That I wanted to do this for a living. Fast forward to the beginning of middle school and I discovered what Idols were. And I became obsessed.” He clears his throat before continuing.

“Being an Idol to me is…… well…. It’s kinda……I don’t know how to describe it. Like it’s………indescribable….? Like when you’re on stage and you’re giving your best performance and seeing all these glow sticks shaking to the beat and hearing all the cheering is just…… I don’t have any words, other than spectacular. Then there’s the fan meetups, which are another ballpark altogether. Being able to meet people that love your music and what you do, it makes me feel like I’m making an impact. It makes me feel like I matter in this world, every time someone pours their heart out to me in a letter or when meeting me in person…… it’s just special. Like I’m making a difference.” Shadow Milk laughs and proceeds to continue his answer.

“And I’m sorry if I’m going to make an insensitive comparison, but the way I see people saying that my music has an impact on their lives is kinda like how you save people every day. I had one fan, who basically said that my music saved them because they felt seen when listening to it. I know it’s not the same thing as physically saving someone’s life as they are dying, but that’s how I look at it. Sorry was that too much? I guess I needed to get that stuff off my chest…….” Vanilla stops at a red light and turns to gaze at Shadow Milk.

“I find it fascinating that in a way, we’re both saving people. Even in different ways, we still persevere to save people who rely on us.” The conversation on that topic ended as Vanilla turned onto the highway, his bluebird’s playlist playing in the background. The sound of Shadow Milk’s quiet singing as another favorite song played, truly in compassed the mood.

Sweet and soft. Finally the airport came into view and Shadow Milk got ready to leave. Vanilla pulled up to the entrance, popping the trunk open for his lover to grab the suitcase. He leans back into the car to give Vanilla a long hug and kiss on his cheek, before waving goodbye as he walks into the airport.

Vanilla smiles and drives straight home, he had Lily watching Crepe while he returns home from dropping off his boyfriend at the airport. She really doesn’t have to do that, he really has to repay her somehow. But he doesn’t know how, and he knows she’s going to decline the repayment anyways because that’s how she is.

Maybe a blind date with someone……? I’ll have to ask Bluebird if he knows anyone who would be a good match for Lily…

—

Candy Apple was at the terminal texting with Sapphire, who was already there since his flight was in the early morning. So the hotel already knows that the other two people staying were coming. She looks and sees Shadow Milk running towards her, turning off her phone she redirects her attention towards him. “Where were you?!”

“I overslept!! I’m sorry Candy!!!!” She simply blinked at him.

“Dude, never sleep late, unless you’re having one of your flare ups.”

“I know,” he swings his cane lightly, before placing it down to provide some relief to his aching knees, “but the cane is helping a lot! Like seriously though!!”

“Well, I’m just glad that you got something to help.” They got through security and sit down to wait for their flight number to be called. Shadow Milk grabbed out his sketchbook, starting a new drawing of potential storyboards for the music video. He was getting better at drawing Sunny’s flower staff and its expressions. The whole thing with the staff was a little reference to Vanilla’s nearsightedness and it acted as an aid to see better. Since the world Fount’s story takes place in is a fantasy world, he delved into disability aid’s exclusive to the world he built.

Candy takes a quick peek at what he’s doodling. Fount is there, of course. But there was a character that she didn’t recognize. She taps his shoulder, he turns to face her.

“Who’s that?” He looks at the page, then back to her.

“Okay you can’t let anyone in the fanbase know what you’re going to learn! I’m currently in the planning stages of the third and final chapter in Fount’s journey-” She gasps excitedly, cutting him off mid sentence.

“No way!!! You’re actually doing it?!?!?!”

“Yeah I am!!! This is Saint Sunshine or Sunny for short. And they’re pretty much the only one who truly understands Fount’s loneliness, I settled on the design yesterday!!!”

He turns back to his sketching, leaving the conversation at that. Candy is on her phone, probably informing Sapphire about what she just learned. The private group chat held a history of its own, to the extent that he could make a documentary on its past. Actually that’s not a bad video idea, the YouTube channel needed one video that wasn’t just the livestreams of his concerts. He started the channel after his second concert because he thought of the fans who couldn’t afford to travel for the concerts. So he announced the channel for that purpose, the concert idea was a good idea. Because so many people tuned into the stream, he had fifteen thousand people watching at one point.

Little miss toffee: SAPPHY HOLY FUCK!!!

Radio Rebel: Candy Apple why are you yelling?

Little miss toffee: FOUNT HAS A TRILOGY NOW!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! SHAMIL IS IN THE PLANNING STAGES, HE TOLD ME HIMSELF!!!

Radio Rebel: Wait actually?!

Little miss toffee: YES!!!!

A voice comes on the intercom, “Flight 371 is now boarding.” Shadow Milk gets up from his seat, Candy follows suit. Alerting her brother that they are boarding the flight and they’ll talk later. The lady at the desk lets the two board, before entering he touches the outside of the plane. He always does that every time he has to travel to and from a concert location. A quick tap to wish for safety on the flight. The duo take their seats and Shadow Milk switches his phone to airplane mode.

He resumes his sketch session, occasionally talking with Candy about the specifics of his in progress song and trading ideas for storyboards. Finally realizing that he’s going to have to introduce Sunny to the fanbase with either a separate song or an animatic. Well that’s for the future, but animatic might be his best option.

He closes his eyes, intending to get some sleep. Somehow, he finds it easier to sleep on planes than most people. Maybe it’s something relating to the mechanical hums that lull him into a deep slumber, or maybe it’s the steadiness of the aircraft. He doesn’t know.

His eyes slip shut while the plane takes off into the sky. Dreaming solely of his lover, oh how he can’t wait to see him again!!!

Chapter Text

A tap on his shoulder jolts him awake, eyes opening as he looks around to gauge his surroundings. He’s still on the plane, he turns to the flight attendant who must’ve tapped him, “My apologies sir, I was trying to ask if you wanted something.” Candy is looking at him, as Shadow Milk clears his throat. “I’m fine.” The flight attendant walks to another passenger and Shadow Milk begins his deep breathing to calm himself.

“We’re almost there, Sapph made reservations for dinner at the hotel restaurant.” He nodded and tried to focus on everything but the swirling storm of thoughts in his head. He wrings his wrists and looks around. There really wasn’t anything to look at, considering he had the aisle seat. Most of the time he would try to get the window seat, mainly for the scenario where he would wake up mid flight and needed something to entertain him. He always liked looking down at the cityscape when flying, it looked like one of those children’s mats that the same concept, except in real life.

The airline movies weren’t really a big thing for him. He didn’t pay much mind to it anyways, he was vaguely aware of the complaints that he heard coming from the back of the plane. It was probably about something dumb, but the person didn’t lower their voice. He bounced his leg, hoping that the flight would magically be faster and they would be able to get off. The pilot intercom informed all passengers that they have arrived at their destination and Shadow Milk breathed a sigh of joy. Candy stretched her limbs, “Finally!!” He laughed.

“I know, right!!!”

The plane landed and everyone proceeded to grab their respective suitcases. Shadow Milk and Candy stayed in their seats, waiting for the crowd of people to dissipate. It wasn’t a secret that he didn’t like being around numerous people in a small space. So they waited, once most of the people left, the duo got up and took their bags. Boarding off the plane and officially entering Los Angeles. He has been wanting to hold a concert here for a while now. Sapphire said that an uber was waiting for them outside the airport, so transportation to the hotel was covered.

During the journey to the entrance, some fans who were also traveling, recognized him. It was a nice surprise on the moving walkway that one teenager went to him and asked if he was Shamil. He knew he wasn’t famous, famous. He was big enough to be recognized in public, but not famous enough to warrant going out covering every part of his body. So the times where he would actually meet fans who were also there for his concert was really funny. There was this one time that he was on another flight, he and Sapphire were seated in separate rows so he was left with a mother of a fifteen year old daughter. They chatted on the flight and she mentioned that they flying to see her daughter’s favorite idol perform.

When he asked who, the mother responded with him. And he just looked at her, his jaw dropped. He simply told her that the man she’s currently talking to is the idol. The two started laughing and he ended up taking a picture with her daughter. Who was understandably losing her mind. Candy Apple opened the door to the uber driver’s car and the two entered in.

“Are you two going to that hotel?”

“Yeah that’s us!” He gave the driver a thumbs up. “Well what brings you two to L.A. you got business here?” Shadow Milk leaned his cane against the behind of the front seat. “Technically……? I don’t know if I would count a concert as business.” He looks out the window, homesickness was already setting in. Faster than usual, but hey at least he’ll be able to text Vanilla. Speaking of texting Vanilla…

‘Just landed, on my way to the hotel rn.’

‘How was the flight, my love?’

‘It was fine. I’ll text you later, I think we’re pulling up to the hotel now.’

‘I look forward to seeing you again, Bluebird.’

‘You too, Silly Vanilly ;).’

—

Black Sapphire stood by the elevator, foot tapping impatiently as he waited for his boss and sister to arrive. They needed to get ready for dinner and unpack everything. Finally they arrived a few minutes later, the trio were reunited. A short hug was shared between them all, and they talked in the elevator.

“I encountered a fan on the way to the uber.”

“Not surprised. You have made a name for yourself.”

“I know, but it’s still kinda surreal to be recognized in public.” The elevator doors opened, and into the hallway of hotel rooms they go. The agreement the three came up with to save money, was that Candy got one bed to herself while Shadow Milk and Black Sapphire had to share their bed. Sapphire opens the door, and Shadow Milk grabs one of the pillows and shoves his face into it. He just needs thirty seconds to recuperate, once he was done he starts unpacking his clothes. He already knows what he’s wearing to dinner tonight.

That lovely blue long sleeve jacket with his harlequin dress and fishnet stockings. The dress was one of his first costumes he made for his concerts. Blues and blacks graced the fabric, Candy had accidentally gotten glittery black fabric instead of the normal one, but in the end it looked infinitely better with the glitter adding contrast and bringing attention when being shined in the spotlight. The white frills at the bottom provided an airy feeling that he adored. He learned not to care about other’s opinions based on what he wore a while ago, yet somehow the words would always come back.

He could handle it though, he’s been told way worse before. Those comments were child's play, he got out his outfit and went to the bathroom to change. The voice in his head was quiet again, he relished the silence in his mind. Knowing that it would come back once he sets foot in the hotel restaurant. He exits the bathroom and sits down on one of the armchairs in the room. Candy goes in next, and Black Sapphire turns to his boss.

“You look great.” Shadow Milk smirked.

“Of course I look great~!!!” He stretched his arms and grabbed the hairbrush. Absentmindedly picking at the split ends in his long hair, not registering that he had dropped the brush. Sapphire noticing takes the brush off of the carpeted floor and hands it to his boss. He looks at Sapphire, “Dude you really need a haircut…” Shadow Milk’s eyes widened as an ugly memory rears its head.

He was in middle school when it happened.

He walks in with his hood over his head, hiding the length he somehow managed to grow out. He opens the door to his house quietly as to not bring any attention to him. His mother looks at him with disdain, she gives him that look every time he returns, it never stops hurting him when she looks at him like his very existence is a stain on the family. She tells him to go upstairs and do his homework before his father comes home for dinner. He silently nods and heads to his room. He doesn’t have any decorations in it, his parents don’t see the point. He only has a dresser, a desk for homework and his bed. That's it, that’s all he has.

He finished his homework as he hears his mother call him for dinner. He never really liked eating with his parents, they always found a way to backhandedly ridicule him and wish they could’ve had a normal son. But he was required to eat with them, so he remains quiet during the meal. He sits down and begrudgingly eats, at least it wasn’t mushroom pizza again. He actually threw up in bathroom one time after eating it. His dad turns to him, asking him to remove his hood. When Shadow Milk refuses, he marches straight to his chair and yanks the hood down. Revealing his neck length hair, his mom was furious. Both of them were mad and started screaming at him, knowing full well that he hated it when they yelled in particular.

He feels a harsh tug on his arm. Being dragged into the kitchen by his mother as his dad tells her to be ready to restrain him. Revealing the pair of scissors he was holding, Shadow Milk panicked as he got closer, he tried to run but his mother had pushed him to sit down on a chair she brought over. Using her hands on both of his shoulders to restrain him with a suffocatingly tight grip. He kicked and screamed, trying to get away from both of them. Her long pointed nails were digging into his skin, she gripped tighter when he winced. Moments before he had time to react, his father yanked his head back, yelling at him to shut up. He started cutting as his son sobbed and begged him to stop.

He didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when his son was wailing at him, he didn’t even stop to give him a break. He kept going until he got it shortened enough to match his standards, despite all the bawling and the occasional hushed pleas to stop. When the ordeal was at long last over Shadow Milk was let go, he didn’t finish dinner, his appetite nonexistent after the incident. He simply went back upstairs and cried himself to sleep.

“No.”

“Shamil, you doing okay?” That was Candy Apple’s voice……when did she get out of the bathroom?? He must’ve zoned out when Sapphire mentioned the haircut.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Just got lost in my head again.”

She places a hand on his shoulder, pulling away when she felt him flinch. “Sorry, I should’ve asked. Once Sapph is done getting ready, we’re gonna start heading down.” He nods and picks up the hairbrush once more. He heads to the mirror and slowly hairballs and tangles are pulled out from his scalp. The monotony of brushing hair brought him a sense of stability and satisfaction, something about the feeling of finally getting that one tangle out, just satisfied him. He supposed that could just be a sensory thing, he always had those little sensory related stims.

Sometimes when he’s sleeping, he would reach his arm up and feel the texture of the headboard. Others times he’d chew on his bedding, mainly his covers and pillow cases. It took a lot to break that habit, so many beddings were destroyed during that time period. Sapphire exits the bathroom and does his eyeliner. Because that man refuses to go anywhere fancy without eyeliner. He finishes and opens the door for Candy and Shamil.

“Uh, Shamil, the heck happened back there? You kinda stared off into space back then.”

“I’m fine, Sapphy. You just unintentionally brought up something I didn’t want to remember.” A look of guilt descended on his face, “Damn, I forgot you don’t have good experiences with haircuts. Sorry for reminding you why…”

“Sapphire it’s fine, it happens to the best of us,” he looks away while Candy presses the button for the elevator. “Anyways, I’m starving!” She nudged his arm playfully.

“Yeah! I didn’t eat anything on the plane, so I’m running on two cookies and sheer willpower right now.” The elevator doors open and all three enter. “Candy I only had one leftover macaroon from yesterday…” she laughs, pressing the button to go down to the first floor.

“Well hopefully the menu has some of your safe foods.” Safe foods were always something he had. At first his parents assumed he was a picky eater, after the diagnosis it became clear that he was sensitive to certain foods. He has been slowly expanding his list of safe foods as he grew up. He still absolutely despises oranges, though. The texture and flavor was something that set off every alarm bell in his body whenever he would try to eat one. When going out to eat, he would always get the chicken tenders and fries. Pretty much every restaurant under the sun has it on the menu, so it pretty much became his go to.

Calamari was the only seafood he will ever eat. Specifically if at restaurants, he felt more comfortable knowing that the food was cooked enough to be safe for consumption. Pizza is incredibly good too, especially if they have flatbread. The first time he had flatbread, he almost ate the whole thing that he was meant to share with Black Sapphire. He was practically drooling just by thinking about it. Hot Pockets are also up there on the list, simple to make and tasty too. He would be lying if he told you that the frosted sugar cookies aren’t on the list of safe foods. Those cookies were like a drug with how good they were.

“Yeah, they probably will.” The sound of a ding prompts the three to exit the elevator. He feels his phone vibrates and checks it, it’s Vanilla.

‘Did you arrive safely, Starry Night?’

‘Yeah, me Sapph and Candy are going to dinner right now… I wish you were here, so you can see my outfit. I bet you would love it.’

‘You can send a picture, y’know.’ Oh yeah! He could do that. He taps Candy’s shoulder, “What’s up Shamil?”

“I need you to take a picture of me, Vanilly wants to see me.”

“Sure, what are friends for.” She takes the picture with his phone and hands it back once she’s done. He thanks her briefly before returning to texting with his boyfriend. He sends the picture of himself. Vanilla replies almost immediately. The bubble of dots were driving him crazy with suspense. Finally the bubble formed his sunshine’s words.

‘You look so beautiful! You’re positively glowing, Bluebird!!!’ Shadow Milk’s face flushes a tiny bit of pink and smiles softly at the response.

‘Thank you! I bet you’re jealous of my fashion sense!!’

‘I don’t think I would use the word jealous, but I’m rather envious of your style.’ The hostess calls for the Deceit trio’s attention. Shadow Milk assumes that the table is ready for the three, he texts Vanilla.

‘Waiter called us, gotta go. I miss you Silly Vanilly :(.’

‘Have a nice dinner, my dear. I miss you too.’

Shadow Milk sighs fondly and joins his two friends as they all follow the hostess to their table. He still can’t believe that he’s in a relationship, it felt so dreamlike. If you told his past self that he would actually find love, he would’ve laughed in your face and doubted it. But this is real, the lighter than air like feeling he gets every time the two would text was real. The homesickness he’s experiencing right now that formed due to him missing his boyfriend was real.

All of this is real. Not imagined, like those scenarios he had fantasized about Spice back when he was in high school and had a crush on him. This is truly, positively real. And that in itself is amazing. He has always been an hopeless romantic, in spite of his issues with socializing, he desired a relationship exactly like the one he’s currently in.

And he couldn’t help but smile while thinking about it all. Because it was all real.

Because this is his reality now.

Such a blissfully, amazing life he has right now.

He wouldn’t trade it for anything. The idea of giving all of this up, after everything he did to get here was ridiculous. Profoundly stupid even!! If he was given that option, he would turn it down, every single time.

Because he finally has something that he didn’t know he wanted. Something that was a subconscious want, and wish that his heart might have made every night before sleeping.

It was the want to be loved.

The desire to be cherished forevermore.

The absolute want to be understood as a person! It was such an obvious desire of his that he didn’t even know it existed until Vanilla told him that his feelings are valid.

Such an extraordinary feeling it is, isn’t it? The feeling of being loved, respected, appreciated and understood, isn’t it just the most wonderful thing to feel?

Yeah. It is…. It truly is marvelous…

Chapter Text

The trio got a pretty good table. It was a booth so the seats were more like couches than chairs, plus it was quite a distance away from the more busy area of the restaurant. So with all things considered, the trio just won the lottery in terms of restaurant seating. The hostess excuses herself and the trio pass the time by talking, “So, Candy told me you’re finally making that third song?” Shadow Milk turns to Black Sapphire.

“Yeah! I’m still on the first draft though. I left the draft at home unfortunately so I can’t show you guys, however I do have some sketches for you guys to see when we get back to the room!!” Candy unfolds her napkin gently, trying not to have the silverware within clang against each other. “I managed to get a sneak peek at some potential storyboards for the music video and Oh My Gosh Sapphire, it’s going to be something special!!!” Sapphire rolls his eyes in a playful manner.

“I don’t deny that. I mean of course it’s going to be special, I have no doubts about that.” Shadow Milk drums his hand lightly on the table, his smile extending to his eyes. “I seriously can’t wait to hear your guy’s feedback on it,” he looks away from the siblings, “I never really talk about anything that makes me cry, but I started crying when I read that final line at the end of the song.” Candy Apple gasped, her hands covered her mouth.

“Woah…” Sapphire chimes in, “You rarely get emotional over your own songs… that’s a good sign, I think.” Shadow Milk nods in agreement.

“Yeah, I have a feeling that song is going to resonate with a lot of people.” The waitress came to the table and got out her notepad. “Hello, I will be waiting you guys tonight. Can I get you started with drinks?” The nodded with gave their usuals. They ordered those three specific drinks so much that it became an inside joke that only they understood. The three genders of restaurant beverages; “water, Coca Cola, and Sprite.” The waitress nodded and went off to get their drinks, and Shadow Milk started giggling to himself about it. Candy looked at him.

“Dude what’s so funny?”

“We just ordered the three genders again.” Sapphire puts his head in his hands, while Candy cracked up with laughter. He continues, “Sapph you mentioned that you were going to change it up, this time.”

“I know!!! I don’t know what happened!!” Candy spoke in between her fits of laughter, “The three genders still lives on!!!” Shadow Milk covers his mouth to muffle the shriek his throat produced, his hand tapping the table faster. He flicked a forming tear away from his eye, just as the waitress comes back with their drinks and menus. He almost started laughing all over again at it. He didn’t even know what about that joke was so hilarious, it just was. Candy clinked her fork to her glass of water.

“Cheers to the three genders!”

“Cheers!” After a quick clink of all three glasses colliding, they look at the menu. Shadow Milk scans through the menu to find anything remotely appetizing, and then he sees it. They have flatbread, he rocks himself in his chair with a smile on his face. He knew exactly what he was getting tonight, Candy and Sapphire took a bit longer to decide, before placing their own menus down on the table. “You know what you’re getting?”

Shadow Milk nods, “flatbread.” Sapphire looks at him with a face that could only be described as reminiscent and dread, “Dude, I thought I told you that I’m not sharing with you again after the first time you had it.”

“It’s not for me to share with you or Candy!! I’m getting it for myself!!!” Candy eyes rise in shock and fright.

“Shamil, you’re gonna get bloated afterwards.”

“Worth it! Besides I didn’t even have any of the airplane food, I’m running on an empty stomach right now!!” Black Sapphire crossed his arms, “Well, if you’re this determined, can you at least take a picture of your food and post it on the gram?” Shadow Milk groans, leaning his neck back before straightening out.

“I don’t even use Insta for anything other than travel pics sometimes, and even then I don’t really post at all.”

“That one beauty influencer followed you and boosted your profile by attaching your profile in one post. Your follower count went up to five thousand.” Candy looks at her brother confused, “I thought it was like fifty five hundred?” Shadow Milk scoffs at Sapphire.

“Yeah that’s because we were friends in high school and we reunited the day she posted that! I mostly use it now to keep up with her and talk with her.” He takes a sip of his Sprite as Candy jumps back into the conversation.

“You can only post the image of the flatbread and have that be the only thing on your page that isn’t advertising your own concerts.”

“That’s true,” the waitress comes back with some bread and says that the food will be served soon. Shadow Milk proceeds to drum his hands on the table lightly, only stopping when he sees a patron staring at him. He looks down and cups his hands together, you’re embarrassing yourself!! Stop that NOW!!! He gasps harshly, Sapphire stopped to check in on his boss, “Shamil? You alright?” He holds one finger up and does his deep breathing exercises. Once he composes himself, he turns back to Sapphire.

“FINE,” too loud… don’t you know how to control your own volume?! “I’m fine, Sapph. Just…… sigh, it’s too loud in my head again…” Candy Apple and Black Sapphire knew what he was talking about immediately. They were both aware of the series of voices in Shamil’s head that were really aware of his every movement. Any form of stimming that was noticed by someone who wasn’t close friends, would cause those voices to beat him up over it. He often described those moments as times when his head got too loud. Most times he was able to hold back a visceral reaction to when it happened, but if it’s so loud in there that it felt like he was suffocating. He would gasp harshly, like he was trying to keep his head above water that kept rising and rising.

The food arrives and internally Shadow Milk breathes a sigh of relief. Finally a distraction from the whirlpool of inner turmoil that has plagued his mind. The flatbread is handed to him first and he lets out a squeaky noise of excitement. Candy and Sapphire receive their food next. Shadow Milk raises his glass, “May this concert be just as, if not better than the last!” After the toast, all three began to dig in. Shadow Milk already cut a slice of the flatbread and had it in his mouth. He takes a bite and scrunches his face into a smile, then his eyes widened. Candy notices, “what’s up?”

“I forgot to take the picture first…” she snickers at the mildly humorous expression on his face. He hastily grabs his phone and takes the photo, the slice he was holding in frame too. He sends the photo to Sapphire for him to post on the gram. He returns back to eating the slice of flatbread, savoring the taste and the way it feels in his mouth. He felt like he was in paradise every time he ate this meal. He took a final bite of the crust and licked his fingers. Half laughing at the concerned look he got from Sapphire.

“You finished that fast?!”

“Yep!”

The waitress returns with the check and it was agreed upon that Shamil and Sapphire would pay for dinner. It took him a bit to get the hang of writing checks, Sugarfly had to teach him since his parents didn’t care enough to teach him actually valuable financial literacy skills. Shadow Milk gets up from his seat after the waitress takes the check, he needs a few minutes outside. Candy and Sapphire follow suit, Shadow Milk just stood there, in front of the elevator. Staring at nothing, he just felt so disconnected.

He always had these moments where he felt completely disconnected from everything. Sometimes it would happen after a meltdown, other times he felt perfectly fine one moment then the next he’s disconnected. Most of the time it is triggered by something, he didn’t know what. However he had a hunch that these episodes of disconnection were caused by something that reminded him of some not so good memories. He reconnects himself when he hears the elevator doors opening. The walk back to the room was occupied by small talk, he checks his phone to text Vanilla.

‘I miss you so much rn, Nilly. :(’

‘Do you need to talk……?’

‘Idk, dinner was nice though.’ Black Sapphire opened the door to the room and Shadow Milk laid down on the bed.

‘Did you have anything good?’

‘Flatbread is so fucking good!!! You ever had it before?’

‘I have. I’m indifferent to it, but I’m glad you liked it, Bluebird.’ Candy points at him once Sapphire was done getting in his pajamas. He goes in next, his phone still in his hand.

‘Can you call me rn?’

‘Are you okay, Starry Night?’

‘Yeah, just wanna hear your voice.’

As he’s putting on his shirt, the phone rings. He almost drops it with how much it was slipping from his grasp. He presses the button and puts the phone on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Hi there my Silly Vanilly~!!!”

“Hello, Bluebird,” He smiled ear to ear at the sound of his sunshine’s voice. So warm and so gentle, like a fluffy blanket. “How are you holding up over there?” He doesn’t know how to answer that.

“Uhhhh……… I’m managing, I just miss you a lot more than I thought I would. I am hoping to get at least a good amount of sleep for tomorrow. How’s Crepe doing?”

“They’re doing well. They are really excited to show you the robots they built from school.”

“Wait I thought they were talking about some sort of robotics club at school? They actually build them?!”

Vanilla laughs, “Yes, Bluebird. They’re pretty good at it too.” Shadow Milk exits the bathroom, turning speaker off and bringing the phone to his ear. “Well that’s good! I’m sorry if I’m pausing too much… I don’t think I know how to talk to you over the phone,” He lowers his voice upon seeing Candy sleeping “and Candy’s sleeping right now. So I’ll talk later.”

“Alright then, goodbye, love.”

“See you Sunday, Silly Nilly.”

The moment he hangs up, he fell asleep immediately.

—

The other realm is covered in a golden light. A light as warm and bright as the sun. And Fount absolutely hates it. They turn around to see… him……

That god damn stupid saint of sunshine!!! So stupid in thinking that he “understands” yeah right!! Nobody understands. No one understands. What in the creator’s name makes him think that he understands?! 

That he understands the loneliness that is exclusively theirs and theirs alone. What gives him the right to even suggest such a thing?! It’s impossible!! His sureness in his conviction made it all even more infuriating. They tried everything possible to push him away.

To try and make him snap and leave them alone. Just like everyone else has. But he never falters, not even for a moment. And that made them even more furious. Pages of scrolls from a time long gone were swirling around them. Trapping them in a tornado composed of their past, this has never happened before. These scrolls were meant to be hidden, why are those damned scriptures out now.

They feel a warmth grace their shoulder. They turn around and see that damn saint. And strangely enough, they didn’t pull away from his touch. They stayed, soaking it up like a sponge. The saint stands up, letting the hand on the Fount’s shoulder go limp and moving it to hold their chin gently. The Fount tries to look away from the golden warmth, but they find themselves unable to escape from the saints eyes. The Saint opens his mouth.
“I will still find and stay with you.

Every single time,

I don’t care how much of a lie you think this is,

You’re mine forevermore!”

They lean into the blonde’s gentle hand on their chin. Tears quietly streaming down their faces as they close their eyes.

Shadow Milk opens his eyes upon feeling wetness on his face. He didn’t know what that was… ethereal to say the least. He checks his phone for the time, 4:30 Am. Did he dream up a scene for the music video?! Because it sure as hell fits in perfectly with the story he’s setting up so far. He closes his eyes again in an attempt to get more rest.

His concert is today. He can’t be performing like he just got out of bed!!! So he closes his eyes again, the dream replaying in his sleep once more. This time he memorized as many details as he could, every single detail, even vocal inflections between Fount and Sunny. The dream became even more clearer and vivid the more it replayed in his mind. Unfortunately his alarm went off and his eyes snapped open. Yawning while he stretched his limbs, he brings his feet to the ground and whimpered. Pain shot up his legs. It felt like he was dipping his toes in lava, it burned that bad. Well at least he has his cane to help him through the night.

It still hurts like hellfire though. He rests his hand on his cane, his legs slightly shaking before stabilizing after a minute. Black Sapphire is the second to wake up from his slumber. He turns to his boss. “You pumped?” Shadow Milk sarcastically scoffs, his voice fluctuating with a manic like excitement. “Oh I’m going to HATE this!!” Sapphire looks at him with an unreadable expression.

“I apologize, Sapph. That was sarcasm, I’m actually REALLY FUCKING EXCITED!!!” Candy Apple groans, slowly getting up from bed. “Glad to see you still have way too much energy in the morning.” His eyes drifted away from Candy as he begins brushing his hair. She’s not wrong though, he has so much energy when he wakes up. It helps with getting him amped up for performing, but it also came with the cost of no one being able to keep up with him when they wake up. His mind had no such thing as an early morning lag. Once he’s done brushing through his hair, he grabs both of his costumes and stood by the door.

Candy grabbed her stylist kit and Sapphire opened the door for the both of them to exit. Shadow Milk drummed his feet against the carpet, one balled up fist waving rapidly, the other hand holding onto the cane. Sapphire said that the uber driver was already outside, waiting for them. He and Candy sat in the back seats, while Black Sapphire sat in the front seat. He was vaguely aware of the small talk happening between the driver and the siblings, when they started getting closer to the venue.

His eyes filled with stars as the driver passed the already forming line of fans. It was standard practice for the fans selling unofficial merchandise to get to the venues early so they could set up their wares. Shadow Milk took notice of it while entering the venue for his fourth concert, after learning the reason for the tiny line, he ultimately decided to let the small crowd of creators in so they could set up. Since then it became tradition to have the merchandise people come in first. The uber driver pulled up to the venue and Candy paid them.

Shadow Milk wandered off to mingle with a few of the sellers. He waves at Candy and Sapphire, holding his hand out to Sapphire for the keys. He hands them over and Shadow Milk turned to the small crowd. He began to count down from five out loud, the crowd joining in as he unlocked the door and let the merchants enter. The triple deceit followed in, Sapphire wasn’t kidding when he said that he got a big venue. The main hall was incredibly spacious, but it was nothing compared to the concert hall.

The stage was very big, as well as the lower floor where the audience will be watching. He tapped Sapphire’s shoulder, “You remembered the noise cancelers and sunglasses, right?” Sapphire nodded in confirmation and Shadow Milk sighed in relief. Spacious arrangement of seats weren’t the only way he accommodated for his fanbase. He took into account those who are sensitive to loud noises and bright lights, so at the entrance to the concert hall there were little containers filled with noise canceling headphones and sunglasses. He wanted to make sure that his concerts were sensory friendly to everyone.

He gets into the dressing room backstage. Taking off his pajamas and dressing himself into his act one costume. One of his favorite creations, a sleeveless hoodie with some harlequin patches sewn on. And to go with it, a plaid pleated skirt that extended to his knees. He slips his arms into the cut off sleeves, and looking at himself in the mirror. His outfit is what he likes calls “Miku-core,” with the sleeves that don’t connect with the top. He exits the backstage room and walks on stage to practice. Candy Apple plays the music and he begins the choreography.

His cane tapping to the beat. He starts singing, the beat drops and he starts dancing. One hand holds the cane as he dances in place, “Why not, I don’t know!” The instrumental energized him to no end, it’s his favorite part of the song. Especially the part before the end, where the electric guitar goes soft and then the drums kick back in. And culminating into a glorious crescendo. The song is not among his elusive top five, but it is in the top ten at least. Mainly due to the song being relatable to what he struggled with.

The beginning where the singer is apologizing to their mother and father felt way too personal. As sometimes, late at night when alone in his room. He would silently apologize to his parents for anything. For something he spilled on the floor. For getting a bad grade. And most importantly, for not being the perfect child they wanted. For being defective, as it was their favorite word to describe him whenever in public.

It took him a long time to realize that he wasn’t defective. The Beasts helped him realize that. He just needed someone who cared. He checks his phone to see a message from Vanilla. He opens it, heart skipping two beats.

‘I’m looking forward to watching the live stream of the concert, Bluebird.’ A small blush formed on his face.

‘How did you?’

‘Crepe told me about it. It’s how they watched your previous shows. You’re gonna do great, Starry Night! I just know it.’ Shadow Milk smiles softly at the words of encouragement.

‘Thank you, Silly Vanilly! See you tomorrow night.’

‘See you then, star bright!’

Shadow Milk decides to take a break, after all today is his night. He needs to put on the best show yet. He rests on the couch in the backstage, waiting for the time to pass.

Waiting for the absolute best part of being an Idol………. The concerts!!!

Chapter Text

6:50 pm, ten minutes before Shadow Milk gets on stage and have the time of his life. Candy is doing his makeup and hair, hovering around him as she puts the finishing touches on the look. He shivers a bit when he feels the hairspray being applied on his hair. It’s an unpleasant sensation, but it’s necessary to keep him looking absolutely fabulous on stage. Candy was talking to him, he simply listened. He was always quiet while having his makeup done, he didn’t want to use his voice because he needed to sing for the people.

“And……done!” He looks at his own reflection. His hair has been done in a bun style, not a single frizz of hair on his head in sight. His lips glittered with the iridescent lip gloss that Candy had purchased the week prior. He stood up from his seat, Candy looked him up and down, pride showing on her features. “Give me a twirl!” He twirled, the skirt floating with the motion. She clapped, Sapphire walked in the room, holding his headset in his hands. Shadow Milk takes the headset and his cane, the live band were making their way on stage first. The crowd cheered at each individual member, the music playing in the background got quieter. He rocked himself slightly, once the on stage countdown ended, he walked on stage. The chorus of cheers was deafening, but he didn’t care.

He turned around, his back facing the audience. The bass begins to play the first notes, the crowd goes wild and fell silent as he begins to sing. He turns around, bringing two fingers to his left temple and mimicking the motion of snipping scissors. The chorus of the song plays and the crowd knowing the lyrics, sang the part with him.

“Why not, I don’t know!” He spins his cane and switches it to his other hand. The guitar plays their part, from hard core rock solo to soft strumming. The drummer slides in and the beat comes back in full swing. He adds his own flair to this part, “AH, SHUT UP!” The glow sticks shaking and bouncing to the music mesmerized him as he did his dance routine. The first song ends and the cheers arise from the audience once more. Their enthusiasm and energy surging through his system. He steps forward, feeling confident.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?”

A symphony of cheers echoed through the air. He takes it all in for a moment, “Great to hear that!!! Glad you guys are enjoying yourselves!!! Let’s keep this up!!!” The next song begins with a familiar pop of the lips. By far one of his more risky songs; Heaven Drop Pop. The song was basically a commentary on evangelical Christian culture and the harm that the lies they preach cause. The song had some drama attached to it, as every single crazy christian quote “destroy the lies it’s spreading,” which he found phenomenally hilarious.

They were literally proving his point, by continuing to say those things. He ended up having to block so many people, to the point where he tweeted a screenshot of the entire list of people he blocked in the aftermath of releasing the song. He could’ve sworn one person called the song “devil music.” He went all out for that song, doing so much research and talking to people with crazy evangelical parents or family members for accuracy. In the end, it succeeded, resonating with the intended audience and getting some awards. Which surprised him tremendously.

What he loved most about this song was the bass line. The bass felt like an underrated instrument in his opinion, any chance he gets to have a bassist involved in a song, he’ll happily allow it. The bass transitions into the tunes of keyboard and bled into the next song perfectly. “A Insignificant Jester,” is next and it’s one of his emotional songs.

The song was actually written when he was in the eighth grade. He was flipping through the pages of his old school notebooks out of boredom and found the song, near the end of the notebook. It didn’t even need any extra drafts for it, which made it infinitely easier. Three more songs before act two begins. One step closer to returning home and seeing his Silly Vanilly!!! His voice dripping with emotion as he sings the lyric that broke him in the recording booth.

“Why am I THE BIGGEST JOKE TO ALLLLLL,” He takes a breather during the silence, then the music starts again and he returns to his energetic onstage self. The song was written during a dark point in his life, a time where he felt that his only purpose in life, was to be the jester that everyone beats down upon. And the song perfectly captured his mental state at the time, preserving it like one of those bottled boats.

Second to last song before the end of act one. It’s a cover of another artist’s song, one that Parfait is friends with. Glittering Dreams, he has to give credit where credit is due, the instrumental is fire. The lyrics were written so beautifully and reflected his genuine passion for music. The times where he’s too curious to stop. Everything about it is good. It’s not great……but it’s good at what it needed to do. Right before that, he decides to talk for a while.

“Whew……… out of breath already, I guess! Anyways I wanna tell you all story, this happened kinda recently. And I promise it’s relevant, so me and my……” he stops before blurting out the fact he’s dating someone. He can’t reveal that, not yet. The rule of Idol culture is that if you’re dating someone, you don’t mention it. Unless you want your career to be over within a couple of hours, you keep the relationship under wraps. He signs an apology to Vanilla, who might be watching from home right now and continues, “my friend, we went to the theater to see a movie. As you do at a theater.” Small laughs echoed through the room.

“So, you guys ever heard of this horror franchise called: Final Destination?” He hears some people cheering at the mention, “Yeah, that one. So I have never heard of it before the night prior. And I didn’t know it was a horror series. So you can imagine my surprise when the glass shattered and people started dying. So I didn’t last long after the old guy became a bloody pile of gore.” He stops to catch his breath and proceeds, “And I’m surprised that I lasted that long, because you all know that I have a visceral aversion to blood and gore. But it ended up okay in the end. He’s very understanding.” His eyes betrayed him by shedding a little tear, he flicked it away.

“Anyways, here’s the last song of act one, then the live band will entertain you all, while I get ready!” The crowd cheered and the music started. Heart a la mode, one of his favorites. He claps his hands to the beat and the audience joins him, that’s what he adores about concerts. Just seeing people, despite their differences in background unify under music, felt so magical and meaningful to him.

“The afternoon sun is shining down,

we have to part, my indecisiveness striking once more.

I open my mouth, nothing comes out,

Can’t even look you in the eyes,

NO this is bad!!” The clapping synchronization to the tune is keeping him focused. His voice cascading through the room filled with glow sticks.

“You watch me panic,

then you simply smirk and then kiss my lips,

The clock claims it was seconds yet it like years.

My heart is beating with courage and then,

I kiss your hand and our lips merge again!

Oh baby!” The bridge to the final verse is sung with softness and warmth. Like he truly meant every word, because he does mean every word.

“So I suppose, I’ll say it next time……,” the yeahs and ohs continue.

“There’s no need to check the clock, when you’re here with me,

And I am yours and you’ll always be mine,

And through the pain I can count on you to be oh so kind,

And it’s sweet a Heart a la mode…….”

—

The crowd erupted into applause and cheers as Shadow Milk took his bows and headed backstage, he had a ten minute window to get ready for act two. Fallen Fount is next, and he’s incredibly nervous to perform the song live. He spent ages sewing an exact copy of Fount’s outfit from his own drawings and the music video.

He got dressed in the long sleeve robes and wore the golden collar with the keyhole in the middle. He was already in his outfit in three minutes, which was quick for him. He sits in front of the mirror again, Candy was hovering around him just like half an hour ago. She made sure to add the marking on the characters forehead onto him. She brushes his hair, while he applies eyeshadow and liner. The familiar cold sensation of hairspray returned and made him shiver.

Once Candy said she’s done, he stared at himself again. He almost cried, he looked absolutely stunning. He felt like he was actually Fount, even down to the long flowing hair. He grabs his cane and goes to the space that separated him between on stage and backstage. Once the live band finished their solo, he walks on stage. The audience quieted down immediately, he has his eyes closed, cane held up in front of his face. He speaks the opening dialogue from the song, knowing the words by heart.

“Dough to form their shape,” the crowd goes wild and went silent at the sound of the opening words. He continued.

“A dash of lemon and lime for personality

Some blueberries for intelligence

And viola!

Welcome to the world,

Oh great Fount Of Knowledge.” The bass kicks in followed by the guitar and drums. He draws a circle in the air with his cane and lowers it from his face. Finally opening his eyes and beginning to sing the song, gracefully spinning before going still. “My only wish, to spread my knowledge to all.

Lectures and speeches and seminars,

Debates and studies 

No room for error

No time for a break

No reprieve from the endless questions,

No time to myself- ah selfishness muddies the soul.” He walks elegantly around the stage. The first chorus rings out, “Never mind seeing those who get to grow up,

The guilty jealous pang in my heart

Seeing those who take their morality for granted.

Why was I cursed to not grow up!” His voice grew louder to highlight the slow forming cracks of the characters psyche. His voice returned to the soft spoken teacher mask that Fount put up to hide themselves and their struggles from all. “Ah apologies, where were we again class?” His dancing got more expressive during the instrumental break. He stood in the middle of the stage and continued.

“Almighty creators say to share the truth,

yet any time I do

They all turn away to blissful ignorance,

Unable to bear the knowledge of their own existence

they turn to sugar coated lies.

What am I supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do!” The keyboard enters with the dramatic and sudden cutoff in the music, and he mutters out, “what?” The electric guitar strums softly and the drums symbols tis. “How do I not know what to do?

I hold the answers to all queries…

Why don’t I know what to do?!

Was I not made for this task?!

Are the creators……

wrong?” The instrumental changes from the orderly structure of the first half to discordant and chaotic, just like Fount’s mental state when they began to question their creator. This part was inspired by a well known and beloved song, The Mind Electric. In terms of music, it’s a marvel. It perfectly captures the way one would fall into insanity. His voice becomes panicked and fast. “It’s impossible!!

Why?! How?!

Was I living in the biggest lie ever conceived?!

Why was I ever created?!

For sadistic pleasure?!

You lying, conniving snakes!!” The instruments get faster, and faster as they reach the fourth verse. Shadow Milk warms up his voice for the next chorus. Fount’s breaking point had screaming mixed with singing in this one. He fully warmed up and started.

“OH YOU DON’T DESERVE PRAISE AND WORSHIP!!

I FOLLOW YOU FOR SO LONG,

NEVER QUESTIONING ANY OF THE KNOWLEDGE YOU CURSED ME WITH!!!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!

NO WONDER WHY THEY TURN TO LIES!!!,” his voice lowers into a tone that he describes as, despaired realization and freedom. The dialogue before the crescendo begins, “Because lies are better than truth.” The instrumental shifts into a jester like tune. And Shadow Milk jumps, his dance crazed and manic, mixing both the music videos animated choreography with his own revised version. He sings the final chorus, “And if that’s the game you want to play?

Then so be it!!

Oh how these puny mortals argue over a rumor,

bring me such glee!!

This is what I was made to doooooooooo,” he drags the o’s into a high note. He takes the collar off on stage and turns his back to the audience, uttering the final words of the song. “You say I’ve fallen from grace, my creators?!

Then maybe I have!

I am your FALLEN FOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE!!!” The bass player strummed a final note and the crowd cheered for the performance. Although there were some improvements to be made to the choreography, overall the performance was practically perfect. He could already tell that this whole performance was going to become a standout moment. He stays quiet for a bit, waiting for the applause to pass. Then he grins, “AHAHAHAH!!! Welcome to my Spire Of Lies!!” He twirls his cane around, pointing it out and then brings it back.

Spire Of Lies has always been an interesting song for him. The song brought a lot to the table in terms of world building and expanding Fount’s character after the events of the last song. The whole premise was the crushing effect that the isolation had on them, and their desperation for make someone who would stay.

The ending of the music video consisted of a shot from outside the spire. Leaving it open ended for people to expand on the story if they wanted to. And in his mind, while drawing those potential storyboards, one opening shot kept coming up. Sunny standing on the hill, looking at the spire. Then making the trek to confront them. It felt like a perfect way to open. He sings the final line, “I don’t need anyone…

Anymore…….” He lets the applause roll, the sound energizing and overwhelming him at the same time. Two more songs were sung, he was mainly using those two songs as a warm up for Alice Of Human Sacrifice. Both songs had a choreography related to Tango and Ballet respectively. So it placing the songs before the finale was a strategic move for him.

During the instrumental break of the second to last song he had each of the live band mates perform a solo, which the audience appreciated. Then the song ends and the finale begins, he turns his back to the audience. He recites the beginning dialogue that introduced the story and turns around dramatically. Meiko’s part went smoothly like usual, now is time for tap. He sets his cane down and begins the tapping, his arms outstretched upwards to mimic the original pv for the song. He hops on his toes, slowly spinning then doing the jumps. He does his preparation for the fouetté and executes it flawlessly.

He takes his cane from the floor. Twirling in place, before drawing a heart in the air. His expressions dialed up for the finale flair, he drops to the ground reaching his hand out one last time and gets up. Dancing the final moves as the music stops. The crowd cheers and applauds him, as he takes his bows. “Thank you all so much for coming tonight!!! You guys were an amazing crowd, get home safe, take care of yourselves and GOOD NIGHT!!!”

—

He walks off stage and enters the backstage room. Shoving his head into the plush pillow that Candy snuck out of the hotel room. These concerts always make him overwhelmed, but he’s always able to keep it in till the end. He actually had a meltdown on stage when he was performing Aishite Aishite Aishite, which fortunately was one of his bad ones. But just because it was an internal meltdown doesn’t mean that it didn’t terrify him. He knows the risks his line of work has for the possibility of autistic burnout.

So he does anything he can to prevent it. It’s one of the main reasons why he changed how his concerts worked anyway. He wanted an in between period where he could calm down and recuperate himself, before heading back on stage. He truly does adore his job, but even then it has its difficulties. He knew that going into Cherub, he was lucky that Parfait and Sugarfly did everything they could to make him comfortable during his time in the group. And it’s why he tries to accommodate the concerts for both the fans who are also on the spectrum and himself.

After about ten minutes he lifts his face out of the pillow. He looked at Black Sapphire, he’s by the mirror. Candy Apple walks in, closing the door gently, he signs a quick thank you to her. “You want me to remove your makeup? We’re heading back to the hotel now anyways.” He nodded and sat down in front of the table mirror. Closing his eyes as she starts removing his makeup. Beginning with his left eye, the one with the scar… it’s a relatively quick process. Removing makeup, that is.

She finishes quickly, just in time. As their ride is now outside the venue. The three get out of the backstage room and they exit through the back door. They don’t leave through the front door, due to the crowd. Which Shadow Milk appreciates that Black Sapphire and Candy Apple understand and adapt to his needs. He gets in the backseat of the uber. Resting his cane beside him, he couldn’t cry yet. His legs are in so much burning pain right now. He holds in the tears.

Once they got to the hotel room, Shadow Milk flopped on the bed and curled himself into a ball. The tears flowing from his eyes staining the bedding. Candy Apple rushed to his side, while Black Sapphire goes out to grab some ice. Sapphire comes back with two plastic bags full of ice and hand them to Shadow Milk. He takes them and applies them to his aching knees, letting out a relieved breath the moment the ice touches his knees. After that he falls asleep, not finding the energy to get out of bed and change.

—

His eyes snap open before his alarm has the chance to wake him up. He practically jumps out of bed and darts to the drawers under the tv. He packs his stuff at a lightning pace, not caring if he’s being so loud that he could wake up his friends. He gets out of his costume from last night and gets dressed up.

He donned the same dress he wore to dinner when they arrived. Finding no other outfit that he wanted Vanilla to see him in more. He spiced it up by including a tie. He wants his hair braided but it had the caveat of waking up Candy. So he waits for her to wake up, which was four hours later… once both siblings wake up, they rush to get themselves packed. He walks to Candy upon seeing she’s finished packing, “Candy I need your help to braid my hair!”

She proceeds to braid his hair perfectly. Black Sapphire smiled at the two. They were out of the room and in the lobby to check out in a snap. Shadow Milk was doing everything in his power to keep his excitement inside. Which was incredibly hard, considering that today is the day he’s been waiting for. The day he returns to his boyfriend. The trio placed their stuff in the overhead bin of the airplane and took their seats.

Candy and Sapphire were sitting in the row across from him. He excitedly waved at them, the siblings returned the gesture. He was mildly aware that he was the person sitting in front of him had an infant. But he had a way to deal with it. He could just get his messenger bag that had his phone and headphones in it, out of the overhead and enjoy the rest of the flight listening to Vocaloid.

What he didn’t take into account was the turbulence that had prevented him from getting up. Even if he could get up and maneuver his way to the overhead during the turbulence, he would be told to sit back down. Since you’re not allowed to be up and about during turbulence. Then the baby started to scream and cry.

Oh this is going to be fucking fun…… ain't it?!

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk was suffering on the plane back. He couldn’t rest because of the baby wailing in the seat in front of him. He whined quietly, rocking himself in his seat to try and calm himself. He couldn’t even get his headphones from his messenger bag that was above him, since the plane was going through some turbulence. And Candy and Sapphire were seated on the other side. They could see him and were trying to comfort him.

Most of the attempts were falling on deaf ears, as he had both palms over his ears. Once the plane stabilized, the first thing he did was go into the bathroom and sob. He kept flicking his thighs, curling into himself on the floor. After fifteen minutes of crying, he opened the door. The flight attendant looking incredibly concerned, he simply told her that he’s fine and went back to his window seat.

He looks at his seat, spotting his messenger bag resting on his seat. Candy or Sapphire must’ve gotten it out from the overhead and placed it there for him. He grabs his headphones, connecting them to his phone and puts on his calming playlist. Most of the songs were slow paced and soothing Vocaloid music. Some personal favorites, like Hero were included too.

The flight felt like an eternity, but finally the familiar voice on the intercom announced that they had arrived. And Shadow Milk sighed softly, he checks his phone to see a message from Candy.

Little miss toffee: You doing okay? You were in there for a while…

Shamil: I’m fine now… which one of you got my messenger bag from the overhead bin while I was in there?

Little miss toffee: Sapphire did.

Shamil: I know we’re a row apart, but tell him I said thanks.

Shadow Milk was practically buzzing with so much excitement. He couldn’t stay still, even he wanted to. He’s home. He’s finally home!!! He’s back home and he can see his Silly Vanilly. His sunshine! The love of his life, his blonde haired angel. Oh how he missed his boyfriend so much. He missed seeing him in person, he drummed his feet and bumped his fists together.

He didn’t care if he was getting weird looks, he was just happy to be home. Candy snickered at his enthusiasm, “You’re in a good mood.” He grabbed her arm, giving her quite the fright. Her startled stare contrasted with his ear to ear grin. “That’s an understatement Candy,” He opens the overhead and grabs his suitcase. “I get to see my sunshine again!!!!!” Candy messages Black Sapphire as Shadow Milk practically ran out of the plane.

Little miss toffee: He’s down so bad for that blonde. :P

Sapphire laughed, and Shadow Milk turned to him. “What?” Sapphire rolls his eyes. “Nothing for you to worry about boss.” He messaged his sister back.

Radio Rebel: Oh absolutely! Like he wants that man so badly!!! ;)

Little miss toffee: It’s kinda funny, I have never seen him this happy before…

As much as Black Sapphire hates to admit it. Candy’s right. He’s never seen Shadow Milk this happy before. Not that he’s not happy for his boss, no he’s ecstatic for him. But it’s kinda surreal to see. It’s like he has his onstage energy but it’s offstage. He stimmed while on the plane, people saw him and he didn’t even pay any mind to any potential witnesses.

Radio Rebel: You got that right.

Little miss toffee: WOAH!!! You’re actually saying that I’m correct about something?! I never thought I’d see the day.

Black Sapphire looks at her, she looks back. He rolls his eyes at her. His smug older brother aura mocking her in the way that older siblings do.

Radio Rebel: Don’t make me take that back.

She pouts. Her cheeks puffing up, similar to a puffer fish. A comparison that became a nickname for his mother to use for her. She groans, clearly annoyed at his message.

Little miss toffee: Fine. >:(

Shadow Milk stood on his tip toes, leaning side to side. Trying to look for his boyfriend through the sea of people either getting on a flight or returning from one. At several points he almost mistakes several other blondes as his, but upon further inspection he ended up disappointed. He was starting to worry that Vanilla wouldn’t show! NO!! He promised… but he’s not here… Why wasn’t he here?!

Was he offended when he called him a friend at the concert?! Admittedly he really wanted to say boyfriend, but he didn’t want to reveal it publicly right away yet. The two were still a fairly new couple, so fans might think that they were moving too fast. He knows how critical social media can be. He was no stranger to that, he ultimately did what he thought would be best for the two of them. Now he’s worried that it might’ve been the wrong thing to call him… He looks up.

He almost dropped his cane. There he is…… Vanilla in all of his lustrous glory. He smiled wildly and wanted to start running. He needed to hug him. He hasn’t seen him since Friday morning when he left. The mere sight of the blonde angel sent his mind into a frenzy. Any lingering pain in his legs were gone as adrenaline raced through his veins. He actually came!!!

Vanilla actually came to pick him up!!!

Before he started running he paused, wanting his mind to take pictures of his gorgeous sunshine. Wanting to take in his appearance. Tanned skin that is as soft as he imagined it way back then. His hazel eye had such a lovely gleam to it, especially when it contrasted with his other blue eye. That blue eye made him feel like he was looking at the sky or even the ocean.

His blonde hair, so luminous and bright, rested down to his neck so comfortably. Wearing a sunflower patterned sweatshirt and butterfly jeans, his style was something to behold. Vanilla looks up, they make eye contact for a moment. Vanilla outstretches his arm in an inviting embrace. His hands that eclipsed Shadow Milk’s own looking so pretty and dainty.

Shadow Milk smiles, he hands his cane to Candy. Sapphire grabs the suitcase before it falls to the ground, and Shadow Milk takes about two or three steps, quickening his pace, within the next ten seconds he’s running.

Running to embrace his sunshine! His Silly Vanilly!!! His Pookie Bear!!!

He’s bolting into his lover’s arms!!!

—

Vanilla had a thirty second window to brace himself for the moment his bluebird tackled him to the ground. He leaped into his arms and the force almost caused him to fall to the ground. He held his boyfriend in his arms for a while longer, gently setting him to the ground. He bounced on his feet and hugged him again. Vanilla pushed him back and looked at him again.

“Hello, my dear starlight.” Shadow Milk squealed and drummed his feet. He takes Vanilla’s hand and holds it to his cheek, “I missed you, Nilly!!!” Vanilla laughs softly and holds his cheek.

“I know.” He spots Black Sapphire and Candy Apple heading towards him. They talked with Shadow Milk for a moment and the three hug before they gave him his stuff back. All three of the trio were talking, Vanilla simply observed. It was clear that the three were close friends, the way they spoke was evident enough. Once at the airport exit they three hugged one more time before parting ways. They couple hop in the car and Vanilla pulled out. He looked at Shadow Milk, who was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Is there anything wrong, Bluebird?” He hugs himself in his seat. “Aren’t you upset?”

“Upset at what?” He wasn’t making eye contact, just looking out the window while he spoke, “I called you a friend at the concert? Aren’t you upset about that?” They stopped at a red light and Vanilla turns to Shadow Milk. “I was more surprised and confused than upset… I didn’t expect you to talk about our date. I just want to know, why you weren’t honest, that’s all.” Shadow Milk looks at him for a moment before taking a deep breath.

“It’s not that Idols aren’t allowed to date, it’s just…… it’s kinda private. And there’s the risk of losing your career if the fanbase gets pissed about it. I do want to talk about you as my boyfriend, but I feel that now’s not the time yet. So I had to call you a “friend” and I really didn’t want to.” Vanilla listens and responds.

“I understand, Bluebird. And speaking of the concert, you were amazing!!! You looked like you were on cloud nine!”

“That’s because I was. I always described myself as “one who was born to perform,” after all!!! Of course I’m going to be amazing on stage!” Vanilla laughs, keep his eyes on the road. He sets his hand on the top of the compartment, his hand open and inviting. Shadow Milk slowly places his hand in Vanilla’s. Their fingers move in between the others, both hands touching each other. A simple gesture, all couples hold hands.

Yet, Vanilla could tell that it meant a lot more to his lover. The way he would smile when both hands became close together was a look of bliss that he’s never seen before. The tiny trace of his fingers feeling his hand while they were intertwined, insinuating the connection between the two. He could see that the gesture had a lot of meaning to his boyfriend. He will have to ask him one day, that’s for sure. Which reminds him.

“Oh yeah! Do you know anyone who would be a good candidate for a blind date with Lily?” Shadow Milk’s brow raises.

“You mean the woodcarver girl?”

“Yes, I thought that I should thank her for watching Crepe somehow.” Shadow Milk wracked his head for a potential match. He wasn’t good with matchmaking unless he had background on the person he was matching for. “Well, what’s she like? I only know her through her creating my cane, and I want to make sure that the date goes well for her.”

“She’s pretty shy, very soft spoken. She’s a bookworm too, she practically lived in the library during university. Her favorite place to go are museums and libraries. Greenhouses are good too, she loves plants, finds them easier to talk to than people.” He thought about and there was only one person he could think of that could be a good fit for her.

“I think I might know someone.” At the red light, Vanilla looks at him. He gets out his phone and messages his friend.

Shamil: Hi Salty~!!!

The Knight: What do you want, Blueberry?

He mutters under his breath, “Straight to the point, got it.”

Shamil: Sooooooo you wanna………idk go on a blind date with someone???? ITS NOT ME BTW!!!!!

The Knight: Maybe………? Yes. Why not, could be fun. Where and when is this date?

Shadow Milk glances at his boyfriend, “Okay so, they’re on board,” Vanilla pulls into the driveway, “however we need a day and location.” He takes a moment to think on it.

“Well I did say that her favorite place is the museum.”

“Okay, but which one?” Shadow Milk ran his hands through his hair, twirling and carding out tangles. “She said she wanted to visit the one with the mythology exhibit,” Shadow Milk knew exactly which one Vanilla was talking about. “Ohh! You mean Parfaitdea?”

“Yeah! That one.” He rocks himself, Vanilla opening the car door for him while messaged Salt back.

Shamil: How’s next Friday at the Parfaitdea Museum?? I’m still trying to figure out your streaming schedule, so we can move it if you can’t make it.

The Knight: I stream in the evenings on Fridays, so the afternoon should work.

Shamil: Thank you Salty!!!

Shadow Milk goes to the trunk of the car and grabs his suitcase. Vanilla takes his hand and holds it so gently. He flaps his free hand, trying get out some energy before entering the house. “You know you’re free to stim in my home. Crepe is autistic too.” He wasn’t surprised by that, he kinda had a feeling. Vanilla rings the doorbell and Lily answers immediately.

“Nills, hello,” the two embrace each other as her eyes drifted toward Shadow Milk, he looks down at the doormat instead. Still feeling mildly overwhelmed by the flight. He turns his eyes back to hers. “It’s nice to see you again.” She kept her hands clasped in front of her. “How’s your cane working for you?”

“It’s great!!! It’s helped quite a bit an-” he cutoff upon feeling a hug around his legs. He looked down and it’s the kid again, they break away from the hug. They must’ve remembered that he doesn’t like hugs. They bounced in place and he crouched down to their eye level. “Hey Kid.” They took his hand and lead him inside. Vanilla and Lily bid adieu and now it’s just the three of them.

—

Shadow Milk glances around his lover’s home, it looks lovely. Family photos of Vanilla and Crepe were hung on the walls. A Nintendo Switch was plugged into the television, some dresser’s had rows upon rows of DVD’s. The dining table had some robotic parts scattered around. The kid almost dragged him to the table, whilst Vanilla went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

“And this,” they hold up a small mechanism and attached it to the robot, “are the links and joints. The links are rigid to connect, and the joints do most of the moving. Watch!” They take a controller and suddenly the once limp little thing came to life, mechanically standing up and walking around the table. They turn off the robot and run to Vanilla, they talked for a moment before Crepe walked back to Shadow Milk.

“Can I drag you somewhere again?” He nodded skeptically as they lead him to the tv. They turned on the Switch and hand him the controller, upon seeing his confused face they clarify, “This was my idea, but dad paid for it. I think you’re going to really like it!!!” They seem so certain that he would like whatever they were talking about. So he sits down and holds the controller, “Scroll to the right, keep going until you reach the end!” He scrolls through the numerous games on the console and at the end, he freezes.

He blinks once in disbelief, he blinks twice and he stares at the screen. He recognizes the name, Hatsune Miku: Project Diva!!! He jumps up and down in sheer excitement as he hits the button to play the game. He looks to his right and sees Vanilla sitting on the couch next to him, he jumps startled by his boyfriend’s sudden appearance. He laughs playfully. “Wanted to let you know that dinner is in the oven. You having fun?”

He rocks himself slightly, “Y-yeah I am!!! I’ve actually never played Diva in particular because I never had the money to get a console to play it on… so this is a nice surprise!!! Thanks,” he hugs him tightly before returning to the game. He scrolls through the song selection and selects Lost One’s Weeping. A personal favorite of his, he lets himself get lost in the music. Trusting that his mind will remember the controls. He feels so much at peace, it felt like second nature with how natural the controls were.

He supposed that’s what happens when you play a lot of Colorful Stage and Project Sekai because in your mind it’s the next best thing to the main game. He was about to select another song when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He flinched and looked at the kid, calming down as he remembered where he was. “Dinner’s ready.” He nods and walks to the dining table. He takes his seat and inspects his food. He’s never seen the dish before, simply glanced at it warily. It smelled good, but the taste might not match the smell. Vanilla notices his hesitance.

“Is everything alright, Bluebird?” He looks at his lover. “What is this,” pointing his fork to his bowl, “what did you serve me?” Crepe swallowed their mouthful of food and turned to face him.

“It’s Pastel de choclo!! It’s really good, trust me Shamil!!!” He looks back to the bowl, picking at the food gently. He glances up to Vanilla, who has been eating moderately sized bites of his food. “It’s a Chilean dish, I could make you something else if you-” Shadow Milk interrupts him, “I’ll be fine.” He takes a deep breath and shoves the forkful of food in his mouth. His eyes squeezed shut in fear of whether or not this food would be good.

His eyes open, it’s not bad actually. A tad too savory but it’s enough to it actually enjoyable, unlike some foods that go overboard with the savory taste. The sweetness however was phenomenal, it was somehow a perfect balance between the two flavors. He took another bite, somehow it’s even better than the last bite. Crepe smiles smugly, “So, do you like it?” His eyes drifted to the kid. “I LOVE it!!!” His face scrunched up into a smile as he took another bite.

The kid comes back from the kitchen with an orange in their hand, Shadow Milk stares daggers into the fruit. Crepe eyes him, clearly confused as to why the change in expression. “What?” They look at the fruit, they loved oranges. They were lucky that dad allowed them to have at least one bite after dinner as a dessert, they snickered when they realized the object of the idol’s attention. They hold up the orange, “What’s your deal with oranges?”

“They’re a terrible fruit.” They roll their eyes.

“What did oranges ever do you?! It’s a good fruit!!!” The idol crossed his arms in conviction.

“First of all, exist. Second of all, no it’s not!! It’s got a terrible tangy flavor and the smell when you peel it is way too strong!!” Crepe could not let the slander stand.

“It tastes like mango!!! Just more citrusy!!!”

“Kid, how are your taste buds functional?! Because there is no way that it tastes like a more citrusy mango!!”

“Have you even had mango?” Vanilla observed the small argument that was taking place between his boyfriend and child over an orange. “I have had mango, actually. It’s pretty good.” They put their head in their hands in frustration. “Then you should like it!!! That’s literally what it tastes like!!” Vanilla was ready to step in should the argument get heated.

“There must actually be something wrong with your taste buds. There’s no way that anyone could eat an orange and genuinely enjoy it!!” They looked at the fruit and back to the idol, they laughed and smiled at him devilishly. He seems to get what they were implying. “No! Don’t you dare do that, kid! I swear to gods!!” They peel a small chunk of the skin off of the fruit, their evil smile remaining, “Do what? Eat it?” They slowly bring the orange to their mouth, ignoring the idols chorus of no’s. They bite into it, chew and swallow.

“Still really good!!!” Shadow Milk’s hands drag down his face, clearly surrendering to Crepe in the argument. Once they were done with dinner, Vanilla took the plates and bowls to the sink to wash them. Shadow Milk hugs him from behind, he lets out a startled noise then smiled at his lover. “I see you and Crepe are getting along well.” He only groaned in response, Vanilla holds his cheek for a moment before returning to the dishes. He could feel his boyfriend’s breathing begin to slow, “Don’t fall asleep attached to me, Bluebird.” He speaks this time, voice muffled by Vanilla’s hair. “It’s not my fault you’re so warm, Silly.” Vanilla dries a cup and places it to the side, “Is that so, my Starry Night?” He only hums as a response.

Vanilla smiles and continues his task, occasionally taking to his lover. This really is nice.

—

The walk upstairs to the guest room was arduous. Shadow Milk felt that his movements were more sluggish than usual. Now that thinks about it, he’s feeling kinda hot and cold at the same time. He figures that it’s just stress due to the flight, and that this’ll all blow over by tomorrow.

Vanilla opens the door to the second guest room, as the first one was taken over by Crepe and transformed into their little robotic laboratory. “You get settled into bed, Bluebird.” He kisses Shadow Milk’s hand and then his cheek.

“Have a good night, my darling.” Shadow Milk took Vanilla’s hand and peppered it with small, sweet kisses. Kisses that made Vanilla’s face glow with a blush. He laughed softly, “You too, my sunshine.” Vanilla closed the door, leaving Shadow Milk alone.

He gets changed into his pajamas, ignoring the harsh shiver that wracked his body and made his stomach churn. He gets into bed and closes his eyes, vaguely aware of the slight headache that was forming. He didn’t care though. He couldn’t find himself to care, when he’s finally home.

He’s home. And nothing is going to ruin that!! He simply slept through the night, his stomach still churning and hurting all the while. But like he said.

Nothing is going to ruin being back home with his boyfriend.

Not even the rising nausea climbing its way up his throat and- wait what? Nausea??

God fucking damn it…… 

Chapter Text

Crepe wakes up to the sound of retching, they groan and checked the time. 5:00 Am. They get out of bed to investigate, turning the corner to the bathroom. They open the door, not knowing what to expect, but they were mad that their normal wake up routine was messed up now. They flicked the lights on and took a step back. Shamil is hunched over the toilet, throwing up. He looked paler than usual, his hair disheveled and messy.

Crepe felt like they shouldn’t be seeing him in this state. They should get dad. Scratch that, they NEED to get dad. They look back at the vulnerable idol, “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m gonna go get dad.” They run to their father’s room, opening the door and hopping onto his bed. They lightly shake him awake, he opens his eyes sleepily. “Sweetcake, what are you doing up? It’s earlier than we would wake up…” they scratched their arm.

“Shamil is in the bathroom retching his guts out?” Their dad is wide awake after hearing that, “What?!” They nodded and lead him to the bathroom where Shamil was in. He was still hugging the toilet, gagging every other second. They knew the feeling of being sick and couldn’t help but feel bad for him. Dad puts a hand on their shoulder, “Try to get some extra sleep, Sweetcake. I’ll handle this.” They nod, knowing full well that they aren’t going to get any sleep.

They look back at their dad before closing the door. He was next to Shamil, trying to get his attention. He was rubbing circles on his back, they closed the door and went back to their room. Turning on the lights and going to their desk to draw up some new wafflebot designs.

They couldn’t concentrate, they wanted to help their dad. They leave their room once more and knocked on the bathroom door. Their dad opens the door, obscuring Shamil from their line of sight. They rocked themselves on their feet. “I know you told me to go back to bed, but is there anything I can do to help?” He looks behind him, then back to Crepe. Smiling at them, they can tell that he’s worried.

“Can you please get him a glass of ginger ale? I’m pretty sure we have some in the fridge.” They run down the stairs and into the kitchen to get a cup of the requested drink. They open the fridge and find the ginger ale, pouring it in the cup carefully as to not cause a spill. They walk back up the stairs and knock on the bathroom door. Dad opens the door again, a relieved smile gracing his face upon seeing the glass.

“Thank you, Sweetcake. I can take it from here, actually can you please check his room and see if he threw up before making it here?” They walked to the guest bedroom that Shamil was staying in. Turning the light on and looking around, no sign of vomit. However the sheets were soaked with what they could assume was sweat. They knocked on the bathroom door once more, dad opened again. “He didn’t throw up in his room, but his bedsheets are covered in sweat.”

Dad hums in response and he looks at them, “Thank you for your help, Sweetcake. I will be down there in a second, I have to get him back to bed.” Their eyes widen and they gazed at their dad, bouncing up and down.

“Does that mean that he’s going to stay with us longer?!” Dad holds their cheek.

“Well it’s likely. I don’t think he can make it back home in his current state. I don’t doubt it, but he seems very feverish… so we’ll see. For now head downstairs for breakfast.” Their emotions were mixed now, on one hand they’re ecstatic about spending more time with their favorite idol. But on the other, they were feeling guilty for being happy about it. They mumbled an okay and hopped down the stairs.

They decided on something simple for breakfast. They set up two plates, one for them and one for dad. They were aware of their dad’s habit of avoiding meals, he said that the habit formed when he was in university. And based on the stories they knew about college, it didn’t surprise them. He’s been getting better at breaking the habit as of now, they suspect that this is due to the Saturday morning cooking lesson he would give them.

They set the two plates down on the table and begin to eat. They took a sip of water, then they heard steps getting closer.

Dad.

—

Vanilla turned to his sick boyfriend. He kept his torso wrapped around the toilet, dry heaves escaping his throat, attempting to throw up when his stomach was already empty. His face and hair were waterlogged with sweat, his spectacle of blue eyes now glazed with the familiar feverish glassy look. Vanilla hands him the glass of ginger ale, which he takes with shaking hands. Drinking tiny sips as sweat drips from his chin. Vanilla touches his forehead to check his temperature, he’s hot to the touch.

His lover looks at him, he tries to keep his smile warm. “Come on, Bluebird… let’s get you to bed.” He doesn’t say anything only letting out a whiny noise. He helps Shadow Milk to bed, rubbing his hand in comfort. He holds his face, still hot and sweaty. He smiles softly, “I will be gone for a bit, I have to drop Crepe off to school. I’ll be back, I promise Bluebird.” He doesn’t say anything again. The vomiting and dry heaving must’ve worn his vocal cords out, he makes a mental note to get honey tea on his way back.

He kissed his boyfriend’s hand and closed the door. Walking downstairs to his child, sitting at the table with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. They made themselves breakfast, they turned to him and pointed at the plate across from them. “I made you one too, I didn’t forget about you so don’t worry?” He laughed and sat down to eat with his child. “So, since he’s sick and I want to monitor him, I’m thinking that we leave a bit earlier, so I can get to work, complete my shift, and then return home,” Crepe looks at him blankly.

“And our walk home will be the same?” He smiled. “Yes, don’t worry Sweetcake.” While Crepe gets ready, he goes to check on his lover. He knocks gently against the door, before entering. The man looks up from the pillow he held to his face, somehow looking even more exhausted than previously. Vanilla gives him a concerned, yet gentle smile. Moving a portion of sweat soaked hair away from his face, “I won’t be back till twelve, you going to be okay alone.” He nods weakly, shoving his head back into the pillow.

“I’ll get you a bucket in case you get sick again. After that I’ll leave.” He returns with the bucket in hand quickly, setting it on the bedside table. Before he leaves he places a kiss on his hand and forehead, “Get well soon, Bluebird.” He closes the door and walks downstairs, putting on his lab coat and opening the door for him and Crepe to exit. He drops them off at school, hugging them as they walk into the building.

He heads straight to work after that. Mentally making a shopping list while he drives the usual route to the hospital. Some honey for tea, a thermometer, maybe a hair tie, stomach medicine too. Vanilla parks the car and steeled himself for another six hour shift.

—

Vanilla pulls into the driveway of his home. Plastic bag filled with the items for his boyfriend. He opens the door and finds his lover sitting on the couch with his bucket, dry heaving. He rushes to his side, rubbing his hand over his back in a comforting manner. Once he’s done, his body slumped across Vanilla’s lap. Breathing labored and slow, Vanilla holds his face in his hands, “What are you doing out here?” He whines, cuddling closer into his arms. He speaks, his voice raspy from throwing up and slurring his words. Whether that’s it’s from sleepiness or a fever induced delirium, he doesn’t know. “Too wet… uncomfortable…….” Vanilla understood immediately, “I’ll get to changing the sheets later today, I’m going to make you some tea with honey, do you need help tying your hair or can you do it yourself?”

Shadow Milk slowly sat up and turned to look at his sunshine, “I can do it.” Vanilla hands him the hair tie, he takes and ties his hair up in a ponytail. He looks through the bag that Vanilla left on the coffee table, a thermometer and some stomach medicine rests in the bag. He puts it down while he sees his boyfriend come back with some tea and something called Cazuela, which turned out pretty much be a of stew with chicken in it. He blows on the liquid first, then takes a sip of the soup. Occasionally stopping to take a sip of his tea. Eventually he finishes and grabs Vanilla’s face, he holds it close to his own. Their noses were practically touching, he could see the blush forming on his sunshine’s face.

“Bluebird, what are you doing?” He ignored the question and admired every single detail of his lover’s face. He responds with a personal request of his own, “I want you to praise me, llllike how everyone does…….” His speech slurred, but he didn’t care at all. He caresses Vanilla’s face, the blush on his face growing bigger at the gesture. “Jjjjjust look at your facccccceeeee, I could eat youuuu…”

“What??”

“Yeah, Iiiiiii bet you’d tassssste like your name………” Vanilla knew that he was starting to get delirious from the fever. He backs away, “Okay, let’s get you back to the couch.” He wraps his arm around his shoulder, eyes glazed yet looking at him with so much affection. “Yeeeeeahhh, let’s make out on the couchhhh……” He laughed softly as his lover laid down on the couch. He swiped a strand of hair away and held his face for a moment, before letting go and walking around the couch.

“I’m going to change your bedsheets, do you want anything, dearest?”

“I want you……!”

He walks upstairs to change his bedsheets, while it has dried up, he doesn’t want his boyfriend sleeping on the couch for the rest of his stay. He eyes the bedside table and spots his phone, it lit up with messages from someone who he doesn’t recognize. Upon tapping the profile of the person messaging him, he realizes that it’s Candy Apple. She’s probably checking in on him, he takes the phone and messages her. Deleting it several times before finally settling on it and sending the message to her.

Shamil: Hello Candy Apple, I, Vanilla, am using your boss’s phone to let you know that he has fallen ill.

She takes a bit to respond.

Little miss toffee: Wtf………nooooooo! Is he okay?!?!

Shamil: He is currently on my couch resting. He’s running a fever and throwing up.

Little miss toffee: Tell him I said get better soon. Wtf man?!

Shamil: I will relay the message. Farewell.

Little miss toffee: Bye…

Vanilla turns off his lover’s phone and returns to his previous task of replacing the bedsheets. Gently tugging the sheets off and removing the pillow covers as well. He walks downstairs to bring the sheets to the washing machine and check his boyfriend’s temperature. He spots his lover in a feverish sleep, shivering and pulling the covers up, then kicking it off. Clearly conflicted on whether he’s hot or cold. Vanilla sits next to him, opening the box that contains the thermometer needed. He gently touches his shoulder. “Bluebird?”

He releases an annoyed whine, looking up to see Vanilla, he smirks, eyes lighting up “Nillyyyyy, come onnnnnn…… join me…….” he starts wrapping his hands around his neck to try and pull him down. Vanilla pulls him up instead, he whines again. Holding his head in his hands and rocking himself back and forth, that looked like a bad migraine. Vanilla holds up the thermometer, he looks at him puzzled. “Open your mouth, I need to take your temperature.” He opens his mouth and Vanilla placed the thermometer under his tongue.

He could see Shadow Milk’s eyes well up, closing in distress. A few seconds later, he spits it out and flaps his hands. Tears escaping from his eyes as Vanilla picks up the thermometer. He checks it, only to see no record of his temperature. Vanilla really doesn’t want to try again, he really doesn’t want to put his lover through what he could perceive as sensory distress. But he needs to get his lover’s temperature. He places his hand on his boyfriend’s. “Bluebird, I really need to take your temperature. So here’s what we’re going to do…,” he rubs soothing circles into his hand as he explains, “I’m going to put the thermometer in your mouth and countdown from ten or we can do this later? If you’re unable to talk then, nod your head for the first option and shake your head for the second option.” He stays silent for a moment before nodding. 

Vanilla wipes the thermometer off and turns to him, “You can hold my hand for comfort too, if you’d like and you’re free to stim if it’s too much.” Shadow Milk opens his mouth hesitantly and Vanilla slips the thermometer under his tongue, once more. He starts counting down from ten, he got to seven when Shadow Milk squeezed his hand, his eyes closed tightly. He could see him fighting the urge to spit it out again, he starts flapping his free hand at three. Three quick beeps sounded from the thermometer and Vanilla took it out of his lover’s mouth. He lets out an audible breath of relief. He looks at the thermometer’s reading.

102.8 degrees. That’s a pretty bad fever. No wonder he’s so delirious. He places his arm around his shoulder, Shadow Milk leans into the touch. “You have a pretty bad fever, do you want a towel for your head?” He shivers harshly, his hands dragging up and down his arms to keep warm. “Th’t would be nicccce…….” Vanilla nodded and grabbed a towel from the kitchen, soaking it with lukewarm water. Warm enough to keep him warm and cool enough to not aggravate his fever.

He gently lays the towel on his head, he can see the relief washing over his face. Vanilla taps his shoulder, “I have to pick up Crepe. I’ll be back soon.” Shadow Milk nodded sleepily, closing his eyes and drifting away into an uneasy sleep.

—

The door opened, letting in the sunlight and Shadow Milk moved the towel over his eyes. He could hear some voices, but it was hazy due to him being half asleep. He opened one eye to see the kid again, they looked concerned. “Are you feeling any better Shamil?” He simply shrugs and turns to the other side to sleep. He could faintly hear a gentle voice telling them to give him some space, they backed away, and he was thankful for that.

He slowly gets off the couch and walks in the direction of the gentle voice. He goes behind and hugs his boyfriend. Crepe was shocked to say the least, they cleared their throat. “Is he normally this clingy, dad?” Their dad turns to them, looking flustered and equally surprised.

“I don’t know?! I’ve never seen him like this!” Vanilla heard the sound of sniffing in his hair, “Bluebird?” He only hums sweetly before speaking.

“Your hair smells like your naaaame……” Crepe tries not die laughing, “What?!?!” They burst into even more giggles. Vanilla sets him back on the couch, holding his chin in his palm. “I’m going to put the new bedsheets on now, okay?” He smirks and giggles, Vanilla lightly blushes, rubbing the back of his hand.

“M’kay, but you havvvveee to cuddle meeeeee, no backsies……….” Vanilla smiled softly at him. “Of course, my Starry Night.” He goes upstairs with the new bedsheets and pillow covers, Crepe follows behind so they can get to their room and do their homework. He changes the bedsheets and was finished with the pillows, when he hears the door open. It’s Shadow Milk. He chuckles softly. “Could you not wait for a moment longer? I was just finishing up.” He shook his head and slipped under the covers.

Vanilla followed suit and was hugged by Shadow Milk, who was already starting to tangle himself in his arms. Vanilla huffs out a laugh. Rubbing his hand down his back, a pang of hurt coursed through him upon feeling his lover’s whole body shake from the shivers. He brought his other hand to his hair, petting it. A hitched breath was heard, then a small content sigh. Shadow Milk leaned into the touch, letting himself drown in the affectionate gesture.

He felt his face being tipped upward, he opened his eyes to see the sweetest, most precious, and loving gaze meeting his eyes. His heart skipped three or four beats, as a gentle kiss was placed on his forehead. He looked away, flustered by the kiss. He heard a warm laugh and felt a hand caressing his cheek. Tracing his face shape oh, so gently in admiration, he gasped before leaning into the warm hand. He hears a voice, a voice so soft and melodic. Talking to him.

“Has anyone ever told you, that you have such a pretty face?” He grunted softly, not having the energy to respond in the moment, Vanilla continued, “Yes it’s true, and your eyes, it’s like looking into a galaxies sea of stars.” He whined, but there was no pain or sadness behind it. He keeps going with those sweet, lovely words.

“Oh, the way your nose scrunches up whenever you’re disgusted is so cute.” He noticed that………? “And that’s not even mentioning your smile,” he says with the most certainty he has ever heard in someone’s voice. “So brilliant, absolutely stunning your smile is. So bright and full of life that smile is. I really hope I can see it more.” Shadow Milk stays silent after Vanilla finishes, finally his voice returns and he decides to return the favor.

“You know, you have a realllllllly nice face and voiceeeeee.” He smiled when he heard Vanilla gasp, “You don’t eveeeeen need to put onnnnn makeup, you’re that photogenic……” He keeps going, hugging Vanilla closer to him. His hands grabbing onto his sweater. “Yeahhhhh and your handsssss, they’re so adorable and ssssssoft. Your eyes are so spectacularly beautifulllllll, I just wanna kiss em…!” Vanilla lets out a startled noise as he feels kisses being peppered on his eyelids. He laughs full heartedly with pure love for his boyfriend. He couldn’t stop giggling as the kisses kept piling up.

“Bl-hehe-bluebird!!! Hahaha-that-hehe- that tickles!!!” The onslaught of kisses finally ceased and Shadow Milk buried his head into Vanilla’s chest. Vanilla rubbed his hand on his back, the shivers were still there but less intense than before. After an hour or two he felt slow breathing, he looked down at his lover, “Bluebird,” his eyes were shut peacefully, breathing deeply and exhaling softly. Vanilla beams, whispering softly, “ah, you fell asleep in my arms. You’re such a cuddle bug, a very attractive and adorable cuddle bug.”

He slips carefully out of bed, stopping when he hears a whine emerge from Shadow Milk’s throat. “I have to make dinner, cuddle bug. I’ll bring you some and once me and Crepe are done, we can continue to snuggle, okay? In the meantime, try to relax and rest.” He simply nods and flops his head against the pillow. He smiles softly and closes the door.

—

Vanilla walks downstairs, thinking about everything that has just transpired. Once Shadow Milk fully recovers he’ll have to ask about how he felt regarding the whole situation. He was very worried that he was infantilizing his lover somehow. Crepe had gotten sick before and they didn’t mind him taking care of them. But autism isn’t the same for everyone, it’s a spectrum. And Shadow Milk is different from Crepe in numerous ways. So where Crepe might not mind being taken care of, Shadow Milk might mind.

Besides he wants to make sure that he’s happy in the relationship. And that means making sure that he’s not infantilizing him, and he makes it clear to him. He asks specifically anytime he offers assistance, if it feels like he’s being treated like a child. On both occasions he accepted the help, but this is different. Regardless they’ll get to it eventually, Vanilla enters the kitchen and begins cooking. Cooking is something that he’s really excited to do with his boyfriend.

He considered cooking as one of his love languages. He and his parents bonded over learning to cook, and he carried it on to Crepe. It’s a delicate love language, cooking is. Making the most delicious meal together and sharing it, truly makes a wonderful memory. And he’s so excited to eventually share the love language with him. He decides to make something light for him, something that he could easily digest as well as sensory friendly. He can’t have soup forever… the leftovers from last night might be too much…… he doesn’t want him eat crackers, that’s more of a snack than dinner.

He decided on banana slices and some warm bread. Something simple and light, and hopefully sensory friendly for him to eat. He starts with his and Crepe’s dinner first, it takes the most prep time anyway. Crepe comes downstairs already in their pajamas. The moment was filled with father and child banter, the usual kind that came with having a kid in the seventh grade. Tiny lighthearted arguments with no real bite to it.

So nice dinner is, with family. They aren’t the normal conventional family, but then again…. There’s no such thing as normal.

—

Once they were both done with their respective meals, Vanilla prepared his lover’s dinner and tucked Crepe in for the night. He knocks gently on the door to announce his presence, entering after a few seconds past. He sees Shadow Milk sitting upright on the bed, dozing every so often. His once exhausted and done with everything expression being replaced with a tired smile.

Vanilla sets the plate on Shadow Milk’s lap and he starts to eat. Taking slow bites and swallowing. He finishes and tries to drag Vanilla down into bed again, he smiles saying that he’ll be back. He cleaned out the bucket and soaked the towel with some more lukewarm water. He returned and placed the towel on his head, before being dragged down by his lover. Vanilla laughed as his boyfriend tangled himself in his arms once more.

He nuzzled his face into the crook of Vanilla’s neck. Resting it there for a moment before Vanilla pushes away. Only to then grab his hand and put on his face. Shadow Milk almost cried when that happened, he felt so loved in that moment. He pulled Vanilla into his chest, he was slightly taller than him. So he had to maneuver around to make himself comfortable, once he did, he held him.

He holds his beautifully Silly Vanilly in his embrace. He can feel each inhale and exhale from his sunshine’s lips. He grazes his fingers on his hair, it’s just as soft as it looks. Vanilla reaches for his face, his gaze softly shining so brightly that he can see it so clearly in the dark. He takes a strand and twirls it around his finger, tucking the strand behind his ear. Then cupping his head gently as they switch positions again.

He puts his head to Vanilla’s chest and listens to his heart beating. He sighs, content with everything that is happening. He felt so safe and truly loved in his arms, he shifts himself further into the cozy embrace. Sighing once more, as he hears his sunshine humming softly. Lulling him deeper into the blanket of safety and adoration he felt in the moment.

He closes his eyes and sleeps. Falling asleep with the softest smile on his face. Falling asleep in his lover’s arms…… how wonderful.

He just felt so at home in his arms. He felt so precious, like how one would feel in this moment. He felt like he was being loved and cared for. And he never had that before… someone to comfort him whilst he’s sick and gross. He always suffered through it alone.

But this……. This is nice. He was particularly grateful for Vanilla being respectful of his sensory input and needs during all of this. He never thought that he would have found someone so great and important to him that actually cared about his own comfort and how he was processing things.

And if he were to get sick again, he wouldn’t mind being looked after…… only if it’s Vanilla though.

No exceptions!!

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk woke up with his voice fully back and light coming into his room. He slept decently, frankly he woke up to throw up in the bucket during the night. But overall it was a decent sleep. Vanilla walks into the room, he must’ve slipped out of his arms somehow, he smiles. Reaching his arm out to grab his shirt, he looks at him and pets his hair lightly. Taking the bucket to the bathroom to clean the vomit from last night. When Vanilla returns he replaces the towel on his head.

He blesses a chaste kiss on his forehead, saying that he’ll be back soon and he closes the door. Much to Shadow Milk’s dismay, he whines as the door closed and his arm flops down and he turns around in bed to try to get more sleep. He only gets out of bed to get a bottle of water and eat the light meal, which Vanilla left for him in the morning. He sips the Cazuela’s broth and placed the bowl in the sink. He walks back upstairs.

His legs trembling, he had to take a break because he felt like he was going to fall. Finally he managed to conquer the stairs and get back to his room. He gets into bed and closes his eyes again. Not knowing that it would be a horrible idea to sleep.He always had a weird relationship with dreams. Most of the time they were either pleasant or nightmares, but not your typical nightmares. They were nightmares that turned into panic attacks when he wakes from them. He doesn’t know when his dream shifted from the void to something far worse. But he knows exactly what memory this is……….

—

Eternal Sugar analyzed her reflection in the mirror. Checking for any mistakes or areas that were lacking in makeup. This is her first date with Hollyberry, she has to look her best. After taking one more look at herself, she leaves the bathroom. Grabbed her keys and took her first steps out of the house. They had been planning their first date for a few days. She and Holly still continued to talk over the phone and FaceTime. It’s how they fully planned out the date to begin with.

It was simple, just coffee and some thrifting. Nothing fancy, they thrifted together before they started their relationship. Now it’s under a different context. And Sugar wouldn’t have had it any other way. She’s the first to arrive at the coffee shop, Holly wakes up late too so she’s surprised that she’s early.

She waits till she spots a familiarly gorgeous woman. She dusts herself off and goes to meet with her. The two smile at each other, not knowing what to say. Hollyberry eventually speaks up. “Hello my angel.” She blushed as she responds, “Hello my other half~”

They walk in and sit down after getting their drinks. Sugar got a strawberry matcha Frappuccino and Hollyberry settled on an iced passion tango tea. Hollyberry looks at her drink, then to Sugar as she’s enjoying her frappe. She smirks, asking a question, “Can I have a sip?”

Sugar almost spits out her drink when she hears the question. Swallowing the drink and coughing as it goes down the wrong pipe. She nods and hands her the drink, her face flushed with pink. Holly takes a sip from the straw that Sugar had her lips on prior. It’s good. She pushes the drink back to her girlfriend.

“That’s good. Very sweet.”

Sugar tries to wipe the blush off her face as she realizes what just happened. That was an indirect kiss. They just had an indirect kiss. She looks at Holly’s drink, if she’s playing these kinds of games… then two can play it that way. “Give me yours. I want to try.” She smiled at the small blush that emerged on Holly’s face.

She makes a point to look directly into her eyes as she puts her lips on the straw. Tastes very fruity, how fitting for the both of them. She pushes the glass back to Holly, “It’s fruity. Really love the color though… it reminds me of you~.” Hollyberry lets a flustered laugh escape her.

Gods that laugh. Sugar would do anything to preserve that laugh. They eventually finished and leave the shop to go thrifting, they arrived at the first store and were talking. She didn’t know how the conversation got to talking about the place where they were born respectively, but she did mind. Hollyberry mentioned that she was of European descent. And was asking about her family heritage, “Well most of my extended family lives in Greece, which is where I was born. My parents moved to the states, so I can have more opportunities. But if I’m being honest, Greece will always be my home.” Holly looked surprised at the answer.

“I would’ve never guessed.” She gives her a coy smile. “Well in some videos I do wear some fashion popular in my country. I do speak the language, albeit not as often as I’d like. Sometimes when I’m angry I tend to slip into my native language to curse at someone.” Hollyberry snickers at that.

“So the one time, we were talking and you got mad that you didn’t have any cookies and you said something I didn’t understand, that was you speaking in greek?”

“Yes I was. If you’re wondering what I said, it was; ‘God fucking damn it all.’”

She laughs and Sugar joins her. She truly loves her laughter so much. She loves everything about Hollyberry honestly. The way her smile makes her swoon, the way she holds her hand. Wait… should she tell her about the reservations that her dad made her as a birthday gift? Holly did mention how she wanted to eat there…

The date was nearing its conclusion when Sugar decided to tell her. “So, my dad made me reservations at the Dragons Eye-” she gets cutoff mid sentence by Holly gasping and grinning at her. “That’s awesome!!!” She laughed and smiled softly at her girlfriend.

“Anyways there was only one issue. He made it for two people, instead of one. Soooo, I was thinking that you could accompany me.” Holly’s grin gets wider than before.

“I would LOVE to go with you!!!” Sugar clapped her hands in delight at her acceptance of the invitation to dinner. “Marvelous!!!” Holly laughed before asking her again.

“When is the reservation anyway?” She stops frozen in place for a moment.

“T-tomorrow evening…. So good thing we got that sexy red dress that fits you now!” She raised her arms and Holly continued.

“When did he make those reservations? Isn’t the wait time for those really long?”

“He made them as a birthday gift for me, last month. I honestly almost forgot about it until you mentioned the other day that you wanted to eat there eventually.” Hollyberry’s eyes go wide.

“Well, I’m glad that you remembered when you did!! Do you know how pissed I would’ve been had we missed the opportunity?” Sugar smirks as they approach her car. “I imagine that you wouldn’t let me live it down, ever.”

“Exactly!!!” Sugar stops in front of her car. She gives Holly a quick hug and peck on her cheek as the two women bid farewell for now. She sighs softly as she drives back home and walks in. Going into her closet to pick out her outfit for tomorrow.

The Dragons Eye, isn’t just your average restaurant. It’s one of, if not the fanciest in town. If you’re not among the rich and elite then you’d have to wait on a long reservation list. And even getting on that list is difficult, since it’s constantly filled up all the time.

Nevertheless, Sugar smiles to herself. Looking forward to tomorrow’s dinner with her girlfriend.

—

He was in the sixth grade when it happened.

It’s another horrible day at school, the usual teasing and bullying was wearing him down. At this point, he became desensitized to it. He just let it happen and move on with his day. And his bullies absolutely hated it, they hated the neutral face he had anytime they would throw slurs at him. They hated that they weren’t getting a reaction out of him because how else does one entertain themselves at school? So they decided that they wanted a reaction.

Shadow Milk really didn’t know what provoked them, he was just making his way to the far corner of the cafeteria, where he always sat away from everyone else, when someone pulled him by his shirt out. They’re in the hallway now, one of the bullies grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against a locker. He kept quiet, knowing that they’ll probably get him inside and close the door. Oh how he wished that was the case. One of them pulled out a knife, and his eyes went wide.

They never did that before… they held it to under his jawline. His breathing was starting to get shallow, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen…. Another one comes in with an object he’d rather not remember. He squirmed around in an attempt to escape, but their grip was too tight and he was a physically weak person. The pinprick pressure that the knife had was lifted away. He squeezed his eyes shut, it was the only thing that he could do. He feels two hands turning his head, he doesn’t know what direction. He’s just hoping that this’ll end soon.

He feels pressure being applied to his left eye. And what followed after was a pain that he would never forget. The felt like he was being burned alive, like fire had erupted on his eye. He couldn’t hold back a scream, he felt a hand cover his mouth to silence him. The one who applied the object to his closed eye, pressed it down harder against him. He kicked one of the bullies holding him and they let him go, he brings his hand to his eye.

He couldn’t produce any sound, he tried to scream for help, but nothing came out. Tears were streaming down his face quietly as the bullies ran off. He opened his right eye to see a teacher close to him, he backed up to the locker and the teacher gasped sharply. He was rushed to a hospital, after that.

There was no damage done to the eye, thankfully. But it did leave a scar behind, a scar that remains on his face to this day.

He screamed, eyes opened and wide. He needs to leave!! He needs to run!! Run!! Run!! Get out!! They could be back to disfigure your face again!! Leave!! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!!! 

He kicked the covers off of his waist and got out of bed. He ran down the hallway, desperately trying to find an exit. His breathing became more rapid, tiny sobs escaped him as he darted downstairs. He hears the sound of the door opening, he yelps and scrambles into the farthest corner in where he is. The tears finally fall down his cheeks, as he hysterically lets out pleas for mercy. He covers his ears and rocks himself in the corner. Whining and crying, waiting to be beaten up again. To be burned by the heated three pronged object.

He hears a voice, a voice that sounded gentle and warm. Tears obscured his vision as he opens his eyes. He vaguely could make out a figure sitting a few feet away from him. He looked into the figure’s eyes, one eye was hazel and the other was blue. He recognized this person…… Vanilla? The hell is he doing here??? “Bluebird, can you hear me?” He nodded, still perplexed by Vanilla’s presence. He was a year older than him, he wouldn’t be a student at his middle school now. And if he was, he would’ve been a grade higher than him.

“Do you know where you are?” He signed the word ‘school’ choking on his own sobs while he used his shaky hands to communicate. Vanilla had a slightly worried expression, his eyes looking so sad. Shadow Milk did not like seeing those eyes so sad… He takes a deep breath and continues, “Starry Night, I need you to repeat after me, if you can’t talk that’s fine, just listen carefully. You’re not at school… you’re at my house now. You’re not there, you’re safe.” He keeps his distance from Shadow Milk as he tries to find his voice in between his hyperventilated breathing and sobs.

“I-I’m not at sch- school… I’m a-at your ho-house. I’m not th-there, I’m s-safe…” He keeps repeating those same words, his surroundings slowly changing from the school to Vanilla’s house. Vanilla started to take deep breaths, which he copied. Desperately clinging to his boyfriend’s breathing as if it was a lifeline. Eventually his breathing evened out and he calmed down. Vanilla still a few feet away from him, still looking at him with so much concern. Is it weird to be nostalgic about this, right now? Because he certainly felt that feeling of familiarity wash over him in the way Vanilla was a few feet away and so patient. It reminded him of the janitor’s closet and Mystic Flour…. Vanilla clears his throat.

“Can I come closer, Starry Night?” He nodded and Vanilla slowly walked to his corner. He reaches his hand out, but stopped himself. Shadow Milk nods, a silent answer to his question. Vanilla places a hand on his shoulder, “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head harshly, he doesn’t want to go back to that place. Hell, he doesn’t want to think about it. Vanilla goes quiet again, seemingly getting the message. He flaps his hands a bit, before getting up on shaky legs.

Vanilla holds his hand out and Shadow Milk shakes his head. “What time is it r’now?” Vanilla smiles, tinges of concern still lingering on his face, “It’s 12:30 pm.” Was he really asleep for that long before that nightmare happened? He hummed, his legs shaking as he ascended the stairs. His legs almost gave out, but he managed. Vanilla speaks again, “Do you need to throw up?” Shadow Milk opens the door to the bathroom and curled himself around the toilet. Nausea is such a bitch to deal with, especially when you have sensory issues.

He didn’t know whether the panic attack or the fever was making him nauseous. Regardless he retches everything he ate in the morning. The stomach acid soaring in his throat burned an uncomfortable sensation that made him shiver and let out a dry cry. Vanilla was beside him, whispering sweet nothings and tiny praises that he really appreciated. It certainly made the whole situation more bearable. Eventually he began dry heaving again, which is a result of him still being incredibly nauseous and his stomach empty from the previous vomiting. He slumps backwards, his body exhausted from the purge.

Vanilla leaves for a moment, but to him it was an eternity. He comes back with a napkin, a glass of water and some stomach medicine. He takes the pill, his hands shaking as he washes it down with the water. He gets up and walks back to the bed, Vanilla follows him. He slips under the covers, leaning into the hand carding through his hair. “I’m going to pick up Crepe from school. Alright?” He nodded, taking the hand that was on his head and gently kissed it. Vanilla placed a kiss on his temple, easily relieving any lingering pain from the headache that spawned from his panic attack and left.

Shadow Milk cautiously closed his eyes again to sleep. This time it was peaceful. Just like how dreams are supposed to be.

—

Shadow Milk wakes up to the sound of footsteps, sleep was uneventful. Thank gods. He stretches his limbs and makes his way to the door. He almost fell backwards when he saw Vanilla right in front of him. Probably coming to check on him, he looks away from his lovely mismatched eyes. He looks at his face to see a smile. “Bluebird, are you… alright? How are you feeling?” He wrings his wrists, trying to find the right words to describe his current state.

“I’m not all the way… but I’m better than yesterday,” he grabs his hair and runs his fingers through it anxiously, “I’m sorry you had to see that. You definitely did not deserve to come home to one of my freak outs….” He feels his hand being touched by Vanilla’s own hand and somehow everything he’s been worried about has melted away in an instant.

“Starlight, that’s not what that was. You had a panic attack.” Obviously he knows that. Vanilla continues, “Its perfectly normal for it to happen. Can I tell you something?” Shadow Milk nodded, listening to his lover taking deep breaths before he spoke again, “I would sometimes get them too. My first one happened during a mass casualty incident, I lost a lot of patients that day, once the incident was over I pretty much broke down. Because one of the patients I lost was a child who was around Crepe’s age at the time. And it was terrifying… you feel as though the world is ending. And you can’t even speak because you breathing so fast that you’re choking on your own breaths. And-”

“And you feel like you’re alone.” Vanilla looks at his boyfriend, “you feel that you’re overreacting and should just suck it up. But you can’t get your mind out of the fear. And after all that, you have to keep going. Because the world doesn’t stop for you, it keeps going.” Vanilla lets him finish before responding, “It gets better, y’know.” He only hums in response. Vanilla steps aside for his lover to exit the room. “I’m going downstairs to cook dinner, you can join if you’d like.”

Shadow Milk steps out of the room and heads downstairs. He looks away from the corner he shoved himself against. The spot where he thought that Vanilla was going to hurt him. His heart sank and he sniffles, flapping his hands to try to calm himself. Vanilla noticed the sudden change in his mood, he doesn’t press right away. Giving Shadow Milk some time to collect his thoughts, before he speaks. His voice choked up with anguish.

“I-I'm sorry I thought you were going to,” he started sobbing. His hands covered his face, trying to muffle the noise. “I-I thought you were going to h-hurt m-m-me.” He went down to the floor, hands still flapping wildly. Vanilla takes a step forward, “Can I embrace you, my love?” He wraps his arms around Vanilla’s torso, holding onto him tightly. Vanilla returns the gesture, apologies were the only thing that kept repeating. He places a kiss on his temple and begins to reassure him.

“It’s okay, I understand. You didn’t know where you were, I completely understand.” After a few more minutes of hugging they separate. Shadow Milk taking several deep breaths to ground himself. He speaks again, “So what are we having for dinner? Can we have more of that, what’s it called again? Pastel de…?” Vanilla turned to him, smiling.

“Pastel de choclo?”

He nodded, “Yeah that!!! It’s so good!!! Like seriously the taste is immaculate! I don’t think I’ve had anything like it before!!!”

“Well that’s a nice idea. We’ve just had it two days ago. So, whenever you stay over again, I can show you how to make it.” Shadow Milk paused, blinking once then twice. Finally what Vanilla had said sunk in, he looked at him, wringing his wrists. “You would teach me?”

“Of course I will! When you’re better though… speaking of which, I need to ask how you feel about me taking care of you yesterday and today.” Shadow Milk titled his head, “Why?” Vanilla took a moment before responding.

“It’s just that, I’m worried that I was treating you like a child. And I don’t want to do that. You’re a fully capable adult who should be seen as such… I meant what I said in the mall. And since you’re feeling better than you were yesterday, I need to know if you, at any point felt that I was doing something that made you feel that way. I want you to be happy and respected in this relationship, and that also means being respectful of your boundaries. I just… need to know if I had done that.”

Shadow Milk could see the genuine worry on Vanilla’s face, when he spoke. He knew that Vanilla cared, but it didn’t fully grasp how much he cared until now. It felt surreal, being with someone who treats you equal. Being treated like he was a regular person, with needs and all. He holds back the tears of relief threatening to break out.

“You could never, Nilly. I’m still all over the place, so I can’t fully explain it. But don’t worry, I kinda liked it.” He whispered that last part so quietly. He stretched his arms, “I’m going to go back upstairs, call me when dinners ready. But I’ll probably be asleep by then, I get really sleepy after crying my eyes out.” Vanilla’s hand cups his cheek, then he peppers a few kisses on it. Shadow Milk lets it happen, letting the pure love flow through his senses in the moment. “Alright then, have the sweetest dreams my Bluebird.”

“Vice versa, My Sunshine.”

—

Crepe headed downstairs for dinner on the way, the door of the guest room opened. Shamil closed the door and stopped when he saw them. They bounced up and down, he walks to them. The two walk down the stairs when Crepe asked something. “Why did you stop…flapping your hands when you noticed that I saw?” He went quiet, running his hands through his hair.

“I-it’s a habit. Basically nobody likes it when I do that, so I don’t do it.”

“Why? I like it when you stim. It’s nice to see someone like me, being successful and supportive of others who are like us.” Shadow Milk sits down on one of the stairs. They sit with him. “I do it because I didn’t have anyone that cared about my issues with sensory overload. So I wanted to at least try to give my fans something that I never had.”

They kicked their legs in the air and they spoke, “Are you actually autistic?” He turns to them, a blush forming on his face. “Yeah I am. I honestly don’t know when I’m going to tell the fanbase, but yeah.” They get up and continue down the stairs, he follows them. “Kid, I don’t know what you think of me hiding this from everyone, but if you’d were raised in the time that I was, you’d know why…” they turned to him.

“It couldn’t have been that stigmatized back then?” The two turned to the dining table as Shamil laughed darkly, “It was, and it was bad. But I don’t want to dump my issues onto you. You don’t deserve that.” They shrugged. “I don’t fully understand, but I still think you’re better than the other idols.” He smiles and sits at the dining room table. Chicken Alfredo is one their favorite things to have for dinner. They eye Shamil, as he picks at the food.

Dad notices, “You know I can-” before he could finish, Shamil puts a forkful of food in his mouth. He had an unreadable expression on his face while he ate. They could tell if he liked it or not. He excuses himself and runs off. Dad follows him.

Shadow Milk tried to keep the food in. It wasn’t even nausea this time. His heightened senses just couldn’t take the taste of the food. He throws up in the kitchen sink, crying the whole time. If he wasn’t sick, he would’ve probably enjoyed the dinner. But with every sense dialed to the max, he couldn’t. Vanilla is next to him, comforting him with sweet nothings. Once he’s done purging the dinner out of his stomach. He shivers harshly, Vanilla asks him something, that’s the moment he realizes that he’s in front of the stairs.

He didn’t have the strength to walk up, Vanilla descends the stairs and is looking at him so patiently. He breaths in and out, “What?” Vanilla rubs his hand on his shoulder. “Can you walk up stairs?” He shakes his head, the aftermath of throwing up had an intriguing effect on his legs. Sometimes he could walk normally, albeit with mild discomfort. Other times, he would be reduced to crawling, since his legs were so weakened from the sheer force that the vomiting caused. He starts sniffling, the pain in his stomach was becoming overwhelming. His eyes widened as he got an idea.

“Carry me.”

Vanilla’s brow raised, “What???” Shadow Milk looks at him annoyed that he didn’t seem to get it. “You heard me!! I wish to be lifted from the floor by your loving heart~” he puts the back on his hand on his forehead, turning up the dramatics to try and distract himself from the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing in the moment. “Unless~…. You want me to crawl up the stair-” he suddenly felt two arms around him.

One hand was on the crook of his back, and the other was under his knees. Before he knew it, he was hoisted into the air. He looked up to see that Vanilla actually picked him up from the floor. “Is this to your satisfaction, dear jester?” He looks away, embarrassed by the fact that he didn’t think that Vanilla would actually do it. “It will have to do, now take me!!!” He lightly slapped his face and Vanilla laughed.

“Your wish is my command, my jester.”

The firm grasp he was held in, coupled with the soft steps up the stairs was lulling him into a dozing state. He felt his feet being planted on the ground, as he walked to the bathroom to clean his bucket for the night. The two enter the room and Shadow Milk spots a blanket that doesn’t belong in his room. “Crepe must’ve given you their weighted blanket for the night.” He never heard of a weighted blanket… Vanilla picked up on his confusion. “It’s a blanket that applies a comfortable pressure.”

Shadow Milk hesitated as he wraps the blanket around his shoulders. Holy shit!!! I need one of these!!!!!! He immediately relaxes, the pressure was firm and yet not overwhelming. He rocked himself and laid down, falling asleep with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

He felt a kiss being pressed on his cheek and he retaliated with a long kiss on Vanilla’s cheek. The two laughed and wished each other a goodnight. They both slept well that night.

Chapter Text

It’s five minutes till Vanilla ends his shift when a voice comes out from the intercom, “Code Triage, emergency department now!” His heart sinks into his chest, he makes his way to the emergency department to see Raisin walking in. He catches up with her, “Raisin!! Can you tell me what’s happening?!”

“There’s been a collision between two trains and there’s a lot of injured people coming here.” She turns to the head doctor who’s giving the rundown on the situation. They tell everyone to take care of anything personal now because after that it’s going to be nonstop flow of patients. Vanilla goes to the side and texts Crepe. The two have an unspoken agreement that should anything come up at work and he couldn’t pick them up, that he would alert them.

‘Sweetcake, a mass casualty protocol has been called. I won’t be able to pick you up, Lily will. Will you be okay with that??’

‘Yes Dad. Good luck, try not to get too traumatized!!’

He chuckled at that, ‘I will try, love you.’

But now there’s one thing now, he still needs to monitor his lover’s condition. His temperature did go down and he’s been throwing up less, but he still hasn’t fully recovered yet. And he doesn’t know how he’d feel about Lily keeping an eye on him until he returns. He calls Shadow Milk, the phone dials for a moment before being picked up. A tired, groggy voice is heard on the other end.

“Nilly? What’s up?”

“Bluebird, I’m calling to let you know that I won’t be returning right away. Something came up at work and I have to stay longer. Would you be alright with Lily monitoring you? I know you said that you’re doing better and that you can look after yourself, I believe you. It’s just that… just in case you take a turn for the worse, you need someone to help you. And I know that you said that I haven’t infantilized you at all, but this is a case where I run the risk of doing so and I need your consent for this.” He’s silent for a moment.

“Fine… but you HAVE TO CUDDLE WITH ME TONIGHT!!! At least for an hour.” Vanilla laughed.

“Very well, Bluebird. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“WAIT!!!” Vanilla paused for a moment before responding.

“Yes?” He hears a deep breath and then Shadow Milk starts.

“I just kinda…… wanted to thank you. For making sure that I’m okay with this and for being understanding about it all. I’ve haven’t had anyone be this kind and respectful when taking care of me while sick…… ever really. I think this is the first time I’ve gotten sick in like two years. So it’s a lot for me, and I’m glad that you understand that.” Vanilla is trying so hard not to cry right now. He wasn’t expecting such a heartwarming thanks for doing his best to make Shadow Milk comfortable. He sniffled and spoke softly.

“You’re welcome, I’ll see you later today.”

“See ya then, Silly Vanilly~!!” He hangs up and goes to message Lily to let her know.

Personification Of Sunshine: Lily, I have to stay over for a while longer. I need you to pick up Crepe and monitor Shadow.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Wasn’t he supposed to go home yesterday?? Why are you talking about him like he’s still at your place???

Personification Of Sunshine: He caught a stomach bug and is staying a few extra days to recover.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Why me tho??? What about Holly, she knows him better????

Personification Of Sunshine: She has a date with her girlfriend tonight. Apparently, her girlfriend got reservations for a really fancy restaurant she’s been wanting to go to for ages.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Crap, that was today???

Personification Of Sunshine: Yes. I have to go now. Good luck Lily!

Moonflower Faerie Queen: I’ll only do it for you. Please don’t beat yourself up too hard once the shift is over.

Personification Of Sunshine: No promises…

It’s something that he’s always struggled with in this field. When a patient dies on his watch, he keeps coming up with what if’s. If he had done things differently, then would they still be alive today? It’s a brutal job to work, especially during mass casualty situations. One case was so bad that he had to take a break and get therapy. He keeps shifting the blame onto himself, when in reality they probably didn’t have a high chance of surviving anyway. The head matron, Cocoa as she’s been lovingly nicknamed, tags along with him.

“We’re going to be assessing for triage. You remember the band colors right?” He remembers them so well that it pains him.

Red is for the critically injured that need immediate care and surgery once stabilized. Yellow they’re responsive, but don’t leave them alone for too long. Since they can flatline at say in an hour. Green ones are usually the walking wounded, they don’t have anything that is or can be life threatening. However they still need care, and that’s where Cream Unicorn and Blackberry take over. They go to the ambulance bay and wait.

The first car rolls in and Vanilla springs into action within seconds. One person has to tourniquet wrapped around their leg, he slaps a yellow band on their hand and moves on the next person. They were bleeding heavily, but they were responding to pain. A red wristband was slapped on their hand as they were wheeled on a stretcher. An ambulance pulled in and a young gentleman walked out with some abrasions and scrapes.

Vanilla did a double take, he recognized that man… Affogato. One of Cacao’s lawyers at his firm. He rushed to him, “Affogato are you alright?!” He flicks his hand.

“I’m fine, might have a concussion but other than that I’m fine. How long is thi-” Vanilla grabs his arm and gives him the green wristband. “That’s good, just head to Family Medicine. Cream Unicorn or Blackberry will be with you in a moment.” He looked appalled, but Vanilla didn’t have time to converse with an acquaintance. Once the two were done triaging, they ran back in to help anyway they could. Vanilla sees Raisin motioning him to come over, he runs over to help her.

One of their legs looked crushed beyond recognition. He snaps out of it and hears Raisin shouting, “Get me some blood and an Io!!”

He runs to grab the Io drill, handing it over to Raisin. Blackberry runs to the designated yellow zone and he joins her. She seems stressed out, “I thought you were going to be taking care of the walking wounded?”

“Yeah well plans changed. My husband and daughter normally go to watch the trains pass by… I don’t know if they went today.” She turns the corner to see a man with a tourniquet on his arm, Vanilla hears his name being called and rushes out, not before reassuring his co worker. “I’m sure they’re okay.” She mumbles a response he couldn’t hear and rushes towards the red zone.

Gods, he can’t wait to get home. Not that he hates the job, far from it. It’s just that mass casualty incidents drain a lot out of him. He loves his line of work, but it’s a lot during these times. Having to decide which patient gets to live, when all he wants is to save everyone’s lives. Those split second decisions constantly affect him. He’s had nightmares about some of the worst ones he’s seen.

But, regardless he pushes on for that happy ending for the victims. It’s the least he can do in this scenario.

—

Lily parks her car in the school parking lot an hour before Crepe gets out of school and waits. Frankly she’s not looking forward to this whole thing. But she’ll do anything for her best friend, the hour passes and Crepe gets in the car. Pulling into the driveway and getting out. She searches her bag for the spare keys that Vanilla gave her just in case she needed anything. Crepe knocked on the door. She suddenly remembered that there was someone already in the house.

He opens the door, holding a bucket in his hands. He gags into the bucket as she and Crepe walk in. He closes the door behind him and slumps on the couch. Lily takes a moment to simply observe him, he looks at her. “You don’t say any word of this outside of this house.” She rolls her eyes and looks inside the fridge to find something to eat, he’s follows her. Leaning his shoulder against the freezer door.

“How long have you and Nilly known each other?” She looks at him skeptical of his question, “Since we were babies. We were next door neighbors, so it’s only natural that we would get close.” He sneered and placed his foot on the freezer door.

“Is that why you’re acting so weird around me?” She sighed and finds a fruit bowl, taking it and closing the refrigerator door. “What are your intentions with Vanilla?” He looks at her with a curious expression.

“What?”

“Why are you with him?” He looks away from her. Then turning back to face her. She doesn’t know what her best friend sees in him. So it wouldn’t hurt to do some interrogating. “H-he makes me feel like I’m everything.” Now it’s her turn to be confused by him, she takes a bite of the cantaloupe. He looks at the fruit bowl, “Does that have cantaloupe in it? Hand me some.” She tosses the fruit bowl to him, “What do you mean by that?” He finishes chewing the fruit and continues from where he left off.

“He’s just……so kind and understanding. I’ve never met anyone like him,” he rocks himself, “like he’s so sweet. He’s able to empathize with anyone…… I love that part of him the most. He’s……my everything, now.” She hates to admit it, but he’s right about that. She has made some mistakes that she wishes she could undo and yet Vanilla understood why she did what she did. He was the one who helped her get an diagnosis for the inattentive type of ADHD. And so far he seems genuine in his feelings towards her friend. Crepe walks downstairs and heads to Lily. “You gonna help clean out the garage?” Her eyes widened.

“Crap, the garage hasn’t been emptied out yet?”

“We were supposed to do that tonight.” Lily opens the door entering the garage and opens the garage. Shadow Milk whistles and scans the garage, “How is the most cleanly man in the world have a garage this messy?” Crepe hops down and grabs a box, “Yeah, he’s been putting this off for a while.” Lily steps over to help the two of them.

Crepe looks through the box filled with books, curiosity peeks them. They flip to a random page to see their dad. They run to Lily. “Lily is that dad?!” She takes the book and snickers at the page, “Yeah that’s him!” They started laughing loudly, causing Shadow Milk to flinch. He shifts through various items, trying to organize them all. However, he is pretty nosy. He decides to investigate what’s so funny to the kid.

“Kid, what’s so hilarious?” They grab the book and shoved the page in front of him. They point to a picture and he recognizes that face. “Is that Nilly?!” They nod and started laughing all over again. The Vanilla in the photo was vastly different from the one that he knows. He goes to Lily, trying not to burst into laughter.

“Explain this!!!” She laughed with her whispery voice. “That’s Nil’s during freshman year of high school. He was experimenting with style at the time.”

“That’s a literal Emo phase!!!”

She sighs, “Yes he did have an emo phase.” He looks at the photo, “He looks good in black.” She nods her head in agreement. She turns back to her previous task, occasionally answering some questions from the idol. She really doesn’t know what to think of him. She moves some of the Christmas stuff around, causing the ringing of bells to be heard. Shadow Milk turns to her, clearly startled by the noise.

“What the heck was that?!”

“Some of the Christmas stuff that had jingle bells on it. I apologize for scaring you.” He walks to her, moving past Crepe carefully.

“Give me those… I like the sound.” She hands him the jingle bells and he brings them to his ear. Softly jingling it, he relaxed instantly. Lily decided on takeout for dinner. Vanilla is still at work and she doesn’t trust herself to not burn down the house, so takeout is the best option. They are halfway done, when Lily decides that they all should take a break. Shadow Milk heads to the table, tapping his fingers on it. His hand still holding onto the jingle bells. She decides to get to the point.

“Look, I still don’t fully trust you… but you make Nilla happy. So I’m willing to tolerate you. However if you even dare break his heart, I will personally murder you.” He nods, he knows to take threats like that seriously. He learned that in middle school and he made a silent vow to never do that. He checks his phone to see a message from Black Sapphire.

Radio Rebel: So Candy told me that you’re sick???

Shamil: Yeah caught a stomach bug. I’m doing better now. Better than Monday.

Little miss toffee: Glad to hear that, boss. When are you coming back to your apartment?

Shamil: Maybe Friday…? Idk…. Oh yeah! Sapph, did you announce the two month hiatus?

Radio Rebel: Yeah. Everyone is wishing you a good break.

Shamil: Thank you! I got to go.

Little miss toffee: Byeeeee!!!

Radio Rebel: Bye!!!

Shadow Milk looks through the pantry for anything that looked mildly appetizing. He grabs a cup of noodles and checks the expiration date, then fills it with water and puts it in the microwave. Lily looks at him with confusion, “I was just going to ask if you wanted anything from the restaurant that me and Crepe got takeout from.” He shrugs, placing the jingle bells on the counter next to the microwave. “I don’t really like takeout, I prefer to eat at the restaurant instead.” She seems bewildered by his answer.

“You are by far the strangest person I’ve met in a while.” He bowed, the microwave beeping diverted his attention back to the noodles. He takes the food out and takes a seat at the table to eat. Lily gets the food for herself and Crepe from the delivery guy and join him at the table. She watches him and Crepe converse with each other.

She always felt like an outsider, even in her own friend group. She guessed that’s why she shut herself away after university. She struggled with self isolation as a child and as an adult. She’s gotten better now, but she still has those moments of feeling isolated.

The door opens and it’s Vanilla.

—

Vanilla felt drained, both physically and emotionally. He almost lost two children, both were Crepe’s age, which didn’t prevent him from being reminded of his biggest fear as a parent working in the medical field. One of the parents died, the other at least had a chance of surviving. He couldn’t bare the thought of seeing those kids becoming orphans. One of the few highlights was seeing Blackberry reuniting with her family and one patient who reunited with their mother in the hospital.

Regardless he was so happy to be home. He really needed to hug Crepe right now, he unlocked the door and opened it. Crepe ran to him and he hugged them tightly. Shadow Milk walked cautiously over to the two. He looked at him, “Bluebird, I’m sorry but I need some time alone right now. But I will be taking the day off tomorrow.” He nods and goes up the stairs, stopping as he sees Lily leaving. “Oh yeah! You have a date at the Parfaitdea Museum on Saturday!!!” She snapped her head toward him, then to Vanilla. Her voice grew loud, losing the normal whispery tone.

“He’s kidding?! Right!??!” Vanilla broke away from the hug and went to Lily. “No, he’s not. You’re going on a blind date with someone there.” She covered her face with her hands, “Why?! I don’t do well with people!!” Shadow Milk leans over the railing of the staircase. “You’re gonna be fine, I know the person you’re gonna date. They’re really easy to talk to!” She only grew more nervous.

“That doesn’t reassure me!! Why would I trust someone you know?! I don’t even know you well enough to trust the people you hang around with!!” She grabs her braid, hands gripping it and twisting it in different directions. Vanilla takes her hands, “Just give it a chance. Please? You do so much for me, I want to repay the favor.” She couldn’t say no, especially since Vanilla was insisting. She takes a deep breath and looks at him.

“Fine, but you,” she points to Shadow Milk, “you’ll owe me one.” He turns his back to her. “No promises, flower.” She growls and says goodbye to Vanilla and Crepe, leaving the house and heading into Elder’s car. She grabs his jacket from the backseat and screams into it.

Vanilla looks up at Shadow Milk as he chuckles and goes upstairs. He joins him upstairs once he gets to the top, their lips were almost touching. They were that close. Vanilla smiles and places a few kisses on his forehead. Shadow Milk returned the gesture with a surprising kiss on the tip of his nose. Then moving down to his neck, peppering kisses left and right.

Vanilla giggles as he playfully pushes him back, “We’ll have the house to ourselves tomorrow. Please save that, my Bluebird.” Shadow Milk looks away from his gaze, rubbing his hand against his wrist. “Okay… can I at least ask if we could cuddle in your room then?” A little blush formed on his face as he asked the question, his eyes drifting everywhere but his lover’s gaze. Vanilla stared at him fondly, “I would love to.” They hugged before separating and heading to their respective rooms.

Shadow Milk twirled in place, flopping down onto the bed and kicking his feet in the air. He stopped himself for a moment, his mind going into a mental war over his reaction. He decides to distract himself by sketching, he drags the pencil across the page. His leg bouncing all the while. After about five minutes, he opts to call it a night.

Gazing at his doodles for a quick moment. Miniature sketches of Fount and Sunny littered the two pages. Some were of them alone or testing expressions in Sunny’s case. Others had them together, few were simple, just the two standing next to each other for height scaling. The other page had more intimate drawings of the two hugging. One in particular had the two kissing, a real kiss. On the lips. He smiled at the drawing softly and closed the sketchbook.

Laying down and closing his eyes to hopefully go into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter Text

Vanilla opens the door, and he sees Shadow Milk on the couch. Waiting for him, he doesn’t seem to notice that he’s returned. Vanilla sneaks behind him and places a kiss on his neck. He jumps in place and turns around to see him. He smiles brilliantly at the sight, “Hi there my Silly Vanilly~.” Vanilla laughs as he brushes his hand across his lover’s cheek. “Hello, Bluebird.” He cards through his hair, stopping when he sees him wincing anytime his fingers get stuck in a tangle. Shadow Milk really didn’t have the energy to brush through his hair right now.

He still felt sluggish, but almost fully recovered from the stomach bug. He looks away from Vanilla, trying to build up and find his courage to ask for assistance. “Nilly…?” Vanilla looks at him with his gentle, loving eyes. “Yes?” Shadow Milk almost lost all of the bravery he built up to ask, but he persisted. His eyes darting between the floor and his sunshine’s eyes.

“I don’t really have any energy to brush my hair right now… so I’m wondering if it’s not too much trouble… if you could do it for me?” He knew that the request was intimate. He was scared that he would somehow break an unspoken boundary by asking. And yet, when he shifted his eyes back to his lover’s face, he only saw a small hint of surprise, then the same sweet smile he fell in love with.

“I would love to.” The two men got off the couch and ascended the stairs to Vanilla’s bedroom. Shadow Milk took a moment to look at his sunshine’s room. The curtains were a pale yellow color, as were the pillows and covers on the bed. The hung lights on the walls are off. He made a mental note to ask Vanilla to turn them on.

A massage chair is in the corner of the room, right next to a bookshelf. He sees Vanilla motioning him to come closer. He follows him into the bathroom, it looks just as cozy as the bedroom. Vanilla exits for a moment before returning with a chair for him to sit in.

Shadow Milk sits down and Vanilla begins to brush his hair, starting with the part that swooped over his forehead. He hears a little gasp from his darling. He looks at him as he continues gently, his shoulders lowered as he breathes in what appears to be relief. Once he’s done, he moves onto the rest of his boyfriend’s marvelous hair. He takes a portion of his hair and starts brushing gently. He admires the hair for a second, so beautiful the blue fade ins are. Blue really is his color.

He got to one part that had a hairball within, struggling slightly to brush it out. He got the ball out and continued, then his sweetheart speaks. “This is nice… nicer than I expected it to be…” Vanilla smiled.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” He finished with the brushing and sets the hairbrush down. Shadow Milk gets up and walks to Vanilla’s bed, he gasps suddenly as if he remembered something. “Can you plug in those lights, please?” Vanilla nodded and plugged in the fairy lights, which flickered for moment before illuminating the room in a soft glow. He gets under the duvet bed covers and patted the empty space on the bed. Shadow Milk hesitates, but slowly and quietly slips under the blanket.

Vanilla embraces him. The warm glow of the fairy lights around the two made the moment so vivid and romantic. Vanilla wouldn’t have it any other way.

—

Love, it’s a rather…… interesting concept to Shadow Milk. He knows what love is, but never how it feels. He supposed, he’s used to not being loved. Most of his childhood memories were either being bullied, ridiculed or just feeling so hollow. Hollowness is something he’s all too familiar with. The emptiness that consumes you at all times, until you find something that keeps it at bay.

Consistently he’s always been in the background. Never making himself stand out to others, he knows what happens when he makes himself stand out. He always found himself desiring a deeper connection with someone. It didn’t matter what gender the person was or their background, he just wanted a connection with someone that was more than friends.

He guessed that some people were some of his first crushes. He didn’t have the word for it at the time. But he would daydream about himself with this person. Daydreaming moments of intimacy that felt so real, but weren’t. He became incredibly aware of these feelings when he met Burning Spice.

He found himself unable to look at him for longer than a second. He had issues with eye contact, but around him it was dialed up to eleven. He noticed little things about him, like the way his eyes smile before his lips or the way he would flip his hair whenever annoyed. Once he learned that these feelings were because he loved Spice. He was surprised, he never felt like that about anyone. Not even those other people he would daydream himself with, made him feel the things that Spice made him feel.

He didn’t know how to bring up these feelings to anyone. He wasn’t even sure if Spice swings in his direction. He felt so lost, and yet he felt that everything is going to be okay. He thought about telling him numerous times, but decided against it. He didn’t want the whole friend group to fall apart because of him.

So he kept silent. It wasn’t all bad though, at least he gets to keep him in his life. Even if it was only as a friend, he’s just happy that he could have some form of relationship with Spice.

Fast-forward five years later. He’s at a fan meetup event. And he meets the one. The one, conceptually to him means someone that has eternal love and patience for him. Spice had the patience, but it was unknown if he loved him back. Nevertheless he meets a gorgeous blonde man with the kindest soul he’s ever known. If love at first sight exists, then he’s sure that it feels exactly like that.

Weeks later, now they’re dating each other. He’s caught a stomach bug and his sunshine is taking care of him. They are both in bed right now, snuggling and cuddling each other. Occasionally switching positions, holding on to each other so tight. Rubbing soothing circles into his back and hands holding his face like he wasn’t broken or damaged. Sometimes he feels like Vanilla could do better than him, every time he thinks that, he cries.

He cries because he doesn’t want to lose this. He feels his head being tilted upward, Vanilla is looking at him. Soft concern gracing his features, using his thumb to wipe something away. Ah he thought about it again, didn’t he? He hears softer reassurances being whispered into his ear. His head being cradled like it wasn’t filled with so many horrible thoughts and memories. He lets himself listen to the words.

If you asked him what love is like, he would respond with a plethora of thoughts. Love is when you feel free to express yourself and not be afraid of being hurt for that. Love is when someone actually listens to you and your interests. Love is when someone adapts and accepts your different needs and way of processing the world around you. Love is when your lover treats and holds you like you’re his whole world.

Love is like a blanket. So warm and safe. Every gesture of affection is like an extra layer of warmth is being added on top of the blanket you’re already wrapped in. Yet it never feels uncomfortable, quite the contrary. You crave more and more of the goodness and sweetness. So sweet it is.

It’s so easy to feel like you’re melting when in love. Because to Shadow Milk that’s what love is.

Love is a gift that keeps on giving. Love is warmth encompassed into a human emotion.

—

Vanilla holds onto his dearest soulmate. He’s fully convinced that the two of them are soulmates. Maybe they weren’t fated to meet, but still. It’s so precious that they clicked together so perfectly. He tilted his face upward as to get a good glimpse of his darling’s face.

They stared at each other, admiring the other’s face. Shadow Milk shifted upward, softly he could hold him. He lets him, the two men were in between sleeping and not. Dozing on and off, he sighs. Fully relaxed in his lover’s embrace.

It’s remarkable that they are currently like this. That they have gotten to this point in their relationship. He hears Shadow Milk whispering, “I don’t know if you’re asleep or not… but I really want to say… that you’re so kind,” Vanilla listened. “Even when I don’t think I deserve it. You’re so sweet and sometimes I just want to ask why. I just want you to know that you’re so wonderful and precious and amazing. I’m so lucky to have met you, Silly Vanilly.”

“I’m lucky too.” He gasped looking down to see Vanilla’s smiling face. “How much did you hear?” Vanilla smiled softly.

“Everything. And can you let me say my piece?” He nodded as Vanilla shifted to hold him while he said, “I want to say that you are my star. Shining so bright, regardless of the time. Rain or shine, day or night, you continue to shine. Despite everything that you have been through, you keep shining. And you are by far the most caring person I have ever known. You always deserve kindness and understanding. And more than anything else, you deserve unconditional love and support. So yes, I am absolutely lucky to have met you.”

Shadow Milk curls closer to Vanilla. Letting out soft sobs. Vanilla kisses the top of his head and cuddles him tightly. The two men stayed there for a few moments before Vanilla gets up. Shadow Milk hugged his waist to try to get him back in bed, he says he’d be back.

Minutes later, true to his word, he returned. He walked back to the bed with a laptop. He logs into it and goes to Netflix. Shadow Milk was half asleep when the laptop was shifted to him. He looks at Vanilla, his eyes so soft and angelic to look at. “You pick the movie.” He scrolls down to the top movies selection and stops at one movie in particular. Well it was kinda hard not to see it, since it’s at number one and the first one you see.

“Kpop Demon Hunters.” The movie looked like it was made for him. He had a huge interest in Kpop Idols back in high school, so the movie stood out instantly. He pauses however, today is Vanilla’s day off and he didn’t want to bother him with his interests. He looks at him, he looks back with soft accepting eyes. Without even looking, he clicks the button to play the movie. His breath hitched when he heard the opening sound. He looks away from the screen, Vanilla pauses the movie.

“Bluebird? Are you…?” He curls up into a ball, trying to make himself small enough to disappear into space. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to watch this… you won’t even understand half of the stuff in this movie…” Vanilla holds his chin, so gently, his face smiling. “Then maybe you can explain somethings. I want to understand, Bluebird.” Shadow Milk turns his attention back to the screen as Vanilla unpaused the movie.

Music starts playing in the background and Shadow Milk ascends to sit up. There are actual songs in the movie!!! His attention was focused solely on the movie, he smiles so widely and began rocking himself. Vanilla sneaks a glance at him as he continues to rock with a wide eyed smile. “I take it that you like it so far?” He turns to the blonde haired angel, then back to the screen to see a music video scene. “Oh my god!!! THIS,” he covers his mouth and continues, “this is LITERALLY HOW KPOP MUSIC VIDEOS ARE SHOT!!! AHHHHH!!!” He balls up both fists, bringing both of them under his chin and bumps them together.

The scene with Rumi covering her patterns with the jacket hit him harder than he should. It felt exactly how he felt whenever he does a meetup. Putting on a mask to hide himself, out of fear of what everyone might think of you. He almost cried when she fully covered the patterns. He still has that opening song in his mind, he needs to do a cover of that song. He turns to Vanilla then back to the screen, resting his head on his shoulder and mumbling under his breath, “Can you sing?” Vanilla wrapped his arm around his neck, absentmindedly rubbing it.

“I can… but I don’t think I’m as good as you.” He laughed softly, leaning closer into the blonde angel’s shoulder. “So I’m working on this song, and I’m wondering if you want toooooo…… duet it with me…?” Shadow Milk can see the shock on his lover’s face, clearly stunned by the offer. “You sure? I haven’t sung since chorus in school.” Shadow Milk nodded in affirmation.

“Nilly, one of the characters in the song is literally based off you. Besides I’ll be the judge on your singing.” Vanilla smiles, “Well, I hope that you’re a fair judge.” He places a love full kiss on his scalp, then begins to scratch it gently. Shadow Milk flinches for a moment before realizing that the touch was gentle. That Vanilla wasn’t going to pull his head back by his hair.

He felt salty tears flowing from his eyes, as he leaned into the fingernails on his head. He didn’t sob or whimper or anything, just tears silently fell. It felt dreamlike, the scratching on his scalp. The movie was background noise now. The movie’s soundtrack keeps getting better every song, especially now.

“So, take my hand

it’s open.”

He almost cried, that whole song somehow encapsulates his feelings on his relationship with Vanilla. He hugged his boyfriend’s waist tighter as they continued to watch. He just couldn’t help but relax as the gentle scratches kept going, lulling him into a half asleep like state.

—

When the credits started to roll, Vanilla began to hear soft snores, but upon closer hearing he realized that those weren’t just snores. He felt a slight rumble coming from his lover’s mouth, he’s purring. Vanilla bit his tongue to prevent himself from making a sound, not knowing if his lover is a light sleeper or not. He sees him moving to rest his head on his chest, Vanilla lets a surprised noise out, covering his mouth and looking at Shadow Milk.

He stirs slightly, before relaxing once more. Nuzzling his head into Vanilla’s neck, he looks to the left and right, then placing a kiss on his head. He starts to sing for him, “Cuando por primera vez te ví

Supe que el cielo era para tí

Y para mí

Y para tí

Y para mí.” He makes sure to be slow and delicate in his movements. He didn’t want to wake him, besides he needed more rest. Last night he had a horrible nightmare, so bad that he couldn’t get anymore sleep afterwards. He still keeps his hand on his hair though, still scratching it so gently. He continues with the song.

“Nunca más podré dormir

Nunca más podré soñar

Con nadie que no seas tú

Gastaré toda mi vida

En comprar la tuya.” He fully slipped out of his lover’s arms. Scratching behind his ear and placing a kiss on both his hand and his temple. He brings his mouth to his moonlight’s ear. He speaks the words he’s been wanting to say for a while now.

“Te amo.” He kisses his cheek, before leaving the room. Looking back at his peaceful expression on his face. He descended the stairs and a small question came to him.

Does he even know Spanish??? Specifically Chilean Spanish?!?!???

Chapter Text

Affogato slammed his hand on the alarm clock at his bedside. He sluggishly gets up from bed, he’s silently grateful that Carrow was able to cover for him yesterday. He does his mascara and eyeshadow before leaving the comfort of his lair. That’s what he calls his home. He’s within walking distance from the firm, so he’s the one who gets there early along with his boss.

Cacao is already there, his face turning to shock and relief at his presence. “Affogato, I heard about the train crash…” Affogato rolled his eyes, bringing out a mini mirror and checking his face with it. “Yes. I did miss a trial because they had to monitor me. I’m lucky that Carrow happened to be in the area and was able to cover for me. Especially on such short notice.” Cacao hummed gruffly as he unlocked the door to the office.

Minutes later, Caramel Arrow ran in, out of breath. Affogato smirked, “You being late is a rare sight.” She holds a hand up to stop him, “Not another word.” He chuckles as the door opens again, Crunchy holds the door for his emotional support dog; Wolfgang. He looks at Affogato like he’s seeing a ghost. “What?” He seemingly snaps out his state of shock and responds.

“You’re alive?!” Affogato puts his hand on his chest and gasps. “Of course I am?! What made you think I wasn’t?!” He stutters on his words for a moment before collecting himself. “You were on the train that crashed!!”

“I was in the far back cabin, so the worst I got was a moderate concussion and a few scrapes here and there. After missing the trial I was supposed to be at, I didn’t feel like doing anything.” Crunchy started petting the dog, “You didn’t feel like answering any of my calls!! I thought you were dead!” Affogato scoffed at that.

“Well it’s nice to see you too.” Cacao motions the three to follow him. He turns to  Carrow, who is walking next to him. “How was the trial yesterday?” She runs a hand through her hair. “Day one was good. Aside from having to frantically look through the case notes that Affogato left me, to cobble together an opening statement for the jury.” They turn into the briefing room and she takes her seat. The briefing was going well like usual, then the door opens.

A woman walks in, she’s incredibly pale. Like white as a ghost kind of pale, her hands are full. One was holding a leash and the other held a box to her side. She sits down across from Cacao, setting down the box and lifting a small white puppy. She looks at Cacao expectantly, her face resting in a neutral expression as he grumbles under his breath. “You could’ve waited until I was done, y’know.” Carrow’s eyes darted between the two, sensing some form of rivalry. “If I had waited, then we wouldn’t be on time with our usual schedule.” Cacao looks at the box with knowing eyes, as though he already knows the contents inside.

“It’s go this time, correct?” She nodded and opened the box and set up the game. “Am I becoming that predictable?” Carrow couldn’t believe that she heard what sounded like a huff of amusement from her boss’s mouth. “I’m just saying, you should switch it up every now and again.” She continues to pet the ball of fluff and lets Cacao go first, “It’s only fair that we both complete this game swiftly, as we both have to resume our lives.”

Carrow was unfamiliar with the game that the woman brought in. The black and white pebbles were placed on the grid quickly and the game began. As it went on, the goal became clear. Get more empty spaces than your opponent. The game ends with the woman winning, Cacao goes to shake her hand in sportsmanship. She returns the gesture, “I will be leaving the premises now. Your playing style is still offensive as ever, but you’re improving. I look forward to our next game.” He nodded.

“Take care, Mystic Flour.” She bowed and looked at Crunchy and Wolfgang. She pets the husky and turns to him. “Your dog is well trained. May I request the number of your dog trainer?” Crunchy stands up from his seat, trying to keep an aura of confidence in tact. “I actually trained him.” Her eyes opened for a second before closing again and handed him a card. “Then is it acceptable that I ask for your assistance in training my little Haetae?”

Affogato snickers as he witnesses Crunchy short circuit mid conversation. He nodded and took the card out of her hand, looking confused as he realized its a business card. “This is a business card for your talent agency, ma’am.”

“I know that. There is no need to give you my personal number. Our relationship is solely for business, by definition being you helping me train Haetae to be my seeing eye dog for when I go in public.” He looks at her bewildered by the new information, she clarifies. “I’m legally blind and my eyes are sensitive to all manners of light, any time I go out without closing my eyes or wearing my glasses, I experience a burning pain. One of my employees suggested that I train Haetae to be a seeing eye dog.” Crunchy holds his hand to her. “Sure, I actually used to work as a service dog trainer before finally getting a job in the degree I graduated in.”

“Excellent, I will see you then.” After that she leaves and Carrow finally addresses what had just happened. “Boss, forgive my language. But who the hell was that?!” He turns to her.

“That’s Mystic Flour. She’s the ceo of a fairly famous talent agency. She and I met at a community trivia event, where we were paired up as a team. We’ve had this friendly rivalry since then. She’d come in with either Go or Uno and we would play together. I almost forgot that we normally played on weekends.”

The meeting resumed after that. Which somehow, felt like the most normal meeting in the history of Cacao Law Office’s.

—

Ice cream. The one thing that could bring siblings together and do anything just for the sake of getting the sweet. And that’s the exact reason why Candy Apple and Black Sapphire are going out now. Shadow Milk would often join them, but with him being sick and wanting to stay one more night at his boyfriend’s place, he wouldn’t be able to go tonight. It’s fine though, Candy and Sapphire haven’t gone by themselves in a while. She’s in the front seat of the car, while Sapphire drives to the usual ice cream place they frequented.

She checks Shamil’s Spotify. It was one of the few accounts that he wanted full access to, he kept his playlist public for the fans. So they could quote: “Judge my music taste” as he put it. She taps on the playlist and she thought that she was seeing things. The amount of songs has tripled since she last checked, which was yesterday morning. Black Sapphire parked the car and got out, she followed suit, her eyes still glued to the screen. Scrolling all the way down to the recent songs added, there was a line so at least she had time to process the sheer amount of new songs that her boss added.

“Candy, why are you looking at your phone with fear?”

“Look at Shamil’s Spotify.” She kept scrolling and now she’s confused, a lot of the new songs added were K-Pop and an entire movie’s soundtrack. Sapphire’s eyes went wide as he saw the number that she had seen. She takes a screenshot and sends it to Shadow Milk.

Little miss toffee: EXPLAIN YOURSELF NOW!!!

Shamil: Huh? Ohhhhh… Yeah decided I needed to add more to the playlist.

Little miss toffee: Doesn’t explain why you decided to add an entire movies soundtrack plus some to the playlist.

Radio Rebel: I just need to ask, why K-Pop though?

Shamil: I watched a movie that had incredible songs and felt that I needed to catch up with.

Little miss toffee: Was it K-Pop Demon Hunters?

Shamil: YES IT WAS!!!!!

Radio Rebel: Figured. Just give us a warning next time. You almost gave Candy a heart attack.

Shamil: Sorry bout that Candy! I got too excited.

Little miss toffee: It’s okay dude. Just wasn’t expecting it.

She turned off her phone and looked up to see that she was next in line for ice cream. The two siblings decided on their usuals, strawberry lemonade for Candy and Mango for Black Sapphire. If Shamil was here then he would’ve gotten Blue Raspberry. Sapphire brings out his phone to see a message from his boss.

Shamil: Really quick question before I leave you guys alone; what’s your favorite song from the movie?

He glances at his sister, “Shamil’s asking for our favorite songs from the movie.” She looks up from her ice cream, wiping her face with a napkin. “Tell him I said Your Idol.” He nodded and messaged Shadow Milk back.

Radio Rebel: Candy said her favorite is Your Idol and mine flip flops between How It’s Done and Your Idol.

Shamil: Sapphire How It’s Done is my favorite song from the movie, so is Free.

Little miss toffee: Figured that one of your favorites is the romantic one.

Shamil: Just alerting you guys because I'm doing a cover of both of those songs in my next album.

That was obvious. Anytime Shadow Milk gets hyper fixated on a particular song, he would do a cover of said song. It was rare that he would do a cover of two songs. Another message popped up.

Shamil: Oh yeah! Is it okay if Nilly is involved in the Free cover?

Little miss toffee: So long as he’s okay with it??

Shamil: He said he’s not against the idea of doing a duet with me.

Radio Rebel: Then it should be alright. Gotta go drop Candy off at her place.

Shamil: gn guys.

With that Candy Apple was dropped off at her apartment not before saying something that got on Sapphire’s nerves, “Tell your pretty white boyfriend that I said hi!!” She ran inside before he could even tell her off. He growled into the steering wheel and drove back home.

Silently grateful that he didn’t tell her that the two had just started dating a week ago.

—

Shadow Milk flinched upon hearing the sound of thunder. He curled himself deeper into the bed, hugging a pillow in a feeble attempt to calm his fears. He was always afraid of thunder and lightning, even as an adult the fear never went away. His main theory as to why was the loud booms and bangs that thunder would cause, he had no control over it.

Another bang caused him to whine, his breathing beginning to quicken. Multiple times he thought about going to Vanilla’s room to hide, but he knew that he was above that. He’ll think of you as a child if you go to him… and for what?! Because you’re afraid of thunder?! JUST SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT!! He decided to go get some water. He checked the time, 2:36 AM. He descends the stairs and goes to the kitchen.

His hands shook as he grabs a glass, putting it under the sink and running the water. He took a few sips, when a loud boom caused him to jump and drop the glass. He gasped sharply when he saw the mess he made. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! DON’T STAND THERE!!! CLEAN THIS UP!!!! 

He dropped to the ground, picking up the glass shards that rested on the floor. He winced when he felt the shards getting imbedded into his palm, but he kept going. The shards fell from his hand every time thunder boomed, he kept picking them up again. Not hearing the two pairs of footsteps or the gasp that could’ve come from a human. “Mi Cielo!! Please let go of the glass.” He obeyed immediately, the shards that weren’t stuck in his hand falling to the ground.

Another bang echoed from outside, and he wrapped himself around the mystery figure. He looked up to see his sunshine, sweeping the mess clean of the glass shards. Then he must be hugging… he scattered away from Crepe immediately. They back up too and go to Vanilla, asking him something before heading upstairs. Vanilla is now in front of him, still looking so sweet and understanding. “Mi lunita… I mean, moonlight, you’re bleeding….” He looks at his palm, and sees pinprick’s of blood trickling down his hand.

He slowly stands up on shaky knees and follows Vanilla to a table where a first aid kit was and some tweezers. Vanilla looks at him again, “If you feel uncomfortable while I’m removing the glass from your hand, please let me know.” He nodded and his sunshine got to work, he flapped his other hand as each shard was gently pulled out. The sensation, coupled with the brief flash of lightning caused him to whimper. Once Vanilla had finished with removing the shards, he disinfected the bloodied hand.

Shadow Milk would’ve cursed himself for letting out a few sobs as he did so, if not for the hushed singing of his lover. He focused solely on his voice, he had absolutely no idea what he was saying. He knew no Spanish at all, but he knew that Vanilla’s voice was so angelic. Exactly siren-like in the way that his attention was allured to his voice alone. Crepe returned with a set of heavy headphones, which they gingerly put over his ears.

The sound of the storm outside was nullified by headphones. He was shocked when he couldn’t even hear himself, with his own pair he was able to hear others. But with this, absolutely nothing. Vanilla finished wrapping his hand in bandages and helped him to the couch. He looks at Crepe, “What are these? They’re kinda heavy on my ears, but I can’t hear anything…” They look at him perplexed.

“You never heard of noise cancellers?” He felt so stupid in this moment. He knew what noise cancellers were, hell, he distributes them at his concerts for those who are sensitive to loud noise. “I have!!! I guess I’ve never worn a pair before…” They turned on the Switch and scrolled through the games.

“It’s nice, right?” He simply flips his hand side to side, vocalizing an unsure noise. “It’s nice that it blocks out all sound, but it feels way too heavy on my ears.” He excused himself to go upstairs and get his headphones. Returning fairly quick and steadily playing some music to calm himself down.

Music has always been a part of his life. Since he was around three or four years old he adored music. He would sing along clumsily to the songs that his parents listened to, which brought issues since he didn’t understand what he was singing at the time. Music was his escapism when he felt like he was nothing. Once he learned how to read, he frequented the school library. Gathering and reading every single book on music that he could find, by the time he was in fourth grade, he moved from the school library to an actual library.

Since music has become something that brings him joy, he wanted to share that joy with others. And he tried, frankly getting weird looks from others when he delved deeper into his expansive knowledge on the subject, but he did try. He feels a nudge and looks at his sunshine. He must’ve put Crepe back to bed, as he noticed the lack of their presence. His sunshine is holding a cup of hot chocolate, which he takes. He takes a sip of the hot chocolate.

“What were you singing by the way?” Vanilla blushes, looking at him with his mis matched eyes. “Oh! Just some Spanish love song.” Shadow Milk fidgeted with the mug and took another sip before continuing. “You called me something, ‘mí lunita’ what does that mean?” Vanilla sets down his hot chocolate and smiles at him.

“It means “my little moon” which you are.” Shadow Milk blushed and turned his body away from his lover. Vanilla cups his face and gently turned it to look at him. “Don’t turn away, I love seeing you blush,” the blush that was on his face grew more red and spread further across his face, “you’re so cute when you blush, wawi.” He snickered and pushed him away. “Stop!”

Vanilla nuzzled himself into his lover’s neck, before beginning to pepper it with kisses. Tiny giggles were heard as a response to the gentle onslaught of kisses, soon the giggles quieted as he holds his moonlight’s hand and then his face. For a brief moment he could see something in his eyes, something like…guilt??

Vanilla smiles at him as he looks away, that microscopic guilt still lingering in his eyes. He’s hiding something from me… maybe I should- no!! Don’t press, wait for him to tell me. Reassure him that he can tell me anything, for now. He sighs, pulling his lover from the couch to head to his room. Vanilla said that he was staying for the night, since he’ll be leaving tomorrow.

They’re back in bed now. Vanilla cuddling Shadow Milk’s head to his chest and resting his chin on top. “You know you can tell me anything? Right, pájaro azul?” He’s quiet for a second, answering simply and plainly, “I know.” Then why aren’t you talking to me, wawi?? Vanilla places a small kiss on his forehead and begins to scratch his scalp.

“I’m just reminding you. I’m here to listen.” There’s no response after that, Vanilla places one last kiss on his forehead before drifting off to sleep.

—

Shadow Milk felt like he could die of guilt right now. He’s here, embracing the one he loves the most and at the same time he’s fantasizing about an old crush. He didn’t even know when he started to think about Burning Spice again, but he absolutely hates himself for thinking about him.

He finally has what he’s always wanted and dreamed of. And his own head has to find some way to ruin it. He was scared to talk about it, he was afraid that Vanilla would leave him immediately upon hearing this. Even though he’s been nothing but kind and would probably find some way to understand the situation, he was still afraid to talk to him.

So he’ll stay silent. But deep down he knows that it’ll come out eventually. But he decided not to worry about that right now. Because he’s with his lover right now.

His sunshine. The absolute light of his life, and he hates lying to him regarding this. But he feels like he has to. He shoves those thoughts away and focuses solely on the warmth of his sunshine.

For now he’ll remain quiet.

Chapter Text

Little miss toffee: Sapph is on his way to pick you up.

Shamil: Ok…

Shadow Milk really doesn’t want to go back. Back to his apartment, where his lover doesn’t live in. He already had everything still in his suitcase, so he had that taken care of. But still, he felt way more at home here than in his apartment. And he’s been living there for two years now. He decides to distract himself by dancing.

The activity always gets him out of his own emotions. He’s always had a natural talent for singing, but dancing… he knew nothing. He had to get personal classes with an instructor during the debut preparations for Cherub. He was told that he was a fast learner and that also applied to dance. By the end of day two, he memorized the entire choreography for the debut song and had ideas on what parts to improve. Even the instructor was impressed by his ability to pick up on new things really quickly. He pretty much became a second instructor for the rest of the dance classes.

He prided himself on his ability to adapt quickly to changes in choreography and the like. He had personally helped Sugarfly work around the limp that she was born with. Her right leg was always weaker than her left, her family was hesitant about Cherub at first. She had managed to convince them that it could help with the leg pain. He smiled as he remembered the moment. Switching from his group chat with Candy Apple to the Cherub chat.

The group had five years to grow closer, so when Shadow Milk decided that he was going to leave, he let the other two know first. They insisted that they would create a group chat, so that they could keep in contact.

Shads: Hey guys…

Syrupy Wings: Oh hi!!!

Paru Paru!!!: Shadow!!! Hi!!!

Shads: Hey Parfait :)

Paru Paru!!!: I watched your live performance of Fallen Fount. Brilliant as always!!!

Shads: Thank you Parfait. Also thanks for commenting on my medical diagnosis, really appreciated you sharing that whole experience.

Syrupy Wings: I still have a grudge against that nurse who disregarded you saying that you’ve had a history of being in pain since elementary school.

Shads: I’d love to continue talking with you guys, but I gotta go.

Paru Paru!!!: Bye, bye Shads.

Syrupy Wings: May you have a good day.

Shadow Milk switched to playing more music. The entire soundtrack of Kpop Demon Hunters is still replaying in his head. He’s already coming up with choreography for How It’s Done. He was practicing in the living room, which provided a nice challenge of navigating around furniture to fully execute his moves. Not even hearing the door open and closing, he spins in place and sees Vanilla watching him. He rushes to turn the music off, running his hands through his hair.

“Wawi, you know that I love seeing you dance.” He blushes, shifting his gaze away from his lover. “I guess, I wasn’t expecting you to come home so soon…” Vanilla approached him, holding his face close and gently kissing his cheek. Shadow Milk held his sunshine’s face to his own closely. He hears his voice, “Did you pack?” He nods before speaking.

“Yeah, kept everything in my suitcase the whole time I stayed here.” His sunshine smiles, he puts one hand on his shoulder and the other on his waist. He blushes, looking away sheepishly as he spoke. “I don’t really know how to ballroom dance…” Vanilla gives him a reassuring look, “Just follow my lead, mi lunita.”

Golden plays in the background as Shadow Milk clumsily follows Vanilla’s lead, accidentally stepping on his feet on occasion. A minute later, he gets the hang of it. The two men gracefully maneuvering around the furniture, so beautiful they danced together. Being so close to Vanilla made him feel alive, and so loved. Any worries he had in the moment about the future, disintegrated in an instant.

“Crepe’s not here? I wanted to say goodbye to them.”

“I dropped them off at a friend’s house, they told me to tell you that they’re going to miss you.”

“Tell them I said thank you.”

“I will, Bluebird.”

He checks his phone to see a message from Black Sapphire, saying that he’s here. He goes to the front door, suitcase and cane in hand. He hugs Vanilla tightly, before leaving the house and getting in the car. He looks out the window dejectedly, feeling way more at home in his lover’s house than in his own place. Now he’s considering moving in, but wants to wait a bit longer before asking the question.

He’s already thinking about when the perfect time to say that he loves him and first kiss would be. And he felt so giddy that he was ready to do those things. Finally they arrived at his apartment and he walks back into his bedroom. The place felt so empty, no kid that was a constant presence, and more importantly no Vanilla.

He needed to do something. He couldn’t just wallow in his longing for his lover, he had a life. He thought about what Vanilla said regarding his condition: “Exercise is a way to reduce the pain.” He always wanted to work out at a gym, wanted to build more endurance for his concerts.

The only problem was that he always felt uncomfortable going. He had this issue with places like the pool, or when he was younger, the playground. Places where you couldn’t determine how many people would be there, always made him uncomfortable. Like if he was going to the pool and it’s crowded for example, if he were to enter, he would feel like everyone is looking at him. It would be the same if there’s barely any people around. It’s why he would avoid those kinds of places altogether.

Parks were easy for him, he could be able to guess the people traffic fifty percent of the time. He needed to build that endurance and take care of himself. He went to his discord, trying to think of someone who would go to the gym with him. His mind immediately went to Eternal Sugar’s girlfriend, Hollyberry. She had mentioned that she worked out at the gym and was welcome to anyone wanting to join her.

He tapped on her account and messaged her.

—

Hollyberry was folding the laundry, when her phone lit up. She picked it up to see a message from Shadow Milk. She and him would talk about Vocaloid a lot and their respective relationships, with Holly suggesting that they. Being Sugar, Vanilla, Shadow Milk and herself, should go on a double date. He was surprisingly open to the idea and had already had a day in mind.

Sha-Sha: Hey you wanna go to the gym with me? Sorry for asking, but I kinda feel uncomfortable in areas like that and I don’t wanna go alone…. Also did you change my name??

Drunk(affectionate): Yeah :D

He takes a while to respond, then he replies with a simple request.

Sha-Sha: Refresh your discord.

Drunk(affectionate): Why???

Sha-Sha: You’ll see~ >;)

Holly refreshed the page and sees another message from the idol.

Sha-Sha: Okay now it should change.

Pinkyberry: What should change?

She noticed the name change immediately and laughed at the screen.

Pinkyberry: Why did you do this?! LMFAO!!!

Sha-Sha: Payback. >:)

Pinkyberry: And to answer your question, yes I would love to go to the gym with you. I’ll be ready in about twenty minutes, you caught me in the middle of folding laundry.

Sha-Sha: Awesome!!! See ya there!!! :D

The drive to the gym was a short one. She exits the car and walks to the entrance, she’s the first one here. Not that she minded or anything, she simply waited for him to show up. She spotted him across the street and waved at him. He waited for the street light to turn green, then walked toward her. He bounced slightly on his heels, wringing his wrists.

“Hey.” She smiles at him. “Hello there, friend.” She holds the door open for him and he walks in. There were a handful of people inside, not enough to be considered as crowded. Shadow Milk walked around the room, looking at the exercise machines. Some time wandering later, he got on the treadmill. She goes to the one next to him, he looks at her briefly before setting the pace and began lightly jogging. She decides to talk. “So, you said you’re an idol. Don’t you already get exercise from dance practice?”

He turns to her, a cautious smile on his face. “You’re not wrong… but I don’t have much money to rent out an entire studio for practice outside of days before concerts. And Nilly said that exercise can help with my chronic pain, so yeah.” She upped her pace and continued to talk with him.

“Chronic pain? You never mentioned anything regarding that.” He turned off the treadmill and stopped for a moment. “The topic of my diagnosis for Fibromyalgia never came up. Besides it’s not a big deal anyway, at least to me it’s not.” He walks to a seat, Hollyberry gets off the treadmill, grabbing some dumbbells and sitting down next to him.

“I’m sorry if I’m talking too much. Hell, I’m sorry that I dragged you out here because I didn’t feel comfortable going here without someone I knew.” She reached her hand out, stopping right before she touched his shoulder. She wanted to know more, “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you feel uncomfortable here?” He looks at her hand, nodding silently as if to tell her that it’s okay to touch him.

“It’s so stupid. Because I’m perfectly fine with places like amusement parks or the beach!! Areas where I can probably guess how many people there will be. But with places like the gym and pools, it terrifies me because even if there’s barely anyone there, I can feel them silently judging my every move. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.” She listens to him ramble, she can see where he’s coming from with his reasoning. She experiences similar things whenever going to the pool or seeing judgmental looks from people when they see her stretch marks. She wraps her arm around him, he flinches before calming down.

“I can see your reasons. And I personally relate to them. I also want to let you know that what you’re feeling has a name in psychology.” He looks up at her, his face curious wanting to know more. “It’s called: The Imaginary Audience. It’s exactly how you described it. You’re not alone in feeling this way, pretty much everyone’s got some form of imaginary audience.” He’s quiet, rubbing his hands together and laying them flat on his lap, then repeating the motion.

“I mean, it shouldn’t hinder me this much. My job is literally to perform on stage with thousands of people watching and yet anytime I go to those areas, I just don’t want to be seen. I thought it was just me…” he keeps his eyes on his hands, Holly holds one of them.

“You kidding? I feel like that sometimes, it’s pretty much a universal thing for those who have self confidence issues.” He laughs at her comment. Then stopping as he asks quietly, “Does that ever go away? The fear of everyone watching you, will it ever go away?”

Hollyberry shakes her head, “Not fully, but there are ways to cope. A trick that I use is to visualize a shield that blocks everyone’s attention from you. You can try it, but it doesn’t work for everyone.” Shadow Milk rests his hand on his cheek, seemingly in thought. He takes a breath and stands up.

“I’d like to try that… I have some experience with visualizing. I used to be a daydreamer and I think it could help.”

Holly sits in front of him, trying to remember the exact words that her therapist said. “Okay, close your eyes,” he closes his eyes. “Do you see the shield?” He nods in confirmation, “can you describe the shield?” His lips puckered in concentration as he visualized the shield.

“It’s… blue. Dark blue, with some white accents, it almost looks like stardust. The shape is circular, similar to a DVD disk. I can’t tell what it’s made of though…” She gives him a reassuring smile, despite his eyes being closed.

“That’s fine. You’re doing great. Back to the shield, is it in front of you?”

“Yes, it is.” Holly breathes out, snapping her fingers and now’s the moment of truth. She says the next words. “Open your eyes.” He opens his eyes, blinking a few times as his vision readjusted itself. “So?”

He looks around and frowns, eyes wide and worried. Whispering so quietly that she couldn’t hear him. “The shield didn’t work. I can still feel everyone looking at me. I’m sorry.” She smiled and rubbed his arm. “It’s okay. Like I said, it doesn’t work for everyone. You did amazing for your first time doing this.” He twirled his hair around his finger, standing up again. “Can we try that again? Not here though.”

“Of course. We can go to that roller skating rink down the road.” He wrings his wrists. “I’ve never been to a rink.” She smiles as he walks slightly ahead of her. He appears to be trusting her more, with him stimming around her that is.

—

Holly wasn’t kidding when she said that the rink was down the road. They only had to walk a few blocks to get there. He holds the door for her and walks in behind her, gazing in awe at the interior.

The atmosphere was electric, the colored spotlights moving through the ring. It actually felt like he was attending one of his own concerts, just in the audience this time. He couldn’t think of any other place to be the location of his double date. Hollyberry motions him to join her at a table she found, which he proceeded to do.

“You ready to do that exercise again?” He nodded, confident that he could do it without failing in an environment that he’s uncomfortable in. “Close your eyes again,” he does as he’s told, all energy focused into visualizing the shield, “do you see it?” He nodded. “Describe the shield.” He looked at the shield, making sure to memorize every detail.

“There’s multiple of them. But they circle around me…” he stops to gather his thoughts together, she responds “Go on.”

“There’s an energy field connecting them, it looks like sheet music.” He couldn’t gauge her expression due to his eyes being closed. “So the multiple shields around you are-”

“Music notes? Yes. It’s playing a nice melody whenever I touch it.” He hears fingers snapping, just like at the gym. “Open your eyes.” He does so, looking around warily. It was better than the last shield he visualized, but he could still feel that two or three people were watching him intently. He unintentionally cuts Hollyberry off before she could even speak.

“It’s better than the last one, not perfect but better. It’s helping me not want to run out of the building right now.” She laughed boisterously. He began chuckling too, he didn’t even know how funny that little quip was. “So it worked?” He nodded.

“Yeah. Not foolproof but it’s better than nothing.” She smiled at him brightly, right before they left he grabbed her hand to get her attention.

“You gonna do that every time you want my attention?”

He blushes. “No- well it makes things easier. Remember that double date you said that we should do?”

“Yeah. I do remember.” He flaps his hands slightly.

“I was thinking that this place would be perfect!!!”

She holds the door open for him, “I was thinking the same thing.” He jumps up and down. The two parted ways after that, and Shadow Milk flopped onto his bed, bringing out his phone to text Vanilla. Absentmindedly remembering that he would be coming over in a few days.

‘Hi there Silly ;).’

‘Hello, Bluebird.’

‘Sooo, I was wondering something…’

‘What has your lovely mind been thinking about?’ He blushed lightly as he read the message, letting out an amused smile whilst he responded.

‘You, me, Holly and Sugar… should all go to that roller skating rink in the promenade!!!’

‘Like a double date??’

‘Exactly!!!’

‘I would be delighted to go skating with you.’

‘See ya soon, My Sunshine~ ;).’

‘I look forward to seeing your beautifully stunning face, Starry Night.’

Shadow Milk spent the rest of his day writing up drafts for Truth and Deceit. He occasionally doodled Fount and Sunny together on the top corners of the pages. He ended up writing two drafts of the song, placing the drafts on top of two other pages. He found it interesting that three of them ended with that one line, “friend?”

It was strange in a way. How the final line in the song was just the word “friend” but in a soft questioning tone. And somehow, at the same time pretty nostalgic.

Chapter Text

Silent Salt is the first to arrive at the museum. They go up the receptionist and hands over the two tickets they printed out last night. They bring out their tablet for communication, “I have someone joining me, they’re running late.” The receptionist nodded and asked for more specific details about their companion. “White hair and red eyes. And that’s all I know about them.” He nodded and said that he’ll let anyone with that description in.

They take the time to explore the place, various exhibits dedicated to things like astrology, insects and fish, and so much more. They were honestly surprised by the amount of variety in here, they even had paleontology. They were in the greek mythology exhibit at the current moment. They would have to go here with Sugar sometime. An hour in they pick up on the sound of footsteps. The two were the only ones in the exhibit. They see white hair and knew that’s their date.

She looked like she came out of a fairy garden. White hair styled in two braids that cascaded down her shoulders and reached her hands. A flower hairpiece rested on top of her head. She skin a mixture of gray and brown adding to her unique appearance. Her dress was long sleeved, leaving only her hands visible. The dress was a dark green on the upper half, then getting lighter as it descended downward. Decorated with a pattern that resembles the structure of a leaf, with dewdrops on each stem.

She looks absolutely stunning. They approach her, she doesn’t even look at them. Keeping her eyes transfixed on a painting in front of her. The painting was interpretation of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. She speaks, her voice hushed and whispery. “Who might you be?” She’s not talking to them, rather the painting. They typed out their response and hit play.

“Aphrodite the greek goddess of love.” She visibly flinched and turned towards them. Her red irises were ethereal to look at. The two stare at each other, not knowing what to say. She’s the first to say something, “Oh! Then the child with the bow and arrow is cupid, then? Right?” They type, catching a confused glance from the woman.

“Eros is the child’s name. Most people refer to it as cupid.” She only hums in response, her eyes looking between them and their text to speech tablet. She looks away when they notice her staring, the air still in an awkward silence. They type out an explanation, at least it wasn’t the first thing they had to do on this date. “I’m mute and use this tablet to communicate. I much prefer using sign language, but not many people know it.” She shifted around a little and looked at them again. They swear by almighty that the way she looked at them felt like a sad puppy or a wet kitten.

“I see… apologies for my words, if it offended you… I’m not really good at socializing with new people…” they decided to get to the point and introduce themselves. “You must be my date then, you match the description my friend gave me. My name is Silent Salt.” She turned to them again, her eyes were curious now.

“How did your friend describe me?” They take a moment to type.

“White hair normally braided, red eyes, very socially awkward and a nerd.” Her face flushed with red and her brows furrowed. “Oh that son of a bitch described me like that?! Yes I am your date. Lily White is my name.” She shifts her eyes away awkwardly, as she speaks.

They’re both quiet again as the two walk into the nature exhibit. One particular room they wanted to show her was the butterfly fountain. The moment they stepped foot in the room, her eyes lit up. Walking ahead and looking at the butterflies in awe, they take a seat on the fountain and she joins them. She puts her hands on her lap, slightly leaning forward to keep staring at the butterflies. They decide to ask her something. Just a small question regarding her fascination with the insect.

“You seem to like butterflies… why is that?” She jumped in her seat, looking at them for a moment before turning back to watch the insect fly around the both of them. “It’s because they’re free…” She looked down at her hands, her face a mix of reminiscing and remorseful. “They aren’t confined by any expectations or anything… They’re truly free. I always felt like I was trapped in never ending question of why am I here… why do I…exist. But butterflies, they don’t worry about that… I’m sorry if I’m talking too much… I just really like butterflies.”

They look at her with the most reassuring look they can muster. Typing out their reassurance to her. “You’re fine. I thought that was a beautiful way to look at them.” A small blush formed on her face, her fingers scratching against her cheek. “T-thank you… so what do you do for a living?” They somewhat knew how to answer that. Normally they would respond with being an online content creator, if they pressed for specifics they’d say that they’re a V-tuber. They decide to be discreet about their profession.

“I stream on Twitch as a V-tuber.” Her brows rise up in surprise and excitement. Smiling sweetly as she leans forward. “I actually always wanted to try that. To kinda help build my confidence. Never got the time or courage to go through with it, since I already have a job as a woodcarver that I love.” They let her finish, they type out their response.

“You can still pursue it as a side project, I can help with the model creation and the rigging.” Her eyes sparkled for a moment before she turned away.

“Maybe…… I’ll have to think on it. But I’m not against the idea.” They were willing to wait until she’s ready. The two continued to talk, it didn’t matter what topic, she was incredibly interesting to talk to. Maybe their friend was on to something, when setting them up on this date.

—

Lily didn’t know what to expect from this date. She’s never been on a date before, nor a blind date. She assumed that the prospect of commitment was too terrifying of a concept for her back then. Yet, here she is, on a blind date with someone. She certainly has thoughts on them, they seemed like a mystery. Wearing dark sunglasses and a mask to obscure their face, leaving only their long black hair tied up their only visible defining characteristic.

And that added to the mystery. She managed to get a quick glance of the lower half of their face while eating. What little she saw, caused her to blush. Their jawline in particular stood out to her, it looked so damn attractive. The way they hold themselves too, so mysterious and beautiful. Occasionally she would reach out to hold their hand, but pulling away before both hands could touch.

They looked at her, taking off their dark sunglasses. Revealing brown eyes that she could stare at forever if she could, they flipped the glasses back over their eyes and take her hand. Her breath hitching, as they hold it so gently. They take her hand and lead her somewhere else, she looks around to find that they’re in a geology exhibit. She wasn’t sure how they knew she loved crystals, but she tilted her head around. Watching the way the light reflected off the surface of the geodes.

She’s been more of a plant girl, but she can appreciate crystals every now and again when she sees them. They were patient with her, allowing her to gaze at each crystal in the display. Not once using their tablet to tell her to hurry up, they just stood there patiently. Almost like they brought her here on purpose.

She pulled their arm to show them one of her favorite gemstones. Emerald, a stone symbolizing new beginnings and rebirth. She shows them, info dumping about the stone and its different meanings. They listened intently, asking questions every now and again, which she really appreciated.

The date ended at around five pm. Salt had a scheduled stream to prepare for. The two exchanged their numbers and bid their farewells. Once Lily got home to her apartment, her cat; Spore rubbed against her knee. She petted the cat briefly before bringing out her phone to message Vanilla.

Moonflower Faerie Queen: WTF VANI?!?!

Personification Of Sunshine: what?

Moonflower Faerie Queen: HOW ARE THEY SO GOOD LOOKING?!?! AND RESPECTFUL!!!????

Personification Of Sunshine: I take it that you seem to enjoy your date’s company?

Moonflower Faerie Queen: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!! THEY LISTENED TO ME INFO DUMP TO THEM ABOUT HOW EMERALDS ARE MADE NATURALLY!!!! LIKE WHO EVEN WANTS TO LEARN THAT?!

Personification Of Sunshine: I’m going to assume that the date went well…

Moonflower Faerie Queen: OBVI!!!! They also gave me their number so we could plan future dates. Seriously Vani, thank you so much for convincing me to go!!!

Personification Of Sunshine: I’m glad that everything went well :).

Moonflower Faerie Queen: Gonna silently lurk in their stream chat now. Thank you so much again Nils!!!

Personification Of Sunshine: Your welcome. Good night.

Lily ended the conversation at that. Walking over to the fridge to heat up leftovers from the night before for dinner. Putting on Salt’s stream to play, the only thing snapping out of her knight induced trance being the microwave. She sits on the couch, Spore curled up on her lap while she continued to watch her partner and eat.

And for the first time in her entire life, she feels at peace.

Chapter Text

Today was sunny, the occasional sun showers littered throughout which prompted Burning Spice to bring an umbrella. He’s with his sound engineer and good friend Nutmeg. She had a certain bite to her that made her entertaining to hang with. Really tough exterior and bravado, but she’s also very sweet and loyal to those she cares about. She earned herself the nickname of Nutmeg Tiger from her previous job at a Tiger rescue and the way she would growl orders to fellow staff.

His crew are always the unsung heroes of his comedy shows. It’s mostly thanks to their work that he could go out on stage and do his thing. Cilantro is his stylist, mainly in the clothing department. He refuses to let anyone but himself do his hair. Which caused some conflict here and there, but it was mostly light hearted.

Pepper Pangolin is his Gofer and Saffron is his manager. Saffron has a more laid back attitude than most in his career. Which ends up being beneficial to Spice, due to him having actual empathy for when major life changes occur. He has thanked him numerous times for allowing him to take a break after the discovery of his son’s existence.

Pepper has been better if they didn’t interact with people. They made that very clear during their interview, which Spice respected. Didn’t mean it wasn’t fun to see them doing their usual antics of criticizing Saffron’s decisions as a manager. Nutmeg holds the door open for him and he enters, sighing the moment he sat down. “Meg, you don’t have to get the door for me every time.” She seems flustered by his comment. “Apologies, sir. Force of habit.”

He hears the door open again to see two men holding hands. He looks back to his phone, his eyes wide as he realized that he recognized both of them. The doctor that helped his son’s boyfriend, and someone he never thought he’d see again. He goes to his old friend first, leaving Nutmeg who has a puzzled look on her face. He puts a hand on his shoulder, the other backed away and turned around.

It took him a moment before he began flapping his hands, as the two of them hugged each other tightly. He hasn’t seen Shadow Milk in years, he almost started crying. They separated from each other and Shadow Milk smiled and pulled the doctor out of his seat. Spice made a note to ask Nutmeg if they could expand the table for four. “Nilly, this is Burning Spice. He was my old friend from high school.” Spice ruffles his, earning light slaps from his friend. “I think, we’ve been already acquainted.” He looks at the doctor, clearly confused. “Bluebird, he’s right. We already met when his son’s boyfriend needed treatment.” Shadow Milk’s head whips towards Spice.

“When the HELL-” he covers his mouth, lowering his voice down to a whisper, “when the hell did you have a kid?!” Spice laughed and placed his hand on his shoulder in a friendly manner. Nutmeg walks over to him, whispering in his ear. “I just asked to add two more people for our brunch. Our table is almost ready.” He holds his fist to her and she bumps hers against his. He pulls her to Shadow Milk, “This is Nutmeg, she’s my audio engineer for my comedy shows.” She grabs his hand to shake, he shivers intensely then hiding behind the blonde doctor. She looks at him confused, he comes out of hiding and holds out his hand.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really like touch if I’m not the one initiating it…” Nutmeg puts her head in her hands, clearly feeling bad about it. “I should be the one apologizing, I have a colleague that’s similar with touch. I should’ve asked first.” His brows rise in surprise, “really?” She nodded.

“Their name is Cilantro. She only accepts touch, if you announce that you’re going to touch her. I heard things from Spice, you’re autistic right?” He looks at her blankly, like he’s in shock. “Is it that obvious?” She shook her head, “No, I knew that my boss had a friend who was on the spectrum, but he didn’t tell me which one. And I myself am also autistic, and as Cilantro told me, “We can sus each other out like blood in a shark tank” so yeah.” Shadow Milk nods in understanding, “I didn’t expect to meet someone else like me today. But it’s still nice to meet you.” He didn’t even register the fact that Spice talks about him.

But once he does, he turns to Spice, eyes panicked as if the mere idea was a tangible threat. “You talked about me?!” The hostess leads the group of four to their table, all of them sitting down. “Yeah!!! I talk about the whole group!!!” He could see the growing panic in his friend. The way his shoulders tensed and the scared look on his face. He realized his mistake and rushed to defuse the panic that was steadily rising in his friend.

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t actually use your name. I use your beast name as an alias. The same goes for the others too.”

He watched his friend’s shoulders release all the tension it had. “Okay!! Good, I thought you actually were using my Idol name!!” Burning Spice gasped at those two words, “You’re an Idol?!” He rocks himself in his seat. “Indie Idol!!!” Shadow Milk tapped his hand on the table rapidly, as he continued. “Okay!!! So you remember that group that I got into?” He nodded. “I left after five years, due to management issues that I don’t wanna get into. And I’ve been indie since then.” He smiled, a look of pride displayed on his face. “I’m proud of you dude!!! Now, how’d you and him,” he pointed at Shadow Milk first and Vanilla second, “meet?”

He looked at the blonde doctor, a look of fondness and affection gleamed on his eyes. He turned to Spice. “It’s a funny story actually. We met at a fan meetup event, he was there for his kid who was a fan of mine. I…” He cringed, slumping backwards as though he was embarrassed by merely thinking about it. “I held his hand without thinking.” Nutmeg snickered as he groaned and turned to face her, “Don’t laugh at my embarrassing actions.” The blonde laughed and held Shadow Milk’s hand, “It’s true. And his hand felt and still feels nice to hold.”

Spice sees his friend blushing, Shadow Milk blew a raspberry as he gently pushed the hand off his own. “Stop!! Silly, we’re in public!!!” He responded with an affectionate laugh and a smile that Spice could only describe as love struck. He decided to ask the obvious, “So, are you two a thing?” Shadow Milk smiles, looking down at his hands.

“Yeah. We’re dating.” His voice turned softer, a tone that was rarely ever heard. Despite his own thoughts on relationships, he was happy that his friend had found someone. Time flew by fast for everyone in the group, getting up from their seats and leaving the table. Spice taps Shadow Milk on his shoulder, he turns around to face him.

“Give me your number. That is assuming that you actually have a phone now?” He starts cracking up with laughter. Laughing till tears well up in his eyes, he flicks the forming tears away from his eyes.

“Yes!!! I do have a phone now!!!”

They exchanged their numbers, leaving the restaurant and saying their goodbyes. He watches the couple walk away, hand in hand. He looks so happy with him.

—

Vanilla glanced at Shadow Milk as they walked back to his apartment, his eyes glazed with that same guilt that Vanilla saw two nights prior. He gently turned his face to look at him. Noticing some slight resistance to do so, he smiles gently at him. Shadow Milk smiles back, that same guilt in his eyes now reaching to his smile. He decides to break the ice, he had a feeling of what the issue was. But he wasn’t fully convinced that it would be the case, until his lover confirmed it.

“You and him seem close. Do you want to talk about it?” His blue eyes drifted to the ground, flapping his hands slightly as he answered.

“Spice and I were friends in high school, like Sugar and Salty, remember them?” Vanilla nods, listening to him with rapt attention. “He was actually the one who introduced me to the others. He’s a bit brash and loud, but really nice and protective….” Vanilla tilted his head, “Protective? What do you mean?” Shadow Milk finally looks at him, his eyes having a nostalgic look to them.

“One time, Flour and Sugar learned that I was being bullied and after we talked to the principal, Spice asked me for the names of my bullies. I didn’t know, so I gave him their descriptions. He didn’t get in a fight with them, rather he had the track team help him run a smear campaign against them. They moved schools after a week of the campaign against them.”

Vanilla keeps his face neutral, Shadow Milk continues to ramble, “We all were actually celebrities in our school. We were called The Beasts. Misty was known as the Beast of Apathy, Spice is Destruction, Sugar’s Sloth, and Salt got the obvious title of Silence.” Shadow Milk goes ahead and turns around to face Vanilla, walking backwards and putting his hand on his chest, dramatically smiling.

“And yours truly was known as the Beast of Deceit~.” Vanilla recognizes the correlation between his lover and deceit. He decides to inquire on the connection.

“Is there a connection there?” Shadow Milk’s brow raised and he tilted his head. “Connection? What are you talking about?”

“Some of your merchandise has deceit somewhere in the name, I’m just curious.” Shadow Milk realizes what he’s talking about and clarifies.

“Ohhh… that!!! Yeah, that’s intentional. In fact, you know that symbol I use?” Vanilla nods, “One of the art students designed those symbols for me and the other beasts!!! I had to track them down on social media, just so I can get permission to use the symbol for advertising.”

They arrived at Shadow Milk’s apartment and he unlocked the door, turning around again to ask him something. “So would you still hypothetically be willing to go on a double date with Holly and Sugar, next weekend?”

Vanilla blinked at him in surprise, “Sure! I’d love to!!!” He didn’t mind that his lover had already asked that question. He understood why, as he too would constantly second guess himself on plans and reaffirm that the other person was fine with said plans. Shadow Milk drums his feet against the carpeted floor and bumps his balled up fists against each other.

“GREAT!!! Sorry for asking again… just wanted to make sure you’re okay with that. It’s going to be at the roller skating rink, I’ll text you the address later!!!” Vanilla beams, the infectious enthusiasm of his lover getting to him. “I look forward to seeing you again, wawi.” Shadow Milk kissed him on the forehead, but this time it was different than usual. It wasn’t as long as normal. Shadow Milk’s kisses were long, but sweet. Like he was pouring all the overwhelming affection he was feeling for him into the kiss. This one was quick, reminiscent of back when they started dating.

When the two were clumsily trying to find their own ways of expressing their love for each other. And that concerned him. He’s stepped into the room, saying one more thing before closing the door.

“You’re going to have to teach me Spanish on the way there!!!”

Vanilla chuckles at that, secretly touched that his Bluebird was interested in learning his language. “I promise that.” The door closes and Vanilla descends the stairs to the exit. He knows that Shadow Milk’s still acting off, internally deciding that he will ask, if he starts becoming more distant.

He looks back at the apartment building, eyes worried, but hopeful that it wouldn’t get to that point. Although he knew that his lover had difficulties with expressing his emotions, so his hopes weren’t high. Regardless he would be ready to reassure him that he understands and will always love him.

—

Shadow Milk slams his bedroom door and flops into bed. His eyes spot the lamb plushie, he grabs it and shoves his head into the thing. Whining as the overwhelming force of his emotions crash down on him.

Guilt has always been an overwhelming emotion for him. Most of the time though, it’d just be temporary. But it isn’t going away, and that’s what makes him scared right now. He feels so guilty for lying to Vanilla, by saying that he’s fine.

Every single time he does that, another suffocating surge of guilt courses through his body. He hates himself for not being honest and telling Vanilla what’s bothering him. He hugs the plushie tighter as he hears that familiar voice in his head. The voice that makes him feel like he’s a good for nothing.

You’re so pathetic!! You can’t even tell him what’s wrong!! Why can’t you communicate your feelings like a normal person?! Oh wait!! I know!! It’s because your brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s!! Always causing problems for everyone around you!! You don’t deserve him!! Why or how could anyone love such a screw up like you!!!! He will regret being with you when he knows that you’re fantasizing about an old crush!! He will break up with you, and he will be infinitely happier without you!!!!

He gasps sharply at the thought. Squeezing his eyes shut as he looked around, trying to distract himself from the situation. He looked at himself in the mirror, deciding that he needed to sleep. He got in his pajamas and covered himself up.

He honestly didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the lie. He really didn’t want to lie to Vanilla. But as much as he hates to admit it… that voice in his head has a point. Vanilla would probably be disgusted and betrayed if he knew that he was fantasizing over an old crush from high school, and he would be right in leaving him.

But he really didn’t want to lose this. Not when he’s the most loved he’s ever felt. He feels like he needs this love to keep going, because he’s so starved of this pure affection that the thought of losing it nearly kills him inside.

He just hopes that he could find a way to stop the fantasies of Burning Spice. So he closes his eyes and sleeps.

—

It’s a field, well more accurately it’s a meadow. Blue and yellow flowers growing out from the soil below, Fount sits down on the ground. Delicately grazing the flowers and the blades of grass as they waited. Finally they heard gentle footsteps along with soft humming. A sheep is near them now, rubbing its head against their arm, demanding to be pat on the head.

They do so, the sheep letting out a bleat. They look up and smile, seeing their beloved Sunny running towards them. He’s out of breath, “My apologies for the tardiness, this little one refused to get in the pen with the others.” They snickered.

“A little rebel aren’t you.” They scratch the sheep’s chin. Sunny joins them, sitting down on the flowerbed with them. The only sound being the soft breeze and the sheep bleating. Sunny breaks the peaceful quiet, “You mentioned that you could shapeshift, back at the spire. Is there anything else you can turn into?”

Fount cackles and stood up, stretching their limbs out. “Alright! Which do you want? Perhaps…” a poof of smoke arises, in Founts place was a snake. The snake was black with an unnatural blue underbelly, no longer than a typical garden snake. They coiled their body around Sunny’s arm, earning a quick startled squeak as a reward. “A ssssnake is appropriate,” the snake slithers away from Sunny. “Or,” another magical puff of smoke forms, dissipating quickly.

Sunny waited in anticipation for the next form. A butterfly flew up and rested on his nose, “a butterfly that can change fate, should you choose to mess with it?” Sunny smiles at the butterfly, as it flies off their nose. “what about,” another familiar smoke cloud rises and falls. A bluebird sits comfortably on their shoulder. “One of those blue avians that you’re a magnet for?” He laughed as they watched the shapeshifter fly off their shoulder. “Or……” the familiar smoke cloud came and went, Sunny cooed at the next form. “A rambunctious wolf pup.”

Fount reverted back to their original form and sat back down. “Sooooo… are you amazed by my magic?” Sunny caresses Fount’s cheek. “Very, now for the reason that you’re here.” Fount dipped their head back, then looked at Sunny. “Yes. You said you had a surprise for me…”

Sunny stands up, taking a deep breath and concentrating. He speaks, an unfamiliar hint of mischief rising. “I happened to have learned to do the same. So my question to you is… what do you want?” A light yellow puff of smoke and Fount held back a squeal when they saw a pale yellow, floppy eared bunny. “I know how much you love rabbits.”

They hopped off of Fount’s lap and transformed once again. A white and golden snake slithered up to Fount’s face, they backed their face away. The snake stuck its forked tongue out, coincidentally the tongue landed on their lips. It slithers off and Sunny transforms again. Fount couldn’t help but wonder how long had Sunny been studying their own technique to be just as good as them. A pastel yellow sheep rested its head on their lap. Fount nudged the sheep’s head, soon realizing that Sunny had fallen asleep. Clearly Sunny didn’t have the magical endurance to shift back before passing out.

Fount sighed fondly at their partner. Their own form unconsciously shifting into the wolf pup. They nuzzled their head into the fluffy wool and their eyes closed.

Shadow Milk woke up afterwards. The time was 4:30 am. He didn’t sleep after that.

Chapter Text

Vanilla is getting impatient and worried at this point. It’s been three days since Shadow Milk had reunited with his old friend. He’s been more emotionally distant and less interested than usual. And it worried him, which is why he’s going to talk to him about it. He was planning to hang out at his apartment, so they could talk.

He knocks on the door gently, he hears shuffling in the room and then the door opens. And there he is, standing with an air of nervousness and excitement, “Heeeeyyyy, Nilly you’re early!!!” He snickered and smiled. Reaching out to touch his hand and frowning when he pulled away.

“We had this planned last week, remember?” He hid his concern behind a smile filled with so much love. His lover twirled his hair around his finger, “Sorry, guess it slipped my mind…”

An hour into the hang out of guilty eyes and avoidance of touch is when Vanilla decides to address the issue. “Wawi?” He hums in response.

“You haven’t been yourself lately?” He sits up quickly, looking at him with fake confidence in his eyes. “What are you talking about? I’m fine!!” Vanilla brows furrowed slightly and took his hands into his own. “You’ve been avoiding my displays of affection. You’ve been more quiet… I’m worried about you, Bluebird… please talk to me.”

He looks away, tears running down his face. He holds his lover’s face, wiping the tears away from his face. He’s silent for a moment, then breaking down into sobs and hugging him tightly. Vanilla embraces him tightly in his arms, swaying side to side to help calm him.

Soon the tears dried up and Shadow Milk began to talk, “It’s just… god you’re going to hate me for saying this.” He holds his hand, kissing it gently. Vanilla takes a breath and speaks, “You know I would never hate you. You’re so wonderful and beautiful, mi lunita. Nothing you can say right now will make me hate you.” He rocks himself and continues to talk.

“But I’ve been imagining things lately. I’ve been fantasizing about Spice and what if I had told him that I loved him back then. It’s horrible, and I hate myself for thinking about that,” his voice started to get louder and more intense, “because I have you and your everything I’m looking for in a lover, but NO my mind has to cling onto something that doesn’t matter right now,” he started to cry in between his words, clearly he’s been bottling this guilt up for a while. “And it’s so disgusting to fantasize about this other man, while I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!! I’m so fucking pathetic!!” Vanilla opens his mouth to reassure him, but he’s cut off.

“And I didn’t want to tell you!! Because I was stupidly afraid that you would hate me and break up with me an-” Vanilla hugged him tight. He hears a surprised gasp from his lover, before quieting down into tiny sobs. He lays down on the couch and cups his face. He needs Shadow Milk to hear this.

“Bluebird… I want you to listen to me. I would never hate or break up with you!! And I want you to know that I understand.” He hears an annoyed scoff, he continues regardless. “I would sometimes have those fantasies too,” His galaxy-like blue eyes are now fully focused on him. “I had a crush on my dear friend Lily,” he pulls himself away.

“The plant girl?!” Vanilla laughs, “Yes. We were childhood friends, so it was only natural that I would develop deeper feelings for her. I told her how I felt and she politely rejected my confession. I made peace with that, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about the what if she felt the same.” He stops talking for a moment to gauge his lover’s reaction, his eyes still showing guilt and red from the crying. He continues, “So I understand where you’re coming from. And that’s perfectly fine, you’re valid to be feeling that.”

Shadow Milk takes a shaky breath, “It still feels weird to be imagining that stuff, I just wanna get over it.” Vanilla thought on it, then gave him a kiss on his cheek and a suggestion. “What if you told him now? You’ll get your answer and it’ll hopefully be easier to put this behind you… would that help?”

“Maybe… hold on, let me do something really quick.”

Shadow Milk grabs his phone, going to Burning Spice on his contacts and texting him. His fingers were shaking as he typed his message.

‘Hey I need to talk to you in person. Tonight.’

A response popped up immediately.

‘Sure, dude. Where would be good?’

Shadow Milk thought for a moment before remembering that coffee shop near the woodcarving studio where he commissioned his cane.

‘You know that coffee shop near the woodcarving place? We’re not going inside, I just need to tell you something.’

‘Yeah I’ll be there in an hour. You okay with that?’

He finally looks at Vanilla again. “I’m going to tell him in an hour.” Vanilla had an adorable look of surprise on his face that made Shadow Milk want to kiss him now. But he restrained himself, that’s for tomorrow night. “You sure? This quickly?” He giggled mischievously, holding his sunshine’s chin up and close.

“Better to get it over with now, before the demon that shall never be named strikes.” Vanilla gives a flirtatious smile and a gleam of amusement glazing his eyes. “And who is this “demon that shall not be named” mi lunita?” Shadow Milk holds up a single finger, waving it side to side playfully. “Ah-ah-ah can’t tell ya, or else it’ll arrive~” he hears a hushed whisper from his lover and suddenly he feels lips on his neck.

He squeaks out in surprise when Vanilla lingers on one part and begins gently sucking on his neck. Then sighing gleefully at the new and admittedly alluring sensation. He never experienced this before, and he wouldn’t mind if it continued longer. The sensation of his sunshine’s soft, smooth lips resting on that spot on his neck felt so ethereal. It felt like he was being bitten, but without the teeth and much more gentle and tender. He simply lets it happen, his mind curious of the electrifying way he is smiling and closing his eyes. Whimpering softly in delight as his lover kept going.

Five minutes later Vanilla suddenly pulled away, earning a pleading whine while he did so. Both men were blushing wildly, faces grazed with pink. Vanilla was the first to speak, “I’m so sorry!! I should’ve asked you first, I don’t know what came over me!!”

“Nilly, Nilly, it’s fine. I actually really like-no, I really loved that… it felt really nice.” Vanilla looked flabbergasted at his response, “You’re telling me, that you loved me giving you a hickey?!” Now he’s confused, he decides to speak his mind.

“The fuck is a hickey??” Vanilla flushes a bright red. Stuttering as if the words were on the tip of his tongue, but too flustered to speak them. “It’s basically a mark, similar to a bruise caused by-” he looks away awkwardly, his face still red, “caused by biting or sucking on the skin during passionate moments of intimacy… I know you loved that, but I really should’ve asked if you would be fine with that…” Shadow Milk face wasn’t spared from the flush of red upon the knowledge of Vanilla’s gesture.

“I appreciate you considering my boundaries. But I just want you to know that I would loooove to see you do that while we’re in bed together~ if you catch my drift.” Vanilla starts laughing softly and he joins in too. His sunshine’s laugh was so infectious that he couldn’t help himself. Vanilla holds his chin, his eyes flirtatious, “Well I look forward to that, Bluebird~”

Shadow Milk hugs him, exchanging goodbye’s and words of encouragement for later on. Vanilla leaves and Shadow Milk goes to his room to get ready. He ties his hair into a pigtails and slings his on a crop top with a mini skirt. Taking several deep breaths and rehearsing his confession to Spice.

—

Burning Spice tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for his friend to arrive. He looked up and there he was. Looking like himself, androgynous and all. He waved his hand up and Shadow Milk ran towards him. He opens the door to the coffee shop and he hesitantly walks in. The two picked a random table and sat down. Silence hung over them, the only sound being the rapid tapping of the table that Shadow Milk was doing.

He decided to speak first, “You look nice.” He looked up and twirled his hair, “You’re not too shabby yourself.” Spice felt relieved seeing him relaxed, the snarky, teasing attitude displaying loud and steady in his voice. “You said you wanted to tell me something?” Shadow nodded, taking deep breaths before speaking, “Okay, this is taking a lot of courage for me to say… hell, I couldn’t even tell you back then…”

“Tell me what?” Shadow Milk took more deep breaths, what he said next shocked Spice to his core.

“I liked you. No, wait, I think a better way to say it is… I had a crush on you while we were in high school. And I am telling you now because I’m in a relationship with someone and I need to resolve my lingering feelings for you.” Burning Spice was shook by the revelation, then immediately feeling awkward about it. He tells his friend the truth.

“Shadow… I’m incredibly flattered, but I’m aromantic asexual. And I’m pretty sure I’ve always been. I never saw you as more than a little brother that I wish I had.”

Shadow Milk held his head in his hands, groaning in disbelief. “Noooo… I fell in love with someone I had no chance with from the start……” His face planted itself on the table. Burning Spice laughed briefly and continued. “Dude, you couldn’t have known back then. Hell, I didn’t even know back then.”

Shadow Milk rested his chin on the table, “Doesn’t make it any less embarrassing now…” He gets up from his seat and Spice follows him, “So was that all you wanted to say?” He nodded. “Yeah, I just needed to get this off my chest, because otherwise I’d still be feeling incredibly guilty about imagining you and me being together in that way…”

They exited the coffee shop and were outside now. Shadow Milk hugged him tightly, and he returned the gesture. Before bidding their farewells.

Well that was interesting. Now looking back on how Shadow Milk interacted with him in the past made a lot more sense. The blushing, the way he would quiet down whenever he’d be too close to him. It made so much sense. He knew that this must’ve taken a lot of courage for him to say this.

He’d never been that good at expressing more vulnerable emotions. So Spice supposed it made sense that Shadow Milk wouldn’t tell him at the time.

Regardless, he’s glad that the two had gotten that sorted out and are now able to return to their lives.

Besides he’s got a kid now. And he’s perfectly content with being single. He just needs to do one last thing, send him Mystic Flour’s number. He types out the number and sends it to his friend.

‘Spicy, whose number is that??’

He snorted with amusement and texted back.

‘That’s Flour’s number. I thought that since you FINALLY have a phone. I'd give you her number.’

‘THANK YOU SPICY!!!’

‘Anytime, blueberry. Bye.’

‘Byeeeeee!!!! :D’

—

Shadow Milk had Sapphire drive him to Vanilla’s place for dinner. He knocked on the door, shifting his feet while he waited. The door opened and Crepe was there, bouncing up and down before pulling him inside. They ran into the kitchen, he followed them to see Vanilla in the middle of cooking. He turned around, a flash of surprise graced his features before turning into a smile.

Vanilla turned back to his cooking, Shadow Milk wraps his arms around his waist. Smiling softly as he heard a startled sound coming from his lover’s lips. The two stayed like this for a while before Shadow Milk began talking, his voice muffled due to his head being nuzzled into Vanilla’s hair. He looked at him, so much amusement in those gorgeous mis matched eyes. “I can’t hear you, when you’re blanketing yourself in my hair, wawi.”

Shadow Milk begrudgingly lifted his head out of his sunshine’s hair and rested it on his shoulder, watching him cook dinner. “Whatcha making?” Vanilla’s blue eye moves to look at him, before turning back towards the stove. “Empanadas de pino. It’s really good. You’ll like it.” Shadow Milk nodded and stayed silent for a bit longer, mesmerized by his sunshine’s cooking skills.

“I told Spice how I felt.” Vanilla turned to fully look at him, “and?” Shadow Milk growls, burying his head against his neck. “Turns out, I never had a chance with him,” he turns to him with a look of embarrassment and disbelief, “you want to know why?” Vanilla nodded.

“Turns out,” he begins giggling with a chaotic cadence to it. “Hehehe, turns out… He’s aroace!! I fell in love with someone who’s aromantic asexual!! And the-” his fits of laughter cut him off, “the funniest part about it… was that he saw me as a little brother he wished he had. So now with that context, I feel so freaking weird for liking him like that.” Vanilla holds his hand, grazing his fingers over the hand.

“And how do you feel now that you finally told him?”

Shadow Milk sighed softly, “Feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.” Vanilla smiles, turning around to face him. “I’m glad.” Shadow Milk wanted to kiss him right here, right now. But he couldn’t find the courage, so instead he settles for the next best thing.

Dinner was served and was so lively. He honestly couldn’t imagine eating alone after having dinner with Vanilla and his kid last week. He rocked himself in his chair, trying desperately to calm his nerves. Considering that he’s been waiting so long to say those sweet words to his lover.

Once Crepe went upstairs for bed, he decided to say it now. He mumbles it under his breath. Excusing himself to the bathroom to practice saying those words. He has to make sure that the way he says them is perfect. Once he was done, he heads downstairs to see Vanilla moving some furniture back. He looks up from his task, and goes to him. “I figured that we could slow dance, before you leave.”

Shadow Milk drummed his feet on the floor and balled up his fists, bumping them together and squealing with excitement. He dashes to Vanilla, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on his waist. Just like last time. Vanilla puts on the music and he immediately recognizes the song, Tell Your World. The beautiful piano plays as Shadow Milk takes the lead.

He twirls his lover and dips him down. They’re now swaying slowly, simply listening to the music and enjoying each other’s company. He whispers the words into Vanilla’s chest, earning a confused look on his face. “What was that, mi vida?” He slowly repeated the words still whispering, but getting louder gradually.

Eventually his voice raised without him noticing as he spoke those precious three words out loud. So sure, and so certain that they were genuine. “I love you, Silly Vanilly.” Vanilla’s eyes widened at those words.

Those three simple words that were spoken so clearly and sweetly. Those three words that are so powerful were spoken so eloquently and beautifully. He fought back tears as those words sink in, technically he was the first of the two to declare those words, but it was in his first language and Shadow Milk didn’t know. So he’ll let him be the one to get the credit of saying it first. He feels his bluebird pull away slightly to look at him.

His eyes shimmering with cautious joy. He’s waiting for a response. Vanilla kisses him on the cheek, then his forehead. Then parroting those words back. “I love you too, Bluebird.” Silent tears of joy fall gently from his enamoring blue eyes. He rested his head back on Vanilla’s chest, “You know, I’ve been wanting to say that since our first date. But I was so worried that it would be too soon… You are so important to me. It’s only right that I say it now. Because I truly love you so much.” Vanilla pets his head gently.

“I know, I was waiting for you to say it first. I love you. All of you. Flaws and all, I love you so deeply.” Shadow Milk is silent for a few minutes before speaking again, his voice cracking and raw with so much affection.

“Sometimes I love you so much that it hurts my soul. Like, whenever you hold me so gently and look at me with loving eyes, I feel that I’m being given too much love and I sometimes question if I deserve it. I know you said that I deserve unconditional love, but when you live most of your life not receiving it… and then you find someone who is willing to give you that kind of love, it’s kinda hard to not believe it.” He choked on a sob that bubbles up from his throat, “sorry,” he continues, stopping the dance to fully look at Vanilla when he says this.

“When I was in school, I was a daydreamer. I would fantasize about being in a relationship with random classmates that caught my eye. Always on the outside, but never having the bravery to tell them. And it’s kinda hard to make friends, especially when you happen to be the student that everyone decides to pick on.” He pauses again to take deep breaths, “And then, we began to date. You love me so deeply and I could feel that during our first date. I saw it when you were taking care of me while I was throwing up and you were being aware of my sensory issues and how I felt about it all. So when I say, I love you. I really mean it, even if my mind thinks that this won’t last or work. I love you.”

Vanilla takes both of his hands, holding them in his own palms. Shadow Milk sees the misty ‘holding back tears’ look in his eyes. He takes a second, then begins to speak with his own words. “There’s a saying that my mother told to me to say when I find the one I love most, it goes like: “Mi otra mitad” and when translated it means, “You’re my other half” and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. And I know that we can make this work. I’ll keep repeating those words until you fully believe them. Because we deserve each other.”

Shadow Milk nearly broke down right there. He pressed his forehead against his sunshine’s, holding his face as though it were a fragile ornament. “You are so sweet with your words, it’s actually annoying.” Vanilla snickers at the comment.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah… you always know exactly what to say to make me feel so weak for you.” He kisses Vanilla’s cheek, long and filled with so much bliss as ever. Vanilla wraps his arms around his neck, Shadow Milk takes one of his hands and presses it to his cheek.

“You know what I think about us?” Vanilla smiled, he restrains his urge to kiss him right now. “What do you think, mi lunita?”

“I think… that we are the only people who can understand each other.”

Vanilla kept his eyes on him, so lovingly tracing his face with a single finger and a sickeningly soft smile and touch. “Are you going to elaborate on that?” Shadow Milk returned the gesture of wrapping arms around one’s neck, shaking his head with a flirtatiously mischievous smile.

“Nahhh~ well, not yet anyway.”

Shadow Milk ended up deciding to stay the night with his lover. The two made their way to Vanilla’s bed and smiled softly at each other. Before they started to cuddle those three sweet words left their lips.

“I love you, mi… sun……?”

Vanilla smiled, letting out a huff of amusement. “It’s “mi solcito” I appreciate the effort, mi lunita.” Shadow Milk takes a deep breather and tries again.

“I love you, mi solcito… did I say that right?” Vanilla holds him close and Shadow Milk leans into the warm embrace. He places a kiss upon the top of his head, beaming as his eyelids fluttered shut.

“You said it beautifully, Bluebird. I love you too, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, my precious Silly Vanilly~”

It’s the early morning now, either eight or nine am. Shadow Milk couldn’t tell, nor did he care. He was somewhat awake, lazily opening his eyes to see Vanilla looking at him. Looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the universe. He returns the look, gazing into his soul and getting lost instantly. He decided to ask a question. “Nilly?”

“Yes, mi lunita?”

He pauses before asking, knowing that the question in concept would sound strange. “Do you…. Do you think that we’re lovers in every universe?” Before he could stop himself, he begins to ramble. “Like, let’s assume that the multiverse theory is real, and that there are alternate versions of us across every single one of them. Do you think that we’re together in all of them?”

He’s silent for a moment, finally he answers. “I certainly think that would be a nice possibility. The real question is… would you want us to be together in every universe?”

Shadow Milk didn’t think twice about the answer to that one.

“I can’t imagine any universe where I wouldn’t want to be with you~”

Chapter Text

Turns out, finding the perfect outfit for a double date at the roller rink was harder than Shadow Milk thought. The atmosphere demanded a more dramatic look, but the context suggests a more casual appearance. He had it down to two articles of clothing. A flowing sundress, complemented with knee high socks with a moon pattern. Or the navy blue jacket that he wore when he first met Vanilla.

He ended up flipping a coin to decide. Heads for the dress and tails for the jacket, the coin flies up. He catches the coin and it lands on heads. The dress is one of his newer piece, pure white and silky smooth with gold scriptures hand sewn in post. The dress was mostly a test piece for the character of Sunny. Mainly to gauge the character’s clothing style, he envisioned the character wearing white robes reminiscent of bishops, only lacking the long sleeves.

He went through a similar process when creating Fount. Well, more accurately revisiting the character. Fount had existed in his mind since the seventh grade, he was sketching after finishing a test and he started drawing the first concepts for them. Over the years, even during his time in Cherub, the character had changed designs and even their gender flip flopped between male and female. Eventually when he left Cherub, he found the old drawings of Fount with the artist notes scribbled out with gender corrections. He basically said screw gender for the character and started using gender neutral pronouns.

It ended up working too. Fount’s style basically became a reflection of his own style. Androgynous and dramatic… just like him. He was also testing pronouns for Sunny, since he felt that the character was ninety five percent ready to be introduced to the fan base. He found that he was using he/they pronouns for the character a lot, and he felt that it sounded correct.

After brushing through his hair, he left his room. Walking down the stairs and headed out to the entrance outside. He would’ve preferred to walk to the rink, but Eternal Sugar insisted that she would drive everyone to the place. The plan was that she’d pick up Hollyberry first, then Vanilla and finally himself. He rocked himself as he waited for Sugar to arrive, his eyes followed one car that pulled into the parking lot.

It drove to the entrance and the window rolled down to reveal Holly in the front seat. He gets in the back seat, squealing when he saw Vanilla. Sugar turns on the radio, music in the background as everyone talks. Sugar looks through the back seat mirror and begins mumbling under her breath. He catches that, “What was that Sugar?” She kept her eyes on the road, her grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly.

“You didn’t warn me that your boyfriend is way too kind for his own good!!” He tapped Holly on the shoulder, once her eyes were on him he pointed to Vanilla and Sugar. “What happened??” Hollyberry laughed.

“Ohhhh… Vanilla drove to my place to save her the trouble of driving to get him.” Vanilla smiled and leaned over to look at Sugar through the reflective glass. “I really didn’t mind. I just wanted to make things easier for all of us tonight.”

She looked even more surprised at him than prior, “There’s something wrong with him!! Genuinely who does that!!”, her voice raised to somewhere between yelling and her normal volume, “ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE MEETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!” She turns the corner, while Holly chimes in. “That’s just Vanilla. He’s like this all day, every day.” Shadow Milk nods.

“I was going to say that sounds like something he’d do.” Vanilla started laughing full heartedly and Shadow Milk blushed at the sound. Please laugh like this more. Sugar turned her attention to his outfit, staring at him for a moment before she started talking.

“Blueberry?” Shadow Milk looks up “yeah?” She stops at the red light and turns around to look at him.

“You normally wear blue. I’m not complaining, you look nice in white. I wanna know why though?”

“This is one of my new projects that I recently finished and I want to show it off, is that a crime?!”

She laughs at his amped up dramatics, “It is when you pull off the color flawlessly.” She pulls into the parking lot, getting out of the car and holding the car door open for her girlfriend to step out. The rink had a moderate amount of activity inside, which contributed to Shadow Milk’s building anxiety. Holly takes notice, “You wanna do that shield exercise?” He nods. She turns to Sugar and Vanilla, telling them to get in line for the skates and that she and Shadow Milk will catch up.

After a quick kiss on the cheek from Vanilla, the two get in line. Leaving Holly and Shadow Milk alone, he closes his eyes already knowing the first step. “You see it?” He nods, “Describe it.”

“It’s the same shield from last time. The one with the music notes. But the notes have color now…” he takes deep, slow breaths, focusing on the shield. “What color are the notes now?”

“It keeps changing… never staying the same for long. Like it can’t decide what color it wants. The energy field is still there, also shifting through colors.” He feels himself walking, Holly must be taking him to wait in line with the others. She speaks again, “can you still hear the music it plays.”

“Yes. The tune is longer now, still just as pretty as when I last heard it.” He hears fingers snapping and opened his eyes. The shield worked as well as it did previously, able to block out most people, but still leaving him feeling that he was being watched. He spots Vanilla with an adorably confused expression on his face. He opens his mouth, his voice still melodious and soothing to hear. “What was that? What were you and Holly doing?” He rocked himself to and fro.

“Oh! Just a little mental exercise to help me relax.” Sugar walks up to the counter, rummaging through her purse for her wallet. She pays for each of the skates and handed them to her companions. They were here an hour earlier than scheduled, she turned to Shadow Milk. Taking a moment to observe him with his boyfriend, he looked happy…. Very happy, smiling ear to ear as he stood up wearing his skates.

She was happy for him, still… she wanted his boyfriend to know the consequences. Hollyberry and Shadow Milk stepped into the ring first, Vanilla was behind them before Sugar stopped him. “You two go ahead. I just need to talk to Vanilla about something.” Shadow Milk nods. “Don’t be weird Sugar.” She gasped as he skated off, preventing her from responding to him. Vanilla faces her now, she had to admit that he was kinda cute.

“So, what did you want to say?” She takes a deep breath and looks at him dead in the eyes.

“You and Blueberry look cute together,” he nods, “but, if you ever do anything that would break his heart… I will fucking break your neck. Are we clear?” He wasn’t afraid in the slightest, not even a tiny droplet of sweat appeared on his face. He simply smiled and nodded. “We are. I don’t have the intention to do anything of the sort.”

He holds the door to the ring for her and she enters. He spots his lover and Holly talking, he begins to skate towards them. The other turns and skates as fast as he could to meet him. Shadow Milk slowed down, their noses were touching. He backed away, a flush of pink growing on his face. He holds his hand out, not saying anything, Vanilla smiles softly and takes his hand.

They skated together, the amount of laps they did was lost a while ago. The only thing they focused on was each other, sweet affectionate gestures and hushed affirmations of love were sprinkled throughout. Eternal Sugar skates at her own pace, eventually bumping into her girlfriend from behind. Hollyberry takes her arm and pulls her around to her side.

“Careful there, Sugarcube.” She giggles at her. “Holly, you’re so good at skating!!!”

“Well I used to do roller derby back in college.” Sugar brows rise, “really?”

“Yeah, it’s how I met Pitaya. They were in the audience and I smashed into them after a match. We talked for a while and then we started dating.” A look of reminiscing shadows over her face, Sugar rushed to apologize for bringing up her ex.

“I’m so sorry!! I didn’t mean to bring up your ex partner…” Holly flicked her hand and blew a raspberry, “It’s fine, Angel. I don’t mind reflecting on those memories of them.” Sugar breathed a sigh of relief. She glanced at the boys who were still skating at a brisk pace. She looked back at Holly. “You didn’t give away the surprise, did you?!”

“No, I didn’t say anything to him about the karao-” she slaps her hand on Holly’s mouth, preventing her from saying the final syllables of the word. “Is it that paramount that we keep it secret, Angel?” She nodded, lowering her voice to a whisper so she’s sure that Shadow Milk doesn’t hear.

“Yes!! It is!!!! I still can’t believe that old place is still open. Remember to record his reaction.” She nods as she looks at her friend and his boyfriend. Sugar catches up with him, slightly hearing the conversation the two lovebirds are having.

“And the way they structured the lyrics here, between English and Korean sounds immaculate.” Vanilla nods as Sugar skates near him.

“Wrap it up, cause we’re leaving in a bit.” Shadow Milk twirls his hair around his finger, his brow raising. “It’s over already?” Sugar bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying too much. Holly catches up.

“We didn’t say that. We’re just going somewhere else to eat.” Sugar mouths a silent thank you. Holly gives her a thumbs up, all four of them got out of the rink. Returning the roller skates and putting their shoes on. Shadow Milk turned to Vanilla, he looked at him while he brought out his phone to show him something. It’s a drawing of some sort of character, he couldn’t help but notice the resemblance between himself and the character. “Is that supposed to be me?”

“No. The character is based on your appearance and bits of your personality, but other than that Sunny is very different from you.” Shadow Milk looks away, a tiny blush formed on his face. He scratches his cheek as he tries to grab his thoughts and continue to talk to his lover. “This is the character that I mentioned while I was staying at your place. Remember that?” Vanilla nods, smiling softly at his lover.

“I want you to be the one to give them a voice. Considering that I’m doing a cover of Free as a way to introduce his relationship with Fount to the fans, I can’t think of anyone else who could portray them. I hope that you’ll be fine with that, I saw how apprehensive you were about singing an-” Vanilla cuts him off, cupping his face with a single hand and a smile.

“I would love to. My only concern is when recording for the album would happen?”

Shadow Milk opened the car door for him and he entered, “Well it depends on the availability of the recording studio I frequent for album recordings… so it’s hard to say. I’ll let you know when exactly, also feel free to bring your kid with you. I won’t mind.” Vanilla laughed softly, leaning his head against his lover’s shoulder, earning a tiny squeak of surprise. He was about to fall asleep when Hollyberry called for his attention.

“Hey Nils, can you please cover Sha Sha’s eyes?” The two men looked at each other confused. “Is there any reason why?” Shadow Milk looks at Sugar, she’s giving her signature death stare to her girlfriend. “If I say anything more, I fear I won’t be making it out alive.” Vanilla nodded and gently placed his hands over his bluebird’s eyes.

—

Sugar kept her mouth shut, focusing on driving to the old karaoke bar. The bar held so much history for the friend group back in high school. It was the group’s favorite place to go for a night of fun and singing. She got giddy when she saw the familiar sign that hung over the bar, she parks and tells Holly to start recording. She wants to immortalize her friend’s reaction to seeing the place again for the first time in years.

Vanilla and Holly gets out of the car first, then Shadow Milk gets out, his hands over his eyes. “Can I finally see now?! Sugar please?!” She laughed at his desperate expression.

“Yes!!!”

He released his hands from his eyes, blinking a few times before looking up. He stands there blankly, “Sugar, where are we?” She turns and responds. “Look at the sign. You should recognize it.”

He looks at the sign and stops for a moment. Then he begins jumping up and down, flapping his hands at an inhuman speed. He bolts to her, hugging her tightly and catching her off guard. He squeals with so much glee, his hands still flapping. “I THOUGHT THIS PLACE CLOSED DOWN!!!” He didn’t even lower his voice afterwards like he usually did when he was too loud. Sugar never seen him so excited before.

“I did too, I rediscovered it while driving home from another date with Holly and knew I had to bring you here.” He lets out an ecstatic yell and hugs her again. “THANK YOU SUGAR!!!” Holly stopped recording and held the door open for the group of four. Shadow Milk rushed inside, Vanilla followed him inside the bar. He smiled at him brightly, his excitement rubbing off on him.

“You seem excited.”

“NILLY YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I USED TO COME HERE WITH MY FRIENDS ALL THE TIME!!! AHH!!!” He flapped his arms around while he jumped for joy. Vanilla watched as he pulled him towards the karaoke stage, practically skipping all the way there. Sugar was behind them and Holly’s by the bar grabbing the menus for each of them.

He shoves his phone into Sugar’s hands, fizzing with so much energy. “You gotta record me!!! For old times sake!!!” She nodded enthusiastically as he walked to the stage to be next to sing his heart out. Vanilla turned to her, “Is that normal,” she looked at him perplexed, “recording him singing karaoke. Is that a normal occurrence?” She realized what he was asking her and replied.

“Yeah. He insisted that one of us in the group would record him singing for an audition tape to be recruited.”

Vanilla hummed, Hollyberry came back with four menus, handing them out to him and Sugar. She held the menu out, realizing that Shadow Milk isn’t there. She turns to Vanilla. “Where is he?” He points to the stage where he was next in line to sing. Hollyberry sits down next to Sugar, absentmindedly wrapping her arm around her shoulder.

The person walks off the stage and Shadow Milk dashes on. He scrolls through the song selection, jumping up and tapping to select the song. He grabs the microphone, the music starts playing and everyone goes crazy. He knows the song, he’s been listening to it nonstop since he first heard it.

Golden.

Sugar kept recording her friend, she was even surprised when some of the patrons started to sing along. She smiles at his voice, still as good as she remembered it. His energy was another thing, she noticed it when she watched some clips from his live concerts. The bubbly and grand gestures had remained a constant. The song ends and the crowd starts cheering, he bows and blows some kisses to the crowd and steps off.

Shadow Milk sits himself next to his sunshine and rocks himself. “What do you think, Nilly?” Vanilla brushes a portion of his hair away from his face, cupping his face gently against his palm. “You were magnificent, mi lunita.” He blushed and looked away, Hollyberry handed him the menu. He skimmed through the menu and decided on his usual chicken tenders and fries. Sugar waves her hand, the three headed to the table with a waiter near by.

“Can I get you some drinks?” The waiter wrote down the groups drink and left. Shadow Milk opened his notes and began writing down potential lyrics for Truth and Deceit. He groaned at his own foolishness, why is he working when he’s on a double date? Vanilla looks over and notices the other stumped.

“Mi lunita?” He hums in response. “I-I appreciate that you’re trying to write something, but I don’t think if this is the time…” Shadow Milk dipped his head backward. “I know! That’s the problem!! My mind just wants to work on that and it’s not appropriate to work while on a date and… ughhh.” Vanilla chuckles and takes his hands in his own.

“I know that feeling. It’s like an immovable object that won’t move unless you do that thing, but you know that it’s not a good time to do it in the current moment. Usually I would compartmentalize the task, then get back to it when it’s appropriate.” Shadow Milk brings his hand to his sunshine’s face, his forehead touching his lover’s.

“This is what I’m talking about. You have such an unnatural talent for knowing what to say to make me love you even more.” He smiled softly and kissed his nose. “Well I hope that I’ll be able to use that talent even more~” Shadow Milk turns to Sugar as the waiter brings the group their drinks. “Sugar, you’re lucky your girlfriend doesn’t do this!!” She laughed, “No, she does that too.”

He laughs and turns to Vanilla who has a disheartening look on his face. Shadow Milk suddenly realizes that his tone was wrong and his sunshine got the wrong impression. “No, no, no!! Silly Vanilly!! I didn’t mean it like that… I love when you do that. I was just being sarcastic…” Vanilla breathed a sigh of relief, “Bluebird, you scared me. You’re not that good at sarcasm…” Shadow Milk held his head in his hands.

“I know!! I keep trying to perfect it, but I can’t!! I’m sorry bout that…” Vanilla holds his hand in comfort. He smiles at him, god that smile is so precious. Absolutely regal in the way his eyes replicate the same warmth that smile has. So beautiful, so lovable that smile is. He almost wants to kiss him right there.

But he holds himself back. He already knows when to do the first kiss. And he wasn’t going to spoil the surprise for his sunshine that he loves so much. So he just returns the smile back.

—

The car pulls up to Holly’s house and everyone leaves Sugar’s car. Hollyberry and Sugar kiss on the lips as they wish each other a good night, Sugar goes to Shadow Milk next and hugs him. He hugs her back and tight, she then goes to Vanilla and shakes his hand. “It was nice to meet you.” He smiles back at her, “Likewise.”

She gives Shadow Milk one last hug before she gets into her car and leaves. He hops into Vanilla’s car, his nerves start running wild. He’s trying so hard not to think about his anxiety regarding what he’s going to do next. But his mind floods with what-if scenarios and he is freaking out internally, he makes sure to keep that inside. He begins counting down the minutes until he sees his apartment building, counting down the seconds before he takes the biggest leap in his relationship with Vanilla.

Vanilla notices his silence, “Is there something wrong, Bluebird?” He catches the way eyes are wide and looking at anything but him. “Yeah!! I’m okay!!” Vanilla leaves it at that, not wanting to push him for answers. He turns the corner to his lover’s apartment and parked. Shadow Milk wrings his wrists, his voice nervous and shaking. “Can you come out of the car?”

Vanilla does so. Stepping out of the vehicle and following him, he looks at the stars in the sky. Vanilla stands next to him, “Bluebird?” He hears his lover taking several deep breaths, and then it happens.

He doesn’t know when. Because the moment both of their lips touched, time became nonexistent. He looked at Shadow Milk, whose eyes are tightly closed. Vanilla closed his eyes slowly and leaned into the kiss. The kiss was hesitant, like it didn’t know what to do or how to perform its task. But it didn’t matter, cause the kiss was filled with so much energy.

Energy that had been contained and bottled up by his lover, energy that was finally being released into the kiss. Or maybe, the kiss was the energy. He didn’t know when Shadow Milk pulled away from his lips, but when he did, he opened his eyes. Vanilla takes his chin, rolling his eyes before kissing him again.

He heard a little squeak, then a sigh of glee as his lover leaned into the kiss. The kiss was more structured with Vanilla taking the lead, but still just as electric as before. He parted away for a moment to breathe, then was taken off guard by Shadow Milk taking the lead again. This time, he knew exactly how to do it. He wrapped his arms around his waist and began to sway.

This kiss was so sweet and love filled that Vanilla was surprised, in a good way. He never thought that a kiss like this could be filled with so much affection and warmth. Finally the two fully embraced, continuing to sway side to side slowly. Only parting to breathe, then going back in. Eventually, Vanilla took a few paces back. Shadow Milk did the same, walking to enter the lobby of his apartment building. Before hearing Vanilla’s voice once more.

“Good night, mi vida!!! I love you!!!”

He cackles and blows several kisses towards Vanilla.

“I love you too!!! Silly Vanilly!!!” Before he even takes a step inside he turns around again, yelling one last question.

“DID YOU LIKE THE KISS?!?!!”

Vanilla laughed and yelled back, “I LOVED THAT KISS, BLUEBIRD!!!”

And with that, Vanilla pulled out of the parking lot and left. He found that he couldn’t think straight about anything, his mind consumed by the kiss. Choruses of voices in his head were cheering and celebrating. And if he was being honest, he felt like he should be celebrating this moment.

Because it’s the next huge milestone in his relationship with Shadow Milk, and it couldn’t have been more fitting that he would be the one to kiss him first.

After all, he was the one who took his hand first. It was so poetic, how everything went full circle. And he wouldn’t change it for the world.

—

Shadow Milk shoved his face into the lamb plushie and screamed in joy. He stood up, drumming his feet against the floor and bumping his balled up fists against each other. He turned on his phone and began messaging everyone he knew about his first kiss. First on the list was Candy Apple and Black Sapphire.

Shamil: I DID IT!!!

Little miss toffee: Did what??

Shamil: I KISSED MY BOYFRIEND FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!

Little miss toffee: OMG!!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Shamil: YEAHHHHHHHH!!!! WOOOOOO!!!

Radio Rebel: I just got back. Why is everyone freaking out???

Little miss toffee: SHAMIL JUST HAD HIS FIRST KISS!!!!

Radio Rebel: Oh shit!!! Congratulations on that!!!

Next up is Hollyberry.

Sha-Sha: HOLLY!!!! I KISSED VANILLY!!!!

Pinkyberry: WHAT!!! WHEN?!?!

Sha-Sha: A FEW MINUTES AGO!!!!!!!

Pinkyberry: OMFG!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!

Third on the list, Eternal Sugar and Burning Spice. The two had set up a private server for all of The Beasts to talk.

Beast Of Deceit ;): GUYS HOLY FUCK!!!!

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Language, Blue.

Beast Of Deceit ;): When did Flour get added?

Let me sleep sugarcube: A few minutes ago.

Destructive Dad Hours: Yeah. Oh yeah, how’d that date go btw?

Beast Of Deceit ;): I JUST HAD MY FIRST KISS!!!

Destructive Dad Hours: YOOOOOOO!!!

The Knight: Congratulations on that!!! :)

Let me sleep sugarcube: Waitwaitwait!!! Who kissed who first?! Was it you or Vanilla??

Beast Of Deceit ;): ……me. :D

Let me sleep sugarcube: HOLY SH-MOTHER OF MOOSE IN A GROCERY STORE!!!! CONGRATS!!!! :D 

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I congratulate you on your splendid achievement. Would like to celebrate over some coffee soon?

Beast Of Deceit ;): I’d like that. Gotta go to bed. Gn!

The Knight: Goodnight friend.

Destructive Dad Hours: Night!

Let me sleep sugarcube: Good night, Blueberry. :)

Apathy’s A Tragedy: May sweet dreams find you tonight.

He plugs in his phone to charge, changes into his pajamas and then goes to sleep. Hugging his lamb plushie close to his chest, and smiling all the while.

Chapter Text

Mystic Flour ran her brush through her hair. Her routine on sight, she’s reuniting with Shadow Milk today. She dresses herself in a pastel yellow dress, walks out of the bathroom. Smiling softly at her little Haetae as the puppy follows her every step. She chuckles at the ball of white fluff.

“I will give you sustenance in a moment. Be patient, my little Haetae.”

The pup yipped at her. She heads into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for herself and her puppy. While she’s at it, she heats up the bao dumplings she prepared yesterday for today up. She knows how much her friend loves her dumplings. One thing that she knows, she can’t forget is the manatee plushie that she held onto for him when they were in high school.

She made absolutely sure that Haetae did not have any contact with the plush, going as far as to obscuring it from the pup’s sight. She held the bowl with her dog’s food in it. She held her finger up and the dog sat down. Lowering the bowl and clapping her hands to signal the dog to eat. Once the pup was done eating, she put the bowl aside and walked out the door. The two had decided to meet up at the aquarium.

She’s the first to arrive at the aquarium, five minutes later she sees him. He looks… different. He was finally able to grow out his hair to his desired length, wearing a crop top and a striking knee length skirt. He looked apprehensive, she gave him a smile. “Hello, Blue.” He rocked himself and waved.

“Hi, Flour.” They hug for a moment. Shadow Milk separated himself from the hug and held the door open for her. She walks inside the aquarium, he follows close after. He visibly relaxes upon being cloaked by the blue lighting of the interior. “So, Spice informed me that you made it as an idol?”

He perks up at the mention. Smiling brightly and bouncing in place. “Yeah, I made it!!! I’ve been doing concerts, you watched the performances I sent you, right?!” She nodded, when she first watched them she could see how alive her friend looked on that stage. It was like he became a more authentic version of himself when stepping on stage.

She beamed at him, she’s proud of him. Proud of him for making his lifelong dream happen. However, she could still feel some unresolved emotions within him. She was pretty sure she knew the root cause of those unresolved emotions. And she didn’t want to bring it up to him, the topic of his parents are still too fresh. Even after he left home to be an idol, the damage they had inflicted was done. Having ramifications that impacted and still do to this day.

She fishes through her bag for the plushie. The two sit down, she glances at the peculiar cane that her friend had in his hand. His eyes follow her gaze and held up the cane. “You like it?” She keeps her face neutral. “I do. But I would like to ask, why are you using it? If that’s alright.” He looks at his hands while he spoke.

“It’s a mobility aid. I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It’s a chronic condition that causes pain all over my body, remember those times when I couldn’t walk because I was in so much pain?” She nodded, “well apparently, I’ve been undiagnosed since fifth grade. All those times I’ve been having flare ups.” He holds the cane in his hands.

“This helps me alot. Especially on stage when I happen to have a flare ups on concert days, it’s really fun to dance with it too. But yeah, mark me as double disabled.” He smirked pridefully at the sound of her chuckling. “Oh you and your humor. You mentioned that you’re da-” he puts a hand over her mouth to prevent her from finishing her sentence.

“Yes!! I AM!!” He whisper yelled, looking around to see if anyone’s heard. He releases his hand and wipes it off on the seat. “Sorry, just couldn’t risk anyone knowing… in case someone recognizes me and leaks it out.”

She nodded, bringing her voice to a quiet tone. “My apologies, but I wanted to ask how you feel about the first kiss you had last night?” He blushed, twirling his finger around his hair as he spoke.

“It’s not accurate to how the movies do it, well some parts are just not all of it. Like there’s so much complexity to it, it’s something that not everyone thinks about. It felt so natural, like I was yearning to feel that. It felt like I was unraveling all of my love into a single action, and it was beautiful. I’m going to remember that first kiss forever…. Even now the kiss is replaying in my head on repeat.”

“You were always the second hopeless romantic in the group?” He looks at her with a raised brow. “Who was the first hopeless romantic?” She opens her eyes, mirth and amusement gleaming from her irises. “Eternal Sugar.” He shrieked and cracked up with laughter, flapping his hands. “Really?!” Flour nodded in confirmation.

“She was more subtle with her hopeless romanticism than you were.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder in a friendly manner, she smiled at the familiarity of the gesture. Shadow Milk was always a touchy person, only if he’s the one initiating that is. She knew that his home life had left him craving gentle touches, so the moment he realized that the group wasn’t going to abandon him, he became more open with his friendly gestures.

From light, playful punches, to warm hugs and the thing that he and Silent Salt did together. He would also lean his head against shoulders and on very rare occasion, hold hands. Those instances were few and far between, though. “So,” she keeps her voice low, “your boyfriend?” He turns to her. “What about him?” She cards her hands through her bangs, “What’s he like? I at least want to get a profile on him.”

He looks away, she glances at his expression. A warm expression that she’s never seen before makes itself home on his face.

“He’s kind, but way too much for his own good. He’s the one who diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia too, so he’s a good listener. Very understanding too… he doesn’t even mind that he has to adapt to my needs. Single dad of one, his kid’s kinda cool, they listen to my music. He loves me so much, but sometimes I wonder if he’d be better off without me. I don’t want to break up with him, I just wanna know why he loves me. But overall he’s the sun in human form.” Flour listens to him and responds with an observation that she made a while ago.

“Blue, you know what I’ve observed about you?”

He tilts his head. “What?”

“You view yourself as one who is undeserving of love, if you’re being yourself. You have constant doubts over your relationships and whether or not they’ll last.”

She gazes at him to gauge his reaction, he’s looking away from her eyes. She continues.

“You are terrified of being treated as lesser than because of who you are. So when you see others treating you as an equal, you automatically don’t believe it. You said once before that your biggest fear is being rejected and abandoned, am I still correct in that statement?” She sees him nodding in agreement, now she brings up her newest observation on him.

“However, I believe you have another big fear. Maybe it’s over scales your other fear.”

“And what’s that?” She composed her words and spoke them with honesty, not sugar coating anything because she knew he hated it when people sugar coat things with the assumption that he won’t understand the full context.

“Your fear of rejection is palpable, even now I can sense that. But I think you’ve grown to find an odd comfort in rejection. The reason is because it’s easier for you to understand and process. And now, to your new biggest fear… acceptance.” She hears a sharp gasp, confirming her suspicions. “You say that you fear rejection, and yet you’re mortified by acceptance. Because with all that you’ve been through, you don’t know how to process it when someone stays and understands. So you hide it’s your go to coping mechanism. I’m not a licensed therapist, but I do believe that you should seek assistance regarding this.” She finishes and looks at him, eyes wide when she sees a tear rolling down his cheek.

“You’re not wrong. I’ve been more afraid of being accepted by people. You’re so in tune with deciphering people’s personalities that it’s terrifying.” She giggled at that, “I use that as an asset for getting my clients roles. They always recommend me to up and coming stars, but warn them on my brutal honesty on their flaws as people.”

Shadow Milk shifts his eyes to his hands, “I think it’s only natural to be defensive when you bring up a flaw in someone. It’s one of the reasons I love being an indie idol, I can portray myself with flaws and all.” Mystic Flour takes his hand, he looks at her. “Does your admirers know that you’re autistic?” He looks away, hugging himself.

“No, I didn’t tell them. They speculate about whether or not I am. Sometimes I just wanna make a random tweet to confirm it… but I don’t want anyone infantilizing me or saying that I’m faking my autism. I do plan to tell everyone in a month. But I want to decide against it because I don’t know what the response will be.” Flour lifts her hand, a quiet request to touch him. He nods and she places her hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles into it.

“If your fans stuck with you for this long, then you don’t think you have anything to fret over. Besides, some of them were observant enough to figure it out themselves.” He laughs wetly, “Ha! Yeah, an admittedly good amount of the fanbase is somewhere on the spectrum.” Flour hums.

“I did hear a saying, that neurodivergent individuals find each other easily. I witnessed it happen with you and Burning Spice.”

He laughs, “Yeah, I still remember the way I found out he’s dyslexic.” She nods, “He actually told the story during one of his shows.” His brows rise in surprise, “really.”

“Yes. He did, he went on record saying, that was one of the funniest reactions to him saying that he’s dyslexic ever.” Shadow Milk shows his face in his hands, “I still feel so bad for reacting like that. But at least he’s finding humor in it.” Flour nods as she fishes for the manatee plush that she brought to return to him.

“Before we resume our usual schedules, there is something I need to give you.” He looked at her confusion plastered across his face. She continued by bringing up an old, nostalgic joke that she still found hilarious to this day. “You finally have full custody of the manatee.” She brings out the plush, smiling as she heard a little gasp escape her friend’s mouth. He takes the plush and hugs it close.

“You kept it? After I left to join Cherub? This whole time, you held onto it?!” She nodded.

“I kept it in the hopes that should we reunite, I would return it to its rightful owner.”

Shadow Milk kept his eyes on the plush, not fully believing that he’s actually holding it. He petted the plush softly as he and Flour walked out of the aquarium, they say their goodbyes, going off their own way. He walks into his room, sitting down on bed. He gets up to look at his drafts for Truth And Deceit. Sitting down and thinking some more lyrics, the song was meant to be a gentle confrontation and reassurance.

He kept circling back to one particular line. “We’re two halves of the eclipse,

Sun and Moon 

Crescendoing into a glow of light

SHUT UP!!”

He didn’t know how he came up with that, but he knew that it was perfect. He had announced that he would be taking a month long break to prepare his new album release. But seeing that he felt that he was almost done with the song, he figured why not record a demo and slip it into the new album to mess with everyone.

—

Silverbell stops outside of the coffee shop, waiting for his date. He still can’t believe that the two are dating now, he still remembers how the two met. And it was at a fast food place, weirdly enough. He was there with his sister and Silverbell was there by himself. He normally doesn’t eat fast food, but he had a bad day so he wanted to eat something to make him feel something.

Silverbell specifically specified that he wanted no pickles on his burger, since he’s allergic to pickles. He sat down and the siblings sat down near him, they got to talking and Silverbell was surprised about how much he and Sapphire had in common.  Eventually he got his food, which he lifted the bun. He had to make sure that there were no pickles on it…… there were pickles on it. He groaned in disappointment, he was so looking forward to eating something greasy.

His sister looks at him, her head tilted slightly, “It has pickles on it. And I’m allergic to pickles.” Sapphire grabs his hand and marches to the register, slamming his hand on the table and startling the person at the register in the process. Silverbell hates that he actually liked it when Sapphire did that, despite having only met him moments prior. Their “friendship” grew stronger when he would visit the studio and talk.

Silverbell tapped his foot, looking left and right for his boyfriend. He breathed out when he saw Black Sapphire approaching him, he looked like he had ran a marathon by the time he reached Silverbell. “Hey…” he gasped in between his attempts to catch his breath. “Hi.” He holds the door for Sapphire and he walks in, “Sorry for being late, I mistyped the address.” Silverbell takes his hand to hold, the both of them blushing.

“It’s okay, how’s your sister doing?” Black Sapphire sighs, rolling his eyes at the mention of his sister. “She’s doing well, I still haven’t told her about us.” Silverbell tilted his head, “why not? You two are pretty close… so I would’ve assumed that you told her by now.”

“Because before we, he pointed to Silverbell then back to himself “started seeing each other and she’s been referring to you as my quote: “pretty white boyfriend.” And if she knows, she’s never going to let me live it down.”

Silverbell started laughing as he drank his coffee, coughing a bit when it went down the wrong pipe. “You okay, dewdrop?” He nodded, setting his coffee aside. “I’m alright, Grapevine.” The two looked away from each other, they’ve been dating for a week and yet they’re still extremely awkward around each other.

Black Sapphire coughed to grab his boyfriend’s attention, “How’s the Silver Tree going?” He looked up, his baby blue eyes shining like water droplets reflecting the sun. “It’s going fine, you?”

“Fine…?” He sounded unsure of his own answer. “What do you mean by “fine…”?”

“My boss is preparing promotion for a new single that’s going to be teased in his new album. And as part of the marketing, he wants to teach him how to build a custom website and code a game within said website.” Silverbell’s brows rise with eager intrigue. “I legit mentioned once that I had a past in game making and now I have to re remember everything from back then to help him.” Silverbell interrupts him, immediately knowing what his boyfriend’s boss was going for.

“So it’s like an ARG?” Black Sapphire snapped his fingers and pointed at him. “Exactly! He already has every asset and the entire story lined up, even the types of ciphers that he wants to use. He just needs to learn how to set the website up.” Silverbell twiddled his thumbs, steeling up all of his courage to ask something.

“Can I help too? I’m kinda well versed in ARG’s, so I could be of some assistance. Since I’m assuming that this is the first ARG he’s ever done, it might help to have someone experienced with it to give some feedback.”

Black Sapphire thought about it. He knew that Shamil absolutely had no idea how to set up one of these things, so having someone who knows what he’s talking about could make the experience for his fanbase more enjoyable and fulfilling. “I’ll have to ask him. But I would love it if you can help. You want me to ask now, so we can talk later?” Silverbell nods and Sapphire brings out his phone.

Radio Rebel: Boss, I got someone who can help with the ARG thing.

Shamil: What???

Radio Rebel: Okay, swear to secrecy with what I’m about to tell you.

Shamil: Okay????

Radio Rebel: Remember that guy, Silverbell? Well we’re dating and he wants to help us set up the ARG.

Shamil: I guess I could use the help. Since I’m planning on starting it in two months time. Besides me and Vanilly have to record our lines for the project. Just send his discord name so we can talk.

Black Sapphire turns off his phone and looks at Silverbell. “He wants to talk with you later tonight.” Silverbell smiled at his boyfriend, “That’s great!!! So talk to you later.” Sapphire didn’t realize how much time had passed until it was time to go, Silverbell had used his break time for this date after all.

The two exit the coffee shop, sharing a goodbye kiss and headed their ways.

—

Lily snaps her fingers impatiently, waiting for Silent Salt to arrive. They both decided that their next date would be at the planetarium, which was because during another late night talk that had quickly become routine. She mentioned that she’s never been to the planetarium before, so Salt took it as an invitation for a date there. She felt a tiny tap on her shoulder and turned to see Salt there, they brought out their tablet. It took a moment for them to type their greeting.

She took the time to examine her partner’s outfit. They were still wearing the face mask and sunglasses, which heightened the mystery about their face. In hindsight she knew it was because V-tubers were anonymous and no one was allowed to see their face, but it didn’t stop her mind from running wild with speculation. They were wearing a purple satin jacket and a white T shirt underneath, the way they pulled off ripped jeans made her jealous.

She hears the tablet project their words, “Hey Flower. You look beautiful today, you should keep your hair down more.” She blushed, admittedly she didn’t have much time to style her hair since she thought she was running late. She looked at them, a shy smile resting on her face. “Thank you…, you look nice too.” She wondered if they were blushing or not underneath the face mask, maybe they were?

They hold the door open for her and she steps in. She looks around at the interior, the lights were colored in the dark blues of space. White stars were speckled across, occasional neon pinks and bright purples in between. Reminiscent of stardust, Silent Salt takes her hand.

She walks with them, stopping every so often just so she can admire the ceiling. It’s so mesmerizingly beautiful, but she snapped herself out of the trance. The two walk into the main area where the ceiling expanded into being higher up, they pat the flippable seat and she sits down with them. They type on their tablet again, Lily gets her hands ready to sign. She’s been trying to learn sign language since she met, keyword trying.

Despite the amount of books she read with pictures of the hand gestures, she felt that she wasn’t learning anything. Which shocked her because she always learned better with books than other methods of teaching. The moment she hears the tablet speak, she listens closely to determine what signs to use. “You excited?” She smiles and begins to sign, praying that her clumsy attempt will get the message across.

“I am, what about you?” They’re quiet for a second, then they take her hands. They move her fingers around gently as if they were correcting her. She pays attention to how they move her hands, immediately understanding how to move her hands. They stopped and typed on their tablet, “I’m surprised that you’re learning sign language. You did good in the first half, but it fell apart near the end. And to answer your question, yes I too am excited for the show to start.” She fidgets with her hands.

“You mentioned that you preferred using sign compared to your tablet… so I thought why not try. I’m not really good with it, but I’m glad I got one part right.”

The lights dimmed, the show was about to start. The room illuminated with projected starlight and the solar system, Lily stared at the constellations as the narrator continued to speak about the stars, she felt incredibly peaceful right now. She didn’t even notice that she was holding Salt’s hand, too focused on the stars.

The lights turned back on and she let out a disappointed noise, they gently pulled her up. Walking towards the gift shop to browse through items, she looked around and stared at a row of keychains that were of the different phases of the moon. She grabbed the full moon and new moon keychains, heading towards Salt to show them. They look at her holding, she holds up the keychains.

“If you’re okay with it, then I was thinking that we could get these things as a couples matching thing…” she whispers those last words, looking up warily at her partner. They nod, grabbing the full moon keychain from her hand. She blinks and follows them to the cashier, she looks back at the keychain row. She tugs their arm, “Oh, uh, you don’t have to get that one… I just grabbed the two ones that were nearest for the idea…”

They take a moment to type out their reply and played the message, “Is there a crescent moon one?” She nodded, running back to grab it and showing them. They looked at it and gave her a thumbs up, she goes back and looks at the keychains again. She looks through them and eventually decides on the waning crescent moon to go with Salt’s waxing crescent. She returns the full and new moon keychains and returns to them.

They take the waxing crescent and reached out their hand. She shyly takes their hand as they purchase the two keychains, they exit the planetarium and Salt stops her. They reach for their face mask, lowering it to reveal the lower half of their face. Lily feels as though her very soul is shaking right now, she almost wants to rip it out to get rid of the anxiety she’s feeling right now. They bring their face close to her cheek, and they kiss it.

Her heart swells and pounding, feels lighter than even the air itself. Their lips leave her cheek and she immediately begins to crave the feeling again. She hugs them tightly, breathing deeply before kissing their gloved hand. Both hands, she runs off afterwards.

She returns to her apartment, greeting her cat Spore. Before heading into her bedroom she giddily squealed, she couldn’t believe that happened. She wasn’t sure if she had smiled this much since the morning, regardless she waits for their stream to start. She gets a message from Salt, she checks it.

The REAL Roaring Knight: I made you a moderator for my chat :)

Lily of the Faeries: Why would you do that???

The REAL Roaring Knight: Because you’ll get access to the channel emotes and also because you deserve it. :)

Lily of the Faeries: Thank you. Gotta go, looking forward to seeing you on stream ^—^

The REAL Roaring Knight: See you then, Lilypad.

She muffled another giddy squeal in her pillow. Her feet kicked the air to let out excitement, she simply waited for them to go live. Smiling softly at her phone screen, because she loved them. And the joy they brought into her heart and soul.

Chapter Text

Kougin-Amann woke up and got out bed. She had unexpectedly gotten herself roped into an impromptu date with her two boyfriends. One thing she knows about dating two people in the same relationship, was that you gotta adapt on the spot to either of their separate needs. Truly strange, how young love works out.

The three had only started dating a few months before Capsaicin met his dad, and everything’s been a whirlwind since. She honestly wasn’t expecting his dad to be as chill as he was, she expected someone more strict. Like her own father, but no. Capsaicin’s dad was a refreshing breath of fresh air.

She and Prune had come over to his place for the first time yesterday. Capsaicin had been hyping it up the whole week, and it absolutely lived up to the hype. Amenities were sprinkled everywhere, from sudoku books to chocolate bons and even mini blankets. The place felt like it was actually lived in.

The parts that got to her the most was the fact that there was always a small plate of homemade food on the living room table in case anyone wanted a snack. According to Capsaicin, that small plate is always there, and he doesn’t know when his dad had the time to make it. And the fact that the homes air conditioning was on 81 degrees, twenty four seven.

She snapped out of her memory lane and continued to get ready, putting on her signature frilly pink dress. She hopped into her sliver heels, grabbing the brush from the bathroom to brush her hair while she walked downstairs. She sees her mother in the kitchen and walks in. “Mom, do you know where the rubber bands are?”

“They’re on the counter.” Kougin-Amann gave her mom a thumbs up, continuing to brush through her blonde curls. She ties her hair into a ponytail, then proceeds to sit down and eat her omelette. Normally before she eats, she would be running to improve her times for track meets or practicing fencing with her dad.

Her father came from a long line of fencers, so it was only natural that she wanted to follow in his footsteps. That doesn’t mean that she wanted to limit herself solely to one sport, she also loved track. It took some convincing to her dad to let her pursue a second sport on top of fencing, but he eventually caved when he saw how good she was.

After she finished her omelette, she stood outside. Prune’s mother would be picking her up with him in the car, she checked her phone to see a message from Capsaicin.

Spice Overlord Jr.: Hey, since the movie theater probably won’t let us in unless we have an adult with us… y’all don’t mind if my dad comes with us. He’s fine with going so long as you both are fine him quote, “Crashing the date”.

Frail Little Cookie: I thought this movie was PG-13??

Spice Overlord Jr.: No it’s rated R :(.

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink: If that’s the only way we can see the movie then yes.

Frail Little Cookie: Hope it’s not too awkward for your dad to play fourth wheel to a polyamorous relationship~ ;).

Spice Overlord Jr.: LMFAO XD HE’S AROACE SO HE WON’T EVEN FEEL EVEN REMOTELY AWKWARD ABOUT IT!!!

Frail Little Cookie: really???

Spice Overlord Jr.: YEAH!!! He actually discovered that through me, via osmosis.

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink: How the hell do you discover your aroace via osmosis???

Spice Overlord Jr.: Research on parenting a kid who’s LGBTQ+ and he stumbled upon the terms.

Frail Little Cookie: That somehow brings up more questions than answers for me. Because you are the result of…y’know.

Spice Overlord Jr.: According to him, that was the first and only time he had sex. He told me he felt nothing before, during, and after. But that I was the one good thing that came out of it.

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink: How sweet???

Spice Overlord Jr.: I really did appreciate that he said that.

Frail Little Cookie: Kougin, we’re at the gate.

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink: Okay, see you there Cappy. :)

Spice Overlord Jr.: See ya there! :D!!! Also Prune, not a word about this convo to my dad.

Frail Little Cookie: No promises ;)

She rolls her eyes at her phone. Glancing up and seeing Prune’s mother driving in. She gets in the car and hugs him, he playfully pushes her back. His mother coughs, “So, Kougin, is it? How’s track going?” She leaned forward a bit.

“It’s going great!” Prune interrupted her, “You’re practically the best runner on the team, Queen.” She lightly slapped him. “I know that.” The theater comes into view and the two get out of the vehicle. She looks to see Capsaicin and his dad talking, suddenly he’s running towards her.

“Capsaicin?! What are you?!” She catches him in her arms, stumbling back as she almost loses her balance. She hears the click of a camera and glares at Prune. “Delete that!!” He puts a finger to his chin, humming softly.

“Why would I ever delete precious memories?” She scoffed at him, lowering Capsaicin to the ground. “Because knowing you, you’ll use it for blackmail.” She leans forward and crosses her arms as she says that, he gasps dramatically. Placing a hand on his chest, his voice being just as dramatic.

“Oh you’d dare think so little of me? I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this!!” Capsaicin laughs at the playful bickering. He turns around to see his dad still there. “Again, why is your dad here supervising us?”

“Because we need an alibi in case Kougin’s dad starts getting suspicious.” She giggled, “I don’t think he’s going to find out.”

“Yeah, but just in case!!”

Capsaicin opens the door and Prune makes a mad dash towards the arcade. Burning Spice looks at the teenagers confused, “I had a feeling that you weren’t telling me everything Caps.” Prune hands Kougin and Capsaicin their tickets, he devilishly smirked at Spice.

“We lied!!! “Going to the movies” is basically code for vibing in the theater’s arcade!!!”

The boys darted to the mini hockey table and Kougin sighed. Even before the three started dating for some weird reason, Capsaicin and Prune would get really competitive over mini hockey. It’s kinda hilarious to see the pop off of the winner and the loser’s crash out, Capsaicin’s dad looks at her, she felt slightly intimidated by him but she held it in.

“Do those two always go towards the mini hockey table first?” She nodded and turned to look at them. “Yeah, they get extremely competitive over it. But I guess it makes sense, Caps is looking into trying hockey.” He snapped his fingers, “Yeah he told me that Prune gave him the idea.” She looked at him shocked. “Okay, that I didn’t know.”

He chuckled, “So, Firefly mentioned that you’re an athlete too, like him?” She nodded, dramatically flipping her hair, wearing her pride on her sleeve. “Yeah. I follow in my father’s footsteps in fencing and I run for the girls track team!!!” That caught his attention instantly.

“You run track?” She nods in confirmation, “Huh, wonders never cease. I used to run track when I was in school.” Her eyes widened, “Really?!” The older man looked at her. “Of course I did! Capsaicin never told me that you were in track!!!” She shrugged and turned her gaze back to the boys, Capsaicin ended up winning the table hockey match. He threw his fists in the air and let out his victory yell, while Prune kept mumbling that it was rigged.

Capsaicin motioned the two to come to him, Prune crossed his arms. “What were you two talking about?” She looked at Capsaicin then Prune, “He was just telling me of how he used to run track for his school.” Capsaicin turned to his father, “You never mentioned that!” He shrugged, ruffling his son’s hair. “You never asked” he then looked at Prune, “how’s it feel to be in a relationship with two athletes?”

Prune gasped dramatically when he said that, putting his hand on his chest. “Don’t assume things, I’m an athlete of the mind.” Capsaicin whispered in his dad’s ear, “He’s in the mathletes.” He muffles a laugh, as the teenager continues “besides, I don’t want my joints to pop out every time I do a sit up or a push up.” He suddenly gasps as though he’d forgotten something.

“Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to see your reaction to this!!” Burning Spice was confused and looking at his son and his girlfriend, they both had a look of dread on their faces. He decided to press, “My reaction to what?” Prune puts his hand to his neck, grabbing a portion of his skin with two fingers.

“This.” He begins to pull his skin, Burning Spice couldn’t believe how far the skin was stretching, his jaw slacked down and the teen let go of his skin and started laughing. “What the actual fuck?! Kid that’s not normal!!” Capsaicin puts a hand on his shoulder, “Yeah, he said that it’s been like this since he started middle school.” Prune chimes back in, “That’s EDS skin for ya!!! It’s really fun to see people’s faces when I do that!!!”

Burning Spice puts his head in his hands. “You are one strange teenager, you know that?” Prune nodded with a prideful grin on his face, “I would much rather use the word: peculiar. But I’ll take it.” Capsaicin grabs his arm and pulls him to the mini hockey table, he inserts his tickets then hands him the striker. Burning Spice cracks his knuckles and takes the circular object.

“Kid, you’re going to regret challenging me.” That only makes Capsaicin grin grow wider, “Bring it on, old man!!” Prune shifted to Kougin, “How much you wanna bet on them?” He pointed at the father and son, she looks at him annoyed.

“I’m not betting on a table hockey match between Capsaicin and his dad.” Prune smiled slyly. “I’m saying if we are betting on them.” She smirks at him affectionately, “Twenty maximum.”

After the father and son had ended the game with a tie, it was time to go. Capsaicin was given hugs from both sides and kisses from both of his partners. He proceeded to kiss them both on the cheek, then running off to catch up with his dad. The two get in the car and pull out of the parking lot, “Well, that was fun.” Capsaicin nodded.

They pulled into their driveway and walked inside the house. Burning Spice checked his phone to see a message in the Beast group chat.

—

Let me sleep sugarcube: Hey, y’all want to meet up in person again?

Beast Of Deceit ;): YEAH I DO!!!

Destructive Dad Hours: OF COURSE I WANT TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!!

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Where would we go to reunite, Sugar?

Let me sleep sugarcube: Remember that zoo we went to for that field trip?

The Knight: Yeah, we going there?

Let me sleep sugarcube: Exactly!!! If you guys want, you could bring a plus one.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Can I add someone to the group chat, rq??

The Knight: Yes, who???

Beast Of Deceit ;) has added My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~ to the group chat.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Bluebird? Where am I???

Apathy’s A Tragedy: You must be my friend’s boyfriend, am I correct?

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: I am. Who are you???

Apathy’s A Tragedy: You may call me; Apathy when communicating online, I will reveal my real name when we encounter in person.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Thank you???

Let me sleep sugarcube: BLUEBERRY, YOU DONT ACTUALLY CALL HIM “POOKIE BEAR” IRL…do you?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): …………………no.

The Knight: The amount of dots speaks for itself.

Destructive Dad Hours: LMFAO!!!! Runt?! Are you SERIOUS?!

Apathy’s A Tragedy: May I please ask to include my extra persons to the chat?

The Knight: Sure, apparently we’re doing this now…

Apathy’s A Tragedy has added Uno At Dusk(D.C) to the group chat.

Uno At Dusk(D.C): Make it quick, I have to get back to sorting through case files.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Dark Cacao?! Is that you?!?!

Uno At Dusk(D.C): Vanilla? What a surprise to see you here.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Everyone, this is my friend and/or rival; Dark Cacao. Please treat him with the utmost respect.

Let me sleep sugarcube has added My Dearest Protector/Other Half<3 to the group chat.

My Dearest Protector/Other Half<3: omg hi Cacao!!! Also VANI WTF IS THAT NAME?!

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Holly!!! :D. Also Shadow Milk made that my name.

My Dearest Protector/Other Half<3: Sha-Sha? You here too?

Beast Of Deceit ;): Hi Holly. How’s Sugar been treating you??

Let me sleep sugarcube: Hey!!! Watch it…

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: She’s amazing. The other day she got me these gorgeous heart shaped garnet earrings because they reminded her of me ;).

Destructive Dad Hours: Your not spoiling her? Are you??

Let me sleep sugarcube: Of course not!!! I got similar earrings to match with hers.

Uno At Dusk(D.C): What gems are imbedded in your earrings? Holly said hers were garnets.

Let me sleep sugarcube: Morganite. Wished that the hearts were upside down tho, so we could contrast.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Nilly the heck is up with your profile pic???

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: You mean Tulio??

Beast Of Deceit ;): Who????

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: From 31 Minutos. Ohhh yeah!!! You don’t know much regarding Chilean pop culture. It’s a satirical puppet newscast that comments on current events in Chile.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Nilly, we HAVE to watch this when I come over to your place for the weekend, that is the most hilarious idea for a show I’ve ever heard!!!

Destructive Dad Hours: Oh hell, I think I’ve seen a clip from that show. My kid sent a video of it.

Uno At Dusk(D.C): Speaking of kids… Vanilla, how’s Crepe doing?

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Their doing fine. How’s Choco been??

Uno At Dusk(D.C): He is well. He had just convinced me to get therapy.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: SHADOW MILK ARE YOU A HOME WRECKER?!?!?!?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): WTF NO!!!!!! NILLY’S SINGLE!!!!

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: LMFAO!!! I actually wanted to ask if you had ever considered the possibility that he could’ve been married??

Beast Of Deceit ;): Would anyone’s opinions on me change if I said that I wasn’t thinking at all??

Let me sleep sugarcube: Milky that’s questionable that you wouldn’t even consider that…

The Knight has added Neo Woody Theory Is Real to the group chat.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Salty, I was in the middle of grinding for no-hit Roaring Fraud. What do you need???

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Lily?? Is that you???

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Yes it’s me.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Is there any reason for the name or????

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Deltarune.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I still need to play that. I’ve heard great things about it from my discord server.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Why did you add her to the group chat?

The Knight: She’s my plus one. Also Shadow Milk if you’re going to play Deltarune, I recommend that you play Undertale first. You don’t have to, but it’s highly recommended since there are characters from that game that are in Deltarune.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I have the game… I think Sugar gifted me it on Steam. I’ll definitely do that.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Whenever you get to Deltarune, you need to get in call with me and I will help you beat the Roaring Fraud.

Beast Of Deceit ;): THE WHAT?!?!

Destructive Dad Hours: So, this has devolved into something unrelated… are we good with the plan to reunite at the zoo??

The Knight: First, Lily don’t spoil it for him. Second, yeah I’m down for that.

Let me sleep sugarcube: Yeah, we’ll have to see when our schedules get aligned for it. Otherwise, of course.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I would love for that to transpire. :)

Beast Of Deceit ;): Nil’s Sapphire has dropped me off, I’m in your driveway.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Okay I’ll let you in, Bluebird. It was nice talking to you all!!!

—

Weekends have changed now. It’s not a bad change at all, by any means. Crepe opens the door and Shamil is there, they bounce up and down, moving aside to let him in. He walks in and turns to look at them, “How’s things going with school kid?” They jump in place, smiling brightly at him.

“Easy, as always! Dad’s making Pastel de chocolo in the kitchen if you need him.” He nodded and headed to the kitchen, where Vanilla was cooking dinner. He walked up behind him, taking a sniff of his lover’s hair before resting his chin on his shoulder. Vanilla squeaked, turning his head then smiling softly. He resumed cooking, whilst his lover buries himself deeper into the curve of his neck.

“You’re more cuddly than normal, something wrong?”

He shook his head, peppering light kisses on his neck. Vanilla giggled at his antics, he looked so blissful right now. Vanilla kisses his temple and Shadow Milk turns his head away, clearly flustered by the gesture. Vanilla kept counting his lucky stars that he found someone as precious as his bluebird is.

So beautiful he is, yet he undersells himself so much. Wanting nothing more than absolute perfection. And Vanilla told him that he didn’t have to be perfect for him, he just wanted Shadow Milk to be happy. He hears quite mumbling imbedded in his hair. It was illegible, he must be incredibly tired right now.

Dinner went well. Shadow Milk asked Crepe about the robots they were building and they lunged at the opportunity to talk about them. Which made Vanilla smile, the fact that he was willing to engage with Crepe made him feel elated. It was a worry of his, that Shadow Milk wouldn’t be interested in talking to Crepe. But he was so glad to be proven wrong.

Once they were in Vanilla’s bedroom and under the covers, Shadow Milk began to quietly sob. Vanilla wrapped his arms around his slim form, “Bad day?” He nodded, the only sound coming out from his mouth being a whine. Vanilla hummed a lullaby as he rubbed soothing circles into his back, “It’s okay, mi lunita. It’s over now… I’m here.” He fell asleep moments after.

Vanilla kisses his lips so gently that it felt like a ghost was kissing him. Then he hugged his moonlight closer to his chest and slowly closing his eyes. Subconsciously petting his hair as he slipped into the realm of dreams.

Shadow Milk felt so safe in his arms. Immediately all of those bad memories throughout the day had vanished. He felt like he was being adored by a god. He gently kissed Vanilla’s lips, smiling while doing so.

He falls asleep there and then. Feeling oh, so relaxed and loved…… but why?

Chapter Text

“Nilly?”

“Yes, mi lunita?” Vanilla checks his phone for the time, it’s one am. He doesn’t mind being woken up so early by his lover, but he can’t help but feel concerned for him. He doesn’t know what would prompt his lover to wake him up to ask a question.

“Why do you love me? And please don’t sugar coat things… I want an answer. A real answer.” The question was unexpected, Vanilla decided to get to the cause of asking such a question. “Why do you ask, Bluebird?” Shadow Milk simply shrugs, mumbling under his breath. Vanilla holds his chin and places a small kiss on his lips.

“Do you want the short version or the long version?” Shadow Milk grumbles, burying his face into Vanilla’s neck. “Either one is fine.” Vanilla nods and gathers his thoughts on his bluebird together.

“Darling, I don’t know why or what made you compelled to question this, but I can think of billions of reasons to why I love you.” He can practically feel his lover rolling his eyes, despite not seeing his face.

“Like what?” He tilts Shadow Milk’s head up to face him, he wants his lover to see him say these words to him.

“Well for one, you have such lovely eyes that sparkles when you see me or talk about something you’re incredibly passionate about. Speaking of passionate, you have such an amazing passion for what you do. I knew what you looked like before we met, y’know?” Shadow Milk looked at him with his brow raised, Vanilla continues.

“Crepe showed me a few videos with you in it, so I knew of you. Then I saw you in concert, and I immediately understood why my child was obsessed with you. They said that they could tell that you were truly happy on stage. And in that moment, I knew what they were referring to. You had the biggest, most radiant smile on your face.”

He stops to admire his lover’s features, his eyelashes were fluttering. And even though it was mostly dark in the room, he could see tiny blush on his face. He grazed his thumb against Shadow Milk’s cheek, his face was so soft. He hears a tiny “oh,” from Shadow Milk and looks at his ears slightly wiggling. He noticed that every time his moonlight would roll his o’s his ears would start wiggling in such a subtle manner that he thought he was imagining things. But he wasn’t, he assumed that bluebird was not aware of that. So he didn’t see any scenario where he could mention it until now.

“Did you know that your ears wiggle whenever you linger on your o’s?” Shadow Milk sat up with his head tilted. “No they don’t…… do they?” Vanilla huffed a small chortle and nodded. “You do. And it’s the most adorable little thing I’ve seen.” Shadow Milk shuffles around to grab his phone and go to the camera app. He looks at his reflection and starts sounding out the letter, he gazes at the phone in shock.

“What the actual fuck???!!” It’s Vanilla’s turn to look at him befuddled. “Did you not know that your ears do that?” He shook his head, his eyes still flabbergasted at the revelation. He whisper yelled as to not disturb the kid sleeping a few rooms down.

“No!! I didn’t know that happens!! Wait hold on I need other witnesses who might or might not have noticed this!” He switches to his public discord and sends a message in the main chat room.

Fount (aka the real Shamil): Hey guys!! So I’ve been recently made aware of the fact that every time I drag out my o syllable, my ears start to wiggle a bit. Have any of you noticed that?!

He gets a message back almost immediately from Candy Apple and another moderator.

Apple Faerie: Yeah, someone made a compilation of all the times that happened.

Pls stand by: how tf did you not know that they do that???

Fount (aka the real Shamil): IDK??? Ty fella’s.

He puts his phone down and glances back at Vanilla. “May I continue listing all my reasons for loving you?” He nodded and Vanilla continued.

“Okay, I adore your voice, even if you’re not singing. Your voice is a heavenly delight to hear. Despite being so new to being in a romantic relationship, I honestly can’t imagine one where you aren’t in it. You are just so, so much of everything. And I’ve been wanting to ask you something.” Vanilla takes a deep breath, “the gesture of holding hands seems to mean a lot to you… each time our hands link, I see you looking at our hands with a deep smile, is there any reason to why?”

Shadow Milk looked down at his hands, fidgeting with them. “I sorta feel that hands in a way touch something else. Whenever you hold my hand I get a sensation of connection. It’s like being tethered, or grounded. It’s something so simple, yet it’s powerful enough to hit you right in the heart with a deep desire for more. If that makes any sense to you… I don’t expect you to fully understand what I mean, since it has context that I’m not ready to tell you yet. But yeah.” 

What Shadow Milk had said there has Vanilla thrown for a loop. It felt like the most honest thing he’d ever spoken. He gently took Shadow Milk’s hand into his own, “That’s perfectly fine. Now another question is… why do you love me?” Shadow Milk doesn’t hesitate to answer.

“I love everything about you. But I think the main reason, is that you’re adapting.”

Vanilla looks at him perplexed, he continues. “You make sure that I’m okay… and you don’t make a big deal out of it. You’re constantly asking me questions on how to accommodate for me, you treat me as an equal partner. And when going into this, I was expecting you to baby me. Yet, you didn’t. You make sure to adapt to my needs, and I do the same for you. Albeit not as well as you do.” Vanilla laughed at that, his lover did too but something about that laugh was… sad.

“Sometimes my head would just torture myself. Saying that you could do so much better with someone else than me, I don’t even know why I think that!! Because I love you so much,” he wraps his arms around Vanilla’s waist in a tight grip “I don’t want to lose you. Sometimes I just stare at the screen when I sent a text and just wait for you to respond, despite the fact that you’re working and can’t. And every time I do that, I feel so disgusted because I feel like I’m stalking you!! It’s fucked up!!!!”

Vanilla hugs him for a long while, rubbing soothing circles into his lover’s back when he heard small sobs. He separates himself from the hug, bringing Shadow Milk down to lay in bed. “I do agree in your concern with your habits. Do you think that there’s any way for you to divert your attention from it?” He shakes his head, “It’s like a buzz that won’t go away until I see you answer.” Vanilla hums and kisses his cheek.

“Alright then, we can find something that could replace that habit. Nothing we can’t find a solution to, mi lunita.” Shadow Milk already knows what he’s about to say next, “I will not falter.” They said it at the exact same time, giggling quietly as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

They kissed on the lips and fell asleep after that. A storm was still brewing in Shadow Milk’s head, he tries to ignore it and for the first time… it worked.

—

Shadow Milk wakes up to the sound of his phone vibrating, he groans and picks it up to see a message from Silent Salt.

The Knight: You wanna head to the beach tomorrow? You can bring your boyfriend if you’d like.

The beach. It’s been a long time since he’s gone to the beach. He’s always loved the beach since he first went, during spring break. Sugar’s father got the group hotel reservations, and Shadow Milk loved it so much that he ran out to the sand, the moment they got out of the car.

He was in high school.

He was buzzing with excitement to see the beach for the first time in his life, excited to swim in the ocean water and feel the mildly salty sea breeze air. The limo stopped in the parking lot, everyone got out and Shadow Milk jumped up and down. He bolted away from the group and towards the sand. He treated it similarly to how people treated snow. Doing cartwheels, making sand angles. And trying to make a sandcastle, he failed miserably every time though.

He formed a portion of sand into a ball and threw it, he covered his mouth when he realized that he hit Eternal Sugar in the face. Burning Spice was laughing as she grabbed a mass of sand, “Oh you wanna play that way?!” She throws the non-moist sand at Shadow Milk, he dodges the sand dust cloud elegantly. He blinks a few times, snapping out of his trip down memory lane and messages Salt back.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Obviously!!! I’d have to ask Nilly if he’d like to go. You’re lucky that I brought a sundress with me. >;).

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Oh! Okay then!! Double date it is…

Beast Of Deceit ;): HELL YEAH!!!!

The Knight: Okay then. See you tomorrow. ^__^/

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Salty, sweetie… I cannot look at that tiny face the same way after Friend…

The Knight: Now I can’t unsee it too.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: >:).

Shadow Milk turns off his phone and walks downstairs, Crepe is sitting at the table. Meaning that Vanilla was in the kitchen right now, he walks into the kitchen and hugged him from behind. Vanilla smiled playfully, “Good morning, dear.” He spoke in that beautiful singsong voice that only rang out in the morning. “Morning, Silly~” Vanilla hums, “I was thinking that we could watch an episode of 31 minutos together in the afternoon.”

Shadow Milk turns around and sees Crepe grabbing a stool, “Kid, what are you?” They look at him visibly dumbfounded, “I get a cooking lesson from dad every Saturday morning.” Shadow Milk looks at Vanilla, “They’re right. I teach them how to cook their own meals.” Shadow Milk looks away from the two dejectedly, “can I please join you?” Vanilla beams brightly.

“Of course you can join, mi lunita!!!” Shadow Milk turns around, he must’ve said that out loud. He hesitantly walked over to the stove, “We’re making Pajaritos.” Crepe leaned forward to look at Shamil. “You ever had that?! It’s really sweet!!!” Shadow Milk shook his head, it’s weird how long he’s gone without even trying Chilean cuisine.

Since his sick staycation at Vanilla’s, he’s been trying to cook the food he’s eaten at home. Most of the time he’d end up burning the food he was attempting to make, so actually getting the opportunity to learn from Vanilla was a godsend. “They’re these little pastries that are shaped like little birds, hence the name.”

Shadow Milk listens to the instructions, eventually Vanilla hands him a bowl of flour to him. “Bluebird, would you mind adding the ingredients to your bowl?” Shadow Milk was confused for a moment, any and all information he had just learned was thrown right out the window. “Crepe already has their bowl ready. I can help, if-”

“No!! I’ll be fine.” Shadow Milk scrambles to try and remember exactly what order the ingredients go in the bowl, and how to go from there. He squeezes his eyes shut, he doesn’t want to ruin this. He was locked in a mental war with himself, one side wanted to ask for help from Vanilla and the other side argued that Vanilla shouldn’t be helping him with everything because he’s an independent adult.

He caved into the independent argument, which was pretty difficult considering he had no idea what he was doing. He silently cursed himself for zoning out during a crucial step in the cooking process. He sniffed, finally turning to Vanilla. “Nilly?” Vanilla turned to his lover, noticing that he still hadn’t started with his batch yet. “Yes, Bluebird?” His mouth clamped shut, he’s trying to not cause a scene when this was supposed to be a fun cooking lesson.

Crepe noticed Shamil’s hesitation, immediately understanding that he might’ve zoned out mid lesson. They grabbed a paper and quickly wrote down the steps on it. They walked around dad and handed Shamil the paper, then walked back to their batch.

Shadow Milk looked at the paper, realizing that it had the instructions of what to do written on it. He looked at the kid, then turned back to Vanilla, “Actually, never mind, I think I’ll be okay.” He felt more at ease with the written instructions that proceeds to get started, occasionally looking up at the paper to read then turning back down to continue cooking.

He catches up with Crepe quickly enough, much to Vanilla’s relief. “Did that help, Shamil?” He chuckled softly, “yeah, it did. How did you even know that I don’t do well with spoken instructions?” They shrugged, “watched through various clips of you from your Cherub days, and you mentioned it during an interview.” Now that was a blast from the past, he almost forgot that he mentioned that.

Vanilla looks at him, “I’ll keep that in mind when you come over next time.” Shadow Milk shifts in place, “I-I appreciate you wanting to help, but sometimes I don’t think I should be relying on you too much… and I want you to know that.” Vanilla takes his hands.

“Okay, I understand. No help, unless you explicitly say that you want it.” Shadow Milk hugs him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Vanilla already knows the answer to that. He tells him the truth.

“You were you.”

Shadow Milk turns back to his pastries, tears slightly welling up. “Surely there has to be something you don’t understand.” Vanilla kisses his hands, Shadow Milk beams fondly as he did so. “Other than why people would commit atrocities. There’s nothing I can’t understand.”

Vanilla writes down the next steps for his moonlight to follow. Shadow Milk starts molding the dough into the bird shape as instructed, the muscle memory of the dough rolling takes over. He knew how to make bao dumplings from Mystic Flour, which was one of the few foods that he could cook without risking burning down his apartment building. Crepe leaned over to take a peek at his progress, looking absolutely stunned at his progress.

“How are you doing that?!” Shadow Milk laughed and walked over to their side, with the intention to help. “It’s pretty easy when you have experience with shaping dough around, let me show you.” They tilt their head, “Don’t you have yours to finish?” Shamil grabs the bowl of dough and shifts a portion to demonstrate. “I’ve already finished, besides I wanna return the favor.”

They cross their arms and leaned over skeptically. “And how did you know so much about dough shape.” Shadow Milk looks away, “I know how to make Bao Dumplings, a friend taught me, and that requires a lot of skill in shaping the dough.” Vanilla turns his head, “You never said that you could cook.” Shadow Milk gives him a coy smile, “I can cook only those Dumplings. Anything else, I risk possibly setting the whole building on fire.”

Crepe cracked up in laughter, causing Vanilla to let out a few giggles. Shadow Milk rolled his eyes playfully, “You want the help kid or not?” They nodded and watch as he took two portions of dough out of the bowl for him and them. “So, you have to use two hands to make a ball like shape. You ever used a bucket to make parts of a sandcastle before?” They nodded and he continued. “Well, you use your thumb to smooth out the edges” he demonstrated by slowly sliding his thumb across the side of the dough ball.

“Like this, then you flatten the top with your palm. But don’t press down too much or else it’ll fully flatten like a pancake.” Crepe followed his advice to a t, then presented their shape. “That’s good, kid.” Shadow Milk ruffles their hair, and they hug him. He lightly hugs them back. They gasped at looked at him with stars in their eyes.

“Can you teach me and Dad how to make those Bao things?!” He was shocked to say the least, he didn’t expect the kid to ask for a cooking lesson from him. During his time in school, he had developed a backup plan in case the Idol career didn’t work out. If he failed then he would’ve went to college to become a music teacher. He wanted to bring the joy that music brought to him to others. He shifted his eyes away from the child.

“I mean, we’ll have to get the ingredients, but yeah I’d love to teach you guys, next time.” Once the two were done, both batches were put into the oven to heat up. Shadow Milk was already drooling at the prospect of how good the pastries would be, while waiting Vanilla got his laptop to screen share. Crepe gasped, “Are we watching 31 Minutos?!”

Vanilla nods, “Yes, Shadow hasn’t heard of it before.” Crepe looks at him in disbelief, “We have to put on the episode where Juan Carols is depressed!!!” Vanilla laughs playfully, “Sweetcake, he’s never seen an episode before. At least let him watch episode one first.” They groaned, “Fine.”

Shadow Milk sits on the couch, the main intro of the show plays and he pleasantly greeted by a lovely upbeat tune. He couldn’t resist humming along, as he continued watching the episode he felt a sense of strange nostalgia. It somehow reminded him of that one horror puppet web series that he loved. He decides to bring up the comparison that his mind came up with.

“The randomness of this kinda reminds of DHMIS.” Crepe looks at him with surprised confusion at his comparison. “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared?” He pointed at them, “yeah!!! Are kids still daring each other to watch it at school?” They shook their head.

“No. There was a television series made, me and dad watched it.” Shadow Milk jumped in shock, “There was a series made?!?!” They stared at him, “It was everywhere on twitter when it came out!” Shadow Milk kicked his feet in excitement, making a mental note to binge the entire series with Eternal Sugar when he gets back.

The oven beeps and Vanilla pulls out both batches of Pajaritos, the smell drew Shadow Milk toward the kitchen. Once they were decorated with the meringue, he takes a bite. And by the heavens above, it tastes so delicious. Shadow Milk took another few bites and his face scrunched up into a smile as he chewed on the pastry, Crepe grabbed their pastry and turned to him. “It’s good, right?!”

Shadow Milk nodded, “How did I go my whole life not knowing how great Chilean food is?!” Vanilla takes a bite out his own pajaritos.

“I’m glad you enjoyed them.”

—

It’s 8 pm when Shadow Milk decides to ask Vanilla. “Salt and Lily want to do a double date at the beach tomorrow.” Crepe looks up at him and smiles brightly, Vanilla smiles as well. “Well, tell them I said I’d love to.” Vanilla goes into Crepe’s room to tuck them in bed, while Shadow Milk messages Salt that the date is on.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Vanilla said yes!!! See ya tomorrow ^_^!!!

The Knight: See you tomorrow.

Vanilla exits Crepe’s bedroom and the two walk to Vanilla’s bedroom. Vanilla gets into bed with Shadow Milk following soon after, Vanilla fidgets with his thumbs before he asks something.

“Mi Vida? Can you please tell me, how to approach you when you’re having an off day? I feel as though I didn’t do enough to help.”

Shadow Milk shrugged his shoulders, “What you did was good enough. But if you want specifics, I need something to cling onto as a safety magnet. If you have any plushies, then that’ll be a good substitute. I prefer having some space during those times, but rarely if I don’t have a human to hug tightly, I would just curl up and scratch my arms. Sometimes I scratch so much that my arms start to bleed. And yesterday was one of those rare occasions where I needed someone to hug me. So, you actually did the right thing yesterday. I honestly wanted to ask how you knew.”

Vanilla smiled at him fondly. “I have a strange quirk, where I’m able to identify what struggles a person has in the current moment and how to address them.” Shadow Milk hummed. “Ahh, so that’s why you’re able to understand me better than I do myself.”

Vanilla shifted to hug him tightly, “More or less.” Shadow Milk nuzzled his head into Vanilla’s neck. “You’re so, so, so silly. Oh, Silly Vanilly~.” Vanilla smugly smiled and flirted back. “Oh yes. I am silly…” he paused as Shadow Milk looked up at him, with those magically glistening blue eyes.

“I’m so sillily in love with you~.” Shadow Milk snorted a laugh and lightheartedly pushed Vanilla’s face away. “Pff… stop!!! That’s so cheesy, even for you!!!” Vanilla leaned his head towards his lover’s, “There’s my Silly Bunny~” he started to pepper kisses all over Shadow Milk’s face as he giggled.

Shadow Milk tucked his head underneath Vanilla’s chin as he sung something in Spanish. He sighed softly and cuddled impossibly closer to him, feeling as though both of their souls were embracing each other in true love and adoration.

And Shadow Milk, for the first time in his life. Considers the possibility that Vanilla loves him unconditionally. Unconditional love was something he hadn’t really had before. But now that he knows somewhat why Vanilla loves him, he had the thought confirmed.

Shadow Milk smiled softly, letting this unconditional love and affection lull him into a deep and peaceful sleep.

I’m so happy that you’re in my life, Vanilla…

Chapter Text

Sunday finally arrived, Vanilla quietly shook Shadow Milk awake. He smirks at the sound of his lover whispering small plea’s for more time in bed. “Bluebird, we’re going to the beach today with Lily and Salt.” He slowly lifted himself out of bed to sit up, yawning loudly. “We have to get ready this early Nilly?” Vanilla nodded, turning to look at his lover’s handsome face.

“Yes. Crepe is very particular about leaving early.” He gets out of bed and pulls Shadow Milk out too, resisting the urge to laugh at the long, dramatically dragged out “no”. The couple walks downstairs to see Crepe already there, Shadow Milk shrieked. Almost falling over at the sight, they began to laugh at him. “What was that?!” He blushed as he heard Vanilla’s muffled giggles.

“It’s not funny, Nilly!! Kid you scared the daylights out of me!!” Vanilla looks through the snack cabinet and begins to pack for the beach. He was about to ask where the sunscreen was, when Crepe answers. “Sunscreen’s right next to me, we have enough for all three of us.” Vanilla smiled softly, ruffling their hair affectionately.

“Thank you Sweetcake.” They looked at the idol, who had a stern, serious expression on his face. “Have you told anyone about me and your dad?!” They leaned back into their chair, “haven’t gotten around to it.” He sighed, his shoulders resting.

“Okay, what will get you to not say a word regarding this?!” They gasped and had a look of mischief on their face. “Are you trying to bribe me to keep quiet about you dating my dad?!” He nods, “yes, kid. What will get you to not say anything?!” They hummed in thought, they had so much power in the situation. They ran through various different ideas for what they could get out of this. They finally settled on what they wanted.

“I won’t tell, IF you give me free first access to new official merch.” They hold their hand out, “we got a deal?” He nods and shakes their hand. “Deal, I was expecting something bigger, but I can do that for you kiddo.” He gets up from his seat and heads into the kitchen, tapping Vanilla on the shoulder.

“I’m going to go upstairs to get dressed, if you need me just call.” Vanilla kisses his hand, smiling so damn sweetly. “I will, love you.” Shadow Milk stopped and turned around, “Love you too, mi solcito.” He sprinted upstairs to get his swim trunks on, then grabbed his sundress to put over. He pulled his socks and sneakers on to see Vanilla waiting outside his room, they shared a quick kiss on the lips before Vanilla closed the bedroom door.

He descended downstairs and saw the kid, wearing their swimsuit with a rash guard on top. They looked at him, their eyes lowered to his feet and they put their head in their hands. He looks at them befuddled by their reaction, “What?” They gazed at him flabbergasted.

“What? WHAT?! Why are you wearing sneakers to the beach?!?!”

“Why are you wearing flip flops?!”

They marched towards him, “Because that’s what you wear when going to the beach?! Oh my god!!”

“Well excccuse me for not wanting to get sand all over my feet!!” They looked behind him to see dad making his way down the stairs. “What is happening?” They go up to him, they need to prove a point to the idol.

“Dad, I need to prove a point!! Do you normally have to wear flip flops to the beach?” He tilts his head, “Yes??” Shadow Milk chimes back in. “He hesitated to respond, kid.” They looked back at him, their arms crossed.

“Says the man who apparently wears sneakers to the beach!!” Vanilla stifles a laugh, as he opens the door for the two of them. He places a gentle hand on his moonlight’s shoulder, “You excited?” Shadow Milk nodded, “Yeah, I haven’t been to the beach in a while… so this could be fun.” He got in the car, sitting in the front seat and blushing as caught a tiny glimpse at Vanilla’s shirtless body.

He shoves his face away from his sunshine, to prevent him from seeing the bright red that was getting hotter on his features. The whole car ride, his mind kept repeating the same mantra. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look, don’t look!!!!!!! 

Finally after what felt like a millennia they arrived at the titular beach. Vanilla parks the car and the two occupants exit, Shadow Milk spots a random souvenir shop and finds himself drawn to it. He was going to make his way to it, but alas he felt a tiny hand grabbing his own. Crepe pulled him aside to the trunk of the car, where Vanilla handed him some floats to hold.

“Nils I- you wanna stop by the souvenir shop right there? I neglected to bring a hat,” Vanilla nodded and reached for his wallet “AND before you do anything, I brought my own cash. So you don’t have to spend a dime on me…” Vanilla slipped his wallet back into his purse and took his hand softly. And Shadow Milk felt like he was melting into the touch… into his sunshine’s love.

The three entered the store and began looking around, Shadow Milk was trying to find a perfect hat to go with his sundress. He found his eyes were being pulled to one in particular, it was bright blue, bordering on cyan. The edges were long and droopy, but adjustable enough for him to wear it on the back of his head and not worry about if it’s going to fall off. The ribbon was wrapped around the middle and black, it was a stunning hat. He tried it on and he stared at himself in awe, he looked so good.

He checked the price and was relieved that he had enough to buy it. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t, he walks around the store looking for his boyfriend and his kid. They were both gazing at little baskets with various seashells in them, he lightly touched Vanilla’s shoulder. The blonde haired angel flinched and turned around, his kid lightly punched him for his little trick. He bought the hat, exiting outside with his hat in tow.

Crepe pointed ahead and waved, he looks over to see Silent Salt and Lily there. He booked it to his friend, who already had their arms open and ready for him. The two hugged tightly, they let go. He flapped his hands, turning to look at Lily and shaking her hand. “So, was I right in pairing you with Salty~?” She groaned and looked at him. “Yeah everything went well, you don’t have to rub it in.” Shadow Milk pulls Vanilla over. “Nilly, this is Silent Salt!!!”

He politely waved at them, they started to sign, “It’s nice to meet you.” Vanilla brings his hands up, beginning to sign back a reply, “the feeling’s mutual.” Shadow Milk gawked at him, “Vanilla, you never told me you knew sign!!” Vanilla chuckles, as the group walks onto the sand “I only know the basics. You know sign language too?” Shadow Milk looked at him as though he asked such an obvious question.

“Uh, yeah I do!!! I have to, in order to talk to Salty!! The sky is blue!! And the tide goes in and the tide goes out!!” Vanilla laughs and Lily turns to him, whispering in his ear. “Can you teach me?” Shadow Milk tilts his head to the side. She repeats herself, “can you teach me sign language?” He hums in thought, “Hmmm…… maybe, I am very busy~.”

“Such a shame, considering that I would’ve paid you…” she teased, slathering the sunscreen over her arm. He snapped his head in her direction, “How much? I need to pay some animators for a music video.” She did some mental math and responded, “forty five per session.” He shook her hand on the deal, “but you have to not refer to me as a nerd.”

“Fine… I’m still going to use synonyms of nerd to bypass that~” she face palmed at his loophole and sighed, “Fine. I’ll let you have that one at least.” Shadow Milk puts his hands on his hips, his smile smug. He looks at the bottle of sunscreen, shaking it a bit then spraying it on his arms. He shivers at the feeling of the spray hitting his arms, Vanilla looks at him. He gives him a thumbs up, “It’s fine, Silly Vanilly. I’m not going to spiral over sunscreen! It’s just a bit unpleasant, I can handle it.”

Vanilla nodded and grabbed the bottle once he was done with it. He really had to give Vanilla a list of his sensory delights and bane’s, but regardless he watches as his lover interacts with his kid. They look so happy, childish giggles while they were spun around by their father. It almost makes him feel jealous of Crepe because he never had a relationship like that with his parents. He almost felt guilty for even thinking that.

Shadow Milk gets up, stifling a cackle upon the sight of Salt being buried in the sand by their girlfriend and Crepe. He snaps a quick photo of them, before walking towards his sunshine. He taps Vanilla’s shoulder, he turns his gaze to him. “I’m going for a walk now. I’ll be back by the time we eat brunch.” Vanilla smiled and kissed him on his cheek, “Alright then, Bluebird.” He walks away from the group, he keeps his eyes focused on the ever expanding horizon in front of him.

He honestly forgot how nice this feels. The sea breeze gently wisps lifting his hair up, the sound of the ocean tides rising and receding. It reminded him of why he loves the beach so dearly, he keeps walking near the shoreline. He looks at the ocean and sees someone in a yellow duck tube, squinting his eyes to get a better look he freezes. He recognizes the person in the tube and yells out to her.

“HOLLY!!!”

—

Hollyberry’s eyes snapped open when she heard her name being called, she glanced around and saw a surprisingly familiar face waving at her. “HOLLY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!” She yelled back to Shadow Milk, “ME AND SUGAR ARE HERE ON A DATE!!! HOW ABOUT YOU???” He tilted his head slightly, then yelled again.

“YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP!!!” She snickered and repeated her words. He shrugged his shoulders as he takes a deep breath before yelling again. “WHAT?!?!” They repeated the cycle until Holly got to the shore, he runs to her. “I’m here with Sugar on a date.” He jumped up and down, flapping his hands. “It’s funny because me, Nilly, Lily, Salty are all here for a double date.” She laughed boisterously at the coincidence, “Well, if that’s the case… I guess you wouldn’t mind if me and Sugar joined in?”

He nodded and pointed out to the distance, “Sunshine and Lily are down there now,” he turns around, “it was nice seeing you!!! Tell Sugar I said hi!!!” He walked off after that, Holly goes up to Eternal Sugar. She sits down next to her, she starts cuddling.

“You’ll never believe who I just saw.” Sugar only hums as her response, “I saw your friend,” she perked up immediately “he’s also here with his boyfriend and another friend of mine on a date. If you want, I can move our stuff to Vanilla, while you two talk.” By the time Holly finishes, Sugar was already gone.

She ran and hugged him from behind, he turned around and hugged her back. “Sugar, sweets!!! I want to walk by myself right now…” she released her arms from him and nodded, “I assumed so. I just wanted to see you again.” He nodded and hugged her again, resuming his walk. He almost stepped on a jellyfish that washed up on shore, but noticed right before he could step on it.

Shadow Milk decided that he’s walked enough and turned around to walk back to his sunshine. He’s surprised to see him headed in his direction from miles away, he quickens his pace. Vanilla runs toward him, stopping when their faces were inches apart. “Nilly, did you walk all this way to me~?” He giggled softly and nodded.

“It’s almost time for brunch, I saw Holly and Sugar on the way. They’re going to join us for brunch.” He holds out his hand for Shadow Milk to take, he takes his hand and the couple begin to walk back. He sees his moonlight staring at his fully exposed chest, he lifts his chin up. “My eyes are up here, mi lunita.” He joked, his voice holding a playful, yet flirtatious tone.

Shadow Milk blushes wildly and turns his face towards the ocean. He desperately tries to wipe the blush off his face with his free hand. He comes to a halt, he glances at Vanilla who bent down to pick something up from the sand. He looks at the thing confused by it, Vanilla smiles at him sweetly.

“It’s a conch shell. If you put it to your ear, you could hear the ocean.” He takes the shell from his hand, bringing it up to his ear and listening. “I can only hear the ocean right next to me, Silly Vanilly~” he quipped, winking at the love of his life. Vanilla laughed, he swears on his life that his laugh was the best sound in all of existence. “I guess you have to be farther from the ocean, then?” He smiled fondly at his sunshine.

“Yeah, maybe.” He found himself wanting to tune everything out and solely focus on this walk on the beach. “You know, I like walking on the beach with someone I cherish deeply.” He didn’t mean for that to come out of his mouth, but it did. Vanilla turned to him with a quizzical grin, “Is that so, mi vida? How come?” Shadow Milk shrugged and leaned his head against his shoulder, smirking as he heard a little squeak of surprise from his lover. “Guess I haven’t tried it till now… this is so nice.”

Vanilla beamed softly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “I’m glad.” He placed a kiss on his head, then lifted his head so gently off his shoulder. Looking at those gorgeous blue eyes, and the way his eyes were just as expressive as the rest of his face was so ethereal like. He had determined that his bluebird’s eyes had an entire language of their own. A language that was different from the one that he knew.

He noticed this during the first date, whenever he was feeling down or guilty he would look at everything except for him. Excited, his eyes smile before the smile reached his lips, annoyed, he’d roll his eyes and look away. Scheming, his eyes would drift to the right, smiling. Flirting was one that he was seeing more often now that he’s fully comfortable with him. And that one had various different eye movements ingrained into it. From sparkling bright eye smiles, to devious and playful winking, Shadow Milk even started to give him bedroom eyes.

Which made Vanilla all kinds of flustered, but regardless he still loved his bluebird’s eyes and the language that came with it. “Are you getting lost in my eyes, mi solcito~?” Vanilla cups his cheek, brushing aside his hair. “Your eyes are a maze that I don’t mind getting lost in~. A maze created by the milky way’s stars that your eyes possess~” Shadow Milk cackled.

“Well, you certainly have your way with words, don’t cha Nilly? But let me say that yours are just as easy to get lost in looking.” Vanilla tilts his head “And what would cause that?” Shadow Milk turns his head towards him, looking into those ethereal mis matched eyes.

“They’re both completely different labyrinths. One is like the sun and the other is like the ocean. It’s honestly jarring how different my brain perceives it.” Vanilla looks up to see that they’re almost back to their original spot. He kisses Shadow Milk’s cheek, “Oh you have an infinitely better way with words than I do. Because that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been told about my eyes.” Shadow Milk kisses him on his nose, “I’m glad to see that my experience in songwriting has had you swooning over compliments from me.”

—

Lily turns her head at the sound of the boys coming back, she waves at them. Shadow Milk runs past her and straight towards Hollyberry and Sugar. Lily decides to go into the group chat for a moment, considering since most of her friend group has been added except for one.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Hey is it okay if I add one more person to the chat???

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Do whatever you may wish.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real has added Her Radiance to the group chat.

Destructive Dad Hours: who tf calls themselves that???

Her Radiance: Excuse me?!?!

Destructive Dad Hours: And there is the person. What size is your ego btw??

Her Radiance: Stfu!!! I’m just as confused as you are… hang on let me change my name real quick.

The Golden Sovereign: Is this better?

Destructive Dad Hours: And you somehow managed to sound even more full of yourself than I thought.

The Golden Sovereign: OMFG!!! LILY WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: My partner’s friend, nearly all of us had been invited to the chat except you… I wanted to fix that. Goldie I’ll change your name.

The Golden Sovereign: Fine.

Cheese Bird: On gods, Lily. And you!!! We’ll settle our feud the old fashioned way. No items, Fox only, Final Destination.

Destructive Dad Hours: OH YOUR ON!!!

—

Lily looks up to see Silent Salt holding the door for her. She signs a quick thank you, before entering the restaurant. Shadow Milk goes up to her, “There you are!! What were you doing anyways?” She responds bluntly. “I was trying to settle a feud between your friend and my gal pal. Apparently they’re going to settle it over Smash Melee.”

Sugar perks up, “Not Air Ride?!” Lily shakes her head. “No, Goldie doesn’t have that game.” Salt audibly sighs in relief at that, Shadow Milk elaborates. “You’re lucky she doesn’t have Kirby Air Ride, otherwise it would’ve been over before it began.” Sugar laughs as a memory comes to mind.

“You remember that legendary crash out Flour had upon losing to you in city trial?” He started laughing, “Yeah, I remember that. I’ve never seen her so pissed before!!!” The hostess calls for Vanilla’s name and everyone gets up to follow him, Crepe turns to Shadow Milk.

“You excited for the sequel coming out this year?” Shadow Milk blew a raspberry and flicked his hand, “They’re not making a sequel to Air Ride. It’s been twenty something years!!” They brought out their phone, “Yeah they are, it’s been announced in April.” They showed him the video of the announcement, Shadow Milk looking at it in disbelief.

“I-is this real?! OH MY GOD!!!” Sugar snaps her fingers as though she was remembering something, “I knew I was forgetting to tell you something!!” Crepe sits down across from their dad, and Shadow Milk sits next to him. Vanilla noticed his apparent excitement and joy, “You’re excited for that game?” Shadow Milk grabbed him by the shoulders, bringing his face close to his.

“Nilly, you have no idea what that game means to my friend group!!! Salty had a copy at their place and whenever we would sleepover there, we’d always play it!!! This is literally like reviving a dead body!!!” Vanilla smiles, as Crepe enters back into the conversation.

“And the best part is that it’s being directed by the man who made the original.” Shadow Milk gasps and drums his hands on the table, “I suddenly have a reason to buy a Switch 2 now.” It makes Vanilla sincerely happy that his lover and his kid were getting along better than he ever imagined.

The fact that the two had overlapping interests is also surprising. He should’ve expected that, but still. His thoughts shifted to his boyfriend, who in his eyes is someone who illuminated his life in a way that he was starving for. The way the two contrast in terms of personality was not a surprise.

When they started dating, he was incredibly shy. Which he expected, he didn’t trust him enough to show his true self. But when he did, his personality was a complete one eighty. He’s crazy energetic, very intelligent with his thought process, insanely funny. Always finding a way to make Vanilla laugh, even after bad days at work. He’s loud similar to Holly, but with more zaniness than her.

Although he’d be lying if he said he didn’t notice some red flags. It’s nothing the two can’t work around and try to find a solution, but the idea of Shadow Milk stalking his texts is slightly worrying. At least he was honest about the habit and the damage it could do to their relationship. However Vanilla too has some issues to iron out in this relationship.

For one, he’s emotionally intelligent towards his moonlight to an unhealthy degree. He started to notice that when Shadow Milk got sick, he was so worried about infantilizing his lover that it overpowered his thoughts. Even when Shadow Milk reassured him that he hadn’t infantilized him at all, it didn’t stop him from worrying about every single interaction after the fact.

Another thing is that he often puts Shadow Milk’s needs and feelings before his own. It’s been a pattern since before the two men met, and something that he’s been working on. And he knows that Shadow Milk has probably noticed that, if earlier today had anything to say.

Vanilla takes his boyfriend’s hand, peppering light, yet loving kisses on the hand. Lily looks at him and groans annoyingly, “Get a room, you two.” Shadow Milk blushes as he looks away from Vanilla. He chuckles sweetly as he gently turns his head to look at him, he looks at him with mirth and places a kiss upon his cheek.

“Once again, you’re so cute when you blush mi lunita~” Shadow Milk gives him a quick kiss on his lips and turns his body away, Sugar looking at him with a coy expression. “You’re my favorite bisexual disaster, Blueberry.” Shadow Milk scoffed and wrapped his arm around Vanilla.

“Yeah, yeah. The same applies to you, Sweets. Except for the fact that you’re a lesbian.” She covered her face with her hands as he continued, “Honest question, are any of us in The Beasts straight?” Salt slammed their fist against the table, Sugar started cackling.

“I think that Flour might be straight. And even that’s debatable.” Lily chuckles softly as she decides to add on to this conversation. “We have the same thing in our friend group.” Shadow Milk turns to her, intrigued by her statement.

“Vanilla’s pansexual, Holly and Goldie are lesbians, I’m sure that I’m a demisexual lesbian and Cacao is also the only straight.”

Vanilla laughed loudly, and Shadow Milk listened to him laugh. His laughter felt like a warm hug to his ears, the tiny snorts in between nearly made him faint the first time he heard it. He was partially jealous of his lover’s laugh, he never really liked his own laugh. He felt that the shrieks, whistles, and loud snorts were too weird and sounded too forced.

He didn’t realize that he was laughing, until he saw Vanilla looking at him. He immediately quieted down and looked away from his gaze. He felt all forms of embarrassment, Vanilla’s going to absolutely hate his laugh. He was so sure of it, but he also questioned why he was so scared in the first place. Vanilla gently rubbed calming circles into his hand and turned his face towards him.

“Bluebird, why’d you stop? I’ve never heard you laugh like that before.” He looked at Sugar and Salt, who were both glancing at him with concern. The two already knew that he hated his own laugh, but they knew that it wasn’t their place to say. Shadow Milk scoffed like the answer was obvious.

“Because it’s hideous, ear grading, and genuinely not a good thing to hear.” Vanilla was floored by those words, who or what could’ve made his Bluebird think that about his own laughter. He tucked a lock of hair behind Shadow Milk’s ear, then touched his forehead to his.

“Shadow Milk, I need you to know that your laughter is by far one of the most miraculous things about you. The way your voice goes a little bit higher than normal is just so delicious to hear.” Shadow Milk flushes, “it feels like a dream, I don’t know who gave you that idea. But I can assure you that you have a beautiful laugh.”

Shadow Milk doesn’t say anything, nor does he need to. He always finds it hard to say anything after Vanilla’s saccharine words of reassurance are heard, even so he hugs him tightly. His token of gratitude for what he told him, because despite him still not fully believing those praises, he still adores hearing them.

—

The date ends with lots of hugs, he felt like he was going to suffocate when Holly embraced him and goodbyes. Shadow Milk rocks himself in his seat, turning to Vanilla when the car stops at a red light. “Do you want a list of my sensory likes and dislikes?” Vanilla smiled brightly and nodded. Shadow Milk began to list off his sensory delights.

“Okay so, I love soft textures, bonus points if it’s also bumpy too. I like the punch that sour foods give you, it’s like a zest of energy. Recently, thanks to your kid,” Crepe leans forward at the mention of their name. “I discovered that I love weighted blankets, I can’t go into my list of safe foods, since that’ll take a while. So yeah.” Vanilla pulled into the driveway and parked the car, Shadow Milk kept talking while he helped Crepe with the bags.

“Dislikes, I think this one is obvious, loud sounds. But not ones that happen at concerts. Things like people yelling at me, car horns honking, and the like are sounds that I hate. I don’t like it when people touch me without my permission, I’m fine with touching so long as I’m expecting it or if I’m the one initiating the touch. I despise cashmere, it makes my skin crawl. And that’s off the top of my head.”

He looks down at Crepe as they walk inside the house. “Hey kid, you got a list too?” They gasped and proceeded to give Shamil his own list of sensory likes and dislikes, Vanilla smiles at the sight.

The environment in the house was so domestic and warm with the lighthearted arguments between Shadow Milk and Crepe over their sensory differences, and the sweet cuddles between him and Shadow Milk made him so happy that this is his life now.

I’m so happy that you are being in my life, my dearest, beloved Bluebird.

Chapter Text

Candy Apple wakes up and slid down the ladder of the bunk bed, she shakes Black Sapphire awake. He growls and turns his body to face away from his sister, she proceeds to shake him harder. He gets up, clearly not happy to be woken up this early.

“Candy, why?”

She doesn’t blame him for his morning lag, but it’s so damn annoying. “Today’s album recording day?” He bolts out of bed and gets dressed at a lightning pace. He starts making the toast, and quickly pours himself and Candy Apple a glass of orange juice. He scrambles around on his phone, making a call to the landlord of the recording studio that they’ve rented out for the next few weeks.

Black Sapphire paces as the phone rings and finally picks up, “Oh!!! Hello there, Sapphire.”

“Hi Latte. Just double checking to make sure, the studio is fully booked for us for the next two weeks, right?”

“Of course it is.”

“Great, thank you so much.” Black Sapphire hangs up the phone and turns to Candy, she’s looking at him, then the orange juice. He already knows where this is going, “I don’t think you’re ever going to convince me that it’s better without the pulp.” She slams her hand on the table.

“It’s a liquid!! It shouldn’t even have any chunks inside it!!” He grins, “Y’know that I’m so pulpified I majored in pulpology at the University of Pulpsburgh.” She groaned with an annoyed expression, “Dude!! If you want orange chunks in your mouth, JUST EAT AN ORANGE!!”

Black Sapphire laughed and finished his breakfast with Candy Apple following suit. Candy brings out her phone and messages Shamil.

Little miss toffee: You ready to ROCK!!!!

Muffet’s a good character: HELL TO THE YEAH I AM!!!

Radio Rebel: Boss, the heck is with the name change??

Muffet’s a good character: Oh, I just finished the neutral route of Undertale.

Little miss toffee: OMG YOUR FINALLY PLAYING UNDERTALE?!??

Muffet’s a good character: YEAH!!! And I don’t know how this game went under my radar, especially since it has my sense of humor?!?!

Radio Rebel: I can already tell who your favorite character is.

Muffet’s a good character: Yeah, it’s funny because I hate spiders, but I absolutely adore Muffet!!!

Little miss toffee: That’s the benefits of having a good design.

Muffet’s a good character: She’s so cute!!! Like I already gushed to Sugar about her design, for a hour I think…

Radio Rebel: Holy Hell…… I fear for your reaction to the Deltarune cast of characters.

Little miss toffee: SAPPHIRE DO NOT SPOIL IT FOR HIM!!! I WANT TO SEE HIS REACTION TO ONE SPECIFIC BOSS FROM CHAPTER ONE!!!

Radio Rebel: Which one??

Little miss toffee: You know damn well who I’m referring to.

Muffet’s a good character: Who are you guys talking about???

Radio Rebel: OHHHHHHH…… NOW I REMEMBER. Oh dear gods have mercy on us both.

Little miss toffee: Let’s just say that there’s a character in Deltarune that I know you’re going to love. To an unhealthy degree.

Muffet’s a good character: Okay. I mean what are the odds that the character is a jester of some kind, right??

Radio Rebel: Yeah that would be crazy, since your favorite character archetype is ones that are based off of jesters.

Muffet’s a good character: It’d be over for me and my art, because I’ve been drawing Muffet nonstop since I spared her. I even made a lyrical rendition of her theme that I’m adding to the album.

Little miss toffee: Well at least we’re not selling the album and releasing it free online. See ya there.

Muffet’s a good character: See ya there!!! :D 

Black Sapphire and Candy Apple got in the car and began the ride to the recording studio. Shadow Milk mentioned that both his boyfriend and his kid were accompanying him. Candy was fine with it, so long as the kid didn’t tell anyone about it. They arrived at the recording studio, excitement through the roof.

Album recordings were always filled with hype from everyone involved. Especially from Shadow Milk, who was always ecstatic every time the time to record comes. He insists that he would take pictures during the whole thing and post them online, which works well because it builds up hype for the release. This time around is different, because he would be recording character lines for a secret project.

Only Black Sapphire knew exactly what the project was. The only thing she knows about it was that it’s meant to promote the new single he’s just finished, the one that fans have been waiting for a year for. So this’ll be the first time she’s going to get a feel for what the project is.

—

Shadow Milk bounced in place as he saw Candy Apple and Black Sapphire walking towards the entrance to the studio. Crepe was also just as excited as he was, Vanilla couldn’t help but smile at the two. Candy goes up to Shadow Milk, “Is the ankle biter going to tell?!” Shadow Milk laughs, “Relax, Candy. I swore the kid to secrecy.”

Black Sapphire stifled a laugh, “You bribed a child to silence?!?!?” Crepe nodded with a smug air of confidence, Vanilla took their hand. “Yeah, I had to bribe them.” Candy Apple opened the door to the studio and Shadow Milk took a deep, dramatic breath, exhaling loudly.

“Oh, how I missed you.” He said to himself as he grabbed the papers from his messenger bag and walks into the booth. Placing the papers on the stand in front of him, he started with his lines for the arg. He looked up at Vanilla and Crepe, who waved at him. “I apologize if this looks weird to any of you two, but whenever I have to get into Fount’s character… I have to pace around and make noises.” Crepe motions at him to come closer.

“It’s fine by me, I pace sometimes too!” He looked at Vanilla, he nodded. Shadow Milk signed some thanks and walked back to the microphone stand.

He does his vocal warmups to get into the character, which involved a few vocal stims of his, and pacing around the enclosed room. He walked in circles, repeating several phrases that originated from various different media he consumed.

He had obtained a new vocal stim in the form of mimicking the Undertale battle start sound effect. It’s not his fault that the sound was so catchy, another one was Flowey’s laugh. The “Ohhh yes,” was definitely one of his favorites by far.

He stops after a few minutes of doing so and then stands in front of the pedestal. He gives the thumbs up for Candy to start recording, and he feels his voice going several octaves higher than his usual speaking voice.

“Ohhhhhh… hello there~, I see you managed to solve my little puzzles~!!! I personally congratulate you, and as a reward for such an achievement… you are allowed to visit my archives~!!! Just be sure not to go anywhere that’s off limits. Buh-byeeeee and enjoy your stay~ tehehe, hahaha, ahahah.”

He flips to the next page of dialogue, his voice going to a low and threatening tone. “What are you doing here?! You aren’t supposed to be here!!!! Into the catacombs of my spire you go now!!!” He gives a thumbs up to signal Candy to stop recording. He walks out of the booth and goes to listen to his take, it sounds pretty decent. He’d have to do another one for the catacombs line, but otherwise he feels the take was pretty solid.

He hands Vanilla his lines, which were several pages of dialogue. Vanilla looked at him, confused for a moment before realizing that he was also part of this. Shadow Milk puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry, I’ll be in the booth with you. Besides, Sunny’s voice is just your normal speaking voice anyways.”

The two enter into the booth, Vanilla places the stack of papers on the stand. Shadow Milk leans over and points at the first lines of dialogue, “okay, for a bit of context. This happens before the events of Truth And Deceit, Sunny is able to communicate to Fount via his dreams. Fount finds out and sends Sunny’s dream self into the catacombs and he’s trapped in a deep sleep, but then the player gets trapped with you and you both team up to get out.

Vanilla nods and brings out his glasses to read his lines, clearing his throat as he begins to speak. “Wait, there’s someone else here too? I can barely make out your features, but I know you’re there. My name is Sunny, considering that our goals of escaping align, we might as well help each other out.”

Shadow Milk gives the signal to stop recording and turns to Vanilla, “listen Nilly, I love you. Don’t get me wrong, but you’re horrible at voice acting” Vanilla almost choked at his bluebird’s blunt honesty. He continued with his line of criticism. “Your voice was too flat, you barely had any emotion, and in general it didn’t feel engaging.”

Vanilla simply shrugged his shoulders, “You do know that I didn’t take any acting classes at all, right? Also, this is my first time ever doing this.” Shadow Milk sighed, he did have a point. He twirled his hair, rocking himself a bit. “I should’ve expected that,” he clapped his hands once, “okay, quick vocal lesson. I can’t go too in depth with this, but essentially the way you fluctuate your voice is everything.” He bounces slightly and continues talking.

“High pitched is for positive emotions, lower pitch is for impactful moments, softer ones can be used in nearly any situation so long as the context makes sense. It emphasizes the emotions that the character is feeling, it makes the character feel more real.” Vanilla looks back at his lines, with the outlook of the impromptu vocal lecture that his boyfriend gave him. He placed his hand on his shoulder, “You can exit the booth, I think I can do it.”

Shadow Milk nodded and walked out to watch him through the glass. He bites his fingernails, nerves showing through his furrowed brows and the frown drooping on his face. He felt that he could’ve explained it better than he did, but he really wanted Vanilla to do the voice for Sunny. He sees him taking a deep breath in, Shadow Milk hits record and Vanilla begins.

“Wait, someone else is here?! How did you even- why are you here?! You shouldn’t be here, I can’t even make out your features. Let me just… there you are. My name is Sunny, please don’t hold a grudge against Fount… they’re not all bad. Just a bit standoffish, I assume that you’re trying to find a way out. By my lucky stars, it’s apparent that we share the same goal. It would be wise to help each other get out together. You’ll need my staff to get around, I’ve noticed that the light it emits is the only thing that pierces through the darkness.”

Vanilla was going off script in some parts, but it didn’t matter. Because the improvement in his performance was phenomenal. Shadow Milk started to clap his hands when Vanilla finished, he rushed to the door and hugged him as he stood there. “That was amazing, Sunshine!!!” Vanilla laughed and held his face gently, “I’m glad you enjoyed my performance, mi lunita.”

He goes back into the booth and gives Candy the thumbs up to begin recording the take. The first song to record was a very personal one, Starlit Fantasy. The song was written during his days in Cherub, after an off day. It was scrapped for an unknown reason by higher ups, but he still recorded a demo of the song for preservation reasons. He begins with the opening of the song.

“A lost soul drifting on.

Going through the motions,

to keep up the mask.

A brush against a shoulder pricks their skin

Yet they grin and move on

Don’t let the mask break 

You’re almost there.”

His voice starts to get faster, the bridge and chorus of the song is a reflection to a dream that he used to have as a kid. The dream wasn’t some big grand adventure or anything like that, it merely consisted of himself and a world made of stars. He remembered those dreams fondly, him in a peaceful solitude, the only sound being the gentle twinkling of the stars all around him. He had a name for that place, Elysium.

“You have to hold out a bit longer,

Long enough to reach 

Elysium…

Finally at home, 

They rush to close their eyes…”

He pauses, before singing again.

“There it is!

The sky and ground coated in gentle stars 

A place where

No outside world can infect,

Its shining!

It’s my starlit fantasy……”

The first part was the easiest for him to sing without any issues. The second part however, that was when the song got more personal to his experience with off days. More often than not, whenever he had practiced singing it on his own time, his voice would crack with emotion. Voice cracks were nothing new for him, sometimes it would even enhance the song. But this time, he didn’t want any of that.

“Sirens blaring in my ears,

Make the ringing stop 

Make it stop!!

Eyes are all on me as I shake

Please don’t look at me

Keep the mask on 

You can’t live like this forever!!”

He takes shaking breaths in. Preparing himself for the next bridge and chorus.

“You stay still and stagnant

Consumed by a mask of deceit

Just a moment more to reach it,

My Elysium…”

He takes another deep breath and continues.

“There it is!!!

Its sparkling,

Shimmering,

Shining like always.

My reprieve from all strife,

So stellar, and gleaming,

My starlit fantasy.”

Shadow Milk doesn’t know how he’s doing. Hell, he doesn’t even know if his voice had cracked at any point. He solely focused on singing the lyrics. He felt a zest of energy, ebbing and flowing through his veins. These next lyrics were difficult, as it subtly went into his thoughts on autistic masking.

“The mask drains your soul,

Forcing it to cower and hide

Within the depths of your mind

Even there it’s shunned.

I’m trying my best to keep it up,

Yet the world is way too bright

It’s slipping now…

Elysium wait for me!!!”

He pauses again, mainly to recover his voice. He resumes.

“There it is!!!

A starlit world free from all expectations

Its glimmering,

Beaming,

A Starlit…”

His voice crescendo’s into a glow, well that’s the best way Crepe could describe it. The way his voice can easily change without the need to auto tune, it was another reason why they loved Shamil’s music. His voice sounded so authentic and genuine to listen to. They kept their eyes on him as he continued to sing.

“Come join me,

Take a break 

From all of the world 

Here in my Elysium

Stay please!!!

My Starlit Fantasy,

Embraces all.

An ocean of stars

Calling you.

So please…

Stay in my,

Starlit Fantasy!!!”

He finally breathed out. He spins around in the booth, getting extra energy out before leaving. He hugs Vanilla for a moment before turning to listen to the take he just did. He grimaced when he heard a small voice crack at the beginning of the third bridge, it’s fine though, it’s barely noticeable. He goes into the booth again, bringing Vanilla with him. He turns to Vanilla.

“I want you to sing a bit for a demo intermission.” Vanilla nods and looks at the lyrics, Shadow Milk points at one section. “That part, good luck.” Vanilla laughs softly, clearing his throat before giving the thumbs up to start recording.

“We’re two halves of an eclipse,

Sun and Moon 

Crescendoing into a glow of light.”

Shadow Milk makes sure to have his voice be desperate in tone.

“SHUT UP!!!”

Vanilla jumps, clearly spooked by the desperation in his boyfriend’s voice. He looks at him concerned, only to see that he’s perfectly fine. He laughs at Vanilla’s expression, “Nilly, I’m fine. It’s called acting!!!” Vanilla chuckles at the quip, so quick witted that his lover is.

“My apologies, but you gave such a convincing performance there, Bluebird.”

Shadow Milk blushes softly and gives him a kiss on his cheek. “Obviously I had a good performance, yours was beautiful too, mi batata~” Vanilla gasps as he opens the door to exit the booth, “Did you just call me a sweet potato?”

Shadow Milk drums his feet against the floor, bumping his fists against each other. “Yeah!!! I’ve been trying to learn Spanish on my own time.” Vanilla beams brightly, so touched that Shadow Milk was willing to learn an entire third language for him.

—

Shadow Milk didn’t want to leave the recording studio, but he had to go. Before he gets into the car with Candy Apple and Black Sapphire, he gives both Vanilla and Crepe a hug. Vanilla got a goodbye kiss on the lips, and he got in.

He honestly felt that everything since meeting Vanilla was a dream. He almost cried when the first kiss happened, because he knew that it was so magically magnificent. But the biggest thing about all of this.

Is that whenever he’s around Vanilla or sometimes even by himself nowadays, he actually likes himself. He likes the person he is. And it’s strange, because most of his life he’s hated himself.

He hated everything that made him, him. But with Vanilla’s never faltering love and commitment to him, his own opinions on himself were beginning to shift. And he felt like a weight was being lifted off of his consciousness. He felt that everything was going to okay, even the voices that would tell him to kill himself were quieter than before.

He was actually learning how to love himself. He smiled softly and walked back into his apartment, sitting on his bed. Cris cross applesauce, he looks at the lamb plushie.

He gives it a little kiss before hugging it to his chest, rocking his body back and forth. A contented smile curls on his lips, he feels a rare sense of peace and warmth pouring through his heart.

But instead of pushing it away because he felt that he didn’t deserve it. He lets the warm, fuzzy feeling be felt. Knowing that he’s willing to argue with his own mind that he does deserve to feel peace.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk was couldn’t sit or stand still, not today. Especially not today, when today’s the day he finally reunites with his old friends. He was already dressed in a snap of his fingers, he practically couldn’t wait. He had agreed to let Burning Spice’s kid tag along, since he hadn’t gotten the chance to meet him yet. Eternal Sugar is bringing Hollyberry as her plus one, and Mystic Flour was bringing her friend as her plus one.

Crepe was also up early, they walked out of their bedroom to see Shamil stimming in the hallway. He was bouncing, drumming his feet on the ground, flapping his hands. They had never seen someone so excited to go to the zoo before, they lightly knocked on the wall to announce their presence. “You’re happy.” He turned to them and he hugged them, their eyes widened as they hugged him back.

“Kiddo, I’ve been waiting for this moment for nearly seven years!!!!! I can’t believe that I’m going to see them again!!!” They backed up a bit and headed towards the stairs, “What are these friends of yours like? You mention them quite frequently, I wanna know.” He seems surprised by the question, twirling his hair in thought then sitting down on the stairs. They join him, the scene feels familiar which was comforting to them.

“There were five of us. Including me, I’ll start from oldest to youngest, sound good?” They nod and wait for him to speak, finally he talks.

“Misty is the oldest, she’s very flat in her face but if you’ve been around her long enough you’ll know what she’s feeling. She’s what people would call, “A mom friend” which fits. She’s very motherly to us, always there to support us and give her wisdom. Spice is the second oldest, he’s the older brother in the group. Very protective of all, he was the one that introduced me to everyone.” He stopped talking to take a breath and continued.

“Sugar, she’s super sweet. She loves makeup, taught me how to do it too. I kinda see her as my little sister. Salt is very easy to talk to. They don’t even care about what topic, they’ll just sit there and listen. All of them mean the world to me, I basically consider them as my real family.”

They keep listening, they respond. “So basically your friend group became your found family?” He laughed at the kid’s comment, “Yeah, I suppose they are.” Crepe gets up from their spot and goes towards Vanilla. Shadow Milk dusts himself off and starts rocking himself, “How long were you?” Vanilla laughs affectionately, bringing his hand to his face.

“I didn’t want to intrude. You two were bonding…” Shadow Milk looked away from his gorgeous eyes, “You’d make a great parent.” His eyes turned back to Vanilla, wringing his wrists. He never thought of the possibility of him being a parent, but the idea terrified him. Because what if he repeats what his own parents did onto his hypothetical child. But now seeing that Vanilla is saying that he would be a good parent, it makes him feel a sense of relief.

“I-I always thought that I would be terrible at it…” Vanilla takes his hand, he almost cries. “You seem to be great with Crepe.” He shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, but I’m their favorite Idol. But I don’t know if I’ll be good with other kids…” Vanilla rubs his thumb against the back of his hand, “I thought that too when I adopted Crepe. But it worked out, and take it from me. You’d be incredible at parenting.”

It took everything to keep the tears in, he didn’t see any way to thank him for his words. Well… there is one way, he presses his lips on Vanilla’s and the two kiss. He feels so soft in this moment, like he’s silk and his lover is weaving all of his emotions.

—

After a quick breakfast, the three got in the car. Shadow Milk kept rocking himself in his seat, bumping both balled up fists against each other. He squealed when he saw the entrance to the zoo, and there was Burning Spice and Silent Salt. He grabbed Vanilla’s shoulder, “You might wanna let me out of the car now.” Vanilla looked at him dumbfounded by his request, he clarifies. “You have to drop me off here, because the moment we park, I might jump on other parked cars to get to my friends.”

Vanilla unlocks the car door and Shadow Milk starts running towards his friends, he didn’t even know he could run this fast. He leaped into the air and was caught by Spice, hugging him extremely tight. Salt joins in on the hug, all three of them were laughing and crying all at the same time. He was let down on the ground again, just as Vanilla and Crepe caught up with him. Burning Spice wipes a tear from his face, “Flour and Sugar are already inside the place, so we gotta wait in line, Caps has saved us a spot.”

The group walked over to the line, where Capsaicin was waving at him. Shadow Milk bounced up and down, a smile still gleaming on his face. He took the time to make his introduction to Capsaicin and thought how scarily similar he and Burning Spice were in appearance.

He looked to the line next to him and froze. He couldn’t believe who he was seeing… “my mom’s here?!” Vanilla perked up and put a hand on his shoulder, “Your mom is here?!” He sounded excited by that, oh if only he knew. He grabbed both Vanilla and Crepe’s hands, marching straight towards Burning Spice and tugging on his arm.

Burning Spice looked at him, “Hey dude, what’s up?” He keeps his answer brief, he doesn’t want to see her again. “Mom’s here…” Spice tilted his head, “Well yeah, my mom is going to be here. She’s meeting Caps for the first time an-” he interrupted him.

“No!! Not your mom…… mine.”

Burning Spice eyes widened as he realized the situation. “Oh!! Don’t worry!!!! I have a…plan.” He turned around, gesturing to his back. “You hide under my hair!! I know you don’t want anything to do with either of your parents.” Vanilla looked at them baffled by his lover’s actions in the moment, why was he so determined to not let his own mother see him?

Capsaicin snickered at his dad as the group were next in line, while Crepe was cracking up at the whole situation. The woman asked for their tickets and Shadow Milk shuffled around a bit. “Hang on!! I have mine and Nill- Blegh!!! Spicy!!! I got your hair in my mouth!!!” He finally got the tickets and handed it to her, she looked at them strangely. “Thank you…?” Her voice sounded unsure, as Shadow Milk hopped down from Spice’s back.

The group entered into the zoo with Burning Spice out of breath. “Dude, I remember you being lighter than a feather last I carried you. You’re heavier now.” Shadow Milk shrugged and lifted his hand up, “I guess, I got muscled up from nearly seven years of dance practice.” Vanilla tapped his shoulder, he smiled.

“Yeah? Nilly, what’s up?”

Vanilla thought on how he was going to approach this, Shadow Milk had never mentioned anything about his family until now, and his immediate reaction to seeing his mother was to hide from her. He actually wanted to meet her. “I was just curious as to why we avoided your mother like the plague? I would’ve loved to meet her.”

Burning Spice and Silent Salt freaked out, saying or in Silent Salt’s case signing a chorus of no’s. Shadow Milk interrupted them, taking both of his hands into his own hands. “Vanilla, trust me when I say that you don’t want to meet them… they are the worst.” Vanilla knew that there had to be a reason why he felt the need to distance himself from his parents. He wants to know more, but he holds off on it. Knowing from what little knowledge he witnessed, that the relationship between him and his family might not have been a good one.

“Okay, I trust you, Bluebird.” Shadow Milk sighed softly as relief washed over him, “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. I don’t want to lie to you… and I’m sorry that I never told you about my parents.”

Vanilla caresses his face with his hand, Shadow Milk leans into the touch. “Mi lunita, I forgive you. You don’t actually have to explain yourself in any way.” He shakes his head, “no, I do. You deserve to know, I’ve been wanting to tell you anyways.” Vanilla nods, knowing that he wasn’t going to talk him out of telling him his life story.

He feels Crepe tugging on his arm, “There’s Tia Holly and Uncle Cacao!!!” He looks up and there they were. Crepe shouts at them, slightly startling Capsaicin in the process. “TIA HOLLY!!!” She turns around and waves at them, Eternal Sugar was with her as well, she speaks up. “Milky, Spicy, Salty!!!” Shadow Milk shouts at the girls who were walking towards them.

“Did you know that my mom is here too?” Dark Cacao looked at Mystic Flour, whose eyes were open and her normal monotone expression turned into one of rage. “You want me to dislocate her jaw?” Cacao does a double take, she said it so nonchalantly but meant it as a threat. And he knows for certain, that Flour was not a woman of empty threats.

“No!!! Thank you, though!!!”

Lily almost choked as she turned to Flour. “You’re kidding, right?” Dark Cacao shook his head, leaving Lily with a horrified expression on her face. “I’m suddenly very scared of you.” Flour was about to respond when she was interrupted by Shadow Milk hugging her. Sugar ran towards Burning Spice, who caught her and held her up, bridal style. She sets herself down, shifting her attention to Capsaicin.

“You must be Capsaicin, you look so much like your father.” He rubs the back of his head, giving her a sheepish smile. “Everyone who knows dad tells me that.” She nodded in agreement, “It’s so nice to finally put a face to your name. Have you already met Salty?” He smiled.

“Yeah, I have.” Shadow Milk placed both hands on her shoulders, she screamed and turned around. She began to lightly slap him, Shadow Milk giggling the whole time. “I swear to gods, Milky!!” He couldn’t stop laughing at the situation. “Don’t do that!!” Silent Salt goes to Lily and she tugs the collar of their shirt to her eye level.

“Is your friend always that scary?” They look at Mystic Flour, bringing out their tablet. “Only when someone makes her angry.” She turns to them, giving them a brief hug and holding her hand out to Lily. “Salt says good things about you. I do hope that we can become good friends.”

Lily places her trembling hand in hers to shake. “L-likewise.” Shadow Milk peeked his head over Flour’s shoulder, giving Lily a good scare in the process. “Hi Flour!!!” She turned around to look at him, a warm, genuine smile gracing her face. “Yĩngzu, how wonderful it is to see you.”

Lily watched as Shadow Milk darted from one person to another. In the short time that she knew him, she’d never seen him this social. She saw brief glimpses of it, when he was talking to Hollyberry and how animated their conversations were. But here, he’s as social as Hollyberry. Which is an accomplishment in itself. Flour halts his constant dashing by standing in his path.

“Blue, I’d like you to meet someone.” She directed him towards Dark Cacao, “this is my rival slash friend, Dark Cacao.” Dark Cacao holds out his hand, being taken off guard by the strong shake that Shadow Milk gives him. He drums his knees in place and bumps his fists against each other, “It’s nice to meet you!!!”

Dark Cacao stood there in stunned silence, from what he was told about Vanilla’s boyfriend, he was expecting someone similar to Lily in terms of socializing. He wasn’t expecting him to be so chipper, he seems to notice the silence. He rocked himself, looking away “I’m normally not like this. Only around my closest friends, which happens to include Flour.” He lightly shakes her by the shoulders as he says that. She chuckles.

“Indeed. We are all incredibly close, even after seven years.” Burning Spice goes up behind Shadow Milk and ruffles his hair, he yelps and slaps his hand away. Burning Spice laughs as Silent Salt goes to Flour and hugs her, he pulls Shadow Milk aside. “So, how’s blondie been treating you?” Shadow Milk looks at Vanilla for a moment before turning back to Spice.

“He’s incredible. I honestly never met anyone so loving and kind. He understands me more than myself, very accommodating too. I love him so much I want to marry him…” Burning Spice makes a shushing sound and leans down, “You ain’t gonna ask him soon, are ya?” Shadow Milk gasps, covering his mouth with his hands. “NO!! Of course not!! I’m waiting till Christmas Day!!”

Burning Spice smiled in a teasing manner, “That’s not surprising.” Shadow Milk cocked his head to the side, “what do you mean?” Burning Spice nudged his shoulder as his voice took on the teasing mantle that his smile held. “Only you would wait until the holidays to ask your boyfriend to marry you.” Shadow Milk blushed a bright pink and lightly slapped his face.

“Stop it!! Seriously he’s coming over here.”

Vanilla walked over to his moonlight and his friend, placing a kiss upon his cheek. He looked at Burning Spice, shaking his hand politely. Shadow Milk kissed Vanilla’s cheek quickly before going to Holly to talk to her, earning a puzzled expression on Burning Spice’s face. “When did those two meet?!” Vanilla looks at his boyfriend talking animatedly to his best friend.

“Oh!! That happened before me and him started dating, Hollyberry’s a naturally friendly person who can get along with anyone, they hang out often. She treats him well, don’t worry.”

Before Spice could even say anything to the doctor, Shadow Milk pulled him away to meet the mystery woman. She was built similar to him, albeit with the difference in body type. She beams brightly at him, “So you’re Burning Spice? I’ve heard quite the tales about you.” He nodded, his interest moderately piqued. “Depends, what stories did he tell about me?” She laughed boisterously.

“Oh, just the one time you ran a smear campaign on his bullies, among others.” Spice chuckles fondly at the memory, “In my defense, those bastards had it coming. I just decided to have karma delivered sooner than later.” Admits the socializing between all parties, Crepe approaches Capsaicin.

It’s clearly obvious that the two had near identical backgrounds, well they assumed that based on Capsaicin’s behavior. They asked him very bluntly, “So, your parents hated you too?” The teen jumped, both frightened by their sudden appearance and stunned at their question.

“How did you-”

“You’re socially distant, you have prominent scars on both wrists that look like you’ve been chained to the wall, and you have the vibe.” He subconsciously put both hands behind his back, Crepe noticed that and realized that they hit a button.

“I’m sorry did I say too much?” He shrugged and sat down on a nearby bench, they decide to sit beside him.

“You kinda hit the bullseye with your assumption. I’m more shocked that you were able to tell that just by the way I was acting.” They smiled proudly. “I spend a lot of time analyzing people’s behavior, it’s actually pretty interesting how much you’re able to tell just by looking at a person.”

Capsaicin slouched back into the bench, “how’d yours treat you?” It was their turn to be apprehensive before talking. “Neglected me to the point that I almost died of starvation.” Capsaicin breathed through his teeth in response, “Oh my gods, starvation is the worst!!”

“Right?!”

—

The best thing about reuniting with your best friends after seven years of being apart, is that you get to have a lightning round of playing catch up. It was interesting to Shadow Milk, seeing where everyone’s lives went after he left. All of those moments where he would question to himself how everyone was doing, were finally answered.

Flour was explaining to the group on the history of her talent agency and showing pictures of her dog, when she gasped slightly. “It almost slipped my mind to inform you that I’m considered legally blind.” Shadow Milk almost spat out the Sprite that he was drinking, choking on it before responding. “What?!”

“I went to the optometrist and learned that my vision was so bad that I was deemed blind by the legal system. My little Haetae will be my seeing eye dog.” Burning Spice snapped his fingers. “Yeah, I believe that happened on the same day I learned that my son existed.” Eternal Sugar looked at him befuddled, “how the hell did you not know that your son exists?!” He shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t know, the mother didn’t want me in her life. Didn’t get the news until I got the call from Cap’s social worker.”

Shadow Milk tapped his hand on the table, then stood up. “Spice, Flour!!! You’ll never believe what’s still open!!!” Flour chuckled at his excitement, “What is, Blue?” He smiled wildly, drumming his hands on the table.

“You remember the old karaoke place we used go to?!” Flour nods, and Spice gasps loudly at the revelation. “No way!!” Shadow Milk nods his head rapidly as Sugar takes it from there, “Yeah, us four” she points to Vanilla and her girlfriend. “Went there on a double date.” Flour smiles widely, her mind made up. “I will make reservations for us to have dinner there for nostalgic purposes.”

Silent Salt gave a very enthusiastic double thumbs up to that, then turned to Shadow Milk again. “How was your experience in Cherub?” His eyes light up at the mention of Cherub. “Oh!! That was five glorious years of being in the group,” he scrolls through his phone and shows off some pictures of him during those days. He points to one in particular, “That was from our debut album cover photo shoot!!! And this video, was from our first music video filming.”

He plays the video that Parfait took of him admiring his full face of makeup and painted nails. She taps his shoulder and he almost falls out of the chair, he covers the phone camera with his hands and the video ends there. Sugar almost laughs at the video. He looks through several more photos and shows another one, “This was us post first concert, with our designated glow sticks!!!” He points to each of them, “Sugarfly chose Yellow, Parfait chose Bright Pink, and I decided on Blue!!!” Sugar looks at Sugarfly and gasps.

“I knew she looked familiar!! She’s my moderator for whenever I stream!!”

Shadow Milk’s eyes widened, “Sugarfly is your chat moderator?!?!?!”

“Yeah!!!! I didn’t know that she was an idol!! I met her in person at Vidcon!!”

Huh, small world…

—

The day ended quicker than Shadow Milk was hoping. Sugar took so many candid selfies, throughout the entire day. The group was at the front entrance of the zoo, when Sugar goes up to Dark Cacao. “Can you please take a picture of me and the group with my phone?” He nodded as she ran off to grab her friends.

“Guys come on!!! Cacao is going to take some group photos of us!!!”

Shadow Milk and Eternal Sugar were in charge of structuring everyone in their correct and perfect places for the photo, which wasn’t new. They were always like that when it came to group photos, even in high school.

“Salty, lean down please?” Shadow Milk pointed to Burning Spice, “Spice, you too!! You both are so tall that you’ll barely fit!!” Sugar looks at him with confusion, “You know that we can zoom out, right?” He nods, flipping his hair to the side.

“I know that!!! The first one is the one where it’s zoomed in, remember?”

Sugar nearly face palmed herself, how could she forget that they normally took two shots. One zoomed in and one zoomed out. She turns to Flour, “Flour, you look so tense…” She sighs, “You know I’m not as photogenic as the rest of you are.” Shadow Milk puts both hands on her shoulders, “Just take a few deep breaths, Flo.” Flour rolls her eyes, “very well, Blue.”

Shadow Milk and Sugar go into frame now, placing themselves in front of Silent Salt’s tall frame. The two shuffled around a bit, before finally settling in their respective spots. Eternal Sugar gives the thumbs up and suddenly Silent Salt brings the group into a hug as the two camera clicks were heard.

And despite the unexpected gesture, the pictures were perfect.

Chapter Text

Vanilla knocked on the door to his lover’s apartment. He didn’t know what to expect, he was only told to brace himself by Shadow Milk. Which he was exceptionally worried for what was going to be revealed, he knew that this would be really hard for Shadow Milk. But he knew that what comes to light, he would still love him.

The door opens and Shadow Milk is there, clutching a light blue manatee plushie to his chest. He walks in, they don’t say anything yet. Shadow Milk sits down on the couch, petting the plush. “There's two things I need to tell you, but I’m going to save the other thing for when I’ve finished explaining everything.”

Vanilla nods, “that’s fine, take your time, Bluebird.”

Shadow Milk takes a deep breath and begins, “Okay, let’s start at the beginning. I was born on January fifteenth a year after you. Everything was fine until I was starting kindergarten, my parents took me to a doctor who diagnosed me with autism. Now to clarify, I’m not saying that me being autistic is a bad thing and it’s not a bad thing to be born with. I don’t think I would be the same person if I wasn’t autistic…”

Vanilla nodded, Shadow Milk rocked himself and continued.

“Unfortunately, my parents had a lot of horrible biases regarding autistic people. To give you an example, they believed that people like me needed to be euthanized… their words, not mine.” Vanilla swallowed the bile that attempted to regurgitate its way out, absolutely repulsed that a parent would let their own judgment cloud their opinions on their child. Shadow Milk continues to pet the manatee plush.

“So when they learned that I was autistic, they started to change. They began to emotionally distance themselves from me, they wouldn’t ask how my day was, anything about school, and so on.”

Vanilla comments on this. “So they began to emotionally neglect you?” Shadow Milk nodded, “Yeah, I didn’t know there was a word for what they did till much later. They still fed me, but they weren’t emotionally present. It didn’t help that I was picked on at school, they hated me for anything I did really. I didn’t have any friends, my only form of escapism was music. I tried talking to people about my interest in music, but it only pushed them away.

Eventually, the bullying turned from teasing to being violent. It started with the usual “kick me” sign, which wasn’t funny especially when I had flare ups and my legs were hurting. But I did have one good memory from elementary school…” Vanilla looks at him, he was smiling fondly. Like it was the only good memory from his childhood.

—

He was in the fifth grade when the dream started.

Shadow Milk looked up at a flyer for auditions in a school play, which was a musical. He didn’t know how good he would be at singing, his parents described it as ear bleeding to listen to. But he still wanted to try, in the hopes that he would make a friend there.

Once it was his turn to audition, he walked up on stage. He didn’t know any of the songs that he would be singing, they just said to pick your favorite song and sing that for the audition. He took a deep breath and started singing Part Of Your World. Specifically the reprise of the song, he knew that version by heart.

“I don’t when

I don’t how

But I know something’s starting 

Right now…

Watch and you’ll see 

Someday I’ll be

Part Of Your World!!!”

The adults thank him and he was ushered off stage. He didn’t know if he had done a good job or not, but at least he tried. The next day, the castings were hung up on the billboard. Shadow Milk maneuvered himself through the crowd to get a look at the casting sheet. He froze when he saw his name on the sheet, as the main lead.

He shuffled away from the crowd and walked over to the playground. Which he knew was empty, he jumped up and down. Squealing in genuine excitement and flapped his hands. He ran back into the main hallway, returning to lunch. His hands were tapping against the table rapidly, he was so happy right now.

The day arrived, and he gave the best performance of his life. The applause after every song sent a glow through his heart, he had felt like he found his purpose.

He knew what he wanted to do with his life when he grew up. He wanted to sing, make music.

—

“That was when I discovered that I wanted to be on a stage for the rest of my life. Everyone loved me and my voice, and I guess that filled the void that my parents refused to remedy.”

Vanilla keeps listening to his lover talk, he looks at the manatee plush. It has a sewn on scar on its left eye, the exact same eye as Shadow Milk’s scar. He takes a few minutes of silence, before speaking again. He looks at Vanilla with fear in his eyes, as though he was afraid of his reaction. “Nil’s what I’m going to say may be upsetting… I only hope that you don’t think any different about me after this…” he takes another stuttered breath in, bracing himself mentally.

“When I was in the sixth grade, there was an incident involving me and my bullies. They brought something to school and essentially burned me with it. That’s how I got the scar on my eye.”

Vanilla held back tears, he never could’ve imagined that the scar was a branding scar. His worst assumption of the scar was actually real, and he was horrified, then furious at those who dared to hurt him in such a traumatic way.

“Were those involved ever punished?” Shadow Milk laughed wetly and shook his head, which brought a new wave of rage prickling throughout Vanilla’s skin. “They were only suspended for two days. Then they were right back to harassing me.” Shadow Milk’s breathing sped up slightly, upon seeing that Vanilla held up his hand. He looked at him confused, he inhaled opening his palm. Then exhaled counting down from five, Shadow Milk followed his quiet instructions, inhaling and exhaling for five seconds each.

“Did that help, mi lunita?”

He nodded, continuing from where he left off. “I don’t remember much from middle school after that, because I believe during that time I had my first autistic burnout. I couldn’t feel anything, I was empty. I think I mostly coped with the situation via disconnecting from others.” Vanilla tilted his head. “Disconnecting? What do you mean?”

“The times where you stare out in the distance and everything just disappears. Where you tune out any and every sound you hear… even people.” He looks at Vanilla, who has an unreadable expression on his face.

“Bluebird, that’s dissociation. You were dissociating.” He shrugged his shoulders and rocked himself. He continued, “by the time freshman year of high school came around, I decided that I was tired of everything.” His voice gets choked up, “I haven’t told anyone this next part, not even my friends. But I trust you enough to tell you this….” Vanilla nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“I decided that I was going to kill myself,” Vanilla brought both hands to his mouth, covering it in shock. “I was either going to jump onto the freeway, make it quick and painless. Or drown myself in a river, slow and painful. I had hit a point where existing felt like a chore, and that terrifies me when thinking back on it.” He takes Shadow Milk’s hand, rubbing soothing circles into it. He presses his forehead against his, trying to think about how he’s going to ask the question.

“Mi lunita, do you still get those thoughts?” He’s quiet for a while, the silence being deafening to Vanilla. He finally answers, “sometimes I do. But I found a way to combat them… I basically just say to myself out loud that I have people relying on me and that they will miss me if I’m gone.”

Vanilla had to reassure him, he had to tell him that it’ll get better. Because he too had hit that same rock bottom that his lover did, but he recovered. And he wanted the same for Shadow Milk.

“Mi vida, I want you to know that you are loved. By your fans, your employees, your friends, and me. I don’t know what I would do without you in this life, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. So please promise me that you won’t kill your self. You’re so beautiful and I know it’s hard to admit that you need help… professional help. But I promise you, that it will get better, I want you to heal. I want you to recover. I want to see you live your life as graciously as you do. I truly do mean everything I said, because you are my shining star. And I don’t want that star to die out anytime too soon. Besides, Holly can recommend you an incredible therapist.”

Shadow Milk started to ugly cry after Vanilla was finished, he hugged him tightly as he bawled. He kept his head buried in Vanilla’s neck, finding himself unable to stop the tears. Vanilla shushes him softly, speaking sweet reassurances all the while. He really thought that he could handle it all by himself, he was just grateful that he found someone as brilliant and understanding as Vanilla. He lifted his head from his sunshine’s neck, “however, someone did reach out. Burning Spice reached out.”

“Is that why you had a crush on him?” Shadow Milk shrugged his shoulders as his response, “I think that it played a part in me developing a crush on him, but I had a fascination with him during the first month of school. He was one of the few students who acknowledged my existence while walking in the hallways. Anyways, I got into Cherub and then I left and now I’m here. With you. And now that you know everything about me, I want to ask you….

Would you have fallen in love with me, even if you knew everything prior to dating me… would you still be in love with me?”

Vanilla smiles and lost control the moment he locked his lips onto Shadow Milk’s. He figured that words could not express his answer, but his actions would. Shadow Milk leans into the kiss, passionate and gentle this kiss was. However something was… different. Vanilla felt his lover’s tongue in his mouth, gently rubbing inside his cheek. It shook him, but he would be a horrible liar if he said he didn’t like it. His tongue touches his lover’s tongue, he hears a whimper then a delighted noise. He takes that as an okay to keep going.

It’s funny, one moment the two men were romantically kissing and now they’re making out on the couch. Tongue on tongue, wrapping around each other similar to a snake coiling around its prey. His eyes snap open as he hears a small moan from his lover, it startled him so much that he pulled away. The air is silent as both men did not know what to say. Vanilla’s voice was the first to come, “was that a good moan? Or a bad one?” Shadow Milk gave him flirty eyes, “I would say… a pleased moan that was.”

They laughed at that, Vanilla laid on top of Shadow Milk. His head rested on his chest, listening closely to his bluebird’s heartbeat. “So, you said that there was something else you wanted to say…” Shadow Milk kept petting him on his head.

“Well… I was thinking that… I should move in with you.”

Vanilla snapped his head up to look at him, that was the last thing that he expected. But regardless he held his cheek, pressing his forehead against his lover’s once more.

“I would be delighted for you to move in!!!”

Shadow Milk beamed, then shoved his lips onto Vanilla’s. His tongue poked around inside his mouth again, Vanilla returned the favor. His tongue gently raised beyond his lips and into his lover’s mouth. He grazed around the lips first, before going inside poking inside his cheeks. He moaned at the gesture, immensely pleased by the sensation. His eyes suddenly snapped open and he pushed Vanilla away.

“Maybe we should go into bed and continue there~” he never had sex before, but damnit he doesn’t want to die a virgin when the time inevitably comes. Vanilla laughs, hooking his arms around his waist. “Perhaps we should.”

—

Both men had laid out that they wouldn’t be doing anything crazy in bed, just making out. Going slow and steady, since this is the first time either of them had sex. Shadow Milk even gave Vanilla a safe word for him to use in case he felt uncomfortable and wanted to stop, which Vanilla thought was sweet. They were both in their briefs, not fully naked. Vanilla got on top of Shadow Milk and he began to graze his lips from his face to his neck. Vanilla started sucking on his neck, he knew that Shadow Milk liked getting hickies so he wanted to start with something familiar then go from there.

He gasped at the feeling, then leaned his neck into his sunshine’s lips. After five minutes he stopped, lifting his lips from the spot he sucked on. Then he did something unexpected, he licked the spot. Which produced a high pitched moan from Shadow Milk’s lips. Vanilla moves his tongue upward to his lover’s lips and then they begin to make out again.

His tongue enters into Shadow Milk’s mouth and he begins to feel around in there. Every time he touches the inside of his cheek, he would melt and moan. Vanilla continues to go deeper into his mouth, he movements slow but deliberate. Once he gets to the back of the mouth, Shadow Milk starts to squirm. Trying to keep himself from screaming inside Vanilla’s mouth, but the moment his tongue starts gently moving around the back of his throat, he loses all composure.

He starts to moan and scream quietly in delight as Vanilla keeps going as deep as he could. His tongue retreats and goes back to lick electrifying circles around the entrance of his throat. The sounds of pleasure growing louder, his legs kicked up and down in the bedsheets. His back arches upward and he howls with pleasure inside Vanilla’s mouth, then he goes limp for a moment. His body a bit exhausted from everything he had been feeling.

Vanilla pulled away, huffing out ragged breathes. Shadow Milk then lightly slammed him down and he got on top.

Now Vanilla was at his mercy.

And boy, was he excited about this. He starts by licking his face, tracing every inch with his tongue. Vanilla squeaks from the feeling, sighing moments after. Shadow Milk stops at the curve of his neck, looking into his eyes with a devious, yet gentle gaze. He then proceeds to latch his lips onto the spot, his sunshine flinched. He smiles as he hears the soft and pleased whimpering.

“Mhn… nghh…” Shadow Milk started to get worried, he lifted from his lover’s neck and looked at him in the eyes. “Wooly Wolves?” He asked him if he wanted to say the safe word, Vanilla smiled and shook his head. Leaning Shadow Milk’s head down to continue, which he does eagerly. He slowly moves his lips up the curve, causing more cries of pleasure to escape his sunshine’s lips. Geez he’s really into that, what a lovely freak~

Once he was done with his neck, he moved his head towards Vanilla’s lips. His lovely body was writhing in arousal as he brought lips closer and closer, the tip of his tongue touched his lips. “Aughhh!!!” They began to make out, Shadow Milk wasted no time. Circling his tongue underneath Vanilla’s own, earning a stifled cry of pleasure to escape.

Vanilla was at his limit.

Shadow Milk pulled away from his mouth, only to start licking Vanilla’s lips. He lost it then and there, his back ascending from the bed and a long aroused moan finally broke through his vocal cords. Afterwards they switched positions again, Vanilla on top and Shadow Milk on bottom. They were making out again, getting so excited.

Vanilla’s tongue was itching to get back inside his lover’s mouth to explore again, his tongue circling around that sensitive spot inside his cheek. Causing Shadow Milk to yelp at the motion, “Gahh…hahhh…” He couldn’t resist the sweet, gentle circular movements inside his cheek. He felt so fucking high on existence right now, however he feels that Vanilla’s holding back. The moment the man lifts up to catch his breath, Shadow Milk winked at him.

“Don’t hold back on me, Silly Vanilly~ I want you to give me all of your love~ I can handle it… I know you’ve been waiting for a long time for this~”

Vanilla waists no time after Shadow Milk’s approval to go all out. He latched onto his cheek and began to suck it, Shadow Milk sputters for a second before encouraging it. “Yeah!!! Ngh… yeah~ nnnh just like that.” Vanilla moves to his jawline as Shadow Milk back arches upwards, “Is that all you got?!” He was teasing him, egging him on to the crescendo of this heavenly moment.

Shadow Milk kept whimpering and moaning each time Vanilla’s soft, succulent lips moved to another spot on his face. He felt his body jerking and jumping by pure arousal as Vanilla licks his chin. The tiny, moist circles his tongue left behind almost pulling him to the end.

Vanilla moves his lips to the space between Shadow Milk’s neck and jawline, huffing in air before latching onto the skin and sucking it. “Ahhhgh… hnnnn.” Vanilla could tell that he was almost there, so he had to go out with a bang.

He released his lips from the spot, giving it a little lick, before moving to the center of his neck. Vanilla traced the spot where he will suck on with his fingers, gently circling the soft skin. Then he goes in sucking on the skin, hearing a loud pleasured gasp when his lips touched the spot.

Shadow Milk has tried to hold it back, grunting and groaning as he felt the lips go up and down against his neck. He was so damn pleased, not wanting it to end. But then Vanilla began to lick the spot, his tongue moving in slow circles. He started to speed up the circling motion, “Nilly~ Oughhh… YES!!! HAAAA… KEEP GOING~” Vanilla obeyed his bluebird’s request, moving to another spot and repeating the same thing.

Which got Shadow Milk really hard, he couldn’t stop moaning. Vanilla moves up to his face, then he licks a bit above Shadow Milk’s lips. Shadow Milk was beyond his limits, but he remained strong, that was until Vanilla began to lick his lips. His tongue gently traveled across his upper and lower lip, going in between and entering his mouth.

Shadow Milk’s body trashes itself in the bedsheets as Vanilla traces slow circles inside his left cheek, he yelled inside his sunshine’s mouth. Vanilla removes his tongue from his mouth, proceeding to lick the outside of his left cheek. Shadow Milk gasps and writhes around as the tip of the tongue begins to move across his cheek.

“NAGHHH… NGHHH… There!!!” He almost immediately screamed as Vanilla traces bigger circles with his tongue. Vanilla moves closer to his lips, stopping right next to it before he touches them. He licks it again, and Shadow Milk’s eyes widened as he looks at him. Vanilla looks at him fondly.

Oh my dear Bluebird… you’re such an adorable freak. The way your body elevates each time I find a new sensitive spot is so dazzling. Your whimpers and moans are music to my soul, I sincerely hope that we can do this more often in the future.

“HAAAA… AUGHHH…” he looks at Vanilla who has landed his lips onto the spot he was licking, he starts to suck at the soft spot. Shadow Milk feels his limit shatter as he wails, releasing all of the arousal and pleasure that had accumulated over the course of the half hour they’ve been here, “OHHHHH… GAHH.. HNNN…… OUGHHHH NURAGHHHHH…”

He slumped down to the bed, Vanilla moved to the other side of the bed. Both men were clearly exhausted. So they laid there.

—

The two men stared at the ceiling of Shadow Milk’s bedroom. They didn’t know what to say or maybe there was nothing to say. How do you even talk to someone after an incredible moment of pure passion and love? He turned his head to look at Shadow Milk, “So? How was that?” He’s quiet, as though his mind was trying to catch up to the rest of the world. Because nothing else mattered, other than the moment that the two had shared.

“It’s…… I don’t know. I didn’t hate it, don’t get me wrong. I think my mind needs to process that, before I can give you my thoughts.”

Vanilla smiles, twirling a lock of his hair around his finger. “And that’s okay, we’ve got all the time in the world.”

Shadow Milk smiled brightly.

“Yeah, yes we do have all that time.”

Chapter Text

Drunk(affectionate): NILLY NILLY YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!

Personification Of Sunshine: Swim with Manatees???

Drunk(affectionate): You NEED to take Sha sha there!!!

Personification Of Sunshine: Does he even like manatees??

Drunk(affectionate): Understatement of the year!!! I wouldn’t be surprised if he were to sacrifice himself for the eternal protection of manatees.

Personification Of Sunshine: I saw him yesterday with a manatee plushie, but didn’t think too much about it.

Drunk(affectionate): Well I already booked you both a snorkeling session with them. It lasts for three hours.

Personification Of Sunshine: Holly, you really don’t have to do that. But thank you regardless.

Drunk(affectionate): Make sure he doesn’t find out about this!! It’s a surprise ;)!

Personification Of Sunshine: How did you even find out that he loves manatees to that degree.

Drunk(affectionate): I sent him a YouTube Short of a thirsty manatee because I thought he would like it. He then proceeded with write numerous paragraphs on manatees, essentially info dumping to me over discord.

Personification Of Sunshine: Wait, not copy and pasted?!

Drunk(affectionate): No!! Fully typed in his own words!!!

Sugared Hearts: It was like that during school too.

Drunk(affectionate): SUGAR HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?!?!

Sugared Hearts: Idk, but Vanilla I can corroborate what my darling said. He adores Manatees. This one time at the zoo, he gave us an informative info dump on manatees. I beared the curse of knowing that some manatees have fingernails on their flippers for too long.

Drunk(affectionate): They what????

Sugared Hearts: Yeah, apparently it’s a remnant of their elephant relatives.

Personification Of Sunshine: My break is almost over, gotta go.

Drunk(affectionate): Bye Nil’s.

Personification Of Sunshine: Oh, that reminds me… Holly can I please get your therapist’s number? I need to schedule an appointment for someone.

Drunk(affectionate): Okay????

Personification Of Sunshine: Thank you Holly. Bye.

Vanilla inputs the number that Holly gave him slowly, he waits for what feels like an eternity before the phone picks up. “Hello?” Vanilla walks down the hall of patient rooms, his phone pressed on his shoulder to hear the voice.

“Hello, I would like to make an appointment for my partner. He’s seeking therapy and my friend recommended him to you.”

The voice on the other end went quiet for a moment, “I see… I suppose I can fit your partner in for a one hour and a half session on Monday.”

Vanilla sighed in relief, “Excellent, thank you very kindly.” He hung up the call after that, mentally preparing himself for another day at the hospital.

—

Beast Of Deceit ;): Hey Holly, can you do me a favor??

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Sure!!! Whatcha need???

Beast Of Deceit ;): I wanna do a drinking stream, but I need someone to supervise me so I drink responsibly and don’t have to go to the hospital. And I was wondering if you’d be okay with supervising my drunk self?

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Give me the time and place, I’ll be there.

The Knight: What’s this I hear about a drinking stream?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): To raise money, I need to pay my animators.

The Knight: Why are you going to raise money by drinking alcohol???

Beast Of Deceit ;): For the giggles Salty. Besides I have Hollyberry to supervise me, I’ll be fine.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Bluebird, you’re going to drink?!?!?!!!

Beast Of Deceit ;): Yeah :D!!! Holly is going to watch over me, don’t worry.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: At least have me on the phone too, so I can monitor you.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Finnnne, I will.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Thank you, mi vida. Also we’re going out tomorrow, be sure to bring a swimsuit.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Ok…………… WAIT WHAT?!?! NILLY WTF?!?!!!!???

—

Shadow Milk woke up, scrambling around in a rush. He wasn’t expecting to go out with Vanilla today, but regardless he was genuinely excited about the date. He always got like this every time he and Vanilla went out together, happily bouncing around the room in a dash to get ready. Vanilla didn’t even tell him where the date will be taking place, but he doesn’t care in the slightest.

Only fantasizing of the date, while he brushes his hair. Tying it up into a ponytail, and leaving the apartment. He opens the door to see his boyfriend there with a smile on his face, Shadow Milk hugged him tightly, once they were done hugging Vanilla hands him a cloth. He looked at him confused, “Bluebird, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.” Shadow Milk smirked playfully as he leaned forward.

“Very well, I’ll play along with your silly desires~”

He gently tied the blindfold around his eyes, then he felt Vanilla leading him into the car. His thoughts kept drifting to the events of yesterday, specifically the incredible sex the two had. They hadn’t even done any of the crazy stuff, yet it was still electric. Merely thinking about it was enough to get him buzzing, now that Vanilla was here it’s the perfect time to tell him how he felt about it.

“I have an answer to your question from yesterday.”

He couldn’t see Vanilla’s face, but he could hear the way his voice stuttered and stammered. “So… don’t keep me waiting, mi vida.” Shadow Milk flaps his hands as he spoke.

“It was amazing!!! Like, everything about it was so good!!! Honestly for your first time in bed, you do give great tongue~” he didn’t need his vision to know that Vanilla’s face was flushed with red. “I honestly want to go again, but enough of my thoughts… what about you?”

“Pardon?”

Shadow Milk flicks his hand, “how did you feel after that?” Vanilla wasn’t expecting Shadow Milk to bring the question back to him, but nevertheless he decided to be truthful on the matter. “It was so, so much fun. Way better than how they portray it in movies” he parks the car and cups his face in his hands “your mouth was so fun to explore~” Shadow Milk gasps, his face blushing with pink.

Vanilla opens the car door and pulls his lover out of the car. Shadow Milk growls at him, “Can I finally take the blindfold off?!” Vanilla holds back a little chuckle as he nods, he watches his moonlight take the blindfold off and then tilts his head. “Nilly, what is this place?” Vanilla holds his chin, tilting his face up to look at him. “You’ll see, Starry Night.”

He goes up to the front desk and says something regarding a snorkeling session, Shadow Milk looks around the place. His eyes lighting up as he sees a lot of manatee memorabilia throughout the room. Vanilla goes up to him, with a knowing smile on his face. He stops immediately and looks at his lover, “You remembered to bring your swimsuit?”

“Yeah, you made it a point to remind me this morning. Why is that?”

Vanilla readied his mind to take mental pictures of his bluebird’s reaction to the surprise, finally he reveals it. “Bluebird, they allow you to swim with manatees here.”

The look on Shadow Milk’s face was one of sheer, overwhelming, unadulterated joy and elation. He fully jumped into the air numerous times and flapped his hands in a fast pace, his eyes were smiling as widely as his lips. He hugged Vanilla, littering kisses all over his face, if he’d been wearing lipstick, Vanilla’s whole face would’ve been covered in it. “How did you even find this place?!” He kept his voice quiet as to not disturb anyone else who was also here. Vanilla touched his shoulder.

“Hollyberry told me, she’s the one who set the whole thing up for us.”

Shadow Milk beamed and gave Vanilla a deep kiss on his cheek, twirling around in pure happiness. “I’m going to give her the biggest hug when I see her again, I’m going to go get in my swimsuit now!!! I love you, Silly~.” Vanilla gives him a little kiss on his lips and smiles.

“Love you too, my darling.”

Shadow Milk ran into the restroom, he changed into his swimsuit and rash guard faster than he could think. He was so ecstatic that he was going to be up close to an actual manatee, FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! He squealed with so much glee, flapping his hands in the mirror before leaving the restroom. Vanilla goes in and gets changed after, he exits the restroom going to the front desk to get the snorkeling equipment. He helped Shadow Milk get situated and he turns to him before they get in the water.

“We’re not going to be able to talk underwater, hope you can deduce body language~” Vanilla laughs, taking his lover’s hand.

“I’ll be alright.”

—

The water is slightly warm, being underwater is fascinating to Vanilla. Mainly because of how it looks there, mildly saturated due to the sunlight and coloration, but overall looks nice. Shadow Milk waves at him, he waved back. He turned around and froze in place.

Vanilla followed his eyes to see a manatee nearby, they were much bigger in person. Before he could swim behind it, Shadow Milk grabbed his shoulder, turning him around to face him. He held one finger up and waggled it side to side, then he began to sign. Vanilla barely knew much sign language, only the basics so he could communicate with patients that used it. He shrugged his shoulders, his bluebird seemingly got the message and put his hand to his chin.

He pointed to the manatee’s back, then brought his hands up to make an x. As though he was telling him to not swim behind the creature. He motioned for him to follow, Vanilla can see the way his lover’s eyes shined when he saw another manatee, he couldn’t help but smile too. His legs kicking ever so slightly faster as another manatee glides right next to him, he looks so happy. But a different kind of happy.

Crepe described the feeling of being in a space surrounded by your biggest interest as “autistic joy.” And Vanilla could see where they were coming from. The way his hands were flapping around in the water and the way his eyes were smiling, expressed that joy. Like as though he couldn’t contain it, Vanilla felt his hand being held.

He looked at Shadow Milk, he swam next to him. Shadow Milk brings his face close to Vanilla’s, then he pulls back upon realizing that the two couldn’t kiss with the snorkeling gear on their faces. Vanilla made a giggling gesture, cupping his bluebird’s face.

Shadow Milk brings his hand to his sunshine’s face, holding his face like it was fragile. He hooked his hands around his neck, the two touching each other’s forehead. The moment was as best described as, a moment for his history book. He felt so impacted by the fact that Vanilla was willing to do this with him, he just wanted to hold him tight and never let go. He feels a hand tapping him, Vanilla pointed up.

Ah… the three hours were over already? He looked back, waving goodbye at the manatee’s before he follows his boyfriend towards the surface. He shook his head when his head emerged from the water, swimming with grace towards his sunshine.

—

Vanilla audibly gasped, earning a genuine cackle from Shadow Milk. He takes off his snorkeling mask and goes to hug him tightly. The two men swayed in place, wet in every area but their faces. Shadow Milk tucked his head underneath Vanilla’s chin, whilst Vanilla gently stroked his back. The pair proceeded to change into their normal clothes, and resumed the swaying hug.

Both were silent, before Shadow Milk spoke to Vanilla.

“Thank you for doing this, Vanilla” his hand froze its stroking movement at the use of his name. Not a teasing pet name, his actual name. “I wasn’t expecting you to fully indulge in my interests like this. This whole date means a lot to me. Thank you so much.” Vanilla tilted his head slightly upward to see his eyes, eyes that were filled with nothing but pure love and affection.

“Mi lunita, you don’t need to thank me for doing something that couples do.”

Shadow Milk sighed softly at that, “even so. It feels so surreal…. Like I always think that people wouldn’t want to be with me because my interests are too weird for them. You might be the only one person who wasn’t put off by my extensive knowledge about Vocaloid.”

Vanilla chuckles affectionately at the memory of their first hang out together, “You’ve introduced me to a whole area of music that I love. You mentioned that your interest in music was something that made you a target for bullying yesterday, didn’t you?”

Shadow Milk laughed wetly, “yeah. A lot of kids were weirded out by my knowledge of music and how it’s structured, basically anywhere on the playground I was, pretty much became an off limits zone for the kids. I eventually isolated myself from them, I didn’t want to ruin recess for them.”

Vanilla felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, he felt absolutely horrible about the way his bluebird was treated in his youth. He cups his lover’s face, kissing his forehead before speaking. “That wasn’t right of those kids. They missed out on being friends with someone who is an amazingly talented person. And they missed out on someone who is an incredibly sweet partner who cares so much.”

Shadow Milk hugs Vanilla even tighter, whispering thanks so softly that he almost couldn’t hear him. Eventually they went back to the car, hand in hand. Vanilla speaks to him before he turns the key to the car. “I set up your first therapy session. It’s next week on Monday. This’ll be the only time I do this, I will be driving you.”

Shadow Milk leans forward a bit, “I- thank you. This was nice.” Vanilla nodded and kissed his cheek softly. Shadow Milk spent the whole car riding thinking about Vanilla, the gorgeous blonde angel who had blessed him with his unfaltering love.

With the patience of a saint and the grace of dove, he’s able to make connections flawlessly. It makes him jealous because all Shadow Milk ever wanted was connections, and while he did get that in the form of the Beast’s. But it still wasn’t fair, he would’ve benefited if someone had been there sooner. And every time he saw Vanilla easily socialize with a complete stranger and he would get jealous, he would feel immensely guilty for even feeling that. He wanted to be honest with Vanilla, but being so new to relationships in general, he didn’t know how.

Vanilla was basically a beacon of light, a beacon that he wanted to soak up each and every ray of pure sunshine. He felt like a sunflower every time it’s just him and Vanilla, curling up as close as could to warm himself with unconditional love. And then he would beat himself up for being so greedy and stupid. Part of him doesn’t even want to tell Vanilla that this, because he knows that he would find someway to understand.

Shadow Milk wants to understand this first before telling his lover about it. He wants to have a genuine, honest relationship with Vanilla. And he feared that Vanilla would rush to understand him, he wanted to be understood as a person. However when it comes to this, he wants to come to his own conclusions as to why he feels the way he does before confronting Vanilla about it.

He rocked himself slightly, “Nilly, when am I going to know your life story?” Vanilla flinched at the sudden question, “Pardon?” Shadow Milk bounces his knee while he elaborates, “I told you my life story yesterday, so when are going to tell me yours?” Vanilla taps his finger on the steering wheel. “I guess, when I’m ready. My life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, especially during medical school.”

Shadow Milk went silent again, thinking again. He wanted to know everything about his lover, wanted to dissect him. He wanted to keep him forever if he could, his breath hitched. Immediately feeling guilty for even entertaining those thoughts that were solely obsessed with Vanilla. Vanilla stopped in front of his apartment building, he held his face.

The way Vanilla holds his face always makes him melt, his hands would curl around his cheek. Cupping his cheeks as though he were fragile, the touch was so delicate that it felt like a kiss. Shadow Milk always loved the way he holds his face, then Vanilla spoke.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’ll understand.”

Shadow Milk looks away for a moment before smiling, “Yeah, I know.” He exits the car, kissing Vanilla on his lips and whispers small affections, his heart throbs as he leaves. He knows that he’s moving in with Vanilla, but still it hurts to see him leave every single time. He goes upstairs and lays down on bed, falling asleep with a warm smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Mystic Flour wakes up, groaning at the sound of her phones alarm. She had previously cleared the day so that she could start her little Haetae’s training. She chuckled upon feeling her face being licked by the little cloud of fluff. She gently sets the dog down, beginning her morning routine.

She sits down, her legs crossed as she takes her phone from her charger. She puts on some gentle rain and listens to it. Meditating is something that she does to help with the stresses of life, taking deep breaths in and out. Often times after she’s done, she feels more enlightened than when she awoke. Simply giving her mind the opportunity to wake up did wonders for her productivity.

She takes one more deep breath, before getting up and walking through her home. She goes into the bathroom to do her hair, humming softly as she does so. She does her mascara, despite not attending work she still wants to look presentable. She blinks a few times, leaving the bathroom to see Haetae walking in front of the door.

She then goes to the kitchen to prepare a meal for herself and Haetae. She fills up a cup of noodles and puts it in the microwave for three minutes. In the meantime she grabs Haetae’s favorite toy. A colorful, long worm that the pooch loves to tug on. The microwaves timer goes off and she takes her cup noodles out, placing on the side to cool off.

She then proceeds to give her puppy some food. She takes the bowl of food and holds one finger up, the dog sits down. She claps her hands and the dog starts to eat the food she lovingly prepared. She takes the cup of noodles and begins to eat them, it’s not an ideal meal. But it’s something quick and easy to make when you’re rushing to get to work. She finishes the meal, then waits for at least thirty minutes to Haetae to digest.

Once that happens, she leashes the dog and leaves the comfort of her abode. She walks them towards the park to where she spots the young trainer, Crunchy. She approaches him, keeping her composure calm and collected. He turns around and holds his balled up fist in front of her, she looks at him blankly before fist bumping him back. She turns her attention to the husky, giving the pupper some head pats.

“Glad to see your here.”

“Let’s stay on track, there is no need for idle chatter.”

He rubbed the back of his head and gently takes Haetae’s leash. Flour takes the leash and Haetae growls at him the moment their hands brush against each other. He mutters under his breath, “Resource guarding.” He gets some treats from the fanny pack on his waist. Crunchy made sure to keep the leash loose while walking, internally relieved that the pup knew loose leash walking.

He kept walking the Shih Tzu, occasionally the pup would walk forward instead of turning the curb. But it’s nothing, he simply tossed a treat to the side to entice the dog to head that way. Flour observes his training prowess, he turns to her. Noting the still serious expression on her face, reminding him of his own boss.

“Are we always this serious in the face department?”

She kept her face resting, her eyes looking at him up and down. “I don’t see how this conversation is relevant to the current task.” Crunchy simply keeps going, attempting to make small talk with her. “All I’m saying is that you need to relax a little. You’re wearing the exact same face you had when I first met you.”

She keeps her voice monotone, “I am simply stating that our conversation won’t make an impact on my Haetae’s performance. My face always remains the same, except when I’m around my dearest friends.”

Crunchy guesses that Cacao could be one of those people. As the moment she stopped speaking to him, her face became neutral. He looked at the Shih Tzu he was walking, a very unconventional seeing eye dog of choice. “Why’d you choose this one to be your seeing eye dog? Not that I’m complaining, just you don’t see smaller dogs as seeing eye dogs often.”

She sighed and looked at him in the eyes. “I trust that my little Haetae has the capability to be a good service dog, and it would be unfair of me to get another dog. I don’t want the little one feeling like they’re being neglected by me.” He could see her reasoning for her choice, but it’s still going to come with its own difficulties.

Once they returned to the park he handed the leash back to Flour, “The pup is great with the leash, I’m almost impressed.” He heard something that sounded like a laugh out of her mouth, “Like I said, I’m trusting in my Haetae’s capabilities. And one more thing, when you see your boss again, please inform him that his hair is glowing.” Crunchy looks at her in shock, “Are you… flirting with my boss?!”

She shakes her head as she took the leash from his hand, “I am merely stating an obvious fact. Your boss has nice hair upon his head.”

Crunchy didn’t buy it. Not one bit, on both sides. He saw the way his boss looked at her, with such a deep fondness and affection that was almost unheard of to see. “Riiiiight…… I’ll tell him that. Why do need me to tell him for you, anyways?”

Flour flipped her hair over and gave him a side eye, “my schedule doesn’t allow me to visit him as much as I wish, so you’ll be my messenger. It’s more convenient for me.” Crunchy took Wolfgang’s leash, holding his hands up defensively. “I’m just telling you, that I won’t mind being a wingman for you.”

She turned around with an annoyed glance, “Whatever you wish to call this arrangement, I care not.” She left the part where she cared for Cacao a lot unsaid. She felt no need to speak of her growing affections towards the man until he reciprocated her. And so far he hasn’t made a move yet, but she honestly wouldn’t mind the coziness of the friend zone.

—

Family meetings were uncommon, but humorous events in the Vanilla household. The first family meeting was mainly for Crepe to express their boundaries to their dad, which included things like listing areas where they don’t like to be touched and a safe word for when they get overwhelmed and want to leave.

It had been a long while since the last family meeting, and that meant that there had to be some big developments. Why else would their dad insist that they come downstairs for it. Crepe walked downstairs to see their dad waiting for them at the dinner table, they take a seat across from him and pointed.

“Make it quick. You know I don’t like to be interrupted when I’m working on my Wafflebots.”

Vanilla nods, “Now, as you know Shamil has been coming over to visit for a while now… and very recently he had asked if it would be alright if he could move in with us-”

Crepe gasps loudly, stars appear in their eyes in that moment, they were absolutely ecstatic about the news. They rushed over and bear hugged their dad, Vanilla laughed hugging them back. They broke the hug to bounce up and down. Vanilla spoke again, “Once he’s done with unpacking and getting settled, we’ll have another family meeting to discuss his boundaries.” They nodded rapidly, hugging him once more.

Vanilla smiled as he watched his kid run back upstairs. He was so happy that they were okay with the move in, frankly he knew that they would be fine with it, but self doubt got to him.

He was just elated that Shadow Milk was finally coming home, he missed his presence every time he left. The gorgeous singing that he would occasionally hear from the shower, waking up to see his peaceful face beside his own. The cuddle sessions that they would have in bed, the way he would be woken up by his bluebird’s voice whispering loving affections so sweet that Vanilla got a mini sugar rush.

He realized that he didn’t want another day apart from his beloved bluebird. He longed for the wisecracking Idol, who sense of humor was truly one of his own and beautiful. He yearned for him to stay one more day every weekend he would come over, he wanted him to stay with him forever.

Vanilla had the thought of marrying Shadow Milk cross his mind, an embarrassing amount of times now. But he didn’t want to rush anything, so he’ll wait. Wait for whenever the time feels right. Which is pretty difficult when your brain is constantly telling you to ask him now in the moment. And he’s perfectly fine with waiting for that right time or for when Shadow Milk asks for his hand first.

He brings out his phone to dial Shadow Milk’s number. He wants to hear that oh so brilliant voice again. The phone rings for a few seconds before picking up.

“Helloooo Silly~”

Vanilla snickers at the flirty greeting, “Hello, mi lunita. I just told Crepe that you’re moving in just now.”

“How’d they take the news?”

“You should’ve seen them, they were jumping and hugging me in a bear hug, they were that excited.”

“Ha!!! I figured as such. Hey, really quick question, how are we going to have sex with your kid being in ear distance?”

Vanilla almost choked on the air when he said that, he started laughing. “Bluebird!!!! Oh my gosh!!!! We’ll have it when their gone at a friends house.” He hears a loud sigh of relief.

“Okay, good. I don’t get to live with the guilt of mildly traumatizing your kid by them hearing the sounds of me fucking their dad.”

Vanilla cracked up with laughter, “Oh, my sweet potato!!!” He wiped a forming tear from his eye. “You’re so hilariously silly right now.”

“Of course I am silly. That’s my natural state around you~”

Vanilla giggles fondly, “well it was nice speaking to you again.”

“Wait, I have something to show you” Vanilla hears an ahem over the phone and finally Shadow Milk speaks again.

“Espero……ves te…. rostro brillante pronto…?”

Vanilla contained a giddy squeal from escaping his mouth, Shadow Milk had learned enough Spanish to form a sentence. Sure, there was a little mistake with how he said it, but otherwise he spoke his native tongue so beautifully for someone who’s just learning.

“Close, it’s “Espero ver tu rostro brillante pronto.” Mi vida.”

“Okay. Can we redo that.”

“Yes, we may.”

Vanilla hears Shadow Milk getting ready, then he speaks again.

“Espero ver tu rostro brillante pronto.”

“I hope to see you soon, Bluebird.”

Vanilla grabbed a pillow from the couch and screamed into it with joy. He took a breath, then proceeded to laugh in a giddy manner. He felt so proud of Shadow Milk’s progress on learning Spanish. He went back upstairs, he grabbed the wolf plushie he kept on the arm chair. Hugging it tightly, he hesitated before taking a deep sniff of the blueberry perfume he sprayed onto the plush every time Shadow Milk left.

Is it weird of Vanilla to do that? Yes, absolutely weird. Is he going to keep doing this because it helps him get over his boyfriend returning to his apartment. Obviously he is.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Shadow Milk did a similar thing to help. But regardless he lays down in bed, the blueberry scented wolf plush wrapped around his arms. He always loved his lover’s natural scent of blueberries. The fruity smell was so pleasant that sometimes Vanilla would bury himself in his bluebird’s neck and take it in.

He fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. Hugging the wolf plush from their first date ever so slightly tighter.

—

Beast Of Deceit ;): So, what I am thinking for the drinking stream is either ylyl or if I die in a game I have to take a shot.

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Either way, you’re still going to the hospital immediately after, this is your first time drinking.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I know Holly.

Cheese bird: Idk what the context of this is, but I think it would be entertaining if you do the latter with a game like Cuphead.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Who are you?!?!

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: You haven’t met Goldie yet???

Cheese bird: Ohhhhhh, you’re Vani’s boyfriend aren’t ya?

Beast Of Deceit ;): Yes I am. It’s nice to meet you. Didn’t you and Burning Spice meet up to settle a feud over Melee?

Cheese bird: Yeah. I beat his ass easily!!!!

Beast Of Deceit ;): Look, you’re lucky that you weren’t settling it over City Trial. Because if it was then you would’ve lost before it began.

Cheese bird: Kirby Air Ride?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): YOU HEARD OF IT?!?!?!

Cheese bird: I LOVED KIRBY AIR RIDE AS A KID!!!! How did you know about it?!?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): Salty had a copy of it and every time me and the other Beasts would come over we’d be in front to the tv playing City Trial. OMG DID YOU WATCH THE DIRECT ON THE SEQUEL?!?!

Cheese bird: HELL YEAH I DID!!! Who’s your main?!

Beast Of Deceit ;): Flip flopping between three characters, Bandanna Dee, Magolor, and maybe either Susie or Starman. Who are you going to main??

Cheese bird: Starman and Gooey.

Beast Of Deceit ;): You mean the silly blue orb with the goggly eyes and the long tongue?? Idk what’s up with that one but I like he’s silly looking.

Cheese bird: You don’t know the lore??

Beast Of Deceit ;): Kirby has lore?!

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Yeah, me and Gold have a pretty extensive knowledge on the Kirby lore. Little guy kills gods every other week.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Wtf???? He’s just a pink puff ball.

Cheese bird: Search up Kirby Void on YouTube. You’ll get the answers there.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Okay I searched it and the first thing that came up was the ultimate secret final boss; Astral Birth Void. And also, why is there a jester being split in half?!

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: That’s normally what happens in the mainline games. It gets really dark at the end for no apparent reason.

Cheese bird: If you think Marx splitting in half is bad then you’re in for a treat with Crystal Shards.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Don’t spoil it!!! I wanna do my own research on this. Anyways, I’m more leaning towards you laugh you lose.

Cheese bird: So any time you laugh you take a shot??

Beast Of Deceit ;): Yeah!!! I actually don’t know what drunk type I’m going to be, so this’ll be fun.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Holly, be sure to bring him to the hospital that I work at.

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: I know. I know, dw Nilla.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Silly Vanilly, my beautiful sunshine~ I’ll be fine!!! You worry way too much. Holly will be there. I know that you’re concerned for my well being, but I don’t want to constantly be pestered about it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound mad or anything…… I just… don’t want to be told that I don’t know anything about my health when I’ve been in this body for my whole life and know it better than anything.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: It’s okay, now I know not to pester you repeatedly regarding your health. I sincerely apologize, doctor senses kicked in.

Beast Of Deceit ;): You really are the best boyfriend, y’know that?

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: I do.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I’ll make the announcement for the stream tomorrow morning on twitter. I made a google form for people to submit their favorite videos for me to watch on stream. Audience engagement is going to make this so much fun. ;)

Cheese bird: Oh no, that’s a bad idea!!! The google form thing.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Why??

Cheese bird: Trust me…… it’s a bad idea.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I’m still going to do that anyways ;P.

Cheese bird: Well don’t say I didn’t warn you.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Oh yeah!!! That reminds me, have you settled on a date for when you’re going to move out??

Beast Of Deceit ;): A few days after the stream. I’m advertising it as the last stream in my apartment. After that, I’ll tell the fans about our relationship.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: You sure you want to tell them, then? You were pretty insistent on keeping us a secret.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I’m going to be streaming at your place once I move in. And if you come in at any point and the fans don’t know who you are… speculation will happen. And I really don’t want any of that.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Okay then, I look forward to you living with us. I’m going to bed now, goodnight Bluebird. :)

Beast Of Deceit ;): Good night, my morning dove. I love you so much. :D

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: I love you too, my Starry Night.

Beast Of Deceit ;): One more thing before we both retire for the night, Do I have to tell the therapist about my suicidal thoughts? I know that’s the reason why I’m going to therapy, but I don’t if I should tell them that. I don’t want them to lock me up in a mental institution…

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: If you want to talk about those thoughts to your therapist, you can. Also they’re not going to lock you up, so long as you’re not a threat to yourself.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Okay, goodnight…

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Have the sweetest dreams, Bluebird.

Chapter Text

Goldie’s hand hovered over the doorknob, trembling slightly. She opens the door and enters the nursery, it’s untouched. Everything is still in its place, a time capsule that never had a purpose. A time capsule of what could’ve been……

She flipped the lights on, her breath stopped as the lights went on. Her steps were hesitant, almost as though she felt like she didn’t belong there. But she was supposed to belong here, she was supposed to spend so much time here. But it never happened, and she mourned for it. She looks at the empty crib, her breath choked.

She placed her hands on the railing, feeling the texture of the wood. She looked at the crib, something was supposed to be here, no someone was supposed to be here. But no one is there, she lifted the gold blanket from the crib. Holding it close to her cheek, tears finally falling and dampening the blanket.

She sets the blanket down, exactly how she left it, like she never lifted it. She takes a framed picture from the dresser and sits on a rocking chair, staring at it for a long while before talking.

“Hi there, my treasure. It’s me again…” She caresses the ultrasound photograph of her child. She sniffles, the photo always held so much emotional weight. It was the only photo she had of her unborn daughter, who was miscarried. She takes a deep breath and continues, “The business is going well, I don’t think you would care about that. I miss you so much. I never got the chance to meet you, but I still miss you. You still are my most precious treasure, even if you would never know that.” A sob escaped from her throat, she cleared her throat.

“I apologize, I have a feeling that you wouldn’t like to hear me cry. I just really wish I could’ve known you. I love you Rich, I always will. Even if I can’t see you, I’ll continue to love you.” She placed the photo in its original place, returning to the rocking chair and finally letting herself cry.

The tears were a mixture of so much emotions. Grief, pain, anger. Anger towards herself, for allowing this to happen. She’s been told so many times that it wasn’t her fault, but isn’t it? She carried her daughter, and she died. She couldn’t help but blame herself for her own daughter’s death.

Over time and after extensive therapy, she made peace with the fact that she wasn’t at fault for something natural. But it didn’t stop the thoughts from reemerging during the moments when she would visit her daughter. She never told anyone about that she does this, never told anybody that she kept the nursery as a memorial to what could’ve been.

Sometimes, she would fantasize of the life of her unborn daughter. Some fantasies had her taking over the company, others she wasn’t interested in anything business related and wanted to go down her own path. They weren’t real, but it was comforting to imagine how her daughter would’ve lived her life.

It was her coping mechanism and she didn’t want anyone to judge her. This helps Goldie get through her life without being crushed by the death of the daughter that never came, so she continues to do this. She gets up from the rocking chair, grabs a music box nearby and winds it up. She stops and lets the music box run, listening to the lullaby that it produces.

The box was a baby shower gift from Smoked Cheese and Mozzarella, a collaborative project based on the lullaby that her parents used to soothe her. Mozzarella had to make the instrumental version in order for it to work, and it ended up sounding beautiful. She swayed in place, her arms cradling something that wasn’t there. She began to sing some of the lyrics, which were memorized by heart.

“Hush my little Richie,

No more tears,

Just listen to my voice,

And all will be fine.

Sleep tight my dearest treasure,

Under the warmth of home

Sleep my dearest treasure…”

She couldn’t finish the rest, because she started sobbing again. Sobbing because it wasn’t fair, her daughter deserved to be here. Rich deserves to be alive and healthy, but she was gone before she even arrived into the world. And Goldie’s still here. She wonders if her daughter could see her from whatever the afterlife is, what would she think of her mother now?

She puts the music box back and leaves. If she stays in there longer, she would’ve gotten dehydrated. Before she left she spoke again. “I’ll be back eventually, Rich. Sleep peacefully in the beyond, I love you.” She leaves the nursery and sits on the couch, she drinks her water. Still sniffling from her crying session. She checks her phone every so often for emails, she took the day off due to the surge of what she calls; Post miscarriage depression.

Which is whenever she feels that empty maternal pang in her soul, even more than usual. She would often describe the feeling as a pit in her heart that had no remedy. A feeling of emptiness that never goes away, no matter what you do. And it’s crippling, sometimes she finds it difficult to get out of bed. Distractions helped somewhat, talking to her friends among others.

She goes into the new group chat, she really needs to talk to someone right now.

—

Cheese bird: Is anyone here?? I need someone to talk to.

Destructive Dad Hours: I’m here.

Cheese bird: Are you kidding me?!

Destructive Dad Hours: No, unfortunately you’re stuck with me.

Cheese bird: Fantastic.

Destructive Dad Hours: Believe me I’m not happy about it either, considering you beat my ass the other day.

Cheese bird: Skill issue. On an unrelated note, what’s it like being a parent?

Destructive Dad Hours: Why do you ask???

Cheese bird: Answer my question first.

Destructive Dad Hours: Okay then, well I guess I don’t have the full parenting experience, Caps came into my life a few months ago. But it’s a ride being a parent to a young teenager, he’s incredibly bright. Occasionally he’d act out, but we end up talking it out. Now what about you?

Cheese bird: Well let me say that you’re lucky that you have your son alive. I don’t have that luxury.

Destructive Dad Hours: What.

Cheese bird: My daughter didn’t even get a chance to see the world… she wasn’t born yet and never will be.

Destructive Dad Hours: Fuck… sorry for bringing that up…

Cheese bird: It’s fine, it happened a while ago.

Destructive Dad Hours: If I may ask, have you considered adoption??

Cheese bird: I haven’t gotten around to visiting any orphanages yet. I’m busy all the time. But yes, I have thought of it. I do like the idea, I just don’t know how to go about it.

Destructive Dad Hours: I can send you a few numbers to agencies and orphanages nearby for you to visit.

Cheese bird: I greatly appreciate that, actually. Thank you.

Destructive Dad Hours: Don’t be thanking me too much. Wouldn’t want your ego to be wounded.

Cheese bird: I won’t. Oh yeah, word from your friend is that you’re good at City Trial. You wanna go on stream and test yourself??

Destructive Dad Hours: You stream?!?!?!?!

Cheese bird: I am guilty of having an underground twitch channel to promote my business that does custom pc builds for cheap prices.

Destructive Dad Hours: How cheap are we talking? Just curious.

Cheese bird: Ranges go from ten at the lowest and fifteen at the highest. I’m a business woman, not a monster.

Destructive Dad Hours: Damn!! Those are some incredible prices!!!

Cheese bird: And that is how I made that faction of my Jack Of All Trades business one of the most successful factions of the whole business.

—

Dark Choco sits up from bed once he hears the door open. Father’s home, this is it then. He’s been meaning to talk to him about giving him the permission to date again after years of seeing him be single after mom died. He still knows that he’s still not over it, regardless he wants his dad to be happy again.

Choco heads to the living room, where father was sitting. He joins him, Cacao looks up at his son. The light of his life, his pride and joy. “Don’t you have homework?” His son shook his head, “I already finished. There’s actually something I need to tell you.”

Cacao fully turned to look at his son. “I’m giving you the green light to date again.” Dark Cacao freezes in place, not expecting his son to say that. It’s been years since the accident that killed his wife and half blinded his son happened, he made a decision to stay single until his son was okay with it. Cacao finally breathes out and looks at his son.

“Are you positive?”

Choco nods, looking away from his father. “Yes, I am. While I do miss mother, I miss you being happy. And I miss having a mom around.”

Cacao wipes a betraying tear from his cheek. “Thank you, Choco. I really appreciate it. I love you son.”

“Love you too, dad.”

Dark Cacao had one person in mind that could be a good partner. Mystic Flour, who is someone who made him feel things he hadn’t felt since he was getting to know his late wife. He still remembered the day the two met.

—

It was a year ago when he met her.

The typical community trivia night was underway, with the crowd mingling and friendly trash talk occurring throughout the room. Teams were being selected for the game, he was the first to be selected and he sits at the table. Waiting for his teammate to be picked for him, he hears calm, calculated footsteps from behind him. That must be his teammate, he turns to look at them and almost had the wind knocked out of him.

She was absolutely stunning. Her white hair tied into a bun, leaving two long strands draped over her shoulders. Her skin as white as the first fallen snow of winter, her eyes remaining closed. She looked like something out of an old Korean myth, he found himself speechless. She opens her mouth, her voice softly grabbing his attention.

“You must be my partner for the event?”

He coughs a bit, “Yes. I am, my name is Cacao.” Despite her eyes being closed, he could still feel her gazing into his soul. “You may call me Mystic Flour, have you participated in this game before?” He nodded, he’d been playing trivia as a way to distract himself from the loss of his wife, it’s not an ideal way to cope but it works for him.

“I’ve never seen you before, are you new.”

She sighs, “My coworker insisted that I attend with him, saying that I needed more acquaintances outside of my line of work.”

He grunted, “Well hopefully we’ll do well.”

She chortled softly, opening one eye. Her eyes were a gorgeous golden hazelnut color that seemed to illuminate upon the lights reflecting off it. “I can assure you that I will be an invaluable asset in our conquest of trivia night. The real question is whether or not you’ll be the one to bring us down to earth.”

Cacao huffs at her question. “I am quite a formidable ally in this field.”

She giggled again, sending his mind reeling to recover. “I sincerely don’t doubt your confidence. However we shall not be too offensive, but rather wait to strike when the time calls for it.” He smirked at her, “Your already coming up with strategies for trivia night?”

She nodded and spoke bluntly, “Yes, our conversation is over now. May we win with honor.”

—

Since that day, the two had been getting closer and closer. Dark Cacao had refused to make a move on Flour due to his oath to not date.

However, now that Choco had given him the  okay to pursue a new love life. His thoughts kept circling back to Flour. He figured that he should tell her the next time they see each other.

He smiled as he got dinner ready for himself and his son. Mildly excited for the future of his evolving relationship with a woman he had met last year.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk gets in the car with Vanilla, he felt like he was overheating under the giant hoodie he was wearing. But it was necessary so that no one recognized him, Vanilla snorted. “Bluebird, what’s with the disguise all of a sudden?” He removed his hood, revealing his hair in braided pigtails. “Because I don’t want anyone to recognize him and put my career in jeopardy!!”

Vanilla rolled his eyes, watching as Shadow Milk wrings his wrists and rocked his body in a fast motion. He was restless, clearly. If his constant shifting from one stim to another was anything to go off of. Once he stopped at a red light, he turned to look at his boyfriend. “You’ll be okay, mi vida. I have to admit that I acted similarly to you on the way to my first session with my therapist. It’s perfectly okay to be nervous about this.”

Finally they arrived at the place. Shadow Milk was fighting a mental war to keep his anxiety down, which wasn’t going well. He grabbed his braided hair and started running his hands over it. Vanilla takes his hand and ever so slowly wraps his arm around his neck, stroking his shoulder blade. He breathes out, calming down immediately as he leaned into the touch. They were both here at least a three hours early, so they could talk beforehand.

Which he greatly appreciated. He just buried his head into Vanilla’s neck, breathing deeply. Eventually the gentle movements of Vanilla’s hand stopped and he started to stare into his eyes. Shadow Milk raises his brow, “why the sudden admiration of my face, Silly Vanilly~” he grins as he sees his lover blushing.

“I can’t help myself, my sweet potato. You’re just so handsome~ how am I supposed to resist an alluring face like yours?~”

Shadow Milk kisses him on the lips to shut him up. Vanilla leans into the kiss, it only lasted for a minute but like all of Shadow Milk’s kisses it was still so loving. The two parted lips, Vanilla chuckles, “Is there any reason you did that?” Shadow Milk places a small kiss on the inside of his hand, bringing it to his cheek. “Needed you to stop being annoying with your words of affection.”

Vanilla snickered, “Ah, is that so?” Shadow Milk nodded as he leaned his cheek further into Vanilla’s palm. “Obviously,” Vanilla sighed dramatically “I guess I’ll cease my adoring words for you.” Shadow Milk growled in a way that Vanilla could describe as ‘cuteness aggression’. He pressed his head against his head, “You know I was kidding, right?” Vanilla nodded, his eyes still admiring every little detail of his lover’s face.

“Of course I do, I was simply teasing you.”

“Shadow Milk.” He was forcefully ripped out of the moment he and his boyfriend were having. Suddenly reminding him of why he’s here, he stands up. Vanilla takes his hand, “Good luck, Bluebird.” He nods and walks down the hallway to his therapist’s office, a million thoughts were running miles a minute. He knocked on the door very gently, then waited for a few seconds before knocking again. He hears a voice from the other side.

“It’s open.”

—

Archer looks up from his desk to see his new patient. He motions him to come in and he does so, he takes a moment to examine his patient. Black hair that faded into a bright blue tied into braided pigtails. A peculiar scar rested on his left eye, wearing a blue hoodie. He pointed at the couch for him to sit on, he decided to speak first.

“You must be Shadow Milk? My name is Archer.”

He nodded, clasping his hands in a tight grip. Archer clicked his pen and moved to sit in the armchair, he could see his patient was trembling in place. “We have an hour and a half in our session, it’s okay if you’re nervous.” Shadow Milk looks away, then he looks directly at him. “Do I have to talk to you about my issues right away or……”

“No, most first sessions are spent getting to know each other. So if you have any questions for me, I’m all ears.”

He saw the way his patient’s shoulders dropped as though he was relived, he sways his body back and forth. Finally opening his mouth to talk, “Did you go to med school?”

“I have a degree in clinical psychology if that counts.”

Shadow Milk stands up and walks around the room, getting himself familiar with his surroundings. “The heck is up the weird little things near the window?” Archer follows his gaze to the dream catchers hanging there. “Those are dream catchers.” He gasps slightly, “Huh, so that’s what they look like…” he shook his head and continued walking around the room.

He went to the bookshelf and fidgeted with the little gizmos he kept there for patients who had bad anxiety, he noticed that his patient took a liking to the jingle bell in particular. He brought the bell to his ear and started to ring it, his other hand examining the other fidgets on the shelf. “How many of these fidgets do you have?”

“I have even more in the drawer. Please do put them back when our time is up.”

Shadow Milk keeps pacing around the room, so he doesn’t curl up and cry in the corner. He redirects his attention towards a framed photo of Archer with someone he doesn’t know, they looked so happy. He turns to the therapist and points at the photo.

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s my husband, Fire. The photo was taken on our wedding day.” Shadow Milk smiled fondly at the photo as Archer continued, “He’s kinda annoying, but in an adorable way, you know?” Shadow Milk nodded and twirled a bit.

“Yeah I know what you mean, I got one of my own. We’re not married yet by the way.”

Archer perked up at this, “Is this your first relationship, per chance?”

“Yes it is.” Shadow Milk continues to fiddle with the jingle bell in his hand, bouncing his knee as the therapist approaches the topic carefully. “How long have you been together?” Shadow Milk smiles softly as he remembers that fateful day in April. “Three months, I honestly can’t believe it’s been three months. Everything’s going by so fast that I can’t keep track.”

Shadow Milk blinks and shook his head, getting up from the couch. “Well this was fun, but I have to go now.” Archer can see his rush to leave, he supposed it was first session anxiety, however he felt that there had to be more to it. “We have fourty five minutes left in our session. You still have to stay here.” His patient groaned, flopping face first back into the couch. He clicks his pen.

“Would you like to do some exercises real quick?”

His head turned away from the couch he had planted himself on, looking directly at him with frustration in his eyes. “Depends on what exercises you got.” Archer pulls out a stack of papers with ink blots on it from his desk, moving to sit in front of his patient. His patient scoffed at the papers, “Ink blots? Seriously?” Archer looks at him blankly as his patient sits up, “I guess I’ll bite.”

Archer flips one of the pieces of paper around, Shadow Milk tilts his head, trying to make something out of the ink blot. He squints his eyes, “Uhhhh… fireworks.” The therapist hums and shows him another paper. Shadow Milk stares at the blot on the paper, searching for something within the black emptiness. Finally he finds something, “Glow sticks.” Archer’s brow rises at his answer, he rushes to explain himself.

“I’m an Idol and you have these glow sticks you shake to the beat during concerts… and yeah…”

Archer hums, “You sing?”

Shadow Milk nods, “Yeah I got a concert out of state next month, you wanna free ticket?”

“I’m alright. Where are you going, per chance?”

Shadow Milk rocks himself, “New Orleans, really excited to perform there.” Archer presents the next paper, which got a reaction out of him. His eyes widened slightly, lip wobbling as short, fast breaths escaped from his patient. Archer knew that this was a trauma response, whatever he saw in the ink blot might have triggered the reaction. He heard whispers from him, “Can we please move on from the ink blots?”

Archer puts the papers back in the drawer of his desk, he goes to write down notes on what he’s learned about his patient so far. Shadow Milk looks up to see the therapist writing something down on a notepad, grabbing his attention instantly. “Whatcha writing there?” He looks at him, “Just some notes. We’re going to move on to word association.”

Shadow Milk crossed his arms, a sudden burst of confidence flowing through his veins. He was just glad that the guy wasn’t pressing him for answers on his reaction to the ink blot. Archer starts with something related to his patient’s line of work, being an Idol and all. “Music.” Shadow Milk didn’t even know if he needed to think about why he associated certain words, but he already knew what he associated music with.

“Joy.”

“Love.” That one was even easier. “Sun. Step it up with the difficulty, will you?”

Archer snickered at that, “Since we’re doing celestial bodies now, moon.”

“Salt.” Archer tilted his head as a response to the association. Shadow Milk saw the confusion on his therapist’s face, he explained himself.

“Salt’s a friend of mine. They really like the moon.”

Archer nods, deciding to inquire about his patient’s friend. “Can you describe your relationship with your friend?” He raised his brow at the question, “which one? Salty or the other Beasts?” Archer was now even more confused by his answer, but he didn’t need to wait long for elaboration.

“I have four best friends, Salt’s one of them. Do want me to describe my relationship with them or want me to explain my relationship with each of them?”

Archer writes that down, turning back to him. “Salt, first.” Shadow Milk nods and begins to talk again.

“Salty is mute, they use sign language to communicate. Before I learned sign, we used a notebook to talk. They would write some questions and I would respond, and so on. I didn’t trust the others yet, because of my experiences with being tricked by people who pretended to be my friend. So the notebook became a way for me to be more open without opening up to the others.”

“People tricked you, what do you mean?”

Shadow Milk groans, “well, it starts with someone who would’ve avoided you going up to you and starting a conversation. And then you think: “Wait, they actually care?!” But once you’ve outgrown your usefulness, they reveal their true colors and kick you to the curb. I don’t really trust anyone I don’t know after so many instances of that happening…”

Archer had a forlorn expression on his face, he shakes his head. “You brought this up like it was a common occurrence in your childhood, were you bullied by chance?” Shadow Milk nods his head, his eyes focused on fidgeting with the jingle bell in his hand. “I’m pretty sure that being bullied is an unspoken rite of passage for anyone who’s on the autism spectrum or neurodivergent.”

Archer looked at him surprised, Shadow Milk blankly stared at him for a moment. “Did I not mention that I am autistic?”

“No. You did not mention that.”

Shadow Milk claps his hands a few times, mumbling curses towards himself. “Crap, I should’ve opened with that in the beginning. I’m on the spectrum, sorry for not telling you sooner. I don’t really like to advertise myself like that… like I don’t want people to see me as my disability, I want them to see me as a person.”

Archer writes that down, flipping the notepad to an empty page. “Could you, if it’s not too painful. Could you give me an example of the treatment you endured”

Shadow Milk shrugged and sorted through all of the memories of being harassed throughout his time in school. “Well I would get shoved into lockers, but that’s tame compared to the rest of what they did. One time, they tried to drown me by shoving my head into the toilet. Another time, they cut up my arms with scissors, I had to go to the nurses after that. Oh!! How could I almost forget that time they nearly beat me to death!!”

Archer honestly wouldn’t be surprised if his patient had thoughts of suicide then, “That’s very disheartening, did your friends know about this?” Shadow Milk nodded, staring up at the ceiling still fiddling with the jingle bell in his hand. “Yeah, one of them ran a smear campaign against them they had to transfer schools. All of my friends were understanding of me… they are some of the nicest people I know.”

Archer nodded, “Are your friends aware that you’re autistic?”

“Yeah, they are aware. Can I tell you a story regarding them?”

Archer nodded, Shadow Milk fiddled with the jingle bell again, this memory was one of the moments he realized that he could trust the group. There were a lot of memories with the Beasts that he held dear, and this one was no different. The first time he had a meltdown with them around.

—

He was a freshman when it happened.

Everything felt wrong. His clothes were prickling with needles if his skin touched it, his ears were picking up every single squeak of the marker being used on the board. And worst of all, the lights were way too bright today for whatever reason. Shadow Milk couldn’t let it show that everything about today was horrible and wrong though, it would be stupid to do that when his friends were handling it perfectly fine.

So he does what any rational person would do, give a false smile and begrudgingly force yourself to keep going with the day pretending that everything was fine. But it’s not. He’s in his last class of the day, he just needs to hold out until the bell rings. He feels his breathing getting faster, but he keeps it quiet as to not alert Eternal Sugar, who was sitting next to him.

Then it happens.

A loud, ear bleeding noise echoed throughout the classroom. He resisted the urge to slam his hands over his ears, he watches everyone get up from their desks and proceeds to do the same. Hoping that the noise wasn’t ringing through the entire school…… it was ringing through the school. He fought back tears as he continued walking with the mass of students.

Once they got outside was when everything got worse. The sun was blinding him, forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and everything fell apart. He screamed when he felt that. Everything was too much, too much, so fucking much. He jerked his body away from the hand and ran away towards anywhere but here.

He crouched himself into a ball on the ground. He slammed his hands against his ears to block out every noise. His breaths coming out as short gasps, the tears finally flowing down his cheeks. He sobbed, not hearing the rapid footsteps that were approaching his location. He faintly registered Burning Spice’s voice ask him something he couldn’t understand, he opened his eyes and scattered backwards to the wall. He hears his friend saying something illegible to his ears, he just keeps sobbing.

“Shadow Milk?”

He looks at Burning Spice, a cautious, yet concerned smile reflects on his face. His chest was rising and falling so fast that he was sure that he could pass out any moment now. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” He shook his head, covering a loud sob with his hands. Burning Spice sighed, “That’s okay. You want the others here?” Shadow Milk didn’t think twice before nodding, Spice getting his phone out and messaging the others.

Shadow Milk still sobbed like he just lost everything and had nothing left. He looked at Spice again, who was talking. “I’ve checked out that girl group you and Sugar listen to. Girl Generation was it?” He nodded, feeling himself slowly be pulled back into the world. “There’s this one song, I love… it goes like, “Run, Run,” you know what that one’s called? It slipped my mind.” He knew the answer immediately.

“Run devil run.”

Burning Spice snapped his fingers, “That’s the name. I’m a big fan of the beat,” Shadow Milk sniffles. “I thought that you would never listen to Kpop.” Spice flips his hair back, “Well, you and Sugar changed that. I can see why you like that kind of music, it gives you a surge of energy.” Shadow Milk chokes on a small sob, he feels a hand rubbing up and down his back. He subconsciously leaned away from the touch, he looked up and catches the sight of his other three friends heading towards him.

He noticed Eternal Sugar’s hesitation as she stepped over to him, sitting down at a small distance from him. Spice scoots over to let Mystic Flour sit down next to him, she looked at Sugar. She clearly looked guilty about something, if the way she refused to meet Shadow Milk’s eyes said anything. She takes a deep breath and looks at him, her face dosed in guilt.

“Blueberry, I’m so sorry I touched you when you didn’t want to be touched… I was trying to get your attention so we could listen to music together… I’m sorry for that.”

Shadow Milk gasped softly at her apology, not because she was the one he slapped the hand away from. But because he never had anyone apologize to him for causing him to spiral even further into the meltdown, most people would just blame him for his outbursts. But Sugar was actively apologizing for doing something that caused him even more distress in the moment. He was genuinely confused by it, he needed to know why.

“Why are you apologizing for that, sweets?” He cringes at the way his voice cracked while he asks her the question, she looks at him puzzled and responds.

“Because I crossed a boundary while you were clearly distressed and I didn’t notice that you were. You’re my friend and I can’t believe that I didn’t see how overwhelmed you felt… I feel like the worst friend ever right now.”

Shadow Milk stopped her there, he didn’t want to hear that coming from her mouth. Especially since he saw her as a phenomenal friend. A friend who would join him in loudly singing along to Girl Generation in school hallways during dismissal, a friend who engaged with him whenever he’d talk about Kpop idols. A friend who didn’t bat an eye when he came to her wanting to learn how to apply makeup. A friend who did something that no one would even bother to do in his past.

He hugged her tightly, catching her off guard by the gesture. “Please don’t say that you’re the worst friend ever. You’re an awesome friend to me. If anything, I should be the one saying sorry for slapping your hand away when you were trying to help.” The tears were coming back while he told her that, he turned his head to see Silent Salt. Their hand was hovering over his back, he slowly nodded and shakily breathed as he felt the hand go up and down on his back.

Sugar hugged him back after what seemed like an eternity, “Blueberry…… you don’t have to apologize for that. I’m happy that you’re doing better, but that was wrong of me to do. And I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide when you’re having a bad day, I’m sorry that I made it worse.”

Shadow Milk shook his head, breaking away from the hug to look at her. “I think that you somehow made today bearable.” He heard Flour chuckle as she spoke, “She almost didn’t come with me and Salt to be with you. She was fearful that you would not forgive her for her foolishness.” Sugar chimes in, “I’m so glad that you dragged me all the way over here, Flo.”

He smiled softly and looked at Sugar’s phone, he tapped her shoulder. “Can we please listen to music?” She smiled fondly at him, bringing out her earbuds. He sighed as he grabbed the earbud and put it in his ear. “You pick.” He picks the song and closes his eyes, listening to the music while rocking himself.

—

“I just thought that no one would be bothered to adapt to my needs… and I somehow found people that were willing to do that.”

Archer nods, checking the time to see that the two had twenty minutes left in the session. Shadow Milk bounces his knee and speaks once more, “Is it normal to feel jealous of your partner because he’s so good at making socializing with strangers?”

Archer looks up at his patient, “Can you elaborate?” Shadow Milk gets up and starts to pace around the room. “Like, you’ve wanted friends for so long, but you don’t know how to talk to people and everyone around you hates your guts. And you know that you could’ve benefited from having a friend sooner, but you couldn’t do that. So being with someone who’s able to do it so easily… just hurts sometimes.”

“Have you brought it up to him?”

Shadow Milk cackles. “No, I don’t want him to rush to understand me. I want to know why I feel this way before telling him.”

Archer hummed and leaned forward, his patient sits down upon seeing this. “You have a deep longing for connecting with others. You want people to understand you better and yet you keep your walls up. Jealousy can be overwhelming, I felt jealous of my husband sometimes. It’s alright if you want to come to your own conclusions before telling your partner about this. Just know that it could cause a rift if left unresolved, I recommend that you reflect on it. Self reflection can be very eye opening in relationships.”

“That’s…… actually some good advice. I honestly feel stupid for not even thinking of that.”

Archer shook his head, “You’re not stupid, this is your first relationship. Of course you’re going to be completely lost on how to navigate it. It’s a two person job, and that requires some honesty between both parties.” Shadow Milk nodded and Archer stood up from the arm chair, “that’s all.” Shadow Milk tilted his head, confused. “We’re done with our session.” Archer smirks as he saw the look of shocked disappointment in his patient’s eyes.

“Already?!?! But I felt that I was making some progress!!!”

Archer laughed, “We’ll see each other once a month. So this is not the last of me. I hope you have a good day.”

And with that Shadow Milk left his office.

—

Shadow Milk walks into the waiting room, where Vanilla is waiting for him. He gets up and goes to him. Vanilla jumps in surprise when he feels a ghost like tap on his head, earning a fully hearted laugh from his bluebird. He swipes the white forelock of hair over to the side, holding the door for Shadow Milk to walk out of.

“How did it go?”

Shadow Milk wrings his wrists, “It went surprisingly well. I got a few things off my chest that were bothering me… I hope that didn’t get bored waiting for little old me to be done~” Vanilla laughed, placing an adoring kiss on his lover’s cheek, then his lips.

Shadow Milk leaned into the kiss. Feeling so much better now that he got all of that off his chest.

Chapter Text

Eternal Sugar hums in a sing song way, her voice echoes through the walls of her house. She does her makeup, dragging the lip liner on her lips with pinpoint accuracy. She tilts her head, analyzing each angle of her face. She smiles brightly and moves on to eyeshadow.

She applies the first layer of eyeshadow to her left eye first. Makeup is a delicate, yet extraordinary art form. The face is the canvas and all of the colors for lips and eyes are the paints. So many colors, yet some don’t go as well as you think. It takes a while to develop an eye for this kind of art. And Eternal Sugar was seemingly born with it, even as far back as kindergarten she had an eye for what colors go with what complexion.

By the time she got to high school, she had already mastered makeup and was always wearing it wherever she could. She went to the window and saw Hollyberry’s car parked outside her driveway, right on time. She goes to grab her heels, slipping them on her feet as she opens the door.

Hollyberry looks stunning. Frankly, she always does, but this time she looks like a goddess. Her normally bunned hair was now cascading down her back, her sparkling magenta dress revealing her neckline almost made her blush on the spot. And those muscles, oh what Sugar would give to be bridal carried in her other half’s arms.

Holly leaned towards her, taking her hand and gently kissing it with so much love. Sugar looked away, her face turning pink. Holly stepped out of her way, “After you, angel.” She walked out of her house, still holding the other woman’s hand. She smiled as she entered into the car, gazing dreamily at her girlfriend.

They’re going to the mall for lunch today, in a way it’s cathartic. But in a sweet way, they did first meet at the mall after all. Holly stopped at a red light, noticing Sugar’s constant affectionate gaze. “You like what you see?” She nodded her head and placed a loving kiss upon her cheek. She sighed softly, “Oh yes, I absolutely adore the view~” Hollyberry laughed affectionately as she turned to park the car.

She opened the door for Sugar, smiling her trademark smile. Sugar takes her hand interlocking it with hers once more. The two women go into the mall, Sugar takes the time to reminisce. From the moment she saw her girlfriend, she knew that she was in love. She never felt that kind of love at first glance feeling until Hollyberry came into her life.

Whenever she thought of her, she felt like a kid in a candy factory. The sheer glee she felt by merely thinking about her was immense. Any time the two women get together, even before Hollyberry confessed her feelings, she felt like she was in paradise. Holly snapped her out of her love injected thoughts by kissing her on her temple, she looked at her.

“What are you thinking about? It’s probably me, ain't it?”

Sugar blushes wildly, “How did you know?”

Holly laughed, “You had that star struck, dreamy look on your face. The look that tells me that you’re so madly in love with me.”

Sugar laughs, “It’s not my fault you’re so irresistible, Holly~”

Holly laughs, turning her head to face her. Sugar lets herself kiss her on the lips, Holly smiles into the kiss feeling so blissful in the moment. Sugar takes a mental photo of her girlfriend’s face, she looks so peaceful that she needed her mind to immortalize it. Finally the two separate and walking into the makeup shop together.

Sugar zipped from one display to another, Hollyberry tailing behind her closely. She grabbed a deep magenta colored lipstick and tested it on her arm. She turned to Holly, then a lightbulb went off in her head.

Holly felt her hand being pulled towards her girlfriend, who held some lipstick in her other hand. She smiled sweetly, “Let me do your makeup.” Hollyberry was surprised by the request to do her makeup, not that Hollyberry didn’t like using makeup. She used it occasionally, but she never had someone ask to do it for her. She smirked playfully.

“Very well, however you have to let me do yours afterwards.” Eternal Sugar gasps at the proposition that her own girlfriend would be doing her makeup. She nods and began to dart around the store for makeup products that would go perfectly with Holly. Sugar returns with a bright magenta eyeliner, Holly closes her eyes as Sugar began to work her magic.

She gently cupped her girlfriend’s cheek while she worked, dragging the eyeliner meticulously over her eyelid. She felt her heart jump when she saw her eyelashes twitching in the most adorable way. She moved onto the other eye, using the same amount of precision as the previous eye. Once she was done with the eyeliner, she moved onto foundation.

She gently dabbed the pad on the foundation and gently applied it to Holly’s face. She made sure to get her girlfriend’s exact skin tone for this. She smiled as the foundation glowed on Holly’s face, making her unique face structure look even more attractive. Sugar takes the cap off the lipstick, the bright magenta color reminding her so much of her other half. She applies the lipstick with so much care, and finally she’s done.

Sugar claps her hands at her marvelous work done. “Open your eyes~”

—

Hollyberry gasps as she opens her eyes and looks at herself in the mirror. She tilts her face around to gaze at Sugar’s work, she looks absolutely gorgeous. The eyeliner bringing more focus to her eyes, while at the same time giving attention to itself with the color popping. Her face was more defined and delicate looking than she could’ve ever imagined, it felt like she was glowing.

And that’s not even mentioning the lipstick. The bright magenta lipstick that started all of this, Sugar was right. The lipstick looked so pretty on her lips. She felt so damn beautiful in this moment. She turned around to look at her girlfriend, who was standing there with a huge smile gracing her face. “Soooo~ what do you think?~”

“I love it!!! You really do know your way with makeup don’t ya?” She nodded brightly at that. “I always have. Now wait for a moment, I have to wash off the makeup that’s on my face right now.”

Holly nods and goes through the store while her girlfriend removes her makeup, she wasn’t going to do much. Just some blush and lipgloss. Maybe some mascara too, she grabs the stuff just as Sugar finishes with removing the makeup. She sits down on the chair, Holly decides to fill the silence with a conversation.

“You mentioned that you always knew your way around makeup. Would you mind elaborating?”

Sugar giggled, keeping her eyes closed as she spoke. “I had an eye for this stuff since I was a little girl. I was giving my mom advice when I was ten years old, saying that color doesn’t go with your lips and stuff like that.” Hollyberry snickers at the imagined sight of a ten year old Sugar giving her mother harsh makeup advice.

“Eventually when I was in the sixth grade, she caved and let me do her makeup before a fancy buffet we were attending for dad’s business. I made her go out and buy the necessary colors that I knew would look good. She got so many compliments at the buffet that she allowed me to do her makeup before any fancy event.”

Holly quipped back. “Imagine getting upstaged by your own daughter in the makeup game. What does she even say when someone asks, “who did your makeup?”???” Hollyberry applied the blush as Sugar continued to speak.

“She told the truth, they didn’t believe her until she had me come in and list off every product I used on her. I made some opps with a few married women that day.” Thankfully Holly was done, because she would’ve messed up had Sugar said that sooner. She puts the cap back on the lipgloss, “Open your eyes, angel.”

Sugar does as she’s told, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She looks radiant right now. Absolutely stunning, Holly hadn’t even done much. And yet she still feels like the most beautiful woman in the world. The sparkling lipgloss veils her lips with its shine and glistening beauty. The mascara was on fleek, she was shocked that her girlfriend was able to do that while talking to her. Lastly the baby pink blush that made itself right at home on her cheeks gave her the cutest look.

“It’s not my best work, compared to yours. But I do hope you like it.”

Sugar hugged her girlfriend, giving her a big kiss on her forehead. She looked at her with stars in her eyes. “I love it!!! You did amazing work!!!” Hollyberry laughed full heartedly and kissed her lips. Sugar leaned fully into the kiss, holding her girlfriend’s hand all the while. After a long while, the two separated from the kiss.

They left the makeup store and walked around the mall, window shopping. They were both talking and laughing, generally enjoying the other’s company. Sugar was looking through the rack of clothes and picked a floral patterned blouse, she holds the blouse in front of her while looking in the mirror. She frowns, the blouse was her size but she wasn’t a fan of the color. She puts the blouse back.

Hollyberry sighs as she looks through the clothes, her disappointment evident on her face. There was nothing cute in her size, and if there is a plus size section, it would have longer outfits. And while she doesn’t mind wearing a dress every now and again, she doesn’t want to wear it everyday. “Hollyberry~” she gazes at Sugar.

“I’m fine. Just disappointed that they don’t have anything in my size…”

Sugar nods as she walks in front of her girlfriend. “That’s the good thing about thrift stores, they have something in everyone’s size.” Holly followed her out with a smile on her face.

“I know!! It’s frustrating because I genuinely want to look good, but the fashion industry doesn’t think of people like me…”

Sugar holds Hollyberry’s face in a firm and gentle manner. “You’re beautiful, my love. And pardon my language, but the fashion industry is bullshit for those pathetic excuses of “plus sized” clothes!!”

Hollyberry laughed, “Oh believe me, I hold the sentiment. I’ve just got used to it.” Sugar seemed to get even more furious, before taking a deep breath to clam herself. “I can get Blueberry to make you an incredible blouse or whatever outfit you want. He’d be happy to.”

Hollyberry kisses her angel’s hand, grinning softly at the blushing woman. “I’m sure he would. You really don’t have to do that.”

Sugar giggles softly, “I know, that’s what makes me a good girlfriend.” She winked and took her hand. The two women walked out of the clothing shop and to the food court.

—

The food court is by far Sugar’s favorite spot in the mall. It didn’t matter what location or food they had, Sugar loves the food court. But not for the food, rather for the memories that she made in the food court when she was in high school.

She had so many precious memories of her, Shadow Milk and Silent Salt together. It certainly made eating at the mall more enjoyable for her. She and Holly stood in front of the food court, Sugar takes a deep breath and exhales the air. Holly snickers at her reaction. “You always do this when you go to the food court?”

Sugar started cackling at the question, she wasn’t expecting Hollyberry to point that out. “No!! It’s just been a while since I ate at the food court. That’s all!!” Holly beamed, putting her hand on Sugar’s shoulder. Sugar shut herself up immediately, staring directly into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“I’m going to find us a place to sit, you going to be alright getting the food?” Sugar nodded and gave her a temporary goodbye kiss, she didn’t stick around to see her face. She pays for the food for herself and her girlfriend, she sees Holly waving at her and she goes to sit with her. Holly takes her food, gazing at Sugar.

“You got something on your mind?”

Sugar shrugged, “Just this one case that fucking infuriates me to no end. I need to make a video on that case, I swear.”

Holly’s face perked up, her interest piqued. “Do tell.”

Sugar faces Hollyberry, “Okay so basically this guy who was a sex offender who had three kids in his house for some god forsaken reason, he did a murder suicide on the day that he was supposed to go to court.”

Hollyberry was admittedly disturbed by the case, but she continued to listen.

“And the craziest thing is that the police didn’t investigate. They literally left evidence lying around in the house, the family of one of the victims found their daughter’s cellphone in a cabinet. This had to call the police to do their jobs and collect the evidence. And on the way out of the house, they found even more evidence.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Exactly!!”

Sugar stopped her rambling and takes a sip of her soda. That felt really good to get off her chest, she never had anyone to talk extensively about a true crime case that made her genuinely mad. She counted her lucky stars that found someone who was willing to listen to her inane ramblings about true crime.

Holly hooks her pinky finger around Sugar’s, she smirks at her girlfriend. “I just want you to know that if you ever need to rant about anything, hit me up.”

Sugar blushes at her girlfriend’s willingness to listen to her talk. She smiles softly and link her pinky finger with Holly’s.

“I will.”

—

The two women exited the mall, their stomachs full and happy as can be. They get in the car and Hollyberry pulls out of the parking garage, intending to drive her girlfriend home. She turns to Sugar, who was looking at her with those star struck eyes again. She decides to talk for a bit.

“So your parents?”

Sugar snapped out of her love struck state, she blinked at her. A small blush formed on her face, “What about my parents?” Hollyberry kept her eyes on the road, continuing to ask. “What are they like?” Sugar flips her hair, smiling softly. Hollyberry loves her girlfriend’s smile, it was one of the things that made falling in love with her even easier. The soft curl of her lips and that dimple, oh god that dimple. Hollyberry almost died of cuteness when she noticed it for the first time.

“My parents were born in Greece and moved to the states for me to have more opportunities. Mama is a businesswoman, she has this job as a secretary to a ceo. Pa has an entire vineyard of grapes that we harvest to make wine. I remember constantly looking forward to harvest day when I was a child. So growing up I was pretty loaded.”

Hollyberry stopped at a red light and looked directly at her. “Sometimes I’m still surprised that you grew up rich. You’re so humble and sweet.”

Sugar giggles. “You can thank my parents for keeping the fact that they were rich from me, so I can grow up to be kind and honest. Albeit looking back they didn’t do a good job hiding it, I was just dumb enough to not notice the lies.” Hollyberry laughed at that.

“And they gave you a good sense of humor too.”

Hollyberry stopped the car in front of Sugar’s driveway. Sugar gives her a long goodbye hug and kiss, Holly responds by peppering her face with kisses. The gesture causes her to giggle wildly as her face gets peppered by the relentless kisses. She notices that Hollyberry kept targeting one specific spot near her lips.

Her eyes widened slightly when she realized that was the exact spot where her dimple was. She exited the car and bid her farewell to her girlfriend, she watched her blow a kiss towards her before driving away.

Sugar kept grazing her hand on her dimple, as she walked into her house. Her whole life she hated that dimple because it meant that her face wasn’t perfect, but Hollyberry’s actions today made her feel like she was perfect.

That her face was perfect and beautiful. She smiled brightly, knowing that she looked positively beautiful with that dimple on her face. She brushed through her hair, admiring her face with the makeup that Hollyberry applied earlier in the day.

She glowed at herself, the mascara was essentially perfect. So perfect that she was kinda jealous of her girlfriend for that, she flutters her eyelashes to get a better look at it. And it still looks perfect. She really wishes that Hollyberry would just do her makeup for a video. A video? She slammed her hands on the bathroom counter.

She fumbled around to grab her phone, almost dropping it in the process. She messaged her girlfriend.

Sugar Of Happiness: Hey sweetie~ you wanna maybe be in a video on my channel with me??? It’s okay if you say no. I was just admiring your work and just got the idea to bring you on……

Drunk(affectionate): Oh!!! OH!!! Of course!!! I would absolutely love to be in one of your videos!!!! Just call me up when you decide on the filming date. Until then, my angel. :D!!!

Sugar Of Happiness: Until then, my love~

Sugar jumps for joy. So excited that she’ll finally be able to introduce her girlfriend to her audience. She lays down in bed, positively giddy at the prospect.

Chapter Text

He was a fourth year med student when it went down.

Vanilla was set to shadow another doctor for the day, to say that he was excited would be an understatement. He was beyond thrilled to get the chance to be on the field. He worked so hard to get a scholarship to get the opportunity to go to medical school.

He had always wanted to be a doctor. From the moment he heard the story of how doctors saved him from a deadly infection, he had found his calling in life. He always held such a deep admiration of those in the medical field and wanted so desperately to be one of them, so that he too could help others.

He walked through the hallway, knocking on the door of the doctor he’s going to shadow. The door opened and Vanilla greeted him with a big smile, the doctor smiled back. He walked with the doctor through the corridor, still smiling so brightly. The doctor looked at him, skeptical of something. “Is everything alright, sir?” The doctor dusted their coat. “Have you been eating as of late? You look thin.”

Vanilla silently shook his head, denying the fact he had not eaten in two weeks. There was no time to eat when he had to study in order to keep his grades up and his scholarship secured. He was still grateful for the existence of foundation to hide his eye bags from others. He didn’t want anyone to worry or worse have him take a gap year and miss school. He just wants to help everyone.

He and the doctor heard an announcement from the speakers, “All hazard disaster plan in effect. Anyone who can help please report to the emergency branch.” The doctor rushes ahead, Vanilla follows them. People were being rushed to different rooms on stretchers, Vanilla feels his heart throbbing with empathy.

Without thinking twice he rushes towards the nearest stretcher to see if he can help. He couldn’t stand by and take notes, the drive to help others won’t let him. He sees a nurse locking eyes with him, she motions him to come close. He goes with her to see a paramedic doing chest compressions on an unconscious man. He stands outside of the room, frozen in place. His mind screams at him to step forward, but his body refuses out of shock.

The paramedic glances at him briefly before turning back to the flatlining man, “You are?” Vanilla realizes that the paramedic was talking to him and he rushed to answer her. “Vanilla, fourth year med student.” The paramedic kept her eyes focused on the man, “Can you do a left femoral in his groin for me?” He nodded, and quickly sterilized the skin of the groin.

He sticks the needle in the area to try and find a vein. His eyes widened when he couldn’t find a vein in put the needle into, so he spoke up for assistance. “I can’t find it!!” The paramedic took the needle from his hand, then turned to the AED. Grabbing it and placing it on the man’s chest, “Shock at 120. Clear!” The lifeless body jumped at the shock, Vanilla physically flinched as it did so. A nurse checked for a pulse. “No pulse,” the paramedic looked at the nurse, “Again. Put it to two hundred. Clear!”

Vanilla understood that this was necessary to get the patient stable, but he couldn’t help but flinch when the AED shocked the lifeless patient. “I got a pulse. Get the bp, keep giving him blood and get him to the or.” Vanilla sighs in relief that he managed to get the patient back, he ran off to see if anyone else needed help.

Another doctor pulled him to the side, “I need to attend to another patient, can you please check on him.” He nodded, as the doctor gave him the details. “It’s a six year old male, got a few broken ribs from the crash.” Vanilla’s heart aches at the knowledge that a child was injured, he did a quick sprint before turning to the room where the child was. He knocked on the door to announce his presence.

“Hello there. I’m just here to check on you, your doctor is running busy.” He goes to the heart monitor to check the child’s vitals. All seems fine so far, but it could go south at any moment. The doctor he’s shadowing watches him from the door, monitoring his movements with bated breath. Vanilla keeps himself focused on the task.

“Everything looks in order. I’ll get someone to monitor you, just in case.”

The mother nods and thanks him. He leaves the room, walking alongside the doctor. The two are quiet for a moment before the doctor speaks. “You did good in there.”

Vanilla suppresses the urge to jump for joy at the knowledge that he did well in his interaction with the patient’s mother. He made him relieved that he could do this, that he belongs in the field. The doctor waved at someone, presumably a colleague of theirs. The colleague headed over with a young woman following them, she looked to be in the same year as him. The doctor turned to Vanilla.

“Vanilla, have you met Raisin yet?” He had seen her while walking to classes, they’d say a quick hello occasionally. But other than those times, he didn’t know her. He shakes his head, holding his open hand out to her. She takes it, “It’s nice to meet you, officially.” She gives him a smile, “You too, I mean how many times have we exchanged a fast greeting?” Vanilla knows the answer to that question, he had unintentionally keeping track of it in his mind.

About fifteen times this semester, ten times last year. And I guess that makes it sixteen right now. She looked at him with a blank expression, “You’ve kept count?” Vanilla blushes and covers his mouth with his hands, that wasn’t supposed to come out of his mouth. He said that out loud in front of the doctor he’s shadowing. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand, rushing to explain himself. “Not on purpose!! I swear to gods, I’m not a stalker!!”

She laughed and held her hands up, “Relax, it’s okay. I didn’t even expect you to even answer that. Has it really been ten times last year?”

He nods, not meeting her eyes out of sheer embarrassment at himself for saying that. She meets his eyes, “Well I let you get back to your job, it was nice meeting you.” She smiles and walks off with the medical technologist. Vanilla finally lets himself breathe, groaning at his absolute fumble of a conversation.

The doctor chuckles, “How’s your dorm mate doing by the way? Dougheal, was it?” Vanilla sighs in hidden sadness at the mention of his prior dorm mate. Dougheal was a year ahead of him and had recently moved out to return home. He was devastated when he got the news that they were leaving, he felt like he could tell them anything. And now his only line of support he had throughout his time in school was gone, and he wasn’t coping with it well.

“Actually they moved out two weeks ago.” He fought back tears as he walked into another patient’s room, checking their vitals and making sure everything was fine. The doctor turned to him as they walked through the hallway, “How are you holding up after that?”

Vanilla smiled, lying by the skin of his teeth. “I’ve been handling it well. You don’t have to worry about me.” I’m not worthy of it. He let that part go unsaid, he didn’t want anyone to worry about him. Because he’s the helpful one, the helpful one’s don’t feel like they’re constantly not doing enough and they just aren’t enough. They simply keep on going and helping.

But sometimes, the carefully crafted mask that Vanilla constructed slips. Not all the time, only very specific moments. Like when he got a 99% on a test, when a hundred was the norm for him. Or when he misheard an instruction and had to be corrected by the instructor. Those times he had absolutely felt like he was letting everyone down.

—

Vanilla eyes another patient from across his vision. A nurse is already in the room, the two were talking. Vanilla walked over, soon being joined by the doctor. “You sure you don’t want to take a break?” Vanilla shakes his head. “I’m fine.” He knocked on the door, the nurse opened it. She had grayish hair done up in a perm style, she looked at him confused.

“May I come in?”

She nodded and proceeded to give him the rundown on her patient, “This is Lily Bell, thirteen year old female with Cystic Fibrosis, just came in. Me and her were just catching up.” Vanilla’s eyes widened as he realized that he knew of her, she’s Lily’s cousin. Lily Bell looks at him, tilting her head.

“You look familiar…” The nurse glances at her in surprise as Vanilla smiles softly.

“Do you have a cousin named Lily White?”

She gasped, “No way!! You’re the Vanilla my cousin told me about?!?!” He nodded and sat down on a chair beside her. “The one and only. What are you in for other than CF?” She chuckled darkly, “Caught a cold.” Vanilla hissed through his teeth. She continued to talk, “I’m just waiting for lungs so I can finally breathe like a normal girl.”

Vanilla lets out a nervous laugh, “Well, I can guarantee you that you will get those lungs. If not, then you have every right to haunt me from the afterlife.”

She laughs, “You sure? I won’t give you any mercy.”

He smirks, “I think I can handle it.” She laughs again, causing a small coughing fit. Vanilla immediately felt guilty for causing her more pain. She caught her breath and turned to face him, “It was nice seeing you. Tell cousin Lily I said happy birthday.” He refrains himself from grabbing her hand, knowing that she could catch his bacteria. “I will. Get well soon, Lily Bell.” Before he left the room he goes to the nurse.

“Thank you for letting me talk to her, nurse…”

She pointed to her name clip, “Truffle. But you can call me Truff, it’s a nickname she gave me.”

He giggled, “Either way, thank you nurse Truffle, for allowing me to speak with her.” She nodded, “Here’s to hoping that you get placed in this hospital for residency.”

Vanilla waves and closed the door to the room. He and the doctor walked for a moment, “Well, that was nice to see a familiar face.” The doctor smirked as Vanilla continued.

“I mean, what are the odds that I could encounter my best friend’s cousin here??”

The doctor glanced at him, “It’s actually more common than you think. I remember treating close family friends a lot more times than I expected.” Vanilla leans over to look at the doctor, catching a glimpse at his name clip. ‘Millennial Tree’ it read.

“Really?!”

Dr. Tree nodded, “It’s true. You’re more likely to encounter those situations than you’d thought.”

Vanilla hummed in thought. He guessed that’s what made the profession so exhilarating, at least that’s how he sees it.

You’re constantly being tested on your medical knowledge with every step you walk through the halls. Every patient is like a rubix cube, a puzzle to solve. You go through every piece of information that you can obtain via scans, then you decide the next course of action. Doctors are literally solving complex rubix cubes of medical conditions every single day.

A perfect profession for a person who has a determined drive and a sharp, intelligent mind and an understanding of every background of how to communicate with patients. The perfect job for Vanilla.

—

“Code Blue. Code Blue. Code Blue.”

Vanilla zoomed through the hallway and skidded into the room with a small child around eight or nine years old. The mother was screaming for help, Vanilla started doing chest compressions, Dr. Tree soon came into the room and noticed that Vanilla wasn’t compressing hard enough.

“You have to compress harder. Go for the heart, Vanilla.”

Vanilla looks up at the doctor in shock, she’s so tiny…. And Vanilla didn’t know what he’d do if he accidentally broke something, he shoved his apprehensions down into his subconscious and obeyed. His heart sank to his stomach as he heard tiny cracks while he compressed. He was breaking a little girl’s ribs, he kept going. He’ll have to cry himself to sleep about it later, right now he’s solely focused on saving the patient.

“Hold.”

He stops his chest compressions immediately, holding his hands up and internally sighing in relief that they brought her back. A moment later, a team of nurses began to wheel the child out, Dr. Tree turned to face him. Vanilla was standing there frozen, mumbling under his breath, only snapping out of it when the doctor spoke.

“You did a good job there.”

A good job?! A GOOD JOB!?!? He just broke a child’s ribs from doing CPR!! How was that doing a good job. Vanilla didn’t say anything, that would be highly unprofessional. He wanted to make a good impression on the staff here, so he could hopefully get placed here for residency.

Doubts started flooding his mind, most of them were chastising him for getting so freaked out over that. Many doctors probably had to do far worse to keep their patients alive than breaking a patient’s ribs while resuscitating them.

—

Vanilla’s thoughts kept swirling around, he kept moving forward. But he felt that the chain’s around his legs were getting heavier and heavier. He takes a deep breather, he had excused himself to use the restroom. Which was a lie, and even his soul knew that. He just needed to stop the feeling of inadequacy from consuming him.

He crouches in front of the toilet, his breathing shallow and rapid. He locked the stall door to prevent anyone from finding him indulging in such a thing. It calmed him tremendously, now on to the matter at hand. He inhales deeply, before shoving two fingers down the back of his throat. The habit was the only thing that numbed his thoughts from devouring his sanity.

He felt too heavy, he had too much for breakfast this morning and too much for dinner the evening before. He had to fix this problem immediately, he needs to shave these horrible, unwanted numbers off his body. And he had found that this method was the best way for him to do so.

He gagged a few times, nothing but water came up. He growled at himself for not even able to do this properly. Barely anything was coming up, despite the constant gagging caused the two fingers still in the back of his throat. He breathed heavily as he sticks his fingers back into his throat.

He just needed to purge.

He just wants to get rid of all of that blubber that he knows is still there. But it just won’t go away, like it was taunting him with his own reflection. It wasn’t just the blubber on his stomach that he wanted to be rid of, it was everywhere else on his body.

Especially his thighs, gods his thighs. Those were always the heaviest part of him, the way his mind pointed out how the skin ripples when he would slap his hand on them absolutely made his usual purges worth it.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity. He throws up his breakfast and dinner from last night, the mush splashed into the water of the toilet bowl. Once Vanilla was done, he smiled at the vomit. Immediately feeling much better than when he went in. He stumbled backwards against the stall door, clutching his head in his hands. He brushed off his lightheadedness.

That was a new development as of late. The constant feeling of being cold, tired and lightheaded. But it’s nothing that he couldn’t get used to eventually. He takes one last look at the puke in the toilet, smiling proudly at his job well done. He then flushed the toilet, not taking his eyes off of the water swirling until it retreated into the toilet bowl.

Vanilla stepped out of the stall, almost losing his balance. He examined his face, his cheeks were slightly swollen and red from the previous purges. He grabbed a container of foundation that he kept on him and reapplied it, upon noticing that the moisture from his eyes watering had caused the foundation under his eyes to wash off.

He dipped his finger into the cream and dragged it under his eyes mechanically. It practically became muscle memory at this point, he had only started the whole purging thing during spring break. After a bout of food poisoning led him to losing two pounds. And that had planted an idea in his mind that if he did this enough times, he’d be able to shut up those thoughts that kept telling him that he was eating too much.

The moment he reached ninety pounds, he celebrated. He celebrated because his theory was right!! After that, he kept going with his purges. He didn’t care if his cheeks were getting swollen from his stomach acid coming up his throat, he could just hide that with just enough foundation. He gazed at his reflection in the restroom mirror.

For a brief moment, he faltered. He squinted his eyes at his reflection. Is that really me? He shakes his head, washing his hands with his eyes not looking at his reflection anymore. He leaves the restroom, before he goes back to shadowing Dr. Tree, he sees a scale. His gaze lingers on the scale for a while, then he walks forward.

It couldn’t hurt to check his weight before returning to his shadowing. He stands on the scale, sliding it a bit until it balances itself in the middle. His eyes lit up like Christmas lights when he saw the number.

85 pounds.

He smiled and hopped off the scale to go and help more people.

Chapter Text

Vanilla was exhausted, but he couldn’t stop. He can’t stop, he had to keep going to save everyone. He was still reeling from the first person he tried to save had almost flatlined, they brought them back but it was still a big scare. He didn’t have time to process the near loss and recover. He had to save whoever was still alive.

He hears an automated voice over the speakers. “Code Blue. Code Blue. Code Blue.” He bolted straight to help do revive whoever was coding, he turns the corner and rushes into the room. Dr. Tree, the doctor he’s shadowing was already in the room doing chest compressions. Vanilla ran in and took initiative.

“You bag, I chest compress!!”

Dr. Tree nodded and grabbed the oxygen mask, a nurse started to push the stretcher while Vanilla began the chest compressions. He kept mumbling under his breath as he tried desperately to bring the patient back. “Come on, come on, come on!! Don’t die on me now!! You have so much to live for!!” A head nurse jogs around to the stretcher, “I’ll take from here!” Vanilla ignores her and continues, he tuned the entire world out to concentrate on doing the chest compressions exactly like he was taught in classes. He spoke with a quick pace. “Can’t do that. This one’s mine.”

The head nurse walked to the nurse pushing the stretcher, “Who’s the kid?” The nurse shrugged and the doctor answered the question for her. “He’s shadowing me. He’s not going to let go until we get to the ICU.” The head nurse nodded and moved to the other side of the stretcher, speeding up the process of getting the patient to the ICU.

Dr. Tree had to physically pull Vanilla off the patient once they arrived. The doctor said something, but he didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say. There was no time, not in the emergency department. It was comforting to Vanilla, in a strange, morbid way. He didn’t have any time to think because there was so much happening around him, it distracted him from the thoughts in his head that kept screaming at him.

Screaming that he wasn’t good enough. Screaming that he was too heavy and that he needed to lose weight. Screaming that he didn’t deserve the scholarship and that it should’ve gone to someone who actually deserved it. Screaming that he was all alone, that nobody would or could understand.

The amount of commotion around the emergency department gave him a reprieve from those horrible thoughts that would plague his mind.

He keeps going, it didn’t matter that everything was starting to blur together. He just kept going, he needed to keep going. He needed to save others, if he can’t… then what is the point?! What purpose does he have if he can’t save a person’s life?! He needs to help people.

Vanilla eyes a particular patient, they seem to be in a coma. Someone was beside their bed, a relative, a friend, a loved one. He didn’t know, but he did want to help. He knocked on the door to announce himself, walking slowly into the room. The woman by their bed looked up at him.

“¿Quién eres?”

Vanilla’s eyes widened slightly, he wasn’t expecting to see another Spanish speaker at all. He clears his throat, “Mi nombre es Vainilla, soy estudiante de cuarto año de medicina ¿me permite hacerle un chequeo?”

“Si.”

He walks in, checking the vitals with his utmost attention. At some point he felt Dr. Tree watching him, he ignored it and focused on checking the vitals. He noticed that the blood pressure was one number higher than normal, an ever so slight increase that could spiral into complications if left unchecked. The doctor speaks, “What’s your next step?” Vanilla has the answer on the tip of his tongue.

“Since this has the potential to spike into a hypersensitive crisis, we should consider giving the patient a dose of Hydralazine or Captopril to lower the blood pressure. Should it come to that point, for now we send a nurse to monitor the patient’s blood pressure for any changes.”

The doctor puts a hand on his shoulder, “Good call, kiddo.” Vanilla felt a surge of pride flowing through him, he informed woman that he’ll be getting a nurse to monitor the patient. She nodded and he stepped out of the room, walking ahead of the doctor again with a determination to help more people.

He felt more confident than ever, he supposed that’s the effect that helpfulness combined with the adrenaline rush of the er busyness has on people. It’s such a powerful feeling for him, compassion. For as long as he can remember, he’s been told that he’s by far the most compassionate person they’ve ever met. Even his own parents told him such, as he grew up, that trademark kindness and compassion he had never faltered.

Even one family member of a patient he helped told him that when he offered to get some food from the hospital cafeteria. He really didn’t think he deserved the thanks he received from the family at his kindness, nor the gratitudes that the nurses gave him for helping them. To him, it wasn’t enough. He had to keep going if he even wanted to believe that he deserved it. His train of thought was cut short upon hearing a familiar robotic voice echoing through the speakers.

“Code Stroke. Code Stroke. Code Stroke.”

Vanilla made a mad dash towards the door of the patient who needed help and his heart stopped for a moment. He was just here… he had just sent a nurse to monitor the patient’s condition… he was just here being thanked by someone in his native tongue. He started doing chest compressions immediately, feeling immense guilt for not sticking around for a few more moments.

The sound of the heart monitor flatline caused him to feel light headed, he felt his face becoming wet with tears and sweat. The doctor rushed in and grabbed the AED device and spoke once more. “Hold compressions.” Vanilla obeyed immediately, “Clear!” The lifeless body jumped up, but didn’t come back. Dr. Tree turned up the shock level, while Vanilla kept doing chest compressions. “Hold compressions.” Vanilla really didn’t want it to be true, he didn’t want to believe that someone died on his watch.

“Clear!” The flatline still sounds, the doctor sighs. He looked at Vanilla, he was still doing chest compressions. Dr. Tree spoke in a heavy tone, “You have to let him go, Vanilla. He’s gone…” Vanilla stopped breathing when he heard that, he backed away from the patient. “Time of death is 6:43 pm. Possible cause: Alcohol poisoning induced stroke.” His ears were ringing as all noise around him became muffled by his thoughts screaming at him.

He failed… he failed, he failed, He failed, HE FAILED!!!!!! YOU FAILED YOUR PATIENT!!!!!!! He ran out of the room, he felt like the air was suffocating him. He didn’t even know what room he was in, but it was isolated. He breaths come out in fast bursts and tears were pouring from his eyes. He lets out a strangled sob.

Suddenly, the door opens.

—

Raisin didn’t know what to expect when she opened the door to the break room, but it certainly wasn’t this. The moment she opened the door, loud sobs were rolling out. She ran into the room and closed the door, then she froze in place. She sees a familiar face.

Vanilla, the star student who got straight A’s and never missed a single day in class. The student who everyone adores, was right there. He looked like an absolute mess, his hair was disheveled and a bit greasy. His doctor’s coat from earlier in the day was thrown to the side, makeup was running off his face revealing heavy looking eye bags. And that’s even mentioning how he practically looked like a walking skeleton with how thin he was.

Raisin rushes to his side, crouching in front of him. “Vanilla? Can you hear me?” More heart wrenching sobs erupted from his throat, she knew that he was probably having either a mental breakdown or a panic attack. Regardless of whatever he was going through, she had to help him. She sits down with him, he looks at her with teary eyes. Her heart drops for a moment.

The one other thing she knew about the blonde before today, was his mis matched eyes. One hazel bordering on gold and the other a bright blue. Those eyes looked so broken and distraught that she almost teared up herself. She holds it together, keeping her voice steady and warm.

“Vanilla? It’s me, Raisin. Can I hold your hand?”

He looked at her, a faint glint of recognition grazed his eyes. He nodded slowly, she takes his hand. She fought the urge to pull away when she felt how boney his hands were, how long had he’d been starving himself?? She takes loud deep breaths for Vanilla to follow, he does so. After a few minutes of deep breathing, his breathing returns to normal. The loud sobs became tiny sniffles, the two stayed quiet. Vanilla is the first to talk.

“I apologize for my foolishness. That wasn’t very… professional of me…”

Raisin had to shut that down, she couldn’t have him apologizing for getting overwhelmed in this environment. “It happens to everyone. You wanna talk about it?” Vanilla begins to laugh, the tiny giggles morphing into manic laughter.

“I fucking lost a patient today!! I couldn’t identify that he was going through alcohol poisoning and was at risk of a stroke!! Hehehe, hahaha… isn’t that pathetic!?! I can’t even figure out something so FUCKING SIMPLE!!!!!!!”

The sobs returned with a vengeance, tears returned to his eyes with the addition of snot dripping from his nose. Raisin grabbed a napkin and handed it to him. She sits down beside him, he continues to ramble.

“It’s the easiest thing to pick up on!!!! And I was too stupid to even notice that!! I saw the blood pressure was ONE NUMBER HIGHER THAN WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!! And I only had to nurse stay by him to monitor his condition!!!! BUT HE STILL DIED!!!! AHAHAHA!!!! I SHOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED THAT SCHOLARSHIP!! I CAN’T EVEN SAVE HIS LIFE!! EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!”

Raisin continues to listen his tearful rant. He must’ve been holding that in for a while… He finally stopped talking and crouched down to the floor, “I’m sorry, you didn’t need to hear that….” She shook her head.

“Vanilla, how long have you been bottling this up for?”

He shrugged, “Since my first year, the not eating thing had only started this year. During March I thought if I could starve myself, eat a bunch after the end and afterwards erase it, that it’ll help. I-I think I need some help, I don’t even know where to start… I don’t want to go to rehab because I risk losing my scholarship… I don’t what to do-”

“I’ll help.”

Vanilla stared at her, “Pardon?”

Raisin smiles softly at him, “I’ll help you get better. And I think the first step is getting you admitted into this hospital. You’re practically a walking skeleton, dude.”

Vanilla laughs at the joke, a genuine laugh. Not one that was drawn from a mental breakdown, but a real laugh. She holds her hand out to him, he takes it. “Is this going to interfere with my classes?” She turns to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. “I’ll grab your homework from your classes. Right now though, we need to get you in a bed.”

The pair leaves the break room, the medical technologist Raisin’s shadowing takes one look at Vanilla and leads them both to the nearest stretcher, Raisin helps him get settled in the stretcher, as they wait for a team of nurses to get him Raisin puts her hand over his.

“Get some rest, you’re exhausted from the crying. We’ll take it from here.”

He chuckled grimly, “I’ve been tired for a long time. If the doctor I’m shadowing comes by… tell him not to worry too much.” She rubs her thumb over the back of his palm. “I promise.”

Vanilla’s eyes shut against his will after that. He lets the darkness consume his nearsighted vision, but instead of rejecting it, he embraces it.

—

When Vanilla opens his eyes, he notices an oxygen mask over his face. He looks around, the heart monitor is still beeping in tune with his heart. He sees Raisin sleeping on a chair nearby, he glances at his arm to see an he’s hooked up to an IV. He didn’t know what happened after he closed his eyes, nor did he know how much time had passed.

He heard the door open and saw a nurse coming into the room. She gasped and rushed out of the room, he didn’t know why she did that. He’s fine, he’s alive. What happened while he slept??

Raisin wakes up moments later, she stumbles back into her chair upon seeing him awake. She starts to cry, running over to his bedside and hugging him tightly. Now he was incredibly nervous, he went to sleep with his own free will, didn’t he??? Two doctors and the same nurse walked into the room, he recognized the doctor who he had shadowed. The other doctor slowly took his breathing mask off, Vanilla gasped as he finally could talk.

“What happened?”

Both doctors tilted their heads, then the shadowed doctor asked him directly. “Do you remember what happened prior to waking up?” Vanilla was getting concerned about where this was going.

“Last thing I can recall, was Raisin telling me to get some rest while we waited for nurses to wheel me into an empty room. Why? Did something happen while I was out?”

Dr. Tree puts his hand on his shoulder, “Vanilla, you’ve been out for six hours. Your heart got so close to failing that we almost put a pacemaker in you.” Vanilla couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he had no idea that his heart almost stopped beating. “How did I not notice the signs? How-” He looked at Raisin, she wiped a tear from her eye.

“The mind alters what you see, to the point that you don’t even see the signs that you’re dying. You gave me a huge scare!! Don’t do that ever again!! I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen again!!”

Vanilla laughs and hugs her, “I’m sure you will.” The doctors left to give him some space and Vanilla used this time to calm his parents at home to update them. The phone rings for a bit before picking up. “Hello?” It’s his mother, Vanilla Mocha.

“Hey mami.”

He chuckles as he hears her gasp on the other line. “Mijo!!! It’s been too long since we’ve last talked!!! How’s everything been?”

He takes a deep breath before telling her the truth, “Admittedly, not very well. I developed an eating disorder and I’m getting treatment for it, I am in the hospital now.”

“HOSPITAL!?!? Mi solcito… why didn’t you tell us?! Tell me?!!”

His breath hitched, “I…I thought that everything was fine. I suppose I didn’t see a point in telling you guys.”

“Mijo, you know that we would’ve helped you…”

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I know, mami… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!!”

He hears comforting shushing from the other line, which finally got the tears flowing.

“I’m proud of you that you’re getting help. I’ll tell the rest of the family soon, I have to go. I love you, mi solcito.”

“I love you too, mami.”

—

Vanilla wakes up in a cold sweat. All of the memories of his first patient death kept flooding back the moment his boyfriend said that he’d be drinking for the first time. To say Vanilla was scared would be an understatement, he was beyond mortified by this.

He thought he had moved on to that patient’s death, yet any time a loved one would mention going out to drink. He would find himself getting short of breath, he’d start fearing about the other’s well being the whole time. He thought he was done with that, he had just gotten to a point where if someone close said they’d be drinking, he’d simply say something along the lines of “drink safely” and then he’d move on with his day.

But this was different, this was his boyfriend. Who had never had a sip of alcohol in his life. And he didn’t know how to handle that kind of fear, he kept texting him every other day on safe drinking tips and the like. The days passed faster than he could even count them, and before he could process it. Today was the day that his Blue Moon would drink alcohol for the first time.

He kept texting him every other hour, reminding him of eating before he begins drinking, to keep count of how many shots he took. He couldn’t help himself, not when this someone he loves more than anything is at risk.

Vanilla wanted his lover to be okay, he really wished he’d never said yes to his idea for the drinking stream. He had shoved his discomfort at the idea aside, because he wanted his lover to be happy and have fun. Now that the day is here though, he was regretting letting him go through with this.

He has had multiple panic attacks in the days leading up to now, he keeps trying to calm himself down and convince himself that Shadow Milk is going to be okay. But it did little to reassure him, he had been doom scrolling the internet for the possibility of his lover getting alcohol poisoning from his first time drinking.

The search results weren’t reassuring enough for him to stop his spiraling anxiety over his boyfriend’s health during tonight. No matter what he does, he can’t stop the flow of time. So he waits, waits until he goes to work and waits for his lover to begin the stream so that he can put the whole thing behind him and never think about it again.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk opens the door and drags Hollyberry into the apartment. She looks around the living room to see several boxes packed and littered nearby the couch. She came over an hour early to help him set up, she goes into his bedroom. The room was empty, save for a streaming setup that rested on his desk. Shadow Milk brings his face close to hers, “You brought the stuff?” She snickers and cocked her head in response.

“Obviously,” she begins unloading her bag with the required items for the stream. A bottle of alcohol and a few shot glasses, she looks at him quizzically. “Did you eat anything before hand? The alcohol works fast on an empty stomach.” He looks at her guiltily, “I did have a small snack beforehand…” He raised his arms slightly upward, an unsure smile on his face. Holly shrugged.

“It’ll have to do. I’m still a bit worried about the donation equals a shot thing.”

Shadow Milk sits down and spins in the chair. “I need the money to pay the animators working on the music video for the new song. These guys do so much, I need to repay them somehow.” Hollyberry turns to see a lamb plush with a doctor’s coat on his bed, she picks up the plushie and puts it on his desk.

“Where'd you get this little guy?” He takes the plush lamb from his desk, hugging it close to his chest. “Nilly got this for me on our first date. He has a wolf plush to go with the lamb…” She hums in response.

“Does it have a name?” Shadow Milk turns in his chair to face her, still petting the lamb plushie. “I’ve been calling em Cream Sheep since I got home with em. Does that count?” She snickers, turning away to try and contain her laughter. He lightly slaps her, “It’s a good name!!” She giggles as he slaps her with no intention to hurt behind it.

“I didn’t disagree with you.”

Shadow Milk turned away again, eyeing the bottle of alcohol and the shot glasses near his monitor. He still couldn’t believe that he was moving out of the apartment, he was excited to move in with Vanilla, but this apartment held so many precious memories in it. He’s lived there for two years, so it wasn’t surprising that he formed a form of attachment to the place. It became his home, his real home.

He held up the shot glass in the air, the glass reflecting the boxes of his possessions ready to be moved. He almost got teary eyed at the sight, he really was moving out in a few days. Holly noticed his melancholic look, “You doing okay?” He briefly looked at her before turning away again.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just gonna miss this place, that’s all.”

He checked his phone to see another text from Vanilla, he groaned at the message. Holly tilted her head, “What was that for?”

“Nilly’s texting me again!! Going on about proper drinking protocols and reminding me to eat before the stream. I explicitly told him that I didn’t want him to assume he knows more about my body than me!!”

Hollyberry had a look of sadness on her face, the sight was jarring. She’s by far the happiest person he’s ever known, so seeing her frowning was entirely uncharacteristic of her. She cleared her throat, “I don’t know if it’s my place to say the reason why he’s so nervous about you drinking, but I think you should ask him yourself.”

Shadow Milk sighed, he called Vanilla. The phone rings a bit before picking up, “Bluebird? Why are you calling me now?? You’re going live in a few minutes…”

“I’m just want to ask you something…”

“And that is??”

Shadow Milk takes a deep breather before speaking again. “You were doing it again…”

“Doing what?”

“Assuming that you know more about my body than I do. I know that you care, I just want to know why? We already had that discussion and you said you would not do it.”

He hears a gasp from the other line, “I didn’t mean to, wawi… I’m just scared that something is going to happen to you… the first patient that died on my watch died from alcohol poisoning…” Shadow Milk’s heart dropped when he heard that, immediately feeling guilty for complaining to Holly about Vanilla’s constant reminders. He felt absolutely horrible for even being mad about it because his boyfriend was clearly traumatized by this and was trying to protect him.

“But that’s wrong of me, because you explicitly said not to assume… and I’m sorry for overstepping your boundaries.”

Shadow Milk felt like crying right now, he didn’t mean to remind his lover of what was seemingly a traumatic event in his career. He spoke before Vanilla could even apologize more.

“Nilly, if anyone should apologize it’s me. I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what you feel right now. You were just worried about me, and I didn’t recognize that… I promise you that I’m doing everything you said to do. I’ll be fine.”

He hears a sigh from the phone, “I trust you. Have a great stream, wawi. Te amo.”

Shadow Milk blushes at the words so deeply, he knew what those words meant. He takes a deep breath and repeats the phrase, not in English but in Spanish. In his lover’s native language.

“Te amo muchos.”

He hangs up the phone after that, turning back to Hollyberry then flopping down to his bed. She snickers at his antics, “What’s got you being a flustered mess right before you go live?” He groans loudly.

“I just attempted to say “I love you so much” in Spanish to Vanilly. I think I butchered it.”

Holly puts a hand on his shoulder, “Your improving and that’s what matters. Vani was telling me that he really appreciated you learning Spanish for him.”

Shadow Milk whipped his head to hers, “really?!” Hollyberry nodded, “Yeah, he told me that you called him a “sweet potato” the other day and he absolutely loved it.” Shadow Milk’s face flushed once more and he started flapping his hands lightly. He lays down on his bed.

“The things that man does to me… I swear.”

She blew a raspberry, “I know, but you can’t help but love him for that.”

Shadow Milk smiled at her words and nodded. “Yeah. I honestly adore him.”

—

The stream goes live, Shadow Milk takes it all in as the before stream music plays. He sees quite a few familiar chatters and some new names, including Black Sapphire and Candy Apple. He takes a deep breath before making his entrance. “Hello there, my decietlings~!!! How has everyone been doing since the last time we did this?”

He says hi to several names, including the usual chatters and then he claps his hands together. “So we’re actually doing a drinking stream, also guys… next time I let you decide the song lineup for my concerts, please don’t flood the forum like you did with this one.”

Hollyberry talks in the background, “Make them pinky swear.” Shadow Milk shrieks with laughter. “Chat, chat, my precious little gremlins. You gotta pinky promise me, AND NO CROSSING YOUR FINGERS!!!! I will find you if you do.”

A one dollar donation comes in with text to speech reading it out for him. “Who’s the pretty buff woman in the back?” Hollyberry laughs at the message. “That’s Holly, she’s going to supervise me and make sure I don’t drink too much. And that’s another thing.” He pointed to the donation bar on the lower left corner of his stream layout.

“So, you guys are going to be able to donate to have me drink more shots, and every time you guys hit the donation incentive it increases.”

A few seconds after that the donations begin rolling in. “Let the madness commence. You probably won’t be sober for long, Shamil.” Shadow Milk’s eyes widen as he sees the bar filling up numerous times, he starts sweating. “No!! Nonononono!! Not like this chat!! Not like that!! NO!!” Hollyberry was cracking up in the background at the chat continuously donating.

“Chat!! I was supposed to get drunk over the course of the stream… you were supposed to see me slowly progress to being drunk… why are you like this???”

He scrambled to disable the donation bar from going beyond fifty dollars. He sighed as he did so, then his face dropped when he saw that it was already at thirty five dollars donated. Hollyberry wipes a tear from her eye, then she slaps him lightly on the shoulder. “How many shots do you have to take now?” Shadow Milk had his head in his hands, “I think about seven. But I’m limiting myself to four right now, because I don’t know or think I can handle seven shots one after the other.”

She pours him a glass of Bourbon, handing it over to him. He takes the glass and holds it to the face cam. “Alright guys, I guess I have to drink four shots of bourbon now. My first shot ever,” his eyes widened as he suddenly remembered to say the disclaimer before he begins.

“Oh yeah! Disclaimer, if I say anything that’s out of left pocket or something that sounds weird, it’s not me!! That’s going to be the alcohol. Don’t take anything I say while drunk seriously!!” He takes a deep breath, “with that out of the way. Cheers to my first time drinking.”

He downed the bourbon, immediately being shocked at the sweet taste of it. It tastes surprisingly good!!! He almost swore that he tasted a bit of caramel in the drink. He made a small noise of delight, “That’s good. That’s really good, is there caramel in this?” Hollyberry nodded and handed him a bottle of water, he drinks the water while she speaks.

“It’s got caramel and vanilla taste to it. I thought I’d start you with something sweet than that of vodka.” He grabs the bottle and starts to pour his second shot of the night, downing it with a quick motion. He grips his hand in a tight ball as he drinks the water afterwards, feeling a slight burn in his throat. But he can trudge through it, it’s not as bad as vomiting.

He downed the last two shots for now and exhaled sharply after. Hollyberry turned to him, “You feeling tipsy yet?” He shook his head and another donation rolled in. “Can the stream be this?” Shadow Milk’s brow raised in confusion. “What you just want it to become a podcast?”

Holly shrugged at the thought, “I’m down to just talk with you. How long has it been since we’ve talked in person?” Shadow Milk spins in his chair, “It’s been like a week, maybe two…” She smiles at him.

“So what is on your mind?”

He bounces his knee and takes another shot of the bourbon, turning to her and lightly tapping his desk. “You wanna talk about fictional crushes??” She almost did a double take and fully got herself comfortable. “You go first.” He clapped his hands together and leaned back into his seat.

“Okay so, my first fictional crush were two characters, both were from Avatar The Last Airbender and Korra respectively, one was Zuko from Airbender and the other was Asami from Korra. As far as I was aware, that was the first instance of my bisexuality showing itself.” He takes another shot in between, drinking water afterward.

“And I didn’t not know that it was okay for me to like both genders. It kinda added to the list of things that made people think I was a freak.” He shakes his head and spins in his chair again. “But that’s enough out of me, what was your fictional crush, Hollyberry?”

She rubbed her hands together, “I guess, this also counts as my lesbian awakening because my first fictional crush was Jessica Rabbit.” Shadow Milk flicks his hand repeatedly, “That’s fair, she’s not as sexy as Nilly but she’s still pretty.”

Holly almost spits out her drink of soda when she hears that. She slams her hand on the bed. He looks at her, puzzled by her reaction. “Whaaat…?” His speech was beginning to slur, she takes the bottle of bourbon away from him as to prevent him from drinking anymore. If he was getting drunk after only seven shots of bourbon, then he was absolutely a lightweight drunk.

He whined slightly while she did so. Another donation sounds, “First time donating, also who’s Nilly and why do you say he’s sexier than Jessica Rabbit?” He sighed with so much drunken glee. “Nilly’s my boyfrrrriennnd…… he’s a cool guy, and he’s loooovely….” He smiled wildly and flapped his hands, his face flushed with the usual drunk blush.

“He’s a blooonnnde…… so that’s a point for him, he has heterochromia and those eyyyeeeessss are sooooooo beautifullllll……”

Hollyberry laughed at his drunken behavior, out of all the types of drunks that she’d thought he’d be. The very affectionately silly type was both surprising and not at the same time somehow. Another donation text to speech echoed in the room, “Idk if this was supposed to stay hidden, but congratulations on obtaining a boyfriend :D!!! May you please share more about him??”

Shadow Milk sits crisscrossed on the chair and giggles sweetly, rocking himself back and forth with the biggest smile on his face. “Thaaank you… Nilly is my super duper awesome batata…… he’s such a lovely boyfriend~!!! He’s my awesome pookie bear n I love him waaaaay too much…… hehehe. He alllways respects my boundaries…… He’s sooooo damnnn sexy in his doctor’s coat……”

—

Candy Apple was freaking out, Shamil had just accidentally revealed the existence of his boyfriend to the entire fan base. When that was supposed to happen after the New Orleans concert. She was pacing the room, trying to think of a way to salvage this. She was not qualified for a crisis of the magnitude of Shamil revealing his relationship to the world. She exited her room and sat down next to her brother.

Black Sapphire’s eyes looked at her for a second before going back to the TV. “Candy, you know that I asked boss for the day off… I don’t want to hear it.”

Candy physically turned his head away from Mario Kart World and looked directly into his eyes. “Go onto Shamil’s socials. It doesn’t matter which one.” He cautiously obeyed her request, going over to his boss’s YouTube channel where the drinking stream was being held. His eyes bulged out of his head as he heard his boss talking.

“Yeah… I’m auuutisssstic as ffffffrick annnnd somehooow, I mannnaged to get a doctor as my booooyfriennnd~!!! So if Iiiii can finnnd love then youu can toooo…”

He stood up for the couch, beads of sweat were rolling down his face. The fact that his boss confirmed that he was autistic to the fans, was the least of his worries. This was basically his personal 9/11. He’s full on panicking right now. He hears his boyfriend’s voice from the microphone, “Is everything alright, Grapevine??”

“My boss just outed his relationship that he was supposed to reveal after the New Orleans concert I told you about!!”

Candy Apple starts pacing again and Silverbell speaks. “Oh! Oh…. That’s not good…” Black Sapphire kept his eyes on the livestream chat, which was going faster than he could read the messages. Candy Apple speaks up with an update, “Twitter’s losing their minds over the clips, so is the discord server!!”

Silverbell chimes in, “Can’t you tell him to end the stream?”

Candy rubs the bridge of her nose, “He’s full on drunk, so he’s not at sound of mind to listen to me. Also the stream doesn’t end until eight pm.”

Black Sapphire punches the couch pillow in a disbelieving rage at his boss, “It’s only been an hour?! How the fuck is he already drunk?!?!?”

Candy shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know!!!! And there’s literally nothing we can do until tomorrow!!”

Black Sapphire holds his head in his hands, “Oh gods… this is going to be a nightmare of an aftermath to deal with…”

Silverbell shakily speaks up, “I have a feeling that I’m missing a lot of context in terms of the Idol industry. But I feel as though I’m witnessing a disaster unfolding.”

Candy almost sobs, “You are…”

Silverbell coughs and continues, “There could be a chance that most people won’t believe it because drunk people always say crazy things.”

“That’s true…”

Black Sapphire sighs, slumping onto the couch. The only thing that he could do was sit down and wait for tomorrow to arrive so that he could tell his boss what happened and go from there. Not even an hour in and his boss had gotten drunk… he was mildly frustrated at the crisis that he had caused. But couldn’t really blame him, so he just waited. He handed a controller to Candy.

She looked at the controller, “You know what?! Sure, I need to distract myself.”

—

Shadow Milk giggles in all of his drunken joy as he spins around in his chair. “Chaaat you gotta make sure you treat your body good… don’t hurt yourself, never kill yourselff… you guys matter and are awesome… okay? Okay, I’m gonna drink some chocy milk r’now…”

Hollyberry laughed, Shadow Milk turns to her, “whaaat…”

“Nothing, you’re being very funny right now.”

“Ok.”

She looked at the chat, they were spamming the pharse “chocy milk” she started cracking up again. Suddenly someone entered the discord call, “Hello my other half~.” Her eyes light up at the sound of her girlfriend’s voice. “Sugar!!! Hiya!!! What are you doing in the call?” Shadow Milk perks up slightly, Sugar giggles. “I just wanted to see what you and Blueberry were doing live.”

Shadow Milk fully sits up, “Suuugarrr??” Holly snickers, “Yeah, she’s in the vc right now.”

He smiles widely, flapping his hands. “Suuuugaaarrr!!!! Hiiiiii!!!”

“Why is his speech slurring, Holly?”

She snickered, “We’re doing a drinking stream, how did you not know this? We’ve been talking about it in the group chat for the past two weeks in planning for it.”

Sugar gasps, “Ohhh, I haven’t been in the chat because I was working on a huge video in collaboration with a victim’s family.”

Shadow Milk snapped his fingers, “Sugaaarrrr.”

She giggled, “Yeah, Blueberry?”

He lets out tiny giggles as he speaks, “I love you as my gaaaaalllll paaalll…” Hollyberry begins cracking up with laughter once more and Sugar speaks again, “I-I really don’t know if I should be here.” Holly cackles at the whole scene unfolding as Shadow Milk opens his mouth.

“You’re awwwwesoome!!! You making good, you doing good, you making good… You always deserve good…”

Sugar chortles softly, “Thank you, Blueberry.”

Shadow Milk spins around, “You’re welcome, Sweeetsss…”

Sugar starts to genuinely laugh at the absurdity of this, “Chat if you have clips of the stream, please send me them!!! I have a bunch of new stuff to show Silence during their next media share stream!!!” Another donation text to speech message echoed.

“Cheers to $300 dollars so far!!! Also drunk Shamil what are your thoughts on people who are transphobic towards Nonbinary people?”

Shadow Milk hums for a moment, “Chat, never be homophobic or transphobic… thaaats cringe… always respect your friends prrronouns… Silence is a niccce theeeyyy that rarely uses he pronouns, and I stiill love them for that…”

Sugar chimes in, “You want me to get them on the call?”

He shakes his head, “Naaah, they’re probably streaming right now… don’t waaanna steal their spotlight……”

Sugar hummed, “Well it was nice talking to you. Holly, you still up for that jogging date next week?”

She smiled brightly, “Obviously yes!!!”

Another donation sounds, “Eternal Sugar is a lesbian???” Hollyberry tilts her head. “Did you not tell your audience that?!” Sugar gasped and spoke up.

“I didn’t, I forgot!!!! BY THE WAY TO CHAT I’M A LESBIAN AND HOLLYBERRY IS MY GIRLFRIEND, OKAY BYYYYEEEE!!!!”

She left the call after those final words. Hollyberry laughed and checks the time, 7:40 pm. They’ve only got twenty minutes left before she would have to end stream and drive him to the hospital for observation, she didn’t mind of course. Especially since Sha-Sha was a delight to be around when he’s drunk, he always is a delight to be near even sober. But the added effect of alcohol dialed it up to eleven.

Another donation message comes through, two hundred dollars. Which was insane to see that people were willing to donate that much. “I love your music Shamil, also Holly what kind of drunk would you classify him as?” Shadow Milk squeals in joy, “I love all of you fans so muuuuch… tehehehe…” Holly chuckles and answers the question to her.

“I’ve only ever heard stories of the really sweet and silly type of drunk people, but never seen it in person until now!!!”

Shadow Milk continues giggling before trailing off to singing.

“Nilly, Nilly…

Give me your answer doooo……

I’m haaallfff crazy……

All for the loooove

Of youuuu……”

Hollyberry recognized the song that he was singing in his drunken voice, a rendition of Daisy Bell. He was singing it so softly and lovingly that even she was surprised by the tone.

“It won’t be a stylish maaaarriage

I can’t afford a carrriaaage……

But you’ll loook sweet 

Upon the seaaat

Of a bicycle

Built fooor twoooo.”

He continues his drunken singing, during the second half of the song Vanilla joined the call. “Hey, Holly. How’s he doing?” She smiled at the sound of her friend’s voice. Shadow Milk sang slightly louder, somehow still keeping the warm, soft tone of his voice.

“Silllly Nilllly…….

Give me your annnswerrr doooo….

I’m haaaalffff craaaazzzy

Allll for the love

Of yoooouuu…

We’ll spend aaalll our liiifffe togetherrrr….

Regardless of the weatherrrrr…….

And you’ll look sweeeet….

Upon the seaaat…

Of a bicycle built for twoooo…”

Vanilla lets out an adoring sound at his boyfriend’s love song for him, Holly talks when Shadow Milk’s done with his singing, “Found out that he’s a lightweight after he drank only seven shots of bourbon. We’re heading over in about ten minutes.” Vanilla sighed in relief at that.

“Okay then, I’ll see you guys soon.”

Shadow Milk perks up once he hears his lover’s voice. “Nil’s, Nil’s……”

“What Bluebird?”

He giggles, “I love you~!!! Te amo muchos~…… You are the bestest boyfriend ever… I want you to know thaaaat…”

Vanilla laughs affectionately, “I love you too, wawi. I’ll see you soon.”

Shadow Milk cheers, “Yaaaayyyy, byyyyyeeee…….”

Eight o clock finally arrives and Hollyberry cracks her knuckles. “And that’s it!!! We’ve managed to raise seven hundred and fifty dollars!!! I’m honestly shocked by the number being that high.” Shadow Milk leans over to her shoulder.

“Don’t underestimate Idol fanbase’s… give em a donation incentive and they’ll do anything for it… also that button ends the stream.”

Hollyberry hovers the mouse over the button, “Thank you, friend. It’s been nice to meet you guys in chat, hopefully I can return for the next one. Now I gotta get your idol to the hospital for observation purposes. See ya later!!!”

She ended the stream and turned to Shadow Milk. She wraps her arm around his shoulder to support him with walking to the elevator, all the while he was giggling madly. She helped him in the car and then she pulled out of the parking lot to get him to the hospital.

Once they arrived at the hospital, he began to lose balance. “My lllleeegsss feel like ssssillly sttrrrinnngs…” she snickered as she kept her arm around his shoulder. “Oh yeah?” He nodded, “I feel like I’m going to throw up, but at the saaame time I don’t feel like thaaaat…” A nurse holds the door open for the two, Holly nodded as a thanks. She spotted Vanilla talking with Cream Unicorn, she waves at him and the two rushed over. With Cream Unicorn grabbing a wheelchair to transport Shadow Milk’s.

“Now Iiii know what Beyoncé’s voice taaastes like…..”

Vanilla laughs ring throughout the waiting room, looking at his lover affectionately and a hidden undertone of worry. He thanked Hollyberry for bringing him in, then wheeled him away to an empty hospital bed. Cream Unicorn also followed to help with getting him settled, which Vanilla greatly appreciated.

Once Shadow Milk was hooked up to the heart monitor and settled in the cot, Vanilla caresses his face with so much gentleness, his wawi smiled and leaned into his hand. “I’ll be leaving now, I have other patients to tend to. If you need anything, Cream Unicorn will be there to help. I love you, mi vida.”

Shadow Milk beams softer than Vanilla had ever seen before. “Love you too, mi batata.” He passed out after that, Vanilla dragged the covers over his sleeping lover and leaves afterwards. Before he closed the door, he watched his lover’s slow breathing.

He fully closed the door, reassured that his boyfriend made it out of this alive.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk felt a stabbing pain in his head, he opened his eyes to see fluorescent lights beaming down. He covers his face, slowly sitting up in bed. He flaps his hands upon feeling the nausea pooling in his stomach, then he observes his surroundings. He’s in a hospital room, that’s for sure.

The door opens and in walks a woman with her long black hair tied behind her, she looks surprised to see him awake. “Oh, you’re awake. Vanilla’s certainly going to be happy about that. I’m Raisin, your boyfriend’s coworker. How are you feeling right now?”

He flipped his hand over and over, “I have a ear splitting headache and I’m incredibly nauseous, but ignoring that I guess I’m fine…” she nodded as goes to his side, taking notes on his vitals. He looked away from her, “Is Vanilla coming visit?” She nodded her head.

“Yes, he’ll be coming to check on you in the early evening. He insisted that you stay here for the night so he could monitor you.” Shadow Milk crosses his arms, slightly disappointed that he would have to wait to see his sunshine again. He hands her his phone, she looks at him confused.

“Take a picture of me. I need to let the people know I’m okay.”

She sighs and takes holds the phone up to get a good angle of him. He raises his hand, holding it in a peace sign, his other hand touches his cheek. He didn’t care that this would be one of the few times his fans would see his scar, he just wanted them to know that he was okay. He sticks his tongue out in a cheeky pose often seen in anime and hears the camera clicks.

Raisin hands him the phone back, proceeding to leave the room shortly after. He tweets the picture with the caption, “I lived, dw :D.” He laid back down on the hospital bed, one hand wrapped around his abdomen and the other hand was flapping. Nausea was the worst feeling imaginable, he wouldn’t even wish that upon his enemies it’s that bad.

The best way he can describe what nausea feels like is like, if your stomach acid is swapped with your saliva. The constant burning in the back of the throat, the gurgling sensation of your stomach rejecting the food. It was horrible and still is horrible. He felt vomit creeping up his throat, he swallows the puke. Flapping his hands and whining afterwards, he decides to tweet again.

Maybe that’ll help distract himself from feeling the nausea. “Hangover nausea might be worse than regular nausea!!!! Like how do you even get through this?!?! :,(.” He hits the post button and then tweets again, “you know what?! While I’m in the hospital, Q and A!! And give me some anime recommendations, I don’t want to die of boredom in here.”

He exited the app and started playing some Colorful World and Project Sekai, seeing that there’s nothing better to do while waiting for the fans to send in their questions and for Vanilla to visit him. He selected his favorite song to play, muscle memory kicks in as the touch screen buttons appear.

He adores rhythm games, always has since he was a kid. How could he not when music is a key component in rhythm games?! One bad song and the whole game falls flat, at least that’s how he looks at it. He even went to participate in an Idol talent event where he put his talent as: Master at Colorful Stage.

After about an hour or so he checked his twitter to see anyone’s asked anything yet. And sure enough, there were quite a few questions for him. He silently read one of them, ‘First off, hi Mr Shamil,’ he snickers at the overtly polite way the user addressed him. ‘I’m a huge fan and I have two questions, one: how do you get your inspiration for your costumes and the character design for Fount? And secondly, you’ve mentioned during the stream that you’re autistic af… were you serious about that? Also if you’re looking for anime suggestions, I’d recommend Takopi’s Original Sin.’

He thought about his answer to both questions. He quickly got back to the user and replied, ‘Well, why not? Let’s finally confirm the suspicions that y’all have had for the last two years. Yes, I am on the autism spectrum. I’ve been diagnosed when I was five years old and I have been wanting to tell you all, but never knew when to bring it up. Also for character inspiration for Fount, I took heavy inspiration from various depictions of Athena. I always had the idea that Fount was an all knowing deity who desperately wished to be more intermingled with mortals. Outfit inspirations are mainly just me thinking that I should make something like this and then make it.’

Takopi’s Original Sin… he’s heard of the anime. Some fans in the discord server were talking about it in the voice chat, Candy Apple even recommended it to him hours before he went for the live stream. He hears a soft knocks on the door, he tilts his head. Vanilla was supposed to be here in the evening, who could this be??

“It’s open.”

The door opened and his face lights up, Silent Salt and Eternal Sugar were here. With a laptop in Sugar’s hands, Silent Salt hugs him and Shadow Milk returns the embrace, he grabs the laptop from Sugar’s palms. She grins, “It’s already connected to the WiFi.” He rocks himself back and forth, smiling brightly.

“I wasn’t expecting you guys to visit me!!! Are Spicy and Flour coming to visit soon?”

Sugar nods, opening up the laptop and handing him a sticky note with the password on it. “They’ll be coming later. Spice has a meeting with his employees and Flour has to oversee a project that her client has in person, they told me to tell you that they won’t be arriving until late tonight.”

Shadow Milk nodded, typing the anime that was recommended to him. Surprisingly the whole thing was already on YouTube and was only two hours long, which surprised him. With how much discussion the show had gotten in his discord server, he was expecting to have a hard time finding it. He wasn’t expecting it to be so accessible. Eternal Sugar glances at the screen, her eyes wide.

“You sure you wanna watch that? It’s got a lot of depictions of bullying in it… I know that you’re sensitive to that.”

Shadow Milk nodded, “I’ll be fine.” He clicked on the video, immediately he was drawn in by the art style. The little girl in frame immediately reminded him of himself when he was in middle school. The way her eyes looked so lifeless and her hair disheveled, like she didn’t care enough to take care of herself, hit him hard in more ways than one. It was only one of the first frames of the show and already he feels like he’s stumbled upon gold.

He huffs a laugh at the pink octopus that emerged from the pipe, and then he was blown away. Not by the little creature, but by the animation. The way the girl’s hair blew in the wind looked so much like eye candy for him, the blades of grass blowing had the same effect on his eyes. He could tell that was going to be a new visual stim for him.

The opening plays, once more he was blown away by the production quality of the anime, this was one of the best openings he’s ever seen for a anime. The show continues with him noticing that girl, who has been called Shizuka, had a very lifeless voice. He immediately relates to her, as the moment he talked for the first time in three years after middle school, he also had the same lifeless tone.

Silent Salt noticed the quiet from Shadow Milk, which got them worried. Shadow Milk was always loud and giving his commentary on the media he was watching, but right now, he’s still. They pause the show and he turns to face them. They begin to sign, “You’re normally never this quiet when watching something… you doing okay?” He nods, smiling softly at his friend.

“I’m fine. Just in awe of the production value of this anime. I mean, have you SEEN THE WAY THEY ANIMATED HER HAIR BLOWING IN THE WIND!!!”

His phone buzzed and he checks it, Candy Apple is calling him. He answers the phone, “Hiya, Candy!!!” He presses the phone to his ear as he continues to watch the episode. He hears her respond, “Hey, dude. We’re switching to FaceTime, okay?” He hums in approval to switch to FaceTime, he waits for her to call back. Once she does, he picks up and sees her face. He notices Black Sapphire in the background, he was pacing around and looking at his phone.

Suddenly he runs up to Candy to talk to him. “BOSS, HAVE YOU SEEN SOCIAL MEDIA RIGHT NOW?!” Shadow Milk flinches at his volume, “Why are you so panicked and angry right now?” Sapphire simply laughs at his question.

“Oh, I don’t know…. Maybe it’s because you revealed THE EXISTENCE OF YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT AFTER NEW ORLEANS!!!!”

Shadow Milk blinks blankly for a moment before the weight of his employees words sank in. “What?!”

“IT’S EVERYWHERE ON THE DISCORD SERVER AND TWITTER!! THE FANS ALREADY MADE A SHIP NAME FOR YOU BOTH!! SHANILLA?! YEAH THAT’S A GOOD ONE!!”

“Heh, fuck.” Shadow Milk paused the episode, his hands running through his hair as he tried to think of a way to fix this. If not permanently, then perhaps he could put the whole discussion on hold. He scrambles to get back on Twitter to make a statement on the situation.

‘Okay, so I’ve been made aware that I accidentally told you guys something that was going to stay a secret until after the New Orleans concert. So here’s what’s going to happen, once I return from the concert I’ll tell you all properly about it. That will be all.’

He gets back to the FaceTime with the two siblings. “Okay, I made a tweet that’ll hopefully do some good damage control and buy us time till the concert aftermath.” Sapphire looks at the tweet, his shoulders slumped down.

“That should be fine for now. But still don’t do that again!!”

Candy Apple chimes in, “Yeah dude, you caused me and big bro to have an actual crisis.”

Shadow Milk flaps his free hand, “I know!! I’m sorry…”

Candy smiles, “You’re fine, we’ll leave you to recover from your first hangover.” Sapphire takes the phone from her hand. “I will leave you with the knowledge that yesterday was my personal 9/11. I genuinely thought that it would be over for us……”

The siblings ended the call after that, Shadow Milk holds his head in his hands. Silent Salt rubs his back to comfort him, Sugar starts to talk. “From what I’ve seen, the general reaction is very positive. I’ve seen the clip of you singing that rendition of Daisy Bell to him.”

He growled and unpaused the episode he was watching to distract himself from the fact that his career almost ended. Luckily, his fans had a reputation of being extremely open minded and supportive. So that was good news at least, still didn’t make the situation any better. The shot of Shizuka’s beaten face made his stomach churn, in that single frame, he saw his younger self.

The younger self that beaten by everyone around him was somehow perfectly captured in a single frame. The moment he saw the ribbon, he knew where this was going. Deep down, he didn’t want to believe it was heading in that direction. But he knew. The perspective shift to her looking at the ground while hanging almost broke him.

He paused the episode again, taking a few moments to breathe. Sugar looked at him with concern, he guessed that he couldn’t avoid the inevitable conversation any longer. He exhaled a breath, “I’ve kept this a secret from you all for a while because I didn’t know how you’d react, but I guess now is the time to tell you guys something.”

Salt turns to him, the same expression of concern on their face now. Shadow Milk continues. “You guys remember the bullying that I went through before I met you guys?” The both of them nodded, still looking concerned for him.

“The day that I met you guys, I was going to kill myself…” Sugar’s breath hitched the moment he said that, Salt’s hands were shaking. “You can tell Flour if you want. Just please don’t tell Burning Spice. I don’t want to crush his heart like that, since he was the one that unknowingly saved my life.”

Sugar hugs him tight, his lips wobble before he starts to cry in her arms. He feels Salt joining in the hug, which didn’t help the onslaught of tears. Once he was done crying his eyes out, the two separated from the hug. Sugar wipes his tears, her breath stuttered as she asked him something. “Do you… still think about ending it all?” He nodded honestly, Salt rubbed his shoulder in comfort.

“Sometimes I do, but I’m getting help. I’m in therapy, so yeah.”

Sugar nodded and Silent Salt gets up from their seat. She hugged him one more time before she stepped away, “Me and Salty have to go now. Just know that we all love and support you.” Shadow Milk sniffles and waves them goodbye. They close the door and he’s alone.

Two hours later, he’s crying after fully watching that show. The show hit way too close to home for him in more ways than he ever imagined. He couldn’t believe that he was crying over a little pink talking octopus, but he was. He didn’t know what to say after watching, by far one of his favorite pieces of media he’s ever consumed. He absolutely adored every second of it, the animation was incredible.

It reminded him why he loved the medium in the first place. It provides so much more depth to how one could frame the shots, how you can feel the explosion of gorgeous colors and expressions. It gives you a spark that extends beyond your imagination and gives you inspiration to create. And he couldn’t get enough of it. He takes a picture of the laptop screen, he types a tweet. Then he stops, should he post this?? Now that his fans know that he’s autistic… should he share his latest hyper fixation with them?

He posts the tweet with the caption, ‘About to rewatch peak!!! :D’

—

Shadow Milk shifts from sleep upon hearing a knock on the hospital door, he turns away from the door. “It’s open, dummy…” the door creaks open and shut. He moves the covers over his face in an attempt to get more sleep. All attempts were thwarted when he heard a delightfully familiar voice.

“I was expecting a warmer welcome to me than that.”

Shadow Milk sits up in a flash, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend in a hug. The two stayed in the hug for a few moments longer, swaying in place. Vanilla separated from the other’s embrace, smiling softly and pressing his forehead against his lover’s. He brings both hands to his face, holding it like it was glass and could shatter if he lets go.

“You’re okay.”

Shadow Milk grins, “Of course I am fine!!! You aren’t going to get rid of me that easy!!!”

Vanilla turns to check his vitals, “Are you having any symptoms?” He places two fingers on his neck, checking his pulse. Shadow Milk flips his hand repeatedly. “I’ve had a monster of a headache this morning, really bad nausea too.”

Vanilla fiddles with the IV bag, “Those are regular symptoms of a hangover. Did you throw up?” He shines a tiny flashlight in his eyes, Shadow Milk squeezes his eyes shut at the bright light. Vanilla had to pry his right eye open to check his pupils reaction to light, Shadow Milk kept his left eye open for his lover to check. He puts the tiny flashlight in his pocket, Shadow Milk takes that as an opportunity to finally answer.

“Well if throwing up in my mouth counts then yeah I did.”

Vanilla frowned at that. “Shadow Milk, that’s not recommended…”

He simply shrugs, “I’d rather take stomach acid burning while going back down, than it burning while going up.”

Vanilla sighs, placing the stethoscope on his wawi’s chest. He listens intently to his heartbeat, then proceeds to place it on his back. Shadow Milk looks at him dumbfounded, he giggles. “I’m just checking your breathing, this is standard procedure. However since you weren’t sober when you came in, we had to wait until then to give you a quick checkup. Take a deep breath in…”

Shadow Milk inhaled a gulp of air, “and out.” He slowly exhales and blushes at his boyfriend’s smile. “Your breathing’s good. You want me to get you anything from the cafeteria? They have some pretty good pizza by cafeteria standards.”

Shadow Milk rocks himself, “I guess I can stomach some pizza. Get me two slices and some bourbon too.”

Vanilla stifles a burst of laughter, “Bluebird, you can’t just joke about it like that!!!”

Shadow Milk smirks, “Come oooonnnn… you know you love it~.”

Vanilla puts a finger to his chin, “Do I? Yes, I do.” He places a chaste kiss on his hand and leaves his lover’s hospital room. He returns a few minutes later, pizza and a glass of ginger ale on a paper plate. Shadow Milk flaps his hands at the sight of food. He was practically drooling at the pizza, he takes the plate and dug in.

Vanilla brushes his hand over Shadow Milk’s, “I have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Bluebird. Te amo muchos.”

“Wait!!”

Vanilla turns around, sitting beside him. “Yes, Starry Night?” Shadow Milk rocks himself back and forth, his voice slightly cracking.

“I may or may not have………accidentally revealed your existence to my fans before I was supposed to.”

Vanilla blinks, taking his hand and holding it in a gentle grip. “Okay. That’s fine, everything worked out in the end, right?”

Shadow Milk stares at his sunshine baffled by his lack of reaction. “You’re acting really nonchalant about this, I could’ve lost everything… but I didn’t. My fans are known for being incredibly supportive, and I’m going to explain everything properly after New Orleans.”

Vanilla smiles brighter than the stars, “Well, that’s good. I should really get going to my other patient’s. Te amo, wawi.”

Shadow Milk nodded, nuzzling his nose against his lover’s. Vanilla stared at him blankly, “It’s a good luck nose nuzzle… You Silly Vanilly~. Te amo mucho.”

Vanilla smiled and closed the door.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk felt himself being shaken awake, he opened his eyes to see Vanilla. He wakes up immediately upon seeing his boyfriend’s rush to get him up and out of bed. He snaps up and the IV is taken out of his arm, he grabs his boyfriend by his shoulders. “Nilly, what’s happening?!”

Vanilla takes his hand and leads him out of his hospital room. “There’s a bacterial outbreak happening at an apartment complex, we need as many rooms as possible to treat the infected.”

Shadow Milk’s eyes bulge out of his sockets, he turns to Vanilla. Vanilla notices an uncharacteristic expression of fear on his lover’s face, which causes him to stop in his tracks. “Shouldn’t I be in quarantine then? I mean I live in an apartment complex so by that logic, I could be at risk.”

Vanilla pauses, he hadn’t even considered the possibility that Shadow Milk’s apartment could also be amongst the complexes that might be affected by the outbreak. He didn’t know what complexes the patient’s were coming from, and that filled him with some dread. He sighed, “I don’t know if your complex is one of the ones affected, but I can ask someone and update you once I get news. Is that alright with you, mi lunita?”

Shadow Milk nodded, the two men get in the elevator together. The silence was deafening, he decided to break it. “So I guess I’m staying at your place again?”

Vanilla smiled sweetly at him, “Yes, you’ll be watching over Crepe until I get back. And before you object, I fully trust you with my child’s safety. Goldie will be driving you home.”

Shadow Milk nodded and runs his fingers through Vanilla’s hair, “Okay then, on one condition!!!” Vanilla cocked his head and wrapped his hands around his lover’s waist, grinning as he heard a small squeak of surprise.

“And what might your conditions be, wawi? What does the great Shadow Milk require for me to do?”

Shadow Milk gives his sunshine a toothy, Cheshire grin, whispering in his ear in the most seductive voice he can muster. “We have another round of sex when you come home~.” Vanilla’s face blushed a bright pink at the request. He returned the seductive smile, which got Shadow Milk all kinds of weak.

“Well, if that is what you wish… then I’ll be honored to give you a time you’ll never forget~. Because you and I, we are meant to be together~.”

Shadow Milk giggles maniacally at the acceptance to his offer. His face coated in a neon pink hue as he spins around in the elevator’s small space. “YES!!! YEEESS!!! YOU ARE MINE TONIGHT~!!!”

The elevator door opened and Raisin looked at the two. Both Shadow Milk and Vanilla separated immediately, she sighed. “If you two are going to keep going in front of my yogurt, then I’ll wait for the next elevator.” Vanilla laughed nervously at the embarrassment of being caught in the middle of an intimate moment with his lover.

“No, Raisin!! We were just about to stop anyway!!”

She glares at him, “I won’t tell the higher ups about that, but know that I’ll be watching you every time he stays at this hospital.” Vanilla nods, she goes into the elevator before he stops her. “One more thing, if it’s not too much trouble… can you please check and see which apartment complexes were hit by the outbreak?”

She nodded and pushed past Shadow Milk, the elevator door closed behind them. Vanilla walked Shadow Milk to the hospital entrance, he held both hands so gently.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay after all of that, I’ll see you when I get back home.”

Shadow Milk leaned over to give him a mischievous kiss on the lips, he gets in the car with Goldie and like that. He’s gone again, Vanilla doesn’t have time to be sentimental about it though, he’s got a job to do. Cocoa had informed him that he would be the in charge of coordinating the Emergency Departments response to the outbreak. He couldn’t mess this up, he has to do his best today.

Patient’s file in one after the other, some are infected and some aren’t. Among those who were being put into hospital quarantine were two familiar faces, he ran up to the plastic dome shielding him from contact. “Affogato?! Caramel Arrow?! What are you both doing here?!”

Affogato holds his head, “Our apartment complex has the bacteria.” Caramel Arrow paces around the small space, Affogato looks at her. “Carrow, look at me!!” She does so, her face clearly panicked and terrified. “After this, we’re moving in with Crunchy Chip. Considering that he proved to be right in his warning to us about the building.”

She chuckles, Raisin pulls Vanilla aside. “I’ve asked the fire department, they said that it was only singled out in this apartment complex. Your boyfriend is one lucky son of a bitch.” Vanilla shoulders drop in relief, he'd have to tell Shadow Milk when he gets home.

He directs the patient flow to different rooms, he walks through the hallway and spots another person who was all too familiar to him. He freezes at Doughael right beside an infected patient with their hazmat suit on. They look at him, they gasped.

“Vanilla?! Is that you?!”

He nods, holding his hand up to stop them from coming closer. “We'll talk later. Is that patient part of your church?” They nodded, walking with him at a distance.

“Yes. Her name is Seltzer. She’s a missionary who was sent to the apartment to help bring more people to the church, she must’ve caught whatever is making her sick.”

Vanilla’s eyes widened, a missionary? That means that she went back home during the incubation period of the bacteria… and if that were the case…. He turned to face Doughael. “I need you to give me a list of everyone she’s been in contact with for the past two days. They are all at potential risk of contracting the bacteria.”

Doughael puts their hand to their chin, “Well, there’s only one other person I could think of that could be at a higher risk. This boy Menthol, she’s got a huge crush on him. She follows him everywhere, I can call him and some of the other nuns she was with in to quarantine them.”

Vanilla kept his eyes ahead, “That would be acceptable. Thank you.” The two part ways, he keeps himself at a distance mentally. He has to prove himself, he can do this.

Caramel Arrow continues to pace around her enclosure. She itches at her right arm every now and again, she spots a young boy being let into a plastic enclosure. He looks to be about seventeen years old or so, Affogato glances at him. “Never saw you at the apartment before? You just moved in?” The young teen pushed his hexagonal glasses up.

“I'm not a resident, I’m particularly close with a girl who’s a missionary at the church I provide services to. She got sick and I too am at risk.”

Carrow nods, scratching at her arm once more, the teen looks at her arm. “I don’t think that’s normal.” She looks down to see what she thought was a bruise, expanding and looking more and more black and red. She starts hyperventilating, Affogato stares at her concerned. She mumbles under her breath in panic, she raises her volume.

“I need a doctor!! Help!!”

Vanilla turns around with a look of fear on his face. “RAISIN GET A WHEELCHAIR!!” Raisin rushes with a wheelchair already in her hand, “One step ahead of you!!” She unzipped the plastic enclosure and ushered her into the wheelchair, she looked kinda cute. Raisin shakes her head, shutting the door on that thought as she wheeled her away to get treatment.

—

Shadow Milk hesitated before he asked for a favor from Goldie. He’s been looking online for the perfect ring to propose to his sunshine with, but nothing was good enough. Vanilla is positively beautiful, delicate, sweet and the ring needs to match that exactly. He takes a deep breath before the question comes out faster than he could think. Goldie turns to him.

“Pardon?”

Shadow Milk takes another deep breath, “You make custom rings, right?” She stops at a red light, tilting her head.

“I do, why? You want an order?”

He looked away from her, nodding his head. “It’s for Vanilla… I want to propose to him, but I can’t find a perfect ring for him… so I was hoping that you could help me… I don’t care how much it is. I’m willing to pay and-”

She hovers a single finger over his lips to shush his rambling, “Don’t worry about the price, darling. It’s on the house.”

Shadow Milk beams, his legs kicking rapidly in excitement. “Thank you!!! Please don’t tell Vanilly though… I want it to be a surprise.”

Goldie nods, “Your secret is safe with me. What gem are you looking for?”

Shadow Milk wrings his wrists, “Aquamarine.”

She gasps and turns to face him, “Was that a soul read?!”

Shadow Milk flinches at her volume, his knee bounces. “Why?”

“That’s Vani’s favorite gem.”

Shadow Milk, hums in response. He exits the car and she hands him a key. “That’s Nilla’s spare key.” He nodded and took the key. She gives him a thumbs up and pulls out of Vanilla’s driveway.

Shadow Milk unlocks the door and was immediately greeted with a hug from Crepe. They bounced on their feet as he walked in, Lily was sitting on the couch. She glanced at him, “There you are. Vani told me to tell you that, your apartment building wasn’t hit by the outbreak. I’ll be leaving now.”

He bids her farewell and the door is closed. He looks at Crepe awkwardly, he’s never babysat before. They pull him to the couch, their hands flapping. They tilt their head, “You doing okay?” He looked away from them, wringing his wrists.

“I don’t know… I-” he shakes his head, “what do you and your dad do normally?”

They hummed in thought. “Well, if I’m finished with my homework for the weekend, we’d watch some movies together or go to the park to walk…”

Shadow Milk gets up from the couch, looking through the various dvds that were lined up on the shelf. “There’s so many Disney movies…” Crepe flipped their hand.

“Yeah, my grandparents passed their collection down to dad when he first moved out.”

He huffs a laugh and continues his sorting of the movies. He stopped at one particular film, one that he held a special place for. The Little Mermaid. He turned to them shocked, “You guys have a copy of The Little Mermaid?!”

Crepe nodded, “Yeah, we’ve got every single Disney movie in there.” He held the dvd case in his hands.

“I haven’t seen this in so long… I loved this movie when I was younger!!! We have to watch this.”

Crepe grabbed the dvd case and got the disc out, putting it in the player. They patted the couch, he sits down. Rocking his body in his excitement, he knew every song by heart. Some of his biggest formative memories came from watching this film for the first time. Crepe turned to him, grinning.

“I never seen you this excited before. You must really like this movie?”

He turned to face the kid. “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but you know how some autistic kids have an attachment towards certain objects?”

They nod, they had a similar thing happen when they were young. They refused to go anywhere unless they had this toy robot they used to have. Shadow Milk flaps his hands as the movie continued.

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to have this Ariel plush that I always kept on me. I didn’t want to go anywhere if I didn’t have it in my hands… if I lost it I’d just curl up in a ball and cry.”

They cracked up with laughter, at some point while watching the movie they leaned their head on his arm, he flinched and pulled away. His face conflicted, he liked the kid, way more than he thought now that he knows them. But he wasn’t sure if he’s really worthy to be a parent, he groaned internally. Disbelief of positive affirmation is something that he'd probably have to bring up with his therapist. He runs his fingers through his hair. Crepe speaks first.

“Sorry!! Sorry… I didn’t mean to… I just do that with dad.”

They stay quiet afterwards, Shadow Milk desperately wants to change the subject, so they don’t linger too much on the guilt of making him uncomfortable. His thoughts turn to his sunshine’s parents, parents…. He hadn’t heard much about his boyfriend’s parents, and he was supposed to get their blessing to marry Vanilla. He sighs, “You mentioned that the collection of movies came from Nilly’s family, can you tell me about them?”

Crepe lit up at the mention of their grandparents. “Abuela’s really sweet, but strict too. She’s always appreciates hardworking people, even when the odds are against them. Gramps works on the family farm, dad even helped him when he was younger.” Shadow Milk looks at them in shock.

“Nilly’s a farm boy?!?!”

They nod, “He would tell me stories of his life on the farm. He would often tend to the sheep and horses. But they have other animals too. Chickens, pigs, goats, rabbits-” He cuts them off at the mention of rabbits.

“You guys have actual rabbits?!”

They bring out their phone, “I got some pictures from last year’s thanksgiving trip to the farm.” Shadow Milk looks at the pictures from the trip, which were a lot. One picture showed Vanilla wearing a long sleeve shirt with overalls, surrounded by a herd of sheep. He snickered, the picture being all too funny not to laugh at.

“The sheep really like him.”

Another picture presents Crepe holding one of the rabbits in their hands, smiling. He squeals in adoration of the tiny creature. The movie plays in the background as he looks at more pictures of the farm life of his beloved boyfriend. The next picture shows Vanilla with an older man, sporting the same natural blonde hair as his lover.

“That’s Abuelo S’more, he’s very nice. I’m sure he’ll love you the moment he meets you.”

Shadow Milk laughs nervously at the claim, sure they may think that, but he knows better. He knows that his boyfriend’s father will absolutely despise him, just like his own father did. He doesn’t tell Crepe that, gods no he would never tell them that. He simply scrolls to another picture, it’s a kitchen. A woman is cooking with her son, Crepe points to the woman.

“That’s gama Mocha. She makes the best empanadas!!! You have to try them when you come over with us… if you want to go that is.”

The idea of meeting Vanilla’s parents was both terrifying and exciting. Although he was infinitely more terrified than excited due to his past with his own family.  He was snapped out of his own thoughts by Crepe asking something that caused him to choke on the air.

“Did you and dad bone yet?”

“What?!”

They tilted their head, “This is the only way I can say the s word in the house. Did you bone my dad?!”

He blushes wildly as he suddenly realizes what they were asking. They flip their hand, “I’ll wear my noise cancellers tonight, just in case you both decide to do the deed.”

“Kid how did you kno-”

The door opens and Vanilla enters into the house, they run towards him. Shadow Milk follows behind them, Vanilla hugs him tightly and looks at the television, he smiles brightly. “You two were watching The Little Mermaid?!” They nodded excitedly.

“Yeah, Shamil suggested it!!! And he might be coming with us this year for the thanksgiving family gathering!!!”

Shadow Milk was about to correct them, but one look at his boyfriend’s beaming smile forced him to stop and nod his head. Vanilla clapped his hands, hugging him tightly in joy. He kissed him on the lips with so much happiness that Shadow Milk felt guilty for not speaking up on his apprehensions on meeting his parents.

“I'm so happy that you want to go!!! Mami will finally get to meet you!!! I can show you around the farm and introduce you to everyone,” and just like that, all of his doubts of wanting to go melted away. His fears melted away by his boyfriend’s optimism on the whole thing. He beamed brightly at Vanilla.

“You know I wasn’t going to go… but since you’re asking so nicely and you guys have the advantage of having rabbits at the farm, I’ll go.”

Vanilla hugs him tightly again, laughing softly with so much joy. Shadows Milk returns the hug, swaying a bit in place. He’ll have to figure out how to interact with his lover’s family later, right now he focuses on the present.

—

Once Crepe was put to sleep with their noise canceling headphones on at their insistence, Vanilla entered into his bedroom, Shadow Milk was waiting for him on the bed. His feet were kicking up and down repeatedly, he chuckled as he slowly got undressed to his briefs. Shadow Milk spoke as he did the same.

“I want you to on top of me the whole time, okay?”

Vanilla smiled and looked at him seductively. “Well, thank you for giving me such a privilege.”

The two men got into bed together, it was time to begin… once again they wouldn’t do anything crazy yet. Just like last time they did this, however this time Vanilla was determined to give his bluebird the best time in bed. He began by licking that sensitive spot between the crook of his neck and jawline.

It was a quick lick, but it was enough to make his lover shiver. He turned to look at Shadow Milk’s face, he rubbed his thumb against his cheek gently. Moments later he goes in to kiss him, his hands still cupping his lover’s face gently. It had been ages since the last time he got to explore his boyfriend’s mouth, he takes it slow. His tongue goes in his mouth, he feels around in there.

His tongue starts to rub tiny circles inside his left cheek and Shadow Milk yelps at the feeling. He stops, separating himself from the kiss. Which got a needy whine from Shadow Milk as protest, but Vanilla turns his attention to his shoulder blades. He eyes a particular spot, then he latched his lips on the spot. He began to suck at the skin delicately, Shadow Milk whimpered at the motion with glee.

Vanilla released his lips from the skin, only to latch onto another soft spot. Shadow Milk gasped again, he lets his boyfriend kiss him on the spot. Vanilla noticed that he wasn’t as loud as he was last time. He wanted to change that. His hands drifting over to his waist and he started sucking the skin near his chest. “Mnnn…” Vanilla smiled as he releases his lips from the skin, kissing it softly and looking deep into Shadow Milk’s gorgeous blue eyes.

“So good, wawi~”

Shadow Milk felt a bright pink blush blooming on his face at the praise he was receiving, he needed more of that sweet praise. Vanilla then did something unexpected, not unwelcome but something unexpected nonetheless.

His finger grazed his nipple, “Ahnn…” which got Vanilla’s attention hook line and sinker. He decided to test the waters of his wawi’s reaction to the unintended touch, he began to gently trace the nipple with one finger. Shadow Milk whimpers in arousal, “nnn…”

He then added another finger to trace the nipple, he felt his lover’s legs squirming. He looked at him with a devilish smile, “Get ready~.” Shadow Milk glared at him confused, then he felt Vanilla latching his lips onto the circle of his nipple, he suckled on it so delicately that he could practically taste how sweet it was. He moans loudly, “Haaaaaaa…… nnnnnngh…”

Once he was done, he gave the nipple a small lick to finish it. Shadow Milk howls in pleasure, “Gaaaaah~.” Vanilla brings his mouth to his ear, whispering his next words into his eardrum.

“Amazing, Shadow Milk~. You’re so incredible, mi lunita~.”

Shadow Milk’s legs kicked in the bedsheets rapidly. Gods, he could perish in pure pleasure if this goes on any longer. Vanilla takes his wrist and holds it up, he kisses his lifeline with so much gentleness that it feels like a ghost was kissing him. His lips lingered on his lifeline for a bit longer before releasing, he beams softly at him.

“You are so adorable, my shining star.”

Shadow Milk didn’t know what to say in response to such words. He simply looked at his lover with such calm, loving eyes. Caressing his cheek, as he brings his other wrist to have his lips melt into the lifeline. The moment lasted only for a minute, but it was such a gentle, loving moment that he really didn’t mind it interrupting the sex that the two were just having.

Vanilla returns to worshipping his lover’s body like he was an actual god, he presses his lips against his throat gently. Hands up on his neck to rub the crooks on both sides, Shadow Milk’s hand grasped a fistful of the bedsheets. “Naghhh~…” he felt so damn pleasured right now.

Vanilla licks Shadow Milk’s lips with such care, going slow to get a reaction out of his lover. He whimpers softly, tiny little mewls filling Vanilla with a surge of energy. He then sticks his finger into his mouth, which earns a loud yell from his moonlight’s mouth.

He moves his finger around his lover’s mouth, his thumb teasing him by grazing his lips. Shadow Milk whines, “Nnnhhhh~ hmnnn~” Vanilla smiles softly at his face, “You’re so gorgeous at this, mi vida~” he starts to circle that sensitive spot inside his left cheek. Shadow Milk kicks the bedsheets and yells out, “AHHH~.”

Vanilla removes his finger from his lover’s mouth, his thumb still gliding over his lips. He took notice of the little yelp that emerged every time his thumb reached the corner of his lips, he knew that area was sensitive from the previous time together. He rubbed his thumb on the corner of the lip.

“Mnnnn… ngh~.” He’s almost done, Shadow Milk was sweating at this point. Aftercare could be possible, so long as Shadow Milk wants it. Shadow Milk remains strong, not wanting it to end. Even though he felt like he was going to explode with pure arousal, he kept himself firm and steadfast.

Vanilla gives him another hickey, this time under his ear. He bites his tongue, that one nearly tipped him over the edge of pleasure. And he wanted this to go on for as long as possible, but god damn was it hard to resist. Vanilla’s voice drops several octaves lower, “I want to hear your magical voice moaning during this next part~. You think you can bless me with your siren like howls?” Shadow Milk grins at the request.

“You know that I can’t say no to that~.”

Vanilla smiled as he began the final verse in this glorious song and dance in bed. He began by teasing his lover for a minute, his tongue moving over his lips. Stopping at the corners to lick it, which elicited whines of pleasure from his throat. Once he had finished his teasing session, the two men began to make out. “Mnnnnnghhhh~.” The whine was music to Vanilla’s ears.

Shadow Milk’s legs tightened slightly as he felt his lover’s tongue tangling with his own tongue, he wasn’t sure if he could hold it in anymore. He felt a circle inside his left cheek, then on the outside of the cheek. He gasped, delighted with how much he was enjoying this. The pleasure he had felt was boiling in his veins, demanding to get out. Vanilla begins to give him a hickey on the cheek he was licking. “HAAAAAA~!!!” Vanilla smiles softly.

“Such a beautiful sound and sight, to hear and see you in all of your glory~.”

Vanilla went to his right cheek, doing the same thing he did to the left cheek. Shadow Milk thought he could handle it, until he felt his sunshine’s hands on his hips, “OHHH~!!! RIGHT THERE!!!” Vanilla immediately turned to his hips, he analyzed the whole thing.

Tiny shallow scars were visible on the right side, they didn’t look like self inflicted. He knew all too well what that looked like, he didn’t know what caused it. But he loved it all the same, he stood still for a moment. He gently held his right hip with one hand, while the other grasped his shoulder. He then lifted his lover’s left hip and began to travel the hand that held his shoulder over it. He gently rubs his hip, going slow and steady to tease him. He halts at one spot, proceeding to circle the area. Shadow Milk’s legs kick the bedsheets rapidly again, getting so hard. “NNNNGHH~…” Vanilla halted his hand, “Your waist and hips are so cute, mi lunita~.” Shadow Milk whines softly at the addicting praise. “Uhhnnnn~…”

Vanilla brought his lips down to his left hip and gently rubbed his tongue against the soft skin. “URRRGH~!!! YEEESSS NILLY~!!! YEAH!!! AGHHH~ LIKE THAT!!!!!” Vanilla beams into the peppered kisses he litters on his moonlight’s left hip. Whispering even more praises each time he hears a loud moan. Vanilla takes a long, deep breath before suckling onto the supple skin with so much care. Shadow Milk bites his tongue, knowing that if he lets himself scream the whole pleasure out, it’ll be over.

But he fell apart when he felt his sunshine’s hand slipping down to his right leg, rubbing the inside of it. He went up and down the leg, caressing every inch of skin with care, then the hand stopped to hold his leg in place his thumb circling the skin. He exploded into wails and moans of pure arousal and pleasure. “OUUUGHH~ HNNNNNN~ NNNNAAAA~ AUUUUGGGGRRRRAAAHHHHH~!!!!”

—

Shadow Milk huffs out rigid breaths, feeling so incredibly exhausted, but at the same time he felt amazing. Vanilla laid down next to him, his smile still so kind and gentle. He twirled a lock of his sweat soaked hair around his finger, speaking in such a sweet voice.

“You want me to help you get settled for bed? That was a lot for you and I figured that we should clean ourselves up a bit.”

Shadow Milk nodded and got up from bed, Vanilla led him to the bathroom. He doused a towel with water from the sink, he reached out to clean his moonlight’s face of his sweat, before halting. “You want me to do it or can you do it?” Shadow Milk didn’t say anything, only pulling Vanilla’s toweled hand to his face.

Vanilla smiled as he began to clean his lover’s face, making sure to be gentle around his left eye. He finished rather quickly, setting the towel down and gently holding his cheek. Shadow Milk blushed and he looked away as he asked a soft question.

“C-can I brush your hair?”

He nodded delightfully and sat down, while Shadow Milk grabbed the hairbrush. He slowly brushed his boyfriend’s gleaming blonde hair, finding a strange sense of tranquility coursing through him. He spoke, deciding that now was the time to resolve the jealousy that he had.

“I was jealous of you.”

Vanilla perked up at the sound of his voice, he stayed quiet for his other half to continue his words.

“You have such a natural sense when it comes to socializing with strangers. I was jealous of that because I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough to make connections with others… but then I realized that I had spent so long alone that it made me grow to be bitter towards those who make it look so easy… and I want to let you know that.”

Vanilla was confused as to where this came from. Normally Shadow Milk would go to him and be honest about something that could harm the relationship, this was the first time Shadow Milk had ever kept something from his knowledge.

“I really do appreciate your honesty, wawi. I’m just wondering why didn’t you come to me sooner?”

“Because I wanted to understand why I felt like that first. The last time’s I went to you first, it felt like you were rushing to understand me. I’m sorry for keeping this from you… I know that it was wrong of me but I felt that I needed to understand myself first.”

Vanilla nods as Shadow Milk finishes brushing his hair. He watches him brushing his hair, finding himself completely mesmerized by his bluebird’s highlights. He hugs him from behind, Shadow Milk yelps at the sudden gesture. He grins wickedly, “Woah, there hotshot!!! We’re not at the point where we put our dicks each other’s asses and thrust hard yet~.”

Vanilla cackles at the joke, leaving Shadow Milk beaming with pride. Vanilla wipes a tear from his eye. “You are one in a billion, Bluebird.” The two men head back into bed, his bluebird smirked. “Obviously I am!!! No one can make you laugh like I do!!!” Vanilla giggles, “I know.”

The covers are draped over the couple who huddled together. It’s been an emotional, passionate night for the two. What better way to end the day than with some sweet bed cuddles? Vanilla kisses Shadow Milk on his forehead with so much sweetness. He sighs softly, curling up closer to his boyfriend. Vanilla begins to pet his hair lightly, smiling as he hears the sound of his lover sleeping peacefully. He speaks.

“I admire your mental strength so much. You’re so strong, even if you don’t believe it. You’ve been through so much trauma and you never let it change who you are. I love you so much, mi lunita. May you have the sweetest dreams.”

With one last kiss on his scalp, Vanilla drifted away into sleep.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk brushes his hair with care, grabbing his cane to keep his balance. His body has decided to be difficult today, of all the days to be difficult. He had a dinner date with Vanilla tonight, one that he was really looking forward to. Vanilla was choosing the restaurant tonight, he said that he was picking his favorite place.

Shadow Milk left the bathroom of his apartment, which was mostly packed with all his possessions in preparation for his move to his lover’s home. He looked at his favorite dress, the outfit was one of his first projects that he had made. Handmade during his time in Cherub, he remembered the purpose of the dresses creation.

He wasn’t satisfied with the outfit choices he had for a new music video the group was filming, so he took it upon himself to make his outfit himself. He had known how to sew by hand via watching tutorials on YouTube on his own time. He had an exact image of the dress. Poofy sleeves that would bounce with every dramatic move of his arms, both in different colors.

Left side is white and the right side is black. The corset unifying the contrasting colors by adorning grey. The skirt was the part he was exponentially proud of, so many layers of frills that delicately swung with his hips. Each layer above the frill followed a pattern, which was drawn from his many favorite aesthetics and animals.

Layer one was a galaxy theme, he loved the stars. He felt that the stars were the only things that listened to him every night that he would talk about his passion for music. The stars also had another meaning, that being of singers and idols and musicians who were all stars in their own rights. Which was why he specifically made some of the stars form a constellation of a music note.

Layer two had the theme of jesters and carnivals. The aesthetic always endeared him, a place where fun was everywhere around you. While still looking like you were stepping into a new world was a magical experience even now. Jesters were a character archetype that he held close to his heart, because in a way, they were kinda like him. Always not being taken seriously, being the joke and undermined by others around them. He couldn’t help himself but relate to the type of character.

Layer three sparkled with bunnies and manatees. Bunnies were always fascinating to learn about, and they also had significant connections to the magician. He used to have a huge interest in magic tricks in middle school, but it faded away when he had his burnout.

The final layer combined the previous three layers together, creating a perfect display of some of his biggest influences in his life that encouraged him to the point where he is now.

He holds the dress in his hands, hesitating before putting it on. The dress felt so personal to him, he literally designed the outfit as a reflection of his own interests. And the idea of wearing it tonight felt so imposing that he almost took it off right there. He looked so damn good in it though, he turned to makeup. Deciding on eyeliner and lipstick, nothing too much considering the occasion.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror, he smiled brightly. He grabbed his bag and cane on the way out, heading downstairs to the entrance where Vanilla was waiting for him. He suddenly got shy again, he sucks in a breath and opened the door. His eyes were glued to the concrete pavement, fearing his boyfriend’s reaction to his outfit of choice.

Vanilla gasped at his lover, who looked absolutely positively gorgeous in that dress. He was basically radiant in the outfit, the way the sleeves bounced with each movement mesmerized him. He didn’t know what to say at first, he cleared his throat. Bringing out the blue cornflower bouquet he had purchased for him. Vanilla tilted Shadow Milk’s head up to look at him, he smiled softly at him as he said the truth.

“You look so handsome today, Bluebird.”

Shadow Milk blinked at him with his always stunning blue eyes, he brought the bouquet of flowers from behind his back. His breath hitched for a moment.

“These are for you. Do you want me to put one in your hair?”

Shadow Milk stands on his tip toes, “Yeah, that would be nice.” He snapped the flower from its stem and brushed aside some of his hair, then delicately tucked it above his ear. Shadow Milk looks away again, “Dear, do I look good?”

Vanilla takes his hand and kisses it softly, “Yes!!! You’re so handsome and beautiful in that dress.” Shadow Milk blushes as he gets in the car, subconsciously fiddling with the flower in his hair. He rocks himself a bit, before turning to his boyfriend.

“You look like the Milky Way Galaxy…”

Vanilla blushes lightly at the compliment, turning to see his wawi’s face. “Oh, is that right?” Shadow Milk nodded. “Y-yeah you look really pretty…” Once he pulled into the parking lot, he looked at him. He was acting slightly off from his usual bright and snarky demeanor, he brushed his hand over his cheek.

“Everything okay, wawi?”

Shadow Milk shrugged, fidgeting with the top of his cane. “Really bad pain day right now. But I can handle it…” he opens the car door. He almost fell out trying to gain his balance, Vanilla rushed to help him only to be stopped by a hand. He gripped the cane tightly, finally getting his balance back and smiling softly at him. “I’m starving, Nilly. What even is this place anyways?”

Vanilla giggles, “It’s a restaurant that serves Chilean food. I figured since you love the food from there, I’d bring you here to introduce you to more delicious foods from my home.”

Shadow Milk smirks, leaning his body over the cane. “Awww, Nilly~ I’m touched.” Vanilla opens the door for him, he winced slightly at the noise inside. He didn’t mind it, he could remedy it by having his headphones on to listen to music. He noticed that some of the staff seemed to recognize his boyfriend, he must be a regular visitor to them if they’re giving him this warm of a welcome.

Vanilla sat with him on the couch near the entrance. He takes his hand, smiling so sweetly at him. “I normally come here alone to celebrate Fiestas Patrias, but now I have you to celebrate with.” Shadow Milk tilted his head in puzzlement, he never heard of the holiday. Vanilla noticed his confusion and clarified.

“It’s basically Chile’s Independence Day.”

The hostess called for the couple, Vanilla holds his hand to his lover. “I know that you feel that you don’t belong here to celebrate, but you have been making an effort to immerse yourself in my culture. And I really appreciate it, you deserve to be here and celebrate with me.” He tilts his head, eyes closed and smiling brighter than any celestial body in the universe. How could Shadow Milk ever dare to say no to such a wonderful smile?

Shadow Milk takes his hand and the couple were led to their table. He looks around the place, the place has a dance floor with some people already there and dancing the night away. He slightly tugs at his boyfriend’s sleeve, pointing to the dance floor. Vanilla smiled, nodding as if to answer his silent request to dance.

The seat they got was a booth, which he greatly appreciated. Especially considering it was nestled away from the densely packed seats near the bar. He sat next to Vanilla, scrolling through his playlist for a very specific song. He’d been listening to the song, to try and learn how to sing in Spanish. Two songs mainly, one was the love song that Vanilla sung to him during his sick stay at his place. The other one was a Spanish version of Rabbit Hole.

He’s been practicing since the end of his sick stay, those were by far the hardest parts of the whole learning process. He was going in completely blind, without any guidance. But he somehow managed to learn how to sing Rabbit Hole by yesterday evening. Amor Violento on the other hand was still giving him some difficulty. And even finding the song was difficult because he only had those lyrics that Vanilla had sang to go off of.

A waiter gave them their menus, grabbing out a notepad to write down their drinks for the night. Vanilla answers immediately, “Mote con huesillo for me.” Shadow Milk rubbed his hands, he didn’t want to offend anyone by ordering his usual Sprite instead of what’s on the menu. He finally glanced at the waiter, “Same as him.” Vanilla’s head snapped up to look at him as the waiter left to get their drinks.

“I thought you’d be getting your usual Sprite?”

He twirled a lock of his hair around his finger. “Well I didn’t want to seem rude, since it’s a holiday and all. And I want to try more of the food from Chile…. What even is that drink anyways?” Vanilla giggles.

“It’s not alcoholic, I think you’ll like it. It’s a sweet nectar drink made with dried peaches.”

“Okay, that sounds delicious!!!” He chuckled again. “It is.” The drinks were served, with the waiter saying that they'll be back to take the orders for the couple soon. Vanilla holds out his drink for a cheers, “Here’s to my first Fiestas Patrias with my beautiful boyfriend.” Shadow Milk holds up his drink to his lover’s glass, “Cheers!!!” The glasses clinked and Vanilla started to drink the beverage.

Shadow Milk only paused for a moment before squeezing his eyes shut and taking a sip of the drink. His eyes opened immediately, it was the perfect flavor of sweet for him. He immediately understood why butterflies drank nectar, if it tasted this good, he couldn’t blame the insect. Vanilla glances at him with his adorably handsome face and eyes.

“You like it?”

“Love it!!! Why don’t they serve these at every restaurant?!”

Vanilla shrugs, taking another sip of his sweet drink. While the two patiently waited for the waiter to come grab their orders, Shadow Milk turned his attention back to the dance floor, where an unfamiliar form of dance was taking place. He gets up from his seat to watch, a man and woman were on the dance floor. Vanilla followed him to the dance floor, where he found his lover standing there mesmerized.

Vanilla gasped, causing Shadow Milk to be startled out of the trance he was under. He rubbed his hand over the back of his head. “Sorry, Bluebird!! I’m just surprised to see a couple doing the Cueca dance here!!!”

His brow rises up in curiosity, but he continues to watch the dance as Vanilla explains. “It’s a courtship dance as well as the national dance of Chile. The handkerchief is essential to the dance, if you’re wondering.” Vanilla faintly hears his wawi mumbling softly, “Hmmm?”

Shadow Milk continues watching the couple dance, subconsciously imagining himself and Vanilla dancing similarly to them. He would love to dance that dance with Vanilla. He could picture it right now, Vanilla in the poncho and riding boots looking so damn handsome. He could envision himself in a similar attire to Vanilla’s. “Maybe we can dance like that, sometime?”

Vanilla’s heart swells when he heard that. The idea hadn’t even crossed his mind, yet it was the most brilliant idea he’d ever heard. He was so happy to see his beloved wawi making the most magnificent request he’s ever heard. Shadow Milk covers his mouth upon seeing his lover’s star struck expression, that was supposed to stay in his head….

“I’m sorry!! I bet you don’t even want to do that with me!! I’m so stupid for even suggesting such an idea!!”

Vanilla cuts him off with a kiss to his lips, he looks so……happy?! “Never apologize for having such a beautiful idea!!! I’d love to do the Cueca dance with you!!!”

Shadow Milk kisses him back with fervor and affection, beaming with joy. The two return to the booth seat, where he almost falls to the ground. He curses under his breath, “Stupid quivering lava legs!! Work with me here!!” He sits down with a pained look on his face, the pain had already spread to his upper back and neck earlier in the day. So he wasn’t doing well at all. The waiter returns, apologizing for the long delay.

Shadow Milk had his eyes set on the empanadas and something else that he was confused by. He shifted his menu to Vanilla, pointing his finger on one dish. “Oh! That’s Salchipapas. It’s pretty much a Latin styled french fries.” He was sold immediately upon hearing that it was his safe food, the waiter nodded and walked off.

Vanilla chuckles for a moment, Shadow Milk leaned close to his face to the point where their noses were touching. “What’s the joke, Silly~?” Vanilla held his chin gently and smiled brightly.

“You jumped at the opportunity to order the fries. I don’t mean to make fun of you, but I did find it amusing.”

Shadow Milk places his hands on his hips. “I mean, it’s one of my safe foods!! Of course I was going to lunge if they had it!!” Vanilla’s brows rise, “Safe foods?” He was aware of the concept of safe foods, Crepe didn’t really have that, because they could eat anything and love it. He supposed it made sense that his lover had safe foods, considering that he and his child had a whole mini argument on oranges.

Shadow Milk nodded. “Some foods make me feel……grossed out. My taste buds are very sensitive… I like sour and spicy foods, but whenever I have something that’s way too sweet, my eyes start watering,” Vanilla continued to listen to him talk. “Anything too savory is also out, which is why I love the Pastel De Chocolo you make. Mushrooms are the absolute worst toppings imaginable!! I can have them separately and not complain, but if it’s on top of something then I’m throwing the whole plate out instantly!!”

Vanilla snickers at the apparent hatred of mushrooms his moonlight had. “It can’t be that bad?” Shadow Milk flips his hair over his shoulder.

“It is that bad!! One time my parents force fed me mushroom pizza, knowing that I absolutely despised it. It didn’t help with my aversion to eating food with it as a topping, like at all!! I don’t even know what made them think that’ll work!!”

He was about to laugh it off, until he saw the look on his sunshine’s face. He knew that look, it was one of shock and concern. He got the look whenever he’d talk about how his family treated him, they’d always stare at him in stunned sympathy. Which he never understood why, it happened a long time ago. He left, he’s escaped from that hellhole. He held his hands up in a defensive stance.

“It’s in the past.”

Vanilla hummed.

“It’s in the past, Nilly. I escaped… I don’t want to dwell on the unjustifiable way that my parents have behaved towards me. I want to move forward with my life…”

Vanilla grabs his hand in a gentle and firm grip. He takes a deep breath and holds his cheek. “I fully understand your point, but I will say this. The more I hear about how your parents treated you, the more I want to punch them and let them know what they tried to metaphorically kill.” He had said it in such a stern and polite manner, that Shadow Milk had to do a double take before he asked him a question.

“And what do you think they tried to metaphorically kill?”

Vanilla pressed his forehead against Shadow Milk’s, he gathers his thoughts before speaking with certainty.

“They tried to kill someone who has an incredible passion and talent for music. Someone who writes the most beautiful songs in the world. Someone who loves Vocaloid and manatees with his whole heart. Someone who’s expresses his feelings in his own magical way. Someone who’s an amazing boyfriend who cares so much. And someone who I love with my entire soul. They tried to kill who you were as a person. You know what the funniest part about it is?”

The food arrived at that time, briefly interrupting the moment the couple were sharing. Shadow Milk twirls a strand of his sunshine’s blonde hair, smiling mischievously as he speaks in a teasing tone. “I don’t!!! What’s the punchline to the joke, my Silly Vanilly~?” Vanilla snickers at his boyfriend’s silliness, placing a chaste kiss on his nose before answering.

“They failed. Your parents failed you in many ways don’t get me wrong, but they spectacularly failed to fundamentally change who you are as a person. They failed to snuff out the magnificent man you are. I’m not trying to romanticize any of your trauma, I need you to know that.”

Shadow Milk dramatically gagged after Vanilla was finished with his words. “Mi solcito, if you keep up with your well constructed soliloquies on your undying love for me, I’ll be throwing up all over the place.”

Vanilla began cackling upon hearing the quip from his wawi’s mouth. He turned his attention toward Vanilla’s dish, which he takes notice of. His eyes light up, pushing his food toward him. Shadow Milk tilts his head to the side, clearly puzzled by the gesture.

“It’s Pastel De Jaiba. A lovely seafood dish, try it!!! You’ll love it!!!”

He was all on board until Vanilla mentioned it was seafood. He hadn’t had seafood before, but he knew the risks of eating it. All the stomach issues that could arise from consuming the fish, it steered him far away from eating any seafood beyond calamari. He leans away from the dish. “No.”

“Mi lunita…”

“No, I’m not going to risk myself getting salmonella poisoning and dying a young tragic death.”

Vanilla snickered, “It’s not even fish. It’s crab meat.”

Shadow Milk turns his head away from the crab. “Crabs and fish come from the same source, which is the ocean and therefore is seafood. I’m not having a nibble of it.”

Vanilla gently guides his head to gaze into his eyes. “I don’t eat seafood much either, but this is my favorite dish here and I haven’t died from eating it yet.” He did have a point. He snatched the spoon from his hand, dipping it into the bowl and stopping right before he eats it.

“Alright, FINE!! I’ll eat it!!”

He puts the spoonful of crab in his mouth, chewing it slowly to get his full thoughts on the taste. He grimaces when he realizes that Vanilla was right, it’s pretty damn good. Even better than the empanadas he got with his fries, he was genuinely mad at himself because it tasted that good. The cheese coating the surprisingly sweet crab meat, made it feel like he eating a meal meant for a god. He finally swallowed the crab meat.

“God damn it!!”

Vanilla turned to him, his expression worried. “What?”

“This is infinitely better than what I had ordered!!”

Vanilla’s face glowed with a giant smile and clapped his hands in a non infantilizing way. “See!!! I knew you’d love it!!!” Shadow Milk takes another spoonful of the dish and eats it, mumbling his anger at himself in between bites. “It’s diabolical that this tastes miles better than the cheese empanadas, which were also great!!”

Vanilla smirked at his words, “Save some of the crab meat for me.” He grinned at the request. “No promises, Nilly.”

—

The dinner ended fairly well. What, with Shadow Milk eating some of the best food he’s ever had in his life being anything. They’re both walking out in the parking lot now. With Shadow Milk taking the lead in an unexpected slow dance near the car. The two swayed in each other’s arms, the whole world fading away. As nothing else mattered in the grand scheme of the universe, except this one dance.

Occasionally they would spin to keep it interesting, but for the majority of the dance. They stayed in each other’s arms, feeling so comfortable and safe in their presence. It’s kinda magical to Shadow Milk, how the language of dance can transcend language barriers and just exist. It felt so natural, his head under Vanilla’s chin as the two continued to sway. Eventually he spoke softly.

“Can your mom make that crab thing for thanksgiving?”

Vanilla looks down at his beloved, kissing him sweetly on his scalp. The delicate, comforting sway continued under the gentle starlight. “Of course. And if she won’t, I’ll make it for you.” He chuckled with so much affection that even he was surprised by how soft he sounded.

“Have you ever made the Pastel De…Jaiba???”

Vanilla continued to pet his scalp, nails not hurting or tugging, but gently scratching. “I have actually. Although it might not be as good as the one they make here.”

Shadow Milk held his sunshine tighter, letting his mind memorize the rhythmic beats of Vanilla’s heart. “I don’t care… anything you make is good.”

Vanilla huffs a laugh at this, spinning once before continuing the gentle swaying. Holding onto his boyfriend like he was someone who meant the whole universe to him. “Well, I promise that it’ll be the best Pastel De Jaiba that you will ever have.”

Shadow Milk didn’t respond verbally after that. Only nodding his head, Vanilla felt a slight rumble on his chest. He’s purring again… he tilts his head upwards to face him.

Their lips locked on each other, like it was the most natural thing in the whole world.

Because it was. It was so natural and beautiful and spectacular, simply magical it all went.

Chapter Text

The final box was packed with deliberate hesitance, Shadow Milk looked at the empty walls of his old bedroom. He started to get misty eyed by the sight. He leaves the room, not wanting to look at it anymore because he knew he’d start crying if he stayed longer. He waits by the front door, Burning Spice said that he would be helping him with moving the boxes out of the apartment.

Which he appreciated greatly, he couldn’t lift all those boxes by himself. He had very weak upper body strength outside of his dancing ability, which was mildly embarrassing to admit. A knock on the door was heard, he opened the door and immediately hugged Burning Spice before letting him in. He ruffled his hair, looking at the boxes. He lifted the one that had his sewing machine inside.

“Be careful with that one, sewing machine is in it.”

Burning Spice looked at him with a grin, “Gotcha, squirt. I’ll try not to break it.” Shadow Milk laughs for a moment before getting serious again.

“I know that you’re joking. But seriously please be careful with it, it’s really expensive.”

Burning Spice nods as he goes down the stairs with the box in his hand. He eyes his friend who was following him outside the apartment and to the car trunk. He blushed and rocked himself on his feet for a bit before explaining himself.

“I don’t think I can stay in the apartment by myself or I’d start crying every other minute.”

Burning Spice slapped his shoulder lightly, Shadow Milk returned the gesture by playfully punching him in his arm. Burning Spice made dramatic, fake noise of pain. “I think you broke something.” He laughed wildly at the dramatic sound, then he remembered something.

“Was I really that heavy when you carried me on your back at the Beast reunion?”

He nodded, “Yeah, which is a good thing!! You practically weighed nothing, back in high school. I wasn’t expecting that, you really were working out for the past seven years. Do you still have those ‘quivering lava leg’s days’?”

That's what he and Burning Spice would call his flare up days. Whenever he felt like he was going to collapse from the pain, he’d tug on the taller’s hair and mumble out “quivering lava legs” as a code word. Basically it meant that he couldn’t walk much, since his classes were so far apart from each other. And that he needed to be carried to his class. Burning Spice never got annoyed when it would happen either, he’d just lift him up and take him to his class.

“Yeah, I mean. Technically it’s called a flare up, but I still call it that in my head because it’s a perfect descriptor for my pain.”

Burning Spice raised his brow, “You actually got diagnosed with something?”

He nodded, “Fibromyalgia is the name. I honestly have no idea how the doctors in my past missed that. Apparently exercise helps a lot in managing the pain, which explains why the frequency of those days has decreased.”

Burning Spice hums, opening the door and grabbing another box of belongings. He watches Shadow Milk struggling to lift one of the boxes, he goes to help him but he’s stopped by a hand. He finally lifts the box up, his legs trembling with the addition of more weight. He walks with slow strides to keep his knees from buckling, Spice holds the door open for him.

“We should use the elevator, your quivering lava legs are going to fail if we take the stairs.”

Shadow Milk nodded, shuffling himself into the elevator. Burning Spice hits the button to go down and the elevator doors close. “So…… how’s Capsaicin doing?” He glances at his friend.

“He’s doing good. He’s also asked me to ask you if you’re the same idol as the one who got the Christians on social media pissed off. Did that ever happen to you?!”

Shadow Milk cackles at the memory. “Oh yeah!!! I wrote a song about Evangelical Christians and how they lie about what the Bible teaches, they were not happy!!! I got so many death threats that day!!! Ah good times, good times!!!”

Burning Spice looked at him horrified by the fact that he got death threats. The elevator doors opened, he limped his way to the trunk of Burning Spice’s car. He stopped him, looking him in the eyes.

“How can you even laugh at that?! You received death threats from people who could’ve actually went through with it!!”

Shadow Milk grinned, “Spicy, I’m laughing because it’s absolutely hilarious!!! Was it terrifying? Yes!! One of the people who made the threats lived five minutes away from my apartment, I had to get a restraining order against them. But I found it so funny that those idiots were so far up their own lies that they resorted to death threats!!!”

Burning Spice ruffles his hair, expression still wary. “You have an extremely odd sense of humor, runt.” Shadow Milk smirks, “You guys can’t get enough of it though.” Burning Spice sighs, “No. I suppose not.”

Shadow Milk skips ahead to the apartment entrance, “You wanna listen to the song on the way to Nilla’s?” Burning Spice shook his head, heading into his friend’s apartment and grabbing another box. Shadow Milk leaned against the door, scoffing at the answer. “Your loss. Can we at least listen to some of my other songs in the car or even while we’re packing?”

“Of course we can!!!”

He bounces in his excitement, scrolling through his phone to select a song to play. After much consideration, he turns on Spire Of Lies. Spire Of Lies has a…unique history behind its creation. The original version of the song was supposed to be his first solo single release from when he was in Cherub, but the higher ups in management didn’t like the final product.

After he left Cherub and he released Fallen Fount, his mind went back to that scrapped solo. Deciding that now was the time to finally revise the original draft and make it into something great, and it worked. The song was a hit with his audience and the fans from Cherub that wanted closure on his solo that was tossed out. The song begins with the jester like melody he had always adored.

“Ahahaha!!! Welcome to my Spire Of Lies!!!”

The beat was in an uneven rhythm, which was intentional due to Fount’s unstable mental state that they were left in at the end of the previous song. He swore that he caught Burning Spice tapping his foot to the beat. The song continued into its first verse.

“Now let’s twist your life into your desires,

Concealing all of the ugliness of reality

Behind a lovely bridal veil 

Dissecting all of those words you speak,

Into a stage play on Broadway!!!

This is what your desires are!!!”

The bridge echoes through the elevator.

“Ah-ah-ah, why do you resist?”

The first bridge was simple and short, diving headfirst into the chorus in a gorgeous splash.

“You wanted this!!!

Don’t leave the delectable world 

Within my spire!!!

Aren't they better than the truth?

So, step through the halls of my 

Spire Of Lies!!!”

Burning Spice wasn’t surprised by the instrumental. He knew that his friend had a huge fascination with jesters and carnival aesthetics. But the lyrics were whole other story. He recalled that Shadow Milk was incredibly talented with lyrics, he saw it firsthand when he would write English lyrics for his favorite Vocaloid songs. He always knew what words would sound right and how to structure them to fit the instrumental beautifully.

He continues to listen to the music.

“The script is drawn up,

All from illusions and trickery,

Mixing together in a concoction

Of my craftsmanship

Sending it out to cause a symphony of chaos!!!

Tiny little quarrels from those mortals 

Who believe what they want to believe 

Sparks a stellar glee for me.”

The next bridge plays as the last box is held in Spice’s hands. It’s almost time to say goodbye to the place he called home for two years…

“See?

How saccharine it is

To stay.

Why must you keep resisting?

I’m only trying to open

Your eyes!!!

The windows show you brighter skies,

Isn't that enough to stay longer 

In my spire?

This place is a shield 

From the soul crushing truth 

How’s about you stay 

In The Spire Of Lies.”

The car pulls out of the parking lot, Shadow Milk holds back the welling tears in his eyes. He spent so long in that apartment, so many memories. Now, he’s leaving it all behind. He grabbed a portion of his best friend’s hair and began sobbing in it, he couldn’t help it. The third and final verse, bridge and chorus played through his tears.

“Please stop trying to leave

This reality is better…

Crafted from marionette strings and indulgent pleasures,

Why are you still trying to leave

A world created for you?

Please don’t go!!!

All you ever want is here,

Alive by unbounded deceit…

Please…

Please………

Don’t go.

If you can’t see the aid 

I'm offering, then you can’t be trusted.

They never stay for long…

I’m begging!!

SOMEONE!!

ANYONE!!

STAY WITH ME,

IN MY SPIRE OF LIES!!!!!!!

I don’t need anyone,

anymore……”

He inhaled, his breath congested from the sobbing session. He rubbed his nose and looked at Burning Spice. “You done with your crying session in my hair?” He laughed wetly, “Sorry bout that, got really emotional over seeing that building one last time…” Burning Spice gently slaps his shoulder. “You’ve gotten better at writing lyrics. I loved that song!!!”

Shadow Milk squealed and slaps his legs rapidly, rocking himself while bumping his balled up fists together. “Well, you’re gonna be able to see me live…… because Sugar’s dad got all of you guys tickets to go with me to New Orleans!!!” Burning Spice turns the corner, stopping in front of a line of cars getting into the guest entrance to the community. “No shot!!!” Shadow Milk nodded, flapping his hands.

“YEAH SHOT!!! I ALREADY KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING TO EAT WHEN WE GET THERE!!! THE OLDEST JAZZ BAR IN THE CITY!!!”

He tilts his head, confused by one little caveat about all of this. “Isn’t Sugar’s dad impossible to negotiate with? How did she manage to convince him to get us all tickets?!”

Shadow Milk shrugged his shoulders, “I honestly don’t know how she did it, but she managed to convince him to get you, Flour, Salt, and herself with the addition of plus one’s tickets.”

The line of cars moved slowly as Burning Spice hummed, “Plus one’s?”

“Yeah. Salt’s bringing their girlfriend along for the trip. Not sure if Sugar’s gonna have Hollyberry go too. Hope she does.”

And there’s another thing that Burning Spice was shocked about during the reunion at the zoo, the apparent close bond between the two. “You and her are pretty close, how’d that ended up happening?” Shadow Milk grabbed a portion of his hair, delicately grazing his fingers over it while he talked.

“I will admit that I had my doubts regarding her, I literally saw her natural friendly nature as a walking red flag. But the moment she mentioned that she listened to Vocaloid, I threw every warning out. From there, we got closer together. Outside of you all, she’s one of my best friends…”

“It really was that easy for you to trust her, huh?”

Burning Spice drives in front of the gate, handing his driver’s license to the gate person. Shadow Milk perks up, leaning forward to face the gate person. “I’m moving in with one of the residents here. He’s just helping me out.” The gate opens, Spice drives through. He turns the corner into the community, snickering at the sight of a welcome sign in front of the house. He gently shoves Shadow Milk’s shoulder.

“Look alive. You got a welcome party for you!!!”

He glances up, gasping in surprise. He practically kicks the car door open and beelines it towards his boyfriend.

—

Vanilla was expecting a good reception to the little welcome home sign, but he didn’t have any time to prepare himself for his love to tackle him on the ground. His face was a mix of smiles and tears, laughing all the while. He began giggling as well, faintly hearing the door opening and rapid footsteps moving to him.

He watches as Shadow Milk gets tackled by the hug Crepe gives him, he ruffles the kid’s hair. “Geez, kiddo!! You got better hug reflexes than I do!!!” They hugged him again, Burning Spice walked over to them. Crepe looked at him. “Is your kid here?”

“Nah, bucko. He’s volunteering at the bird reserve today.”

They pouted, crossing their arms. “Aww… I wanted to trauma bond with him more…”

Vanilla makes a face of confusion and shock, looking at Burning Spice as if he knew the context behind his child’s words. He seemed just as confused by the kid’s words as him, shrugging his shoulders and speaking in an unsure tone. “I guess our kids are friends??? Kid, the heck you mean by trauma bonding?!”

They scoffed at him, “It’s when you share similar trauma and you relate to the other person with a similar experience to yourself. Me and your kid bonded over how much we hated the feeling of starvation.”

Burning Spice stares at Vanilla, he smiles awkwardly. “Well, that’s one way to make a friend.” Shadow Milk gets off the ground, dusting himself off before heading to the trunk of Spice’s car. He pops the trunk open, then grabs one of the boxes from inside. Vanilla puts a gentle hand on Crepe’s shoulder, “Could you open the door for us, Sweetcake?” They nod, running to the door to open it. Vanilla turned to his lover.

“You’re not hurt from Crepe surprise hugging you, are you?”

He blew a raspberry, grabbing his cane and suitcase from the back seat of the car. “Aside from a possible bruise. I’ll live.” Vanilla kisses his forehead, then his cheek. “I still can’t believe that you’re leaving tomorrow. You just moved in, mi vida.” Shadow Milk walked inside his sunshine’s house, it still felt so unreal that he was actually moving in. He had fantasies when he was in his early teens of this exact scenario, finding someone who loved him so much that he’d move in with them. It was really happening now.

He holds Vanilla’s hand in his own, “Nilly, I know… but I’ve been looking forward to having a concert over there for years. Besides, Lily’s going too. So, I’ll at least have her keeping an eye on me.” Vanilla tilts his head.

“Lily’s going with you?”

Shadow Milk puts one foot on the first step, “Sugar’s dad got her and the other Beast’s tickets to fly out to New Orleans with me. I know that she’s going, but not sure about anyone else who wants to tag along.”

Vanilla hums, as the two head up the stairs. Shadow Milk reaches for the doorknob to the guest bedroom, halting when he sees the adorable confused expression on Vanilla’s face. “Bluebird, you’re going to sleep in my room.” His eyes widened, cheeks flushing with pink.

“Then, what’s the purpose of the guest room now?”

Vanilla opens the door to the guest bedroom, it was mostly empty aside from some tables and the bed still there. “Think of this as your little idol workshop. You can make your costumes, practice dancing, stream if you’d like.”

Shadow Milk simply stares at the room, subconsciously walking forward into the space. The bed had been completely moved to the left corner, in order to make room for him to dance. He glides his hand over the tablecloth, his breath hitching at the soft texture. He doesn’t know what to say. He couldn’t comprehend the idea of an entire room, dedicated to him and his work. He shifted to face Vanilla, who was unpacking the box he had brought in.

“You made a whole room, like physically moved the bed all the way to the left corner so I can have enough room to dance…just for me?”

Vanilla smiled that glimmering smile that Shadow Milk absolutely loves. “Of course I did!!! What other reason would you think that the other guest room was converted into a robotics lab? That was for Crepe, so they could have a safe environment where they can interact and indulge in their interests, and I wanted to give you that too.”

Tears silently streamed from his eyes as he processed his boyfriend’s words. The idea that all of this is being done to give him a space to connect with his interests more, touched him in a way that nothing else had ever done. Vanilla freezes in astonishment at the realization that his moonlight was crying, he rushed to his side.

“Bluebird?! Why are you crying?!”

He looked at him, puzzled by the question. “I don’t know…” Vanilla was confused by the reaction, he had done everything right as far as he knew. He hadn’t even thought that he would react like this, “I’m sorry, I probably should’ve asked you before doing this. I wanted it to be a surprise and-” before he could finish his apology, he felt arms wrapping around his waist.

“Nilly… please don’t apologize for this. I LOVE IT!!! I couldn’t have ever predicted that you had prepared a room for me to do my work in!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU SILLY VANILLY!!!” Vanilla sighs in repose, just then Burning Spice lightly kicks the door open. His eyes dart between the couple, nudging the box in his hands.

“Pipsqueak, where do you want the sewing machine to go?”

Shadow Milk glances at his friend, “Right there is fine.” He sets the box down on the table, taking the sewing machine out and placing it down with care. He runs his hand over the machine, lightly pecking the sewing machine before turning his attention to his boyfriend. Vanilla takes his hand, treading down the steps of the stairs hand in hand, he rubs his thumb against the outside of his lover’s hand.

At first he thought it was a habitual gesture, then it developed into something akin to a tender texture stim. That’s one thing he didn’t anticipate when he and Vanilla began holding hands, the satiny texture his hand had. If Crepe’s account of Vanilla being a farm boy was to be believed, then he was astounded that his hands remained so supple even after doing hard labor. He cleared his throat, “So, Crepe told me that you lived on a farm…Is that true?!”

Vanilla chortles in his amusement, “Yes, it’s true. Farm boy in heart and soul. It’s pretty therapeutic working with animals.”

Shadow Milk opens the door, “You and Salt have the horse thing in common.” Vanilla’s eyebrow rises as he grabs another box from the trunk. “They were a farm kid too?” Shadow Milk shakes his head, flipping his hand repeatedly. “I mean, if you want to count his family owning a horse stable, then I guess…”

He pushes the door aside to let his lover inside, Vanilla continues to inquire about the new knowledge on Lily’s partner. “Really? Have you ever rode a horse while you were there?” Shadow Milk beams, nodding his head.

“Yeah, it’s kinda a long story. You want the short version or the long version of how I learned to ride a horse~?” He leans over, jeering mischievously. Vanilla kisses his hand, sending a flustered shiver across his spine. “The long version.”

—

He was a freshman, when he learned.

The ride to Salt’s house didn’t come without his fears. Shadow Milk takes deep breaths as the driver of Sugar’s limousine takes a turn onto a dirt road, the vehicle comes to a standstill. The chauffeur pulls the door open, Sugar leaves first with him following after. The previous day she and the cheer team had taken him out to shop for a new wardrobe, at her suggestion he wore some boots and riding pants.

Sugar sensed his unease, “Hey, don’t worry. There’s Salty right there!!!” She waved at them, they skipped over to her. He smiled slightly, his apprehension slowly dissipating. “What even is this place, Salt?” They began to sign.

“My family’s horse stable. We’re going to ride them today, get them ready for some races.”

Eternal Sugar looks through the horses behind their wooden gates, her lips curling into a smile as she jogs lightly to a pale white horse. The horse steps towards her, sticking its head out to her. “Powdered Angel, it’s been ages since we’ve seen each other last!!!” She pets the horse’s head, her hand gliding up and down the coat of the horse.

Shadow Milk felt intimidated by the horse’s around him, any chance a horse would look at him, he’d avert his eyes. Fearing that his mere presence here was an affront to the horse’s, he glanced at one particular horse. The creature had no interest in his attendance, until he stepped closer to the pen. He backed away, shaking hands in his terror. Silent Salt took his trembling hand gently, lifting it to touch the horse’s face, his eyes clamping shut.

He lifted his eyelids and held his breath, his hand resting on the horse’s face. The horse nudged its head closer into his hand, his breath hitching at the motion. The face of the creature was littered with spots of white, he hesitates as he lifts another hand to scratch behind the ear. He felt so comfortable already, he’s certain that he’s never felt this comfy in his life.

“Feels nice, right?”

He nodded, sighing contentedly. He could stay here forever if he could. He was dragged out his rare state of tranquility, by the sound of Eternal Sugar gently leading the pure white horse out of its pen. Silent Salt opened the gate to let the horse out, Shadow Milk instinctively stepped back. They pointed at Sugar and she nodded, she skipped over to him. Handing him a pair of reins and a saddle, “I’ll help you get situated with your horse.”

He watches as she delicately adorns his horse with its reins and saddle, she performs the task like she’s done it so many times before. The horse snorts at him, a frightened yelp escapes from his mouth. Sugar giggles, leading him and his steed into a circular patch of grass that was fenced off. Salt arrives with their horse in tow, holding a portable set of stairs.

The horse nuzzles its head against Salt’s shoulder, which earns a few pets in return. Salt gets on the large, ebony stallion, Sugar helps him get on his own horse without much trouble. He gently lifts the reins, his thumb swaying over the leathery texture. He glances at Silent Salt’s stallion, the two were seemingly pretty close in terms of the bond between the two. Sugar rides near him, the snow white mare gently trotting alongside his horse.

“If you want to go fast, lightly jostle the reins.”

He obeyed and instantaneously the horse began to trot slightly faster, he gulped at the sudden change of speed. Yet, he felt himself relaxing. He closed his eyes, feeling soothing breeze lifting his hair, he truly felt peace in this moment. However, this peace wasn’t meant to last for him.

The gentle silence that had calmed him greatly was interrupted by a loud neigh. The horse briefly stood on its hind legs, nearly resulting in Shadow Milk falling off from the steed. He was in a mental war of whether to hold on and prevent himself from getting injured or forcefully shoving his hands over his ears. He whimpers as the horse continues to neigh, begging internally for some peace and quiet.

Silent Salt descends from his stallion, darting toward their friend to help. They quickly took control of the situation, making shushing noises to calm the distressed creature. The front legs landed on the grass, they look to their friend. His chest rising and falling quickly, he jumps off the horse. His fingers fumbled with the buckle of the riding helmet, he gave up and hopped over the fence separating the track.

He crouched down and whined loudly, his hands still covering his ears. Salt sits beside him, tears began to fall from his eyes. He shoved his head into his shoulder, slightly muffling the whimpers escaping him. His lips were shaking with so much force that they were worried that he somehow got hurt from getting off his horse. “I’m sorry… I ruined everything, didn’t I?” Salt rubbed their hand on his arm.

“You did not. Come on, I’ll show you how to turn.”

He nodded, still sniffling as he hopped over the fence and stood next to the spotted horse again. Salt assisted him in getting back up on the horse, before heading back to theirs and directing the stallion to walk beside the rider and steed. They resumed signing.

“Pull the reins left or right to turn. Do it gently through.”

He hoists the reins, the horse trots once more. This time, he pays attention to distance between his steed and the fence. He gingerly tugs on the reins to the right, sure enough, the horse changed its direction. Silent Salt accompanies the two, keeping a close eye on his progress. He glimpses at the gorgeous black stallion again.

“Does he have a name?”

They nod, “Lux BlackSalt.” He snickers at the name. After a few more laps around the circle, albeit with Silent Salt and Lux BlackSalt showing off a bit too much, almost as though they had a point to prove. He gets off of the spotted mare, the creature nudges its head into his arm. He looks at the horse, slowly placing his hand on the horse’s head. The horse nuzzles its head to his neck, he starts laughing.

“Haha, stop!!! Please!!! I have to go study!!!”

He gets guided by Silent Salt in the process of removing the riding gear from the horse. The horse goes into its pen, then they hand him a carrot. Shadow Milk takes it, holding it to the horse, the horse takes a big chomp out of the carrot. The sight of the creature’s teeth makes jolt backwards, Sugar laughing at his little spark of fear.

“ITS NOT FUNNY!!!! THE THING COULD’VE BIT MY WHOLE HAND OFF LIKE A SHARK!!!!!”

—

“You were afraid of horses?”

“Seriously? That’s what you gleamed out of that story?”

Vanilla chuckles as he brings in the last box inside his house. “No, no!!! I’m just taken aback by that. Horses are one of the most docile animals on earth, how have you even developed a fear of them?” Shadow Milk opens the door to his Idol workshop, which still is surreal enough to not believe that he even has a room dedicated to it. He shrugs his shoulders as a response.

“I honestly don’t know where the fear stems from. They just gave me weird vibes as a kid… I guess.”

Inside the final box was various minuscule decors. Posters, figurines, some handmade souvenirs probably from his fans, art supplies and a surprisingly large amount of plushies. Vanilla makes an adoring noise upon seeing one plushie in particular, the lamb Build A Bear from their first date.

“I see that, the lamb made it home safely and soundly.”

Shadow Milk smirked at the sight of the lamb. “Ah. You found Cream Sheep? Good!!! I was worried that I accidentally left them in the apartment.”

Vanilla snorts a little laugh at his wawi’s choice of name. “You named it, Cream Sheep?” Shadow Milk blushes, a shade of pink tucked itself comfortably on his cheeks. “W-well yeah!! It’s a good name!!” Vanilla nodded in agreement, then his lover makes a small noise, turning to him with a quizzical expression. “Where’s the wolf you got? I haven’t seen it at all in all my visits to your place.”

Vanilla takes the lamb plushie, he leads Shadow Milk to his room. Stepping over to his reading chair, he steps to the side, extending his arms out to present the chair and making jazz hands. Shadow Milk bites his tongue to resist cooing at the display he’s looking at.

The wolf plushie has been placed in the middle of the chair’s cushion, a book propped up by its paws. Giving it an illusion of the stuffed animal reading it, his sunshine even gave it mini reading glasses. He hops in place, “Nilly, you really are such a silly, silly guy!!! I mean, who else would even think of setting up a diorama like this!?!?” Vanilla takes a bow, but then he shifts his wolf plushie to the side. He sets Shadow Milk’s lamb right beside it, he proceeds to make slight adjustments to the position of both plushies and the open book.

A minute or two later, he finishes his updated set up involving both plushies. Shadow Milk rests his chin on his sunshine’s shoulder, despite the two walking back to the other room, Vanilla curls his hand on his cheek. “Why’d you add the lamb to the chair?” Vanilla turns the doorknob, walking into the room to continue helping his boyfriend unpack his belongings.

“I felt that the wolf was yearning for its other half, so I figured that they should read together.”

Shadow Milk sniffles, taping a Hatsune Miku poster on the wall. Gods help him, he’s too weak to Vanilla’s sweetness. It’s almost pathetic, how easily he crumbles into molecules every time his sunshine weaves his words into ballads of love. Words that are so saccharine in its flavor and chosen as though he’s trying to write the next Shakespeare love story.

Sometimes, even now, he still doesn’t fully believe that he’s being genuine. He doesn’t feel like that every time, but those doubts still rear their ugly heads in his mind. He’s been doing better in managing those doubts, still doesn’t stop him from hurting every time the idea comes to him. He still loves Vanilla regardless of whatever doubts he may have.

He hugs Burning Spice as thanks for his help in moving him into his new home with his boyfriend, he turns back into the house. Still feels like a dream that he’s moving in with the love of his life. He feels his phone buzzing and checks it.

Let me sleep sugarcube: Okay, so I have the terms and conditions for dad getting the tickets for all of us…

The Knight: What are we contractually required to do so we can see our friend perform on stage??

Let me sleep sugarcube: Not you guys… me. The only way I could get him to agree is if I have a debutante ball.

Destructive Dad Hours: That’s all?!

Let me sleep sugarcube: Yeah. I’m only complying under the condition that it is known that I’m taken by Hollyberry.

Beast Of Deceit ;): I thought it would have been something more… Can Vanilly go too??

Let me sleep sugarcube: Of course he can!!! You guys have an automatic invitation to the debutante, I’ll see you all tomorrow at the airport. ;)

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Make sure you get your deserved rest.

He turns off his phone for the night, slipping into bed with Vanilla, who was already there reading a book. He buries himself into the covers, before latching onto his waist. His arms coiled around his lover’s slender frame, his eyes lazily moving to look at the page. “Whatcha reading, mi solcito?”

Vanilla lightly pets his head, he nuzzles further into his waist. “Twilight.” Shadow Milk lets out sleepy giggles, “Hypothetically if I was a vampire, would you let me hold you and drink your blood?” He scratches behind his ear, grinning as he hears a small content huff of air leaving his moonlight’s mouth. “Yes, mi lunita. I would allow you to cling onto me as you suck my blood, would you let me do the same for you?”

Shadow Milk tangles his legs around Vanilla’s legs that were lying flat on the mattress. “I don’t know~ you’d be an admittedly pathetic vampire. What with you never hurting a fly? But, yeah. I’d love to feel those ivory fangs sinking into my skin and slurping my blood out~.” He added a slurping sound to further his point, which caused Vanilla to laugh. Shadow Milk snuggled impossibly closer into his waist, “Sugar’s dad is hosting a debutante ball for her, I was wondering if you’d be interested in coming?”

Vanilla tipped his head up to kiss his forehead. “Of course.” He gazed at the scar on his moonlight’s left eye, he slowly kissed the slightly reddened skin, Shadow Milk’s left eye closing on reflex. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear, smiling softly at his luminous face.

“Get some sleep, wawi. I love you.”

Shadow Milk was fully asleep, mumbling out “Te amo’s” in his sleep. Vanilla kisses the top of his head and returned to his book, taking note each moment he purred. He wouldn’t ever mind if every night would be this domestic now, he lips curled into another smile. He instinctively pulled him closer, kissing him gently on his forehead again before returning to his novel.

Shortly afterwards, he closed the book. Shuffling himself into bed, clutching his lover’s body in a warm embrace. His tips his lover’s resting head up, kissing the scar again. His eyes slowly fell shut, his wawi’s head resting on his chest like its a pillow.

But Vanilla didn’t mind. Not in the slightest. And he will never mind the eternal bliss that he felt when Shadow Milk would purr. The gentle vibrations from his throat, making him feel so warm and fuzzy. He kissed him one more time, then finally fully fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk was practically buzzing with excitement to tell his parents the good news. He wanted to wait until dinner, he wanted to tell them both about the fact that he got into an idol group. His life long dream of performing on stage was finally coming true. He swings the door open with a pep in his step, causing a groan to escape his mother’s mouth.

He jumps up several steps before closing the door to his room. He drums his feet on the floor, bumping his fists against each other. He makes sure to get all of his happiness out of his system before telling his parents. Once he hears his father come home, he darts down the stairs and opens the door for him. Bouncing up and down, beaming so brightly that his cheeks were starting to go numb.

He circles his father, who was trying to avoid him. Once everyone sat at the dinner table, Shadow Milk began to talk. “You guys remember that dream of mine?” His knees were bouncing rapidly under the table. His mother scoffed, “You mean the stupid dream of being on stage and embarrassing yourself?”

Shadow Milk ignores the pang of hurt in his heart and continues. “Well, I wanna let you guys know that… I got in an idol group!!!” His father looked up from his dinner plate with a disbelieving look. “What?!”

Shadow Milk flaps his hands, nodding rapidly in joy. “Yeah!!! A friend of mine helped me submit my audition tape, and I got in!!! And there were about five hundred or so people auditioning, and I was chosen to join the grou-”

His head whipped to the side, blood pooling in his mouth. He looked up to see his mother, she had a disgusted expression on her face. Tears welled in his eyes as she then punched him in the mouth, one of his front teeth fell out causing more of the metallic taste of blood to flow through his mouth. He spat the tooth out, his hand covered in blood as he held his bloodied tooth in his palm. He was shoved down to the floor, his eyes wide dumbfounded by his mother’s sudden turn to violence.

Normally his father would be the one to beat him up as a punishment, with his mother being guard to make sure he doesn’t run away. But never had she ever been the one to initiate the beating, she grabbed the collar of his shirt. She looked absolutely livid, “You want to throw your life away?!”

He felt himself being let go, only to fall back down when he felt his legs being kicked off balance. “Mom!! Please!! I thought you would be happy for me!!” She turned to her husband and tilted her head towards the stairs, he nodded. She pulled his head up by his hair, forcing him to look at her in the eyes. “How many times have we told you to stop this nonsense dream of singing?!?! You really think that anyone would want to hear that nails on a chalkboard like voice?!”

Shadow Milk sobs on the floor, his father throws a trash bag at him. The bag was slightly heavy, but he held onto it for comfort regardless. His mother continued with her nonstop verbal abuse, “Why would you even fathom that anyone could like a retarded freak of a person like you?!”

Shadow Milk feels all of his hopes shatter at that one word his mother spoke. He was always referred to by the word, his parents and his friends were the only ones who never used that term when referring to him. Now that his parents have finally used that term he hated so much, he broke down into sobs. He gets pulled up roughly by his mother, his father opened the front door and he gets pushed out.

“If you want to really throw away your life, go ahead!! Don’t even think about coming back!!”

The door slammed shut, leaving him outside during a thunderstorm. He banged his hands against the wooden door, desperation seeping into his eyes. “Mother!! I’m sorry!! Please let me in!! Please!!” They don’t answer, he drops to the doorstep in tears. He steps away from his old home, sniffling during his walk. He shuffles around in his jacket pocket, he finds what he’s looking for.

A piece of paper with the address of the agency that signed him to be in the idol group. He had some change, hopefully it’ll be enough to get him there. Because he really didn’t have a backup plan in case it wasn’t. He stands by the bus stop, he finally broke down in tears when he stopped. The events of the past few minutes were finally processed and running him over like a truck at full speed.

A bus stopped in front of him, he stepped on and handed the driver the piece of paper with the address written. The driver looked at the paper, she looked at him with sympathy. She puts a hand on his shoulder, he flinched hard at the touch. “Sit down, don’t worry about paying.”

Shadow Milk nods and goes to the back of the bus, sitting down in silence. He tries to take several deep breaths to calm himself, failing miserably the whole time. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do now!! He can’t go to the other Beasts for a place to stay, he already told them that he’ll figure it out during the training session. He can’t burden them with this stuff, he already told Silent Salt that he’d be dropping out to focus solely on the training and to tell the others the same.

But he never expected that his parents would kick him out and disown him for his accomplishment. He didn’t understand why he thought they would react differently. The bus stopped and he got up from his seat, he stepped out. He trembled as he heard the sound of thunder, at least the agency didn’t close till ten pm. He entered the building, his body wracked by constant shivers.

A receptionist saw him and ran over to him. He almost collapsed on the spot as the receptionist ushered him into one of the rooms. They tell him to take a seat while they go grab someone that could help him, he nods. He rocks his body rapidly as he waits, finally the door opens and man walks in.

Dark skin and round glasses were all the features he could make out in his panicky haze spiral. The man sits down across from him, looking down at a tablet in his hands. “You must be the last member of that idol group that’s forming?” He finally looks up and stumbles back at his appearance. Shadow Milk snickers grimly at the man’s reaction, “Must’ve looked bad enough to scare you like that. But to answer your question, yes I am part of that idol group. We’re supposed to be meeting in person tomorrow…”

The man pushed his glasses up, resting his hands on the desk. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” Shadow Milk giggles in response.

“Parents kicked me out, they didn’t like the idea of me singing… so they threw me out like I was nothing.”

The man hissed, “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you have anywhere you could stay for the night?” Shadow Milk shook his head. His lips wobbled as he wiped his eyes to prevent the new set of tears from falling. The man looked at him with a stern expression.

“Here’s what we’re doing, you’ll stay with me for the night. We’ll figure something out for you. I have to close up and I can’t let you stay in here by yourself.”

Shadow Milk nodded and got up from his seat, still shivering from being in the rain for a while. He looked at the man’s name clip, Espresso. Espresso opened up an umbrella for him to hide under, till they made it to the car. Once he got in the car, he started crying again. Gods, he felt so pathetic for crying so many times in the last few hours. Espresso reached his hand toward him, he hugged him instead. Bawling his eyes out as the older man held him.

He didn’t talk the whole ride to the other’s house, he just sat there waiting. The only sounds he made were sniffles and yelps of fear when lightning made the world white for a moment. Finally the man had arrived at his place, thankfully it wasn’t raining here, but the thunder still remained. Espresso fiddles with his keys and unlocked the door, he stepped aside to let the teen go in first.

Shadow Milk goes in and was immediately overwhelmed by how warm the inside of the house was. He looked around, spotting another man with platinum blonde hair in the kitchen. He jumped up at the sight of him, he looked at Espresso. “Did you kidnap a teenager, Coffee Bean?!” He sighed.

“No, mads. I did not kidnap that teenager, he’s part of that Idol group and his family kicked him out. He had no where to go and I couldn’t let him stay in the agency by himself, so I had to take him home.”

Shadow Milk looks away from both men, so exhausted from everything that happened. He just wants to sleep. “You guys don’t have to feed me anything… I just want to sleep.” The blonde goes to him.

“That’s alright. My name’s Madeleine, by the way. I’ll get you some warm clothes for you.”

He simply nods, not wanting to get attached to these two in fear of them throwing him out. He gets an oversized ugly Christmas sweater that was cashmere, he winced at the way his skin pricks. He grins and bears through the uncomfortable sweater tugged at his neck, the two men were letting him stay over for the night. He doesn’t want to be difficult with them both. At least the pants were incredibly soft, if it was cashmere again then he would’ve sobbed on the spot.

His eyes watered as he finally went to sleep for the night. He hoped that the other two members of the group were nice enough to let him stay with their families until he figures out something.

—

Shadow Milk was incredibly nervous about this. How could he not be? He was going to meet his fellow group mates for the first time, he kept his hands clasped together to prevent him from embarrassing himself. He was the first one to arrive at the cafe, which didn’t help ease his anxiety. Every time the door opened he stood up to see if one of his new colleagues were here, but sat down every time so far.

The door opens again, he stands up and sees a girl looking around for something. She looks to be about sixteen years old at most, her bright blonde hair was done up in a perm style. She looks directly at him and walks over to him, smiling softly at the sight of him. She holds her hand out to him, he shakes it.

“You’re Shadow Milk, correct?” He nods his head in confirmation of his identity. She smiles sweetly at him.

“It’s nice to meet you, my name is Sugarfly. But the name for me in the group will be Sugar Bee.”

She sits down, the door opens again. Another girl with poofy white hair and tan skin look around, huffing and puffing as though she’s out of breath. Sugarfly motions her to the table, she pulls herself together hopping up to her. She takes his hand and shakes it rapidly, “It’s so good to meet you!!! I’m Parfait!!!”

She lets his hand go, he shivers slightly at the unwanted touch. He scratches a napkin, trying desperately to find his voice. “I’m sorry if I’m being too quiet…” Sugarfly glances at him. “You’re fine.” He looks around, trying to find something to talk about.

“Why’d you guys pick me for the group?”

Parfait leaned over, he leans back upon her face getting way too close for his liking. “I chose you upon first seeing your audition tape. Sugarfly chose you when she saw you hit that high note in World Is Mine!!!”

He wrings his wrists under the table, he looks at the two girls shyly. “I just hope that I can keep up with you both…” Sugarfly reaches a hand out, before retracting her hand from touching his. “We’re going to dance practice in a few, so you won’t have to worry about falling behind us. You’ll do great.”

Shadow Milk felt comforted by her reassurance, the way she consoled his worries reminding him of how Mystic Flour would comfort him. He scratched the table, trying to find the best way to ask for a place to stay for a while. “Can I stay at one of your places for the night? My parents kicked me out of the house… so they aren’t an option anymore because they don’t support me.”

Parfait hugs him unexpectedly, he flinches at the touch. “I’ll ask my parents, they’ll probably say yes.” He nods as he walks out and into the car to get transported to the dance studio. The moment he’s out of the girl’s sight, he flaps his hands in a giddy excitement. He kicks his feet up and down, beyond ecstatic that he was going to get dance lessons.

He exits the car, heading toward the dance studio. Drumming his feet on the concrete and bumping his balled fists together, the dance instructor opens the door for the three of them. Shadow Milk bolts inside, too caught up in his excitement to even notice that everyone was looking at him. Sugarfly stared at him with a neutral expression, internally shocked by the sudden shift in personality.

He was acting more like how he acted in the audition tapes than a few minutes ago. It was jarring, but she didn’t mind it that much. He must’ve been nervous to meet them for the first time, once they got into the dance room he squealed. He was similar to Parfait, probably even more energetic than her. The dance instructor stood in front of the three, he stands still.

She and Parfait joined him, the dance instructor spoke. “I’m certain that you two ladies have experience?” The two nodded, the instructor turned to him. “You mentioned that you don’t have much experience in dance, so the girls will catch up to speed.” He smiled and nodded, turning to both girls.

Parfait took the initiative and started to demonstrate him how she danced. He froze at her experience, she was dancing like she had been for years. He began to feel guilty that the other two had to help him, Sugarfly looked at him.

“Don’t try to copy Parfait’s style, move in a way that feels natural to you. Okay?”

In a way that feels natural to him, huh? He takes a few steps back, then he lets his body take the lead. He didn’t think what moves he wanted to do, he lets his body decide and goes from there. Parfait looks at him stunned, he spins and kicks in a dramatic manner. She instantly felt jealous, she was more energetic and dramatic flares were a struggle for her to learn.

Once he’s done, he opens his eyes to see Parfait clapping loudly. He looks at her, confused. “That was amazing!!! I don’t even think you need to learn the basics, if you can dance like that!!!” He turns to Sugarfly. “Was I really that good?” She flipped her hand over and over repeatedly.

“There’s some areas you need to work on, but you were pretty good for a beginner.”

His eyes drifted away from his fellow Idol, Sugarfly notices his aversion to eye contact. She doesn’t mind, Parfait also has issues with her eye contact too. Shadow Milk glances at the dance instructor, he couldn’t recognize the facial expression that they had. They walked over to him, his eyes closed shut, he was prepared to take the harsh criticism. Only that didn’t happen, “You seem to do well with dancing solo, but I feel that you might’ve misunderstood the question we sent, we meant experience in dancing with a group.”

Shadow Milk blushes, once again avoiding eye contact with the instructor. “That’s not to say that there won’t be any point in music video filming where you have to dance solo. You thankfully have that ability right off the bat.”

The instructor motions for Parfait and Sugarfly to come closer. “Have you three decided who’s going to be the lead for the group?” Parfait shovels her face in her hands, “I forgot to ask!!” The dance instructor sighs, “We might as well take a break for you three to discuss the matter amongst yourselves.”

The two girls sit down, he joins them. “So, who’s going to be the lead.” Parfait sways herself side to side, a smile forming on her cheeks. “I was thinking… that you should lead!!!” His eyes widened at her statement, him? Lead singer and dancer for the group? While he loves the idea and felt that he had what it takes, he still feels that he would only drag them down somehow.

“N-no. Not me. Shouldn’t Sugarfly be the lead? She’s the oldest out of all of us.”

Sugarfly simply hums, “While I do agree with your sentiment, I believe that you have the superior singing talent.” He was still hesitant to accept it, despite both his group mates being in unanimous agreement. He shook his head, still denying the offer.

“No, I don’t want to overshadow you both. Sugarfly should be the lead.”

Parfait glinted at Sugarfly, then they both nodded. “Alright then, Sugarfly is our lead.”

—

Parfait gives her band mates the piece of paper that held the lyrics to their debut single, she gleams through both reactions to the song. Sugarfly has a neutral smile on her face, which wasn’t surprising. She was pretty much happy with anything she was given, but when she got a glimpse of Shadow Milk’s reaction, she frowned.

He had a look of repulsion at the paper he was reading, he turned to her. Parfait almost flinched when she saw the his face contorted with disgust, “That’s the debut?! Who wrote this?!” She gently tugs on her hair to calm herself.

“I don’t know, management gave it to me and-” she didn’t even finish her sentence, as she watches him take his copy of the lyrics and marched straight to the management team’s room. Sugarfly ran as fast as she could, but he was already knocking on the door. Parfait buried her head into Sugarfly’s shoulder, she didn’t want to look at him getting blasted by management.

“What is this?! Who’s responsible for this travesty of a debut single?! Where’s the pop?! There’s nothing here!!”

One of the men in the room scoffed at him. “And what do you want us to do about it? This is the best rendition of the song.” Sugarfly stares at Shadow Milk, who looks like he’s about to burst a blood vessel.

“If that’s the best version you could write up, then I’ll write it for ya!!”

Another member laughed at him mockingly, “What do you know, I bet you don’t know much of song writing.”

He laughed at the management team, “I know a lot, give me a week. We need to take risks if we want to succeed!! I promise.”

Parfait turns her head to glance at the management team, surprisingly they caved in to his request. He heads out the door, he looking at both girls. “So, I’m going to rewrite the song… hope that’s cool?” Parfait restrained herself from gripping his shoulders. “Don’t do that again!! You really scared me!! You think you’ll be able to do it?!”

He blew a raspberry, brushing off her worries. “Relax, I got this!!” Sugarfly takes his hand. “We trust you, but please don’t disrespect the management team like that.”

He sighed, opening the door to his dressing room. “Fine.”

—

Love Or Hate.

That’s the name on the paper that Shadow Milk handed to both the management team and his fellow members of Cherub. He will give the management team some credit on the name for their group, it sounded perfect for them. The team agreed to go through with production on the song, which he was over the moon about.

It’s his first time in a recording studio, and he is struggling to contain himself. Otherwise he’d blow up with pure anticipation for the recording of the group’s first single. He jumps in place in front of his microphone, then stopped upon noticing that the director and producer were staring at him. He signed a quick sorry to them, turning straight to his lyrics.

The song was structured to highlight each of the member’s strengths in music talent. He has the opening of the song, which had utilized both English and Japanese lyrics. Bi lingual in terms of singing is what he likes to call it. Parfait would say the name of the group in between his repertoire of the phrase’s in the opening.

“Bum, bu, bump.

Doki, doooo, kiii.

Bu, bump, bubump!!

Cherub to spring in love!!!

Bum, bu, bump.

Dooookiiiii, doki-doki.

Bu, bump, bubububububu…”

Sugarfly takes the first verse of the song, which incorporates her soothing voice juxtaposed with the dark lyrics. During the writing of the song, he wanted the girl’s input on what they liked in lyrics and what parts he should add. He was shocked when Sugarfly suggested that her lyrics should be darker than the version that management wrote. She ended up becoming a co writer for the song, which helped expedite the writing process.

“Follow the sound waves of my voice,

Come closer into my heart,

You’ll never be found by my twisted corpse

For you’re blessed to be here in the clouds.

In the presence of one beyond your feeble grasp.”

Parfait has the bridge to the chorus, she proposed the idea of muddying the motives behind the lyrics. Since she felt that it was clearly telling a story.

“Oh! Stop!!

Was what we had…

Incorrect?

Did you even listen

To my affectionate comments?

Do you even see me,

Or am I invisible to you?”

Shadow Milk had a very clear inspiration for this song, it was reflecting his thoughts on his parents. His whole life, he wanted nothing more than his parent’s love and attention, but no matter what he did, that goal was always out of reach. He wasn’t even fully sure if his parents loved him or hated him. Hence the song title, which was deliberately used. He sings his chorus with gusto and emotion raw.

“Make up your mind,

You treat me like unwanted trash,

And yet, you never acted like that before.

So please,

Answer my querie.

Do you love or hate me?”

His breath stutters for a second before evening out. He needs to focus, he has the second verse.

“Ahhhhh,

I thought you’d be happy for me,

but the only thing you showed me was 

Disgust and rage.

The blood dripping from my mouth,

Waterfalling to my chin.

I feel you embracing me in your arms…

Mumbling out an apology.”

Sugarfly takes the bridge, leaving the chorus to Parfait. He keeps taking deep breaths in between his voice rests, refusing to get emotional over the song.

“You kicked me out,

Would you even care if I was found dead?

Would you ever cry at my gravestone?

All I would envision if you do…

Is only crocodile tears!!

I’m good,

I pass all my exams,

But you won’t even look at me…

Please don’t dodge or dance around my question.

Do you love or hate me?!”

Sugarfly repeats his lyrics from the beginning of the song. Parfait projecting her voice to be more energetic and bubbly, he prepares himself for the penultimate verse and bridge. He wants the final chorus to be all three of them singing together in a harmonious cacophony of voice. He practiced his rap part in the mirror numerous times, hopefully practice makes perfect in this case.

“Kick me out of your lives,

Like I’m sickly and y’all don’t know what to do!!

Claiming that you care for my life,

But in reality it’s a white lie!!

Giving an illusion of happiness

And yet…

When the curtains close,

Punch, pinch, jab!!”

A moment of silence is felt, then Parfait breaks the silence. Exactly how she’s supposed to, “Cherub is here to spring love!!!” Shadow Milk and Sugarfly get their voices ready to harmonize, moment of truth is transpiring right here, right now.

“Can’t wait until I get my answer,

but I know it’s impossible!!

Your so impossible to predict,

Please tell me if

You love or…

I do everything you want me to do,

Yet it’s never enough for you!!

I don’t want lies or sugarcoated words!!

Just say if you love or hate me!!!!!!”

He looks to the glass plane, he sees the producer holding back his tears. The director gets up from her seat and gives the three a standing ovation as well as two thumbs up. Parfait twirling around in excitement, Shadow Milk does a full jump. This is it!!!

—

Love Or Hate was a breakthrough hit. The song had smashed through the studios previous most popular songs, a fandom formed overnight upon the release of the single. There was already so much art and messages from new fans who felt seen when listening to the song. Reading the messages from fans who have gone through similar struggles to himself, had the feeling of a knife being stabbed through Shadow Milk’s chest emotionally.

And now, Cherub has their first ever, on camera interview. He was legitimately excited and nervous at the same time. He dresses himself in his selected outfit for the interview. Frilly attachable sleeves with a cravat and a floral skirt that descends to his knees, he twirls in the middle of his dressing room.

Opening the door to see Parfait in a sweater, with the sleeves draped over her hands on purpose. Sugarfly motions the two to hurry up, the interview was going to be live. So that added even more internal pressure to not embarrass him on camera. He looks at the tv studio, calms his nerves to prevent himself from sweating his makeup off.

Sugarfly takes the left seat, Parfait takes the right, leaving him in the middle of the two girls. He takes a few more deep breaths, still silently terrified of messing up during the interview. A jingle plays out in the background and that’s his cue. The interviewer gives their trademark introductory speech, before turning to the group.

Shadow Milk shyly gives a quick wave at the audience, whilst Sugarfly and Parfait were both engaging with the crowd. The interviewer redirects their attention to the three, beginning the line of questions that he was dreading. “Now, may you three introduce yourselves? Give us a feel for your background in music and the like.”

Sugarfly goes first, “I come from a long line of musicians in my family, yet they mostly work with classical music and orchestras. I wanted to follow in my family’s footsteps, but I wanted to mix it up a bit. Instead of classical music, I’d head into pop music.”

The interviewer turns their attention to him, all eyes are laser focused on him. He takes a deep breather and answers, “Well… I guess my adoration for music was built into my DNA. I’ve always described myself as “One who was born to perform” I started writing my own songs in middle school. And now I’m here…….” He shrinks into his seat, feeling so incredibly exhausted already. Stop looking at me. Stop paying attention to me. I’m not worthy of your attention.

Parfait answered last, bouncing her legs and flapping her sleeved hands. He was shocked at her open stimming, which wasn’t being ridiculed. “Well!!! Before I met Sugarbee, I was pretty big in the streaming scene. Mainly due to the fact that I made my own music to avoid copyright, I made my own song with Sugarbee who was a member on my server.”

Shadow Milk blinks rapidly to keep the tears from falling on camera. He didn’t want anyone to look at him, he hated this, so much. He felt like he was under a microscope, be analyzed by the entire audience. Parfait glanced over at him, immediately noticing that he was getting overwhelmed by everything. She finished her pockets for the stim toy that always calmed her down from intense moments. She nudged his shoulder with her elbow, his head whips to her. She handed him the rubix cube, which he hesitantly took.

“So, the fanbase is dying to know who wrote Love Or Hate? Because it doesn’t feel like it was written by a professional in the industry.”

Parfait points to him, “Shadow!!! Shadow wrote the song!!!” He squeaks and curls up in his chair, realizing that he’s looking childish, he fixes everything about how he’s sitting. Legs down, hands clenched tightly, straight back. “Yeah, I wrote Love Or Hate… it was more of a collaborative effort between all of us… Sugarbee is the co writer.” He bowed his head to stare at the ground, absolutely suppressing the tremors that threatened to expose him even further than now.

“Shadow,” he looks up, his breath stuttering like mad. “What were the inspirations for Love Or Hate?” Finally, he was thrown a bone to chew on. He immediately opened up.

“I’ve had quite a few inspirations that helped in writing the song. One of the main inspirations was a song called Aishite, Aishite, Aishite. Which translates to Love Me, Love Me, Love Me. The beginning of the second verse is a reference to the opening of the song. If this is going online, then can you please cut to a video of the part I’m talking about?” He freezes, realizing that he said way too much. He shrinks into his chair again. “I’m sorry, I spoke too much…”

The interviewer laughed, “Kiddo, you’re okay!!! Now to close out the interview, do you guys have any favorite genres of music?” Sugarfly and Parfait answer first.

“Classical with a gothic undertone.”

“Pop!!! That’s easy.”

Shadow Milk rubbed his hand over his arm, “I actually like all kinds of music. I will admit that I don’t listen to country frequently, but I still do appreciate it all the same.”

The interviewer shakes each of their hands. “Thank you so much for your time today!!!” Shadow Milk nodded eagerly, that wasn’t as bad as he catastrophizing it to be. He actually felt really good about it after the fact.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk couldn’t believe it, but it’s happening!!! He’s finally getting a solo!!! To say that this was a long time coming would undermine the whole thing. He’s been waiting since Parfait got her solo release two years after the group debuted. Shortly afterwards, Sugarfly got her solo. Leaving him the only one without a solo, but now he’s finally getting one!!!

When he told the girls, they were beyond ecstatic for him. The higher ups in management of the group agreed to let him write the solo, exactly how he wanted it to be. He knew what he wanted the solo to be about, he’d been waiting ages to finally introduce Fount to the audience. Well technically, it was a corrupted version of Fount. But honestly, he was beyond hyped to write the song.

He had written a lot of the songs for Cherub, he is the lyricist of the group after all. So he has quite a bit of experience, yet here he is, absolutely stumped in a creative rut. He slams his face into a pillow and screams at himself, the sound being muffled by the soft pillow. He flops back into bed, staring at the ceiling for any drop of inspiration.

A knock on the door echoes through his room, “Come in.” Sugarfly closes the door behind her, sitting down on the bed with him. “You having trouble with writing your solo?” He nods, shifting his head from his pillow prison to look at her.

“Is it that obvious?”

She giggled as she pulled him up from the bed, he puts his head in his hands. “You’re rarely stumped on writing.” He growled, “I know!! The one time I write a song for myself, creativity gets thrown away!!” She rubs his back in comforting way, giving him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You are the lyricist.”

She leaves afterwards, he looks through his old sketchbook. Trying to find anything to get those gears in his mind turning, he flips to a page that was a sketch of a spire. He referred to it as Fount’s place of residence, he gasps sharply. That’s it!!! He grabs the newer sketchbook and flips to an empty page quickly. He sketches at a rapid pace, trying to catch that lightning in a bottle idea he had before it disappeared.

He stares at the finished piece, slapped with the title: Spire Of Lies. That’s the name of the song. He flips to another page and starts drafting up some lyrics, ‘sweet ignorance lives within. Shall we define a lie and read in between the lines? Oh you feeble fool, don’t think so much.’ He keeps going, the inspiration not showing any signs of stopping in its intensity.

He stops, looking at the final product with his pride beaming through his eyes. The solo was finished, after a long three weeks of nothing. It’s done!!! And he was elated to finally be done with writing the solo song. Tomorrow he’ll show the higher ups, the recording and filming of the music video dates will be decided.

He’ll get what he’s waiting for so long. The night went quicker than expected, with him getting up early because he just couldn’t wait anymore. During his mad dash to the meeting room, he ran into Espresso. The man smirks at his eagerness, “Did you finish the solo?” He nods his head rapidly, bouncing on his feet.

“Yeah, at long last, I’m done!!! The management team is going to get the written up lyrics!!!” Espresso resists the urge to ruffle the young adult’s hair, instead placing a hand on his shoulder. “Good luck.” Shadow Milk stations himself in front of the door to the management team’s meeting room, and like clockwork one of the managers arrives. They stare at him for a moment, holding out their hand.

Shadow Milk shakes their hand, before handing them the solo lyrics. They nod and go in the room, now he waits. He waits for them to approve his lyrics to be approved by the management team. He skips off happily, beaming with joy and hope on his heart.

—

It has been two months since he had given his solo to the management team, he hasn’t heard anything from them. Nor did they call him in to discuss it with him, he received nothing but radio silence from the team. And he was not happy, he knew that the fans were looking forward to him finally getting his rightful solo song, and he really didn’t like the silence on the solo song.

He knocked on the door to the meeting room, it had taken him weeks to even schedule the meeting with the management team to discuss the progress on the solo. The door opens and he steps in, he takes a few deep breaths and took his seat. He starts talking first.

“Thank you for agreeing to meeting with me. I need a status update on my solo number. It’s been two months since I’ve given you my written lyrics, has there been any scheduling issues or what?”

The team whispers among themselves, hushed conversations that he couldn’t hear, he started to get nervous about this. One of the team leaders stood up, what they said next, caused Shadow Milk’s heart to break. “We’ve looked over the song and unanimously decided to cancel the whole solo.”

His ears were ringing, head shaking in disbelief at the news. “Wh-what?” The leader clarifies. “We cancelled all production on the solo last month. The song you presented to us was not what we wanted for the number, it wasn’t good material for the group.” His mind was racing faster at the heartbreaking news. He had poured everything into that song, and just like that, it’s gone. And there probably won’t be any official announcement of the cancellation. Before he could stop himself, he blew up.

“Are you KIDDING ME?!?! I HAVE GIVEN MY ALL WRITING THAT SOLO!!!! I WAS SO EXCITED TO SHARE IT WITH EVERY FAN AND YOU CANNED IT?!?! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE WOULD DO THAT!!!! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, I’M DONE!! I’M LEAVING THE GROUP!!!!”

He slammed the door closed, breathing heavily in rage. He marched back to his quarters, slamming the door closed with the same force as before. He collapsed to the ground, sobbing his entire heart out over his solo’s cancellation. The door opened again, he backs up to the wall. Parfait kept her distance from him, but he really needed to hug someone right now.

He lunged at her, gripping the sweater she’s wearing tightly. She hugged him tightly, then Sugarfly walked in the room. She gently closed the door, guiding him to sit on the bed. He looked at his phone, if they weren’t going to announce the solo cancellation, then he would have to. He grabbed his phone and got into his account on Twitter, sobbing as he typed words that he never thought he’d have to type.

‘I’m beyond devastated right now. I just got news that the management team has decided to cancel my solo without informing me… I will be leaving the group as a result of this, I’ve had issues with management for years and this is the last straw that broke the camels back. I’ll miss you all, I’m so sorry you had to hear this from me, I know that so many of you have been looking forward to hearing the solo. This concert will be my last one in Cherub. Thank you all so much for your kind words during the last meetup event, it truly was an honor being a part of Cherub.’

He looks at Parfait and Sugarfly, tears streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry girls, I’m leaving Cherub… I’m sorry.” Parfait gasps in shock, she grabs him by his shoulders, releasing her grip when he flinched. “What?! Why?!” Her tone wasn’t that of rage, rather of shocked sadness. A sob ripped through his throat as he explained himself.

“They cancelled the solo… they said it wasn’t good material for the group. I’ve just had enough!!” Sugarfly lip wobbled, she hugs him. “Shadow, does that mean that… the concert in two days?” He nodded, “Yeah, it’ll be my last concert with you guys. I’m leaving the day after my birthday. I’m so sorry!!” Parfait joins the hug, his sobs grew louder.

“Please, just promise us that you’ll still keep in contact with us. I don’t think I can handle not being in touch with you!!”

He nodded, Sugarfly started crying too. “I want you to know that, you have been such a wonderful person to perform with. I’m sorry that the entire management team has been so unfair to you.” He choked on another broken sob. “You don’t have to apologize for them. I’m still going to perform after this, just solo.”

The group of three stayed like that for hours. Crying their eyes out and holding onto each other so tightly.

—

He had to be perfect tonight, he had to. For one more concert with Cherub, the last time he’ll be performing with the group. He still remembers it like it was yesterday, Cherub’s first concert and they were all deciding on what color they wanted their respective glow sticks to be. Sugarfly chose yellow, Parfait claimed bright pink for her color.

And Shadow Milk… light blue. Blue is a color that always brought him such a deep comfort that he would consistently wear anything donning the color. It was any shade of blue he loved. Indigo, Dark Blue, Light Blue, Sky Blue, Periwinkle, Cyan, pretty much anything that came from the blue section of the color wheel he loved.

The meetups were always his favorite part of being in Cherub. He had the smallest fanbase compared to the girls, but he didn’t really mind. He had quite a few talented artists who would bring printed copies of the art he seen online, just for him to autograph it. The last meetup which he didn’t know would be a last one, he had a lot more people at his table than usual.

All of them were wishing him good luck on his solo single and expressing their excitement for it. He really hated that he let everyone down by announcing that the solo was cancelled, but him tweeting that was oddly therapeutic. So many people were asking him, why and what happened. It gave him a space to vent his frustrations on the situation. He did clarify that he will still be an Idol, but he will be going indie.

He would be his own boss, so that he can have the creative freedom he desired since joining Cherub. But he can’t reminisce on his memories with his group now, he has a show to put on. He was set to open the concert with a solo cover of a song of his choice. He already knew what song he wanted to sing to the audience, an English rendition of Young Girl A.

He treaded up the three stairs separating the backstage from the stage. He glanced at the crowd once, eyes widening as he locked his eyes ahead. He almost started to cry, almost, if not, all of the glow sticks were shining a familiar light blue. His color, he turned his back to the audience. It was part of his choreography for the song, but also he knew that if he kept staring at those blue lights, he’d begin bawling.

The music kicks in, receiving a thunderous applause and ecstatic cheers from the audience. He flaps his hands twice to prevent himself from crying again. He begins to sing.

“Let me tell you about my life.

Speaking in a round of “someone’s” life.

Every now and then off, once or twice.

Everything all ends up right it seems.

Suffocating sun is blinding the eyes,

Drowning in a feeling,

Choking the mind.

Counting on the rain to douse the skies.

How do I survive the thundering?

Loving and the hate all wash away,

Loving and the hate all wash away.

Tell me, where is it you hide the pain,

Smiling alight so gracefully.

Spitting out a phrase without a shape,

Spitting out a phrase without a shape.

Somewhere on the road we lost our way

How can I convey the same to you

Collecting all the scraps of dreams that never came.

Hey, wait, hey wait

Seems it was all my mistake.”

The chorus of the song was always hard for him to sing, even in another language. Firstly he had to raise his voice to a certain point, where it borders between screaming and not. Secondly the lyrics description of this cold, aligned with his own mental state. While he felt like he was getting better, he still had days where he felt a lot of horrible things. But the one thing he remembered from those days was the feeling of being cold. It was a different kind of cold, the kind that no matter how many layers you have on, it’s not enough to warm that particular ache in your heart.

“Ah

Now and then, now and then,

I’ll just break again it’s

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold, the cold.

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold, the cold.

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold.

You left me alone now

Ah

What is left, what is left

Oh the words you said? It’s 

Fading away, away, away, away

Fading away, away, away, away

Fading away, away, away.

I’m breaking in pain, so

Any place you can find my name 

It would be okay cause just the thought is all it takes.”

He really was trying to maintain his composure when confronted with the endless sea of light blue lights. Lights that illuminated the whole hall, he felt that everyone in that room was saying that they see him, and stand with him. He has a keep going though, because time never stops for anyone.

“Every little promise ever we made 

Every little promise ever we made

Carrying the weight of each mistake 

Somehow, we arrive at the coming of day

Loving and the hate all wash away

Loving and the hate all wash away 

Tell me where it is you hide the pain 

Smiling alight so gracefully.”

He wishes it didn’t have to come to this. He wishes that management would’ve accepted the solo, and let everyone hear it. But it was never meant to be, sometimes he wondered if all of this was his fault. If he had written the song better, if he had made it more formulaic… would it have been green lit? He didn’t know the answer, nor would he ever know. The second bridge to the next chorus is next.

“A pair of flowers budding calms me ever so.

Although, although

You had all but lost your hope.

Ah

Chasing dreams, chasing dreams 

Ever out of reach it’s 

Speeding away, away, away, away 

Speeding away, away, away, away

Speeding away, away, away

I can’t keep the pace the 

Feelings that can’t be erased 

Bid my blood to take it’s 

Hurting, a rage, a rage, a rage, a rage

Hurting, a rage, a rage, a rage, a rage

Hurting, a rage, a rage, a rage 

It’s never the same, right?”

Parfait hopped up and down backstage, placing both hands on Sugarfly’s shoulders. “He’s doing great out there!!!” She nodded, looking straight ahead at him as he continued to sing one last time for the fans. She really was going to miss him, a lot.

“Ah

This is just how I dreamed 

Or, it seemed to be but 

Crying alone, alone, alone, alone 

Crying alone, alone, alone, alone

Crying alone, alone, alone 

Don’t come any closer 

Trading the code we had made 

In our better days is

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold, the cold.

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold, the cold.

Bitter, the cold, the cold, the cold

Is all that I know, so

Any place you can find my name 

It would be okay, so let me keep it all the same.”

He does his finishing pose of the choreography, his head arching upwards to face the ceiling. He only looks at the crowd, once he hears the sound of applause and praise from everyone in attendance. The light blue glow sticks shook rapidly, some people were even multi wielding glow sticks. He tapped his microphone headset, thrice. Half a stim, half checking to see if the microphone is working. He takes a deep breath before beginning to talk to the audience, giving his official goodbye.

“I know that I was…supposed to give this speech at the end, but I’m going to cry my eyes out then, so I’m doing it now.” He takes another deep breath, pacing left and right to make sure he sees everyone’s faces one last time.

“When I was in middle school, I discovered Idols and I became obsessed with them. I knew that I wanted to perform on stage, but I didn’t want to be a regular singer. Idols were more appealing to me, me and my friend would sing K-pop through the halls of our school. I just wanted to thank you all for making this dream of mine become a reality!!! I hope that you all will continue to listen to Cherub even after my departure. The girls deserve it.

These past five years have been some of the best years in my life!!! I would also love to thank Sugarbee and Parfait for being the best fellow group members I will ever know. You two mean so much to me and I wish you guys so much success after I leave.

Even though I already thanked you guys in the audience, I feel as though I haven’t expressed my gratitude enough. It just feels magical that my songs were able to touch all of you in some way. Thank you!!! So much!!! I platonically love you all so much!!! And I will be back as an independent idol!!! Now that I have poured my heart out, let’s get this party started!!!”

Sugarfly and Parfait run up on stage to join him, he really is going to miss this. Miss performing on stage with two other people who shared his dream, but he can handle it. He made sure to give it his all tonight, he so desperately did not want to make a mistake. He’s pretty sure that the next day his throat is going to be shot to yesterday due to his emotional singing, that’s for future Shadow Milk to worry about.

—

January fifteenth, his birthday. Shadow Milk’s final day with his group mates and some of the staff that he had become pretty close to over the past five years. He starts his escapade of bidding his farewells with Espresso, he owed him a lot. Despite them being ten years apart in age, they were pretty good friends. He knocked on the door to his office, hands behind his back to hide the goodbye gift he got for the man who took him in.

Espresso opens the door, ushering him inside and sitting down at his desk. “Shadow, w-what are you doing here?!” He didn’t sit down, slowly bringing the gift from his back. “I just wanted to say thank you for taking me in that night five years ago. I got you a little something.” Espresso really didn’t know what to say about the gift, he was grateful for it, but it was the young adult’s birthday.

“Shad, while I do appreciate your generosity… it’s your birthday. I should be the one giving you something.”

He opens the gift, it’s a coffee mug. He raises his brow at him, “Read what it says.” He turns the mug, the words read, ‘Worlds best parental figure!!!’ He chuckles at the phrase, “Only you would be the one to gift me this. Thank you. I suppose I should give you my present to you.”

Shadow Milk gasped when he saw a Hatsune Miku plush, posters and other memorabilia. He hugged the agent in a bear hug grip, “THANK YOU!!!” Espresso pats him on the back, “I’ll miss you.”

Shadow Milk bows, before closing the door he speaks. “I’ll miss you too.” The next people he goes to is the producer and director of the debut song. There were tears shed during that goodbye, but there was something else. The director told him to go to Sugarfly and Parfait next, he didn’t know why, but he went to them anyways. Both girls were waiting for him in the main lounge room, he sat down.

Parfait burst into tears as she hugged him tightly, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. Sugarfly gives him a hug and a piece of paper, he reads it. It was a form for the rental of an apartment room, under his name. He couldn’t believe it, he’s going to have his own place. He broke down into sobs afterwards, tears dripping onto the paper. He flapped his hands to calm himself, it barely did anything to stop the tears.

The emotional gravity of the situation simply being too much for him. Parfait was shaking her floppy sleeves too, she holds him by his shoulders. “Stay safe by yourself. We’re going to go on hiatus, I will continue to stream during that time. Thank you so much, you mean a lot to me.” He hugs her one more time before turning to Sugarfly.

“You will succeed in your indie career. I know you will, management is obviously going to probably replace you. But it won’t be the same without you…” he shrugs his shoulders at the knowledge that he’s going to be replaced. “I expected that… but whenever they choose the next member, tell them that I wish them the best.”

Sugarfly sniffles a few times before ugly crying her eyes out. Hugging him tightly, Parfait joined the hug too. Shadow Milk rubbed his eyes, smiling softly despite the tears still lingering on his face. “Thank you so much, I’m going to cherish these last five years.”

Parfait inhaled loudly, jumping off of her seat. “Shall we go celebrate your birthday!!!”

Shadow Milk cackles at her request, “Yeah!!! Let’s go celebrate!!!”

—

Alone, empty. That’s what he felt when he walked into his new apartment for the first time, he looks around. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, typical essentials of a place where one could live in. He enters the bedroom, it’s as empty as his old room. The room where he lived with his parents, he shook his head.

He didn’t know where to start with decorating, he starts with the plushies he acquired from fans and others. He moved to the corner, beginning to set up the plushies. He turns to the walls next, grabbing some of the Miku posters and taping them to the wall. He was about to tell Parfait how boring this was, until he remembered that she isn’t there.

He started crying again, his breathing speeding up. He couldn’t stop crying, he was so terrified of being alone.

And now he’s alone again. Just like how it used to be in his childhood, he grips his hair, rocking himself in a calming motion. He just needs someone to hold him, to hold him tight and never let go.

—

Shadow Milk’s eyes snap open suddenly, he feels warm. He tries to lift his head up to be met with some force holding him down, he tips his chin up to see Vanilla’s heavenly slumbering face. He brings his hand up to hold his cheek, his thumb grazed against his cheek. Shadow Milk stares at the drop of water in his palm, was he crying?

He feels Vanilla waking up, his mis matched eyes gazing at him with a sickeningly affectionate glint. “I heard you were crying in your sleep, Bluebird…. Is everything alright?”

Shadow Milk doesn’t look at him, instead keeping his eyes focused on the wall, he simply listens to his boyfriend’s heartbeat. “M’okay, just had an emotional dream….” Vanilla placed a long kiss on his hand, then his forehead. He started to pepper kisses onto his scar, Shadow Milk started giggling. “Nehehe, stop it!!! You don’t have to kiss my scar!!!”

Vanilla doesn’t stop, finishing off the kissing attack with one long kiss. “Your scar is a part of you. Of course, I’m going to kiss it all the same.”

Shadow Milk gasped at his words, Vanilla pressed his forehead against his own. “Sleep, mi lunita. I’ll be here in the morning.”

His eyes drifted shut. Feeling so incredibly lucky to have found someone who loves him deeply, despite all of his baggage.

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk wakes up with his head on Vanilla’s chest. He jolts out of bed, grasping the nearest article of clothes in his limited sight in the darkness. He hears groaning from behind him, Vanilla woken up. Vanilla checked the time on his phone, he scrambled out of bed with the same surge of adrenaline as his wawi. They were going to drop him off at the airport so he could go perform at New Orleans.

Crepe was knocking loudly on the door, Vanilla opened the door a smidge as to not let them see Shadow Milk while he’s getting dressed. They tapped their foot impatiently, crossing their arms. “Shamil’s going to be late for his flight.” He rubs the bridge of his nose, looking at his child. “He knows, sweetcake. He’s rushing to get ready.” They hear his voice from behind the door.

“Vanilly, you can open the door.” He opens the door open for his lover, who zipped by the father and child downstairs to the door. Vanilla quickly got himself dressed, Crepe followed suit. The plan was for Crepe to be dropped off at school first, then Shadow Milk at the airport. The drive to school was speedy, with Crepe giving their idol a hug as their goodbye before running to the school gates.

Shadow Milk hooked his phone up to the portable charger, scrolling through the Beast group chat. His eyes enlarged as he scrolled up to see the conversation he missed yesterday.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I have romantic feelings for you, DC.

Uno At Dusk(D.C): WTF FLOUR?!?!?!?!

Apathy’s A Tragedy: Do you not reciprocate my feelings?

Uno At Dusk(D.C): I do!!! But wtf?!?!?! You can’t just jumpscare me like that!!

Apathy’s A Tragedy: We are not in person, considering our schedules. So I elected to share this over message. I’m glad that you our emotions are mutual, after the trip we will have our first date.

Uno At Dusk(D.C): Okay, I’ll see you at the airport. I cherish you.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I cherish you as well.

I missed a lot yesterday!!!! He didn’t have time to process the fact that Flour was now dating someone, because he was at the airport now. He gave Vanilla a kiss on his lips and forehead as he got out of the car, he handed him his cane, kissing his hand in his uncontrollable love. “Te amo, mi lunita.” Shadow Milk looked away, “Te amo, Silly Vanilly.”

He goes into the airport, spotting his two beloved employees immediately. He bolts to them both, surprise attacking them with a hug. Eternal Sugar was also there, she embraced him. He was mildly upset that Hollyberry couldn’t go, but he promised to take a hundred or so pictures for her. Lily and Silent Salt entered soon after, she gives Shadow Milk a small wave.

Mystic Flour arrives shortly behind the couple. “I seem to be mildly tardy, apologies for the delay. I had to leave my little Haetae with my one of my partners employees.”

Dark Cacao walks over and Flour takes his hand. “I think your employees are on a different plane than you. Me and Cacao have the same number as your flight.”

His head turned to the brother and sister pair. Candy Apple face palmed, “That’s what I was forgetting to tell you!! She’s right, we got a different flight. By the time we noticed, it was too late to switch flights.”

Flour rests her hand on Shadow Milk’s shoulder. “Cacao will be seated by your side. I trust that you both will get along.”

Shadow Milk glances at the taller man, who looks at him with a stern, neutral expression. He didn’t know much about Flour’s new boyfriend, the only things he knew was that he’s a lawyer and the two had known each other for two years before starting to date. His previous meeting with the lawyer was very brief and even then the two didn’t talk much during the Beast reunion. So, he was a bit nervous about sitting next to him.

Burning Spice came in last, clearly out of breath. “Sorry it took me so long!! Something came up with my kids boyfriend’s parents, so I had to drive him to his girlfriend’s house!!” Shadow Milk slants his head.

“Is your kid cheating? I thought you said he had a boyfriend? Where did this girlfriend come from?!”

Burning Spice snickers, “No, no, no!!! He’s in a polyamorous relationship, one boyfriend and one girlfriend.”

Eternal Sugar walks over to him, “How does he do it?” Burning Spice walks over to the conveyor belt, placing his suitcase down on it. “I asked him the same question and the only answer he gave was, you just get good at it after a week.” He wrings his arm around Shadow Milk’s neck, beginning to noogie him. He starts to giggle maniacally at the gesture, Burning Spice’s eyebrow rises when he sees a peculiar looking cane by his side.

“Did you always have that cane? Because I didn’t see it when I was helping you move in.”

Shadow Milk glances down to his cane, holding it up to show off the mobility aid. “It’s awesome, right?!?! Salty’s girlfriend made it!!!”

Lily squeaks, hiding herself behind Salt’s back. They make an amused noise, turning around to look at her. She takes a deep breath and steps forward, “Yes, I did create his cane. I mostly used oak wood for the base pole, then used birch for the handle. My boss and I had to cut several pieces into an apple slice shape and then glue it together before painting it.”

During the walk to the waiting area, Silent Salt chipped in the conversation. Typing out their response on their tablet, “She works as a woodcarver, also since she’s still learning sign language I’ll be communicating with the tablet for easier communication.”

She frowned, turning her gaze to the ground. Lily felt absolutely horrible that she was making progress fast enough to make them comfortable, Salt said that it’s okay and that she’s making progress. Yet she still can’t help but feel guilty about them having to bring their tablet just because she didn’t know sign. Shadow Milk sits beside her, rocking himself. The two stayed quiet, until Lily broke the ice.

“How do I say, I love you in sign?”

Shadow Milk smirks, “So that’s our first lesson?! Out of all the words and phrases you could have chosen to learn first~”

“Please just tell me.”

He shifts to face her directly, cracking his knuckles. He points to himself, “When you’re referring to yourself, you obviously point at yourself with your pointer finger,” she mimics him. He stops for a moment, “Okay I don’t feel comfortable with demonstrating how to say love in sign, because I’m in a relationship and there might be fans that recognize me and spread rumors that I’m cheating on Nilly with you. But I'll describe it to you.” She nodded, listening intently to him. “You can gesture your hands in one of two ways, one being your hands flat on your chest or your clenched fist crossing over your chest. Either way it conveys the same message. Also face away from me when you do that, I have some nonverbal fans that use sign and they’ll know.”

She turns to face her masked partner, opting to cross her fists over her chest, he continues with his impromptu sign language lesson. “You point at someone when you are talking to them and you mention them.” Silent Salt looks at her as she signs to them, “I love you.” They flip their sunglasses over their head, their eyes a gorgeous green. Their hands shake as they sign the same thing she said.

“I love you.”

She beamed, her ears moving when she heard her flight number. “I’ll see you there.” He nods, seeing her off.

—

Lily takes the middle seat, she grabs one of her braids and starts squeezing it. She’s always been uneasy on flying, but she’s got Salt with her this time. So that puts her at a slight comfort, they pull down the seat counter. Shifting their tablet to stand up, she gives them a puzzled glance. They grab a notebook, writing down for a brief moment before handing it to her.

‘I got Netflix on the tablet. We can finish Bojack Horseman.’

She fist-bumps them in joy, scrolling through the episodes to the one that they didn’t get to watch last time. The reason? Lily passed out during the watch party from exhaustion. Burning Spice glances at the tablet, he sorta recognizes the show the two were watching. Nutmeg had once given him an info dump on one of the episodes before.

Not even a minute into the episode, she asks for them to pause it. She points to the flowers, “Pink hydrangeas… interesting choice, makes sense too. Unpause it.” The episode continues on, a few minutes later she tells them to pause the episode again. Burning Spice takes the opportunity to inquire about her observation of the flower choice.

“Why the pink hydrangeas?”

Before she could stop herself, she turned to look at him. “There’s a lot of symbolism in the flower, in Japanese culture hydrangeas are associated with apologies, on top of it pink ones symbolize heartfelt emotion. Victorians view the flower negatively, referring to it in the context of boisterous and vanity. Historically they were given to those who turned down love, characterizing them as cold people.”

She stops herself mid sentence, clearing her throat. “Ah, apologies. I don’t think you have any prior knowledge of the events before that. I hope that I didn’t spoil anything for you…”

Burning Spice brushes her worries off, “Girl, I have an audio engineer who won’t stop recommending the show to me. You both would get along, she also has an interest in plants too.”

Her gives him a bug like stare, “Really?” He nods, “Yeah, she’s great!!! One of my best workers.” She hums, her attention drifting back to the episode once more. Silent Salt writes something down, tilting the notebook to show her. ‘You know that I don’t mind if I use the tablet to communicate with you. I know that you’re still feeling guilty about it.’

She blushed, “Is it that obvious?” They nodded as she leaned her head against their shoulder, she yawned loudly. Burning Spice was going to snicker at her, but bit his tongue upon seeing the death glare from Silent Salt. She begins to snore, content with her knight’s shoulder acting as a pillow for her to sleep on. Lily always gets incredibly sleepy on planes, she found that she slept better on the airplane than on ground.

Despite it being morning, she felt herself going into a deep sleep. She nuzzles herself closer to her partner, she flinches slightly when she feels an arm wrapping around her own. Pulling her closer to the edge of sleep. And when she thinks about it, sleep in itself is a form of freedom.

For when she goes to sleep, she is free. Free from the busyness of life, free from the stresses of everyday interaction with others. Free from herself and her mental struggles. Dreams gives one the freedom to express themselves freely, without the judgement from society. Without the judgement of herself…

Sometimes, if people were cruel to her friends, she’d become an entirely different person. It’s not a different personality, doctors said she didn’t meet the criteria to get diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. She viewed it as a persona, a metaphorical social mask. She called it, Dark Enchantress.

Dark Enchantress is conniving, sly, vindictive and two-faced. She would only show herself in moments that peeved her in such a way that she could not help but hold a grudge. Eventually it also embodied her hatred for herself, the persona was the whole reason she disappeared from her friends and family for a year. But now that she has her friends back in her life, she’s getting more comfortable in her skin.

—

Shadow Milk eyes darts from Dark Cacao to the ground once he seems to notice the other’s eyes staring at him. He despises this, he doesn’t know what to talk about to the lawyer. He has no interest in the law nor the cluster fuck that is the criminal justice system, especially child protective services and how many times they drop the ball on obvious signs of abuse.

It’s why he never told anyone about his own parents abusing him, because if he did and the cps worker didn’t believe him… he’d be dead. Actually, there is one thing he’s curious about. He claps his hands suddenly, startling the man beside him. “So, you know about criminal charges, right?” He looked at him blankly, “I am familiar.”

Shadow Milk takes a deep breath before asking the thing he’s been morbidly curious about. “What charges would be placed against some dumb middle schoolers who burned me and physically harassed me?” Cacao’s head snapped to look directly into his eyes, Shadow Milk realizing the misunderstanding rushed to explain the scar.

“I wasn’t…you know. It was just a bunch of bullies who thought it would be funny to brand me…”

Cacao grunts, “How old were you at the time you got your scar?”

“Around eleven.”

“Considering their age, they would have been sent to juvenile detention. But in extreme cases they would be tried as adults, was there anything that they did leading up to the event?”

Shadow Milk shrugged, “Well, they would throw insults at me… and then they started getting physical with it. The inside of my elbow was sliced open by scissors, they attempted to drown me by shoving my head into the toilet. They kicked me off balance most times, they tried to suffocate me with their backpack and-”

Cacao held the slim idol by his upper arms, “Shadow Milk, this is serious.” Shadow Milk tilts his head, “That was just the early part.” Cacao sighed, “Those bullies would have absolutely been charged as adults had you and your family pressed charges against them. Did you ever…” Shadow Milk shook his head.

“My parents never cared enough to press charges… They weren’t better either, some cases they were worse than my bullies.”

Cacao looked forlorn, sorrowful that this kid had his childhood tainted by suffering. “I’m sorry what you have experienced.” Shadow Milk starts laughing.

“Don’t pity me. I hate when people pity me. You wanna know how many people say it’s such a tragedy that I was born autistic?! It’s way more people than you think. They always pity the person I could’ve been had I never had autism, but they never get it in their dumb brains that it’s a part of who I am, to stop looking at me solely as my disability rather than my own person!!”

Cacao thought on it for a moment, he could see why the other would assume he was pitying him, when in reality he was being sympathetic. He’s been told by Affogato that he had issues with his tone not matching his words. He collects his thoughts and clarifies his intention.

“I was not pitying you, I was being sympathetic. You had a childhood that was marred with despicable behavior from every angle, and I’m sorry you had to endure such torment.”

Shadow Milk hushed himself, his lips puckered slightly. Finally he turned to the window of his seat, clutching a portion of his hair tightly. “I can’t really differentiate between pity and sympathy, I know whether or not I am pitying or sympathizing with someone. But I can’t really tell if other people are expressing sympathy or pity… I’m sorry for misunderstanding your statement.”

Cacao provides an observation he has made throughout his career, “I can see how you would confuse the two if you’re talking to others, pity does mean that one is sympathetic. However, under a different context can be seen as negative. It’s like they’re two sides of the same coin.” Shadow Milk kicked his feet lightly, fiddling with the headphones around his neck.

“You are actually nice to talk to. I don’t know why I was so nervous about that!”

Cacao huffed in his amusement, then hesitated before asking the idol another question. “Do you hold any grudges against those who hurt you?” Shadow Milk flips his hand over and over, making an unsure noise. “I don’t know, I assume that maybe one of my bullies had something going on at home that caused them to take it out on me, so I don’t think I could hold it against them. I’ll always love my parents…. Even though they hurt me, I’ll still love them.”

He took a deep breather, continuing his words. “I mean, it’s fucked up!! My parents did nothing, but hurt me because I can’t be the perfect son they dreamed of having!! I don’t think I can ever have a meaningful relationship with them… and yet I still love them.” He slumped back into his seat, sighing in exhaustion. “I should be telling my therapist that… I did not mean to trauma dump on you.”

Cacao responds with trepidation as he knows the sentiment all too clearly, he’s seen it before. In cases where the client was abused by family, there’s always that lingering instinct to love the ones who raised you. In spite of all of the trauma that was inflicted on them, that instinct still holds strong. “It’s natural to feel that way, I have encountered others who had the same feelings.”

Shadow Milk leaves it at that, shifting his attention back to his phone. He moves his headphones over his ears as he takes his sketchbook from his side. Positioning it on his lap, he scrolls through his playlist, selecting a song and starting to doodle. Cacao didn’t mind that the idol had gotten so invested in his work that he started singing to himself. He simply left him to his devices, allowing himself to listen to the hushed singing of the one next to him.

“Happy Lucky Chappy

Don't leave me hangin.”

During the drawing session he felt his phone buzzing with a notification. It’s a direct message from someone he doesn’t recognize from the group chat.

Gambling Bby: Heya you our customer?

Shamil: Who tf?!?!

The Diva Of The Year: Shadow, that’s one of my employees. It’s me, Goldie.

Shamil: Ohhhh… hi :D!!!

The Diva Of The Year: We just wanted to let you know that the ring is finished.

Gambling Bby: Silver band and an aquamarine on top, exactly how you requested.

Shamil: OMG THANK YOU!!! I’LL FIND A WAY TO GET IT WITHOUT RAISING SUSPICION!!!

He flips the page in his sketchbook, starting on a new drawing of Fount and Sunny in wedding attire to get his pent up elation out without receiving unwanted attention.

—

Eternal Sugar sighs in complete boredom, if she was lucky enough to have the same flight as one of the others, then maybe it’d be more bearable. But she resigned herself to scrolling for outfit ideas for her debutante ball. She still couldn’t believe that she managed to convince her father to make it known that she was already seeing someone during the ball, she wasn’t complaining at all.

Candy Apple peered over her shoulder, looking at her with big, curious eyes. “Whatcha looking up?” Sugar doesn’t really have much better to do, so she indulged. “Trying to find an outfit for my debutante.” Her face gleamed with a childlike excitement, “I take it that the invite list is exclusive?” Sugar nods.

“Yeah, your boss already has an automatic invite, though he and Salt want to bring their respective partners too.”

Candy Apple’s brow raised, “Aren’t you and Holly dating? How’s that going to work?”

Eternal Sugar flips her hair, “I told my dad that the only way I’ll comply with the debutante is if it is known to all guests that I’m already dating someone, he agreed to my conditions and that’s how I was able to come along with your boss. He even agreed to let Holly and I to have a dance.”

Black Sapphire leans forward, staring at her. “He hasn’t told us about any invite to a debutante ball.” Candy gasps as though she was offended, “Oh, once we get home, I’m gonna take him out for fabric shopping and actual clothes shopping!!! He needs to look good for that!!!” Sugar glanced at the young man across from her. “Has Shadow Milk improved on his makeup skills?”

He nods, “Yeah, though most of the time Candy does his mascara whenever he’s so excited that he can’t keep his hands steady enough.”

Eternal Sugar hums, “That’s good!!! He used to be so bad with eyeliner in the past.” Candy’s jaw went slack in shock. “What?! I mean I figured that he wasn’t good at makeup, but how bad was he?”

Eternal Sugar mouth echoes a string of loud giggles, scrolling through her phone to the photos and selecting a favorite photo of hers. Candy stares at the picture, it’s a photo of Shamil. Obviously, he looked younger, fourteen maybe. Eyeliner was sloppily drawn under his eyes, an awkward smile plastered across his lips. She shook her head, her disbelief apparent.

“No way that’s his handiwork?!” Eternal Sugar bobbed her head, Candy still didn’t believe it. “There’s no way that’s real!! He does the best eyeliner!! I have him do my eyeliner, had him do it nearly all the time we go out!! How was he that bad?!?!” Sugar still nods her head in confirmation, switching to an album of videos that she took from when she was in high school. “This video was taken to remember the mall trip, it’s where the photo came from.”

—

It’s the second of January.

Burning Spice and Mystic Flour had already planned for only the two of them to hang out together, which left Eternal Sugar, Shadow Milk and Silent Salt to go to the mall. It was a shame that the older two of the friend group couldn’t make it, but it’s okay. She can just record the whole trip for her friends, which was the plan anyways. Eternal Sugar often records videos of her friends as a way to remember the good times.

Shadow Milk held the door open for her and Silent Salt, quizzically tilting his head at her. She turned the camera to look at him, “I hope you don’t mind me recording the mall escapade. I just wanna let Flo and Spicy know what they’re missing out on.” He rocks himself, “You’re fine, just don’t have me on camera much…” he wrings his wrists, his face conflicted.

“No-well, I want to be on camera… I just… if you ever decide to post this, please don’t have my things on camera for the world to see…”

Eternal Sugar frowned upon hearing his voice go down to a mumble, he was already incredibly self aware of his movements, especially his hands. She hummed softly, “Only us are going to see the video. You’re free to stim as much as you please.”

Relief blankets his face, sighing softly and gently flapping his hands. “What’s on the agenda for today? Where are we going first?” She turns the camera to Silent Salt, who was signing their response.

“We can do some window shopping, but the main reason we’re here is because Sugar wants some new makeup to add to her never ending collection.”

Shadow Milk swings his arms behind his back, leaning forward while walking. “Is that why your bathroom is full of so much makeup?”

“Yes,” she giggled as she walked with her two friends into a clothing store. Shadow Milk eyes a lovely sweater, but his face contorts upon touching the clothes. He flaps the hand that made contact with the sweater, looking directly at Eternal Sugar. “It’s cashmere. I hate cashmere, there’s so many tiny strings that stick out on the inside and it pricks my skin in the most uncomfortable way.” Silent Salt lets out an audible hum, startling the other two as a result.

It’s not unknown to the group that Silent Salt can vocalize, he was and kinda still is fully capable of speech. However, they prefer not to, so they don’t strain their vocal cords more than they already have been. They don’t speak on why much, but they did say that their vocal cords were mostly singed by stomach acid constantly burning in their throat.

Shadow Milk lightly punches them in their arm, “I don’t think I’m never going to be not scared every time you make a noise Salty. No offense!!” They give him a thumbs up, some time later they happen upon the makeup store. Eternal Sugar went off to browse the shelves, testing out some of the eyeshadows on her arm. She would do that to gauge how the color would look on her complexion, after testing a particular palette with a ton of different shades of pink, she takes it in her hand.

Silent Salt taps her shoulder, she turned around to face them. She faintly heard a deep, croaky laugh from their lips. “Salts, what’s got you laughing?” They took her hand and lead her to the eyeliner section of the store, where she saw Shadow Milk with messy eyeliner applied on his face. It takes everything in her to not chuckle at the sight. He stares blankly into the camera, waving shyly and laughing awkwardly. “Hey, Sugar……. I think I might need some help with the eyeliner……”

Eternal Sugar hands her phone to Silent Salt for continued recording. She takes a wipe from the counter beside her, gently swiping it underneath Shadow Milk’s eyes. “Milky, you put it on your eyelid. You can put it under your eyes, but people advise against it.” He nods, she takes the eye pencil, taking mental note of the royal blue color of the pencil. She applies blue colors to her face once in a blue moon, but she’s willing to do it now.

She lightly pulls him to a bigger mirror in the store, “Now, pay attention to how I do it.” He bobs his head as she starts softly dragging the eyeliner on her eyelid, once she’s done with her eyelid she hands the eyeliner to him. Shadow Milk gingerly takes it, closing his right eye to apply the eyeliner to it. The improvement was immediate, his hand steadily turning at the eyelid corner and adding a sharp edge.

He opened his eye, turning his head to see how it looked in different angles. He smiled at himself in the mirror, then he grinned wildly at Eternal Sugar as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the mirror. He tells her to wait, before she can get a word out, he’s already gone. She yelps once she feels a tap on her shoulder, he bounces on his feet. “Close your eyes!!!” She indulges, closing her eyes.

She feels the eyeliner on her lid, he squealing giddily. “Open your eyes!!!” She opens her eyes, looking at the newly applied bright pink eyeliner over her left eye. The color did not go with the right eye’s blue eyeliner, but it was the contrast that made it look so stunning. She beamed at him, “Thank you, Blueberry!!!” He jumped up and down, flapping his hands in his delight.

Eternal Sugar turns to the camera, “Stop the recording, Salty.”

—

The video ends there.

Candy Apple covers her mouth to prevent herself from going into fits of laughter, a few giggles managed to escape from her lips. Eternal Sugar chuckles as the woman beside her takes a long deep breath. “Do you have any more photos of Shamil in high school?!”

Black Sapphire scoffs across the aisle, “I don’t think he would appreciate you looking through his photos from before he became a star.” The younger sister pouts, Eternal Sugar flips her hair back over her shoulders. Switching back to her fruitless search for a perfect outfit for her debutante ball, she glances down frustrated at the lack of options. And then she gets a message from Mystic Flour in the group chat.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I FUCKING HATE FLYING!!

My Dearest Protector/Other Half <3: Sugar, I found an outfit that might look good…. Also is that the first time I’m seeing Flour angry?!?!

Holly sent a picture of a marvelous two piece dress, the top half was shaped like a butterfly and that alone sold her fully on the dress.

Let me sleep sugarcube: YES, YEEESSSS HOLLY THANK YOU!!! And yes, Flour is horrible at handling jet lag. By the looks of it, she’s not taking it well.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: THERE’S TURBULENCE, I HATE THIS!!

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: Is there rage behind the message???

Apathy’s A Tragedy: YES THERE IS FURY BEHIND MY WORDS!! I CAN NEVER RELAX ON PLANES!!

The Knight: Flour, your flight should be landing after Sugar’s flight.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: THANK GODS!!

Destructive Dad Hours: Just hold on a bit longer Flo.

Apathy’s A Tragedy: I will try… although I’m going to have to sleep away the afternoon after this ordeal.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: I tend to sleep pretty well on planes for the most part. Salt your shoulder makes for a very comfortable pillow…

The Knight: Thank you, Lily.

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Hello Bluebird, how’s the flight going?

Shadow Milk sent an image of Takopi in the group chat, the subtitles underneath read: “I’m hungry.”

My Silliest Vanilly~ My Pookie Bear~: Did you eat any of the food on the plane?

Beast Of Deceit ;): No. I don’t really like the food on airplanes…

Destructive Dad Hours: The hell is up with the pink octopus??

He sends another image of the character, which was a mugshot from the opening.

Destructive Dad Hours: It went to jail????

Beast Of Deceit ;): Yes.

Neo Woody Theory Is Real: What crimes did it commit?? It’s just a pink octopus.

Beast Of Deceit ;): Idk. They never bring it up, I just find it funny.

Eternal Sugar turns off her phone. Going back to her usual scrolling for the remainder of the flight. Once the voice on the intercom announces that the plane has landed at the destination, she gets up. Excited for the what the next two days has in store.