Work Text:
It felt colder than usual in Los Angeles. Maybe it was still the aftermath of the storm a few days ago, mirroring everyone’s current emotions to the point. Or maybe it was the coldness and emptiness in each of their hearts that slowly froze them to the core.
It was the day of Bobby’s funeral. It still felt unbelievable that this was real, and not just some cruel, cruel joke.
Buck spent half an hour crying in the bathroom this morning. It wasn’t the first time it happened. And certainly not the last.
A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts and he wiped away the tears running down his cheeks. He got up from the floor right as the door opened. An equally sad face with the same tired red eyes searched for his face in the dim morning light. “We gotta leave in ten, you ready?” Eddie asked. His voice was soft and careful, not trying to push, but to gently motivate him to get going.
“ How could I ever be ready for this?” Buck said, simply staring at the wall in front of him.
Eddie sighed and lowered his eyebrows into a frown. His hand went up to hold Buck’s left arm, drawing his attention to him. “We’re gonna get through this day, okay,” Eddie promised, looking right into his eyes, “Together!”
It didn’t make the baggage he was carrying on his shoulders, weighing him down, any less painful, but it sure was a relief knowing he wouldn’t have to go through this alone. Buck had no idea what he would even do if Eddie wasn’t here with him today.
The ceremony was beautiful, even though every second of it felt like Buck was repeatedly stabbed in the heart with no end in sight. It was definitely nice to see how much everyone loved and honored their Captain, though most of them will never understand what it’s like to lose ‘Bobby’ instead of ‘Captain Nash’.
Buck and Eddie went home as one of the last people after the gathering at the firehouse—as in, Buck’s house, that used to be Eddie’s, but in which he’s now staying in while he was in LA. The entire time they were there they mostly just sat in silence, getting condolences and hearing stories from people they didn’t even know. It was hell.
When they arrived at home it was already pretty late and dark outside. Buck opened the door and turned on the light of the familiar and yet, still so new living room. There was not much energy left in either of them so they decided to just go to sleep and leave this day behind them once and for all.
Buck hit the showers, trying to wash off all the remains of this day with the steaming hot water hitting his skin, possibly squeezing the last leftover tears out of his body. Eddie was in the living room getting the couch ready for the night, before getting in the shower after Buck. When they passed each other in the hallway, Eddie gave Buck this look that he always did these days, whenever he knew Buck had cried again. Pitying, but gentle and understanding, that rather felt like a warm hug and telling him ‘everything’s gonna be okay’ . It almost made him believe that that’d be true.
The door to his bedroom was still open and the light was still on, since Buck just fell onto his bed without caring about anything else. He heard the bathroom door open and close again and a few footsteps towards his room. He only cared to move when Eddie turned off the light and was about to shut the door. His head peeked back into the room as he heard Buck’s grumble. “Thought you were already asleep.”
“Not yet,” he mumbled as he let his head fall back into the pillow.
“Okay, good night then,” His voice was low and gentle, almost sounding like a lullaby. The door was about to shut as Buck’s voice appeared again.
“Eddie…” His head snapped back up.
“Yeah?”
Even though it was dark, only the light of the hallway behind Eddie’s back shining into the room, their eyes found each other in an instant. Eddie was waiting for continuation while Buck just looked at him, only getting an answer when he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at him.
“Oh, ehm… never mind, it’s stupid.” he said, shaking his head. Eddie looked at him confused before softly demanding an answer, “No, tell me.”
Buck sighed, his chest felt oddly tense. His eyes darted off of Eddie before nervously saying, “Can you… stay here tonight? I don’t wanna be alone right now.”
Eddie stared into the dark room and it looked like he was holding his breath.
“But y-you don’t have to,” Buck panicked, trying to take it back, even though that wasn’t possible. He was scared Eddie would be weirded out by the thought of it, even though there was absolutely nothing weird about it and Eddie was not the type of person to judge him for anything, but still.
“I told you it’s stupid,” he tried to cover up with a laugh.
“Yeah…” Eddie started, eyes still locked with the darkness, but he immediately realized that didn’t sound like he wanted it to, “No, I mean… It’s okay… I-I can , if you want that.”
His eyes wandered to a wide eyed Buck again, who just nodded. Eddie went to get the bedding he had set up on the couch earlier and to turn off the lights in the house. While he was gone, Buck wondered where the sudden shift of tension had come from and why that tension got even bigger when Eddie climbed into bed with him, laying almost an arm length away from each other.
They both lay on their backs facing the dark ceiling. None of them said anything anymore, if it was awkwardness or just not having the power for it anymore wasn’t clear. But it didn’t matter since they both fell asleep a few minutes later, finally seeing the end of this horrific day.
A warm bright beam of sunlight peeked through the curtain, hitting straight into Buck’s face. He had no idea what time it was and if you’d ask him he probably also wouldn’t even know where he was. This was the best night of sleep he had in days. His body still felt heavy and numb, like he was glued and pinned down to the mattress beneath him. Maybe the reason it felt like that had something to do with the arm slung around his waist that didn’t belong to himself.
Buck slowly opened his eyes and blinked down to where the bones and muscles held him down. His eyes wandered to the side to see Eddie still fast asleep, not being aware of the current state they were in.
This was fine, totally fine, not a single thing weird about this, why would it be. Just two best friends sharing a bed, giving the other comfort after a stressful, awful, nerve-racking day. Absolutely normal. A few tangled limbs and hands buried in the other's hair–as Buck realized when his eyes followed the length of his own arm to where it ended sitting on top of Eddie’s head–was totally given in a situation like this. Totally, absolutely normal.
Even the burning, tingling feeling in his stomach right where Eddie’s arm touched his skin with only a thin layer of fabric separating them, was completely normal and nothing to overthink too much.
Buck closed his eyes again, trying to just forget what he just saw, because what else was he supposed to do? Shove Eddie out of the bed and run for the hills? That would believably have been even worse than just accepting it and moving on from this very normal and absolutely not weird situation. He hoped Eddie would just shift in his sleep and never find out about this.
And maybe that worked, because the next time Buck opened his eyes, Eddie was gone.
A sweet scent hit Buck’s nose, sugary, with a hint of vanilla, and maybe a little burned… Was Eddie making pancakes? If so, Buck really needed to check on that fast before he took the first opportunity of it not being his house anymore to burn it to the ground. ‘Cause whatever happened while he was in Texas it for sure could not have worked miracles.
Buck stood in the doorway as he watched Eddie miserably try to flip a pancake. It looked horrendous, but also kinda cute. Not that Buck ever thought about Eddie being cute… Just in general, you know? Even though the smile on his face would tell you something different.
Eddie noticed Buck standing there when he turned around to put the pancakes on the table. “Hey,” he said, wearing a subtle smile on his face and an expression that looked like he wanted to ask him how he was doing, but didn’t because he already knew the answer.
“Hey,” Buck answered, taking a few steps towards the table.
“I was about to wake you up, to see if you wanted breakfast.”
“Yeah, I woke up from that delicious smell and the fear of being burned alive,” Buck joked looking at the slightly burned pancakes in front of him.
“Hey, they’re not even that bad.”
“You’re right, I’ve seen worse from you,” Buck cheesily grinned at Eddie who just hit him with the kitchen towel in his hand.
Buck didn’t know how it was possible, but with Eddie around everything always immediately felt better. He was the only one who could let him forget about all his sorrows for once.
They ate, cleaned up and were about to head to the living room to just spend a quiet, relaxed day on the couch, not caring about anything for once, when Buck’s phone started to ring. It was Maddie. She should be at work right now, so what could she possibly want?
“Yeah,” Buck answered the phone like it was every other call. Not a single premonition of what she was about to tell him.
“Buck, you need to come to the hospital immediately,” Her voice sounded shaky and in disbelief, distant and scratchy like she was on speaker. There were sounds of engines and honking cars in the background.
“Wha- what happened? Is everyone okay?” Buck started to worry, he really couldn’t deal with anyone else being hurt right now.
“Y- yeah, that’s kind of the point,” She sounded confused, but relieved?
“What?”
“Buck, Bobby… he is- he’s alive,”
His heart sank into the ground and it felt like someone just punched him in his gut.
“I’m sorry, what?” he asked again, but this time more perplexed than confused, “Maddie don’t mess with me right now.”
He saw the look on Eddie’s face as he talked with Maddie on the phone. Confused and worried. Worried probably because Buck must look like a train just hit him. At least that was what it felt like.
He tried to use his last two working brain cells to put the phone on speaker, so that Eddie could hear her as well.
“S-say that again please,” His voice was shaky, almost as much as his hands.
“I don’t know how this is even possible, but Bobby is alive… This is not a joke, I spoke to him myself, Buck, he called 911. H-he was somehow buried alive, the doctors don’t know what happened, yet.”
With every word Maddie said it just got more absurd and he wasn’t sure if this was a dream or not. It might not be, considering he saw Eddie’s face drop as he heard the words coming from Buck’s phone.
“You have to get here, now!”, was the last thing she said before hanging up.
Both of them just stood still for a moment, not saying anything, not moving a single bit.
“Did she just-?” Eddie was the first to break the silence, his voice was shaky and wispy, “How’s that even possible?”
Buck didn’t answer, he just further stared at his phone, eyes starting to water. He finally looked up to Eddie’s face, and in the same moment a loud gasp of shock but relief left his mouth and the tears just started streaming out. His entire body was shaking and his knees felt weak. He would’ve fallen to the ground if Eddie hadn’t catched him mid-fall.
Buck’s head fell against Eddie’s chest, where he could hear his heart beating louder than the sirens of the firetruck. Eddie’s hands were clutched around Buck’s waist for stability, and they both felt the movements of the other one’s heavy breathing.
They stayed like that for a couple minutes, unable to let anything sink into reality, not believing what they just heard. That the man they ‘buried’ yesterday and thought was dead for days, whom they cried over ‘till their bodies were dry was supposed to still be alive? None of that felt real or made any sense. This had to be a dream.
When their chests started to rise in a steady rhythm again, Buck slowly lifted his head from where it was laying on Eddie’s chest. Their teary eyes met. Ocean blue crashing onto the rocky shore, like it was always destined to. Buck let go of another sigh of relief and thought about some prayers he didn’t even know he had in him. His lips curled into a thankful but still disbelieving smile. And when his eyes fluttered to Eddie’s lips for a second, he saw that he was wearing a similar one on his.
It felt like time stood still but Buck was moving at double speed, because he didn’t plan to, he didn’t even think about it, nor what this would mean for them or if it was an appropriate timing, but in a matter of seconds his lips landed on Eddie’s.
A soft, warm feeling meeting his skin. A slightly salty taste from one of their tears, not detectable which ones it was. Not that it would matter anymore, now that they were the same one anyway.
Electricity rushed through his bloodstream, but not founded by their kiss, rather the realization of what he was doing right now.
He pulled back and looked into Eddie’s face with fear. Only realizing his hands were still on Buck's waist when he tried to break loose from them.
“Oh, God… I’m- I didn’t mean to,” he took small steps away from Eddie. It made him almost look like he was moving in slow motion. “I’m so- I’m so sorry.”
His eyes looked fearful, anxious, in shock of his own actions.
The possibility of losing him over this stupid decision his body made in reaction to what fundamentally joyful news they just got, was unacceptable and he prayed to a God he just started believing in five minutes ago that Eddie would understand.
Big brown eyes just watched Buck freaking out over more than just one thing. The shock of the outcome of that phone call was still visible on his face, now combined with perplexity of what just happened. He didn’t look grossed out or mad or like he wanted to punch Buck or run away and never talk to him again. Instead, Eddie just stood there, doing nothing.
Buck blabbered some more about being ‘Caught in the moment’ and how his mind was ‘Utterly confused right now’ and how he ‘Didn‘t think straight’, but Eddie didn’t react a single bit to it.
Buck realized that nothing he said mattered right now and that Eddie wasn’t even listening. But as he turned around to go and grab his keys he felt a hand wrapping around his wrist, keeping him from leaving.
He turned his head back around to see Eddie’s arm being stretched out towards him, fingers wrapped around and pressing onto his skin. Buck’s eyes went from their hands back up to Eddie’s face, where the shore was just waiting for the ocean to crash onto again.
It happened so fast Buck couldn’t have even started to count. Eddie pulled on his arm, turned him back around so he would face him again, brought his other hand up to Buck’s face to pull him in and crash his lips on him again.
This time Buck didn’t pull back, he gave into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of the soft skin pressed against it.
He was almost certain that this was all a dream now. He had weird dreams all the time and they definitely felt very real sometimes.
But there was one thing keeping him from thinking it was just in his head this time. And that was the fact that in his dreams he never knew what Eddie tasted like.
Their eyes met again when they pulled apart. Tension filled the entire room and it felt like their kiss connected their bodies with an invisible string they could never get rid of again.
Buck looked at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to say. His entire life just got turned around, and then again, and again. He didn’t even know what side it was laying on at this point.
Eddie cleared his throat, took a deep breath and just said, “We should go.”
And yeah, right, there was still that other thing.
Bobby was alive.
And he was going to be okay, that’s what the doctors told him. Sure they also got it wrong the first time… but one could just hope that that wouldn’t happen again.
Well, he’s gonna live and that’s all that matters. The doctors and scientists assured him there was no sign of the virus anymore–the virus that made him look dead for a while without actually killing him. No one really understood how that was possible or how it could’ve even gotten this far, but right in this moment all everyone cared about was that he was alive and well.
It’s been three days since they heard the news. They couldn’t talk to him in person yet, since he was still in quarantine until all of the tests were done, but Buck couldn’t wait for the day he could finally talk to him again.
Until then he might have to face some other things in his life, because it was also three days since Eddie and him kissed… twice. And they still haven’t spoken a word about it. Whenever they might’ve had the chance to do it, one of them always found a reason not to. If it was doing the laundry, volunteering to walk the neighbours dog, washing the car for the fourth time in three days or needing to call Christopher to see how he was doing in Texas. Both of them, by the way. Everything they could think of, no matter how pathetic it was.
But now they were both sitting in the living room, Buck on an armchair and Eddie on the couch, without a single other thing to do. Every bit of laundry in this house was done, the neighbours dogs were all tired from walking and Christopher was very close to blocking both of them. This couldn’t go on forever and they knew they needed to talk.
Buck stared at him from across the room. He took one last very deep breath.
“Hey, uhm…”
“Yeah?” Eddie was on the edge of his seat, ready to run and find something, anything to do, just to not have this conversation.
“Please don’t run.”
“I wasn’t gonna run,” his mouth said, but his eyes and entire body language were telling a different story.
Buck just gave him a look that told him something along the lines of ‘Don’t fool me, I know you too well for this’ and that was all that was needed to keep him in his seat.
“I think we need to talk.”
Eddie swallowed so hard Buck could hear it and just nodded. There was no need to explain what they needed to talk about, he was very aware of it and they both knew.
“If you just want to forget and never talk about it again, we can do that,” Buck started, diving right in, “Everything can be undone, even death apparently,” he chuckled–and yes they could already make jokes about this insane event, after what they go through every day at work, they were fast with those things.
“But if there’s any chance you don’t,” he continued, “Then maybe you could just let me talk for a second.”
Eddie was tensed up in his seat and he looked like he was scared of what would come, but he nodded, “Go on.”
Buck couldn’t hold still so he got up from his armchair, wandering through the living room until he found the right way to start this conversation. He might just go all in, now that not all hope was lost that this could mean something to Eddie too. At least he didn’t give into the chance of forgetting about it completely.
“I was trying to deny it for so long,” he started, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down by fidgeting with his hands. “For so long I almost believed it myself, but I was so, so wrong and I know that now.”
His voice was shaky but the words came out clearly, and Eddie looked like he knew what was about to hit him.
“I don’t know when it started, but it doesn’t even matter because what I feel right now is all I need to know.” His eyes wandered all around the room but almost never stopped on Eddie.
“I was okay with pushing it down and praying you’ll never find out, and I would’ve been okay with doing that for the rest of my life if it meant I could keep you around and would never lose you because of this.”
In the corner of his eye he saw something that looked like Eddie wiping away a tear.
“But after what happened… between us ,” Buck stood still, facing him for the first time in his monologue, gesturing between the two of them and then shrugged, “Maybe this is the time to be brave enough to just tell you, because maybe I’m not even that alone with it…”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Eddie’s eyes met his and Buck was right, there was a tear.
Buck nodded, his eyes focused on the chestnut brown pair in front of him, “I’m in love with you, Eddie.”
Now there was a tear in his eye as well. “And maybe it sounds really cheesy but the last few days have shown me how fast things can go and at this point I’m more scared of not being able to tell you than to live with the consequences.”
For a second it was dead silent, so silent Buck could hear the moment Eddie stopped holding his breath. His eyes fluttered to the ground, somewhere to a corner of the room behind him, just to not look anywhere near Buck.
“You’re in love with me?” Eddie said in disbelief. Wide eyed, like he couldn’t imagine that being true, like he was rethinking every decision he’s ever made in his life that brought him here. Like he was in a dream, not being able to wake up. Buck just hoped it wasn’t a nightmare.
“I mean, how could I not ? After everything we’ve been through, after every time you catched me when I fell,” Buck gestured to the spot where Eddie kept him from falling to his knees a few days ago, “ Literally!”
Eddie’s eyes went back up, only to see that Buck didn’t look away for a second, his eyes were following every movement he made.
“Don’t act like I’m crazy for this and don’t tell me it’s my own fault, because you made me fall in love with you.” Every moment of the past seven years that brought him to this very exact moment flashed before his eyes. His voice got quiet and gentle, “I never even had a chance not to.”
For a moment it felt like earth stood still and the only ones still moving were the two of them. Buck was scared Eddie wasn’t gonna say anything, that he just poured all his heart out just to be left standing in the rain. That he would either have to find a way to take it all back or to keep talking forever so Eddie could never find a moment to reject his feelings.
“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Words finally left Eddie’s mouth, “In fact, you’re making me feel like I’m crazy.”
Buck’s eyes sprung wide open. Could this really be happening?
“Why do you think you’re alone with this?” Eddie got up from the couch, standing directly in front of Buck, eyes looking into each other on the same level, “ I was the one who turned you around and purposely kissed you back, I was the one waking up in your arms the other day and not minding it at all, wishing I could experience that again, for the rest of my life.”
It is happening. All of Eddie’s words sounded like music in his ears, volume up so loud you could feel the beat.
“If we were just friends, all this would feel weird and like it shouldn’t be happening.” His head started to shake, “But it doesn’t… it doesn’t feel wrong.”
“A-are you…” Buck stuttered.
“Yes, Buck, I’m in love with you too.”
It felt like the beat dropped, everything falling right into place. Buck was stunned, not knowing what to say anymore, but no words could ever even express what he feels right now.
His eyes fluttered down to Eddie’s lips, which were curled up into a smile and then back to his eyes in the exact right moment to see him nodding in confirmation.
Buck took a step closer and brought his hands up to cup Eddie’s face in them, before pressing his lips on his again, this time intentionally without a single doubt in his head.
They could finally visit Bobby in person a week after they found out he was still alive. A week has never felt this long ever before, and never had so much happened in just a few days.
Like the fact that Eddie had woken up in Buck’s arms every morning since that day, like he had always wished for. Or that Buck had never kissed someone so many times that he couldn’t even count anymore, because it was impossible for them to keep their hands from each other.
And when they arrived at the hospital and everyone was already there—since they might’ve been a few minutes late, but who exactly could know a kiss every two minutes would slow them down so much—it didn’t take much for the others to know something was different, so they didn’t even try to hide it.
Buck went to grab Eddie’s hand as they entered the hospital, and he just let him.
Joy spread across all their faces as they saw Bobby laying in the hospital bed. This was real, none of it had been a dream. Bobby was alive and Eddie loved him, Buck couldn’t be any happier right now.
When everyone was done greeting and hugging him and telling him how happy they were that he was still alive, they all spread to stand somewhere across the room, Buck and Eddie still hand in hand in front of his bed.
Bobby looked down to see their joint hands, “Didn’t think I could miss that much in a few days,” he chuckled. Buck looked down at their hands and then back up to Eddie, and instead of pulling away, Eddie just squeezed his hand harder. All eyes were on them now, but they really didn’t care.
“That’s what you get for leaving,” Buck’s sniff turned into a laugh. He used the hand that was not linked to Eddie to wipe away his tears once again. Thankfully, this time it was tears of joy.