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Jin Guangyao closed his eyes and once again, willed his spiritual energy to circulate with a strong thrum. It cleared some of the pressure building behind his temples and kept the nauseous feeling in his chest at bay, however he had been performing this exercise multiple times a day for over a week now and it's efficiency was starting to grow weak. He hadn't had a moment to rest while planning this symposium and despite his best efforts the lack of sleep or proper meals had taken a toll on his body.
If his golden core was stronger then it wouldn't have mattered, he thought ruefully for a moment before shaking the thought away. He had figured out how to be strong without a remarkable core long ago, thinking about such things at this moment was a waste of time.
He opened his eyes again and let his face fall into his placide smile before he even set foot from his chambers. Anyone seeing him looking concerned or weakened would doubtlessly berate him for it and it was of paramount importance that he not be perceived as unable to handle the preparations for the event.
The moment he set foot outside his chambers the artisan in charge of arranging the flowers had a question, followed shortly by the woman who handled the dancers he had hired as entertainment, followed by the cook and musician and several merchants with ledgers for him to sign all trailing after him as he made his way to the courtyard where the other sect leaders would be welcomed. There was only a few hours left until the entire area would be filled with people, but at the moment it was only Jin Guangyao and the servants bustling about, the difference between them marked only by name.
Usually a deep breath in this beautiful courtyard left him filled with the soft sweet scent of peonies, but now when he tried to inhale there was no way for him to smell anything. His lips parted softly to allow for breath, aiming for subtlety so as not to expose how blocked his sinuses had become. If this began affecting the tone of his voice there would be a problem, but at the moment it seemed alright to proceed.
After four hours of dealing with other people's mistakes, impossible to foresee accidents, and a seething lecture from Madame Jin, Jin Guangyao finally found himself back in his room and dressing for the welcome ceremony. He had tried to block out the light through the windows but even what little light leaked in made the space behind his eyes pulse with pain. His fingers shook slightly as he tied the cords of his belt and as he closed his eyes once again to circulate his qi a rush of dizziness hit him. Stumbling back and falling directly onto his tail bone was uncomfortable but the pain was simply that, pain. It didn’t matter and it didn't come with the stinging humiliation that would have been there if it had happened in public. In fact to Jin GuangyaoIt was a good thing it had happened at this moment. Now he knew he couldn’t close his eyes for too long and that he would need to keep his weight more forward to prevent his muscles from relaxing too much and failing him.
The Lan's almost always arrived first and their prompt nature aided Jin Guangyao greatly. Having Er-ge arrive first gave him a chance to test everything in a controlled setting. The elegant Zewu-jun would appropriately compliment the lovely decorations and his quiet good nature would set the tone for the rest of the arrivals. Next some smaller sects would arrive, and they would be just as eager to make a good impression on the Jins as Jin Guangyao was on them so that would be easy. Next would be the Nie clan or the Jiang clan, the two pieces of the plan most likely to cause problems. Sect leader Jiang was easy to corral and rarely caused incidents on his own, but Wei Wuxian could easily disrespect someone and cause strife, but Jiang Yanli would also be in attendance this time around which made the likelihood lower… Or higher depending on his half brother's behavior. The very thought left his head aching. However, despite the pressure that situation created it still was not as pressing as the Nie clan’s arrival.
Spending time with the Nie brothers in The Unclean realm, or with both his sworn brothers in The Cloud Recesses was one thing, he was able to act as he wished in private with the two of them and could much more easily control what parts of himself he showed to Nie Mingjue, but here in Lanling, up the tall steps of Golden Carp Tower, it was a very different story. There were too many people who had demands of him and Da-ge was quick to notice inconsistencies in his behavior, always scowling when he told the kind of lies that would pacify people. If he were to call Jin Guangyao out on it, or if him noticing such things were to sour his mood too much, it would make it much harder for the symposium to be considered a success.
Jin Guangyao was brought out of his thoughts by the sounds of the approaching Lan procession and then sudden ease in his breath as he saw Lan Xichen practically floating up the stairs. His serene face, his calming presence, the only person who solved more of Jin Guangyao's problems than he created. It was always good to see him. They held onto formality as both clans greeted each other in full, but then Lan Xichen broke away and came close to Jin Guangyao.
“Everything looks beautiful, A-Yao,” The deep timber of his complement went straight to Jin Guangyao's heart. His Er-ge always noticed these things. He had been the only one Jin Guangyao had confided in that he was experiencing any stress about the upcoming event to, though in all truth Lan Xichen had in fact guessed rather than him volunteering the information.
“Thank you Er-ge,” His words came out a little raspy against his will, but his voice was low so it went unnoticed. Lan Xichen seemed much more concerned about the deep bow Jin Guangyao was giving him. He could see the older man's hands twitch the the desire to lift him out of it as he did when he tried such things when they were alone, but they both knew that here – with so many eyes on them– it was only appropriate.
The slightest furrow hit Lan Xichen's perfect brow wouldn't have been seen by anyone but himself but as Jin Guangyao looked up and saw it, a dangerous alarm went off in his head. “A-Yao, are you alright? You look pale.”
No no, this couldn't happen. If Lan Xichen found him to be ill he would want to know how ill and if he found that out he might try to get Jin Guangyao to go and rest or recieve treatment and that was not possible at the moment. If he did that Jin Guangyao would have to leave his post at the event, he would no longer be able to perform his duties and would be deemed useless and useless things ended up discarded.
“Er-ge, I'm quite alright. It has rained for several days in Lanling so I have not been outdoors much,” That wasn't actually a lie. In fact it may have been part of the reason his sickness had gotten so much worse with how damp it had been. “But what an auspicious thing that it should have turned sunny just in time for your arrival.”
He smiled up at Er-ge, but didn't dare widen his eyes the way he usually would. The other might have noticed how bloodshot they had become. As it was, Lan Xichen just gave him a soft smile and agreed before making his way into the pavilion.
It took a long time for the rest of the sect leaders to arrive and by the time the Qinghe Nie made it up the stairs Jin Guangyao's legs were feeling like rotten wood about to snap and the ache behind his head was now pounding. He wasn't ready to receive an armful of elegant robes or to hear a joyful squeal of “San-ge!” directly into his ear as Nie Huaisang half jumped into his arms after making his bow. He steeled himself as another wave of nausea hit him, but was able to catch Huaisang without falling over though he took a step back.
He did wish Nie Huaisang could retain more decorum in public and clearly his brother felt the same if the gruff way he cleared his throat was anything to go by. Huaisang separated from him and scampered back to Nie Mingjue who gave Jin Guangyao a narrow eyed look. He moved a step closer, his large frame creating privacy between them and the rest of their sects. “If even Huaisang is able to bowl you over like that I don't trust that you have been training properly.”
“The preparations for today have slowed my progress, but I promise Chifeng-zun that I have been diligent.”
Nie Mingjue gives him one more doubtful looks before nodding again, a singular pat on his arm the only indication that he was not as serious as he sounded. This was a conversation between them that happened frequently, both his sworn brothers worrying after his late start and trying to make up for lost time. It was a form of affection, but for Jin Guangyao it only made the divide between them seem more vast.
With the conclusion of the Nie procession, all parties were now where they were meant to be and Jin Guangyao took his place for the banquet. Food should help him recover some of his strength, especially considering he had not eaten anything prior to this moment all day, however every lavish dish around him seemed tasteless and his stomach almost turned after a few meagar bites. He was able to fake the consumption of the alcohol offered to him, but there was no way to fake eating and it would have been rude to refuse so he suffered through the rolls of nausea that hit him every few minutes in silence.
When the meal ended and the entertainment began he stood up, exited the hall, walked to a more private area of the gardens behind a rarely used guest house, and vomited. Bile hit his senses and his eyes fogged, the pounding in his head growing worse from being turned upside down. it was no where near the worst he had felt, but it was hardly a comfortable state. A voice in the recesses of his mind made a sharp sound, a hiss that he had grown too comfortable, that he was beginning to expect life to be easy, that he was a fool for considering it.
He couldn't be gone long. Someone would doubtless need something and glance around for him. If he wasn't there it would appear rude and if he was rude it was because of his mother and he could not handle such conversations in this state. He gathered himself quickly and made his way back towards the hall, never letting himself look less than poised in case someone happened to see. Which unfortunately turned out to be the case.
He was near to returning to the pavillion when he saw Nie Mingjue going down the steps, he wasn't moving displaying outward urgency, but Jin Guangyao noticed he took the steps two by two and glanced around as though looking for something . When he noticed Jin Guangyao his eyebrows pulled down and he made his way over, clearly having ound what he was searching for.
“Xichen noticed you left, but he was preoccupied, so he asked me to find you. He thought something might have been wrong,” There was concern in Nie Mingjue's voice, but it only served to irritate Jin Guangyao.
“There is nothing amiss, Da-ge” He smiled softly, glancing up at his sworn brother with an innocent look before returning his eyes to he level of his Nie Mingjue's chest. Looking up at him had made his head spin once again.
“If you are lying to me-"
“Da-ge, I assure you all is well,” He said it in his most coaxing tone, his softest, the one he knew could ease Nie Mingjue’s temper. Sure enough his sworn brother exhaled. It was his long suffering sigh, the one he gave when he heard news of his little brother's latest attempt at skipping training or when a particularly needy vassel sent him a letter. It was still annoyed, but much easier to handle than his rage. “Let's go back to the festivities, I'm sure Er-ge is waiting for us.”
They walked together back inside, Jin Guangyao struggling slightly to get his legs to push properly against the steps. When they made it Lan Xichen was there waiting just as Jin Guangyao thought he would be, his face concerned but carefully placed. It seemed he knew how important it was to Jin Guangyao that he not draw too much attention to himself.
“Are you sure you're alright?” Lan Xichen asked, glancing back to Nie Mingjue for reassurance as well.
“Yes Er-ge I'm-” He must have finished his sentence but he didn't hear it. His ears had started to ring, his own words no longer making it past the shrill sound. He was dizzy and even though he had thrown up only a few minutes ago the feeling was back. He needed to come up with an excuse to sit down or he would fall.
From over Lan Xichen's shoulder he saw one of the Jin clan elders make eye contact with him. She was coming closer, he could see his name on her lips, she must want his assistance for something. He stepped forward and felt a cold sweat break across his chest, he was going to be sick, his vision spotted, then tunneled as he took another step closer to her. He saw her mouth his name again and then–
Nothing.
When he woke up he was being carried. Strong arms wrapped under his knees and around his torso, his head propped so that it lay against strong pectoral muscles that he was now realizing belonged to Nie Mingjue. They were walking briskly, and as Jin Guangyao raised his head he saw the elegant waft of Lan Xichen’s robes in front of him. So it was only the three of them here now. Er-ge was carrying his hat, why was he carrying his hat?
“How long was I out? Did it cause a scene?” Lan Xichen stopped at the sound of his voice and turned around, concern playing at the corners of his eyes, but before he could speak Nie Mingjue's scoff echoed through his chest.
“Don't ask questions like that.” He snapped, hands tightening around Jin Guangyao's legs as though he expected him to jump out of his arms. He would have if his body wasn't still shaking. “The real question is why did you pass out moments after telling me you were fine. Why did you lie to my face?”
“Da-ge, please”, It was Lan Xichen, stepping closer to them and resting his cool hand on Jin Guangyao's cheek. “A-Yao is unwell and he has fallen. There will be time to scold him later but first he must be tended to.”
The gentle touch made his chest ache and he wanted to lean in, but it was gone too quickly as both older men began walking again. Shame spiraled in his chest as they moved, his questions growing in importance with each moment. If all those people had seen him faint, what would they think? Lan Xichen said he had fallen, did that mean he had actually fully collapsed to the floor and had no memory of it? He must have if his hat had fallen off. Had Chifeng-zun picked him up in front of all those people? It was too much to bear and he began shifting in Nie Mingjue's arms, trying to make his desire to be released known.
“Stop moving.” it was just a growl.
He stilled for a moment, then looked around. They were going towards the guest house he had arranged for Lan Xichen. Why were they going there? He wiggled again.
San-di.” The arms around him tightened and it wasn't painful but the pressure there mixed with the warning laced in his sworn brother's words made him freeze. No more words were spoken between them until the door to Lan Xichen's quarters were closed.
Even then it was scant. Nie Mingjue put him on the bed with a blunt order to “stay” and Lan Xichen immediately went to his Qiankin pouch. He pulled out a sachet of dried herbs, a small bundle of something wrapped in cloth, a glass vial filled with clear liquid, and a small lacquered box that Jin Guangyao had never seen before. First he handed the sachet to Nie Mingjue who busied himself by turning it into tea without being told, then he took the cloth bundle over to Jin Guangyao and sat on the bed next to him.
His expression was solemn as unwrapped the package, but where Jin Guangyao had expected there to be something bitter and medicinal inside it was instead filled with dried fruits. Lan Xichen held them out for Jin Guangyao to take one silently, as though it was as serious as a prayer offering.
He picked a piece up between his fingertips only to realize that it was also coated in sugar. He nibbled on the corner of the fruit before taking a bite. it was much easier to eat than the rich dishes that had been served at dinner.
“Why does Er-ge have something so indulgent as this with him?”
“They were going to be a treat for A-Yao.”
The words make Jin Guangyao's heart sink. He had been thought of specifically. Lan Xichen had thought to bring him a gift and he was still getting it but now, in this context, with his Er-ge's face so sad…
“I'm sorry Er-ge. I didn't mean to lie.”
“Yes you did!” Nie Mingjue snapped as he came around with the tray ladden with a teapot and cup. Only one cup, they meant to sit and watch him drink alone. “If you hadn't you wouldn't have. Er-di, why are you feeding him candy before he has had his medicine?”
Lan Xichen made a gentle shrug, “There is nothing else here for him to eat and he needs to. There is nothing else for it.”
He would have loved the fruit as a reward, as a gift. Now they tasted bitter in his mouth.
Nie Mingjue seemed to see Lan Xichen's point and didn't argue, but he did force the tea cup into Jin Guangyao's hands as soon as his piece of fruit was eaten. “Drink that.”
Jin Guangyao did. He was not interested in angering Chifeng-zun any further.
There was quiet for another long moment before Lan Xichen broached it, his voice soft and coaxing, his hands beginning to examine Jin Guangyao, gently gliding over his pulse points and following his meridians. “A-Yao, when I saw you I suspected you may have not been feeling well. How long have you been feeling unwell?”
If he said it had only just started then they both would not be so furious. Most of Nie Mingjue's anger was out of fear, and the part that was about the lie… well he could say he just hadn't been aware of how serious his illness had been. If it had only started today and neither of them knew he had vomited he could pretend to be none the wiser.
“Do not. Lie. Again.” The words were spoken so ominously that he had to swallow back a startled sound from his throat. Based on previous experience there was a one in three chance that Nie Mingjue would believe whatever he said, the other two thirds of the situation ended more poorly.
“ I have been trying to heal myself through meditation for the past two weeks.”
Lan Xichen inhales. smooth and controlled. “That won't work if the other conditions for wellness aren't being met. Were you resting? Were you eating well?”
They both know the answer to that. All three of them know the answer to that. Lan Xichen lets go of his breath.
He takes the now empty cup from Jin Guangyao's hands and places it on the table, replacing it in his hands with the vial and laquered box. He returned to the bed and instead of sitting down beside Jin Guangyao again, he knelt in front of him.
“A-Yao, gege is very disappointed in you”, Jin Guangyao's heart skipped a beat before dropping to the pit of his stomach. Nie Mingjue's rage he could handle, Lan Xichen's disappointment he wasn't so sure. “This is a new procedure our clan physicians have been working on. I had planned to present it to the other sects tomorrow, but I am going to use it to help A-Yao heal faster.”
He wasn't asking. Er-ge always asked.
“It is going to hurt a little, but in the end it will help and A-Yao has misbehaved so… The pain does not concern me greatly.” That admission seemed to make Lan Xichen feel somewhat uncomfortable but he pushed past it to open the lacquered box. What was inside looked similar to an acupuncture needle, except the end was connected to a thin glass tube with a steel pin at the end that looked as though it could be pressed down. Lan Xichen carefully took whatever was in one vial and poured it into the next and explained what Jin Guangyao had already gathered was the procedure.
“This medicine can be placed directly into your body with the use of this needle. It will work much faster and with more potency than otherwise possible, but it does mean I will have to prick you a little in the process. As I said, it is not comfortable. Mingjue-ge,” With the unspoken communication of many years spent together, Nie Mingjue knew what was being asked of him and took Jin Guangyao by the shoulders, pulling him up from his seat and over his lap.
He had seen Nie Mingjue do this before to Huaisang and what had followed had been a sound thrashing that had left the younger man in tears, but had still been by all accounts mild. There was hardly a mark on Huaisang's skin that would have lasted more than a day, however what had made Jin Guangyao afraid of such a fate was not the pain but the humiliation and even more so the terrifying closeness.
“Da-ge!” It came out as a squeak, already alarmingly like Huaisang's. Lan Xichen was already hushing him though.
“A-Yao relax. The shot is to be administered on your bottom, that's all.”
“Er-ge Er-ge, what do you mean that is all!”
Nie Mingjue was moving his outer robes to the side and pulling his pants down to his knees as he spoke, using his other arm to hold Jin Guangyao flush with his torso. “He means that he doesn’t want me to spank you. But you cause him any trouble and I will.”
With that he stilled and let the great and venerable Chifeng-zun bare his bottom for the noble Zewu-jun to inspect. Quickly Jin Guangyao was realizing that his illness had started to slow his mind. He couldn't come up with a way out of any of this, he couldn't sneak away, nor persuade anyone, nor tell any convincing lies. It was simply him against his two sworn brothers who had included their right to care for him in those vows.
“Er-ge please. It is not so bad” He attempted feebly, feeling Lan Xichen readying himself beside him.
“San-di, quiet. I really will swat you.”
“Da-ge, it's fine he can fuss.”
“He has been unruly already.”
The two of them speaking of him in such a way made him wish to ‘fuss’ as Lan Xichen had said even harder, but instead he just continued to insist he was alright.
“Really, I do not need this medicine. A-Yao does not feel so poorly anymore, really after vomiting I did not feel so bad until I fainted.”
A sharp clap sound hit his ears before he knew what had happened, then a stinging pain blossomed against his skin. For a moment he thought Da-ge had really smacked him but then he realized the angle was all wrong. The swat had come from a strike making its way down from directly behind him, not an arch from the side where Nie Mingjue's hand was. It dawned on him the same moment Er-ge began his lecture and tears clouded his vision.
“Why is this the first I am hearing of this A-Yao? And then when you tell me it is to make light of the matter.” Another swat landed on his bottom with a crisp sound. from his angle Lan Xichen's swats were not heavy, but they stung greatly. However, that meant nothing when compared to the sting in his heart. His Er-ge, his sweet, kind, doting Er-ge, was spanking him.
“You know I do not like lies under any circumstances, but I understand your situation. I understand why with others you must hide and play along, but with your sworn brothers such things are not necessary- no, they shall no longer be tolerated.”
The tears that had clouded his vision rolled down his cheeks. He bit down on his lip to stop the sound that wanted to escape. Unfortunately Nie Mingjue was not watching the color of his bottom change but rather his face and he – surprisingly gently– pulled Jin Guangyao's lip from between his teeth.
“Don't do that.” The words were frank and the two sworn brothers shared another look above Jin Guangyao before Lan Xichen landed another stinging swat.
“A-Yao will rest.” another smack that felt like lightning.
“A-Yao will eat properly.” Another swat and Jin Guangyao's lip rolled under his teeth again.
This time Nie Mingjue sighed his heavy sigh and for a moment Jin Guangyao thought he was about to join Er-ge in spanking but instead his thumb, thick with the calluses of his saber, but smooth and clean as a gentleman's should be, bullied it’s way into his mouth. He didn't mean to bite down at all, but as the next swat hit he couldn't help it and something about the sensation made his head even more cloudy than the sickness had.
“A-Yao will not overexert himself, nor will he ignore his health.” the swats no longer corresponded to his statements, but simply landed at a sedate pace, causing a radiating sting and then fading. Just as Jin Guangyao had suspected, it was not the pain of this that hurt so badly.
“And A-Yao will not lie to us.”
“Er-di, I have a few things to say. You prepare the medicine,” Nie Mingjue's rough voice was calm and steady. He seemed to have found some peace in this moment as though seeing Jin Guangyao disciplined realigned something within him. Jin Guangyao himself was more alarmed, a sound coming from the back of his throat as he gnawed slightly on Nie Mingjue's thumb in protest.
“Hush, san-di.” The smack that fell was heavier and hurt more than what Lan Xichen had done, but it was still mild. He crossed his ankles and tensed his legs, not willing to kick. Two more swats fell before there was silence, Da-ge's hand simply resting on his flank.
“You interrupted me earlier. I was going to tell you exactly what would happen if you lied to me again, but you wouldn't listen.” Another two solid smacks on alternating sides. He bite down on the thumb in his mouth and slid his feet on the floor, only to have his calves caught by Lan Xichen. “Are you listening now, A-Yao”
That sweet name from Chifeng-zun made another wave of tears roll down his cheeks. He nodded his head as best he could.
“Good. Because I do not lie, and I am not exaggerating when I say that when you lie to me, no matter what it is about, no matter how small it is, I will spank you and it will be much harder than this.”
Two more swats, this time one directly on top of the other fell.
“When you omit the truth to me I will spank you.”
The other was given the same treatment.
“And if you lie to Er-di, no matter if he has already punished you, I will spank you.”
This time four more fell, two on each side before Jin Guangyao let out a genuine wail from around Nie Mingjue's thumb. Once again he heard Nie Mingjue make his shushing sound, as though he were hushing an infant as he pulled Jin Guangyao's limp form closer to him once again. There was a faint tinkle sound of glass and a cool hand steading itself on his aching bottom followed by a sharp pinch. He could faintly sense the medicine entering his body, but it didn't last long before it was removed and a cool wet cloth was placed over his bottom. He whimpered, now acutely aware of Nie Mingjue's thumb but unwilling to do anything about it.
“A-Yao, there is a little bit of blood but it is from the needle pricking you alright? Not your spanking.” Lan Xichen reassured gently. Sweet Er-ge. He had no knowledge that of course Jin Guangyao knew that there was no way this would draw blood. He had been beaten enough times to know exactly what would and this was not the same. It had been mild and even with holding that, no beating had ever made him feel like this.
They were silent as the cloth warmed against Jin Guangyao's skin, was redipped in the cold water, and warmed again by his scorching bottom. After the third time Lan Xichen moved from his seat on the floor and Nie Mingjue followed suit, righting Jin Guangyao's pants and pulling his finger from his mouth. He almost mourned the loss.
He didn't protest when his outer robe was removed, nor his socks, nor when his hair was taken down and another cloth was brushed against his tear stained face, nor when Lan Xichen pushed another two pieces of dried fruit into his hand. Soon after he had finished both his sworn brothers were scooting him into the bed, Nie Mingjue bodily and Lan Xichen by holding up the covers and placing them over him.
“I will stay with you while you sleep and Da-ge can make our excuses”, Lan Xichen looked up at Nie Mingjue with his usual calm expression though there was something beseeching in his gaze, even to Jin Guangyao's tired eyes. The response was Nie Mingjue's other distinct sound, the one that held as much weight as his put upon sigh; his soft chuckle.
“Yes I will” He kissed Lan Xichen's knuckles as he spoke, then leaned down to kiss Jin Guangyao’s forehead. “Rest well, A-Yao.”
Jin Guangyao shrank under the covers to hide his flush, the peaceful boneless tired running through his body almost too much to bear.