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Sometimes Mari hated her friends.
No, she wasn’t one of those fake bitches ── or she didn’t consider herself to be, at least. She just hated the constant whispers at anyone who they didn’t speak to for more than three seconds. Her circle was big, spreading over a wide range of typically pretty blonds, lipgloss, expensive vintage clothes, and frat guys.
All of her friends seemed to have boyfriends ── not Mari, though. She wasn’t a virgin ── some people would even go out of their way to call her a slut ── but she never was good at committing.
Her ‘ slut ‘ image was bound to go around when she was always the center of any classroom she walked in, knowing she was one of ‘ those girls ‘ all the others wanted to be. Little did they know, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
Mari sighed as she sat in the middle of her English class, glancing at the empty desk where Natalie Scatorccio would sit. She’d been gone for a good week, and Mari couldn’t help but notice the girl's lack of attendance. The only times she’d seen her was there, or under the stairwell smoking a cigarette, with this other guy. She thinks his name is Travis. His dad was the coach on the Yellowjackets soccer team that was holding tryouts in two days.
She’s played soccer ever since she was a kid. When she was younger, all her family told her she’d be a star ── how she had everything going for her and that her soccer scholarship would carry her through college. But, as she grew older, it was evident she didn’t have a unique talent, something that made her special. It just about killed her a little bit. Just a little.
Mari let her mind drift somewhere else but Shakespeare for two days, counting the days until practice.
The day came, and there was Natalie, her blonde hair pulled into a short ponytail, the front pieces of her hair perfectly framing her soft yet striking features. Mari squinted her eyes, studying her ── how she didn’t look at anyone else, stayed in her element.
Mari wishes she could do that ── ignore the feeling of eyes watching and judging her at all times.
She did well at tryouts, at least she hoped. For scoring she got everyone in the net and so did Natalie. She was amazing, and Mari was impressed. Not once did she falter, her head high and stance confident as she dribbled the ball.
The list came out two days later.
Mari had half expected to see her name on the list, so when she did, she breathed out in relief, imagining her parents' smiles. She needed this.
She guesses so did Natalie. Mari never saw the girl smile in English ── maybe because it was English and it was hell ── but the blonde's eyes scanned down the list, stopping at the bottom as she did a little skip backwards. One no one noticed yet Mari did.
How was she so striking if she was supposed to be invisible ── nothing?
Mari never saw her happy like that again for weeks after. No little skips that were evident in her boosted energy or small smiles at her friend Travis. Just blank stares and dead eyes as their teacher went on and on about her home life that had nothing to do with English, by the way.
The Ibarra girl had come up with a plan. She bit her cheek as she studied the edge of the pencil, slowly writing each letter onto a sticky note.
After the bell rang, she rushed out, planning to get to where she'd seen Natalie open her locker numerous times when she passed by. Her locker was only about ten away anyway, she wasn’t a stalker. She wasn’t supposed to have time for stuff like that, not when her friends were whispering more gossip, how she was slipping away from them and becoming more distant.
At this point, they’ve said worse, so Mari doesn’t give a shit.
“What the fuck is this?”
Mari jumped, startled by the voice sneering behind her locker door. Quickly, like she was guilty of something she was unsure of, Mari slammed her locker shut, blonde locks filtering into her view. Natalie.
She looked down to see the sticky note between her fingers like it hurt to touch, yet Mari grimaced. “A note.”
“Yeah, well I don’t fucking need your note, Ibarra. Everyone knows what you’re like around here.”
She furrowed her eyebrows. “What’s that supposed to mean, and I don’t.”
Natalie hummed, knowingly. “Well, of course, you don't, you're the one being shit on.” She chuckled, but it was anything but humorous, it was bitter, burning her throat.
Mari shook it off again, she didn’t care what her friends thought. “You haven’t been in class so I dec──”
“I don’t need you being my fucking protector, princess. Don’t you think you got enough of those already?”
She was ── for the first time ── speechless. She didn’t have servants doing everything for her! This was a fucking public high school, who did they think she was. Typical stereotypes.
“Whatever.” Mari rolled her eyes. She didn’t like the way she talked about her, something other than the endless compliments from her family. It was distant, unfamiliar, like the face she unexpectedly faced now. “I was trying to be nice.”
“Take that niceness and shove it up your sorry ass.” She spat, crumbling the sticky note but she still shoved it in her pocket, turning around and storming away. Mari couldn’t do anything else but stand there and wonder what the fuck just happened. She never wanted to fight with fire, but no matter what she did, that fire burned everywhere she looked, no matter how many times that fire would try to keep her away.
They were magnetic, opposites pulling toward each other, with little glances from where they sat moving to glances across the lockers. Mari is pretty sure she’s trying to keep a watchful eye, make sure she doesn’t do any creepy shit to her locker again.
All the note said was:
If you ever want to talk, I’m here.
Did that sound so scary? Ugh, she didn’t know. She wouldn’t cross paths with fire again, no matter how hard she tried.
But being on the soccer team made it hard.
“Natalie, you’re supposed to pass the ball!” Coach Scott yells after his whistle, cupping his hands around his mouth. “You too, Ibarra, cmon!”
Mari swore under her breath, tightening her ponytail as their team practiced scrimmage and Natalie’s mind had been elsewhere.
That’s how she accidentally ends up kicking the ball into Taissa Turner’s head.
Well, shit.
Mari wasn’t that close with Taissa. Unlike Jackie, she wasn’t a part of their endless circle, but just well-known, mostly for soccer.
“What the fuck, Natalie?” Taissa yelled, clutching her nose as blood started to form. The girls all worriedly crowded around her, Van’s hand on her arm. “I don’t need all your problems messing my shit up.”
“Tai.” Mari scolded, eyes widened as she glanced between the two. Taissa stopped, furrowing her eyebrows as she crossed her arms towards Mari. Natalie awkwardly stood between them, saying a half-assed apology Mari felt she actually meant through the sudden softness in her eyes.
Yet she only was looking at Mari after she said it.
“It’s just a bloody nose, Taissa go to the bathroom.” Coach Scott suggested as Taissa nodded, running off with one last scowl toward the blonde. He clapped his hands, telling them to get back in position.
That day was horrible. With the classes and her athletics declining since the fall, Mari had fallen into the deep pits of hell.
But this time, she received a note.
Quickly, she opens it. Written on a crumpled piece of lined paper with smudged ink was:
Sometimes a ball to the head won’t even let you know how much of a dick you are.
Mari knew Natalie wasn’t just talking about Taissa. She meant for how much of an ass she was after what Mari did for her.
The girl tried to contain her smile, looking around the hallway to spot any of her friends, but it was thirty minutes after the bell. Of course, they were long gone, they were probably at the mall before the bell even sounded.
So, Mari decided to go to the school library.
She scans through the books that scream boring. This wasn’t her scene, but she needed peace, from everything. So, she sat down at a table and started to do the piles of homework that built up from the week.
She spotted Natalie a few tables down, but she was already looking her way. Mari quickly adverted her eyes, a blush forming on her cheeks like she’d been caught ─── again. Last time she looked at the girl she got told that she should shove her niceness up her ass.
Mari was scared of what she would say next but at the same time, intrigued.
So, she makes her way over, backpack on her shoulders as she throws her notebook on the table with a loud thump. Natalie’s head jerks up, a small smirk forming on her face when she notices the girl.
“Well, this might be bad for your reputation.” Natalie sniffed, her elbows resting on the back of the chair as she leaned back. A challenge.
“Then sue me,” Mari answered with a huff. “I’m done with this stereotypical bullshit.”
“And you call leaving cute love letters in lockers not?” Natalie questioned, tilting her head. Heat rose to Mari’s cheeks. Love letters ─── no! Had they been? Is that what it seemed?
Natalie shook her head. “Look, I'm just messing with you, Ibarra. I was a bitch, I know, sue me.”
Mari chuckled, opening her notebooks, unsure of where to look, and what to do.
“Thanks for the note though.”
Mari nodded. “No problem, thanks for yours.”
Natalie nodded too, quickly looking down as she bit her cheek and smiled, so soft, Mari barely caught it. For some reason, she wanted to remember it forever.
The two laughed uncomfortably ─── their sudden proximity recognized as silence trickles between them, but soon, it grew warm and comfortable as the two worked on English together, asking each other random questions at times.
It felt good, like Mari wasn’t faking something to fit in. While all her friends were sucking faces and probably other things at the mall, she was here, doing something so simple, but she felt peaceful.
With Natalie Scatorccio.
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“Want to come over to my house?” Mari blurted after an hour, seeing the time grow closer to dinner. Her mom usually made big meals, so why not invite her over to study more, with great food?
Natalie shifted, a hesitant look coating her features that seemed softer than ever. “I don’t know, are you sure I can?”
“Of course!” Mari slammed her notebook shut. “We can finish English later.”
Natalie bit her cheek, fiddling with her hands as an extra strand of her curtain bangs fall into her eyes. “Fuck it, why not?”
The two walked home, sharing meaningless conversation. It was electrifying and terrifying how much Mari felt like she knew Natalie already, like they’d been best friends for years. For someone so scarily quiet and terrifying according to all her friends, she was easy to talk to, their conversations flowing with ease and occasional teasing that Mari loved to jab back at. Both girls had a mean sense of humour, one both could tolerate and handle now that they’ve slowly started to pick up on each others habits.
Like how Natalie stared at the food at their dinner table a little longer before she took each bite.
How she studied every inch of her house in awe like she hadn’t seen one before.
And it intrigued Mari. But she didn’t push it. Sometimes notes ticked Natalie off ─── blunt questions about herself.
She never pushed when the two ventured to Mari’s bedroom, filled with too many magazines across her wall to count, makeup scattered messily across her vanity, and soccer medals hung on her old bedpost.
“Damn, it’s like a carnival in here.” Natalie quipped.
“Something like that,” Mari said, quickly putting some of her makeup in her bag. Her room was a mess.
“Don’t worry, I think my room is worse,” Natalie said, watching her frantically throw a mound of clothes in the closet. She took longer than Mari liked looking around, at every picture hung on her wall. Mari awkwardly cleared her throat and Natalie spun around.
“Why don’t you say we get outta here, Ibarra.”
Mari furrowed her eyebrows. “Are we not studying?”
Natalie smirked. “I know you know to have more fun than that.”
The two ventured outside, the streetlights being their only source of light in the darkness. A cool breeze indicating the deep pits of fall was soon approaching made Mari shiver as she watched Natalie pull a cigarette out of her pocket and light it. She blew the smoke from her lips like she’d done it effortlessly a million times before. Mari watched the smoke trail off into the wind, eyes stuck, unable to look away.
“You want one?”
Mari swallowed. “I’ve never done that before.”
Natalie chuckled. “Glad to be your first.” She pulled out a cigarette for Mari, but she took longer than Natalie expected to take it. Scratch that, Mari never took it at all. The crickets shipped in the night as they grew closer to the hill near the back of the park, somewhere Mari used to venture with her childhood friends to watch the stars.
Mari’s dad smoked. He had a problem a few years ago when her mom begged him to stop. Mari never did anything like that but she wouldn’t put her mother through that pain again, like what she wanted best for anyone didn’t matter for years.
Mari shook her head. “Don’t be mad, sorry, I just───”
But Natalie had already taken it back, into her pocket.
“Hey, didn’t mean to pry,” Natalie said softly, like the puff of smoke, drifting into the wind that tickled Mari’s face. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What could you possibly have running through that mind of yours.”
“How much of my niceness is shoved up my ass, actually.” Mari spat, the girls blurting out laughing ── a shift in the soft quiet atmosphere. They reached the hill and they sat on the grass, Mari pulling it out and playing with it between her fingers to distract her from the fact she was sitting alone in the dark with Natalie, who teased her enough to the point where Mari blushed but could tease her back.
To the point where it looked like Natalie cared when Mari declined the cigarette like she wanted to know more about her. None of her friends ever showed her love like that.
Natalie was a special type of lover ── caregiver.
Natalie tossed the cigarette in her hand, stomping on it once realizing Mari wasn’t going to change her mind. She guessed she realized how much people hated others who smoked in front of people. Mari didn’t really care what she did though, she didn’t have a problem with it.
There are so many unspoken words and feelings Mari can’t comprehend. Her heart thundered with the crickets, the moonlight shining through the corner of her eyes. She couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take to get there.
How long it would take Mari to know what her lips felt like on Natalie Scatorccio’s?
She couldn’t get it off her mind ── her cheeks heated up. Natalie was beautiful in her own ways, ones that were different from the typical beauty her friends saw in all the popular girls. It was the power of her confidence and unique striking features that indulged Mari’s senses and curiosity. She wanted to touch her cheek and feel if it was as soft as her gaze when she wasn’t being a bitch.
Because it was so rare and Mari finally got the chance to receive it.
Little did she know ── Natalie felt the same. Mari was popular and had every rumour hung over her head in the book. Yet, she was so different. The kind of difference Natalie never wanted anyone to discover because she was so rare, so kind, so caring.
Someone Natalie’s never had as a friend. She wanted to, so bad.
Maybe that was happening. Mari was the star, sent by an angel to answer all her prayers the moment she placed that note in her locker.
“Nat?”
Nat.
She hummed, it sounded like a song, beautiful.
“You’re really pretty, you know.”
Mari swallowed, continuing to pick up the grass, unable to see Natalie’s facial expression enough. The darkness was shielding her from that, which is where she’s gained this sudden confidence.
Natalie blinked, biting her bottom lip. “You think I’m pretty Ibarra?”
Mari nodded, but Natalie couldn’t see her. “That’s what I said, didn’t I?”
Natalie chuckled. “You’re pretty too, I guess.” Playing off her confidence with humour. If Mari could study her, the pink tinting her cheeks would betray her.
“Oh really ── I guess?” Mari chuckled, the two breaking into a fit of laughter and playful shoving as they tried to playfully attack each other on the hill, the stars twinkling above them, syncing with Mari’s beating heart.
The two grew tired, Mari falling limp as Natalie got the upper hand, successfully rolling her over as the two let out a tired breath, close enough to see each other's eyes.
Really close.
Mari was inches from her lips ── she could feel Natalie’s soft breath on her cheek. Natalie could smell Mari’s vanilla wafting through the wind, pulling her closer ── to taste her soft lips.
Mari’s heart was fucking beating a million miles per minute. She’s never kissed a girl ── ever. She never had any success with guys ── ever. They were all assholes.
Maybe that was the reason, who knew? Nothing else mattered other than ── now ── Natalie’s lips in hers, above her, Natalie’s hand on the grass beside her before she rolled to her side with Natalie on the other, her touch so gentle no one would know it belonged to Natalie.
Only Mari would. She wanted to be the only one.
It was familiar yet not. Kissing was kissing, no matter who, there was no special way. But Natalie seemed to have a power over her ── the mint coating her lips had Mari leaning towards her, tilting her head as if that could make her taste more. The magnet between them pulls past the barrier minute by minute.
Excitement fluttered in her stomach when Natalie pulled away with a chuckle, unable to hold her laughter. Mari was nervous too, her hand trembling as she touched Natalie’s cheek.
Soft.
“I’ve never done this.”
“Never kissed?” Natalie exclaimed quickly in question, nose close to hers. Mari was intrigued by this new forming atmosphere between them.
“No! I mean ── a girl, I’ve never──”
Natalie hummed, her hand trailing over Mari’s hair that spilled over the grass she picked. Natalie knew how shitty guys were to Mari ── how her barely former boyfriend cheated on her with his fucking cousin. She didn’t deserve any of it.
“Mari, you’re different from those bitchy girls ── anyone you’ve been with, what they’ve done, that doesn’t define you, you’re not them.”
Mari smiled, so hard her face hurt. “You too.”
That made Natalie want her tears to fall because she too has had too many rough encounters with love, especially through her own family. No one ever knew, but maybe she’d trust Mari. Mari had already trusted her to the side she didn’t show anyone else and that made her want to cry.
But she couldn’t, not with Mari Ibarra lying beside her. She could kiss her if she allowed her to, and she did. She contained her tears that would likely turn to happiness, as their mouths danced to the beat of their hearts.