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A typical day in the underworld for Tiresias is: Get up out of bed (even though people in the underworld don’t sleep, he likes to pretend), go up to his mountain, and wait. And repeat that basically forever. And that is the life of Tiresias the undead prophet. The only thing he enjoys nowadays is when Hermes visits him.
It makes his sad, boring (dead) life somewhat more enjoyable. But today is a special day because it is Tiresias’s birthday, and this time Hermes wants to do something special for Tiresias.
“A surprise party?”
“Exactly, darling.”
“Hermes, I’m the god of the underworld, I don’t really do.. parties”
“And that’s where you're wrong, look.”
Hermes flies up to Hades and materializes a board where he draws a badly drawn picture of everyone jumping out to surprise Tiresias.
“We all jump out to surprise him, and then he’s happy.”
He draws a stick figure with a staff and adds a happy face.
Hades looks at the whole drawing for a second before pointing to a drawing of a tall man with a mean face, poorly drawn.
“Is that supposed to be me?” Hades
“Well, yes, darling, who else would it be?”
“I do not look like that!” Hades starts to raise his voice and gets defensive
“Like, I look nothing like that at all, I’m cool and nice, not mean!”
Just then, Persephone walks in after hearing all the yelling and looks over Hades's shoulder at the picture.
“Honey, you do kind of look like that,” Persephone giggles.
“Wha-but-ugh”
Hades finally gives in.
“Fine, Hermes, I’ll help you throw your surprise party.”
Persephone kisses Hades on the cheek before walking away.
“Perfect, darling. You can start by inviting people. In the underworld, I’ll give you the list.”
Hermes pulls a list of names out of his messenger bag.
“I need to go make a few invites myself. We just need to make sure Tiresias doesn't hear about this.”
* * *
Tiresias lies in his bed motionless when suddenly he gets a vision of a… surprise party for his birthday? He didn't even remember he had a birthday. He could see Hermes and everyone waiting on his mountain to surprise him.
He starts freaking out twisting around in his bed to try and forget what he saw.
“Curse this stupid future vision!”
He gets up and begins to walk back and forth, debating what to do.
“Hermes is working hard on this, and he looked so excited. Ugh, why does he care about me so much? I’m not worth his time.”
Eventually, he stops and tries to calm down by doing his favorite hobby. Drawing. Even though he can’t see, drawing always came naturally to him. He walked over to a desk made from stone, passing by a wall filled with drawings from both him and Hermes, which the drastic difference in quality always made him chuckle and smile.
He sits down and begins to draw a picture of a Hyacinth flower, but halfway through, he stops.
“I can’t focus like this.” He gets up and begins to walk around again before coming to a stop
“I got it, I will just pretend I’m surprised.”
He starts rehearsing how to act when he goes up to his mountain.
* * *
“Ody, come on, darling, it’s for Tiresias.”
“No, Hermes, I’m not going back there.”
“Such a party pooper”
Hermes sticks his tongue out at Odysseus.
“Hermes, stop sticking your tongue out at me-”
“Pbbbt”
“Hermes stop-”
“Pbbbtttt”
Then Hermes plops down on the floor with his arms crossed.
“By the gods, Hermes, get up.”
“I don’t think I will, darling.”
Just then, a voice is heard from the room they are standing in front of
“Honey, is everything alright out there?”
“Uh, yeah, Penelope, everything is fine.” Odysseus turns back to Hermes
‘Look, will you stop throwing a tantrum if I go to this party”
Hermes shoots back up, flying around with excitement.
“I knew I could convince you, darling, let's get going.”
* * *
It’s finally time, everyone gathers up on Tiresias’s mountain. Hades and Athena stand together, listening to Aeolus talk about her obscure interests. In the corner, Odysseus and Eurylochus stand awkwardly holding red solo cups as Polites tries to break the awkward tension.
“Wonderful, Darling, everyone is here, and now for the final thing.” Hermes puts down a sign and writes “APOLLO IS NOT ALLOWED. “Now everything is perfect.”
“Ok, listen up, everybody.” Everyone turns to look at Hermes
“He will be here any minute, so be ready when he comes on, we all pop out and yell, 'Surprise! Happy Birthday!’
Just then, Elpenor comes waving his arms up and down, signaling he’s coming. As everyone hides behind whatever rock they can find.
As Tiresias begins to walk up the mountain, his act falls apart as he starts thinking about what happens if he doesn't give enough of a reaction, and Hermes did all of this for nothing, but as quickly as he began to walk up, he was already near the top. He took a deep breath and took a step.
“SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Everyone jumped out and shouted
He stood there for a moment before saying.
“Wow, you guys did this all for me?’
“Tiresias, darling, were over here.”
“Oh, sorry. Wow! You guys did this all for me?
Hermes flies over to Tiresias, grabbing both his hands.
“Yes, all for you. I hope you liked the surprise, darling.”
Tiresias looks down nervously.
“But never mind that, let’s party!’
* * *
After the party ends and everyone returns home, Tiresias and Hermes sit on the edge of the mountain, legs dangling off the edge.
Hermes starts to notice Tiresias playing with his figures and looking uneasy.
“Darling, what's wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Tiresias, it’s fine, you can tell me anything.”
He thinks for a second before finally deciding to tell him.
“Look, Hermes, I’m so grateful that you got this whole surprise party set up for me, but I-”
He pauses for a bit, then continues.
“I saw it with my future vision. I’m sorry I faked my reaction. I just saw how much work and effort you put into this, and I couldn’t see you sad.” Tiresias covers his face with his hands
Hermes looks at him for a while, then smiles.
“Darling, the surprise didn't matter.”
He takes his hands out of his face.
“It didn’t?”
“No darling, what matters is that you were happy and having a good time.” he stands up and puts out his hand.”
“Now, may I have one more dance, my love?”
Tiresias takes his hand.
THE END