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“I really hope someone wants to dance with me,” Illi mumbles.
Frank nods with a grim look on his face as he holds the main entrance door for everyone. “It’ll be so embarrassing if you have to dance with Mikey.”
Ray smacks Frank upside the head and says, “We would be happy to dance with you if you want, Illi.”
“Thanks,” Illi says. That makes her feel a little better. Ray is good like that. “I appreciate you guys.”
“What are friends for?” Frank asks while Mikey nods along.
“We’ll also fight off anyone who’s mean to you,” Mikey adds.
Illi grins. The idea of their wiry little brother starting a fight to defend their honor is adorable, but Frank and Ray combined would be a force to fear. “They’ll never know what hit ‘em.”
Stepping into the gymnasium is the hardest part. Illi tries not to hold their breath. They feel nervous in their dress, but not bad. The dress feels right, and Illi is good at walking in heels from all of her practice wearing her mom’s shoes while she’s home alone. She can do this.
The music is loud and the lights are fun. This is fine. This is going great.
Illi has no idea what to do with her limbs while they’re just standing here. She’s trying not to make it obvious so she looks like she really knows what to do with all these limbs. Why do humans have so many of them? Whatever. The song playing right now is upbeat, so Frank makes this easy by grabbing Illi’s arm and pulling them into the dance floor.
Dancing is easy when the music is loud and you’re with your best friends.
Ray grimaces as he tries to copy what Frank is doing. “I never know what to do with my arms!”
“Do whatever you want!” Illi tells him, then demonstrates by pulling off some robot move.
“This is terrible,” Mikey says.
Illi rolls her eyes and grabs Mikey’s arms, alternating raising one at a time to the rhythm of the music. “You’re doing great, Mikey.”
Mikey rolls his eyes back, but there’s a smile on his face. Prom is going to be a great night, Illi is sure.
Prom sucks. It’s only fun when they play fast songs because Frank is off with a girl, Ray is looking around for something to drink, and Illi would rather die than slow dance with their brother.
“Just ask somebody,” Mikey says. He puts a supportive hand on Illi’s shoulder. “You look great.”
Illi huffs. “I don’t— I don’t look like a girl.”
“Sure you do.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, I can take it,” Illi says.
“I think you underestimate how feminine McMillin eyelashes are,” Mikey argues.
Illi chortles. “I guess. But everyone sees me as a boy.”
“You don’t know that until you try asking someone.”
“Why don’t you ask someone to dance, smart guy?” Illi accuses.
Mikey shrugs. “I don’t wanna slow dance with anyone. This is about you.”
Illi groans and Mikey starts looking around the clusters of people hanging around by the wall.
“Look,” he says with an inconspicuous point, “that girl is pretty. You should go ask her.”
“Mikey,” Illi whines.
“Go,” Mikey says, nudging Illi toward the little group of girls.
One of the girls looks over and locks eyes with Illi for half a second. They’ve already seen her coming in their direction. She has to commit to it or make it look like a mistake. Illi takes a deep breath and chooses not to be a coward.
They approach the little cluster of girls and make eye contact with the one Mikey was talking about. She really is a pretty girl. Blue eyes and an emerald green dress.
“Hi,” Illi says. “Um. Would you wanna dance with me?”
The girl looks disgusted, gives Illi a once over, and scoffs. The worst part is that she doesn’t even say anything, just turns her head and goes back to talking to her friends while they cover their mouths and snicker.
Illi feels sick. They spin around and soft-shoe back over to Mikey, who’s looking away, pretending he didn’t watch that even though Illi knows he did.
“This is a fucking disaster,” Illi says.
Mikey frowns. “I’m sorry. I thought it was worth a shot.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’m never slow dancing with anyone, so you’re not alone,” Mikey says with a tiny smile. Not a pitiful one. He just wants to make Illi feel better.
Illi smiles back. “Thanks, Mikes.”
It gets tolerable when the fast dancing starts again and Illi can force their brother to have fun, but it’s still a rough night for the unpopular crowd. Some guy gets yanked toward the dance circle and shoved onto the floor. Illi’s seen this routine before: the jocks find someone to pick on and push around, then they’ll act like it was an accident so they can stay on the lacrosse team.
“Jesus,” Mikey says, wincing in secondhand pain.
Illi’s had enough of this. She shoves her way through the crowd to give the poor boy a hand and help him up. The guy looks shocked to receive the help. “Thanks,” he says.
“No problem,” Illi says, “are you okay?”
The boy takes a second to think about it. “Sort of, but my head kinda hurts.”
Illi sighs. The kid could have a concussion. She turns to Mikey and says, “I’ll be back,” before grabbing the boy by his wrist and weaving out of the crowd. They find a couple of chairs near a wall and have a seat with the boy.
“Do you have any ringing in your ears?” Illi asks.
“No,” the boy answers.
“Do you remember what day it is?”
“Saturday.”
“Do you remember your name?”
“Yeah, it’s Joe.”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Three.”
“Do you feel nauseous?”
“No, I think I’m okay.”
“Okay,” Illi says. “Your head is probably fine.”
Joe has this lopsided sort of grin on his face that makes Illi feel warm inside. “You know your stuff about concussions.”
“I have a friend who likes to get himself in situations,” Illi says with a nod. “I end up playing nurse a lot.”
“You seem pretty good at it,” Joe comments.
“Thanks,” Illi says. There’s a beat of silence while Illi debates whether or not to speak their mind a second time tonight or play it safe. Eh. Playing it safe is lame. “I like your shirt.”
It’s brown and really goes with Joe’s whole outfit. It’s got some frilly, flowy fabric running down the front that makes him look classy. He also has a killer smile. “Thanks. I like your arm thingies.”
Illi feels heat spread itself across her cheeks. She likes her arm thingies too. They’re gloves that match their dress and run all the way up to their biceps. “Thank you. I was going for the Disney princess vibe.”
“I’ve never watched a Disney princess movie,” Joe says. “The gloves kinda remind me of Poison Ivy though. The comic book character, not the evil plant.”
“You read comics?” Illi asks.
“Yeah, of course,” Joe says.
Illi props their head up with their hand. “Do you think All Star Batman is gonna be any good?”
Joe lights up and leans forward a little. “I really want it to be, but I don’t trust Frank Miller.”
“Exactly!” Illi says, waving their hands around. “Where have you been all my life?”
“Getting pushed onto floors?” Joe offers.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Illi says, wincing.
Joe tilts his head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah, but I feel bad. Getting pushed around sucks.”
“They do that to you too?” Joe asks.
Illi looks down at themself, then back up, expecting their appearance to speak for itself. “I mean, yeah, look at me.”
“You definitely don’t look bad,” Joe says.
“But I don’t look like most people.”
“Most people are boring. I think you look awesome.”
“Oh,” Illi says. “Thanks. Do you uh… wanna dance?”
While they’ve been away, the music has shifted to something slow. Illi presses their lips together in premature embarrassment, but Joe smiles. “Yeah, sure.”
Joe gets up from his chair and offers Illi his hand like a gentleman. Illi takes his hand and lets herself get whisked away. They stay away from the big crowd, lingering on the outskirts. Slow dancing can’t be hard. Illi’s a great dancer. She can totally figure this out.
Illi’s face feels hot as she rests her wrists on Joe’s shoulders. Her whole body feels hot when Joe’s hands find her waist.
Illi likes boys. She considers herself a big fan of the nice ones, but she’s never actually interacted with one in a non-platonic way. She’s only ever kissed girls. And, to tell the truth, it was only one girl ever.
Eventually, Illi works up the nerve to look Joe in the eye and they both burst into laughter.
“Sorry,” Illi says, “I’m really bad at this.”
“It’s okay, I am too,” Joe says. “It’s okay to suck at dancing if we both suck at it.”
Illi hums. “Right.”
“Would you be interested in milkshakes after this?” Joe asks.
“Yes,” Illi says immediately. “So, you don’t care that I… don’t look like most girls?”
Joe looks at Illi, in all of their transness, with their flat chest, in their heels that make them a couple inches taller than Joe, with their sharp jawline and narrow hips. He shakes his head. “Why would I care?”
“Most people do, I was just—”
“Neither of us are most people,” Joe says. “You’re cool and I think you’re beautiful.”
Illi can’t fight the smile that creeps up onto their face. “You’re pretty beautiful yourself.”
“Aw, you’re gonna make me blush,” Joe coos, already turning a little pink.
They dance and dance, and out of the corner of her eye, Illi recognizes a head of hair she helped straighten earlier. Mikey’s slow dancing with a boy. Illi smirks. Mikey is so getting interrogated later.
“What’s your name, by the way?” Joe asks after a little while.
“Illi McMillin.”
Joe tilts his head. “Are you and Mikey McMillin related?”
“Yeah, he’s my little brother,” Illi says. “You know him?”
“Only in passing. One of my buddies has a thing for him, but I’m not supposed to tell you that, so don’t tell anyone.”
Illi narrows her eyes. “Who?”
“It ruins the fun if I tell you,” Joe says with a smirk.
Illi is about to point out Mikey and the boy he’s dancing with to see if that’s who Joe is talking about, but when she looks, Mikey and his dance partner are nowhere to be found.
“You can tell me later,” Illi says.
“Deal.”
The slow song fades into another fast one and Illi convinces Joe to keep dancing. She tells him to keep in mind that half the battle is just doing it, and he eases up slowly but surely. They dance together until the overhead lights are coming back on and the student council kids are pulling streamers down.
“Thanks for dancing with me,” Illi says.
Joe grins from ear to ear. “Thanks for asking me. Milkshakes?”
“Yeah, just, uh, let me go check with my friends first so they know where I’m going,” Illi says.
“Totally.”
“Actually, just come with me.” Illi takes Joe’s hand and drags him around until she manages to spot Ray’s afro floating above the average height-line. X marks the spot.
All three of Illi’s boys are gathered around, debating something that probably doesn’t matter, when she pulls Joe over.
“Hi,” Illi says, still holding Joe’s hand. “We’re gonna go out for milkshakes. I’ll see you guys later?”
“You’re stealin’ our date?” Ray jokes.
“Afraid I am, sir,” Joe says.
“Don’t try anything weird or you’re gonna have to find someone to sew your dick back onto your body.”
“Frank.”
“What? I’m setting healthy boundaries.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Illi tells the deer-in-headlights-looking Joe.
“And have them back home by 9,” Mikey instructs.
“Mikey, it’s 9:05.”
“I’ll see you guys soon,” Illi says. She leads Joe to the door while Frank shouts, “Use protection!” Bastard.
“They grow up so fast,” Mikey muses.
“Sorry about them,” Illi apologizes on the way out to the hall. “I swear they’re really nice.”
Joe laughs. “It’s okay. They just seem protective.”
“Big time. Did you need to say bye to your friends?”
“Meh. They’ll be fine.”
“So, your friend that’s into my brother,” Illi starts.
Joe takes a sip of his milkshake and raises his eyebrows, beckoning Illi to go on.
“Is it a guy?”
“Maybe.”
Illi scoffs. “Oh, come on.”
“Yeah, he’s a guy,” Joe admits.
“Is he short?” Illi asks, trying to see if this dude fits the bill of the guy Mikey danced with.
“You gotta be more specific than that. All my friends are short.”
“Does that make you feel tall?” Illi teases.
“Until girls are taller than me, yeah,” Joe says.
Illi laughs and tucks her hair behind her ear. “I think it’s just the shoes.”
“Maybe. Are you into a lot of DC Comics?”
“Yeah, a decent amount, but Marvel’s more my thing.”
Joe purses his lips. “Have you read any of Under the Red Hood by chance?”
“Dude, fuck yeah,” Illi says.
They get deep into a conversation about the story and Joe has some really insightful thoughts on the effects of a character dying and coming back to life as an anti-hero. He also doesn’t mind that Illi called him “dude” and he laughs at all her jokes.
They spend about… maybe an hour (or two?) making out in Joe’s car. Front seat, nothing weird, because they’re both inexperienced nerds who want to take it easy. It’s just that kissing Joe is fun and really easy to get caught up in because he’s cute and nice and tastes like a chocolate shake. The most that happens is the long sleeve of Illi’s glove slipping down her arm a little and Joe getting a little bit of lip gloss on his cheek. Both of them are going to have to fix their hair.
Joe walks Illi to her front door when he drops her off, so Illi kisses his cheek. “Thanks for all this.”
“My pleasure,” Joe says. “See you Monday?”
“Definitely. Get home safe.”
“You too. That sounded stupid, you’re already home. Whatever. Have a safe trip up the steps. Walking up stairs in heels is probably really hard.”
Illi laughs. “G’night.”
“Night.”
Once Illi gets into the house, they take their shoes off so they don’t risk waking up their mom or breaking an ankle by trying to walk around in the dark. They pad up the stairs, down the hall, and into their room, where Mikey is still awake with his nose in a graphic novel.
“Welcome back. It’s only…” Mikey checks his watch. “12:42.”
Illi peels the long gloves off her arms as she says, “So? I came home in one piece.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“You wanna tell me about that kid you danced with?” Illi asks, taking a seat on her bed and tossing their gloves somewhere onto the floor of her half of the room.
Mikey shrinks back to his normal level of confrontation. “What?”
Illi points an accusatory finger. “Dude, I saw you dancing with that guy.”
“It’s complicated,” Mikey says.
“Hm. Well, I’m gonna take a shower. Tell me about it when I get back.”
“In your dreams.”
“I thought I was your favorite sister ever,” Illi says.
“You’re my only sister.”
“Same thing.”
“Why don’t you tell me about your situation?” Mikey asks. “Since you were out until almost 1 in the morning.”
“I asked him to dance and he said yes. And he’s actually really cool. I might ask him to go see Star Wars with me.”
“We went on premier night,” Mikey says.
“Yeah, but I kinda wanna see it again and it would be fun to take a cute nerd boy with me.”
Mikey cracks a smile. “Dude, you’re smitten.”
“I know,” Illi groans. “He’s so nice.”
“And your idea of a romantic date is to watch a movie where a guy kills a bunch of people to save his wife just for her to die?”
“Definitely,” Illi asserts. “There’s nothing more captivating than a lightsaber fight. He’ll fall in love with me.”
Mikey shrugs. “Can’t argue with that.”
Illi manages to track Joe down in the hallway before class on Monday morning. He lights up when he sees her. “Hey!”
“Hi,” Illi says. “I know you’ve seen it already, but would you wanna see Revenge of the Sith with me this weekend?”
“Sure,” Joe says. “I could totally watch that lava planet lightsaber fight again.”
Illi sighs dreamily. “You get me.”
Years from now, someone will ask, “You saw Revenge of the Sith as a date?” and Illi will answer, “Yeah, I thought it’d make him fall in love with me.”
Joe will shrug his shoulders and go, “Yeah, and it worked. The lightsaber fights in that movie are captivating.”