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*buzz*
*buzz*
It was a normal Saturday afternoon and Killua’s phone suddenly vibrates. After a long day of napping, Killua slowly opens his eyes and saw Gon’s contact name. Killua immediately bolts up and hits the answer button.
“HEY KILLUA!” Gon’s voice shouted from the phone
“Hey Gon, what’s up?” Killua responded while rubbing his eyes.
“Nothing much. You don’t have anything to do today right?”
“No, I just woke up.” Killua answered in a groggy tone.
“Ok great! Want to go watch the Minecraft movie today?” Gon requested in a more jovial manner than usual.
“Why? Isn’t that movie kinda trash?”
“Well I thought it’d be fun! Come onnnnn let’s goooo!”
Gon pleaded, Killua knew that Gon was determined and it was futile to try to turn him down or offer any alternatives.
“Fine.” Killua reluctantly agreed, maybe it’ll be fun because he’s watching it with Gon.
“Do you think we should invite Kurapika and Leorio?” Gon pondered.
“Hell no, they’re like adults. Why would they want to see that ass of a kids movie? Plus they're probably busy with college and stuff.” Killua shot back.
Watching the Minecraft movie with those 2 would be a worse experience than watching the movie itself. Leorio would complain the whole time about how bad the movie is—rightfully so but keep your thoughts to yourself—and Kurapika would just sit there confused and later ask if this is what younglings enjoy these days.
“Yeah you’re right.” Gon agreed, realizing that those two definitely wouldn’t enjoy the movie.
“Anyways, I’m gonna be at the theatre in 30 minutes, get ready. SEE YOU KILLUA!!!” Gon exclaimed joyfully, then hung up.
The theatre was crowded with older teens due to the jokes surrounding the movie. Not a child in sight. If there was a kid, they were there to watch another movie. It was baffling how Gon and Killua might be one of the youngest ones in the theatre. But in the midst of the overexcited horde, Killua spots Gon.
“HEY KILLUA!” Gon beams excitedly.
“Hey.” Killua gives a quick wave. “Are you gonna buy tickets?”
“Yeah, I was just waiting for you.”
The two boys walk up to the ticket booth. The line was longer than usual due to the impressive publicity of the new, viral movie.
“GEEZ WHY THE HELL IS THE LINE SO LONG, NO WAY IT’S THAT GOOD THAT EVERYONE AND THEIR MOMS ARE HERE.” A loud, yet familiar voice appears from behind the two.
“Calm down, the line’s still moving.” Another familiar, more feminine voice answered.
Gon and Killua slowly turn around, already having an idea who could possibly be behind them.
To their surprise, it really was Leorio and Kurapika.
“Leorio? Kurapika? I didn’t expect you guys to be here? Are you two seriously watching the Minecraft movie, or are you guys going to another movie?” Gon was stunned, these two were some of the most serious people he knew but they’re at the…Minecraft movie? Killua felt the same way, there is no way these sophisticated individuals would actually waste their time and money on a horrible adaptation of a video game.
“It was Kurapika’s idea.” Leorio deflected.
“I only suggested we go to the movies, you decided to go to the Minecraft movie as it was the most popular movie there…” Kurapika quickly countered Leorio’s claim.
“Hey it’s almost our turn, let’s just get our tickets.” Killua added, ultimately stopping further bickering between the two.
The group reaches their seats and begins to get situated. They bought two Minecraft popcorn buckets, one for each couple to share, and four individual cups of soda. Even though this will be nothing but a normal, and even dreadful, movie experience. It probably won’t be as bad when the whole group is here, watching together. Either way this will be one hell of a snooze-fest.
The movie went on as usual. As expected, it was lame and boring. There was occasional laughter and the mindless repeating of phrases that are a reference to the viral social media trend from the audience.
“I AM STEVE!.” The crowd of unemployed teenagers yelled out. There was absolutely nothing special, these deplorable jokes weren’t even funny one little bit, but they did make the shitty movie a little less boring.
“What the hell is this trash? I thought this movie was going to be good!?” Leorio loudly complained.
“It has a 47% on rotten tomatoes, you call that good?” Killua interjected.
“Did you see the crowd and the hype for this movie!? There couldn’t be that many people going to see an objectively bad movie!?” Leorio countered.
“Yeah because it’s funny? I don’t know dude, ask Gon he dragged me here.”
One hour into the movie, the theatre goes quiet as the screen switches to the Minecraft chicken vs Jason Momoa in the arena. The infamous Chicken Jockey scene is forthcoming, everyone is here solely for this scene. The ominous atmosphere thickens as the crate opens. The zombie drops on the chicken.
The screen pans to Jack Black.
“Chicken Jockeyyy!”
Within a blink of an eye, the cinema explodes into chaos. Popcorn tumbles, drinks flow, coins are tossed.
“CHICKEN JOCKEY. CHICKEN JOCKEY. CHICKEN JOCKEY.” The mob screams. The once brainless clutter that at least resembled decency spiraled into a mosh pit of savage animals. The once unfunny theatre full of bad jokes descended into madness and violence almost instantaneously.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” Leorio was bewildered at what kids were on these days.
“WE’VE GOT TO TAKE COVER.” Kurapika yells as three Minecraft popcorn buckets stacked on each other are violently thrown near Kurapika’s direction.
“GON LOOK OUT!” Killua and grabs Gon as a machete is almost thrown at him–barely escaping the path of the gruesome blade.
“DAMN, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE…” Gon vigorously sweats and stares in fear at the sharp machete that completely pierced through the seat right in front of him.
It was seriously not safe here, the theatre has become a lawless land as the cacophonous sounds of clapping and gunshots were meshed. The sounds of the mob yelling “CHICKEN JOCKEY” and the audible, agonizing screams were indistinguishable. People were throwing live humans at the screen and yelling “CHICKEN JOCKEYYYYYY.” The group tightly ducks under the seats avoiding the insanity.
“CHICKEN JOCKEY”
“CHICKEN JOCKEY”
“CHICKEN JOCKEY” The crowd chanted as if they were possessed by Jack Black and were in a cult worshipping Minecraft.
Leorio stood up and yelled “SHUT UP, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR MI-” Leorio plummets and drops to the floor as a light up toy diamond sword gets thrown at him. The high speeds of the dull, yet rigid toy knocked him unconscious. The remaining three whip their heads and turn at the dazed Leorio and the toy sword flashing green to blue.
“LEORIO.” Kurapika panics, checking Leorio’s pulse. “He's out cold…”
“WHAT? HE WAS THE DOCTOR AND THE ONLY HOPE OF MAKING IT OUT OF HERE. WE CAN'T LOSE HIM.” Killua was in clear distress.
“WE’RE COOKED, OH MY GOD.” Gon holds his head as he starts to tear up.
Kurapika laid on Leorio’s lifeless body and mourned. He then got up and slapped the unconscious body.
“YOU'RE SO STUPID LEORIO. HOW THE HELL DO YOU DIE FROM A TOY DIAMOND SWORD, YOU CAN'T BE SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW.”
“HEY KURAPIKA WE GOT TO FOCUS ON GETTING OUT OF HERE SO WE CAN GET HIM HELP, PULL IT TOGETHER.” Killua screamed at Kurapika.
The equivalent of an insane asylum of a cinema continues to rampage, the warzone is never ending. Escape from the Minecraft movie will surely result in grave injuries or even death, the group begins to lose hope as life continues to fade away from the breathless med student. It was a pitiful sight to see, the only person who was capable of treating the injured and the insane, loses his life to a light up toy diamond sword.
Kurapika scampers around the theatre, laying low to not get stuck in the blast. He pulls out his phone, attempting to call the police but then realizes that it's out of batteries. How cliche.
“Chain user, is that you?” A horrifying voice calls out from behind Kurapika. He croaks his head slowly at the sound of the pest. The situation was already bad enough but… Chrollo being here? Kurapika seethes with anger, this is the worst predicament.
“Why the fuck are you here…” Kurapika stares intensely at Chrollo with bloodshot eyes as he holds back joining the chaos by beating the shit out of the egregious man in front of him.
“No particular reason. But I’ll have to inform you that calling the police is useless, there have been many Chicken Jockey raids and they have been so detrimental that police physically cannot do anything to stop them. So I advise you to hang tight till the mob dies down, if they die down that is.”
“SHUT UP.” Kurapika stops Chrollo’s tangent and grabs him by collar and forcefully throws him at the cinema screen.
“CHICKEN JOCKEY.”
Gon and Killua stay by Leorio’s side looking for anything that will help their dead friend.
“Chicken jockey~.” A mysterious entity whispers into Gon’s ear. He jumps and whips his head back, looking up. It was Hisoka, and appearing from behind him was also Illumi. More bad actors just keep showing up, this nightmare can really get worse.
“BIG BROTHER? HISOKA? WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU TWO BE AT THE MINECRAFT MOVIE???” This was a nightmare fuel, Killua could not comprehend what was going on and Gon was inaudible from genuine shock.
“Well, we had some business to take care of. But the real concern is your friend over there, he doesn't look so good.” Illumi pointed at Leorio.
“Woah thanks Mr. Obvious, couldn't have guessed that one.” Killua blurted sarcastically.
“Well something that’s also obvious is that it is not safe here and we probably wouldn’t be able to get out alive.” Hisoka added.
“OH MY GOD WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, THE THEATRE HAS SPIDERS.” Kurapika hysterically screams at the small group. Kurapika then looks up to notice Hisoka and Illumi, his eyes twitching and he stares at the problematic duo intently. Kurapika’s already been ticked off enough he was about to beat them black and blue.
“Oh hey Kurapika..!” Hisoka awkwardly greeted, worried. “Ok listen here, if we help you all get out of this theatre alive and save Leorio’s life, then you spare us a beating. How does that sound?” Hisoka compromised.
“Now how the hell would you be able to do that!?” Kurapika questioned.
“Well, the theatre contains a secret portal where we would be able to escape this hell.” Illumi points at the half broken theatre screen. “This portal will lead us to another dimension where we will be able to safely escape.”
The three teens stared at Illumi as if he was crazy.
“I think you should trust him.~” Hisoka added. “We go to the Minecraft realm all the time, so I can reassure you that what Illumi’s saying is 100% true.”
“Ok even if you are telling the truth, how would we safely be able to get to the portal without an icepick being thrown at us?’ Gon doubted the plan.
“Well you just eyeball it, start praying you’ll run fast enough through the portal before something hits you.” Illumi responded.
Killua called Kurapika and Gon for a huddle to discuss their next move.
“Ok, so I’m pretty concerned about this whole proposition that these wackos are suggesting. But we probably would end up dying here anyways and I also know that my brother doesn't usually make up such wacky lies… or well I don't know.” Killua whispered.
“Well I'm not sure if they're telling the truth or not–-this is quite the far-fetched scheme. But I do agree we’ll end up dying anyway.” Kurapika considered.
“I think we should take the chance.” Gon added
The three turn back to Hisoka and Illumi and reluctantly agree to their outlandish plan. Hisoka grabs Leorio’s lifeless body and prepares with the others to run towards the theatre screen. Illumi counts down.
“5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”
The group dashes towards the front of the theatre, praying they’re fast enough that nothing hits them. They jump and dive into the portal. As they travel dimensions, Kurapika is aghast over the unbelievable circumstances.
The group lands in a blocky, cube-like terrain. They glance up at their new environment. The trees, the grass, the landscape, everything was cubed and pixelated. They've been transported to the Minecraft dimension. This was beyond their comprehension, what the hell is going on?
Hisoka stands up and brushes off the pixelated dirt. Gon and Killua look back and forth and side to side, were they actually in Minecraft? They weren’t able to pick their jaws from off the floor, this was an astonishing sight for the two young boys. They first went from playing Minecraft to being in Minecraft.
“Ok so can I get straight to the point and ask how are we going to get back? We’ve seemed to escape the hellish theatre but how are we going to get back home.” Kurapika asked, puzzled.
“Well the problem with using this tactic is that we are going to have to grind and rebuild the portal back to the human world.” Hisoka explained.
“Bro what?” Killua snarled in confusion.
Suddenly footsteps emerged from behind the group, something was coming towards them. Kurapika spun his head back and saw a dark haired man with a massive forehead and a horrendous slickback. It was the same man Kurapika threw against the theatre screen–-his opposition.
“OH MY GOD, YOU AGAIN? GET AWAY, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS HERE?” Kurapika screamed at the approaching man, getting his fists ready to start jumping him again.
“Well I didn’t intend to be here, you threw me against the portal. Now not only are YOU going to jump me but the rest of my gang too. They’ll think I'm stealing emeralds from villagers by myself again.” Chrollo despaired.
“Is that what you guys do here?” Gon interrogated Chrollo while also looking back at Hisoka and Illumi. Looks like the adults here don’t actually enjoy the Minecraft movie but they’re only here to steal from villagers and caves. Well that’s more assuring than seeing grown men in their 30’s actually enjoy the Minecraft movie.
“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU AND YOUR GOON GANG DO. BRACE YOURSELF BECAUSE I WILL BEAT YOU SILLY.” Kurapika pulls out a wooden sword from whatever crafting table he managed to find in the two minute gap.
“OK CALM DOWN, LISTEN HERE. I have five obsidian blocks to rebuild the portal and go back home. If you kill me, you’ll have to spend more time mining obsidian. And plus, I have golden apples back at my base to heal your uhhh, boyfriend over there.” Chrollo attempted to compromise.
Kurapika puts the wooden sword down. “Fine, whatever. First get the golden apple.”
“Fine then! Follow me to my base.” Chrollo turns back and advances forward, leading the group.
“Ok so the obsidian blocks are in this chest and I’ll get the golden apple from over here.” Chrollo heads over to a bigger chest and pulls out a golden apple. Kurapika snatches the golden apple from Chrollo’s hand and immediately rushes over to Leorio. Kurapika shoves it down Leorio’s throat.
Leorio gets revived and wakes up, exasperated, as he tries to catch his breath.
“HOLY. I WAS JUST HAVING A FRIENDLY CONVERSATION WITH MY DEAD FRIEND THEN SUDDENLY I WAS PULLED HERE.” Leorio slowly gets up and tries to get a grasp of what’s going on. He looks around, raising an eyebrow.
“Where are we? What happened?”
“Well your dumbass decided to get hit by a toy diamond sword and got completely wiped out. Moron. And now we're apparently in the Minecraft dimension.” Kurapika glared at Leorio. “Well whatever, as long as you’re ok now, our next step is to build that portal home.”
“Hey I’m confused, I thought obsidian portals were to go to the nether. How will it be used to get back home?” Gon asked, puzzled.
“Well it just does.” Illumi gave a half-assed answer.
“Ok. Me, Illumi, and Chrollo will go find supplies and craft the flint and steel and also find food. The rest of you four should go find some obsidian. Is that a deal?~”
Hisoka suggested.
“Fine, whatever gets us out of here. I STILL DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.” Leorio remarked.
“Come on, I'll explain on the way.” Killua dragged Leorio and led the rest of the gang to go find a lava pool somewhere.
“Hang on, is it ok if I go this way, I think it’ll be easier if we split up.” Kurapika pointed the opposite direction to where everyone was going.
“I guess that’d be easier, be careful though.” Gon replied.
The group meets back at the designated spot and begins to discuss their findings.
“Ok, it’s almost night time and doing anything at such a late hour isn’t quite pleasant. So after we concluded our search, we built a temporary base in case we get raided or any of the sorts.”
Hisoka points to the poorly built house with wood and dirt.
“Well that isn’t needed as we have also found all the items needed.” Kurapika and the rest of the four show their obsidian finds.
“Ok that’s good, so now we build the portal.” Chrollo added.
The gang uses the obsidian to build the portal and Illumi pulls out the flint and steel, ready to activate the portal.
“Flint and steel!” Gon said in Jack Black’s tone, citing the viral meme.
“Gon, I’m begging you, please be quiet.” Killua turned to Gon.
Illumi lights the portal and the empty rectangular hole illuminates a deep purple.
“ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO.” Leorio exclaimed as he ran and dived in. The rest of the group followed right after. The group travels dimensions and takes a deep plunge into concrete. It looked like the outside of the rowdy cinema
“Ouch!” Gon gets up and feels his arm after it hits the pavement.
“Are we home yet?” Killua tries to follow Gon, he attempts to get up but feels a heavy weight. “OH MY GOD LEORIO, YOU’RE SO HEAVY GET OFF ME.” Killua pushes Leorio off.
“Well it looks like it, what an experience.” Kurapika looks around in a daze.
“Yeah, of course we're home. This method always works.” Chrollo acknowledged. He then turns to Killua, Gon, and Leorio.
“Hey, if you tell anyone about this, I’ll come after you, alright? Mention anything that happened today and me and my gang will not hesitate to use force.” Chrollo threatened.
“Just shut up.” Kurapika says as he pierces a sharp object through Chrollo.
“What!?” Chrollo was stunned, he looked down and saw a diamond sword impaled through the center of his stomach. He collapses with a thud as Kurapika pulls the diamond sword out.
“I apologize for not finding obsidian with you guys as I had my own task to complete. That diamond cave was too enticing.” Kurapika gazes down at the bloody diamond sword and peers back up at the staggered and intimidated group.