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Maura unlocked the door of Jane’s apartment with the key Jane had given her years ago. It was an emergency key; one she only used when Jane wouldn’t open the door for a reason or another. She never abused the trust Jane had placed in her when giving her that key unlike Angela. She only used it for emergencies and today seemed to be one.
Jane hadn’t showed up to work today. When asked about it, Cavanaugh had just said that Jane had requested some days off, which raised suspicions among her colleagues as Jane would never willingly take days off. She loved her job so much that she always had to be forced to take some time to herself. But no one questioned Cavanaugh’s explanations. They had gone on with their day as if it was all perfectly normal.
It wasn’t. Jane never took days off. Something wasn’t right and Maura was stuck at work. And Jane wouldn’t return any of her calls. She wouldn’t answer her texts either. They were delivered but not read. Something was definitely wrong.
The apartment was plunged in the dark and unusually quiet. Maura switched on a dim light in case Jane would be sleeping on the couch. She wasn’t. But she must have been. The cushions were out of place and a blanket was abandoned in a ball.
“Jane?”
The coffee table was a mess of paper, water bottles and orange plastic bottles. Meds and prescriptions. All of them were wearing Jane’s name and Maura’s heart dropped at recognizing some of the substances prescribed to her friend. This definitely was not good.
“Jane?” she called again.
The muffled sounds of retching led her to the bathroom. Jane was there, bent over the toilet bowl, her body wracked with heavy retching. She obviously hadn’t heard Maura when she came in and called for her, too busy emptying the meagre contents of her stomach.
Her skin was cold and clammy to the touch. Jane started at the sudden warmth of Maura’s hand on her bare shoulder. She was wearing her usual white tank top with boy shorts; her hair was damp. She must have taken a shower not long ago. She had dark circles under her eyes and red spots on the skin just above her collar.
“Maura?”
She was gonna add something but was cut off with a coughing fit that had her retching again. Maura was quick to get a glass of water and paper towels that Jane gladly took with trembling hands. She rinsed her mouth, drank the rest of the water and wiped her face with the paper towels.
She leant against the wall, sighing. All of her body was trembling from the exertion. Last time Maura had seen her like this was when Jane was recovering from a self-inflicted shot to the abdomen. But Jane hadn’t been shot recently. Jane hadn’t even been much on the field lately now that Maura thought about it.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“You didn’t show up at work and you wouldn’t answer your phone.”
“Don’t even know where I’ve left it.”
She closed her eyes, curled up on herself with an obvious wince and wrapped her arms around her knees. She wasn’t putting up an act, wasn’t pretending to be fine. She just slouched there, barely holding herself together. She didn’t even protest when Maura helped her up and led her to the bedroom. She collapsed on top of her blankets as if drained of all energy.
“When did you get diagnosed?”
“Around 6 months ago.”
“6 m… Jane… How?”
“I had suspicions, but I couldn’t get a hold of my usual doctor. And then I met this guy at a bar and things got steamy, you know? He touched me and the pain just exploded in me. I think… I think I passed out because then I was in the ER and the interns were fighting over who to call for my case. After that, I was put through several exams to confirm the diagnosis. But I already knew. Kinda thanks to you.”
“Me?”
“I listen to you, Maur. All those facts you randomly throw at people, I always make fun of it but I like them. And I remembered one of those facts when I self-diagnosed…”
Maura’s heart shattered to hear pieces when Jane broke into a sobbing mess. Her friend loathed being vulnerable, even more in front of people. Fighting such a disease would take a toll on anyone though and knowing how Jane was, she surely had planned to face this on her own and hadn’t talked to anyone. But 6 months of fighting alone in the biggest of secrets wasn’t the right way of facing the issue. Jane needed support, and Maura would be there for her now that she knew.
She stepped out of her heels and climbed on the bed. She wasn’t good at giving comfort but it was the least she could do right now and Jane seemed to be willing to accept her awkward comfort as she immediately cuddled into her, hiding herself into her embrace as if it could protect her from the death sentence floating above her head.
Maura said nothing, just rubbed her back slowly until she felt Jane calm down. None of them moved or broke the silence for a long while. Maura could have thought that Jane had fallen asleep if it wasn’t for her hands gripping her like a lifeline.
“Which stage?” she finally asked.
“They said stage 1B on the first diagnosis.”
1B. Important enough to be noticed, but still in the early stages to be treated in a non-aggressive way. It was what the meds she had seen in the living room suggested at least. But Jane had added the precision that it was the stage determined upon the first diagnosis. If Maura was to guess based on the symptoms Jane had experienced, the first treatment had been ineffective and they had to change it for a more aggressive one.
“And now?”
Maura moved her hand to Jane’s nape and started massaging the base of her skull in an attempt to help her to relax. She had no idea where she had picked that up but it felt like the right thing to do. Jane hummed contently and loosened her grip on her slightly.
She didn’t answer immediately. She breathed in and out slowly, a method Maura had taught her a long time ago to control her anxiety and pull herself back together. It didn’t feel right to see Jane this vulnerable. She was so used to the strong and brash and loud detective. This disease had dented her usual confidence. But now she wasn’t alone anymore.
“It has developed faster than expected. It’s now…” She swallowed. “Stage 3A.”
Maura felt the remaining pieces of her heart break further more. It was spreading fast. Stage 3 meant that it would soon spread to the rest of her body if they didn’t stop it. If it was reaching stage 4, Jane’s survival chances would be reduced to almost nothing.
“What did your medical team say?”
“They said surgery was my best option. Removing the whole breast to get rid of all the rotten cells. And later on, removing the second breast as prevention.”
“Oh Jane.”
Unable to find the right words to say in such a situation, Maura tightened her hold on her friend. She immediately released her when Jane whimpered and pressed her hands to her chest where the pain was concentrated. New tears rolled down her cheeks.
“They recommended a few sessions of radiotherapy before. To reduce the tumor. I started this morning. That’s why I took days off.”
“Does Cavanaugh know?”
“I had to tell him. He’s adapting my schedule around my medical appointments and covering me.”
“What can I do?”
“I’ve never been so freaking scared.”
Jane rolled on her back, a hand still pressed to her chest. Maura sat up and gently took her free hand between hers. She squeezed it as a sign of reassurance like Jane had so often done with her in the past.
“You’re not alone anymore. I’m here. I’ll stay by your side through it all.”
“I can’t possibly ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering. It’s not a fight you can do on your own, Jane. You need support and I know you won’t tell your family until it’s all over. You’ve got me. I won’t let you down.”
There was a long moment of silence where Jane just laid there, her eyes closed, tears streaking down her face again. Her hand squeezed Maura’s as a silent acknowledgment. She heaved a deep sigh and her face relaxed as the pain seemed to have passed for now.
“Would you let me read your medical record?”
Jane opened an eye to look at her. She shouldn’t be surprised. Maura had always been invested in her health and wellbeing in general. Maybe she would see something the other doctors had missed. Maybe she could address Jane to another specialist. If that could increase Jane’s chances of survival, she would do anything.
Jane shrugged. All of her results were scattered on her coffee table. Not the wisest idea since her mother could barrel in at any time and question her about all those bottles of meds wearing her name and the whole medical record scattered there for everyone to see but Jane probably hadn’t had the strength to put it all away yet.
“I’m so tired.”
“It’s normal for you to experience a certain level of exhaustion as your organism is constantly fighting the spreading of a foreign body. It’s aggravated by your irregular sleeping schedule as well as your stressful lifestyle.”
“Maur.”
“Sorry. You must have heard it all already. You don’t need me to add to it.”
Jane closed her eyes again. She was obviously struggling against the sleep she so desperately needed. Maura had no doubt that she must be beyond exhaustion. The mix of the disease, her insane hours at work, her almost inexistent sleeping schedule, the anxiety of both her job and the treatment would take a toll on anyone.
“How about you get some rest while I order takeout and clean the place a bit before your mother decides to burst in because you didn’t go to work today?”
This earned a smile from Jane. Angela sometimes forgot that her children were adults and always came around when they did something unusual. Jane wasn’t one to miss a day of work, especially without any explanation to anyone. If it wasn’t Angela, Frankie would show up. Or even Korsak, or Frost.
“You won’t leave?”
“I might have to go back home to get a few things for myself but I intend to stay here for as long as needed.”
Jane nodded, satisfied. This tore Maura’s heart. A few years ago, Jane had practically kicked her out of the flat for trying to clean some of the mess and caring about her recovery after she shot herself. Jane was too obedient, too resigned to needing someone’s help (although Maura was certain she would refuse anyone else’s help). Usually, she would have put up a fight, would have dared her to even try to clean the mess she left in her wake.
“Maur?”
“Hm?”
“Would you…” she hesitated. “Never mind.”
“You can ask me anything, Jane.”
“I just… This is weird, ya know? But I sleep better when you’re with me. Your presence is… comforting.”
Jane wasn’t looking at her, hadn’t even opened her eyes. Her face was slightly pink from the embarrassment she felt to request such a thing. Maura didn’t judge her. She would never. She herself slept better when Jane was sleeping over. She felt safer knowing that her friend was there. If she could return the favour for Jane to get some needed rest, she wouldn’t hesitate.
“Sure. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“Thank you.”
“Let me just lock the door and put the deadbolts on so your mother won’t come in unexpectedly.”
Maura made quick work of properly locking the door to avoid all unwanted intrusion and came back to the bedroom with a glass of water that she left by Jane’s side and the medical record containing all of Jane’s exams results since the diagnosis for her to read while Jane slept. She tucked her friend in (once again, no protest from Jane) and lay down by her side. Jane reached for her hand and held it tight until her breathing evened out and her body went slack.
Maura watched her for a long moment. After everything Jane had gone through already, it was unfair of the universe to put such an ordeal on her shoulders and expect her to stay strong. Maura wished for a moment that she could exchange their place, wished that she was the sick one and Jane would take care of her like she always did when she was vulnerable. If Jane didn’t survive, what would she do? The thought brought tears to her eyes. Jane had to survive. She deserved to live a long life. She deserved to be happy and healthy.
Maura promised herself to help Jane the best she could throughout the whole struggle against the disease and make things easier for her. Even if that meant lying to her family about her condition. Even if that meant looking for the best specialists to take care of her case. Even if that meant paying for all the cares Jane would need to get back to a somewhat normal life.
But most of all, Maura promised herself to do everything in her power to save her and get her Jane back.