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Another night, another evening spent lying in bed wide awake, way too aware of the cold space next to you.
The moon is already up high, shining its silver glow through the curtains of your bedroom. If you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can hear Satoru’s fingertips tipping on his laptop keyboard in the other room. It’s infuriating. You’re well aware that he’s used to much less sleep than any normal person would need, often only sleeping three to five hours a day. But spending the whole night grading papers, preparing classes and working on mission reports?
Against your better judgement you push the blanket back and roll out of bed, your feet hitting the floor with a thud. The door creaks as you leave, as if ridiculing you for tiptoeing around in a space that’s basically yours. Getting a glass of water at night is completely fine, you lie to yourself, even if you’re walking around your boyfriend’s flat at 1 am.
You close your eyes and listen again. The keyboard clicking hasn’t slowed down at all.
Maybe checking in would be fine. You’re only passing on the way to the kitchen, right?
His office door doesn’t creak as you push it open and peek through the gap. Seems like this door is approving of your concerns.
Satoru is hunched over the dark oak desk like a caveman, his face illuminated by the laptop screen as he types. You vaguely remember he once told you the desk was some kind of gift from the Gojo clan, but he didn’t like talking about his family, so you never pried.
There was a lot of stuff he didn’t like to talk about. The clan, the Shinjuku fight, how he met Megumi…
“You’re still up?” Satoru’s voice breaks through your thoughts and you flinch, his piercing blue eyes pointed right at you in the darkness. “Your cursed energy isn’t exactly subtle at this time of night, sweetheart.”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Again?”
“Bold coming from you.”
“You and your witty comments. Come here, baby.”
He chuckles and lightly pats his thigh to lure you out of hiding. You follow, sitting down on his lap hesitantly as if unsure if he wanted you there. It didn’t really feel like he appreciated your presence. Which made no sense, considering that Satoru always acted like getting to spend time with you was better than winning the lottery.
But even with you this close he looks over something on his laptop first before meeting your gaze. “Is something wrong? You look kinda bummed despite basking in my heavenly glow. How is that possible?”
A smirk tugs at your lips despite your worry. The world would end before Satoru stops teasing you.
“What are you working on?”
His gaze drifts to the laptop again. “The usual. Some classes for the second years.”
You stiffen a little in his arms, the smile dropping from your lips.
“Why are you doing this in the middle of the night? You have more than enough time during the day.”
“Baby, I’m a busy man. I have classes, missions, training… The strongest sorcerer is always in demand.” He says it with that usual cocky grin on his face. But this time it’s so maddening.
“You could easily cut back.” You reply, standing up from his lap. “I’m not saying this to hurt you or to make you feel bad. I love you, Satoru. But… you keep doing this. Working yourself to the death, only sleeping a few hours a night… I guess I should be happy you sleep 5 hours instead of 3 like when we met.”
“The people need me-”
“No, what they need is their friend. Geto needs you, I need you, but you keep insisting on this ridiculous role even though you were clearly beaten by Sukuna-”
Satoru suddenly stands up as well, towering over you easily as he glares down with a harsh expression. You’ve never seen him like that before. The only time you talked about the Shinjuku fight was because he didn’t want you to be surprised about the ragged scars on his abdomen and arms.
“Don’t. Am I suddenly nobody because I was beaten once?”
You sigh and shake your head, gently taking his hand in yours. “No, I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. I’m… frustrated. Because you keep hurting yourself like this even though there’s no reason to anymore. You can share the load now. With me, with Geto, with Yuji, Megumi and the others…”
Satoru runs his hand through his hair.
“I’m not used to relying on others… Usually I was alone because I was the only one who was able to do these things. And I know I don’t need to work at night but… it’s in my blood. I’ve had this schedule for over a decade, ya know?”
You cup his face gently and give him a small smile.
“You haven’t had me for over a decade. And look where we are now.”
“God no but I wish I had.” He murmurs and pulls you closer. His gaze drifts to the laptop, then back at you. “Things would’ve been better with you around.”
A short pause as he considers things.
“I think you’re right. I’ve done enough for the night. God, I can’t remember the last time I went to bed before 3 am.”
A chuckle escapes your lips, and he pouts like a child that was just told their bedtime starts an hour early. “Hey, no laughing at me!”
“You’re so cute, babe. We don’t have to sleep. Let’s just… talk? About everything?”
Satoru’s pout gives away to a hesitant smile. Another expression you’ve never seen from the confident man before.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“And what happened after that?” Your voice is muffled against his white hair.
Satoru shakes his head against your neck and shrugs.
“Last thing I know is that I fired that makeshift purple from a distance. Sometimes random pictures flare up in my mind though. Of my lower half and an airport… apart from that there’s only black until I wake up in Shoko’s rooms. Sometimes… sometimes I can’t even believe it’s real. That I’m still alive and all.”
You pull him closer as if you could hide him from the pain he must’ve felt during that time. He barely moves and his eyes seem oddly empty, their usual mischievous spark missing. It breaks your heart to see him so dissociated, like these memories aren’t his own.
“Maybe we should take a break. You’ve told me about the entire fight now anyways. Would you like some water? Snacks?”
His hollow expression gives away to his usual grin, the dark memories pushed away again.
“I have some Kikufuku Mochi in the kitchen, could you bring those? They’re super good. Almost as sweet as you.”
You smile as well and press a soft kiss onto his forehead before crawling out of bed. Satoru watches you leave the bedroom. Sweat suddenly forms in his palms. What was this odd feeling?
“Wait. I’ll come with you.”
You turn back to him and raise an eyebrow.
“Can’t, eh… Can’t have my lovely girlfriend walk around the apartment in the middle of the night! What if someone abducts you? I could never forgive myself…” He sighs dramatically, clutching your hand tightly as if scared you’ll disappear.
“This kinda defeats the point of me getting something for you…”
“Hush. I’m coming along. I have to protect you from evil bandits and curse users.”
Satoru coming along turned out to defeat the purpose even more than you had anticipated. As soon as you entered the kitchen, he put you onto the counter and rummaged through the cupboards himself, one hand possessively on your thigh the entire time.
“Satoru, I feel like you’re still a bit restless…” You probe gently.
“Of course. I just told you the story of the first time I lost. Or I guess the second time.” He freezes, realizing he said too much. “Forget that last part.”
Your hand comes up to cup his cheek, carefully turning his head out of the cupboard and towards you so your eyes can meet. His breath hitches a little when he sees the sincerity in them.
“Satoru, I’m right here. I won’t disappear. And neither will anything nor anyone else. Wait, feel this.”
You gently pull his hand from your thigh and put it on your chest. “It’s beating, right? And so is yours. I’m so glad you’re alive, Satoru. I’m so glad you survived so we could meet.”
Tears fill his eyes, but he stubbornly refuses to shed them. His hand tightens on your chest, pressing against your skin so he can feel your heartbeat more clearly. “You’re making me all mushy…”
“Let’s go back to bed, babe. We’ll cuddle all night. And from tomorrow on you’ll go to bed at 1 am, okay?”
“Promise. Bedtime at 1 am. I feel like a toddler.” He chuckles dryly. “Sweetheart?”
“Yes?”
“I love you. So so much.”
“Me too. I love you, Satoru. From the bottom of my heart.”