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matt wakes up to chris screaming his lungs out.
he sits up, confusion holding his body in a tight grip. it takes him a few seconds to realize what's happening, his eyes fogged with sleep, mind covered in a mist of tiredness. his room is buried in complete darkness, the full moon being the only source of light. matt blinks repeatedly, trying to adjust his eyes enough to make sense out of what is going on.
chris is sat up next to him, eyes shut, sobs leaving his mouth one after another. a second later he's screaming again, repeating what sounds like no and please, but matt can't tell for sure. he's frightened, but the protective instincts kick in immediately.
"chris" matt speaks up, voice hoarse and quiet. the twenty-one year old coughs and says his brother's name again, this time louder. "chris!"
his younger sibling doesn't react, it's like he can't even hear him. he's trembling, hands tightly gripping matt's duvet, and another scream leaves his mouth. his eyes are closed, but tears escape out of them and wet his cheeks anyway.
"chris, chris! wake up, man, you're safe! chris, it's okay"
chris struggles to breathe, his heart is racing and he's sweating a fucking lot. his eyes are now open widely, tears still flowing. he can't understand what's going on, he feels like he's going to suffocate. is he having a heart attack? is he dying?
"oh my god, chris, breathe" matt says, his voice hints how scared he is, but chris doesn't notice. he's too focused on the overwhelming pain in his chest and the inability to take a deep inhale.
"i- i can't" chris chokes out, then coughs, then grips matt's hand with his own. the other one is on his heart, chris desperately trying to feel his own heartbeat. he needs assurance, what if he's dying too?
too. too?
"breathe with me, okay?"
chris is dying too, because matt died. oh my god. everything around him is blurry. chris reaches his hand out, trying to touch matt. he needs to make sure, he needs to-
"chris, you're okay, you had a nightmare"
the younger one shakes his head, which is a mistake, because he can feel a wave of nausea creeping in his throat. he doesn't vomit, but he's almost sure he's close to doing so. oh my god, he feels so sick. is matt okay?
he's cold, then he's hot again. what is happening to him? is that how death feels like?
all of the sudden his hand stumbles against something. someone.
"feel that?" someone asks, his voice familiar. closure, safety. matt's here? "that's my heart, chris. can you feel it beating?"
chris is gasping for air as he looks up, darkness of the night barely allowing him to see matt. it takes chris what feels like a never-ending moment to realize that matt is holding his hand against his own chest. boom, boom. matt's heart is beating steadily. chris can feel his brother's heartbeat.
"you" is all chris says, then a few coughs follow as he struggles to slow his breathing down. is this real?
"yeah, i'm here, it's okay" matt assures him, gripping his shoulders tight. chris' forehead is covered in sweat. he experiences this scary, intense feeling of terror creeping inside of him. he can't feel matt's touch. why?
boom, boom. is the heartbeat real, or is chris just imagining it?
maybe that's not matt. matt's not here, that's why he can't feel him. matt's dead.
chris feels like he's fucking dying, too.
"chris, please, breathe" matt says, fear written all over his face. "you're having a panic attack, you need to try breathing with me"
matt says something else, he's probably counting, encouraging chris to breathe with him, but it's pointless. chris is now convinced this isn't real. matt died, so it can't be, right?
"you're d-dead" chris murmurs, breath stuck in his throat. he can't concentrate on whatever matt is saying. it doesn't matter anyway, matt died, chris saw it with his own eyes. he was bleeding out on the floor, right next to nick. his brothers are dead, oh my god. "y-you're not real, i need to wake up"
"what? no, no, chris, it's okay, you-"
"i saw you, you died-" chris whispers, feeling detached from his own body.
"i didn't, i'm real. you had a bad dream, now breathe" and chris wants to believe him, so he tries to do what he's asked. he whines, but manages to inhale and exhale once. it's not enough, he's breaking into a cold sweat while his lungs are on fire.
"good, chris, another one" he needs to try. if not for himself, then for matt, for nick.
the brunette takes a small breath with his eyes closed, trying to stop more tears from falling. a minute passes by and he manages to inhale and exhale a couple of times.
"you're doing so well, see? you're alright, babe, it's real, you're real, we both are"
"no, matty, you were dead, y-you died" chris sobs. "nick too, h-he, he didn't, he wasn't moving" matt looks at his sibling with worry in his eyes, but doesn't say anything, just lets him talk. "you both died, and i didn't do anything, matty, fuck, i just c-couldn't"
chris breaks into tears again and matt takes it as a sign to take over. he moves closer slowly, not wanting to scare the younger one. he reaches out, but chris doesn't move, eyes closed shut. matt immediately decides on closing the gap between him and the shaking triplet. the older wraps his upper limbs over chris' shoulders and pulls the young man into his embrace. chris accepts the hug without a word and buries himself in matt's arms. his head is hidden in the crook of matt's neck, his breaths quick and uneven. after a few seconds matt can feel his shirt getting soaked in chris' tears, but he doesn't care.
"no one's dead, sweetheart. you're okay, you're fine, me too" matt whispers, but his voice is steady and confident. "nick's okay too, he's in his room, probably snoring his ass off"
matt doesn't expect chris to laugh, or giggle, or anything, but he hopes on making chris feel better. it partly works, because a few seconds later he hears a quiet "promise?"
matt nods, and then responds.
"i promise, chris"
"okay" chris sighs, tears slowly stopping making their way down his cheeks. the panic attack slowly loses it's grip over chris' mind, heart and lungs. matt can also hear his breathing pace slowing down and getting more even and calmer. "matty?"
"yeah?"
"i love you. like, a fucking lots" chris says, then sniffles, and clings to his brother more, even though matt thinks it's impossible to put even a piece of paper between them.
"i love you so much, kid"
chris closes his eyes, taking small breaths, listening to his brother's heartbeat, ear pressed against the older's chest. it slowly rises up and goes down, calming chris down. chris takes breaths in the same way matt does, desperately wanting to be in sync. he needed proof that they were both okay and alive.
"you matchin' my breathing?" matt asks with a slight chuckle, squeezing chris' cold hand. he fixes the blanket wrapped around them.
"mhm"
"knew it" the older one responds, then starts playing with chris' fingers, trying to get him to relax. "wanna try to go back to sleep?"
the younger brother's breath hitches and matt immediately knows he shouldn't have said that. "let's just lay down, yeah? we don't have to fall asleep"
chris hesitates, but gives in after a minute and a few strokes through his hair. it's greasy from all the sweat, but it doesn't stop matt from brushing it with his fingers. "yeah, fine. but i'm not closing my eyes"
"that's okay"
they make themselves comfortable. chris makes a few rounds of deep breaths, the annnoying numbness in his limbs, especially hands, starts to leave. chris' fingers tingle, and it's uncomfortable, but it also reminds him that his body is his own. matt slides his arm down chris' body and settles on wrapping it around younger's waist. the other one is still playing with the brown curls. chris' face is snuggled up against matt's chest. boom, boom.
"i can hear your hearbeat" chris whispers. "it sounds real"
"that's because it is" his brother responds. there's a few minutes of pure silence, both siblings lost in their thoughts until chris speaks again.
"i don't know what i would do without you"
matt smiles softly and tightens his grip on chris' waist in a protective and full of love way.
"i promise you won't ever have to find out" the promise fills the room surrounded by night's darkness.
chris lets out a tired, but happy sigh, feeling comfortable in the embrace of of the older's arms and under a layer of duvet and blankets. he shuts his eyes and takes matt's promise to heart. he soon falls asleep focused on matt's heartbeat synced with his own.