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Being alone always sounded terrible to Uranus. His cousin, Neptune, the loneliest planet of the solar system, fell into insanity because of it. And when Uranus nearly went through the same thing, it hurt. It hurt so bad.
And the worst part of it all is he never knows who to blame. Blame himself? Blame the other planets? Blame Planet X?
Planet X hurt his moons. He nearly killed them. He nearly gave Uranus a heart attack.
But Uranus was the same, wasn’t he? Didn’t he scare all his moons away? Didn’t he hurt them emotionally? He never means to hurt those he loves. He never meant to hurt his moons. His precious, irreplaceable moons. Yet he did.
He tried showing them he cares. But it’s never enough is it?
He’ll never be enough for anyone. He’ll always be alone, hated, unwanted.
He brought a shaky hand to the blank canvas in front of him. He wanted to paint something that expressed his emotions but he kept on failing.
He was a big failure.
He swept the paintbrush across the canvas, leaving a trail of black paint. A line.
He dipped the brush in some paint and applied to the canvas, creating more lines. Something was starting to form on the canvas but it wasn’t coherent. It wasn’t good enough.
He wasn’t good enough.
He’ll never be.
However the painting did represent how he felt like. Messy…confused… lost… Broken… Hurt…
In a fit of rage, Uranus got up from his stool and pushed the canvas away. It drifted in the empty space between his and Neptune’s orbit.
Neptune.
Neptune was the only one to love him, to care for him even when he didn’t deserve it. Uranus snapped at him yet he still talked to him softly. Uranus hurt him but he still forgave him. He was the most forgetful planet but he never forgot how to care.. how to love.
And Uranus did anyways, despite having a perfectly fine memory. He took Neptune for granted. He used to hate being around Neptune. But now.. he’d do anything to be with him. Except Neptune might not want to be around him and Uranus did not blame him for it.
His cheek felt wet.
Huh? When did he start to cry?
Uranus hated himself for everything. He wanted to be better but he just couldn’t. A jagged asteroid drifted past him. He grabbed it. He pricked his finger on its tip and smiled when it actually hurt.
He folded his sleeve and started dragging the asteroid across his arm. Seeing the cuts appear satisfied him. He deserved to be hurt. He drew out blood. Each drop made him feel content. At least he could do something right.
He dug the asteroid in his skin, making the cuts deeper. He laughed like a maniac at the sight of his arms. Tears rolled down his cheek, he sucked in his breath.
What are you doing?
Giving yourself what you deserve, duh!
You’re a terrible person. No wonder everyone hates you.
The voices in his head got louder as he pulled his hair. “Stop it!”, he screamed, crying.
“Hey neighbourino!”
Uranus let out a startled shriek. His grip around the asteroid loosened and it started floating in space alongside the droplets of his blood. He looked over his shoulder and saw his fellow ice giant. Out of all the days, Neptune could’ve realised he could leave his orbit it had to be today.
Neptune was holding a canvas. “I found this painting in my orbit and figured it belonged to you!”
Uranus snatched the canvas, hugging it despite hating it mere moments ago. “Neptune! Mate! You scared me out of my core!”, he said, turning his entire body towards his cousin.
Neptune’s smile grew smaller as he took in the sight of his cousin. “Are you… okay?”
“I’m fine!”, he replied a bit too quickly, managing a small smile.
He outstretched a hand, resting it on Uranus’ shoulder. “I can tell that you’re lying.”
Uranus pushed away the hand. “No I assure you I’m perfectly fine.”
And to prove Uranus wrong, the asteroid from earlier floated right in front of Neptune. He grabbed the rock, analysing it. Without saying a word, he looked up at Uranus and grabbed his wrist. He folded the sleeve and his jaw dropped at the mess of his arm.
“Oh Uri…”
His cheeks turned red at the nickname.
“Why?”
“Huh-” Uranus was taken off guard at the question.
“Why?”, Neptune repeated.
“It’s nothing!”, he waved his hand as if shooing a mosquito.
“No!”, he snapped. It was the first time he ever did. “My bestest friend being hurt is not nothing!” Tears started to well up in his eyes.
Great.. you hurt somebody again..
Uranus cupped Neptune’s cheek and connected their foreheads. He gave a small smile and looked at him with softness. “Neptune.. it’s karma… I hurt people and I get hurt in return.”
“B-bu-But I don’t want to see you hurt.”, he sniffled. “You’re my favourite person.”
That was all it took for Uranus to break down in tears. His hands had been removed from Neptune’s cheeks and were covering his face. Neptune wrapped an arm around Uranus’ waist and pulled him into a hug.
“I’m sorry Neptune! I hurt y-you and- and-“, he hiccuped.
“You never hurt me, silly!”, Neptune let out a small laugh. “I think… Honestly, I can’t remember.”
Of course he can’t.
“And even if you did, I forgive you..”
“But you shouldn’t! You should hate me! You should want to destroy me!”, Uranus shrieked.
“I can never hate you.”, he whispered. He got on his toes and kissed his forehead. “We’ve been together ever since we opened our eyes and nothing will change it.. ever.”
Uranus sniffled in response.
“Just promise me something?”
“Yeah mate?”
“Don’t do this again. Don’t hurt yourself. Pleeeaaseee?”, he pleaded, drawing out the last word.
“Since you asked so nicely.”, Uranus chuckled, wiping his eye with his sleeve.
“Come on.. Jupiter might have something for your arms.”
His smile turned into a frown.
“C’mon Uri! You may not forgive him but we’re not going for a chitchat. We just need to heal your cuts.”
“Fine…”, he huffed.