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Gunwook regretted a few things in his life and, as of now, he wanted to add to the list being friends with Ricky and Gyuvin (only jokingly because they were amazing and reliable people).
”You should tell him,” said Ricky and by him he meant Matthew with whom Gunwok has been irrevocably in love for many years.
”I can’t just do that,” replied Gunwook, barely containing a tired sigh.
”Of course you can. You inspired me to confess to Gyuvin and look at where we are now.”
What Ricky said made Gunwook cringe internally, and not because he did not like them together, but because he was reminded of becoming an inspiration. It happened half a year ago, when Gunwook asked Ricky out. They went on a date to a coffee shop, and, even though Matthew was all Gunwook could think about, he thought the date was going quite well, until Ricky decided to be straightforward with him.
”You are very cute and handsome, and I am glad I agreed to our date but man, aren’t you already in love with someone,” said Ricky.
”What?!” tried Gunwook, but Ricky was quick to interrupt him.
”Come on. We have been here for an hour, and I think you mentioned that Matthew guy ten times, and you called him pretty at least two times. I would dare to say that this is not the best flirting technique,” chuckled Ricky.
”Ah… I am really sorry for that. Yeah, you are right. I might like him…” responded Gunwook dejectedly.
”It is actually okay, because I also might like someone, and you are inspiring me to do something about it, and not be as pathetic as you.”
”Hey! I am not pathetic,” protested Gunwook, not believing that himself.
”Are you sure about that?”
”No…”
”Thought so. Anyways, thank you, because I am finally ready to tell Gyuvin how much I like him. I think you and I should be friends, though. What do you say?”
After that catastrophic date, Gunwook and Ricky became very good friends. Ricky, true to his words, told his feelings to Gyuvin and that is how all three of them were here together with the two as a couple and Gunwook as an unchanged yearner.
”But Ricky, Gyuvin is gay-”
”Hey, I am bisexual!” protested Gyuvin.
”Sorry, I can’t imagine you with anyone who is not Ricky. Anyways, I was saying that Gyuvin is bisexual and Matthew is very much straight.”
”As straight as spaghetti. Straight until wet,” cackled Gyuvin and high fived his boyfriend.
”First of all, don’t say that again. Secondly, Matthew never showed any interest in men before,” replied Gunwook with sad eyes. He looked like a kicked puppy which made Ricky feel slightly bad for him. Only slightly because he was getting tired of all that yearning.
”Maybe you should try to make him jealous,” suggested Gyuvin.
”Just like in that drama I watched last week!” added Ricky excitedly.
”We will find you a hot date and once Matthew realizes where you are going to, he is gonna be like Gunwookie” -Ricky grabbed Gyuvin’s hand and while mimicking Matthew’s voice continued- ”please, stay with me. Kiss me, Gunwookie!”
”Hyung , you are the love of my life” -responded Gyuvin with as much of a dramatic voice and additional kiss sounds- „I have been dreaming of this day-„
”Stop! I am not that dramatic,” shouted Gunwook while laughing out loud because he might, in fact, have been that dramatic.
The thing is, Gunwook wanted to confess his feelings many times before. However, there was always something stopping him. Sometimes it would be a fear of rejection deeply rooted in his self-consciousness. There were also these questions. What if Matthew found him pathetic? What if Matthew were disgusted that someone like Gunwook was in love with him? What if… There were too many what ifs. Another problem was Matthew’s constant dating. He was almost never single and even if his relationships did not last over a month they were still relationships and Gunwook was no home-wrecker. There was never a good time for the confession, yet Gunwook could not suppress his feelings.
He tried going on dates (one date with Ricky), he tried distancing himself from Matthew (for a week during which he felt so miserable he vowed to never do that again) and he even tried a therapy session (loving someone is beautiful, you should accept and embrace these emotions not suppress them). It seemed that there was some magnetic power always pulling him towards Matthew, always making him yearn and want more of the boy for himself. Maybe he should have installed a dating app or gotten drunk and cried himself to sleep. Or maybe he should have gotten it over with and tell Matthew…
“I honestly don’t know what to do. I just want to, I don’t know what I want, I mean, I know I want Matthew to love me, but that is not possible so I guess, I don’t know,” Gunwook heaved a sigh and looked sadly at his two friends.
”Come here, you pathetic yearner,” said Ricky and opened his arms for Gunwook.
”Gyuvin, come here. There is room for only one person, so you can just join us and be uncomfortable, too,” said Gunwook, and Gyuvin did not wait any longer. Somehow they all fit on Gunwook’s small couch with their long legs dangling awkwardly in all directions. But it made Gunwook feel a little bit better, if only for a moment.
§
Gunwook and Matthew met in high school. Matthew, who was one year older than Gunwook, was handsome even back then, even with his questionable hairstyles and fashion choices. In Gunwook’s eyes, that older boy, who helped him when he was lost in the school corridors, was the coolest. It was not love at first sight, he would say it was love at first smile, which, in Matthew’s case, meant at second sight.
”What is your name?” asked Matthew, while walking Gunwook to his classroom.
”Gunwook,” responded the boy, and was met with the most radiant smile he had ever seen in his life. At that moment, he knew, he would never see anything more beautiful than it.
”And I am Matthew. You can call me hyung.”
§
After that very first meeting, Gunwook thought that they would go their separate ways and barely acknowledge each other's existence, with Matthew becoming his unfulfilled dream. But to Gunwook’s surpirse, Matthew waved at him at the first break, smiled at the next one, and talked to him at the last one. It turned out they had a lot in common - they were both into anime and sports.
Soon after they were an inseparable duo - always together during breaks and after school. Where one was, there was the other. Once Matthew discovered Gunwook also liked hugs, he proclaimed the younger boy his teddy bear. Matthew hugged him and held his hand all the time. A funny joke? Reason to lean on Gunwook and wrap his hand around Gunwook’s wrist. Something scary? Another reason to hug Gunwook. There was not a moment in which Matthew would not try to hug him.
At first, Gunwook had hope, a small one but still a hope. He thought that maybe Matthew reciprocated his small crush. But only a month into their quickly progressing friendship Matthew had his first and definitely not last girlfriend. They broke up after two weeks and for a small fraction of time Gunwook’s hope bloomed again. It bloomed only to wither away when Matthew dated another girl and another and… Gunwook decided to never mention his feelings to his friend. They were only feelings and these faded away over time. Almost four years later Gunwook wanted to laugh at himself.
§
Till this day people often mistook them for a couple. Gunwook always responded with a short "we are not together" and laughed it off with Matthew. Sometimes he hesitated. He wanted to wait and see what Matthew's response would be. But he was too scared to hear both a no and a yes. The first would shatter his hope and the latter would give him it. And Gunwook was not sure which one was worse.
§
Their friendship survived high school with its ups and downs. When they drank alcohol for the first time, they got so wasted that they ended up kissing. For some reason only Gunwook remembered that incident the next morning. It was his first kiss. Both of these facts he swore to never tell his best friend. He wanted to treasure this memory and keep it for himself. Pretend it meant something instead of hearing we were drunk, let’s forget about it.
They were there for each other through thick and thin. When Gunwook’s beloved Grandma passed away, Matthew held his hand and let him cry in silence. When Matthew kept coming back to Gunwook after each breakup he was never turned down. When Matthew was happy, Gunwook was also happy. When Matthew was heartbroken, Gunwook was also heartbroken.
After Matthew graduated high school a year ahead of him, Gunwook was both devastated and relieved. He thought that a year was long enough to cure one’s heart. He could not be any more wrong. Their separation made Gunwook yearn even more.
Even though Matthew was able to make friends even in Antarctica, he was very loyal and always remembered to keep in touch with Gunwook. He would send pictures of stray cats and teddy bears that reminded him of his friend. They would video call each other regularly and send messages on a daily basis. Nothing really changed. When it came to Matthew, nothing could ever change for Gunwook.
§
Now it was Saturday morning and they were in their shared apartment. When Gunwook decided to go to the same university, Matthew suggested that they should move in together. And since Gunwook was a self-proclaimed masochist he agreed to the idea right away. It had already been six months and Gunwook was, more often than not, very happy.
Today was a good day, too. Gunwook was on his bed, mindlessly watching some reels, when he heard a loud voice from the kitchen:
”Gunwookie! You want some pancakes and coffee for breakfast? I made you your favorite mint chocolate sauce.”
”You made me my what favorite?” asked Gunwook while getting up from the bed. He went to the kitchen and looked at Matthew who giggled at him. Gunwook wanted to devour him.
”Just kidding, Wookie, only chocolate for you,” he said giggling again. Outrageous. He needed to stop or Gunwook would kiss him.
”You are the best, thank you.”
”I know. No one else makes you pancakes so I must be your favourite.” If only he knew.
“It might be Ricky, though.”
“How could you betray me like this?”
“He is rich, handsome and cute.”
“Touché. I am only two out of these three things. Okay, come here and sit down,” ordered Matthew and Gunwook did as he was told.
“Should I play some music, hyung?” asked Gunwook while already looking for their playlist. They made the playlist when they were still in high school and kept updating it.
”Sure, Wookie.” Gunwook turned the music on and started eating the pancakes.
”Hyung, should we go to the grocery store after finishing our food?” asked the younger boy to which he got a mumbled yes. They ate their breakfast and put the dishes in the sink.
Gunwook went to his room and put on a random hoodie and was ready to go. He was waiting for Matthew while scrolling through his social media. There was a picture of Ricky kissing Gyuvin on the cheek, his friend Hanbin with some cute boy on a date, some idols getting engaged, his cousin with her boyfriend. Were there no single people left in this country?!
”Why the long face, Wookie?” asked Matthew once he emerged from his room.
”No reason. Let’s go,” commanded Gunwook.
§
Grocery shopping with Matthew was always a very domestic experience. It was moments like that that made Gunwook's heart flutter. He did not need big events or grand gestures to feel the happiest around the other. Seeing Matthew trying to reach a higher shelf to get his favorite cookies was enough to never want to let him go. Big eyes and pouty face made Gunwook’s legs almost go weak. He needed to marry the boy. Right this instant. Get a grip.
„Wookie, could you, please, help me? I can’t reach it,” asked Matthew, making Gunwook come back to his senses.
”Sure,” he reached the product without any problems and handed it to the boy.
”Thanks. Now, tell me what else is missing.”
”Actually, I made a list and included most of the things that you might need, too.”
”You are such a husband material,” stated Matthew, which made Gunwook blush instantly. ”I think I should start calling you a hubby,” added the older boy. Impossible happened, because Gunwook got even redder. He was flabbergasted.
„A what?” he almost stuttered.
„A hubby. So, hubby, let’s get what we need.”
Gunwook was utterly and irrevocably fucked.
§
“I genuinely believe he also likes you, but is too dense to see that. You two literally act and live like a couple. The only thing missing is you getting his d-” Tearae, Gunwook’s university friend, was interrupted with Gunwook’s hand on his mouth.
”Please, don’t be vulgar, Yujin is here-”
”I am not a child,” quietly protested Yujin. Both Gunwook and Matthew knew him from high school and even though he hasn’t started university yet, they invited him from time to time to their place.
”Sure, big boy,” replied Gunwook, but that made Yujin pout even more. Adorable. ”And,” Gunwook lowered his voice conspiratorially, ”I want to remind you that Matthew is in a room in this apartment right now. The door might be closed, but these walls are paper thin, so please abstain from such comments.”
”And I believe we would all gain from him overhearing this conversation. It would free us, me especially, from the pain of watching you pine after him,” concluded Taerae. Luckily, the bell rang and Gunwook had an excuse to escape from this slightly unpleasant conversation.
It was Hanbin, Matthew’s childhood best friend, with his new boyfriend Zhang Hao.
”Gunwook! I’ve missed you,” said Hanbin while going for a hug. „And this is Zhang Hao, my boyfriend,” added the boy with a smile on his face. They were wearing matching grey hoodies and Gunwook had to admit that they looked especially cute.
”Hi, nice to finally meet you,” greeted Gunwook enthusiastically. From what he heard from Hanbin, Zhang Hao was shy at first, but would open up after some time. Gunwook could not wait to get to know the newly met boy.
”Hubby, who is it?” asked Matthew who just finished putting on his outfit.
”Hubby?” whisper yelled Taerae to Gunwook.
”Are you Gunwook’s boyfriend?” asked Zhang Hao innocently to which Gunwook looked at Hanbin and mouthed: I am gonna kill your boyfriend. Hanbin did not even look sorry. It seemed that the term after some time was the equivalent of in a minute.
”Bruh, I can see right away we haven’t met each other yet, otherwise you’d know that we’re just super close with Gunwook, aren’t we, hubby?” responded Matthew, unaware of the tension he caused Gunwook.
”Right,” assured Gunwook, who felt as if something had stabbed him with a knife. You are being dramatic, again. Calm down.
”Ah, I didn’t know you use pet names for each other in this friend group.”
”We don’t. You need to get used to their unique friendship- ouch!” Taerae was interrupted with a painful pinch on his back.
”I see,” said Zhang Hao, who did not look guilty.
Everyone quickly moved on from the slightly awkward situation, and Matthew hugged the newcomers. They were still waiting for Ricky, Gyuvin and Jiwoong, Matthew’s friend from a dance team, to come, so the guests and Matthew sat down and Gunwook went to the kitchen like the good husband he was. What? Matthew’s hubby calling was getting into his head.
Half an hour later snacks were ready with the remaining three guests already in the apartment. They all sat down on the floor with pillows, food, beer, and soda for Gyuvin and Yujin. With his favourite beer in hand and mental support Ricky on his left, Gunwook felt content.
”Guys, since some of us don’t know each other too well, I think we should start off with a drinking game. What do you say for a few rounds of truth and dare? You either take on the challenge or drink your beer,” suggested Matthew, and everyone hummed in agreement. May the party begin.
§
”Jiwoonie hyung, it’s your turn to ask a question or give a dare to someone,” ordered Matthew with a can of beer in one hand and Gunwook’s arm in the other. He was squeezing Gunwook’s arm like a stress relief toy. He could not help himself - whenever the younger boy was in his vicinity he felt an uncontrollable urge to touch him. His teddy bear.
”I am choosing Hao.”
”I want a question, handsome boy,” said Zhang Hao to which he received a very loud grunt from his boyfriend. ”Less handsome than Hanbin boy,” corrected the boy and was met with a happy smile. Jiwoong made heads turn because of his godly looks. Anyone was mesmerized by him at the first meeting (and at all the other meetings that followed).
”What is your favorite book?” asked Jiwoong.
”What kind of vanilla question is that?” yelled scandalized Taerae.
”I believe that someone’s favorite book can tell us a lot about them. Things that move us deeply can reveal our real nature and-”
”He literally reads gay smuts only!” cackled Ricky who was friends with Zhang Hao before the party.
”Hey! Half of them were recommended by you,” responded affronted Zhang Hao.
”Because I am a good and caring friend.” Hanbin covered Yujin’s ears in order to protect what was left of his innocence.
”Hyung, I am literally 18 years old,” whispered Yujin.
”Once a baby, always a baby.”
”Jiwoong hyung, I’ll answer the question myself. I don’t really have one book that I love the most, but I enjoy not only gay smuts but also fantasy, romance and non-fiction,” explained Zhang Hao, which earned him a kiss from Hanbin for no reason. Matthew looked at that and wondered if Hanbin was aware how much of a whipped fool he was. Probably not.
”I see. I think that later we should further discuss the gay stories that you like so much. Before that, let’s all cheer for gay love stories,” happily suggested Jiwoong, and all of them raised their beverages and drank to yaoi.
”Hao hyung, it’s your turn now,” reminded Gunwook.
Gunwook was making circular motions under Matthew’s t-shirt, which was observed with mixed emotions by everyone in the room. Ricky looked like he was barely containing his laughter (or vomit). Gyuvin was biting his inner cheeks to control his facial expressions. Yujin was half looking, and half spacing out. Hanbin had a confused expression on his face. Zhang Hao was smirking. Taerae looked like he might burst out laughing at any moment. And Jiwoong seemed to be calm yet a bit curious. Matthew on the other hand did not even realize he was being looked at, since he was too focused on Gunwook’s hand.
”Sure. Gunwook, you choose which one you want.”
”I’m picking truth.”
”Do you like anyone at the moment?” asked Zhang Hao and almost made Ricky gasp dramatically. Taerae on the other hand could not take all of that any longer. He snorted in an ugly way, and pretended he choked on beer.
”I can answer this myself, because I know for sure that Wookie doesn’t-” started Matthew, but, to his utter shock, he was interrupted with an unexpected answer.
”Yeah, I do have someone I like.”
”What?!” Matthew could not believe his ears. Didn’t they tell each other everything? Why would he keep it from him? And who was that person? ”Do I know them?”
”Oh yes, you know them pretty well,” replied Taerae with a snicker on his face.
”…” said Gunwook.
”I see,” mumbled dejectedly Matthew.
He suddenly felt nauseated and could hear his heartbeat in his ears. What was going on? Why was he taking it so badly? It hurt to know his best friend hid something from him, but his body should not have responded that intensively. He needed some fresh air to clear his mind. However, leaving the room now would look suspicious. Suspicious of doing what? It was not him being jealous and he was sure that everyone knew that. Wait, what? Him being jealous of Gunwook? What kind of ridiculous thought was that? He should not have drunk that third beer. Yes, it was the beer. His parents were always saying that alcohol could damage the nervous system. He should have listened, because now he was going crazy. Crazy and-
He was brought back to reality by someone’s gentle touch on his arm. He looked up and was met with big, dark eyes looking at him with guilt.
”I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t want to hide it from you,” tried Gunwook and he seemed to be a bit tipsy. His cheeks got pink and eyes glossy. Gunwook’s tendency to easily become red on the face was Matthew’s favourite thing. He looked cute and kissable. Kissable? Mom, I am never drinking again.
Matthew was so immersed in his alcohol and rosy cheeks infuzed thoughts, that he did not respond to Gunwook. What brought him back to reality was a light nudge he felt on his knee.
”Hyuung,” whined Gunwook.
”It’s okay, Wookie,” Matthew could not stay mad long at his friend. Mad was probably not the right term for it, but he was not mentally prepared to fully acknowledge that. „But I think you should stop drinking,” Matthew added while taking the beer away from his intoxicated friend. Gunwook was making grabby hands, so Matthew ruffled his hair with an affectionate smile and went to the kitchen to bring the other some water. If he lingered with his hand a bit longer than necessary, then nobody had to know.
§
The next morning Matthew woke up at 6 am with a pounding headache. Cheap beer and shots of hard liquor were not the best life choice. He needed to get up and get some water and painkillers. When he was moving to the front to get out of the bed he felt something, or someone. That someone grunted slightly at being touched.
”Hyung, it’s too early,” growled a voice from under the blankets. The voice sounded familiar. Gunwook? What was Gunwook doing sleeping next to him? Matthew needed to focus, which was hard in those circumstances. He went to get some water for a tipsy Gunwook, gave it to him and after that… Ricky! The boy brought stronger liquor out of nowhere, and commanded everyone to take shots. Matthew should work on his assertiveness. Why did he say yes to Ricky and five times at that? At some point everything got blurry, and once Zhang Hao started looking completely out of it, Hanbin announced the end of the party. Yujin helped Gyuvin with a drunk and happy Ricky. Jiwoong and Taerae left holding each other’s arms and singing a ballad. Hanbin had some troubles with Zhang Hao, but somehow managed to get him into a taxi. As soon as everyone went home, Matthew and Gunwook sat on a couch. Matthew’s drunk mind decided it was a perfect idea to hug Gunwook and say some nonsense.
"WOokie"
”Mhm?”
”Do you like them more than me?”
”Whom?”
”You know, the crush.”
”Whom?”
"..."
Gunwook was drunk and Matthew was drunk too, so a thought appeared in Matthew’s head. What if he…
Oh Lord. Matthew was not ready for the flashbacks. Did he really kiss Gunwook on the lips? Was he insane? Gunwook admitted to liking someone and Matthew’s first reaction was to kiss him? It was, in fact, only a chaste and delicate kiss, yet it sent sparks to Matthew’s body. He needed to sedate himself.
How did they even end up in Matthew’s bed? Focus. Oh, right. After he kissed Gunwook, the other looked at him with a smile, and suggested to just go to sleep. Did it mean Gunwook rejected him? Or maybe Gunwook was too drunk for anything else at that time? Did Gunwook even remember the kiss now? He was not ready for the answers.
He got out of the bed and once in the kitchen, Matthew sat down on a chair, and started panicking. How could he be that stupid? What was he even thinking? Nothing, probably, since he was drunk. It was all Ricky’s fault (not really and he knew that). And that stupid crush of Gunwook. Stupid and ugly crush. Who was he even lying to? If they were liked by Gunwook, they must have been an amazing person. Someone more handsome and intelligent than Matthew. He hated them. Why did Matthew care so much anyway? Did he like Gunwook more than as a friend? He did not know. He was aware he was attached to Gunwook more than to other people and that many people mistook them for a couple. But love? He needed that pill and a long nap. Since Gunwook was still on his bed, he laid on a couch in the living room. He fell asleep soon after, and dreamt about red cheeks.
§
Matthew woke up to Gunwook making coffee. Their kitchen was a part of the living room, so it was impossible for him to not hear the noise. He groaned and decided to get up.
”Do you want some coffee?” asked the younger boy.
”Yes, please,” responded Matthew, too sleepy to feel awkward around the other. He sat down on a chair and looked up at Gunwook. Was he always that pretty? Were his lips so kissable since day one? Was Matthew going insane?
”How are you feeling, hyung?”
”Imagine taking a walk and being run over by a bike. Now you know how I am feeling,” answered Matthew, to which Gunwook reacted with a gentle pat on his back, and Matthew’s heart went crazy. One kiss can change a man, apparently, and cause permanent damage to his heart.
”There, there. Surprisingly, I’m feeling really well, even though I kind of blacked out after everyone left our apartment, so I was surprised in the morning when I discovered I was in your bed, hyung.”
Huh? It meant that Gunwook was unaware of the kiss. He was happy it was only a quick peck on the lips, otherwise he would have felt guilty for taking advantage of him. However, Matthew decided to not tell the other about the incident. Not until he figured out his feelings. He needed to do that quickly. He decided to run away from the kitchen before Gunwook could start asking any questions about the previous night.
§
In order to figure his feelings out, Matthew decided to avoid Gunwook. Not his proudest moment, especially that Gunwook’s face would fall whenever Matthew was escaping from him. However, the party’s revelations turned his world upside down and Matthew wanted to be sure about everything.
That is how Matthew found himself one week later jogging in a park while trying to figure out his sexuality. He could not do that on his own. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed Hanbin’s number.
”Matthew, hi. What’s up?” answered Hanbin after only two signals.
”Imagine that you believe that you are heterosexual-”
”I will have to use a lot of my imagination to do that.”
”Hyung!”
”I’m sorry, continue.”
”So imagine that and what if, hypothetically, of course.”
”Of course,” chimed in Hanbin.
”If… you had a male friend and you never really saw him as anything but that or so you thought at least and…” paused Matthew.
”And?”
”And you discovered that that friend had someone they liked. How would you feel?”
”Happy for them and curious about their crush?”
”That should be the usual reaction in this kind of situation. But what if you felt nauseated, betrayed and jealous? How would you interpret your feelings?” asked Matthew. He stopped running after Hanbin answered the call, and now he was just walking around some trees in the park.
”As a sign of something non platonic?”
”Okay. And what if you kissed him?”
”You kissed Gunwook?” screamed Hanbin into Matthew’s ear.
”We are talking about an imaginary you, not an actual me!”
”Matthew!”
”Hanbin!”
”Fine, I kissed him and then?” gave up Hanbin with a loud sigh.
”And then you woke up in the morning with an existential crisis. Your friend doesn’t remember the kiss, and now you are avoiding him, trying to figure out if you were gay.”
”You are not gay, Matthew.”
”Hanbin!”
”I am not gay, Matthew. I think I might be bisexual,” stated Hanbin. Matthew suspected that much, but he needed to hear that from someone else.
”Congratulations, hyung.”
”Thank you, Matthew,” said Hanbin while giggling. ”But Matthew, I can’t keep running away from my friend whom I like a lot. I should tell him how I feel. And I think that I would be fine, because Hanbin will love and support me no matter what,” added Hanbin and Matthew almost felt like crying. He wanted to hug his childhood best friend.
”Hanbin hyung…”
”I know… it’s scary but you owe it to him and to yourself. I am glad you are finally aware of your crush on Gunwook.”
”What? You knew I liked him?” yelled Matthew.
”I think that everyone, except Gunwook and you, knew. You literally put his picture as your wallpaper when you were away from him. You would call him every day, and talk about him all the time. And-”
”I think I get it, hyung,” Matthew interrupted Hanbin with a sigh, but he smiled at himself soon after. He had amazing friends.
”Matthew, Gunwook won’t hate you whether or not he likes you back.”
”I know. He is great like that.”
”Whipped.”
”I’m hanging off, hyung. Thank you.”
”Bye, Matthew and good luck.”
Matthew hanged off, and decided he needed to do two things. Call his mom and tell Gunwook the truth.
§
Matthew was lucky that it was a warm day, because he was not wearing much. He decided to call his mom right after his conversation with Hanbin. He dialed her number and pressed the bell on the phone. And… hanged off after the first two signals. It was not his fault she was not responding, maybe next time. Unfortunately, his mom called him back right away.
”Mom?” said Matthew to his phone.
”What happened, sweetheart? Did you spend all your money on Pokemon cards again?” asked his mom.
”Mom! It was only that one time,” defended Matthew.
”Then why did you call me?”
”I need to tell you something, Mom,” started Matthew with an unsure voice.
”What is it, sweetheart?” asked his mom with a slightly nervous voice.
”Mom… I…”
”Please, don’t scare me. Tell me now,” she demanded.
”I guess I like boys.”
”Phew. For a second I thought they had kicked you out of the university.”
”Phew? What kind of reaction is that, Mom? I am coming out to you and you are saying a mere phew?” asked scandalized, yet relieved Matthew.
”Water is wet. My son is bisexual. I literally raised you. Of course I know you like girls and Gunwook,” laughed his mom. Matthew was flabbergasted. Was he the last person to learn about his feelings?
”It turns out that everyone knew before me, Mom.”
”You are a smart boy, but you tend to be oblivious at times.”
”Mom, thank you. You are the best mom I could ever have.”
”Aw, I don’t hear you say that often to me.”
”Yeah, sorry for that. Mom, I need to go now.”
”I’m sure that everything will turn out well. I love you, honey. Call me again soon,” said his mom and hanged off. Now he needed to figure out how to tell Gunwook. But not today, two confessions in one day were enough for him.
§
Gunwook was sad. Matthew had been avoiding him since the party. He tried to talk to the older boy, but Matthew always found an excuse to run away. Gunwok was trying to figure out the reason for his friend’s behavior, and he could only come up with the worst case scenarios. Since he blacked out at some point during the party, he was scared that he did or said something weird. He woke up in Matthew’s bed after all. He really wanted to remember or at least ask Matthew about the party incidents, but he never had a chance to do so. Gunwook was also worried that Matthew somehow figured out the identity of his crush, and did not want to face and reject him. Gunwook felt like crying.
§
It had been almost two weeks since Matthew was avoiding him and Gunwook was tired of moping around. He decided that his suffering and never-ending pining had to stop. So he installed a dating app a day before, matched with some cute guy, and asked him out for today.
He was getting ready for the date, when he heard Matthew entering their apartment. Even better that he was there. Matthew would finally see that Gunwook did not need him and could have fun without his company. Gunwook dressed up especially pretty today. He wore his best jeans, black tight top and specs.
Gunwook came out of his room and saw Mathew standing in the kitchen area. The older boy heard him entering and turned around. Gunwook saw Matthew sizing him up and… Did he scowl?
”Are you going anywhere?” asked Matthew. It was probably the most Gunwook heard him speak in ages.
”Yes, I am going on a date,” responded Gunwook with a satisfaction in voice.
”A date? With whom? With your crush?” Matthew sounded angry, which made Gunwook even angrier. Call him petty, he did not care.
”Yes, with my crush,” lied Gunwook. Was Matthew not thinking he was the crush, or was he just mocking him?
”That’s terrific. Enjoy your date then,” responded Matthew, almost yelling.
”I will. It will be the best date one could ever imagine.”
”I don’t care!”
”Fuck off, hyung. I’m leaving,” said Gunwook with tears in his eyes. He speed walked to the front door with his back to Matthew. He was putting his hand on the door handle, when he felt strong arms encircling him and stopping him from going any further. Did Matthew just hug him from behind?
”Matthew hyung?” he called quietly.
”Please, don’t be mad and don’t go on the date” pleaded Matthew and Gunwook was left speechless. He just stood there, not moving, just letting Matthew hold him tightly from behind.
”Hyung, what are you doing?”
”I’m stopping you from leaving the apartment.”
”I can feel that, but… why?” asked Gunwook and felt Matthew tightening his embrace. Matthew put his hands on Gunwook’s belly. Gunwook’s heart was ready to jump out of his ribcage at any moment.
”Because I like you and I want you to like me too,” heard Gunwook and for a moment he thought he misheard the other boy, so he asked him to repeat the words.
”I like you. And not in a platonic way, but in a I-want-to-hold-your-hand-and-kiss-you-silly way,” confessed Matthew to his back again and Gunwook was so shocked he forgot how to breathe. He put his trembling hands on Matthew’s and took one of them and placed it on his heart.
”Your heart is beating like crazy, but you are not saying anything back, so I am getting really nervous here,” added Matthew.
”Last time we went to the grocery store together I almost proposed to you, because you looked cute while trying to reach the cookies on a higher shelf.”
”You what? Wait a minute. Are you implying that I am the mystery crush?” asked Matthew. Gunwook took a deep breath and said:
”Could you, please, release your embrace on me?”
”I don’t want to.”
”Please,” asked Gunwook and felt Matthew loosening his grip on him. Once Gunwook was free, he turned around, put his hands on Matthew’s face and kissed him. At first, Matthew went rigid but did not push Gunwook away, so he kept kissing him. Eventually, Matthew started moving his lips a little bit. In the beginning, they both were gentle and slow, but with each second they were getting more and more desperate. Soon they were panting, so they took a break from the kiss.
”I think we need to go on the couch,” suggested Gunwook and took Matthew’s hand in his. Gunwook sat down on the counch and Matthew on top of him, straddling his hips. Gunwook looked him in the eyes and they both smiled gently at each other.
”Wookie, you didn’t say it back,” whined Matthew, and put his head on Gunwook’s shoulder.
”I like you a lot. I’ve liked you since forever.” At that Matthew raised his head.
”What do you mean by that?”
”That I wanted to kiss you since you helped me in the school corridors, but we quickly became friends, and I decided that our friendship is more important than anything else.” Matthew sighed loudly and put his head back on Gunwook’s shoulder.
”Fucking hell, you should’ve asked me out back then. I would have said yes!”
”You would? But you always had a girlfriend!”
”I literally thought you were the prettiest person I have ever seen.”
”I did not know that fact,” deadpanned Gunwook, which earned him a kiss.
”I guess I need to tell you that every day, since you are my boyfriend now,” declared Matthew and Gunwook turned red from his ears to his cheeks. ”I love it when you are blushing.”
”Shut up!”
Matthew did shut up and kissed him again.
"Oh shoot!" suddenly yelled Gunwook, scaring Matthew.
"What is it? Are you okay?"
"I think I stood someone out."
"Everyone cheered. Come and kiss me," and Gunwook did as he was told. He texted the guy with an apology a few hours later. He also sent a message to Ricky that said:
You weren't so wrong about that drama scenario, after all.
Ricky: ??????????