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Eric Venue is a patient man.
Really, he is. You don’t become a successful actor-turned-producer by being impulsive and diving headfirst into the first fires of drama. No, you sit back and watch, observe as the discourse stirs and strike it down like laying a heavy blanket to snuff out the oxygen feeding the flames.
Which is why his long tenure has prepared him for this moment—physically, emotionally and mentally—to not break down in hysterical laughter at the stuffed to the gills with signatures, heavily binded petition just sitting on his desk.
His secretary sighed apologetically, cracking their back (something he could painfully relate to) and complaining that the package had weighed more than a cast iron anvil. Eric’s not entirely sure that’s accurate but he’s not about to contend with a former world class blacksmith whom decided missing fingers were a good excuse to become the best thing that ever happened to Eric—other than his son, of course.
And, he belated smiled, his new in-law. To be, of course, because Vil had decided long ago that he’d only marry his high school sweet potato when he’d finally become the Prince Charming of their dreams. Which meant that Eric would have to wait for grandchildren.
The travesty.
But Eric is patient and he’s more than content to let his son lead at his own pace. (Just don’t wait too long. Eric wants to see adorable little Vils running around the yard and cheering for their ‘cool grandpa Eric!’)
The thought did quite a bit to alleviate his stress at the sight of the large stack of papers, signature after signature spilling out, with a high quality brown paper cover and lovingly (with much aggression) tied up with twine. There was a bolded title written in the most elegant, refined and smelling strongly of sharpie print. It read — Eric had to doublecheck his eyes weren’t playing tricks again — PETITION TO BAN VIL SCHOENHEIT FROM ACTING IN ROMANCE MOVIES!!!’. There must have been at least three thousand signatures, if not more.
And like all good dramas, it had started with a leaked video.
‘MY HENCHMEN’S BOYFRIEND KISSED ANOTHER GIRL AND NOW HE’S INSUFFERABLE!!’
Schoenheit Family Bedroom — Evening.
The camera is being held by GRIM, whose paws are in view, along with his flickering grey tail. The camera is evidently placed on a cat bed, with the fluffy white rim and abundance of cat toys — mostly stuffed, chewed on tunas — littering the foreground.
YUU is seated on the chaise lounge, dressed in a midnight blue golden age night gown with hand embroidered blue flames much too reminiscent of their iconic companion turned mascot. They’re working on a last minute scarf made for Eric’s recent birthday.
Meanwhile, VIL is fussing over them profusely; doing their nails, skin care, massages and the whole princess package. He’s tense, speedwalking elegantly around their shared closet space in fluffy slippers, his long matching robes trailing behind in royal purple and golden filigree. VIL takes out an unlabeled bottle from his vanity, one of his personal potion brews, and walks back to YUU, who smiles back with just the faintest hint of exasperation.
YUU, calmly: You do know that I don’t hold it against you, right? You’re an actor. It’s in the job description.
VIL, scoffing: Of course I’m aware. However I would hardly be an adequate partner if I ignored your emotional needs. Even with knowing its acting, a convincing performer such as myself could still inspire feelings of…inadequacy and such. Completely foolish, seeing as you’re the only one for me but—
YUU pulls him into a quick kiss, evidently to stop his rambling. VIL’s composure takes a second to scramble back together, as if he was Humpty Dumpty having been pushed off the wall. A scowl overtakes his delicate features, but it’s undermined by the pink hue that has shaded his pale skin.
YUU: Relax, my Beautiful Queen. You’ve had a long shoot day. I should be pampering you right now. And I will, once you let me finish up this last part and make dinner.
VIL, sighing: Very well, sweet potato. But do hurry.
VIL’s arm snakes around their waist, pulling YUU onto his lap like a stuffed toy. In a rare moment of peace, VIL’s expression becomes serene and soft, unburdened in a way that many have never seen. It’s even more heart-pounding than his intense romance scenes on the big screen.
VIL, nuzzling against YUU’s shoulder: The director was quite considerate of my boundaries, all things considered. However, even an amateur would have scoffed at the tastelessness of the initial takes. A realistic kiss was the right choice in terms of the production.
YUU: Well, I certainly do trust your directing instinct. Why are you still sulking?
VIL, frown: It still took three takes to get to standard.
YUU: That’s pretty good.
VIL, deeper frown: I have nothing against the actress, however, I do prefer the touch of my sweet potato.
YUU, smirking: If you really want to pamper your lovely girlfriend—
VIL, rolling his eyes: Premium tuna cans?
YUU, sweetly: You and I both know that’s the only way for Grimmy to leave us along tonight for some nice quality time.
Vil, rolling his eyes: Well, if that’s the case, my Sweet Potato, I will give you all the premium tuna in the world—just remember to supplement his diet lest his coat lose its lustre.
GRIM can be heard drooling in the background over tuna cans while gagging at the couple’s flirting.
YUU, squinting: Is he recording?
VIL looks over their shoulder, pleasant smile turning into a cold frown.
VIL: I believe he is.
GRIM squeaks in surprise before the camera topples over as the cat makes his escape out of the closet. VIL’s exasperated wrangling can be heard in the background. The camera is picked up by YUU, giving the audience a clear look at their recent Schoenheit-patented makeover from VIL. They look as otherworldly as their origins, utterly fae and enchanting with the sparkles under their eyes and the silver of their jewelry in the traditional Briar Valley style — no doubt gifted by their close friend ‘Tsunotarou’.
YUU, fondly smiling: He can be such a rascal.
END
“I believe the fanbase has a ‘Yuu Protection Squad’ group on Magicam,” His secretary offhandedly mentioned.
Eric looked up from the video, brows furrowing with decades of stress and watching nonsensical fandom drama. “And how do you know that?”
The unsaid, half-offended musing that ‘why in the Seven’s good name was he not invited as the gosh forsaken leader of said group’ echoed in the silence of the office. It was only broken up by the obnoxiously loud slurp of ramen noodles from his secretary — who insisted that lunch breaks did not actually mean they had to leave the office, which Eric’s pretty sure going to amount to a HR scandal one of these days but no one has been brave enough to correct his secretary, lest they find their days suspiciously disordered or with weapons of mixed lethality dropping at their feet.
“It’s gotten a ton more followers recently,” His secretary continued, scrolling a phone in one hand, balancing a ramen cup in the other. “Some pretty big names in here too. The Mostro Lounge owner Azul Ashengrotto, up-and-coming lawyer Riddle Rosehearts, Kalim Al-Asim...Huh, at least two princes as well, damn. Malleus Draconia and Leona Kingscholar are in the chat arguing about…plans to defend Yuu’s honor? No, wait, they’re actually agreeing now and somehow that’s even worst…”
“Are you in the group?”
“Oh, wow. They even have Georgina’s sons in here. That’s not concerning at all, I’m sure the various things that their company does would be…beneficial,” His secretary commented. “How does Yuu know all these people?”
“They were all acquainted at Night Raven College,” Eric said. “Now, why wasn’t I invited into such a group?”
“Informing you about any hypothetical fan clubs for your hypothetical future child-in-law was not in my job description, nor am I paid enough to,” They replied. “Now, do stop sulking. It would be terribly aggravating to deal with the amount of thirsty fans should a photo of your face leak like that.”
“…You could have just said it would ‘harm my image’.”
“I am not paid enough to lie to you either, Mr Venue.”
Defeated, Eric slouched back in his comfy, velvet-lined chair (perfect for long, boring office meetings with the most dramatic types of movie directors and producers), filing through the petition again as if it held the secrets of the universe.
He had watched the screenings of the movie; ‘Magnifico’, the story of a king and his beloved wife whose daughter and citizens was corrupted by the power of the wishing star, leading them astray. It was the hundred year anniversary of Maquillaville’s Crown Studio, based on the true history of a lost island kingdom.
It was quite the spectacle— not at all a slipshod, mediocre amalgamation of tired tropes and half-baked themes. There was acclaimed box office success, toppling the previous high grossing ‘The Beautiful Queen Live Action Remake’ off the pedestal. Which was an amazing feat in itself considering that film had already amassed a prior fanbase due to its original animated feature, meaning that someone would have had to mess up very, very badly in order to botch the movie’s opening.
Just out of curiousity, Eric decided to browse a few reviews and fan reactions about the film.
<Enchanted Apple Reviews>
Audience Approval Rating: 4.8/5 Enchanted Apples
Audience Member 1 - Five Stars
I came into the theatre with sky high expectations. The lead was THE Vil Schoenheit after all! Our Beautiful Queen always comes through, and this was no expectations. Expections? Blown out of the water. Every scene, every emotion so beautiful captured! If I had one wish, I kind of hoped Magnifico’s wife was played by Vil’s actual spouse. (LOOK AT THEM THEYRE SOOO DUHADNYADANXHAIOSXUGQGW IMSORRYVILDONTCOMEAFTERMEITSTRUE)
Audience Member 2 - Four Stars
Compared to Vil with his spouse, the actress was kind of mid (no hate, the acting was good the chemistry was just not there). Petition for the sequel to have a recast!
Audience Member 3 - Three and A Half Stars
How did a two minute clip of Vil and his spouse make me feel more than this entire movie. The movie itself isnt bad but VilYuu is just too good. I think they’ve ruined all romance movies for me.
Audience Member 4 - Four and a Half Stars
I’d recommend the movie for people who want a whirlwind, fairy tale romance with a strong king and queen characters as well as a good villain with the brainwashed daughter and shooting star boy acting as foils. The pacing, effects and acting are standouts but the chemistry between the leads was lacking something. Maybe bias but I don’t see that relationship lasting past happily ever after when I just watched Vil interacting with his IRL spouse and they are literally couple goals.
Audience Member 5 - Five Stars
People are way too focused on what could have beens and hating on the actress but she did a great job as Queen Amara! Casting should be skill based, not on your IRL OTP (which major creepy vibes, hello?). The movie was super entertaining, a visual feast for the eyes, and had an enchanting cast of characters. Vil literally SLAYED as the King. Costume Design Department, you’re too good at your jobs, we’re not worthy of such magnifico (haha). Watch it for yourselves, it’s amazing and a really good testament to the hundred years of film culture leading up to the movie.
“I think the ticket sales have increased 48% since the video released,” His secretary added, not so helpfully. They tossed the emptied ramen cup over their shoulder, hitting the wall and bouncing right into the bin with nary a trace of ramen broth staining the walls.
Magicam #YuuProtectionSquad #VilYuu #cryptidofRamshackleDorm
<14 Hours Ago>
Morgana @seaweedisalwaysgreener
Does anyone actually know anything about Yuu? I went to school with them at NRC and they’re totally a enigma. Just appeared one day with a fire breathing cat monster, fought like 8 overblots, and took over the creepy haunted mansion on campus. Honestly, such a mood.
Anastasia @lessevilstepsister
SAME!! Oh my sevens, @theunderworldneedsheating and I did some digging and there’s literally nothing before they became Ramshackle Prefect. It was pretty hard to watch how Headmage Crowley would send them on errands too. Not just like jobs around campus either, I’m pretty sure he’s the reason they had to fight so many overblots in the first place.
Drizella @thebetterstepsister
@lessevilstepsister had a crush on them!!
Anastasia @lessevilstepsister
LIES!! I DO NOT!! PLEASE DONT KILL ME MALLEUS LEONA RIDDLE AZUL JADE FLOYD… [click to extend]
Cater @diamondcardsoldier
Slow down there @lessevilstepsister. Wait, why is Vil not on the list?
Anastasia @lessevilstepsister
@diamondcardsoldier housewarden has expended all the fear I can muster for him in my second year. Besides, he wouldn’t dirty his hands to off someone like me.
Jade Leech @mountainlovereel
What an interesting discussion.
Drizella @thebetterstepsister
So do you have any funeral requests @lessevilstepsister?
Anastasia @lessevilstepsister
At least keep my body identifiable for the funeral.
“This protection squad seems rather active,” Eric commented. He wondered if his son was ever going to ring him about the drama, especially considering the petition on his desk, but it did happen to be the couple’s mandated week off after every film release (a tradition started back when Yuu would help the Film Studies Club to make sure Vil wasn’t running them into the ground with work).
“Is that a hint of jealousy, Sir?”
“Are you paid enough to check?”
“Not at all,” His secretary said, typing away at their laptop. Eric wasn’t actually sure what type of work they were doing, considering their ruthless efficiency already filled out the entire week’s worth of progress reports, meeting arrangements and permission slips for future films. “It appears Lord Draconia has broken his phone again and his words will be conveyed by a very loud crocodile who doesn’t know what the caps lock is.”
“And you know this, how?” Eric applied to join the Magicam group under his unofficial handle.
“Sebek never joins unless Malleus asks him to convey a message. Something about Malleus being his only liege or something of the sort. Earnest type, that’s for sure.”
MAGNIFICO MOVIE REVIEW | ft. The Cryptid Of Ramshackle
Posted 2 Hours Ago
Unless you’re living under the sea (and let’s admit it, even then) you’ve definitely heard of the Magnifico Movie release. Maybe you’ve even gone to see it in cinemas! Let’s be real; between Vil Schoenheit, the amazing costume department, special effects sponsored by Olympus Corp and more specifically Ortho Shroud — Vil’s former underclassmen and an actual ANDROID!! — there was no way this wasn’t going to be a once in a lifetime show-stopper, on par with ‘The Beautiful Queen’ from nearly a decade ago.
But have you heard of another aspect of the film’s drama? An internet video leaked by @TheGreatMageGrim on Magicam has gained virality after the owner of the account accidentally posted the upload into a public thread rather than the private group ‘Yuu Protection Squad’ — having many such members like the future King of Briar Valley, Malleus Draconia, the second prinice of the Afterglow Savannah, Leona Kingscholar, the heir of the Asim fortune Kalim Al-Asim and many more influential figures. It’s curious then that Yuu themselves remains a startling unknown, being known as the Cryptid of Ramshackle while at their alma mater of Night Raven College, due to being the only magicless student ever to be accepted by the school’s unique acceptance process of the Dark Mirror. Not only that, they’ve been stated by multiple threads of NRC alumni to be responsible for the resolution of many overblot incidents in their first year, including the infamous incident that caused Malleus Draconia to lose one of his horns.
What makes this magicless Prefect so special? No one knows where they came from. Some conspiracy theorists even speculate they could be from another world altogether! But it’s pretty clear why they caught the attention of someone like Vil Schoenheit — and it’s not just because of their looks (but have you seen them? Drop dead gorgeous, both of them).
While Vil is busy with movie shoots and press releases, Yuu is behind-the-scenes working on anything from animal rescue to projects in conjunction with Olympus Corp to helping their future husband to-be (YES THEY AREN’T MARRIED AND NO I DON’T KNOW WHY VIL HASN’T PUT A RING ON IT) to helping their Alma Mater as a school therapist. One that is highly praised by current and past students alike.
When questioned, Vil’s former vice housewarden of NRC and undisputed number #1 fan, Rook Hunt, stated; “Our Trickster [Yuu Schoenheit, no maiden name known] is like the first breath of spring after a long winter. They’ve truly bloomed from an unripened bud into the most beautiful of apple blossoms, complimenting the perfection striven for by Roi Du Poison [Vil Schoenheit].”
Another alumni of NRC commented; “Dangnabbit I thought he’d [Vil] have learnt to put a ring on it before too long. It’s like watching them pine for each other all over again. You know how long that took?! Five-bloody-years of that song and dance!”
If that’s not a glowing review (I think…), I don’t know what is!
[The article continues into a more typical analysis of the movie, praising it overall. The author seems to be an avid Yuu fan, if nothing else. They seem to be a big cryptozoologist as well, though that is unconfirmed.]
“Alright. I understand the situation however…” Eric frowned, wincing at the stress line on his forehead. “How does all this…public support lead to this type of petition? With so many signatures, you’d think it was a war on pineapple pizza.”
“Pineapple on pizza is an utter travesty, sir. And yes, well…” His secretary takes out another file; one navy blue, the other cherry red. “There’s more to the story.”
A chuckle escaped his throat. “Isn’t there always?”
‘Cryptid of Schoenheit Manor Spotted In The Wild’
Living Room — Late afternoon.
YUU is lying on the carpet, hugging a stuffed peacock while crying. The video appears to have been taken on an older style camera, judging by both the audio quality and the date marked for the night after the private screening. There are wine glasses strewn about the room, being collected by a sober JACK HOWL, who is no doubt the designated driver of the night.
YUU, sobbing: He was so pretty!
DEUCE, patting their back: Please take a breath…you’re going to choke if you keep going like that…
YUU: His acting was so good, I almost thought— *hiccup* — but it was such a good movie. Vil finally became the hero of the story!
ACE, passing the tissues: Yeah, we got the gist the first time.
EPEL, whispering conspiratorially: They’ve been at it for three hours. Don’t they ever get tired of talking about Vil?
ORTHO: I doubt it. They’ve had a rough week, let them have this.
He does not specify what the ‘rough week’ entails, leaving it to the viewer’s imagination, though the under-eye bags, emotional outburst and dripping mascara do paint a not-so-flattering picture of once again being overworked by their intense workaholism (a holdover trait from their time at NRC, unfortunately).
YUU: And then they — *screams into the peacock stuffed toy* — and fireworks exploded and he looked like a real Prince Charming…no, even better…he’s my Beautiful Queen, after all..
SEBEK: The human has lost their proverbial marbles. Who shall escort them back home?
ACE: Not it. They get so…couple-y when their together.
EPEL, scoffing: Definitely not it. I don’t wanna deal with Vil’s nagging when I’m only two drinks deep. Get me another shot, Sebby!
SEBEK: HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS ME IN SUCH A MANNER HUMAN!!
JACK, sighing: You know showing up even more drunk will make it worst right?
EPEL: And I won’t be sober enough to deal with it. Sebek, another!
SEBEK: I AM NOT YOUR SERVANT! I AM ONLY DEVOUT TO MY LIEGE, THE GREAT MALLEUS DRACONIA!!
YUU: I miss my husband, Deuce.
DEUCE: I know, Yuu.
YUU, sobbing: I miss him so much…
DEUCE: I think it’s time to call it a night. Jack, can you take them home? You know Vil the best.
JACK nods gruffly, despite trying to act tough about the situation. ORTHO is also seen winning the game of cards that had been playing concurrent to Yuu’s yearning soliloquy. The video cuts out as a familiar gray tail knocks over the camera.
“No one knows how that one leaked or that it was even recording. Actually, it might have been the ghosts,” His secretary said matter-of-factly. “But afterwards people started to simp— I mean, garner more support for Yuu even more because of how much of a devoted spouse they were. Which meant they wanted to see Vil and Yuu together in movies instead of anyone else but since Yuu isn't an actor, they resorted to the next best thing. That lead to a trend of people joining the Yuu Protection Squad—.”
“Which you didn’t even invite me to,” Eric said, not sulkily at all.
“Or forming their own Yuu appreciation clubs,” They continued. “Night Raven College already had one apparently, and its one of the largest unofficial clubs hosted at the rebuilt Ramshackle Dorm, which is now Yuu’s counseling office and safe space, complete with a cat cafe that’s exclusively about feeding Grim tuna cans. Like I said, they are a really good therapist. Hardly any overblots have occurred since that year. The students say its almost like magic that they can tell when someone’s getting freaked out, as if they get prophetic dreams or something. Apparently, they also talk with an eldrich god that lives in the Ramshackle Dorm mirror—.”
“Pardon?”
“But that’s all speculation.” His secretary moved on from the navy blue to the cherry red file. “These are the reports relating to certain accidents that occurred semi-recently.”
The file was full of clippings such as ‘Unexpected Truce Between Vile Enemies: Afterglow Savannah Prince and Briar Valley Prince Team Up To…Woo Vil Schoenheit’s Partner?!’ and ‘Heirs To The Leech DEFINITELY NOT A MAFIA Family Have A Pleasant And Not At All Violent Friendly Reunion With Former Juniors (NO ONE DIED!!) on another note has anyone seen the cat’ and ‘Ex-Housewarden Riddle Rosehearts spotted beheading former Heartslabyul Students. How nostalgic!’ and ‘What to do if you spot a wild Rook Hunt in your rafters (spoiler alert: fight is futile. Just choose run)’.
And it’s in that moment, sifting through tabloids and news, that Eric gets to the moment he’s been anticipating all day.
SLAM!
The door holds sturdy, as is its noble duty. Eric had it reinforced after the second dramatic director he’d worked with accidentally snapped the hinges in a fit of theatrical indignation. He’d also had it fitted to be extra loud on the slam—just for dramatic effect.
His son struts into his office, high heels clicking away against the expensive wooden floor boards, looking positively murderous as he continued his warpath — right in Eric’s general vicinity. Eric’s pretty sure Vil inherited that face from his mother (no matter what his son says about him being a demon at work, he’s a perfectly reasonable boss; just ask his secretary!).
“Father, I need advice,” Vil’s mask is cool and calm, a complete juxtaposition to his early expression, which had already sent half the staff members along the way into an early, stress-induced grave. “Do you have any advice for dealing with certain…pesticides and poisoned potatoes around my sweet potato?”
Eric had always wondered when he had picked up all his potato analogies.
“Well, sweet potatoes are rather resilient,” Eric said, though he had no idea if that was actually true. He’s an actor, not a botanist. Although perhaps taking up some gardening wouldn’t be a bad option after retirement. He needs to keep up his silver fox physique somehow, after all. “Perhaps it’s best to trust that they will grow naturally to be the sweetest of sweet potatoes.”
“That’s a problem if they keep attracting flies with their sweetness,” Vil murmured.
Eric had forgotten, between all the missed family dinners and last minute cancellations, that Vil had always been a jealous child. Whether it be the stage of stardom or love, it seemed that aspect of his son — wonderful, in it’s own way, as a burning insatiable drive for perfection — had never changed. And perhaps that was relieving, seeing his son beneath the glamour of Vil Schoenheit.
“You worry too much. I think you get that from me,” Eric chuckled. “But they have already chosen you, and in turn, you have chosen them. That in itself is a great degree of trust and I don’t doubt their loyalty to you, nor yours to them. So perhaps the best medicine for this ailment of yours, son, would be a dash of patience and understanding. You have already become their Prince Charming, after all.”
His son’s cheeks turn a rosy pink, evident against the paleness of his skin. A soft smile reaches across his face, one that Eric has seen much too many times and especially in the company of his (definite) future in-law.
It’s only now that Eric notices the box gripped tightly in Vil’s hand, a dark purple velvet engraved with gold hardware and the symbol of the Beautiful Queen, a poisoned apple, embossed into it’s top. Well then, Eric supposed he won’t have to wait much longer for his second greatest wish in life at present (behind the grandbabies) to come true.
“We have a family dinner tonight, don’t we?” Eric laughed. “Unfortunately, I’ll be preoccupied with— err…work…” He motions to the petiton pile and pretends it’s not the most hilarious drama that he’s experienced in all his time. “So my secretary and I will unfortunately have to work overtime.”
The look of utter betrayal sent his way does not deter Eric in the slightest. He’s sure they won’t complain too much if the hypothetical overtime is wedding planning over the finest champagne that Eric hides away in a safe behind the portrait of his late wife.
“That is…unfortunate,” Something flickers in Vil’s expression.
“I’ll should be able to come around…let’s say 8?” Eric continued. Ever the smart one, his son catches onto the undertones of his tacit approval. “And I’ll even bring cake from that bakery they like—the Clover family is still in town for that catering event recently, they’d be more than delighted to make the order.”
Vil hummed thoughtfully. “Very well. Be there at 8:10 with the cake. No earlier, no later.”
“You’ve been planning this for a while then. I figured you’d have waited until I was an old man.”
“Yes, well…” Vil looked at the box in hand. “My schedule has moved up.”