Chapter Text
It was when the flyer, intricately decorated in the worst swirly font of mankind but printed with a familiar name on it, was in his hand did Bucky finally come to a few decisions- brash ones, of course. Unplanned, likely to end in disaster. But it seemed to be his style nowadays- especially when it came to the name on the paper that had been ignoring him for much too long to be considered normal.
Apparently it wasn’t a style to the others, much to Bucky’s surprise considering the people in the room and the previous adventures that led them banded together, now a face of the world somehow despite said decisions. Because when he brought it up to the majority of the group gathered in their main room, slouched over couches and idling while peering at the newspapers and the TV, there were several heads whipping around towards him simultaneously with much more energy than before as they were awake now in the sleepy morning light drifting the dust particles around the room. He saw a different cast of emotions; surprise, unease, amusement, suspicion. All of them mingled together until they were blended into one expression, Bucky tightening his jaw at the less-than-desired sight. Not the reaction that I was expecting.
The first to speak was Yelena, the blonde perched on the edge of the couch with Ava beside her as she blinked slowly after Bucky had spoken to them. She reached up and rubbed at her forehead, drawing her fingers over her eyes to brush away the clouds of sleep within them before squinting at Bucky standing up, her voice drawling in confusion and muffled from sleep, “Sorry, you need to repeat that. You’re going to… What?”
Bucky bit down his sigh and gestured the flyer up in the air again, watching the crinkling pale paper flap wildly in the open space when he flicked it with his metallic fingers. As the paper jerked violently, a faint tear now at the edges of the seams, Bucky repeated his thoughts out loud and the plan he had in motion, “I’m going to catch Sam at this party and see if I can talk to him. Talk to him about… Everything going on with us. With the group, I mean. There’s a lot that we need to share with him, and I’m probably the best face for him to talk to. We can’t delay it any longer, not with what we’re seeing with the spaceship.”
There was another beat of silence, one that made Bucky lower the paper from where it was held upright to challenge the others with a scowl as he squinted in their direction from the glare of the sun basking through the windows. He saw Bob next to the windows, turned to listen to the conversation curiously, but the next one to speak up was Ava as she regarded Bucky dubiously, her accent scraping and her morning voice a few beats lower than Yelena’s, “Right, okay. But I don’t quite see why that would be a good time to approach him about this. In the midst of everything going on, I don’t imagine he’ll take kindly to it.”
“Kinda with the others on this one, Bucky.” There was a deeper grunt from the man on the opposite couch, stretching out his sitting pose as he rocked up from where he was slouched. Walked reached up and brushed some of his mangled blonde strands before gesturing to Ava, nodding in agreement alongside a tirade that rambled out of him, “I mean, what are you planning on doing? What’s gonna happen, you strutting up and just saying ‘Hey Sam, fuck you by the way for your copyright decision! Also there’s a massive spaceship detected that we need to check out, but it seems like we need your permission for it, so I’m asking like a polite man and am being the bigger person right now because you’re being a dick to your best friend’? Just calling him out in front of many other important people giving him his position of power?”
An awkward lapse was placed between them all with Walker’s presentation, absolute confusion flooding over Yelena’s expression and the distaste on Ava’s when she scrutinized him. But Bucky could feel the boiling culmination in his gut, the guttural heat flaring up instinctively from the portrayal as his voice deepened with a growl, “He got that position of power himself, John. You saw it yourself when he made his speech with the shield. You know the man he is, so I’d watch your mouth.”
Walker clamped down on his jaw a bit more stiffly from Bucky’s chide, receding back into the spine of the couch with a muffled grumble only noticed by the wispy hairs of his beard moving with the utterance. Ava, however, was still appalled as she shook her head and leaned towards him with a grimace on her face, her voice condescending and scathing all at once, “Was that supposed to be an impression of him? Was that just… The whole conversation impression? Really?”
Walker scoffed, Bucky starting to tune them out when his eyes trailed back down to the crumpled page in his hand. He saw Sam’s name again as a special guest in swirling print, his thumb tracing the curls of his letters while he listened to the blonde man’s defenses against Ava, “Oh, come on. Give me some credit here. The whole idea is just ridiculous in itself. I was sprinkling that in there with just how wild it all is. It was an exaggeration.”
“Right. Okay. Sure.” Ava didn’t sound convinced, Bucky glancing back up to the woman who had her full attention on Walker now with no relent in the disgust much more apparent on her face. Bucky could feel a brief tinge of amusement from her chastising expression, seeing Walker pouting and scrambling across from her as she shook her head with another wry twist to her lips. “Now we all know who not to give the big speeches to. And to make sure he doesn’t speak to Sam about the important issues at hand and whatever may come up in the future.”
“Hey! That’s not fair!” Walker protested again, a wheedle in the back of the man’s throat that made Bucky finally turn away, unwilling to be part of the argument as he slunk back into the cooler arches of the shadows while the man’s voice pitched in the air and started to echo throughout their floor in the tower. “I can be persuasive and suave! I'm a total charmer!”
A loud groan came from Ava’s portion of the house, one Bucky couldn’t ignore with the deeper rattles present in the beams structured around them as it rumbled through the walls. He thought there was a twin one just a few pitches higher, likely from Yelena, but it was Ava that spoke up again in a voice full of weary dismay and agony, “Please, dear God, never say suave ever again.”
Their bickering didn’t seem to cease, starting off the day as predicted for the two of them, but Bucky didn’t tune in as he rounded his way through the floor of the tower to the back side away from the main room, where there was a thinner sliver of a ledge that allowed a few bodies to stand and admire the glass windows wrapped all around the tower. New York City stretched out in front of him as he paused in front of the view, the sprawling horizon shimmering from the golden haze of the morning sun as he could feel the heat starting to ripple along his face and skin, an awkward flush of heat around his shoulder area before the Vibranium arm settled in a cooler temperature with a faint hiss.
Bucky rolled his shoulder back, flexing the fingers before glancing back down at the crumpled page in his grasp. He unfurled it and squinted down at it once more, picking out the details within fancy squiggles that seemed to be more particular each day with even harder ways to read. Even so, he was able to manage the few important details of the time and place with a longer sigh of his own, slipping his eyes shut to let the sun’s rays melt away the endless ticking of his mind newly wired by the year’s events.
Talking about the Avengers team he still hasn’t scrounged up. A party to “boost morale” and encourage Sam to pick the most “worthy” candidates deemed by the public. Because of course the team with the actual New Avengers title now is too worn and sleazy for him. And of course, I got no invite. Had to rip this off of the wall of his building.
He couldn’t help but crumple the paper again and drop it to his foot, kicking it and watching it tap against the glass window with barely a whisper of noise as it crinkled sadly below him. He gritted his teeth as he scanned its wrinkled edges, feeling another burn through his limbs when he flexed his hands into fists and heard the whirring of his arm before it groaned and seethed with the movement, starting to heat up just as much as the rest of him. What the hell is his deal? Ignoring me and being angry with me for something I couldn’t control in regards to the New Avengers? And he doesn’t even want to hear me try and defend myself, or at least explain what happened. I don’t get it.
I thought… I thought things were different with us. I thought that’s what a friend would do; listen and hear the other out. That’s what it was like with Steve. I don’t know what’s going on with Sam for him to act this way. He’s not open like he used to be with me; I can’t get through to him. Is he actually that angry with me?
God, it’s annoying. And I don’t know what to do at this point but take desperate measures to even get him to say hi to me. How the hell did we get to this point? And how the hell do we get out of it?
“Bucky?” A voice called from around the bend, Bucky feeling the painful twinges from his cheeks as he unclenched his jaw and whipped his head up to the noise. Yelena was hovering by the corner and leaning up against the wall behind him, her dark sweater ruffling over her frame as she squinted both from the light of the sun and in more confusion towards the man across from her while she tented the sun’s glare with a hand. “Why are you wanting to do this now, at this specific party? The focus is all gonna be on him and how he’s specifically doing the opposite of what you’re a part of now; he may not have time to talk, and he may not want to hear us out. Or hear you out.”
He won’t have a choice when I’m there. Bucky’s chide had little to no heat behind it however, feeling nothing but a bitter and agonized twist in his chest that he stamped down vigorously before turning away from Yelena, staring out at the sprawling city horizon instead as he reassured through a grit of teeth, “I’ll make sure he finds the time; it’s the only way I can get at him and not have him fully get out of it without some sort of consequence. Whether I make a scene or rumors start from him trying to flee, he’ll have to be careful if he wants to try and escape.”
He paused for a moment, considering her words before glancing back at her with the tiniest frown, feeling a faint thread of confusion of his own as he added blithely, “Besides, it can just be me down there. I don’t know if he’ll listen to anyone else besides me anyway, but even that’s a stretch right now, I suppose. But I can just do this myself so that if anything were to happen, it’s just me getting embarrassed. No reason to have anyone else added to it.”
There was a low hum from Yelena’s end, one that he couldn’t decipher between understanding and pity when she lowered her hand as the sun slanted out of her eyes. Her arms were folded across her chest, silver rings studding her fingers as she twirled a few in her thumb before keeping her glinting green eyes on Bucky thoughtfully. “That may be true. But it might be better to have others there as backup in case things go wrong, especially if he does feel cornerned. Besides, I’m sure some of us showing up may not be the most far stretch out there if it’s to talk about the teams and everything; they might expect some of us to show and protest his recruitment, even if we aren’t.”
I wouldn’t try to purposefully ruin this event for him, The farther reaches of Bucky’s mind noted, the whisper resonating enough for it to approach the forefront and tug at both the frontal lobe of his brain and the thin streaks within his heart. The idea of a cold and calloused Sam had chills starting to make his nerves prick, hairs rising as he clamped down his concerns once more with a tighter clench of his jaw. “Things won’t go wrong. He wouldn’t hurt me. The worst he might do is kick me out of the event, but even then it’ll be fine if I get something across. Enough for him to want to talk to me about things afterwards.”
He could feel the burning stare of Yelena on the side of his face as his gaze slid away, loosening his jaw up and reaching to rub out the soreness spreading down through his neck. She eventually let out another tut, an emotionless noise before there was a soft thud of her turning her back to the rounding wall behind them, her head rolled back against it while her eyes scoured the city stretched out in front of them with a frown. “Well, you never know, even if it’s for me or someone else to speak up in support of you. Things have been weird and tense, especially with Sam’s attitude towards our whole ‘New Avengers’ sort of thing. And if he’s not been supportive of all of this, who knows how he’ll fully act when interrogated in a stressful situation.”
There was a pause as Bucky turned his body to face the glass windows instead, trying to refute and protest Yelena’s concerns, but nothing came out as he couldn’t help the shift of gears at the possibility. The idea of Sam physically getting after him seemed unlikely considering everything, but even that wasn’t fully convincing as his mind went back to their last conversation; to the scathing voice that told him off before hanging up abruptly and giving Bucky no chance to explain. I hate to admit that she has a point. Our last conversation didn’t exactly go well.
It wasn’t exactly the snapping or the demeaning that got to him the most from the conversation, however. It was the slivers of hurt that Bucky could pick out within Sam’s voice; the cracks and wavers when he was angry, the muffled inhale to push them down before continuing on. And the worst part was a lack of a face for the conversation, leaving Bucky in his bed and staring up at the ceiling later that night and many other nights to follow as he could only imagine the hurt in brown eyes, drowning him alongside the darkness of nighttime.
He wouldn’t hurt me, Bucky repeated to himself, eyes slipping shut to try and soothe the aching pounds in his chest that weren’t entirely squashed down by the guarded walls surrounding his chest. But Sam’s voice echoed in his ears, making space in the caverns of his mind and the gaps that spilled into his heart as he wearily opened his eyes again towards the beaming sun. But he’s already been hurt by something I had no control over. He may not be as nice as I’m hoping he’ll be.
“We’ve been through a lot,” Bucky finally spoke out loud, seeing Yelena turning her head slightly towards him to listen. Bucky kicked at the crumpled paper by his feet again, watching it roll lopsidedly until settling between the two of them and stirring Bucky’s gaze up to her green one still pinned on him with a tiny but poignant tug of determination. “Sam and I. I have hopes that he’ll listen if I just get him at the right time. If not for me, then for everyone else’s sake. I trust him.”
Yelena met his gaze, her expression much more awake than before as it was sliding with creases and furrows in her brow. Bucky saw her fingers tapping along her arms, her lips pursing briefly for a moment before she dipped her head to him, keeping her voice even and careful while she observed, “You sure do have a lot of faith in him. Even after how everything has gone.”
It’s the only thing I’ve got left of him nowadays. Bucky ignored the twinge his thought sent through his body again, accenting the aches spread out in his muscles as he turned away again, a few dark brown strands of hair dangling in front of his eyes and tickling his forehead while his brow furrowed once more. “Yeah. I do. He’s got a mantle passed down by an old friend, and he bares it well. He deserves to have my respect and everyone else’s. He’s earned it countless times over. I owe him too. For having the position I do now, honestly.”
“As a failed Congressman?" Yelena mused, unable to hide the sneak of a smile when Bucky shot her a frown. But he rolled his eyes, allowing her to swell with her victory as her chest puffed briefly before she settled back into position, a casual lean on even ground as her fingers trailed over a few etches in the wall she rested against.
Bucky felt a scoff in his throat in agreement, but it was swallowed down by the image of the man who had been by his side, who defended him and didn’t hesitate to come running before. The trust in dark brown eyes, the warm hands on his shoulders in reassurance as Bucky closed his eyes, embracing the images with more pounds of heartache through his system. And with the faintest wear in his voice, he admonished instead in a softness he didn’t expect that came from the aches spread both in his body and his chest, “As someone deserving of a second chance.”
There was a much more weighted pause, Yelena accepting the more serious moment as she shifted her stance and didn’t pick at him further. Though when she spoke, Bucky could hear the heaviness of questions and more thoughts, all buried behind two words that she spoke evenly to keep herself guarded and offering Bucky a shred of mercy with the lack of probing, “I see.”
He tensed up after, waiting for any sort of reprimanding as he couldn’t help the glower on his face in challenge when he turned back to her. But she only adjusted herself and fiddled with her rings again, studying the lean silver jewelry before she shrugged, her eyes moving back up to Bucky. They didn’t change in their thoughts, keeping a pensive expression while she reinforced tactfully, “Well, we can still be positioned around just in case anything decides to get fishy at a fancy congress party. Me and Ava. I don’t know if the lowball Captain America would be the best sighting in that scenario; I’ll make sure Alexei keeps him busy.”
Bucky’s scoff slipped from his lips, shrugging but adhering to the more unpleasant image of Walker trying to talk to Sam with his faux grin. He shook his head before turning back to her, giving a small nod in recognition. There was a settled feeling over his shoulders, as if eyes were peering out from behind him in watchful glares, and somehow it helped him to ease back. “Yeah, probably not the best idea with Walker. But thanks I suppose for staying on guard; it’s probably not the worst idea for an event like this.”
Yelena let out a faint snicker of her own, waving her hand in acknowledgment before her eyes slipped shut again and she rested up against the wall behind her once more. Bucky’s gaze lingered for a moment on her and the casual form she bore to him, his brow furrowing from the odd twinge in his chest at her offer. It didn’t send as much comfort as the thought of Sam’s kindness did, with many other variables in play, but it was a faint spark to something that was at least deemed respectful. It’s nice she’s keeping an eye out for me, even if it comes at a little bit of an insult for her slight distrust of Sam. I think I’ll take it for now.
With that thought in mind, Yelena sent herself off as she pushed herself off of the wall at last, peering once more at the view down below before giving Bucky a nod. She started to backpedal, Bucky catching one last glint in green eyes as they matched the gruff but straightforward words she offered him, “Think you’re gonna need all the luck we can give you, Bucky. I hope this man is as understanding as you make him seem to be.”
Bucky narrowed his eyes, a faint bristle at the back of his neck in protest, but she was already slipping away without a sound as she seemed to head back towards the chaos of Ava and Walker still bickering, whether it was about the same subject or not. Bucky sighed and turned back to the New York City view, his arms crossing and his jaw tightening as his gaze flicked between the sprawling sight and the crumpled piece of paper sagging on the floor. Somehow underneath the crinkled mess, an irony that Bucky didn’t even want to try and pick apart, the only words he could see were Sam’s name, followed by his “Captain America” title that made Bucky close his eyes and turn away, nothing but the quietest ache in his chest as he fixed his thoughts on the event for the evening.
I need this to work. Not just for me, but for the rest of these guys. And for Sam. It won’t do us any good being on the opposite side of things as the world moves forward. Surely he doesn’t hate me that much to consider me an enemy instead.
It’s gotta work; he needs to listen to me. Or else we aren’t ever gonna see eye-to-eye again. And that wouldn’t be a good idea for either of us; not for what we’re trying to do. Not to mention that would be throwing away everything we’ve gone through. We can’t afford that. I can’t.
He tilted his chin back a little with the harsher twang sent through his body at his thoughts, letting his hair fall around his face while blue eyes slipped open to stare into the horizon. Though the sun was bright and boisterous, ready to seize the rest of the day, Bucky couldn’t help the pitfall in his chest from the image of Sam’s cold eyes again and the absolute heartache threatening the precipice if he were to ever see it in person instead of his dreams.
Work with me, Sam. Don’t throw away what we’ve gone through for a petty title. Please. Please work with me.
—
It was a stark reminder later in the evening when Bucky was brandished in a dark suit that sported the same golden accents of his arm did he remember how much he despised events like these.
He could practically see the months of his political career and the fancy parties he had to attend due to it flashing in front of his eyes while he walked down the regal white steps of the government building, a stark contrast that made him shift uncomfortably when he had found his way through the entrance to the grand hall the party was being hosted in as a section of the building. Decorations of blue and red dashed the windows and walls in brandished material, as well as the large buffet and drinks table situated along two ends of the large room, leaving enough space out on the dance floor for half-hearted bobbing and wine-scented laughter that already made Bucky feel woozy from the amount of times he had already inhaled the pungent scent. He gritted his teeth and watched the folks of the government and adjacent parties mingle in the beginning hours of the event, sporting much more sparkling jewelry and interwoven pizzazz than Bucky ever would’ve worn or represented even with his previous career.
It’s no wonder I never lasted long at these things or in the government business, Bucky observed, though there was a streak of bitterness undercutting his thoughts while his expression turned into more of a scowl as his gaze wandered on. There was no sight of the only man he needed for the evening, creating much more irritation that sparked through his boots and made him idle impatiently. I can’t even see this life much for Sam, sucking out of a silver spoon and indulging in drunken stopes. How the hell does he manage?
“Seems like quite a sour face for a party,” A voice observed next to him, Bucky’s head quickly jerking around to Ava strolling up beside him with strides of purpose and an air of confidence even Bucky found himself shriveling beside. He could recognize the ripples of her suit underneath the cloth one she donned, a black outfit that Bucky begrudgingly admitted suited her much better than himself or others could put off. Even with the odd shift of weight and stature, she was still able to manage it as her dark brown gaze flicked around, accented by golden makeup dusted around her eyes that winked with the crystal-beaded chandeliers swaying above them.
Bucky made a noncommittal grunt and a small nod her direction, instinctively turning behind him to scout for the other member of the crew tonight. He soon picked her out behind a wave of guests that Bucky and Ava side-stepped for, chins tucked to keep the attention on them low even when the groups passed by with no recognition to them. Bucky’s gaze flicked back up to Yelena making her way over and the figure beside her, adorning a slick black dress with hidden fragments of gold that studded through Bucky’s own wear and the man beside her, a regal act cut short from the anxious fidgeting of the man’s hands.
Yelena made her stop beside Ava and offered the two members a nod, the man with her joining by Bucky’s side instead and offering the man a timid but polite smile. The brown curls on his head were somehow furnished for the event, giving him somewhat of a regal radiance beside his shy demeanor when he greeted softly, “Hi, Bucky.”
Bucky knew that time was of the essence and there were more important matters, but he couldn’t help the lean over all of them to stare at Yelena until she was turning towards him, mouth open with an irritated flare in her gaze as she felt the heat of his eyes, but Bucky was able to get his word in first as he kept his tone as non-confrontational as possible but have a polite probe behind it, “What’s Bob doin’ here? Why’d you bring him?”
Bob drooped noticeably, a faint twang of guilt worming its way around Bucky’s gut at the kicked puppy expression he bore, but Yelena rolled her eyes from his question and instead extended out black-studded earbuds for the each of them, shooting Bucky her own challenging scowl when he gingerly grabbed for his piece. “He’s non-threatening; he’ll be just fine as he walks through and charms the general audience since they don’t know who he is. Besides, I figured this social interaction would be good for him.”
“Social interaction?” Bucky echoed as he watched Bob spin the ear piece in his fingers for a moment, wonder and unease flickering in his eyes as golden accents from the light around them before tucking it into his ear and puffing his chest out, an action only Bucky seemed to notice. Bucky shot Yelena with an arched brow once more, a faint sting of both bemusement and reprieve zapping throughout the core of his body. “Are you conditioning him like a dog? What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean…” Bob mumbled from his position, the other three members turning to him expectantly. When they did so, the man gave each of them his own little smile that danced with the lights above them and caught the dimples nestled into his cheeks as he adjusted his earpiece and brushed aside a few of his brown curls. ”I like dogs. If that means enjoying some fresh air and a walk outside, I guess so.”
Ava snorted so vigorously that she raised a gloved hand to muffle it, turning away with trembling shoulders trying to stifle her laughter as both of the suits she sported wavered from the movement. Yelena’s eyes flickered over Bob’s sheepish form in an emotionless stare, seeing his gaze light up with Ava’s reaction, but she returned her sights to Bucky with the same frown remaining, adjusting a strap on her dress and a few suspicious molds that appeared to be hidden guns and weapons while she listed off airily, “Ava and I are here to keep an eye on Bob and help him. Be grateful it is us instead of Walker or my father. We won’t be in your way; it’s just a chance for some exposure for Bob. Work on some anxiety things and get a feel possibly for how an undercover mission might go.”
I don’t wanna play babysitter for any of them tonight, and Bob increases that chance. I got important things to take care of. Bucky could feel his frown deepening with another glance outwards for Sam before meeting Yelena’s gaze again, locked into another intent staredown with green eyes that probed him earlier in the morning. He gestured out to the boisterous crowd steadily getting louder, commenting blithely when Yelena glanced out as well, “This isn’t exactly a mission, though. This is my plan that you guys decided to butt in on; I don’t think it needs to be a training ground for him.”
Bob sagged again with a glint of hurt in his rounded eyes, Bucky once again ignoring the fierce stab of guilt in his chest as he focused on Ava’s displeased look thrown towards him and Yelena’s soured scowl as she rolled her eyes again before propping herself in a slanted stance, tapping along her watch she studded and narrowing her eyes instead down at the screen while she countered briskly, “Conditioning is never a bad idea, especially in perfect settings like this that can absolutely be something we need to do in the future. We’re staying out of your way, so don’t be such a sourpuss over it.”
Bucky crinkled his nose over at her with the exact soured expression she brought up, getting his own from her in return while seeing her bristle behind the darkened makeup shadowing her eyes. But before the two could delve into their own bickering, Bucky’s chest swelling with nit-pits despite himself, Bob stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s forearm, the human one that made him jolt and whip his head towards the promising and anxious smile their member wore, his voice pitching while he glanced around the room, “I’ll stay out of your way, Bucky. Don’t worry. I… I’m excited to see the party, but it’s not a big deal. It’s been a while since I’ve been to one anyway. I don’t know if… If I ever went to one, but it’s not like it really matters.”
I can’t figure out whether he needs to be guarded from society or unleashed into the wild of it. Bucky’s brow furrowed at Bob’s fluttered blinks before turning back to the mulling people. It was as if the wine scent had stuck and melted into the walls, flooding his nose as he pressed down on the ridge with his metallic fingers to soothe the ache growing there while he noted gruffly, “Well, unfortunately, it’s more of a gathering instead of a fun party. I’m sure Yelena could expose you to that later on alongside her big plans of being your personal trainer.”
“The best party I’ve been to ended in bloodshed and bodies,” Yelena piped in briskly when she was brought up, not looking up from her watch as she tapped it along and missed the way Bob’s expression paled. Ava as well flashed her a startled blink, all of their stares ignored while Yelena tapped a few more things into her device before adjusting her earbud, her eyes now first going to Bucky but keeping the same irritation as they did before. “I would say I’m not quite a ‘party-animal’ either. But either way, I’m sure we will get through this night and it will be such a boring evening that only Bucky would be able to embrace in its glory. Let's all have a cheers.”
Ava let out another muffled snort alongside a few giggles stifled by Bob at Yelena’s deadpan sarcasm with Bucky’s icy stare at all three of them, scouring them each with a glare before whipping his head away with annoyed crackles flaring up under his skin. He fixed his eyes much more intensely at the crowds surrounding them, staying hunched off to the side with the rest of them while he looked around for the mission of his evening. Please get here soon so then I can get out of here. God knows how long I’ll be able to tolerate these guys much longer, specifically Yelena, if she keeps harping me like this…
A silence had spread over the four of them, Bucky glancing over with a set jaw as he was prepared to snap back at any of them who made a snide comment for his stare, but all of them seemed to be scanning the crowds as well with focus as they searched alongside. Ava’s gaze was intent flicking through, a force similar to the ripples of her power that Bucky could feel while Yelena’s was more casual, darting here and there while she mumbled quietly to herself. The only one who was out of it was Bob, hovering by Yelena’s shoulder and wringing his hands again while his eyes focused uneasily on the glasses of alcohol sloshing in feathered grips of the guests.
Guess there’s something to be said if they’re actually helping me, though. Bucky pulled his eyes away from them, but there was a quiet twinge in his chest; a pull within the heavy walls surrounding it as he huffed quietly to himself before doing his best to clear his mind out of the fog and stamp down any sort of recognition. They probably just want to finish this up like I do. Lets hope we can all settle this, then go home and return to normal. Just minding each other’s own business and no longer sniffing into mine.
But right as Bucky was settled, leaning into the relief of almost giving up and calling the night off as he flicked through the whole room again with no sign of Sam, there was a hum before the whipped tone of Yelena spoke up, her observation sharp and clear and making every thread in Bucky’s mind sizzle away, “There he is. Just arrived, walking in.”
There was a snap of energy when he jerked around towards Yelena’s pinpoint, seeing the wave of security and other important officials crowded around a figure with hoots of noise that made it difficult for Bucky to see around as he leaned his weight into his left foot to try and get a better view. But then as they paused under a larger chandelier display, white-gold gleams spinning around on the floors and walls around them, they parted at last to reveal the man of the hour; Sam Wilson, studding a suit that was a deep red that almost faded into black, a few ombré tints around his sleeves and collar as he was caught laughing idly with the group he came in with. The hair on his face was sharply trimmed, matching the richness in his skin and the amber tints to his eyes caught from the scattered crimson droplets within the scenery, making him glow in almost a rosy splendor as he brandished himself to the audience with a wave.
Cheers and whistles from party-goers followed the gesture, drinks raised in honor of the man who walked in, but Bucky could only stare in a numbed buzz while he found his mind clicking and connecting with the images of the man before. Despite his polish, despite the appearances he would put on for the press and the face now constantly in the magazine, all Bucky could see and feel was the warm hand on his shoulder, the smile in the light of a bayou and surrounded by the smell of barbecue. It was a distant laughter of children and folks alike that kept Bucky standing, staring at the man he shared the memories with as it flooded back to him with a much deeper ache he could never stamp out. It almost countered the man ahead of him entirely, leaving him with nothing but a singular firefly lit in the darkness of his body, trying but failing to shine away the heavy shadows making his body ache.
God, Sam. What happened to us?
“Are you just going to stare out after him with this sad puppy expression on your face?” Yelena’s voice chirped in his ear, abruptly cutting out the hazy memories making his body warmed and mourning all at once. But her keen chortle made Bucky’s body zap and chill back over, stiffening to hold himself taller while he felt her arched stare on the side of his face. ”Or are you going to go talk to him like you said you would?”
“Give me a second,” Bucky grunted in retaliation, his voice choking up much more than he liked as he cleared his throat to attempt to stifle it. He took the moment to simply watch Sam interact with the men around him, recognizing his wingman Joaquin at his side and the dazzling grin the young man wore while he worked his magic alongside him, greeting others and speaking for the head man when he appeared a bit disoriented from the rush of people coming to speak to him. The sight was a bit unnerving, Bucky shuffling as he studied the scene in front of him with a growing frown. This may actually be harder than I thought with the attention he’s got right now…
“Here I thought you were so eager to talk to him,” Ava muttered from somewhere nearby, but he glanced over and saw the wrinkle in her brow as she observed the crowd as well. Yelena was shrugged in beside her, lips pursed into a frown when studying the masses for a moment before she leaned into the taller woman, gesturing with her watch as the two of them sank into their own conversation of muffled whispers and mutters.
But Bucky wasn’t left alone to stare off; instead, Bob took up his other side and blinked at the distant figure of Sam, perked up in interest but clear alarm in his gaze when he chuckled nervously. “I can see why you care about him, but I can also see why others are fawning over him so much. He looks so… Regal. Authoritative. But also fun. Kind. I bet he’s got a good head on his shoulders.”
That’s only part of the greater whole that he is. More tugs and burns seared through Bucky’s chest at the thought and the bundle of fireflies seemingly festering within the shadows of his gut, the feeling of an aged scar weaving itself into the canyons through his body. All he could muster for Bob was a faint nod, his hands clutching into fists briefly before his voice caught when he agreed quietly, “He does.”
Bob’s eyes flicked between Bucky and Sam, studying the onlooker and the man at the center of attention for a long moment with a faint tilt to his head. But before Bucky could tell him off or will him to stay quiet, his voice chimed in again with a softer tint, one full of a sympathy that he was startled by as it flowed from him tenderly, “You guys have a lot of history, don’t you?”
Bucky wasn’t sure if it was the vulnerability in the other man’s voice or in his own chest, all of the weight of the years before starting to clench down on him and make it harder to breathe as his chest only seemed to expand with the vast voided hole. As his sights blurred at the edges, nearly caught in the memories, he blinked quickly and shifted himself up taller, trying to crush down everything once more while he bit into his lip when he responded, a bit more curt but still quiet like before, “Yeah. Just a bit.”
He could see Bob inching a little closer to his bubble, clear questions in his rounded doe eyes, but it was what Bucky needed to finally lift himself up, clearing his throat loudly to stir the girls from their conversation. He reached out and adjusted his different cuffs, pulling at the material that felt a bit too crammed around his neck before flashing a glance towards Yelena and Ava as he spoke to them on official business instead of lingering in the awkward emotional tension, “Right. I’m going over. Keep to the sides. Stay on guard.”
Yelena let out a tutting noise as she waved her hand dismissively while he spoke, Ava mumbling something briefly before she slipped out towards the crowds of the party with barely a sound. Yelena reached out for Bob, grabbing his wrist and tugging him along while she called to Bucky insistently, “Yeah, yeah. Go on, Ava and I got this.”
Bob yelped from the intense grab of the blonde, blinking quickly as she started to drag him off into the masses as well. But he was quick to turn around and shoot a hand up as he departed, waving earnestly to Bucky and flashing him one last grin through shining eyes and genuine compassion when he called out to him, “Good luck, Bucky!”
Bucky chuffed as he left with a mixture of more bemusement and secondhand embarrassment, a half-hearted wave sent back to him after a few eyes flicked over curiously before he turned back towards Sam and the oglers swooning around him when he was shrouded alone. Some of them were starting to wane off, allowing full view of each other with one in the middle of the swaying lights while the other rested in the ridge of a shadow from a column structure, Bucky taking a few small steps out of the darkness with a breath that trembled too much in the back of his throat.
I shouldn’t be this nervous. There’s nothing to be nervous about. Yet each step closer, dragging his feet to elongate his gait, there was no settlement in his chest. Only fizzles of constrained energy and with the fireflies fizzling out to be replaced by earnest sparks of anxiety and uncertainty, of so many thoughts he was doing his best to contain but could feel wiring each and every nervepoint. I’ve got a lot of thoughts and feelings to share with him. I can’t let this go badly. I can be honest; I plan on being honest with how much of an idiot he’s been.
But it’s a conversation we need to have. He can’t just ignore me and think everything’s okay. We need to solve this like adults. Like friends. Partners.
The words were dragging in his mind, the last two making Bucky’s face crinkle naturally and his chest swell with an unsteady burn, but smoothing it out the closer he got. Sam’s attention was swallowed up by everyone else, allowing Bucky to flank around and come up from the backside instead of stalking him up front, waiting for the time to drag with their conversations until at last it was just Sam, the man even sending Joaquin off to hover by himself against his own column while watching the room with a tiny but satisfied smile. The expression thrummed in Bucky’s chest, more to stamp away with the walls of stone around him, but he couldn’t hide the buzz of warmth at the content expression on his face that almost resembled the same smile he could see in his memories; not quite as content, but still harboring some of the same gentleness from before.
Just like old times, Bucky told himself despite the boiling pot of emotions he could sense ready to plume out of him, carrying and fermenting everything ever since their period of silence. But he hovered just a little bit behind Sam, his hands clutched into fists as they stayed stuffed into his pockets while he inched his way closer and closer to Sam’s shoulder. He took in one last deep inhale, teetering on the last bit of peace both of them would get from the lack of the other’s presence. Like nothing’s changed, even when everything has. I hope… I hope we can at least still have that.
Or at least something. Anything at this point. Just let us have something.
And that was when Bucky put a placid expression on his face while he finally closed the gap, swinging his feet up with heavier steps as he put himself close but not touching the shoulder of the man he had been seeing in the front of his mind for so long, catching the moment that the man froze and inhaled sharply when Bucky spoke, his voice just as keen and mingled with sarcasm as if a day hadn’t passed in their lives, “Captain America, what an honor. Should I offer a bow?”
There was a lapse of silence, a brief one that made Bucky glance back over at Sam to see if he had already tried to flee or to at least see if he had heard him. But all he got was a stiffened frame, the man’s smile instantly washed away as his eyes strayed on the crowd for a moment before they finally shifted over to Bucky, where they began flashing with sparks that were both familiar and unwelcome as they burned with suspicion and annoyance almost immediately. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Great start. Bucky bristled instinctively, letting himself lean into his defenses as he pressed his weight onto one of his legs to lean casually and try not to appear vexed already by his behavior. He assessed the man that turned to face him, just as prickled and tense while Bucky bickered wryly in retaliation, “Can I not be in the same building as you and be at the same event? Besides the fact that I might not even be here for you, I figured it would be nice to show a face to the public for the New Avengers.”
It was likely not wise to mention the aforementioned team starting their months of silence, but it was an instant reaction from Sam; an instant glower of rage that made Bucky recede a little at last as the unfamiliar heat drove straight into his system and started to burn at the wires he had. Even though it wasn’t like the cold image he had in his head, Sam’s voice was curt, a blunted swing into Bucky’s heart and soul as he seethed, “That’s not your name.”
How far deep into denial are we both, then? Bucky tightened his jaw, already picking out the unsteady and almost dangerous tension lining the tightness in Sam’s face and shoulders under his suit. He stepped back to allow for a bit of space, but he couldn’t help the indignant protests battering his brain and relaying back to Sam with apprehension, “In the press it sure is. Can't do much about that one; that’s out of my control. Sorry about that.”
Sam’s scowl shimmered in the glints of light above in response to Bucky’s half-hearted apology, turning his head away and fixing his eyes back on the laughing crowd instead with his grimace. Bucky saw his arms tighten, as if clenching his hands into fists as well while his eyes roved the room before glowering back over at the man beside him. “Should’ve known you’d come to this just to be a pain in my ass.”
“Wasn’t particularly my goal,” Bucky grunted, though the honesty was wrapped in the usual chide and bicker that came up for the other man still glaring at him without any shreds of friendliness. He rolled his shoulders back, turning and shuffling a bit closer to Sam as his eyes darted back to the free space between everyone else before trying to push forward with his mission. “Honestly, I just wanted to talk. There’s been some things coming up that I think we need to-”
“Look, now’s not the time.“ The words were out of Sam’s mouth easily, a business slip that made irritation flare up hot under Bucky’s arm and threaten to swing it into something when the scour in Sam’s eyes was sharp and demanding. There was more indignation at the idea of bowing to him, his head already ducking to avert from Sam’s intent brown gaze when he pinned it on him. “This is not a good place to do it with public eyes and ears. I’m sure whatever you’ve got to say would be better suited privately.”
Is he actually serious? After ignoring me for so long? Bucky let go of his restraints as he made sure his bitter laugh ran out between them, catching a few nearby stares that made Sam across from him tense up further. But Bucky couldn’t help himself and the way he whipped back to him and took the few steps to threaten him at a much closer vicinity, jerking his head between him and the boisterous crowd while he sneered to his face, “Well that’s rich. Considering you’ve been on an ignoring streak with me lately, even with important matters I’ve wanted to talk to you about, there hasn’t exactly been any attempt to reach back out and talk. Hence why I’m here in front of you now.”
Sam’s gaze flashed when Bucky was stalking closer to his face, both of the men now only a few inches away from each other at the edges of the crowd starting to pay a little bit more attention to the tension from their corner. Bucky could feel a familiar prickling feeling of eyes on his back and neck, but he didn’t waver until he saw the break in the other man’s gaze, watching as he averted at last with a tightly set jaw and eyes that flashed with mild unease seeing how many people were ogling. “I’ve been busy, as I’m sure you know.”
Bucky could barely even see straight through the anger starting to flood through him and the measly excuse, his mission nearly tossed out of the window as his emotions barged against the walls of his chest and beat bloody fists around his heart. He couldn’t help another laugh sneered out of his lips, analyzing Sam’s tightened expression for a moment before stepping back, rolling the metallic arm back and hearing it hiss when he flexed his fist even tighter and let his words quiver with fury, “Right. Too busy for your good pal Buck. Of course, a very righteous excuse. Maybe I should’ve used that back then; maybe you would’ve left me alone.”
“That’s not-” Sam started to protest, but his mouth abruptly clamped shut as Bucky caught his eyes darting out from the corners of his eyes, watching a few more parties coming in with their boisterous voices and chimes of laughter that sang through the halls, reminding Bucky of the setting they were in. He flashed Sam a glare before obediently stepping to the side with the mildly panicked but mostly forceful stare the man fixed him with, trying to let the steam boil off from his body as he watched the figures walk up and introduce themselves to Sam, the polite but much more forced smile finding itself onto his features.
Bucky tilted himself back, letting the fumes combust within him as his eyes instinctively sought out the glasses of wine scattered around the venue. It was as if his mind was read when a worker came by, offering him a pale beverage with bubbles fizzing at the top, and Bucky took it and downed it without hesitation, hearing the drawls and praise of the figures beside Sam as they insisted in oily voices, “Sam Wilson, what an honor. Please, join us for some horderves and discuss your plan for the next Avengers with us. We’re dying to know your ideas.”
“Does he know I’m right here?” Bucky muttered, twitching his metallic arm to give it a purposeful hiss. But no one turned back to him, instead all of them patting Sam’s arms and letting him smile nonchalantly and send them away with promises of following behind, watching them slip out with guides of wine from the workers offering to them and grabbing their coats. It helped to deter other’s attention away, now welcoming the new guests and sinking back into the pop-esque music bounding through the speakers throughout the hall.
Bucky narrowed his eyes at the empty glass in his clutch, his eyes searching between his grasp and the waning people before a hand tightly gripped his arm, a warm touch that burned much more uncomfortably instead when his alarmed gaze met Sam’s burning glare, his words hissed through teeth in a brisk order, “Don’t try to do this again this evening, alright? Let’s just save this for another time. Excuse me.”
With one last brisk nod, an attempt to save face and keep things courtal, Sam was off to the crowds with another placid smile on his face for the crowds Bucky instantly picked out when he caught sight of the man’s side profile again. His hand tightened until he heard a loud snapping sound, followed by a shatter of glass shards as they trickled over the metal arm he had passed the drink into. He gritted his teeth, muttering an apology to a worker scurrying over with a broom, but he glanced around and felt a faint flicker of relief from the lack of attention as he leaned back against the column Sam had rested against with a muffled groan, pinching the bridge of his nose again to try and stop the rageful migraine grappling his brain.
God, of all the ways it could’ve gone; part of me was expecting this, and yet… Somehow, I still hoped. I can’t let him keep deflecting this; he’s just going to keep ignoring me, probably even more than before, unless I force him to talk. I can’t let him get away anymore.
Bucky could feel the heat of a stare at last when he dipped himself into the masses of the party, trying to remain inconspicuous, but he found the two pairs of eyes on him hunched in the corner away from everyone, one pair glimmering in a sage green that was starting to send out a recurring response of irritation under his skin, paired by the blatant and sarcastic observation that Yelena made when he loomed beside them, “Well, that looked like it went well.”
“You don’t have to point it out,” Bucky grumbled, snatching another wine glass from the table beside him. It was a bigger swig instead of a chug this time, grimacing when he felt the bubbles swimming up in his throat and battering against the edges before sinking down into his gut to make the rest of his emotions froth alongside it. It barely touched his system, used to much heavier alcohol, but the bubbling helped to boil his insides and make the rest of him seethe further.
“It’s called sarcasm, as I’m sure you’ve heard.” Yelena spun her glass of wine delicately, another flash of irritation scorched through him and a fight instinct kicking in with the faint humor he caught in her gaze when she glanced at him from the side. She had the gall to tip her head as well, a passive motion until the glint in her gaze was noticed. “Unless that was before your time. You do seem to be… Stuck in certain ways.”
Bucky bared his teeth at her in a scowl, but the other figure beside Yelena slipped around until he was sandwiching himself in between the two, Bob’s passively rounded eyes blinking back at him with an apologetic smile before he nodded out to the figure in the distance. “Sorry, Bucky. He does seem like a popular man.”
Bucky knew it was supposed to be a nice sentiment, as there was never much of a mean word from Bob’s mouth, yet there were still irritated twinges rippling under his skin at the sights out in front of him. He listened to the music catch a faster tempo and earned the whoops and hollers of the crowd, flocking out onto the dance floor to an older tune that kept feet moving and partners swinging as hands grabbed for others while they danced around. Soon almost the whole room was moving and rippling with waves of human arms and hands tossing out to the song, much to the chagrin of Yelena as she wrinkled her nose and stepped back more into the outskirts, Bob’s hands twiddling nervously again as he moved in her shadow.
But Bucky didn’t move. Instead, there was a twang in the noise around him that made him close his eyes and tap into the music surrounding him, taking a moment to try and latch onto the beats of the music instead of the angry drumming within. There was a nostalgic tune behind the speakers that carried the bass and lyrics, trilling into memories way too far beyond his reach but still plucking at the feeble heartstrings that they caught through the steeled walls around them. He let out a long breath through his nose, his eyes flicking open to catch Sam far across the room off to the side from everyone else in a polite decline to anyone who offered with a shake of his head and a lift of his hand, keeping space between everyone while staying in his own little bubble.
Bucky stared at Sam, the space between them filled with nothing but laughter and music as they were separated. And with that in mind, he felt the quietest gear in his mind turn with an idea- a ridiculous one. But it was one that made Bucky straighten up and set his drink down, rolling his shoulders back and adjusting his suit as his body was now whipped to attention and thudding quietly with energy. A brash plan, of course; unplanned and ridiculous and bound to stir more attention than he planned.
But honestly, when have my ideas not been crazy lately? This isn’t anything new. And if it’s the only way to get close to him, to even have a chance… Then that’s what it’ll take. Doesn’t matter who stares, who sees. This is it. It’s my only chance.
Bucky jerked his chin up, glancing back over at Yelena and Bob to see where their attention was. Bob had a more colorful drink in his disposal, spinning it absentmindedly as an impaled olive rolled under his finger when he used the stick to stir his drink. Yelena’s eyes were pinned on the crowd, watching with a furrow that had an odd streak of intensity woven within, but when Bucky shifted and made an attempt to step out, she was instantly whipping her head back around to him with sharpened eyes. “Where are you going?”
“This conversation isn’t over,” Bucky stated as bluntly as he could with no hint of his ideas, shaking his head and adjusting his wrist cuffs before nodding out to Sam’s lingering figure. The music was swirling and droning above them, having to raise their voices over the audio and the shouts of the crowd to hear each other. “I’m going to talk to him.”
“Oh, right. Because you’ll be the center of his attention against everything else?” Yelena’s doubtful frown accented the dark shadows around her eyes, gesturing with a jerk of her chin out towards the cheers and swings of people tossing limbs and each other around, no dull moment besides the swooping corner of the room they fell into. “It’s a full-swing party with fancy suits and rich people's laughter. How exactly are you going to get his attention and keep it on you?”
Bucky felt the pulses traveling into his hand, a whir of material from his other one when he glanced back over at the man still remaining at the edge of the party as an onlooker. There was a lurch in Bucky’s throat, one that made him swallow as it fell into his gut and buzzed along with the rest of his body with an uneven anticipation he tapped out through an unsteady beat in his feet. “I’ve got some ideas. It’ll make it harder for him to leave, that’s for sure.”
Yelena flashed him a suspicious look, her pierced brow arching with his statement as she waved her hand with a faint grunt before staring back off into the crowd, fiddling with her earpiece with no further comment. But Bob was giving him another smile, one filled with encouragement and hope Bucky could’ve sworn he had never touched in his life as the man chimed with optimism, “I believe in you, Bucky. I think if anyone deserves to talk to him or could really get through to him, it would be you. You got this.”
Bucky stared at Bob for a moment, the befuddlement at his heartfelt sincerity planting his feet for a moment longer before he dipped his head mutely to him, the best response he could conjure before he trudged away towards the target in the distance. He kept along the edges of everyone else to not stir anyone else’s attention, pressed up as close to the wall as he could around the tables and chairs while his gaze fixated on the hands clasped together and trailing over dance partners with spells of joy caught in shimmering gazes. It was a sight that caught Bucky for a moment in a trance, pausing as he watched couples dip their heads close and whisper with alight grins that made the ache in his chest start to expand until there was only a void that cradled him from previous thoughts, his mind attempting to stray to images from his idea that made his cheeks faintly burn but instantly slam down.
What am I doing? Is this ridiculous? Am I gonna draw too much attention? His eyes searched out again and found Sam, who was watching everyone with the faintest smile on his lips but somehow seeming a bit more quiet in his demeanor. There was no longer a glint to his eyes, instead keeping a passive expression while he tapped the drink with his fingers to the beat surrounding the room. Despite the distant look in his eyes, there was a golden gleam around him from the reflections of light casting over the walls, catching him in warm hues that brought out the crimson glows in his suit. Bucky didn’t dare take his eyes off of him, not even caring if Sam were to pick him out from the crowd.
Since when I have not been ridiculous, though? When it comes to everything, when it comes down to the very end, is he really going to judge me for it? When there’s so many other important things to focus on instead?
He can complain when he actually lets me back in again. When we talk. When he actually acts like we’re friends. Until then, maybe he deserves to be shamed every once in a while.
As his thoughts were drifting, hovering in his spot to wait for the universe’s signal, he found his moment when he saw a civilian stretch out a hand, beckoning Sam to the dance floor. Bucky saw Sam politely try to decline the offer, waving his own hand with a laugh, but Bucky let half of a smile twist his lips with the intoxicated woman beating him out instead and grasping his hand, tugging him out with a faint yelp Bucky picked out from the man when he was in the fray. Bucky waited and watched, his eyes down on Sam’s feet stomping awkwardly for a bit until he adjusted and had a fumbling but somewhat balanced shuffle going on beside a crowd that was spinning him around, grabbing for his hands and tugging him many different directions until he was nothing but a mahogany blur with his attention stolen by their cheers and laughter.
Bucky lingered for a few moments longer, his whole body charged and pumping with his anticipating heartbeat as his eyes didn’t leave where Sam swayed and moved as they cut along the lean of his shoulders and his uncertain shuffles. But he caught the moment right in a lapse of the song, right when more cheers flung up in the air as the previous music ended with a longer pause that allowed Sam to try and sneak away, thanking the people around him with startled laughter as he was about to return to his post at the edge of the room.
Not this time, Wilson. No more running from me.
And with elongated strides through the dark suit that winked with gold, brushing back his longer strands of hair, Bucky made his way quickly across the dance floor as he expertly wove around the bodies quickly trying to gather back into the pit, the next song cued and droning through the starting beats. Right as Sam was about to hit the edges, the grasp of freedom in his reach, Bucky’s arm shot out and spun the man around, hearing his yelp much closer to his ear this time as the human hand that had instinctively reached for him kept him moving until they faced each other, Bucky seeing the way Sam’s eyes were flashing from the movement as a dizzy spell rushed over him.
But Bucky saw the moment the realization hit him, the way he stiffened from Bucky’s hand on his hip despite how light the touch was as he sputtered under the halo of a chandelier beam at the new sight in front of him, “Bucky, what-?”
“If this is the only way to get your attention,” Bucky cut in before he could finish, reaching out and grabbing at Sam’s hand with his metal one. Their fingers wove together, suddenly feeling the rush of heat from all of the points of touch before he guided him back out onto the dance floor, eyes on nothing but him as the lights spun above them in excitement for what was to come. “Then I hope you know how to dance.”