Work Text:
The group chat was supposed to be for coordinating dinner plans. Now it’s just Max sending Carlos selfies, Charles asking if Carlos is free for cuddles, Lando oversharing, and Oscar trying to keep them on task.
...................
[Group Chat: Grid & Principals 🏎️🍷]
Purpose: Coordinate dinners. Stay professional. Avoid drama.
Toto:
Dinner at 7. Wear team gear. Don’t embarrass me.
Seb:
I won’t be there but please recycle.
Also, hydrate.
Carlos:
I’ll drive everyone. Just let me know who’s riding with me.
Max:
Shotgun.
Charles:
No, me.
Lando:
I already called shotgun like three races ago??
Oscar:
We have a schedule. I made a rotation list. I sent it to you all last week.
Max:
I ignored it.
Charles:
Same.
Lando:
Same.
Carlos:
I love you all but you’re useless.
Oscar, you’re in charge.
Oscar:
Thank you. 😌
....................
Max:
I looked good in the garage today, right?
Carlos:
You always look good, cariño.
What are you up to?
Max: (sends shirtless gym selfie)
Missing you.
Also… arms look okay?
Carlos:
“Okay” is illegal. You’re a sin with biceps.
Max: 😏
...................
Charles:
What are you wearing right now?
Carlos:
Charles 😭😭 it’s a team group chat
Charles:
Not anymore. This is private now.
Cuddles tonight? You owe me. You said last weekend.
Carlos:
I have Max tonight 😬
He brought dinner.
Charles:
He seduced you with steak AGAIN?
Carlos:
He used chimichurri 😞
Charles:
I’m showing up. I’ll bring wine. Don’t stop me.
............................
Lando:
Hi.
Are you… mad at me?
Carlos:
What?? No! Why?
Lando:
You didn’t like my TikTok.
Carlos:
Lando it was just your face with glitter filters saying “Carlos Sainz please kiss me”
Lando:
So you saw it and didn’t like it?
Carlos:
I’m LITERALLY dating you???
Lando:
Yeah but like… algorithm validation > personal affection.
Carlos:
You absolute menace. 😘
.............................
Oscar:
Hey. You okay?
Carlos:
Yeah. Max just tackled me onto the sofa. I think he’s nesting.
Oscar:
That's normal.
Just don't let him claim your hoodies. That's when it gets dangerous.
Carlos:
Too late.
Oscar:
I'll bring more. I love you.
Carlos:
Love you more.
Don’t stress about dinner. I’ll sit between you and Lando so you don’t kill each other.
Oscar:
Bless you. Seriously.
[Group Chat: Grid & Principals 🏎️🍷]
Lando: (sends 72 memes of Carlos doing the eyebrow thing)
New wallpaper for everyone 💕💕💕
Charles: (sends photo of Carlos napping on his chest)
He purrs when you scratch behind his ear.
Max: (sends another selfie with Carlos half-asleep on him, drooling slightly)
Correction: he drools.
Oscar:
Guys this was a dinner coordination chat.
Toto:
What is happening here.
Why are there 84 images of Carlos in the last hour.
Seb:
Because love is real, Toto.
Toto:
I’m leaving this group.
George:
Can I also?
Lewis:
Absolutely not. I’m watching this unfold like it’s reality TV.
[Private Chat: George 😐 x Lewis 🐐]
George:
This is ridiculous.
Lewis:
You're just mad no one sends you cuddlepics.
George:
I mean…
Not like I care.
Lewis:
Aw baby 😘
I’ll send you one.
[Back in Group Chat]
George:
Who just dropped a photo labeled “CarlosSainz_Bathrobe_MorningSun.jpg” in the drive link???
Lando:
Oh that was me lol.
Just sharing his ✨natural glow✨
Lewis:
That’s not glow. That’s… that’s LUST.
Pierre:
Bro. His thigh was OUT. That was skin. That was dangerous.
Oscar:
Max took the photo. He adjusted the lighting for maximum cheekbone definition.
He says you’re welcome.
Alonso:
Back in my day we sent flowers. Not booty pics.
Yuki:
I have SEEN things I cannot UNSEE.
Liam: (joins chat)
Hey guys what’s up—
Liam has left the chat.
[Carlos has changed the group name to: “Dinner Plans ❤️ + Fernando’s Judgment”]
Charles:
Why is everyone overreacting 😭
It was just one photo!!
Pierre:
You posted a live photo of Carlos licking your neck.
Carlos:
OKAY I THOUGHT I WAS SENDING THAT TO YOU FOUR ONLY
Alex:
Wait. There’s FOUR of you??
Like… you’re all dating him?
At the same time??
This isn’t a team. This is a cult.
George:
I’m blocking Carlos.
I have a fiancée now. I can’t be involved in this mess.
Max:
Weak.
[Photo attachment from Max: Carlos in silk boxers holding coffee with “Morning, cariño 💋” captioned]
Toto:
I can’t look at this. I’m a father.
Seb:
You chose to rejoin the chat.
Alonso:
chinhands What brand is that robe, though?
Oscar:
It’s mine. He stole it. 😌
Yuki:
Why is there a matching silk blindfold in the background.
Why is it monogrammed.
Lando:
Because we believe in ✨aesthetic kink✨
[George sends meme: “THE LORD IS TESTING ME” with Alonso in the background holding rosary beads]
Charles:
Can’t help it if Carlos is ✨irresistible✨
Pierre:
I just saw a photo of him in a Ferrari hat and nothing else.
I screamed. My girlfriend screamed. My DOG screamed.
Lewis:
I am not above pressing charges.
[Alex creates poll: “How Traumatized Are You?”]
-
A little singed (😳)
-
Emotionally scorched (🔥)
-
Fully destroyed (💀)
-
Actually into it (👀)
Alonso voted: 👀
Lewis voted: 🔥
Pierre voted: 💀
George voted: 🔥
Yuki voted: 💀
Alex voted: 😳
Liam: DID NOT VOTE. BLOCKED EVERYONE.
Helmut Marko:
This is unacceptable behavior.
Red Bull does not condone—
Max: (sends photo of Carlos kissing his jaw in Red Bull hoodie)
K.
Helmut has left the group.
Oscar:
Anyway… I made everyone mood boards for dinner outfit aesthetics.
Please match the “Carlos Is My Eternal Flame” palette or you don’t get a seat at the table.
Seb:
I support this chaos. I will wear glitter.
Toto:
I need a drink.
Carlos:
I just wanted to carpool and eat pasta.
Now there’s a fan cam of my towel drop moment and George is crying.
Lando:
You’re welcome, internet 💅