Archive of Our Own

All Things I love.

That’s the theme of Mutsumi’s current assignment for summer homework. Mutsumi is a good girl, so she always does her summer homework early. Plus, Saki always goes to the island whenever summer break comes, making them unable to meet often during summer break.

Mutsumi has difficulty doing her homework.

It is hard because Mutsumi doesn’t know what to write about.

Pencil in her right hand, clean paper–saves her own name and the title of the homework–is on the table, but she can’t think of a thing. So, Mutsumi went to Saki’s house, because being with Saki usually made things easier for her. For her to think comfortably. Also, because Saki is smart–she always knows things that Mutsumi didn’t, like how rainbows are made or how to read hard kanji.

So now Saki is sitting beside her, folding her hands and tilting her head.

“Mutsumi is confused about this?”

“Yeah”

“I thought Mutsumi is confused about the math because it is hard!”

“I already did it. I will help Saki later”

“Yay!”

Saki has been with her since kindergarten. It started with Saki introducing herself to Mutsumi, telling that their eyes are similar–bright yellow. Later, they met again at party and their family introduced Mutsumi and Saki. So, until now they are stuck together. Glued together, side by side. Wherever Saki goes, Mutsumi goes.

“Hmm”, Saki puffed her cheeks, “But, why are you stuck?”

Mutsumi answered,”I don’t know…”, making Saki let out another hmm again, thinking.

“Saki, what did you write for your essay?”

For Mutsumi, love is something that is hard to understand.
The teacher’s explanation didn’t help either. She said they can write about their parents, their pets, and whoever and whatever they love.

But, Mutsumi doesn’t have a pet. So, what should she write?

Mutsumi should write about her parents, right? But, Mutsumi doesn’t know how to write about them. Or understand why her classmates often tell how happy they are when their parents have invited them to vacation, buy them toys, and stuff. Mutsumi doesn’t understand.

Especially when they said it must be good to have Mori Minami as her mom and Wakaba Takafumi as her dad.

Why should it be special? When her home is mostly empty, most of the time. Except when Saki comes to play–her house is always quiet and… so empty. That’s why, Mutsumi is always happy when Saki come over. Because she can hear laughter directed at her and they are doing something together–from drawing, playing dolls, music, everything. It's always fun with Saki.

Saki is smart. And she is similar to Mutsumi. People said Saki is the princess of the Togawa Group and always speak about Saki like whenever they were speaking about Mutsumi. Saying how fortunate Saki is. They also have similar clothing, similar bangs, and their eyes. So, maybe Saki understands her, right?

About how hard this essay is.

“Hmm! I don’t know!”, Saki spoke suddenly and made Mutsumi look at Saki.

“Saki also has a hard time?”

“Because I don’t know what to write! I wrote a lot of things and the paper is so full I can't write anymore!”, Saki points at her paper, showing Mutsumi. There are a lot of words scribbled over. Things that Saki loves. So full that Saki wrote on the back of her paper, without the genko youshi . Messy but very Saki-like, still good.

Saki giggled a bit, seeing how messy her paper is, “Thinking about what I love is hard! There are so many things I love!”

That’s right. Both of them have a hard time writing for paper. But for different reasons.

And somehow it makes Mutsumi feel cold.

“I love my mother! She is always gentle and kind! She teaches me how to play piano! I love my mother!” Saki said excitedly.

That’s right. Saki’s mom is kind and gentle. Even to Mutsumi. Mutsumi loves how Saki’s mom pats her head gently, or when Saki’s mom gives Mutsumi a candy. Saki surely loves her mom. She always looks so happy whenever she is with her mom and talking about her.

“I also love my father!”, Saki said again, leaning over Mutsumi, showing Mutsumi her paper, messy as it is.

Mutsumi slowly read the words over, “He always hugs me when he comes home! Mother said his best virtues are his honesty and integrity! Mother said it is the best thing to have! I don’t get it, but don’t you think my father is cool, Mutsumi!?”

Mutsumi can only nod absentmindedly as she watches Saki’s smile growing even wider as seconds pass. She rarely meets with Saki’s dad. But, he also makes Mutsumi feel warm–like Saki’s mom does. And Saki too. He is always busy, though. Like Takkun. But he seems different from Takkun.

“I also love my dolls! Especially my mom’s! Don’t you think she is the cutest, Mutsumi!?”

Ah, right, that doll. Saki always brings it everywhere. Mutsumi remember Saki cried a lot when the teacher said she couldn’t bring it to kindergarten. So, Mutsumi said she can hold her instead. So, Saki did. She holds Mutsumi’s arm the whole time during kindergarten for a week until Saki’s mom scolds Saki for troubling Mutsumi. Mutsumi didn't feel like it was a trouble. She likes how Saki cling to her.

“I also love playing piano, Mutsumi! It is so fun! Hey, hey, for my mom’s next birthday, how about we play together? Mutsumi with your guitar! And I will play the piano!”, Mutsumi nods, they always play music together. While Saki is already pretty and happy normally. She always looks prettier when she plays the piano, happier and prettier.

“Also bugs! Mutsumi, I will catch a bug for you when I go to the island, alright?”

Since she went to the island last year, Saki has a weird love for bugs. It is hard to reject Saki when she is just like that. So, Mutsumi just accept Saki’s weird wriggling bug.

“So, how about it, Mutsumi?”, Saki asked her suddenly and startling Mutsumi.
“...?”
“How about writing about your parents?”

Mutsumi doesn't understand the warmth of parents.

Or why she has to call Minami-chan with Minami-chan, not mom or mother. Or why she has to call Takkun with Takkun, not dad or father.

Like Takkun always went somewhere. Sure, he gives a lot of gifts to Mutsumi.

But after that?

After meeting shortly and gifting souvenirs after a few months of not seeing each other? Takkun always goes somewhere else–content enough playing a busy yet good father. So, Mutsumi also pretend to be a good daughter too, by being happy, by being content, by smiling whenever Takkun comes home.

Mutsumi doesn't understand the warmth of a mother.
Sure, Minami-chan back then often grabbed her hand gently as the two of them went somewhere else. But, more often than not, Mutsumi see how startled Minami-chan is when Mutsumi does something . Her golden eyes–which resemble Mutsumi’s–are filled with something that made her scared. So Mutsumi tries to be a good girl, patient, quiet, and docile, also obedient whenever Minami-chan is around. But the more she tries, the more Minami-chan looks at her like… that . It hurts. Minami-chan looks happier when Mutsumi doesn’t enter her vision field, so Mutsumi does that.

Mutsumi doesn't understand a lot of things. Such as whenever people whisper behind her back saying how cute she is, how fortunate she is, how much she is being loved, all and all end up with the Wakaba family again. So many times that Mutsumi can’t count them.

Ah, they are looking at Wakaba behind her.

So, what is love in the first place?

Does love always make someone feel cold? But why is Saki so warm whenever she talks about her parents? Why does Saki always look so happy? Why does everyone look so happy when they talk about their parents?

Why?

Mutsumi tries her best to make their parents and everyone happy. That’s why people love Takkun. Because he always makes others smile and laugh on television. 

So, Mutsumi tries her best–when the camera is flashing at her, when adults are asking her questions.

Mutsumi tries her best. But, somehow, after speaking, the room filled with something that Mutsumi doesn’t understand, but their–the adult's–face changed. From a wide smile to… to something different. Like, Mutsumi is not supposed to do that . To say that.

Mutsumi tries her best, really. Sometimes it feels weird, but she learns to act in a way that makes others happy. Just follow Saki–how she smiles, how she speaks, how she looks at people–just follow Saki’s example. And people will be happy. So Mutsumi does. And people are happy. After all, Mutsumi is also always happy being with Saki.

Then, what is Mutsumi?

Who is Mutsumi ?

The precious daughter of Wakaba. Looks like a doll, demure, quiet, and… yet she can be whatever people want. From a cheerful kid, a timid kid, anything. She can do anything.

“Mutsumi?”

Saki called her, she looked so worried, “What’s wrong?”

Mutsumi shook her head lightly, “Nothing” because Saki would not understand.

But, it is fine.

Saki doesn’t have to. Mutsumi doesn’t want Saki to look at Mutsumi like Minami-chan does after all.

“Ah! I also love Mutsumi too!”, Saki suddenly said with sparkle in her eyes, then she turned back the paper–it fills the things she loves about Mutsumi. A lot. Even more than her parents, bugs, piano, and dolls combined.

Mutsumi can’t think–the writing is messy because Saki didn’t write it in genko youshi . But, it makes Mutsumi feel so warm. Like something crash over her. Especially when she sees Saki’s cheeks are red like a tomato.

“Hehe, I am shy!”, she said that, but with a small smile on her face.

“Saki…”, Mutsumi’s voice is smaller than usual. Mutsumi doesn’t know what to feel. How to describe the warmth in her heart that exploded like a bomb when she heard that? When she saw Saki being like that? How?

But, before she asks Saki about that, or understands everything–

–Saki then continued, beaming with light–

“See? Even if Mutsumi doesn’t want to write about your parents, it is okay! We can look for other things!”, Saki suddenly said, as she clapped her hand–a good idea.

“Saki is smart”, Mutsumi told her, and Saki looked so proud.

“But, I…” Mutsumi started, “I don’t know what to love”, she admitted quietly, after all, Saki also admitted her love for Mutsumi.

Mutsumi gained a bit of courage, especially when she saw how red Saki’s ear was by admission. It is different. But it is like sharing a secret. She always feels safe with Saki. So, she finally told her. Because she doesn’t understand love. Or why would Saki love her and write so much about Mutsumi when Mutsumi doesn’t even understand what to love about herself, or anything, really.

Saki frowned, tilting her head, furrowing her eyebrows. After a while, she clapped her hands again–as if she just solved a big mystery, “How about we start from a small thing, you know?”

“Small thing?”

“Yep. Small thing! Like, how about the mango juice!”, Saki pointed out at the half-drunk mango juice on the table. Mutsumi blinked in confusion, then Saki, without faltering, she continued to speak, “Whenever we have tea time together, Mutsumi always choose mango juice, right? Not tea or strawberry juice or orange juice! Don’t you think it is love?”

Mutsumi blinked slowly. Saki is right. She always chooses mango juice. But is it love? She never thought about it. She always likes the sweetness of mango juice. But, yeah… Saki is right. She always chooses mango juice out of every drink. It is not special or big thing, really. But, maybe it is love, in its own way.

So, Mutsumi nods slowly, “I guess so…”

“Then, how about Kuma-san?” Saki pointed out again, she gestured Mutsumi’s polar bear plushie with her hand, “Mutsumi loves bringing it everywhere, right?”, did she? Did she really bring it everywhere she goes? Honestly, she only wants Takkun to feel happy because she asked for Kuma-san back then.

“You always pick Kuma-san first, Mutsumi. Just like when I always choose my mom’s doll first!” as if sensing Mutsumi’s confusion, Saki added with a big smile on her face. Maybe Mutsumi really does that. There are a lot of plushies she owns. But, yeah… Mutsumi always take Kuma-san first into her arms and brings it to the sleepover with Saki.

Mutsumi finally nods, “Yeah…”

“Then! Then!” Suddenly, Saki stood, and using her hand to do an air guitar–pfft.

Mutsumi laughs at her antics, “Guitar too!”, Saki exclaimed at her loudly, “Mutsumi loves guitar!” then she used both of her arms to make a big circle–as big as she could. Mutsumi can’t help but laugh once again. Saki grinned ear to ear, hearing her laugh, as if she were the one who loves the guitar the most.

But, yeah, Saki is right. So, Mutsumi smile at Saki and nods at her. Her pink guitar–how could she forget it?

“Oh! Also Mooten! Whenever we watch her videos, Mutsumi, you alwayssssssss… focusedd! Like you watch Mooten’s video again and again!” Sakiko grins widely as she pretends there is a TV with her hand–mimicking Mutsumi whenever they watch Mooten’s guitar video again and again.

“And you always do that thing with your hand! Following Mooten’s guitar!” Then Sakiko do another air guitar–picking.

Mutsumi feels a bit shy, but she can’t help but laugh at Sakiko’s action.

Yeah.
She loves her guitar–she chose it despite Minami-chan, Takkun, and the shopkeeper’s advice to choose a classical guitar instead.
She loves Mooten–she loves how cool Mooten’s performance and music are.

They always make her so giddy and excited. Is that love? If so, how happy it is. Mutsumi nods enthusiastically. No wonder people are so happy when talking about things they love!

“See?”, Saki, bouncing a bit, looks so happy, even happier than Mutsumi, “There are a lot of things you love, Mutsumi!”

Saki is right.
There are things that she loves. Even when she didn’t recognise them at the beginning or name them. She has things that she loves. And Saki made her realize that. Saki is so smart. Mutsumi’s heart feels so full when she thinks about this. 

“Do you have any idea what the others are?”, Saki then asked her, her eyes glimmering with excitement again, not that it ever wasn't.

Her question caught Mutsumi off guard. Her heart clenches, but it is full. So warm. If love can take form as small as mango juice, as a thing she always brings almost everywhere without realize it like Kuma-san, or as a thing that makes her excited like Mooten, and as a thing she can never part with like her guitar. Then –

“Saki…”

“Yes?”

Saki smiles at her, tilting her head, waiting for Mutsumi to say something with two big bright yellow eyes, full of expectations, but never changing, no matter what roles Mutsumi plays–timid, cheerful, quiet–Saki always look at her like that, like waiting patiently, with her lips curved into a wide smile, chatting happily with her regardless Mutsumi’s personality, and willing to stay with Mutsumi no matter what. As if she has accepted Wakaba Mutsumi wholeheartedly no matter what.

Comes to think of it, Saki always looked at her like that, even from the beginning.

“Hello, my name is Sakiko! What’s your name?”

Mutsumi blinked, suddenly a light blue entered her vision. There is a girl around her age with similar amber eyes–but more lively, more vivid, and brighter and filled with excitement.

So, which Mutsumi she have to play now?

The quiet one? The demure one? The cheerful one? The cold one? What. Which Mutsumi would she cho–

“Ah! That doll is cute!” the other girl squealed suddenly, pointing at the doll that in Mutsumi’s embrace.

“... yeah”

Before she could choose, she found herself nodded. The girl–Saki–smiles at her brightly.

“I love Saki”

–Then love can also take the form of her friend.

She will always choose Saki over everyone. She always seeks Saki. Somehow, her legs always bring her to Saki, following Saki–tag, hide and seek, or bug searching. Just like mango juice. It just feels natural and normal to be with Saki whenever she can.

She will always run to Saki without realising it. To share things she never told Minami-chan, Takkun, or their teacher.

Saki is like Kuma-san. Mutsumi loves to hug Kuma-san whenever she feels sad, and Kuma-san always make her feel better afterwards. Just like whenever she sees Saki’s wide smile, or hears her laugh, or sees how close and pretty Saki’s eyes are.

Just like when she loves Mooten’s performance. She also always admires Saki. Following and mimicking her behaviour. Because she loves her so much, and Saki is so cool. She can do anything!

Just like her guitar. She can never imagine being separated from her guitar. She can never imagine being separated from Saki.

Saki’s eyes are widened, there is a blush on her cheeks as she grins so widely, “Me too, Mutsumi! I love Mutsumi too!”

“Then, let’s write it, Mutsumi!”

“Yeah…”

Right.
She loves Saki. Loves how bright and cheerful she is. And Saki made her not meet Minami-chan and can answer Takkun’s question about her school life.

It is always Saki–

Saki–

–and Saki .

That’s why Mutsumi doesn't mind when her parents didn't love her.

Because she has Saki.

That's why Mutsumi doesn't mind whenever other people whisper about herself.

Because she has Saki.

Thats why–

Saki is love.

Mutsumi can’t write all the things she loves on her paper, she can’t mess up like Saki and write it on the back of the paper, after all.

But the feelings are overwhelming all the same, so full, her chest is like filled with something and it has overflowed everywhere–messy, but good. Just like Saki’s writing.

So, Mutsumi wrote just a bit–representing the feelings in her chest as much as she could, not that she is good with words. But she tries.

I love mango juice. Because it is sweet.

I love Kuma-san. Kuma-san always makes me feel better.

I love Mooten, she is so cool, I want to play like Mooten.

I love playing guitar, and right now I want to do slides soon.

I love Saki. She is smart and makes me feel warm.

“It is done”, Mutsumi muttered quietly, and she showed Saki her finished essay.

“Perfect, Mutsumi!”, Saki replied with a big smile, looking as proud as if she were the one who wrote that. Saki always likes that, she is proud about Mutsumi’s achievement as if it were her own, and it always makes Mutsumi smile in return, seeing that proud look on Saki’s face.

Her essay is not full like Saki's, there are some spaces left. But at the very least, she fills it with things she loves. And finally, she can understand love a bit more.