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Chapter Text

 Azula woke up. She should not be waking up. Because no one should wake up after being thrown off a mountain. And because everything felt wrong. She could not see. Her head hurt like something was splitting it open from inside. Everything hurt. Everything was not where they should be. It felt like her whole arm was torn off and replaced with her legs. And her waist was twisted back to front. And then there was the voice. It was high and low, and grisly and tinny all at the same time. It said she should not be waking up. Azula believed it. Then she felt a new sensation on her lips; something smooth and cool and hollow. The same voice, still too tinny, too grisly said to take a deep breathe. Azula tried. She could not. It felt like her lungs were already full nothing could come in. Still the voice kept pushing, and Azula kept trying.

 Azula woke up. Again. She knew she woke up because she could tell there was light. Dim, and faded, like she was looking outside through a thick curtain. She tried moving, but nothing happened. Her whole body felt like it was tied up. Even her fingers and her toes. And then there was the pain. She could not tell which part of her was in pain. She felt the pain in her legs, but they felt like they were on her shoulders. Her lungs were still full. She knew because she kept panting. She could not tell how long she had been awake. Then she heard. A creak and what sounded like a curtain was being pulled, Then she saw the eyes. Dark grey, surrounded by some pronounced wrinkles. 

“You, are a very stubborn patient.” The voice was still growly and tinny to her, but she could at least hear the man clearly. Then she felt the same smooth and cold sensation on her lips. “Deep breath.” Azula tried. She choked. Again, it felt like her lungs were replaced by rocks. They refused to take in air. “I know it’s hard, but you need to take a deep breath. You should not be waking up.” So Azula tried. Again. And again. And again.

 Azula woke up. She could clearly see the top of the room now. All brown and grey from the hard clay and dried leaves. Her head had stopped felt like it was being split open now, though the pain was still there. Her whole body was still in pain, but at least everything felt like where they should be. Her legs were her legs, and her arms were arms again. She still could not move. Then she heard the creak again. And the curtain being pulled. Azula had to close her eyes for a moment, and slowly opened them again to let her eyes get use to the sudden light.

”Ah, I was wondering when you would wake up again. You are as punctual as ever.” Then she felt the same smooth and cold sensation on her lips. Like last time. Azula tried to shook her head, but she could not. “It is time for you to wake. This is a reduced dosage. It should numb the pain, just enough to prep you up.” Azula sighed. It could be a trick to keep her sleeping for all she knew, but there was nothing else she could be doing. So she breathed. It was better than the last time, but still not deep enough. She could not tell if it actually did something. She was still in pain.

 There was movement around her now. She felt something rustled, and slithered above her head. Then she felt the arm behind her shoulders. “I’m going to put you up now. Grit your teeth or you’ll bite your tongue off.”

 Azula was not prepared for the sharp pain on her spine as the man moved her. She was panting, fast and desperate when it was finally over. When the pain finally dulled, she found her breathing was better. Not good. Not normal. Just… better. She finally raised her head, and found the man, already sitting beside her bed, looking at her. 

 He looked like he was in his early sixties, with greying hair and a fistful of beard under his chin. He had a soft smile. He raised a finger when Azula was about to open her mouth. “I know you have a lot of questions, but those are not important to you right now.” He brought a bowl towards her, spooned some of the broth, and raised it to her lips. “Small sips, not all at once. We need to get your body use to food again.” When Azula did nothing, he sighed. “I will allow you one question today. Think about what you want to ask while you eat.”

 Azula sipped on the broth, which tasted too much like water to be called broth, in silence. Her eyes never left the man’s, as he kept bringing the spoon to her lips. Her mind raced, thinking what she wanted to ask him. When she finally felt like she would vomit, she shook her head, signalling him she had had enough. She still had no idea what to ask him. 

“How long?” Azula croaked. Her throat felt raw, and scratchy, like she had swallowed rocks and sand during her fall. She probably did. 

 The man looked at her for a moment, before he sighed. “Eight months.” 

 Azula’s breath lodged in her throat. Eight months. She was… unconscious for eight months. A few more weeks and she’d be like a new baby coming out of her mother’s womb. She couldn’t move, she needed to be fed, she might as well be. Azula did not know what to think. So she didn’t. She kept staring at the blanket, covering her whole body up until her stomach. She did not know how long she stayed like that, when she felt the squeeze on her shoulder. The bowl he had earlier was gone, so he probably left her alone for some time. “Who are you?” He sighed.

“Do you not understand what the word ‘one’ means?” She scowled, or at least, tried to. He sighed again, more annoyed this time. “Very well. I am Li Shen, a doctor. I found you eight months ago at the foot of the mountain, already half-dying. I nursed you back to health, which was not an easy feat, because you, are a very uncooperative patient. I could write a book about the extensions of your injury and the treatment I had to do, and it would be advancing Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge about the limit of human bodies forward by five years. In fact, I did write a book about the extensions of your injuries and the treatments I had to do, and it will be pushing Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge about the limit of human bodies forward by five years. I’m going to examine your arms now, and you will be quiet, or you will vomit blood.” 

 Azula had to clench back her already opened jaw. 

“You felt the squeeze earlier?” She nodded. Then he moved lower, to her bicep. He didn’t ask a question, and gave her a look instead. Another nod. Then he moved to her elbow. Another nod. Her forearm. A nod. Her wrist, her palm, her fingers. Nodnodnod. They repeated everything for her left arm. “Seems like your arms should be fine. Move a finger for me.” Azula stared at him, and tried moving her index finger. Nothing happened. She tried harder. Still nothing happened. So she tried harder.

 Her finger bent.

 Azula screamed.

 It felt like she was back in the black, when she registered the soothing circles on her back. Li Shen’s voice was close to her ear now. “It’s okay. You’re okay. The first one is always the hardest. Look at your fingers.” Azula blinked her tears away, and looked through blurry vision. Her fingers were moving now. Erratic, unstable, stiff. Painful . But they were moving. “Keep on moving them. When you’re bored, try rolling your wrists. You know the rest.” Li Shen was already moving towards the door, when Azula called for him.

“Wait.” She hated how her voice sounded to her. Li Shen stopped, and looked at her. “Your book. I want to read it.” He raised an eyebrow. “I need to know.” He sighed.

“Fine. I’ll come back in a few more hours to check on you. I’ll explain the major ones myself. You should get some rest.” It was Azula’s turn to raise an eyebrow at him. “You don’t have to sleep. You just have to rest.”

 He left, and Azula was alone again; to wiggle her fingers and roll her wrists and make some fists, like a child who had only found out about her own hands.

 ***

“There. Can you feel it?”

 Azula felt a lot of things. Mostly pain. Since she woke up, she had felt all kinds of pain, from dull to sharp, to piercing to searing, all over her body. Right now, she felt the tug on her right shoulder, as Li Shen moved her palm, spread flat over her head, searching for the area where she had split her head open. Azula said nothing when she registered that her hair had grown about an inch past her fingers. The man had shaved her head when he was treating her. Apparently, to a doctor, life was much more valuable than honor. She supposed she should be mad at him, but then again, she never cared that much about honor. Not now at least. So she kept wiggling her finger around the area, when she finally registered the unnatural bump slightly to the left side of her crown. She nodded. She felt the thin scar of the healed stitches, but the hard,  shallow bump around it seemed more interesting to her. 

 “Swelled bone?” Azula said, frowning. She knew bones don’t swell, but it was the only thing she could think of.

 Li Shen gave the infuriating smile he had given her since the morning, like he knew something she didn’t, which he probably did, but still. He let go of her arm, and waited for Azula to return it back on her lap. “Hammered coins. There are three in there. Tried to make them fit your skull as much as I could.” Azula’s breath hitched. She realized her jaw had dropped, when he gently pushed it back up. “I told you, your injuries and treatments had pushed my, and Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge forward by five years. I wasn’t joking.” He paused. “I used gold coins though, if that is your concern.” That , Azula knew, was a joke.

“Is it even safe?”

“Still too early to say. But gold doesn’t rust, so…” He shrugged.

 Azula had to stop thinking for a moment, and let the fact settle in. She was carrying gold coins within her. She chuckled. “Did you use them somewhere else?” Li Shen raised his eyebrows.

“There’s one here,” he tapped her left bicep, “and three more in your legs. You are officially the wealthiest person in Sako right now.”

“Yes, and I only need to bring a really sharp knife when I go to the market.” Azula huffed. She eyed the thick book Li Shen had smashed on the nightstand beside her bed earlier; tentatively called ‘The Resilience of Human Body: A Medical Journal’. How maudlin. “What else should I know?”

 Li Shen took her right arm again, and pressed her palm to her left chest. “Between your third and fourth ribs.” She felt the traces of gash, and the dent the size of her thumb. “Take a deep breath.” Azula tried, and failed. It was better than when she tried in the morning, but still not quite there. “The broken ribs had punctured your lung. It had collapsed for quite some time before I could get to it… you won’t be able to breathe as deep as you used to.” The implication was not lost on her. No breath. No air. No fire.

“How… much is left?”

 Another shrug. “You’d be lucky if you can get half.” Less than half, then.

“Anything else?” 

“This is going to hurt for a bit.” Azula had lost the will to care. She was already in pain ever since she woke up. She would only have half the fire she used to, at best. What else could go wrong? 

 For the third time that evening, Li Shen took her arm in his hand, and gently twisted it towards her back.”Trace your spine for me.” Azula did. She started from the center of her back, agonizingly moving her arm downwards, until she felt the shift when she reached the small of her back. She frowned. Li Shen’s eyes had lost their earlier sheen as he looked at her, and Azula wished she could burn the pity out of him. “Your spine had twisted during your tumble. You should be fine for normal activities, but a hard and sudden impact could throw it off completely. You won’t be able to move for the rest of your life.”

“Sudden impact, like being thrown off a mountain?” Azula said, through gritted teeth.

“Being thrown off a mountain, jumping a chasm,” he paused, and Azula knew he was about to break her heart, the only thing she had left that was intact. “Shooting lightning from your fingers.”

 Azula tasted blood. Li Shen sighed. 

“And lastly,” he gently squeezed the area below her right knee, “the bones here had shattered quite a bit, so I had to permanently remove some of them. You will have a limp for the rest of your life.”

“What’s the difference between having a limp, and unable to move for the rest of my life?” Azula had stopped making eye-contact with him, as she tried to focus on the door instead. She failed. Her vision was blurry.

“You can shit by yourself with just a limp.”

 Azula raised her eyebrows, as she tried to blink away the sting behind her eyes. “I’d like to be alone please.”

“Yeah, it’s late. Try to get some more rest tonight.” She felt the squeeze on her shoulder, and heard the creak of the door.

 ***

 It was night. Azula knew night had come, because it was dark, and her blue flame burned bright on her palm. Her flame was still so intense, so hot, and so, so small. She had tried earlier, to feed the fire, to make it as big as her head, before she choked. She felt her inner flame flickered when she tried to push more chi into her flame. She tried to make her signature fire knife, and it only extended a meager three inches from the side of her palm. She turned it into fire claws, which burned hot half an inch past each finger. She turned her fire into a dragon, a phoenix, a paper boat. And everything was so, so small. 

 She was Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, wielder of blue flame, conqueror of Ba Sing Se. She was born lucky. Many people saw her blue flame, and agreed. Many people conveniently ignore the hours, days, weeks, months… years she spent just perfecting one kata.

 If only Azula was born so lucky…  

 ***

 For three days Azula woke up and wiggled her fingers and stretched her arms while she waited for Li Shen to help her relieve herself and feed her tasteless broth. At night, when the sun went down and she was supposed to rest, Azula bent fire, pulsing blue and small on her palm, and stared at it. She only realized she had fallen asleep when she woke up the next day. 

 On the fourth day after waking up, instead of the bowl of tasteless broth, Li Shen placed a small table in her bed, a bowl of rice porridge, and a cup of hot tea on it. Azula scowled. Then she looked at him. Li Shen said nothing, and gestured to the bowl instead. Her fingers were stiff and incapable of more fine movement, so Azula made do by holding the spoon in a death grip as she shoved the equally tasteless porridge into her mouth. He left after confirming she could actually feed herself.

 Azula was just finishing her tea when Li Shen came back, dragging a wooden chair(?) behind him. He placed it beside her bed, where Azula could see that it was a four-legged crutch. “Take your time. Whenever you’re ready,” he said, before taking the table, with the bowl and the cup, and left her again. She did not look at the crutch for a second time for a few more days.

 She was staring at her flame again, just as she had done for the past few nights, when she saw the crutch from the corner of her eyes. Azula put out her fire, and the thing somehow glowed in the dark. Then she realized it was the light from the moon, seeping in from the window at just the right angle. She scowled, and clenched her teeth and tasted blood. She had been doing that a lot lately. Then she felt her breath shortened, laboured. She placed her palm on her chest, and took a deep breath. She failed, of course. Fuck it.

 Slowly, painfully, Azula moved towards the edge of the bed. Her feet dangled over, barely touching the cold floor. She grabbed the crutch, pushed on it a few times to make sure it could support her, wiggled her toes a few times, and stood.

 Azula wanted to scream. 

 She did scream, she thought, when she felt the scratch in her throat. Her body just failed to give it voice. The crutch stood. Her shoulders and elbows trembled, as she tried to keep herself up. Her stomach and back burned. She was heaving. Then she remembered Li Shen’s voice. First one is always the hardest.

 It was the middle of the night. She was alone. Azula took her first step after eight months.

 When she woke up, her back was burning. Azula rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms, then she realized only the upper-half of her body was on the bed. Her feet were planted firmly on the floor. She groaned, as she gently massaged her spine, and stretched her arms, and reached for the crutch, and dragged herself to the small bathroom at the end corner of the room. Then, she started walking, pacing, limping through the room again. She was halfway through the room for the second time, when the door creaked open, and Li Shen entered. She stopped as they made eye contact.

 Li Shen smiled.

 Azula scowled.

 And Li Shen went back out.

 He returned a few minutes later, and set a normal table at the other corner, away from the bathroom. He placed some bowls and plates with food, and a tea set on it. He finished with two chairs opposite each other. He sat in one, and gestured at the other to her. Azula stared for a moment, before she moved towards the table. 

 Li Shen poured some tea for both of them, as Azula massaged her sore legs. She took a sip of the bitter tea, and looked at her lunch. There was a bowl of real rice on her side, with some broth in another smaller bowl, a set of chopsticks, and a spoon. There was a large plate of boiled cabbages and some salted fish that they would share at the center of the table. Peasant food. Silently, Li Shen started eating. Azula did the same. She tried using the chopsticks, but changed them with the spoon in frustration when she failed to pick up any rice with them. 

 It was the best meal Azula had ever eaten.

 It was her body’s natural reaction, after eight months of nothing, and weeks of nothing but tasteless broth and gruel. She knew that. But the cabbages should not taste that sweet, and the fish was so rich her tongue was licking the inside of her mouth after she had swallowed. Azula felt the burn behind her eyes, as she chewed, as the taste of the rice blended together with the sweetness from the cabbage, and complemented perfectly by the fish. She could not tell why, but her tears flowed freely from her eyes. It could be the reaction from her body, being satisfied after craving for some real food for so long. It could be because she had finally realized that her bending would never be the same, that her life would never be the same as before. Or it could be because she had woken up, after eight months of fighting for her life, alone, with a stranger that had shown her more kindness than anyone else ever did. More than she ever deserved. So she let her tears flow, as she continued eating. 

 If Li Shen heard her sobs, or saw her tears, he said nothing.

 ***

 The world moved on. The world did not wait for her when she was asleep for eight months, and the world would not wait for her while she learned how to walk again.

 Two months had passed since Azula reached for the crutch. Her muscles had been building steadily. Her basic mobility had come back. She could limp her way through her room, through the house, to the garden outside if she wanted to. Her body was still in pain. Less than when she had woken up, but still in pain. It would never go away for as long as she lived, Li Shen had said, but her body would find a way to adjust, a way to live with the pain, and she would feel it less and less as time moved on, but it would persist. 

 Azula had started rising with the sun again. She brought herself outside, and started on her basic katas again. She was sloppy, she knew that. Her muscles, especially on her bad leg and on her back, screamed in pain as she tried to perfect one move, before moving to the next. She had to start from the basics all over again. And Azula welcomed it, like embracing an old friend. Being thrown off a mountain and unconscious for eight months would never win against ten years worth of conditioning. The summer’s sun had started to shine, bright and hot, when Li Shen showed himself at the front door and called her for breakfast. Azula finished her morning katas with a deep breath, as deep as she was allowed to, and limped back inside.

 Azula took her seat as Li Shen poured some tea. He was about to take a sip when she asked him one of the questions she had been dying to ask since she woke up. “Why did you save me that day?” Li Shen stopped. He looked at her, contemplating. The man was an enigma. Sometimes he would just go and do the thing she was struggling with, like washing and dressing herself when she just woke up, or when she was trying to reach the tea leaves they stored in the upper pantry inside the kitchen. Other times, he watched silently, sometimes smiling, usually frowning, when she was heaving after her ‘walks and training’. The frowns were always followed with a check of her body. A tug here, a massage there. And almost always followed by a shake of his head while he walked away. For all her boast about being a people’s person, Azula could never get a clear read on him. He could be as still as a statue when he wanted to. “I read your book cover to cover, twice. The best doctor in Ba Sing Se would tie a red band on my arm, and give me poppy extracts if they’re feeling generous. The best healer in Agna Qel’a would lull me to sleep and leave me be. No one in their right mind would even try what you did.”

 He kept staring at her, before taking a sip from his cup. “How’s your leg?” Azula raised her eyebrow, and gave him a pointed look. He exhaled the heat from the tea, “first of all, I know for a fact that the best healer in Agna Qel’a would never leave you alone while you still have breath. And I’m asking because I think we should take a walk after this. I’ll answer you when we get there, and it’ll do you some good to walk further than my front gates once in a while.” He took another sip, and raised his chopsticks. Azula only looked as he placed a piece of grilled chicken in her bowl, and nodded.

 Li Shen had removed the head of an old broom they had lying around, and let Azula use the staff as a crude walking cane. He also replaced her patient robe with a simple sleeveless tunic and loose pants,  the legs tied around her calves to ease her walk. She was able to dress herself now, but putting on the shoes was impossible. Her spine was still too stiff and her legs won’t bend that deep. She pressed the cane to the floor a few times, hoping the thing won’t crumble from her weight, and followed Li Shen out.

 Sako was a quaint little village at the border of Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom. It was one of the few places the Earth KIngdom was able to take from the FIre Nation, about twenty years back. Li Shen seemed to be well-respected here. As soon as they left the gates, he was greeted by a middle-aged man, skin dark from field work, with gratitudes and some fruits from the basket on his back. Li Shen refused, saying he had somewhere to go. The man smiled, and gave Azula a polite nod, before continuing on his way. They walked slowly, no because Azula was limping and her legs were killing her, but because Li Shen had to stop and personally greet everyone that greeted him. Children, old people, and everyone in between, seemed to make it their mission to make them walk as slowly as possible. It was already midday when they arrived at their destination; a graveyard. Li Shen sat in front of one of the many standing stones, hands pressed together in a silent prayer. Azula stood slightly behind him.

“My grandfather, he was also a doctor, during your grandfather’s time.” Azula tried to focus on the writing on the stone, now faded by time, but failed. She took another step back, and focused on Li Shen instead. “He was one of the best doctors at the time, everyone said. One day, he was summoned to Caldera, to help with your fathers’ birth. Apparently, it was a difficult pregnancy, for Fire Lady Ilah and the baby. When everyone else seemed to have already given up on them, he did what no one else could even think of.” Li Shen stood up and turned around to face her. “He cut her belly open, and saved both the baby and the mother.”

 Azula never heard of this story. She could barely remember her grandmother. “Must’ve received quite the reward.”

“He did. For saving his wife and his son, the Fire Lord blinded both of his eyes and cut off his tongue.” Azula’s jaw slacked open. Her eyes went wide; they would pop off their sockets if they could. Li Shen only smiled at her. A sad one, that she had never seen before. “The royals, they believed their body was sacred, and anyone that put even one scratch on them should receive death.”

 Azula scoffed. “What a load of komodo-rhino dung. That achieves nothing, and assures the next person tending them to give up halfway. This is what happens when idiots stumble into power.”

 Li Shen chuckled. “I thought you’d say that. Come. We should go sit. You have been standing for quite some time now.” He led her towards the edge of the graveyard, widened his stance, and flick his wrists. A decent size rock rose from the ground just a few feet away. Azula scowled.

“You’re an earthbender.”

“I thought that was obvious.” Li Shen pointed at the rock with his chin. “How did you think I moved you here?” He sat, not waiting for her.

 Azula followed. She took her place beside him and started massaging her thighs.

“After that, my grandfather couldn’t practice anymore, so he had to call my father from Ba Sing Se, and took some students to continue his work here. In his free time, he wrote a book, detailing what he had done with the birth.” Azula had to stop what she was doing, and gave him a questioning look. He had that smug, infuriating smile again. “Took my father and grandmother a year to interpret his hums and grunts just to get started. And life moved on. When he was on his deathbed, one of his students asked, knowing what he knows, what the Fire Lord would do to him, would he still save the Fire Lady and the prince? He didn’t even hesitate.”

‘Why?” Azula had completely stopped what she was doing, paying close attention to Li Shen now. He was still smiling. 

“Because he was a doctor. A doctor saves lives.”

“You’re not making any sense. He lost his sight, and speech, just for doing the right thing. If he could prevent it, why wouldn’t he?”

 Azula couldn’t tell when it changed, but Li Shen’s smile turned into one with a soft fondness, one she had never seen before, from anyone. She tried to imagine Azulon, or Ozai, or even Iroh giving her the same smile, but she couldn’t. “Because you are focusing on what he lost, instead of what he had achieved. In a single night, he had pushed the boundary of medicinal knowledge further than anyone had ever done at the time. It has been thirty, thirty five years since they wrote the book. How many mothers and babies do you think have been saved in that time? One man’s sight and speech are cheap for that.”

“Only for the babies to grow up and die in war instead.”

 He shrugged.

“You asked me why I saved you. Believe me, it was not from the kindness of my heart. And it’s not just me that saved you. No one has ever thought to use gold coins inside the body to hold fragmented bones in place. How many soldiers do you think will be saved just from this knowledge alone? The longest case of sleeping death was just over five weeks. I read five completely unrelated books and ignored half of what I already know to keep you alive. You fought for eight months. You wanted to live. You saved yourself as much as I did. If you still have breath, it is not my decision to leave you to die.”

 Azula’s jaw clenched. Her teeth hurt. There were hot tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. She wanted to live. “My fa– Ozai. Did he win?”

“No. He lost to the Avatar. They took his bending away. I’d imagine he’s being imprisoned somewhere.” Li Shen stood, and dusted himself a few times. “I need to visit some patients later. You know the way home?”

 Azula raised her eyebrows to answer. She looked as Li Shen’s back grew smaller, and disappeared beyond the bend. Then she looked at the graveyard, towards Li Shen’s family gravestone, where his grandfather laid. Then she thought of him, who had saved her grandmother and her father. She thought of her grandfather, who had rewarded the man by taking his sight and made him mute. She thought of her father, who threw her away to die. After all those talks about fear and strength and weakness, only to be bested by a twelve-year-old boy and get his bending taken away.

 Azula didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

 ***

 It started on a whim. Azula was just coming back from her morning walk, because she could not actually run, to some wails and shouts from the house. Except for some severe or urgent cases, Li Shen usually visited his patients at their home. When she opened the door, there was a woman there, with a visibly pregnant belly, crying while looking intently at the living room table where they eat. There was a boy, lying on the table, where they eat, face flushed red, panting like he also had his lungs punctured by splintered bones. Li Shen was selecting some herbs from his stash, placing them into the mortar for mixing. There was a sense of urgency on his face that she had never seen before. Azula approached slowly.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“HIgh fever.” Li Shen did not spare her a glance.

 Azula was about to walk into her room like she always did whenever there was a patient there, but she paused, for some reason. A whim. She looked at the mother, young, already pregnant with another child, hair tangled wildly from her messy bun. She had a longer look at the boy, so small he didn’t even fill the whole table. She looked at Li Shen, silently muttering something on his lips as his eyes hunted for the correct grass. She moved to the table and placed her palm on the boy’s belly.

 He was hot. Hotter than anyone should be. His chi pathways were burning. High fever. Azula might have lost half her fire, and her breathing was probably not much better than the boy’s, but she was the greatest firebender to have ever lived. Her control over fire was perfect. Before Li Shen or the mother could say anything, Azula bent the heat out of the boy. She kept looking at him, as his face gradually returned to a healthier shade of red. His jagged breathing had stopped. She would continue and finish to bend all the fever out of him, if Li Shen hadn’t caught her wrist and snapped her hand away from him.

“That should be enough. We don’t want to be too much different from before.” Li Shen was looking intently at her. There was a different gleam in his eyes, one Azula had not seen for quite some time. Since she had woken up, to be precise. “Thank you. Why don’t you go prepare some tea and take it to your room. We should talk later.” He then looked at the woman, who was visibly relieved when he smiled at her, before emptying the mortar and selecting some different herbs to place in it.

 Azula was staring at the pot of tea on the table, when the door to her room creaked open. 

“How’s the boy?” Azula did not take her eyes away from the pot.

“Better.But I’d like to keep him here for the rest of the day, see if we can send him back by dinner. Lin Yi’s husband might drop by a few times before then.” The chair in front of her scraped away and Li Shen’s face came into her view. He went straight to the point. “Let’s talk. What did you do?” 

 Azula was expecting a stern, condemning voice, but there was none. He was excited, if anything. “It’s just heatbending,” she said, as she poured some tea for both of them. “Any firebender worth their salt knows how to do it. Very effective for fever and burns.”

 He hummed. “And how did you learn to do that?”

 Azula did not answer. She flashed him a grin instead. “My turn. Why did you stop me half-way? I could’ve bent all the fever out of him, and he’d be driving his mother crazy by lunch.”

 Li Shen took a sip from his cup, and shook his head a few times. “Not gonna work. The fever was not the problem. Heat by itself is not necessarily bad. That’s how you know the body’s working properly.” When Azula raised a brow, he continued. “Fever is what happens when the body’s trying to purge the impurities inside by itself, like how a blacksmith refines a hunk of ore in the forge. Excessive heat , without control, is problematic. I had to bring the fever down first, before I could actually treat him. You did well earlier. Although I would appreciate it if you could at least tell me about it if you’re going to do it again in the future.”

“There is going to be a future?” Azula was amused. She had thought he would reprimand her for acting out of line, much less that there would be another repeat of today.

 Li Shen shrugged. Again. Azula had the feeling that the shrugs did not mean he didn’t care, and more likely that the answer would be too long, so he just couldn’t be bothered. He then pointed to the shelf and boxes of books they had tucked at one corner of her room. Azula huffed when she was reminded of the time they had to convert Li Shen’s study into another patient room because she was making the actual patient room her permanent residence.

“I’m not telling you to do anything, but if you’re interested, and you’re bored out of your mind, why not go through some of those some times?” He poured himself another cup of tea, and finished it in one gulp. “I need to go see Old Man Rani, said he sprained his ankle or something,” he said, as he stood and stretched his arm a few times.

“Stop calling him Old Man Rani. You’re older than him. Words mean something in the real world,” Azula said, as she watched him approach the door.

 He flashed her a rude gesture before closing the door shut.

 Azula huffed. She was alone again. She imagined the Lin Yi woman would be with her boy in the other room, but Azula certainly won’t be checking up on them. She didn’t even know what she should say to her, so she stayed in her room, staring at the tea set, and out the window, and at the pile of books on the shelf and in the boxes. She sighed.

 Azula was bored. It started on a whim. She reached for the thinnest book on the shelf. It was a mistake. She should’ve started with the thickest one.

 ***

 2 years later.

“Well, that’s it. It is official now. I have nothing else to teach you,” Li Shen said, as he slammed his back to the chair at the opposite side of the table. He sounded annoyed. 

 Azula frowned at him, then looked at the table. They had changed the table in her room to the bigger one they used for meals in the living room, because Azula needed the space for her notes and at least three reference books opened at the same time because apparently no one in the medical world knew how to put all the related information in the same book. “What do you mean you have nothing else to teach me? You studied for twelve years.”

 Li Shen huffed, and pulled his eyes back from the ceiling to look at her. “Correction. I studied all of this for five years. I spent the next seven years being an apprentice before starting out on my own. You finished what took me five years to study in two! I actually hate you a little bit right now.”

 Azula grinned. She was feeling a little bit smug. “You can’t blame me for being born a prodigy. In fact, if not for the ridiculous ways these things were written, I’d probably be done three months ago.” Li Shen huffed again. “So… what now?”

 Azula knew that some of her uncertainty had bled out in her question, because Li Shen had stopped with his mocking annoyance and looked at her with his usual caring gaze. “Well, that would depend on what you want to do.” Azula continued to look at him, waiting for the explanation that would come. “Usually, I would take you as my apprentice. You would help me here for a few years, then take over after me, or go start your own practice anywhere you want. War or no war, healers and doctors are always needed.”

 “But…?”

“But we both know that’s not what you want. If you’re serious in finding other ways to use firebending for healing, then you need to train under a real master.”

 Azula gasped. “Why didn’t I think of that? Here, let me go write a letter to the non-existing master of the non-existing firebending healing school, see if they would take a new student or not.”

 Li Shen chuckled, but raised his hands to placate her. “Let me finish. I think you should go to Agna Qel’a.” Azula waited. “The master healer, Yugoda, she’s a friend. I can write a letter for you, if you want.”

“A waterbender?”

“You already know almost everything you need to know about the physical body. Now you need to find someone that can help you make sense of the chi pathways and their relation to the physical forms. And that means a bender.”

“You’re a bender. You can teach me.”

 He shook his head. “I don’t use my bending for healing. You know this.” Azula was about to say… something, when he raised his palm, “I’m not trying to get rid of you, if that’s your concern. Just, think about it, okay? If you want to help me here, I would be more than happy to take you as my apprentice. Everyone here would, but you need to start thinking for you.” He squeezed her shoulder, like he had done countless times before. Azula caught his eyes. “You. Azula. Not the Fire Nation princess, not the child that I saved from the foot of the mountain years ago.” He broke their gaze to look at the books sprawled open before them. “Go get some sleep. These things will still be here tomorrow.” 

 ***

 It was a quiet morning in the middle of summer. The sun had just started to rise. There was a small crowd at the entrance of the village of Sako, an Earth Kingdom colony taken from the Fire Nation during the war, and was ignored by both. Azula was smiling, as she looked at the people that came to send her off. It was nice, being sent away with soft smiles and happy tears instead of condescending glares and cowering bows. She went to Lin Yi first, holding little Lin Fa in her arms. Her husband stood beside her, hands resting firmly on Xiao Yu right in front of him. Lin Fa reached for her just as she was within her arms reach. She smiled as she let the girl wrapped her tiny arms around her neck. She was the first child Azula had helped Li Shen deliver. Apparently that was enough for the girl to take a liking to her. She had to release her when she felt the slightly larger arms wrapped around her waist. She smiled and ruffled Xiao Yu’s hair. “You’re gonna take care of your sister for me?”

 He released her and puffed his chest. “Of course, but it’s not because you asked. I’m gonna keep training and get stronger and look after her cause she’s my sister.” Azula gave him an approving smile.

 Old Man Rani and Grandma Fia gifted her the leather satchel and the cloak she already had on her. When she went to them, the old couple dragged her into a tight hug that seemed to last forever, that Azula wished would never end. When they finally decided to break the hug, Grandma Fia pushed some riceballs wrapped in some banana leaves into her hands. She smiled, muttered her thanks, and placed them in her satchel, alongside her notes and some medical supplies. It looked like she didn’t have to worry about her lunch for the day.

 Li Shen was standing to the side, holding a piece of long, hard wood, lacquered black and a simple handle at one end. “This won’t rot when you get near the poles.” Azula smiled as she gave him her old broom stick. She tested the new cane a few times, and gave him a nod. “I’d give you a hug too, but I’m pretty sure you’re already used up all your hug quotes for the week just now.” Azula chuckled. He was right. So she hugged him instead.

“Thank you. For not giving up.” She didn’t bother to blink away her tears. Other than her wet nurses, Li Shen had probably witnessed her tears the most, and she was glad for that. She gave them all a wave, and made her way to the entrance.

 Azula did not turn back.

 The sky was clear. The sun was bright. The wind felt nice on her skin. She had not been this excited for a long time. Not since she produced her first spark. Not since she had her first firebending lesson. Azula took a deep breath, as deep as her lungs allowed, and took her first real step since she started to walk. A tap with her cane, a drag of her bad leg, and a step of her good one.

  Tap, drag, step.

Tap, drag, step.

Tap, drag, step.

Chapter Text

 The journey from Sako to the fishing village Ashika was unremarkable. She made the journey in two days, even with her condition. It was the middle of the summer, no rain would be coming for a while, so she just slept in the woods under the stars for one night before resuming her journey at dawn. She found a fisherman that was willing to take her to Red Pearl Island after she cured his daughter of some mild fever, which she thought was unnecessary. The girl was still running with her friends when she went to look at her. But Azula needed a passage to the North, so she bent the fever out of her, and left some herbs to the mother in case the fever came back. After half a day at sea and an hour of walking, Azula was finally at the port. It was mostly empty, saved for a few old fishing vessels and two cargo ships. She went to the larger of the two, ignored the look one of the loading crew gave her when she asked for a passage, and nodded when he said to come tomorrow and talked to the guy in charge. Apparently, she would know him when she saw him. 

 Azula had decided to camp out for one more night instead of wasting her money for lodging. She had built a bonfire just outside of town, away from some other people that seemed to have the same purpose as her. She made sure no one was near, before she took out the crown of the Fire Nation princess from her satchel. It felt cold in her palm. A sheet of solid gold shaped like a flame, polished to a mirror-like sheen. The points of the fires had bent out of shape, and there was a large dent at the center, but Azula could still see her reflection in it. It had been a while since she last saw herself.

 She was not not recognizable, all things considered. She was sure someone that knew her before would recognise her if they squinted really hard. She was… less sharp than she had remembered, partly because she was not fourteen anymore, partly because she had not been pushing herself past the limits like she used to. Her hair had grown just above her shoulder, which she wore in a loose ponytail instead of the conscripting topknot of Fire Nation royalty. There were small cuts and scars all over her face, but nothing some light makeup couldn’t conceal. She hadn’t put on makeup since she woke up, because Li Shen didn’t use them, and no one in Sako cared about them. There was a shallow dent on the brow bone over her right eye, her nose was crooked, and her jaw bent slightly to the left. Azula considered introducing herself as Azula Bentface or Ilah Slackjaw to anyone that would be asking for her name in the future, and chuckled. 

 Just over two years living with Li Shen, and his sense of humour had rubbed on her.

 Azula cupped the crown in both palms, took a deep breath, and reached deep within her. She might not have the air to create a large fire, but her inner flame still burned hot. She didn’t need a large fire for this, it just needed to be hot enough. She finished after twenty minutes. When she moved her hand, the crown had melted into a lump of gold, pulsing warmly on her left palm. She picked it up, pinching it between her thumb and index finger. The crown that she wore proudly over her subjects, that shouldered the Fire Lord’s wills, that weighed heavily on her head, reduced to a lump of gold no larger than her thumb. 

  Goodbye, princess. Let’s see if you’re worthy enough to get us to the north at least.

 When morning arrived, she went straight to the dock, looked for the man in charge, and traded some coins she brought from Sako for a passage to Yu Dao, where she sold her ‘heirloom’ and bought some more supplies for her journey. She stayed close to the coast, traded food or what little she knew about healing broken bones and sickness common to the area for rides on carts, and walked her way to Bluemoon Bay, where the last port in the Earth Kingdom before the Great Northern Sea was located. 

 The port was as busy as expected. There were people all over the place; merchants with carts full of fresh and dried supplies, clothes with all sorts of colors, tapping their feet as they waited to load their cargo. Crew members shouted among themselves when the ones taking stuff out of the ships clashed with the ones loading them in. There were individual farmers and street cooks peddling fresh items to sailors and last-minute buyers before they started their journeys. 

 And then, there were the tourists. Nobles wearing commoner’s clothes, failing miserably to hide their wealth and privilege. Commoners wearing cheap imitations of a noble’s garbs, without an understanding how to wear it properly. After almost three years of living the quiet life in Sako, where the most excitement was when Elder Gaya’s goat jumped the fence and ate Amu’s persimmon shoots, the burst of life in Yu Dao and Bluemoon Port had made her head hurt and her skin crawl. Azula lowered her gaze and pulled her hood closer to her face when she noticed the group of Earth Kingdom soldiers doing their patrol. She went straight to the nearest water tribe boat because she was tired of walking.

 A young woman, carrying a small child on her hip, seemed to be having an argument with the shipmate at the end of the gangway where they would board. The woman was dressed in water tribe’s garb, minus the thick fur parka they usually had, while the girl was dressed in a simple green tunic and pants. One of her shoes had dropped from her foot, lying around a few steps behind them. Azula sighed, and groaned as she lowered herself to pick it up.

“...else you can do? I’d wait until I could save more, you know I would, but I’m desperate here. I’ll pay the rest when we arrive. My grandma–”

“Look, Tana, here’s the thing,” the shipmate grabbed both the woman’s shoulders, ignoring the look the girl gave him as he barely missed her face. Azula wanted to poke his foot with her cane right then and there. “You haven’t been one of the tribe for five years now. And you barely have enough for your lodging. What are you gonna eat on the journey? What are you feeding your kid? I want…” Azula started to ignore what he was saying. This won’t end well, or at all if she let them. And she was so, so tired of walking, and standing, and waiting. She raised her cane and tapped the plank twice. The man paused, and raised his brow when their eyes met. “I have a customer. Could you make room for the lady? Thank you.”

 The woman, Tana, turned around, and gave Azula a sheepish smile when she gave her the shoe.

“I need to go to the North.”

 The man looked her up and down a few times, and frowned. Azula wanted to hit both of his legs with her cane now. “You can pay?” Azula took out her purse, and emptied all the coins she had on her palm. The man stared, and moved his lips as he counted in silence. Then he looked at her. “I can give you a small room, three meals a day, and some blankets for that. That okay with you?”

 Azula was about to agree, when she sensed she was being watched. She looked to her left, and was met with the child’s big, round eyes. She couldn’t tell if the girl was astonished, or terrified at her. Probably both. Their staring contest was finally broken when Azula saw it . The slight discoloration on the skin, peeking out from the woman’s collar, and on the girl’s arm. They were light, lighter than hers, lighter than Zuko’s, but she knew those anywhere. Azula wanted to vomit. She looked straight at the man, “if you add my coins to what they have, would that be enough for all three of us to go to the north?” 

 Tana gasped.

 The man's lips moved in silence, again, as he calculated, again. Azula’s eye twitched, as she tightened her grip on her cane. “They’ll be sharing your room, two meals a day.”

“There’s a child here!”

 The man sighed. Azula had to press her cane on the gangway floor, just to prevent herself from using it on him. She was sure she had made a dent a few inches deep on the hardwood. “I can maybe spare a blanket for the kid,” he shifted his eyes from her to Tana, “if you agree to help in the mess hall three days a week. We’re not running a charity here. Take it or leave.”

 Azula breathed, deep and slow. Just a little bit more, and it will be over . She looked to her side again.

 “Are you sure?”

“I just need to get to the north. I don’t have to be comfortable.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.” Tana let out a relieved breath, and Azula ignored the shiny tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

“Great. Best friends already. Name?” The man was already writing something in the book he had on him.

 Azula huffed. “Lo.”

 He raised an eyebrow at her. “Just Lo? No last name?”

“Li.”

 He frowned. “Your name is Lo… Li?”

Azula flashed him a grin she hadn’t used for a very long time. The one she had during the war. The one that would make grown men cower before her while pissing their pants. “My parents had a… peculiar sense of humor.”

 He clearly swallowed his spit, as he schooled his expression. “Lo Li it is.” He called for another shipmate to bring them to their room.

 ***

 True to the man's word, their room was small, and completely empty. It was a space just enough for four adults to lie down, and not much else. Judging by its place right outside the mess hall, Azula guessed it was supposed to be a storage room that was converted into a passenger space. Their guide left them with two fur blankets and a small pillow, which Azula refused when Tana offered them to her.

“I don’t need them. And I especially don't need you getting sick because you couldn’t rest properly,” she said, as she shifted her eyes from Tana to the girl, who hadn’t stopped staring at her since they met.

“Right, thank you, again.” Azula only answered with a wave of her hand, as she moved to the far corner of the room. She groaned as she lowered herself to the floor, back against the wall. Tana gave her a smile when their eyes met once more. “I’m Tana, and this is Hina.”

“I believe you already know my name.”

 Tana chuckled. “Right. Lo Li. Quite the funny name.” 

 As if agreeing with her mother, Hina giggled. 

 Azula couldn’t help but smile. She continued her staring contest with Hina as Tana prepared their side of the room. Hina was not a loud child, nor a fussy one, which Azula was grateful for. And clung to her mother as soon as she was done. Azula watched, as Hina curled herself into a ball, as small as she could, and as Tana wrapped her arms around her, making the exposed part of the child as little as possible. Azula bit her tongue, as the nausea in her belly came back in full force.

“So, what’s wrong with your grandma?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing, actually. She’s probably the healthiest person in Agna Qel’a.” Tana chuckled, and kissed the top of Hina’s head. “She told me to say that she’d be paying the rest of the money when we arrive. She just wants us out of here as soon as possible.” 

“Because of the burn?”

 Tana’s breath hitched. She stared at Azula for a few moments, before sinking her face in Hina’s hair. There was a slight nod, subtle, that any other person would miss.

 Azula looked into her satchel, found what she was looking for, and slid the small bottle across the floor. “Apply a thin layer once every few hours. Don’t rub it on. Should help with the itchiness from the new skin.”

 Tana picked it up, stared at it for a second, and scowled. Then her face changed to a neutral one. She was biting on her lower lips before long. 

 It started with a sniffle. Then changed to soft sobs, then into a full-blown cry. Hina, not knowing what had happened, looked at Tana, and started crying as well, as she clung even tighter onto her mother.

 Azula sighed. She closed her eyes and rested her back against the wall and rubbed the area between her eyes. She couldn’t help but think of that first time she cried in front of Li Shen, a small table and plates of food between them. She wondered if that was the first time a patient had cried in front of him. She doubted it, but she wondered. And she regretted not asking him what he thought, or felt at the time, because Azula did not know what she thought, or felt right now. She sighed again.

  It would be a long voyage to Agna Qel’a.

 ***

 Azula was woken up from her sleep by the sound of a bell. It was loud, it made her head hurt, and it refused to stop. She looked to her side, and sighed at the mop of hair clinging to her like she was a piece of floating wood. 

 At first, their original arrangement was acceptable. Azula would ignore Tana and Hina for the majority of the day, and they knew not to bother her when she was ‘meditating’. And it was a success… for the first three days. But then Tana had to go help at the mess hall, as they had agreed, and everything broke down. 

 Without any toy or her mother to entertain her, Hina set her sight on the next best thing within her reach. Azula . And the next thing she knew, they were having their meals together, and Tana was sharing the salted fish and dried meats she had packed just to give some taste to their bland slop. Azula should have put a stop there. She should have made her boundaries clear. But she didn’t. She was complacent. So when they had entered the north proper, and Azula had started to shiver, even with her inner flame burning hotter than ever to maintain her body heat, Tana had insisted she share the blankets they had received. Azula couldn’t even refuse because the woman had grabbed her by the arm and forced her into the blanket, on the other side of the giggling Hina. That was ten days ago. And because Azula was an exceptional firebender, and through years of conditioning, her body would produce heat all by itself whenever she was cold, especially when she was asleep, which meant her body was hotter than the average person, which meant Hina clinging to her every single night under the blankets. Tana made it worse because she would just smile, that infuriating smile that reminded her of Li Shen when she frowned and glared and scowled at him. 

 Tana raised her palms at her, and gestured at the ceiling of their room with her eyes. “Land bells. Means they finally saw land.” 

“So, we’ve arrived?”

“Not for a few more days, but yes. Welcome to Agna Qel’a.” She smiled.

 Azula let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Or it could’ve been because HIna had her arms wrapped around her. The girl was surprisingly strong for a four-year-old. Azula rested her head back on her satchel, which she used as a make-shift pillow, and let out another relieved breath. She didn’t bother prying Hina off her and tried to go back to sleep.

 ***

 Agna Qel’a was bright. Brighter than Caldera. That was the first thing Azula noticed when they went above deck after the ship had docked. Tana stood beside her, holding Hina in her arms, pointing at the snow and the ice and the unsetting sun. Yes. Apparently the sun does not set at the north pole this time of year. Around them, tourists from Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom and who knew where were also flooding the deck, waiting to disembark. Azula huffed. It seemed like the end of the war had brought some changes in the world. While she was grateful to the fact that the Northern Water Tribe opening their gates to the whole world had made her journey easier, she was also hoping that Yugoda’s practice won’t be made an attraction for the masses. Azula had enough of her bending put on as a show for lesser men to boast like it was their own accomplishment, when she was the one doing all the work. Not anymore. Her fire would be hers, and hers alone, however small it might be. 

 Azula was about to walk to the line now forming at the gangway, when a light tap on her shoulder stopped her. She turned around to see both Tana and Hina smiling at her. “Do you have a moment… before you go?” Tana continued when Azula said nothing. “I don’t know why you’re here, because you don’t seem like them,” she gestured to their surroundings with her chin, “and I’m not trying to pry, but why don’t you come with us? My grandma would want to see you, and I’m sure she could help with the things you need to do here. There will be some hot stew waiting for you at the very least.” Azula let the time pass for a few moments, and nodded.

 As soon as they stepped off the gangway and onto the soft snow, Azula cringed. Her cane and her feet sunk a few inches in, and the snow underneath had already turned into hard ice. She bent heat through the soles of her feet to melt the ice and get some traction, but it only managed to make her shoes wet. She gritted her teeth and tightened her grip on the cane’s handle; her core and back muscles seared sharply as she tried not to lose her balance while her sea legs got used to treading solid land again.

“Lo Li! Mama! Hurry up!”

 Azula raised her face from the ground. Hina was already ten steps ahead, waving at her. She was wrapped in a full fur coat from top to bottom and, paired with her large, rounded eyes, she looked like a miniature pandacat. If Azula was someone who thought children were cute, she would find the sight adorable, but she wasn’t. Right now, she was irritated because her feet were wet, it was cold, so without a proper snow gear, she had to rely on her firebending to keep her warm, and it felt like she was slipping with each step she took. Still, Azula was raised in the venomous pit of Caldera’s royal court, where the face you wore could be the difference between life and death. Compared to that, this was a child’s play, quite literally. So Azula schooled her expression, made sure she had the sweetest smile that was usually reserved for those backstabbing ministers and dignitaries, and raised her left hand slightly to wave at the girl. If Hina saw through her, she didn’t say anything.

 Tana chuckled beside her.

 After entering Agna Qel’a with a group of Earth Kingdom tourists, Tana led them away from the main road, alongside the ice walls that acted as the city’s bulwark. They walked to a section that was less grand than the entrance. There were houses, mostly of similar design made from ice. There were people walking about, some carrying baskets with dried fish or meat. Some were carrying furs or some kind of nets, or spears. And everyone was wearing the same type of fur coat that Tana and Hina were wearing. They stopped in front of a house, where Tana called loudly for her grandmother.

 It took some time before the door cracked open, revealing an old woman. Her face was full of wrinkles, her hair was fully white, and she was also holding a cane in her hand. Although Azula suspected that was necessary due to her age, and not because she was thrown off a mountain some time in the past. Her eyes went wide when she saw Tana. She gasped, and dropped her cane as she raised both of her arms in front of her. Tana lunged into her, as she embraced the old woman, leaving Azula and Hina behind. Azula clenched her jaw, as she felt her throat tightened when Tana started sobbing into her grandmother’s shoulder, as the old woman gently caressed her hair and murmured sweet nothings in her ears. Azula placed her free hand on Hina’s shoulder, and gently nudged the girl forward. Hina turned around to look at her. When Azula motioned for her to keep going, she turned back and slowly walked towards her mother. When she arrived, Tana pulled Hina in her arms, just like she had done the first day onboard the ship, only this time, there was another set of arms wrapped around her. 

 Azula watched, like a guardian stone back at the palace courtyard, back as straight as she could muster, as the sobs from three generations of the family filled the air.

 ***

 When Tana introduced Azula as Lo Li to Madam Uran, the old woman raised an eyebrow, and flicked a finger at Tana’s forehead. 

 Azula smirked. And Hina giggled.

“Grandma…” Tana said, as she rubbed her forehead.

“I thought I raised you better than that. She told you her name is Lo Li, and you just believed her?”

“Of course not. But what am I supposed to say? ‘Thanks for letting us stay with you for the journey. By the way, I know your name’s fake, so you better come clean, or else.’ Is that what you want me to say?”

 Azula laughed. She raised her right hand, with her cane, pressed the palm of her left hand on it, and gave a slight bow. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Madam Uran. You can call me Ilah.”

“Which I’m going to assume is also a fake name.” Azula smiled at the accusation. The silence lingered for a few moments, before Uran’s face turned serious. “You’re Fire Nation.” 

“I am.” Azula let the silence from before stretched thin over them, as she kept eye contact with Uran. It was not a challenge like she used to do with the snakes in the viper’s pit one lifetime ago. Then, Uran smiled. Her eyes softened — like Li Shen’s did during her stay with him, like Tana’s did whenever she woke up to see Hina wrapped herself around her — that made Azula’s spine tingle and her stomach churn.

“You brought my granddaughter and great-granddaughter home to me. You will always have a place around my hearth, and a bowl of stew from my pot.” She turned around and motioned her to follow, “come, child. You had a long journey here. Rest your bones for a moment, before you move on.”

 Azula was sitting on a fur rug, a bowl of stew in her hand. Tana and HIna sat in front of her, on the other side of the hearth with a large pot dangling over it. Uran was scooping some more stew into another bowl, and went to sit with her family. Azula ate her stew in silence as she listened to the giggles and laughs from across the fire. Sometimes, when Hina was being especially loud, she would peeked through the flame, to see what was happening. Her eyes would meet with Hina’s, and the girl would reach for her. And without fail, Tana would catch her hand midway, wrapping Hina’s small hand in hers as she brought it away from the fire. Hina would pout for a moment, before leaning her back into her. Uran would ask Azula if she needed more stew, which Azula would refuse. With her empty bowl discarded beside her, Azula would switch her eyes from the fire to the scene playing before her. She could only offer a smile that did not reach her eyes as she watched Hina being fussed over. 

 They sat around the fire until Hina yawned, and raised both of her arms at her mother. Tana pulled her into her arms, and moved to a corner of the room, with more fur rugs and some blankets and pillows. Uran gave Azula some blankets and pillows, and pointed at the other corner, where there were some more fur rugs for her to use. There was no separate room, so they would all share the same space, just as they had shared the same warmth from the hearth, and the same stew from the pot. A tribal life.

 In the morning, Azula woke up at the same time she always had, only to find Uran was already stoking the fire in the hearth. There were some freshly prepared ingredients beside her, which she tossed in the same pot as the night before. “Morning. You need to go outside if you want to use the bathroom. There’s a separate building in the back for that.” Azula nodded, grabbed her cane, and went outside.

 Azula sat cross-legged in front of the house, her cane rested on her lap. The sun was warm on her skin, but the snow, icy cold, prickled through her, all the way to her bones. She took a deep breath, and shivered when the cold air froze her nose and filled her lungs. It took her some more effort to burn her inner flame, but before long, it was burning just as hot as anywhere else. Azula opened her eyes when the door creaked, and Uran came out to stand beside her. 

“You rise early.”

“Firebenders rise with the sun,” Azula said, then frowned. She chuckled when she realised what she had said, and opened her eyes to see an equally amused look on Uran’s face.

“Now, will you actually tell me why you’re here?” Uran continued when Azula raised an eyebrow at her question. “Don’t tell me you’re here for sightseeing.”

 Azula shrugged. “I’m here to see Master Yugoda.” She did not elaborate further. Uran’s smile changed from the amused one earlier to a sad, but understanding one. 

“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

“It’s your house.”

“Yes, but some people are weird about their personal space.” Uran stretched, and groaned as she lowered herself beside Azula. She rolled her shoulders a few times and rested her back on the icy wall of her house. “I don’t know how you knew of her, but everything you heard is probably true. Yugoda is one of the best healers in the world. She has helped me more times than I can count.” Then she touched Azula’s shoulder, gently, and made sure she was looking at her before she continued. “That being said, she is not a miracle worker. She is just a waterbender who has mastered her chosen discipline. I don’t want you to be disappointed if she can’t give you what you are hoping for.”

 Azula looked at the old woman, tracing the crowfeet at the corners of her eyes to the wrinkles on her cheek to her dried lips, still smiling sadly at her. Azula smiled. “I appreciate your candor, Madam Uran, but I can assure you, I am not seeking her for what you are thinking.” She paused, then added, “hope… is not something I am familiar with. You cannot rely on hope.”

“Yes, I can imagine that.” Uran sighed. “You know, I will be eighty six in two weeks. You, a stranger, have brought to me the best gifts I could have hoped for.”

“Congratulations. And you’re welcome, by the way.”

 Uran chuckled, but her sad smile did not leave. “I am an old mother. I was thirty nine when I had my son, twenty years after my marriage, not for the lack of trying of course.” She chuckled again. “It was not a difficult marriage, and now, I’d dare say we were happy. But twenty years hoping for something that might never come was not easy. Still, we kept trying, and I kept praying, and it was answered. Fortunately my son and his wife didn’t have to go through what we did. I was sixty four when Tana was born. I still remember the first time I held her, hoping that if she would grow up happy, and healthy, surrounded by everyone that loves her, then I have nothing more to ask. I was ready to go.” She sobbed, and wiped away her tears. 

“Then a disaster struck. A sickness that infected and killed a number of our people. My husband died when Tana was two. The Northern Water Tribe had closed her borders to the outside world for fifty, sixty years by this point. No healers would make their way here, with how the war was going on. Yugoda was all the way in Ba Sing Se, learning the science of being a healer. So I dared to hope again. That the healers here could find some kind of cure for the sickness. That Yugoda would finish her studies and come back to us. That someone from outside would hear about our plight and make their way here. I returned my son and my daughter-in-law to the sea four months after my husband.” She paused, and took some time for her tears to stop, and continued. 

“Then Tana was sixteen, and we started to feel the heat of war, and the young ones started leaving. To do what we didn’t do. To do the right thing.” She sighed. 

“And again, all I did was pray and hope that the war would end, that she would come back to me. Sometimes I wondered, if we, if I did something when at the start, instead of just praying and hoping, would the war have ended sooner? If the North never closed her borders to the outside world, would my family still be here? If we did not abandon our sister tribe when Azulon decided to massacre them, maybe there would be no children like you and Tana, born to inherit a war you didn’t even start, grew up burying your own hopes and dreams to chase the one dreamt by men long dead. I am eighty six. I buried my husband, buried my children, everyday I prayed to Tui and La I did not have to bury my grandchild, and I am no close to the answer.”

 Azula listened, as the old woman told her her life story. She cringed when Uran said her grandfather’s name which she was named after. “There are few combinations of words more dangerous than ifs and maybes.” She sighed. “I am like this because I… was an exceptional firebender. If I was less good, then I might not even survive,,, what was done to me. If I was born less of a prodigy, my father might even strangle me in my crib. If I am not here today, then Tana and Hina might not be here as well.” She heard the soft, quiet gasp, and turned her head. Uran was looking at her, deep scowl on her face. Azula smiled. “A friend once said, it’s fine to think about what could have been when something was taken from you, but don’t look too far into the past you forget to look at what's right in front of you. I know it’s not the same, but they’re here, and they’re alive.”

 Uran was biting her lower lip, as she sobbed, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She flashed her a sad smile, and nodded. “Can I hug you?”

 Azula scowled. “What? Why?”

 “I want to hug you. For bringing them back to me, for making me realize what I still have here. And it seemed like you needed a hug as well.”

 Azula’s breath lodged in her throat, as it tightened at Uran’s words. She frowned deeper, and nodded. 

 Uran smiled, and wrapped her arms around her. She pulled Azula close until her chin rested on her shoulder, in the crook of her neck. An arm snaked up from the small of her back, and rested firmly between her shoulder blades, tracing calming circles on her back. A hand, calloused and wiry, made way to the back of her neck, as bony fingers combed through her hair, gently caressing her scalp. Azula could not help but to lean in deeper, into the safety of the embrace. Then she heard, the sweet nothing in her ears. “Thank you. For bringing them back. For granting this old woman her last wish. Thank you. For being born. For being alive. For being you.” No one had ever been grateful to her for being born, and no one would be grateful to her for surviving. She didn’t think anyone had ever thanked her for doing anything, not to Princess Azula, at least. She did not remember her grandmother at all, her mother never held her like this, Li Shen never taught what to do in this situation, so Azula did what her instinct told her to do.

 Azula grabbed Uran’s parka with both hands and pressed her closed eyes so hard on her shoulders she saw colors. Then she cried and sobbed and screamed into the woman’s fur coat, now soiled with her tears and snots and spits.

“It’s alright. You’re alright. Whatever was done to you, you do not deserve it. You’re just a child. Stay here for as long as you need. For as long as you like. I’m going to take care of you. Everything will be alright. I promise.”

 ***

 Azula stayed with Uran for a few days, until she got her landlegs back. On her way to meet Chief Arnook, Tana guided her to the healing hut, where she left Azula with one of the students there, and promised to come back for her for dinner. Azula was shown to a small room at the back of the healing hut, and waited. The room was small, and filled with books and scrolls neatly arranged on shelves made of wood and bones. There was a small hearth – still smoking – at one corner, away from the documents, and a few fur rugs around it. Then Azula saw it. A thick, leather-bound book, tanned hide with golden trims, and matching golden writings. 

 The Resilience of Human Body: A Medical Journal - Second Edition.

 Azula chuckled. Of course a friend of Li Shen’s would have the same book. She went to sit on the fur rug beside it, and stoke the fire in the hearth. IT sparked blue for an instance, before burning red. She picked up the book and opened a page at random. It was weird, seeing the same contents she had already remembered twice in neat, press-printed letters. She was used to the handwritten notes pasted haphazardly between pages, with scribbles and sometimes a whole page blacked out with ink. Like meeting an old friend, Azula smiled as she read, recognising some lines she wrote herself. 

 She was startled by a cough that she heard from the door. A woman stood there, with a soft, round face, and hair pulled into a neat bun. Her eyes drifted from Azula, to the fire, then to the book in her hand. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to touch your properties. We seemed to share a similar interest in reading materials. I could not help myself.” The woman smiled, and motioned for her to stay where she was. She moved across the room, took out a set of pots and cups from a wooden chest, and sat beside her. She bent water from a covered pail nearby into the pot, and placed it over the fire.

“I am Yugoda. I assume you are Ilah, or…” she chuckled, “Lo Li?”

 Azula smiled. “What do you think of the book?” Yugoda raised a brow at her question. Azula continued. “Do you think the author is right? Does the book actually push the medical knowledge forward by five years, or is that just wishful thinking on his part?”

 Yugoda looked at her, and let the silence lingered. “Li Shen is a… dear friend. He is the finest doctor I know, with an unconventional way of looking at a medical problem. If he says it would push it forward by five years, then I would believe it.” She paused, then sighed. “Unfortunately, the field of medicine and healing is steeped with traditions and occupied with hard-headed fools that would only budge an inch every few years even with enough evidence to support a large mansion over a cliffside. It is being debated, extensively, even as we speak. That much, I can say.”

 Azula hummed. “And there are no other ways except to wait?”

“Traditionally, any new… breakthrough would need to be corroborated by another doctor or healer, which means, they need to find another patient with the same, or partial symptoms as the one in the book. Given the extent of the injuries described, would be a miracle in and of itself. And of course, the methods and results described need to be replicable as well, partially at least.” Yugoda put some tea leaves into a small pot, poured in hot water from the fire, and let it seep. “The other way is for Li Shen to expose who this mysterious patient is, and have another healer examine them, which he would never do without their explicit consent.” She eyed Azula suspiciously.

“I see.” Azula’s smile turned into a smirk. She could not help it. She just went with it. “Would you like to examine me?”

 Yugoda’s eyebrows jumped above her hairline. Her eyes bulged out of their sockets. Azula dropped her head– not unlike a high bow– so that the top of her head would be directly in front of Yugoda. “Go ahead. You know where it is.” A few moments passed. Then she felt it. The soft flesh of the fingers, combing through her hair, gently massaging her scalp, so similar to what Uran did a few days ago, and yet so much different. Then she felt it, when the fingers found what they were looking for, and Yugoda gasped. When Yugoda removed her hand, Azula raised her head back and smiled smugly.

 Yugoda’s jaw hung open, as her surprised look was replaced by curiosity. “Who are you?” Azula did not answer. She looked at the fire and stoke it hotter. It burned bright blue, before she changed it back to its normal temperature. Yugoda gasped again. “You… you were supposed to be dead.”

“According to the foreword, I should be dead twice.” Azula tapped the book in her lap. That had managed to bring Yugoda back out of her surprise loop, as her expression turned back to what she had earlier. 

“My apologies as well. Not everyday I am visited by a dead person and a medical marvel.” She smiled. “How can I help you?”

 Azula reached for her satchel, and took out the letter Li Shen had written for her. He did not seal it, and Azula never bothered to read it. Yugoda read it silently. She frowned, and blinked twice when she finished. She looked at her with the same questioning frown. “Is it true?” Azula raised a brow, daring her to say it out loud. “You can heal… with firebending?”

 Azula pressed her left palm on her right fist, and gave a deep bow, as deep as her back allowed her. “That is what I am trying to figure out. I would be honored if you would help me seek the way.” When she raised her head, there was a new expression on Yugoda’ face, one she had seen before, on an old man’s face. The gleam in her eyes reminded her of Li Shen’s on the day she bent the fever out of Xiao Yu.

 ***

 Azula had settled into a new routine after Yugoda agreed to take her as a student, one consisted of a four-day cycle. She would spend three days at Yugoda’s place, and a day at Uran’s house. 

 After her usual morning katas, her mornings at Yugoda’s were spent meditating, with Yugoda at her side, trying to see if she would be able to feel the flow of chi from the center of the body all the way to the extremities, like a good waterbender would. It was like walking blind in a thick forest at night with a heavy rain pouring down. 

 Azula was no stranger to meditation, she was an exceptional firebender after all, and yet, it seemed like being a prodigy at firebending would not make a good healer. It took her two weeks of constant concentration to distinguish her inner flame from her chi, and another week for her to finally stop chasing the flow of heat from her inner flame within the chi pathways to focus on the chi itself. The rest of the days were spent cramped inside the small room at the healing hut, reading the abundance of books and scrolls there, or observing the other students in their practice, or trying to see if she could manipulate her chi independently from her heat. The nights were spent at Yugoda’s house, getting her whole body looked at while she answered the woman’s question about her injuries.

 It turned out, learning under a master waterbender was not an ideal way for a firebender to learn about healing. The elements were on the opposite spectrum after all. Water soothed, while fire burned. In a simple cut, a waterbender would channel their own chi inside the target, soothing the area to close the gap and encourage growth. Azula first had to learn to channel her chi into another person’s flesh without burning them, which meant rejecting the first rule of firebending; fire burned. Then she had to manually close the cut with her hand, as she channeled heat to close the wound. The result was a scar on par if a needle and thread was used, but with less blood and shorter healing time. Less ugly than searing the wound outright, but not as smooth as waterbender healing. It was the first breakthrough they had after almost five months of smashing their heads at the proverbial wall. 

 That night, Azula went straight home to Uran to report their progress despite it being the second day in her four-day cycle. Only Uran and Hina were at home, because Tana was out hunting with some of the villagers. Hina dove straight for her as she entered the house, like any day she came back. Uran was surprised, but she welcomed her and served her a bowl of stew, and smiled all the same at her stories. The next morning, she woke up late to find herself pinned by Hina on her chest, and by Tana at her side. It seemed like she had returned sometime in the night and went straight to bed. The woman was surprisingly strong for her build, which should not be surprising at all, considering she was a mercenary at the end of the war.

“Oh dear,” the white ceiling of the house was then replaced by Uran’s fond smile, “I don’t think you would be able to get out of this.”

 Azula huffed. “Are you just going to look, or will you get Hina off of me?”

“No, I don’t think I will.” Azula was about to protest, when Uran cut her. “Rest, child. You have accomplished something no other person could do in a lifetime. I will go find Yugoda and tell her to extend your leave.” When the ceiling came back into her view, Azula sighed, and worked on her breathing instead.

 ***

 The cycle continued. Days turned to weeks, and then months. Azula had been living in Agna Qel’a for fifteen months by then. They had made a few more breakthroughs over the past year. From a study done at Ba Sing Se, they learned that a fatigued muscle would accumulate a kind of acid within it, which could be removed by applying some pressure and heat. So Azula learned how to pool heat on her palms, and paired it with traditional massage technique. It was not as impressive of a breakthrough as the first one, but one she ranked higher, because it actually helped with her bad leg and Uran’s back pain. Words spread, and before long, ‘Ilah’ found herself to be quite popular amongst older crowds in Agna Qel’a.

 They were on the cusp of another breakthrough in healing fire , as Yugoda called it, which made no sense to Azula because she was not using a single spark, much less fire in her healing, but she digressed. In one of his letters to them, Li Shen suggested they research the differences in physiology of benders. As expected, texts in the topics were scarce; healers and doctors tend to focus on the physiology of all humans, while benders only cared about the techniques and katas of bending. They did manage to scrape some things from their research and from inspecting Azula’s body. Not hard facts, but conjectures endorsed as truths. One: firebenders have higher body temperature than everyone else. Two: some poisons are less potent to a firebender because their body would burn some of the poison while it is inside them. Three: some medicinal herbs are more potent to a firebender because of the higher body temperature. Azula was not at all comforted by how similar the second and third points were, but it was the few leads they managed to find, so she wrote them in the letter she sent to Li She  and let him agonize over those details, while she and Yugoda tried to see if they can recreate a firebender’s body in another person's body. 

 In Yugoda’s office, Azula was channelling her chi alongside some of heat into Yugoda’s hand, a little bit at a time, to see if she could raise Yugoda’s body temperature without burning her, when the leather curtain flapped open to reveal one of Yugoda’s apprentice, Ako? Iko? She was panting, her eyes stared straight through them as she looked around, like she had missed them completely.

“Akaua?” Yugoda’s voice seemed to finally snap her back. Akaua shook her head and slapped her cheeks a few times.

“Arctic cobrascorpion.”

 Yugoda snapped her hand out of Azula’s, and lunged toward the door. Akaua was already gone when she went through the door. Azula watched the leather curtain swayed for a moment, before she grabbed her cane and followed them silently. 

 By the time Azula was out of the healing hut, Yugoda was already a small figure at the end of the road. Azula would not be able to match her pace, so she decided to follow the footprints that were left instead. They led her to the East Gate, which Azula had been to a few times when she and Hina would see Tana off with her hunting party. The last one was yesterday morning. Fuck. A crowd was already forming. Yugoda would be within them because Azula could not find her. She recognized Akaua, alongside Yugoda’s other students, and some of Tana’s hunting partners. Then she saw them. Uran looked older than she had remembered, back bent as she rested her weight on her cane, HIna wrapped tightly around her leg. Azula bit her lip and deepened her breathing, as she tried to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest, and hastened her steps.

 Azula squeezed Uran’s shoulder when she arrived beside her. “She’ll be fine,” she said. Uran looked at her, and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but failed. The edge of mouth lifted up only for a few moments, before it turned upside down, and she let out a wet sob. She pulled Azula into her arm. Without thinking, Azula wrapped her free arm around the old woman, and whispered into her ears. “She’ll be fine. She’s in good hands. Yugoda’s one of the best healers I know. You never stopped hoping for eighty years. Don’t start now.” Azula would do anything if it would help the old woman from losing hers, if it would prevent another girl from losing her mother. So, for the first time in her life, Azula dared to hope.

 ***

 Under Yugoda’s skillful instructions, they were able to neutralize most  of the venom from Tana’s body. She would survive, and was now resting in one of the rooms at the healing hut, and Yugoda had allowed Uran and Hina to stay with her. Azula sat in front of the hearth in Yugoda’s office, as she waited for the bad news. Because if there was one thing Azula was sure in the world, miseries never come alone. 

 Yugoda sighed. “A mature cobrascorpion venom is very potent this time of year. They’re just coming out of hibernation. She will live, but her leg has been exposed to the venom for much longer. It will start to freeze in the next few days, and if it doesn’t improve…”

  Of course. Of fucking course. At least Azula would know another person that needed a cane to walk properly. She laughed bitterly. “Then what? You’re just going to cut her leg off? Is that it? I thought you’re a master healer.” Yugoda did not rise to her lashing. She gave her a pitiful, understanding look. Azula hated it. She had been the target of dressing downs and angry berates for more than ten years. A reprehension, she could handle. She inhaled, and exhaled, slowly. She needed to regain her control. “Maybe there’s something else you’re missing. Can’t you give her more of the herbs you used before?”

 Yugoda shook her head. “The herbs were used to slow down the venom while we were healing her. More herbs would poison her blood alongside the venom. You know this. ” 

 Azula bit the inside of her cheek. She refused to meet Yugoda’s gaze, or she would be lashing out at her again. Her eyes wandered all over the room, and stopped when she saw her notebook, still open where she had left them. She frowned, as Li Shen’s words floated at the beach of her head, and she blurted: 

“Heat.”

 When she looked back at her, Yugoda already had an eyebrow raised. “Heat… fever is not always a bad thing. It’s how the body purges impurities out. Excessive, out of control fever is when you need to be careful.”

“Yes. The venom was so potent it took three of us to bring her fever down before we could start the healing. Remember?”

 Azula blinked, and shook her head. “No… heat. Firebender’s heat.” She shook her head again, as she tried to form a coherent sentence, but her thoughts were a jumbled mess. But she knew she had found something. Fortunately, Yugoda seemed to understand.

“You want to induce a firebender’s body temperature in her, on the conjectures that a firebender is more resistant to poison, and might make the medicine more effective.” She spoke slowly, methodically, like every single word mattered. Azula nodded. “An untested method that we came up with from some unverified theories barely three weeks ago.”

“It’s the only thing you haven’t tried yet. Li Shen said you won’t give up on a patient without exhausting every single option you have. Don’t tell me you’re going to tell her she won’t be able to carry her little girl again because the only thing you didn’t try was… untraditional.” Azula was not a good person. She was a master manipulator when she was fourteen. And she knew that Yugoda knew she was baiting her. She didn’t even try to be subtle. 

 Yugoda rubbed the areas between her eyes, as she relaxed her posture. “You need to tell that to Uran.”

 Azula frowned. “What? Why me?”

“It’s your procedure. I’ll be helping as much as I can, but you need to own this.” Yugoda grabbed Azula by the shoulders, making sure she was looking at her. “Don’t lie to her, don’t try to sweettalk her. Just tell her the simple truths. Make sure she understands the risks. And if she says no…”

“Then I will respect her wish.”

 ***

 When Azula told Uran about what they would be doing, the woman looked like she was about to cry. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She nodded. That was enough for Yugoda. She instructed three of her healers to take Tana out of the room, and prepared the healing hut. She tapped Azula’s shoulder, and moved out of the room. Azula was about to follow her, when Uran grabbed her hand and Hina hugged her leg.

“Do what you can. I believe in you.”

 Azula nodded. Then she lowered herself to Hina’s height, and gave the girl a brief hug. “I’m going to do everything I can to save your mama, okay? But I need you to do something for me too, okay? I want to hug grandma as tight as you can, and pray for your mama. Can you do that for me?” Hina was crying, but she nodded. Azula gave her another hug, and planted a kiss on her head. Once she was sure Uran had Hina secured, she moved out of the room into the healing hut.

 She was Azula. The greatest firebender in the world. Her fire might not be as strong as it used to be, but she had enough heat to answer a grandmother’s hope and daughter’s prayer.

 ***

 It was three days after the procedure. It was a success, if Azula said so herself. Once they finished, Yugoda had confirmed the cobrascorpion venom was purged completely out of Tana’s body. Azula and Yugoda took turns checking on her all day. Tana woke up with the sun the next day, much to Uran’s relief. Hina had not left her since. Azula was just glad her proposed method worked. Of course, there was a reason the medical community did not take too warmly to new, untested method of healing. Azula, her right palm pressed gently on the side of Tana’s neck, and her left palm rested just below her chest, was confounded. 

“You…” Azula looked to Hina, sleeping peacefully on her mother’s lap. She looked at Tana and Uran, a smile on their faces. Then she looked at Yugoda, who was sitting very closely beside her. She elbowed Azula in her rib, to get her to move on. Azula huffed. “You’re… heatbending.” Azula did not believe a single word she had said. When she finally looked back at her, Tana was grinning.

“Heatbending? Like the precursor to firebending? The thing only good firebenders could do? The thing you do every night without thinking because you’re a very good firebender? Am I a good firebender?” Tana was amused, more than anything.

“Heatbending is innate. Every firebender is able to do it. That’s how we know if a child would be bender or not. A good firebender can manipulate the heat within their own body. An exceptional one could manipulate heat outside of their own body.”

 Tana brought her face close to Azula’s. “I want you to think very hard about what you just said. Are you sure it’s not just a fever? I have fevers all the ti–” Tana could not finish her sentence because Uran had flicked a finger on her ear. “Grandma.”

 Uran was smiling. She was as amused as Tana, Azula could tell. She then looked at Yugoda. “And you are certain that she is cured? She is healthy?”

“Yes. Other than the heatbending, which we’re still figuring out, she is as healthy as the average firebender. We will keep her here for a few more days, but I think there is nothing to be concerned about.”

 ***

 Yugoda was right. There was nothing to be concerned about. Tana’s heatbending was gone ten days after she woke up. And without her heat, Azula had become Hina’s favourite person once more, much to Tana’s chagrin. Azula had come home, and they had their dinner together. Hina was drifting to sleep on her lap, as Azula absentmindedly played with her hair.

“Something on your mind?” Tana’s voice broke her from her reverie. She shifted her eyes from the fire before her, to find Tana and Uran, with a knowing smile on their faces, like they already knew what she was thinking.

“I… I think it’s time for me to go.” She looked down at Hina, and traced her fingers along the girl’s hairline. “I kept thinking about what happened to you. What I did. How… incomplete my understanding is.”

“I see. Do you have any idea where you would go next?”

 Azula shook her head. “Probably Ba Sing Se. There’s gotta be something I can dig in the university there. There’s also the Fire Sages, but I don’t know how… pure their texts are. Fire Lords liked to alter the written history to fit the image they wanted to convey. If they’re not destroyed outright, or changed too much, maybe I can find some thread that would lead somewhere.”

“Then go.” That was Uran. Azula raised her head to look at her, Her smile did not change, even after what she had said. “If what had happened to you could never put you down, who are we to stop you.” 

 Azula smiled back, and nodded. She looked at Tana, and then at Hina. “Hina’s gonna throw a tantrum isn’t she?”

 Tana chuckled. “Like you would never imagine.”

 ***

 Azula stayed for three more weeks. She would be taking a passage on a fishing boat that would take her to Bluemoon Bay. Only Yugoda, Tana, Hina, and Uran were there at the dock to see her go. She pressed her palm to her fist, and gave a low bow to Yugoda. “Thank you, Master Yugoda. It was an honor to learn under you.” Yugoda touched her on her shoulder, and made her rise.

“The honor is all mine. I have studied about healing for more than forty years now, but what we did, what we achieved here, was eye-opening, and humbling. I look forward to hearing what you would find on your journey.” Azula smiled, and produced a book from her satchel. 

“It’s a copy of all my notes. There’s a section about what we did with Tana in there as well. You might be able to find some other uses as well.”

“Are you sure you want to part with this? Legacies are built on these kinds of things.” 

 Azula nodded. Then she moved to Tana. Hina wrapped herself around her leg as she came close. She chuckled, as she gave Tana a hug. Tana sighed. “I’m going to miss this, having my own personal hearth I can hug in the middle of the night. Maybe you can give me back my heatbending before you go?” Azula mockingly pushed her away. “Take care, okay? Don’t push yourself too much.” She smiled, before lowering herself to Hina’s height.

“Lo Li.” Azula chuckled. She did that a lot lately, she realized. She had already told her story and her real name to Hina and Tana and Uran, and introducing herself to the others in the tribe as Ilah, Hina never stopped calling her Lo Li, for some reason. But she didn’t mind. She respected the two women that actually raised her, and mentored her in her formative years. She swept Hina’s bangs from her face and slipped them behind her ears. She looked straight into the girl’s rounded eyes and wiped her tears. “Will you come back? I’m going to miss you.”

 Azula pulled her into a hug. “I want to come back, but I don’t want to lie to you. I hope I will, someday. But in case I couldn’t, I want to thank you. Thank you, for being my friend.” Azula felt HIna nodded, as she nuzzled deeper into the crook of her neck. She understood then, how pure a child’s hug could be. And she couldn’t help but think, was she ever this precious to someone? 

 After some prodding by Tana, Hina reluctantly let her go. She went straight into her mother’s arms, as Tana consoled her. Azula took a deep breath, and moved toward the last person there. Uran was smiling, the usual soft smile she always had whenever she would come home from Yugoda’s place. Her eyes already glistened with tears. Azula buried herself deep within the woman’s embrace. She inhaled, and tried to burn every little thing she could remember about her. The smell of her fur parka, old and used. How her hand felt on her back, heavy and comforting. The way her fingers felt on her scalp, calloused and hard, and yet, softer than the softest silk pillow in the royal bedchamber. A new word formed at the back of her head, floating forward out into the world alongside her tears.

  Safe. She was safe here. This was what safety felt like. 

 She did not want to let go.

 But Uran did. She broke their hug, and looked at Azula. She traced her fingers along her face, and wiped her tears with her thumb. But Azula’s tears did not stop, so Uran pulled her closer and planted a kiss on her head. She cried harder, but Uran kept smiling. “I have lived a long life. I’m afraid I won’t be able to see you when your journey ends. But I am proud of you. Of what you have done, and of what you will do. I am proud of all of you. Remember one thing, child. That you are loved. There are people in Sako that love you. There are people here that love you. I will always love you like you are my own. So go. Find where your journey ends, and we will be waiting for you there.”

 Azula nodded, and wiped her tears with her sleeves, and set her back straight. She didn’t give Uran another hug, because she knew she wouldn't be able to let go. She set her sight on the horizon, far away in the distance, where the sky and the ocean met, and took her first step towards the ship.

Chapter Text

 Azula had arrived at the mainland and made her way towards Ba Sing Se, where she spent half a year moving through the Middle and Lower Rings, offering her services for some coins and food and lodging. Sometimes, she would sneak into the Upper Ring, to Ba Sing Se University, where she found nothing of value to her. Although, that was due to the lack of real effort from her. 

 Five years since the war had allegedly ended, and the damned city hadn’t changed one bit. The Lower Ring was as dark and desolate as she remembered. The streets were dusty and littered with refugees and barely-fed children. The Middle Ring did not have to scrape by for a morsel of food every single day. That left them some coins to afford the luxury that trickled down from the Upper Ring— a luxury that some were willing to push their neighbour down for a chance to get their hands on. 

 And then there were the walls. The walls of Ba Sing Se stood tall, resolute, proud as they separated the citizens from one another, not a single brick out of place. It reminded her of Caldera, where the walls were invisible, but stood just as tall.

 A fire needed fuel, and heat, and air to thrive. And Ba Sing Se was a tomb, that buried the children it deemed unworthy deep within its walls, where the warmth of Agni didn’t reach, and the air was stale and rank. It left Azula suffocated, like she was being strangled raw. She needed to get out. 

 Azula owed nothing to the people of Ba Sing Se, she knew that, but she was reluctant to leave them as is. She kept her distance from them, but the look on some of her regular patients when she told them about leaving made her doubt her decision. She wondered, if this… itch under their skin was what drove Li Shen and Yugoda to try so hard with their patients. So, during her last two weeks stay, Azula gathered all the people she could find that would listen to her– children playing in the street, teenagers with too much time on their hands, housewives, and even some of her own patients– and crammed everything she knew about the common illness and the treatment. None of them were benders, none good enough to be able to detect their own chi pathways, much less in others, so she kept strictly to her notes from the books. She left detailed instructions on herbs they could find in the surrounding area, and a strict warning to find an actual healer if the symptoms were different, even slightly. She did not know if she had made any difference, and she doubted the people in the Lower Ring would have the money to spare for a real healer, but it had to be enough. 

 Two days before her departure, Azula had sneaked into Ba Sing Se University again, and copied a map for her travel. She would try her luck with the Fire Sages next. She was about to go back to the Middle Ring, when she felt the faintest tug on her inner flame. Ever since her training with Yugoda, Azula had been honing her skill, and she was able to sense the chi pathways in others fairly easily. This was different. It almost felt like firebending, only without the flame. And so faint, she thought it would disappear if the wind blew wrong. Azula decided to follow her instinct. Worse case, she wasted an evening chasing nothing. A few turns into the corners and alleyways of the city, she already regretted her decision. The ‘flame’ pulled on her in a straight line, even when the way was clearly blocked by walls and rails and buildings. She was about to abandon her search, when she saw it.

 The Jasmine Dragon.

 The words were painted in garish gold over the dark green of the Earth Kingdom. Compared to the surroundings, the shop was a hole in a wall without any identifying features other than the signboard. She doubted she would be able to find it if not for the tug. The air reeked of tea. The sun would set in less than two hours, and there were still some customers left. Azula was sure the tug was coming from the shop. So she did what she did best. She waited, and observed. Then she saw him. The Dragon of the West, chatting and serving tea to patrons, with a smile on his face. 

 Azula had thought of it, a few times, when she had nothing better to do, about what she would do, and feel, when she saw someone from her past. She thought she resented her mother. She thought she envied Zuko. She thought she would be angry at Iroh as much as Ozai. But she felt nothing. Not towards Iroh at least. Five years without the shackle of the Princess of Fire Nation around her, without the pressure to be perfect, knowing there were people that would accept her for who she was, rather than for who she should be, Azula finally realized, how insignificant their role was in her life. Mother left when she was nine. She would be twenty in a few months. Not even twenty, and she had spent more than half her life without Ursa. Azula debated whether she should go and show herself to Iroh. To pay her respect, as they say. And perhaps the old man would know something about what she was looking for. She wondered, if he would be able to sense her flame, just as she sensed his. 

 So Azula waited some more, until the last patron had left, and the sun was hanging low on the horizon, before she made her way to the shop. 

“Quite a fancy place for some tea.” 

 Iroh chuckled. He had his back on her, bent at the waist as he wiped a table. It didn’t seem like he could sense her flame. “Yes, I do agree with you. One does not need such a place to enjoy the pleasure of good tea, but my nephew insisted. And who am I to deny such a nice gesture. Plus, the fanciful place usually attracts good company. A must for enjoying t—” His words died in his throat, as he turned to greet her. Azula was expecting his eyes to pop out of their sockets with how large they had become. She sensed his inner flame flared up within him, for an instance, before calming back down to its usual temperament. She saw the blood drained from his face, like he had witnessed a ghost or spirit. Azula supposed she was one. Either the old man could not sense her from her inner flame, or he was a better actor than Azula had thought.

“Oh, a new customer. Hadn’t had one in a while.” Another voice came from the back, all sweet and innocent. Azula shifted her eyes towards the young woman walking towards them. “Tell me, miss, are you new in town? Do you have any preference? We have all kinds here—”

“Jin,” Iroh’s voice was calm, as he cut the young woman off. “The day is almost over. Why don’t you take an early leave today? Don’t worry. I will pay you for the whole day as usual.”

 Jin scowled. “But there’s still a customer to serve.”

“I can serve her myself. And I intend to close the shop for the rest of the day.” When Jin didn’t take her eyes off him, he added, “she’s… family. We have a lot of things to talk about.” 

 Jin removed her eyes from Iroh and then looked at Azula. She shrugged, took off her apron, and folded it neatly. “Enjoy your tea.” She smiled at Azula as she moved towards the door. Azula waited for Iroh to lock the door and bar the windows, before she followed him to the back room.

 In contrast to the hard brick and fine decorations in the shop, the back room was bare, with only a small table on some tatami mats in it. Azula sat on one side, making sure the entrance was right behind her, as Iroh prepared some tea. She could see the shivers in his hands, as he poured some water in a pot and arranged the tea set on a plain brown tray. She couldn’t tell if the shake was from old age, or from the surprise of seeing someone he thought was long dead, or from the excitement some warriors felt before a fight. Azula looked as Iroh placed a cup in front of her, and gripped the cane she rested on her lap. After pouring tea for both of them, Iroh sat on the other side of the table, cup in hands, as they eyed each other.

“Did he tell you? About me? About what he did?”

 Iroh took a sip from his cup, and closed his eyes as he savoured the tea, deep in thought. He nodded. “About a year after the war ended. Zuko was… worried about you, when we couldn’t find you anywhere. So he went and asked Ozai directly. He didn’t even pretend he regretted what he did.”

“You mean Zuko was worried I’d build myself an army, and would be able to take the throne from him after everything. Let’s not beat around the bush, uncle, it is unbecoming for people like us.”

 Iroh took another sip from his cup, nodded, before placing it back on the table. “To what do I owe the honor, niece? Is this a social visit?”

 Azula didn’t answer. She held his gaze for a moment, and shrugged. “I was here looking for something else, when I saw you. I thought I’d visit, ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.” In an instant, Azula felt Iroh’s inner flame flared up again, before she saw his guard coming back up. She scoffed, and flicked her wrist at him. “Believe what you want, uncle, but I have no intention of taking the throne back from Zuko. I have much better things to do with my time.” She took the cup in front of her and downed all the content in one gulp. 

 That seemed to calm Iroh down. His flame had stopped flaring up, but it did not go back down either. And there was still stiffness on his body, but he nodded.

“A firebender’s inner flame. Tell me everything you know about it.”

 Iroh frowned. “You are as much a master firebender as me. You took to fire like a bird took to the air, and like a fish took to the sea. I am afraid there is nothing new I can tell you about a bender’s flame that you have not figured out.”

“Humor me.”

“Very well.” Iroh paused for a moment, and took a deep breath. A firebender’s breath. Azula could feel the chi within him, expanding from its pool deep within his belly, through the pathways all over his core, as it folded into his inner flame, making it burned – bigger, hotter, but not in a spike like before – stable. The flame stayed burning, as Iroh blew hot air through his nose.

 As much as she did not care about the old man, she had always enjoyed watching (?) his firebending. A master’s bending was always a sight to behold. Azula frowned. She needed to find some new ways to explain the concepts swirling in her head. Somehow, she knew, seeing and feeling would not be enough. 

“Firebending is not like any other elements. Instead of manipulating the existing element, a firebender’s fire comes from within him. His inner flame.” Iroh paused, and pointed two fingers towards his upper belly. “A firebender’s everything – his heat, his warmth, his fire – depends on his inner flame. Therefore, he must master his inner flame first if he wants to master the fire. And it all starts with the breath.” Again, Iroh took a deep breath, and again, his inner flame burned.

“Just as every being needed air to live, a fire needed air to thrive…” 

 Azula ignored his explanation after that, and turned her focus on his chi and inner flame instead. On the ebb and flow of the chi and fire, and how they changed with every movement he was showing her. On the steady rhythm of his pulse as he breathed, and without thinking, she matched her breathing with him. The oil lamps hanging on the wall flared up and down, as they took control of the fire surrounding them.

 Iroh finished his explanation with a final breath, and Azula felt his inner flame steadied. The fire from the lamps stopped flickering when they released their control over them. 

“Is my explanation what you are looking for?”

 Azula looked at him for a moment before she answered, “I think you’ve been reading the basics scroll a little bit too much.”

 Iroh chuckled. She thought it was genuine. “On the contrary, niece. Too many masters ignore the basics once they have reached the peak. I think it is at the top, where we need to remember the basics the most. If our basics are not strong, then it will be easy to fall. And from the top, it is a long way down.”

 Azula huffed. She couldn’t tell if the phrases Iroh used were deliberate or not. So she waited. But he did not act like he realized what he had just said. He poured some more tea into his cup, and slid the teapot towards her side. Azula ignored it. Iroh said nothing, as he turned the cup in his hands. He sighed.

“After Lu Ten died, my fire was out of control. I was angry, at Ba Sing Se, for killing my son, at my father, for sending him with me, at myself… I raged for days, burning any field and land I saw, and at the end, I had lost my fire.”

 Azula frowned. It was the first time she heard about what he did right after Lu Ten’s death, before he went away from the Fire Nation. About him losing his fire. “Like Ozai?”

 Iroh shook his head. “I do not think so, no. I still felt my fire, the ember burned within me, but I could not channel the fire. I was lost.” He shifted his eyes from the cup to her. “That was when I went on my journey, where I met two masters who helped me get my fire back. They helped me understand the real fire. Fire is life. It must not come from anger.” He stopped, and finally sipped his tea. “When Zuko decided to… join the Avatar, he also had lost his fire. He told me, that he and the Avatar also found my masters, and managed to get his fire back.” He straightened his back, and looked directly at her. “I have to ask, niece. Did you also lose your fire?”

 Azula stared at him. She wondered how much she wanted to tell him. Then she shrugged. She was tired of playing games. She raised her right hand, palm opened over the table, and bent fire. It was blue. It was twice as large as when she had woken up. “Because of my… injuries, my lungs aren’t as strong as they used to be. It used to be much smaller, but I never lost my fire. I don’t use anger to fuel mine.”

 Iroh was visibly relieved. “No, you do not. You have an innate understanding of fire even before you could walk. It is something I have always envied you.” He paused again, and continued, “do you have any other questions for me?”

 Azula did not answer. She let the silence linger. She had a lot of things she wanted to ask; Why is Ozai still alive? Will he tell Zuko and all his allies that she is? Why is he here instead of in Caldera? Why Zuko, and not her? But ultimately, none of those mattered to her. They were not as important as the single question swimming in her head since Agna Qel’a. She wondered, how would he react if she told him the thing he had been spouting, the firebending basics he was so fond of, the fire sages were wrong. That the current firebending was built on incomplete knowledge. The question danced on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it whole. “No, I have nothing more to ask you.” Azula took out an old, rusted coin from her purse and placed it beside her cup. “Thank you for the tea, uncle. We will not meet again.”

 She groaned as she stood, and was halfway through the shop when Iroh spoke. “Niece, wait.” Azula stopped, but did not turn. “I am sorry. For what my brother had done to you. For thinking that Zuko needed me more. For not stopping both of you when you fought. I cannot turn back time, and this is something I will carry for the rest of my life, just as I carry Lu Ten’s death with me.” Azula’s jaw clenched. Her grip on her cane tightened. “But I do not regret my decision to support Zuko for the throne. Both Sozin and Roku’s blood flows within him. It is his destiny to restore the balance to the world, just as it is the Avatar’s. He is Ozai’s firstborn, the crown prince. The throne was his right to take.”

 Azula sighed internally. Of course. She had thought the day had gone a little bit too smoothly. For all his age and wisdom, the old man never did learn how to shut up. It was a miracle Zuko didn’t accidentally kill him during his exile. If Iroh wanted to pick on the scab, then fine.

 Azula scoffed, and turned to face him, a little bit sharply. Her back flared from the sudden movement. “And where was your right when Ozai took the throne from you? You were Azulon’s firstborn, the crown prince. Azulon’s will be damned, tradition dictates you have more rights to the throne than Ozai.” Iroh’s jaw hung stupidly on his face. His inner flame reduced to a tame fire. But Azula wasn’t done. “Do you know what’s funny, uncle?” Azula spat the word like venom. “Everyone related to Ozai carries something from their interactions with him. Ilah got her belly cut. Azulon’s dead. Zuko with his scar. I don’t know what Ursa is doing now, but I’ll bet my left leg she has something to remind her of Ozai. Everyone except you. The one person that could have done something to stop the war back then, the one person that could have prevented Zuko from being burned, didn’t. Because when you returned to us all those years ago, you set your eyes on the throne, you saw it. The throne stared back at you, challenging you, taunting you. And you blinked.” 

 Something crumbled in Iroh, Azula could see it. From the way his eyes bulged and his nose flared, and how his jaw quivered and his head dropped and his shoulders slumped after. He refused to meet her eyes, looking to the side in shame, in guilt, in anger. Azula kept looking at his profile; his long hair was combed and tied neatly over his head, and the fine silk tailor-fitted to him, he looked every bit the high nobility he was supposed to be.

“The topknot suits you.”

***

 Three weeks after she left Ba Sing Se, Azula was lost. Of the ‘she took a wrong turn somewhere, and now her map was useless’ kind. She frowned, as she looked at her map, at the thick line she made to mark the road, and raised her head to the thick bushes in front of her. She huffed, and turned around to see the road she had come from. The only point she could have made a mistake would be two cliffs ago, and Azula would not be hiking back just to see if she did take a wrong turn. The sun would not set for a couple more hours, but it was already dark because of the forest. She crumpled the piece of paper and stuffed it in her satchel, and walked straight ahead, occasionally poking the uneven ground with her cane.

 Azula could not tell exactly how long, but she did spend a few days in the woods. She found some animal trails on the second day, and followed it to a river, where she filled her canteen and rested for the rest of the day. On the next day, she followed the river upstream, until she arrived at a clearing and some man-made structures. They were old, worn with time and vines crawled all over them. They seemed to be made out of stone, carved, and stacked by hands, not bent into shapes. The buildings followed the same architecture; larger at the base, and narrow at the top. The large ones had appropriately large stairs leading up. Azula kept walking. It was quiet now. The sound from the wood critters had stopped since she entered the clearing. Then she felt it. The faint tug that she had felt in Ba Sing Se that led her to Iroh. 

 Firebender.

 Azula stopped and breathed deeply. Her inner flame burned hot as she fed chi and air. Her fire was limited now, so she couldn’t be as aggressive as she used to. So she waited. The tug… tugs felt stronger now, as she heard the leaves rustled and twigs snapped. It felt like she was being pulled in all directions. Their inner flames were calling for her, and her inner flame roared louder, as it wanted to swallow them, to make them her own. 

 Azula could not tell what had happened. One moment, she sensed the fireball coming her way, so she turned to the direction, and raised her hand to bend the fire away. Then her inner flame flared larger, as she felt their inner flame flared larger, and her breath hitched. It felt like her flame was trying to burn all the air in her lungs. She was being stretched thin. Just as she felt her inner flame pulling on theirs, hers was being pulled as well. In multiple directions. She never lost control of her fire before. She knew, if she let go, she would lose her fire.

 Azula did not dare to move, as she fought for control over her fire. When her fire was under her control once more, she raised her head and glared at the people that surrounded her. They did not look like Fire Nation. No standard or banner as far as she could see. Their clothes were plain, but not in the same way peasants clothes were. Some of them had weird, wavy markings, red lines painted on their arms and faces. They were also staring at her, frozen in their place.

“Wait.” 

 Some of the men moved to the side – cautiously, Azula thought – and a large man came forward, and stopped just a few steps from her. He wore the same plain clothes as the rest of them, but there were more red paints lining his chest and face. And the elaborate headdress on top of his head was impossible to miss. Azula clenched her jaw as she tried to steady herself. She had dropped her cane earlier. 

 The man spoke. “You feel it, don’t you? The flames.” Then he pointed towards his belly, to the area just under his chest. “Our flames.”

 Azula did not answer. She kept staring at him, and the man stared back, frozen in place, like her, like the rest of them. It seemed like he would not continue without a response from her. “What is happening right now? How are you doing this?”

 He shook his head. Gently, cautiously. “We’re not doing anything. This is all you. You’re bending our inner flames.”

 His words sent shivers down her spine. Her jaw slacked open but no words came out. Azula imagined she hadn’t looked as stupid in a long time. Thoughts raced through her head. Different, contradicting thoughts. She had never heard of anyone bending the inner flame of a firebender before. But the Avatar could take away someone’s bending if he wanted to. If she could hone this skill, then she’d be able to challenge Zuko for the throne. But that was not the reason for her search. In Agna Qel’a, for the first time in her life, she dared to say she was happy. She left Uran and Tana and Hina for… what? Another chance at the throne? Another chance to prove that she deserved it more than him? Did she even want it anymore? DId she ever want it at all? Her thoughts were broken when Azula sensed movement before her. The man had both hands raised in front of him, his forehead resting on the closed fists, not unlike a bow in the Fire Nation. 

“You entered our territory first, but we are the ones that ambushed you without warning. Rules of engagement dictates that only those willing to lose their lives should draw the first blood. But as the chief, I have a responsibility for my people. You are holding our fires, our very lives in your palm. Would it be arrogant for us to pray for your mercy?”

 Then it hit her. The reason no fire came after the first one. The reason why no one dared to move a muscle if they didn’t have to. The reason for the pulls she felt earlier. The reason for the itching under her skin, wanting to be released, to consume, to burn. She was bending their fires. She could bend them away if she wanted to. She could take away their fire.

 The thought made Azula want to vomit. 

 She looked at the Chief, then to his men behind him, then back to him. They all had the same look; resignation. They had all accepted their fates, whatever she was to decide. And yet, there was hope as well. And for that reason alone, Azula couldn’t help but be honest.

“I can’t… I don’t know how.” She hated how small her voice sounded.

 But the Chief smiled, the same infuriating smile that reminded her of Li Shen, of Uran, and Tana. Even Hina sometimes. “You are one of the greatest firebender history has ever seen. The youngest person to wield an elevated fire. You know how to release a fire without doing anything to it. You start from here.” He pointed to his chest.

 She wanted to kick herself in the head. She was Azula. A prodigy. The greatest firebender in the world. Bending was all about control, not raw power. 

 Azula took a deep breath, and felt her fire burn. And she felt her inner flame frayed at the edges, reaching outwards, towards the Chief, towards his men behind him. “Don’t try to release all of them at once, pick a thread, and follow it through, all the way to the source.” The Chief’s voice was calm. No more uncertainty that she had heard earlier. When she felt connected to the bender somewhere in the crowd, Azula nodded. “Ease your hold. Gently. Like pulling a strand of hair from a tray of flour. The hair must not break, the flour must not spill. These are fragile things.” Azula nodded again. His instructions were clear, not cryptic like ones from Iroh. Firm, but not harsh like the ones from her childhood. It reminded her of Yugoda of all people. Azula released her control in that particular point, and gradually she felt the pull getting weaker. She could still sense the fire on the other side, but it was not pulling on her as much. When she finished, she heard an audible gasp from the crowd. A relieved one. “Good, good. Again.”

 She couldn’t tell how long it took, but Azula did it. Again, and again, and again. At the end, she was bending over on the ground, panting. She raised her head when she felt the gentle tap on her shoulder. The Chief was smiling at her. He helped her up, and a woman gave her cane back to her. The crowd had gathered closer to them, and all of them bowed. Some had their head low, some bent at their waist. One even prostrated himself on the ground. Azula was no stranger to people worshipping the ground where she stood, but not like this; with respect instead of fear, with gratitude instead of contempt. She did not know what to say. So she looked to the Chief. He smiled, then dropped his head for a moment, before looking back at her.

“The Sun Warriors welcome you; Azula of the blue flame, daughter of Agni, heart of fire.”

 ***

 The Sun Warriors led her away from the clearing, following some rat trails and through thick bushes, deeper into the forest. Azula had stopped mapping the area in her head two bends ago. She was too tired to care. Pulling on all those flames earlier, and learning how to release them on the spot had taken a lot from her. She sharpened her senses, and felt the familiar tugs from her surroundings, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not pull on them like before. Just when she thought she finally found some breakthrough, it slipped her hand again. Azula sighed, and followed in silence. 

 Dusk had settled when they arrived at their village—Azula assumed, judging from the similar buildings from earlier, and the people wearing similar clothes already waiting—she was marched straight to a large bonfire, and made to sit right in front of it. It was warm, despite the size. The Chief sat right next to her. Some of the men sat near the fire, some went away inside the buildings. Some other people came to join them by the fire; some teenagers that never took their eyes off her, mothers that ignored her as they fussed over their children in their arms, old people that spared her a glance as they took their place. Then trays of food were being passed by, Azula could not tell from where, but everyone would take the food from the previous one and pass it on to the next. When the Chief passed her hers, she took it and passed it to the man next to her. It went on for some time, until everyone was visibly with a plate of food in front of them. When the Chief gestured for her to eat, Azula frowned, and popped a cherry tomato in her mouth.

“You know who I am.”

 The Chief chuckled, as he ripped a part of flat bread, and placed some meat and greens on it. “There’s only one person I know talented enough, and driven enough to even try what you did. Some masters don’t even know it’s possible, much less where to start.” When she was about to ask about bending the inner flame, the Chief raised his hand. “Eat. And rest for tonight. Firebending consumes energy. You’ll have the rest of your life for questions.”

 Azula huffed, and placed strips of meat and veggies and sauce on her flatbread, rolled them together, and ate a mouthful at a time. When they finished, the Chief, Sankazan, led her to an empty house and told her to use it. Then he left without saying anything. She stared at his back moving away from her and disappeared into the dark of night. She stepped into the house, a hut, actually, and waited for her eyes to get used to the darkness. There was no room, only a bed made out of straws at the far end. She closed the door and tried to get some sleep.

 It had been some time since Azula rose with the sun. When she went outside, she saw some people were already out. Men sharpening their spears and tugging on bowstrings, women checking on their empty baskets. Others counted hoes and sickles and bags of seed. Some looked at her warily as she walked through the narrow streets, without clear direction where she was going. 

 Azula walked, and turned into bends and random, until she found a clearing with some large trees. It did not matter this early in the morning, but the trees would provide a nice shade when the sun would be at its peak. She did some stretches, and started her morning katas under one of the trees. On account of being on the road, and tending to her patients, she had been neglecting her katas for a few weeks now, something that would fill her with so much dread before, she would train for days straight, only stopping for the bare necessities. The alternative was unthinkable, and most likely painful. When she finished, she took a deep breath and sat, resting her back on the tree, as she watched farmers tend to the field in front of her. 

 A few moments passed, when Azula felt the familiar tug in her inner flame. She turned her head, and frowned when she saw Sankazan with a young woman and a small boy. He said something to the woman and pointed at her with his chin. The woman walked closer, laid a straw mat in front of Azula, and placed a brown sack on top of it. Sankazan sat beside her, and placed a pot and two cups on the mat. The woman offered a hand to the boy, and led him away from them. Azula’s frown deepened. She could not sense their flames.

“My daughter and grandson,” Sankazan said as he picked a rock bigger than his fist and pounded on the sack a few times. He tossed the rock back where he found it, and opened the sack to reveal the hard bread, now broken into small pieces inside.

“They’re not firebenders.”

“No, they are not.” Sankazan raised the pot, swirled it a few times, and poured the content into the cups. As an earthy and smoky smell wafted in the air, Azula had to take a second look when she saw how dark the liquid was. It was almost black. She frowned.

“What is that?”

“Kafe,” Sankazan answered, casually, like she knew what it was. He looked at her and grinned. “Not tea.” 

 Azula raised one of the cups slowly, and turned it a few times to try and see the contents clearly. It was black, and looked as shiny as her lacquered cane when it was new. She couldn’t even see the bottom of the cup. A few times, it would reflect the glint from the sun when it caught it at just the right angle. All the while, the smell of earth and smoke and fruit (?) kept poking in her nostrils, daring her. Her mouth watered. She gulped down her saliva, and took a small sip.

 The taste was overwhelming. Immediately, the bitterness jolted her awake. It felt like a veil that was always covering her eyes was pulled away, and she could finally see clearly. When she swallowed, the liquid felt smooth on her throat, but left a pleasant burn in its way. And the bitterness lingered, deep within her throat, that rolled into the sweet and sour taste hinted at the tip of her tongue. Azula raised her eyes, to see Sankazan grinned even wider. “Life’s simple pleasures,” he said. Then he took a piece of the hard bread, dipped it in his cup, and ate. Azula did the same. The bread was sweet, made from corn, and dried for longer keeping. The hot liquid, kafe, softened it just enough to be edible, while keeping the texture. The sweetness complimented the bitterness perfectly, and Azula couldn’t help but agreed; life’s simple pleasures. 

 They ate, as they watched farmers tilled the lands and burned a different part of the field. Between bites, Sankazan told her about the place and the people, and stories long forgotten by time. Once in a while, Azula would interrupt him, when she recognized ones that she had heard in her childhood, albeit with minor differences. About characters that lived in different timelines working together, about events that seemed to occur in different orders, yet yield the same result. And they debated which version was more authentic, Fire Nation’s written ones that could have been altered sometime in the past, or the Sun Warrior’s version, told by the elders to the children as they gathered around the large bonfire, which would be embellished depending on the storyteller’s mood on that particular night. By the time the bread was finished, they still could not come up with a concession that would satisfy both of them. So, Sankazan agreed they would revisit the argument some other time as he poured the last of the kafe in their cups.

 Azula took a sip, and fingered the cup in her hand. “You called me the heart of fire yesterday. What does that mean?”

“It’s not as special you’re making it out to be, I promise you that.” He drank from his cup, “you are a firebender, are you not? Then you have a heart of fire. Nothing more.”

“How did you know I was bending your inner flames? It was the first time I heard of such a thing.” She took another sip.

“Isn’t it obvious? I know firebending masters that can bend a bender’s inner flame.”

 Azula immediately turned her head towards him when she heard his words. That made the liquid still moving down her throat to enter the wrong pipe, making her choke. She had to grit her teeth and force it all down just so she wouldn’t spit on someone that might have the answer she was looking for. She coughed and heaved until her breath finally cleared. “You said I was the only one capable of doing that.”

“No, I said you are the only person with the talent and drive to achieve what you did. These masters are old. They’re already bending the inner flames before you were even born.”

 Azula did not care about how smug he sounded, and how deliberate his words were. She mulled the phrase a few times in her head, when a thought bloomed within her. The possibility. It sent shivers down her spine. Her heart screamed, for her to demand him to tell her the truth. To take it out of him, however she could. But then she saw it, from the defiant glint in his eyes, and the way he braced his body. This was something he would take to the grave if he did not part with it willingly. Azula breathed deeply, to calm her heart, and her fire. “Can I meet these masters of yours?”

“No.” 

 She thought as much, but she still had to try. “Because I’m not worthy? Not ready?”

 Sankazan shook his head. When he realized she would not be pressing him, his soft demeanor returned. “Because it won’t do you any good. You already know how to bend the inner flames. If you need practice, then all you have to do is say it.” Azula frowned. Sankazan smiled. “There were twenty of us yesterday. Our fires were forfeited when you took control of our inner flames.” He pointed to the area between his belly and his chest, and Azula could only look in horror as the implication hit her. “This is yours, to do whatever you want. Surely twenty bodies were enough for you to–”

“No!” 

 Azula did not let him finish. Sankazan gave her a questioning look, as she glared at him. Then, as the understanding seemed to hit him, he bowed, like he had done yesterday. “My apologies. I did not mean to upset you. That was not my intention. I will make sure the others understand your mercy was given without a string.” She stared at him for some time, sighed, and bent fire in her palm. It burned bright blue, beating steadily like her heart. “Beautiful.”

“It wasn’t mercy,” Azula said. “For as long as I can remember, my fire was the only constant in my life. My north, my Big Bear.” She paused, as she swirled the fire in her hand, and changed its shape at random. “Mother was never there, I don’t think, brother comes and goes, father only looked down from his dais when he wanted something… but fire, my fire, will burn until my heart stops beating. I’d slit your throats before I take away your fire.” Azula extinguished her fire and took a deep breath to calm herself down, and looked at Sankazan again. Despite her cold words, there was no hostility in his expression, only an understanding that they both shared. “Tell me, Chief, have you heard of healing fire?” Sankazan’s eyes popped wide, and Azula grinned smugly, not unlike how he had done when he introduced kafe to her. 

 She told him everything. When she finished, she heated the kafe in her hand before taking a sip. Sankazan sighed. “Perhaps we have been isolating ourselves for far too long now. We were too focused on preserving tradition that we had forgotten the original purpose of the fire,” he said, as he looked at the field, and brought his cup to his mouth. He scrunched his face in disgust when he realized it had gone cold. “What I wouldn’t give for you to come to us sooner.”

 Azula chuckled. “Now, can I go and meet the masters?”

 Sankazan looked at her, and smiled softly. “The thing about old masters is, they are old. Too old, too powerful. Too set in their ways. They care not about a young person’s troubles. It still won’t do you any good.” Azula huffed. “And the thing about a young person is, they think their problem is the only one worth solving, and they need to move forward right away no matter the cost. They would smash their heads on the wall if they had to, when what they should’ve done is to go back.” And now he sounded a lot like Iroh. What was it with old people and cryptic words? Azula was about to ask, when Sankazan took their empty cups and the pot and stood up. “Come. There is something else you need to master, before you continue on your journey. That thing you affectionately called your missing knowledge.” 

 Azula’s heart soared. Her breath hitched. Her whole body trembled. With excitement. With hunger. With… content. To have someone else confirmed her thoughts. To have someone that knew something she didn’t, and offered it freely, directly, without conditions. Azula stood up, and followed. Her back and her leg burned as she tried to keep pace. 

 ***

 After they stopped at a house, where he left the pot and cups, Sankazan led her, through narrow streets, through people’s yards and open fields, to the large bonfire from yesterday. It was still burning, despite the high noon. There was a building a few feet from it, built from four stone pillars and a roof, with no walls. There were people sitting inside, mostly children, and some teenagers, sitting on the ground, backs bent as they kept their focus in front of them. Two adults, a man and a woman moved from one child to another, watching, and giving instructions.

 When they arrived, she recognized Sankazan’s grandson, vigorously rubbing two pieces of wood together. They all were. If she focused on the individual child, she could sense their inner flames—strong ones, weak ones, non-existent ones. 

“The Sun Warriors pride ourselves with our understanding of fire, our mastery of fire,” Sankazan’s voice broke her concentration. He was smiling, proudly, when she looked at him. He pointed to his grandson, “is my grandson less of a Sun Warrior because he cannot bend fire?” Azula had no answer, so she waited. “Learn how to make fire, and you will not fear the cold and darkness for the rest of your life.”

“I already know how to make a fire.”

 Sankazan shook his head, and pointed at her chest. “That fire was already within you. You feed it your chi and the air from your lungs, stoke it larger, hotter, direct it out of your fists and legs. You can even project your control over the fire outside of your body. You can bend fire. You cannot make one. Not yet. If you seek to understand fire, daughter of Agni, then learn how to make one, in its purest and most humbling form, untainted by the will of men.” His voice was soft, like he was talking to a child—a small child that had accidentally burned herself when she first firebent, and now needed to be assured to try again. That the fire was completely safe. Azula couldn’t help but ask, internally, where was this master during her formative years. 

 She nodded.

 Sankazan smiled. He motioned for her to sit at the back, alongside some of the older children, as he walked towards the front. He smiled and patted his grandson’s head on his way there. When he arrived, the male teacher handed him two pieces of wood, a large flat one, and a small stick. He looked at some of the children sitting at the front, before settling his eyes back on her. Then he rubbed the stick on the flat wood a few times, and raised it for everyone to see. Azula could not tell if he had done anything to the wood. “If there is one thing to remember about fire, children, remember that it is fragile.” He then blew on the wood, one poof of air, and made the wood dust on it scattered to wind.

 For one brief instance, Azula felt it; the flash of heat coming from the front, before disappearing just as fast.

 Sankazan rubbed the stick on the flat wood again. Azula still could not see anything changed from where she was sitting. Sankazan brought the wood close to his mouth, and breathed gently. Then Azula felt it. The temperature rose from one point on the wood, smaller than a needle tip as Sankazan breathed on it. When he stopped, the temperature stopped rising, but the heat lingered. “A fire is like a child, that must be nurtured through every stage of its life.” Sankazan gestured the wood to the children in front of him. “At this stage, if you push too much air into it, like I did earlier, it will burn in a flash, and disappear. If you smother it with too much fuel, and not enough air, it will die without even starting to burn.” 

 He took a few strands of dried grass in front of him, placed it on the wood, and breathed gently. The temperature rose gradually, and the grass caught fire. Now Azula could visibly see the fire. Then Sankazan took a dried leaf, crumpled it in his hand, and placed it near the burning grass. And again, he breathed gently. The fire became larger. Sankazan let it burn for some time on the wood, as the male teacher brought an unlit fire bundle near his hand. Sankazan tilted the flat wood, and tapped it a few times. The burning leaf dropped onto the fire bundle, and kept burning. He took the fire bundle from the man, and raised it for the children to see.

“It is when you nurture the fire through all its stages that you will get a strong fire, one that, with enough fuel, will keep on burning through the cold night. In a way, the people in both water tribes understand fire better than us, because if they don’t, they will not survive their own home.”

 That was how Azula found herself rubbing two pieces of wood alongside some small children for thirty minutes straight, with nothing to show other than sore palms and wood dust in her lap. When class was dismissed, and the children went to help their parents or play among themselves, Azula walked back to her tree and continued. She had to stop and stretched her hands and massaged her arms a few times, and yet, the most she could show for her effort was a few dark streaks on the wood, telling her that she had managed to create some embers, but was unable to keep it long enough to put some kindling on it. In frustration, she threw the woods to the base of the tree, before she outright burned them altogether, and sulked, as she finally looked at the field. 

 The day would end in about an hour. The villagers working the field had already ended their work, and were inspecting their tools. When she felt Sankazan’s flame, she turned her head to scowl at him. He looked at her for a moment, then moved his eyes to the discarded pieces, switched his eyes back to her, and gave her a smug grin. “Not as easy as it looked, isn’t it?”

 Azula huffed. “I hate you. You’re a bad person.”

 Sankazan laughed, loudly, unapologetically, from deep within his belly as he sat with her. “Is something you can master in a day really worth mastering at all?” Azula ignored him. “Truth be told, it will be doubly hard for you.” That finally got her attention. Azula groaned, as she turned her whole body towards him. He was looking at her with the same soft expression from this morning. 

“Unlike most people from the Fire Nation, you do not use anger to fuel you. Your talent, your innate understanding of fire allows you to see the most efficient ways to use your fire, and your drive and hunger for perfection, for control, pushes you far beyond any master. But that’s the thing,” he paused, bent fire on his palm, and gestured it to her. Azula felt the fire, even before it lit up on his palm. She watched, as the fire swayed randomly, before staying in one direction as her inner flame pulled it towards her. 

“Your fire has only known control all its life. It wants to control, to consume, so much that it cannot coexist with other fires. Until it can learn how to, you won’t be able to create this fire.” He looked at her, and made sure he had her full attention. “You need to let go. Relent your control for once. Let it breathe. Let it know how to coexist with other fires. Let it just… be.”

“I can’t,” Azula said, through gritted teeth. “If I let go, it will pull you. You said it yourself. It wants to control, to consume. I don’t think I can release you for a second time without taking away your fire. You know what I think about that.”

 Sankazan was looking at her, a sad smile on his face. “A bender’s inner flame is much stronger than a speck of ember on a dried wood. It is tethered to someone, after all. You said it yourself. Your fire is the only thing that has been with you for your whole life. When your friends pushed you back, when your f… when former Fire Lord Ozai discarded you like nothing, when your body failed you, your fire was the one that saved you. It gave you that chance to save yourself. It never failed you. Do you think it will start now? Have some faith.”

 Azula listened, as his words rolled in her head. Of things left unsaid. When she let go of her control over her inner flame, and it pulled on his inner flame, he could easily pull her inner flame away if she did nothing. He was talking about faith in her fire, and trust in each other. To trust that she would not pull his fire all the way, and for him to do the same. Trust.

 Azula took a deep breath, and slowly eased her control on her inner flame. Immediately she felt it expand outwards, reaching in all directions; towards the setting sun, towards the burning field, towards the large bonfire at the center of the village. She felt Sankazan’s inner flame reaching out to hers as well. His fire was strong, warm, and burned slowly like a hearth on a cold night. In contrast, hers was like a raging forest fire, threatening to burn everything in its path.

 She let her fire lingered, let both of their inner flames roll in and out as they pleased, uncontrolled, but tethered to their own wielders. “Balance does not occur out of nothingness,” Sankazan said. “When you push, and are pushed back, there is balance. Pull on a string, and it will move until someone pulls back on the other side. Place a weight on one side of a scale, and it tilts. Place equal amount of weight on the other side, and it is balanced.” He paused, and looked deep into her eyes. Azula stared back. “Keep placing weights on both sides, and it will crumble after a time.” He smiled, and his eyes softened. “But life is not a scale. It is harmony. Life is to live, and let live. And within reasons, to give, and to take. To hurt someone just because they had hurt you is not justice, it’s revenge. And revenge, when left festered, is an abyss larger than Si Wang Desert, and deeper than the Northern Sea. Let it go, child, and live. Do not forget, but let it go.”

 Azula gritted her teeth as her sight turned into a messy blur, as she reached within for her inner flame, roaring hot as it threatened to smother Sankazan’s flame, the result from a childhood that was never hers. A childhood full of hard glares and cold floors and painful slaps. A childhood with too many pushes and not enough pulls. A childhood taken—not given—from her. It would take a while, but she knew he was right. It was time to let go.

 Remembering her lesson from yesterday, Azula slowly took control and pulled her fire back. Her breath hitched, and she sobbed, when she realized Sankazan’s flame had dimmed, like an ember left outside after a heavy rain.

“Cry not, young dragon. Life is a give and take. What freely given will be missed, but will not be mourned.”

 ***

 It took a few more weeks of rubbing pieces of dried wood and releasing control of her inner flame—which Azula did, alone, under that same tree, away from everyone else—before she finally was able to bring a spark to life. Some flaming dust that flared bright and set fire to the kindlings around it. Azula sat there, and kept adding kindlings to the small flame on her palm, dancing wildly as it followed the changing wind. It was small and weak, but it was free. 

 When Sankazan came to her, with three people she recognized from her first day, Azula bowed low, with respect, with gratitude, with humility, and released her control over her inner flame.

 When she finished, Azula cried, and smiled, when she still felt their inner flames. 

 Everyone smiled, and laughed, with her.

 ***

 New place, new people, new routines. 

 Azula had stopped waking up with the sun, because after living among the Sun Warriors for a few months, she realized firebenders did not wake up with the sun. Azula did. Because if she didn’t, she would be woken up with a hard shove off the bed and a swift kick to the shin. 

 It was on the day when she woke up fairly early, and walked to her tree, and saw Sankazan practicing some weird katas. “Join me.”

 So Azula did, as best as she could, when her leg and her back permitted. They would practice together, until  Sankazan’s daughter would bring them their breakfast. When mid-morning arrived, she would make her way to the class building, where she taught about her healing fire to those that were interested in it. Benders and non-benders both.

 For the non-benders, she had to order some beginner text books about traditional healing and medicine from Ba Sing Se, so once every few months, Azula would make her way out to the nearest village to collect her orders, and sent some letters to Li Shen and Uran. She did not give them her location, so she never received a reply, but she would like to think that they would be happy to hear from her. She’d brought the latest news from outside and as much candies as she could carry for the children back to the village.

 Sometimes, her routine would change when someone needed healing, or when some of the farmers asked her help burning the field, or when Sankazan would come find her in her free time to finish one of their petty debates. Today was one such day. After their morning katas and breakfast, Sankazan had asked her to cancel her class, and followed him to the large bonfire. Azula raised an eyebrow when she saw the small crowd gathering nearby. Sankazan took a small fire from the large bonfire, and asked her to climb the largest temple with him. She stared at him as his words sunk into her head, looked to the top where they were supposed to go, as her eyes took in the steep incline and the larger stairs and the worn out pathways. Her back and her bad leg were already screaming at her. She turned her sight back to him and narrowed her eyes. Sankazan kept on smiling, and cleared his throat. “It would be an honour if you would accompany me to the top.”

“You’re a bad person, you know that?”

 Sankazan laughed, while some of the crowd snickered and giggled. “I believe you have said that a few times, yes. But the thing is, the world is already filled with good people, so a few bad ones won’t be a big problem. You know, balance and all that.”

 Azula huffed, and motioned for him to start.

 They paced slowly, and steadily towards the top, restarting the pointless debate from a few days earlier about how traditional a traditional Fire Nation play actually was, if it had no obvious nod to the Sun Warriors culture at all. 

 When they arrived at the top, and stopped talking, and Sankazan had a solemn look on his face, was when Azula finally registered the drumming and the chanting from below, muffled by the distance between them. Sankazan bowed to her, and gestured the fire on his palm towards her. His voice uncharacteristically serious. “I thank you, young dragon, for granting me this request. Truly, it was an honour for the chance to both guide you, and learn from you.” He then raised his head and looked at her. “You have my word; no harm shall fall on you. Today’s judgment is mine to bear, and mine alone, so please, whatever happens, live, and let live.” 

 Azula did not like how ominous he sounded, but she nodded, and moved to the side.

 Then she heard the gong sound from below, so loud like it was trying to pierce above the sky. The whole temple—carved into the side of a mountain—shook like something was thrashing within, struggling to break free. And the temperature rose and the ground roared and the sun went dark. Azula dared to look up, her breath lodged in her throat. Two pairs of eyes were staring at her, peering deep within her. 

 Dragons. One red, scales glistened in the sun. The other, blue, brighter than her fire. Azula felt their inner flames, warm and hot and overwhelming, but not overpowering. And her own flame reached for them, not to challenge or to pull, just to feel them, like a lone traveler running towards the gates after years of missing home. The dragons looked at her for some time, before shifting their gaze on Sankazan. 

 Sankazan was kneeling, and head pressed low, while both of his hands raised high, offering the small flame to them. The flame was miniature when compared to Azula’s own flame it would be no more than a spec of dust to the dragons. A spec of flaming dust. Then the flame disappeared, dissipated into the thin air, and Sankazan raised and started moving. Azula recognized the movement they had been practicing every morning. And the dragons moved with him, swimming free in the open sky like they owned it. When Sankazan jumped, they soared high, when he ducked, they tuck close, when he reached his hand forward for a punch, they zoomed straight, showing their bodies and the ridges and scales and wings in full glory, until Sankazan ended where he started, his head and both of his palms pressed firmly on the ground.

 The dragons rose straight, like kings looking down on their subjects, chests expanded. Azula felt their flames roared, and her own flames roared back heeding the call, and the flames down below rose in echoes, and one flame right in front of her, blinked to life. The dragons opened their jaws and breathed fire, and the silhouette of a man turned to a lump of fire. The fire was hot and cold and warm and everything in between. It twisted and turned and changed their colors from red to orange to blue to green. When it finished burning, Sankazan was standing, head tucked low to his chest, palms pressed together in front of him. He raised both of his palms, and bent fire once. He bowed again, and finally raised his head. When the dragons switched their eyes to look at her again, he followed, and smiled at her.

 The dragons stared at her for some time, before blowing puffs of air from their nostrils, then went back to their caves. If dragons could huff, that would be how they’d do it, Azula thought.

“They like you,” Sankazan said, as he took a seat beside her. Azula frowned.

“Not similar to how an owner looks at their pet fire ferret or flying monkey I hope.”

“No, more like a pair of grandparents being amused by their precocious first granddaughter.”

 Azula frowned deeper, and huffed. She looked back to the route they came, and cringed. Sankazan laughed, and brought out a pot of kafe and two small cups. “Let’s take a break first before we go back.”

“I didn’t know dragons can light up someone’s inner flame,” Azula said, as she took a sip of kafe.

“Of course they can. Firebending was a gift from the dragons after all.”

 Azula raised her brows in acknowledgement. “Why did you wait this long to show them to me? You said there’s nothing I can learn from them, so why show me at all?”

 He… pfft. “I didn’t say that. I said it won’t do you any good. You know, because you’re already a dragon.” Azula’s words lodged in her throat and she looked at him, incredulous. “What, you think all dragons are thirty feet long, eyes big as a house, breathe fire out of their mouth, fart lighting out of their ass?” He smirked. He was enjoying this. “No, young one. Dragons are firebenders that are able to bend others’ inner flames. Bring me a fire ferret that can do that, and I will call it a dragon.” Azula was still not convinced. He smiled, a genuine one this time. “Think back to the question you had when you met us. To your friend in the north. Men tend to complicate things when they draw invisible lines on the shifting sands… when the world is just a collection of simple truths. Just as simple as water is wet, and fire is hot, only a firebender can heatbend. For ten days she was heatbending, she was a firebender. Because you lit her inner flame on fire, because you, are a dragon. A young, and weak one compared to the masters, but a dragon still.”

 Azula could not believe what she heard. She rolled the words in her head, over and over again, and still could not decide if he was serious, or trying to mess with her head. “Never heard of someone lighting up someone’s inner flame before,” she said lamely.

 Sankazan pfft again. “Nonsense. Dragons do that all the time.”

 Azula huffed, and continued sipping her kafe, when a conversation she had some time ago came knocking back on her memory. “My uncle… and my brother, they lost their flames. Said they found two masters that taught them the true meaning of fire. The masters…”

“Your brother came with the Avatar, but yes, they were here. They were looking for a way to get their flames back, I showed them the way.” 

 Azula hummed, when another memory came knocking, something that made her eye twitch when she first heard it a few months ago. “Don’t tell me this is where he got that ‘fire is life’ nonsense he’s been spouting these few years.”

 Sankazan’s laugh was the loudest she had heard. He was crying a little bit. “I don’t know what you want me to say, but I can assure you, I did not tell him that.” He stopped and wiped his tears. “Apparently that was how he interpreted the dragons’ fire, I mean, who am I to say otherwise.” He chuckled.

 Of course. Leave it to Zuzu to oversimplify things he couldn’t understand, and everyone just let him run with it.

 Azula huffed.

“So what now? You came to us with one question. And it is finally answered. What will you do now?”

 Azula pondered. She shrugged. “Now I have ten more questions I need answers for. And my students can barely heal a mild fever at best. I think I’d like to stay for a little bit more. See what else you’re keeping away from me.

 Sankazan smiled, and bowed. “It would be an honour to learn from a dragon.”

 ***

 The world was an amalgamation of simple truths. As water is wet and fire is hot and time can only move forward, rumours float and ride the wind to all corners of the earth, even an isolated corner tucked away from prying eyes. 

The Fire Lord half-sister, born a healthy baby girl, had been sick for three years now, starting from a few weeks after her fifth birthday. Many healers were consulted, but none were able to find a cure. Master Katara had been consulting with Master Yugoda of Agna Qel’a, and was able to alleviate the symptoms, but the child would spend most of her days in bed.

 Azula sat under her tree, as she looked down on the farmers harvesting the corn they had planted a few months ago. A few of her students were burning the edge of the field, while some children were running on the already cleared areas. She took all of the scenes in, the sound of giggling children, the smell of burning fields and ripe corn, the feel of the southern wind on her scalp. She turned around when Sankazan walked towards her.

“You’re leaving.”

“Would you judge me? If I stay, and ignore it?”

“It is not my place.” Sankazan sat beside her, and placed a sack on her lap.

 Azula took the sack, and dangled it a few times, feeling the weight in her hand as the smell of kafe beans wafted in the air. “How much is in here?”

“For normal people? Three to four months. For you? Two weeks, tops.” 

 Azula scowled. “I am not addicted.” Sankazan smirked, and raised a brow. “I can stop drinking anytime I want.” When he didn’t say anything, she huffed. They both sat in silence as they looked at the field. “After, I want to visit some families first, but I will be back in a few months. Please make sure they do some training while I’m gone.”

 Sankazan laughed. “Of course. You have my word. No one wants to ignite a dragon’s wrath after all. Come, I’ll walk with you to the village edge at least.”

 Azula nodded. She placed the sack of kafe beans in her satchel, stood up, and stretched for a bit. They walked slowly, when Sankazan started a pointless debate about a pointless play that started in the Fire Nation, but somehow made its way to the Sun Warriors. 

 Azula never wanted to strangle somebody more than the writer of that ridiculous play. Perhaps she could make some time to visit Ember Island during her time away.

Chapter Text

 One of the few good and bad things that came from the end of the war was the semi-opened border Zuko had to maintain for the trade routes to compensate for the loss of revenue after they had to return some of the new colonies to the Earth Kingdom. Good, in the sense Azula was able to slip pass into the Fire Nation capital without issues. She didn’t even have to use the few smuggling holes she had found during the war. Bad, in the sense a vagabond from the colonies was able to enter without much fuss. She supposed she was just lucky like that.

 One step inside Caldera, and she could immediately tell the difference. In her mind, she had always known there were a lot of firebenders in Caldera. It was the capital of the Fire Nation after all, but there was a chasm between knowing and feeling. 

 Her inner flame sang as she let it wander freely, touching and mingling with the inner flames of the firebenders there. The inner flames of the Sun Warriors were nurtured from a small spark, one stage at a time, to burn safely, and unchanged, like a warm hearth through winter’s coldest nights. The inner flames of the Fire Nation were fragmented; small sparks to the hottest forest fires and everything in between. When she found the inner flame that closely resembled the Sun Warriors, she followed it to a well-worn wagon by a street, where an old man was peddling some fire flakes. She kept looking at him for some more time, and then to her surroundings, and a pattern emerged.

 The steadiest flames burned mostly within the common folks—the cooks and the blacksmiths and the artisans—those that learned to control and nurture their flames because they needed to. The hottest and brightest came from the soldiers, all eager to fight, to protect those they hold dear, and to die when old men with grey beards told them to. And the dimmest of flames flickered within the nobles, with their smooth skin and fine silk and false bravado, thinking they owned the world just because they were born from the correct wombs. Such was the Fire Nation; a nation united against the world, and fragmented in its cores. 

 Azula made her way to the fire flakes peddler, and asked for the price. The man did not answer. He looked at her with skeptic eyes, but not hostile. “Never seen you before. You from the colonies?”

“Something like that,” she held his gaze, and added, “I used to live here when I was little.”

 A flash of understanding washed over him, and his eyes softened. He put two scoops of fire flakes in a small paper bag and held it out for her. “On the house. Welcome home.” He did not smile. “Couple of scoops won’t put me out of business,” he said, when Azula raised her brows. Then he gestured towards some benches that were set up under the shade of a large tree near them. “It’s gonna be hard to eat with that,” he pointed at her cane, “why don’t you rest your legs for a bit, finish your flakes before you went back home to your parents?”

 Azula did not correct him. She did not want to go back to her parents. But she’d like to rest her legs for a bit, so she took the fire flakes, muttered her thanks, and sat, as she let her inner flame explore as much of Caldera as it could. It was perfect. When she finished, she thanked him one more time, and made her way to the palace.

 ***

 Well, fuck.

 The Fire Nation Palace was built on an elevation with exactly nine hundred and thirty seven steps between the ground and the entrance. She knew this because she had counted them when she was five, with Mai and Ty Lee and sometimes Zuko when they had nothing better to do. A normal and healthy person could make the climb in about forty minutes. Princess Azula and her… friends could make it in half, because they would skip two or three steps at a time. High nobles would not care because they would be carried by their servants in their palanquins. Azula, with her twisted spine and bad leg, would rather turn back and limp to Agna Qel’a instead. But she came here for a mission, some would say it was for a good cause, even. So she steeled her nerves and gritted her teeth and made her way towards the entrance, one painful step at a time.

 ***

 She sensed the two guards standing in front of the entrance long before she saw them. Their flames were… adequate for what they needed to be, but nothing more. When she approached, they visibly straightened their hunched backs and slumped shoulders, trying so hard to be imposing. They both had one head over her, but Azula looked them down nonetheless.

“I’d like an audience with the Fire Lord, please.”

 It took a while for her words to register, when they both looked at each other for a few seconds before looking back at her. It seemed like her initial evaluation was far off the mark when one of them finally opened his mouth.

“The Fire Lord does not grant an audience without a request… and the palace is not open to the public at this time. You nee—“ 

 Azula simply turned her back on them, not letting him finish his sentence.

“Tell him it’s Azula.”

 She walked to the edge of the compound and sat cross legged on the ground where she could look at the people below. A good while passed before she heard the crack of the grand door and hurried footsteps moving away from her, and another good while would pass before she heard the many footsteps rushing over towards her and she was surrounded by multiple flames that burned bright and hot. They were a cut above the entrance guards, but, in the eyes of a dragon, they were no different than a few sparks of embers that would be snuffed out by the lightest of breeze.

 ***

 The sun was starting to set when another set of footsteps approached her; slowly, deliberately.

 “Azula.”

 Zuko’s voice was calm, with a hint of wary. His inner flame actually fit someone who dared to call himself the Fire Lord, and was well above the royal benders surrounding her. It reminded her of Iroh’s flame, unsurprisingly. There was another flame that burned in a way she had never sensed before, which she assumed was the Avatar’s.

 Azula did not stand up. She swallowed the groan as she painstakingly turned her whole body around. Zuko was wearing the informal robe of the Fire Lord that Azulon used to favor when out of official duties, instead of the full regalia that Ozai wore all the time. She had to admit, he filled the garb nicely, although the plethora of emotions running down his face would not help him one bit in any negotiations he had to sit in. The Avatar stood next to him. He was taller than she remembered but still had not lost all of his baby fat yet, making the patches of beard underneath his chin look like someone had pasted it on with some spit and glue. Just a step behind, the waterbender, Master Katara—she assumed— gave her a cautious look, while the blind earthbender looked like she was bored out of her mind. There were a few Kyoshi Warriors behind them, standing taut in a defensive stance, as if she would do anything to them. As if they could do something if she decided to do anything. Azula could not find the other water tribe pe…rson, and Mai and Ty Lee were absent as well. Adding the royal firebenders surrounding them, it was quite a decent welcoming party… for Princess Azula.

 When nobody said anything for some time, Azula switched her eyes back to Zuko and looked him straight in the eyes. “You need to fire the idiot who thought it was a good idea to send firebenders after me.” There were gasps and snorts from the crowd, as Zuko’s jaw dropped low and his inner flame dimmed somewhat. At least now she knew which idiot he needed to fire. The earthbender actually laughed, from her belly, as the waterbender hissed.

“Toph!”

“What? She’s right. Do you remember how terrifying she was when we fought her?” Toph pointed a finger at her. She was off by a few degrees. “She was the greatest firebender in the world. Even if she was an imposter, someone who dared call herself Princess Prissypants must at least have some confidence in her bending.” Then she looked at Zuko’s general direction. “Sorry, Sparky, but she’s right. You’re an idiot.” Then she laughed. Zuko’s face turned red, in embarrassment more than anger. Azula did not hide her smirk. A kindred spirit. She liked her already.

“Azula,” the laughs gradually stopped, when a soft voice called for her from the back. She recognized the voice, but not the tone. Then the crowds parted and she saw former Fire Lady Ursa moving slowly towards her. Zuko and the Avatar parted to make some space between them, which Ursa immediately filled. Other than some thin lines at the corner of her eyes and the streaks of grey lining her hair, she was as immaculate, and beautiful as Azula remembered. She quickly swallowed the lump forming in her throat and gave her a smile she usually reserved for dignitaries and heads of states and Fire Lord Azulon.

“Lady Ursa. Just the person I hoped to see this fine evening.” Ursa’s neutral expression changed immediately. Her brows furrowed together in a scowl as she let out a silent gasp. Azula chose to ignore the beads of tears she saw at the corner of Ursa’s eyes. “I am here to see your daughter.”

 Ursa acted like she did not hear what Azula had said. She kept staring at her, with that same shocked expression, while the beads of tears pooled bigger at the corner of her eyes, until Zuko gently tapped her elbow and murmured softly to her ears. She took a sharp breath, before wiping her eyes with the hem of her sleeve. “My daughter…Kiyi. You are here to see Kiyi.”

 Azula did not answer.

 Ursa was silent, seemingly lost in thought, before she nodded. “She’s resting right now, but I think it should be fine to see her for a short while.” She turned around, and seemed to wipe her face with her sleeve a few more times. 

 She managed to walk for three steps before Zuko called for her. 

 Ursa did not move. She did not turn towards Zuko. She did not turn around to face Azula. “She’s your sister, Zuko.”

 Azula did not know which one she meant, and frankly, she did not care… not enough to ask her to clarify. “Excellent,” she said, as she pushed herself upwards and shifted her weight onto her cane.

“Azula… your legs,” Zuko said, as she closed the distance between them. Ursa visibly flinched, before she turned around, showing Azula her tear-stained face. She looked at her legs and scowled. Azula scowled back, as she looked at Zuko, then to Ursa, then to her bad leg and her cane before looking back to Zuko.

“You try getting thrown off a mountain once, see if you still look as good as me.” Someone actually snorted behind her. Azula gestured for Ursa to keep going. Ursa sniffed, and wiped her face once more, before she led her inside.

 ***

 The walk within the palace was uncanny. Everything was just as she remembered, and yet so different. The corridors a tad bit narrower, the ceiling a tad bit lower, the banners and the paintings and the old decorations looked a tad bit smaller; like the palace and everything in it had shrunk a size while she was gone. And then there were the people. The guards’ postures were less stiff, the servants did not flinch when they walked past them. A few even smiled  as Ursa led her to a familiar set of doors in a familiar wing of the palace. It was the only room fit for a princess.

 Ursa knocked on the door, and called softly. “Kiyi, there’s someone here to see you. We’re coming in, okay? You don’t have to get up.” Ursa never knocked, and never asked. She was the Fire Lady. She opened the doors and walked inside. Azula followed.

 The room was more colourful than she remembered. It used to be primarily red, with some gold and black accents. Now, the red had faded, and green curtains covering the windows, and blue and white rugs spread on the floor. The bedsheet was bright pink, and the girl lying on it was too small for the oversized bed. There was a middle aged man sitting beside it. He had an average build and plain looking Azula wouldn’t be able to point at him in a crowd, but he had a kind smile. He stood when Ursa approached the bed.

“Kiyi,” Ursa said softly as she sat. Kiyi’s inner flame flashed to life as her eyes fluttered open, before dimming back just as fast. She gave Ursa a weak smile, as Ursa kissed the top of her head. Then Ursa looked at Azula and gestured for her to come close. “This is Azula… your sister.”

 Azula sat at the edge of the bed, and looked into the set of golden eyes that mirrored her own. When she saw the flash of recognition, and genuine curiosity within Kiyi’s eyes, she took her hand and searched for the pulse underneath her wrist. Immediately, Azula felt it; the lack of chi in the pathways within the area.

“Her chi’s blocked,” she blurted, without thinking. Azula glared at the Kyoshi warrior that stood guard at the door, “why is it blocked?” She did not recognize her, and she did not see Ty Lee anywhere, but she heard the rumours. The warrior shrivelled under her gaze.

“It’s not blocked.” It was Katara’s voice that finally broke the silence in the room. Azula looked to the other side of the bed, where the waterbender looked at her with the same intense glare she had given the Kyoshi warrior earlier. The Avatar looked hopeful beside her. Beside him, Zuko was… Zuko didn’t really matter right now. Toph was nowhere to be found. Azula said nothing. Katara sighed. “Her chi doesn’t flow very well. Like a stream with too much sand. It trickles. All those chi needed to go somewhere, so it seeped into her body instead. That’s what makes her sick.” Azula agreed with her assessment. “Me and Master Yugoda, we tried to get her chi to flow, once every few weeks, but without knowing the cause, we’re just addressing the symptoms. And we can’t be here all the time, no matter how much we want to.” She looked frustrated. Azula didn’t care. 

“How’s her firebending lesson?” Zuko flinched, and the uncomfortable silence came back in full force.

“She’s eight.” Ursa answered. “She’s still too young to play with fire.” Azula looked at Zuko. He looked like he wanted to agree, but couldn’t. He had started his lessons when he started heatbending, about six months after his fifth birthday. Azula started even younger. She sighed.

 Then she looked at the man standing behind Ursa. “Are you the father?”

“Yes, princess. I am Ikem. It is an honor to meet you.”

“Azula.” When his eyes widened in surprise, she clarified. “I am not your princess.” Then he smiled at her, the same kind smile he had earlier. “You’re not a firebender.” Azula wasn’t asking.

“No, p..,” he paused, most likely trying to think of the proper way to address her other than princess. 

“What about your parents? Are they firebender? And your grandparents, both sides.” He shook his head. “Has there been a bender of any kind on your side of the family?”

 It took him a while before he finally answered. “Not that I can think of, no.”

 Azula knew exactly what the problem was. Still, she needed one last confirmation, so she looked back to Kiyi. It felt like the girl never had her eyes off of her. “Get up.” Then she looked at Ursa, “help her sit.” Ursa scowled, and looked like she was about to protest, but didn’t.

 “It’s okay, Kiyi. Just for a little bit.” Ursa had shifted her place from the chair to the edge of the bed as well, as she practically gave Kiyi a side hug while she supported her back. Azula never let go of Kiyi’s hand. She held it between them, palm faced upwards.

“Bend fire for me.”

 Kiyi and Ursa gasped, as Zuko spoke, “that’s not a good idea.” Azula looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “She can’t firebend very well.”

“Because you didn’t give her her lesson.”

“Because she still can’t control her fire very well.”

“Because you didn’t give her her lesson.”

 Zuko sighed. He was pinching the area between his eyes. “It’s not like that. Katara, can you explain to her why she can’t control her fire?”

 Katara actually rolled her eyes, while the Avatar smiled nervously at her. Huh, yet another kindred spirit, probably. “Like I said, her chi doesn’t flow very well. She can produce a decent fire, and she can control it well enough, at the start. But her chi seems to want to flow right after, so her fire just burst out. She had some accidents when she couldn’t control the burst and burnt some banners. Luckily Zuko and some royal benders were there, so the damage was minimal, but it might not be a good idea to have her firebending in this room.”

 Azula mulled over Katara’s words, before looking back to Kiyi. “Do you know who I am?”

 Kiyi nodded. “Mom and Zuzu told me some stories.”

“Do you think you can burn me even if you try?” Kiyi looked thoughtfully, pouted, and shook her head. “Good. Bend fire for me.” Kiyi looked at Ursa, then at Zuko, and took a deep breath. Zuko sighed, as he took a defensive stance at the other side of the bed. Azula felt Kiyi’s inner flame became larger, but still unstable. Katara was right. Her chi trickled through the pathways as Kiyi produced a fire about the size of her fist over her palm.

 Azula let it burn for ten minutes before she sensed the shift in Kiyi’s chi. The longer she firebent, the faster her chi seemed to flow. Azula felt the large wave of chi pushing through Kiyi’s pathways; the burst would come soon.

“Zuzu!”

 It happened in an instant. Kiyi called for Zuko, the fire on her palm burst upwards to the ceiling, as Zuko readied himself—

—to do nothing when Azula took control of Kiyi’s fire. Kiyi gasped, eyes widened as her fire burned bright blue over her palm. Azula kept burning Kiyi’s chi when the fire flickered one time. “Breathe, girl. Zuzu, make yourself useful and teach her how to breathe.” When he didn’t answer, she turned to look at him. “Do you think you need to do anything while I’m here?” He huffed, and sat on the other side of the bed.

“Alright, Kiyi. Just like I showed you. From here,” Zuko pointed at the area below his chest, and took a deep breath. Kiyi followed. Ursa frowned, as she looked at him, then to her, then back to him. 

 Through the flame, Kiyi looked at her, as if asking if she was doing it correctly. She was. For all his… inadequacy, Zuko had always been a good teacher, she’d give him that much, but she wasn’t going to say that to him. His head was already big from being the Fire Lord, she didn’t need it getting bigger. But Kiyi never stopped looking at her, and it seemed like she would not stop looking unless she gave her something. Azula sighed. She must’ve gotten soft in her old age. She exerted more control over the fire, and pushed some of her chi as well.

 Kiyi gasped, again, as the fire in her palm changed shape to be a dragon. Azula let it fly around chasing its tail a few times until she was bored of it, then she changed it to a phoenix. At least Kiyi had stopped staring at her. 

“How did you do that?”

“I’m a very good firebender.” She made the bird perched on Kiyi’s pointer finger, and changed it to a mountain.

“Zuzu can’t do that.”

“Zuzu’s not a very good firebender.”

 Zuko huffed, and Kiyi giggled. “Can you do Appa next?”

“What’s an appa?”

“My sky bison!” the Avatar answered, rather excitedly. When Azula looked at him, he was smiling at her with that child-like smile that she vaguely remembered. When she changed the shape to resemble his beast, his smile widened. “Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Me too!”

 Azula turned her head from the Avatar back to Kiyi. Her eyes were sparkling. “Ask me nicely and I might consider.”

 Kiyi pouted. “That’s not a yes.”

“No, it’s not.” After a few more moments of burning, Azula felt Kiyi’s inner flame stabilized, and no more large waves of chi would be coming, she relented her control, and the shapes crumbled into a plume of blue flame, before turning back to Kiyi’s original orange. “You can stop now.” After Kiyi extinguished her fire, and Zuko and Ursa’s posture relaxed, Azula asked, “how are you feeling?”

 Kiyi blinked a few times, before she placed a hand on her chest. She took a few deep breaths again. “I’m good… I think.”

“Kiyi,” Ursa said, softly. “We’ve talked about this. You don’t have to act strong for us.”

“No, mom. I actually feel good. Better than before.” She looked at her, and smiled, not the weak one from earlier, but a genuinely happy one.

 Ursa could not contain her emotions. She smiled as her tears flowed freely and she kissed the face and the top of Kiyi’s head, again and again. She gave her a tight hug, while Ikem embraced them both. 

 Then Zuko decided to speak.

“What’s wrong with her?”

 He wanted to know why Kiyi was sick. He wanted to know what the problem was. Azula knew that. And yet, it still made her blood boil. “Nothing is wrong with her,” she spat. Zuko cringed, whether from her tone or him realizing what he said, she didn’t care. 

 She took a calming breath, before she looked at Ursa. “Because of your bloodline, being Roku’s grandchild, there’s a high possibility your offspring will have a larger chi pool than normal people.” 

 Then she looked at Ikem, “your side of the family never had any bender of any kind. That means your offspring will probably have a very small chi pool or very narrow pathways. That’s why her chi doesn’t flow well. Normally, this won’t be an issue,” she paused, and made sure both of them were paying attention, before she looked back at Ursa, “but because of your aversion to firebending, she didn’t receive any training to improve her narrow pathways, and without regular bending, she wasn’t able to burn the excess chi.” 

 Ursa’s face darkened in horror as reality crept in. Azula ignored her and looked to Katara and the Avatar. “Like you said, all those excess chi needed to go somewhere, so it seeped into her body, making it weak.” 

 Finally, she looked at Zuko. “That burst of fire when she firebends? That’s her body telling you it likes it, that it needs to burn all those excess chi to get better. She couldn’t control her fire very well because…” she drawled in the last word, waiting for Zuko to take the hint.

 He sighed, “because we didn’t give her her lesson.”

 Call her petty, but Azula did let out a satisfied huff at his admission.

 A pregnant silence came over the room after her explanation. “I did this.” Ursa’s voice was small. She was holding Kiyi tight. “I hurt her. I hurt you.”

 In truth, it was not her fault. Ursa didn’t know. She couldn’t fault someone for doing the wrong thing when they didn’t know any better. But then again, she didn’t have to placate her either. So Azula did what came naturally to her. 

 She shrugged.

 Ursa cried. She didn’t bother to wipe her tears anymore. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” She kept repeating those words like a mantra that would somehow turned the time back, while Kiyi kept smiling at her, and telling her that it was okay, that she was fine now, and Azula wondered, why was an eight year old consoling a full-grown woman about the mistake she didn’t even make.

“Will she be okay now?” It was Ikem’s voice that finally broke her from the sight. She shrugged again, and looked at Zuko.

“Start her firebending lesson right away tomorrow. An hour in the morning, and another in the evening. That should get her chi burning, at least. I’ll help burn if there’s still remaining excess before her bedtime. We’ll see if her pathways improve in a few weeks.” Zuko looked at her for a moment, before nodding. Katara’s eyes were locked on Ursa and Kiyi, as she too seemed to be away in her own mind. Azula frowned when the Avatar gave her a respectful bow. Then she looked at Kiyi once more. “Get some rest. You shouldn’t be burning that much chi at a time without proper training.” She didn’t wait for an answer before she grabbed her cane to stand up. 

 When Zuko opened his mouth to say something, Azula raised her hand to stop him. “I’m tired, Zuko. Do you know how long the walk here was with my legs? If you have something to say, say it to someone who cares.” She then looked to the servant that had been standing in the dark corner of the room. “Prepare a guest room for me, and the bathhouse.” 

 She bowed low, like she was bowing to a member of the royal family. “Of course, princess. Would you be needing some supper after?”

 She nodded, “I’ll have whatever the servants are having,” and motioned for her to lead. 

 Azula didn’t need a guide, she knew every room in the palace, probably better than the servants. But she was still a guest, and there was protocol to be followed.

 ***

 When Azula woke up in the morning, she saw three sets of clothes at the foot of her bed; the clothes she had worn and had asked the servant to clean, a set of training clothes she usually wore when doing her morning katas, and a set a casual robe fit for a princess to wear while not doing her formal duties. There was also a set of makeup kit on the nightstand next to her bed. After washing her face, she put on the training clothes, and noted how well it fit. It had the same sleeveless design like her usual outfit, but the material was softer. She tied the legs a few inches above her ankles to ease her movement, and set her hair to its usual low ponytail before going out. 

 Surprisingly, no guards were stationed outside her room. Her cane tapped a steady rhythm in the hard ground as she moved towards the training area. Older servants, the ones she remembered would drop their gaze as she crossed their paths. Newer, younger servants she didn’t recognize would murmur within themselves as they followed her with their eyes. The bold ones would approach her, and thank her for curing the young princess. Azula would nod, and ask them the direction for the training area—where she was already headed to—before dismissing them with a nod. 

 Azula heard the faint grunts and huffs when she arrived. Kiyi was trying her best to mimic Zuko’s movements, as Katara watched from the side. There was another woman that she vaguely recognized, but couldn’t place where, standing guard behind them. Ikem and Ursa stood at the edge of the arena, looking inwards, smiling. When she approached them, Ikem looked at her and gave an informal bow. “Good morning… Azula.” Ursa was looking at her. Azula hummed a response, and ignored her. She stood a few paces from Ikem, while looking at Katara gently guiding Kiyi’s arm. They watched in silence as Kiyi started bending fire with her katas.

“Tell her to go easier on the jump. Her joints are still not strong enough for that height. And to slow down her movements more. She only needs to burn her chi and strengthen her pathways, she doesn’t have to be perfect. Control will come with practice.”

“Thank you. After months confined to the bed, she might not like it, but I will try my best.” Ikem chuckled. “I’ll inform Zuko and Katara as well, just to be sure.”

 Azula nodded. She did not look away. Kiyi was starting her cool down katas. When she finished, she looked at her and smiled. “Lala!” she said, as she ran towards her, arms wide open. Azula scrunched her nose at the nickname, and wondered if this was how Zuko felt every time she called him Zuzu. When Kiyi came close, Azula gave her a look, and Kiyi slowed down. She gave her a sheepish smile, and slowly wrapped her thin arms around her legs. It reminded her a lot of Hina and Lin Fa and Xiao Yu. Zuko and Katara and the other woman approached them slowly. They stared at each other when their eyes met.

“You looked familiar. Have I threatened you before?”

 The woman snickered. “Yeah, Ba Sing Se.”

 Finally, she was able to pin a name to the face. “Ah, the Fan Girls’ Captain. Sukka, right?”

 Oddly enough, her snicker turned into an amused grin. “It’s Suki.” 

 That didn’t sound right to her. Azula frowned. “So which one’s Sukka?”

“It’s Sokka.” Katara was the one who answered. “Stupid boomerang, weird ponytail. My brother. You could at least learn our names while you were chasing us.” She ended with a huff.

 Azula was about to retort when a clap stopped her. They both looked to the side, where Ikem was smiling. “Now that Kiyi’s done with her lesson, perhaps it’s time we go for breakfast? Would you care to join us?” Azula blinked a few times, when she realized the question was directed at her. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

 At her answer, Kiyi—now wrapped snugly within Ursa’s arms—was visibly disappointed. Ikem’s smile faded. The air went heavy for a moment, until Katara’s sigh broke the silence. “Sorry, Ikem. You know I’m not a morning person. I’m just a bit jumpy right now.” She inhaled, and exhaled, while she rubbed her chest a few times. “I promise I won’t start anything if she promises she won’t start anything.” Kiyi’s excitement returned just as fast, as she looked at Azula with eyes larger than her head.

“Fine. Just don’t blame me if something out of your control happened.”

 ***

 After breakfast, Azula made use of the empty training ground to meditate. This close to the equator, Caldera’s sun was hot on her skin. She sat cross-legged at the center of the arena, eyes closed while she let her inner flame free. About fifteen minutes in, she felt Zuko and Ursa and the Avatar approaching the training area. A few moments later, a shadow was cast on her face. “You’re blocking my sun.”

“We need to talk.”

“I disagree. Need implies necessity; we need air to breath; we need water to survive; we don’t need to talk. You want to talk. I don’t.”

“Azula, please. Can you just please talk to us?” Ursa was pleading. Of course. Zuko couldn’t do anything without involving Ursa when it comes to her. Or was it the other way around. It didn’t really matter. She sighed, loudly, deliberately, before she opened her eyes. 

 Zuko was standing right in front of her. To his side, there was Ursa, gripping Ikem’s hand tightly. It looked painful, but not to him apparently. Aang, Katara, and Suki—back in her Kyoshi uniform—stood a few paces back to the right. Toph was sitting all the way at the edge of the arena, seemingly cleaning her ears with her fingers. She looked at Zuko, then at Ursa. “Where’s Kiyi?”

 From the blank look she gave her, it took a moment for Ursa to register her question, before she answered, “she’s at school. It has been a while since she could see her friends, so she was very excited.” Ursa paused, hesitated, before she added, “thank you.”

 Azula shrugged. “Good talk.” Then she closed her eyes again and tried to soak as much heat from the sun as she could. She heard Zuko’s frustrated grunt. She imagined him scratching his head and throwing a tantrum, like he would when she got under his skin all those years ago.

“Why are you being so difficult? We just want to talk!”

 Azula opened her eyes. Zuko was now sitting in front of her. His hair messy, the Fire Lord’s crown sat crooked in his topknot. “Why?”

“Why? We thought you were dead. You were gone for years. Then you came back and helped Kiyi. We’re supposed to… what? Pretend you’re just a spirit, sent to us in our time of need, only for you to leave again when you’re done?”

 Azula mulled his words a few times. It was a decent idea, coming from him. “Yes, actually. Do that. I am here because a little girl needed my help. Once I’m certain Kiyi’s condition will improve without my involvement, I will be out of your hair. Two weeks, tops.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Azula raised an eyebrow. She looked at Suki and Katara. They were both looking at her as well, a shared understanding between them. The Avatar was scratching the back of his bald head, a sheepish smile on his face. She sighed again.

“Fine. You want to talk? Then talk. Say your piece. Get it over with.” Zuko’s jaw hung open, but no words came out. Azula sneered. “You don’t want to talk. You want to argue. You came here expecting me to throw blames, for me to draw the first blood, so you can defend yourself. Else, why would you bring all these people with you?” Zuko did not answer. He blew hot air through his nose while gritting his teeth. Then he took a few calming breaths.

“It’s not like that. I asked them to come because I needed their support.” He sounded tired. He looked tired.

“Why? Is talking to me so hard you needed a second? And a third and a fourth and a fifth?”

“Because talking to your dead sister should never be easy!” Zuko was panting after his outburst. “You’re my sister, Zula. A prodigy. You were stronger than me. You weren’t supposed to die before me.” Zuko’s shoulders slumped as the fight visibly left him. He took his crown off, and fiddled with it in his hand. “All my life, people have been telling me about my birthright. My destiny. When I… when you brought me back, Uncle told me the story of Avatar Roku. That’s when I knew about mom’s side of the family. He told me that I have both Roku and Sozin’s blood in me. That I can do both good and bad things in this world. Not us, just me. He told me that it is my destiny, my duty to help bring balance to this world. And I believed him.” He paused, and gave Aang a sad smile. They all had sat on the ground sometime when he spoke. “He didn’t tell me, didn’t tell us that balance is retained on a razor’s edge. That we will bleed just to keep it from tilting.” He sighed. “No one told me how heavy this thing is for one person to bear,” he said, softly, as he thumbed the piece of metal in his hand. He wasn’t very subtle.

“If you want my advice, Zuzu, stick to honesty and compassion. Lying and manipulation don’t suit you. Because you suck at them.” Suki snorted. It sounded a lot like the one she had heard yesterday.

“Suki!” Katara hissed, just like she did to Toph yesterday too.

“I’m sorry, Katara,” Suki chuckled. She at least had the decency to cover her mouth with her fan. “But she’s kinda funny when she’s not trying to kill us.”

 Azula waited until the laughter died down before she looked directly at Zuko. “Answer’s no.” 

 Zuko looked disappointed. He sighed again. “Can’t say I’m not surprised. I won’t press it, but can you tell me why? You love the Fire Nation more than anyone else. I thought this is what you want.”

 Azula scoffed. “How do you know what I want?” Zuko looked at her, eyes wide, jaw hanging open like he could actually answer her. “I want a lot of things, none is even close to that thing in your hand.” Azula bent a flame in her palm, and showed it to him. “I wanted my flame back, like it used to be, before everything. I wanted to shoot lightning again, to feel the thrum of power running through me when I tame the untamed.” She put off her flame, and looked at them. She looked at Zuko, then to Ikem and Ursa, and to Aang and Katara and Suki. She looked past them to Toph, now lying on the ground as she manipulated the ground around her. “I wanted a mother’s embrace and a father’s praise, given freely to their child, not dangled in front of her like prizes to be won.” She heard the sound of ruffled clothes as Ursa sobbed. “I used to want all those things, and more.” She looked back to Zuko.

“Now, I just want to walk, shattered leg and bent spine and all. I want to walk through the Great Plain of Kin Han in the summer, when the rice bows low, golden and fat. I want to feel the southern wind on my scalp while it’s being harvested.” Aang smiled at her. “Then I want to do it again, in the spring, and feel the damp earth beneath my feet. I want to see the world I had thought to burn just because it was commanded of me. I want to share drinks and stories with strangers on the roads, strangers I would trample without a second thought, if not for the cruelty of one man, and for the kindness of another. I want to feel the innocence of a child’s hug, wrapping herself around me because I was the only warmth she had in the cold of nights.” Azula bit her tongue, when she felt the heat in her eyes. She wiped them with her hand, to find a single drop of tear at the tip of her finger. She smiled and rubbed it dry with her thumb. Then she raised her head and looked at her audience. Aang was still smiling. Katara was too, but her eyes were red. Suki was frowning. Ursa sobbed, as she sank deep within Ikem’s arms. And Zuko… listened.

“I want to live, Zuko. You were right, I do love the Fire Nation, but this place,” she gestured to her surroundings with her eyes, “it’s a tomb. One I’ve been buried under for fourteen years already, even before I was born. If I am forced to stay here one day more than necessary,” she paused, and made sure Zuko was paying attention, “I will burn it to the ground on my way out.”

 There was a heavy silence that lingered after she finished. “Azula,” Ursa was the first one to break. “I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t a good mother. I can’t turn back time, I can’t make undone what was done to you, I can’t… I don’t…” She took a deep breath, and tried again. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I have to try. Will you forgive me? Is there anything I can do to earn your forgiveness?”

 Azula looked at Ursa; at her pleading eyes and her wet cheeks and her trembling hands—wrapped firmly within Ikem’s own, and let out a bitter chuckle. “You’re asking me, what you can do…” It turned into a bitter laugh. “Do you remember what happened yesterday? When I arrived and called for a meeting with Zuko?” Everyone’s face turned dark, questioning.

“Azula,” Zuko was the one who answered. “The thing with the royal benders wasn’t mom, it was me. You know this. You called me an idiot for it.” She turned to him and gave him a sad smile. Then she turned back to Ursa, and locked their eyes.

“Tell me, mother, if dying once isn’t enough for your hug… what is?”

 Ursa looked like she had been slapped. Her eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets, as tears pooled faster and dropped freely on her already wet face. She opened her mouth, and closed it, and opened it again, but no words came out. Azula continued. “Your supposedly dead daughter came home, and you could only look at her… from a distance. You killed Azulon for Zuko. You risked an entire nation’s wrath for him. When I… cured Kiyi, and told you your mistake, you held her tight, and kissed her head, and apologized to her. Tell me, what must I do for your hugs and kisses and sweet nothings, and I’ll do it.” 

 There was no answer.

“But I… I love you. I… do.”

 Azula actually smiled at her. It felt genuine. “I know you do. You just told me. Like you told me a few times before you left, but I don’t think you know how to love me. Because to you, I will always be Ozai’s daughter. And just like loving him, loving me means getting burned.”

 Azula blinked away the tears pooling at her eyes, held her shoulders straight and her head high. “I will answer any questions you have about Kiyi, truthfully, and to the best of my abilities. But I do not wish to talk about Princess Azula, daughter of Fire Lord Ozai and Fire Lady Ursa anymore. That girl died alone seven years ago, at the hand of her father. It’s time we all let her rest.”

 Ursa’s heart broke. Azula could see it in the way her lips shivered, and the way her jaw clenched, and the new sets of tears glistening in her eyes. She was grabbing the hem of her robe, so tight her knuckles went white. Tears never stopped rolling down her cheeks. When Ikem gently tapped her shoulder and smiled at her, her face softened. They both turned to look at her, and bowed. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry, that her mother didn’t try harder. I pray, wherever she is, that she is at peace.” She paused, and sobbed. “I have lost a child once. I do not wish that upon anyone. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.” Azula nodded. They bowed again, and stood, and moved away from them. 

 ***

 Azula stayed for just over five weeks. After their talk at the training arena, her wish was respected for the most part. There were times when old memories resurfaced, mostly from Zuko, but he’d apologised, and she’d let them go. When she felt like it, she would wake up early and oversee Kiyi’s lesson, with Zuko and Katara. Apparently, for all his prowess and mastery over all elements, the Avatar was not a good teacher. Same with the blind earthbender. Katara grumbled about ‘freaking prodigies’ the first time Azula asked about him. Suki would join them when she was off duty. Sometimes, every time, after their cool down katas and Kiyi thanked her teachers and Azula corrected her postures, she would find Ursa looking at them, longing in her eyes. If she was feeling particularly social, Azula would nod to her, and Ursa would nod back, and they would be back to ignoring each other again.

 Surprisingly, she had the most interactions with Katara of all people. They traded insults as much as theories and practicalities of healings. If Aang and Toph were in the vicinity when they were having their discussion, he would try to play peacemaker, and Toph would change her allegiance at the drop of a hat. One of their talks inevitably led to  bloodbending. When she told her of her interest if it could be used in healing, and Katara gave her a horrified look, Azula dragged the debate until three hours passed midnight, mostly out of spite. It ended in a stalemate, because the waterbender refused to bend her, no matter how much Azula gave her consent, and promised she would not retaliate.

 The day after Azula had confirmed Kiyi did not need her help to burn her excess chi, and her chi pathways had adequately improved, Azula woke up early. When she approached the gate, she sighed. On one side, Kiyi was standing in front of Ursa and Ikem, while Zuko, Katara, and Aang were on the other. She only let Kiyi hug her.

“Will you come visit us again sometime?”

“No,” when Kiyi pouted, Azula sighed. “If I feel like it, I will send a hawk. You may come visit me where I’m staying. I may be gone if you take too long to come.” Kiyi’s face brightened immediately. Children were easy to fool after all. She looked to Ursa, and said nothing. She looked at Zuko, and nodded. He smiled. She was about to go through the gate, when the earth rumbled. Katara was the one that held her to avoid her from falling. When she turned to look, there was a large hole on the ground. And Toph standing beside it.

“We’re coming with you.” 

 Azula raised an eyebrow, and had to look away when she saw movements at the corner of her eyes. Suki was walking towards them, out of her uniform, carrying a large backpack. She turned to look at Toph, “I kinda expected you to pull this type of thing,” then back to Suki, “never expected you.”

 Suki dismissed her with a flick of her wrist. “Shush, Princess. You can’t give that whole spiel about wanting to live, and not expect people to follow you.” Azula frowned. “So, where are we going?”

“You can go wherever you want, I’m going to Agna Qel’a.”

 Suki hummed. “Great. I’ve never been to the Northern Water Tribe before. Seems like as good a time as any.”

“Samesies.”

 Azula looked at Katara and Aang and Zuko. The waterbender actually rolled her eyes at her. Azula shrugged. “Whatever. I’m leaving you if you can’t keep up.” Then she started walking.

 Toph and Suki snorted. “Think you can walk faster than us?”

“I can light your inner flame on fire and you won’t earthbend for a few days. Let’s see how you walk when you can’t even see.”

“You’re shitting me.” A pause. Azula did not answer. “You’re shitting me, right?”

“Toph!”

“Shush, Sugarqueen. Didn’t you hear what she just said? Aren’t you curious if she’s telling the truth? That’s like Twinkletoes type of shit. You’re lying, right, Princess?”

 Azula turned around and smirked. Right, the blind girl can’t see. “I’m smirking at you right now.”

 Katara was rubbing her temple. “Oh, Tui and La, there’s two of them.” Zuko looked horrified, while Aang looked impressed. Suki looked like she had regretted her decision already.

 Good.