Work Text:
Aydenne’s email blooped, and a small notification popped up in the corner of his screen.
Viago de Riva
Lunch
He clicked into the notification and read:
From: Viago de Riva <deriv@chooseantiva>
Sent: July 1, 11:42 AM
To: Aydenne de Riva <ayderiv@chooseantiva>
CC: Arthik Toset <atoset@chooseantiva>
Lunch
Your first assignment: lunch procurement.
House de Riva’s budget is $20 per person. Do not exceed this amount. I recommend La Piazza. Reasonable delivery fees, solid options. For logistics, consult Armida or Cruz. Arthik is detained with ICU and will not be available to help.
My order:
- Half-order mushroom ravioli
- Salad with mustard vinaigrette (dressing on the side)
- No walnuts (allergy)
Execute efficiently. House de Riva relies on you. Arthik will help you with the expense report later. If there are errors, you will be expected to reimburse him.
Viago de Riva
Senior Vice President, Corporate Resource Optimization & Workforce Strategy
“What’s La Piazza?” Aydenne wondered aloud. “And why the fuck does he talk like that? House de Riva?”
He was starting to wonder if accepting this job had been the right call.
His right-hand cubicle-mate, Jools Lu, turned around, laughing. “Viago has a trademark on drama. House de Riva is what he calls us - his team of direct reports.” She leaned back in her chair, stretching. “La Piazza is Vi’s favorite place. Some people think he’s never eaten anywhere else. Ever.”
“Has anyone ever seen him eat outside his office? Like, can you imagine Viago just crushing some fried chicken at home with his feet up on a Saturday night?” Argos Pohl, Aydenne’s left-hand neighbor, snickered.
“Viago Derivative? Relax?” Jools scoffed. “His house is just a copy of his office and he just fucking folds up into his desk drawers at night.”
Argos added, “He processes his nutrients through a spreadsheet.”
“It’s all macros,” Jools deadpanned, and Aydenne laughed a little too loudly at the excellent pun.
Argos grinned at Aydenne. “One thing you’ll learn pretty quick is that the boss loves a good pun. Get ready to craft the worst groaners of your life as a condition of your continued employment.”
“At least he has good taste,” Jools said, throwing a balled up straw wrapper at Argos. “And he’s mostly nice.”
“Great taste, for a cyborg,” Argos said. “Need any help getting the lunch orders together? That’s why you’re asking about Piazza, right?”
“Yes, and yes,” Aydenne said gratefully.
With Argos’ help, he collected all eight lunch orders from the team. His final stop was Arthik’s desk.
As promised, Arthik wasn’t there; he was inside Viago’s office sitting across from him. Aydenne knocked and watched for Viago’s curt hand wave before entering.
“Arthik, what do you want for lunch?”
“Pasta fagioli and a side salad,” he responded without looking up.
“Any last-minute requests, Mr. de Riva?”
“Viago is fine, and no.”
Aydenne smiled timidly. “I’ll make the order now.”
“Aydenne,” Viago said, “Please ensure they understand that timely deliverables are critical to our team’s success.”
Aydenne saluted, unknowingly copying Arthik, who swiveled his chair toward Aydenne to hide his smirk from Viago.
“You’re gonna do just fine, Rookie,” Arthik said.
12:45 PM
When the food arrived, Aydenne distributed each plate to its grateful team member; Arthik and Viago last. The two were still in the same positions they’d been in when he had come by earlier, with the same reports and charts pulled up on their screens.
Handing Viago his order, Aydenne watched as his new manager pulled two plastic containers from his desk, transferring the salad into one and the ravioli into another. To Aydenne’s speechless disbelief, Viago retrieved a case containing a pair of chopsticks, and began holding up each piece of lettuce to the light, examining it carefully.
“Everything all right sir?” Aydenne asked.
“Perfectly acceptable. You may go,” Viago replied dismissively.
Aydenne glanced at the unflappable Arthik, who asked kindly, “What did you order?”
“Burrata mozzarella and watermelon salad,” Aydenne replied. “I’m watching my carbs. And it just sounded fancy.”
Arthik nodded approvingly, slurping some soup to minimize spill risks. “Hope you enjoy, Rook. We don’t eat on the company dime unless it’s a special occasion. If you show up without lunch, it’s all bad coffee and Viago’s NUGG shakes. Good luck, babe.”
“NUGG...?” Aydenne glanced between Viago and Arthik, hoping one of them would explain.
Viago paused his lettuce inspection, smoothed his beard - a distinctive cut that somehow managed not to clash with his long handlebar mustache. Seeming to come to a decision, he nodded sharply. He pulled open a lower desk drawer, handing Aydenne a bottle wrapped in white matte plastic.
NUGG - Nutrition Unlocked: Gateway to Greatness
Flavors: Sleek. Nutritional density: Unrivaled. This is the future of functional fuels.
Aydenne found his interest piqued, and it must have shown on his face.
“You can take that one with you,” Viago said magnanimously.
“Thanks. Anything else you guys need from me?”
“Don’t forget your expense report is due in-” Viago checked his smartwatch, “-23 minutes.”
Aydenne sighed. “I haven’t even had a chance to eat yet, Viago.”
“Your fault for squandering company time. I’ll expect it for approval soon.”
Aydenne took his watermelon and cheese salad back to his new desk, feeling put upon.