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Checo, with arms folded and a smirk: “So, we’re dealing with the serious Ice King and the ‘I’m-calm-but-secretly-I'm-a-meme’ Zhou, huh? This is gonna be fun.”
Kimi, ever so deadpan: “Valtteri’s stoicism is legendary. We need a plan.”
Ollie’s eyes sparkle: “Zhou’s shy but so intense. What if we get Valtteri to crack a smile for once?”
Gabe nods: “We have to test if their chemistry’s more than just cold efficiency.”
Isack, clutching his lucky charm: “I call for Operation Nordic Dragon.”
Checo grins, “Operation Nordic Dragon it is. Let’s find out if these two are just teammates… or secretly moonlighting as a slow-burn love story.”
………..
The Cupids assign Checo as the “emotional coach” to Zhou, while Kimi and Ollie work on Valtteri. They set up totally innocent “accidental” encounters: training sessions, shared coffee breaks, “help me carry this equipment” moments.
Checo nudges Zhou, “You know Bottas actually smiles sometimes — when you’re around.”
Zhou, blushing: “I’m pretty sure that’s just because he’s mocking me.”
Meanwhile, Ollie teasingly asks Valtteri, “So, any special teammate you’re warming up to this season?”
V: deadpan “I prefer the cold.”
………..
In a dramatic twist, the rookies’ fanfic imagining Bottas as a fierce, yet adorably protective boyfriend to Zhou accidentally leaks online. The fandom goes wild — hashtags like #IceAndFireShip trend overnight.
Zhou sees it, cheeks flaming. Bottas is stone-faced, but the corner of his mouth twitches.
Ollie, ever the romantic veteran, sits Zhou down:
“Look, you’re not just teammates. The fanfic nailed it — you’re more. You just need to own it. We all want you to be happy. Even the grumpy Finn.”
Zhou laughs nervously, “Easier said than done.”
Kimi grins: “Leave the hard work to us. You just be you.”.
…………….
Word about the fanfic leak spreads like wildfire through the paddock. Everyone’s whispering, nudging, and trying not to stare… but failing miserably.
Lewis Hamilton (smirking to George Russell):
“So, Bottas finally got himself a crush? About time. Though I thought his heart was made of ice.”
George (grinning):
“Guess the rookies know what they’re doing.”
Charles Leclerc (overhearing, to Max Verstappen):
“Do you think we should… stage an intervention? Or maybe just watch from a distance with popcorn?”
Max deadpans:
“I’m here for the drama.”
…………
Pierre, now firmly devoted to Esteban, decides to “help” by flirting outrageously with Bottas in public to make Zhou jealous. He’s smooth, cheeky, and totally serious — but Bottas barely blinks.
Pierre, mock-pouting:
“C’mon Valtteri, can’t you even pretend to be interested? For the sport?”
Bottas, ice-cold but amused:
“Sorry, Pierre. My attention is reserved.”
Pierre (dramatic sigh):
“To Zhou, then.”
Zhou, mortified but desperate, tries flirting back with Pierre… with utterly cringe-worthy results.
Zhou (awkwardly):
“So, Pierre, you like long walks on the paddock… and fast lap times?”
Pierre bursts out laughing:
“Mate, you’re adorable. But maybe stick to racing for now.”
Zhou’s blush turns tomato red.
……………
George and Alex pull Bottas aside for some “brotherly” advice. George’s enthusiasm is infectious.
George:
“Dude, you’re missing out! You’re not just teammates with Zhou — you’re basically paddock royalty couple waiting to happen.”
Alex:
“And you gotta show some emotion. Maybe start by holding his hand. Or, I don’t know, texting him emojis?”
Bottas, deadpan:
“Emojis? I’m not a teenager.”
George:
“Exactly. Time to grow up.”
………….
Mid team dinner, a spilled drink (courtesy of an overly enthusiastic Lance Stroll) causes Bottas to catch Zhou’s waist to steady him — the whole paddock collectively loses it.
Charles (to Carlos Sainz):
“Did you see that? That was pure ice melting.”
Zhou freezes, then laughs nervously. Bottas just shrugs but his eyes don’t leave Zhou.
…………
Bottas paced near the paddock fence, hands shoved deep in his pockets, brow furrowed in serious concentration.
“Why do I feel like there are tiny acrobats doing flips in my stomach every time Zhou smiles at me?” he muttered to himself. “Is this some kind of uncurable disease? Am I... sick?”
Spotting Carlos nearby chatting casually with some engineers, Bottas marched over with purpose.
“Carlos,” Bottas started, voice grim. “I need your help. I have this... strange condition. Every time I see Zhou smile, my stomach does flips. Is this normal? Should I be worried?”
Carlos blinked, then gave a slow, tired smile — the kind only someone who’s heard this exact question a thousand times can manage.
“Valtteri, my man,” Carlos said, shaking his head as if trying to process Bottas’s solemnity. “What you’re feeling is... well, it’s called butterflies.”
“Butterflies?” Bottas repeated, utterly confused. “That’s a disease?”
Carlos laughed, hands thrown up dramatically, clearly already suffering.
“Noooo, no disease. It’s just... a feeling. Like nervous excitement mixed with a bit of happiness and maybe a dash of ‘oh no, what do I do now?’ It’s very common when you like someone.”
Bottas stared, blank. “Like… like someone?”
Carlos nodded, exasperated but trying to keep it light. “Yeah, like when you have a crush or… feelings for someone special.”
Bottas’s eyes widened slightly as he slowly realized what Carlos was hinting at.
“So… I’m in trouble.”
Carlos nodded again, this time with a grin. “Very much so. Welcome to the chaos.”
Bottas sighed, shaking his head. “Great. I thought I was dying. Turns out I’m just… hopeless.”
Carlos clapped him on the shoulder. “Hopeless is just the first step toward happy. Trust me.”
………..
Bottas’s gaze drifted across the paddock. There—Zhou was laughing, completely carefree, with Pierre. Pierre’s smile was wide, and his eyes had that cute crescent-moon shape that somehow made Zhou even more beautiful.
Wait. Why did I think that? Bottas shook his head, trying to banish the odd thought.
But then his eyes narrowed. What is Pierre doing with MY teammate? He clenched his fists. “MINE,” he muttered under his breath.
Suddenly, his chest felt tight, almost like it was on fire. “Is this a heart attack?” Bottas wondered, panic rising.
Right then, Max strolls by, arms crossed, smirking like he knows something.
Bottas didn’t hesitate. “Max, what’s wrong with me? My chest is burning and—”
Max cut him off with a grin. “Bro, you’re not having a heart attack. You’re having… jealousy.”
“Jealousy?” Bottas repeated, eyes wide.
Max nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah. That feeling you get when someone’s spending too much time with your person. You know, like when Zhou’s laughing with Pierre instead of you.”
Bottas’s cheeks flushed. “So… you mean, I actually care about Zhou?”
Max laughed. “Finally! Took you long enough.”
Bottas crossed his arms, trying to act tough but failing miserably. “Don’t make it sound so ridiculous.”
Max just shook his head, chuckling. “Welcome to feelings, Valtteri. There’s no turning back now.”
……………
Bottas, now fully aware that his chest-fluttering feelings were jealousy (and maybe more), decided it was time to act. He was going to woo Zhou. No more standing on the sidelines.
The next morning, Bottas showed up at the motorhome with a goofy grin and a ridiculously large bouquet of flowers. “For you,” he said, holding them out proudly.
Zhou blinked, stepping back nervously. “Uh… thanks, but I’m not really used to this kind of attention.”
Bottas grinned wider. “Don’t worry, I’m full of surprises.”
Over the next few days, Bottas showed up everywhere — paddock, garage, even during media interviews — with gifts, jokes, and awkward compliments.
But instead of feeling flattered, Zhou was overwhelmed. His eyes darted, and he started making excuses to avoid Bottas. One day, after Bottas chased him down for the third time by the pit wall, Zhou muttered, “I need to get out of here…” and bolted.
Enter Kimi, Ollie, and Gabe — the Rookie Cupid Squad — who had been watching the whole fiasco unfold.
Kimi, with a raised eyebrow, whispered, “Zhou looks terrified.”
Ollie nodded. “Bottas is being… intense. Too intense.”
Gabe sighed, “We need to help Zhou survive this… and maybe teach Bottas to dial it back.”
They cornered Zhou later, gently asking, “You okay? Want help?”
Zhou sighed, “I like Bottas, but he’s… overwhelming. I feel like running away.”
Kimi smirked, “That’s what we’re here for.”
Ollie pulled out a plan, “Operation Calm Butterfly: Step one, teach Valtteri to cool it. Step two, help you feel safe.”
Gabe grinned, “And maybe step three, get these two actual dates that don’t end in a sprint to escape.”
Meanwhile, Bottas was left wondering why Zhou suddenly seemed to disappear — unaware that the rookie cupids had just taken over his love life.
………….
Scene: A lonely Bottas sits at the Stake motorhome, sad-moustached and poking at a protein bar.
Checo (appearing behind him dramatically):
“We need to talk.”
Bottas:
“About…?”
Kimi (materialising like a ghost):
“About how you’re terrifying the boy you love.”
Ollie (holding a clipboard):
“We’ve analyzed your behaviour.”
Gabe (flipping open a presentation on his iPad):
“And, Valtteri… bro… you’re giving golden retriever energy in a bear suit. It’s too much.”
Bottas:
“I just wanted him to know I care. With flowers. And chocolates. And that one song I wrote—”
Checo (interjecting):
“THE UKULELE SONG WAS TOO MUCH.”
Kimi (emotionless):
“Never serenade a man at the driver briefing. That’s sacred time.”
Bottas (panicked):
“I thought it was romantic!”
…………..
Enter: Cupid Bootcamp – Operation Chill Boi
Kimi (training instructor):
“Lesson One: Prolonged Eye Contact is Creepy.”
Gabe (pointing at a whiteboard):
“Compliments should be specific and non-terrifying. 'You make my engine purr' is not okay.”
Ollie:
“Less like a rom-com grand gesture, more like a normal, functioning adult.”
Bottas:
“So… no more love poems taped to Zhou’s locker?”
Checo:
“NO MORE POEMS. ESPECIALLY NOT IN LATIN.”
……………
Meanwhile… at the Zhou Hideout
Zhou is nervously sipping bubble tea in the secret rookie lounge.
Zhou:
“I swear, if he shows up in a tux again, I’m jumping the fence.”
Isack (peeking through the blinds):
“Relax. They’re reprogramming him.”
Zhou (half-sighing):
“I like him. I just… don’t want to be love-bombed at the paddock entrance, you know?”
Yuki (hugging a pillow):
“I told Pierre this same thing. There should be a 'Cool it' button.”
Zhou:
“Why are all the beautiful men emotionally intense?”
Isack:
“Because otherwise it wouldn’t be fun for us to watch.”
Final Cupid Training Test
Kimi:
“Okay, Bottas. We’ve simulated ten casual conversations. You haven’t once used the word 'destiny.' You’re ready.”
Checo (teary-eyed):
“My son is growing up.”
Bottas:
“…I’m scared.”
Ollie:
“Just breathe. And don’t bring a bouquet the size of a tire.”
……………..
Scene: Zhou is quietly looking at tire data. Bottas walks in… with no ukulele, no tux, no medieval sonnet.
Bottas (nervously):
“Hey… I was wondering if you wanted to go for coffee later. No pressure. Just… us.”
Zhou (blinking):
“…You didn’t bring flowers?”
Bottas:
“I brought... respect for your emotional space?”
Zhou (smiling softly):
“…You’ve changed.”
Bottas:
“Rookies trained me.”
Zhou:
“…I love them.”
………….
Back at HQ:
Checo:
“Another success.”
Kimi:
“Cupid Bootcamp works.”
Gabe:
“What’s next?”