Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Well...this has been a long time coming.

First, some background, now that all this is nearly two years out of date. The original story for this came from quite some time ago. Before Western Shitshow, before the Mr Puzzles Power Hour, before Wait We Were Supposed to Give a Shit About Karen?, there was Sunset Paradise. And hell, before that was Meggy's Destiny but it's Sunset that's relevant here. The black stain on Glitch Production's reputation. A show so bad they don't even mention it anymore. Tari at least got a render for the Glitch Inn stuff. Meggy has not been mentioned once. The major focus is on both Murder Drones and the Indie Teen Titans Go that is The Amazing Digital Circus (just kidding I love TADC. But you can't ignore how much they're focusing on it. Putting poor Gooseworx through a lot of stress I hear).

Anyway, not important. From this failure of a show came two responses from me; Sunrise (at least until I rewrote her backstory to take place after Western Spaghetti) and The War Meggy Arc. An arc centrered entirely around Meggy Spletzer, specifically her Warmonger counterpart and a strange new fusion that would set the concept of Warmongers mixing with other corruptions like oil and a pilot light in stone. I, for some reason, had been working on it alongside the mainline Warmonger stuff, specifically the Eternal Empire Arc (which is a whole other topic, honestly). To say I spread myself too thin would be overstating it, especially as SMG4 began its downward spiral into the absolute joke it is today. Which, one can imagine, did not help in terms of motivation.

The Arc did not even stop so much as it fizzled out, going dark as I struggled to work on this very story and the next comic in the EE Arc about Traveller going into the Backrooms (it makes sense in context), wishing I would just work on literally anything else. Eventually it got so bad that I felt like I was just going to let people down when it did come out. Not to mention I felt like I was making something for a creation I - by this point - felt had stopped respecting its fans eons ago. So I canned it and the Arc and went on to other things. But, thing is, I DID want to finish it. Part of me always thought that I was letting you all down by not at least finishing it, and then just making a little list on what the rest of the arc was going to be. So I put that on my list of things to do, and announced that the War Meg Arc was back on.

...Then the allegations against Kevin and his "treatment" of Celeste Notley-Smith came out. Which still hasn't been resolved, by the way. It goes without saying that, having grown up in a world that treats even respected voice actors like absolute crap if there are cheaper options (coughmetalgearsolid5anddeadrisingcough), I was not going to give Glitch the benefit of the doubt.

Also, no offence to her current VA, but Tari's new voice sounds like shit anyway. Both her and Meggy's new voices sound like cheap soundalikes instead of a new take. I wouldn't be surprised if they're just voiced by AI sometime next year. But, again, not important.

What I'm TRYING to get at is that I couldn't and wouldn't support or really touch anything Glitch related at the time, and cancelled the War Meg Arc out of spite. Again. Times have changed, of course, and now that I'm in a better headspace and an actual job, I decided that it was finally time to release what I've done of Wellersquid, get the ending out there and get this slog of a memory off my mind forever. It's not on a whim I said that War Meggy and the Glitchy Girls as a whole don't and will never exist in the new Warmonger continuity. It really was that bad.

And so, welcome to the beginning of the end. This is everything I got done for The Wellersquid, refined and spell-checked for your reading pleasure. But first, for those who don't know what I'm talking about, some quick context for the events leading up to this story;

• Warmongers are a corruptive force headed by the mysterious Karsum from within a godless void called the D'Aether (or Dark Aether, at the time). Karsum is stuck in the Dark Aether alongside some others - his Acolyte and War Leader, an alternate Killer Ink Leader who was abandoned by her SMG and became a wrathful Meggy-hating machine.

• The main Warmonger group, The War Splats, end up in an alternate SMG4 universe where the Anime Arc ended in disaster. The warehouse holding the Ink Zuccer is aflame and everyone is dead. While looting what remains, they discover a survivor - a still Inkling Meggy, injured in the rubble and already on the verge of Turning.

• Seeing her eyes, they take her back to base and nurse her back to health, helping her along with Turning. Meggy, of course, doesn't want to and bolts, ending up in the Prime universe. There, she sees her human self training to become the next Champion of Splatfest and realises that the world has left her behind for a copy.

• Enraged and distraught, she turns and joins the War Splats, vowing to kill this faker and get the life she deserved. To cut a long story short, she fails, and it sends her into a deep depression. This continues until the War Splat base is invaded by their main rivals, Off the Chain. It is here that she meets War Desti, her "alternate" counterpart who survived the same downfall from her perspective.

• Utilising a pilfered Inkweaver from one of her attempts to destroy her Prime self, War Meggy uses her corrupted ink to supercharge the pen to banish the victorious Off the Chain from the War Splats base, alongside herself and War Desti. They activate the Ink Zuccer with them inside of it to blow it and Of the Chain to Kingdom Come.

• While Off the Chain are rescued by those working on behalf of The Eternal Empire, War Meggy and War Desti survive, albeit becoming human in the process. This drives War Meggy even more crazy, and she launches a desperate plan to take back the life she feels she deserves. Meeting up with a Warmonger Tari, the two breach the universe of SMG4-7 and invade the home of their Meggy (referred to as Meggy-7). To stop her escaping and telling the others, War Tari places a so-called "hypno-headband" on her, making her a docile slave to the two of them.

• The next year has War Meggy live Meggy-7's life in her stead while Meggy-7 herself caters to the two. However, the year is otherwise not great for Warmongers as a while. A group of disillusioned Warmongers, sick of their "father" Karsum, form the Eternal Empire and grow strong in a matter of months - these would be the people who saved Off The Chain, who integrate into their ranks.

• They attack Karsum and the War Splats within the D'Aether, injuring Karsum to the point he needs to switch bodies and destroying his prized staff, the Staff of Chaos. They launch the broken pieces into the D'Aether and retreat to plan their own endgame, confident that Karsum can no longer stop them.

• Desperate, Karsum and the War Splats have to find and recruit one of the oldest and most skilled Warmongers known to exist - The Traveller, a copy of who Karsum was before his ascension to the father of Warmongerkind. He refuses to help for the longest time, but relent when hearing of the Staff pieces being lost - the Staff is too powerful and too dangerous to end up in anyone's hands, so he sets out to find the pieces. But funnily enough, they all seem to have landed in one particular universe...

• Meanwhile, War Tari has noted that Meggy-7 is acting erratically. She is having moments of violent mood swings and saying some very ominous stuff. She tries to remove the headband, but is stopped when another voice speaks out of Meggy-7. War Tari is dragged into her subconscious where she meets Karsum and War Leader.

• It turns out that the headband was attached while Meggy-7 was in the process of Turning, with Karsum battling her shadow self for control over her psyche. The headband creates a "barrier" of sorts, trapping Shadow Meggy in with the Cavae Plaga that causes Turning. The unholy combination creates The Shadowmonger - a half-Shadow, half-Warmonger abomination with ties to the power of the D'Aether and a wish to rid the multiverse of Meggies to "end their suffering" - uncaring of the knock-on effect this would have on the multiverse as a whole. The Shadowmonger even has their own "Acolyte" of sorts in a Warmonger Melony who also gets in the way of the Warmongers.

• So now, it's a race against time on two fronts - to stop the Eternal Empire from finalising their master plan, and to stop the Shadowmonger from getting free and damaging the multiverse beyond repair. Everyone converges on a certain universe that the Staff pieces critical to fixing this mess have landed in - a certain universe where piratical activities still rule the seas...

And so we go.

Chapter Text

The universe is SMG-19. The year, 2021.

Despite having all of our modern technological advances, the world is still stuck in the Golden Age of Piracy. All Yarrs and Me Hearties and peglegs and eyepatches. On the rough and wild blue seas that stretch on forever in most directions, wood-and-iron ships sail around, staffed by hearty men and women seeking their fortune - may it be through trade, treasure...or takeover. Outside of the mainland, still rife with more modern technologies, lay the beautifully rustic port towns. One of which, Inkopolis Port, was where you began.

Born into Inkling nobility, you were once a member of the Riezenguard, your family history well-renowned and much celebrated. You enjoyed a life of luxury and respect amongst Inklingkind, fighting to protect the port from those wretched humans. But in your later teens, you grew bored with it all. You could see your life stretch on before you, and it was dull. You wanted something new, something different. You yearned to sail the seas normally so toxic to you. You wanted adventure. It took some research, but you found your key to freedom; the Weaver of Ink, a cursed artefact that transformed anyone who touched it into whatever their culture hated. And so the Inkling you died, screaming and thrashing as bones and organs grew from the ink. And the human you rose from the ashes.

Shunned by your former friends and family, you knew you could never go home again. But you didn’t care. This was better. You were going to make this WORK. Commandeering a ship from an elderly professor, you amassed a small crew and began to sail the world for treasure and turbulent adventure. The crew-mates you collected are certainly...eccentric, and one hates your guts, but they’re fiercely loyal to you. You’ve made many friends and just as many enemies, and you grow homesick from time to time, but you continue sailing on to make your fortune and live your life.

Your name is Captain Megan Hotaru Spletzer.

And this is your story.

===

“Soon may the Wellerman come, to bring us sugar and tea and rum, one day, when-”

[I am so f*cking sick of that song, you red dumbass. Please for the love of God, STOP.]

That seemed to be your alarm clock these days. Well, at least it was a peaceful rest; the calming crash of the waves, as oddly opposed as that even sounds, is a comforting sound to you. You slowly awake from such slumber, rubbing your eyes and letting out a cute yawn. Your smartphone, an odd thing to find on a pirate ship but a welcome companion, granted, showed the time as 9AM. And so starts another day aboard your trusty vessel, the S.V Iceberg. So named derisively by your old friends as a sign of upcoming and inevitable disaster. Well weren’t you going to prove THEM wrong!

Slipping from your hammock and resetting the blankets and pillows you added, you set about getting dressed. Piratical gear is essential for a life like this, so you have only the best your finances could afford. Which as it turns out wasn’t a lot, but you’re still happy with what you got. You first put on your shirt, rough and woollen and...you’re fairly sure it was white a long time ago, but it’s comfortable. Then some rough brown stockings that reach your knees, and then some baggy brown pantaloons that just about met the top of the stockings. Quickly sliding some brown leather boots on, you then reached for the main piece; a large grey coat, with your logo of a chilling face stitched on the back, and you slipped it on. A red-tinted tricorn hat, and some earrings and other rings later, and you’re ready to face the day...well, after some breakfast.

Still, better go say good morning to the crew. You clomp up from your bedroom, recessed deep within the ship, and make it up onto the main deck. The S.V Iceberg, despite its name, was a fine vessel. A rather small ship all considered, not one of those massive barges with multiple decks, but that was fine. Less to maintain, less to repair, it was faster and it was YOURS. You walk onto the main deck, the clean oak planks creaking slightly beneath you. It is a beautiful day outside, clear blue skies with only a few clouds in sight. The sea is calm, its waves crashing against the boat. And the air was clean, only slightly saltly.

You turn to the end of the ship, and see your crewmembers. Well, two of them, and they seem to be arguing. That...happens a lot. You walk towards them, clearing your throat in an obvious manner as you do so. The first crewmate, the shorter one in the red and blue overalls, turns at your cough and salutes. He chirps, his accent thick and his voice dopey; “Good-a morning, Captain!”

Ahh yes. First Mate Red. Or, as your informal nickname for him, Red the Red. An ex-plumber, once a servant of the queen of the Mushroom Kingdom. And Her Majesty was notorious for being a bit cruel. You found Red when he was on the run, after a botched toilet repair job. You saved him and found, to your joy, he was better at being a Quartermaster than he was a plumber. He was a touch short on brain cells, and he got you into a lot of accidents. But he was loyal, and he was your friend.

“Morning, Red,”  you say calmly, waving at him, “How was the night’s steering?”

[I can’t believe you let that idiot drive,] came the second crewmate, [Sail. Whatever. You realise he’s run aground again, right?]

Your expression drops from something friendly, to something...not friendly. You were wondering why the ship was oddly stable. And at an angle. You rush to the bow, and look over the edge, past the bowsprit. Yep, you’re dashed up against the rocks. Not really sure how you slept through THAT crash. Thankfully the damage isn’t serious, a few shattered planks but the structure of the ship is at least intact. One for the Boatswain to deal with. Nevertheless you sigh irritatedly.

“Dang it, Red!” You call out. He stiffens, he’s generally aware that use of his real name by you is bad news, “I told you to park the ship in the morning. PARK it. Not CRASH it.”

“Sorry...” he sighs, “I’m-a still figuring out what’s port and what’s-a starboard. And I can’t-a find reverse gear.”

...Look he was a better Quartermaster than a plumber, didn’t mean he was a GOOD Quartermaster full stop. But he’s gotten you out of scary situations more times than you can count, so you’re fine with it. You mumble your own apology to him, and then approach the second crewmate. Sally Saiko. Master Gunner. Violent, ruthless, borderline psychotic, but utterly dependable in a fight. There was nothing this pink-haired, six-foot lunatic wanted more than to watch ships sink and burn in the moonlight. 

Though at the moment, she was in a sour mood. She pulled her brown jacket tighter and looked at you, [Morning, Captain.]

“Morning,” you waved, “You sleep well?”

[After two casks of rum, sure,] Saiko flashed something approaching a grin, [Been itching for a fight all morning, though. Thanks to HIM!]

“Girls...” you step in before a fistfight breaks out, “Another time? We’ve just started the day. And I need my breakfast...”

Saiko sighs, [Of course. Let’s hope that old Bluehair’s got it all whipped up. I’d kill for some cornflakes. Or at least something that isn’t hard-tack.]

You agreed with Saiko with every fibre of your being. One of the less fun things of being at sea was food. Your cook had tried to grow a garden’s worth of stuff some time before, and it worked...until the first rainstorm. So it was hard-tack for the longer journies, and that was always a bad time. Only Red could really stomach those hard little biscuits, but then you just assumed he’d take a bite out of the ship if he got desperate. Wouldn’t be the first time. Or the second.

With Saiko and Red by your side, you meander down to the ship’s Galley. Spacious, sort of the main room of the ship in case of violent storms. The creak of the wood followed you down here, too. You walk to the “kitchen” area and check in on your cook. Her name is Tari Lucksmasa, duck enthusiast and reasonable cook. Or at least, a better one than you. She tends to her stoves as she generally does on an early morning, wearing her blue doublet and jacket as she goes. 

At the sound of you coming in, Tari turns down the stove and turns to wave at you. And you wish you didn’t, but every single time she does you wince. It’s...that arm. She lost it, or so she says, during a horrific accident involving a cleaver and a not-quite dead chicken. You found her sulking in the port town of Nightsbridge, unable to find further work because of that disability. Your Carpenter made her a new arm out of wood, and she’s been your cook ever since. You just wish he hadn’t made it so...lifelike. There’s not even a hook attachment for it.

“Good morning, captain!” Tari chirps, flashing a beaming smile, “I’m afraid breakfast isn’t quite on yet, I just got started. But you’re in luck!”

[When are we ever in luck, Tari?] Saiko chuckles dryly, and you’re only half-certain she was joking.

“Well, I was chasing Archibald through the cargo hold,” Tari said happily, “And I found some leftover rations! A few eggs, some pork meat, even some potatoes! Just cooking them up now.”

You mentally jump for joy. Today was going to be a good day, and you knew it already. You grin, “Excellent! Good work, Tari! We’ll see you later, then!” and continue on your now merry way. Tari salutes with her wooden hand, removes the actual hand, puts a wooden spoon onto the wrist and gets back to stirring the eggs.

You probably don’t have enough time to say hello to everyone right about now, you wager, so instead you meander down to the cargo hold to say hi to the people in the bowels of the ship before you have a wonderful breakfast. Not many people down there, only three. So first you steer towards the ship’s Navigator.

Axol Axcenton. He even wrote it on the door. He always had an opinion on himself. Exactly what the opinion even was, you’re not sure. You breathe deeply, then push the door open. His room is small, just enough space for a desk and a chair. And a cannonball. You’ll get back to that...eventually. He’s sleeping at his desk, face planted on a map of the local area. Thank Cod those things are made drool-proof nowadays. You clear your throat again, loudly this time, and Axol awakens with a yelp. He’s an axolotl, as his name suggests, clad in blue and black. He’s, uh, taken some knocks in his time. You found him after he had been shipwrecked. The scar over his eye tells you it was a bad crash, and his...less than lucid disposition tells you it was for quite some time. Still he WAS lucid enough to navigate the waters, even drawing the maps himself with his funky-looking pen, so you kept him around.

He looks at you, and he salutes; “Oh! Morning, Beanie Captain Girl!” his voice has that “larger than life” quality to it. He’s not exactly quiet.

You wave back, “Good morning, Axol. Sleep well?”

“Well...no?” he says sheepishly, “B-But Melony got some sleep! So that’s all right with me!”

Sigh. You got back to the cannonball. Not one of yours, thankfully, but Axol had it on him when you rescued him. It’s a literal cannonball, cast iron and reasonably sized, painted to resemble a watermelon. That last bit was after he was rescued, the very first thing he did was find some green and yellow paint. THEN he ate and bathed. Some days you really fear for his sanity.

“Axol...” You try, putting on a serious face, “Do you...ever let Melony out of your sight? Like, she must be getting pretty heavy by now...”

“Aww, Captain!” Axol whined, lifting Melony off of his desk with an audible grunt and cradling it like a baby, “Melony is my pride and joy! Why would I EVER leave her behind? She’s...she’s my only friend, you know?”

Ah. That got a bit real. You try desperately not to flashback to all the friends you miss in Inko Port and sigh, “It’s okay, Navigator. Say, we’re just about to have breakfast, then I’ll go over what we’re doin’ for today. Be at the Galley in five, alright?”

“Aye aye, Beanie Captain Girl!” Axol says, perking up again as if nothing had happened. You softly close his door and you can hear him put Melony down and start fussing over it. THEN he goes to wash himself. You shrug and move further towards your final stop. You’ve got a reasonable gash in your hull now, might as well get someone to deal with it. Already you hear the hammering in the workshop as you step in.

“Okay, see? It’s just-a like that. Now you-a try. Steady...steady. And a one-a, and a two...and a-”

BANG! You hear the sound of a hammer hitting something that is very much not a nail, and then loud cursing in a language you’re only vaguely familiar with nowadays. You used to be fluent in it, but time and the whole “becoming a human” thing has dulled your comprehension a bit. Only one person on your crew speaks it fluently...and, well...

You look into the workshop and see the last two crewmates on your morning meeting list; Last Mate Green, and Dawn Cooper. Green was the ship’s carpenter, and brother to Red. Red himself had suggested picking him up, though you weren’t sure if that was because he just wanted that familiar company on-board. Still, he was WAY more competent than his brother, but he was also a bit of a scaredy-cat. He was more comfortable preparing the wood for the other crewmembers than steering the ship. Right now, he was dressed in his work apron and helping to bandage up his fellow wood-worker. The ship’s Cooper, Dawn.

Well, Dawn Cooper. And that name was made up on the spot; her old name of Leader was far from accurate here. She was an Inkling, one of the many subjects your family protected. She took the news of your transformation just as bad as anyone, but circumstances forced her out of the city as well. And humankind was likewise unwilling to give that which hated them board and bread. So, like it or not, she ended up in your crew. Some days you wonder why you keep her around. A memory of home, perhaps?

She turns to you, flipping her cyan tentacles aside as she goes. Her English is as terrible as your Inkling, “Captain. Here to bless with more no good day?”

“Now Dawn, that is-a not a good way to greet the Captain,” Green sighed, finishing the bandaging of her now substantially flatter thumb. She blew a raspberry in response. Green grumbled before turning to you, “Morning-a, Captain! Just teaching-a Dawn how to make better barrels. It’s...going well?”

“Moring, Green,” you say, “Breakfast is almost ready, but I’m afraid we’ve got a problem.”

“That sack of skin crashing-land on stone again?” Dawn growled, “Stupid, no-use plumbing man.”

“Dawn,” you say sternly, “What have we said about insulting the crew on their species?”

“Humanist...insults,” Dawn struggled, “Get hauled...under key.”

“That’s right,” you say. Yeah it was barbaric, especially for Inklings, but you had to keep the peace somehow. There would be no -ists or -isms aboard THIS ship. You carry on, “Now come on. We’ve got a good breakfast and some hard work to do.”

You leave the two to chat for a bit and head back towards the Galley. Saiko and Red are already sat at their seats at the main table, arguing again while slamming back mugs of pineapple juice.  Axol was tending to Melony, putting a napkin on it like it was going to be eating too. The others wouldn’t wake up JUST yet, so they tended to eat later. You take your seat at the head of the table and Tari brings down your plate of breakfast. Bacon and Eggs with some Hash Browns. You didn’t always get meals like this, especially on long voyages, and your face lit up like a lantern at the sight of it all. You wolfed down the eggs first; they were slightly greasy and impeccably cooked, the yolk soft and runny and melting in your mouth. You’re halfway through the salty bacon before Green and Dawn walked in. They got their plates and began to eat too.

Dawn smiled as she ate the hash brown. There were very few times that you saw her happy, normally she was rather irritable and tended to be stubborn, but something in you just sort of...smiled, when she did. Saiko was looking across from her, and she wasn’t as impressed.

[Ugh, again?] Saiko growls, [Why does the Inkbag get the same rations we do? Why don’t she get less?]

Dawn starts to raise her voice, but you shoot her a glare, and she cools down. She’s heard your spiel before, they all have. Everyone’s equal on the ship; “We work together, we survive together”, that was your motto. You know not everyone shares such romantic views, but that didn’t matter.

You turn to Saiko, “Because she is a member of the crew,” she sighs, but she takes it and goes back to eating her bacon. Satisfied you’ve defused the situation, you turn back to the table, “Okay! So, morning, everyone. Let’s go over the agenda for today.”

“Oh yeah!” Red says happily, “What are we-a doing today?”

“Well, you’re all in luck,” you say, beaming as you do so. To be honest, you’ve been looking forward to this for some time yourself, “Today is a Shore Leave day!” the entire table whoops and celebrates, Red hopping in place as he was wont to do. You turn to Axol, “How close are we to shore, Navigator?”

“From my calculations, we’re about an hour’s travel away!” Axol beamed, “Incoming fast on the town of Port Royale!”

[Oh hell yeah!] Saiko grinned, [That’s one of those really swanky modern ports, right? Bars and taverns and distilleries?]

“It is indeed!” Tari chimed in, “And they have tons of shops and a market! I might be able to get a friend for Archibald! Oh this is going to be so much fun!”

“Don’t we usually need something done in town when we’re on Shore Leave?” Green asked.

“Of course,” you say slyly, “Why do you think we went through the trouble of pillaging that scout ship yesterday? Apart from supplies...” you sheepishly rub the back of your head, “A-Anyway, we have a client in the port who has need of some of those documents, said he’d pay a lotta cash for ‘em!”

“Here comes the money!” Red gibbered.

You down your own mug of sweet, sweet pineapple juice and slam it down on the table, “Fellas, we sail for Port Royale!”

A cheer erupts from a table, except from Green;

“AFTER me and Boopkins fix-a the hull and get us off of the rocks. Should take a few hours.”

A collective sigh from the table this time, alongside a [THANKS RED!] from Saiko. Still, a good start to the day, all considered. Finishing your breakfast and thanking your cook, you retire to your quarters to bathe, and begin writing the Captain’s Log.

Chapter Text

“Captain’s Log, Day...” a long pause. Then, you write down, “Day 145.”

“A slow start to the day, but I’m certain we will have an excellent one, just as soon as we get to port. Quartermaster beached our ship on the rocks once again, it’s NEVER fun to wake up to that in the morning, but the Boatswain and the Carpenter have managed to get it in working order again, and reinforced the hull with some spare timber in case Red manages to do it again. And he will. After a beautiful breakfast and a repaired hull, we are now on our way to Port Royale. 

It’s a Shore Leave day; everyone will doubtless spend the day around town, shopping, drinking, gambling, drinking, finding a room for the night, drinking and, well, drinking. Me, I have put together the documents we snagged from the scout ship yesterday. The mayor of Port Royale has promised top coin for the return of these documents, and it never hurts to have some extra coin on hand. I just hope we do in fact get some payment, unlike from the mayor of Port Aurora. That was a bad few weeks.

All of our cargo above deck have been stashed away in the hold, barred and locked with my personal key, and each and every crewmate has a their own share of Shore-Leave Gold to satiate themselves for the night. I’m going to enjoy this day, and I hope my crew does too.”

-Captain Megan Spletzer

===

You’re within your quarters, having a lovely bubble bath with some of that lavender and durian soap you pinched off of the scout ship, when you hear the call from above deck. It’s a loud, fearsome bellowing that only your Lookout would know how to pull off. A sound that once struck fear in the hearts of men;

“OI!!!”

You almost sigh. You were really enjoying that bath. Still, you empty the tub (read; dump the water back into the sea), dry yourself off and slip back into your captain clothes. You make your way up to the main deck and watch as the Lookout slides down the ladder and lands with a hard THUNK on the wood. Belle Frontiers, a close friend of Tari’s, though she would NEVER say that out loud. She lost her arm as well, actually, though she won’t even hint to why. The one time she actually tried, Tari had to convince her to get out of the bathroom. You’d never seen someone with that many tears in their eyes. You, wisely, decided not to pursue the matter after that. Anyway, she too had a wooden arm, though hers was at least a bit more in the piratical spirit. It even sported a polished iron hook, it gripped her telescope and matched her fiery hair and even fiery...er personality. No-one in the crew had an eye like hers, and she was proud of that fact.

“There you are,” Belle says, “I thought you’d gotten lost again.”

“It’s MY ship, Belle,” you chuckle, trying desperately to forget that time you spent two hours lost in the cargo hold, “I never get lost.”

“Yeah...” Belle smirked back, “Anyway, land ho! Port Royale, exactly one League on the port side.”

Gah, blasted piratical measurements. You always had to think hard on what was what. One League...that was about three Miles. And Port was left...you think. You turn left and there, just on the horizon, was a city jutting out of the sea. Its buildings new and fancy, stretching into the sky. People on the docks and streets, hustling and bustling and going about their business. The rest of the crew was out on the deck now, and they were all joyous.

“Oh my...” Tari weeps, “It’s beautiful...”

[Oh this is gonna be a fun 17 hours,] Saiko grins devilishly, [Even if half of ‘em are gonna be in a drunken coma. An entire barrel of bumbo, here I come, baby!]

“Oh boy!” Red smiles vacuously, “Red’s-a gonna get his spaghetti fix at last!”

“Just, don’t destroy the docks again like you did last time...” Green sighed.

“What are you gonna do, Axol?” you ask, turning to him and the Inkling beside him, “Dawn?”

“I’m going to treat Melony to a few things!” Axol says “Some new paint, a new bed, and I’m gonna stock up on ink and paper! I’ve got a few ideas for some entertainment I could try and make!”

“I will...call family,” Dawn sighed, “It is most I can do without sack of skin getting on case. Then, probably get drink at the tavern.”

Sounds like a plan, you think. You boast for full steam ahead, and the crew breaks out into cheers and shanties as you and Red hop up to the wheel and sail bravely towards the port.

===

It didn’t take very long to make your way to the docks. The salted wood creaked as people went about their business on it; walking here and there, carrying crates of exotic items and fruits, conversing with men of the land about deals and business...stuff. Whatever they talked about. You weren’t the type to question it. The murmurs quelled ever so slightly as you sailed into port. You politely take the wheel from Red at the last moment, and gently slow the ship to a stop at the dock yourself. Saiko drops the anchor (some cheeky scallywag had scratched “PARKING BRAKE” into it, you’re fairly sure it was Dawn) and lowers the gangplank to the dock’s pathways. You’re the first to leave the ship, taking the rope tied to the side as you went, tying it to the bollard jutting out of the wood of the docks.

One short trek to the stone of the town’s edge, and everyone was present. Or, you could see so, at least. So you did the roll call anyway, juuuuust to make sure. After all, there were a few people you had yet to say morning to. The few crewmates who’d rather keep to themselves.

You dig the rolled up list out of the satchel full of things you had packed for this day; tissues, your thematically accurate smartphone, enough cash to last you the day, the cargo hold key, the documents, your special folding cutlass (just in case) and the scroll. You clear your throat and begin;

“Red!”

“Yahoo!”

“Green!”

“Here!”

“Tari!”

“Here!”

“Saiko.”

[Whatever.]

“Dawn!”

“Yes.”

“Belle.”

“...Do I gotta say it?”

“Axol...and, Melony.”

“HERE!”

Okay, last few.

“Fishy Boatswain!”

“Here I am!”

“Whimpu.”

“Here.”

“And Bowser.”

“Present.”

“Good!” You say happily, folding the scroll back into your satchel, “We’re all here. Welcome to Port Royale!”

“I don’t think we’ve ever been here...” Tari hums.

“I Have Detailed Schematics,” Whimpu says, his voice a monotone buzz, “I Can Help You and Saiko Navigate-”

[I’d rather get lost,] Saiko sneered.

“A-Anyway,” you say quickly, getting everyone back on topic, “Shore leave! Yes. Anyway, you all know the rules. You have until 9AM tomorrow morning to enjoy yourselves! Play, gamble, drink....mainly that last one, knowing you lot,” raucous laughter spills from the crew, and you chuckle too, “But still! Spend wisely, make sure you’re able to secure a room for the night as you won’t get back on the ship, don’t get too wasted, and don’t get arrested! Understand?” everyone nods, though you knew Saiko saw those last two as a suggestion rather than a rule, “Alright! I’ll see you all here tomorrow morning! And...dismissed.”

With those words, there was a stampede as your crew clambers over each other to get to where they need to go; Tari, Axol and Green ran for the markets, Red the nearest restaurant, Dawn to a phone booth and everyone else...well, they run as fast as their legs could carry them to the nearest tavern. A full nights drinking and gambling and...well, probably SOME illegal thing, there was always one. You, on the other hand, didn’t like the idea of waking up on a long day’s sailing with a splitting headache and yesterday’s dinner just aching to rush back up your throat. You preferred a more...sober day. And besides, you had some stuff to do.

Stepping further into the town, you meet with the three crewmates you had yet to say hello to. They were still talking near the docks, discussing what to do next. So you approached them in turn. First up, Fishy Boatswain. In truth, he was a stowaway.  You found him in the cargo hold, about a month into your journies. As he came up from being keelhauled, he promised heavily that he wasn’t a spy or the like, and that he had skills. Skills you may have wanted. In the end it was discovered he was a Boatswain; those who repaired and maintained ships. So even if his interests drove you absolutely NUTS, he found his spot on the team. To the chagrin of many.

The last two weren’t that special. Whimpu you picked up from Port Aurora while things were going down. He was the ship’s Archivist, keeping track of the cargo’s content, day to day affairs, where you were going and where you had gone, basically everything you didn’t cover in your Captain’s Log. He had a tendency to scribble some...unusual drawings in the empty space and he drove Saiko up the wall, but like the others he was loyal. As for Bowser...well, simple story. You needed a medic (turns out “Break a Leg” was more than a human saying...and it hurt like buggery when you did), you hired him and he fixed it. Yeah you walked funny for a week but considering he was doing it on a rocking ship you’re still impressed. Turns out he knows Red, too. And that alone kept him on ship. To “keep him in check”, or the like.

Fishy is talking to Whimpu, comforting him about Saiko shutting him down again...again, before he notices you and smiles and waves. “Oh hi Meggy!” he said happily, saluting, “How are you today?”

You sigh. Meggy was the name you used to have back when you were an Inkling. You...never used it, anymore. Meggy was gone. YOU were Megan...right? It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t keep doing it. You sternly remind him, “It’s MEGAN, Boatswain.”

“Sorry...” he dips low.

“It’s okay,” you sigh, “I like what you did with the ship!” you look out over the re-fixed hull. It’s a little...patchy, but it works, “I see you reinforced it this time!”

“Yes, you were lucky we had some leftover iron lying around,” Bowser says, his tone dry and serious as it usually was, “Been meaning to give the old flame pipes a bit of a workout. That should stop Red from making another hole. Now, if you excuse me,” he turns and begins to stomp towards the market, “I need to find some medication to restock my station. I shall see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Bowser!” you call out happily. He wasn’t one for conversation, really. One and done type of guy. You ask Fishy and Whimpu what they’re going to do; Fishy wants to check out the market too for some new tools and fresh wood, and Whimpu is heading towards the library for...archival purposes, you guess. You decide to also go to the library, check out local gossip and tales in case you find anything worth acting on, but for now you need to get those documents to the mayor. 

The Mayor’s office, according to the map at the docks, was close to the centre of town, so you start making your way there. Port Royale was one of the more modern docks you have encountered on your journies, only springing up in the past few decades. Many of the older port towns had that rustic charm to them; wooden buildings, taverns, cobble streets and town squares. Here it was...different. The buildings were clean. They had a sort of, pristine sheen to them. White concrete, clear glass. Paved roads. Many old stores replaced with big chains. At least some amenities remained, like the taverns and the libraries, but something was missing. Like the spirit of the port towns of old was certainly THERE...but, it didn’t feel like it. It almost made you sad, in a morose sort of manner. The world you knew was slowly fading. You heard that Inkopolis Port was slowly looking the same. Modern. Sanitised.

Still, there was at least one advantage to these newer towns; more money to go around, more to be given to you for goods. You finally turned the corner to see the Town Hall, festooned in more clean concrete and fashioned with a lovely courtyard with a fountain in the middle. The fountain was of some weird lumpy bean in overalls and a cap. A placard on the base; “In Beeg We Trust”. Ooookay? You ignore the strange sight and walk towards the Hall. Inside is still nice and white, marble floors, but with highlights of a nice shade of blue littering the walls. Long corridor, with a secretary at the end of it. A tall man, clad in black and blue overalls and a cap with a skull on it. He grumbles as he works, typing on his wooden computer.

You wonder if it’s even worth bothering him, but...you did want to get paid. You approached him and cleared your throat politely, “Ahem...” the man looks up at you, his eyes filled with apathy and anger. You feel a little fear inside talking to this seemingly antisocial man, but you speak anyway, “H-Hello. I am here to see...uh, what was his name, uh...K-Kevolin?”

“Ahh, yes, you’re here for SMG4...” the man groaned, “As he calls himself. You’ve got an appointment, right?”

“Absolutely,” you say, nodding twice and digging a scrap of paper out of your pocket, “Around this time, for the sale of some precious stolen documents.”

“Yeah yeah, I don’t care,” the man sighed, “Three doors down the left, they’ve got his name on ‘em. Can’t miss the stuck-up-”

YIKES, that was certainly a derogatory term. You blanked that last word out from your memory, put on a fake smile, thank him for the help and start walking. What an unplesant man. One wonders how he even GOT that job, even as a lowly secretary. You clear your mind of such and walk down to the office doors he mentioned. Sure enough, his full name and nickname were on the door. Mayor of Port Royale. You clear your throat again, and knock politely three times.

“Come in!”

You heed the call and creak the door open. The office was oddly small for Mayor of the Port, but at least in line with the other offices you’ve visited in your lifetime. At least this port didn’t reject ALL of the traditions of this naval life. It’s well-lit, white and blue walls to suit the rest of the building, marble floors. A wooden desk festooned with zeerust gadgets like a wooden video camera, and another wooden computer. One wonders how these new-fangled machines really worked. And sitting at the desk, in a nice comfy chair, was the man himself. Shorter than the other man, dressed in white overalls and a blue shirt and cap with a big S plastered on the front. Black, frizzy hair, bit of a gut, but a confident and kind look in his eyes. He looked like a man you could trust.

“Mr Kevolin, sir,” you said, saluting him.

“Please, SMG4 works just fine, Ms Spletzer,” SMG4 chuckled, dismissing the courtesy with just a wave of his hand, “Come, sit down and we’ll do business. Would you like some tea?”

“Oh, yes please,” you say, smiling ear to ear; tea was a luxury on the high seas, never a bad idea to have a cup. “What do you have?”

“A few,” he said back, getting up and rummaging through the table of items to the left of the room, “We’ve got some Darjeeling, Black Tea, Green Tea, Red Tea...” Red tea? Wha-”And, Eel Grey.”

You freeze. That name alone brought back many memories. You fight to keep the nostalgia from clouding your thoughts, “I’ll have that, please.”

“Sure!” he goes to make the tea, pouring himself a cup of Darjeeling. As he works, you look around the office, at the paintings on the walls. One of which is him and the man with the skull cap sharing an uncomfortable photo at a graduation ceremony. Another was him and some smaller blue and yellow people with...odd, scars. They look a bit odd, frankly. You certainly wouldn’t have photos like that on the walls. But then, you didn’t really have any memories worth putting up. The man turned with two cups of tea and noticed your stares, “Ahh, see you’ve taken a shine to the photos. Did my secretary give you trouble? Don’t worry about him, he’s just a little sore his career didn’t take off after graduation. Buuuut it was my offer or none at all. He’ll warm up in time, I’m sure. Poor old Jamski...”

He apologised for getting off-track, placing the tea on his desk and taking his seat. You sipped yours. The flavours of the Eel Grey came flooding back, and so did the memories. A taste of seaweed here, a memory of playing with your old friends in the park there...it warmed your mind as well as your stomach. You felt a little more jovial as you conducted your business, “Right, yes, so I’m here concerning those documents you mentioned...”

“Ahh, yes,” he nodded, “I ordered some for study, but some pirate folk managed to steal it when it was on its way! Imagine that. You pay out the nose for literal shipping and someone comes along and helps themselves to it! What kind of evil men would steal something so important?!”

“Well rest assured,” You say, digging into your satchel and taking out the envelope containing the documents, “They are safe and sound now.”

You give him the documents. They have “TO LUKAS” scribbled on in some ink, and the paper is a little soggy from being at sea, but the documents inside are intact. Or at least, you hope. He takes the envelope and opens it there and then. The documents are scattered across the table. And you blink multiple times, trying to comprehend the...gibberish scrawled across them. One is of a dog with “MEOW, HONK HONK” on it in a strong white font. Another is of a smiling man with “ME WHEN FRUITS” and then a scowling man with “ME WHEN HARDTACK”. Another was a fat man in an orange shirt and green hat with a pistol poorly taped to his hand, the caption, “ORDINANCE? YOU WANT IT? ALL YOURS, COMRADE”. Alongside all sorts of other nonsense.

But it seemed to bring SMG4 some immense joy to look over them as you sipped more of your tea. He started chuckling at the photos, which then progressed into belly-laughter, before devolving into wheezing gasps of raucous laughter. He collapsed across the desk, wheezing some more and guffawing like a madman at them all. He calmed down after a few moments, laughing warmly and brushing at a tear developing in his eye. He sighed, “Ahh, Kevolin. You always find the best memes, bro.”

“What’s a meme?” You ask innocently.

“Oh just funny pictures,” SMG4 said, still giggling at the silly things, “Ahh man, that made my day. Thank you so much for gettin’ these back to me!”

“No problem,” you say back. There is an awkward pause in the proceedings, both you and him staring at random pockets in space. You know what needs to be said, but neither wants to bring it up. You take another sip of your tea; ahh, some whelk shell, aaaand your first kiss. Okay that one was a little sour. You drum up the confidence to ask once your cup runs dry, “So...about payment...”

“Oh, yes, right...” SMG4 looked under his desk, the sounds of rummaging and some...other sounds, filling your ears. Eventually he reaches back up and slams something on the desk. It’s a BIG sack of coins. Like, big. Your jaw would drop cartoon-style if it could. You look at him with a face full of shock, and he grins, “Take it. I’ve got plenty. Got some pretty big deals for entertainment comin’ in.”

“Entertainment?” You manage to stammer out after a few minutes of quiet warbling.

“Yeah! Go check out the library in town! You can read more there. I think you’ll quite like it...” SMG4 finished his tea, “Lovely. Pleasure doing business with you, Ms Spletzer.”

“Th-Thank you sir...” you say, your mind racing in circles. Oh my. All that gold. Yours. All. YOURS. You take the bag, bow politely, and leave. No sooner are you out the building, past the now-sleeping Jamski that you celebrate, whooping and jumping for joy. YOU’RE RICH! Time to celebrate!

...Wait, not yet, you think. You have a better idea. Before breaking the news to your crew, you should heed his advice and check out the library. PARTLY for that entertainment, but...well, never hurts to read the local legends. You never know what they might hold. What might be worth seeking on the high seas, before that era comes to its seemingly close end.

You look at the nearby map, and make you way towards the library. Little did you know it would be the start of you being led to your destiny. 

Chapter Text

The Library wasn’t hard to find, really. It was in the middle of town. Compared to the concrete majesty of the Mayor’s Hall, the library was rather small. It was wooden in construction, two large glass panes making up the front. Inside, you can see the place was looking a little worse for wear. Scattered books and bookcases, candles lighting the place up. Evidently, this had been here for quite a while. Perhaps this port wasn’t built from the ground up like you thought. But that was good! This looked better to you. More rustic. And the older it was, the more likely it was to have exactly what you were looking for.

With a polite cough, you open the door to the library and stroll in. There was a bell on the top, and it rang out as you glide through the doorway. The clerk’s counter was directly to your right, a nice wooden affair with a bell on it. and some stranded books and things hither mither and yonder. It was a sign of a clumsy person. Sounds of rummaging and clattering could be heard from under the desk. Good. The Clerk was available.

You wander up to the counter and mash the bell on the desk, “Shop!”

There was a yelp and a bumping sound as the desk shook slightly. The girl rose from underneath the desk, rubbing her head in pain. She was...odd. She had pink hair with blue highlights, twin ponytails spilling out of the sides of her head, and thick-rim glasses. She wore very similar clothing to you, though her doublet was black and her trenchcoat was white. She also, for whatever reason, wore a blue tie around her neck. Her name was festooned on a name tag, of sorts, pinned to her lapel; Bo-Sun.

She grumbled slightly and then spoke, stammering while she did so, “H-Hello! Sorry about that, I-I was sorting some books under the desk. T-Tell me, what are you looking for?”

You think. Do you really want to see what ‘entertainment’ the mayor had planned? 

...Ah whatever, it’d be some fun. You start to speak, “Yes, hello. I’d like A: some of the documents for the mayor’s upcoming projects, and B: I don’t suppose you have anything on, say, local legends or tales of treasure.”

“You’ve come to the right librarian!” Bo-Sun boasted proudly, before she realised something, sheepishly scratching at the back of her head, “W-Well, not like there’re any others in the...t-the...sorry. Sure, let me get those for you...” she left the front desk and ventured deep into the library’s back halls and rooms. You take your seat by a table with some chairs and a cozy candle burning in a glass lamp. The warm orange flame was enough to read, even in this darkness. You heard some more shouts and crashing sounds before a frazzled Bo-Sun stumbled over to you with a selection of scrolls. She placed them daintily down onto the table, “Here you go!”

“Thank you,” you smile politely at her, and then take to unrolling the scrolls set in front of you, “Let’s see...” you pick the closest one off of the table, and give it a read. It seemed to be a synopsis of sorts. A story, a novel or perhaps a play. As your eyes darted across the paper, taking in the words and trying to imagine the world, you turn to Bo-Sun with a smatter of some confusion; “Met-arr Runner?”

“One of the Mayor’s stories, yes,” Bo-Sun nodded awkwardly, “Set in a world where technology is far in advance of this one. Even in these changing times. They say in this story, people have arms made of METAL. And they play electronic games all day!”

What a load of rubbish. What kind of idea was that? Who’d want to see that, let alone pay for it? Still, you were nothing but polite, which is more than you could say for a select few of your crewmates.

“What an unusual fantasy...” you say, before quickly setting it off to the side. You continue to scour through the documents, hoping to find something interesting. Another one of the Mayor’s shows catch your eye, “What’s this one? Sunset Par-arrr-dise?”

“The...Mayor loves his pirate puns, as you can see,” Bo-Sun chuckles, “This one’s set in Port Auroa-”

“PASS,” you growl quickly, sending the crumpled script flying over your shoulder with a strong fling. Port Aurora was the place you met Winter and the worst few weeks of your life, end of story. You sigh in irritation and keep looking, “Okay...wait, what’s this?” you pick up the scrap of paper that caught your eye. It was much older than the other items, browner and its edges more frayed.

It was...a staff. A long, bronze staff like the tales of old. Of swords and sorcery, of wizards firing magical blasts from it. It has a very rough look to it, like it was constructed in brass and bronze, with a jagged purple crystal attached to the end and surrounded in bracing fins. It looked...beautiful.

“Oh my...” Bo-Sun gasped, “Now that is an old tale. The legend of the Artefact of Ancients. Or so I’m told.”

You never heard of such a thing. You turn to the purple-haired girl. “The what of what?”

“Well, it says in the scrolls...i-in ancient languages, of course. I have a translation, if you’d like to read it. Oooooooor would you like a summary?”

“Lemme see...” you try to look at the scroll closer. There was text around the image. Scrawls, one after the other, in strange symbols. Or perhaps, not so strange after all. Looking at the curves in the cursive awakened a small jolt of a memory in your brain. Your eyes shot open, “Wait...is this...this is Inkling!”

“It’s what now?” Bo-Sun asked.

Yes, it was! You remember some of the Inkling from your days as...well, an Inkling. Your ability to speak it was utterly shot by this point, but your ability to READ it remained...just. You couldn’t make all of it out, but you could make out just enough;

‘Long ago...the King had sought power...an ancient staff, forged from the...gave him and his people great power...scattered upon this devastating loss...hidden around the world. It is said whoever...will be granted every wish they desire...’

No way. An actual legend! If it was true. But, plenty of the world’s odd legends had been true in the past. You were just late to realising it a little bit every time. Thanks to...her. A special rod, split up into parts and scattered across the oceans...

“Wow...” Bo-Sun said with intrigue, “Imagine that! A Staff that can grant your every wish.”

“If it’s true,” you ponder.

“But, it is!” Bo-Sun jumped, somewhat excited for the prospect, “Pieces have been found! And maps exist for the rest!”

You stop cold. Really? Was...this really happening? You turn to her; “...Where?”

“I had a piece of the map, but someone took it while I was napping in my chair! Blue trenchcoat, magenta hair...”

That...didn’t sound good. You knew someone, all too well, who fit that description like a glove. But, she was dead. You saw her ship fly into the waiting, watery maw of the Demon’s Whirlpool. She was in Davy Bones’ Locker...r-right?

Your head begins to pound. All of this good and yet troublesome news has got you in a bit of a tizzy. It’s not time for thinking anymore, at least not like this. You ask if you have access to a copy of the transcription, to show your crew. It takes a few gold pieces, not exactly like one could find an easy replacement and all, but you were soon walking out of that Library with the items in your satchel. You decided to do some shopping, take your mind off things. You hit the market, browsing the delicacies and strange trinkets from further overseas, to take your mind off of this puzzling development. You saw Winter buying some Seaweed Candles, and you decided to take a Seaweedstone Lamp as your own. The smell as the fire burned within, it reminded you of home. But after a few bags of stuff were in your arms, you decided now was a good time to turn in and do what everyone else had done;

Hit the Tavern. The Arms of Armour, here you came.

===

Hours have passed. You think, you’re not sure. It’s dark now, at least. Everyone in your crew has retired to the tavern already. Some, uh, way before. You could see some of the crew, passed out at their tables. Even Tari had decided to get stuck into some rum and was now cuddling a rubber duck she had found at the market, sobbing into its wings. Saiko was nowhere to be found, however. She had probably gone into “Crazy Mode”, as she was wont to do when she drank too much Bumbo. She was probably rampaging around the docks, headbutting random people. You...probably needed to get her off the booze, honestly. Not that you were currently any better, of course.

It was rather dark in the tavern. Wooden beams and wooden tables, lit by lanterns hanging overhead. The place was awash with chatter from the more sober patrons, a few fights here and there, and a number of firearms placed onto the walls as decor. You were at the bar itself, slouched over it, staring into a half-empty mug of grog. Didn’t want to drink too much, of course. Still. Free on the seas, tons of gold to your name, a steady idea of income, and tips on the treasure that could change your life. All was good.

“Chasing dreams again, Spletzer?”

Oh.

Oh no.

You turn from your mug and look to the source of the voice, to your left. Impossible...it was...her. The Daring. A woman about your height, fairly dark skin and strong eyes. Ratty magenta hair bundled into curls with one covering her eye. A large black hat with a skull and crossbones on it. A dark blue trenchcoat over a doublet and black pants, two large brown boots with spurs. For...some reason. She arched over you, a wretched grin on your face.

“...Desti?”

“Desti-NI, you worm,” Desti poked you hard in the shoulder, like a bullet aimed for the tendon, “For it is mine of THAT to rule the seven seas, and don’t you forget it.”

But, how was she even here?! You left her to...well... “I thought you were...dead, and all that.”

“Ahh, yes, when you left me to DIE...” Desti got REAL close to your face on that last word, letting it ring in your tipsy ears for a bit, “I climbed out! Found a new crew, a new ship, and I am HERE...well, here to get a freakin’ drink. Do you have aaaaaaaany idea what it’s like to be stuck in a whirlpool on the verge of death for a month?” you could see her slowly reach for the cutlass rather prominently clinging to her belt. She hissed with barely-hidden hatred, “Maybe I’ll let you experience it one day...”

“Ladies?” the tavern keeper asked from the inky blackness behind the bar. He was medium in size, with short black hair and a beard, a rifle in his hands, “No fighting in the tavern.”

“Lame...” Desti growled, taking her hand off of her swords. You sigh in relief; you have a few scars on your torso from a few lucky strikes. Desti turned to the tavern keeper, “Do you at least have any strong stuff?”

The tavern keeper shrugged, “I have Darkwood Rum, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Gimme!” Desti crowed hungrily. Well, thirstily...? You are not aware of Darkwood Rum, but you can very much guess that it’s not exactly weak. Desti takes the steaming mug and swigs from it. She barely even flinches. She turns to you, a dribble of the jet-black (and worryingly viscous) rum leaking from her face, “So, what’re you up to these days, idiot?”

“Don’t call me an idiot...” you growl through gritted teeth, wasn’t like she hasn’t called you that enough times, “And why should I tell you?”

“So I can beat you to the treasure, same as always...” Desti swaggers before you, a confident air to her tilting and hands in her pockets. She arched close, her face smug and vindictive, “And get another leg up on ye. How many of our little contests have you won?” you go to answer truthfully, but Desti stops you, “THAT’S RIGHT, NONE! Because I always got there first!”

Your anger is boiling over now. You’re not sure if it’s her or the booze, but you’re just feeling so...enraged, inside. The handle to your own cutlass glows in the satchel as you arch closer to her too, teeth grit so hard they could shatter, “Shut...up...”

“Ladies! No-”

“QUIET!” Desti pointed accusingly at the tavern keeper, before she dug out her cutlass. The One-Winged Blade. Serrated edge. Painful. She growled,  “I’ll perforate you here and now if I have t-”

“Ahem.”

A man, clearing his throat. That wasn’t a good sign. You turn to the source of the utterance, and see a...thing, clomp slowly towards you. He was a man, you thought, tall and well-built. His heavy boots made such a terrible noise on the wooden floor, his stomps hard yet precise. He too wore a blue trenchcoat, but even darker in tinge than Desti’s; underneath was a plain black doublet and pants. A massive red ascot hung around his neck, covering his mouth. He seemed to have dark brown hair, coarse and rough. And his eyes...oh man, his EYES! What should have been white was a jet black, his pupils a deep, pulsating red. It almost made you sick to even look at him.

He stopped by Desti’s side and spoke, his voice a baritone grumble of a tone, “Is, this girl troubling you, boss?”

It took a few seconds for your confused face to respond, “...Boss?!”

Desti put her smug face back on, patting the large man on his broad shoulder, “Ah, yes. Say hello to my newest crewmate, my Quartermaster. Wouldn’t tell me his name.”

“Just call me...” he seemed to sigh wearily, “Call me...Markus. Markus the Mad. And I believe you...” with the speed of a juiced-up Salmonid, he snapped the scroll you took from the Library straight off of the bar. You actually yelped with his speed and the sheer SNAP of the move, watching dumbfounded as he held the paper up to the light, “Have something of mine.”

“Of OURS,” Desti took the scroll from him, much slower and less smooth. Her tone was mocking and gleeful now, “I see you found the legend of the Artefact too,” she unrolled the scroll and looked through its contents, “Imagine it. A powerful Staff, split into four pieces. able to grant the desires of any who puts it back together! Lovely thought, eh?”

“Yes. And I’m gonna find the Staff first,” you stand defiantly towards the two, “I’m gonna wield it’s power, if only to keep it outta your hands! Perhaps I can make the world a better place.”

“Well I hope you don’t mind a running start, ‘cause I already have a piece!” As in on her silent cue, Markus nodded at Desti and took out something attached to his belt. On one side was a holster showing the handle of a blade. And the other...showed a gem. A rough, ragged and purple gem, chained around his waist and shoulder. It...it looked exactly like the gem on the scroll! How did she get her hands on THAT?! Desti beamed smugly once more, “Look at it. Beautiful, ain’t she? Even this piece alone has unimaginable power! Like an emerald...of chaos. Or something’ I dunno.”

“Well then...” you grin deviously. This was your chance, when their guard was down. With a swift movement, you took out your trusty folding cutlass and, with a skilled flick of your wrist, extended it to full length. You aimed it towards the two, putting on a look of heroism, “I hope you don’t mind if I take that off yer ha-” 

SCHWING! With the same speed he had snapped up your scroll, Markus dug his left hand into his holster, and quite literally whipped out his blade. It was, like him, very much not of this world. Its blade was black obsidian, with pulsing red cracks running through it, and a strange sigil on the handle. Not that you saw it before it came to a resting place on his outstretched arm. The swing was so fast, you never saw much at all. There was just that deafening sound, before the entire tavern went silent. You looked at your sword as it sat for a second or two, then burst into shards as the now totally severed blade tumbled to the floor. Just what was that thing made out of!

“Oh...I-I see you do...” you said, your voice hollow, your eyes bulging, and sweat dripping down your face. You decide to lower the cutlass and put the remains into your satchel again. You decide one desperate trick; “GIMME!!!”

You grab feverishly at the gem as Markus continued to hold it in what seemed to be his off-hand. Both of yours managed to wrap around it before a defiant and blinding white flash filled the room. You surge backwards, covering your eyes and ears as the blast runs through you. Glasses shatter and patrons are bowled over from the blast.

“Woah!” Markus cried out in shock, even he wasn’t expecting THAT reaction. “Careful you idiot! You have no idea the maddening effect this gem can...”

You didn’t hear the rest of that. The room was spinning too fast now. Your head had gone lighter than air after touching that gem. The room was blending into a whirl of colours and lights, sounds muffled into noise. You felt sick, delirious...and, faint. You could feel your conscious slip away as you desperately gripped at the bar to keep yourself upright. An effort in vain; you lose feeling in your limbs and collapse gracelessly to the floor. You looked up at the smudge that used to be Markus, and your vision went black.

And all was silent.

Chapter Text

All is dark. Dark, and gloomy. Your head stings like someone smashed a vase into it, but with no blood dripping down your face. This time, at least. What happened to you? Did Desti lay you out? No...no, you remember. You remember grabbing the gem. The gem Markus held on to. Then, a blinding flash. And then this. Whatever...this, was. You felt numb. Like you weren’t really there. You’ve felt this before. You felt like this after your transformation into a human. The nothingness spreading through your body, your new body, as it was birthed into the world. It took an entire week shacked up in your house to get used to it. But this was...ever so slightly different. And that made it feel worse.

A void. A dark, swirling void with wisps of purple fog lining the space. Everything looked and felt hazy and odd. Like, you were in a dream. Partly because, well, you were. But these dreams reminded you of nothing you’ve ever dreamed before. Those dreams varied widly; some romantic, some a stark reminder of how you ran away from home, burdened with a box containing what valuables you dared to take with you. This was eerie. Quiet, except for the howling winds.  The darkness spread for every direction, with no land in sight. Or...was there?

Up ahead, a glimmer. A light, shining in the darkness. You make your way towards it, feet stepping on nothing. You dared not question what you were truly walking upon - this was a dream, after all - and you approach the land before you with trepidation. What would you find in this place? Some answers to your predicament? Locations of the other artefact pieces, maybe? Or perhaps...uh...yourself?!

“Auri! Wake up! Please!!!”

The glow was from a lighthouse! The area around it was stone, but there was only a small amount of the platform before it faded back into the abyss. The lighthouse stood tall, shining its light brightly into the blackness, while lanterns lit up the platform and the remains of a shattered wooden dock fading into nothing. You stared at this for a little longer, until something clicked in your brain. This was Port Aroura Lighthouse! Talk about a memory you never wanted to experience again. But...wait, this wasn’t how it went last time! You were here, yes. But those weren’t the clothes you remember wearing at the time. Why were they so orange? And so...skimpy?! And who was this blue thing you were crying over? He looked pretty dead, even the octopus he had on his head (what?) had little Xs for eyes. Was this a memory or a nightmare?

“What in the devil is going on here?!” you call out in shock. You rush over to your other self and shake their shoulders rigorously, “H-Hello? Hey, are you okay? What happened?”

The other self ignored you completely. Like you were but a ghost. An observer, watching events you were never part of. She sobbed heavily, cradling the blue orb like it was her own child. Blood and lord knows what else littered the area, now that you VERY MUCH didn’t remember from your version of these events.

...Come to think of it, what WERE your version of these events?

Before you could answer your own question, an odd fog came off of the other. A dark, dank purple fog that formed...a clone?! A dark clone, shrouded in purple shadow, with only two angry eyes poking out of the face. It looked over the other, scowling at her, “Pathetic. Once again, someone you associate with dies. Everyone around you dies...why do you think your friends were so happy see you go? They’ll abandon you. Just give it time...”

“I c-” the other warbled, “I can’t...I just wanted to...”

“As they all say...” the Shadow grimaced. They pointed to a modern-looking pistol, lying across the floor, “You know what to do.”

You panic. You reach out instinctively, “NO!!!”

BOOM!!!

You dare not look at the poor girl as her now lifeless body crumbles to the floor. Tears leak from your eyes as the scene plays out in front of you. The Shadow looks over its indirect handiwork, “There we go...join all you’ve wronged in death...” It stared at the body for an uncomfortably long time, before it looked up and towards you, “Ahh. Another Meggy joins the fray. So, what are your sins? Are you the same? Do people around you die from your actions?”

Wait, so THIS one could see you?! “I...” you blubber, “I don’t-NO!” you point accusingly at the Shadow, “Who are you? What is any of this?!”

“This is the fate of all Meggies,” The Shadow pointed down at the limp body below her, “Worthless creatures, really. Lowly idiots bound for the grave. And you, oh believe me, YOU are no different...”

“Not this time.”

The Shadow suddenly cried out in pain. It looked down, face contorted into agony, to stare at the blade now lodged in her abdomen. An obsidian blade, covered in red cracks. Oh no. Sure enough, the man in the blue trenchcoat stepped out of the shadows, eyeing the Shadow with disgust and fury you’ve never seen on a man before. And you’ve seen Saiko trying to give up booze for a week. Growling, Markus grabbed the blade and ripped it out of the Shadow. He then stabbed it, again and again, in the chest and abdomen. Fear ran through your system at this brutal event, capped off only by Markus grabbing the now gibbering Shadow by its shoulders and chopping its head clean off with a single swipe. The body collapsed to the ground, alongside the poor other Megan it had just ended.

You could no longer explain the feelings you experienced watched all that. More tears pricked your eyes as you had the strength to simply blurt out, “WHAT THE BLAZES?!”

“Stupid shadow-y piece of SHIT!!!” Markus roared, giving the purple corpse a brutal kick or seven, “GAH and I though Scourge was a cheap recolour! Guess I owe him an apology...” calming himself, he turned to you, his face dropping into shocked surprise, “...Oh.”

“You...” you growl back, hands balling into fists. You step back a bit as he approaches like he WASN’T covered in purple blood, “Stay away from me! You won’t get the treasure before my crew! I don’t care WHAT you are, you’re not real!”

“Here? Maybe not,” Markus stretches his arms out in a calming pose as he continued to get closer, “Look, I don’t have time to explain. There is grave danger to this world. Things far worse than these stupid trinkets! I need your help to save this these seas, you need to trust me!”

“NO!” you scream out, throwing one hell of a haymaker towards his head. You pin him directly in the nose! He grunts in pain as he twists and twirls and falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. You sigh in relief, looking at your shivering hand. It felt so light. The void was slowly vanishing, replaced by comforting light. Looks like you managed to make it to the end of this wretched dream. You thank your deities that this is over, and wait to awaken.

“You have to...” Markus wheezed as the light finally consumes you, “Or we’re all doomed...”

===

“There she is! Captain. OI. Wake up!”

You wake with a grumble and a pounding headache. MAN, that stung. You keep your eyes clenched shut for the time being, not daring to let the sunlight in just yet. You feel the ground underneath you; cold cobblestone. Oh joy. Already you knew where you were. Finally letting your eyelids flutter open as you groaned in nausea, you take in your surroundings.

Yep. Jail cell. With Belle and a worried Tari looking at you from the other side of the cell bars.

“Gaaaah..” you grumble, trying desperately not to be sick, “What the...how did I get HERE?!”

“Public indecency and drunkeness is ILLEGAL,” came another voice. It was the jailer for this town, it seemed. Fairly normal sort of man...except for the monitor for a head. You’d ask, but after the dream you’d had, you were in no real position to find it odd. The man continued, “And I take ILLEGAL things very, very seriously.”

“Truth be told, Mr...” you start, before your mind clouds, “I’m sorry, what is your name?”

“Jailer Halcyon.”

“Mr Halcyon,” you start again, “Truth be told, I’m not even sure how I GOT here.”

“Oh, I knew drinking was a bad idea,” Tari whines.

“You did it too...” Belle grumbled, to which Tari sort of shrugged after a while. She turned back to you, “So, what DO you remember?”

You think back to what you did before you blacked out, “Let’s see. I, uh...I think I ran into Desti again.”

“That harlot?!” Belle sighs, “I thought she died!”

“I did too. But no, she’s alive. And she’s got new friends. This giant guy in a blue coat, calls himself Markus? Ring a bell?” you ask. Everyone present shakes their head, “Hmm. A-Anyway, he’s got part of this artefact, I guess. I tried to grab it, and it just sorta...flashes. And I black out.”

“An interesting story,” Belle says, “And not a good sign. We better get back to the ship and figure out what’s going on.”

“Sounds like my kinda plan!” you say, before a massive pang in your head reminds you of your nausea. You repress the urge to vomit, “Just...as soon as I get some breakfast. And, outta here. What’s the bail?”

“Well you still ranked fairly low on the ILLEGAL meter,” Halcyon grumbled, “So I have to let you go. You’re lucky the mayor vouched for you. Your friend, on the other hand...”

“Wha...?” you look to the corner of the cell. Yep. There’s Saiko. Stretched out, fast asleep, puddle of sick in the other corner. Cuts and bruises all over her too. She must have had a WILD night. You look back up at Halcyon, “What did she do this time?”

“I-”

“Forget it, actually,” you grumble, clutching your head, “I don’t wanna know. Bail’s normally 500 Gold, yes?”

“Well, there goes most of our finances. Again,” Tari sighs.

===

You wished your lucky stars you got such a large payment from the mayor. It paid for the bail comfortably. Still cost most of what you had, but at least you weren’t in the red this time. This time. Saiko struggled like a wild animal when they tried to wake her up, but eventually she was up and out of the cell, as were you. You still felt like garbage, so you stopped off by a local cafe on the way back to the ship. You picked up some water and a sandwich to satiate yourself for now and stave off the sickness. Prawn and mayo. Pretty darn good, actually

Soon, you were all back at the ship. The rest of the crew were there, too. Waiting around to get back on board, and impatiently at that. Axol at least looked happy, cuddling up with Melony with “her” fresh new coat of paint. Almost looked like a watermelon again. Red was, of course, struggling with the gangplank.

“Let me in! LET ME IIIIIIIIIN!”

“Guys, guys...” you say calmly, approaching them all with Belle, Tari and Saiko in turn, “Sorry I’m late. We had some...altercations.”

[You don’t say...] Saiko mumbles, [...I think I punched the mayor’s secretary.]

“Oh. Do you wanna talk about it?” Green asks you.

“Later,” You respond, reaching into your satchel. Yes...it was still there. Good. You unveil the gangplank and step back onto the ship, “We gotta set sail. And then, I’ve got a surprise for all of you.”

“Surprise?” Dawn asked, “What sort of surprise?”

You smile coyly, “You’ll see.”

===

You have been sitting in this bath for hours now. That same durian soap from yesterday filling the room with...well, a funky fragrance, but the soothing gritty sludge does wonders for your skin. Excluding the fact you’ve been in there so long your skin resembles a fresh prune but still. You lie there, staring up at the ceiling. That...dream. If it was even a dream. You cannot get it out of your head. Traumatic, for sure, but there was something else to it as well. This Markus fellow. He almost felt not of this world. All you had was questions;

Why did he seemingly drag you into that nightmare? 

Why was he talking to you in such a manner after that brutality? 

What did he mean by there being doom and gloom, this threat to your world?

Who...WAS he?

Three, hard knocks at your door broke the silence, “OI!” oh, it was Belle again, “Cap. The crew’s waiting for you up top! What’s keepin’ you?!”

“S-Sorry!” You yell out, scrambling out of the bath and reaching for a towel, “Was just...h-having a think.”

“Of what?” Belle asks, frustrated. Clearly, you have been keeping them waiting for some time. Whoops, “Forget it. Just try an’ dry quickly!”

Hmmpth. Ordering her own captain around like that. You grumble a little as you dry yourself, brush your hair and get dressed. By the time you stomp up to the main deck, it is well past morning and into the late afternoon. Everyone’s around standing below the steering wheel platform, huddled together and making all sorts of noises. You decide to meet them on that level, seeing as you need to show them the papers.

You clear your throat and begin, “Gentlemen. Ladies. And squid.”

“Dawn would have sufficed,” Dawn grumbled, “So. What is prob-a-lem?”

“Yes, what is with this meeting you have concocted?” Doctor Bowser asked stoically, “You seemed to deem it so important. If not important enough to keep us waiting, that is.”

You blush somewhat from embarrassment, “S-Sorry. Just had some things on my mind. Anyway! I have some good news and some bad news. The BAD News is...Desti’s back.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh my...”

“DAT BITCH >:(“

“Settle down, Red,” you sigh.

“How is she still alive?” Green asked, “I thought you said you saw her be flung into that whirlpool!”

“I did!” You respond, “But it seems someone...fished her out,” a groan emits from your crew, “Sorry. A-Anyway, she’s now on the trail of something else. Another legend. Some more ancient treasure...and she’s got a head start.”

“Oh goody, another goose run,” Dawn sighs, “What makes different from rest?”

“’Cause THIS time...” you say proudly, digging the papers out of your satchel, “WE have a head start of our own.”

The others look over the papers with a sense of awe and wonder. The paper almost seems to shimmer like gold in your hands. They look over the intricate artwork, brown and stained with time but still showing the artefact in all of its glory. In the bright light of the midday sun you had a much clearer view of it. It was a golden staff, or maybe brass, with various bits and pieces and gadgets lining it, garbled text pointing to some of those parts. Dawn was able to translate some of it for you; some orange “Focusing Rings”, a large “Casting Trigger” over a soft black grip, a caged opening called a “Vigor Launcher” at the end of it...and at the other end, the so-called “Chaos Crystal”, a chipped purple crystal.

Wait...crystal?

“No way...” you gasp silently.

[What is it?] Saiko asked grumpily, her hangover still not totally subsided.

“It’s that Crystal...” you say, pointing to it, “That’s the same gem that Markus guy had. The same one I tried to steal, and it knocked me out...”

“So that’s the piece that Desti already has, eh?” Axol asked, overlooking the parts, “That’s not good, if she has the most important part.”

“This Inkling...” Dawn mumbled, looking over the scribbles in the writing, “Whoever wrote this in somewhat hurry. Or perhaps not right in head. Grammar is poor, spelling so more. S-So more...more...so?”

“Ironyyyyy...” Belle whispered to Tari, who giggled in response.

“What does this mean?” you ask Dawn.

“It mean something not up.” Dawn said, “Whoever wrote was desperate to get out. Like they WANT one to find. Tale written in story does not make sense, has inconsistance. General gist is that old...demon king had staff? Died protecting. Staff split up into four parts. Spread across world. Once united, power restored. So says Demon King...Kormas.”

“Demon King Kormas?” Whimpu asked, “I Cannot Say I Remember This Legend. It Is News To Me.”

“And me,” Axol chimed in.

“And me,” Green said too.

“...Mario’s pingas feel-a funny.”

“...Thanks Red,” you sigh, exasperated. You had the papers to Axol, “Axol, Belle, I need you two to look into the locations of the last couple pieces. If we can cut Desti off at the pass, all we need to do is get the parts, defeat her for the Gem, put ‘em all together, and all our wishes can come true!”

[We can rule the seas!] Saiko shouted in glee.

“Right the wrongs of the world!” Axol said too.

“Cure the sick of their ills...” Bowser said, content.

“I can get my arm back...” Belle said sadly.

“FREE SPAGHETTI FOR EVERYONE!” Red screamed excitedly.

“Exactly!” you cry out in confidence, “People, man your stations! Axol, get those locations charted. Belle, get us ready to get there. Today, we set sail for a brand new adventure!!!”

Cheers erupt from your crew and and they excitedly run off to their stations; Tari, Belle, Green, Dawn, Axol, Boopkins, and Bowser retreated below decks, Whimpu walked off towards the back of the ship, Saiko went towards the cannons and Red...well Red did that “backwards long jump” thing he said he could do and zoomed off with tremendous speed. You sigh, and retreat below decks as well. The trauma and misery of the dream had gone by now. NOW, it was time for adventure!

“AL-RIGHT I-AM HERE. NOW WHERE-ARE THE CHICKS?”

...What the Hell?!

Chapter Text

A stowaway? When was the last time you had one of THOSE? Oh, right. Boatswain. You found him in the barrels after a port visit, and you threw him under the ship for it. Saiko found it kind of funny, though you got a bit sick from the panicked screams. But, could you even properly keelhaul this...robed thing?

You had apprehended the new stowaway as soon as he crashed through the door to the lower decks, weird plastic shades stretched across his...eyes? He looked like was partying for some reason. But you wouldn’t have that. You tackled him to the ground and tied him up like a hog, before marching him off to the lowest decks alongside Green and Dawn. Green quickly made a chair (like, in three seconds. It was pretty impressive, actually) while Dawn tied him to the chair with some leftover rope. You even took the shades for yourself. They fit awful, of course.

And now here you were, standing before this thing with Green and Dawn by your side. The thing in question was...well, it was hard to tell. It was hidden by a big green cloak with red highlights and no real face to speak of, having two white dots for eyes in a shadowed face. It looked oddly familiar, but you couldn’t tell from where, exactly. His limbs were weird, though. They were rope-like in construction, ending in large scythe-like blades for every single limb. Dangerous didn’t even begin to describe it! Just what WAS this guy?

“HUHM. IS-THIS HOW YOU-TREAT ALL YOUR-GUESTS.” the being spoke, his voice sounding rather...artificial. Stilted, mechanical, almost like a machine was trying to speak like a human. And failing. Miserably.

“You are the stowaway,” Dawn grimaced, “We not done this for while. And rather not do it again in general.”

“NICE-VOLCABULARY,” the cloaked being beeped, “WHAT-CAVE DID THEY FIND-YOU FRO-” BLAM, Dawn gave him a powerful kick to the chest, causing him to flop head over heels and land on his back with a thunk, “OW-MY OVARIES.”

“Talk,” you growl, reaching for your cutlass, at least before you remembered it was still a fine dust back at the bar, “Who are you, and why are you here?”

“THEY-CALL ME THE SWAGALISCIOUS B.O.B,” he responded, wiggling around like he was being dangled on puppet strings, “BEATBOXING OMEGA BIG-CHAD.”

“...Wouldn’t that B.O.B.C?”

“...SHUT-UP.”

“What are you doing on my ship?” you demand, “No-one invited you!”

“ACTUALLY THAT-IS NOT TRUE,” B.O.B defended himself, “I HAVE-BEEN TAKEN ABOARD BY-A DRUNK HOT-CHICK. AS PART-OF MY CONTRACT.”

“Contract? What drunk hot ch-” ...Oh no. You know EXACTLY who is to blame for this. Your anger boils as you stomp off and roar so loudly that you the entire ship hears you; “SAIKO!!!”

[Ahh shit...]

“...CAN YOU UNTIE-ME NOW?”

“No.”

===

[Okay, so me and Tari MAY have had a bad idea while on the bumbo...]

“YOU THINK?!” you slam your hands into your desk. You, Saiko and Tari are now in your personal room, at your desk. Yes, you have a desk. It’s a nice desk. Mahogany. Lord knows how you got it into the room.

“Meggy, we’re sorry!” Tari wailed, leaning over and in front of Saiko, her face contorted into sad shock, “We got drunk, dumb things happen when you’re drunk! Like, buying the services of an entertainer.”

“That’s what he does?!” you cry out in exasperation. Whatever that...creature was he was NOT an entertainer. No way, no how.

[That’s what he tells us, at least,] Saiko grumbled, shrugging with her arms crossed. She almost looked like she wasn’t taking this at all seriously, [Again, we were smashed, man! He sounded like a real cool guy after three tankards of rum. Well, six...maybe nine. So we decided to take ‘im with us!]

You sigh, resting your head in one hand propped up on your desk. You gestured with the other hand, “So, how long is the contract for?”

“We, uh...don’t know. There wasn’t a duration on it. We snuck him onboard last night, h-he used his blades to climb your ship and-”

[Not helpin’ our case, Tar!] Saiko shushed Tari real quick, grabbing her lips so tight they pursed and went white...well, white-ER. Tari was unnaturally pale, you noticed. Probably because she spent so much time below deck but, whatever.

Still, at least that answered something you saw that morning, “...So THAT’S what those gashes in the hull were. I thought Red tried getting back on the ship! Explains everything, I guess.”

[We’re sorry, Cap,] Saiko sighed, relaxing her posture, but not before pointing at you accusingly, [Though I guess you weren’t the only one up to some mad adventures last night. Either way, he’s legally on the ship, so you can’t just boot him off. Even if you kinda should. Turns out he sings like a dying cat, god-damn it.]

“Look, just...” you rest your head in both hands now, “You know what I think about uninvited guests. I don’t tolerate stowaways on the ship...hell, I can’t. Boatswain was a lucky fluke, but you know the pain that dealing with stowaways and what they’ve put us through.”

“Oh you mean like Whi-”

Oh she did NOT.

“DON’T. SAY. HER NAME...” you scream in a burst of fury, slamming both hands down on your desk so hard some of the things on it tumbled to the floor. You’re fairly sure one of them shattered. Oops. You look up as the redness in your vision subsides. Saiko is genuinely spooked by your outburst, and Tari is...crying. Any anger vanishes and tears start to prick your own eyes, “...Oh, God. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you, I-”

“No...no...it’s okay...” Tari sniffled, hugging herself for comfort, “I forgot...never speak...her name.”

“Just...keep that thing on a tight leash,” you sigh, weary and angry at yourself. You wave your hand once more, “Dismissed, both of you. Leave me be...” both nod, and Saiko helps the shivering Tari out of the room. With them soon out of earshot, you waste no time collapsing onto your cratered desk and beginning to cry yourself, “Oh GOD why me...”

===

It was a good few hours before you left your office again. Maybe. You’re still not quite sure. You ARE sure you fell asleep at some point, mercifully a more restful and less haunted sleep than last time. The type of quick nap you really needed. If anything, you felt better, but still haunted by the sheer farce of the past two days. Magic artefacts, demonic men, Desti...just, Desti. and now this weird sentient trash bag wandering around your ship with Boatswain-wait what

“Oh, hi Megan!”

You grumbled out some meagre respect, “Remembered this time. Good...wait,” it finally clicked in your head, and you pointed to B.O.B as he stood there with a glass of...something foul-smelling in his ‘hand’, “Why is he walking around with you? Wasn’t he tied up?”

“...CHECK-OUT MY ARMS, YO.”

Oh yeah, blades for arms, “Okay yeah fair enough.”

“Aww come on Megan!” Boatswain approached you, his face slowly twisting into one of pleading, “Pleeeeease let him stay! He’s a nice guy!”

“And you know this how?” you ask.

“I know him! He’s a childhood friend!”

“...Wat?”

B.O.B turned down the shutter shades he had found elsewhere on the ship and approached Boatswain in something vaguely resembling a bro hug, “YEAH WE-KNEW EACH OTHER SINCE-COLLEGE.”

“I...uh...” you stammer. You’re not even sure what to think anymore, never mind say to his face.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!” Boatswain increases his begging six-fold, grabbing onto your leg and shaking like an earthquake was threatening to blow him away, “Let him stay, Megan! He’s cool! PLEEE-”

“OKAY FINE!” you shout out of frustration, pinching the bridge of your nose tight, “Just...make sure he doesn’t get into trouble. Okay?”

“Yaaaaaaaay!” Boatswain cheers happily, hugging your leg properly, “Thank you Meggyyyyyyyyy!”

Aaaand he forgot again. Sigh. You grumble, “You’re welcome, Boatswain,” and wave your hand wearily again, “Dismissed...” Boatswain and B.O.B wander down the hall, chatting about their experiences since separating after college. You don’t bother to listen, instead leaning against your door and rubbing your eyes with a free hand, “Gah...”

“Hey, Megan!”

You jump at the sound. You look down to see the funny man in overalls, “Oh. R-Red. How...long’ve you been standing there?”

“Hours!” Red grins stupidly, but that grin soon vanishes and drops into a rare look of concern, “But...Red’s-a worried. I heard-a crying. You seem very...upset-a.”

“Of all people to notice, huh...” you sigh, rubbing your burning and aching forehead. You open the door to your office and let Red in. You have a couch set up in the back of the office, complete with drinks, for more personal talks such as this. You set him down and bring in two glasses of juice, “Red, can I...confide in you?”

“Sure...whatever that-a means!”

“Hmm...” you say worriedly. Is this a good idea? Confiding in a man of his...mental ability? Hell, it was better than nothing. And he ALWAYS had your back before. You take a sip of your cordial and clear your throat, “Well...you know that thing I showed the other guys? The Artefact?”

“Yeah?”

“Well...” you fumble and delay what you want to say, “Desti had one of the pieces through this...madman, she’d picked up. I tried to grab it and then, there’s just this massive flash of light and...I-I pass out!” you stop. You’re REALLY not sure if you wanna say this next bit. But, you really shouldn’t bottle it up, either. You sigh,  “Then, I wake up in this dream of...I...THINK it was Port Aurora.”

Red grumbled uncomfortably. You couldn’t blame him, not after what went down there. He spoke, “I-I see. Well, what-a did you find?”

“That madman was there, destroying this weird dream of me and this shadow being who ALSO looked like me!” “He said something out, the worlds being at stake and that our own oceans aren’t safe. Not even from Empress Peach’s Royal Navy, and...” you stop. Red is staring at you, concerned. It is very, very rare that he shows an emotion other than mindless joy or anger. You felt awful near-instantly, and clear your throat, “S-Sorry...I probably sound crazy, huh.”

“...No,” Red sighs, “Red-a understands. I...think. Something about this feels...wrong. Like this thing is-”

“Cursed, yeah...” you grimace, finishing your drink, “So...part of me wonders, what should we DO with this thing, o-once we find all its parts, of course. Should we use it? Profit from it?” one final bit of dead air, as you prepare to say the most un-captain-like thing a gal like you could say, “...Or, destroy it? I know no-one else will like that. They might...th-they could...”

You stop. You think you’ve said enough. You feel a deep shame in your being of even the THOUGHT of turning down such a prize. But what you’ve already seen is just...would it even be worth it? You place a hand down...and Red places his down on yours. You look at him. He’s smiling in his dopey way, “It is okay, Megan,” “No matter what-a you do, Red will always support you! Always be by your side-a!”

“Thanks Red,” you smile warmly, touched by his words, “I knew I could always trust you, eh?” you hold your hand out, and the two of you share a fistbump, to which he laughs and you giggle. You suddenly slap your thighs and get out of your seat, “Right! Time to get going on this whole mess, then! Let’s go check in on Axol. See if he’s found the first piece, eh?”

Red finished his drink, including eating the glass (you really wish he wouldn’t do that) and he also jumped to his feet, cheering, “Let’s-a-Go!” You grin, and the two of you head to the back of the ship to check in on your navigator. There was no-one better suited to this task than him. It was time to see where this crazy adventure was to start.

===

Unbeknownst to you, however, things were not any calmer on the seas beyond your horizon. Your rival, Desti, was already out on the waters. Her ship, the S.S Aurora. A name chosen specifically to mock you and all that business on the Port. A massive grey ship, a lot more modern than yours, wood painted and reinforced with iron. A figurehead of herself on the mast. Spiked cannons manning every side of the ship. A massive flag of a skull and crossbones of...herself. She was quite the egotist, as you were perfectly aware of by this point.

Upon the creaking ship, swaying gracefully upon the swishing waters, Markus is staring at the gem. A purple gem, cracked and chipped, glowing fiercely. He’s looking at it calmly. Like anyone could tell with his mouth hidden by his large red scarf. His eyes, black with red pupils, shine intensely in the glow of the gem against the afternoon sunset. He sighs glumly, placing the gem back onto the chain on his coat, the gem swinging freely but securely in the breeze.

“’Ey! Marko!” the scratched voice came from behind him. He growls, turning away from the beautiful ocean vista to the sorry state of the Aurora. Sure it’s more modern than your ship, but for all the will in the world it’s not in better condition - something you were quite proud of, actually. The decks were rarely scrubbed, the timbers rarely shivered. Dirt and grime littered the mast, and the smell of rot was...unavoidable, to put it politely. But it was what that gremlin called home, her and her crew. Compared to your lively crew, hers was built up of largely identical people in uniform and cutlasses, bandannas, that sort of thing. Most were girls, all in navy-blue hair and eyebrows, brass goggles hiding their eyes from view.

“...What?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Desti said, “Stop wastin’ time watching the seas! We’ve got stuff to discuss.”

“Says who?”

“Says her,” Domino, her right-hand woman, says stoically, “Her highness.”

“Fuck me, you brainwash these guys?” Markus asks, exasperated.

“So what if I did huh?” Desti says, unapologetic to the hilt, “They’re loyal, they’ll follow me to the ends of the oceans!”

Markus makes a ‘and so on’ gesture with a bored face, “As opposed to...”

“AS OPPOSED TO that harlot Megan’s crew, yeah,” Desti cackles, looking out over her own crew, and then back to Markus, “I offer ‘em a good enough bag of lucre, they’ll turn on them in an instant! And once I get this Artefact yer yammerin’ on about, I’ll have all da power and money in this whole stinkin’ world!”

“Making the money worthless by default...” Markus grumbles under his breath, “Besides, that wasn’t the deal, remember? My help finding the pieces, and making sure the others don’t, but the crew of the Iceberg is spared. And that includes the captain.”

“Megan? SAFE? HA!” Desti yells, before launching into a cacaphonic coughing cackle that her crewmates awkwardly and robotically follow. She stops and turns back to him, “Not on my watch, bucko! I’ve had history with her for years!”

“I’m aware.”

Desti’s eyes glow and she starts foaming slightly as she grimaces into clawed hands, “I want nothing more than to see the fear on her face, the piss in her pants, I wanna see the life DRAIN from her eyes as I rend her very being with the Staff!”

This clicked something within the Mad. He steps forward, eyes twisted into a furious scowl, “That staff is too dangerous to be in the hands of a pirate, yours OR hers.”

“What, you gonna steal it for yourself?!” her expression suddenly turned sour and angry. She stepped forward, slowly unsheathing her serrated cutlass, “That wasn’t part of the deal, buster! I ain’t takin’ mutiny on MY-”

In a flash, Desti slams into the mast, so hard and fast that splinters fall to the deck. She is stunned, gibbering, choking as Markus’ hand is clenched tightly around her throat. His face contorts into anger, his red pupils vanishing from his black eyes. A red aura rises from him, and every so often he flashes white - only for for brief moments, like static on a TV. Desti has dropped the sword and is trying desperately to wrench the fingers away from her neck, while the rest of the crew are panicking and drawing their own swords on this unusual act.

“I have no time for this bollocks...” Markus growls, his voice echoing and otherworldly. He raises Desti higher into the air, “The Captain is your prime target, the Staff is MINE. This conflict of needs is mutual, and nothing more. By all means, I could just leave you and find the things myself...but, even I struggle with the location of all of them. And you let free is risk of a dead Megan.”

“S-SO?” Desti manages to get out between gasps.

“This partnership is merely in our interests. We must work together for our goals...but let me make this clear. If I fail in my mission, the world itself and far beyond will be at stake. I cannot fail in this mess. I. Cannot. So don’t get cocky or greedy, or we’re all FUCKED!” He drops Desti to the floor on that last word, the aura and whiteness slowly fading from his being. Desti gasps for air below him, clutching at her chest. Markus looks over her, “Understand?” Desti looks up at him, face half full of fear, and half of rage. She nevertheless nods, “Good. Now...you want the location of the next piece...”

“Indeed...” Desti gasps and whines as she stumbles to her feet, her face flushed in fury, “Domino, help him plot the course...” she waved to the woman with a weary flick of her wrist. She stops. She looks at the crew. Looks of discontent. Fear. Some of laughter. Further fury rose to her. How dare he? How DARE he overpower her like that. HER! Desti-ny the Daring! She turns to the man, “And enough of that goddamn lip. This is MY ship, MY crew!” she storms off, screaming, “You don’t control me! I CONTROL YOU!!!”

Markus almost flashes a sort of grin under his heavy scarf, turning to Domino and walking off with her to below deck, “...Heh. Were it so easy.”

Chapter Text

The day shifts to evening as you and Red make your way towards Axol’s office. It’s been a good few hours, maybe he’s made some progress to translating and charting locations for those staff pieces. Even if you still weren’t sure about what to even do with them, one thing was fairly clear; Desti and that madman Markus could NOT have them. Desti managed a lot of damage with previous, non-magical artefacts. Like the Cannon Ultimatum. Exploding grapeshot. Who thought THAT was a good idea?! Still, it was now your mission to stop that staff getting into worse hands than yours. And a good place to start was knowing where the darn things were.

You pass some of the crew on your way down the corridor. Doc Bowser is mixing some medicine in his office, you wave hello to him; he barely reciprocates. Fishy Boatswain and Green are working on a hole in the wall, patching it up seamlessly with some perfectly cut wood. They do wave back with warm smiles as you amble pats. Finally, Saiko is scrubbing the lower decks. She grumbles as she works, but at least gives a half-hearted wave as you pass. Finally, you get to the door to Axol’s room.

“Here we are,” you say, “Let’s go.”

With a simple three knocks, you hear a quiet, “Come in!” and you open the door to stroll through. Inside the office is a bit more of a mess than you last remember it, papers scattered across the floor and desk. Axol is sitting at his desk, cup of coffee in his hands, pawing over the scraps of paper you gave him, Melony sitting on “her” cushion by his side. Dawn is also there, looking over the documents and pointing things out to him. She’s speaking in both Inkling and English, translating on the fly to a tired Axol who just nods pointedly.

“So, let see...” Dawn looks over the papers, “Ahh, yes. ‘Waisho blaukee...squilee? That not right. It should be Waisho blaukee slaw-sweelee!”

“Makes sense to me...” Axol whines.

“Hey guys!” you say, waving politely, “At ease. So, how’s it going?”

“Not well,” Dawn sighs, “This Pigeon Inkling almost untranslatable. We only getting vaguest idea of what means.”

“And hearing all the gibberish from a proper speaker doesn’t make it any less painful to listen to...” Axol sighs wearily, to which Dawn seem to take offence.

“Either way, it confirm what I suspected,” Dawn said, shrugging off the blatant insult, “Whoever wrote these, they were either poor in Inkling, or in hurry. They wanted this out.”

“Like they WANT us to find it...” you say back, finger placed on chin in puzzlement, “And darn the consequences. Hmm. The plot thickens...”

“Let’s-a hope not like Tari’s Cream Pudding!” Red cracked an odd joke, “Otherwise we could-a use plot to fill new hole in ship!”

“Thank you for input. Filthy skinbag...” Dawn grumbled, “At least, we actually do have progress made. Axington?”

“Just, Axol, thanks...” Axol sighs, before springing up with his enthusiasm restored, “Alright! We’ve successfully tracked down one of the Staff pieces, and plotted a course straight to it! It is...” he unrolls the map onto his desk, and traces his finger from where you are (represented by a red plastic counter on the seas just outside of Port Royale) across a long, dotted line to an island, and he taps it; “Here!”

You look at the island in question. Formation was...unnatural, a terrible air surrounding it. Perhaps literally, considering the black foggy clouds scribbled onto the map. But you know why for all of that. You mutter under your breath, “Island Zero.”

“Island-a what now?” Red asks, scratching his head.

“Island Zero is...cursed!” Axol explains, “It was once home to a tribe of super-advanced people! They made stuff well beyond our comprehension. Rumour has it that they even breached the fabric of reality, and entered other worlds!”

‘Just...like my dream?’ is the thought that comes across your mind. You instantly begin to wonder...

“But for some reason, they...vanish,” Dawn shrugs, “Maybe they saw something in world they weren’t supposed to.”

“Well, it’s why the island has its name,” Axol says, “They summoned someone called...well, Zero! It destroyed the island, but they sealed it away before it could leave...it just, left them destroyed as a species.”

You suddenly have a suspicion that you all dodged a bullet somewhere in those events. Regardless, you look at the map and then to Red, “Island Zero is dangerous, Red. REAL dangerous. Filled with traps and pockets of weird...cursed...stuff. No wonder they hid part of the Staff there!”

“Are you really going to try this?” Dawn sneers, “You just said, island dangerous. Is it worth going there to find it?”

“It’s that, or Desti cheats death and finds it first,” you said seriously, “That’s frankly more important. Red! Set sail for Island Zero, and get Saiko to prepare every last weapon we have on board!”

“Yes ma’am-a!” Red salutes while going cross-eyed. He turns tail and throws himself at the door, ramming it at full speed and flinging it open with a dreadful crash. At least the door didn’t come off the hinges...this time.

You sigh, turning to Axol, “I’ll get Green to get the door reinforced.”

“No worries. I’ll get right on it, Captain!” Axol salutes too, briefly turning to pet Melony before he then stretches over the map with a quill.

“Dawn, thank you for your work,” you say to the Inkling, “You can take the rest of the day off. I’ll let Green know.”

“I...hmm. Thank you...C-Capin,” Dawn struggles to say, saluting awkwardly before she stumbles off. She’s getting the hang of it. Just about.

Either way, that was all that sorted. Time for the usual evening activities, dinner and cleaning the ship. Already, the sun was slowly sinking on the horizon, blanketing the water with a nice red shade. It wouldn’t be long until nightfall. And boy, did you love the night shift on this ship.

===

Night falls, at last, on the S.V. Iceberg. You could mention the dark skies being a beautiful shade...but, you’d rather not. The lanterns hanging around the bow and stern give it all the same warm orange glow as the evening sun anyway. It’s...cosy, and you like cosy. And so does the crew; night activities are rife amongst the crew, it helps keep them loyal, and you always like checking in on them during your night walk before you retire yourself.

Red, for example. He always liked to take his evening stumble around the deck before retiring below deck to do...something? You were never sure what it was, it just involved spaghetti, some hot sauce and a lot of bouncing and wahoos. Until you had his quarters soundproofed before it drove everyone ELSE on the ship hopelessly mad. Yes it was technically his job to steer the ship at night, but you really didn’t want him sailing around without constant supervision, and no-one on your crew had that kind of time. Anchoring during the night made journies longer, but safer. For sure.

As for now, he was doing his aforementioned meander across the top deck. To call his actions “walking” would...be putting it incorrectly. He was sort of, just, sliding limply across the floor. Like a mop.

“Moving on the ground, moving on the ground~” he would sing, “Doo-doo doo, doo-doo doo! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

You thank your stars he only does this briefly and walk below deck to check on the others. Belle was first, usually. Her quarters were prim and proper, and close to the stairs to the main deck, considering she needed to be climbing the mast first thing in the morning. At the moment she was doing some maintenance to her arm, polishing the wood and poking at the screws keeping the hook on with a screwdriver she had picked up from Port Royale. You knock politely, “Hey Belle.”

“Evening Captain,” Belle says, “Retiring for the night?”

“Soon,” You rub the back of your head, “Just, checking on the crew.”

“Good. I guess...” Belle grumbles, getting back to her arm, “Say...are you totally sure about this, journey for this staff thing? I know we’ve been in grave danger before, but...” you look at her and nod. You know what she means. Belle shakes her head in denial, “N-Never mind. I’m sure you know what you’re doing this time. You can count on me to get you out of a prob, you know that!”

“Thanks, Frontiers. Have a good night.”

Belle grunts in approval and returns to her arm. You close her door and continue on your merry way. You pass a few more as you go on. A lot of them didn’t want to be disturbed, so you watch them from afar. Saiko was doing as she always did at night; sleeping off that evening’s ration of rum. She always woke early with a major hangover, but at least it meant the ship was clean before anyone else was awake. Green was playing cards with Dawn at the table, two mugs of pineapple juice between them; Green didn’t drink, and you didn’t want Dawn to either. Dawn seemed to be winning, which Green was taking in stride. Axol was nowhere to be seen, likely in his office tending to...urgh, “Melony”.

In the corner, you could see Fishy Boatswain and B.O.B talking, drinking as they did so. You edge ever closer to catch but a glimpse of what they were talking about;

“SO THAT-IS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO. GOD-DAMN DOES IT SOUND KIN-DA BORING THOUGH”

“Oh it’s not been so bad! We’ve had plenty of fun! Except when they, uh...threw me under the ship. B-But apart from that!”

“MAN I-AM GLAD THEY NE-VER DID THAT TO ME. I WOULD PRO-BABLY RIP THE BOAT IN TWO WITH-MY BLADES”

You are now very thankful you reconsidered that option. Still, you left them to their talking and continued on. Tari was next. She was having a bath before bed, privacy contained by the wooden door to her quarters. You could hear her singing, however;

“Rubby ducky, you’re the one~ I love you Archibald! [quack quack!]”

You shrug, and continue on your way. Finally, you make your way to your quarters. Exhausted by the stressful day you’ve had, you fumble for the doorknob, laying your head against the door. You sigh, and continue to look for the damn doorknob. You finally look down before you notice you’re fumbling on the wrong side of the door. You grumble and stand there, limp.

“Excuse me, Captain. Are you okay?”

You look up blearily. It’s Doctor Bowser, dressed in his night clothes and reinforced slippers, a dainty little cup of tea in his hands. He takes a refined sip and looks you straight in the eye. He looks concerned.

You wave, “Hey Doc. You about to head to bed?”

“Well, I was planning on reading some of my collection of literature first,” the good Doctor says calmly, “I found some fascinating reading material in the Port. But it cannot escape my attention that something is oddly wrong with...well, you.”

“Me? Naaaaah don’t worry about me...” you say wearily, “I’m fine.”

“Captain.”

You look at the stern look in his eyes and you sigh in defeat, “Yeah it’s been...a little, stressful.”

“I feel it is unwise to retire in such condition. Come. We shall have some tea and discuss events.”

“Oooh, looking at yourself as a psychiatrist now?” you chuckle.

“With all due respect, with all of the lunatics on this ship, how could I not?” Bowser half-chuckled, “Now, come. You can try some of my new imported tea. Been waiting for it for a while now.”

He motions to follow him, which you do. It doesn’t take long to enter his quarters; they are absolutely immaculate, despite the constant rocking of the ship. Tidy and refined, walls lined with books strapped to the bookcases, a medical station with proper cleaning equipment nearby. A set of chairs by a massive fireplace, lined with heavy bricks. You were, obviously, wary of a burning fire on a wooden ship, but Green and the good Doctor had done everything in their ability to make sure it was safe and far from anything flammable. A relatively small fire was lit within it, giving a warm atmosphere and a nice crackling tune to the room. Over the fire was a kettle hanging from some poles, slowly boiling in the flames, and a table with tea-making...stuff, on it. Bowser took to the table and, taking the kettle from the fire, set about making two cups of his tea.

“I’ll, uh, have a sugar and some milk,” you say meekly.

“This isn’t the type of tea you...dilute, like that,” Bowser responded. He set the cups down on the table between the chairs and takes his in his hand. You took yours and take the daintiest sip you could manage. It was...well, it was very different to the tea you were used to. Very earthy and rich in flavour. You honestly weren’t quite sure what to make of it...but it was kinda good? Bowser chuckled, “Yes, I can tell you’re not quite sure. Koopa Green Leaf. Very much an exotic around here, took me weeks to find some that wasn’t too expensive. But it reminds me of home...” he sets his cup down, “So, Captain. May I ask, what is troubling you?”

You pause. Should you really tell him? After everything? Like you had said before, you were honestly quite scared of what the others would say about your real plans. Maybe you could just, leave that bit out? Yeah, that could work! But the rest? Yeah...perhaps you needed genuine help with that. You clear your throat and begin;

“W-Well...remember when I showed the schematics for the staff of whatever-it-was? I did...leave one bit out. When I touched the gem that weird...man, had...I passed out. Had this weird dream of...the Port.”

“The Port? Port Aurora?” Bowser asks, to which you nod, “Hmm. Makes sense, considering what you say went down there.”

“But it was different this time, that’s the thing,” you continue, “It was another me! Another...her. And this blue ball I was crying over! And then, t-taunting me above them all, was...” you stop. You’re not even sure how to describe it, “A purple me. A shadow, telling me how worthless I was and how she was! And then the same guy with Desti comes in, shanks the shadow to death and tells me whole WORLDS are at stake!” you stop again, gasping for breath, “I felt like I was goin’ insane...”

“Hmm...” Bowser said inquisitively, “A shadow self. I’ve heard of those from time to time. myself. Tend to happen when someone has extreme self-loathing, they are a personification of their perceived flaws given antagonistic form. I believe Miss Belle told me the same thing one time.”

“Really?”

“Indeed. She said she was being stalked by a purple version of herself with a skeletal arm. Said she started appearing after she lost her own. Kept reminding her of why and how. A few prescription drugs and therapy solved the issue. But this I fear is...different.”

“How come?” you ask, tilting your head and taking another sip of tea.

“Well from what I am aware of concerning the...events, at Port Aurora...” Bowser shakes his head, “There was no small blue creature. No shadow of you. And definitely not this man you describe. I am postulating that what you saw in that dream was no natural dream. It was an effect of this man, and this gem. Like it was trying to show you something.”

“So what, was I looking into another me’s life?” you whimper, “Another world? Or was it a warning of what might come later on? A threat of what might happen...”

“It’s too early to tell,” Bowser finished the rest of his tea, “But whatever it is, it signifies the power we are to mess with is dangerous to a fault. If entire worlds are at stake...I suppose if nothing else, this will spur us on further. If the power of this artefact is so great, keeping it out of worse hands is top priority going forward. For the best of everyone, and such.”

“...Yeah,” you smile, rising to your feet, “Absolutely. I...don’t know what we’re gonna do with the staff once we get it...and I’m not sure much of the crew will agree with what I have planned. But right now, keeping it outta Desti’s hands is more important. And I know Red at least has my back.”

“The plumber?” Bowser asks, to which you nod enthusiastically. He closes his eyes and chuckles, “Yeah, me and him go way back. Enemies, once. His prime is behind him, shall we say, but he will absolutely stay by your side. And I’m sure the others will follow, no matter what.”

“Heh. Thanks, Doc,” you say calmly, placing the empty cup on the table and making your way out of the room, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Captain,” Bowser waves you out, “Rest well. I feel it will be needed going forward...”

You agree wholeheartedly, and stumble back to your cabin. The others are sound asleep by now, you can hear a lot of their snores as you go. Entering your quarters and locking the door behind you, you get into your night clothes; a light black shirt and shorts, some socks and an eyemask. You take your sleeping tablets chased with water, brush your teeth, clamber into your hammock and relax.

Helped along by the peaceful sound of the waves and the rocking of the ship, you fall asleep in minutes, and peacefully drift off into dreamland, unaware of what would deign to meet you within.

Chapter Text

Deep down, you were sort of expecting to end up in another situation like this.

There was no way that such a dream was a fluke. There ALWAYS had to be more. In a way, you were kind of excited for it, this time. You wondered, as you drifted off, what sort of experience you’d see this time. Perhaps you’d see a continuation of the last dream, see what happened after seeing that little blue ball die. Maybe it’d be that damned Markus again, trying to weasel out some more cryptic clues. Or maybe a...maybe a...where was THIS?

It looked like an arena of sorts. Grey concrete twisting this way and that, slathered in some sort of viscous liquid in spots. Orange and cyan splotches, the latter bigger in size and greater in number than the former colour. Lights and cameras ringed the little spaces carved out of the concrete, stands of cheering people on either side, a giant glass dome above it all.You were standing in the middle of the arena, looking all around you. Clearly the match was in session. The colours flying everywhere, the cheering crowds. You barely have time to wonder where everyone is when suddenly, a glob of orange sludge comes flying by your head! You duck instinctively, whipping around to look behind you. It was...another you! 

This one, dressed in a white t-shirt with grey sleeves, brown shorts, long boots, a red beanie and goggles AND headphones! You kind of admired the look, to be honest. And running beside her, copies of Red, Green and Tari. Each was holding weird, colourful weapons forged in...well, plastic, it seemed. They were advancing, your counterpart flipping and flying around on some sort of hoverboard, shooting more globules from some green squirt gun.

You watch the glob fly past you, and deck another person in the face on the opposite end of the arena. And on the opposite side of that arena, was...Dawn?! She was your opponent in this world? She looked much more smug and smarmy, here. She also had three others with her; two males, one with shades and gasmasks, a female with a paintball mask. She was even holding one of those Galla-Ga weapons you faintly remember. Huh. She WOULD use that, wouldn’t she? Still, what was going on here?!

You soon got your answer; up above came the cries of the two presenters overlooking the battleground; the cheerier, pink-accented one pipes up in an excitable tone; “Alright, folks! This match has been RED HOT!!! We’re entering the final minute of the final match!”

“Indeed,” the green squid responds, her tone calmer and noticeably more dry, “This has been a close match between the Splatsquad and Team Killer Ink. It’s come down to this!”

“Looking at the turf map OOOOOOH it’s neck-a-neck! Splatsquad trailing slightly behind with the ink coverage. Both bases are super-turfed, but TKI has the lead on their base and mid-point! The Splatsquad will have to push forward if they wanna take this!”

This all feels so...familiar to you. This was the kind of thing you used to partake in, when you too were a squid. But years of being human has dulled your memories of such events. The stakes just were not known to you at this moment. Perhaps if you kept watching...

“You heard her, Meggy...” Both versions of...well, you snapped out of their panicked trances by a voice to your side. It was the alternate Tari, her voice a quiver, “What do we do?”

“Yeah...” the other Green said next, “W-We’ve come so far...we can’t let Desti down now!”

DESTI?! Your counterpart is doing this for DESTI?! What turncoat horse apples was this?

Red, his face twisted into the same rictus grin it tended to be, gives a thumbs up, “Mario will-a support you no matter what-a!”

“I know, Red...” the other Meggy smiled warmly, “Hmm...” she places a hand to her chin in quick thought, “OKAY! Tari, hang back at mid-point and make sure no-one tries to take back our turf. Turn ‘em back or turn ‘em to paint!” Tari saluted and began to circle the area, scanning the scenery with her Blaster. She turned to the green plumber, “Luigi, I need you on the less-travelled paths. Make sure every last corner of turf is orange, no gaps! Build up your special and hammer ‘em where it hurts!” Luigi nodded and set off for the back routes. Finally, Meggy turned to Mario, “And Red?” he looked up in wonder, “...Smash.”

“Oh boy!” Red’s grin grows wider, “Mario gonna kill a kid!”

“Alright! Let’s GO!” she yells, throwing herself into the fray. You had to admit, you admired this version’s commanding presence. Shame she was doing it for...HER. Blurgh. One has to wonder what happened for you two to even be on SPEAKING terms in this timeline. You watch as she flies through the arena, firing more globs of orange out of her gun at her opponents. They splatter into cyan as she runs by, slathering the ground in more goop.

And then, the breaking point. Perhaps, literally. Your counterpart stops in the middle of the arena, having bumped into the Leader of the TKI. And she would do something...unprecedented. She would throw her gun at the leader?! And then, with a deft kick, send her galaga thing soaring into the sky! She grabs her splatter from the Inkling’s hands, and holds it to her face.

“Thanks for holdin’ that for me. Heh heh heh.”

“No...” the leader chuckles softly, so softly you can barely hear her, “Thank YOU, for standin’ still.”

[CRRRRUNCH]

“Holy Shellfish!” you scream out. The leader brought down her boot HARD on your other’s leg! A sickening snapping sound rings out as the leg caves in. Your alternate screams, falling to the floor and cradling her shattered limb. Your heart thumps in your chest as you rush to her side and attempt to help or at least console her - an act that proves fruitless as your hands pass right through her; “A-Are you okay?! Do you need a doctor? Someone get the ref! SOMEONE GET TH-”

“Don’t bother...” came an ethereal voice from off in the distance, “She can’t hear you.”

You barely have time to look around the room, to hear the voice ring out, before another rings out over the tannoy; “3...2...1...TIME!” the match was over. Everyone waits with baited breath, yourself included. Time passes eerily slowly, “And the winner is...TEAM KILLER INK!”

Cheers ring out from the arena and from the enemy team. But none from your other self, or her friends. You...she, had lost. They had lost. And from that one kick to the leg? Was it all over THAT fast?

“No...” your alternate staggers to her hands and knees. Tears are streaming down her face as she looks around in disbelief; “No! NO!!!” she screams, before she loses her footing and collapses onto the floor, curling up into a little ball and sobbing heavily, “No...”

The nightmare seemed to be over. The world fades into inky blackness before you, not unlike the night’s visions before. You sigh wearily as your grieving alternate self vanishes into the aether; “I...why does this keep happening? To-”

“To YOU?” that damnable ethereal voice rings out again, “Because this is what they all want of you. Suffering...”

You get to your feet, hearing echoing footsteps coming closer to your side. Walking towards you, slowly and methodically, seems to be yet another alternate. But this one is...different. Her skin is pale, bordering on pure white, while her hair is a lavender purple that seems to be matted with something. Her clothes are almost identical in form to the other alternate, but not in colour; dark purples and blacks, a shattered heart logo on the front of the shirt. And her eyes...dark, purple voids with garish yellow pupils. She has a sneer, almost as if she looks upon you with a level of contempt you haven’t seen yet.

You have no time for more of this nonsense, of course, so you speak out; “Oh great. Another one of those...shadow...things.”

“I am MORE...” the beast speaks, crossing her arms in defiance, “Than just a Shadow of her. I am the one who has had their eyes opened. To the truth...of who we are. Would you like to see what happened to this version of you?” you nod somewhat wearily. Lord knows what other tricks could be shown in this hallucination. The purple you waves her hands and a spotlight of sorts is cast between you. She points down, “She is reduced...to this.”

You look down to where she is pointing, and there is the first alternate...you think. This...thing is different in a number of ways; she is wearing a blue shirt stained with grease and sauce, no boots or socks, a dirty beanie hat and more matted, sticky hair. But all that paled in comparison to her body. She was FAT, her belly poking out from under the shirt and her thighs so thick as to have no gap between them. She was lying on a couch, covered in food and empty cardboard boxes of some sort, lazily lowering a slice of pizza into her engorged face. You can see tear stains on her cheeks and bruises on her arms. She is a MESS.

“Yikes,” you say, too stunned to truly emote, “And I thought Red was huge!”

“Alone. Abandoned, depressed. A loser. And...yes. Fat,” the purple alternate growls, glaring at the sad excuse below the both of you. She turns back to look at you, “This is what is expected of you. Every Meggy across time, suffering! For fun and profit! Every time your day was ruined, it was ALL part of HIS design!”

“But why tell me this?!” you cry out, confused, “Why any of it?”

“Why not? It is an issue, that NEEDS fixing...” the alternate approaches you, in a way that screams at a hint. She stops, turns dramatically and looks up. You do too. You see the powerful gem Markus holds, floating the air above you, “And maybe that Staff of yours could save them. Save her.”

“Th-The Artefact?” you ask, watching the gem shine purple light onto you all. You consider it for the briefest of moments...what happened to the two other yous you’ve seen so far...it wasn’t fair. A lot of what happened to YOU wasn’t fair. Could you truly fix it? You shake your head defiantly, your mind made up, “No. I can’t. I can’t be trusted with that power any more than Desti can!”

“So you say...” the alternate sighs, before turning and walking off into the shadows, hands crossed behind her back, “But you’ll come around, in time. The crystal holds limitless vision...” she turns around one final time, smiling deviously, “WE have so many sights to show you.”

“We? What do you-hey!” you scream out, but to no avail. She turns back and continues walking away, before your vision begins to fade to white, “Come back!”

===

“GUH!” you land with a thud as you twist and fall out of your hammock. You groan, rubbing your now bruised hip and slowly getting to a sitting position. A dim sun is shining out of the window to your quarters, and seagulls are braying outside. It is morning. You look into the distance, contemplating the dream, “...We? Is she...is Markus?! I...”

Your train of thought is so rudely interrupted by harsh banging on your door. Belle’s voice rings out, “Yo, Captain! We’ve hit land!”

“C-Coming!” you yelp faintly, scrambling to your feet. You push the thoughts to the back of your mind, for now is not the time, evidently. You dress yourself quickly, then rummage around for your satchel and another sword. A sturdier one than the flat-pack one you carried previously. That’s still in pieces back at that tavern. Anyway, dressed and ready, you step out into the clean, crisp air.

The day is a lot more sullen than it was yesterday. Almost foreboding, in its own manner. The skies are dull and grey, the seas are somewhat choppy but still calm as to not rock the boat about. Out on the deck, everyone is gathered. They look cold, annoyed and tired. Seems very few got any actual sleep last night. Must have been the idea of going to Island Zero. That or the terrible storm you seemingly slept through. 

Already, you could see the island in the short distance; dead, spiky vegetation, dirty sands, and a towering black spire of obsidian rock stretching into the sky, surrounded at the peak by clouds of black fog. You’ve heard many tales about this place. About all those who went looking for treasure...and never returned. You gulp hard - would you meet the same fate? You couldn’t, really. For the safety of all, if any of the voices in your head were to be taken seriously. And somehow, you knew they were.

“Land ho, cap!” Belle calls out again, amidst the crowd. Indeed, the already close-by island was slowly getting closer and closer. More and more detail could be made out of the jagged rocks and horrific sand-mud hybrid. Belle looked out again, “Comin’ into Cawlwood Cove! Only place we can park, quote-unquote. Drop anchor!”

“Anchors aweigh!” Tari called out, she and Saiko handling the anchor and dropping it into the water with audible heaving grunts. There is a wretched splash as the anchor hits the water and sinks to the sandy bottom. Within moments, the gangplank is rolled out and slams into the sands below. With a continuous clomping, you’ve all reached the bottom in seconds. As your crewmates gather around a particularly large rock, you sit down upon it, still looking down upon them.

“Okay, people!” You call out, “This is the plan!”

“Oh, we have plan this time?”

“Not now, Dawn,” You growl, unfolding a map from your satchel and unrolling it for the team to see.

Tari takes over, “Okay, so Mr Axington has been able to find maps for Island Zero within some of the cargo we’ve plundered in the past. We’re here, at Cawlwood Cove. Water and shore are calm enough to camp here for as long as we need. I have no idea how long we’re gonna be here, so it helps to have precautions in place. It’s a decent trek through the forests...” she drags her finger across the the map, from the shore to a sketched-in cave, “To where we think the item is located. We get in, brave the traps, grab the artefact, and escape as quickly as possible.”

“You make it sound so easy...” Green says.

“Now, the fact is, not everyone on this team is a fighter,” you go on, “Need some people back in, set up camp on the shore, gather materials from the surrounding area for ship repair, medical needs and surveillance. Red, Tar, Saiko, Dawn. You’re with me. Everyone else, set up camp and get searching. Might even find some coconuts or something. Let’s go! The faster we work, the sooner we can get that artefact outta Desti’s greasy hands!”

A roar of “AYE, CAPTAIN!” rings out amongst the crew, and you jump down from the rock. Already, you can see the crew members staying behind beginning to venture in the dense woods either side of the cove, saws taken from the ship at the ready. Green and Boatswain are already marking out the space for the main tent. Good. Time to go to work.

===

Usually, the heat and the humidity of the jungle would be borderline intolerable. Perhaps, excruciating, if you felt like using big words that day. But this was different. The island was dead and decaying around you, trees stripped of fresh leaves and a cold chill spiralling through the hollowed trunks. The vegetation around you is dry and crusty, lined with sharp barbs, still dense enough to require cutting through. Saiko leads the way, slashing at the brambles with her cutlass, while you follow behind, carrying the documents and a map of the area. Tari follows further behind, carrying a satchel full of tradable goods, while Dawn is at the back taking in the scenery.

“Brrr! It’s so cold here! Everything’s just so...dead...” Tari shivers, looking around her. She clears her throat and looks back ahead, “Okay, so we have the gist of the plan. Um, is there anything we’re missing?”

“Well, we know the item is HERE, but we don’t know where in the ruins it is, and how to even GET there,” you say, not looking up from the map, “For that, we’re gonna have to barter and trade with the locals.”

Dawn gets suspicious, “Locals? I thought you said old tribe long gone.”

[Hasn’t stopped squatters from settlin’ in,] Saiko grunts, cutting through the undershrub with wicked strength, [They call themselves the Omnia. They worship the...thing that caused that tribe’s downfall. They WANT people to venture inside and find the trinket they think will re-summon him. Bastards are nuttier than two hands of trail mix.]

“And WE’RE bartering with them?!” Tari protests.

“We don’t have a choice...” , you sigh wearily. You tumble through the brush for a little while longer, before you slow down. You lift up some bush in your way. Beyond the last of the vegetation is a large clearing, outfitted with a running river and dotted with primitive huts made of mud, wood and animal hide. In the centre, a massive bonfire with all sorts of meats cooking upon it, and a bunch of thin, grey men in leaf clothing huddled around.

You were there. The Tribe of the Omnia. Drawing a shuddering breath, you and your group venture into the middle of the village, ready to barter. The head villager turns to look at you. And he smiles, knowingly.

Chapter Text

The fire around the tribe crackles softly as you approach it. The smell wafting from the cooking meats above it send all sorts of wondrous smells to your nostrils. Evidentially, the Omnia tribe are sophisticated enough to at least add natural herbs to their food. If it wasn’t for the bacon and eggs breakfast you’d manage to have two mornings in a row now, you’d be really missing it. You can only hope their manners and their morals are as fine as their cooking.

The leader of the tribe continues to stare at you. At least, you THINK he’s the leader. He certainly dresses the part; whereas the others were dressed in grey body paint and loincloths (how stereotypical, hmm), the leader was wearing a chestpeice made from bark and cloth, and...a beanie? How did he get one of those?! The grey paint and the silver hair covering one eye was certainly odd. You felt unease at him. Like he was the advocate for...something bad.

“Good evening, trespasser.” 

[TRESSPASSER?!] Saiko bellows, [Now hold on a little bit, bucko!]

The elder smiles coyly, his grin large and toothy. Already, you feel a little uneasy merely staring at him. Still, he seems cordial enough. He ruffles his red beanie like one would tip a classier sort of hat, and pats some palm leaf mats on the ground, “Come. Sit. I know why you are here...”

You gulp, but take his offer, sitting on the fronds opposite him. Saiko, Tari and Dawn take seats around you, while Red continues standing, stiff as a post. Some time passes awkwardly, then the elder takes some of the meat off of the fire and places them on more fronds to act as a plate. He hands some of it to you. He gestures to eat, and you take a few cautious bites - wouldn’t be the first time a stranger has poisoned you, but...

“You’re one of us now, Spletzer...”

“Eradicate the evil.”

“Eradicate the evil!”

“ERADICATE THE EVIL!!!”

You snap out of your trance as the taste of natural herbs flood your mouth. Mmm, this is TASTY. Proper good flavour. You sigh relieved as the oncoming panic attack rescinds and you turn back to the elder.

“Excuse us for trespassing, Mr...” Tari stammers, “M-Mr, uh...”

“Call me...Nilothoth.”

“Mr Nilothoth,” Tari regains her pace, “B-But, we really do need some assistance. The worlds are at stake...allegedly.”

“Hmm...” Nilothoth scratches his chin, “You adventurers always say such words. Such...grandiose words. All meaning nothing but barely hidden greed, of course. Like it matters. Few have survived the Ruins of Zero.”

“I’ve survived worse!” Red crowed proudly. You actually believe that, the things you’ve seen him somehow pull through.

“Mr Nilothoth, please,” you say, “We need access to the Ruins. Forgive us for saying us, but we NEED the artefact hidden deep within them. Or at least, we need to keep it out of the hands of someone else.”

“We have many things to trade for safe passage and information about what to expect,” Tari follows up, presenting one of the bags of items. All modern-ish accoutrements, stole-UH, borrowed from cargo ships boarded in the past. Some golden items, bronze cups and plates. Less natural spices, some literature. Even some weapons. Whatever it took.

Nilothoth looks over the trinkets. He picks one of the weapons and inspects it. An old-style flintlock pistol. Single shot, but nine times out of ten, that’d be all you need. He smiles contentedly, “I see. Well, your trade is of good value to the Omnia, miss...apologies, I did not catch your name.”

“Megan. Megan Spletzer.”

“Well, Miss Spletzer, I’m sure we can work something out. Come, we shall take you to the Outskirts. Follow my lead.”

He gets to his feet and orders some of his troops in a language you don’t recognise. Some of the tribespeople nod and pry open some brush  behind them. You stand, as do the others, and begin to stumble towards the clearing.

[Well, that was kinda easy,] Saiko whispers to you.

“Not first time they go through root-tine,” Dawn whispers, “Clearly they know all trick.”

“Fingers off the triggers for now, metaphorically speaking,” you say under your breath back, “Don’t want this to get messy. But keep an eye out. Just in case.”

The others grunt in agreement and follow Nilothoth and some of his men back into the cold, barren jungle.

===

An hour passes. All of that time spent walking forward through the dead tropical forest, Nilothoth and his men marching confidently ahead of you. While you and your people stumble over tree roots and vines, they’re walking forward without a care, dodging every foreign object on the jungle floor. You can tell they’ve quite literally walked this walk and talked that talk many times before. And that made you a little worried. How many had they led to such a fate? How many times had they done this, exactly?

Saiko picks herself up from another trip from a loose tree root and brushes herself off. She leans in close, [How the hell have these guys not fallen over yet?]

“Well, maybe not have leg like two giant breadsticks help,” Dawn grunts out.

“Guys...” Tari sighs, brushing aside an errant lock of hair, “Not now. No point fighting over this. I just know we’ll REALLY need to stick together in those ruins.”

“Yeah...this place is CURSED,” you grumble under your breath, “Heard all the stories. But we need to get that artefact, so no dying on the job, y’hear?”

[...Was that your best attempt at cracking a joke?]

“Mario thought it was-a funny!”

“We are here...” came the voice of Nilothoth from way ahead. They stop, causing you and your compatriots to crash into the back of them. You rub your bruised head, groaning, and then look beyond the Elder. The dead jungle had ended in a clearing, and what you saw was...barren. Empty. Wide expanses of almost nothing, littered with ruins of primitive housing and buildings of importance. A wrecked and ruined fountain with stale water in the bottom. Utterly dead trees, devoid of leaves. Land sour and worthless for crops. It was like something cataclysmic had happened.

Was this the power of the Artefact? Or...something else?

And to top it off, all of this devastation surrounded the true sight to behold; now you were all standing right at the mouth of the black rock volcano. Ash spewing into the sky, a large and round entrance deep into it. Torches line the way in, burning ominously, and a howling gust of wind was blowing from there all the way to you. You shiver, partly from the sight and somewhat from the sheer intimidating nature of it all.

“Welcome to The Ruins,” Nilothoth sighed, “Those who came before us lived here. Once. But then they awakened the awesome, dreadful power of Zero. Their civilisation lies in ruins today from his apocalyptic rampage. Is it not...beautiful?”

“Beautiful not number one word I choose here...” Dawn gulped.

“Be quiet,” Nilothoth tuts, “I expect you were not paid to talk during your service...” Dawn instantly goes red in the face and angrily marches towards Nilothoth, only to be held back by Saiko. You try to raise your voice too, but Tari stops you - now is simply not the time. Nilothoth begins again, “The Ruins themselves are empty, but, feel free to pick its corpse clean for whatever you may need for your journey in there. Do not be ashamed. We already have.”

“You don’t really hold much respect for this old tribe, do you?” Tari asks innocently.

“They were fools, toying with things they knew nothing of...” Nilothoth sighs, “We shall be different. We must. Now, I will warn you up-front, completely. The caverns were rendered near inaccessible by those who came before...before, that is, their demise. Perhaps to stop others from meeting the same fate. What lies below is a maze, twisting and looping, emboldened with traps. Hopefully you shall take more care than the various treasure hunters who came before you. Good luck, and Zero be with you...”

“I hope not...” you mutter under your breath and Nilothoth and his men venture back into the jungle. And soon, you are alone. You sift your hands through your hair and sigh, turning to your crew, “Okay. We have a choice about we go about this. Do we see if there’s anything in the ruins, or just enter now and pray we have enough?”

[Well did YOU make sure to pack your Anti-Trap Kit?] Saiko snarked, hands placed on her wide hips. You ponder for a few seconds, then shake your head and shrug. Saiko grimaces, [Well then. Come on. There muse be SOMETHING these idiots missed.]

“Sally’s...uh, Saiko’s right,” Tari stammers, “If what he says about the traps are true, we need every advantage we can get. Let’s explore a little, first. Besides, I feel I need to take some pictures, or at least some sketches. I’m sure Whimpu would be ecstatic to learn more about this place...”

“Okay then,” you say, satisfied, “Let’s go!”

===

Half an hour in, you had explored a good portion of the ruins. They truly were something impossible to behold. What sort of god would lead to this sort of devastation? Why? What was his purpose? Would anyone out there, across these supposed “endless” seas, ever find out? ...Would anyone even care?

Annoyingly, it seems the Omnia had been quite thorough with their searching after all; there was barely anything left in this place. Not much usable or relevant to disabling or circumventing traps, at the very least. There was still SOME stuff, most of it broken or useless or both; some cutlery, a few primitive toys, some old mechanisms of questionable usefulness...nothing much. Still, Tari was taking a good portion of old relics and keeping them in her own pack. You couldn’t blame her; alongside Whimpu’s archiving, there would certainly be some museums around that would pay good gold for these antiques from a time long passed.

And hey, it was still more than what Red had done. That is, drink from the fountain. He was still being sick in the nearby bushes.

“Okay, time check!” you call out, taking a slug of water from your pre-packed container, “Anyone find anything?”

“Well, worthless junk Tari weighing herself down with,” Dawn grumbles, “But apart, nothing.”

[Not true, inkstain,] Saiko huffs, hauling around some sort of pole around, “This here stick might be useful for somethin’! So don’t mind if I do!]

“Come on, guys, there must be more than that around here! A-Apart from all of the things I’ve been picking up...” she giggles nervously, “You know what they say! It belongs in a museum!” she trails off at the blank stares she is now being given, “...A-Anyway, there’s one more building we haven’t checked yet. That one!”

She points towards the building in question. Sure enough, it’s probably one of the last ones you’ve even seen, let alone checked. It was fairly small, unassumingly so, on the outside. But you could tell from the doorway that the floor lead downwards...underground. If there was anything left in this barren hole, it would be here.

“Sounds like a plan,” you say, grinning, “Torches out. Looks like it’s gonna get dark in there.”

“Mario will-a...” Red stifled a retch, “Catch up. Just...give me a minute...”

Sighing, you wander down into the building’s chambers, torch lit and illuminating the place in a warm orange glow. The corridors leading to and fro were fairly uninteresting, squares carved into the walls and weeds growing in the soil floor. But soon, it gave way to the true secrets of this weird, accursed place. A MASSIVE chamber, ceiling reaching up into the dirt. You must have been deep underground by this point. The architecture was unlike anything else you had seen before. Posts lined with all sorts of wonderful frills and curls, arching into the ceiling in perfect form. Floors, while somewhat dirty and covered with soil and leaves, had intricate patterns carved into the rock. And then there were the walls, rounded and covered in all sorts of carvings and inscriptions. It was...beautiful.

“Oh my...” Tari gasps, “Look at all this...”

[Man...someone's been busy, here...] Saiko grimaces, "Guess this was put here by those lost tribe guys.]

"But, that doesn't make sense..." you say, holding your torch to the inscriptions on the wall, "Would they even have time if this Zero guy wiped them out?"

"Maybe it was the last few survivors," Tari suggests, "Maybe...they noted all this down, as their legacy."

"If only we could see what says..." Dawn grumbles, "This language not known to me. Cannot translate."

"Me neither," Tari states, sighing, "If only Whimpu was here. He'd know!"

[Well I guess we'll have to look at the pretty pictures, huh,] Saiko smirks, lighting up further art with her own torch. You silently agree, and look around the walls. Starting from the left of the doorway you came in, it seemed liked these four images were telling a story. The first was a prosperous village, clearly the same one as you were now standing in. Happy people, going about their days. But in the background, a gaggle of what seemed to be priests, chanting around a table. The second painting was more...sinister. The table was the focus now, with the priests chanting around...oh my, was that a person?! Strapped to the table, thrashing around, but with his chest split open! Saiko grumbles, [Of COURSE they practised human sacrifice!]

"Wait, there's more!" you say, looking at the picture some more. The table looked...weird. Like, it wasn't made of stone, more it looked like it was made of...plastic? With an odd symbol on the side, and at the top some sort of metal port. Perhaps the third image would shed some light on the situation - oh yes, the evil god brought about by sacrifice killed them all. The third image was of this dark God; twisted, ethereal, his inhuman head lined with sharp teeth and dotted with a single, bulging eyeball with a zero for a pupil. You frown, "Well, there's Zero."

"Me and Axol read stories," Dawn says, "Zero evil sort of God. Destroyed countless world. Deformed from previous transgression. But no-one knew why he like this..."

[If he came into this world,] Saiko points out, [How're we standin' here to read all this?]

The final image explained that; it was someone having a showdown with the dark god, and it looked like they were winning? How were they doing that? You look at the creature - the image only showed them from the back, so detail wasn't exactly plentiful, but you had enough to figure out this man was not human. He was short, stocky, and most tellingly had massive spikes coming out of the back of his head. Almost like, quills? He was wrapped in a jacket, pants, boots, and a massive red scarf coiled around his face and chest. And in his left hand, a blade. A black, edged blade with red cracks seeping through, like lava.

...That looked oddly familiar.

Tari looks inquisitive, "So the world was saved by this mysterious saviour. But the tribe lived only long enough to tell the tale? Hmm."

"I wonder what happened to this man?" Dawn asks, "Nothing says of fate."

You didn't want to find out. All this just gave you more questions than answers, and at this point it was making your head hurt. You order your teammates back to the opening in the volcano. Red was feeling much better, now, and you picked him up as you left the building. You walk back through the ruins, looking at the destruction. Now you know who...well, WHAT, caused this. And a vague idea of who stopped him. But, why did they summon him? Why did he attack?  And how was ANY of this related to that artifact or the Omnia tribe? Hopefully, entering the maze and finding the former would answer at least some of that...

Finally, you enter the cave leading deep into the spire. Everything is a blackened rock, charred like burned wood. Everything feels dry and...crunchy. Like you could reach out, grab the stone walls, and it would crumble in your hands. The air was stale and cold, and you could feel it brush your cheeks. Signs were placed in the walls, written on rotting wood, and scribbled in fraying ink;

“LEAVE, OR BY THE GRACE OF GOD SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES”

“I’m really not sure about this, Captain...” Tari whines.

Truth be told, you weren’t either. But this had to be done. Thankfully, Saiko starts to speak basically on your behalf, [Come on, Tar, it’ll be fine! If so many people have been fed into this maze of traps then most of them should have...uh, ‘warning signs’ by this point, right? I’m always up for a little danger!]

“She’s right!” you take the lead, “With her brawn, your brains, my speed and Dawn's...uh...Dawn's..."

"Survivability."

"Yes, that!" You yell, pointing and totally not feeling like a total ass, "You can bounce back from anything, Dawn! Should come in handy."

[Havin' a way with words, Captain. That's you,] Saiko snarks.

"Ahh come on guys, we-a got this!" Red steps forward confidently, "Everyone-a who failed already is-a dead! So all of the traps should be disabled, right? What's the worst that-a can happe-"

[Click]

[RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE CRASH]

A tripwire heralded the call of a massive boulder! WOOSH, it screams towards you! You just have enough time to notice the dried, stained blood all over it before a screaming Tari pulls you back towards the entrance. You hear the rumbling sound nipping at your heels as you and your team run back out of the cave and dive to the sides. The boulder rolls past you, flattening plants and crushing leftover skulls, before slamming into a particularly solid tree and coming to a dead stop.

Saiko gets to her feet, [Well freaking done, Red! YOU HAD TO JINX IT!]

"...Oopsie."

"That was just the entrance! We didn't even get past the welcome mat!" Tari says, "How many traps are there?!"

You look up at the mouth of the cave yet again. You grimace. You nearly died and you barely got inside.

...This was going to be a long day.

Chapter Text

But, what of your rival? While you rummage through dark, caverns, dodging traps everywhere...where is Desti?

Unbeknownst to you, that answer was "not that far behind". They were perhaps still a good few hours off from island, but she could see it all the same. Well, through her golden telescope, that is. Yes, a golden telescope - one of the many treasures she had managed to swipe from within your reach on your many battles together. Smirking, she collapsed the telescope and retreated below decks - the weather was turning nasty outside, as it tended to do around the island. Thick clouds, heavy rain and haze, and strong gales had forced the bulk of the S.S Aurora’s crew to below decks to seek shelter. 'Cowards', she sneered at them, 'The way they hide you'd think they melted in the rain!'

Nevertheless, getting soaked on the deck was not going to help matters. Instead, she ventures downstairs for another reason. She stomps down the narrow hallways of her ship - even if hers was bigger and fancier than yours, you were proud to know the Iceberg was a much more comfortable and...charming, vessel. Being "Modern" it seemed came with being utterly bland inside; steel, riveted walls, heavy doors with bulkhead wheels, no colour, no wood, no space. Desti's crewmates huddle and push past each other in the cluttered space, holding and carrying scrolls and ammunition. Their faces blank, their uniforms identical, their form a shambling gait. They were more slaves to the wretched captain than true crewmates. Not that Desti cared, of course; better they be totally subservient to her than to get...ideas.

Taking a left in the winding hallways, Desti found herself before the door to the galley. A fancy term for a prison-tier cafeteria if there ever was one. Indeed, stepping through the doorway, the captain was met with a stark, barren room. Laden with grey chairs and tables, a counter separating a kitchen where...something was bubbling on the stove. And yet, huddled in the corner and munching on an errant sandwich, was Markus. He and Desti's quartermaster, Domino, were pouring over a map of the charted seas. Domino nodded in awe at the way Markus mixed his words and glided his finger across the map. It was kind of making Desti sick, looking at how they were fawning over this unwashed...beast. An unwashed beast of a man who had humiliated her in front of her crew, no less! Well he was going to get this, she thought. One day. But not today.

Not while he was still useful.

"Fascinating!" Domino says, "I never knew something so powerful was so close to us all this time!"

"Well, what can I say?" Markus huffed, almost amused, "Always the last place ya look."

"OI!" Desti does a good impression of one of your own crewmates and approaches the table. She slams down her hands and nearly knocks over Markus' cup of grey tea, but she bears it no mind, "So, have you found all the parts yet?"

"With that attitude, I'm surprised you managed to steal anything of value at all," Markus sighs, before tuning the map to her, "Of course we have. I've already told you that one is on this Island Zero or whatever. Hopefully that should keep your rival busy while we sweep it up later. Next one is HERE..." he points to the map, "And then here..." He points again.

"Interesting," Desti says, "Never thought to check those places. Not since one of 'em brings back...bad, memories."

"Which one?"

"Like hell I'm tellin' ya," Desti growls, "Anyway. So we know where Captain Megstink is goin', what she's gonna pick up, and what WE Can do with it, yes?"

"That is correct, yes," Markus looks up, "And what is within that maze is perhaps one of the most important pieces beyond my own. So it was smart for them to go for it, first. And smarter for us to wait it out."

"They die, we sweep in and claim it. But they succeed..." Domino explains further, "We ambush 'em and take the piece by force!"

"I like how you think!" Desti snarled approvingly, "...For once. Well then, best we set up on that island and wait. Domino, prepare the manurer. NOW!" Domino salutes shakingly and runs off towards the helm.

"You...don't need to bark at them like that, you know..." Markus sighs, finishing the last of his tea, "Treat them well and some people will follow you through ANYTHING. Believe me, I've seen worse people with more loyal dogs at their side..."

"...You're weird, you know that?" Desti asks, pulling a chair up and sitting down on it, "Where you even from, huh? Why even go through all this fuss...outside of the prospect of TREASURE, of course."

"Isn't that what you all aspire to? Even the other human."

"Of course. But she just steals to make enough bread to see the next day. Pathetic if y'all ask me!" Desti thumps her chest proudly, "Me, I...find these neat little trinkets a good home. But you...I don't get that vibe from ya, matey boy. So tell me...you related to these things?" She points to the purple gem, still glowing and shackled to Markus' belt, "You an ancestor of whoever had that before ya?"

"I...suppose you could say that," Markus states almost wistfully, "I have history with them. And it's only fair to claim what is rightfully mine. It just so happens our intention do in-fact align...for now."

"Feeling's mutual, buddy," Desti growls, "You're with me or against me. Help me out or get outta my way. Clear?!"

"Crystal," Markus sighs under his breath, "Now come on. I presume you've a lot to prepare before we hit shore. Gotta sharpen your blade...and your wit. Leave me to my thoughts...please."

Desti seems annoyed, but she huffs and leaves the galley. All is silent, once again. Markus huffs, finishes his sandwich, rolls the map up and nips into the kitchen for a post-sandwich snack. Hopefully SOMETHING good. The food on all these ships were the damn same most of the time.

He wonders how well you're currently faring in that maze.

===

[GODDAMNIT IT ANOTHER FUCKING BOULDER WHERE ARE ALL THESE GIANT ROCK MARBLES EVEN COMING FROM?!]

You are...not having a good time.

It had been an hour or so since you had gotten into the maze, and part of you was now wondering if it was worth paying attention to that sign. Eh, a few traps, how bad could it be? How about a trap, like, every few steps? If that? For the entire. Time. You step on a tile slightly wrong, BAM, arrows. You accidentally trip over a wire or two and BOOM, snakes! SNAKES. In this temple?! HOW!?

And the boulders, oh man, the BOULDERS. You'd lost count how many had been set off and you'd have to run from. Through twisting turns, every time you'd turn the corner to a dead end, another boulder would come basically out of nowhere and nearly run you over. It run Red over a few times. He would be squished by it, bitten by snakes, even pierced by arrows and he was...fine. How did he do it, you wonder. He was stuck to this boulder already, screaming in a distorted fashion as he rolled along with the boulder towards you!

Mercifully, you turn a corner and hide in an alcove. You pull Tari and Dawn into the crevice, while Saiko stands on some loose bricks jutting out of the wall. She reaches out with one hand on a torch clamp, grabbing Red and pulling his flattened carcass away from the boulder. The rock rumbles further into the maze, before finally, you hear a crash as it comes to a violent stop. You leave the gap, and Saiko leaps down to the ground.

"Oooooh..." Red whines, "Mario's face feels-a funny..."

"I think your face is the least of your issues," Tari says, "How do you survive this sort of stuff?!"

"I don't-a question it..." Red says in a dazed tone, "In-a case it stops-a working."

"Well it's saved our butts more time than I can count," You speak up, "So I ain't gonna question it either. Anyway, let's keep going. The artefact is right around the corner, I can feel it."

[You said that three damn boulders ago!] Saiko bellows. She is sweating, flushed, angry and foaming at the mouth. She is clearly at the end of her rope, [Just freaking admit it! You're LOST!]

"No!" you retort, "I know what I'm doing and where I'm going!"

[We passed that skeleton over the six times, now! I know that 'cause it's still got some of that dumbass plumber's blood on it from the arrow trap! We've been going in circles for HOURS!]

"GUYS!" Tari yells, getting between you two before you can draw your sword, "We cannot brute force this. They would've thought of that! For all we know these halls just loop forever and never actually CONNECT to the treasure!"

"Bluejay is right," Dawn says, studying the walls, "Treasure Hunters of this ilk not sharpest tool in shed. Most skeles would have gone around until death. There must be some...trick widget thing. You know? Clue in wall! So tribe could entrance chamber without death."

"...That's GENIUS, Dawn!" you cry out, "So we gotta slow down, look for some sort of clue in the environment, and that should get us to the treasure!"

"Alright, let's find that clue!" Tari calls out, "My best guess, it'll be some pattern in the wall. Something not really obvious, but you COULD see it if you tried..."

You thank the lords Desti isn't here to see this as you shuffle up and down the walls, looking for sort of bump in the rock that might house a button or something. It took a half hour until you got so desperate that you were now sniffing the walls just in case the clue was an errant smell. All you got for THAT little idea was soot up each nostril. And nearly blowing the damn things off with a hidden fire trap. You curse the god you just thanked, and drop to the floor in defeat. And to be fair, so had the others.

[Aww, this is gonna take us HOURS!] Saiko growls, holding her thumping her in her hand, [We're never gonna find the fu-]

"I-a found it!"

...Red? RED found it?! The man who struggled to get out of the bathroom every once in a while?! You turn to him, incredulously, "HOW?!"

"Well, I-a noticed on this wall, that-a there is this bit of-a rock with 'E11T' carved into it!"

"So?"

"Isn't 11-a 'XI' in those-a fancy Roman Numerals?"

"...Yeah?"

"E-XI-T. Exit!"

Red stared proudly at this accomplishment. No-one else felt proud.

[...Remind me to fuckin' kill myself once we get back to the ship,] Saiko sighs, [I don't think I can handle being dumber than Pasta Power over there.]

"Duly noted," you sigh wearily, "Press it, Red."

With a running start, Red throws himself body-first at the rock. It slides into the wall effortlessly as his body crashes to the ground. A click occurs beneath the floor, and the wall suddenly slides upwards, revealing a passage through! You lead the team further into the chambers. And sure enough, no evil traps in this hallway. But there WAS light at the end of it, and you gingerly step out into the chamber. A rectangle room with a second floor overhanging the chamber, with a wheel full of letters at the top. In English, too. Huh. The chamber on the floor was mostly vacant, just some more skeletons, a closed door, and a message scrawled into the wall;

"THE LEGEND OF THE TRIBE CALLS TO THE EASTERN STAR TO"

...To? To what? You take a closer look at the wheel of letters above you; it is large, made of carved stone with letters engraved into the surface of the wheel. The letters glowed a cool cyan blue, and there were four levers set up - presumably, to move the wheel's various rings. There are four of such, with a metal bracket showing what letters are lined up in the middle.

"Welp, I think this is the last chamber before the treasure," Tari states, walking to the closed door and feeling the gaps between it and the wall, "I can feel strong wind behind here. It's in the open air!"

"Must be in the middle of the volcano."

[So what're we waiting for, open it!]

"It not simple," Dawn speaks out next, "Do you not see wheel and message? We must solve one more puzzle."

Dawn was right. Not like you didn't notice the wheel coming in if you could notice the letters glowing blue, and all. You turn to the group, "Well, someone's gonna have to get up there. I don't say any way of climbing up, though. Red, you've got the best jumping skills out of all of us, you go there."

"You trust our lives in red moron's hands?" Dawn asks incredulously.

"That red moron - no offence pal - is why we're even in this chamber, remember?" you state, "If we keep at it, I'm sure that lightning will strike twice."

"It better."

"Let's-a Go! WAHOOOOOOOOOOO-" Red screams and, in a single bound, jumps up to the second floor and scrambles to the wheel.

"Okay, so let's see here..." Tari looks at the message scrawled onto the wall, "Seems fairly straightforward. Just gotta find the word. Trouble is...well, there's a lot of words it COULD be."

"Well the wheel only has four rings so...must be four letters?" you ask, "Let's try...uh...Help?"

"Good a place to start as any," Tari shrugs, "Now, how do we rotate the rings? I see levers up there, and I can guess that they do the trick. Try pulling the closest one, Red."

Red pulls the left-back lever. Indeed, the rings shift; the outer ring counter-clockwise, the middle one clockwise. He pulls the left-front lever; middle rings spin. He pulls the right lever, and the inner ring spins. As he fiddles with the levers, you notice that only the innermost ring has all the letters on it. Not a great sign, that.

"Why must so complicate?" Dawn utters in half-snarled, half-Inkling gibberish, "Why can it not be tiled floor with letters?"

"After last time?!" you call out, "Red, spell out 'Help'!"

"Gotcha!" Red replies, and he keeps pulling and pushing at the levers. It takes him a long while - not that you blame him, that stuff looked complicated - but eventually he was able to spell out the word 'HELP', "Okay. Now-a what?"

"That final lever there must be to commit it. Give it a pull!" you call out again.

Red pulls the lever to confirm the word. Seconds pass. Then, a horrible rumbling in the walls rang out, with an earthquake so violent that you were thrown to the ground from she sheer force! The wheel's letters flashed red and an otherworldly growl escaped from it. Some rocks fell from the roof in the rumble, but mercifully missed you. Saiko called out as the quake ceased, but not the rumbling, [Welp, that wasn't the right one.]

"...Uh, guys?" Dawn says, fear in her voice for the first time in quite some while, "We got problem!"

Saiko studies the walls and an angry fear crosses her face, [Goddamnit the walls are closing in!] Your blood runs cold. You look at the walls and sure enough, the walls are slowly inching towards you from both sides, with the doorway to the chamber sealed before you can make a run for it. Saiko calls out to Tari and Red, [You two better figure out this friggin' riddle! AND FAST!]

"We're on it!" Tari called out over the roar of the walls. She turned to herself and you could just barely hear her mutterings, "Okay, not help...'assist'? No, too many letters...can't be rule...HMM. Red, try 'Raze'. Like, "to raze our enemies"!".

Red pulls the levers frantically, trying to spell out the message. With "RAZE" spelt out on the wheel, Red heaves at the lever and pushes it forward. Wait...wasn't he supposed to pull it? You barely had time to wonder that before another violent shudder nearly knocked you to the floor again. The walls did not pick up pace, but they DID, with a swoosh, bring out some blood-and-rusted spikes!

[NOT THAT ONE, THEN!] Saiko screams, trying to push on the walls and failing miserably, [We're runnin' out of room, here!]

"We're gonna be crushed in seconds at this pace!" you try your very hardest not to panic, "Red can't spin the wheels fast enough, he needs more time!"

[Leave that to me!] Saiko breaks from the wall and reaches from behind her back. She brings out something; it's the wooden pole she found in the village! [Knew this'd come in handy!]

"You expect THAT to keep walls in?" Dawn asks, frustrated.

[No, but I don't see you with any better ideas!] Saiko picks up one of the stone blocks from the falling roof and places it and the pole against each other on the wall. Miraculously, the wall actually holds! But the creaking sound tells you, not for very long. Saiko keeps screaming, [HURRY UP YOU TWO!]

"I'M TRYING!" Tari cries out, tears pricking her eyes, "Not help, not rule, not raze...cash? No...kill? No, that'd be like Raze...GAH! Are we missing something?"

"I don't-a know what to do! Mamma mi-" Red stops mid-panic, taking another look at the wheel. The letters were glowing red, yes, but only some of them...and it helped him to finally notice something, "WAIT! One of-a the bracket things is...fatter?"

Dawn calls out, "What do you mean, fatter? You mean wider, right?"

"Yeah! It-a holds two letters. Inner ring!"

The realisation hits Saiko like a ton of bricks, [Goddamnit, it's FIVE letters!] She turns to the side and bends around to dodge the spikes in the wall, [We're gonna die because Red outsmarted us AGAIN!]

You and Saiko desperately try to hold the walls back with your arms, to no obvious avail. Tari's trying to work with the new knowledge, "...Wait, guide!" but mercifully, it clicks, "I got it, the answer is 'GUIDE'! The Legend of the Tribe calls to the Eastern Star to Guide them!"

You call out, "Great! Now enter it before we're freaking crushed! HURRY RED!!!"

Red tries. He really does. He's pulling and pushing the levers like a madman by this point, speeding to and from so fast you can barely see him outside of a red and blue blur. His face is bright red, caked in sweat, and his expression is one of intense fear and worry. The walls shudder ever so slightly, the rock and pole still somehow holding...but not for long. Suddenly, with;

*CRRACK*

The pole is forced into the rock! Damn, that WAS some strong wood! Saiko lets out a, [Oh shit!] and braces for what seems like the inevitable now. You just continue to hold onto the wall, trying to steady your breathing. The walls close in ever so slowly now, the light is escaping and you can feel one of the spikes unavoidably poke into your chest, and...

Click.

A pleasing blue light bathes Red's body. The puzzle was solved.

The rumbling stops for a few, blissful seconds. And then, it starts up again, but the walls start to recede! The spikes slip back into the walls, and soon everything is as it was when you entered - minus the rock and pole, now conjoined as one, and the...unfortunate stench emitting from a few of you.

Saiko and Dawn are still cowering, “...Are we dead?”

“No...I think Red just about got it...” you pant breathlessly, “Holy squid...thanks, Red.”

“YA-HOOOOOOOOOO!” Red jumps and down and cheers, “MAR-I mean, RED NUMBER ONE!”

Suddenly, the door to the next chamber finally gives way, and falls open for you. You wish to spend no further time in this wretched place, and you move forward with the others. You continue to stumble through the maze. But you can see the light at the end of the tunnel - literally, by now. With a final flash, you step out into the final chamber. It is even bigger than the last one. Hell, it's GIANT. Light is pouring into the top, high above you. The floor is more stone bricks, covered in moss and weeds. The area is surrounded by a moat around the circular platform you stand on, with no less than three waterfalls pouring down into it.

And there, in the middle, on a podium. A brass rod, studded with various widgets of odd kinds, with a cylinder in the middle that held some odd spikes and some sort of lever. Below that, some glowing blue fragments, and ending at the top with a torch-like opening and a cage holding a purple crystal. It hums and sparks, floating softly in the air.

You jump and cheer for joy. The Handguard of The Artefact, the lost treasure of Island Zero, is now yours.

Chapter Text

You can scarcely believe it as you step forward, towards the podium. Sure, you have stolen many priceless trinkets and jewels before, but nothing quite like this. Nothing with true, genuine power behind it. The rushing water beckons you forward, almost as much as the gentle hum of the handguard as it floats in place. Your crew is lying on the ground by the water; hot, sweaty, nerves frazzled. Saiko has lowered herself into the water and Tari is washing her dirty face in it. Mario's drinking it. At least it's cleaner than the well water. Let them rest. You had made it.

Finally, you step up to the podium, and observe the artefact in all of its glory. From here you can look closer as its splendour; the construction, while somewhat ramshackle, was finished with fine brass or bronze, its parts lining up in jumbled but clearly pragmatic fashion You could feel that, every part of the item had a purpose towards its overall design. And if this was anywhere near as powerful as the gem that Markus had then, well, perhaps now you could fight him on more even ground. With trembling, filthy hands, you reach out and grab the artefact. You pull it towards you, eyes glistening. It's yours. You hold the item above you in triumph, almost hearing a victory jingle. The artefact is YOURS!

The others finish cleaning themselves off and approach you. Tari looks at the item as it glows softly in your hands, "Oh my! It looks even more beautiful, close up!"

"I not so sure," Dawn hums, "It look like, uh, fancy backscratcher."

"Not-a my first one, then!" Red chimes in, "Can I have it?"

"NO, Red," you say, "We don't want this falling into the wrong hands. Who knows what this thing could do!"

[Cap's right,] Saiko pants, her nerves shot after all of that, [Let's just get outta here before something else-]

BOOOOOOOM!

[YEAH LIKE THAT!]

You look up at the sound of the rumbling yet again. Something is rising out of the floor. The podium separates, the floor slides away like a hatch. And rising out of the deep crevice was...some sort of stone rectangle. Covered in vines and moss, with a glowing zero symbol carved into it. It rose high above you, and then the front of it clicked and slowly swung open with a soft hiss. A horrific voice rung out among the chamber. You couldn't even begin to decipher what it said.

"Tar?" you ask quickly, "What's it saying? What's it SPEAKING in?"

Tari listens close, "I...I think I know! This is an OLD language, only taught in the most prestigious of schools!"

[You went to one of those?!]

"No. But I stole some manuscripts from there once. I...had a poor childhood."

"What it saying?!" Dawn demands.

"...'Di...Did you think it would be that easy'," Tari begins to translate, "Uh...'that you could take the artefact and leave? you must prove your worth to own the handguard...you must face...The Guardian, Acolyte of Zero'!?"

Oh dear. And with a violent crash, something flew out of the stone tomb and landed on the chamber floor. It was a giant blue...spider? Looked like a spider, with a dark blue skin, and a human-like torso. Its beefy arms ended in claws, and its chest was segmented in some odd fashion. Its head, round and bulbous, with two giant round horns jutting out of its head, and a giant, unblinking eye.

The eye's pupil was a zero, and that was all you needed to know. This was indeed, the Guardian of the Artefact.

You felt like you were going to have a bad time.

The creature roared, and the earth shook. From out of the ground came some weird...stone, things. Golems. Humanoids comprised of odd rocks and stone bricks, assembled into a mockery of people. Stone clubs formed in their hands, and then they ran towards you, screeching like maniacs. You steel yourself and rush towards them, as do the others! Even Tari screwed her sword attachment onto her arm and rushed forward into the fray! You finally unsheathe your cutlass and swing with all of your might!

CLANG!

...Yeah not sure why you tried that. Now you're in close-range with the golem. It swings with all ITS might towards you, and it managed to catch you in the hip. You bounce across the floor, with a stinging pain in your side. You were winded and now in pain, grimacing through it. You see Tari's own sword bounce off a golem, too, but she manages to dodge the resultant swipe and retreats. As for Saiko...wait, was she using that wooden pole and stone thing! She was! She must have picked it up before leaving the chamber. She took a swing with a scream and...SLAM! The golem crumbled where it was struck and fell to pieces before her!

[...Holy shit!] Saiko gasps, "I think I've found a new weapon to use! It's like a hammer that hits like a sledge...should call it a...HAMMERSLEDGE! HAHA! OOF!]

Saiko was sent flying through the air, landing with a crash. She got up, seemingly unharmed, and rushed back in, swinging with all her might against them. You get up and block another strike with your sword - it holds, but barely. You turn to the others, "We gotta get rid of these things so we can get to the big guy!"

"Leave to Red," Dawn yelps as she drags her trusty splattershot from out of nowhere, "He can destroy them through the power of convenience, am sure!"

Sure enough, Red was doing that...thing, he liked to do. Jumping backwards in place, getting faster and faster, with only the sound of "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA-" filling the air. Suddenly, with a, "HOOOOO!" he speeds backwards, turns in mid air, and punches one of the golems. It SHATTERS on impact, spread across the floor like shattered pottery. Red looked like he was about to cry staring at his shattered hand, but at least one was down!

"Would be good if that power of that super powerful magic artefact kicked in!" Tari yelled as she dodged another swing.

"I'm trying!" you call out, shaking the damn thing with all of your might, "Come on you stupid thing. WORK!!!"

The beast above you spoke again, to which Tari tried to translate, "AAh! 'It is too late...you cannot win this fight. Now...die?'"

The creature reared up and slammed a fist down on you. You and the others dived for cover as it landed with a horrific crash. Black cracks ran through the impact zone, and shards of rock rained down long after the fist soared back into the sky. More golems honed in on your position, to which you ducked while Saiko swung true with her new hammer once more. BLAM, it disintegrates, while you see Dawn swing Red around like a bat to try to smash more golems. You turn your focus on the Guardian. You need to kill this thing...somehow! You run towards it madly, dodging another smash into the ground by inches. You pull out your cutlass and stab it deep into its arm! You run along the length as it is paralysed by the pain, carving a deep gash into its side by the time you're done. Dark purple blood pours out of the wound and the creature shrieks. It rips some bone-like spikes out of its back, and throws them at you with petrifying speed. You try to dodge, but your luck runs out.

You scream as one of the spikes pierces your thigh. Searing pain shoots up and down the wound, and you cry as your leg gives out and you stumble to the ground. Dust is kicked up as you come to a stop, blood smeared behind you. Tari cries out and reaches for you dramatically, giving another Golem time to grab her arms and hold them behind her. She is trapped. Dawn and Red are not far behind, only Saiko is able to continue her attack. Nevertheless, she blocks a strike from another golem and watches distressed as you collapse. The Guardian laughs as you fall, and aims one, final fist at you. It slowly sails towards you. It feels like it's over...but you're not done, yet.

With a determined scream, you thrust the handguard above you as hard as you can. It has to work this time. IT HAS TO...

And, it does. 

Purple light fills the chamber as the artefact finally activates. The light turns into an explosion of otherworldly energy, sending off powerful shockwaves in every direction. BOOM! You are unaffected, but the blast of energy is enough to dismantle the golems, sending their bits and pieces crashing to the floor. It blows the hand clean off of the Guardian, who screams once more as his detached limb sails off and lands with a splash in the waters. You look at the artefact in awe, admiring the deep purple glow it i giving off. Some of the golem chunks are lifted from the ground, shattering further to form small, sharp stones. They formed and floated in place above the hilt of the handguard, forming an ethereal...sword, of sorts.

The Guardian recoils in horror. Looks like you were worthy after all. You grin deviously as you grab the new hilt in both hands and prepare to finish this beast off. It roars and summons more golems; bigger and meaner looking ones this time. You swing gracelessly with your new sword...ish thing. The blade cleaves so effortlessly through them it was as if they weren't even there. They fall apart as soon as they were formed. You feel a rush of power from the feat, and turn to the still wounded Guardian. You once more break out into a sprint towards it, and it responds by throwing more and more stuff at you. More golems, more spikes, and a final, bloodied fist screaming down towards you. You dodge to the side and once more slash across the entirety of its arm with your blade. And then, with a final scream, you throw the sword across the chambers. 

The sword sails up the arm and then, with a mighty ethereal schwing, it cleaves up the Guardian’s head! Not enough to split it open, thankfully, but clearly whatever brain was in there is now very much mush. Blood pours from the destroyed eye, ebbing from the body alongside whatever life force is left. The blade, its energies spent for now, flies back and lands with a clatter by your feet as the Guardian sways. Soon, it collapses onto the stone floor, before sliding into the water with a monstrous splash. You drop to your shattered knees. You have won.

“Captain!” you hear someone scream over the rushing water and your own ringing ears. You turn your weary head. It’s Tari, rushing towards you with Saiko, Dawn and Red in tow. She pulls you up and into a huge hug, “Thank the Gods you’re safe!!!”

[Yeah, that got pretty damn hairy...] Saiko sighs, [Thought you bought the farm back there!]

“Somehow it a shame she didn’t,” Dawn grumbles.

Red bounds over to you and also takes you into a massive hug, “OH, Red-a so happy you’re okay!”

“Heh heh, thanks Red,” you grin and hug back, “I’m good. Thanks to this little thing, right here.”

You bring up the artefact from the floor. It’s cold to the touch and no longer glowing. But you swear you can still feel...something, swirling within. Tari takes the item and looks at it, “...I, still don’t quite believe it myself. Part of The Artefact, it’s here. We’ve...got it. We got a part of the treasure!”

“Told you we would,” you grin confidently, “Even if it took...” you seethe with pain as the adrenaline wears off. You almost fold, but Saiko just about keeps you upright, “A few hard knocks.”

“I hardly call a spike in leg a ‘hard knock’,” Dawn looks at your wound, disgusted, “We need get Doc to look at that...”

“I can walk...just,” You groan, getting slowly to your feet on your own.

“Well, hopefully that will be enou-” Tari starts, but she stops just as suddenly. A dreadful rumbling sound is now ringing out once again, but this time it’s...muffled. Like it’s coming from underground or something. It slowly gets louder and clearer, and it starts getting rather warm around you. Then hot. Then unbearable. And before the orange glow reaches your eyes, you know what’s coming.

That old trick. Lava. Or magma. You forget.

[WELL THAT BETTER BE UPGRADED TO ‘RUNNING’ REAL FAST!] Saiko screams, grabbing Dawn and hoisting her over her shoulder, [WE. ARE. LEAVING!!!]

Tari hooks underneath your arm to keep you steady, and you both hightail it out of the arena. Already, you can see lava rising from the cracks, swallowing the water and the remains of that wretched beast alongside. Every step agitates the wound in your legs, every step is AGONY, but you keep going. Anything would, quite obviously, be preferable to burning alive in lava.

You fade in and out of consciousness. The pain is indescribable, but Tari is mercifully helping you along. As is Red, running backwards and forwards within the group, deflecting arrows with his face and making sure you’re okay. The cold artefact is still clutched tightly in your hand; even in this state, you dare not let go, lest it be lost to the raging tides of flames behind you. You can see the orange glow creep up behind your vision, feel the heat on your back. You twist and turn through passageways and catacombs, places you’ve already visited. Things start to look more and more familiar as the crew hobbles through the labyrinth, passing the trap that set off that first boulder, and light engulfs you all.

You have made it out of the volcano. You’d wax about the fresh air after hours stuck in the damp, smoggy caves. About how the day was slowly turning to evening. But you’re not out of danger yet. You look behind your panting, exhausted crew. The lava is now pouring, mercifully slowly, from the entrance to the tombs within. It will spread across the wide ruins and engulf the forests before long. And then NO-ONE’S getting out. You keep running, finding within you enough grit to stand on your own and break into a sprint. Dawn, who has spent all of this escape on Saiko’s shoulder, barks commands and directions from her perch. Left, right, down through the shrubbery. You’d think it would be as easy as running straight, but then again you don’t think that Nilo guy would appreciate the news that his little island home’s about to be buried in molton rock.

Finally, you see it. The clearing where you stowed the ship. You can see the others mill about on the shore. Green and Doc are moving logs from cut down trees into the ship, Belle is cooking a caught crab over a fire, and everyone else is moving random parts and things they scavenged onto the ship. Except for Whimpu and Axol, it seemed. They were working on a makeshift desk, drawing on the maps that led you here. Clearly they were tracking down the next piece ahead of time.

And that was for the best, as you had no time to wait around.

You break out into a sprint, ignoring the pain in your leg, and scream at the crew; “CHANGE OF PLAN GUYS! PACK UP AND SPLIT BEFORE YOU’RE ALL COOKED ALIVE!”

[YOU HEARD THE CAPTAIN, MOVE IT!] Saiko screamed too. The crew begins to panic and throw whatever is left on the shore into the ship. They work fast, you run faster. As the lava slowly closes in on the shoreline, you hobble up the gangplank. Saiko takes the plank up with her, closes the hatch on the side of the ship and throws Red like a football over to the wheel, [PUNCH IT, PLUMBER!]

Mercifully, Red doesn’t take that literally, and swings the wheel with all his might. The boat begins to swing away from the shoreline, and is out of the bay and into the deep blue sea before the lava can overtake the shoreline. Several seconds pass as the tension slowly cools between all of the crew. You are currently on the floor, adrenaline wearing off, and the pain in your legs coming back in FULL force.

Seconds pass. And then, with a shivering arm, you lift your victory prize about you. Everyone gets a look at it, then at the island that is slowly being engulfed in flames. And they start to cheer, loudly and victoriously. As they shout and whoop and hug and cheer, you slowly sink your arm to the floor and hold the artefact close to your chest, like a teddy bear. It took blood, sweat, tears and nearly dying a few times, but you now had an advantage over Desti.

The race, as they say, was now on.

“...Uh, is anyone going to talk about the fact our captain is bleeding out on the goddamn deck?!”

Chapter Text

As you drift into peaceful-ish slumber, you wonder; what will Desti think of this?

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE GOT HERE BEFORE ME?!"

Well fortunately for you (maybe), she has just arrived on the island herself, alongside her "crew", and Markus. The village was a mess by this point. Somewhat thankfully, the tribespeople seemed to have a proper way to seal the magma away from them, but they were still trapped. A fiery blaze covered the treetops, stopping only at a notable gap in the treeline; they had cut many down to stop the fire from spreading, and dug ditches to wall in the molten sludge. Lord knows how any of this worked, Markus had already sneered their village was good as dead and evacuation must start now, but for now, things were...safe? The sky was a bright, blaring orange, not that you'd know with the black smoke choking out the open space in the village. And within that village was Nilothoth, Desti, Markus and some members of her army, speeding around and helping themselves to whatever valuables were stored in the already smouldering houses.

Perhaps they knew the village wasn't to be saved, after all.

Desti, meanwhile, had a temper to match the lava slowly bubbling outside of the village. She was a screaming whirlwind of fists and hot air, stomping around the main area while having her little temper tantrum. She was always like this, and it always amused you whenever she got angry and had this little bawling moment. Markus, meanwhile, held her back like a tired mother, arms crossed across her chest, head swerved back to avoid a flying fist. Nilothoth, for what it was worth, seemed to just look at the two with a gaze of boredom across his face.

"Sorry, Miss," Nilothoth chuckles, "But she got here first. And she actually did it! If you couldn't tell from the flames everywhere, heh heh."

"THAT FREAKIN' MISCREANT!" Desti warbles, "SHE UPSTAGED ME, AGAIN! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON HER, I-"

She stops, a hacking cough entering her throat soon after. She continued to do so, continuing until she was retching from the sheer disruption to her airflow. Markus sighs and lets go of her. She drops to her hands and knees, spluttering further as Markus slaps her back a few times.

"There, got it all out?" Markus asks, almost mockingly, "See that's what happens when you build up too much hot air," he chuckles, "No seriously, you should probably stop inhaling all this smoke. Get some water and get to looting with the others. I can deal with this..."

Desti's coughs finally splutter out to a slight clearing of the throat. She stands up and glares at Markus, "You better find a way to fix this. I. WANT. THAT ARTEFACT. And I will not stop until I get it. GET ME IT."

"Yeah, yeah..." Markus growls as Desti saunters off to get some water. One of her crew members hands her a jug of ale, to which she chugs almost immediately. Close enough. Stopped her coughing at least. Markus turns his scarfed snarl towards Nilothoth, who merely stares at him smugly. Markus' eyes furrow. He stomps towards Nilo, grabbing him by the neck just like he did with Desti. Nilo chokes and splutters as Markus drags him to a place within the still surviving woods. More heated rock is behind them, the heat rising up and causing shimmers in the air. Markus, with a grunt, throws Nilothoth to the ground and stares at him. He growls, "Did I not remind you of our little agreement, you idiot? These artefact pieces are serious shit. They need to be shuffled around and protected at all costs. And I TOLD YOU..." he calms himself slightly, "To turn OFF the traps."

Nilothoth looks at him, then chuckles. The tone of his voice drops to something...sleazier, "Heh, so what? She's a Meggy, same as all the others out there. My duty in life to wipe them off the face of the earth for what they took from us. Can't excuse me to have a little fun. I thought you were giving all of those things to that crazy bitch, anyway."

"I'm just winging it at this point," Markus paces around, head in his hands, "Too many variables gone haywire, too much out of my. Control! I need all those pieces, and if they go to one side or the other, the more one side gets the easier for me. The pieces are PARAMOUNT. And not only did you disobey me, you nearly got her killed and you nearly destroyed the damn thing!"

"What of it?" Nilothoth grunts, "Wherever she gets the thing or not is of no concern to me, is it? She is one of the many in the way of MY master's return. One YOU postponed!"

"For good reason! You're a disgusting man, NILES..." Markus barks, "As is your master. And the agreement was clear. You are removed from your universe of origin, protected from Melony and the Guardians, in return for your cooperation on making sure a BIGGER screwup doesn't happen."

"Why?" Niles grumbles, "You think I took that by choice? It was wear this itchy leaf skirt or die to that mary-sue. I'm glad she's just a cannonball in this world!" he stands up, "I was only trying to kill two birds with one stone, y'know? You think I DIDN'T assume you were just gonna screw me over when you got your part of the deal?" he stands up and gets in the face of the irate pirate, "Men like you, I know your type, I've SEEN it many times! All you 'Guardians' are the same. You ALL think you're heroes. So what're you gonna do? Send me back home? 'Cause I ain't gonna go-"

[SCHWACK]

Niles stops, his breath catching in his throat. He looks down at the burning pain in his abdomen, and the red blade now lodged deep within it. He looks back up at the pirate, choking gurgles leaving his mouth alongside a smattering of purple-blue blood. His mind blanks as the pain overwhelms him, complying without resistance as Markus forces him to his knees alongside the blade.

Markus looks down at him, his two red eyes shining out of his black sclera, "You. Don't. Know. Me."

And with violently quick movements, he yanks the blade out of Niles' stomach and swings with all his might at his neck. There is a SCHWING sound ringing out across the forest. Both men pause briefly. Niles gargles further for a little while, his eyes wide with shock. A thin, purple-ish line forms on his neck. And then, his body falls...and his head falls in the other direction. Cleanly decapitated, the head rolls down the bank, and into the lava behind them. There is barely a sizzle as the slowly charring object sinks beneath the bubbling molt.

Markus stands, purple blood still drenched on his cursed blade. There is an otherworldly sound as the blood is absorbed into the obsidian, causing the weapon to pulse purple for a bit. Markus sighs and holsters the now clean blade, both arms hanging limply at his side. He seems...upset, perhaps at himself. Was this how it was supposed to go? Or perhaps did he...act out of line?

"YO! Marky boy!" came a sickeningly similar voice. Markus turns as Desti stumbles into the clearing, two big bags of loot under her arms, "I heard some WEIRD noises over here, what the fu-" she looks down at the headless body, and stumbles back in shock, "JEEZ! Is that...WAS that the tribal dude? The hell happened here?"

"...A change of plan," Markus says coldly after a pause, "Hmm. Perhaps I've been too emotional going about this. Think it's time to embrace the pirate ways. We need those pieces, Desti. Now more than ever!" he starts walking slowly towards the exit to the village, "I've got a plan. Let's go."

===

You awake to the smell of medical disinfectants and a smattering of blood. You feel groggy, your eyelids heavy and your throat dry. At least this time there were no nightmares, no cryptic foreshadowing of what was to come. Part of you was relieved that wasn't the case. Your vision blurred as you finally dared to open your eyelids, and were met with the wonderful sight of your crew, huddled around you on the bed you were laying on. Finally, it became clear where you were; back in Doctor Bowser's room, in the little hospital section huddled in the corner.

"Captain!" Tari calls out, her face a radiant smile, "I'm so glad you're okay!"

[WE'RE glad you're okay,] Saiko says next, putting on her usual "baka" face, [Thought you bought the whole damn acre back there.]

"Yes, that wound in her leg was fairly problematic," Doc says, cleaning off some bloodied forceps, "Thankfully you managed to get her here before infection set in. The wound is cleaned and stitched up, shouldn't be a problem anymore."

"Thanks, Doc," you croak back, your head still spinning but a delirious smile across your lips, "I feel fantastic."

"That'll probably be the anaesthetic Doc put you under," Bella interjects, "Think you might still be feeling its effects. You feel anything, apart from fantastic?"

You pause. You try to wiggle your fingers and toes. No response. You couldn't even feel the bed underneath you, or the stitches now in your side. You look back, "...Nope."

"Well then," Bella shrugs, "Still, good to have you back, cap'n. And it looks like you got some loot with you, too."

Your vision finally fully re-aligns as your senses snap to attention. The Artefact! Where was it?! Did you drop it while you were running?! Oh no, what if it was destroyed in the fires!? You look up at Tari, "Aah, where IS the Artefact?!"

"Not to worry, Captain!" Axol chimes in, lifting something in his hands to your view, "I've been studying it for a while. And I gotta say...it's a wonderful thing!"

You look at the rod in relief. Sure enough, Axol is holding the Artefact in his hands. It has regained its aura by now, its bronze glowing almost gold, and a purple hue to its form. You grin, "Well fellas, that's what we came to get! The first piece of the Artefact!" Whoops and cheers cry out amongst the crew, and you beam in delight, "Now, what...IS it? Aside from a sort of...ghost sword?"

"We're not quite sure," Axol shrugs, "Not much in the way of documentation. It is said the Omnia called it the Sword of Shadows or...something like that? Translation work is kinda, coming to a halt."

"It barely even Inkling anymore," Dawn grumbles, "It now just gibberish with words spread in and about. Either writer became increasingly non-sane as going on, or they forget language and try to relearn it on fly. Either equally possible."

"But what we could translate says its REAL powerful!" Axol continues, "Only those with a pure heart can wield it effectively, but those who can are imbued with enhanced abilities! Well, until the strain on the body is too much and the user passes out."

"So, like taking life force from the user?" Tari asks, which makes you shiver somewhat.

"No, it sounds like the power given is just too much for the human body to take," Doc interjects, "You really are fragile things."

"Hey, we can't all shrug off lava like you can, big man," Bella says haughtily, slapping the good doctor's shell.

"Gonna be honest, if I knew we'd be running from lava, I would've brought you along too," you joke.

"Nonsense. Who would pay for my dry cleaning? Can't wash lava out of a fine-tailored suit," Doc jokes back, leading to a round of laughter in the room. Doc straightens his glasses, "Now, I feel it is good to give the Captain some time alone. She needs to rest and recover, that leg injury isn't just going to heal overnight."

"Nonsense, I'm fi-ADGDAFSVDSVSB-"

Okay, trying to get off the bed and onto your feet was a mistake. A burning white hot pain shoots up your leg and across your hips. You splutter in agony, legs bowing almost instantly as you lose all feeling in them once more, before Doc softly places you back on the bed with a sigh, "Well, that means the anaesthetic’s worn off. You are in bed for your own good, Captain. You will heal in time but please, for now, try to get some rest.”

Well, you were certainly in no condition to argue after THAT. Doc picks you up gently, and escorts you to your own room. You lie gingerly on your bed and look up at the crew. They look somewhat worried. You flash a weak smile, “Don’t worry, guys. Just give me a few days, I’ll be right as rain! I think.”

“Alright, I suppose,” Tari sighs, “Just get well soon, Captain! Can I bring her some of the soup I’m planning tonight, Doc?”

“Of course,” Doc straightens his glasses, “I don’t see why not. Should help her rest, really. We shall see you later, Captain. Ring the bell by your side if you need any help.”

You thank them, and they retire for the evening as well. Doc leaves some painkillers, a glass of water and a good book by your side, and bids you pleasant rest. Well it’s not quite night YET, so you spend the evening reading the book cover to cover. Your mind is a nice buzz before bedtime; it’s nice to take your mind off of that whole “ancient evil artefact” stuff, even if it is only for one evening. Nevertheless, night soon falls and, with some painkillers and a slug of water, you are soon out like a lamp.

===

Back in the void. Doesn't look any different than it did last time. Or the time before that. You're almost used to it, now. It's still far from "comforting", but at least you don't feel unnerved by simply being there. Heck, this time you were wondering what you were going to dream of this time. Who you were going to meet. At this point all you had figured out was that it involved you, in some manner. You, across the worlds, suffering. And someone's attempts to put it right.

You take a few steps into the void, steps echoing out in rings as you step onto the void floor. The sound rings out into the open air, repeating multiple times into the distance. But still nothing. You decide to call out, "Hellooooooooo! Anyone there? I'm here to get my next overly dramatic and possibly prophetic dream that may or may not have something to do with my current queeeeeeeeeest!"

Silence. And then, finally, a voice; "Heh. We really are all the same."

Strange. That was YOUR voice! You look behind you to the source of the speech, and a human girl walks out of the shadows and before you. And yep, it's you! Sort of. This you is wearing clothes not unlike the one you saw in your first dream. Only here she wore a black t-shirt with grey sleeves with white striping poorly sewn into them. Her shirt had an emblem of a skull wearing headphones and a beanie on the chest, two things she also wore on her head alongside some pilot goggles. Her boots and shorts were white in colour, and a weird, angular pattern was inscribed into the cups of her headphones. And her eyes were...black. Not unlike the weird glowing human, they were black in colour, but with red pupils lodged inside them. Her face was twisted into a near-permanent frown, and she had a lit cigarette in her hand.

"Wow, you guys are getting...weirder, with every dream," you say after an awkward pause.

"Nice to see you too, I guess," your alternate takes a final drag of her cigarette, then disposes of it, "So, you're this pirate me I've been hearing so much about, eh? Yo ho ho, and shit. Glad you're seemingly having a good time. 'S more than a lot of us are."

"Ah, so perhaps YOU know what the hell's going on here?" you ask.

"I WISH," your alternate grumbles, "I just remember passing out at home under a mountain of wine bottles, and now I'M here. I know we Warmongers have shared dreams, sometimes."

Your thoughts stop in their tracks and your face drops, "Wait...shared dreams? Warmongers?"

"Oh, right. I think you're not caught up at all," the red-eyed alt sighed, "Okay, let's start from the top, this is pretty freakin' complicated..." she gestures you to sit down, then does so herself. You follow, sitting down with crossed legs, "No tea, I'm afraid. I'm sure you're fine. Alright...so, they call me War Meggy, right?"

And already, you have stifle a laugh. War Meggy? Really? Was Evil Meggy taken? Dark Meggy perhaps? You successfully reduce the laugh to a snicker before you look at War Meggy and her rather...unamused expression. You swallow your spit, and your pride, "S-Sorry..."

"Yeah yeah, yuck it up. They all do. Less fun when you're the one suffering from it. We're called, Warmongers, I think. Basically it's depression with super powers. We get corrupted by these evil shits from some far-off void, it's complicated. All you need to know is that we tend to get nasty, and like to...hmm, lash out, I suppose."

"Hmm. I guess that makes some things make a little more sense..." you ponder, “But, why tell me this? Why are YOU here?”

“Why not?” War Meggy sighs, “Well, I can guess. Like I said, we Warmongers have this sort of, Shared Dream state. A hivemind of sorts. Wonder if it’s something YOU’VE come into contact with.”

“Like what?” you ask. The..."Warmonger" shrugs nonchalantly. You grumble at the lack of help and rack your own brain for what artefacts could even...oh, right. Yes. You already know what was causing these dreams..and such revelations unnerved you. You look at your other self square in the eyes, "I think I know. It's that...gem. The crystal. That mad Markus fellow is ahold of."

"Markus?" your alternate cocks an eyebrow at such a name, her tone one of bemusement and vague shock. You nod a confirmation, and she looks at you square in the eyes as well, "Hmm. Not sure why, but that name...rings a bell. Somewhere within this dream-state. Like, I don't know what it is, but...feel I should, y'know?"

"Yeah..." you mumble, some sick sense of realisation washing over you. A deep pit formed in your stomach at the connotations, "So, the Gem is related to the Warmongers, then? IF that's so...who is Markus? And what has it done to me?!"

"Well you're not one of us..." War Meggy leans forward and pries your eyelid open with her finger and thumb. Your eye burns from the full surface being exposed to the bitter void air, but you refrain from complaining. Eventually, she lets go of your eye and you snap it shut, blinking a few times to clear the ache. She shakes her head, "You haven't got the eyes. Maybe touching the gem as you did only stained yeh. Or, tainted. Allowed you to see into our world."

That...probably wasn't a good thing. You shake your head clear of bad thoughts, "Hence, the dreams? Is this what the gem did to me? I...can see things I probably shouldn't. Hence all the creepy warnings and people I've been running into here!"

"Mmm..." War Meggy sighs, "If I were you, and some days I wish I was, I wouldn't go snooping any deeper than here. Bad things lurk in this nightmare. Worse than any scary woohoo sea story you've probably got."

"I can imagine..."

Your other self sighs and stands up, "Looks like you're about to wake up. Stay safe, y'hear. Think the next place you gotta go should, uh...bring back some memories. See you around. I hope..."

Mmm. Dreams as cryptic as ever. You shrug in resignation and give your counterpart a small wave as the void fades to white.

Chapter Text

“Port to Starboard! Man the cannons! GET AWAY FROM THAT SHADOW, PLUMBER!

“Oh, boy! Red’s-a gonna-”

BLAOOOOOOM!!!

You are thrown from your bed from the sheer force of the explosion. The sound waves rock your ears as much as it rocks your body out of the cool comfort of the sheets. You tumble a few times, constantly onto your wounded leg, making you curse in pain every time you roll onto it. Eventually, you stop rolling, and you get to your knees, taking care to keep pressure off of the wound. Your room is shaking violently, items and objects falling off of shelves left and right. Wood splinters rain down upon you, dust hanging in the air in many ways. And in the distance, more and more explosions, sounds of cracking and burning wood.

There was no denying it. You were under attack!

Cursing your wounded leg, you slowly get to your feet. You stumble for the door, grabbing the magical sword on your way out. It has charged itself already, and a faint lavender hum emits from the blade. You thrust the door open, and beyond the frame is not a pretty sight. Chairs, shelves, paintings and the various knick-knacks you placed on them all were scattered across the floors like litter. Cracks were showing in the wooden walls, and sparks of flames dance in tiny spots on the ceiling. You scream in panic and rush towards the main deck, leg protesting in spurts of pain (and maybe blood) as you went.

Finally, you hobble up to the main deck, into the fresh salty sea air, and skid to a stop almost instantly. All around you, a dense morning fog, only added to by the smoke from several small fires across your vessel. Everyone was running around in a panic, trying to put these fires out, and repair holes in the boat. And then, with a horrific droning horn, the waves part before you, and your blood runs cold. A giant, iron behemoth of a ship, cannons primed and aimed, cut out of the smog and dwarfed your little wooden boat. Emblazoned on the side; S.S Aurora.

It was Desti. She had caught up to you. And once again, had gone full guns blazing.

"What the HELL is going on, here?!" you cry out in panic.

"It's Desti!" Green cried out, frantically hammering nails into a plank of wood covering a hole in the deck, "She's managed to find us!"

"How the hell did she catch up so fast!?" Belle screams as she narrowly dodges a cannonball, flinching at the unearthly crash and splintering as it slammed through the deck.

"I don't know!" Axol yelled, "I did the mapping, she was DAYS behind us!"

"She must be here for artefact!" Winter yells, returning fire towards the vessel with a rifle, "They may attract each other!"

Somehow a part of you knows exactly who was to blame for all this, but you withheld such for now...well, until you saw him in person, that is. Right now, you had a ship to defend. You stumble to the main deck, "Doesn't matter, we're under attack! All crew to your posts! We'll fight her off here and now!" you point all around, "Red, man the wheel and steer us clear of the danger zone! Saiko, Tari, man the cannons and disable their own! Green, Winter, you repair the holes and make sure we don't sink! Everyone else, bail water and assist where you can! Let's do this!"

Red bing-bong-wahoos towards the main wheel of the ship. Landing with a thud, he grabs the wheel and spins it with everything he's got. Everyone yelps and falls over each other as the ship lurches away from the firing zone. A few more cannonballs ring out from the Aurora and slam into the Iceberg, wood splinters flying everywhere as deafening bangs ring in your ears. But eventually, the cannonballs begin to miss their mark, splashing harmlessly into the waters below. You're not stupid, you've fought Desti in this manner many times before. David versus Goliath. Cat versus Mouse. And there was ever only one way to win; don't be the mouse. Move out of danger, strike where you could. Always sent her packing for a month or two with repair bills long enough to reach the floor. You didn't win EVERY time, of course, but just enough to make all of this worth it. So you were feeling confident.

Catching her footing, Saiko ran over to the cannons. You had about six of them, three jutting out of each side. You stocked as many cannonballs as you could muster, but while in Port Greenhorne you had managed to snag something better; Grapeshot. Many smaller cannonballs fired at once, devastating against even the Aurora’s iron armour. Not enough to punch through, but enough to give it a damn good rocking. As she went to grab them, Tari was already pouring some gunpowder into the barrels of each cannon on the port side. With a heave, Saiko lifts the shot into the cannons and rams them in with the rod. She grabs hold of the rope she would pull to fire, and then with her other hand the mechanism to turn and aim them.

Tari, cannons now loaded, runs up to a contraption near the cannons; some binoculars attached to the hull, lenses replaced with simple crosshair sighting rings. Crude and not 100% accurate, but it was enough. Tari’s sense of aim was impeccable, it turned out, more than enough to make this bodge work. But even she would have her work cut out this time.

[Keep it steady, Tar!] Saiko shouts out, [We’ve only got one shot before they realise we’re out of range and close the gap!]

“I’m on it!” Tari calls out. You run over and crouch by the lip of the hull for cover, hands clasped firmly over your ears, “Steady...steady...little more! Okay, we’ve got a good shot!”

“FIRE IT OFF!” you scream.

Saiko pulls hard on the first rope. There is a split second where nothing happens, before the cannon fires in a plume of raging fire and smoke. The shockwave batters your already damaged body and the sound nearly deafens you, but you can just make out the cannonballs sail out across the vast open sea. With a further-deafening CLANG, they slam into the side of the Aurora. They didn't pierce the contraption, sadly. But they managed to make substantial dents in the metalwork, and causing the ship to rock violently side to side. That would wind a lot of the crew, at least.

"Direct hit!" Tari calls out, "We didn't get through, but that's gonna leave a mark!"

"Fantastic! you yell, "Keep up the pressure, make sure they're reeling as much as you can! I'll check on the others!"

"AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!" both girls shout, saluting, before Saiko dips down to grab some more grapeshot. As you get to your shaking legs and begin to hobble away towards the main deck, you hear another round of cannons fire, followed by the sweetly satisfying sound of them slamming into the ship. But then, more fired. And they weren't yours. You turn in horror, to see that the Aurora had already closed the gap and once again its battery was blaring. You pick up the pace, or at least as much as your legs will allow, narrowly dodging a cannonball that punches straight through the deck with a horrifying crash. You lose your footing and fall, collapsing onto the deck just before Green and Dawn. Green is feverishly hammering in nails to keep some sodden wood firmly in place over a hole in the deck.

"Captain!" Green shouts over the cacophony of gunfire,"Boy aren't you a sight for sore eyes?!"

"What's the situation?" you call out.

"NOT GOOD!" Dawn screams as she dodges shrapnel, "They letting up from our fire, but they still hammering hard! Making holes faster then we patch up!"

"We just need to get back on top of things!" Green shouts again, "If you could patch up some of the smaller holes, I and Dawn can focus on the larger ones! Think you can do that?"

Now, you weren't a carpenter. You were nobility, after all. You were not one to do such small tasks. But, needs must and oh BOY did you need right now. You pick up a hammer and some nails and rush towards the smaller holes left by debris hitting the deck. All around you, more gunfire from both sides. Tari meekly yelled to fire again, and another rush of explosions as more grapeshot hammered the side of the Aurora. You placed a plank over the hole and set some nails up; two on each end. It wasn't a pretty job; the hammering of the nails was drowned out by the brutal crashes of iron on wood, your aim was wobbly owing to pain and bleariness and you nicked your thumb pretty bad at least a few times. But eventually, it was done. It wasn't professional, but it'd hold for now. You move onto the next hole, grab more wood and hammer away. And then the next, and the next. You got better with each plank, aim more accurate and nails less bent. Eventually, the small holes were patched, just, and Green and Dawn had finished with a good portion of the larger ones. You were in no danger of sinking, for now at least.

"Phew! Nice one, captain!" Green called out, wiping his brow, "That'll keep us afloat for the time being."

"FIRE!"

Another cacophony of gunfire from your ship, hammering the enemy. Finally, you pierced the hull, and the gunfire ceased as crew on deck were tossed about in the keeling vessel. You cheer alongside Green, Dawn and Red, and you hear sighs of relief from Axol and Whimpu as they bailed water out over the side.

"Good hit, Bluejay!" Belle called out from the crow's nest, telescope pressed to her eye, "They're reeling from that one!"

"Then keep up the pressure!" you bark out a command, "KEEP FIRING!"

More gunshots and fire and explosions and the wondrous sounds of metal denting and snapping, oh YES. You watched with glee as the boat was rocked and rolled by the impact of the grapeshot; it may not has shattered as easily as your ship, but MAN if it didn't still feel those hits. And indeed, on the Aurora, crewpeople were being thrown about by the impacts, any on the cannons had long been ejected by the forces. Desti and Markus were likewise stumbling around the deck as the impacts made the ground uneven. You had pulled out a telescope and was watching them from a distance; you couldn't hear them, even in the lull in the gunfire as Saiko reloaded, but you could read their lips.

"What is this?!" Desti cried out as she was bowled over, "How freaking hard is it to sink a goddamn WOODEN SHIP?! FIRE YOU IDIOTS, FIRE!!!"

"This is taking too damn long..." Markus growled, his scarf slipping down so you could see his lips - his crusted, scarred lips stitched together at the corner. Almost made you sick, "You two! Bring me that large rectangle case in my quarters!"

You watch as two crewmembers quickly rush below deck. There is a pause, and then they quickly emerge, carrying a massive leather case of some description. Markus undoes the locks with clicks, and it swings open. You see him reach in, rummaging around a bit, and then he saunters towards the main deck, staring across the waters to the Iceberg. Your jaw drops, for in his hands is what can only be described as a massive shotgun; four barrels, reinforced with a brass jacket, fashioned to an ornately engraved receiver and walnut wooden stock with large, spiky trigger guard and brass buttplate on the stock. He snapped it open, the four barrels folding into a square shape, he placed four massive silver bullets into the chambers, and snapped it closed again.

It was like...a blunderbuss mixed with a gatling gun. A...Blundergat, if you will.

"EVERYONE GET DOWN!!!" was all you could get out before Markus fired.

[BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM]

Holy bees, you thought the CANNONS were loud! Not that you had much time to even think about that before hitting the deck. You didn't see the shot ring out, but you sure as hell heard and felt it. What could only be described as an unholy combination of splintering wood and a continent splitting in two assaulted your poor ears; one popped from the strain almost immediately. Your vision became a violent collage of blood and wood and fire and ash and smoke, enveloping you in pure violence. You came to from the shock, face down on the dock, a rancid ringing in your remaining ear. You didn't even care about your leg at this point. All around was fire, your crewmates scattered across the deck; either passed out on the wood or desperately trying to put fires out. And there, where the cannons once were, was...well it could best be described as a gash in the side of the ship. Mercifully not low enough to invite in water, but there were no more cannons - and no more deck for them to rest on.

Your main defences were gone.

[WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!] Saiko called out amongst the havoc, [HE LASH A CANNON TO A GUNSTOCK OR SOMETHING?!]

"I don't..." you gasp and grasp for something to pull yourself up; you felt sick and delirious, "I don't...know..."

Then, more crashes. The Aurora had already glided smoothly alongside the Iceberg, and was now in the process of lashing hooks and harpoons to the side; most nestled within the large hole that wretched cannon gun had made. There was war cry after war cry as the crew of the Aurora jumped aboard, sword-wielding henchwoman after sword-wielding henchwoman, stampeding in a flurry of wailing voices and gnashing teeth. There was no better way to put it; you were being boarded!

“Captain!” Green cries out as he and Dawn rush over to your side. He tries to pick you up, and succeeds after a few cries of protest from your legs. He looks you straight in the face, his own frozen in fear, “W-We’re being boarded and half the team is down! What do we do?!”

It took you a while to answer. Not just because of what you were vaguely sure was a concussion, but also because...you simply never had to deal with this before. Desti had never boarded before. All you knew was that running was not an option, not with the hooks in the side. And that left one thing.

“...We fight,” you grumble, struggling to keep your eyes open, “We need to get these guys off the boat. We can do it. We’re small in numbers, but high in cunning. Get everyone who is still below deck.”

“Oooh!” Boatswain says suddenly, causing everyone to jump from the shock, “Can I get B.O.B? He can fight! He used to do it for a living before he got into his rapping career!”

Everyone remained silent for a while, blinking in disbelief. You alongside them, even. But, your racing mind was thinking it over. He DID have two giant blades for arms. It was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

“Get him...” you say, slowly getting to your feet with more yelps of pain, “We need everyone we can,” you reach in and dig out the sword of power; it hummed in response and gave off a warm aura and purple glow. It was ready. You grin slightly, “Alright fellas. Let’s get these invaders off our vessel!”

[I’ve been waiting for this...] Saiko grinned, slowly digging out her ad-hoc hammer from island and sprinting head-first into the fray, [COME GET SOME YA FREAKS!!!] and with a withering scream, slammed it into a crowd of mooks. They were all sent flying with a scream, sending some sailing over the side and some...well, let’s just say they weren’t getting up again.

More and more people joined the fray quickly, even Red; the ship wasn’t going anywhere, so why not? You can see him sail over the ship, yelling in glee, before he crash-lands onto one of the pirates...ass-end first. The henchwoman screams, she wails, she slaps the side of Red’s butt to get him off, but he just jumps up and down on her. It was...disturbing, but it was eventually one less attacker on the ship.

The main deck becomes a battlefield, a whirling, flying mass of crew people on either side. Saiko was almost graceful in her movement, dashing around the deck and punting crewmember after crewmember into the floor, or overboard. Others were scrambling to repair holes, extinguish fires or keep the invaders off each others’ backs. You knew it was time to join the fray. Sword in hand, you leap towards the invading pirates and put it to work. Your leg protests the entire time, but the adrenaline is soon blotting out that little issue. The very air feels like it is being torn asunder as you spin the sword around the deck like it was but a light wooden baton. A slash here, a swipe there, the odd stab and a half, the sword resonated like it was made to be in your hands. Crew members fell, one by one, and your rampage showed no sign of stopping.

That is, until you could see a shadow above you. A large, imposing shadow with a tinge of red light. You yell and dodge backwards as the shadow lands on the deck with a slam. It was Markus. Of course it was Markus. He had abandoned the giant shotgun, and now stood before you on the deck of your own ship. His figure was intimidating, and you could feel your heart beat loudly in your chest.

Nevertheless, you tried to put on a brave face, eyes narrowing in anger, “You...”

“We meet again, Megan. You really don’t understand what’s going on, huh?” Markus sighed, kicking a loose bit of grapeshot across the deck - must have had some strong boots, “I wish I could tell you what’s going on...but not yet. Not the time. And we really need that artefact. So...” He reached for the blade in the scabbard on his belt, and pulled it free. Once more, an unearthly ringing sound  as the obsidian blade was revealed, its red cracks shimmering violently. Markus bowed down into a combat pose, “Let’s do this how we’re supposed to.”

“Gladly!” you yell back, before you rush in to attack!

The fight is swift, but brutal. It was clear you are outmatched in terms of raw skill, but yet you hold your ground. His ability is staggering, if self-taught; you can tell in the way he swings the blade, in long and wide arcs that cover a lot of space. He is far from a swashbuckler, but he is a man with experience. His swipes are aimed. Deliberate. But slow, and that’s how you can catch him. Your nimble frame allows you to dip in and out of the blade’s swings like they were mere suggestions, flipping through a sideways slash like a ballerina before bringing the sword down before him. You clip his arm and he yells, staggering back and clutching at the wound. He looks down at it, then back to you.

“Ahh, so you DO have a little fight in you!” Markus chuckles, a sly grin slowly forming on his face, “Well that’s good, isn’t it?!”

He dashes back into the fray and swings the blade. You counter, blocking the strike with your own, causing an ethereal clanging sound to resonate out. You clash blades multiple times, each one causing purple and red sparks to fly out and set minor fires on the deck. You try for a low kick on his knee to buckle it, but he manages to pull out of the way and leave some cuts on you. They’re not deep, but they STING, man.

You fight well, dashing in and out of the swipes and managing to tag him pretty well on his chest and arms. You even manage to thrust the sword directly into his leg, and he screams in pain before you follow up with a punch to the face that sent him to the floor. If you didn’t know what was to come next, you would have said you had won by this point. But Markus was fighting dirty. With an errant grunt, he sent a heavy kick directly onto your wounded leg. The pain was like nothing you had experienced in a good long while, and you scream yourself in pain before he follows up with a punch of his own. And then another. And, finally, a headbutt of epic proportions. The world spins for a bit before you collapse face-first on the deck. By the time you come to, vision slowly collapsing into a single image again, Markus stands before you with both his blade and the artefact in hand.

“Sorry, kid,” Markus grumbled, juggling the two weapons slightly, “Ya fought really well. I’ll give you that much. But I really need this ‘ere thing.”

You spit up blood and a single tooth from the impact and croak out your rebuttal, “For someone who says you’re on my side...” you cough out some more blood, “You sure don’t act like it.”

“I have to keep my cover, you understand,” Markus said, “Dark forces are keeping watch. If I help too soon, they’ll find me and this whole thing ends before it starts. Bloody Locators...” he pressed a hand to his forehead, “Now, how do I make it look like I failed to kill you...let’s see.”

“GANG-WAY, BI-TCHES-”

Markus stops, looking towards the source of this voice. He somehow looks relieved and displeased at the same time. You turn too, and even in your pained haze, you see it. It’s B.O.B, free from the cell and throwing down with the remaining crewmembers like he was born to do it. He was a flying blur of his sickle arms on ropes, slashing through the crowd like a scythe through wheat. There is little left standing when he’s done, and he quickly turns and dashes towards Markus. A sly grin seems to creep across Markus’ face, but he doesn’t get to move before B.O.B is throwing swords with him. The fight is short but brutal. Even Markus cannot stand up to the flailing limbs of the weird cloaked beast, and before long he sustains further injuries to his arm, leg and a few more to his chest. Eventually, he tries to spin around B.O.B to catch him off-guard, but the latter retaliates swiftly. A deep gash is carved into Markus’ back, and he doesn’t so much scream as let out a shot gasp of surprise. He silently drops to his knees, and then onto his hands, the artefact clattering out of his hands.

B.O.B is quick on the draw to kick it over to you, so you clutch it in shivering fingers as he gloats to his fallen opponent, “AW-YEAH. CO-WER TO MY ALL-MIGHT, YOU SPOO-KY BITCH.”

You were about to genuinely compliment this strange creature for his prowess, before a deafening wall of explosions ring out around you all. You look up at the source of the violent booms; Green and Boatswain somehow hoisted the cannons back on-board! Tari and Saiko are now running up and down the cannons, firing each one as fast as possible, while Belle orders them up and down and Red hoists as much cannon shot as his tiny little arms can muster. It is...slightly irritating that Belle is doing your job, but you can’t help but admire the results. Cannon shot after cannon shot slams into the Aurora, nearly tipping it over with the sheer momentum of the impacts, throwing Desti and everyone else on-deck off of their feet. The remaining Aurora crew, of which there aren’t many, look at their slowly burning ship and decide fighting on your vessel isn’t worth it anymore. They run towards the ship,  scrabbling to grab welders and spare metal. It seems you’ve won.

“...Heh. You lot don’t want to make this easy, do you?” Markus looks up at you with a somewhat pleased smile on his face, “Good. If we have to do this, might as well have some fun with it, eh?” despite his grievous injuries, he slowly heaves himself to his feet and looks over the two of you, “This isn’t over, Spletzer. Trust me...”

He turns, growling in pain as his newly ventilated back protests this, aiming his blade towards the ship. In a rather strange turn of events, the blade splits into pieces connected by a strong wire and flies towards the Aurora, almost like some kind of whip. Lodging into the hull of the ship, it retracts, pulling Markus through the air and towards the Aurora. He lands on the deck just next to Desti with a clang,

“What the hell happened out there?!” Desti growled, pointing at Markus like she had a dagger in her hand, “How’re they winning?! I HAVE THE BETTER SHIP!”

“That...didn’t go according to plan on my part,.” Markus cringes in pain, “Let’s just bail. If we’re quick, we can steal the next piece before them. Get the advantage at least.”

“Seriously? She’s right there! You can’t expect me to-” she trails off as Markus continues to stare at her, his visage getting quite angry. You swear you can see him body turn slightly white with red tips. Desti weighs her options, and finally roars in fury “DAMN IT! FINE! RETREAT!” as the ship turns to leave and the last remaining crewmember manages to just about get on board, she turns to you and screams at the top of her lungs, “THIS ISN’T OVER, SPLETZER. TRUST ME!!!”

“You already said thaaaaaaaaat~” You say mockingly as the ship turns to leave. Desti gets a good look at your jab, then huffs in anger and storms off-deck. Markus limps after her, and it isn’t long before the substantially lighter ship turns and sails away, vanishing into the mist.

Chapter Text

And...that’s it. That was the last chapter I started before I decided to just can the War Meggy Arc. It wasn’t doing me much good, really. It started out so well, but as SMG4 dragged on and got worse and worse, I just felt like this was a waste of time. Why was I trying to justify writing this? All of THIS? For a story arc no-one would even care for? But I guess I felt I had to keep going. I’ve cancelled way too many projects over the years and I feel like you all deserve so much better than what I usually do. So I tried to keep at it, tried to at least get this finished so I could get onto the finale...

And then Western Spaghetti happened.

Needless to say, I gave up on this web series pretty quick after that. I haven’t watched an episode in its entirety since Mario Vs Youtubers. And trust me, it hasn’t gotten better. And due to Kevin being a greedy PoS who mistreats his voicecast and Luke being a complete and total bitch with a TV-head fetish, that will likely never change. It’s all to fund their stupid little Glitch shows anyway, no matter what that sycophant Cube says to persuade otherwise. So the whole thing got cancelled. Twice, in fact. Since then, of course, I’ve rebooted the whole Warmonger story to take back what was essentially stolen from me by someone else, so it wouldn’t have really made much difference if I finished this arc or not. No more arcs. They’re more trouble than they’re worth.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling. I suppose I might as well go into detail on what I was GOING to do after this chapter and how the WarMeg Arc would do. I’ve planned to do this for a long time, now. So, I better get on it. Forgive me that the rest of Wellersquid is described rather loosely. It’s been over two years since I abandoned the story idea and the middle wasn’t super fleshed out anyway. But with that said, let’s go;

----

Following the attack on the Iceberg, Megan and B.O.B would talk while the former’s leg was being patched up again. B.O.B is welcomed to the crew and they set sail to the next known artefact. Meanwhile, Markus/Traveller and Blade have a discussion about their “loyalty” to Desti and the idiotic rules they have to follow.

The location of the next artefact, to Megan’s chagrin, is the place where she grew up - Inkopolis Port. Snubbing her heritage and species as she did, they understandably are far from happy to see her again. In fact, they place her in one of their prisons at the behest of their king - probably a Wren analogue, though that wasn’t the intention. Details on this chapter are hazy beyond that as I never really thought about it - most likely Megan just makes relations worse to the point she just steals the next artefact and bolts just in time for Desti to face the brunt of the mob.

The final location, however, is one that Megan is very much unwelcome and unwilling to go - Port Aurora, the place she acts antsy about the entire story (and what Desti names her ship after purely to spite her). The port itself is long destroyed and abandoned, and it is finally revealed as to why - the events of Sunset Paradise actually happen to an extent early in Megan’s time as a pirate, but she slipped up hard and unleashed Benedict from his prison and lost the Phoenix Egg. He managed to destroy the entire island and kill everyone before he was defeated (implied to be by Traveller) and the ghost town is still full of the half-burned remains of the townsfolk, now zombifed and out for blood. Even her shadow self has long been extinguished - the only living being remaining is Whisk, now reduced to a crazed hermit.

Desti arrives and taunts her and her crew the entire time they wander through the desolate island. Eventually, they manage to find the artefact and Desti loses her patience and tries to kill Megan outright - it is revealed that Desti in this timeline is not a former Octoling, but instead the final resident of the Port, humanising herself to exact revenge on Megan for what she did to her home. Wrathful, they finally fight for the last piece and Megan eventually wins, stealing the gem from Traveller in the process.

However, as Megan finally assembles the Staff in the ruins of the old lighthouse, a ritual is set off that eventually consumes Whisk as the sacrifice. Bringing forth the portal that spawns...Lord Karsum! dun dun dun, ect. But he is confused. He did not ask to be summoned - technically speaking, he wouldn’t even be able to as his Staff was broken and scattered by the EE. Suddenly, a massive explosion from the Scavenger rifle caves in what’s left of the lighthouse, damaging and trapping the crew. It is then that the true mastermind of this entire scheme is revealed - War Leader!

Yes, before I retooled her into The Commander - and humanised her for the reboot - War Leader was the true antagonist of the story. It was her doing to find the staff pieces and use what influence she had to scatter them across the world so that some shmuck could reassemble the Staff. When Karsum would be summoned, she could walk through the portal to the real world, escape the D’Aether, steal the Staff and bring it to the Shadowmonger to empower and free her for good. Her reward? Seeing every Meggy across the multiverse be destroyed in a single, satisfying swoop.

Karsum damns his second acolyte for her treason, but War Leader doesn’t care - the EE alone were proof that he has lost control of his glorified disease and her hatred for Meggy simply proved stronger in the end. Able to accomplish her goals now that she has the Staff, she blasts the crew away and mutates Desti into a closer approximation of her prime self - a Kraken.

With Desti’s crew wiped out and the Shadowmonger about to be unleashed, Traveller finally abandons the idiotic plot of pretending to be on Desti’s side (truth be told, I...wasn’t really able to justify WHY he was on her side outside of “the plot demands it”, so that would’ve been a fail anyway) and finally explains what the hell is going on to Megan; she and all other alternates of herself are under threat from The Shadowmonger, a consolidation of all of the self-loathing of the Meggies that gained sentience and wants to wipe out every Meggy from the multiverse - irregardless of the catastrophic effect this would have on the multiverse as a whole. His plan was to play both sides until they had all the Staff pieces and steal them all in one swoop to protect it from falling into the wrong hands. In hindsight, he admits he didn’t play his cards right - the hallucinations from touching the gem were intended to at least try to get Megan up to speed on the backstory to all of this, but all it resulted in was Megan refusing to trust him. To that end, he decides to win her over another way - by helping her take down Kraken Desti.

And so, the final battle occurs. Sailing out into the open sea to kill Desti before she destroys any other settlement, the crew load up with various Wonder Weapons supplied by Traveller and they fight to the death. It’s a brutal slog of a battle, but everyone is able to prove their own in the fight - yes, even Whimpu. Eventually, Traveller and Megan plant their blades right into the Kraken’s forehead, killing it for good. Megan’s universe is safe. But War Leader is at large and the Shadowmonger is almost ready to be unleashed. But Traveller has his own plans, and Karsum - now stuck in the living world and powerless without his staff - agrees to help if it will allow him to recover his staff. Megan asks him where he would get such an army to take on this supposed force. Traveller just grins slyly and says he has an army and then some...

That would be the end of Wellersquid. It would be the penultimate part of the entire arc, and the finale would be a fairly lengthy GMOD comic. I never got around to making a name for it, really. Feel free to suggest your own in the comments. For the sake of the timeline and this article, I will give it a placeholder name; Megpocalypse.

It starts where the final comic was supposed to - with SMG4-7 and crew attacking War Meggy in the castle as they figured out that she was a fraud. They chase her all the way back towards her house just as War Tari is trying another scheme to help Traveller with his own plans. In fact, he shows up just as SMG4-7 chases War Meggy into the house and sees what they’ve been doing with THEIR Meggy - and he’s far from alone.

Behind him is a ragtag group of Meggies from across the multiverse, most of which would be represented by skins from the Meggy Painted Pack, with Megan, War Desti (remember her?) and Inkling Meggy at the forefront alongside Traveller. Alas, they end up too late - War Leader teleports in at the last minute (amusingly, having time-travelled with the staff so she skipped the end of Wellersquid after Kraken-Desti was born) and blocks off access from everyone towards the hypnotised Meggy. With the power of the Staff as a conduit, she rips the hypno-headband from the alternate’s head, finally releasing the Shadowmonger.

The world turns to hell right away. The skies go purple, the world goes dark and eruptions of D’Aether energies and crystals litter the land. SMG7 is now home to a full-on dimensional breach, and monsters from the pit are summoned - including Shadowmonger’s own acolyte, War Melony. Shadowmonger, at full strength thanks to the power of the Staff, “thanks” War Leader by incinerating her, kidnapping War Meggy for her own purposes, taking the staff and flying off as D’Aether creatures assault our heroes.

They fight their way to the centre of the Mushroom Kingdom city, where Shadowmonger is preparing their final plan - by charging up a blast (totally not a Spirit Bomb) big and powerful enough to wipe out life on a multiversal scale, but also precise enough to target JUST the Meggies. Traveller and Karsum try to explain that such a powerful blast would just rip the multiverse in two, with the resulting graveyard of realities being nearly unrecognisable. Shadowmonger deems it required if it ends the suffering of her and every Meggy in all of time and space. Shadowmonger, sure that no-one could disable the not spirit bomb, leaves War Melony and the D’Aether monsters (D’Aemons?) to kill the Meggy Army while they go off to torture War Meggy as an extra-special “thank you” for putting this whole shitshow in motion.

The Meggy Army spreads out to fight the monsters, who either look like abandoned monster designs (ala the Iblis creatures from Sonic 06, as used previously) or based off of Meggy-centric antagonists (Leader, Francis, Whisk, even Desti - plus the odd SMG4 for a little vague commentary hmmmmmmmmmmm). The Meggies put their various gimmicks and powers to good use, and are able to stem the tide. Meanwhile, War Melony fights the main group and is able to put a sizeable dent in them, taking everyone out but Mario-7, Traveller, Megan, Inkling Meggy and Karsum. War Melony gloats that her master will end this rancid show once and for all, and even Traveller - a self-taught novice by her reckoning - would be unable to beat her totally-earned skills. Traveller merely chuckles and asks War Melony if they didn’t think that far ahead - and sure enough, the Prime Melony (around present day) arrives on the scene and starts fighting War Melony to a standstill. She beckons the survivors to move on and stop Shadowmonger, which they do.

The comic then deviates a little to show War Melony and Melony Prime fight. Despite War Melony’s own boasts of superior skill, Melony Prime simply has the training that Link gave her - for better and for worse - and she is unable to keep up. Melony Prime pleads with her counterpart to stop the madness, saying that Shadowmonger was never going to bring Axol back and that moving on is the only option. War Melony, so deep in her own delusions, only gets angrier and angrier and fights worse and worse. Eventually, Melony Prime has no option but to impale War Melony with her own sword. 

Time slows a little as the two share some final words. Melony Prime understands that losing Axol was cruel, and mostly SMG4’s fault - in both senses of that character - but his sacrifice was not in vain, despite what she thinks. It was what motivated her to get stronger and hone her abilities to defeat SMG0 once and for all, and to protect her friends fro-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can’t finish that with a straight face. Regardless, War Melony bitterly tells her prime self that she will always be a slave to a man who profits off suffering, and that nothing she does will ever fill the hole that Axol left. As one final act of spite, she thrusts her blade further into her torso, leaving her to bleed out in her Prime self’s arms.

Meanwhile, Shadowmonger is happily torturing War Meggy as her little power ball charges up, but she is stopped from using it at the last minute by the arriving survivors. Shadowmonger drops War Meggy to focus on them, and the battle is a bloodbath - she is souped up on D’Aether energy, and she wipes the floor with them. Even when the Staff is knocked from her hands and Karsum catches it, his little victory is short lived as Shadowmonger is just too aggressive for him to defeat. She has outgrown even him, his worst nightmare.

As the others lay defeated on the ground, Shadowmonger gloats - she is willing to spare them, just so they can see the genocide (or “Meggycide”, as she puts it) up close and personal. After all, the energy is charged, there’s nothing they can do to stop her now...so, why can she hear the Staff powering up behind her? Sure enough, War Meggy is holding the Staff, and it’s glowing and humming violently - being too close to Shadowmonger has overcharged the already full Staff and its breaking down. War Meggy gloats that, even if this world is kind of shitty, she enjoys living in it, thank you very much. Besides, she’s not going to let some purple knock-off with a god complex get one over her.

“But...but you don’t even know how to use that thing! It’s a weapon of immense power, you’ll just kill yourself trying to stop us!”

“Funny. Not the first time I’ve heard that...YEET!!!”

With that, she uses her Drone strength and dexterity to throw the overcharged Staff into the spirit bomb. The energies cancel each other out and simply causes a minor implosion, destroying both artefacts. Karsum mourns the loss of his weapon, after a mere minute of getting to use it again, while Traveller asks incredulously how War Meggy knew that was going to happen.

“Uh...I, didn’t. But, hey, I got to look cool, eh?!”

Shadowmonger, enraged beyond compare, breaks down and simply rants and raves about how she’s going to disassemble each and every one of them, atom by atom, and simply make another bomb. But then, in a cruel irony, she’s impaled like a shish-kebab by...Sephiroth Final Fantasy?! Sure enough, it’s War Desti, having disguised herself to avoid the fights and was just waiting for the moment to spring out and strike her down. Shadowmonger is purged from the alternate Meggy’s body, absorbed and eradicated by Karsum with obscene amounts of spite. Meggy-7, returned to her senses, dies as herself in the arms of War Tari and her Mario.

The Shadowmonger is defeated and the dimensional breach closes, dragging the D’Aemons kicking and screaming back into the D’Aether. All that’s left to do now is get every Meggy back to their home universes and clean up the mess here, maybe find another Meggy from a doomed universe to replace M7. War Meggy and Traveller have a spiteful argument about the former’s hubris and arrogance, but War Meggy is just glad its all over and that she can get back to living her perfect life.

“And hey, maybe now I can replace that Meggy full time! I kinda enjoy being the good gal sometimes, maybe even do something about that TV gu-”

[click] [BOOM!!!]

Yep, that was going to be her fate. Traveller, sick of her everything, turns around and dramatically blows War Meggy’s brains out right there and then. Everyone is horrified at his actions, and it takes them holding him down and talking him out of it to spare War Tari the same fate. He goes on his usual rant about how Warmongers were a mistake and deserve to be eradicated, possibly setting up some future problems for the Children of Karsum down the line. But, he does eventually spare War Tari, leaving her as the last remaining member of the Glitchy Girls (War Saiko dies protecting her when Shadowmonger is first released. I’d mention that, but, do you care?).

That night, as the SMG4-7 crew sweep away the debris in their usual comedic antics, Traveller is at least courteous enough to give War Meggy and War Melony a cremation ala Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. He and Melony Prime have a conversation about it, where Prime Melony tries to convince him that this hatred needs to be let go, for it will consume him too if he lets it fester. He simply states that Melony doesn’t understand the Warmonger Condition like he does, and settles for returning her to her home universe. This may or may not explain where she was during the events of everything involving Mr Puzzles.

Karsum returns to the D’Aether, upset and frustrated; his creation has acted out of line again, a good portion of his children are dead, and now his prized and powerful staff is dust in the wind. All that searching, all this misery and universe hopping. All for absolutely nothing. Worse still, this means he is now utterly powerless against the Eternal Empire and their ilk, as their own plans have been moving too quickly and smoothly for even the War Splats to do anything about it. With time running out and lives on the line, Karsum has no choice - he must return to The Origins, the “beginning” of the Dark Aether, and beg for help from the mysterious overlord of the void - The Archon.

And he better do it quickly. The Eternal Empire is also on-route to The Origin, with copious amounts of Element 115. Their plan? Undo the seal that bound the old world to the Dark Aether, return Primis from nothingness, and infect all of reality with the Dark Aether as to destroy reality once and for all...