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English
Series:
Part 5 of Chaotic Transmigrators
Stats:
Published:
2025-05-24
Updated:
2025-07-24
Words:
2,115
Chapters:
2/?
Comments:
27
Kudos:
164
Bookmarks:
36
Hits:
1,634

The stars in the sky always have a place for you

Summary:

A chat is created for the users all around Teyvat to use, and chaos erupts in the eyes of their friends and comrades.

floatingbaby: VENTI I SWEAR TO FUCKS SAKE IF YOU DONT PAY ME BACK MY MORA IMMA EAT YOU ALIVE YOU SLUT
drunkard: why is the baby talking to me
drunkard: go back to the womb worm (˶‾᷄ ⁻.‾᷅˵)
floatingbaby: WORRRMM????
gingerANDrussian: sometimes I wonder if being back in teyvat is worth it

 

surfergirl: gang.
surfergirl: I am so in love with this man it physically hurts me
puppet2.0: hoe is u romeo or something
surfergirl: at this point hell to the ya. watch me seduce this man and make him carry MY babies
puppet2.0: hell yeah, get that man pregnant
releasetheemo: wtf.

Kinich concurs. What, and he couldn't stress this enough, the fuck.

dendrogal: if these two fucks don't kiss, I'm going to commit a federal crime JUST KISS AND GET ME OUT OF HEERREE
stalker: just....just write fanfiction
dendrogal: idk how to write fanfiction (◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ )
purplegal: I do
purplegal: I once wrote an asmoday x istaroth fanfic once
drunkard: WHAR????
rose: mad woman (⚈_⚈)

Chapter 1: The Moment when Everything Changed

Summary:

the chat is created, skirk apparentlt is a yuri lover, venti made a bet with rukkie, xiao plays the kazoo, and everyone declares noelle as the next queen

so normal things

Notes:

this shit has been sitting in my docs since feburary. can you believe that

anyways I hope you enjoy this silly mess, because I def will

Chapter Text

It started like most stories created on a whim, with a [Ping!]
 
[Chat Channel]

@System-00 has created the chat
@System-00 has added User-Host-00, System-01, User-Host-01, and 14 more Users
@Systen-00 has added ???+ to the chat

[Roles have been added!]

System-00: Welcome Users to the new Chat and Messages feature :) With the last and final Host finally entering the beautiful world of Teyvat, the Systems got together and decided that it would be best if you nine communicated with one another in this brand-new world! This will most definitely make all your upcoming missions easier!
System-00: If anyone has questions, feel free to contact us, and we shall be there in a jiffy!
System-00: Now, have fun and complete your missions more efficiently!!
User-Host-01: WHAT
User-Host-01: THERE???? THERE'S MORE OF US??
User-Host-01: I'm too sober for this shit goodbye chat I'm going to get drunk
User-Host-01: wait I can't even do that because of dvalin FFFUUXCKKK
User-Host-06: Dvalin ( ╹ -╹)? wait is it time already
User-Host-06: I've been so busy lately that I haven't even realized yet...
User-Host-06: No wonder Grandmaster Jean has been even more stressed lately
User-Host-01: like grandaughter like great great so many greats grandmother 
User-Host-01: wait.
User-Host-01: hoe is you from Mond???
User-Host-01: nah better question who tf are you all ( ╹ -╹)?
User-Host-02: folks say I'm an emo boy
User-Host-05: that doesn't really narrow it down much dude so many ppl in teyvat are emo
User-Host-05: I think every nation has an emo 
User-Host-05: over here in natlan its either ororon or kinich I haven't decided yet
User-Host-07: ur from natlan?
User-Host-05: yeep!! born, well, reborn and raised !!!
User-Host-03: Pause for a moment. Let's all introduce ourselves, because its so hard trying to figure out whos who here
User-Host-00: I'll start first then 
User-Host-00: Is there like an order of what to say? or do we go bonkers
User-Host-03: Uhhhh I got nothing 
User-Host-01: Name, nation, and fun fact?
User-Host-00: Hmm mkay
User-Host-00: My name is Skirk, I uhh I don't have a nation because I'm in the Abyss, but I call this particular place I'm currently in the Darklands, and fun fact is I ship Asmoday and Istharoth •ᴗ•
User-Host-01: you WHAT?
User-Host-09: you're WHOOO????
User-Host-04: MASTER???
User-Host-00: master? Wait a fucking second AJAXXX???
User-Host-00: NAH WHAT THE FUCK YOU BRAT YOURE LIKE ME???
User-Host-04: YEAH TF 
User-Host-00: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME???
User-Host-04: oh my bad next time i fall into the abyss ill start talking about how im from another world and you were a fictional woman 
User-Host-00: are u sassing me.
User-Host-00: i can still beat u up 
User-Host-04: NUH UH
User-Host-05: alright love the reunion but i got a question
User-Host-05: does this make u the emo of the Abyss then?
User-Host-00: nope that's master. he's so emo he makes xiao look like a normal highschooler 
User-Host-01: instant doubt, early morax when his pet rocks go missing is more emo than xiao
User-Host-02: how do u know tat
User-Host-01: sup. I'm venti barbatos uhh I'm from mmmooonnndddd the best city eveeerrrrr I like driiinnnkkkiiinnnggg and I'm the only god who's still a kickin
User-Host-02: Morax is still alive
User-Host-01: yeah but
User-Host-01: he dies
User-Host-04: with how familiar u are with Morax, can we assume u are an adepti or just a liyuean?
User-Host-05: yoo we don't gotta be professional u know
User-Host-05: lets all just chill and relax!!
User-Host-04: trust when I say I want too, but the amount of 'etiquette training' that has been shoved down my throat is making me tweak so pls deal with this chat 
User-Host-05: ahhh gotcha
User-Host-02: ur right I'm an adepti
User-Host-02: *plays kazzoo*
User-Host-02: call out my name
User-Host-08: ADEPTUS XIIAAAOOOO!!!! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-
User-Host-02: best response I've gotten ever you're amazing user 8
User-Host-08: anything for my first main love you king 🙏
User-Host-03: my turrrnnn
User-Host-03: my name is mikoto, gave myself the name do yall like it
User-Host-05: its very cute
User-Host-03: ৻(  •̀ ᗜ •́  ৻)
User-Host-03: I'm from inazuma, and fun fact I'm the raiden shogun
User-Host-07: WHAT?
User-Host-00: wut
User-Host-04: pardon 
User-Host-03: the puppet itself not ei
User-Host-03: yeaahhh I got shoved into this body its so hard to explain 
User-Host-03: and gang ngl I'm about to crash out I'm so bored somebody hurry the travler up so they can come to inazuma
User-Host-09: they just fished me out of the river so sorry it will take a while
User-Host-03: HO IS YOU PAIMOONNN???
User-Host-09: ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ ill chat here in a bit I'm currently in a state of shock I woke up then nearly drowned then a system shoved itself into my face and now I'm a floating child so uh gimme a moment to try and get my bearings
User-Host-05: take all the time u need girl(question mark) or king or individual 🙏
User-Host-04: hey gang im ajax or childe but since we are all friends now call me ajax and fun fact on my genshin acc i made childe crit once
User-Host-02: wow, miracles can happen
User-Host-02: respect dude
User-Host-04: tytyty i tried my best
User-Host-04: NEXT
User-Host-05: ok!!
User-Host-05: hey yall!! I'm mualani and I'm from well natlan and funfact about me is I can juggle 5 things at once on one foot
User-Host-02: that's....so specific wha
User-Host-05: I'm special like that 
User-Host-05: NEXT!
User-Host-06: Hi everyone! I'm Noelle and like in game, I can swing a claymore with one hand ◝(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)◜
User-Host-01: I would die for you 
User-Host-06: pls don't  (ó﹏ò｡) I don't want you to die!!!
User-Host-02: I would also die for you
User-Host-00: don't use noelle as an excuse to kill urself
User-Host-06: Everyone please don't die!!!
User-Host-02: yes queen noelle 
User-Host-01: OMG!!!

@User-Host-01 has changed @User-Host-06 name to 'Queen Noelle"

Quee Noelle: (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) You guys are so sweet!
User-Host-04: Holy shit, I haven't felt like this in ages
User-Host-04: if anyone ever attacks noelle, we have to kill them.
User-Host-00: Agreed.
User-Host-07: THE ARCHON DAMM ABYSS MONSTER OF A WOMAN EVEN AGREES???
User-Host-07: I fear we have found the next archon.
User-Host-03: ok but who are you
User-Host-07: OH! 
User-Host-07: I'm Charlotte! From The land of the french and uh fun fact is uhhhhh
User-Host-07: I've witnessed a murder 
User-Host-03: why does the most normal person here have the most insane back story tf
User-Host-07: IT WAS AGAISNT MY WILL TO!! I DIDNT GIVE CONSENT TO SEE A DEAD BODY!!!!
User-Host-08: turning the topic back to this before we all spiral about seeing our fair share of dead bodies. hi everyone!! I'm collei and fun fact is I have 4 dads :D
User-Host-01: . . .
User-Host-01: damm. i owe rukkie so much money.
User-Host-08: tf does that mean.
User-Host-01: whistles innocently 
User-Host-08: VENTI WTF DOES THAT MEAN?????

Chapter 2: gay AND ginger?? pick a struggle

Summary:

childe is gay AND a ginger, everyone send your condolences
oh, and mikoto loves men AND women, and is still single.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

User-Host-01: ok hold on gang 
User-Host-01 has changed their name to whatsagender
whatsagender changed User-Host-00 name to Mother
Mother: ???
whatsagender: aren't you literally ajax's mom in all but blood 
Mother: oh yeah 
User-Host-04: HUHHHH????
Mother: surprise! you're adopted 
User-Host-04: ????? Ok????
whatsagender changed User-Host-02 name to kazoo 
kazoo: i fw it 
whatsagender changed User-Host-03 name to saneraidenchild
saneraidenchild: you think I'm sane?
whatsagender: compared to Miko and scara and I guess ei?? Most definitely 
saneraidenchild: um ACTUALYYY!!!!!! ur WRONG
whatsagender: yeah well im keeping it so suck it UP
saneraidenchild: BLEH!!!
whatsagender changed User-Host-04 name to gingerANDgay
gingerANDgay: WHAT
gingerANDgay: WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE UR CALLING ME A SLUR
whatsagender: its june bro i can call you all the slurs i want FAA
User-Host-07: WOAAHHHHHHHH 
User-Host-07: SCREENSHOTED FRAMED SAVED THE ANEMO ARCHON SAYS SLURRSSSSS
whatsagender: LIES!!! LIESSS!!
whatsagender: YOU'RE CONFUSING ME WITH AI!!!! I WOULD NEVER SAY SLURS!!!!
kazoo: i dont believe u 
User-Host-07: Mister (?) Xiao, can you tell me more about the allegations of Mister (?) Venti saying slurs?
kazoo: yeah its mister, and he def called morax a slur once
whatsagender: ok first idc mister miss mx idc second HE CALLED ME A SLUR ONCE TOOO
whatsagender: MORAX, REX LAPIS, ZHONGLI, HE'S ALL SO MEAANN TO MEEEEEEEEE
gingerANDgay: hey. asking for a friend
gingerANDgay: does he kiss men?
gingerANDgay: This may contain: a black and white drawing of a person smiling
User-Host-05: alright buddy
Mother: Ajax.
gingerANDgay: A MAN CANT DREAMMMM?????? 
whatsagender: ENOUGH. you sluts (minus queen noelle) are DISTRACTING ME!
whatsagender changed User-Host-05 name to surfergirl
surfergirl: yall should come over and ill teach you how to surf!
saneraidenchild: i wish i could bro get me out of here
Mother: you can though
saneraidenchild: What.
Queen Noelle: Yes! I believe you can use the teleportation waypoints? At least I was able to :)
User-Host-08: yep yep, its part of the System's Package we get
saneraidenchild:. . . 
saneraidenchild: This may contain: a black and white drawing of a frowning face so ive been stuck in this country when i could have been having fun in natlan
saneraidenchild: what the FUCK
saneraidenchild: @surfergirl im coming i have no mora but i beg of you off our new found friendship lemme have some of your food
surfergirl: np girl come on over Story pin image ill take u to the best spots
surfergirl: im off work today any-HOLY SHIT
surfergirl: LMAOOO HI MIKOTO!!!
saneraidenchild: Story pin image
saneraidenchild has sent an image!

A blue-haired girl is seen giggling as she gives a peace sign to the camera, with a taller purple-haired woman behind her, her long ponytail on her shoulder. 

Mother: LMAOO ITS BEEN LESS THAN A SECOND!
saneraidenchild: you dont understand. its like covid, but withouht the non vacineers 
whatsagender changed User-Host-07 name to CNN10!
CNN10!: WHAT
CNN10!: LOLLL WAIT WAIT WAIT!
CNN10!: Welcome to CNN 10 Folks! I'm your host, Carl Azuz!
User-Host-08: WE LOVE YOU CARL AZUZ!!!!
whatsagender changed User-Host-08 name to dottoresNo1hater
dottoresNo1hater: real i hate that bitch sm
whatsagender changed User-Host-09 name to youngone
youngone: WHAT
youngone: CHANGE THAT!
surfergirl: eyy paimon!! welcome!!
youngone: hi everyone!! intro time right?
youngone: um apparently im paimon and fun fact is uhhh
youngone: UHHHHHH
youngone: the travler is aether
saneraidenchild: NOOOOO I WANTED LUMINE!!! Story pin image MY BISEXUAL SEX DREAM IS RUINEEDDDDD
youngone: WHATTT
youngone: LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE!!!!!!
kazoo: are you guys all parents now or something tf
Mother: Im a mother of one
whatsagender: technically im a mother of a nation
Queen Noelle: Um..I have plant kids? 
saneraidenchild: nah fuck that
surfergirl: does kachina count 🧍‍♀️
CNN10: Nah
dottoresNo1hater: cullen ambar counts yeah?
gingerANDgay: guh
gingerANDgay: uhhh tonia anton and teucer????
Mother: those are your siblings
gingerANDgay: SO WHAT I RAISED EM TOO
youngone: anyways
youngone: update on my life, aether has gotten anemo, and we've met venti
youngone: we're about to meet amber, so uhh this is act one of mond yay!
saneraidenchild: Story pin imageim gonna be stuck in inazuma for MONTHS
surfergirl: YOURE LITTERALY AT MY HOUSE RN
saneraidenchild: and were going to a party after this!!!! skirk u should come come come This may contain: an emo emo smiley face with angel wings
Mother: im with ajax rn
Mother: @gingerANDgay you make bangers cookies btw
gingerANDgay: ARE YOU IN MY HOUSSEEEE?????? HOW DID YOU GET IN????
Mother: dumb. 
gingerANDgay: ur so nice to me.
gingerANDgay: but anyways you should stay for dinner master im making vishap soup tonight 
whatsagender: GASP I WANT VISHAP SOUP!!!
Queen Noelle: ? You can eat vishap's? How fascinating....
whatsagender: Zhongli gave me some last time i was in liyue it was so nice
whatsagender: when mond's plot is over I can take you out to get some!!
Queen Noelle: happy I would love that! Thank you Venti!
whatsagender: Story pin image
Mother: anyways 
Mother: where is our nod krai member
kazoo: wdym
Mother: well. havent you guys noticed that all of us are from one of the main nation? minus venti but i think he counts as an archon figure in the systems book
Mother: so we just need a nodkrai member and uh a celestia? but fuccckkk thattt
CNN10: maybe like paimon they'll come later?
CNN10: and if venti is the archon here, what about mikoto?
saneraidenchild: techincally im not an archon? yeah ppl can pray to me and i can answer them but most divine beings can do that so that doesnt really mean much
saneraidenchild: im just a figure head shurgs
dottoresNo1hater: you can answer prayers?????
saneraidenchild: yep
saneraidenchild: most divine beings can, @kazoo can adepti as well? since morax was the prime adeptus
kazoo: huh
kazoo: sorry i was fighting churls
kazoo: yeah adeptus can answer prayers. as one of the yakashas i answer a lot of prayers for protection and safety, and they offer me some offerings as well
saneraidenchild: hmmm offerings are so niceeee
whatsagender: varka always pours wine for me whenever he's about to start a fight. isnt he so precious
gingerANDgay: hot man.
saneraidenchild: hot man.
CNN10: Breaking News! Harbringer Tartaglia and Her Excellency the Raiden Shogun are Whores!!! More in 10! 
gingerANDgay: Story pin image
saneraidenchild: Story pin image

 

 

 

 

 

Dark purple eyes stared at the floating screen before him with a scowl. What the fuck was this?

Notes:

nod krai brought me back
actually, queen sandrone brought me back
ive been a sandrone believer since she was seen in winters lazzoo. im so happy im free from the hospital

anyways i hope you enjoy, and remeber this is CRACK!!! CRACKK
as to who can see the chat...just....every.....vision/playable/imporant....person.....
tehe

Series this work belongs to: