Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Battle of New York was over. The demigods were sweaty, tired, and ready to grieve their fallen friends. Unfortunately, fate (or The Fates) had other plans.

Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Thalia, Will, Nico, Clarisse, and Katie Gardiner were in the ruins of the Olympian throne room. Without warning, they were transported to an unfamiliar bedroom. In the blink of an eye, Silena Beauregard and Charles Beckendorf appeared.

“What's happening?” Beckendorf asked.

“Where are we?” Silena wondered. “Why are we here?”

“An excellent question,” Aphrodite said.

She, Poseidon, Hermes, Demeter, Zeus, Artemis, Athena, Apollo, and Hades were standing behind the kids.

Silena smiled slightly.

“Hi, Mom.”

Sally Jackson and Paul Blofis appeared next.

“Mom!”

“Percy!”

Sally hugged her son.

“Oh my goodness, you look wonderful. Where's Annabeth, is she alright?”

Annabeth smiled and waved, blushing slightly.

“Hi, Ms Jackson.”

“Thalia, your leg! Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'm okay. Long time no see.”

Thalia hugged Sally.

Next, and finally, Frederick Chase appeared in a flash of light. He looked first at his daughter and then his former lover. The mortal man blushed scarlet.

“Oh. Wow. Okay. Um. Hello. Again.”

“Hello, Frederick,” Athena said.

“What exactly is going on?”

“Stupid magic goddess causing trouble once again,” Thalia said under her breath.

Artemis gave Thalia a disapproving look.

“Sorry, milady.”

Dr Chase turned his attention to the younger goddess.

“I remember you. From San Francisco, two years ago. You had a silver chariot…”

“Yes. I am Artemis, goddess of the moon.”

Paul's mouth fell open.

“But you're just a kid,” he blurted out.

Percy buried his face in his hands, Thalia winced, and Artemis gave Paul a steely look.

“Please don't disintegrate my husband, Lady Artemis,” Sally said. “He can't see through the Mist. He wasn't trying to be disrespectful.”

“I'm sorry. Was that disrespectful? I only meant…” Paul trailed off as Artemis raised her eyebrows. “I'll stop talking now.”

“Excellent choice,” she said coolly.

“You'll have to forgive my sister,” Apollo spoke up. “She doesn't like men as a general rule. It's nothing personal.”

“Sister,” Paul repeated slowly. “So that would make you…Apollo, the sun god?”

Apollo grinned.

“Yep! Hey, you know your stuff!”

Paul smiled, relieved that at least one of the gods didn't appear to want to disintegrate him.

“I still remember a little of what I learned in college.”

Before Paul and Apollo could continue bonding, a teenage girl came into the room. She was holding a sword and herding a familiar young man.

“Luke,” Thalia whispered, tensing up.

“Thalia, hi.”

“Hi?” Thalia repeated angrily. “Is that really all you have to say to me?”

Annabeth put her hand on Thalia's shoulder. Beckendorf stepped forward and punched Luke in the face.

The girl gasped.

“Hey, don't!”

“That's for my girlfriend,” Beckendorf snapped at Luke.

“Wait a minute.” The girl pointed the sword at Beckendorf. “Are you Charlie Beckendorf? Silena Beauregard's boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

She blinked a couple times and stared.

“What in the…is this real? Am I dreaming?”

“Are you a demigod?” Annabeth asked. “I've never seen you around camp.”

The girl laughed.

“I wish. Nah, as far as I know I'm mortal. I'm just a big fan.”

“What does that mean?” Percy asked.

“I've been following your adventures since I was, like, seven. They were books first, then a musical, and now there's a TV show.”

“A TV show? About me?”

“Don't sound so surprised. You're kind of a big deal. Big Three kid, forbidden child -”

Sally winced at the term.

“- hero of the prophecy…you're quite a big name.” The girl suddenly became very animated. “Do you have any idea what these books have done? Thanks to your drama, an entire generation of kids can not only spout off random Greek mythology facts and recite myths, but they can also feel awesome about themselves when they realize their favorite heroes have disabilities just like them!” The kid was practically bouncing with excitement. “Thirty years ago kids like me were the outcasts and the weirdos. Now, thanks to Percy and his friends, we're the cool nerds.”

“That's…actually pretty cool,” Percy admitted. He gave the kid a high-five. “What's your name?”

"Paige."

“How old are you, Paige?”

“Fourteen. I'm sorry for talking your ear off, I'm just very passionate about all of this. I've been obsessed with Camp Half-Blood for as long as I can remember. Not, like, in a weird way, though. In a good way.”

Percy laughed and Thalia said, “You're way too nervous. We don't bite.”

“What are you guys doing in my room?”

The blunt question surprised a laugh out of Annabeth. She decided that she liked this girl.

“That's an excellent question,” Poseidon said.

“You must be Percy's dad. Lord Poseidon. Sir.”

Poseidon nodded.

“I found him -” Paige gestured to Luke with her sword. “- in my kitchen.”

“We just finished a war when we were summoned here,” Thalia said.

“By who?”

“Not me,” Zeus answered when everyone looked at him.

“Hecate,” Paige suggested. “Though I don't know what her motives would be. And why me? I'm no one special.”

“You sound like Percy,” Annabeth said. “I have a feeling there's a lot more to you than you're letting on.”

Paige shrugged and grinned good-naturedly.

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Now you sound like my brother,” Artemis remarked.

“Fair enough. I'm certainly dramatic enough to be like him.”

“Hey!” Apollo exclaimed, feigning outrage.

“Sorry, sir. Please don't smite me.”

“You're not wrong,” Artemis told Paige.

“Arty!”

Artemis glared at Apollo.

“How many times, Apollo? Don't call me that!”

“Don't fight,” Zeus said tiredly.

“Sorry, Father,” the twins muttered.

Nico suggested to Paige, “Why don't you show us that musical you're such a huge fan of?”

Her eyes widened.

“Oh, man. Seriously? I mean - no, I shouldn't. Especially not with parents around. Mortals, I mean. I don't want to freak anyone out.”

To Paige's surprise, it was Sally who said, “We can handle it.”

Frederick and Paul nodded in agreement.

Paige didn't need any more encouragement. She grabbed a CD and CD player, then turned to Luke.

“Sit down and behave,” she ordered. “Stay away from Thalia and Annabeth. And Percy and Silena and Beckendorf and -”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Luke muttered, sitting down on the floor next to Paul.

Paige glared at him.

“Don't get fresh with me, mister. Because I will stab you.”

Luke eyed Paige's sword.

“That's plastic.”

Paige rolled over to him and snapped, “You think that would stop me, Castellan? You're on thin ice!”

“Okay, no yelling,” Sally said.

Paige backed away from Luke, still glaring at him.

“Sorry, Mrs Jackson. Just trying to make a point.”

“Point taken,” Luke said. “Please don't stab me.”

Paige started the music and sat down next to Annabeth and Thalia.

“Oh, by the way, these songs are my anthems so I will be singing along and you all can deal with it. First up: Prologue/The Day I Got Expelled.”

Percy groaned and put his head in his hands. Annabeth and Thalia grinned at each other.

"Oh yeah. This is gonna be fun."

Chapter Text

Luke: The gods are real, like the Greek gods.

Annabeth: Like the ones you learned about but weren’t paying attention to.

Luke and Annabeth: Well they don’t pay attention to you, either.

All: Especially if you're their kid.

Zeus shrugged, unbothered.

“Guilty.”

Thalia glared at him.

“Why have kids if you're just going to ignore them?” Paul asked.

“Mortals are kind of like hamsters to immortals,” Artemis explained. “You all have extremely short lifespans.”

“Especially demigods,” Thalia added. “A lot of us die in our teens.”

“Okay, but…people still buy hamsters and love them,” Paul pointed out.

“It would be really hard for my relatives to get close to their kids only to have them die so quickly,” Artemis explained. “They wouldn't be able to cope with the constant heartbreak.”

“That makes sense. That's really depressing.”

All: Yeah the gods are real, and they have kids, and those kids have issues (issues).

Percy snorted.

“Understatement of the century.”

“The demigod starter pack: PTSD, anxiety, and depression,” Thalia said dramatically.

The demigods snickered.

“So real.”

“Don't forget the prophetic nightmares,” Katie Gardiner said.

“How could I forget?” Thalia said dryly.

Boys: Daddy doesn’t love me and Mommy is a god.

Girls: Mommy can’t protect me and Daddy is a god.

“That's Annabeth and Percy,” Paige noted.

Luke flicked her ear.

“Don't talk about my sister.”

“No, she's right,” Percy said thoughtfully. “Damn.”

“Damn,” Thalia repeated with a smirk.

She and Grover started snickering. Percy grinned.

Frederick looked devastated.

“Annabeth, I do love you. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Annabeth promised. “This is twelve year old me. Twelve year old me was kind of an idiot and seven year old me was really confused and scared.”

“I'm sorry. I should have been there for you.”

“Yeah,” Annabeth agreed readily. “You should've.”

“I'll do better in the future, I swear.”

“I believe you.”

Annabeth went to sit next to her dad. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he ruffled her hair.

All: You never listen to me, you never listen. You never listen to me, you never listen, oh. You never listen but now you’re gonna listen ‘cause it’s time you hear our side of the story. It’s time you heard our story.

“Calling out the Greek gods is such a power move,” Paige remarked.

“They deserve it,” Percy said.

“Agreed, one hundred percent. Their parenting leaves a lot to be desired.”

Percy: [spoken] Look! [Sung] I didn’t want to be a half-blood.

“None of us do,” Thalia muttered.

Percy: I didn’t ask to be a “hero seeking praise.”

“It just kind of happened,” Clarisse teased.

“Oh, be quiet.”

Percy: Being a half-blood, it’s scary. It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways.

All the demigods nodded.

Percy: We were on this freaky field trip ([ensemble]: Freaky trip). That’s where the story should probably start.

All: We were geeking out on Ancient Greek at New York Metropolitan Museum of Art.

“Hey, those vocals are amazing,” Will commented.

“I know, right?” Paige replied excitedly.

Percy: We stopped by all the statues, learned about the gods with Mr. Brunner and my substitute, Mrs. Dodds. Hadn’t done nothing wrong, wasn't rude, hadn't rebelled.

“What a shock,” Thalia deadpanned.

Percy glared at her and Paige snickered.

Mr. Brunner: [spoken] The Greek gods! All mighty titans of earth, sea, and sky! But even they were children once, and they did not have it easy. Their father Kronos feared the day when his children would inherit the earth. So what did he do? Anyone? Anyone?

The elder gods all grimaced.

Mrs. Dodds: He ate them.

Mr. Brunner: Ah... thank you, Mrs. Dodds. But one child, Zeus, escaped and devised a plan to free his brothers and sisters! He tricked Kronos into eating a rock.

Poseidon started to say, “That's not -”

“I know!” Paige exclaimed. “Zeus didn't do anything, he was a baby! It was Rhea who tricked Kronos into eating the rock.”

Mr Brunner: And what did Kronos do? Anyone? Any students?

Mrs. Dodds: He vomited them up.

Percy: I didn’t really get the story. At least it wasn’t boring as I feared. But is it me, or is Greek mythology not deeply weird?

All the demigods laughed.

“It is,” Katie confirmed.

Percy: I didn’t want to pay attention. Now I wish that I had taken notes.

Thalia laughed.

“Yeah, I bet you do.”

Grover: Baah!

[spoken]

Percy: Dude, what was that?

Grover: Nothing.

Percy: My best friend was acting strange, at which he so excelled.

Grover glared at Percy, who laughed nervously.

Percy: Grover, you're a good friend.

Grover: Dude, I'm your only friend.

“Ouch,” Annabeth laughed.

Mrs. Dodds: Kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage.

Percy: Hey, don’t talk about my mom.

“I don't think he's talking about Mrs Jackson,” Thalia said with a laugh.

“I love how the second he thinks someone is messing with his mom, he's like, oh no, not today,” Annabeth said.

Sally smiled and hugged Percy.

Mrs. Dodds: And your father? That’s right, you don’t even know who he is.

Percy: What’s this about anyway? Uh, Mrs. Dodds? You have something growing out of your -

“What happened?” Paul asked.

“My math teacher was a demon from hell,” Percy answered casually.

Paul choked.

Mr. Brunner: What ho, Percy!

Percy: What am I supposed to do with a pen – sword! Whoa!

Percy grinned and flipped the pen in his hand.

Percy: It wasn’t my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me, and... you saw it!

Mr. Brunner: Did I?

Clarisse laughed. “Gaslighting a twelve year old. Nice.”

[sung]

Percy: So if you think you are a half-blood, better get heading to the exits now. ‘Cause folks will think you’re lying, better run and don’t start crying ‘cause you’re monster chow. Or stick around and maybe you’ll learn from me. This ain’t Odysseus’ Odyssey!

“Yes, Percy!” Will cheered. “You can sing!”

Percy blushed.

Chapter Text

“This next song is called Strong,” Paige said.

Sally: I can’t tell you all my secrets.

Percy: Maybe you should start with one.

“Again with the amazing vocals,” Will murmured.

“Wait until you hear Annabeth,” Paige replied.

Annabeth blushed furiously.

“Oh gods. I'm in this?”

“Of course.”

Sally: [spoken] You’re right. [sung] I’ll show you where I met your dad. He’d be proud of his son.

“I am.”

Percy: [spoken] Who cares. [sung] We’re better off without him.

Poseidon winced.

Sally: No, it’s time you found out more about him.

“Nice rhyming,” Apollo complimented.

[spoken]

Percy: You met dad on this beach?

"What a shock," Zeus said sarcastically.

"Oh, be quiet," Paige said, rolling her eyes.

The king of the gods was too shocked by the blatant disrespect to smite the insolent teen.

[sung]

Sally: I first saw him in the water, coming out of the morning mist. He was handsome, strong and before too long you came to exist.

Thalia wolf-whistled. Percy shoved her.

“Dude, come on.”

Poseidon grinned.

“That's me: handsome and strong.”

The other gods rolled their eyes.

“All the ladies love Poseidon,” Thalia teased.

“Oh my gods, please stop,” Percy begged.

Percy: [spoken] And then he ditched us. [sung] No coming home for dinner. Yeah, sounds like a real winner.

“Percy, I didn't want to ignore you. I got scared,” Poseidon admitted. “I didn't want anything to happen to you because I was around. I thought you and Sally would be safer if I stayed away. I would have been there if I could. I wanted to watch you grow up.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Percy said quietly.

[spoken]

Sally: Percy, he didn’t have a choice. He wanted to meet you, and he warned me that things might be hard if you were...like him.

Percy: Was he a screw-up too?

“Define ‘screw-up,’” Zeus said dryly.

Poseidon, Percy, and Sally glared at him.

“At least his kid is still alive,” Paige muttered.

The scent of ozone in the air was suddenly very strong. Paige looked up to see Zeus glaring at her.

“Hold your tongue, girl.”

“What? I'm not wrong.”

“I will disintegrate you –”

“Not if you want to hear the rest of the songs.”

“That's out of line,” Luke told Paige.

She scoffed.

“You're one to talk. You tried to kill her!” She shook her head before Luke could argue. “Whatever, let's just keep going.”

Percy: Sorry, Mom. If only I was normal -

“Normal is overrated,” Paige said.

Both: Normal is a myth, everyone has issues they’re dealing with.

“Preach.”

Sally: And there‘s a place you need to go, where you belong. Where the things that make you different, are the things that make you special. Special like your father, yes Percy you are special. Like food the color blue, all the things that make you, you are the things that will make you strong. So be strong.

The demigods all smiled.

“That was sweet,” Will said.

Chapter Text

“This is called The Minotaur/The Weirdest Dream,” Paige explained.

Percy flinched. Paige noticed.

“I'm gonna skip the Minotaur part. We'll just listen to the dream part.”

When no one was looking, Percy gave Paige a grateful smile.

Percy: Is this real? Am I dead or am I dreaming? Am I underneath the ocean or are my eyes just streaming? This is weird. Oh look, a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt.

Everyone looked at Poseidon, who grinned.

Poseidon: What belongs to the sea can always return to the sea. [Beat] It's a seashell.

Percy: Like I said, weird. Is she real? I must be dreaming. She's floating close to me like an angel or it's seeming.

Silena gasped. Annabeth blushed.

Percy: This is weird. But a good weird. I've never seen a face as beautiful as -

Annabeth: You drool when you sleep.

The demigods and Paige laughed.

Chapter Text

“This next song is called Another Terrible Day, starring Dionysus.”

The aforementioned god groaned.

“You're kidding.”

Dionysus: Oh, you're alive, I suppose that's good news for you but it means a lot more paperwork for me so don't expect me to be happy to see you, of course, being alive is temporary.

Sally glared at the god.

“Be nice to my son.”

“How did you - you've never even met me! How did you know which one of us was Dionysus?”

“You're the god of alcohol. I'm very familiar with men like you, my lord.”

Sally's tone was so polite that Dionysus was too confused to be angry. Percy and Thalia clenched their jaws. Artemis's bow appeared in her hands out of nowhere. Annabeth slipped her hand into Percy's and squeezed it gently. He gave her a small smile.

Dionysus: So maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours things might improve. For me, not for you, you'd be dead.

“Maybe another hundred years at that camp would improve your attitude,” Zeus remarked.

All of the demigods yelled, “No!”

“Please, Father, don't subject another bunch of demigods to him,” Thalia elaborated.

“Hmph. Fine.”

Percy: [spoken] Where am I?

Dionysus: [sung] Great, you haven't been debriefed, this is way out of my pay grade. Which is saying a lot cause I don't get paid! Someone find Professor Hay-For-Breath and tell him Peter Johnson is awake so he better clip-clop over here!

“I get breathless just listening to that line,” Paige said.

[Spoken]

Percy: It's Percy Jackson

Dionysus: Whatever! [Sung] Just another terrible day at Camp Half-Blood, where everything's the worst. Just another terrible day. When you're in charge, it's like you're cursed.

Athena coughed. Dionysus rolled his eyes.

“Could you stop being such a know-it-all for five minutes? You're such a typical big sister.”

“I am not -”

Paige interjected firmly before the fight could escalate.

“Enough.”

To everyone's surprise, the gods listened to her.

Under her breath, Paige muttered, “He's right.”

When Athena glared at her, Paige smiled innocently at her.

“I have older siblings. I know what they're like.”

Dionysus: Well, technically I am cursed. One romp in the woods with Zeus' favorite wood nymph and you're stuck running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods.

“We are not needy,” Beckendorf scoffed. “We're the opposite.”

“Self-sufficient,” Annabeth supplied.

Percy coughed into his fist and muttered, “Wise Girl.”

Annabeth gave him a playful glare and they both grinned.

Percy: Half-blood?

Dionysus: Yeah, half-god, half-mortal, does no one watch the orientation film?

Percy: Did you say half-god?

Dionysus: Yeah, and I half-care. Who's next? Silena Beauregard!

Silena brightened and Clarisse smiled proudly.

Dionysus: Oh, great, she's crying

Silena: I was walking in the strawberry fields with Charlie Beckendorf and we were holding hands and everything was totally normal and then I kissed him and all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers, everywhere.

Dionysus: Look, kid I hate to be the one to tell you but I think that Charlie Beckendorf was also holding hands with a nymph that doesn't wanna wish you well.

Beckendorf's eyes widened.

“I would never!”

“We know,” the demigods chorused, with much giggling.

Dionysus: To tell you the truth, the best thing to do is to break up with the guy! 'Course, who am I to give relationship advice, I'm literally the god of alcohol

Silena: But he loves me!

Dionysus: He loves you not! Next! [Sung] Another terrible day at Camp Half-Blood, where everything's the worst. Just another terrible day! I'm the god of wine and I'm dying of thirst.

[Spoken]

Percy: Wait, did you say you're a god?

Thalia laughed.

“Valid question.”

“You would do well to show me some respect, Tina.”

Thalia sighed.

Dionysus: Dionysus, god of wine? The gods are real, yippy skippy. Ah, Katie Gardner!

Katie's eyes widened.

Dionysus: I see you've injured your arm!

Katie, giggling: I fell off a pegasus

Dionysus: You don't have flying lessons on Thursdays, you have archery!

Will groaned as he realized where this was going.

“Oh gods.”

Katie crossed her arms and pouted.

“I've said it once, I'll say it again.”

“Please don't,” Will pleaded.

Katie: Those arrows are made of wood! Wood comes from trees! I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages the senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends!

Dionysus: [sung] Oh gods, give me Ares or Apollo, anyone but the Demeter kids' cabin.

“Ares kids are worse,” Paige muttered. “At least the Demeter kids are pacifists.”

Clarisse threw a half-hearted glare in her direction.

Dionysus: Now that you've blessed us, go talk to Hephaestus, before I take a knife to my head and start stabbing! And stay away from the pegasi! [Spoken] Girls and ponies. Ah, speaking of ponies!

Mr Brunner: Percy.

Percy laughed.

“Nice segue,” Annabeth said.

Percy: Mr. Brunner! What are you doing here? This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and – What is going on?

Mr Brunner: It's…complicated.

“No one told me anything,” Percy complained.

Dionysus: Another terrible day

Percy: Mr. Brunner!

Dionysus: At Camp Half-Blood

Percy: You're a horse!

Dionysus: Where everything's the worst, another terrible day

Percy: What is happening?

“I still think that every day,” Percy said.

Chapter Text

“This song is called Their Sign,” Paige explained. “Starring Percy, Chiron, and Luke.”

[spoken]

Percy: Where is my mom?

Chiron: Grover said she fought bravely, but a mortal woman against a Minotaur…

Percy flinched and Sally bit her lip.

“Oh, man,” Paul muttered. He looked at Sally as if confirming that she was still next to him. “But - I mean, obviously you didn't die.”

“Ever heard of Orpheus and Eurydice?” Paige asked dryly.

“Orpheus failed and died.”

“True, but my point is people can come back from the Underworld.”

“No they can't,” Hades and Nico muttered together.

“Not usually, but this was a special case. Long story short, Hades kidnapped Ms Jackson.”

“That's messed up.”

“Welcome to my life,” Percy said dryly.

Percy: It wasn’t a dream? She's really gone?

Chiron: I’m so sorry, Percy.

Percy: Well it’s my fault! She was trying to protect me!

Chiron: You mustn’t blame yourself.

Percy: You said the gods are real! So how could they let this happen?

“Because they don't care,” Luke muttered. “They've never cared. The only time they spare us a second glance is when we cause trouble or they need something from us. Demigods spends years trying to get their parents to notice them. Most never succeed.”

Paul looked at the gods.

“Is that true?”

Annabeth nodded.

“That's not right.”

“We know.”

Chiron: I’m afraid there are some questions only the gods themselves can answer. Look for their sign. [sung] You have to be patient, a sign that the gods have a plan.

Paige snorted quietly.

[spoken]

Percy: So if my dad’s a god, I‘d like to know which one. He‘s got a lot to answer for.

“Damn right,” Paige muttered.

Poseidon: [sung] He showed no sign that he ever existed, no sign he might actually care. My mom raised me all on her lonesome. When I would reach out, no one else would be there. Well I want my birthday cards and fishing trips, child support and homework tips.

“They don't even pay child support?” Paul asked in disbelief.

Percy: [spoken] So... so, who is he?

Chiron: It could be... that is to say, the prophecy suggests…But that’s impossible! See you at dinner, Percy!

“What was that about?”

Percy sighed. Before he could explain, Paige beat him to it.

“‘A half-blood of the eldest gods shall reach sixteen against all odds, and see the world in endless sleep. The hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap. A single choice shall end his days, Olympus to preserve or raze,” she recited.

Paul stared at her blankly. Apollo looked impressed.

“That was the first Great Prophecy,” Paige explained. “Since it referred to a child of Kronos's three eldest sons – Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades – they made a pact not to have any more kids. Of course, that failed, and now we have four. I mean, three. And a half.”

“Who's the half?”

“Jason Grace, son of Jupiter. He's a Roman demigod so he doesn't really count. Technically, if we're counting Roman demigods, there are actually five kids of the Big Three who are currently alive.”

“Why'd you say four earlier?”

“There were originally two children of Hades,” Nico answered. “But then Artemis got my sister killed.”

“You – she what?”

“There was a quest,” Percy explained. “To rescue Annabeth and Artemis.”

“It's bad luck to have more than three people on a quest,” Paige continued. “This quest had five people. Zoë Nightshade, Percy, Grover, Thalia, and Bianca. Zoë and Bianca both died.”

Nico was scowling at the floor.

Under his breath, he muttered, “‘Join the Hunters,’ she said. ‘It'll be perfectly safe,’ she said. As if two Hunters didn't die on one quest, the whole point of which was to rescue her.”

“Hey, lay off my sister,” Apollo said. “It's not her fault your sister died.”

“He's right, it's mine,” Percy said.

“No it's not,” Paige said sharply. “Bianca picked up the figurine -”

“Don't you dare blame my sister for her own death!” Nico snapped.

“I'm just stating the facts! If Artemis hadn't gotten kidnapped, Bianca wouldn't have had to go on the quest -”

“So really this is all Luke's fault,” Beckendorf concluded. “Yeah, I like that theory.”

“Hey, that wasn't my idea!” Luke protested, putting his hands up in surrender. “I just followed orders!”

“That's crap,” Paige said bluntly. She tilted her head. “Actually, maybe he's telling the truth. Is it really that much of a stretch to assume the Titan Lord orchestrated the whole thing?”

“The person would have to know that Annabeth's weakness was Luke and Artemis's weakness was helpless girls,” Athena said.

“I'm not helpless,” Annabeth muttered.

“You know what I mean. The Titan Lord doesn't know either of them but Luke knows Annabeth better than anyone and…well, anyone who knows Artemis knows she'll do anything to help a young girl. Logically, Luke must have orchestrated the whole thing.”

Luke scowled but didn't deny it.

Luke: Tough first day? I’m Luke.

Percy: All this time I thought my dad was some deadbeat, turns out –

Luke: He’s a deadbeat god. I get how you feel. Look, the gods are busy. They have a lot of kids, and they don’t always care. If you’re one of the lucky ones – [sung] They’ll send a sign if they want to claim you. A sign to admit you're their own.

[spoken]

Percy: And if they don’t?

[sung]

Luke: Then no one can blame you for holding a grudge. So hey, you're not alone. [spoken] I’m going to be your counselor. The Hermes' Cabin takes anyone who hadn’t been claimed. You know what that means?

“We’re literally the reject cabin,” Paige said in unison with Musical-Luke.

“You're weird,” Luke told her. “I can't figure out what side you're on. Do you like the gods or not?”

“Like isn't the same as respect.”

“Fair enough.”

Luke: Welcome to the dysfunctional family. [sung] When parents are distant or seem non-existent, hang on ‘cause you're gonna be fine. I know it’s a lot to be thinking about, all of this awkward-ass darkness and doubt. If you need a friend to help figure it out

Luke and Percy: Together we’ll search for your sign. 

Chapter Text

“This is called Put You In Your Place, starring Clarisse.”

Clarisse straightened up and grinned.

“Aw, yes.”

[Spoken]

Luke: Meet Clarisse, daughter of Ares, god of war.

Clarisse: You got a problem with that? Prepare to be pulverized, newbie. [Sung] You wanna know whose house you're fighting for? The god of strategy, the god of war. The god of water or the god of death. Before you take your final breath. God of messengers go take a note. You're gonna drown, you ain't gonna float. You're gonna lose, yeah, you'll miss the boat. It's gonna be bloody murder, she wrote.

Frederick blinked.

“Was that a Murder She Wrote reference?”

“Don't mention it,” Clarisse muttered. Her cheeks were bright red.

[Spoken]

Percy: We have to beat her?

Annabeth: Don't worry, Athena always has a plan.

“Annabeth is always six steps ahead of everyone else,” Paige said with a grin.

[Spoken]

Annabeth: Alright team, let's talk strategy.

“Why is the twelve year old in charge?” Thalia asked.

“Have you met Annabeth?” Silena replied.

“Fair enough.”

Annabeth: Hermes kids are fast, so Luke...

Luke: Actually, that's a stereotype. [Beat] Foot brigade, got it.

Annabeth: Grover, satyrs are creatures of Pan, god of the wild. You know what to do?

Grover: Yep, hide in a tree!

The demigods snickered.

Percy: What about me? I don't know my talent yet.

Annabeth: I have a special job for you. Go to the boys bathroom.

Percy: And?

Annabeth: Stay there? It's your first day, we don't want you messing this up.

“Twelve year old you was brutal,” Thalia said to Annabeth.

“I know.”

Percy: Ok, just stay here, just stay in the bathroom, stay out of...

Clarisse: Trouble? Ha! Heard you were tough, but you don't look it. Your goose is cooked, I'm here to cook it! Maybe the minotaur died from a case of laughing too hard from seeing your stupid face!

Percy: Look, Captain Crazy, but the flag ain't here!

Will snickered.

“‘Captain Crazy.’”

Clarisse glared at him.

Percy: You got some issue with me, it's pretty clear

Clarisse: You faced a monster on your very first day. You lucky punk, now newbie, you're gonna pay.

“She's jealous,” Paige explained.

“Next time I'll let you fight the Minotaur,” Percy told Clarisse.

She rolled her eyes.

Chapter Text

“Uh, before I start the next song, I feel like I should explain that all teenagers hate their parents so you shouldn't take it personally,” Paige said.

“Oh boy,” Annabeth muttered.

“This next song is The Campfire Song.”

Luke laughed.

“Oh yeah. This should be good.”

Percy: Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?

The demigods laughed.

“Nope.”

Luke: Offering to the gods. It’s not enough that they're omnipotent and all-powerful, they need to feel appreciated.

“He's not wrong,” Paige muttered.

[sung]

Luke: Oh, things couldn’t be worse when your parents run the universe.

“This song is a diss track and also a mood,” Paige remarked.

“You talk more when you're nervous, don't you?” Artemis asked.

“Absolutely, ma'am.”

“Calm down.”

“Sorry.”

“No one's going to smite you.”

“I might,” Zeus muttered.

Artemis looked at him sternly and said, “Not in front of me you won't.”

Paige smiled.

Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse when your folks run the universe.

Luke: My dad is Hermes, he messengers things. You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings.

Hermes brightened.

“This isn't so bad.”

“Wait for it,” Paige muttered.

Luke: I met the guy once, and once was enough.

“And there it is.”

“I stand by that,” Luke said.

Paige threatened him with her sword.

“Watch your mouth.”

“Whose side are you on here?”

“I'm not taking sides because neither side was entirely correct. I'm just generally opposed to the apocalypse.”

“That's fair,” Thalia said.

Random Background Person: Oh, I hear that!

[spoken]

Luke: Annabeth?

Annabeth cringed and muttered, “Oh, Styx.”

[sung]

Annabeth: My mom’s Athena, she’s smart and she’s wise. She’s sworn off gluten and she’s sworn off guys. If she came to camp, it'd be a surprise, oh no.

Athena shrugged.

“Could've been worse.”

Luke and Katie: Oh no.

Annabeth: Oh, and my step-mom, she hates me and my dad works all day. So I left Virginia, and I ran away.

Thalia put her arm around Annabeth.

“You were so cute and little back then.”

Annabeth smiled.

“Remember when you almost killed Luke with that hammer?”

Annabeth laughed.

“I do indeed.”

“Remember when you stabbed a Cyclops and saved all of our lives?” Luke added.

“Yeah.”

“We were so proud of you.”

Annabeth gave him a tentative smile. It wasn't forgiveness, but it was a start. Luke relaxed a little.

[spoken]

Luke: Alright, who’s next?

Katie: Okay, let me see, uh… [sung] My mom’s Demeter, goddess of grain.

Katie cringed.

“Oh no.”

Katie: For their sixteenth birthdays, my friends got a car. I got a fern in some dumb mason jar.

“I'd be mad too,” Annabeth said fairly.

[spoken]

Percy: Hey Chiron, who’s your dad?

Chiron: Oh. Well…

Poseidon laughed.

“This should be interesting.”

[sung]

Chiron: My father is Kronos.

[silence]

Chiron: Remember my lecture, he ate his children.

[spoken]

Luke: Chiron wins.

[ensemble murmurs in agreement]

Random Background Person: His dad’s definitely the worst.

“Yeah, you can't beat that,” Thalia agreed.

Luke: How about you, Silena?

[sung]

Silena: The goddess of love, my mom’s Aphrodite. She tries to be cool, but mainly she’s flighty.

“Honestly, that's just a normal mom,” Paige commented. “Parents who try to be cool with, like, modern slang and stuff are the worst.”

Percy: My mom was named Sally, she loved scary movies and food that was blue, and-

“Percy, I love you, but I don't think that's how you're supposed to do this,” Sally said with a smile.

Percy: So my dad is some god, that’s great, I guess. Did he not want me or not want the stress? Too bad he’s the worst, and my life is a mess! Oh no…

“Mood.”

Percy: I hope he shows even a trace ‘cause I've got some choice words to throw in his face!

Poseidon sighed.

“Yeah, I deserve that.”

Chapter Text

“This next song is called Good Kid.”

Percy: I never try to do anything, I never mean to hurt anyone. I try, I try to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son.

Percy looked down at the floor. Annabeth hugged him.

Percy: But no one ever will take my side. All I ever do is take the fall. I swear, I swear that I’m a good kid. Guess I’m good for nothing at all.

“Oh, Percy -”

“I'm fine, Mom.”

Percy: Gabe was a world class jerk

Percy glared at the screen.

“Erre es korakas,” Paige snapped.

Apollo's mouth fell open. Demeter's eyes widened. Poseidon made a sound like a hamster being stepped on.

“Where on earth did you learn to curse like that?” Athena asked.

Paige grinned at Annabeth and said, “No comment.”

Annabeth reddened.

“What does that mean?” Paul asked. “What did you just say?”

“It means go to the crows. It's basically the Ancient Greek version of, like, go screw yourself.”

“Who was that directed at?”

“Percy's old step-father. There are very few people I genuinely despise. He makes the list.”

Percy: Dad was never there, the only family that really mattered - well, she vanished into the air.

Sally bit her lip. Poseidon glared at Hades.

Percy: All you get are bad grades and a bum rap and a bad rep and a good smack

Percy flinched violently.

“What?” Artemis asked sharply. “He hit you?”

“Don't worry about it. I deserved it. I'm not exactly the most respectful -”

“Percy, look at me,” Sally said sternly. “Nothing Gabe did was your fault. You didn't deserve any of it.”

Surprisingly, it was Clarisse who spoke up next.

“Listen to her, Percy.”

Percy knew she was serious because she used his first name.

“You're a good kid. You're our leader, the best swordsman since you-know-who. You are not useless or a burden and you don't deserve to be abused. Ever. No one does.”

Percy smiled slightly.

“Thanks, Clarisse. How - why -”

“Let's just say you're not the only one who's got some experience with guys like Gabe,” Clarisse muttered, sitting back and leaning against Silena. “What, you thought I was just naturally this tough?”

Percy recognized this as a rhetorical question and wisely chose not to answer it.

Percy: and no friends and no hope and no mom, she’s taken away. I swear I never stole anything, I never meant to hurt anyone, I swear, I swear that I’m a good kid, a good kid, who’s had a bad run. All I need is one last chance to prove I’m good enough for someone, I’m good enough for someone.

“That was sad as hell,” Katie said.

Chapter Text

“The next song is called My Grand Plan. We're putting Annabeth in the spotlight now.”

Annabeth: I’ve always been a smart girl. Always made the grade, always got the gold star. I’ve always been a smart girl but “smart girl” only gets a girl so far. You win at every single game. You want a quest, they tell you “tough.” If you don’t go you’ll never know if you’ll ever be good enough.

“Oh, Annie,” Thalia said, ruffling Annabeth's hair.

“Twelve year old me had some issues.”

Annabeth: My grand plan is that I will be remembered.

“This gets so much funnier when you realize that Annabeth is literally twelve years old and she's already thinking about her legacy,” Paige said.

“Demigods have short lifespans, remember?” Thalia reminded her. “I was twelve when I -”

“Oh, well, now it's sad. Thanks, Thalia.”

“You're welcome.”

Annabeth: I've always been a tough girl. Always been the one not to run from a fight.

“Luke and I take full responsibility for that.”

“Yeah, that's on us.”

Annabeth: Always been a tough girl ‘cause most girls never win if they’re polite.

“I'm not sure I agree with that,” Athena remarked.

“She's twelve. Let her have this one, milady.”

“Fair enough.”

Annabeth: So me, I tend to stand my ground. I found I never can give in. It may not be my quest, but maybe it’s mine to win!

“That's cute because in a later song Annabeth, Grover, and Percy are trying to figure out what to do and Percy tells Annabeth it's her quest.”

Annabeth: And your step-mom treats you like some freak. And your dad won’t give you the time of day. And your mom won’t trust you with a quest. So the best thing you can do is run away!

Annabeth snuggled up next to Luke and he put his arm around her.

Annabeth: And someday soon I swear, I don’t know how or when, but I promise you I’ll never be invisible again!

“Someone get this child some real parents,” Beckendorf joked.

Annabeth smiled. Frederick winced and Athena grimaced.

Chapter Text

“This next song is called Killer Quest. It's not sad, I swear.”

[spoken]

Percy: My Mom’s gone.

Luke: From this world, but if she’s anywhere she’s in the Underworld.

Percy: I’ll do it.

Luke: You will?

“Friendly reminder that Luke manipulated Percy into going to the Underworld and almost got him pulled into Tartarus.”

“Paige?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Cool.”

Grover: You're my best friend, dude, so don’t get mad, but I suspect you’ll need protecting when things get bad. And this kicking quest may be the best chance I’ve had to put my past behind me.

Thalia winced.

“Aw, Grover…”

Grover: So if you haven’t guessed, I’m going on your killer quest.

Percy: So bon voyage and fare me well.

Grover: We’re gonna fight each foe, each curse, each spell.

“Literally. I think I've fought every monster Greek mythology has to offer at this point.”

“Who was the worst?” Clarisse asked.

“Oh, boy. The Chimera was certainly up there.”

Paul's face lit up.

“You fought a real life Chimera?”

“More like got my ass kicked by a real life Chimera.”

“A baby, no less,” Annabeth added.

“Echidna threw me off of the St Louis Arch.”

Sally paled.

“She didn't throw you, you jumped,” Annabeth corrected. “Now stop, you're scaring your mom.”

“Sorry.”

Percy: We’re gonna march straight down to the gates of Hell.

[spoken]

Luke: Underworld.

Percy: Close enough.

“This song is just a vibe,” Silena said.

[spoken]

Annabeth: You're going to need me too, Seaweed Brain. If you’re going to save the world, I’m the best person to keep you from messing up.

“I stand by that,” Annabeth said.

“So do I,” Paige said.

Percy nodded in agreement.

Annabeth: [sung] Five long years stuck at camp underneath Athena’s locked down clamp. But I’ve been waiting for a chance to prove I’m champ. I’ve got mad battle strategy, my mom will be impressed. I’m going on your killer quest.

“Annabeth is me,” Paige said succinctly.

[spoken]

Clarisse: Don’t get eaten by monsters.

Percy: Monsters? Who said anything about monsters?

Chiron: Have a great quest!

The demigods laughed.

[sung]

Percy and Annabeth: So we’re half-bloods, not gods but demi.

Grover: We won’t go halfway, it’s all or semi.

All: It's up to us-

Percy: So let me try my best.

All: As we journey west. We’re going on an awesome -

Percy: Dangerous and scary.

All: Thrilling.

Annabeth: Monstrous.

Grover: And hairy.

All: Killer…hero’s…quest!

The demigods cheered.

Chapter Text

“The next one is called Lost!”

[spoken]

Percy: Guys, we just exploded a bus-

Annabeth: Yep.

Percy: - that was being attacked by triplet demon math teachers.

Annabeth: Oh yeah.

"This seems like it's going well," Sally said anxiously.

“Annabeth is diggin’ it,” Luke laughed.

Percy: Is the whole trip going to be like this?

Annabeth: I hope so!

“Called it.”

Grover: All our food was in there. All our clothes were in there. All our food was in there!

“Priorities,” Beckendorf said, nodding.

Percy: Sit tight.

Annabeth: Look, I made an itinerary for any adversity drawn from the quests of heroes' past. It’s right here in my pocket.

Percy: It's where in your pocket?

Annabeth: Oops. It got busted in the blast.

“How's that working out for you, Wise Girl?” Clarisse mocked.

“Oh, shut up, Clarisse.”

Percy: What did it say?

Annabeth: Take the bus to Los Angeles.

Percy: We're not on the bus.

Annabeth: I know.

Grover: To Los Angeles.

Percy: We blew up the bus.

Annabeth: I know.

Grover: To Los Angeles.

The demigods laughed. The mortals were appalled.

“You did what?”

“Didn't I mention that?” Percy asked innocently.

“Perseus Jackson -”

“Yell at Hades, not me! He sent his monsters after us!”

Sally glared at Hades.

Percy: What are we supposed to do?

Annabeth: Wait for another bus?

Percy: What if we blow that one up too?

“Valid concern,” Thalia said. “Especially with Percy.”

Percy elbowed his cousin.

Annabeth: No backup.

Grover: No food.

Percy: No phone.

All: No adult supervision.

“You just launch them out into the wilderness with no emergency plan?” Sally asked in disbelief.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Thalia answered.

“No wonder demigods get killed off so easily if that's how they're treated,” Frederick said.

Sally and Paul nodded in agreement.

“Well, if you join the Hunters -”

“No,” Percy and Annabeth said in unison.

“I wasn't talking to you, Jackson. I'm just saying if you join us you get immortality -”

“With conditions,” Nico muttered.

“And you'll go prepared for quests.”

“Joining the Hunters is a death wish,” Nico said bluntly. “They sent two of their people on a quest and both of them died.”

“That was an unfortunate accident -” Artemis said.

“No, one is an accident. Two is borderline murder.”

“Bianca and Zoë knew what they signed up for.”

“Barely.”

“Wait, was this the quest where the British girl blew up my car?” Frederick asked.

Paul and Annabeth laughed.

“What?!”

“She wasn't British,” Percy corrected. “But yeah, that was Zoë.”

“The annoying pretty girl who made fun of me for being a daughter of Aphrodite?” Silena asked. “Oh my gods, she was such a -”

“A hero,” Artemis finished. “And that's all we're going to say.”

“That wasn't the word I was going to use,” Silena muttered.

“Zoë was…a little rough around the edges, but she had a good heart,” Thalia said diplomatically.

Percy: Fantastic, gang, I don’t wanna die in the Garden State!

Clarisse laughed.

“Oh my gods, Jackson, you're such a New Yorker.”

“Why, thank you.”

Percy: Where are we?

Grover: He says [sung] we’re lost in the woods in the middle of New Jersey and we’re never going to make it to LA. [spoken] Thanks, buddy!

“Do you think Grover realized how unhelpful that was?” Thalia asked.

“Probably not.”

Percy: I think the gods are trying to tell me they hate me.

Annabeth: I’m getting that too.

“Mood. Big mood.”

All of the demigods murmured in agreement.

[sung]

Percy: Hungry monsters on the ground.

Annabeth: Angry gods are in the sky.

Grover: No safe places to be found.

All: Wanna run, wanna cry.

“Mood.”

Percy: Can’t go back to any home.

Annabeth: Camp is way too far away.

“Yes, Chase, sing it!” Silena cheered.

Annabeth blushed.

Grover: Can’t protect my only friends.

All: No place to go. No place to stay. We’re lost in the woods and the world is freaking awful and we’re never gonna make it to LA. We’re lost. We’re just kids. We’re alone. This is impossible. Who put the fate of the world in the hands of three scared half-bloods? It’s crazy!

“That's an extremely good question,” Paige said. “Why are quests always done by unsupervised teenagers with undeveloped prefrontal cortexes? That seems like a recipe for disaster.”

“I think the idea is that we're not normal teenagers,” Luke explained. “We can handle it.”

“That's dumb. You guys deserve to have normal childhoods for once.”

“Hey, no disagreement here.”

[spoken]

Percy: There! I have a good feeling about there.

Aunty M: Children, come inside.

“Your ‘good feeling’ almost got us killed, Seaweed Brain.”

“It wasn't my fault, we were all hungry! Besides, if your mother hadn't -”

“It was your dad who -”

Poseidon started to say, “You're not talking about -”

Athena interjected, “No way, she would have killed them.”

“She certainly tried,” Annabeth muttered.

“What's happening?” Thalia asked. “Who are we talking about? Why are Athena and Poseidon finishing each other's sentences?”

“We…sort of…wandered into Medusa's lair,” Annabeth said quietly.

“And you got out alive?” Thalia asked, shocked.

“Yeah, thanks to Percy.”

Chapter Text

“This is called The Weirdest Dream Reprise.”

Percy: This is strange. I think I must be dreaming. I'm in some kind of cavern, at least that’s how it’s seeming. This is...scary.

[spoken]

Kronos: Where’s the bolt?

Luke: The bolt is on its way, my lord. Everything is going as I - as we planned.

Luke winced when he recognized his voice.

Kronos: You falter!

Luke: It’s nothing. The delivery requires certain...sacrifices.

Thalia glowered at Luke.

Kronos: Sacrifice is necessary. Remember what those gods have done, remember Thalia.

“Oh my gods. He did not just use me as a justification for -” Thalia gestured around the room, trying to encompass the war and all of the dead demigods.

“He actually said that,” Luke said quietly. “It was part of the reason I was so angry. The gods failed you, Thalia. Your dad failed you.”

“That's no excuse!” Thalia snapped. “Good gods, Luke! How stupid are you? Did it ever occur to you that all of this isn't what I would want?”

“I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry.”

“And you think one apology is good enough?”

“You think one apology is going to bring Michael and Lee back?” Will added angrily. “Or Silena and Beckendorf? Lee was your friend!”

“I know. I never meant to cause his death.”

“You thought you'd get to pick and choose who died?” Silena asked. “That's not how war works, Luke.”

“You thought it was! I told you I could keep Charlie safe and you believed me!”

“I should have known better but - don't make this about me and my choices!”

“Maybe we should,” Annabeth said. “You're a traitor just like Luke.”

“Don't deflect from the fact that Luke is a traitor by throwing Silena under the bus,” Clarisse snapped. “She made a mistake and she paid for it. She was a hero, okay? Luke wasn't. They're not the same.”

“Okay, okay, everyone relax,” Paige said. “I have an idea. Just listen to this.”

She pressed a button on the CD player.

“Gods, Paige, enough music,” Thalia said, rolling her eyes.

“Just listen!”

Chapter Text

Luke: [sung] Chiron always says our parents made camp as this safe, magic space. [spoken] The truth? It's so they don’t have to see us.

“That's not true,” Athena snapped.

“Shh,” Paige said. “No interruptions this time.”

Athena glared at her.

Luke: [sung] I’ve been here since I was a kid. I did everything they ever asked. Yeah, I did. And for what? You know this world will never be ours as long as our parents rule over the stars. So I’ll do anything. I don’t care if I hurt anyone. It doesn’t pay to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son. The gods were never on our side. So I think it’s time we watch them fall. And soon you’ll see what I did. Soon there’ll be no gods at all.

“What was the point of that?” Thalia asked.

“Just think about Luke for a second, as a person. This is a kid who's been running for his entire life. Neither of his parents cared about him. He ran away from home at nine. Once you get past the crazy homicidal maniac stuff you realize that this is a kid who's saying, The gods have never cared about us so why should we care about them? Let's make a new world, a better world, where kids like me and Thalia and Annabeth don't have to grow up feeling abandoned and die because our parents don't care enough to save us. And honestly? That's a stance I can get behind.”

“Agreed,” Artemis said.

“Milady!” Thalia said, appalled.

“I don't agree at all with the way Luke went about it – trying to raise my grandfather was a mistake – but I agree that we need to change. Face it, Father: we almost lost this war thanks to half-bloods who felt abandoned by their parents. That alone should be enough to convince us that we can't continue the way we've been doing.”

“Be that as it may, Artemis, the boy is still a criminal.”

“He was manipulated by Kronos, sir,” Paige corrected.

“Kronos wouldn't have been able to manipulate him if he hadn't already hated the gods,” Athena pointed out.

“You would hate your parents too if it was obvious that they didn't care about you.”

“Okay, message received,” Zeus said. “What's next?”

“We're still listening to the musical?”

“Of course. It's not over, is it?”

“No, sir. Um…aw, frick. This one is called Tree on the Hill.”

Thalia groaned and covered her face with her hands.

“Why me?”

Paige smiled and pressed play.

Chapter Text

[spoken]

Percy: Who’s Thalia?

Grover: You’re not the first half-blood I was sent to protect. I should have told you. B-but I thought that if you knew, you wouldn’t want me on this quest. If you knew what a failure I was.

“You're not a failure,” Thalia told Grover. “I made a choice, there's no reason you should be punished for that.”

Grover: Ask Annabeth. She knows.

“Annabeth is asleep during this whole song,” Paige informed the group.

Frederick smiled.

Grover: [sung] There’s a tree on the hill, up on Half-Blood Hill. It watches over us, silent and still. And no one at camp is safe until they can see the tree on the hill.

Zeus smiled.

“That's my lieutenant,” Artemis quipped.

Paige, Percy, Annabeth, and Luke laughed.

“Lady Artemis!” Thalia said, mortified.

Artemis chuckled.

Grover: [spoken] This was way before I met you. Chiron sent me to escort three half-bloods back to camp. Two were runaways.

“We were all runaways,” Thalia corrected with a sigh. “Wow, we're really going to relive this. Okay. Cool. Love that for me.”

Grover: One was Annabeth, and the other was Luke. The third was Thalia. Tough girl. Like her dad…Zeus.

Percy: I thought I was the only kid of the Big Three.

“He's not very bright, is he?” Athena said to Annabeth.

“He's really street-smart but people don't tell him anything,” Paige corrected. “So it comes off as him seeming dumb. He's not dumb, though. He took pre-algebra in sixth grade. The smartest kids in my school didn't take pre-algebra until seventh grade.”

Grover: You are now. We’d almost made it back to camp, but I got nervous and we got lost, and by the time we found the hill...something else found us. [sung] And there on the hill, up on Half-Blood Hill. The cold wind blew, dark and chill. For nothing would slake its wrathful will, we had to make a stand.

Thalia laughed a little.

“Look, I know this is a very serious moment and I'm about to die and everything but the sheer drama of this is kind of hilarious.”

Grover: Maybe if I’d been a little bit braver, maybe if I stayed behind to fight.

Thalia glared at Grover.

“If you had stayed behind you would have died too!”

“I know,” Grover mumbled.

Grover: But maybe doesn’t let me go back and save her. Maybe doesn’t make it alright.

“Oh my gods, Grover. How long have you been carrying this guilt about my death?”

“Pretty much ever since it happened.”

“Well, stop, okay? It wasn't your fault. I made a choice.”

Grover: [spoken] Thalia saved us. We only survived because she stayed to hold off the monsters. She paid for her sacrifice with her life. That’s when Zeus showed up.

Percy: He saved her... right?

Luke laughed.

“You must be joking.”

Grover: It was too late for that. As she died he turned her into a tree, so that she could stand protecting us forever. The way I couldn't do for her. [sung] There’s a tree on the hill, up on Half-Blood Hill, that protects us all and always will. And it’s there reminding me of who I failed to be.

Thalia gave Grover a hug.

“It wasn't your fault. Paige, play the next song.”

Chapter Text

“This is called Son of Poseidon.”

Poseidon grinned.

Percy: Seems my good intentions always crash and burn. Everything I try to do will fail, never once will I prevail. Going wrong at every turn.

“Your self-esteem is lower than mine,” Annabeth told Percy.

“It's a tie.”

“Fair enough.”

Percy: Maybe my dad was a screw-up too. His best-laid plans always falling through.

Hades and Zeus laughed. Poseidon glared at them.

Percy: Maybe my dad wasn't always there. Maybe he didn’t know how to care.

Poseidon winced.

Percy: But hey, that’s life, and life’s not fair. And I know right now things are less than fine but I think my dad may have thrown me a line.

“Ha! Fishing reference!”

Hermes sighed.

“Yes, Uncle, you're the god of fishing.”

Percy: And better late than ever to finally get a sign. I’m the son of Poseidon. And I’m gonna win. The son of Poseidon. And I’m done running. [spoken] Guys! I know how to get out of here. I’ll come back for you, Mom! I promise!

“Oh, man, I forgot we had to leave her there.”

“You abandoned your mom in the land of the dead?” Paul demanded, stunned.

“We didn't have a choice! We only had three pearls! Only three of us could escape.”

“Why couldn't one of those three be Sally?”

“Because I knew she'd never forgive me if I didn't get out of there and I wasn't going to let Annabeth or Grover sacrifice themselves for me.”

Percy: (Blows conch shell.) It’s a portal.

Grover: Woah!

Annabeth: What!

“That's a completely valid reaction,” Paige laughed.

[sung]

Annabeth: Well, he’ll have to get through me. We'll take him down, we work well in three.

“I'm digging Annabeth's voice,” Silena said.

“I didn't know you could sing, Wise Girl,” Clarisse said.

Annabeth blushed.

“I'm not going to sing.”

“Aw, please?” Percy begged.

“No.”

[sung]

Percy: So this could be the end but I ain’t sad. ‘Cause you're the two best friends this screwup ever had.

“That has the same energy as when Percy is with Annabeth and Thalia and Zoë about to fight Atlas and he looks at them and goes, It wouldn't be the worst thing to die fighting with friends like these,” Paige said.

“Wow, you really do know everything,” Percy marveled.

Paige smiled.

“I remember the iconic lines. When you're ten or twelve, reading that for the first time...it sticks with you.”

Percy: You may be a god, but you’re going down the same.

“Percy is literally ready to fight God and win,” Paige said. “Which is an accurate representation of twelve year olds.”

Ares: Ha! Your mouth’s talking trash. You’d better rinse it. Your meat is minced, I’m here to mince it.

“Hey, this sounds familiar!” Nico said. “Like father, like daughter.”

Clarisse rolled her eyes.

Annabeth: Percy, get to the ocean!

Ares: You think the god of war is afraid of a little water?

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover started laughing.

“Oh, there's no way,” Thalia said. “Percy, did you drown the god of war?”

“I damn well tried.”

“You were twelve.”

“Yup.”

“How are you not dead?!"

"Luck. And spite.”

Percy: How about a lot of it? [sung] I’m. The. Son of Poseidon. I never asked to be. But I’m the son of Poseidon. Now face the tide inside of me!!

“That was the most badass thing I've ever heard!” Nico exclaimed. He was bouncing excitedly. “Oh my gods, that was so cool!”

Chapter Text

“This is called The Last Day of Summer. And, uh, it might sound a little familiar.”

Percy: What do you do when the quest has ended? What do you do when the battle’s won? So many questions left unanswered, so many things still left undone.

“It's a vibe so far,” Katie noted.

Percy: Grr! What’s my deal, why do I feel there is something left I still need to find?

“The lightning thief,” Percy said.

Thalia laughed.

“Luke is about to get his ass kicked, isn't he?”

“It was a draw,” Percy said. “He stabbed me and ran away.”

“Percy, that sounds like he won.”

Percy shrugged.

“I didn't die.”

[spoken]

Percy: (to Annabeth) How come you don’t go home?

Annabeth: I tried...once.

Frederick winced.

Annabeth: My dad couldn’t deal with the monster attacks, and my step-mom couldn’t deal with me. It’s just asking for trouble.

Thalia shook her head, furious.

“I don't care how busy your dad is, Annie; neglecting your kid is never okay.”

[spoken]

Percy: Luke!

Luke: If it isn't the big hero.

“He said disappointedly.”

Percy: I've barely seen you since I got back.

“‘Back,’” Clarisse mimicked. “That was a heavy New York accent right there. There's no E in ‘back,’ Jackson.”

Percy: You avoiding me?

Luke: Not at all. Tough last day?

“Lying and changing the subject,” Thalia noted. “Some things never change.”

Percy: I thought when I finished my quest everything would make sense, but it doesn't. It's the last day of camp but I don't feel like anything’s over.

Luke: I get it. My quest was supposed to be the biggest thing in my life. I came back changed but everything at camp was exactly the same.

“It was a mistake for me to give you that quest,” Hermes admitted. “All it did was wound you and make you angry.”

Luke: [sung] They won't bother to show their face, it's time to make the world our own, time someone put them in their place.

The gods shifted uncomfortably and glared at Luke.

Percy: You set me up! You were trying to free Kronos! Why?

Luke: He promised me the power to defeat our parents.

“Zeus did it and everyone celebrated!” Luke argued. “But when I do it I'm a criminal! What kind of double standard -”

“Kronos ate his kids,” Hermes reminded Luke.

“And you neglect yours and watch them die without doing anything to stop it. What's the difference?”

“He's got a point,” Athena admitted grudgingly.

Luke stared at her, as shocked as anyone.

“Come again?”

“You're not wrong to be angry. The way you handled that anger was very wrong.”

Luke nodded.

“I know.”

Percy: He's using you to get back at the gods!

Luke: Good!

Luke winced and hung his head.

Luke: [sung] I’ve been here since I was a kid. I did everything they ever asked. Yeah, I did. And for what? You know this world will never be ours as long as our parents rule over the stars. So I’ll do anything. I don’t care if I hurt anyone. It doesn’t pay to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son. The gods were never on our side. So I think it’s time we watch them fall.

“This is the same melody as Good Kid,” Apollo realized.

A piano appeared in front of him and he played the melody while singing the two sets of lyrics.

“He's right,” Thalia agreed.

Luke: And soon you’ll see what I did. Soon there’ll be no gods at all.

“Honestly, now that it's not so scary, it's kind of hilarious that you and Kronos thought I would be the one to destroy Olympus,” Thalia told Luke, grinning.

“You hated your dad too,” he muttered.

“While we're at it, why don't we talk about the fact that you thought Percy would destroy Olympus,” Paige added. “He's the world's most loyal -”

“Oh, I wouldn't hesitate,” Percy said.

“What!” Zeus yelled.

Paige laughed.

“With very few exceptions, you guys suck,” Percy explained bluntly. “I agree with Luke, things need to change, but I wasn't going to kill anyone or betray my dad. That's not the way to make change happen.”

“Who are the exceptions?” Apollo asked.

“My dad, Hestia, Hades, Artemis, Hermes – sort of – and Athena.”

“You're only saying that because you want to marry my daughter.”

“Nah, you're cool.”

“Hey! What about me?!” Apollo demanded.

“And you, of course,” Percy lied.

Artemis snickered.

“Mom, we're not even dating!” Annabeth exclaimed.

“Oh, right.” Percy turned to her. “Hey, Wise Girl, do you wanna date me?”

“Sure, Seaweed Brain.”

They kissed and all the demigods cheered.

“Finally!” Clarisse yelled

Chapter Text

“This one is called Bring On The Monsters.”

Percy: There’s gonna be a fight. There still might be a war. For the moment we’ve got danger on the run.

Annabeth: Things will get bad before they can get better. It may feel like an ending, but the battle’s just begun.

Grover: Are we ever going to once have it easy?

“Not a chance in Hades.”

[spoken]

Percy: Nope. [sung] Feeling ready.

Annabeth: Feeling stoked.

Grover: Feeling queasy.

The demigods laughed. Will high-fived Grover.

“Points for honesty,” Thalia said.

Annabeth: We can fail but we have to try.

Percy: Don’t feel bad cause we’re usually about to die.

Frederick winced and squeezed Annabeth's shoulder.

“If anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do. I should have been there. I'm so sorry,” he said quietly.

“It's okay, Dad. Seriously.”

All: Bring on the monsters. Bring on the monsters. Bring on the real world. Bring on the monsters. Bring on the monsters. Bring on the real world.

“Yeah!” Thalia cheered.

The other demigods laughed.

Annabeth: When it's time to rise and stand your ground.

“That's my girl,” Luke said, offering her a tentative smile.

She grinned back at him.

Grover: We don’t have to go it alone.

Clarisse: They’ll put us in a box but we won’t be contained.

“Hell no!” Nico said.

Percy: Cause the sea doesn’t like to be restrained.

Poseidon smiled at his son.

“No it does not.”

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover: And if you're looking for trouble, then count me in.

The demigods all cheered. The energy in the room was through the roof. All the tension was gone.

All: Bring on the monsters. Bring on the monsters. Bring on the real world. Bring on the monsters.

The demigods and Paige sang the chorus as their parents watched fondly.

Percy: Bring on the real world. Bring on the real world. Bring on the real world. The real world. And I’ll be back next summer. You’ll see me again. I’ll be back next summer, I’ll survive ‘till then.

“I've survived four years longer than I thought I would,” Percy realized.

“Yeah you did!” Thalia cheered. “‘Sixteen against all odds,’ baby!”

“Hero of the prophecy right there, that's my boyfriend!” Annabeth added, kissing Percy again.

The demigods cheered.

Percy caught Luke's eye and mouthed, You're the hero.

Luke smiled but shook his head.

Annabeth: Bring on any challenge.

“That's my girl,” Frederick said. “Never one to back down from a challenge.” He smiled at Athena. “She got that from her mother.”

“I don't know about that. Only one of us actually went to Harvard.”