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Nicky Hemmick would always remember the first time Aaron called him.
It was generous to think them more than strangers by then- Nicky had landed in South Carolina for his aunt’s funeral mere hours ago, and before that, he really hadn’t had a chance to get to know his cousin. Aaron and Aunt Tilda had lived in California for as long as Nicky could remember, and his uncle rarely spoke of them, let alone called. The first time Nicky and Aaron had technically met was the day after Aaron had moved in, when they’d come round for dinner. Nicky had smiled and greeted and sat next to Aaron at the table, but his cousin had been distracted, tired, and neither hadn’t come away knowing much more than what the other looked like.
It wasn’t Aaron’s fault entirely, Nicky had been distracted too, focused on the prospect of escaping to Germany that fall. The following year had saved his life, and he’d never regret the decision to stay, but when he heard about Aunt Tilda, the first thing in his mind was Aaron. His mom had kept him updated, for the most part, about everything that was happening with Aaron and Andrew, though most of her correspondence focused on the former. Aaron got in a fight again. Aaron got detained again, though she never said why. Aaron was learning to drive, and had gotten his first speeding ticket the first time he’d been allowed to drive unsupervised. Aaron was on the Exy team. Aaron got benched for starting a fight. Rebellious teen phase, Nicky had thought.
Until he’d gone to his aunt’s wake, and seen Aaron standing alone beside the table that held a framed photograph of his mother. Ironically, the picture in question was taken before Aaron was even born. Tilda’s high school senior picture, from about a month before she dropped out of school. Aaron had been born in November of the following year. Andrew too, Nicky supposed.
Andrew hadn’t been at the funeral. He’d been hospitalised since the crash four days ago, and wasn’t cleared to leave yet. Nicky had seen his parents somewhere in the other room, talking to a few people from the church, and the only other family Aaron had was underneath six feet of fresh dirt.
Weaving his way through the crowd to arrive beside him, Nicky gently touched Aaron’s shoulder to announce his presence, and his cousin almost jumped out of his skin. Nicky held up both hands in innocence, and waited for Aaron to recognise him.
“Hey. You okay?”
Aaron didn’t answer, just shifted uncomfortably on the spot, tugging at his collar. He was dressed in the same black suit he’d had on at the funeral, but it didn’t quite fit him, the jacket just a little too heavy on his bony shoulders, the tie knotted unevenly, the starched shirt partially untucked. He looked out of place, and he seemed to feel it too.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” Nicky said softly. Aaron folded his arms defensively over his chest.
“There’s a lot of that going around,” he said dismissively, and Nicky didn’t blame him. Aaron was fifteen, and the youngest person in a room full of people he didn’t know, who kept telling him they were sorry he’d lost the only parent he’d ever known. It was needlessly cruel.
“Do you know what’s happening to us?” Aaron asked. Nicky blanked for a moment, before catching onto who us had to be, and shaking his head.
“No, I haven’t heard anything. I’m sorry about that too.”
“If they try to put us back in the system, I’ll fucking run. I’ll do it.”
Nicky didn’t know what to do with that, so instead he picked out the part he could question.
“What do you mean, ‘back’?”
Aaron looked at him. “Oh. You don’t know.”
Nicky shook his head again, waiting. Aaron sighed, his jaw tightening briefly as though trying to stop a yawn.
“My mom put both of us in the system. At first. She just ended up taking me back.”
“Oh,” Nicky said, because he didn’t know what to do with that, either. Aaron shifted on the spot again, then reached back for a glass of water behind him, downing it all in one sip before setting it back on the table.
“I’m going to go, now.”
“Okay,” Nicky said, as Aaron pushed past him and disappeared into the crowd. He didn’t have the chance to stop him, nor the right, so Nicky watched him slip away, small enough to get swept up by the sea of dark suits and dresses.
As the wake came to a close, nobody seemed to notice the absence of the next of kin. Even Nicky’s father, thanking attendees as they left, didn’t seem to have noticed Aaron was gone. For some reason, Nicky didn’t tell him.
He was walking back to his car when his phone rang. Nicky fumbled to pick up, not glancing at the number before he hit accept.
“Hello?”
Muffled thuds on the other end of the line, like footsteps, before a small, strained voice spoke.
“Nicky?”
Nicky almost didn’t recognise Aaron’s voice, he sounded so different. Tentative. Scared. All of Nicky’s instincts said panic, but he forced his words to sound calm for Aaron’s sake.
“Hey, Aaron? Everything okay?”
Another pause, a little longer this time. Aaron’s breathing, heavy, as if he’d just run a mile.
“I need to talk to you. I need you to not freak out, or get mad.”
The panic instinct blared even harder, like a siren, but Nicky beelined for his rental car, sliding into the driver’s seat and focusing on Aaron’s voice.
“Okay, kid. I won’t get mad. What happened?”
“I can’t-” Aaron broke off in a coughing fit, and his voice returned shaking.
“I can’t say it.”
“Okay,” Nicky said gently, trying to keep his words from trembling.
“Okay. Can you tell me where you are?”
“Mm-hm,” Aaron said, coughing again. “The overpass. Between the church and Fern- Fern Gardens. I’m under it.”
That address sounded eerily familiar, and it took a moment for Nicky to recognise it, but he did. It was where his aunt’s car had crashed, four nights ago, killing her and hospitalising Aaron’s twin brother.
“Fuck,” Nicky hissed to himself, holding the phone away from him. He returned it to his ear, forcibly steadying himself with a firm grip on the steering wheel.
“Okay. Aaron, stay where you are. I’m going to come get you, okay?”
“Please,” Aaron whispered.
“I’m on my way,” Nicky promised.
It was all he could do to obey traffic safety laws in the fifteen minutes he took to drive to the overpass. Every red light he was counting the seconds, knuckles white around the wheel. The sun had begun to set a while ago, and by the time Nicky pulled up to a grassy patch at the side of the road, it was almost entirely dark. He stumbled his way down the steep hill to the concrete pillars at the bottom, calling.
“Aaron? Aaron, you here? Aaron? Aaron!”
“Nicky?” returned a quiet voice, barely audible over the rush of traffic above them, but Nicky finally spotted a small figure, hunched over on the ground. Aaron’s suit jacket was covered in dirt and grime, discarded on the ground beside him, along with his phone, an empty orange bottle, and a needle. The belt around his waist was undone. Nicky dropped to his knees beside his cousin, who’s whole body shook so violently when he started coughing again that Nicky was almost certain Aaron was about to break into shards right in front of him. But he stayed intact, even if he looked up with tear stains down his face, bloodshot eyes, and trembling fingers.
“Nicky,” Aaron said again, but he almost broke off coughing again, and Nicky reached for him, desperate to try and hold the pieces together.
“What happened?” he said softly.
“She died,” was all Aaron could choke out behind sobs.
“She’s dead, and I can’t-”
This time, Aaron doubled over, retching violently onto the concrete, and Nicky couldn’t do anything but wait for it to end. When Aaron had coughed a couple more times, and gingerly returned upright, Nicky just laid a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered.
“I know,” Nicky said.
“I was just- just trying to clear my… my head, I didn’t mean-”
Aaron broke off again, dropping his head into his hands. Nicky was glad he was holding on, or Aaron would’ve fallen forward. He tried to think rationally, tried to figure out what to do next. Aaron probably wouldn’t be this conscious if he was actively overdosing, so maybe they’d avoided that.
“What did you take?” he asked calmly. Aaron shook his head.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
Nicky should’ve stopped him leaving that funeral. He should’ve found a way to make Aaron stay, to keep an eye on him, keep him where there were people who could look out for him. Aaron had been alone long enough to find drugs and almost kill himself on them. Nicky’d known at the funeral he wasn’t okay. He should’ve been watching him.
“How did you get all this? Who gave it to you?”
Aaron flinched hard enough then that Nicky almost thought he was about to throw up again, but Aaron just exhaled heavily and said, “Mom.”
One simple word had never felt like such a punch in the throat. All the pieces were starting to fall into place now, but Aaron was starting to feel heavier now, and Nicky shoved those realizations to the back of his mind.
“Okay, okay, uh, can you walk? I brought a car, we should get you to a hospital-”
“No,” Aaron said, suddenly, but it was stronger than anything else he’d managed.
“I don’t need a hospital. I’m okay.”
“Aaron-”
“I am. I just took too much this time. I can handle it.”
Aaron nodded as he spoke, as if trying to convince himself of what he was saying.
“Just take me home, Nicky. Please.”
Two weeks later, when Nicky listens to Aaron’s screams from the upstairs bathroom, he’ll wish he’d taken him to a hospital that day. He’ll listen to his cousin’s pleas and cover his mouth in the kitchen to muffle a sob. He’ll think this is for the best, and dream about Aaron’s body, cold on a tile floor.
Years later, he’ll watch Aaron open his acceptance letter from the Medical University of South Carolina, and even be granted one whole hug. He’ll listen to Aaron speak as valedictorian when he graduates, hiding his tears in Erik’s shoulder. He’ll watch Aaron marry the only girl who’s ever been able to coax a genuine smile out of him, dance with her along the beach at sunset, and this time Nicky will cry for real, because maybe not everything has to end when it breaks.