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Nanami felt a bit like he was in a twilight zone at the moment.
None of the usual adults were anywhere to be found at the school, not even Ieiri, who could be reliably found somewhere in the infirmary at virtually any time of day (and night). Yaga was strangely absent as well, and with no one to provide an explanation as to why, he was left to draw conclusions, something he much preferred to not have to do.
His missions for the day were done, reports filed and waiting Ijichi’s confirmation of receipt. That the auxiliary manager was not on campus wasn’t particularly odd, but added to the absence of the principal and the head medic, not to mention Gojo and Kusakabe, it felt like Nanami was missing something important.
The date itself wasn’t lost on him - he could never forget it, not even during his first years away from jujutsu when he tried to drown the pain and memories in alcohol, only to end up with massive hangovers that only served to highlight and punctuate the loss that he would carry with him for the rest of his days. Since his return to active duty, however, he had never spent the day on his own. Someone, usually Gojo and Ieiri, would always pull him along to one activity or another to keep him from spiraling and helping him through the day. It’s not that it was particularly needed, not since he decided to return and make use of his abilities to leave the world a bit better than it was before, honoring not just his initial commitment to jujutsu but also Haibara’s (and Geto’s, but that was a different tangle to unravel, one that he had more trouble with than he’d ever care to admit), but now that he found himself alone on that particular day for the first time in years, he felt an uncomfortable tug around his chest.
He could go home and spend the rest of the day cleaning his apartment, doing laundry, cooking an early dinner. A part of him really wanted to, thankful for a lull in the usually endless grind of a job that continued to chip away at his life expectancy day in and day out. Another part, though, knew that he would self-sabotage and do something stupid like stop at a convenience store on the way home, stock up on cheap food and liquor, and then proceed to waste the day away in silent brooding, messing up the rest of his week.
So, in an effort to hold himself somehow accountable, he decided to stay at the school. He headed to the closest café first, hoping to find a decent sandwich and coffee for lunch. On the way there he passed by the convenience store that they used to frequent in their student days. He would’ve gone past it towards the café but there was a sign advertising a sale on onigiri which made him stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Without thinking too much, he went in and got two dozens plus some bottles of barley tea and two colas. He was waiting in line to pay when the freezer closest to the register caught his eye and he bought the same assortment of ice pops they all used to get plus a few extra to leave at the school’s fridge for the students.
Armed with his unexpected haul, he returned to the school and set up at the dining hall. The onigiri were cheap but good, filling both his stomach and a bit of his soul. The two cans of soda sat in front of him, unopened. He hadn’t had soda in possibly years but the thought of having the onigiri without it on this particular day made his stomach tighten uncomfortably.
He was about to open one of the cans when cheerful conversation drifted in from the hallway. A small smile tugged at his lips, unbidden but not unwelcome, as he recognized the first years’ voices getting closer. A beat later, Yuuji, Megumi, and Nobara all but burst into the dining hall, bantering back and forth, easy smiles and rolling eyes a testament to their growing bond. As it often happened lately, Yuuji’s bright, boisterous self reminded him of Haibara and he thought, not for the first time, that his friend would’ve immediately latched on to the rose-haired teen. Yuuji certainly would get along with him effortlessly, none of the awkward warming up that Nanami himself went through when Gojo first introduced them.
“Nanamin!” Yuuji called loudly, waving enthusiastically like they were on opposite sides of the training field and not just a few paces away from each other.
“Not so loud!” Nobara chastised him, smacking the back of his head.
Megumi sighed and bowed towards Nanami, both in greeting and in a silent apology for his classmates’ crassness. Nanami inclined his head in their direction before inviting them to sit with him. They did, pulling up their own takeout bags and spreading food to share around the table. There were noodles from one of the stalls near the school, plus a bunch of snacks and cold drinks. Megumi kept a single paper bag next to him, holding on to it a bit too tightly to be casual. Nanami knew better than to question him about it, so instead he offered some of his onigiri to the students.
“Thank you!” Yuuji said, taking one. He then saw the cola cans and frowned, obviously confused. “I didn’t think you’d be the kind to drink that, Nanamin.”
“Ah, well. Usually you’d be right, Itadori-kun. I used to have them a lot while I was a student here, though, and today… Just felt like it, I guess.”
Nobara and Yuuji nodded slowly, accepting the explanation at face value because Nanami was a trusted adult, someone they instinctively knew to trust. (While Nobara wouldn’t really extend the same consideration to Gojo, Yuuji did, much to everyone’s confusion.) Megumi, on the other hand, just looked at Nanami with a slight tilt of his head, like he was assessing Nanami’s words and intent. While Nanami had never had reason to discuss his time as a student with Megumi, he was certain that Gojo must have talked about it at length; perhaps Ieiri had, too. It wouldn’t be completely out of the question to assume that he knew about Haibara, and perhaps even about what this particular day meant.
While Yuuji unwrapped his onigiri and bit into it, and Nobara pushed some dumplings towards Nanami, Megumi grabbed the bag by his side and handed it to the older sorcerer.
“Gojo-sensei asked us to give you this.”
Nanami paused mid-bite, willing down the blush he could feel threatening to creep up his neck. He wiped his mouth and hands before accepting the bag, thanking Megumi softly. The teen nodded and tucked into his food, elbowing Yuuji to continue eating when he noticed that his friend was staring at Nanami expectantly, obviously curious as to what their teacher had sent his mentor. It wasn’t lost on any of them that there was something going on between both men, prying had gotten them nowhere so they had to content themselves with watching and hoping one of them would slip up at some point.
Ignoring the stares and ill-concealed whispers of his young companions, Nanami opened the bag and huffed out a laugh. Inside was his usual order from the café he had meant to go to earlier plus four dango skewers and a note. Mentally bracing himself, he opened the note:
Hi, Nanamin~
Sorry I can’t be there today ˙◠˙ Stupid last-minute mission that I couldn’t shake. But! I made sure the kids were available so please spend the afternoon with them, yeah? If not for me, for them, and if not for them, for the yummy offering I’m sending along!
You don’t have to talk to them about him if you don’t want to, but I think they’d like if you did.
Anyway, I should be back tomorrow so let’s go see him together.
In lieu of a signature there was one of Gojo’s infamous doodles of himself, this one blowing a kiss. The blush won this time, tinting Nanami’s cheeks lightly but the damage was done. The students all noticed - Yuuji nearly chocked on a noodle, Megumi cleared his throat and pointedly looked away, while Nobara’s knowing smirk rivaled Ieiri’s cynical ones. Without looking up, Nanami folded the note and carefully tucked it in his jacket’s inside pocket before bringing out the casse-croûte and taking a bite, chewing slowly, focusing on the different tastes and textures to ground himself. He did it again a couple of times until he felt the flush recede and his heart beat more calmly.
When he looked up, he found all three students looking at him with varying degrees of curiosity. He mulled over Gojo’s note, weighing the pros and cons of following the man’s unspoken request. The open can of cola next to Yuuji’s half-eaten onigiri settled the matter for him.
Reaching into the bag, he passed each of the teens a dango skewer. They all took them with bright smiles and he nodded, his own smile far more subdued.
“Haibara really liked dango. And onigiri. Anything with rice in it, really,” he said. “He also really liked cola.”
Megumi tensed, confirming Nanami’s suspicions that he knew at least a little bit about his classmate. Yuuji and Nobara seemed to sense something serious was going on, whether due to Megumi’s reaction or Nanami’s unexpected fondness it was hard to gage.
“Who’s that?” Nobara asked, looking at the dwindling pile of onigiri and Nanami’s untouched can of soda with new eyes.
“He was my classmate while I was studying here. My only one. Classes have always been very small.”
“Oh! Cool!” Yuuji paused, head tilted to the side, brows furrowed as he thought about what Nanami had just said. “Is he not a sorcerer?”
Megumi elbowed him a bit harder than the previous time. “Itadori,” he hissed while quickly looking over towards Nanami, eyes a bit wide, apprehension clear to read on his posture.
“It’s alright, Fushiguro-kun,” Nanami said. Then, to Yuuji, “He died during a mission on our second year, Itadori-kun. Today is the anniversary of his death, actually.”
“Oh, shit. I mean, damn. I’m sorry, Nanamin…”
Nanami let the curse slide, fondness once again nestling warmly on his chest. “Thank you, Itadori-kun.”
“What was he like?” Nobara asked, picking a dango from her skewer. “Was he serious like you or more like Gojo-sensei?”
“Definitely more like Gojo-san. People didn’t understand how we got along so well, but I like to think we balanced each other out.”
“Like Fushiguro and I!” Yuuji said, wrapping an arm around Megumi’s shoulder and making him roll his eyes.
Nanami couldn’t help the puff of laughter the parallel brought to mind. “A little bit, yes.”
“Do you have any pictures?” Yuuji asked.
Nanami nodded and reached for his wallet, pulling out a worn set of instant pictures he and Haibara took at a booth in Okinawa. He looked at it for a moment, taking the time to refresh the memory of his best friend before passing it over to Yuuji, who had very thoroughly cleaned his hands in anticipation.
The topmost picture was of Nanami and Haibara just sitting next to each other in the booth. Haibara was, as usual, already smiling, while Nanami looked unimpressed and almost bored. The next picture had Haibara with an arm around Nanami much like Yuuji had done to Megumi a moment before, smile even bigger while Nanami looked caught off-guard. In the last picture, Haibara had his head resting on Nanami’s shoulder, eyes closed and pouting in defeat. Nanami was looking at him with the smallest of smiles curving his lips.
The teens hunched over to look at the pictures, silent for a moment as they took in Nanami’s sharp change in appearance and Haibara’s exuberance, which radiated off the paper.
“You look like a totally different person, Nanamin!”
“Yeah,” Nobara said. “It’s that tragic hairstyle. Glad you grew out of it.”
“Kugisaki!”
“Oh, shut up, Fushiguro! Out of all of us, I’m the only one with a decent haircut so what do you know?”
“I think it suited him!” Yuuji chimed in. “All cool and mysterious.”
“The word you’re looking for is emo, and that was in no way stylish. Then again, Haibara-san’s hair wasn’t much better.”
Megumi looked about ready to have a conniption, stuttering an apology to Nanami while chastising Kugisaki for her harsh criticism. While they bickered around him, Yuuji looked back at Nanami with a soft smile.
“You both look very happy, Nanamin. I wish I could’ve met him.”
“Me too, Itadori-kun. He would’ve liked you. All of you.”
After shoving Megumi away from her one last time, Nobara turned to Nanami, so serious that he feared more fashion critique would be coming his way. Instead, her gaze softened and she smiled at him. “I’m sorry you lost him so young, but I’m glad you didn’t have to go through all of this on your own, Nanami-san.”
“Thank you, Kugisaki-kun.”
“Does he have a space in the school’s columbarium?” Megumi asked carefully.
Nanami shook his head. “No, his family wouldn’t allow it. But…”
He paused for a moment, thinking about how far he wanted to involve the students in this. The fact that Megumi had asked meant that he was likely thinking of offering to go visit Haibara, which was a nice thought but Nanami wasn’t sure it was appropriate to drag them along when they had never met Haibara. Then again, they were all fairly empathetic, all of them having lost someone near and dear to them along the way, so perhaps it was alright to allow them the freedom to choose in this instance.
“But?” Yuuji prodded, eager but trying to conceal it.
“We built a sort of butsudan for him in our old homeroom. We - that is, Gojo-san, Ieiri-san, and Ijichi-kun - try to visit on his birthday and his anniversary. Since none of them seem to be available today I wasn’t planning on going, but…”
“We’ll go with you,” Nobara said, decisive. “I understand not wanting to go on your own but you shouldn’t leave him alone today, either.”
“Only if it’s okay with you,” Megumi offered, but it was obvious he shared Nobara’s sentiment.
“We can bring him onigiri and his soda,” Yuuji said, already packing them into a paper bag he salvaged from the small mess they’d made on the table.
Nanami smiled and nodded. “Thank you. I think he’d like that.”
Half an hour later, they were standing at the homeroom Nanami had mentioned. The teacher’s desk was pushed against the blackboard and a wooden cupboard rested in the middle of it. When Nanami opened it, Haibara’s smile greeted them all, along with a few things left behind by his classmates over the years - candles that were replaced every couple of years; a couple of Digimon figurines that Gojo had gotten specifically for the shrine; an incense burner that Geto bought because it resembled Rainbow Dragon, which was Haibara’s favorite curse of his senpai’s; the last lighter that Haibara had gotten for Ieiri, which was only used to light the incense twice a year; an onigiri plush that Ijichi never got around to giving Haibara for his birthday. The many soda tabs piled between the onigiri and the Digimon were Nanami’s contribution, and he added the one from Yuuji’s can as he lit the incense.
“Hello, Yu,” he said after the initial prayers. “These are Gojo’s newest students. He’s sorry he can’t be here today, by the way, but we’ll be back tomorrow.”
He tapped the tablet with Haibara’s name inscribed on it before stepping back and motioning for the students to step up. One by one they did, introducing themselves and paying their respects. Yuuji set the wrapped onigiri and the unopened can of coke in front of the cupboard last, hoping Haibara would like them.
As they were about to leave, Gojo, Ieiri, and Ijichi arrived, looking both apologetic and immensely fond. The looks they gave Nanami made him blush again while he cleared his throat.
“You’re late. All of you.”
“Gomen, gomen!” Gojo said, clasping his hands above his head. “Would’ve been here earlier but I had to get these two and they were on completely opposite sides of the country!”
“Sorry, Nanami-kun. I tried to postpone this trip to Kyoto but they wouldn’t budge,” Ieiri explained.
“Nitta-san wasn’t available to cover for me,” Ijichi said, bowing deeply.
Nanami sighed and shook his head, walking over and patting Ijichi’s shoulder. “It’s alright, I’m sure Haibara understands. Besides,” he looked towards the students, who were huddled in a corner of the room, watching in a mixture of awe and curiosity as the four adults interacted, “we had really good company.”
Gojo smiled and turned to the students. “Thank you, guys! You can go back to the dorms or wherever you want, you’re still free for the rest of today.”
The trio smiled and, with a final wave towards Haibara and then Nanami, they filed out of the room, only for Yuuji to return not fifteen seconds later and say, “I’d like to hear more about Haibara-san later, Nanamin, if that’s okay with you. And let me know when his birthday is! I’ll make sure to bring him more onigiri.”
Not trusting himself not to choke on his words if he tried to speak, Nanami simply nodded, which was enough for Yuuji, who ran off to catch up with his classmates.
As soon as the door closed behind Yuuji again, Nanami was engulfed in Gojo’s tight embrace, with Ieiri patting his back and Ijichi smiling at them all.
“Thank you for sending them,” Nanami sighed against Gojo’s shoulder.
“Sho’s idea. Glad it worked.”
Nanami nodded and moved to hug Ieiri. She stiffened for a moment but then hugged him back. “Don’t be a sap. I just didn’t want to deal with your hungover ass if we left you alone.”
“Of course,” Nanami said, knowing she was lying but understanding that calling her out was useless.
Lastly, he hugged Ijichi. The auxiliary manager immediately hugged him back, exhaling a shuddering breath as they held each other for a moment longer. Haibara’s death had hit them all hard and in different ways, and Nanami had barely forgiven himself for being so cold towards his kouhai even if Ijichi had never blamed him for it.
When they were ready, they all sat on the floor in front of the desk, passing around the onigiri and daifuku that Gojo had brought, chatting in soft tones about Haibara, reminiscing on their youth, implicitly vowing to protect the new generation like their friend would’ve wanted.