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“hey, ames?” jake called from their ensuit. the door was shut, making amy, who was in bed, suspicious.
“yeah, babe?” amy sat up straight, a horrible feeling in her gut.
“do you think you could maybe, possibly come in here?”
“sure, but i swear to god jake if you dropped your phone in the toilet again i’ll-” her jaw dropped as she opened to bathroom door. “oh.” was all she could get out.
there he sat, on the lid of the toilet in his boxers which were pulled up to reveal his thighs, all sliced up.
there was blood dripping down the sides of both of his thighs, trickling down the toilet seat and making pools of crimson on the ground.
amy spied the bloody razor blade on the top of the bathroom countertop and her heart stopped.
she’d seen him go through relapses before, but nothing this bad.
“jake, what happened?” amy went into crisis mode, she felt like crying and throwing up.
“i…don’t know.” his face barely moved as he spoke, chewing his lip, looking like a nervous child who had just smashed their mother’s favourite vase.
she crouched down onto her knees and looked up at him. his head was tilted down and he was staring long and hard at the ground and she watched as his breathing hitched.
amy grabbed his hands that were resting in his lap, his finger tips on his right hand dyed red. “jake, babe, you’re okay, you need to breath.” he took a few shaky breaths. “i need to clean this up. is that okay?”
he nodded slowly, reluctantly, and amy couldn’t quiet tell what was going through his mind.
she reached for the first aid kit, which was situated in the cabinet under the bathroom sink, grabbing out the antiseptic wipes.
being as gentle as she could, she carefully wiped up the blood around the larger of the cuts.
“does that hurt?” she asked softly, her voice cracking slightly.
she waited for him to respond, but when he didn’t, she looked back up at him. he was in another trance, staring at the floor again.
the fact that he barely flinched at the cold swab worried amy even more.
they weren’t exactly long, but they were quiet deep and there were a lot of them.
once she finished cleaning the blood off his legs, she washed her hands and dried them before taking some antiseptic cream on her fingers and it wiping it all over the wound sites.
jake still hadn’t moved a muscle. she wondered if he had even looked away from the spot on the ground.
once she had applied the cream, she grabbed some gauze padding from the kit and placed it over the top of everything, her hands shaking slightly as she reached for the medical tape, taping everything in place.
once she had done that, she rolled his boxers down so they were covering the bandages and stood up.
his eyes followed her as she stood. “thank you.” he sounded, but it was barely audible.
she smiled in response and got a half smile back from him.
amy took her index and middle finger and reached for his wrist, checking his pulse using her watch to time.
“ames, i’m fine, i promise.” he told her, but she look at him, eyebrows raised with a knowingly look on her face.
“118bpm. that’s pretty high.” amy said after half a minute or so, her lips pursed.
“well for a guy who just hacked up his thighs like a thanksgiving turkey, i’d say it’s pretty good.” he joked, but she didn’t find it amusing. then his face drooped again. “i’m sorry.”
she looked into his glistening eyes, “you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“i do. i-”
she quickly cut him off. “nope. i don’t want to hear it.”
there was a pause.
“you go back to bed, i’ll clean this up and be there in a sec.” he tried to stand but instead fell into amy’s arms, his legs turning into jelly. she stabilised him, lifting him upright, as he blinked hard. “woah, not sure what that was…”
“there’s no way in hell i’m leaving you alone. not right now.” she frowned before helping him walk to their bed.
“are you feeling okay? i can get some aspirin?”
“no, no, i’m good. i’ll just sleep it off.” he smiled, tucking himself under the covers.
god, he looked adorable. every day she found she was more and more grateful to have him.
“okay, but don’t avoid taking pain meds just so you can continue to feel the pain.”
“you know me so well.” he said half jokingly.
amy got some aspirin and a glass of water for him and then cleaned up the bathroom.
after, she crawled into bed and held her arm out. he shuffled over and she put her other arm protectively round him.
“i love you so much. i’m sorry you’re going through this right now.” she kissed his forehead.
“i love you too. thank you for… well, everything.” he pressed his face against her chest and brought his knees up so he was in a foetal position.
“do you want to call in sick tomorrow. i’ll stay home and we can have a die hard marathon?”
his big goofy grin returned. “really?” he beamed, eyes lighting up like a kid on christmas day. “thank you, ames. really, thank you.”