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The first person she spotted in the waiting room was Tommy.
He was hard to miss, the man stood at least half a head taller than everyone else. And his bright blue flight suit was like a homing beacon.
His eyes widened when she stepped into his path, expression softening from worry into relief. “What happened? Where are they? Are they -”
Alive sits heavy on her tongue. Tommy holds up a reassuring hand. “They’re alive.”
A gasp rattled her chest and May suddenly felt her knees give a violent shake and her chest feels like it’s in a vice. She tries to suck in another breath and fails miserably. Shit, this must be what a panic attack feels like. Of course. Of fucking course, this happens now.
Then, large calloused hands are gently wrapping around her elbows and moving her backwards. “May - May. Sit down, okay?” The backs of her legs hit the edge of a hard, plastic chair and down she goes like a ton of bricks. Her head is carefully nudged downwards and she lets it drop between her knees for a moment, still gasping. “Take a breath through your nose - come on, you can do it.” Tommy’s voice is like a call in the heavy fog, guiding her through. Her chest loosens just a bit and she’s able to suck that breath in through her nose. “Good, very good. Now let it out slowly through your mouth.” She can hear Tommy doing the same breaths, his hand still gentle upon her elbow. “There you go, good job.”
After what seemed like a millenia, her lungs decide to behave and she lifts her head up to look into Tommy’s concerned face. Heat rises in her cheeks, humiliation washing over her, because she did not just do that in the middle of a crowded ER.
“I’m sorry.”
Tommy shook his head. “Don’t be.” With a grunt, he lifted himself into the chair beside her. “This is your first rodeo, being scared is to be expected.”
“But it’s not,” May protested softly. It most certainly wasn’t the first time this had happened. Those memories of her mother’s horrific beating, Harry’s kidnapping, Buck’s coma…Bobby’s death… they stayed with her every single waking moment of her life. She should be used to it.
“This is the first time with the man you are going to marry,” Tommy gently reminded her.
May groaned softly, wiping the back of her hand against her cheeks. “How is he? What happened?”
“Hen told me that they were responding to a suspected arson. Someone lit up a dying tree in the yard of an old house, and the tree came down into the house. The owners were unaccounted for so Evan and Ravi went inside to look, and the tree finished coming down right into the living room, knocking them both out.”
Her chest tightened for a moment. “God.”
Tommy’s face shifted into an expression she couldn’t read at first. “Evan woke up on the way in but Ravi’s still out. They’re both in CT right now.” His fingers dragged through his hair, the shine from the lights above glinting off of his wedding ring.
May glanced down at her own ring, the small ruby twinkling on her finger. When Ravi had given that to her on her last birthday, May had been so sure he was screwing with her. That it was a joke of some sort.
“I have had a lot of doubts in my life. But the one thing I have never had a single doubt about is my love for you.”
God, she missed him. A good twelve hours had passed since he had climbed out of their bed at three in the morning, pressing a kiss to the apple of her cheek before padding off to the bathroom to get ready for the twenty four hour shift ahead.
“ Home safe,” she’d murmured drowsily as he popped another kiss to the top of her head.
“ Home safe.”
And that had been it. May had promised herself from the beginning that she would never let that man walk out the door without an I love you in his ears, but this morning there had been none, and they had come so close…
She twirled her ring, pressing the ruby into her palm so hard that it hurt. The physical pain was rather calming, giving her something to focus on other than this aching worry. Her gaze flickered to the man at her right. “How are you so calm?”
“Hmm?”
“Is it practice?” May wondered aloud. Ugh, she hated how squeaky her voice sounded. “The job?”
Tommy scuffed a hand across the back of his neck, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees with a sigh. “It never gets any easier. Every time my Captain comes at me with a weird look on her face, I’m almost certain that she’s about to tell me that my world is about to come to an end. But of course, it’s about a new call or some issues with one of the choppers that needs to get fixed.”
Josh had had that look on his face when he took the call. Josh was never the best at keeping his face neutral but it hadn’t mattered. May had known it even before the words had come out of his mouth. Buck and Ravi have been involved in an incident. They are on route to Presbyterian. Her mother had once told her that she learned to read faces after she had lost Emmett. The loss of her first partner had taken her out at the knees and a very long time had passed when she had found the strength to stand straight up once again.
“So I should expect this from now on. This -” she waved a hand at her throat. “ - this choking feeling every time my boss hangs up the phone and has a weird look on their face?”
Tommy didn’t respond. That was all the answer she needed.
-;
They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Tommy caught himself watching May out of the corner of his eye. God, she looked like Athena. And she was more like her mother than she probably cared to admit. There was a fierceness to the girl that Tommy already admired, despite not knowing her very well.
But there was fear too. A fear that Tommy had become very well acquainted with over the last few years. Probably from the first moment Evan Buckley had squeezed his shoulder, little nod that said thanks for risking your life to save my dad, and that had been it for him. Hurricanes were nothing. Fleeing the army a thousand feet in the air was nothing. But loving Evan Buckley? Terrifying.
And it wasn’t just about the job, or Evan’s tendency to jump feet first into danger without looking where he was going. Nash’s death had shaken all of them, made it so evident that even without some sort of actuality, someone could get left behind to die without even meaning to be.
That was the reality of grief. And it sucked.
“Did Ravi ever tell you about the time that he and Buck got stuck in a cow field?”
May turned wide eyes on him. “What?”
Tommy chuckled, crossed his legs. “They got called out to help some dairy farmer who had broken his leg when slipping in the mud while trying to take care of his cows. Unfortunately, because the farmer fell and couldn’t get back up, the paddock was left open and all of his cows decided to take a little trip.”
“Oh my god, that must have been quite a sight.”
“It most certainly was. Especially when the farmer’s bull decided to make a U-turn and come right back inside the paddock when they were trying to pull the guy out of there.”
May’s jaw dropped, eyes twinkling with mirth. “Oh, Ravi never breathed a word of this!”
“Because of all of the rain the night before, they sank to their knees in the mud and of course, lots of cow shit. They were stuck and had a pissed off bull doing laps around the paddock. And the others couldn’t try to come in because they’d obviously get stuck too.”
“Did the 217 come to the rescue?”
A snort left his lips. Captain Juarez had nearly died of laughter the moment she had hung up the radio call. He and Lucy could barely understand what her orders were through her giggles, and even when they lifted off, Tommy was still confused at what exactly they were picking up in a cow field.
“Maybe we’re picking up cows?” Lucy had offered.
When he saw the 118 Engine, and the cows in the middle of the street, then he knew. He finally had something to hold over Evan after the ridiculous armed rooster that had terrified him back in the day.
“If you breathe a word about this,” Evan had shouted once the patient was secured and he and Ravi were on the rescue line, “ - you’re on the couch for a month!”
Tommy had responded with a bitchy little salute, laughing only when Evan had flipped him off.
May was smiling. “Bobby told me about the rooster.” Tommy groaned, letting his face rest in his palm. “He wondered if you had some sort of fear of fowl.”
He sputters in indignation. “I have a fear of armed fowl! As anyone else would!”
“ Sure,” May gave him a teasing smile, and for some reason, Tommy felt himself relax. Other people might find it morbid that they’re sharing stories like this, almost like their people were dead already. But they weren’t dead, they were alive and breathing and waiting to come home.
When the laughter dies, May’s face is solemn and a little sad. Tommy’s pretty sure he’s wearing the same expression. “It doesn’t get easier…you just learn to deal.”
After a long draught of silence, May says softly, “That’s the one lesson I hoped I would never have to learn.”
So did Tommy. But he did, and so did Evan.
Sometimes, that’s the only way one can live in a world like this. Dealing and surviving and loving.
“Mr. Kinard?”
Tommy shot to his feet. “Right here.” The doctor was a relatively short woman with blond hair pulled back into a knot. A few tendrils hung in her face, blue eyes covered by protective goggles. “How is he?”
“Evan’s CT scans came back clear, but he does have a minor concussion. His left arm is fractured in three places, but luckily no breaks so he will have to wear a soft cast for three weeks. So that means he has to be off duty for two weeks, and then once the cast comes off, light duty for another two weeks. Other than some cuts and bruises, he’s going to be just fine.”
May watched Tommy’s whole body suddenly slacken, his bones turning to jello as the tension ran out. “Can I - can I see him?”
The doctor nods. “I’d like him to stay overnight for observation, but yes, of course you can see him.”
Tommy nodded in thanks, before looking back at her. May waved a hand. “Go. I’ll be fine.”
She didn’t have to wait long, because another doctor with long braids in his hair came out a few minutes later. “Ravi Panikkar?” Ravi’s injuries were relatively similar to Buck’s - a concussion with a few cracked ribs and another ordered overnight stay for observation. When she’s led to the curtained off areas where the patients are waiting to be brought to rooms, she can hear the soft baritone of Tommy’s voice murmuring something she can’t quite articulate. “Right here, Ms. Grant.”
She pushes back the curtain and swallows back a small gasp. Ravi lays on his back on the very uncomfortable gurney, a bandage covering up the wound on his forehead. His shirt had been removed and his ribs were wrapped tightly with ace bandages, covered up by the white cotton of the hospital blankets.
His eyes flew open and brightened at the sight of her. May feels a cord snapping in her stomach and she wordlessly takes the seat beside the gurney, lacing their fingers together.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“You really scared me today.”
Ravi winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
May sighed. “I know. You were only doing your job. I’m not going to make a fuss about that.”
“You’re allowed to make a fuss,” Ravi tilted his head. May gently stroked his matted curls back from his forehead. “Were you waiting long?”
“Not too long. I had company.” Ravi raised a brow. “Tommy was waiting on Buck.”
At the mention of Buck’s name, Ravi started to sit up. “Buck? Where is he? Is he okay?”
“Hey, hey,” May gently pushed Ravi back down into the pillows. “Don’t try to move, you have cracked ribs -”
A slightly stoned voice warbled from behind the separating curtain. “Rav? Rav, ya there?”
“Evan, sit down!” May rolled her eyes. “ Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”
“You’re really gonna quote the Wizard of Oz at me? I’m injured!”
Ravi tried to sit up again and May gave him a slightly more firm shove, putting on her meanest Athena face. “Lay down.” May reached over and pulled the curtain back, revealing a just as bruised and mucked up Evan Buckley and his frustrated husband. “You two are so stupid.”
“I agree,” Tommy added.
“When did you two become best friends?” Ravi asked.
May snorted back a laugh, sharing a wink with Tommy. “Why? Is that a scary concept?”
“Terrifying!” Evan whined. “It’s like…my husband and Athena 2.0!”
Tommy stared, slack jawed. “How many painkillers are you on for that arm?” May trotted around to his side to take a peek. “Eyes are unfocused and glassy. What do you think?”
“Oh, he’s on the good stuff,” May agreed. She slowly dragged her hand in front of his face. “Evan, do you see trails when I do this?”
Evan followed her hand with his eyes and gave her a stupid grin. “How’d you do that?”
“That’s it, back in bed.”
Ravi was still trying to sit up. May growled under her breath as she stomped back over. “Do I need to get restraints?” Ravi waggled his eyebrows, opening his mouth. “If you say something dirty -” Ravi’s filter always went off when he was either tired or a little schwacked out on painkillers. The last thing she needed was for him to reveal any of their secrets in a crowded ER holding.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, dear.”
May frowned. “We’re not married yet, don’t call me dear. That’s so fifties.”
Tommy snorted. “Stop, you two are making me feel old.”
Evan patted his face with his good hand. “You’re not old, dear.”
It took both of their combined efforts, and a few lackluster threats, but eventually both of their respective dumbasses got settled back down onto their gurneys. The drugs fully kicked in and dragged Evan right under and soon he was snoring away, head resting on Tommy’s arm. Ravi fought his a little harder, but thankfully didn’t try to wiggle anymore due to the pain from his cracked ribs finally registering. May watched him doze, fingers lightly raking through his knotted and sweaty curls.
How she loved this man.
Her eyes fell on Tommy, watching as he carefully held Evan close against his side. Despite her exhaustion, a smile pulled at her mouth. As frightening as the future was, especially in a post Bobby Nash world, it was true what Tommy said. The world still went on, and all they could do was live and love in it.
May dozed off then, her head resting on her and Ravi’s joined hands.