Archive of Our Own ^beta

House sidled into his favorite exam room, the one with the best reception, and stopped, suspicious when he realized Cuddy had beaten him to it. He kept his hand on the doorknob as his eyes darted around the room looking for a trap. Despite his obvious fight or flight response, he managed to leer at her at the same time. "If you wanted a private 'consultation,' all you had to do was ask."

"I knew you'd be here." She held up a syringe, her expression resigned. "I need a shot."

House stepped into the room and took the syringe, rolling it between his fingertips as he frowned. "You stopped getting shots."

"And now I'm getting them again."

"You asked Wilson?" House leaned back against the exam table and watched her reactions intently

"He can't. Won't. Whatever." She waved her hand in surrender. She turned to face the table and lifted her skirt to bare her ass. "Can we just do the shot?"

House studied the flat tone of her voice, the slight downward turn of her mouth, and, of course, her ass. "Wilson doesn't trust himself to be a father."

"But I thought…." Cuddy looked over her shoulder, her mouth open in surprise. She let her skirt fall and turned toward House. "Why?"

"Why not?" House wove the syringe along his fingers. "The Wilson genes are a little deficient when it comes to familial bonds. Besides, babies are messy and expensive and they grow up to be messy and expensive and ungrateful."

"Just because you think the human race is a lost cause…." Cuddy sighed, heel of her hand against her brow. She started, looking at House with surprise when he handed the syringe back to her.

"Don't start the shots again."

"But…."

"You were right to choose Wilson. He's exactly the kind of person you should consider for your baby's father."

"But…."

"Just because he won't, doesn't mean you shouldn't consider someone else. Someone you know. Someone you like."

"House," Cuddy grabbed her lab coat from the end of the exam table and shoved the syringe in a pocket. "I don't have a lot of male friends. Not ones I like that much. Not ones who'd be willing to be a donor."

"I could do it."

Cuddy stared up at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. He squirmed a little under the scrutiny and she shook her head slowly. "You don't want kids."

"I don't want to be a father," House corrected her mildly. "Doesn't mean I wouldn't consider providing the raw material for your kid."

"House, you…." Cuddy's voice trailed off, her internal conflict clearly reflected on her face.

"Just two conditions: I'm no one's daddy. And I make the donation the old fashioned way."

"Absolutely not."

"It's not like I haven't been there before."

"No," Cuddy repeated.

"Think about it."

~~**~~

"Well, I realize it's impossible to please all the women all the time, but that's the first time I've gotten a review that bad."

"No, god, I'm sorry." Cuddy looked up at Wilson from where she was huddled on the bathroom floor. He leaned over her and flushed the toilet and her stomach rolled again. He crouched down beside her and placed his hand against her forehead to feel for fever.

"Okay, then it's either bad sushi or a virus…."

"I'm pregnant." She reached up to grasp his hand when apprehension tightened his features. "I found a donor."

"Oh. Good." Wilson let out a relieved sigh. "Then congratulations."

"I was going to tell you," she said. "But I've had one miscarriage already and…."

"And you wanted to wait until you were sure this one was going to work." Wilson shook his head, amused. "And you didn't think I'd notice the whole puking your guts out thing?"

Cuddy groaned; just the mention of puking made her stomach turn. "It hasn't been this bad, just some nausea. Nothing I couldn't handle."

Wilson grabbed her robe from a hook on the back of the door and sat down on the floor next to her. He started to shift to her side, then hesitated. "You're not going to puke on me, are you?"

"Keep saying the word 'puke' and I will," she threatened.

Wilson chuckled. "Fair enough." He pulled the robe around her shoulders and leaned back against the cabinet door. He gave an irritated sigh and scooted sideways because the handle was digging into his shoulder blade.

"And you lied to me."

"What? When?" Wilson asked.

"You said you couldn't." Cuddy gave him a dirty and slightly nauseated look.

"I never actually said it was a physical inability." Wilson stared at his hands, grimacing. "And no, it wasn't about you. I just…it seemed easier to tell you I couldn't."

"I'm sorry for messing this up," Cuddy said quietly.

"No, it's okay." Wilson pulled his legs up and rested his arms on his knees. "A little advance warning would've been nice but…."

"No, not that. I mean…." Cuddy waved her hand between them. "I'm sorry for messing this up."

"Oh."

~~**~~

"You want in, House?"

House stopped just inside the door to his office and looked warily at Chase. "In what?"

"You can't let him bet," Foreman told Chase. "He's too close to the source. He probably already knows the answer."

"Answer to what?" House asked as he continued on his quest for coffee.

"Life, the universe, everything." Cameron slid a twenty dollar bill across the table to Chase. "What do you think?"

"I think the answer to you is either too much caffeine or not enough sex."

"And I suppose you're the one who's going to fix that?" Cameron peered up at him over the rims of her glasses.

"Sure," House said, rummaging through the cabinets. "I'm pretty sure we've got decaf in here somewhere."

"The pool is in response to the burning question of the day: who is the father of Cuddy's baby?" Chase said as Cameron rolled her eyes at House. "Twenty dollar minimum."

House turned around and stared at Chase. "What makes you think Cuddy's pregnant?"

"Puking every morning for the last week is kind of a clue."

"Hospital food's been known to do that."

Chase grinned and waved the list of bets at House. "The vomiting occurs before she goes to the cafeteria. She's definitely pregnant."

House was staring in Chase's direction, but his gaze was far away. Without another word he marched out of the office and around the corner. He didn't bother to knock, he never did, just slammed the door open. "Wilson, you idiot."

Wilson turned away from the x-rays on the lightbox and watched House plop defiantly into his chair. "Um…why?"

"Cuddy's pregnant." House waved his cane at Wilson. "I told you to sleep with her, not knock her up."

"It's not mine. And how do you know?"

"The slightly green tinge to her gills was a dead giveaway." House frowned slightly. "If it's not yours, then whose?"

"A donor apparently." Wilson returned his attention to the x-rays. "Does that look like a lesion or just a nipple shadow?"

"Shadow," House said shortly. "Which donor?"

Wilson pulled the films down and turned off the light. "I don't know. It's none of my business."

"Of course it's your business. You're doing her. You really should know who else's little thoroughbreds have been galloping down the homestretch."

"We're…." Wilson tossed the x-rays on his desk and rubbed at his forehead. He dropped his hand with a sigh. "Cuddy and I…dated a little. That's all."

"You did her," House insisted. His eyes widened as Wilson squirmed under his gaze. "And now you're not doing her. Whose idea was that?"

"We…." Wilson gave up with a shrug. "Hers."

"Huh." House swiveled back and forth in the chair pondering that information. "So are you moving back with me now?"

"What? No." Wilson stared. "Why would I do that?"

"That's your usual M.O. You leave me for a woman, get dumped by said woman, then move back with me."

"First, I didn't leave you for Cuddy. Second, I have my own place because I never moved in with Cuddy. Third, even if you were right--especially if you were right--why would you want me to move back in?"

"Because no one does guilt sex like you."

~~**~~

"House," Cuddy groaned. She turned away from the front door and stumbled her way back to the bedroom. Cautious, House closed the door behind him and followed the path of dim light down the hall until he found her sitting on the side of the bed. He eased himself down next to her and waited.

"If this is a social call…," she threatened.

"You weren't at work today."

She looked sideways at him, frowning in confusion. "I had an ultrasound scheduled for this morning and I decided to give myself a day off." She tilted her head, still watching him. "Were you…worried?"

"For myself, sure," House said. "If you crack under the pressure of your insane desire to reproduce, who's going to take care of me?" His hand traced lightly over her shoulder and along her collarbone. She caught him by the wrist and placed his palm over the swell of her abdomen.

"You don't have to be Daddy, but you don't need to ignore it either."

"Caring is Wilson's schtick." House faltered as he started to move his hand. Faintly under his fingers he could feel the slight tap-tap of the baby hiccupping inside her. After a moment he became aware of her faint smile and withdrew his hand. "He's the one who gets all supportive and maternal and honestly I'm not sure why the two of you aren't married already."

"Wilson doesn't love me."

"That's never stopped him before."

"I know."

House regarded her with a mixture of disbelief, amusement…and respect. "That's why you cut Wilson off. To stop him from throwing himself on the sword of your unwed motherhood."

"To stop myself from letting him," she admitted.

"Shame you had to give up sex, though."

"Not like I haven't been there before," she said dryly.

"But not with those breasts," House said. She slapped him lightly on the thigh as he reached up to brush her hair back from her face. His hand slid down the side of her neck and over her shoulder, resting between the cool silk of her robe and the warm silk of her skin.

"House."

"It's a well documented fact that second trimester women feel energetic and horny."

"So you figured I'd be a sure thing?" Cuddy asked.

"Yes," House said with smug certainty. "That and the fact that Wilson cut me off until I play nice with you."

Cuddy turned her head, studying him hard. "Well, that explains a lot."

"And yet, explains nothing at all," House said glibly. His hand slid down to one swollen breast, thumb rubbing circles over the nipple.

"House," she groaned again, but this time the groan was an invitation, not a rebuke.

~~**~~

"Excuse me." Cuddy's voice was soft and she slipped out of the boardroom as unobtrusively as possible but it was impossible for no one to notice. Even though she looked like she'd swallowed a soccer ball she still pretended people didn't notice she was pregnant and they tended to follow her lead. But they'd noticed. They were doctors after all.

"Should I wait?" Dr. Bergman asked as he looked around the table for guidance.

Wilson rose from his chair. "Carry on. I'll just go check on her." He left the room aware that the other doctors had also noticed how much time he spent 'checking' on Cuddy and aware that he was currently even odds in the father of the baby pool.

Wilson walked to the nearest women's restroom. He glanced up and down the hallway before backing into the room. Then he flushed with embarrassment when he bumped into a nurse who was on her way out.

"Cuddy?" he called as soon as the room was empty of any other potential embarrassments.

"I'm fine." Cuddy emerged from a stall and made her way to the sink. She began to wash her hands and glanced over her shoulder at Wilson. "The baby was kicking my bladder. Hard. I should've known this kid would do its best to drive me nuts."

"House," Wilson said. Cuddy froze, water spilling over her still hands. "House is the father."

Cuddy turned off the water, dried her hands and turned. "Yes."

"Why?"

"He volunteered."

Wilson nodded slowly, a perplexed expression on his face. "I can understand why you'd do it. But why would he? House always has a reason for what he does, and he doesn't want kids."

"Honestly? I don't know. I thought he might consider it a favor he could call in whenever he wanted." She shrugged. "But so far he hasn't. He's done his best to ignore the baby."

"He's good," Wilson said, shaking his head in disbelief. "He accused me of being the father, which of course made me think he wasn't. Which is only natural given that he hates the idea of being a father."

"Maybe he really did it purely to help me."

"Does that sound like House to you?" Wilson asked skeptically. Cuddy shrugged and Wilson agreed: House's motives were never clear. "So the two of you….?"

"No. He just made a donation. A couple of donations. That's it."

"Somehow I can't see House in your bathroom with a specimen bottle and a magazine."

"We're not together," Cuddy said, rubbing fretfully at her forehead.

"It's okay. It's not like you and I are together either. Or were together. Not romantically." Wilson rubbed at his own face. "Is House going to be involved?"

Cuddy let out a derisive snort. "No."

"Do you want someone to be involved?"

"I knew House wouldn't be involved so I'm prepared to do this myself."

"I didn't ask if you needed someone. I asked if you wanted someone."

Cuddy's answering nod was almost imperceptible.

~~**~~

"You don't think this is weird? You, me, Cuddy…."

"Makes perfect sense to me." House bounced the ball to Wilson's side of the balcony. "I like both flavors. Having both of you means I don't have to choose. Your motives are even simpler. Being with Cuddy allows you to indulge your ridiculously romantic ideas about relationships, and I keep you honest. Besides, threesomes are hot."

"But we're not a threesome," Wilson said, tossing the ball back to House. "We're…three twosomes."

"Simpler that way."

"Right," Wilson said dryly. "And what does Cuddy get out of it?"

"Dude," House said in a tone of rebuke. "She gets two studs pounding her mattress any time she wants without having to worry about the toilet seat getting left up in the middle of the night. What's not to like?"

"Well, when you put it that way…."

"She gets a baby. That's what she wants most of all."

"Still," Wilson said. "It's weird. I'm with you, then I'm with her, then she's with you…. And no one's jealous or hurt."

"That's because none of us are dumb enough to think we're in love with any of us." House rolled the ball between his hands, the fuzzy surface scratching at his palms. His eyes turned on Wilson as he added in a sharp tone, "Are we?"

"Of course not." But he didn't meet House's eyes.

~~**~~

"I have to go out of town. It's a cancer thing."

"It always is." House dropped the infectious diseases journal to his lap and glanced over the back of his couch at Wilson. "But why do I need to know this?"

"I need you to keep an eye on Cuddy."

"Oh." House let the journal lie for a moment as Wilson paced behind him, then picked it up again. "Sure. Might even use both eyes if she lets the twins out to play."

"House, I'm serious. She's been having intermittent contractions for days, she's supposed to be on bed rest…."

"Whoa," House said, using his hand to cut Wilson off. "First, she's almost full term. Second, she's one of those medical type people…doctors. That's it. She's a doctor, so she probably has some idea of what's going on."

"You really don't see the problem here?"

"Frankly…no. She knows what she has to do. What's the problem?"

"She's Cuddy."

House frowned thoughtfully. "Good point."

~~**~~

"God, Cuddy looks like she's going to pop any day," Chase said as he breezed into the conference room.

"She is going to pop any day." House turned to the next page of the newspaper with a snap. He peered at Chase over the top of the page. "And how would you know? Cuddy's at home on bed rest."

"Well, apparently she's moved a bed into her office then, because that's where I saw her not ten minutes ago."

"Damn it." House tossed the paper on the table and got to his feet, nearly tripping over his own cane in the process. He marched down to Cuddy's office, pushing through clumps of people and doors like they were deliberately trying to obstruct his path.

"Go home," he said the minute he burst through her door.

"Sure," Cuddy said mildly. She set a couple of bound reports aside and turned off the desk lamp. "Just as soon as I have this kid, I'm out of here."

House grimaced and drove his cane into the carpet. "You're not supposed to do this. Not unless Wilson is here to do whatever it is guys like Wilson do in a delivery room." He pulled his phone from his pocket and pushed one on the speed dial.

"Don't," Cuddy ordered, pointing her finger at him. "This conference is important, for Wilson and for the hospital. Don't you dare call him."

"I didn't sign up for this," House argued, but he snapped the phone shut and let it sit quiet in his palm.

"No one's asking you to do this." Cuddy picked up a small overnight bag and stared at House as she maneuvered her distended belly around the corner of the desk. She stopped directly in front of him, which made it difficult for him to ignore the consequences of providing Cuddy with raw material of any kind. "It's not like anyone can really do anything. It's up to me and Mother Nature."

"You're placing your trust in a force best known for hurricanes and wild fires?"

"I'm fine. Baby's fine," Cuddy said blithely. "Leave Wilson alone."

The minute the door closed behind her, House was on the phone.

~~**~~

"How's Cuddy?" House glanced at the bed. At almost four in the morning, the room's overhead light was off and all he could see was a vaguely Cuddy-shaped lump under the sheets. Wilson's form was equally shadowed but more recognizable as he sat in the chair at the side of the room.

"Exhausted, but fine." Wilson looked up at House and watched him fidget for a moment. "Your son is fine, too."

House scowled, then nodded in Cuddy's direction. "Figured that, otherwise Dr. Mom would be all over it."

Wilson shifted slightly as the baby began to squirm in his arms. "He's perfectly healthy. Apgars were eight and nine. Six pounds fourteen ounces and twenty inches long. His name's Nathan, by the way."

"Whatever," House said, looking around uncomfortably.

"Nathan Gregory."

"You think if you keep telling me details, I'll suddenly start to care?" House asked, his voice sharp with irritation.

"It's a thought." Wilson stood up and held the baby out to him. "Hold your son."

"I don't do babies."

"Good to know. Now hold your son."

"He's fussy. I especially don't do fussy babies."

"He's just…." Wilson sighed as Nathan let out a thin wail. Cuddy immediately shifted in bed, turning toward them. "He's a little hungry."

"Sorry," House said with an exaggerated look of regret. "I'm fresh out of the homemade stuff."

"Wilson?" Cuddy's voice was raspy with sleep as she pushed herself to a sitting position. Wilson carried Nathan to the bed and settled him in her arms. Her eyes were half-lidded as she pulled the top of her gown away and guided the baby's mouth to her breast. She let out a soft 'oh' as he latched on, then relaxed against the pillows.

"Kid's got an appetite." Wilson sounded almost admiring.

"Kid knows a nice rack when he sees it," House said.

"Well, he definitely gets that from his father."

"Do you have any idea how sick that sounds?"

Wilson rubbed his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at House. "I've been up for thirty-six hours straight. What's your excuse?"

"Shut up, both of you," Cuddy said in a soft but threatening tone. Wilson rose from the bed and walked to the other side of the room looking chagrined. Cuddy stretched her hand out to House. He moved closer, wary, but took her hand. She pulled him down and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

House straightened up. "Sure, you say that now when you've had all the fun of having your pelvis dislocated from the inside." He nodded at where the baby was sucking hungrily at her breast. "Just wait 'til the kid gets teeth."

~~**~~

House didn't have time to knock twice before the door opened and Wilson thrust a squalling baby at him. House stared down at the red-faced Cuddy-spawn now cradled in his arm and looked back at Wilson.

"Nathan has colic," Wilson said, pulling on his overcoat and grabbing his briefcase from beside the door. House's eyes widened as he began to get an idea of where the conversation was going. Wilson merely tugged at House's unoccupied arm until he was standing inside the door.

"But Cuddy…."

"Hasn't slept in a week and is having a minor meltdown in the bathroom." Wilson gave him a warning look. "You can try talking to her but I'd advise against it."

"Where are you going?" House asked, a hint of panic coloring his voice.

"I'm giving a talk at a breast cancer survivors' dinner this evening." Wilson backed out through the door, arms lifted in supplication. "Just…handle it for a couple of hours. I'll be back."

Momentarily at a loss, House simply watched as Wilson's car backed into the street and was gone. He glanced down at the baby and his eyes narrowed. "I don't care how stressed your mom is right now, I did not sign up for this." House rolled his eyes as Nathan continued to howl. "Of course, I didn't sign up to bring down a rampaging Cuddy either. Not when I left the tranquilizer darts in my other pants."

House walked into the living room, looking around in desperation. A lightweight infant seat was sitting in the middle of the floor and House deposited the baby there. "Seems to me I remember…." He crouched down far enough to run his cane under the couch. "God bless your mother's obsession with high heels," he said as he dragged a foot massager from its hiding place.

House snugged the foot massager up against the back of the infant seat and plugged it in. He plopped himself down on the couch and waited. Nathan had gotten himself so thoroughly worked up that it took some time for him to settle down, but eventually the constant vibrations lulled him into silence, and sleep.

"Great. Five minutes and you've got it all figured out."

House looked up, startled. Cuddy was standing in the doorway, her face pale and her eyes red. She wore an old t-shirt of House's and flannel pajama bottoms and her hair hung limp around her face.

"You look like shit."

"Language."

"He's pre-verbal." House waved brusquely as he settled back on the couch. "He's also quiet now. Go get some rest."

Instead, Cuddy shuffled over to the couch and sat down next to him. After a moment she sagged, leaning against his shoulder. House sighed, but wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"I'm…." Cuddy began.

"You're normal. You're a new mom with a colicky baby and you're exhausted." House tucked his chin against his chest to look at her. "Don't complain. This is what you wanted."

"Not exactly what I wanted," Cuddy muttered. She waved her hand at Nathan. "I'm going to screw up. I'm going to screw him up."

"Well, of course you're going to screw him up. You're his mother."

~~**~~

"Get off." Wilson gave House's shoulder a shove.

"Just did, thanks," House muttered, but he lifted himself off Wilson and collapsed on the other side of the bed. House shifted slightly, sprawling out on his back which meant he was kicking Wilson. Wilson muttered and pushed back.

"We need to talk Cuddy into a threesome," House said.

Wilson rolled his head against the pillow and stared at House through narrowed eyes. "Is this your 'subtle' way of telling me I don't satisfy you?"

"Don't be pathetic," House said dismissively. "It's different. She makes noise. Like that hiccuppy-moany thing she does when you nail her g-spot."

"No, no," Wilson said, shaking his head with a groan. "We're not talking about the sounds Cuddy makes. Or how she looks. Or…."

"Or the way she grabs your balls when she wants you to fuck her hard?"

"Damn it." Wilson threw his arm over his eyes.

"That woman's arms are longer than they look," House mused. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"This is wrong."

"Why? Maybe it would wrong if only one of us knew what she's like in the sack, but we both know. It's not like we're giving away any state secrets."

"So you wouldn't mind if Cuddy and I talked about your performance?"

"Only if I wasn't there to hear it."

"What if it wasn't flattering?"

"Please," House scoffed. When Wilson didn't comment further, House glanced sideways at him, a suspicious look on his face. "Why wouldn't it be flattering?"

Wilson snorted and buried his face in his pillow. "Look who's pathetic now."

~~**~~

Wilson pushed the door to House's office open and stopped short at the sight of a curly haired boy pulling himself up House's pant leg before reaching for the desk leg.

"Your fellowship candidates are getting younger every year."

"Cuddy had some kind of crisis in babysitting," House said dismissively, watching as Nathan failed to reach the desk leg and tumbled over on his butt. Nathan let out a whimper, but when no one seemed to be rushing to his aid, he rolled over and grabbed House's leg again, pulling himself upright.

"And she's trusting you?" Wilson asked as he settled himself in a chair.

"Clearly becoming a mother has destroyed her capacity for rational thought," House agreed.

Nathan steadied himself against House's leg and again reached for the leg of the desk. Because he hadn't grown appreciably in the last five minutes, his reach once again exceeded his grasp and he toppled over, banging his head against the desk leg.

House sighed. "How many times does he have to do that before he figures out it hurts?"

"Given that you're his father…he'll probably never learn," Wilson said mildly. House scowled but leaned down and sat Nathan up on his butt. He grabbed the ball from his desk and handed to him.

"He's going to slobber all over that," Wilson warned. Nathan proved him wrong by rolling the ball across the floor, then crawling after it with a delighted grin.

"My kid doesn't slobber."

"Now he's your kid?" Wilson stared at House intently.

"No," House said immediately. He settled back in his chair. "Explain something to me. You're terrified of being a father and yet here you are, being a father. So how did that happen?"

"I'm not his father." Wilson nodded at Nathan. "Notice that Cuddy left him with you, not me."

"And don't try to convince me that's not a plot by the two of you to get me to embrace fatherhood," House said dismissively. Nathan rolled the ball back his way and he used his cane to do a little juggling. Nathan stared in wide-eyed wonder. House glanced over at Wilson as he batted the ball gently back to Nathan. "Come on, even the nights you spend with me, you've usually stopped by Cuddy's first. You're into this traditional family thing."

"Yeah, this is traditional family values at its finest," Wilson said with a dry chuckle. Then he shrugged. "I like it, but originally it wasn't about playing house. It was about helping Cuddy."

"Because she was so helpless."

"No, she wasn't. But she was trying so hard to do this on her own…." Wilson sighed. "I wanted to help. And then Nathan arrived and how could I walk away from that?"

"Lots of men do walk away. Even the ones who actually are fathers."

"I couldn't." Wilson eyed House speculatively. "But I'd stand aside if you wanted…."

"Forget it." House looked down and groaned as Nathan began trying to chew the ball. "Turns out the kid does slobber."

~~**~~

"What are you doing?" Cuddy stood in the door, her hands out to encompass the balcony outside House's office. At the sound of her voice, Nathan dropped his crayon and crawled toward her. House looked up just as she scooped Nathan up from his knees.

"Your son's been making mural," House said, using his own crayon to indicate the artwork in progress. "That's Wilson over there. And I think that's Foreman. And that's a dog. Afraid I had to do a little editing of your portrait. You do realize that having a mom who looks as hot as you do is going to screw up the kid's psycho-sexual development?"

Cuddy stared at the knees of Nathan's jeans, ragged and multi-colored from crawling over the mural. She glanced at House and simply shook her head. "Has he had his nap?" she asked as Nathan laid his head on her shoulder.

"Um…I think we missed that when we were busy exploring the pathology lab. Lots of cool stuff down there. And by cool I mean gross," House said as he collected the crayons and shoved them back in the box. He glanced up at Cuddy. "Why'd you leave him with me?"

"I told you. The daycare center was short-staffed and I couldn't miss that meeting."

"Yeah, I know why you needed a babysitter. What I'm asking is why me?"

Cuddy licked her thumb and rubbed a smear of jelly from Nathan's cheek before looking back at House. "You're good with him."

"I play with him. It's hard to be bad at playing."

"You'd be surprised," Cuddy said. "But that's not what I meant. You're…patient. You indulge his curiosity."

"I might indulge it too much," House warned. "Better be careful. He could grow up to be like me."

"He could grow up to be a lot of things," Cuddy said as she carried Nathan into the office. "A lot of them worse than being like you."

~~**~~

"Dada, Dada, Dada." Nathan chanted, determined to get his hands on House's steak dinner. House grabbed him and settled him back in his booster seat, tucked into the corner of the booth.

"You don't have enough teeth for my dinner. Eat your nice, soft macaroni and cheese," House told him. Nathan frowned, then blew a raspberry at him. House stared at him with a sort of chagrined respect.

"You taught him that," Wilson pointed out, grinning. After watching the way House's eyes kept scanning the diner, Wilson waved his fork at the rest of the patrons. "The whole two men and a baby thing--people are going to think we're kind of gay."

"We kind of are kind of gay."

"Point," Wilson agreed easily. "I just didn't think you'd want people to know."

"I don't care if they know I'm kind of gay."

"Ah." Wilson nodded in understanding. "You don't want them to know you're fulfilling your fatherly duties."

"House? Dr. Wilson?"

House groaned as Chase and Cameron stopped at their booth. Wilson merely nodded in greeting as the two studied the scene with matching predatory smiles.

"Dr. Cuddy not here?" Chase asked.

"Lucky for you," House said, using one hand to hold Nathan in his booster seat. "She still hasn't forgiven you for trying to steal some of his DNA."

"We weren't going to do anything to him," Cameron protested.

"You had a syringe in your pocket," House said. Cameron dropped her eyes guiltily.

"You could make it easy and just tell us who Nathan's father is," Chase said.

"You still haven't paid out on the father of the baby pool?" Wilson asked.

"Can't," Chase said with a pointed look at Wilson. "I don't know who the father is."

"Dada." Nathan pushed his cup at House. "Juice."

Chase's eyebrows rose and Cameron tilted her head, watching speculatively. House handed the cup to Wilson to refill from a bottle of apple juice while favoring Chase and Cameron with a defiant look. "It's Cuddy's kid. His dada could be any one of a number of specimen bottles."

"He called you Dada," Cameron said.

"You can't trust anything a seventeen-month-old says."

"Eighteen months," Wilson corrected under his breath.

"See? I don't even know how old he is."

Cameron set her hand on Wilson's shoulder. "Nathan, who's this?"

"Jimmy," Nathan said promptly.

"And who's this?" Chase asked, pointing at House.

"Daddy."

"That's good enough for me." Chase taunted House with a smug grin as he placed a hand against Cameron's lower back and steered her away from the booth.

House sighed and turned to look at Nathan. "We've got to teach you the meaning of discretion."

Wilson snorted. "Good luck with that."

~~**~~

"Nathan," Cuddy said with an exasperated sigh as she picked the spoon up from her dining room floor. "James went to all this trouble to make a nice dinner. Now eat it."

Nathan turned his head to look at Wilson, sitting to his right. "Jimmy," he crowed in a near perfect imitation of his father. Then he blew a raspberry. Cuddy's mouth dropped open.

"Nathan Gregory, behave or I'll put you in time out." Wilson looked sternly at Nathan. For a moment it looked as though Nathan intended to defy Wilson, pursing his lips for another raspberry, but he slowly looked away when Wilson didn't relent. Cuddy set the spoon on his plate. Nathan ignored it and started to push his fingers into the mashed potatoes and gravy. Wilson cleared his throat. Nathan pulled a face but picked up his spoon.

"How long do the terrible twos last?" Cuddy asked under her breath.

"For House's child…. Until he qualifies as a senior citizen," Wilson said with quiet amusement. Cuddy groaned but didn't argue the point. Nathan's eyes flicked back and forth between them as he shoved his plate away.

"Are you okay with all of this?" Cuddy pushed Nathan's plate back in front of him and put his spoon in his hand. Nathan promptly slammed the spoon into his potatoes.

"With…?"

"We're not married. We're not going to get married. I will forever be known as the evil man-eating single mom. And House…is House." Cuddy shrugged. "You could have a more normal life."

Wilson laughed. "I think the normal life I thought I wanted was not what I needed. This is weird, but it's good."

"Yes, but…you and House?"

"I don't think House will ever trust just one person with his heart again," Wilson said. "He thinks by loving both of us he's protected against the day when one of us hurts him."

"But he does love both of us," Cuddy said. Wilson nodded agreement. Cuddy reached over and took his hand. "And I love both of you."

"Yet you never agree to a threesome," Wilson teased.

"That kind of trouble I don't need." Cuddy rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, then looked directly into his eyes. "So…with all of this, you've gotten over your fear of being a father?"

"I guess so. I mean, I don't think I've screwed him up too badly yet. Of course he's young—there's time yet." Wilson looked at Cuddy with curiosity. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I want another baby: yours."

Wilson dropped his fork as he choked. Cuddy leaned across the table to slap him on the back. Nathan chortled and threw his spoon on the floor.

~~**~~

Cuddy settled into the old lawn chair a few feet behind home plate, which happened to be her latest copy of Parents magazine.

"Need to sign this kid up for Little League." House was kneeling behind home plate, ball cap on backwards, acting as both batting coach and catcher while Nathan repeatedly swung a big plastic bat at the big plastic ball Wilson pitched to him.

"He's not even three. He's too little for Little League," Cuddy argued. In a moment that took them all by surprise, Nathan managed to connect with the ball and send it dribbling just past Wilson's feet.

House patted Nathan's diaper-padded rear. "Nate, my man, run. That's a double at least. Maybe more. Uncle Jimmy's kind of fat and slow these days."

Wilson threw House a look of rebuke but he took his time retrieving the ball as Nathan's short legs churned around the makeshift diamond in Cuddy's backyard. Wilson tossed the ball to House in an easy lob that House managed to fumble just long enough for Nathan to safely cross the plate.

"Home run!" Nathan shouted as he ran straight into Cuddy's arms, making the flimsy lawn chair rock back.

"I saw that," Cuddy said, affecting an expression of awe and amazement as he wrapped himself around her leg.

"Thirsty now," Nathan announced.

"I've got it," Wilson said. "I need a drink, too. Come on, Nathan. House?"

"Beer." House turned to look at Cuddy as Nathan chased Wilson into the house, pointedly dropping his eyes to her belly. "So when were you planning to tell me?"

"You knew I wanted another baby."

"Knew the plan, just didn't know you'd succeeded." House leaned back against Cuddy's legs. "I suppose you're going to name this one James."

"If it's a boy, the middle name will be James," she agreed.

"A girl," House said thoughtfully. "Could happen. Wilson's Y chromosomes aren't all that vigorous."

Cuddy slapped him on the shoulder. "Don't start."

"Don't start what?" Wilson asked as he exited the back door carrying two bottles of beer. He handed one bottle down to House and twisted the cap on his own.

"How are we going to handle this?" House asked. Wilson frowned in confusion and House rolled his eyes. "Your spawn."

"I assume the same way we handled your child."

"Can't," House said firmly.

"Why not?" Cuddy asked.

"You want your kids to have a full time daddy. Wilson wants to be with his kid full time."

"What do you want?" Cuddy asked.

"I want everyone to think I knocked you up this time, too, because I want to clean up in the pool." House shrugged and drank. "Separate residences isn't going to cut it anymore."

"You're suggesting we all move in together?" Wilson asked incredulously.

"It's the only logical solution."

"We'd have to find a place with five bedrooms," Cuddy said. House and Wilson turned to her with identically perplexed expressions. Cuddy sighed in exasperation. "If you think I'm sharing a bedroom with both of you every night, you're crazier than I suspected."

"She has a point," Wilson admitted.

"We'll make it work," House insisted stubbornly.

Cuddy looked up at Wilson, a plea he deflected. "It would be easier if we were all under the same roof."

Cuddy sighed and rose from her chair. "Fine. I'm in. I'll probably regret it, but I'm in."

Wilson sank into the chair as Cuddy went into the house to check on Nathan. He stared at his beer bottle, rubbing his thumb up and down the neck. "You do realize what this means?"

"Yeah." House looked up over his shoulder with a self-satisfied smile. "It means we finally get that threesome."